Muse

What do you want, Brennan? This is my online poker time. I'm just going to come out and say it. I'm ready to take on the Catalina Wine Mixer. Ho, ho, slow down there, speed racer. I know what it entails, and I'm ready to nail it. I want it, okay? I want the Catalina Wine Mixer. Yo, yo! Hey, D-Man! Your brother wants a shot at the Catalina Wine Mixer. I'm ready. I'm walking tall. You think you're ready to run with the bulls? I've been earning and burning, snapping necks, and cashing checks.

Screw it. Let's let him do it. Look, Brennan, here's the thing. It's the Catalina f***ing wine mixer, okay? Are you saying pal? What are you saying? It's the biggest helicopter leasing event in the Western Hemisphere since 1997.

Why does he keep doing that?

TBTL.

All good. Here we all are, together again.

My memory started coming back, not all at once, just gradually. But they said when I woke up one morning, the first words I had in my mouth was I wanted to go to a Bob Seger concert.

The story of this situation is it's extremely personal.

All I need is some tasty waves, cool buzz, and I'm fine. The more attention you pay to these things and the more diligent you are, the faster you'll get better and the better you'll feel. See if I'm not right. Thanks for your time. Have a good day.

All right. Hello. Good morning and welcome everyone to a Monday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. This is a place where people can never have to have contact with another human being if they don't want to and enjoy a live show. My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host. You're still doing a podcast? Coming to you from the beautiful south waterfront of Portland, Oregon. Which is not where I just moved this weekend. It's my girlfriend's house. Because it turns out the internet does not work at my new apartment. Welcome to the internet. I have some tips and tricks for moving that I learned this weekend the hard way. Coming up here on episode 3,544 in a collector series. They don't have the moves or the muscle, but they've got the brains. We've also got some top stories for you Let the fun begin Including the news that Facebook has created a parent company Called Meta My face, your face, instant face Go talk to whoever you want That does that stuff This video that Mark Zuckerberg made When I say Mark Zuckerberg made It's like he didn't just Shoot it on his phone By himself There was a team of people which is actually more shocking what it looked like how it read what how it came off i mean the fact that a team of people at now what's called meta put this video together is really quite something and we are going to talk about it also the university of california at santa barbara uh is i guess green has green lighted green lit a new mega dorm i'm an activist and house party enthusiast and it is in the words of my friend andrew walsh weird uh we'll tell you the story on that one oh and uh emails and females speaking of my friend andrew walsh he is the longest running cobra of the show maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships it's your lucky day you just found a usb flash drive in the parking lot it's his lucky day here on this monday and he's joining us right now from the roosevelt neighborhood of seattle washington Good morning, my friend.

Good morning, Luke. I don't know where to begin today. I don't know if I have any good nuggets for you. I had some dreams last night, but we can talk about that later. You had a big weekend, though, right?

I sure did, my friend. I sure did. And by big, you must mean was schlepping stuff from one apartment to the other for most of the weekend. And it sucked.

When we left off on Friday, you were starting to have some doubts creeping in about whether or not you had actually made—

Some people get a tattoo that says, no regerts. Yes. I just got one on my stomach that says regerts.

Regerts. You were starting to wonder if it made sense to actually move apartments across town. And so how are you today? Are those regerts—is that tattoo getting bigger as we speak?

it kind of is but i'm trying to you know i'm on kind of a like a sort of every other month i'm on this mission to bloom where i'm planted like for instance i talked about this a lot like how i want to be in the front row of first class and you

I don't mind being in the 37th row.

I ask him to put me in the toilet. I'm like, just put me in the shitter. That's what I deserve, is what I say.

Well, okay. Is that on the Alaska Airlines app? The what I deserve tab?

I told you before the show that I'm feeling kind of salty today about things that are not important and are completely sports related. And so I am off my game today. My apologies. But, yeah, I'm feeling like.

Is it a brains or a no brains?

It's definitely a no brains day. Well, actually, it might be a brains day because I had such a bed.

Sure, being salty can be brains.

I know. You know what? I went to bed at 830 last night because I was done with the day. I was like, I can't anymore. And I went to bed at 830. So actually, I'm probably dealing with a better energy level than usual. But when I say things like, put me in the shitter because that's where I deserve, there's a little bit of kidding on the square there. So my apologies if that came off weird. Also for the language so early on in this brand new sparkling episode.

So I'm always trying to bloom. Well, again, occasionally I'm trying to bloom where I'm planted, which is to say, if I'm going to be in the 37th row sitting in the middle seat between two very Bible forward people, can I get to a place in my mind where I'm just like, this is fine. This is great. And not this is fine in the like cartoon dog drinking coffee while the house is burning down. But I mean, legitimately being like, this is OK. I'm very lucky and privileged to be in this spot, even if it's not ideal. OK, so I'm trying to get there with my apartment because it's a very nice apartment. It's fine. But I was having some I was definitely having some some regerts this weekend, mostly due to just the hassle of it all. But I've also learned, or at least I've decided, Andrew, I am never moving from one apartment to another apartment ever again in my life. Like I'm either going to live in this apartment for the rest of my life or I'm not going to move until I have some kind of house that I can move my stuff into. because the the hassle of trying to get your stuff out of an apartment building down the elevator through the various doors etc and then drive it across town and then go into another apartment building and go into the elevators and up and all of the things that come along with that i have never like i've never tried to move from apartment to apartment and it is a nightmare well not all

I mean, this is pedantic, and I don't even need to say this. I've lived in apartments almost my entire life. None of them ever had an elevator. So you're just talking about the standard apartment building, like what do they say in the famous theme song from the 70s, moving on up to a deluxe apartment in the sky. That's what you're talking about here. No more deluxe apartments in the sky.

Well, you know what? You've actually checked my privilege, and I thank you for this. I guess. Were you in a walk-up?

