Muse

Heavenly Father, we thank you tonight for all your blessings you said in all things give thanks. So we want to thank you tonight for these mighty machines that you brought before us. Thank you for the Dodges and the Toyotas. Thank you for the Fords. And most of all, we thank you for Roush and Yates partnering to give us the power that we see before us tonight. Thank you for GM Performance Technology and the RO7 engines. Thank you for Sunoco Racing Fuel and Goodyear Tires that bring performance and power to the track. In Jesus' name, boogity, boogity, boogity, amen.

TBTL. Why now? What are they doing? And how can you steer clear of it all?

I mean, they're an emotionally stunted group of fundamentally flawed people doing a very silly pseudo job. I tell you, two go-go 80s Reaganauts like us, we could rule this world.

There are two types of people in this world. Those who like Neil Diamond and those who don't.

When do we get to sing, it's raining men, hallelujah, it's raining men. You wouldn't say that to Tom Petty, would you?

Look, you know, we're both taking our time out of our days to do this with you, so just have a better attitude.

All right, hello, good morning, and welcome everyone to a Tuesday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. You're still doing a pod cart? My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host. I'm an activist and house party enthusiast. Coming to you from the comfortable confines of the Walsh, Walsh, and Dormat offices right here in the rainy Roosevelt neighborhood of Seattle, Washington. We've made it, everyone, to episode 3540 in a collector series. Let the fun begin. I flew up here early this morning and, as often happens, ran into a sky jinx or two. Sky jinx. What do you call a, you know, when you have a, we learned on this show that when you have a bunch of zebras together, it's called a dazzle of zebras or famously, you know, a parliament of owls. What do you call multiple sky jinx happening? Is it an air sickness bag of sky jinx? What else? What are the things that happen on airplanes? I don't know. I don't fly much, so I don't have a lot of comparisons to think about or to come right to the tip of my mind. I do know that one of the Sky Jinx that I ran into involved drinking caffeinated coffee from a chowder shop on the plane.

This song goes out to all the coffee lovers of the world.

It was really not the plan for my morning going in. Yesterday I hatched a fiendishly clever plan To create the next viral meme Involving the film Dune

What are you doing here?

I was pretty proud of it I wouldn't say that it's Exactly burning up the internet But I am still very proud And would like to talk about it We've also got emails and V-mails Including a V-mail update From listener Harper in Chicago As to why exactly she is banned From the Whole Foods and what her motivation might be behind her shoplifting ways. We'll talk about that with this guy, the longest-running Cobra of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. He and I have known each other now for a long, long time.

Their friendship survived many years and multiple hairdos.

He is Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now from, well, right across this fine woodgrain table. Good morning, my friend.

Good morning, Luke. I have something I want to show you and tell you about. But first, I have a quick question. Actually, I have two quick questions. Would it be a nip of Sky Jinx? Do you call the little booze bottles nips?

I have heard, well, I think of a nip of something being almost like it's already in a flask. And you're taking a quick nip of it. Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm not, I'm actually not the expert on what those little airline bottles are called. Those could very well be called. I think we're talking about the same experience, which is kind of a little quick, you know, shot of something, you know, a rage of hijinks.

Oh, a rage of hijinks.

That makes it that makes it sound like they carried me off the plane in zip ties. Yeah. Yeah. That's an annoyance of hijinks, of skyjinks, an annoyance of skyjinks.

Yes, possible. I'll write that down.

I've been hot on my, you know, my memes.

What are you doing here? Before we get into your newfound celebrity, I'm assuming, my other question for you is.

I want to apologize for drinking my tea so awkwardly. I have this giant cup of tea because of the coffee situation, which I'll talk about in a minute. But it's so full that it was like only the surface tension of the water of the tea was keeping it in the cup. And I was afraid that if I picked it up and tried to take a drink of it, I would.

spill it on your table here and so I've been instead like one of those little kind of bird devices that people used to have on their desks in the 80s in movies that just the bird dips its little a nipping bird dips its little beak in the water I've become that a frustration of nipping birds okay we've got a show title I'm writing it down I interrupted your story

no this isn't a story this is a quick question before I get to the story we're just getting started nothing stops this train nothing my question for you is Is there still an abandoned grocery cart with a hunk of metal that looks like it belongs under a drum hanging out on the sidewalk outside of my house?

Not that I noticed.

Can we go to the cameras? I don't have the cameras set up anymore.

Did you think better of that, or did it just get blown over in the windstorm?

The mystery was solved, and then it did get blown over a few weeks ago, and I was like, I'm not going to hang it back up. I know who's leaving the cardboard outside my house now.

But who's leaving the grocery carts with a hunk of metal that should be on the bottom of a drum?

I lost my words there. It's a drum stand, basically. Oh, wow. Because I was walking home yesterday.

You just leave a perfectly good free drum stand on the street?

Sometimes I am really reminded that we do live in the musical instrument district of Seattle. Because one time, Genevieve found a cymbal, like a drum cymbal, broken at the edges outside of our house. And she brought it in. What's the symbology on that? Yeah. And so she brought it in because she was so excited about her find. And I said, well, what are we going to do with this? Now we just have to throw it away. Well, yesterday I was walking home and I saw in the bushes right outside of our house that there was like a, you know, like I'm assuming that you could put, maybe it's a stand for a cymbal, actually, you know, it had three legs on the bottom that could fold up, metal pole, but then this like kind of nasty looking thing where you would attach a drum or a cymbal to the top of it. And I was thinking, like, somebody's going to walk by our, you know, somebody's going to walk down this block in the middle of the night tonight and take that thing and start swinging it out windows, I guarantee. I talk like that sometimes. Instead, when I went to unlock the gate for you this morning, I saw that somebody had neatly taken it, set it upside down in a grocery cart and left the grocery cart outside the bike stand outside my house. Well, that's kind of helping. Yes.

I mean, consolidating, putting it somewhere where maybe it could be dealt with more easily.

So you didn't notice it. I wonder if it's still out there and you just didn't see it. Because I was even thinking, like, that's not like – I mean, I thought it was kind of funny looking. But it is also like, welcome to my neighborhood, where you just see the results of craziness the night before.

I was singularly focused, Andrew, on coming in here and finding out if it's a bones or no bones day, which I actually have up here. And I don't know the answer. This is from today. This is October 26th. Of course, we talked about this yesterday on the show, and many of our listeners are already well familiar. This is this guy, Jonathan Graziano, his 13-year-old rescue pug, Noodle. And the question is, will Noodle stand up today after John places Noodle? Actually, I don't know Noodle's gender. Will Noodle stand up after John places Noodle on their forelegs in the standing position, Or will noodle collapse back into a sort of a jellyfish-like form, which is called no bones? Will we have a bones or a no bones day? Yesterday was a bones day.

And it's going to be better for us if it's a bones day.

Although, you know, I actually did a little more reading on it. And Jonathan, who is the person who came up with this whole kind of rubric, would you call that a rubric system?

I don't know. Maybe. I honestly don't know. I think of a rubric as a puzzle, but I think I'm wrong on that.

