Muse

Hey dummies, I was moved to song after hearing about Trucktober this whole month, and I just want to share this with you because it really kind of gets to the root of why I celebrate

trucktober so here goes i'm dreaming of a white crew cow just like the one my uncle drove Where the chrome wheels glisten And grown men listen To hear those V8s in the snow Oh man Power out t-b-t-l

hey t-b-t t-e-t-l

okay no sounds no sounds just words no i need words not silence just give me words

i need words that's how i communicate don't bully me all right i can't take it i was cyber

bullied within an inch of my life last night i just want to use my muscles and my mind and open up shop right here and be your number one guy using my muscles and my mind well you sure don't talk like a machine sooner or later gentlemen you will eat your words you can't be that overly confident remember baby never you might eat that mic tvtl all right hello good morning welcome

everyone to a monday edition of tvtl show it just might be too beautiful to live hey where's the

Trickin' gabagoo.

My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host. It's-a me, Mario. Coming to you from the Nest Broadcast Center, high in the sky above Portland, Oregon, where the fall colors are just vivid right now. Unbelievable, beautiful changing of the season here in the 503. I'm about to change something in my own life. I have not had a sip of real coffee in, I don't know, a month or something.

This song goes out to all the coffee lovers of the world.

But I ran out of decaf, and I decided I'm just going to live moss. I'm going to have my first sip of real coffee in a long time, right here, live, on the air.

I did it.

And I'm immediately having heart palpitations. JK, JK, I'm fine. we'll see what this is just like a little real time medical research going on i stopped uh drinking caffeine because uh or consuming it i guess because uh i was having an extra heartbeat uh so and it's been mostly i've mostly gone back to the normal amount of heartbeats i'm passionate like all us greeks as homer simpson says uh so i'm gonna have real coffee today, and then I'll guess throughout this week I'll keep you posted on how my little ticker does. Also going to keep you posted on episode 3534 in a collector series, which is where we've arrived on this Monday. Let the fun begin. Much to discuss with all of you, including a great story out of Maryland about a herd of escaped zebras. It is day 23 of ZebraGate. They cannot to catch these zebras, which is kind of great. So I want to talk about that. And the surprisingly interesting story of the guy who did the Yahoo yodel.

Yahoo!

Wiley Gustafson. And how he got that gig and why he had to sue Yahoo and all of this stuff. We'll talk about that, too. Plus we'll do some emails and v-mails And we will talk to this young gentleman The longest running Cobra of the show Maybe best known for his depictions Of the tall ships You know On occasion we sort of Over share on this show And he's trying to set some healthy boundaries I think Regarding the stuff that he shares With the TVTL listeners

They just think that they can just Get in our Kool-Aid when they don't even know the flavor

He is Andrew Walsh and he's joining me right now from the roosevelt neighborhood of seattle washington good morning

my friend that's a good one kayla isn't that what comes next in that drop doesn't another probably

you pulled it a good one kayla i love that yeah that's from this american life right yeah yeah

i don't remember the story you probably do um let's see here oh i wanted to tell you also just in the service.

This is forward-promoting things that are coming up on the show, which you just did. I also just received a dazzling detail about that Stephen King made-up word and where it first appeared. So I will tell you that later on in the show as well. I'm doing a forward promo, Luke, because I find myself in that rare position where I don't have any dumb bullshit to spring on you at the beginning of the show. Like, usually I'm like, hey, Luke, do you like straws or whatever? But, like, I don't have anything today. It's not that I have. You got stuff. OK, go. How's your heart? Has it exploded yet?

No, no. I'm so far. Let's see. About four minutes into this experiment. Things are fine so far. I tend to think it wasn't caffeine that was causing my ventricular extra heartbeat because I don't drink that much coffee. Believe me, I do much worse things to my body, generally speaking, than have like a cup of coffee a day. But it was interesting that it seemed to decrease as my coffee consumption went down to zero.

And yet you don't think there's a correlation, though.

I don't because I also still had it sometimes. I had less of it, Saan's Coffee, but not none of it, if that makes any sense.

Did you see the email? You know, I don't even know if it was an email, Luke. It could have been a tweet. It could have been a post on site. Could it have been a D-mail? It could have been a D-mail. Possibly. Anyway, somebody was making the argument that they have the same thing, and it's like their superpower. Did you see that? Did we talk about that on the air?

I don't think we talked about it. I did get a few emails from listeners who had similar things, and the listener that I remember emailing and demailing in, I won't mention their name because I'm the only one allowed to violate HIPAA on this show. Hungry, hungry HIPAA. Is that a show title? Maybe. The listener who emailed in, they said that they had not stopped drinking coffee. They were just living with it. And they said they thought it was anxiety related. And for them, the tough time. They also didn't feel it when they were exercising. And they said that they had a hard time when they were falling asleep or trying to fall asleep is when it would really kick in for them, which made them think it was sort of anxiety related, which is what I thought it was. And I said to the doctor, actually both doctors that I saw, I was like, is this just kind of a low-key panic attack happening? And they both said no, but I don't know. I still think it's possibly more anxiety than anything.

I ask all my 45-year-old doctors this. Hey, by the way, that rang a bell, episode 3051 from December 11th, a title that will live in infamy, Hungry Hungry HIPAA 2019. It's already happened? Yeah, I had a feeling we used it already. God, I've got to get some new jokes. You know, I also like— Jokes are difficult, I really must say. When I Googled that, though, I also saw that the Hidden Brain—I don't know if we're allowed to mention other public radio podcasts, but Hidden Brain had an episode called Hungry Hungry Hippocampus, which is also admirable, I would say. I'm tired of being ripped off by Shankar Vedanta. I know, I know. It's a problem. I swear to God.

So a couple of things. This only barely rises to the level of content. But there was something that was earlier in the show. There was something that you said that reminded me of being in – I think I was in a 7-Eleven somewhere recently. And there was like a bunch of school kids in there, like maybe fifth graders, sixth graders. I forget what I was buying. but the one kid was just asking the salesperson the person who worked in the the convenience store when they were going to get hot talkies back and it was like very concerned about it and the guy was like i don't know at some point he was like no can you be more specific like what does at some point mean and i was just like i don't know why that cracked me up because like to just be like a sixth grader whose main kind of uh focus in life is figuring out when they're going to have hot talkies at the convenience store that you stop it on the way after school oh i know what it was i was going to uh i it was raining torrentially here in portland last week and i was driving around and i had to do like four different errands where i was going to get out of the car and run into like a bank and then uh i think my my favorite laughing plan my favorite place to apply for remodeling loans laughing planet anyway i had a bunch of things to do and it was raining and i was like i gotta get i have to get an umbrella so i it was it was actually a cvs i swangled into the cvs um to get an umbrella i basically every time it rains andrew i buy an umbrella that's just the it's the rain it's the umbrella tax in my life and then every time i take an umbrella with me for uh like a 24-hour period particularly if i'm going out like in seattle i bought an umbrella and then took it out with me when we were doing the

shoots and it was had been kind of raining off and on and sure enough lost an umbrella so I had to buy a new one and I'm sure I will lose this one the next time I take it out for a I am incapable of keeping an umbrella throughout the course of a night particularly if bar hopping occurs

I was wondering if it was going to be the opposite where you have a million umbrellas at home because you never take them with you when you need it so you keep buying one like I feel like But opposite tote bags can sort of be that for some people. I think, I don't know, you know me, I'm pretty, I don't persnickety is the wrong word, but like I kind of keep track of those things. But, you know, it just sort of seems like it's so easy to accidentally collect tons of, I would say, tote bags, umbrellas and sunglasses, not me sunglasses, because I have prescription glasses, so I can't just be tossing them around. But you hear a lot about people in Seattle, like buying sunglasses because it's sunny and then leaving me at home because the sun doesn't shine again for another three months.