Oh, I mean, you know, we live here. This is an apartment, and you know this place. There's one set of stairs to get up here, our last. You know, I'm just saying that, like, we've lived in all kinds of apartments. And, you know, some, I remember way back in the day when Genevieve, you know, when we were younger and broker and more East Coaster, you know, Genevieve living in some of these tiny walk-ups. Is that a show title?

Younger, broker, more East Coaster. I think it might be. It sounds like maybe a Jay-Z line.

Could you actually write that down or scribble something?

I am writing it down right now on the same piece of paper where Becca wrote down the Wi-Fi code for this place.

I was going to say, yeah, I mean, here, I don't want to – I feel like I'm bogging the story down because there's a lot to talk about about your adventures this weekend and also where you are right now and where you are both mentally and physically. But anyway, I was going to say, yeah, I mean, there have been some real nightmares, I think, especially for Genevieve moving into these, like, you know, Boston apartments that are on the third floor. And they were just built in, like, 1850. And you're trying to get, like, a modern couch up.

Paul Revere actually hand forged the apartment during his ride.

I'm not exactly sure why.

He was like, can we make the staircase go in a kind of a circle so that you cannot get any furniture up it?

But I will say this. I think that I think you're right, probably on both counts as far as what you're saying. But they are two different things you're talking both about. I think that you are probably somebody who really would prefer to just own a place as opposed to rent, which is one thing. But also an apartment with an elevator is a specific kind of apartment, which is another thing that you want to avoid. It sounds like I.

Yes, I guess what it is, is that I have, you know, before divorce numero dos. I guess I was always moving from like houses to houses and so and again you know depending on the particular layout it's just kind of like it's a little easier to I think to move in in in

sort of that scenario and then i'm i didn't even really move into this apartment that i was recently in like i got there i rented it and then i just over time sort of accumulated oh yeah yeah you know what i mean and and i was again i'll keep using this word i was very privileged to i bought a bed from west elm and then while we were doing the show while you and i were doing the show some dude showed up with the bed and then screwed it all together and then when i got done with the show it was kind of there and the couch was kind of the same thing people brought the couch so i had no idea how much stuff i was accumulating in that apartment over time until i was me and dftb were responsible for carrying it out of there and it was a lot a lot of stuff and then a lot of like elevator waiting and i had reserved the elevator at at my old apartment and reserved the elevator at my new apartment and somehow missed both windows i was going to ask how that went down

because you that to me was the most fascinating part that you said on friday which is that you had two elevators like reserved and i was like how does that even work do people do people obey a reserved elevator like your your you know fellow renters or whatever um could god reserve an elevator so hard that he could not eat it right and then also like do you would there be like enforcement would you have to be confronting people like was it going to be a larry david situation well it turns out you just missed both of your windows anyway well you know what i kind

of got burbanked on the second one which is so the like the short story is the way that it works is there is a fob that the management company gives you that works the elevator that is reserved and that elevator just goes to whatever floor that you are on and then to whatever floor you're going to it does not you know it is not summoned by people pressing the buttons aha aha so it's kind of like it's just it's just kind of your your private elevator an elevator for money it does what you want it to do i got a lot of tina turner on the brain was wondering what that was the rock and roll hall of fame this weekend oh i missed that oh what a bad clevelander am i yes um but anyway uh so that's how it works but the way that i got kind of burbed on the new place i moved into was the there was there were people who had it like reserved before me so let's just say that dftb and i showed up at about maybe 2 30 on friday with a bunch of stuff and someone had reserved it from like 12 30 to 2 30 and then it was mine for a couple of hours well they were still using it It was this dude with, like, gamer chairs and his dad and his girlfriend, and there was a lot of schlepping. And so DFTB and I were just kind of like, eh, there's another elevator that we could use that's just not reserved. And we just would go, and we would wait for it and bring the stuff up. And it just—honestly, that elevator led us out a little closer to my new apartment. so it was kind of like it wasn't a huge inconvenience but the property manager kept coming up to us wendy and saying i'm so sorry they're still using it i'm so sorry anyway when i got like at probably 7 30 at night when i was bringing my last little load over in my in my mazda i had returned the u-haul they were still running stuff this this this family um and so uh i was shocked at how bad their planning was they were moving out i think but uh yeah like so they were supposed to be done at 230 they were not done at 7 30 when i got there but you know it was fine it really again it was it was not that big of a hassle for me uh silver lining alert i love

hearing that there was a property manager on uh you know on the property as it were you know what this place my new building by the way i've looked and searched for words several times so far in

this young show and i don't think listen so i think it's too early to declare it okay but i'm

feeling you're a second half brainsy um but yeah but i make adjustments at the half and i think honestly this could be a totally different second half yeah we'll see um uh but you know i was picturing you like i don't know it seems like a good omen for the new apartment building i don't know what it was like with your old apartment building but i could have seen a situation where it's kind of like yeah we have this thing reserved for you pick up the fob at the front desk we have like a just a weekend manager there they're not going to really be much of a help but you have somebody who's like kind of writing oh my gosh writing this for you and trying to organize

things and it didn't go this wendy but wendy is the auntie thomas love it love it i mean she is a absolute gem was there all day yesterday as well at the concierge desk and is like honestly I'll see you next time.