Do you ever remember the first time you heard a word? I think I have words like that, but not rubric. When I transferred to Nathan Hale High School and I had a class, like, I forget what the exact, I remember the teacher's first name was Ben. I forget his last name, but he said rubric or rubric. And I was, I would never, I'd never heard that word before. And it just told me, I am now among smart people. I am now among people who are using words. Didn't happen so much at Jesus Creek.

I don't know if this is what you're talking about. This is not at all what I thought rubric meant, but it's a statement of purpose or function. So art for a purpose, not for its own sake, was his rubric. Interesting.

Yeah, no, I think I was a little off. I just meant he came up with this system of is it a Bones Day or a No Bones Day. But what I was reading more yesterday about it is he wasn't saying that a No Bones Day is a bad day. He was just saying a no bones day Is a day to really just You know really be kind to yourself Be kind to other people Be aware like apparently A bones day just all about you It's just a bones day is like anything could happen You could you know you could buy that couch You could eat some Greek food by a river I believe yesterday we were encouraged a no bones day Doesn't mean everything's bad it just means Let's let's treat ourselves And everyone else with even more care today. that's what a no bones day is so here we go uh let me turn the audio on and let me get this going

here all right good morning everyone and welcome back to yet another round of no bones the game where we find out if my 13 year old pug woke up with bones and as a result we'll find out what kind of day we're gonna have now i don't know about you guys i love a bones day you know i do what a thrill when this pug has bones but i am exhausted i'm exhausted and i really want oh i really wanted a no bones day oh i wanted a no bones day and i got one noodle you are

merciful thank you okay so noodle as soon as he stood noodle up noodle i would like you to see this video at some point andrew because it's so great he just stands noodle up and the noodle just goes wrong man just absolutely and totally and again i want to point out noodle has been sleeping for at this point probably 12 hours so it's not like noodle just ran a marathon uh okay

So here we go. It's a no bones day. You know what that means. Be kind to yourself today. Get out the jade roller. Oh, my gosh. Bust out the heated blanket. What a day for a heated.

Have you seen the jade roller? I saw the confusion on your face. I am so close to buying a jade roller when I'm checking out at the Whole Foods in Portland. They're this thing that has become popular for kind of I think it's it's like a little kind of roller ball that's on a metal frame that you can like rub around your face. And something about the jade is supposed to help be restorative to your skin I don't buy that for a minute Not for one iota

Still though, a smooth stone is a smooth stone on the roller

It seems like it would be kind of comfortable Kind of a nice feeling By the way, shout out to the people who picked up that reference I don't believe that for one minute Not for one iota What is that? That's the guy that we don't actually play on the show anymore Because I felt like it was too aggressive Everyone just be prepared This is going to sound really aggressive It was this guy

We got some problems, Newark.

There was one point where he was, I forget.

Didn't that usually run into a song?

You had some sort of mashup that you made with that, right? It's very possible. I mean, right now this is my travel rig, so I may not have all of my stuff. I think maybe that went into, remember we used to do other people's problems? Oh, yeah. So it probably went into OPP.

Yeah, yeah, I think that's, I think that, I forgot about that. that was when we were like giving doling out advice right which i guess we still sort of do sometimes with emails and vmails but we really had a opp segment you're absolutely right good

memory okay and a little bit more on just your affirmation for this no bones day build a fire

do just make sure to do something nice for yourself and have a great day good morning

everyone there you go so it's a no bones day but it just means we can as they say practice self

looks like theo has is having a no bones day my little cat behind me sleeping as usual also a no So far, caterwauling day. Yeah, so that's a win. That's the thing. Yeah, he'll wake up around 11.30, 12, start yelling at us once at lunch. Just in time for the no point. He'll be channeling my soul this week on the no point. You'll hear the screams of agony. Yes, exactly. Before we go to a break, can I tell you about this thing I'm holding in my hand right now?

I was, as I started my little, you know, my spiel at the top of the show, I looked down and I noted that you had something with you. It actually distracted me. What is going on with that?

And so you're familiar with the shape and form function of this thing I'm holding, right? Like, we have our own TBTL sound effect machine, which we, of course, gave away as a thank you gift recently, which was based on a sound machine that you bought at Target that had nothing to do with TBTL. That David got for me. Your brother, David, from the basement. DFTB, right. Which, is David from the basement sound on this sound machine? I don't think so. That's the closest we'll get. He's a fellow. He's a fellow Browns fan. That's right. He's a fellow at Browns University. Oh, sorry, David. So anyway, so you were at, I'm sorry, you weren't at Target. David got you a gift of a sound machine. You fell in love with it. It inspired us to make a TBTL-related sound machine. Well, there's another sound machine in my hand that looks almost exactly like it, except it's more Halloween-themed, and it has big orange buttons on it, and it makes sounds like this.

Is that supposed to be like in Psycho, kind of the knife in the shower situation? This is my favorite. Okay, that's like a theremin. You're in the laboratory of Dr. Frankenstein or some other mad scientist, right? Is that how you would describe that sound?

That is. It's got a ghost symbol on it. I'll let you play with this.

Oh, huh. See, I think that's kind of misleading. This should have a human head in a giant jar of formaldehyde. That's... Well, no, you know what? Well, this is interesting. Now that I've seen the ghost, it sounds like a ghost to me. But in my complete sort of natural state, when I didn't know that you were activating something with a ghost icon, it sounded more like a theremin kind of, again, in the, like, mad scientist layer.

It's somewhere between a ghost and a theremin. Can I tell you how I came into possession of this thing?

I wish I didn't see these pictures because then you could play them for me.

I could try to guess.

For the listeners, try to guess what this one is. I don't even know for a fact, but that's got to be a Wolfman, right?

Yes, it is. I thought it was a Sasquatch. You know, my eyes are starting to go a little bit. I have very, very good vision for things that are far away. But did you see I just started to do like in White Christmas when Bing Crosby is trying to read something. He goes, oh, I've got to play trombone. I'm starting to play trombone. I'm starting to play trombone. I've got to hold things a little bit away from my face. That is a Wolfman. For the listeners, what do you think this one is? Okay, that's pretty good. That's pretty good. That's a Frankenstein. That's a cow. All right. Ooh, this is cool, though.

Can I just press this other one, too? Oh, that's the psycho one, right? That's one of the bats flying around.

Yeah, but it's bats and then a bass clef. And then a –

I think it's a treble clef, but yeah.

It is. It makes me feel better about the TBTL sound machine. I think our – I think our – Is that an owl? That was an owl. See, what about a hoot-hoot?

Oh, yeah, a hoot-hoot. This is just a scream. This is too much here. That's just rough. Anyway, that's the guy from your OPP intro. I will go into my favorite watering hole, Teddy's, the other day. Yeah. And the bartender, I hadn't been in there in a couple of weeks, and the bartender goes into the back and he pulls out a small blue bag and he says, from one of your stalkers. And he sets it down on the bar and I'm like, what is it? first I order my drink and then I say what is it and I said I know you went in the bag and he said I don't know if he admitted to it or not but anyway this sound machine was in the bag with a nice note from listener Veronique who ran into it somewhere that's DMTV that's David from the

basement that's I asked if we had it on ours that's a full on what's that what's the icon for that it's

a coffin oh perfect now we have like an acoustic

I love it it's so much easier to just play something off one of these little machines than look for it also it starts out sounding like a burp from Revenge of the Nerds when there's a burp off between Booger and Ogre from the bad fret and then it kind of moves into more so Veronique left you a little gif

with a nice little note at Teddy's which made me feel like kind of like a baller But also kind of like getting phone calls at the bar is one of those things that you and I romanticize a lot about before, like cell phones. Like, hey, but also you can reach Andrew at the bar. Like, it's not a it's not a sign that your life is going super well, but it's also it was also kind of cool.

