Muse

I love babies. I think they are beautiful in all sorts of different ways. I try to pick up and hold a baby every day if possible because it nourishes me. It feeds my soul. Babies are drawn to me and I think it's because they see me as one of them. But cooler and with my life put together a little that if a baby were president there would be no taxes there would be no war there would be no government and things could get terrible it actually probably it would be a better screenplay idea than a serious suggestion

T-B-T-L Jump man, jump man Them boys up to something Uh, uh, uh, I think I need some Robitussin

Targets, targets I'd tell you to get this through your head But you're a machine So run this through your data processor Get lost

What'd you say? I didn't say anything Yeah, totally No, I hear that If I told you once

I've told you a thousand times i love you things are going to start happening to me now

all right hello good morning and welcome everyone to a tuesday edition of tbtl the show that just might be too beautiful to live i heard about that thing on the am radio my name is luke burbank i am your host i'm sorry i'm just in a silly goofy mood coming to you from the hollywood broadcast center in portland oregon where we're looking at a kind of a dreary didn't know you like to get wet though rainy day here we'll see how things turn out as we continue on and get ever closer to thanksgiving how about some meat you like turkey who are you calling turkey it's going to be an interesting thanksgiving this year as i think many of us are going to be able to get together in person again after missing last year um so that's uh exciting this week uh this is also exciting episode 3560 in a collector series let the fun begin uh i am i'm passing the time when i'm not you know sweating over a uh over a hot laptop keyboard hosting podcasts and radio shows and various media projects i'm casually looking over a laptop and watching youtube where there's this kid who's like five years old and is already a pretty good record producer smarty pants dance smarty pants dance uh we meant to talk about yesterday ran out of time so we'll get to that today also uh down in san diego they had to shut the freeway down san diego has shut down literally

it has shut down look at the free will right now oh my gosh because of something that happened

that truthfully i'm surprised happens as often as it does it seems like a thing that would happen once every i don't know hundred years but it's more frequent than you would think and it seems preventable so we will talk about that as well plus we'll do some emails and some v-mails and we'll talk to this guy the longest running cobro of the show maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. He is Andrew. Indeed, Queen. Walsh, and he's joining me right now from the Roosevelt neighborhood of Seattle, Washington. Good morning, my friend.

Good morning, Luke. Wish I had a little story for you at the top here. I don't. I can issue an apology if you'd like. Okay. I sincerely apologize for using the word lover on yesterday's show. I know people don't like hearing me use the word lover, and I made a commitment to never use the word lover on this show, and yesterday I made the mistake of saying lover, and I apologize.

You may have been taking a page out of my mom's playbook. My mom just sent out a text in advance of Thanksgiving. My mom and dad, I feel both, but in particular, my mom is given to this. I'll say, what's up, dog? They just kind of throw out random phrases or random ways to address all of us kids. And, like, you know how sometimes parents will have a kind of some go-to stuff? Maybe, I don't know, I can't think of a good example, but like a go-to way to describe the group or describe their kids. Maybe they call them their munchkins or their whatevers, right? My parents don't do that. They sort of like reinvent the wheel on it every time. So my mom just sent out a text to the whole family trying to do a head count as to how many people are going to be staying at their house Wednesday night and Thursday night versus how many people are getting there on Thursday, How many people are getting a hotel room in Silverdale, Washington, which is the nearby town? But she starts with, hey, all my lovebirds.

Okay, I was bracing for lovers, so that's not quite as bad.

But Lovebirds, it's cute, but I feel that it's one click off. Or like my dad, I love my dad. You know, Walter B. is pretty much personally responsible for me having any semblance of functional adult life. I'm very grateful for this man being in my life. But he will often respond to texts from my sisters with babes. Like, all right, babes, we'll see you. Okay, babes, we'll see you then. And I'm like, I also know, Dad. I'm a no on that dog. Yeah. Yeah, those are rough.

And I love birds from my mom. I love munchkins. You threw that out there as an example. I don't know if that's something that has been in the rotation, but I like that one. I'm wondering, are you familiar with the expression? It's kind of a corporate speak expression, managing up. Are you familiar with this? Uh-huh, sure. Like, you know, if you have a manager and you realize that maybe you need to, I don't know, maybe through example or through gently leading your supervisor, maybe push them in a different direction. I feel like maybe we can do this with your folks. Notice I said we. I don't know how I sucked myself into this dilemma. But, like, you and your siblings can maybe manage up a little bit. Like, if you start saying, maybe start referring to yourselves as the munchkins, that's a bad idea. Nah, I just heard it.

A lot of my managers have to use the tactic of managing around. Yeah, right. Which is basically get someone who will actually get a hold of me. Right. To whether it's you or at the other places I work, the producers of things. It's really with me, it's sort of like, how do I manage over to this person? Yeah. Like, it should be down because I'm below them on the flow chart. But it's sort of like a management bank shot. How do I get this information to someone or some email account where it will then actually get to Luke?

It's endearing. I'm sure you love it. I'm sure you absolutely love it. That doesn't really affect me much, but you've told me stories. We don't have to get into it. You've told me stories, though, of, yeah, like our new boss trying to get a hold of you and like nobody even has your content. They're like trying to slack you, which I believe, you know, exactly. I really put the slacking off in slack. It is called slack. That's not totally on you. Exactly. Is it too early to talk about? So it sounds like you have a good old-fashioned gathering going on for Thanksgiving this year. I was actually thinking about you this morning because Vives and I weren't exactly sure what our Thanksgiving plans were.

I assume you'll be ordering an elaborate feast that won't be delivered?

Okay. You know what? We decided not to send a tweet out about this. Hold on one second. Vives, is it okay if I tell the story about the tweet about Thanksgiving? Okay. We decided not to engage in social media.

That may have been the most 2021 thing I've ever heard. The guy takes a break from his podcast to ask his partner if it's okay to talk about the tweet that wasn't sent.

Okay. So, and again, it's funny because now it turns out we end up having a lot of musical friends.

God, if you were wearing, like, Oculus glasses, that would have been the goggles. How do you know I'm not? That's true. That's true. That would have been the full 2021 treatment.

You should see my hand right now. It's in a metaverse. So, of course, you're referring to the fact that last year we ordered a Thanksgiving meal from this place called Otto. which is kind of a, I may be saying that wrong, A-D-D-O. When I say it, it sounds like Otto the bus driver, so I don't know how to properly describe it. And the chef of this place, turns out, we have a lot of mutual friends in common, and he's kind of a man about town, and he's kind of one of these young, cool chefs who was featured on the Hulu show.

Didn't this happen when you were at the height of your rage about it? And again, I think extremely justified frustration. I don't think I would have even handled it as well as you did. There was some point where there was some cooking show or interstitial thing that was playing on the local Xfinity package that was featuring him. It was Hulu.