almost too helpful this is good this is a good omen you're gonna be glad you made this move i

can tell i think i am i think i'm going to be once i have all of the stuff kind of like in there my pictures are put up and it feels like also when i have internet which is why i'm currently in the south waterfront of portland because that's a whole other story um no i think i'm i think it's gonna be for the best the the folks that work at this place are really awesome and that so that's

that's like that's a huge positive yeah and now have you said specifically did you mention in your intro where you are today are you trying to downplay that a little bit for privacy reasons

no i'm at becca's apartment in the um sort of in the ohsu uh sort of section of the oregon health science university south waterfront zone that's kind of by that bridge that sky bridge thing am

i right about that is that where there's the big wire sky not sky bridge but good remembering yeah

the the telecom oh well there's a there's a gondola which yeah i think that's what i'm thinking i've never been allowed to take while i've been in portland because it has been for ohsu employees only because of covid and every time becca and i take a walk near there i look at it with just envy because i really really want to take that thing i love a good gondola ride too scary for me you know what it's funny that i i'm saying i envy it and then when she and i went on the um the like little sky ride at the oregon state fair i was terrified so who knows maybe i'll be terrified up there but i i've been seeing it from the freeway for years and thinking that would be so fun to go on and then of course right when i moved here they were like nope ohsu employees only but so yeah i'm down here at her place because of internet access because one of the other things i learned in my move this weekend is don't cancel the internet at the place you're moving from until they confirm they can set it up at the place you're moving to like i uh i had i thought i was being real clever by by shutting it off but you know going on the app and all that with xfinity turning it off and turning it on at my new place and then got there the weird thing is the tv works but the there's no internet and i keep getting people who are probably well-intentioned but just how do i say this in a non in a way that i won't regret later unhelpful well not not trying to be unhelpful actually trying to be helpful but folks that are very very far away from portland oregon and are reading a script and i don't hold that against them as people but it's not helpful to me like it's folks who are kind of saying to me hey uh have you uh uh plug are you plugging the modem into the wall and i'm like yes i'm i'm looking at it and they're like please make sure the modem is plugged in and i'm like i can't there's no way to plug it in more than it is plugged in i was texting you over the weekend about first of all just my fury of trying to get to a human on xfinity i think i told you that if i think if you use the f word it sends a an alert that then like the the like the the robot the ai program if they hear you swearing they're like okay this is getting dangerous let's get them to a human yeah because every time i would say the f word it would actually kind of get me to a person which

i took as a kind of a win i i'm i've said this before on the show and it astounds me and it is so angering comcast used to have terrible customer service i mean there was a whole website dedicated to it right like that went viral or something or somebody's story with comcast like comcast was shorthand at one point for terrible customer service then they kind of rebranded and they started calling parts of their service xfinity of which i was a customer and then i went on a streak for a couple of years just talking about how gd great the service was i could always get somebody on the phone they were always helpful i was making friends left and right by calling into customer service i would call in just on days when i was feeling blue well maybe that's why they canceled the service now and then and then thanks andrew it got progressively worse and progressively worse and then during the pandemic and i kind of got uh some people finger wagged me on twitter a couple of years ago kind of near the beginning of the pandemic when i was saying like you cannot reach human beings at xfinity anymore it is infuriating in this particular case my bill suddenly had gone up by $30. I'm sure there was an explanation for it, but there was literally no way to get a human.

The explanation was stars. They probably just gave you stars and you didn't ask for it.

It was like some promotional thing it ended. But either way, all I know is this company that I rely on for work and pleasure but is a huge part of our monthly budget is impossible to reach a human being. They would just put you into this robot tree where you would say, yes, I have a question about my phone. bill and it would just list all of the things that are on your bill and it was just impossible and people were like well hey listen listen it's a pandemic i'm like yeah i know it's a pandemic but guess what i just got the other day i got a call from them trying to get me to sign up for a different service like they have the budget to have people working the phones from home also

every person i talked to this weekend after i swore at the robot was working from home presumably one of the gals very nice lady named nisha i could hear her kids yelling in the background and i don't say that you know with any resentment but i know she was at home i yeah well by the time i got

through to somebody i remember i got through to somebody who was i think this is again when i was having issues i think at the beginning of the pandemic i think i no because i never got through to somebody anyway i did talk to somebody during the pandemic who was working in mexico city and was working from home and again once i got once i was talking to this person they were totally nice i started asking him i'm like so are you working from home how's it going he started telling me what it was like in the kind of early days of the pandemic me and nisha had a complete bonding experience this weekend i'm with you it's not the people it's definitely the company uh it stinks from the head down and they will and they'll make all these excuses for bad customer service when they have the sources they have the resources to provide it like we especially given how expensive these services are that we're talking about uh paying for here so yeah that's a huge frustration

you cannot blame it on the pandemic me and nisha really bonded so she lives in katie texas i don't think i'm putting her on blast because i'm not giving her last name she also didn't give me her last name what's her i don't actually employ i don't have that information she lives in katie texas she loves the buckies that i was down there filming at um i told her about a nice restaurant that i went to in katie called pearl and vine um it was a whole thing like the the actual people generally speaking that i have talked to from comcast or xfinity have been fine but there's a kind of a scriptedness to it that is again frustrating when a person is reading a script to you that just says like are you plugging the modem in and i'm like i'm definitely and then this happened literally three times this weekend where i was talking to somebody we're talking we're talking they're talking me through it and then i go well we're gonna call a technician for you thank you very much bye click and it's like i already had an appointment uh scheduled with the technician but it was sort of like it went from we're gonna work this problem we're gonna work this problem i can help you with this too well now we're gonna send somebody there goodbye

you know what is a frustration when you're moving into an older apartment again the types of apartments you are living in now or moving between are very different than let's just call it what is bougie well just new and and and outfitted correctly for today's modern conveniences whereas vives and i are almost always moving into older apartments where things have to be retrofitted and you know maybe the person before you had one of those little dish tv things and there's all kinds of plugs and stuff coming in and somebody comes out and like one thing that happens to me every time i move into a new place is i remember last time having it all set up perfectly like whoever i did get on the line this is you know way pre-pandemic moving from apartment in wallingford to apartment here both places being older houses that are now rental units is i had somebody really like really on point you know at xfinity saying like we're gonna turn off your service i can let's say we're gonna have an overlap of two days just in case and you know really avoiding all of these issues you had except i get over here and like you don't know which of the internet portals in the house are hot you know you get everything set up around something and you're like wait a second this one isn't hot i can't have our tv in the bathroom like that's not helpful to me i don't

know why there was a hot port in the bathroom because you're gwyneth paltrow from oh right from uh the royal tenenbaums where you just like to sit in the bathtub and watch your small

television she's got it tied to the radiator yeah and changing the channels with her toe So but, you know, it's just like it's always the outlet that you think is going to work. It doesn't work. So you always and no matter how much you pre plan, I feel like somebody always has to come out at the last minute and you always have to figure out how you're going to live two days without Internet.