It was very cool. And I find it interesting. The bartender saying from one of your stalkers, he's just busting my chop. Yeah. But also to me, layered into that is no one's leaving him sound boxes. Usually when people say stuff like that, it's because they're 5% jealous or at least maybe they don't even maybe they don't even connect with that emotion. But there's some like my experience when people are busting balls is usually they want to be part of whatever the thing they're alleging maybe is not great either way.

But he didn't admit that's no insult to Veronique. He was just teasing. But yeah, because sometimes people will go in.

When someone will start leaving me stuff at my father's place.

How many times you have to mention that place? I know. start getting gifts there. I'm actually moving,

so I'm going to have to find a new...

Are you moving so far away? That's right. You are moving a couple of miles, you said, so it's not just a couple of blocks.

Could a Luke move so far away from my father's place that he no longer goes there, I think is the age-old question.

But it's not like walking, not a casual walk anymore.

No, it won't be a casual walk anymore. Oh, that's a bummer.

I wonder if you'll find another place.

You know, in Portland, I'm sure there are other options.

But an old-school place, I mean, there are plenty of options to get drinks in any city, but to find a place that feels comfortable for you.

You know, I think Portland actually really overperforms on that stuff. Truthfully, like I'm driving around that town, seeing places left and right. I go, whoa, if I lived near here, that might be a spot. A nice, comfortable place. I would pop in. Well, that was very nice of Veronique. Yeah, no, I love it.

So I got it here. We can use it maybe during Blursdays on Thursday. We have a new special seasonal sound box. Thank you, Veronique.

I won't belabor this, but since I mentioned it at the top of the show, So I made a couple of key mistakes flying up here from Portland today. And, you know, I think myself as a real, you know, power user of the American airline system. And I think I sort of have everything figured out. Well, I'm going to be filming something later today. I'm in Seattle because I'm going to be going out to Microsoft and filming something for them today. And it means I need to have a blazer that I always wear in these shoots and a shirt that's pressed.

now there's a blazer like the same blazer you've been wearing since the beginning yes exactly and how many versions of this do you i mean how many like actual blazers do you have that look exactly

like only one that's i mean i have versions of it it's it you're right um uh but it is what it is and so i'm like also i have this specific shirt that i've been wearing for years like this character if you will is always wearing the same outfit and so i ironed it all last night and And... I'm not sure because of COVID how elaborate the wardrobe – usually there's a – for these shoots, there's a wardrobe person and they have a steamer. But I didn't know if that was going to be the case. So I thought I need to – I need to show up with this thing ready to go in case they have not had – they don't have a wardrobe person there. Because if it's all wrinkly, it's going to be weird and it's going to actually mess the whole shoot up. So I was very nervous. Well, a couple things. one after my debacle on friday in new york of oversleeping my interview can i tell you andrew when i was setting my alarm for 5 30 this morning the fear i had the fear yeah so bad and i was like i gotta do something i'm not gonna fall asleep i'm just gonna be like lying here with my eyes wide open all night if i don't like get on top of this so i just like i like quadruple checked it i wore my watch because my watch will start hapticking me and i made sure i said a different That's a nice way to wake up, probably. I set a different alarm on my watch for a few minutes after. I was like, one of these is going to go off. And they both went off, and everything was fine. But anyway, I get to the airport, and now my new concern becomes getting this suit that's in a garment bag. It's a suit and a shirt, or at least a blazer and a shirt, making sure that I get on the plane early enough. Because this flight is so sold out. it is like they're they're turning away 20 people from this flight oddly enough i think business travel is back baby because this route you know portland to seattle at that time in the morning is a lot of business people that are going up to seattle for a work thing um i think i was like 18th on the waiting list to get into first class which rarely happens because i've achieved this like high status with them but i really was worried about getting on the airplane and saying can you hang this in the garment kind of area which most planes have and them saying sorry it's already full yeah of other business people's blazers yeah and then i have to like that's another segment we used to do started with opp the show got very corporate for a while um and so then i had like very worried that it was going to be a thing where i had to put it up in the overhead and it's getting smashed under everyone's and this is just what you're thinking still you're still just future tripping yes i'm just i'm yes i'm catastrophizing that's all i'm doing yeah and so anyway i'm like the first in line and it's you know there's that whole annoying behavior of people like me who have gotten the status of you know um gold 75k so i'm boarding with group a i'm not in first class they're going first but i'm right after them and you can just see all the gold 75k people we all kind of know each other we all have this sort of dead behind the eyes look of someone who spent too much time on an airplane and not unlike zombies do you have a zombie sound effect on there um i have well i have what would happen

to me if i saw a zombie so we just all start like moving towards the thing even before they announced group a we're all like we're seats uh overhead space we're all so we're converging and um anyway uh the the only seat that was available for me on the plane that was not like middle seat back row was a seat that's called 6d as in david and what that is is you're the front row of coach which is great i was happy about that but you're on the aisle this was an old plane and it's weird because the the story on airplanes is they used to be luxurious you remember see those pictures and people are eating like an entire ham yeah drinking cocktails it's like are you even on an airplane did they sell three seats everyone's wearing a suit they're smoking it's like there's four flight attendants helping them i'm like this business model does not work but um so you think that older plane would be more space no less space i am sitting there uh by the way the good news was there was a place for me to hang my suit they were super nice about it although the flight crew was very worried about me forgetting the suit i was also very worried about forgetting yeah so sean the guy from the flight crew came up to me this is a half hour flight andrew no less than three times going don't forget yeah you're saying and i was like thank you so much i'm worried about forgetting i set two alarms on my phone that just said suit in all caps for about when we were going to land. And then he comes back and he goes, what are you going to not forget when you get off the plane? Sean's the best. Sean was on it. But when I got off the plane, Sean was just holding it. I was like, well, there's no way I'm going to forget this now. But so I was like one of the first people on the plane, which meant I'm sitting there and there was not enough room for people to pass down the aisle without hitting me, either with their physical body or with their bags. Yeah, I hate that being jostled. And I don't blame the people there was not enough room for anybody of any body type body size and i'm like trying to sit as like contained as i can i've also got this giant coffee in my hand which the story on that was the starbucks in pdx this morning in concourse c had like a line going like around the whole thing and i thought that i had hatched a a pretty fiendishly clever plan which was there's a place It's called Moe's Chowder. Mm-hmm. And they sell breakfast. And I was like, I bet they also sell coffee. Yeah, sure. You know where no one's lining up? Moe's chowder. So I went over there, and sure enough, they had coffee. I was like, can I get a decaf? The lady said, decaf is going to take a while. I'm learning about this, Andrew. Decaf is not as sort of readily available as I sort of expected it to be.