Yeah, Hulu had a new show about young, cool chefs, and he was on the inaugural episode, I believe, right? It was like it was taunting. I couldn't escape him, yeah. Anyway, it's been a year. I'm not going to stay mad. I'm trying not to stay mad about that forever. We ordered this Thanksgiving meal and it never showed up and we were pushed and pulled around and we sat around all day on Thanksgiving waiting for food that never showed up. It was never even supposed to be delivered. We were supposed to pick it up as a whole mishigas. Anyway, it would also rankled us that we never really felt like there was an apology and the chef had really screwed over a whole lot of people, it turns out, on Thanksgiving. Well, recently, and I don't know exactly how this ended up on our radar, but Genevieve showed me a screen cap yesterday. That somebody was talking about how Thanksgiving, you know, preparing one Thanksgiving meal is a very difficult task or something. Right. And the chef replied, yes. And this is the one day where people really.

what it's like to do our job every day is thanksgiving for us and jenny's like i want so badly to write back except for actual thanksgiving of 2020 because that is not a day that you prepared thanksgiving for a lot of people who were expecting a thanksgiving meal it's like maybe just stay away from the third audacity right right the audacity it's just that in his Ted, he's done nothing wrong. That is the thing that is kind of galling and amazing about the whole thing. Like, for him, if he were to hear this, which I hope he doesn't, everybody behave. I hope he does. I hope he doesn't. I don't need to. Like I said, we have a lot of mutuals. I'm not trying to weaponize.

We don't need a bunch of Swifties out there going after Jake Gyllenhaal. I mean, please, everyone play it cool.

I've met him now. Like, he's good friends of mine. I don't need to create drama here. But, I mean, if I were still a stranger and he were to hear this, he would be galled. He would feel like he is the victim of this conversation. Like, that was always the tone after the debacle that I think really galled us, the ones who, you know, didn't get our food on Thanksgiving, was somehow he became the person who, like, people don't understand how hard this is and people aren't giving him a fair shake and he's a local business and all these things. And it's like, wow, man, you really became the victim here pretty quickly.

that's like if we didn't put out a podcast on a day because I was hung over and then the the people who rely on the show and and donate so the show can exist we're like oh that's a bummer and then one day someone tweeted up being hung over and I was like yeah that's every day trying to do a podcast like what wait we did not somebody did not deliver on the the thing that was sort of contractually you know agreed upon but the I mean first of all I feel like that's just a bad look for a person who is at some level in the customer service business oh 100 in the customer service business you know what i mean like like there's no to somehow like snatch like people think of thanksgiving generally i think most people think of it as a warm positive experience you know getting together with family making a big feast it's a great day people tend to love it to take that and then to turn it into a negative which is like god this is every day every day is hell for me having to cook your food that you pay for like to somehow put a negative spin on thanksgiving when not 11 months and 28 days ago yeah right you actually potentially ruined some thanksgivings

due to your disorganization that's rich i can't even tell what he's responding to exactly but i have the direct quote in front of me he says it's the best glimpse of what being a professional cook is like we do thanksgiving every day and jenny wanted to respond except for actually

thanksgiving 2020 i guess well this is your fight so it's your fight to to to fight or not i guess and i won't i won't um again i'm not going to try to work the listeners up everyone be cool don't make a problem for good goodness but if i were in your shoes i would feel very tempted to send

that tweet consequence i mean consequences be damned nah nah i actually um you know aside from this little flare-up only because it's just so it's just so funny but like i have i i don't feel like carrying around genevieve can probably still hear me in the other room i hope it's okay to say this but like you know we went to an event at his place because our friends were holding an event at his place we never made the connection i didn't shake his hand and say hello dear sir you're the person who didn't serve me thanksgiving like i don't think he knew that like me this guy he interacted with in a totally different vein was also there but my point is it wasn't like they were just renting a space it's very clear that i actually have several several groups of friends who in a weird seattle way have various connections to him and actually other members of his family in a way and it's like so we went to his we went to his kind of i guess you would call it a restaurant or maybe his banquet space whatever you would call it um and we had a fine time and we were surrounded by people we loved and as we left i was just like i'm you know like i'm not gonna carry around i just i don't know it exhausts me i think to carry around too much of a grudge uh so this is good news for you luke you can get away with shit you can get away with anything you want

this is why you're not mad at the fact that people are managing around to me through you

you're like yeah i'm cool like what am i gonna do drag around this anvil of anger forever like Like, you know, we had our fun. It's done. Like, I'm just not – I'm not super interested in being galled the rest of my life, although that tweet sort of did trigger something.

Well, then, okay, so what is your – what's the current plan, if there is one, about what y'all are going to do for your Thanksgiving?

Oh, we're going to go back to Otto.

Yeah.

No.

Are you going to get a turkey? Are you going to actually do the kind of traditional thing?

Yeah, no. My story is not a grand story. I was just actually – more curious about you but we were going to maybe have some folks over we do that i guess well actually last thanksgiving it was pandemic and it was just uh me and vives i can't remember honestly can't remember how many the how many thanksgivings the pandemic knocked out i feel like it was the previous pandemic or the previous thanksgiving that we had a pretty big crew of friends over here on thanksgiving just like you know people who don't necessarily have immediate family in the area or what have you i feel like you know genevieve cooked a big bird we did the traditional thing and maybe had a group of eight to ten people or something so that was great we were thinking about doing that again this year but apparently our thanksgiving party wasn't so great last year last time because uh nobody is available um it looked like it was just gonna be the two of us but uh then something changed just at the last minute we do have two friends who are coming over so it's going to be a slightly quieter thanksgiving me and genevieve and a couple of friends of ours and i don't know i'm also inviting people not everybody in the listening audience But I'm also inviting folks like if they're doing their family Thanksgiving thing and need to break away at some point and want to come over for a nightcap, that is that can be an option for for our friend, for our friend group as well. But, yeah, kind of chill, but kind of kind of traditional. What about you? You're getting the whole game. You're getting all the babies together. You're all the babes and lovebirds are getting together right here.

Babes, the lovebirds, the babies, the large Luke's, the little Luke's. Everybody with any Burbank DNA coursing through them and their loved ones are all coming to this thing. I wonder if that is part of what is – or if part of what is contributing to the light attendance or non-attendance of your kind of Friendsgiving is because everybody had a year off of kind of family Thanksgiving and now are actually maybe more excited to do it than they would have been otherwise. Yeah, maybe.

Yeah, I think it's just kind of – yeah, I think it's kind of a coincidence, but yeah.