Well, I mean, no, I have the I have really the opposite problem, which is I'm a big proponent of umbrellas. And there's this whole, I think, silly thing in Seattle where it's like, oh, Seattleites don't use umbrellas. It's like Seattleites like having their topic wash out of their hair like Rudy Giuliani at Four Seasons of Landscaping. No, thank you. like i'm a big fan of not getting wet particularly if i've like taken a shower and i'm kind of put together like so there's no shame to me in using an umbrella and so i'm but what i've realized usually is i don't have one when i need one and so i will buy them they're not actually that cheap i have so much to say by the way about the cvs self-checkout situation andrew so that you know I ran into a CVS and I bought an umbrella and it was in this particular moment, it was fine. But I've talked about this before on the show. CVS is now doing a thing where they don't have any human being behind the register, at least the ones in Portland. Now they just have a human being standing near the self checkout, painstakingly walking people through their self checkout process. And it makes me so furious. Wait a second.

We've talked, We talked about this like two weeks ago, and I thought we came back around and saying it actually is kind of cool.

In that one time, it actually made it faster for me. But in my subsequent trips to CVS, I have found it to be more time-consuming and more of a hassle because of the weirdness of their particular self-checkout thing. But more just from a kind of, I don't know what the word I'm looking for is, but it bothers me because it feels like they are trying to control us. i'm not about to go into an anti-mask rant i promise but it feels like some kind of you know some some quants at cvs sat down and they were like we can get x number of customer x number of more customers through per day per store if we modify their behavior to where they all just get used to going to the self-checkout and we're going to have a person who has full-time job now is just to stand behind everyone and then come up and help them with the self-checkout. But I guess they've made the calculation that they can move more people through with that one person than if that one person was standing behind the register ringing people up. But call me old-fashioned.

Or pay more than one, really, probably, right? During peak, it would be like...

I've never seen more than one person behind a register at a CVS.

Oh, really? Oh.

But I also, I mean, maybe, I don't know, I'm not like a... I sound like a regular at CVS now that I... I just won't sign up for the wellness card, Andrew. That's where I draw the line.

Yeah, I don't. I think Genevieve might have the wellness card. I guess it depends on the CVS, maybe not the ones you go to. Because I'm always picturing, like, I guess it just really depends on where you are. Because there are some, like, where I feel like it's, like, a whole, there's a whole line. And sometimes there's, like, three people at the checkout. But I'm wondering also if I'm picturing if those might be slightly more suburban grocery stores. Well, a CVS is a pharmacy, right? Well, a CVS, yeah, but it's a chain, right? I mean, you can get all kinds of things at the CVS, right? You can get some snacks there, what have you. Anyway, you're right.

They do have groceries. You're not wrong. But I guess I think of it as a pharmacy.

Anyway, but yeah, I mean, I do think that you're right. That is definitely a calculation of them saying, like, we can save money. I mean, probably, I believe partially through, you know, not having to pay more than one person, but also just generally speaking, like, yeah, what is the best way to cut corners?

Well, how much am I allowed to steal then? since i'm being in i feel like i'm now this is like a very hacky joke but i really genuinely feel this i feel like when i have to do self-checkout i am doing their work like i'm paying money part of the markup on groceries now i'm going to talk about grocery stores because i was in a safeway yesterday buying wet wipes like for you

washing one's backside, which is a very embarrassing single purchase. I'm not going to lie to you. I was out of them at home. I was running some errands before the football game and I thought I should get some of those. But what I should have done is bought a few other things to just kind of mix it up. Instead, I'm just standing there with like a six-pack of Cottonelle flushable wipes. Or just

buy all your embarrassing stuff, right? Wasn't that a stand-up comedian's observation? Just like, go big. If you have to buy one embarrassing thing, just get it all out of the way in one fell swoop and don't think about it again for a year that's the only

embarrassing stuff that i buy not online that's the thing i've moved most of those purchases into the online space but anyway i'm standing there with my like six by six pack of cotton now also people are like are you okay do you have a medical condition do you need that many of those anyway i'm standing in line and and some of this is is my fault because i waited too long to run these errands and i was starting to get stressed that the football game was going to start the Seahawks game before I was going to get home and so I'm a little antsy which is kind of my own doing but again same thing at this like Safeway in Portland they do have some registers open but they have many fewer people working the register now so as to try to push more people into the self-checkout which is fine I guess but everyone in the self-checkout Andrew had like 60 items yeah Yeah. People were like, I feel like the early days of self-checkout, it was kind of this de facto 10 items or less line.

Well, I think about you every time I do self-checkout and I do self-checkout a lot because of we had this conversation a while back now, because I remember saying something like, boy, I know that they had more than 10 or 12 items or something. And you said, I don't I swear this was you. You said, I don't think that that's a stated rule. I'm like, oh, it certainly is. And then I started paying attention and it's not I didn't see any signs. But I still believe that there's a I'm with you. I believe the rule. Exactly. I'm not I'm not arguing with you, but you live in my brain on that because I'm always like, oh, I guess there isn't an actual rule. But I'm still, as you would guess, pretty conscientious about it. Like if I have like 10 cans of cat food and people are lining up behind me and I'm trying to get him to read the scanner, I feel like a bad person.