Yeah. Well, and this is the thing, which again, to go back to that word I've used so much already on this Monday privilege. Yes, I'm moving into these apartments that are new and have like these like very slick little ports in the wall that will have a coaxial cable and then also like a cat six thing. and I know that those things work again the one that feeds the television works and I've through my many calls I've plugged the modem into that and it's just not hitting for some reason like I I know that the internet is being sent to this apartment that this new apartment that I'm in but for some reason and my theory is and I'll report back on this maybe tomorrow because they're going to come out. tomorrow to help me my theory is it is actually just a setting at xfinity hq which is they're not sending me for some reason because when i talked to one of the folks that i talked to over the weekend they thought my address was the seattle house where i had the going away party for the tens oh my god i had the your mount baker house yeah they were like uh is your address like 2966 whatever whatever and i was like well that's about four houses ago so i think that there is i definitely think that the the physical infrastructure is working or can work but there is some setting within the xfinity borg that is off and that is really frustrating as well so this some person is going to come out to my apartment tomorrow and they're going to put some kind of a you know sensor up to these various ports and go these are all hot and then they're going to call someone and then they're going to like turn it on and then it's going to work which is maddening to me because it could be working right now if i just had you know the right person diagnosing the problem i don't want to turn this whole show into complaining about

cable companies and it's already turning that way but let me ask you one more thing like did they do the thing because i found this especially galling the last time like i think my internet just went out for no reason just stopped working and so i call and i call and i call and somehow i get through and it's like like you're saying like the troubleshooting is like yes of course yes yes our electricity is on yes okay let's go yeah right exactly what is the most

baseline thing yes i am allegedly a sentient human yeah i am aware i'm calling you and you

know me too like i i i'm a big troubleshooter with technological things i see like the the The process of troubleshooting things I understand like they're dealing with people With all kinds of Technological backgrounds from zero To other people who probably work in their field Right and I'm somewhere in between Like I'm not saying that I know everything About technology I certainly don't I've never made A tick tock that's Not true I think I might have made I've actually never

Made a tick tock with my nephew Jack has Which is on your account yeah That's the one tick tock that I've done I think I made

One once just because I wanted to see if I could figure Out how it works I basically did I did an elaborate dance. It involved Dixie cups, ping pong balls. Really? A wig and some sweet, sweet moves and some gabagool. Anyway, all of that is to say, like, I like going through the process of troubleshooting things. How many times have you and I either been on the road together or me with you on the phone? And you're really good at it, actually.

I want to honor that. Like, you have a very good kind of sort of strategic mind for these things. Like, you actually really break it down in a very effective way.

You think about, like, for audio stuff, you think about the audio chain. Like, what's the source? Okay, and you kind of work it in a very specific order. So all of that is to say, thank you. I do think that I'm pretty good at that process. So it is especially kind of frustrating when you're talking to somebody and they refuse to, like, kind of hear the words you're saying. When you're saying, listen, I want you to know I've tried this and this, and then I did this, then I did this. I've restarted it, and then I did, you know, I checked out this router number, and then I did this, and I did the full reset. I did all these things.

I can't tell you how many times I typed the goddamn MCAT. Right, exactly. Which is the third of the four, like, router IDs on the bottom of my router this weekend.

And then they will say, okay, well, have you tried resetting it? And then you say, did you not? And again, I don't, just like you, I do not want to make them the.

By the way, I also took the MCATs. Yeah, I know. How did you do that? And I passed. Yeah, good, good. So good news, I'm becoming a doctor.

One of my favorite Cure songs is MCATs.

Terrible. Terrible.

But anyway, so they don't – there is no wiggle room in their job description to listen to you. Like you said, they have to stick to a script. Anyway, all of that is to say my question for you is did they do the thing where they finally said, okay, we're going to send somebody out, but if it turns out this was your fault, we're going to charge you for that visit? Because I got one of those one time and I was –

Whoa. No. I would have climbed through the phone to Bangalore and fought someone. You know what I did?

They did that and I was furious. Curious. And then I said, fine. And they set it up. And then I just went deeper. And I did and I did end up fixing it. But I promise you, it wasn't something they told me to do. I like dug into the settings on my router in ways that I don't think I was even supposed to. Like I did all this stuff. I was like, I will fix this myself. And also, they weren't going to come for another three days or something. OK, we have something set up for three days from now. and um you know i do i do a radio show with you that takes you know i mean who doesn't need the internet who can who can work from home and not have the internet for three days right and then to have this thing hanging over you where they're saying oh and by the way if you skipped any of these troubleshooting steps then we're going to charge you for this visit i was i was really i

was seeing i would have been in your words rip shit i was rip shit so they did not do that to

you though they have not you know that

I'm not under the sword of Damocles of them charging me. But again, I know that the internet is going to this apartment. It's just – I don't even think – I think the technician is literally going to call somebody who just says, oh, sorry, we need to click this particular online button to send it. Like I don't think it's physical at all, which makes me a little crazy, but it is what it is. So what do you think?

What's the practical situation here? So right now, you are doing the show from Becca's apartment. Is this going to be probably what we're doing this week, or what are you thinking?