Because I am like – I am very, very excited to go up and see the fam. And, you know, last year we did it via Zoom, which was fine. It was as good as it could be, but it wasn't the same. And I will say this. I love Thanksgiving. I love my family. I had been getting together at the – you know, at my parents' house with everyone for like my whole adult life. I don't think I've ever missed a Thanksgiving. But then again, there are the elements of it and of family life and of get-togethers that can feel – and when it feels like it's required attendance, which it certainly is in my family, you know, sometimes you're kind of like, okay, well, here we go again. To the degree that I had become in any way a nerd to Thanksgiving or was maybe 2% over it or was thinking about the like – kind of the not – like I will end up sleeping – if I'm lucky, I will get to sleep on a hide-a-bed that has a massive bar through the center of it. that is just a back ruiner but that's if i get the good bed i'm surprised you mentioned that

some people are getting hotel rooms i'm kind of surprised you are not you don't need that i'm

getting a hotel room for thanksgiving night but there's a very specific reason why i must stay at my parents house on wednesday night and that is because i have to get up early and uh and get some coffee going well my dad my dad is you know he's like gets up at like four in the morning because you know he's a dad yeah but like i have to get up relatively early so that addy and i can watch the macy's parade in our sweats like in our pjs basically uh drink coffee and watch the macy's parade and if i wake up at a hotel room and like either take a shower or sort of get dressed and then drive over to my parents house and then go sit on the couch it's not the same experience yeah i see that yep there's a morning you have to have like you have to have bedhead you have to be like i it has to be the the case that i wake up there and then watch the parade with addie this has been the tradition for literally her entire life i mean she's 27 about to turn 28 in february and has had maybe her first year so maybe this is her 26th year where she has been watching the macy's parade with me on thanksgiving morning so anyway but then thursday night i got to get the hell out of there because i got to get some real sleep that's not on the height of bed with my mom i texted my mom and i was like hey you still have room on wednesday night and she was like absolutely i can't wait we will make room she goes even if it's on the couch and i thought i think those couches my mom has my parents have like two love seats that neither one is long enough for me

to sleep on but if you knock the arms off of two of them and then push them together and that's my

plan no my i'm trying to remember what their what their current furniture setup is i mean i haven't been inside my parents house in like almost two years andrew i went and surprised them once and we sat outside i remember so like i don't even know what they i don't even know what their furniture setup is these days maybe they have a longer couch now but for a long time they had these

two leather love seats that were kind of like very 1980s and i don't really know why they went with this as their couch solution because like there's a lot of people in our family and you can fit like three people per love seat so it's not a very it's not a very practical seating solution it's certainly not a a great sleeping situation for me but just three so you can fit

three lovebirds per love seat three lovebirds per love seat that's a famous famous expression i believe sit three lovebirds with one love seat i've already um bought my uh fake turkey my corn

that's the that's the the company that makes it uh i don't even know what they call it protein loaf or something the one that actually tastes the most like uh real turkey although we'll see if I could even cook it. This is what happened last year when I actually went back up. I was sort of mid-move to Portland, but went up and did Thanksgiving in Bellingham with Carrie and Addie. We ended up taking so long to make everything that it was going to add an hour. There wasn't room in the oven for my fake turkey. When the real turkey was being cooked.

Yeah, because it's probably cooked on different temperatures, right?

Right, exactly. And I was just like, I'll just throw it all in. And Carrie wisely was like, I don't think that's a great plan. But so my, um, basically, I mean, there is, there, there will be probably 30, 30 to 40 people at this thing. I mean, yeah, I think that's probably the neighborhood of, yeah, a lot of, I forget,

you know, a lot of siblings, like your siblings and then seven siblings or seven kids total.

And then times that by two cause partners. and then um and then you just add like various children uh and you know children of the children so grand yeah and there are a few hop-ons my mom brings a few people from aa it's not a joke sometimes my cousins come over the bryans so anyway yeah like a lot of people which means a lot of food being cooked which means the um and my parents just have one oven so that's a whole all day long there's like you know strategy around what's getting cooked when also there's like a barbecue is being is being utilized i think my brother-in-law josh he'll probably bring up some kind of a um like a you know those cooking elements that are it's like you can boil a big thing of water on them it's almost for like cooking outdoors or if you were camping or something but it's like a propane tank hooked up to a flame i'm sure a couple of those will be um you know being made use of and so i guess my point is i may not get to cook my weird fake turkey again because if it's going to delay any of the real food then i guess i'll just skip

it i almost had turkey last year everybody what if you start it do cook it in coals in the backyard like do that thing where you like dig a hole start a fire and then like a luau yes everybody

okay maybe i'll give that a shot give me a project to get some of that protein loaf a project to work on you know it's not bad i have to say it it is it is actually you throw a little gravy on there and you kind of wouldn't know um that it's not turkey but then again the question is raised for me i just ate chicken wings dipped in ranch like a week ago for my tv job so i don't if i had a bite of turkey which last year i almost did and then i just ate too many mashed potatoes and rolls and just got full but i was like i'd already made the decision i was like screw it i'm just gonna have some turkey since i can't cook my fake turkey and like it does it does it really matter if i have two bites of turkey a year if that's my thing but then you didn't though i didn't because i got full on other stuff yeah right yeah yeah i'm not gonna whatever break my streak but it's like it does really raise this question of like what exactly am i doing with this vegetarianism thing that it's like there are exceptions to the rule but one of them is not thanksgiving which is like my favorite holiday of the year well you're doing

what feels right in the moment you don't know anybody's shit man yeah told you that a million times for real like you're not doing this it's not it's not an assignment you're doing it because most of the time you don't feel like eating meat and and sometimes when you're on assignment you decide you do need to do it for your job and you know what i mean like you're you're not accountable to anybody you're not you're not you know like whatever you know what i did do yesterday i had

a craving for some pietro's pizza what is that is that a frozen brand or is that a delivery no it's It's a pizza chain here in Portland, and they also have them up in Washington, although I think there are fewer and fewer of them. Pietras was one of those kinds of places that has, like, it's pizza, but then they have a lot of, like, pop-a-shot and video games. It's not a full-blown Chuck E. Cheese, but it has a lot of fun going on. I like that. It was the kind of place you'd go for your soccer, like, awards ceremony. Oh, yeah. And it's very much the kind of place where if you were to dine in, you'd get one of those classic red plastic cups that you put your fountain drink in, and it's just... Just a very classic 80s pizza experience. And I had forgotten that Pietro's Pizza existed until I moved down here. And I was driving through Milwaukee, Oregon, which is a suburb of Portland, a couple years ago, maybe a year ago. And I saw the original Pietro's Pizza, which has the most amazing sign ever. And so every once in a while, I get a craving for it. And yesterday was one of those days. So I called him up. I put my order in. But I was in, as the drop would indicate, a silly, goofy mood, and I decided... I'm sorry. I'm just in a silly, goofy mood. I decided I also wanted to order some cheese bread, which I then... I did order. By the way, I ate maybe one piece of the cheese bread. What I realized immediately upon bringing the stuff home was ordering cheese bread with pizza is a very odd thing, because you're already playing in the bread and cheese space. cheese bread dipped in marinara is effectively a slice of pizza i don't know how this got promoted