Well, I am. I very much come around to your thinking on this based on my experience yesterday, because here's the thing. we the civilian population are not qualified to self-check out 25 items we can't do it you will i mean you will never see a normal person with a full grocery cart self-checkout without two to three huge snags in the process it's just that the math is against you you know what i mean like because you're going to scan something wrong you're going to not have something in the bagging area like you're going to do something that the machine doesn't like and then it's going to lock the whole process down and then the person's gonna have to come over and reset it and like i was just absolutely shocked every single person who was doing the self-checkout had like a full cart and they were all just like running into constant problems and also just felt like the most random stuff this shouldn't bother me but it was like these two teenagers were buying like hot like a Pocky, you know, that like that like the candy with it's like a candy little like stick with chocolate on part of it. They were buying Pocky for men, coloring books, grapes, like, you know, like a toilet plunger. It was literally like I don't and it just that's not really that relevant. But somehow just the complete chaos of their chopping cart seemed to be adding to the and that, you know, whatever. enjoy your life young people you've got much more of it ahead of you than i do but it was just like everybody seemed to be taking so long with this and i thought they really need to have a sign i think that just says all all self-checkouts should be 10 items or less or 15 items or less because we're just we just can't do it we're not and and again then that makes me mad at the store it's not even the people who are doing the self-checkout they're going to where these quants have started to like shunt us as the customers it's not their fault they're just it's it's the it's the people who are it's the stockholders in Safeway or whoever owns Safeway that's who I'm mad at I

feel so much pressure when I'm using self-checkout at the grocery store and again I use it more and more like if I'm doing a full like grocery shopping mission I probably have a cart full of stuff and I'm going to go to a human being to have them check me out because of all the reasons we've stated but if i'm kind of on the edge if i've like i was thinking about the cat food the other day because i had to make a quick you know strategic strike for cat food but cat food comes in cans and i have to ring up every individual can and so if i have like i wanted to stock up because we were totally out so i wanted to buy like i don't know what i had 15 20 cans it doesn't look like much in your cart but that's still a boop

Mm-hmm.

And they're round, and they're hockey puck shaped or whatever, and they can be somewhat tricky. And there is nothing that I hate more than seeing somebody take their time with, like, here's the trifecta of things that drive me crazy. In my estimation, going up there with too many things, number two, being slow, and then number three, which is more nebulous, which is looking like you're going slow. I don't care if you're going to show some hustle. Show some hustle. You should see the performance I put on when I am self-checked. Do what Jamal Adams does when he arrives at a play that's already over.

Clap your hands frustratedly. Act like you were relevant, even though we all know you weren't.

I am moving so fast. You have little cartoon little motions around me and a little sweat going off my brow because I want the people to see, the people in line who are waiting. And people who are waiting in line for self-checkout are always frustrated with the people in front of them. There's never been anybody who's been like, they're all doing well up there. I mean, it's just built into the system. You hate the people in front of you. And so I do everything to show them, I'm hustling here. I know it looks like a lot, but I'm hustling here, and I know what I'm doing. I'm quick at this. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

Can I add thing number four? And this one is a bad take. Stop the tape. What you're seeing is a bad take by Luke. here was what was also killing me yesterday everyone brought their own shopping bag their own like you know reusable grocery bag but they were very inefficient with the using of these bags so this one gal was she had 87 000 items and she scanned them all through and put them all in the quote-unquote bagging area but then she wasn't putting them into the bags no this is an Then she was trying to fit them into these like desiccated, janky, reusable shopping bags that had clearly been in the back of her car underneath like an elephant or something. So they were like kind of she couldn't get the like frozen pizzas into it. Like nothing was fitting because these bags were not. Also, they need to make those bags the size of a paper bag.

Yeah. Not all tote bags are equal. So, like, the tote bags that I take to the grocery store are grocery store tote bags that are in the shape of a grocery bag. And then I have all these other tote bags that you just, like, in this day and age, you just wander through life and tote bags just kind of cling to you sort of. I have this closet full of tote bags. And, like, a lot of them are those small ones that don't have a flat bottom at all. Like, they're perfect for carrying five LPs if you go to the record store. You know what I mean? Like, they're narrow like that. But not a Wild Mike's Pizza. Right. Or one Wild Mike's Pizza if there's nothing else going in there. It might be perfect if you don't mind it going up and down. But, yeah, like there's no bottom on a lot of those types of cheapo tote bags.

Right. So this gal had like a bunch of not really super functional reusable bags that she was then trying to like carefully Tetris her stuff into and it wasn't working. And the other thought I had was, are paper bags bad for the environment? I know plastic bags are not great, and I'm fine with us not having plastic bags. But paper bags seem like they're made from pulp. They're recyclable. Like, are paper bags bad for Mother Nature?

Well, I assume it's worse than reusing one thing a hundred times. Yeah, it would have to be.

I mean, there's no way it's better than that. But I guess I was just wondering because, you know, there was a move to sort of have fewer plastic bags, which I totally support. But I was just wondering where paper bags kind of fall on the, like, you know, hurting the planet scale. Because I would happily give everyone in that line five cents to buy a paper bag to get their shit in there so that I can come home and watch Jamal Adams underwhelm me. I've told you this. Get ready for the no point, y'all. It's going to be spicy.

Anything on your mind? Even when I'm – and I think I've said this before because we're just talking grocery stores. And this is – I mean this is where I live. This is my space. And even when I got a big cart full of groceries and I go through the regular line where a cashier rings me up, I still say, like, if there's somebody there who's bagging groceries, if I can politely wave them off, I will. If they're standing there in their position there, I'm not going to be like, out of my way, chump. I bag my own groceries. But I will find polite ways to say, hey, you know, do you mind if I do this? Or I'll just try to get there before the bagger shows up and say, hey, I have my own bags. I can do this myself. I have a system. And boy, do I have systems. You lay all the cat food. You don't make towers out of the cans of cat food. You lay them on the bottom. The very first thing, when I enter the line and I start unloading my groceries, I'm unloading my groceries strategically on the belt, knowing what is going to get to me first as the bagger on the other end of this. And you might think. A cat is an angel that poops in a box. And, you know, you might think, oh, well, you want the, I don't know, heavier stuff. But actually, I like the cat food up front because you can make a floor of the cat food.

Do you know what I mean? Like, yes, talking about levels, Jerry. No, you can kind of build a floor of the cat food and then put stuff on top of that. Lots of times if there's a bagger there, they assume that you're like beer or toilet paper or paper towels don't want to be in the bag. They do need to be in the bag because I park a couple of blocks away from my house, you know, and I can't be carrying all these individual items. I just have a system. And so, you know, I don't care. And I think, you know, this is kind of being nitpicky. And I think you agree. I don't care what kind of bags people have in front of me. Just know how to use them. Just know how to use whatever bag you have.

Yeah. And again, I don't – I'm not even blaming the poor people who have been, you know, herded like cattle going to the slaughter into these self-checkout things. I just – here's what I think. And again, this sounds like a hacky stand-up joke or something that's been on Twitter because I know it has probably. But I feel like we should all be allowed to steal one item per trip if the grocery stores are going to make more money off of us by by no longer having enough people to ring our groceries up, which has always been part of the process. They're doing this as a cost-saving measure, i.e. a profit-increasing measure, then I feel like I should be allowed to steal one thing. And I'm not even joking. I won't do it because the embarrassment of getting caught shoplifting, it's not even the morality of it to me. It's the embarrassment of if it was in the news that podcaster Luke Burbank caught stealing wet wipes. So that would be some good content for the show. But that's the only reason I'm not doing it. But I just feel like we should be allowed to take back a little bit of this profit that they're making off of making all of us now do the work. Or they need to come up with a system like whatever it is allegedly Amazon has at these stores. If they come up with a system where I can just wander the grocery store, grab whatever I want, and then just walk out and they just charge me and they know what I took, I'm fine with that too. But if the current process is I have to wait in a long-ass line and then do the work of the grocery store, I feel like I should be allowed to just take something for my trouble.