Because it's not moving as fast, so they have to whip up a pot for you.

Basically, me and other people in their late 80s, we are the people that are drinking decaf now.

That's good, though. It means it's fresh.

Yes, but I also didn't want to stand there at Moe's Chowder House, and they were very busy with making chowder breakfasts.

I got to say, I like the idea of breakfast soup. I've said that on the show before, and I stand by it. Breakfast chowder is maybe where I draw the line.

So I was like, I'll just get some regular coffee. So if I sound hyped this morning, it's because that's why I'm drinking tea now, decaffeinated tea, because I can't throw...

You do seem a little hyped, I will say. It does come off a little bit. I mean, not in a bad way, but you've got a lot of energy. It's probably that. You kind of got the energy of an LSU post-game show as went viral. I hate you because I do more with hospice care. Damn you. Damn you. I hate you. This is a viral video. You guys can look it up.

Oh, my gosh. It's so good. It's a lot of yelling. Shout out to our friend John Goodwin for hipping us to it. So now I'm on the plane. i'm i'm very sensitive to hot temperature liquids it takes like a kind of i think a normal person can drink a much hotter cup of coffee than i can comfortably like i gotta wait for the temperature

to really go down i actually i i like my coffee not straight out of the pot i like to sit there

a little bit too yeah becca will get and uh i think she gets an americano with an inch of steamed oat milk extra hot the whole thing extra hot like lava hot interesting so the the milk is steamed

so that it doesn't cool down the coffee for her where i'd assume i don't put a cream in my coffee but i would assume that one of the benefits of that is it does take your coffee it's a heat sink degree yeah no is that an accepted thing do people acknowledge that i never thought of that i actually

hadn't thought of it till you said that but that's exactly what's going on she's if they could hand her a cup of molten lava that's what she would take and then she just goes gulp gulp gulp i don't i know i'm like i don't understand how people can do that i can't so i'm i've got this the only size cup they had at moe's was giant so i've got this giant cup of coffee that i've been trying to like navigate onto the plane and i'm sitting there and everyone's like bumping me and i still can't even take a sip because it's still too hot but it's also the kind of setup where like i i'm not gonna pull out the tray you know from this teeny tiny seat i'm in and like place there's nowhere for me to place the coffee is essentially the story here and so i'm just sitting there like getting jostled by every person trying to not spill this coffee which i no longer even want yeah i know that feeling and so i'm like so we're now in the air but again they don't come out and do any the flight is so short nobody they don't come out and and offer you a drink or do trash service the fight ends are just kind of like look this is 15 minutes let's get up and down we're all getting through this together just calm down which i totally understand but now i'm just like holding this coffee this massive coffee i've had two sips of and just like in i'm terrified of spilling i had planned on doing some work on the plane but i can't get my laptop out because i have to just manage and babysit this coffee so the whole flight was did you you did finish the coffee though no it was so much coffee for me i drank like probably a total of eight sips of it and then finally when the plane landed and i like again renegotiated got all my stuff back together got my little backpack on had my whole thing high five sean high five well sean was waiting with my thing i said thank you so much and then i said could i please deposit this in the galley i tried to use the terminology so they would think i was cool i see you and they very nicely took the cup of coffee which was just like a millstone around my neck for the entire flight so i guess my point is next time any of us are flying between seattle and portland or portland and seattle get the small coffee and don't sit in 60 unless you enjoy just having about 140 people hip check you in the

shoulder and you said this was the this 60 was first class or is the first seat behind first

it's the first seat of coach which i consider to be the first class of coach i agree because you have a little more leg room so i was very happy to have that seat but i have never experienced it was like somebody washed this airplane in hot water and it just shrunk by six inches in every direction which again if it was a new plane i would understand that because they're always working on efficiency and they're trying to figure out how do we get like two more seats on this plane but this is an old plane when you would have thought that they were being a little bit more

kind of like liberal with the space although i wonder what an old plane is now like do you think there are any planes as old as the 90s yeah i don't know when was schubert i feel like i feel like the first flight

The flight we took to Australia was on an older plane. That had a 90s feel.

And I believe they said to me, we're retiring this plane.

Which is what you always want to hear when you're boarding. Welcome to the final flight.

But, I mean, we're only flying to Australia.

Yeah, right.

We're only flying for 20 hours across the wide Pacific Ocean.

Why is it coughing? Why is it bending its wing in front of the nose of the plane and coughing as we board? That doesn't seem like a good sign.

Oh, my gosh. Why is the front of this plane kind of red and, like, mucus-y?

Oh, man. I don't like being jostled, though. I know that feeling. Also, this is different, and we should go to a break, but this is a different feeling. But that idea of, like, buying some sort of a food product and then suddenly realizing this is more trouble than it's worth, it also ties in, for me, sometimes with almost, like, I don't want to say eating disorder, but, like, my uncomfortable relationship with food. Sometimes I find myself like eating very quickly at a diner or something because I'm embarrassed about the amount of food that I ate. Do you have that at all? Because you order a lot of food. You don't always eat all the food, but you are very comfortable just saying, I want this off of this menu. I want this, this, this. And you lay it all around you. But maybe me growing up like as a heavier person and always feeling like kids were ready to make fun of me because of the food I was eating or the quantity, which they sometimes did. Oh, that was me touching my microphone out of nervousness, which they sometimes did. I feel like as an adult, sometimes like the other day I went to my little my little diner up the road and I got like a starter soup, I want to say. But then I also got the salad with the thing or maybe fries. And then I got like a burger dip. But the burger dip was basically two diner style hamburgers each on one half of a hoagie roll. So essentially, yeah, it was good. But I ordered basically two hamburgers, which I didn't know I was doing that. But, you know, and then I just felt so self-conscious. Nobody is thinking about this man is eating too much food. But I realize I'm eating really quickly and I need to I'm hoping to get the food, the the soup done so they can get rid of that so that people and I sort of acknowledge that I am doing that and how stupid it is. But I can't get it. I can't shake it sort of.

Sure. I mean, that is very much the difference in how we experienced, you know, being young people. And I had the privilege of not having anyone, you know, bully me about weight or food. And so which is funny because I've got a million of my own hang ups, which are which are created by by my experience. That's one that I don't share with you. And I don't actually remember how privileged that is for me until you and I hang out. Like you just did a thing where you said, like, you're talking about me. you're like you'll get a lot of stuff and you'll kind of spread it and i know exactly what you're picturing juniors yeah brooklyn where i almost walked the other night because i was like i want to walk to juniors and have like a piece of cheesecake when we went to juniors um some in in like right there kind of by atlantic station i because i don't eat meat and because the place is a deli so mostly what they do is like delicious you know meat sandwiches i was like ordering everything off the menu that didn't have meat in it so i had a huge thing of fries i had a giant soup i had a giant salad i mean i took i think we took a picture of it it took up or no i took a photo of it took up like half of the entire table uh and what you ordered was probably like a a reuben sandwich that probably had a couple of fries next to it mansobol soup but like you ordered a very normal order for somebody who's in juniors i ordered something that almost looked like it looked like what those people on that airplane in the 1950s would be it was like right Way too much of everything.