as a side for your pizza i think about this all the time okay first of all i know i say i don't eat cheese but let's just everybody just accept the fact that i do eat pizza and pizza you don't owe anyone an explanation thank you i don't know i don't owe anybody shit as i said to you yep my little love bird but I do enjoy I do enjoy pizza I enjoy mozzarella sticks you know like not the cold ones that come in that plastic I mean like when you're ordering a pizza you get a side of yeah you get a side of mozzarella sticks you dip them in marinara I enjoy that because I enjoy that I also will sometimes if the place I'm ordering from doesn't have the cheese sticks that I'm hoping for I will order the cheesy bread you know because essentially you're right it is pizza cheese on top of bread and then you dip it in marinara and I enjoy that and it somehow is different but they're they're selling a pizza now Luke I don't know it's like Pizza Hut or Domino's or one of those they're selling a pizza now that is half pizza half cheesy bread have you seen this it's like a minotaur of pizza no I don't think I have yeah like I just saw it like I I just saw it flash in front of my eyes the other day probably while watching football and I didn't really I didn't really pay too much attention to the commercial but i did like i know my brain went on a very short journey just thinking like wow those two things are already so similar now you're serving it all in the same round circle of food it's half pizza half cheesy bread and you're going to dip the cheesy bread in marinara sauce what are we doing here yeah i i and it doesn't sound bad by

the way i'm not judging i'm just saying what am i doing here well that was what i ran into like i got the I just had a hankering for some kind of side and so I went with it but then I got home and I opened the the pizza box and I opened the gar the the cheesy bread box and then I was like I guess I'll just alternate to try to keep it interesting because like what I really wanted was the pizza which by the way was delicious and absolutely made me feel like I was in seventh grade which is I guess what I was going for but then I just felt I felt obligated to the seven I paid for the cheesy bread to deal with it but I didn't really want it it was just kind of like why did I do this

well can we give can we go Dan Pashman on this for one second and actually give the cheesy bread

invent a tremendously lucrative and popular pasta style because yes I would like us to get some kind of ancillary business going you know Dan Pashman will go down as the pasta king of America when he you know when he's all done on this planet he will not be sporkful host or author of eat more better or one-time producer of the Bryant Park Project. None of those things will be in his obit. It will be the pasta king of America.

Has he been branching out? I know he invented his own pasta, but now is that? And I knew that that was quite popular, and he went on tour with it. But am I only knowing about the tip of the iceberg here?

Well, I think it's just that that pasta is so popular. It's like they can't keep it in stores. And now he's being approached, I think, by other larger companies. I think he's talked about all this on The Sporkful, so I'm not talking out of turn. But it's just been such a hit that my guess would be that he can now go on to develop other, you know, food products and things that he would want to. I mean, he has a really good track record with this first thing.

But to kind of crawl into his headspace for a second and really consider these foods that we're talking about, there is something very different about – well, first of all, do you ever – if you're eating a hot food and you're dipping it into marinara sauce, will you heat up the marinara sauce or will you eat it cold? if it's not already heated up because that's kind of a difference there, right? Like if you're eating hot cheesy bread and dipping it into cold marinara, some people might not like that. I don't hate it, but it's very different than biting into a slice of pizza. It's a totally different feeling.

Right, and the marinara at that point. it's almost kind of cooling down the cheesy garlic situation. I guess I probably wouldn't heat up the marinara because I'm too lazy. I also ate a slice of pizza in the car, which I was really kind of disappointed in myself. You couldn't wait to get home? That's how hungry I was. And also I had to drive to Milwaukee, Oregon to get this pizza that I wanted. So it was like I get the pizza. I put it on the car seat. I'm listening to All Things Considered. It's about to get dark because it's 445. It's probably getting dark. And I was so hungry, and I was like, let's just drive home, and then we'll get this out, and then we'll put on our Chris Hayes, and we'll do our little ritual. And then I was like, but what if I just ate one slice in the car?

See, that's where I would have gone for the cheesy bread, because I think of a cheesy bread more as an appetizer. And it's like you're not ruining the experience of, like, popping up that pizza. I know.

I don't know why. I did everything wrong yesterday, Andrew, and I'm here to admit it. You don't know anybody's shit. Hey, you know what?

I don't owe you shit. Hey, let me – here's a little – here's a little something I would do. I would like to share this with the audience in case they haven't thought of it. I'm somebody who likes red pepper flakes on a slice of pizza. I don't know if you ever mess around with that or not, Luke. But that's how I like it. In fact, I'll put a little oregano on a slice of pizza as well. But if I'm eating, like, let's say mozzarella sticks or cheesy bread or something that you would dip into a marinara sauce, what I will do is, as long as I'm doing this myself and I'm not contaminating anybody else's meal, I will put the hot pepper flakes and other seasoning directly into the marinara sauce. And then I will dip the cheesy bread into the marinara sauce, and that becomes the vehicle for those spices.

I like that. I can get down with that. The thing – this has now got me really hungry. I know. Here we go. I may have made yet another mistake, which is that I threw out the leftover pizza this morning. Whoa! Because I didn't want to be tempted. Listen, I – you know. Now you owe me shit. Can we use now you owe me shit as a show teller? No, I got up this morning and I, you know, I'll be honest with you. I went out to the kitchen and I saw the box of Pietro's pizza and I saw the slices that had not been consumed. And I didn't feel great about my food decision making yesterday. And I was just kind of like if I keep, well, really what I wanted to do was eat a cold slice of pizza for breakfast. But I was like, not today, Satan. And also I'm going out of town for Thanksgiving. So, you know, I just thought if I it felt like the only virtuous thing that I could do, I could snatch back a small shred of my of my self-discipline by at least not eating the leftover pieces of pizza.

I always think of something that I think it was Genevieve and her friends saw it on TV. I mean, this goes back like 20 years or something. It might have even been on Queer Eye or something where the person took one bite of a brownie and then sprayed the rest of it with Windex so that the rest of it is like. Nope, I don't have the willpower. I'm going to have one bite, and then I'm going to just, like, nuke it, make it completely inedible.

You know, I did a version of that for a while, which I think I had heard about from, like, some kind of starlet, I guess. Somebody who had been on one of the—might have even been Mandy Moore or Amanda Bynes or I don't know. I had heard about a Hollywood person who, when they would, sitting and having a meal, like, say, at a restaurant, when they realized they were full, but they still had, like, a bunch of French fries left over or whatever, they would then dump their water out on the plate all over the food. Let's get sloppy. Slop them up. Like, steaks and white table. What is it? What is the sketch?

I can't remember the name of it, but it's like, yeah, sloppy steaks. We'd go out and get sloppy steaks.

They would they would I used to be a real they would whoever this was would dump their water out over the food so then they would not want to eat it because they didn't feel like they needed at that point. They were just eating out of boredom and I literally did that for a period of my life. And then I also thought is this any way to live. I don't know. It's weird. It's like to be that hung up on things and to be that to be windexing my brownies. I mean, this is the constant and I'm not talking about anybody else's body or food choices or what have you. But for me, it's this constant tension between just enjoying my life and being like, it's fine. And constantly living inside my head about what I'm consuming, when I'm consuming it, if it was OK, you know, that kind of stuff.