Well, I'm not going to sign that petition, but – I've started a GoFundMe. I will throw kind of a half-baked theory about class into the mix here, something that I think about a lot but haven't articulated. But just to stoke these flames a little bit more, you know, I don't do my grocery shopping at Whole Foods, but I will run into Whole Foods every now and then. Like if I just need like a six pack of White Claw or something, you know, just we're missing one thing for our meal that we're making. I can run across the street, be at Whole Foods, be back in like, you know, 10 minutes. It's so close. So I'm familiar with their situation. And I still think of Whole Foods while, you know, I know a lot of people go to Whole Foods. I still think of it as a place that is a little bit, you know, fancy, right?

Yeah. And I almost bought wet wipes there yesterday, earlier in the day. But I was like, A, it's going to be overpriced. And B, it's probably going to be some natural shit.

I was going to say, you're going to be Tom's of Maine. But the thing is, you know what? You know what? They have a nice self-checkout area. They often have two people kind of personing it. and I like that things move quickly but also it's like you know what they don't have Luke they don't have scales they trust you they trust you because they're all rich and you know what I mean like there's like this thing I can go four blocks down to the Safeway where they handcuff you until they that is not true

there's somebody standing there who's trying to look like a cop they have like two guns on their body but they're actually tasers because illegally they can't and they work for something called like Securitas They got that guy at the down market grocery stores He's in a bulletproof vest in case gunplay breaks out in the dairy department

But at the Whole Foods, it's kind of like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Oh, sweetie, no, just put your bag there There's no weight, we trust you Why would you steal from Whole Foods? Again, I can't really quite put my finger on it I really want to start a class war here But it really is one of those things where you feel the difference and you're just like, I like the fact that it's easier to check out here, but I also sort of resent it a little bit. You know what's funny? Yeah.

So the Whole Foods that I go to here in Portland is they just started self-checkout. They literally had no self-checkout until like two weeks ago. And I went into the store and there's always a line. Previous to the self-checkout, there's just a lot of people use this Whole Foods And they have, you know, I don't know, four or five checkers who are great, by the way. But there's always a bit of a line. And so I got this day I got in the line and I was sort of confused because people kept going past me like they were cutting me. And I was like, huh, that's not very cool. And then I realized, oh, they were going to self-checkout. And there was like a. person yeah who was like assigned to just stand there and try to basically tell people that they can go to self-checkout because it's never they've never had self-checkout in this store and it made me mad because as i have previously stated in this very episode i don't like self-checkout i do like

self-checkout i prefer it as a choice i think but i do like self-checkout and those people are also there checking ids as well for like the white claw and what have you so you need somebody there I will say, you know, is there anything less rigorous than the ID check at a self-checkout? Oh, my God. Yes. It's right up there with. No, no, no. Oh, really? There's this woman at Whole Foods. Like, I don't I resent her so much and I don't know why she's just doing her job. But like, you know, most of the people there, like they'll look at the ID, whatever. It's fine. Move through. But there is this one woman who sees herself as just like, I don't know. I'm a rule follower. I mean, she sees herself as McGruff. She will make me sometimes take off my hat and my mask. Yes. And she makes me go to one of those back scanner things and put my hands in the air. Like she literally says, oh, take off your hat. And first of all, one thing I've learned is if I'm not wearing a hat, I am carded way less just throughout life, by the way, because I am balding so bad. I look younger with my hat on. Like I can cruise through life not getting carded with my hat off. But anyway, this woman, if I go in there and I'm wearing a mask and a hat, and I understand she's trying to do her job, but after being in there so often and I feel like we know each other, I'm like, come on, lady.

This isn't a stand. That is amazing to me because the movie – I must have old-ass eyes because the movie that I get is they just walk over and punch a made-up birthday into the computer.

Oh, I get that sometimes, too. I prefer this.

Like, it is so – 1907? Come on, man. Right? Like I have not had to produce an ID Like legitimately produce an ID For alcohol Actually you know what the most rigorous thing is DoorDash And that's because they must have a system where You know obviously they don't want to be You can order like a beer or whatever With your food But it changes It really It makes it a much more rigorous process Because like if you don't order alcohol The folks can drop the food off at your door And then they're just like out So if you're not right by the door It's not a big deal But if you have any alcohol associated with the order, they have to scan the back of your ID. You have to – first of all, you have to scan your ID into the DoorDash system. Like ahead of time, right, when you're ordering? Like ahead of time. Yeah, okay. And then they have to verify it's that – it's the ID. And then they have to, like, with their phone, take a picture of the back of your ID. Other than that, though, I have not been – like, I have not been rigorously ID'd in probably 15 years, which is kind of sad, actually, if you think about it.

Well, again, I think it depends on the circumstances. Because this one woman just, I mean, she, again, like she just finds it.

I really want to, I want to know more about what's going on with her, kind of. I want you to, could you ask her if she'll come on the show?

Can I tell you, I will. Can I tell you one last thing we should move off of grocery store talk, which isn't a sentence I thought I'd ever say. But I got like another tight 10 on these grapes I'm eating, by the way. There's a fella. Sweet carnival treat grapes. One of the guys who takes care of the self-checkout, kind of IDs you and what have you, not at Whole Foods where the woman who looks at my ID very carefully is, but this is at the Safeway. I really like him. He's often stationed there. He's very helpful. He knows me very well at this time. He doesn't really even check my ID. But he is super cool. He's not over the top. But again, I've just been seeing the same guy weekly for years now. And, like, if something doesn't scan in, he will – like, I was getting a six-pack or an eight-pack of mini bottles of cranberry juice. Don't worry about it. Everything's fine. How's that UTI? No, everything's fine. No, I just wanted individual bottles for just, like, having parties. You know, if people come over, somebody wants to make a cocktail, we don't have to have a whole big bottle of cranberry juice open all the time. So, anyway, I'm buying this along with some other things, but it won't scan. It just simply won't scan. It won't even beep. It's just like it's not reading the box at all. So he comes over, and I say, hey, man, this thing isn't scanning. I'm hoping it doesn't scan for you, too, because that would be really embarrassing. And he tries. He's like, nope, doesn't work. He's like, how much were they, like $2.50? No, no, he's like, how much were they, like $3? And I'm like, I literally have no idea. $3 seems like a pretty good deal for that amount of cranberry juice, I guess. And then he accidentally, instead of hitting the $3, he hits the $2. So he's like, eh, we're going to make it $2. And he just, like, knocks it down to $2. And I'm just like, nice. And he's done that for me on other things too He just takes it upon himself to say We're going to call this two bucks

And call it good He is like when I worked at Dick's Drive-In And I couldn't come up with the prices In my head so I would just guess low Right People don't hope to get you in line Right, totally And the funny part about that was There were a lot of regulars And if you go to If you were to order the same thing a lot at dick's drive and you as the customer would have a pretty clear idea of what it usually costs and then just like one day you get old lb uh a uh you know a high school sophomore on his summer break and you're just like wow i guess well i guess it's 50 cents cheaper today because i was just like uh i don't know make me an offer you know i know i said we're

gonna wrap it up but remembering this cranberry story i gotta tell you i'm remembering something else that happened on that same trip to the grocery store, and I have to admit something here, I actually literally did steal from the grocery store that day because I was checking out.