Like a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

And it's funny, right. But it's funny because of all of the things that I'm insecure about and in my own head about, that's just not one of them. And it's just because I was lucky enough to not have negative experiences around it when I was younger. I totally understand why it stresses you out. But I'm glad you also are at least telling yourself the honest truth, which is nobody is monitoring what you've ordered at the diner.

Nobody cares. Yeah. But I do love, and we will go to break here, but I do kind of contrarily, maybe that's why I love going to some place. Luke, one of our first hangouts of watching football involved something called Pizza Mountain, which I think about all the time. I think we were watching the Apple Cup. Maybe me, Veves, and Durs came over, and you just ordered. Basically, you just clicked the box that said too much pizza from Domino's, right? And we just came over, and it was like more pizza than anybody could ever eat, even us. But I loved that. Like, there was something about that abundance that I love. I went to this wedding a few weeks ago now, and they wanted to make sure that the groomsmen had all eaten something because we wouldn't be eating until later in the day. Usually, I'm nervous. I don't really kind of care. I'm not going to, like – also, we're all wearing our suits already and everything. Oh, stressful. So they tried to get the most edible thing. They just went and bought a bunch of chicken sandwiches and chicken nuggets. Pork ribs. Yeah, exactly. A bunch of McRibs. No, they did go to McDonald's or had McDonald's delivered, and it was mostly just nuggets, right? Yeah.

And I kind of loved this idea. We just had these two huge bags of nuggets, but I couldn't, I wasn't in a position where I was like, I really want to tuck into this. Yeah. Like I almost like having too much food more than eating too much food. Almost. Right.

And I bet, I bet also that if I can, you know, sort of try to climb inside your head, you might also like it when someone else orders it. So it's not a reflection on you, even in your brain.

Because Vives and I even have, we'll always say like, we always make the same jokes when we're ordering a bunch of food from a restaurant it's like how many chopsticks do they give us right for two people why do they give us seven sets of chopsticks right you know again that's

just one of those things where uh i i'm extremely lucky that that was not something that i dealt

with because you know um you're just like woohoo more chopsticks yeah exactly i'm just like more

food like i just i have no again i i'm i am so embarrassed about so much stuff and i have to give myself the same talk which is you're not the center of this this this place you're in this i'll have a thing where if i start to get a little bit if i'm by myself and i'm like on the road somewhere and i start to have a couple of drinks yesterday i was talking about how i will get into conversations with people i will also get this weird thought that the people are either looking at me or kind of talking about me or i mean not to the degree where we're talking about a sort of psychotic break but i'll be more inclined to think someone has said something in my general direction or whatever and i have to remind myself no one's paying any attention to you like whatever that part of the the brain is amps up for me five percent if i'm starting to get a little bit buzzed and again i have to sort of say no one's no one's noticing you look you are right blending

right into the background now and that's just fine that's fine you've been playing a lot of songs by um tom waits on the jukebox exactly just blending in nobody in the frolic room

you've got your bukowski you are good to go all right let's uh take that break we're now long overdue for and then we will be back with more tbtl let's thank some donors of the day these are the generous people who are making today's episode possible with their monthly donations people like katie harnish here in seattle washington Katie, thank you for the support. Caitlin Hart is in Madbury, New Hampshire. New Hampshire?

Did you ever get out to Madbury? I don't know if I've been to Madbury. That sounds like something that is in an Alice in Wonderland type of story. But Caitlin, if I have the right Caitlin here, and I'm quite sure I do, makes some bomb playlists on Spotify. She and I were swapping music maybe about a year ago. One of the best kind of rainy evening playlists ever. Caitlin Hart is responsible for.

Wow. Thanks. Well, Caitlin, that's going to come, really, it's going to come in handy for the next seven months here in the North West. Yeah, exactly. We are really entering that time of year. I think what is, are we falling back? Oh, the clocks are going to change? I don't think it's this weekend, but the following. The only thing I can say about that is, you know, once you do that, then you're getting

ever closer to getting the spring forward right exactly it's not like aging where it just keeps piling up and you just get older that's a much darker thought older no and older i just i was

i went to a really uh kind of fun family party with with becca's family on sunday out at her mom's house um and this is a fall party that they've been throwing for years and years and years in honor of her father who passed away some years ago this is kind of around his birthday and he was a big runner so he used to run this loop and so some years a group of people will get together and run this loop that he used to love and then come and carve pumpkins and drink cider this is all of course pre-pandemic so they couldn't do it last year because of covid and so this year they decided everybody was vaccinated they're going to have all the doors open and have a lot of ventilation and they're going to um you know invite people out and they did and a number of the people who are there were older and i was thinking about that when i was there and when i was watching people come and go from the house and people with different levels of mobility and stuff and i was just thinking like is there a way for me to harness whatever it is that makes it so that when i am basically my question to myself was is there a way that i can not only make peace with but enjoy the process of getting older you know because if i and i don't have any answers to that But if I can do that, I can either fight it and be upset that I'm getting older and that things, you know, aren't going to work the same on my body and all of the things that come with aging. Either I can just like sort of hang by my fingernails on the side of this cliff that is that is us getting older or I can try to get into some Zen place with it. which is like, this is natural. This is life. I mean, I do think that there are people who are in their 60s and 70s and 80s and maybe even 90s who will tell you that there are actual good things that happen. There are insights that you have. There are things about being older that can be a real positive if you're kind of in the right state of mind to embrace it. And I'm somebody who's really vain and who's really, I just like everything to be just so. Like, I'm not good at not having things my way. And my sense of getting older is it's a lot of things not being the way you want them to be.

Yeah. Yet, contrarily, this got heavy. Thanks, Caitlin. I blame you. I know.

I was just talking about moving back to standard time.

Yeah, I don't know why I brought that up. In fact, I almost wonder if it was tinged with a bit of ageistness. But the thing about it for me is, you know, and maybe it's on my mind because I'm turning 45 and that's a significant number. But on the other hand, I don't know that I would want to dial back the clock to an earlier age or certainly not that much further back. Like, definitely, I love living in Seattle. I love the independence that comes along with being exactly my age and, you know, me and Veeves being, you know. Funionaires. Yeah, exactly. Funionaires, financially stable.

With an unlimited supply of chopsticks.

With an unlimited supply of chopsticks and, like, nobody that we're responsible for except for the sleeping cat over here and the professor upstairs. So, like, it's not like – I don't know. You and I were talking the other day. We should, again, move on with the show. But you and I were talking the other day about, like, kind of that feeling of being kind of a cub reporter, right, or a producer in my case and being in your 20s and feeling all of that pressure for every little gig you go out on because you still have to prove yourself so much. I mean, listen, I still have to prove myself in some ways, and I think I've done that. You're an ideas man with TVTL mountain. But, you know, I don't want to make it sound like I'm not striving anymore, although I guess we could argue that. But like, I don't know. It's just it's all life is very good for me. So it's not like while you hit this age of 45 and you think, hey, where are we? Where are we going with this whole thing? Well, on the other hand, it's like, well, what do you want to be? You want to be like kind of, you know, like in your 20s again? Because I don't think I want that.