Well, they're coming allegedly tomorrow at between 10 a.m. and noon. So just a heads up to folks, maybe tomorrow's show will get out a little bit later. But my thought is I will wait at my apartment tomorrow for the technician and then see what they say. um and then i guess if there's a problem i could um i can come back here because becca's going to sedona for the week because she's very into crystals i'm saying that just to make her mad

she's somewhere in this apartment what are your comfort what are your comfort levels doing this you've been doing this show by yourself in an apartment for a long time now i know back in the day you were cohabitating you know in bellingham so i know that carrie would hear part of your your show but i think you got used to that now are you uncomfortable there today doing yes show

comfort level low

like comfort level extremely low on a scale from the nest broadcast center to larima where are we

i would say it's north of the nest broadcast center only slightly less only slightly south of larima south of larima the last thing i would say that i learned this weekend about moving from apartment to apartment is and i say this to just anybody who might encounter this experience in their life by a door stop most of the hassle for me and dftb and then for me by myself is trying to roll things through apartment doors that are programmed to close on you this is again a modern apartment problem but like it's like i could i had i got this um like a hand truck thing and i could put so much stuff on it and move it relative with relative ease and the entire like challenge of it would be trying to get through some door that kept trying to close on me at one of the two apartments that i was either leaving or coming to and i kept saying i got to go to ace and get a doorstop and i didn't and it was it's the biggest hassle of the whole thing did the people at xfinity

ever ask you have you tried using a doorstop did that come up honestly that would have like they

would have bought some real cred with me if they did like no and you're absolutely right nisha that it sucks not having a doorstop like what does a doorstop cost probably a dollar it i think the amount of physical injury that i sustained over this weekend of just like auto closed doors auto closing on me over a dollar in terms of just like you know medical attention that i'm going to

need let me ask you this you've spent a lot of time talking about privilege today are you privileged enough to finally live in a um and maybe this has never been an issue for you but do you know if you live in a pizza hut hot zip yet because no but i'm wondering if i'm in a

Domino's zone. I think Domino's

might be a little bit easier. The last two or three apartments, including the current one that I live in, we are in a Pizza Hut dead zone. It only came up to this weekend because I always get my pizza from the same place, Pudge Brothers, but I was visiting... Oh, well, I kind of told you. I don't have to go into detail, but I told you that Genevieve and a bunch of our friends were getting together at our friend Roden's house to watch a scary movie on Friday. Halloween Kills. Yeah, so I drove Genevieve out there. I hung out for a little bit, maybe, I don't know 45 minutes or something and then and then i took off but their pizza mountain arrived right before i left they got a bunch of pizza from uh that would be my legacy by the way yes like

just a big pile on my gravestone invented the term pizza mountain and just like a big pile of like

and they offered you know they said hey have some pizza before you go but i was like no no i want to get home but um you know just seeing a big huge pile of pizza nuggets and various things from dominoes like i never order from the chains i mean i really like pudge brothers where i order from but like somehow seeing that really put me in the mood for it so i come home and before i even got out of my car i'm like i'm just gonna see because i'm gonna start with pizza hut i know that pizza hut doesn't deliver here i've called in before and tried to order pizza pizzas and then they they route you talk about routing i thought that was interesting like i'm talking to some guy who was in texas the last time i tried to order a pizza hut pizza in my own neighborhood and he's Like, I think I placed my friend tried out pizza the hut.

I literally.

I did. And so I had placed an order, and it went through, and I was like, woo-hoo. And then I got a call back from some guy in Texas who was like, I don't think that we deliver to where you are, blah, blah, blah. Well, for some reason, I was like, I want to get a Pizza Mountain from, like, a chain. So before I even got out of the car, I'm like, I've never downloaded the app. What if I download, and I'm whispering this to myself, what if I download the Pizza Hut app and see if that can, like, kind of, like, I don't know. maybe I can find a weak spot in this chain. So I did it, and I filled in my information, and they're like, oh, sorry, bro, we don't deliver there. But I'm sure there's a place you can pick it up in your neighborhood. And I said, I'm deleting the app. Then I tried the same thing with Domino's, which then a little bit of cheapness sunk in, and I don't know why. Like, I put in, I don't know, probably a large pizza and – actually, no, I think I put in a medium pizza and some of these chicken nibbler things, chicken niblets. Buffalo chicken kickers? Sure. Sure, yeah, something like that. I've rocked with them. Never even had before from Domino's, but I was kind of like, this is Andy night. I'm going to just like, you know, I'm in the mood for this. And then there was something, it dials through, and then it was like a medium pizza and some chicken. Then an $8 delivery fee on top of like this Seattle tax, on top of some other Seattle thing. And then that was-

Thanks, Shama Sawant.

And I don't mind like, you know, as long as this shit is going to the drivers, that's important. But with a major national chain like that, I don't know that this $8 delivery fee is really being spread out properly. And then it's like, wow, this was $50 before tip, basically, for a medium pizza and some chicken niblets or $45, let's say. So maybe over $50 with a tip. I'm just like, nah, if I'm going to spend that much for a pizza and some wings, I'll just go to Pudge Brothers. I like them. It's like the people who deliver the pizza are the same people, like the same two or three kids I see over and over. And that gives me kind of a good feeling. So anyway, I was just curious if you are now living in a Pizza Hut hot zip.

I haven't. I haven't because of lack of Internet. I haven't had a chance to really figure out what is, you know, on offer in my hood. But I really had the thought yesterday. I ended up going to Laughing Planet, which is a place where I get a Thai broccoli quinoa bowl. And the pandemic changed all of us. You slipped into a little bit of the Alec Baldwin there, I think. Quinoa. I was like Very tempted yesterday to try to order A bunch of crap food because of football And then I I just kind of somehow missed The window on that and then it was too late And then like I what I like to do is Have my my pizza mountain When kickoff happens And and like I went on a jog this sounds like a humble Brag but it isn't just like the schedule Of the day got away from me and I ended up jogging During half of the Seahawks game So then I got home. It was halftime. I was fast forwarding watching it like on kind of like, you know, two arrows on the Xfinity. Again, the TV works there. And then it was like I had sort of missed the window on bad eating. And then I just I live now very close to a place that has healthy food. And I was like, let me just make one good decision in my life. But but I am very intrigued by the fact that I might be in a pizza hut or Domino's delivery zone because I've been in a pizza hut and Domino's desert at my other place. And I will definitely avail myself of that in the coming weeks.