You were really on a high horse about not signing my GoFundMe, and now I find out they suddenly realized they were talking to Andrew. You mean... No, I'm just... No, I just think it's funnier if I say GoFundMe.

So I had gone through, rang up all my stuff. He helped me with the cranberry juice and um i think maybe i was so kind of flustered over the cranberry juice let's blame it on that i'm wheeling my cart out of the grocery store and i realize i've left a big thing of cat litter in the bottom part of my grocery cart oh yeah i realized this luke so i take the elevator down one floor down to the garage where i park and i'm wheeling out of the elevator when i realize my mistake and now i have a moral quandary do i go back up i'm also feeling kind of good because this guy just kind of you know did me a solid right and so like i don't want to stay in the

grand scheme that was the same trip so not only did he just literally the same trip which is why not only did he just improvise the cranberry juice price but he also let you slide on litter which is

not cheap by the way no it is not cheap i'm gonna say maybe 13 bucks or something like this for one of these these big things i like to get the glade scented this adds a little something extra um but you know i treat your cats i i really i don't hate self-checkout the way you do um and i do like the idea you do steal from it regularly well it was a mistake and like i i really do want to be especially honest around it because i want them to trust us i want them to get rid of the the weight or you know like the scales that make it so difficult to get through an entire basket of groceries because they're so damn sensitive oh by the way quick life hack here if you are using your own bags and it says are you using your own bags today and let's say you have two bags always go one bag more because the scale won't care if you say you have three bags but you only have two that's going to work more in your favor than if your bags are a little bit heavier you know what i mean okay but you're talking about life buddy you're saying if you've brought you have to tell them if you're how many of your own bags oh maybe yeah just different systems are different but it's

safe way i don't say did you bring your own store in my life is why i don't know if i'll never bring

a bag to the grocery store fight anyway always tell them that you have one more bag than you do because i'm writing that down good yeah we'll need that later so anyway so i am in the garage now this is a grocery store i go to probably a couple of times a week it's my home away from home the guy just did me a solid and i'm rolling into the garage and i look down and i realize oh i am now because i see this thing i am actively stealing i'm actively stealing right now i'm like i don't know am i gonna go back up am i really gonna go back up and pay for this shit so i start going towards my car i'm pushing it i'm still leaving that as an option right and i unload i think i had two like tote bags full of groceries i probably shouldn't have gone through self-checkout this day by the way based on how much i had um but i put them in the back seat and luke i i'm not exaggerating for dramatic tension here i kept going back and forth i had this thing in my hand and then i i'm carrying the cat litter now my left hand and pushing the cart with the right hand because i'm going to go back up and pay for it but then i'm like oh god nobody cares like nobody gives a shit mr safeway doesn't care like just go so i go back to the car and then i almost turn around again then i just put it in the back of the car and i close the door and luke hand to god As I am putting the cat litter in the back seat, the elevator doors open and a security guard walks out. And I honestly can't even remember seeing security guards around there. I think that their security guards, they must have to wear uniforms, but I think they're up on level three looking down on us, probably using all kinds of, you know, like, like, you know, security cameras and whatnot. not and i see this guy come out but he also looks i don't know how to describe it he just looks a little done for the day and i'm like and i am thinking oh my god is am i accidentally stealing right now and they actually had eyes on me and this security guard watching me go back and forth but then i saw he walks out i get into the driver's seat i kind of keep an eye on him in my mirrors and i uh i see him go into his car and i drive away and everything's fine and nobody will ever.

no he's don't tell anybody things of cat litter yeah exactly no i did i just i drove away with it but i could not i don't think i've ever seen a security guard there and my heart raced man i'm not joking my heart raced when i saw this guy get off the elevator it would have been hilarious if

if if of all of the of all of the property what do they call that loss prevention of all the loss prevention yeah moments they decided to take it on you i've told the story on the show before and We really do now need to go to a break 40 minutes into the show. But are Mondays usually the shortest show or the longest show for us? I thought they said the shortest. I think shortest. Maybe not today's show. Of the many really just quite terrible moments of my parenting skills, one of my worst ever was getting mad at Addie that she had pointed out to the target employee that they had failed to charge us for like a Little Mermaid bedspread or something. I mean you want to talk about Just absolute awful parenting It was like we were buying Whatever we were buying and this was the largest Item and they just so happened That they didn't scan it or they forgot about it or whatever And then Addie saying oh you forgot About this thing and then me just Giving her a lecture in the parking lot about Like hey if you're ever at a store like a big Store not a small store a big store And they don't charge you for something let it Lie dude if You don't know the shot Exactly. I gave her the entire Ricky Roma speech. She hasn't spoken to me since, but anyway, everything's fine. All right, let's take that long-needed break here on the show, and then we'll be back with some top stories and the like in a moment here on TBTL. all right let's thank the donors of this day these are the fine fine folks making this episode possible with their monthly donations which we really do appreciate kristin reicher is down there in austin texas everybody's moving to austin yeah reicher the strike by which i mean

That's what they call Kristen.

Yeah, they do. By which I mean, like, Elon Musk and I think Joe Rogan. Nobody good is moving to Austin.

Oh, I didn't know. I thought you just meant because Austin, obviously, is a very attractive place for, like, kind of younger people who enjoy the arts. I didn't know. Really, there's, like, a movement among these.

There is, and there's also a movement among Hollywood types. Like, there's been a lot. I mean, who knows? New York Times trend pieces are, like, famously, it's, like, three people did something. Three people that the writer heard about did something that qualifies for a Times piece. But, yeah, they did a piece of profiling some actors who had all kind of moved out there. And then, like I said, I know Rogan has moved his empire and Elon Musk has moved a lot of – he's moved himself and a lot of Tesla over there, too, some of their operations. Anyway, Kristen's been there the whole time, though, just being cool, being a cool Austinite, hanging out at Barton Springs. So thanks, Kristen. Also, Luann Sewell is in Bothell, Washington. Thanks, Luann. Appreciate you. Also, Amber Scrant in Cairo, Michigan. I'll sign off on that. We going with Cairo? I'll sign your GoFundMe on that, yeah. Okay, thank you. Because that cash could really get me out of a couple of jams. Because, you know, famously there's Cairo, Illinois. Oh, I didn't know that. And I think it's a similar spelling, but they really hit the K, the K-Row. The reason I know about K-Row, Illinois, is because when... One time I wanted us to float down the Mississippi for a thon. And K-Row, Illinois, is a big kind of turning point. It's when the Mississippi stops being mostly locks. Oh, yeah. And kind of like smaller marine traffic and just turns into a giant superhighway. where it's, like, hundreds of miles of nowhere to even, like, park your boat.