I just need to stop getting divorced so much. Because for me, honestly, it's like this is just one of those shows, I guess, where we're getting realer than real. You know what else is really real, Andrew? The donations of Tiffany and Joel Johnson in Camas, Washington. I'm going to come back to this, but I do want to just thank our donors as well. Yeah, no, that's a good idea. And also Jackie Justice. Yeah, a lot of familiar names today. We love Jackie Justice. We also love Kendra Peterson in Seattle, Washington. Thank you, Kendra. And then where would we be without Scott Rosen also locking it down in the 206? Thank you, Scott. Thanks to all of our donors of today. We would not be here getting weirdly serious without you. So thank you. Hello and welcome to Top Story. I think just to quickly kind of wrap that up and then get the, you know, get the nose up on this mortality train.

Oh, my God. What are we doing?

Well, it's almost Halloween. Yeah. I feel like at least this is the time of year for us to be. Yeah. What do you got? What if I punch you on your box? Yeah. Go ahead. I think for me, it's that I don't actually mind being 45. I'm but what I'm what I'm reflecting on is the fact that for a lot of my life when I went through sort of major life changes, when I was in my 20s and even in my 30s, I felt like my whole life was still in front of me. Yeah. And now I feel like I've kind of leveled off, which is fine. There's nothing. I mean, I'm we're I'm level, which actually feels really nice. You know, there's a lot of things about myself that I now understand that I didn't used to. A lot of ways that I'm I behave differently in the world, which I think are good for me and the people I love. But it doesn't feel like the plane's going to the plane's not going to, like, go up another 10,000 feet of altitude. This is kind of it. And now I'm cruising. I was climbing and then we leveled off and we're going to be level for hopefully a good long while. And then we'll begin our initial descent and going through major life differences, changes, things like divorces, other stuff. when you're when the plane is climbing to me always just felt like all right well we'll just see where this plane climbs yeah and now it's like now this plane's just flying and i want to try to have as little turbulence as possible i mean listen and we probably have more important

things to talk about and i don't want to analyze your analyze your life first of all yeah that's a perfect example like you're you're still skyrocketing you're just getting into this new We'll be right back. of meme creation but like um for real though there are still accomplishments i mean maybe things leveled off a little bit as far as like the the types of projects and the amount and the you know the quantity uh but like with your career and the major projects you're working on maybe not tbtl maybe we're just cruising along maybe maybe we're actually starting to dump fuel on tbtl i don't know but um but for like you know for live wire you're always gaining new stations You know what I mean? Like, yes, you're not taking on new projects, but those projects you're working on with CBS, you're getting more responsibility. You're getting more exposure. One of these days when CBS Sunday morning comes up on the Levitard show, they're going to mention you instead of Mo Rocca. Like, you know what I mean? Like, it's not like it's not like everything's total stasis.

No, no, no. I feel actually OK about my job stuff. But what I worry about is that I have traded my job stuff for my personal. Oh, I see. So I don't want to be what I don't want to be is somebody who when it's, you know, time for me to retire. or everyone has said, we've heard enough stories about, you know, your bathroom discomfort at the Kingdome. When I fully saturated the market on that, like I saturated my pants that fateful night. What I don't want to have happen, what I would like to try to avoid is realizing too late that I focused so much on trying to collect up my little job stuff that I did that sort of to the detriment of my personal life. And you know what I mean? Like there are people who are much less ambitious than me and are probably much happier or very happy having a more standard life. They're married. They have kids. They have maybe they have an elderly cat and the younger cat being professor. Exactly. Somebody. I mean, I'm making up. I'm making up a totally hypothetical person. They love me named Blandry. They love a football team from the Midwest. But I'm not talking about the Bears. Oh, you're talking about the stew bot. Oh, wow. Took me a second to catch up there. Right. But you know what I mean? So I think that was also part of it was I think in my younger days I had this sense that as long as I was getting increasingly high profile work jobs like in the media and if I was able to have more income and more, you know, financial, I guess, autonomy that I could, you know, secretly buy a boat if I want to. Like that felt also like an insulation against a lot of just like things that we all need to consider in life as far as, you know, just what what's the best course of action. So now I'm sitting here at 45 and it's like a lot of that stuff has gone really well for me. Some of it has gone less well for me and I'm kind of taking stock. I also feel like I have plenty of time, you know, not good. I've got, you know, we're leveled off, but there's still there's still much of the story for of LB to be written. And so now I'm just trying to kind of think in a smart way, like, what do I want the back nine to look like?

Yeah, right.

And what I want it to look like. I tell all my 45-year-olds that. Exactly. What I want it to look like is a place where I get more appreciation of my Dune meme. Yeah, you're very, you're very. What are you doing here? Only because I don't know how. Excited about your Dune meme. Okay, but will you at least give me this? Okay. It's pretty good in terms of just the visual. So Chris Hansen, the guy from To Catch a Predator, is leaning in. He's leaning in because the problem was the only picture of Dune I could find, the only empty space was to the side in such a way that I couldn't just have him standing there. So I had him peeking in, which was also kind of a thing he would do. But the image, I know you are good with Photoshop. You use it for TBTL stuff all the time. I didn't actually use Photoshop, by the way. I used the tool that comes on my Macintosh computer. Okay, but you used a computer, not mobile. I did not do this mobile. I did it on a laptop.

You changed your Twitter banner to a photo of you on a unicycle.

Andrew, I did that like four months ago. That's what I mean. Four months ago you did that. I've been meaning to tell you. Yeah, you know, every once in a while I feel like I want to shake it up. There's one of two things you can do with your Twitter kind of, what do you call it, like avatar and your banner. You either leave it the same and, like, you never change it for the 20 years you're on Twitter, which I respect because those people, they are very easily identified in my mind. You know what I mean?

I'm trying to figure out what mine is. Obviously, I know what my avatar is because I asked an artist to make it for me. But I don't remember what my banner is. You don't know what my banner is, dude. What's in your muffin? To see a banner, you have to actually – you're not just following somebody. You have to go to their thing. No, you're like going to click on the thing. Yeah, so I don't even know what my banner is.

But you know those people that have on Twitter, like, some kind of a weird, seemingly weird little icon, and then you just start to associate them with that?

Is that my cat in your Twitter avatar? That's a photo of you and my cat, Theo.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I took that in here.

I didn't even know that. Yeah, Theo is sleeping. My cat is in your – wow. Well, that's interesting.

Well, that's why I thought you might have noticed because, you know, Theo noticed. That's a No Bones Day photo right there. your eyes

are closed. Theo is no. You know what that was? That was one of these days, not unlike today, probably where I had, we were recording, I don't know if it was a no point or just the next day's TBTL, but we were recording it at like 10 o'clock at night here. And I had been, I think I had been filming maybe all day, probably for Microsoft and then had come over and we were recording like maybe it was two shows in a row. And I was just had sort of hit my, uh, you know, hit the end of my of my energies rope and i took a picture of myself i think i sent it to carrie and was like this must have been a while back here's what we're dealing with well it was it was in the period of time where where theo liked to sleep yes on that blanket in that position huh but um

yeah that is your cat in that well my cat is in your twitter and i didn't even notice does that

feel like some kind of a violation of our friendship no no it's just that pardon me that's also a good thing that comes along with um age oh my gosh as i was driving up here uh in the rental car i was listening to some stern some howard stern and they have a whole bit it's not even a well it's partially a bit but partially not where for years they have been giving their kind of main producer gary dellabate grief about his throat clearing and what howard stern was actually saying because they work remotely he was saying he misses gary's throat clearing well first of all what he said was hey gary i guess you fixed whatever was going on with your throat clearing And Gary said, no, I didn't. I just have a cough button here at my house. And I was like.