What about on Saturday night, though? I mean, this kind of gets into something we were talking about last Friday. But like, did you and David, at least at the end of, let's say, Saturday's move, did you have that moment where you ordered some pizza and beer and you sat down and you ate together? I mean, that's kind of a classic moving move. No, because he had to work, ironically, at a pizza place.

Oh, man. So he had to go to work. So I think, you know what? I came over to Becca's, and I forget what we ate. Probably something healthy. Probably something that wasn't from Pizza Hut. Oh, no, you know what? It was actually very close to Pizza Hut. You know what I really wanted? Some just, like, bunk-ass lasagna. and down the street from here is an old

that's a very popular

place actually in Seattle and it's like it's like a hipster Italian place called Bunk Ass Lasagna down the street from here is a old spaghetti factory oh wow and I like texted back I was like you know I'm so wrung out from this moving process what I really want to have is some like crummy Italian food and a glass of wine and then I want to go to sleep oh yeah and she was like gotcha yeah and so i love that we ordered all this stuff from the old spaghetti factory which is i mean we we haven't even gotten to top stories and there's a lot of top stories to get to but like the interior of the old spaghetti factory in portland on the south waterfront is wild.

wild is it exactly the same as it used to be like stucco walls and it is so overly decorated massive chandeliers there's a street car in this place oh my god like love this place like in the interior of the building there's like a street car you can sit in like it's like if like liberace got an italian like if liberace had an italian boyfriend he was trying to impress him does it That's what this place looks like.

Does it feel 80s and 90s-ish?

It is somehow blending together every era of bad taste. Huh. 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, and today. And today. It's really something. And the food was just awful. But it was exactly what I was looking for.

I love that. You know I make something called poor man's chicken parmesan, right, which is like a recreation of a shitty takeout pasta thing. It's just like I just like boil up some noodles, get some frozen chicken patties. And then like once the noodles are breaded, just breaded from the freezer section, like none of this is good quality material. Right. Like just like boiled the thickest spaghetti noodles I can find overboiled a tiny bit. So there's no dente at all. There's no dente to L. And you like grease. It's not hard to the tooth. Yes. And you grease a pan. You dump the boiled spaghetti at the bottom, of course, after draining it. Uh, you season it a little bit, some olive oil, then you lay down the cooked chicken patties and then you lay down tons of, uh, just like jarred tomato sauce. And then you lay down a bunch of, um, you know, just, uh, not parm. Yeah. Uh, not Parmesan cheese. I don't like Parmesan, you know, mozzarella cheese, pizza cheese or whatever. And then just like bake it until you get a little bit of crust on the edges, which I know you're into. And like, it's not, it sounds good. Like I, I've made better Italian meals before, but this is specifically poor man's chicken parmesan. This is me recreating a comfort food that I used to order takeout from in New Hampshire.

That was exactly the mood that I was in the other night. Like, I was like, this is, I was so physical. Like, this is also the last time that I can move, like, physically move my own stuff. You know what I mean? Just, like, lift it all. I was so tired from, David was unfazed. He went to his ranch pizza job right afterwards. Also, he was wearing very stylish shoes. For this entire move With a heel on them Because he's only 6'4 He needs to have the heel on there Try to get a little lift But like He was like in very stylish clothing And was unfazed By the carrying of this stuff That honestly left me Considering how close I am To the end of this ride called Human Life

Sounds like a perfect place to take a break

Yeah, good call Alright, let's do that Then we'll come back. I've gone through all of the notes I had on moving. Let's take a quick break, and then we will maybe do a top story, or maybe just we'll cross the river and go right to the emails and emails.

I have a good email that we could chew on a little bit if you want to do that.

I would like that, actually, because I actually like these top stories. I know we carried them over from Friday, but they'll hold. They'll keep until tomorrow, so let's do that. We'll come back, we'll do the e-mails and V-mails, and then we will get out. And by get out of here, I mean I have to drive Becca to the airport right now. She's got to go on her crystals voyage. So stay with us. This is TVTL. Thank you, baby. All right, let's thank the donors of the day. These are the wonderful, generous, long-suffering people who are making this possible, making this a thing we can do for our job. We are talking about Jillian Lamont in Sammamish, Washington. Also, Megan Johnson in El Segundo, California. A lot of wallets there. I was suppressing the urge. I know.

I know. I just got there before you. I saved you from yourself.

Has there been a time in the history of this show when El Segundo came up that I didn't tell you about my greatest joke of all time?

Wait, I thought that you, did you literally leave your wallet there one time?

No, but I built it up in this way. We were driving, like I was on a road trip with my buddies, and we were driving and driving, and then like miles, like an hour past El Segundo, I was like, oh my god, you guys. I didn't finish that because, you know, my nieces listen to this. And I was like I said a swear word And then I was like I left my wallet back there And they were like Oh no And they're like Ben is like pulling the van Off the road To try to do a U-turn And I'm like He's back in El Segundo And it took like Took him a second 20 seconds And then We all celebrated How great my comedy is Also Lindsay Joy

is in palo alto california thanks lindsey danny kuntz is in little rock arkansas what do you think of when i say arkansas andrew what do you think of in terms of our shared experience

oh arkansas is that where the miracle on dirt was no that was arizona no that was arizona

no it's where you couldn't find me oh you were right right you were trying to upload the show in a mcdonald's right i had one job which was to not fall asleep in the car you came out to the car i needed some equipment and it was you needed some simple thing from me and i had gone to sleep in the car in the parking lot of the mcdonald's outside of little i kept looking i kept going up

to the mcdonald's window looking for you and i didn't see you in the car because you had reclined

your seat that was the closest you've ever come to really yeah to like i know you've been mad at me many times and for good reason but that was the closest you've ever come to right but you're suppressing it yeah that was the least suppressed i've ever seen your anger i was very i was very

frustrated i think i mean it may be anger but i also think the wi-fi such straight up frustration what happened was yeah i mean just to recap it although we tell this all the time but like yeah i mean we were on that hitchhiking road trip but i think that this was the hitchhiking one right

but i think yes but we had finally we had now we had now jumped into a vehicle yeah because we're

We had to do the live show at Jamie's in Mississippi. So anyway, I think that we had just been driving and recording a show while driving. I think there were some elements of a phone call to Kiki Lolo. I miss Kiki Lolo.