That is spelled with an I, though, so that's a little bit different. I'm actually looking at it on a map right now. What if it turns out that the global trade routes are disrupted because you and I are, like, in a dinghy in the Mississippi River in Cairo?

We're on, like, a boat, the Never Given, just jammed up sideways, blocking everything in the supply chain. Anyway, thanks, Amber, for supporting the show. Brian Wilcoxson is in Tallahassee, Florida. And then Nicole Hampton is right here in Portland, Oregon. Possibly in line right now at the Whole Foods, waiting to check out and self-check out at that. And then Amelia Ireland, my friend up there in Bellingham, Washington. I have Amelia to thank for hipping me to that Doug Marsh, the guy from Built to Spill, that backyard show that i went to a few weeks ago that was like so

fun she uh she tipped me off about that and i sure appreciate that and i also appreciate the donations amelia thank you very much thanks to all of our donors of the day for making this whole thing possible we are very very grateful hello and welcome to top story also uh i'm grateful to listener jenna out in maryland who tipped me off about the fugitive zebras of maryland um there uh were there was like a herd of zebra that uh is that what you call it by the way like plural it sounds like yeah right there zebras or zebra i can look that up um there are There's a herd of fugitive zebra from an upper Marlboro farm. They say three zebras made a break for it in late August, and they have now been evading animal control officials for weeks. By the way, this is a piece by Mara Judkis in The Washington Post, Democracy Dies in Darkness. um these zebras escaped and they have not been able to catch them but it's become this obsession for locals of trying to see the zebras so people are just going out at night that's generally when people tend to be able to see them uh people go out at night or they go out whenever they do and they are just like it's a whole thing it's like seeing it's like a six-leaf clover if see the zebras in fact this uh local uh tv station went out and interviewed a guy who actually saw the zebras and this is kind of what that sounded like seeing them from the sky through the woods

and at a distance i got recorded on snapchat but chris harrell saw one of the elusive zebras

face to face i don't know why they decided to put this music in but whatever i was coming around

the corner and i saw something sitting in the middle of the road and i knew it wasn't a deer because it was kind of bigger than a deer once my headlights hit it i was just mma's it was a

zebra just sitting there but chris told us it didn't move right away and he had to stare into the zebra's soul and me and him stare at each other about yeah right what i know so my

question is did the guy say that part on tape right like is this why did the report why is the reporter clearly the guy like did he use those exact words and if so why don't they have it on

tape why is the reporter saying that and is the reporter trying to go viral here in the way like it feels a little bit like this it's very it's pretty over the top this reporter i've been in

this position before where like so the guy who saw the zebras first of all interesting look he's got kind of a um he's got a gigantic beard but his face is also mostly clean shaven so it's just kind of like it's sort of a chin strap uh beard but grown way out so the guy himself though who saw the zebra he seems game but he's also not a great talker and you can just tell that this reporter is trying to get the guy who saw the zebra to say something like you said kind of notable that could possibly go viral but the guy's not really saying it so this guy just keeps trying to prompt him you can pick it up kind of like subtly throughout the piece maybe 10 15 seconds

until i pulled out my phone and started recording it right when i started recording he trotted his way into the into the woods into the darkness yeah into the darkness it is day 23 of zebra

gate five of them escaped from a farm in prince george's county right i know did this i mean

did the zebras try to break into the democratic offices in the water gate like yeah there's

There's no scandal here. Like, learn what words mean.

And as for what Chris thought before this one took off.

I was trying to guess, is this real? Yeah. Am I really seeing this right now? Wow. Yeah, because I've been hearing about it on the news and everything about it. I've seen these pictures everywhere.

So as soon as the zebra gets out of your field of view, did you kind of look into the woods and say like, hey, buddy, where are you going?

No, I didn't. I think I sat there for a minute and I was just like, And this is not real

Adding to the drama of the dazzle All of the zealous zebras are still at large

Whoa, wait, I missed that the first time Zealous zebras? May I quote my friend Andrew

When I say, learn what words mean Just because they both start with Z Doesn't mean that's the right word there, friend Zealous? Let me turn the nose up On this negativity train, though I really like the voice Of the person being interviewed here I find it very comforting I was noting it's just a brutal Maryland accent. I know. I think I like that Maryland accent. Brutal Maryland accent. I like it.

Can you believe that they're not caught yet?

Yeah, I mean, I find it hard to believe, yeah. Yeah. I don't think they're trying hard enough. Did you? I found one that easy. In Forestville, Mike Valerio, WUSA 9.

I am so mad at the zealous zebras.

At that music. He's just trying so hard.

I feel like they were like, is there any non-rights X-Files music we can get? I know. That's definitely what it sounds like. That's what they're trying to do with it. And again, the guy who they're interviewing seems like a sweetheart, but he's just kind of a random dude. He's not probably he's not, you know, he's not describing it as excitedly as the guy who wrote the line zealous zebra wants him to. So that guy's trying to do all the like the lifting of the making the story or making that particular interview like fascinating. Yeah.

So he's like leading the witness so hard. He's like very much. So did you sneak into the woods and say to the zebra, zebra, why would you leave me? Did you do that? Are you so zealous? Why are you so zealous, Zebra?

Now that we've listened to this and kind of dissected it, I'm 100% sure that the staring into the soul line is just an invention of Mike Valerio.

Yes, this is not good journalism. This is bunk journalism.

This is, in fact, very bunk journalism. Here's what I'm saying, though. Have they named—I forget now. Have they come up with the new name for the football team in Washington? Because the Zebras is a great flippin' name. That is. There aren't a lot of—I don't think there are any professional— Why are there no professional football teams called the Zebras? I could really get behind that.

I'm trying to think, do most of, no, because you have the Detroit Lions. I was going to say, do they try to name teams after animals that are somewhat indigenous or related to the city in some way? But I'm assuming that Detroit is not the birthplace of lions, generally speaking. I think of them as more of an African animal.

I think what it is is teams want to name – if they name themselves after an animal, they want to name themselves after either a majestic or threatening animal.

Or a tough. Yeah, you're right. A zebra isn't tough enough. And so that's the problem.

But I would be so down – and also in football specifically, there's a whole kind of thing where the refs, because they used to wear those striped jerseys, they call them zebras. But whatever. They don't even wear those outfits anymore. That's an old-fashioned nickname that I think you could retire. I just think Zebras would be a really boss name for your team. The implications for the uniforms and the mascot and all of that are really good, I think.