And so if he's not in the room with everybody else.

And I was like, I very much identify with that. In fact, it's been a topic on this show. And then Stern was like, I miss. I actually miss that sound. I miss being able to make fun of you over that sound. And then they just went into like honestly 45 minutes about his throat clearing and medically what he thinks is going on and what specialists he's seen. And Howard was like, didn't you have a fungus? And he was like, no, I didn't have a fungus. It's like, well, didn't your feet have a fungus? Well, yes, that did happen. And then he was like, I thought it spread to your lungs. No, it didn't.

That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works.

But I was like, boy, this really feels like this really feels like a conversation that's relevant to my interest.

Yeah, definitely.

OK, where were we? So you're a meme maker now. You've made a meme. I just I all I wanted to say was I was actually surprisingly proud of how just visually I'm not talking comedically. Visually, this thing turned out and I did put it on the Internet and I did. I'm going to be honest with you, kind of expected to get over 100 likes. It's the characters from Dune, a couple of them. It's Chris Hansen saying, what are you doing here? And Dune is spelled D-U-N-E. We talked about this on the show yesterday. I think he was at like 60 likes at the last check. 59. 59. I was rounding up. Yeah. I know you were. I know what you were doing. I actually thought you made a better Dune joke yesterday. Here, I'll give you the 60.

Is that what this is all about? Wait, I just gave it a like, and then it went up to 60 and knocked it back down to 59. Is there a governor on this? I'm not even joking.

Do you have a setting on your Twitter that if you like my tweet, it actually removes a like?

That's something that Twitter did. No, there we are. We're up to 60. We're up to 60. I would absolutely believe that. If that's how you want to get likes, you got it. I do what I have to.

Here I go once again with the email. Every week, I hope that it's from a female. No, man. It's not from a female.

All right. I'm very intrigued by the voicemail that we're going to play today, that you're going to play, because I think it was last week we got a voicemail from listener Harper in Chicago. She was talking about how she's banned from Whole Foods because she was shoplifting, to put it accurately.

Yes, because I had told a story about how I accidentally walked away with a bunch of cat litter in the bottom rung of my grocery cart. I felt bad about it. Then Harper leaves this voicemail saying, oh, yeah, I know about this because I just got caught shoplifting. And I thought for sure the whole thing was I left something in my cart accidentally, but it was not. I'm just like, I'm so pearl clutchy. I'm just like, oh, you were just like shoplifting, shoplifting. And Harper is one of our younger listeners as well. So we had so many questions.

Yeah, I was wondering what she was shoplifting, what the actual product was.

Was it is it a frequent thing that Harper does? Is there a reason for it? And one of the things that I wondered aloud about, too, is did she at least pick a grocery store that's far away from where she lives? Yeah, because I said, like, I would never. Don't lift where you eat. Yeah, like, I'm not a shoplifter myself, but, like, I certainly wouldn't do it at one of the grocery stores where I'm going to be showing up quite a bit. Of course, I have a very.

You have a unique relationship. You know, every time I'm in a grocery store and I'm just buying what I need for that night's meal, I think of you. Because I think of how that lets a stated lifestyle for you is going to the grocery store multiple times a week to just get what you need for the next, say, day or two, maybe.

Yeah, because I can't plan ahead. Anyway, so Harper called in, left us some voicemails. And this is a long – this is a stem winder, but I like it. Let's air this out.

There's a lot of stuff to cover here. Hey, y'all. It's Listener Harper here again with an update for you per your request on the show about my shoplifting experience at Whole Foods. I'll just give you some more information and kind of give you the situation, talk about my strategy here. um so uh andrew to your point about how you would rather you if you were going to do it you would rather do it someplace super far away from where you live and that's exactly the right call because this whole food that i was caught at um it is like a three to four minute walk from my apartment. I live extremely close to this place. And the only reason that I really did it from there, and that wasn't the first time, which I am not proud of, but the only reason why I did it from there was because it's so close. And it was just convenient. So that's kind of part of the reason why I did it from there. But you're absolutely right, because now I have a great deal of shame and embarrassment passing that whole foods like every single day so definitely lesson learned on that and until my lease is up uh in like nine months um that's just gonna kind of be weighing on me uh so like i mentioned it wasn't the first time that i had taken stuff from apple foods um but this time that i got caught was my most reckless time usually i would have a little bag uh that's like one of those reusable bags that you get um from the grocery store that you can like bring in every time to use your groceries and i just have a bunch of those from various grocery trips um and so i would have that with me because that's how i would just be carrying my stuff anyway and this particular Whole Foods has all of the checkout registers and all the checkout aisles in sort of one side of the store and then once you're done you walk down this path to exit the store so basically what I'm getting at is you can pretty easily just walk to that path where people leave the store without actually checking out and just walk out of the store and the security guard who is next to the door which there was a security guard always like i would always just walk out with confidence and the security guard would i would always say

thank you to the security guard uh that's a power move pretty easy to just walk out of there and that's what i would always do i would put stuff in this reusable bag that is like a tote bag style thing that I would just hold. And I would put stuff in there, and it would look like I had bought it, and I would leave the store. And that's what I did every time. But this particular time that I got caught, I pretty obviously just put stuff in my book bag because I don't know if I was cocky or if I had just done it before, and I was like, yeah, sure, it'll be fine. But I put stuff in the bag and Luke like you were saying it's the concealing that is the problem like that you don't want to do as a shoplifter so I made that mistake and clearly they caught on to me and so then they they caught me and the the person um the person took me upstairs and did that whole thing um it is not the first time I've shoplifted and it's not the first time I've shoplifted from a different place as well like i've done it before some background is i am a 23 year old uh post-college student who's pretty broke and i'm a trans woman so the odds are pretty stacked against me in life especially right now and uh i work three jobs and honestly shit is really hard so this is not an excuse at all for the illegal behavior that i am engaging in or that i was engaging in because after this i probably won't do it again um but i'm having a really hard time especially financially and so that is a big part of why i'm doing this because um i don't want to have to worry about groceries as much um but if we're getting really deep psychologically i think it has to do with the fact that a lot in my life is out of control i don't have control of a lot in my life being who i am and having the world constantly challenging my identity every single day taking these things from a giant corporation like whole foods and jeff bezos and all that really gives me a lot of power um at least to me it feels like i have some semblance of control um and so yeah that's my story uh hope this is enlightening thanks guys power out once again wow a lot of context there

yeah i i think i mean first of uh first of all i'm certainly not the person uh who can give uh harper absolution over that's only whole foods only jeff bezos can offer harper absolution on that like i can't you know like i'm not the person who was uh i guess or the company that was that harper was stealing stuff from but i can just say from afar i can totally understand how harper's brain is working and why it feels like uh people do all kinds of stuff to have some semblance of control in their life when their life feels out of control you know there's a whole variety of behaviors that that we do it sounds like this is the one that harper chose although it also sounds like harper's um shoplifting days are behind her i