I believe we were in the line at a Dairy Queen where there was some kind of Jurassic Park.

Star Wars promotion? Oh, okay, Jurassic Park.

Some kind of major motion picture desert.

And anyway, we just had to stop at a McDonald's to get the show posted at a McDonald's and using either a public Wi-Fi at the McDonald's or a little hotspot I think I had. But it was just like getting near the end of this pretty arduous journey. We were both pretty bedraggled at this point, and it was like one of the last shows we had to get posted.

I was so bedraggled I went to sleep in the car.

Yeah, and I just needed to set up in the McDonald's, but I needed something from the car. There was a piece of equipment or something that I was missing, and I had gone as far as I could with all of my work. I just needed you back there so that you could watch the equipment while I went to the car to get something. And, like, I couldn't go to the car because I had all of my computer equipment set up in this McDonald's. And then finally you emerged. Right, exactly. A scorpion was involved. Anyway, that's the story there. But clearly that wasn't the first thing I thought of when you asked me what I think. Well, that's good.

I'm glad you've forgiven me for that.

I thought of Arizona instead.

I will carry that Arizona. I will carry that to my grave as far as feeling like a bad coworker. Anyway, Danny, why didn't you help us on that? It's not your fault. We could have really used you. Don't forgive yourself. Summer Martinez is in Puyallup, Washington. Thank you, Summer. Appreciate you. And then Annette Melton is in beautiful Burien, Washington as well. Thank you so much to all of our donors of the day. Thanks for making this possible. We really do appreciate you.

Here I go once again with the email. Every week, I hope that it's from a female. Oh, man, it's not from a female.

Wow, Andrew. Who's up? This did something crazy. I was trying to kind of control the volume of Strong Bad on my laptop, and I hit the mute button, which would mute all sound to you, but I did it at exactly a point where he was in between statements.

Oh, right. Nice. I don't think I noticed that.

Right.

Look, I have a voicemail here from listener Kelly that raises an interesting issue, something that actually I had to deal with recently, so I want to play that for you. But first, I promised to bring the nose up on the negativity train a little bit here, And I got this recording. I don't have the email in front of me right now. But this recording is from young listener Nola, who is the daughter of Gretchen. And I think we've heard Nola on the show before. And Nola has a little song that she wanted to share with us, okay? It's called We Like Different Things.

We like different things and that's okay. Cause we just like different things Me and my mom like our eggs a different way And that's okay My mom likes them fried I like them scrambled with cheese

There you go, power out

Oh my god, can you email me that? I will That's my new ringtone

I know, I was thinking That needs to be like our, I don't know, not like our inspirational song or the, I don't know, something that has to be. Motivational something or other.

Also, I'm with Nola. That sounds delicious.

She likes her eggs with cheese. Yeah, that's the one. I know you can't.

Well, you know what, Andrew? We like different things. I know. I'm trying.

I'm trying to learn from Nola. I mean, part of me thinks. Yeah, we can like different things. Raise kids to like cheese. That doesn't seem right. but

You know, we like different things. Wait, what do we like? We like different things. Yeah, that's what we like. All right, here is the voicemail from Kelly who finds herself in a—

That should be intro tape, by the way.

Yes, I will use it. But I also wanted everybody to know what it was.

Right, now that it's canon, I think you should bring that back as intro tape.

Okay, this is from our pal Kelly in New York.

Hey, friendos, this is listener Kelly in Brooklyn. I have a bit of a problem, dilemma. I stayed at this hotel in Boston for a conference I went to in February of 2020, so right before the pandemic. And ever since then, this hotel has been sending me other people's receipts. Like, every week, I will open my email.

This is like me in that Brooklyn restaurant. Well, sort of, yes. Getting into the, like, what did Maggie Gyllenhaal eat?

Exactly, when they accidentally left the, I guess, credit card payment machine at your table and you were able to hack into the mainframe. And this does raise, coincidentally, this raises an issue of something that's just come up in my life, which is also similar to both of these stories I want to tell you about. But here, I'll give it back to Kelly here.

And I will see a receipt meant for somebody else sent to my email address. Now, I responded to it one time like six months ago saying, hey, you have the wrong email address. And they responded back to the front desk and said they would fix it. It has not been fixed. I have tried to call the billing department. I did not get through. I have tried responding to them with varying levels of annoyance. It has not been fixed. and what's really annoying about this is it populates my calendar with other people's days and hotels. So I'll open my calendar to see what events I have going on on a given day and some hotel stay will just randomly appear. So if anybody knows how to help me solve this problem, that would be so greatly appreciated. It's gone from being mildly funny to now very, very easy.

Have you plugged in your stay and unplugged it?

So this is something. Wow. So the calendar thing is especially interesting, right?

Right, because that happens to me. And there's no telling which travel things will populate my calendar. But like Avis does it. It's obviously just some setting somewhere in the kind of like dark recesses of these various websites. But some of the like sometimes when I have a flight, it'll just show up on my calendar. Sometimes it won't.

Mm hmm. Yeah, I and I use Google pretty heavily. And so, you know, Google will scan your emails and kind of automatically input it. And I don't know if that's what Kelly uses as well, but something similar to that. Here's what happened to me, though, Luke. And I know that you have to run, but I just want to tell you this little story. And it came right on. No, we're good. We're good. I need to hear this of you telling your story about your restaurant hack thing, which I think maybe hacked people off to varying degrees. I didn't think anybody was super upset with us, but I know some people felt like maybe that was an invasion of privacy. Well, I was sitting at my computer, let's see, exactly five days ago when I got an email address, and I'm sorry, when I got an email, I should say, and the subject line was just an address, a physical house street address that I am unfamiliar with, and it begins, Good morning, Whitney. As promised, attach Please find our title commitment For your upcoming purchase This shows your title insurance policy What it'll look like Whoa, someone bought a house? This is, somebody sent me Three private documents Including a proposed deed A buyer info worksheet I guess that's just a worksheet And the commitment to sell Or to sell, or whatever you would call that thing To me And I do not understand why I'm copied on this This was clearly sent to this person, Whitney. Does it seem like a nice house? I can't tell from the – you know, I should look up the address. You're right. How did I not register this already?