I'm going to tell a quick little story here. It's related to watching football yesterday, but don't worry. It's not no-point conversion-y. Everybody just calm down. But I want to say that you remind me of the black and white, the zebra thing, and the officials. There were some calls during the Browns game that I vehemently disagreed with, the way I also vehemently disagreed with that scam that was just ringing into my phone there. And I was watching the game with Theo, and I think Genevieve had maybe left at this point. She had an errand to run, so maybe it was just me and Theo, and I was processing my pain. And I started accusing him of being on the side of the referees because he's a black-and-white cat. That's where things got in the third quarter yesterday. I'm not joking either. I really did. I was like, Theo, whose side are you on sporting that black and white? He slept through it, though. I don't even know if he heard me.

Considering both of our teams lost in kind of crushing fashions over the weekend, I'm weirdly looking forward to the no point today, which is strange, I know. Anyway, I feel like we should start. Oh, this is another interesting thing. before we move on to the next story um they interview someone named nancy nunke in this washington post piece talking about zebras they're much more intelligent than the horses than horses are it's a natural fact that they uh they are because they are survivalists nunke runs an animal sanctuary for zebras and other exotic animals in ramona california she has trained uh more than 100 zebras and is the zebras and is the founder of something called the international zebras Zorse Zonkey Association So I would assume those are all Like horses that are bred with a Zebra and donkeys that are bred with a Zebra Zonkey Yeah Zaddy Zonkey The Zebra Zorse Zonkey

Hey what about this so I'm just Scanning through the Washington Post piece Right now and I see a paragraph That really jumps out at me quote it Sounds like a mixture of oh it says what Do zebras sound like it sounds like a mixture of a horse mixed with screaming the man then did his best impression of a braying zebra sounding like a donkey choking on something which per a subsequent youtube search for zebra noises was pretty accurate can i click on this link for the youtube video of zebra noises have you already

done this in your off time no i have not but i would love to hear it okay here it is although when you hear uh i was trying to make an occam's razor joke and i just couldn't work it out of my brain because you

know famously like that's like when you hear hoof beats don't assume it's a zebra that's like occam's razor oh right right right but i couldn't i couldn't turn that into a joke about zebras

yelling well we'll circle back to it later work on another one i don't know that's pretty

intimidating i mean you could hear like if you had a sports team that were called the zebras and the fans are making that noise i could see that getting in the head of the heads of the other

players actually now i kind of want to have a team called the zonkeys yeah i know i really do that would be like who's brave enough to name their nfl team the zonkeys and oh yeah and the mascot

could be zaddy zonkey or the zonkey zaddy or whatever and like that could be the mascot of course now you don't want it to be too swole though right i do not i hate a swole zonkey

make them fun make them like make them like gritty don't just don't have the swole zonkey jumping off a trampoline dunking a ball landing on a pad i'm not into that shit you know how they

say every sentence has to have been said at some point like there's just no combination of words

episode i hate a swole zonky i think you must have created something brand new and sui generous

there it's kind of you know what i consider it to really be sort of a cosmic jazz a cosmic combo

that's what i'm talking about i'm writing that down as a show title okay good here i go once

again with the email every week i hope that it's from a female oh man it's not from a female

all right uh we should get out of here pretty quick because we um we've got to do a no point even though we've sort of we've alluded to some of the topics that will be brought up later in the sports show we do have to record that today so anything you want to say oh we got to go with

a cranberry song by the way oh okay good why did you mention cranberry juice yeah no that sounds good you pick the cranberry song i'm gonna read two quick things here first of all before we get to this little dazzling detail about the Stephen King made up word. I wanted to share this with you. Our friends, our friends over at APM are conducting a survey to learn a bit more about the TBTL audience and all of the audiences of the various podcasts. And we've done this before. I think they do this about once a year and the TBTL 10s have really come out strong. So if you have a moment, head over to AmericanPublicMedia.org slash survey. Luke, they want me to say that twice americanpublicmedia.org slash survey slash pay andrew more wait nope forget about that last part americanpublicmedia.org slash survey they say it takes about six minutes to complete but i would say don't rush it just take your time is there a part where i mean i haven't seen this

survey but is there like a kind of a part where somebody can kind of click other and then just write in some notes because i think we can start a movement to try to get you i mean i would sign to go fund me for you to get paid more um is this the same thing do you remember they released some

results of some surveys like two years ago and no joke the top of the chart for the most likable personality was me yes followed by you followed by nora followed by kai risdahl am i right about

that i might not have that order right but i remember you i remember you ranking as like the most likable epm host which i a hundred percent agree with by the way but i definitely think that

that is that is a hundred percent um you know the 10s showing up for this i can't believe i even made

it in the top five truthfully well it was before your grocery store rants to be fair um can i share

with you this is a steal again no you want to start the steal you want to start stealing from

grocery stores right yes that's right you know it's also a decent we have never bring a bag to a grocery store fight we have i hate a swole zonkey i think it's gotta be we have start the

steal those are all pretty solid show titles let me put it this way too i know the folks at apm who are putting together the survey are going to like listen to this what we're talking about right now because they'll really i think they're like kind of keeping track it this far into the show i think they want me to tell them when we made this announcement so what do we want to send the people at APM as far as a show title and I think a show title that says I hate a swole zonkey is

what I want to send in I think that's great and I I think it will continue in a good way to keep them really at arm's length because nobody's clicking on that so you know I think I think again you know honestly the little benign neglect never hurt our show right sure like that doesn't I do not think that that's going to compel anyone to be like what what did they get up to in that episode called I Hate a Swole Zonkey

okay one quick email here because I mentioned it at the beginning of the show I was complaining because

Because I learned online, I think on Friday, that Stephen King in one of his very early short stories just made up a word or less and just like threw it into a sentence and nobody really called him on it. And we got a note here. You know, I cut off the name. I want to say this was from listener Eric. But my apologies if I have that wrong. It says, I have to comment that I lulled when at the end of, I think, Thursday's discussion about Stephen King, you mentioned that his very early published story with a made-up word was printed in Cavalier magazine. You guys must not have seen that growing up, but being just a couple of years younger than you, or no, we're a couple of years younger than the writer here. That was a third tier porno mag from back in the 70s and maybe very early 80s. And that's likely the reason the crack editing staff there did not catch the made up word of Orlesque, because that is something you talk about.

Cavalier does sound like a 70s porno mag.

Now that you say it, now that you say it. And that does make sense. Like this wasn't like a novel that he was going through the editorial process of, you know, Houghton Mifflin or whatever it is, you know, for his for a novel. Right. This is him writing short stories, sending them into sci fi magazines and porno magazines and getting them published and then collected later on into his first book of short stories. And so, like, I guess that does. That's how Orlesque makes its way into the world.

And I wonder, has that it'd be kind of funny if people started to use that as a little Easter egg, you know, other writers like that would be that would be kind of a funny thing to throw in somewhere just as a like a subtle wink to people that are up to speed. on the Orlesque situation. The Wilhelm Orlesque is what it is. Another good show title.