Yeah. You know, not to get into my body image stuff here, too. Well, I mean, I would like to. so you know me like you and I have this dynamic where I always feel like I've eaten too much and you you watched me eat and you think that I ate a normal amount or whatever but like lately here's the deal with me especially as I've been like you know maybe spending one lunch break a week maybe going to some diner in my neighborhood or something and ordering I the thing is for me It's.

Like, you can order a sandwich and either fries or onion rings or whatever or a cup of soup. Well, I'm always into the soup. It's why I go to these places. And it's not that the soup is super good. It's just I just like diner soup because I'm a young, cool man. And so I will always order. Let's say I'm going to get a – this is a common thing, right? Like a sirloin dip, which is basically a hamburger on a French roll with some au jus to dip it in. And I could get that with a cup of soup or fries. Well, I always get a cup of soup and fries, right? And usually when I'm rolling into these places, it's later in the afternoon. I haven't had breakfast or lunch. This is my lunch, so it's like two or three, and I'm just so hungry. And so I sit down and I order the food. Then I eat the soup, and weirdly, because I'm so hungry and the soup is usually like, you know, clam chowder or often something that is even creamy, like that fills you up way more than you think when you sit down. You have a glass of Coke, and I don't go in for the Diet Coke. I'm just like, I'm well into this.

Oh, by the way, I had Coke Zero with my pizza feast last night.

Yeah, right.

As I like to say, it's like a fat scour. It just goes in. As long as you take that last, it just absolutely undoes all the calories.

So I'm usually sitting down. I've already probably slurped down one big glass of Coke while waiting for my soup. Then the soup comes. And then while you're waiting for the sandwich and fries, you're like, I actually could probably quit right here. Like, I'm not actually actively super hungry anymore. I'm still looking forward to the food. Then the food comes out and you look down on it and it's always and this is where my shame trigger always kicks in. Right. Like I it just always looks like so much food to me and I'm immediately embarrassed as if me being there by myself, like the wait staff is laughing at the fat guy in the corner who ordered so much food. Can you imagine this guy ordered a soup, a cup of soup, a sandwich and fries? what a laughing stock this guy is like nobody's saying that right but all of the shame triggers are just like ringing in my head and i think one thing i used to do all the time is just eat it as fast as i could like honestly hide the evidence like it is a sick thing i'm being quite serious here like i noticed that i probably have this habit for a long time but i actually noticed it and i kind of put it into this thought over the past couple of years realizing oh i think i see what I'm doing I'm I'm ashamed at all the food in front of me and I'm embarrassed for no real reason and then I start eating it super fast so that like I'll actually sometimes think that people walking by are judging me about how much food I'm eating this is not healthy behavior what I've started doing and has made me feel better is not feeling like I had like always going into it with the expectation that I'm going to be taking probably half of the sandwich home this is so obvious I know this is obvious but also you heard how my brain works like it's broken around these things and that has like helped me so much just feeling like i don't have to hide the evidence just like yeah this huge sandwich came out i'm gonna cut it in half it's usually already cut in half i'll eat part of it and bring the rest home and that'll and then i'll have that like as dinner later and that is kind of like really changed my uh i think it's sort of it's

freed me up a little bit right i mean that is a thing i am the worst at leftovers by that i mean And I some people I'm thinking of one person in particular who we have as a shared friend whose entire life revolves around leftovers. They love leftovers so much. They they like they're the only person I know who will eat like a Buffalo Wild Wing, like something from Buffalo Wild Wings two days later, which just seems like the least maybe the least kind of ideal food to. I don't know why that came to mind, but.

Oh, that's interesting. I don't know who you're talking about. But I don't – yeah, I never let – any kind of food like that, like pizza, wings, anything that's left over, it always gets eaten. If it survives the first day, it will certainly get eaten by the second day.

I am the king of leaving the – if I get food to go, which I don't because the way my wiring is for all of my talking about my self-discipline, I also clean my plate most of the time, which might be why I was dumping water on things for a while. So on the rare occasion, I actually do have some to-go box. I either leave it in the restaurant on the table, like not intentionally, or I leave it in the car for one to four days. I don't think leftovers have ever in the last 10 years of my life. I don't think leftovers that I got from the restaurant have ever successfully made it into my home, into the refrigerator, out of my refrigerator, onto a plate and back into my body. Really? Oh, wow. There's always some issue. I always mess up some part of it or I just get up the next day and it doesn't seem like the most appealing thing to me or what have you. Now, leftover pizza is a different matter, but that's if I order a thing of pizza and I have pizza the next day, I'm very tempted to eat it because I like cold pizza maybe more than I like warm pizza.

And when you say cold, my guess is you're not even refrigerating it overnight. You're leaving it in the box. We've probably talked about this.

It is sitting in the box, which I don't know if that's dangerous or not. I mean, it hasn't killed me yet. But the pizza that has, like, re-congealed the next day and is just cold, I, in fact, as we talk about it and we need to take a break, I'm tempted to go into the garbage, Andrew, and dig that pizza out.

You know what? That's how much I like that stuff. I'm going to Venmo you 25 bucks. You're going to get yourself a new pizza, okay? Just let it sit for a little bit.

Okay.

All right. Let's do that. Let's take that break. I may or may not go dig through the garbage and get some garbage pizza. And then we'll be back with more TV Chal in a moment. hey let's thank our donors of the day these are the people making today's episode possible with their support people like michelle rund in san jose california yes we have several san jose years don't we yeah what do you think what do you call a person from San Jose? San Jose-ers.

You so San Jose-sy? You know what happens when you leave San Jose? You become Sanz-Jose. That didn't work. As I was getting close, I was like, that's not right

the structure. I very much like that. Samantha Wheeler is in Everett, Washington. Thank you, Samantha. Hey, Greg Wohler is in Olympia, Washington. I'll be passing through Olympia. Well, that's not true. I think I'm going to hang a Louie just before Olympia as I go to my parents' house. You know, I've never been to – I've never lived in Portland and gone to Thanksgiving at my parents' house before.

Oh, yeah. So this will be a new adventure for me. Yeah, you're hanging a Louie because, yeah, you don't have to come up through Seattle. Your parents will live in Seattle.

And going through Tacoma and Seattle is really – Sure. That's where things are going to be real bad. Yes, it is. On Wednesday and Thursday. So this is actually kind of lucky for Lukey that I can hang a left right before I get to Olympia and then go up the Olympic Peninsula instead of having to go through all that I-5 stuff, which is really bad. Anyway, I'll wave at you, Greg, as I get near your town. Hey, Corinne Reese is in Florence, Alabama. Hi, Corinne. Hi, Corinne. I only know, I would have said Corrine. Had we not met Corrine, I would have said Corrine based on the spelling. But I remember things sometimes. Oh, and then Garrett Schumann is in Ypsilanti. Now, is it Schumann? Michigan. Or do I? I always think Schumann, but I don't know. And of course, Schumann, because he is a classical music expert.

Exactly.

Garrett is. Yeah. But I guess if we say the composer's last name is Schumann, that means we probably should say Garrett's last name is Schumann.