Street view it because, like, honestly, you could probably get squatters' rights on that.

And at first I was like, oh, man, and I should have written back. I know that the right thing to do here would be to write back and say I shouldn't have been on this. But I figured let me just see if they – Where this goes. Kind of, yeah. And here's one thing I did do. So New Hampshire is a very interesting place as far.

Oh, did I say this is a thing that's happening in New Hampshire?

Yeah, this is a thing that's happening. And I think what happened was this is probably I don't recognize any of the names on this email. But my guess is this is somebody Genevieve and I probably worked with when we bought our house 15 years ago or whatever it would have been now. Or somehow I'm just in their system and something auto completed. Or, I don't know, or as Lindy West wrote in a review recently, maybe a snake fell from the rafters and landed on my keyboard. That was her describing dialogue. In New Hampshire? I mean step up to the streets or something. But anyway, somebody accidentally copied me on this thing. And New Hampshire is such a small, weird place where people are so active in various levels of government and politics and everybody knows. Isn't everyone in New Hampshire in the state legislature? Exactly. So I did do one thing, which, again, I don't know if this is right or not. I did not forward this information to anybody, but I just wanted to know. Oh, so I emailed an investigative journalist there who's a long, old-time friend of mine.

I think I know the investigative journalist you speak of.

And I just said, do you know this person's name? I didn't even tell him why. I still don't even think I told him why.

This is so much more work than getting taken off the email.

I just said, do you know this person's name? Because if this was somebody – there's a lot of – I'm signed up for various kind of New Hampshire newsletters now because a friend of mine writes for them, and she's a great journalist too. She's not the one I sent the inquiry to. But anyway, point is, there's a lot of weird shit going on in New Hampshire politics. There always is, but it's really ratcheting up now with some, like, pretty—

Doesn't Mitt Romney own some mega place on, like, Wolf— What's the name of that lake? I think— Is he on Winnipesaukee? Winnipesaukee? Is that a thing?

He's—he might not be on Winnipesaukee, but yeah, he's got a big— He's got a big place somewhere in the Lakes region. But anyway, so I did want to know, like, is this person a player in any way? Is this person who is organizing these quasi violent protests at school board meetings because they don't want people to wear masks or what have you? Right.

Because is this I love that you took it to a negative place. You're like, is this a person that I need to in some way?

Doc, just I was just like, is there any news value here in this person buying a piece of property? And so I just I did write to my journalistic. Is this a name that you recognize? And he said, no, this is not a name that I recognize. And I said, OK. And I did not follow up and tell him why I was asking. But had he said, oh, yes, this person is blah, blah, blah. I might have been like, well, I don't know if this is interesting or not, but there's been a property purchase. I think that like a lot of I mean, that was a Hail Mary. But I just felt like I can't just delete this without just seeing. I hear you teasing it out a little bit.

As a person who recently bought a house, I can tell you that there were people on those emails around the title and whatnot that I will never know who those people are. You might have been on some of them.

I'm sure the TVTL voicemail line is.

Yeah, exactly. You're going to get updates on the TVTL voicemail about the title to my little place. All right. I guess we'll leave it there. Are we at the end of the road?

I think so. That wasn't a very good power out for me. I'm trying to do a street view of this place, but there's no street view available here. This looks like it's a pretty remote, tucked away place. Looks like a nice little part of New Hampshire. The soulful rocker from New Hampshire.

Those are all of the New Hampshire-related drops that are on this computer that I'm using today, Andrew. But you have more somewhere else. Yeah, my real computer at my new apartment, which doesn't have the internet, has a plethora. Do you say plethora or plethora? I say plethora. I do too, but I hear people say plethora. Bex, what do you say? Plethora is apparently the way to say that. All right. I have a show title for you.

Oh, good. Okay, I have the show title. Is it Younger Broker, More East Coaster?

Yeah, I wrote that down.

I was very proud of myself and I wrote it down just in case you had to rush out of there and go to the airport for music to go out with your lack of trust in me is warranted I didn't want to be texting you while you're driving to the airport or whatever so unless you have a specific song you want to go out with I I have now started following some long-ass playlist that our friend the stew bot has on Spotify and it looks like it's just like got hundreds of songs in here and I'm just looking for a random song to hit play on unless you have any of them. I have. I'm very excited

about music for your weekend. Oh yeah? Already. I know it's only Monday but Addie hipped me to this new album by a guy named Sam Evian. I've known about this Sam Evian guy for a while because of her but he has a new record out I think it's called Time to Melt and it is real good. But anyway we'll save that for Friday.

Okay but we can't do that yet so how about, hey you know what I know you love this song. How about the old classic Paper Planes by M.I.A.

Oh, you love to hear it. Yeah, let's see what it is.

Oh, that takes you back, doesn't it?

Isn't it good, though? And then just take you right back to it. This is a Clash song that she's sampling, right?

Oh, now that you say that, that does ring a bell. But I don't, I'm pretty ignorant. when it comes to the Clash myself. It's not even the best Clash song. It's just a really good sample. What's the best Clash song? Just joking. I'm just kidding. Train in Vain. Okay, good. I mean, that's like not even debatable. Train in Vain. All right. Thanks for listening, everybody. We're going to be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio for you. So please do join us for that. Until then, take care of yourselves and each other. Stay dry if you're in the greater 503. And please remember, no mountain too tall. And good luck to all. And it's okay that we like different things.

i suck without the internet dude it's like i'm too real for it you know power out