I like – yeah, I do like that, and I'm trying to – and I don't want to be super judgmental. I know that we heard from a couple of listeners who were like, I can't believe you guys are like kind of – I don't know if they said defending shoplifting or what, but I also don't know if that was about Harper's story or the fact that Harper's story led me to talk about how when I was a teenager I stole a couple of things and then my punk rock friends in college, and maybe we were having too much fun with it. maybe we weren't i i mean i i don't know sometimes listeners kind of get in my head that way but i'm also like really like i feel protective of harper because she's written into the show before remember she told us that she's been listening like i think near since the beginning so like she grew up with us like 13 she'd been like look at the child we raised right well this is what happens this is

what happens when you raise this is what happens when you raise a harper in the podcast exactly so

i mean i was you know i'm glad that we played that but i was also hesitant to because i feel protective of her but and i don't know if other people are going to say i don't know if anything that you said is an excuse for your behavior but she also says i'm not saying it's an excuse and i'm i'm ashamed and i'm when she passes that store and i don't want and i'm you know she says she's gonna she thinks that those days are behind her um and like you say it's not my position to tell her how to feel about what she did but it is there's a i don't know that was really powerful and the idea of passing a place this is maybe a little bit of a tangent but passing a place and feeling the sting or the pain of regret. I have several places in my neighborhood. It's not about shoplifting. There's a place, I kind of don't want to get into it, but like, well, I'll just get into it. When my parents were visiting the last time they visited, which would have been years ago, I remember trying to tell them on the phone, like, okay, you're visiting a city, so there's going to be some walking involved, right? And I think that they were at the rental car place dropping off a car that is very near my house. It's like only a few blocks away. And I remember my dad texting me and being like, hey, could you pick me up? And I was kind of like, I remember just giving them a little bit of grief, being like, well, by the time I get my car, which is about as many blocks away as where you are, like you could just walk here. But of course, I ended up picking them up. But I'll always remember the grief I gave them and how ashamed I am. And it was raining. And I feel I feel so much guilt and grief every time I pass a goddamn Alamo place that is like two blocks away from me. And I'm just like, my parents who were older were visiting and it was raining and they asked for me to pick them up. Yeah. Like, I could have just done it instead of acting like a 12-year-old who was like, get used to city life, mom and dad. Like, I don't know why I chose that moment. I don't even know if they remember it. But every time I pass it, I feel pangs and I hate it. I wish they'd build something else there.

Yeah. I feel like I, in some ways, not in every way, but I share a lot of kind of the same brain that it sounds like Harper has, which is, well, one, just kind of feeling like if the system, and I mean that at large, if the system of capitalism and the system of these big stores that are, you know, run by these companies or this company in the case of Amazon that's, you know, fabulously wealthy. And I think we've talked on the show a lot, sort of making the world a worse place in a lot of ways that to, excuse me, to like to take something from that store is to sort of strike a blow against that whole whatever. But I also think that if I were to have been caught shoplifting at that Whole Foods, I don't think I would feel embarrassment when I walked by it. I think I would feel annoyance.

Oh, OK.

Which is bad, which is bad. I think Harper is probably having the right response. And I don't know if you're having the right response to the Alamo. I think that's probably, you're probably being a little hard on yourself. But I feel like I would just be.

like shit that's the place where probably can't go in anymore oh let's try that out yeah because that's the other thing i wonder if you know i guess when harper moves it won't it won't really be uh an issue anymore but i'm also the kind of guy who would be banned from a whole foods but then would really need something and be running late and be like then my mind would go to how much are they really enforcing right be like i got a mask on maybe like come on are they really gonna be able to are they gonna really kick me out of here and of course harper said that they

When the security guards caught her the first time, they said, if you set foot in here again, we'll we'll have you arrested, which I just don't. And I don't I'm not giving out advice here because I don't want like Harper in a jail cell, like clanging a metal tin cup across the bar. Right. Waiting to see if I'll bail her out. County jail. But but I just don't think that there's a I don't think you can do that. I don't think you can call the cops and say, arrest this person. They shoplifted here a month ago and now they've returned. That doesn't sound right to me. And also, like you said, what are the chances of them identifying? But, again, Harper, this is not advice. I'm just thinking out loud here.

Yeah, although I would say, and, again, this is also not advice, Harper, I feel like the Chicago PD has their hands relatively full at the moment. Can you imagine? They're like, drop everything. We've got to go to the Whole Foods in Wicker Park. We've got reports of someone in there buying a mango who's been told they're not allowed back.

I always quote this line from, I think, the Big Lebowski when his car is stolen. and then destroyed and then he says to the police officer like were you going to get the guys who who did this and i think the cop just says yeah we have our best men right like when viz and i when our scooter was stolen i think we did have to actually meet with a police officer and i think i said that exact line to him i said you have your best men on this and he just like looked at me

and then started laughing have you guys had uh any uh incidents with your vehicles or any other

stuff in a while no in fact if you see that jinx yeah you see that grocery cart with the uh with the basically the weapon yeah the the drum stand go ahead and move that away from our apartment

i will do that i will roll that uh i'll roll that somewhere safe um right after we wrap things up here on today's edition of tbtl did any well i have we have a show title we do an annoyance of

sky jinx or a frustration of nipping birds i kind of like that one yeah maybe no i think that's way

better we overuse I overuse sky jinx um uh how about music yeah how about it how about you ain't going nowhere by the birds do I over use that song I don't think so probably do uh I don't I

mean you know I do remember you playing this at some point is this a do you know this from a Wes

Anderson anything no I don't although I have concerns by the way which we can talk about on Thursday that you know that I love me my French pop music from the 60s and 70s I have a feeling the french dispatch it's really gonna it's gonna take a lot of kind of semi-obscure gems and really center them in the american listening experience oh interesting things that you felt were your kind of private experiences kind of maybe my little discovery or really the algorithm discovered them for me and i was like i've even i mean i i've seen one on tiktok a bunch already that's like this um anyway a song that you already knew a song that i already really loved that was you know 60s french pop but um no this song the story that i i always tell i think on the show about it is Bob Dylan actually wrote this song, and he wrote it after a motorcycle accident. He was laid up, I think, in like Woodstock, New York, and he was all excited because his girlfriend at the time was going to come visit him as he was convalescing from this motorcycle accident. But this is not Bob Dylan. This is actually the birds doing You Ain't Going Nowhere.

All right, sounds good. Let's go out with this.

Thanks for listening, everybody. We'll be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio for you. Until then, have a great Tuesday. Stay safe, take care of each other, stay dry. We'll see you tomorrow. Please remember, no mountain too tall. And good luck to all. Don't shoplift, kids.

I don't care how many letters they said The morning came, the morning went Pack up your money, pick up your tent You ain't going nowhere Ooh, we drive me high Tomorrow's the day, my bride's gonna come Oh, no, are we gonna fly Down in the easy chair

you see what happens larry you see what happens you see what happens when you

Find a stranger in the Alps.

Power out.