But now I'm trying to think. I always just assumed it was Schumann. And then I was like, wait, maybe I've never even heard him say that. This might have just been, you know, again, an assumption on my part. I don't know.

Garrett, send us a pronouncer, please, if you can, just so we can make sure we're doing this right. There's an irony to the fact that Garrett is a music guy and his last name. I know. Is Schumann. His middle name is Mozart. If you name your kid Garrett Mozart Schumann or Garrett Mozart Schumann, you pretty much are sending them on a path towards classical music. And then David Hughes is supporting the program from Santa Rosa, California. Thank you, David, as well. Thanks to all of our donors of the day for making today's show possible. Thanks also to Theo for checking in from the Roosevelt neighborhood of Seattle, Washington. We would not be here without you. Hello, and welcome to Top Story. Speaking of Theo, really quickly, Theo's doing all right? You sent me a picture of Theo in a real Hannibal Lecter outfit at the Vets the other day.

Oh, should I use this as a show pic? Yes, you absolutely should. I mean, if Theo gives you permission. Yeah, I'll give his permission. He's on my lap now. Nice. He, you know, Novembers are just really hard on this old guy. A few years ago when we were doing a Thanksgiving, now this is going back to our old apartment, so it's a while back. He had one of our guests. We were never exactly sure what happened. And we kind of pieced it together later. Actually, I must have talked about this on the show because it was such an ongoing thing. But he got his foot, we thought, stepped on. It turns out we think somebody accidentally like scooched their chair and landed on Theo's paw. This is going back like five, six years ago. And we took him. I don't know if you remember that adventure, but we were like it was like Thanksgiving night. We were all tuned up and we had to take an Uber to like the emergency room for cats. And it was actually after midnight. I think it was like two in the morning or whatever. And it was a whole ordeal. His pot ended up being fine in the long run. But that was on Thanksgiving several years ago. And then last Thanksgiving time, I think it was a week leading up to Thanksgiving, he had.

his first seizures he had a couple of seizures in a row we thought it was kind of the the end for this old guy um but here it is a year later he's still around he's on several medications um some for the seizures and um everything's been you know pretty much normal he's showing more and more age he's he's going to be 21 in the spring which is pretty old for a cat um and uh and then just the other day we were watching tv and he kind of had a little mini i could tell it was a little mini seizure again he displayed some of those same um it was it was much more mild but he displayed some of the same behavior that he did when he had the really scary ones a year ago and i was like man november for this cat man he's either going to die this november or live in to see next november i think um so he had a little mini he had a little mini seizure he actually had a couple of them over the past couple of days so we took him to the doctor the other day and they checked him out and they upped his medication a little bit they can't you know they don't know what's going on And we're not going to like go through a whole bunch of x-rays and stuff. I mean, he's 21 years old. You know what I mean? We're not going to put him on some sort of a therapy, you know, a cancer therapy for cats if it is like a tumor or something. So so anyway, we just had to take him in, get checked up, get his get his medication up and what have you. But it is funny, like even just now, he went to hop on his little chair next to me. I noticed he can't quite make the hop like two weeks ago. He could make the hop, you know, and I don't know if it's increased medication or, you know he's just he's a 20 year old cat you know so i don't know i'm just he's very fragile these days and he needs a lot of love so that's what we're giving him on the uh positive if he can

survive this november he will legally be allowed to drink exactly which is i'm looking forward to

taking him to teddy's he's gonna be so much more fun you know what he's not vaxxed though oh really yeah he's got he's immunized though right well yeah he says he's just doing his own research I don't know what that means.

By the way, thoughts and prayers with all of our listeners who are going home this Thanksgiving to deal with their family members who are, quote, doing their own research.

Oh, my God. Good point.

I have got – I don't want to get into – or maybe we'll get into this on one of the actual Thanksgiving shows. I don't know. I've got a bit of a situation potentially brewing, which maybe we'll talk about coming up. uh i just want to clear the clear this off the um the schedule because i keep talking about it's a weird transition to make but i saw this video the other day andrew of this kid this five-year-old kid who can play every single instrument and has perfect pitch and like can produce music in a way that is totally shocking to me let me play you a little this is just him uh he's lying down on like a floor like a hardwood floor with his he's just lying down on his back and his i presume his dad is sort of behind him and has a keyboard and he's just playing notes and then the kid is just naming the note based on hearing it take a listen to this tell me when you're ready i'm ready okay

uh that is a c minor seven that's right c minor seven okay what

What chord is this? Oh, weird.

That's an E flat major 7. How did you know that? I recognized it from I Have Nothing.

I Have Nothing.

Whitney Houston.

No, he's saying it's from the Whitney Houston song.

Oh, I thought he said I Have Nothing, like he doesn't know how to answer the question. Oh, that's the name of the song, I see.

Yeah, I thought he was just being funny, too, like I Got Nothing. But no, he recognized it from a Whitney Houston song and remembered the note and filed it away somewhere in his little adorable brain.

You're right. Okay, how about this? What chord is this?

That is a D7.

Very good. Can you sing a B? B. Very good. Okay, how about this chord?

Um, that's an F9.

F9, very good. Okay, how about this chord? Uh, here. I got a good one. How about this chord? Okay.

that's an a add nine a add nine wow amazing all right tell me i don't think i even knew there was

a chord called an a add nine me neither i was a star wars character now there are two of them I have an E major with an A. That's right. It's E major. It has an A in it. What do you call that? Very good.

It's E sus something.

Yep.

E sus.

Do you want a hint? Do you want a hint? Oh, that is an E ad.

And his little sister comes over, and she's hugging him while he's doing their shows. Anyway, it just goes through every note that exists and gets them all right, which is incredible. The thing, I had seen something on Instagram. My friend Elena Passarello was like, what do you call it on Instagram when you put it there? Like a story? Insta-ing it? Yeah. somehow i saw it on her instagram page and then i went and found it was him i think he was maybe producing a version of return of the mac but then i clicked on his youtube channel and he doesn't actually have that many videos i think the kid's name is miles maybe um it's the youtube channel is run by his parents and if i play the audio of him like producing this green day song it's really not that helpful because it's heavily edited because it takes him like two or three days But it's basically a video of him playing instruments along to a click track, which, again, when I first saw it, I thought that this was a spoof or that it was some kind of a parody video where they were just like, let's make a tiny child. Let's make it look like a tiny child is producing music at a high level. But it's not. He knows everything about GarageBand. He knows everything about the tremolo, about, like, you know, he's listening to this Green Day song, and then he's playing, he plays the guitar, he plays the drums, he plays the piano, he sings, he harmonizes with himself, and his understanding of the software that he's producing this song on is totally wild to me. like he is so i mean his dad doesn't even know his dad's like at one point his dad is going like well how are you going to do that on this because that will and you'll appreciate there's like a sound editing person andrew he's like well isn't that going to take over the whole track and the kid's like well no because if you click on this lower part of it it allows you to just highlight this part and do da da da the kid is like another he's another garrett mozart schumann right but