What the crap.

I love it. Oh, man, we're good for the week, man. We're good for the week. We really are. Now, we just have to bring up, we have to incept all the show titles that we didn't use today into the next four shows so that we can use them as show titles.

I do sometimes think that it would be fun to come up with show titles before the show and then see if we can work it in at some point over the course of the next 90 minutes. We'll challenge ourselves someday, and that might be getting too close to an improv exercise, though, so we don't have to do that. But historically, we do so well when improv-ing. Yeah, I know, because for me, improv is like –

Cosmic gumbo?

Yeah, it's just like a thing that you kind of do that kind of is fun.

What did you want to go out with song-wise? How about, I don't know, Dreams? I like Dreams a lot, that song by the Cranberries. I know Zombie gets a lot of play, which is also a good song. You know what came on yesterday? I had some Pandora station going. Becca was over. And I'm not proposing that we play this, but Sarah McLachlan came on. And Becca and I were talking, like, I think Sarah McLachlan is due for a kind of a resurgence. I feel like Atlantis kind of had a resurgence. I feel like Sarah McLachlan is a little slept on as far as being very iconic in the 90s. And I just don't like the Cranberries. I mean, a little bit of it was probably sadly related to Dolores O'Riordan passing. But even before that, I guess I'm just thinking about like TikTok and other places where I see younger people interacting. And it's kind of interesting the bands that will suddenly make a comeback because someone does a TikTok video using one of their songs or just like you go to karaoke. And I was at karaoke at Becca's Brothers Bar, the 21st Street pub. they had they've shut their karaoke down again because of the pandemic but they have like the best karaoke in Portland there was like a week where they were doing it and um the the kids were singing all these like songs that seemed like they were from the 90s and I said by the kids I mean like people you know 23 and 24 and it was always it was very striking to me like the songs that they were picking but what I haven't heard is a Sarah McLachlan kind of revival which I think is

around the corner look for it hey speaking of Alanis by the way you interviewed her a little bit before that documentary came out and she does not like the doc yeah I know she's not happy with

that at all I guess she feels like uh they sort of misrepresented her and also came in with an agenda I don't know I mean part of me is kind of like again I don't really know Alanis other than I spent a couple days with her she seemed very nice to me but um it's kind of like have you seen documentary like they're gonna try to create a narrative arc and some sort of drama if you know if they want it to be good and so I guess I'm I'm unsurprised that they took that tact and I'm a little surprised that she and her many handlers didn't kind of see that coming see I haven't

seen it and I only kind of saw the headlines and tweets about she thought it was salacious and I think that she also was kind of like talked about some really painful things right like an assault or something and so well yeah but I mean

what I read was that

that she had said through her people that she was thinking the documentary was just going to be sort of a celebration and a retrospective of her career. And I'm like, I think it's for like HBO or something. And I guess just because I consume a lot of documentary and I'm like, if it was VH1, yes, you're going to just get a like, you know, you're going to get a doc that's just kind of like a celebration of your career. But if it's on HBO, you have to know that they're going to try to like do something edgy and figure out a way to make this not just like an hour and a half puff piece is would be what I would expect, you know, going in, although they haven't yet approached me about doing a Luke Burbank doc. But we'll assume that's around the corner.

I'm the most likable guy at APM.

Once I crack the top three of most likable APM hosts, I assume the documentary filmmakers will come a call in.

um that's interesting though yeah because i was sort of thinking oh salacious i was i kind of forgot that it was hbo i thought it was going to be the opposite it was like not like good journalistic um endeavor like not a good journalistic endeavor and therefore somebody just leaning on the salacious parts of her life but actually there's another way to look at it which is oh yeah no this isn't going to be a puff piece these are probably real journalists who want to put together a um a documentary and again that's just well real filmmakers or filmmakers

i guess yeah but i haven't seen the doc either i mean she might be right by the way they may have like totally misconstrued things i don't know but again i was just kind of like i thought man you you know you've you've been in this game a while i would assume and she struck me as very very smart when we when we were hanging out i i would sort of i would have thought that somebody in the chain of of like again the handlers would have been like hey let's this documentary is probably not going to just be you know a kind of like again just a a career retrospective like i don't think that would be that interesting to most people um this is a complete tangent as well but it's i guess it's on the subject of watching young people do karaoke and being surprised at the songs they love i remember that night when we were at scott's bar i remember uh somebody doing uh that robin song dancing on my own and just everybody going wild and me just feeling like you know the kids are all right i think it's because i love that song well i'll be damned but if dancing on my own isn't the Boston Red Sox celebration song this year. Whoa. There is an amazing video of them after they beat the Yankees. And you know me, I never miss an opportunity to drag the Boston Red Sox. But the video of the Boston Red Sox, all of them spraying champagne and singing, dancing on my own at the top of their lungs is so cute to me. Like, it really is kind of making me have to root for the Red Sox this year because it's adorable.

Yeah, it's tough to find somebody to root for this year, I would say.

Yeah, right. Well, root for the team. Their celebration song is Robin dancing on my own.

Yeah, maybe.

I just did it for you.

Yeah, thank you. I appreciate it. I'll watch the video. No, I won't. All right, so I don't know if I know this song, Dreamin'. Like, I only know it was, or Dreams, rather. You'll recognize it, right? Okay, gotcha. Oh, yeah. I think this is, like, probably their biggest hit.

Oh, okay. Maybe Zombies bigger, but this is a big Dreams by the Cranbers.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, this song. I guess I didn't know it was called Dreams. Love it, love it, love it.

So good. What a hot start to this week. It's all downhill from here, everyone. Yes. So join us tomorrow to see how much worse we can be. We will be back here tomorrow with more Imaginary Radio. We'll see you all then. Until then, have a great Monday. And please remember, no mountain too tall. And good luck to all.

Oh, my life is changing every day, every bust of the way. Oh, my dreams, it's never quite as it seems, never quite as it seems.

I know I felt like this before But now I'm feeling it even more

Because it came from me

And I open up and see

The person falling here is me

A different way to be Oh, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

How are you? Good, thanks. Oh, I forgot my bag for the groceries, so I'll take a paper bag. You forgot your bag? Uh, yeah. You don't have it? No, I don't have my bag with me. We don't have any bags. You don't have any paper bags?

We have a man who, I guess he forgot his bag. If you can have someone come down.

i usually hi hi that seems to be the problem well i just i forgot my cursor well i'll tell her

uh he forgot his bag i just forgot it you don't have a paper bag no we don't i was over at my buddy's house and i didn't have a chance to go to my house to get the bag first it doesn't matter

what you're doing when i wake up in the morning my eyes don't forget to open my heart doesn't

forget to beat yeah i don't i don't get in my car and forget the car and drive down the street like running down the street going like this and then park it and then put it in park and then lock the door these don't make sense power out