I guess my question is, and I don't expect you to have an answer to this, but just as this is all hitting me for the first time, but, like, his parents have to guide him some of the way, right? Like, I mean, he must have taken lessons. Like, he doesn't – you're not just born knowing what an A, add nine is. Is that what he said? You know what I mean? So, like, his parents must have taken him up to a certain point, and even with the software technology as well, and then he just continued to blossom past what they were able to show him, I guess.

you know like at some point i mean when he was three i'm sure he had to i'm sure he had to uh somebody had to point him in the direction of like how do you actually input the audio into the digital audio interface or what have you like so at some point they had to teach him but he now seems to have far far exceeded it's also clear that his parents are at least his dad is like a musical person yeah because they have this like home it's not really a studio it's not like it has soundproofing in it it's just a room where they have like a mac and a bunch of instruments so clearly comes i don't know if any of this is going to really play as audio but let me play you a little bit of him trying to record this green day album oh you know what the audio is terrible anyway he's uh the kid is known as miles music kid on instagram and on youtube and again he is not only uh just absolutely adorable but he is incredibly talented now the only thing that i will say i don't know why i have to go negative but it's also kind of clear his name is miles bonham i wonder if he's related to he's the great grandchild of john bonham probably not um but the only thing i'll say is that it's kind of clear that his parents are as they should be very impressed and excited about this but every time they put out a video of him which is really not that many like i said it's maybe 10 or 12 videos they put like 8 million hashtags on it like in that very thirsty way that i see on tiktok a lot too where it's like and the hashtags will be like child music genius hashtag perfect pitch hashtag green day hashtag you know like definitely now listen this deserves to have attention like these videos don't have that many views The first video of this The first one that I saw in YouTube Which again I can't play for you because I think I need to just get a new computer Maybe I'll ask Santa for a new laptop for Christmas, Andrew, so that I can actually play audio from the Internet. That doesn't sound like trash. But the video didn't have that many views. And it was to me this of him writing this Green Day song. It was it's whatever that Green Day song is my shadow. I'm not a Green Day aficionado, but that video only had like, I don't know, a few thousand views. And I was like, how is this thing just sitting over here with only a few thousand views when it is actually pretty impressive? Has it blown up since or is it about to because you're talking about it here? Well, we'll have to see what the TBTL bump is, obviously.

Yeah, exactly. But I don't I feel like I always do this and it is not a good look to get into competitions with children.

But are you sure?

I just want you to know that there is a recording somewhere of me, probably around age three or four years old, singing Bye Bye Miss American Pie at the top of my lungs while taking a bath in Valley City, Ohio. Can we get that audio? I don't know where it is, but we – so my mom had this old-fashioned, like, you know, like tape recorder, a cassette recorder that I don't even know how to describe it. Like, if you don't know these types of things, you just don't know. But, like, it's the kind that – I don't know. I'm trying to think. Who is the gonzo journalist? Hunter S. Thompson. Hunter S. Thompson. You can sort of see this thing strapped around him as he's chasing after a dune buggy, like that kind of thing. You know, it had a leather and it was like I think it was a realistic brand, which was the Radio Shack brand. And it had those big clunky buttons, you know, press record and play down really hard at the same time. And the tape would pop out when you hit eject. Everything was very mechanical about it. And then it was in this leather black case. And it was our cassette player and recorder. And it was just our family device. And at one point, I was singing that song in the tub, and then I didn't know one of my parents thought it was cute, the way a lot of parents think their kids singing is cute. And so they recorded me surreptitiously. I was three or four, so I didn't really notice if the recorder happened to be sitting on the toilet or something. And then they would play it back, and it was – I don't know at what age they were playing it back for me that I was mortified. But I hated this thing I can still picture the cassette tape It was one of those old 1970s black cassette tapes With the sticker on it that's already fraying at the corners And this thing just lived I believe the tape just sort of lived in the player For years and years and years Until eventually I took over the player Because I got to an age where I was trying to get my hands on as many pieces of audio equipment as possible To do strange dubs in my room, I guess But I don't know where the actual cassette tape is I don't know where the recorder is anymore either But I don't know where that cassette tape lives Or if it exists My guess is it might be in Arizona With my mom But it's like 50-50 Either my mom has it in a box somewhere Or it's just gone with the wind Would you be embarrassed to play that stuff now? Or to hear it now? No, I wouldn't be embarrassed To play that now I mean, I don't have any You know what I mean? It would be interesting to hear, I suppose I mean, it would probably give me some weird feelings, but because it was something that that did give me a lot of embarrassment at one point. I don't think it would be embarrassing for me now. Like, I don't want to play for you my college radio station cassette tape that I stumbled on the other day.

But I don't think that I would be embarrassed about playing something of like me singing in the tub as a very small child.

Good. I'm glad to hear that even you with your kind of some of your insecurities or things that tend to haunt your brain can agree that a three year old singing in the bathtub is certifiably adorable and not embarrassing for that person at any point in their life.

Well, yeah, the embarrassing thing about it is and I had you already had you ordered a pastrami sandwich after having I had ordered soup and fries and a sandwich in the bathtub gummo style. And so that's kind of the embarrassing thing there.

That sucks. I'm sorry. I was trying to feverishly get to it. Do you have any gummo drops? I dropped a steak in the bathwater. Son of Tatum O'Neill. This is a story you sent me, Andrew, from the Washington Post. Rachel Panette writing about this thing that happened on the freeway in San Diego. Drivers went wild as California Highway was blanketed in cash. Now police want the money back. Apparently, an armored car, an armored truck, had its back door fly open and a bag of money fell out.

And it spilled all across a freeway just north of San Diego. And this was on Friday, I guess. And people were just, everyone just stopped. Everyone was just running around picking up the money. And it was like a whole thing. Now the California Highway Patrol is telling people that they have to return the money if they picked it up. Because the finder's keeper's law does not apply to money that the loser didn't know they were losing, if that makes sense. In other words, if your wallet falls out of your pocket and someone finds it, they can't keep it, is the basic rule that's being put into play here. There was, I guess, just because of the year that we live in, Andrew, there just so happened to be an Instagram influencer.

Yeah, that's how this came to me. Somebody, I'm looking for the, I see it's kind of embedded in the story here, although I don't know if it's the same exact audio, by the way. Do you, well, is your computer working all right, though, with that?

Well, I loaded it into another system. Oh, okay, good.

Yeah, then why don't you play it? Because let me tell you how this came to me, though, is without comment, somebody just texted this TikTok video to me of this, or, you know, to our TBTL line of, you know, this woman, and I didn't recognize her. You'll be surprised to hear that I did not recognize her as a social media influencer.

You don't follow a lot of fitness influencers?

No, yeah, I do. It's called the Soup, Sandwich, and Fries cast. And I – so I'm watching this woman like kind of screaming and freaking out about how there's money all over the freeway in San Diego and I look at the date on and it looks relatively new but I'm like racking my brain. I'm like is this a story from a long time ago that's resurfacing now? That will happen a lot. Like an old story will suddenly resurface on social media for some reason and then it will just be in the zeitgeist. I always use the example of the – well, this is kind of a different thing, but like in the 1970s, Cleveland released like 1,000 balloons into the sky or something as some sort of celebration, and of course it was a disaster. And so that will –

Well, there was that time too that Les Nesman dropped live turkeys out of a helicopter over Cincinnati.

More on that on Thursday on the anniversary of that drop. But, no, this is a true thing that happened in Cleveland. And then for some reason, I don't know, once every two years, that story will just resurface on social media again. And people who didn't see it the first time get really excited about it. And then it starts getting passed around. And, of course, I'm from Cleveland, so I'll get a million links of saying, hey, did you know this thing happened in Cleveland? And that's not a dig on people sending us stuff. It's just the cycle of these stories. So anyway, I get this random TikTok video without comment with this woman's freaking out on a freeway in San Diego saying this truck just dumped all this money and everybody's grabbing the money. And, you know, me, Luke, I'm just like looking for the I'm looking for the fake a little bit. I'm looking for the angle, but it's clearly not faked because there's I mean, you just couldn't fake this. I mean, there is a there's a stoppage of traffic on the highway and a bunch of humans are running around grabbing money. And I was like but if this happened Wouldn't it be in the news So I just typed money San Diego Highway and then it was like oh yeah It's in the news like this woman This influencer just happened to Be there so anyway that that was my experience With this story it really did happen I want to talk to you about the legal stuff but I guess we should Hear this audio first yeah so the audio

Isn't that interesting but this is kind of what it sounded Like out there on that freeway in San Diego Tell me when you're ready oh whoops sorry that's our Little kid this is the money one

this is the most insane thing i've ever seen someone drop money all over the freeway san diego has shut down literally it has shut down look at the freeway right now oh my gosh literally everybody stopped on the freeway to get money off of the freeway this is literally insane this is insane oh my gosh i don't know what the guy says at the end if he says we're going to sizzler

oh is that what he said i don't know do they have are sizzlers even a thing anymore or

caesar i think there was a sizzler in my neighborhood in la although it might have

shut down while i was there i'm not sure what he's saying there but he's very excited now yeah I think it's, well, you know, Andrew, I mean, what do you think I'm going to say about this money on the roadway?

Well, we've, it's funny, we've talked about found money a lot on the show.

Yes, because this has happened before. I understand why you were suspicious of this story, because, like, this audio is from a different time when an armored car blew open on a freeway and people got the money.

People just came out here and was getting hella money.

that was from a different time that an armored truck leaked money all over the freeway i i don't know what i said back then but i'm guessing and i said what i'll say now which is like you should be able to keep this money. I'm sorry. It's FDIC insured. Yes, in some way it costs us all, I don't know, a fractional amount of money. If you were to say, well, the interest that you – the interest that – or the fees that you pay for your banking are in some way, or at least the tab of this, the taxes we pay, some part of that is sent back to the federal deposit insurance corporation, whatever FDIC stands for. So granted this does cost all of us some amount of money But it was 20s and 1s And like what did somebody get I mean like $50 in 1s A couple hundred dollars in 20s Like this should just be one of those Little miracles that happens If an armored truck blows open on the freeway It should just be considered like Christmas came early

I'm trying to review this story now Do they say how much money was lost They don't They do not

Which it probably is part of their thing They probably, you know, there's all kinds of security around it. But apparently people have been people have already been turning money in that they found because the highway patrol is saying we're going to run. We're going to run everyone's faces that we can see in these videos. Oh, here's another thing. If an armored truck blows open on the freeway and you have picked up money, try to not stand near any of the influencers who are filming. because that's really the only way that they're that they have you know videos of people's faces because well i mean i think more than just as influencer i think everyone's instinct was to

get their cameras out and start filming and i would guess that the armored car would probably have some sort of a camera too i mean i'm in i'm in lifts that have that have dash cams on them now

so i would think sure if you were right behind it i bet you you'd be caught on camera but the this money was blowing every it was also funny because in this influencers video what a lot of people are choosing to do is pick up a bunch of bills and then throw them in the air like you throw like

leaves another reason another reason i was dubious for a second i'm like why are you throwing that

in you yeah i'm not i'm sorry i'm not throwing the money in the air i'm putting the money in

the pocket i'm just shoving it into the front of my pants like a kangaroo anywhere that's where keep your money that's well try mugging me um but what i you know here's so i read this story quickly yesterday and and i i misunderstood the legal part of it i think i understand it now i here's the one here's the one caveat the one little pushback to what you're saying that i will offer up here because i am as much as i'm kind of a boy scout and a rule follower um to a fault there is something programmed in me about found money that fascinates me and I've said this before like ever since my friend Tony left Valley City Ohio and moved to the big city of Canton Ohio where he is hanging out with his uh big city friends and I'm gonna say assume the parking lot of the National Football Hall of Fame um but I remember him telling me a story about how you know he was riding his bike around like he really did like he left Valley City where we had no like it wasn't even a suburb it was all just country or whatever and then he goes to canton where he can hang out with his friends in like 7-eleven parking lots and have the sort of tween experience we didn't use the word tween back then but you know what i mean have the kind of coming of age experience of like more of a a um suburban or even maybe more urban upbringing where he's just like kind of running wild in the streets riding his bike and and getting into trouble quote unquote trouble um and he claims that he and who was it his friend dill it wasn't dylan it doesn't matter uh kicked a bag a brown bag in a parking lot and discovered a bunch of money in it and i can't remember how much for for the age we were it was astounding but i think it might have been a couple of 50s or something i'm not sure um that's how i remember it i'm probably messing up most of it but that always has lived in my brain this idea i mean i will still if i see a brown bag on the sidewalk sometimes nudge it with my foot and see if money comes out like the idea of finding a bag of money is still so exciting to me and we've talked about this on the show and people are like if you find a bag of money andrew under no uncertain under no uncertain circumstances you have to report that somewhere you have to turn that in that means something that belongs to somebody or something bad happens somewhere and i've always kind of made the argument but random money not a wallet not with the id in there or any any way just random money seems like manna from heaven to me and i can't get that out of my head the one thing having having said all of that and seeing this these images of people just running down the street like it's a batman movie grabbing free money off the ground and shoving in their pockets really appeals to me until i see the truck sitting there with its doors flapping open because for me that's sort of like that's the difference between finding a wallet and finding a

bag of random money in my fantasies, because a bag of random money, you don't know where it came

Thank you.

from. But a wallet, if I have found wallets before, and I've worked to get them back into the proper hands, you know, this is a real person with identification, and there's a way to solve this problem. And so for me, like, let's say I found 100 bucks on the ground. And it was right next to a guy who was holding his wallet upside down, clearly like opened his wallet the wrong way to fell out like that's not found money to me that is a man who dropped his money in front of me and i know that this is a lot of money and this is a corporation or whatever but like right there within i within within sight of of this found money you see where it came from i think my attitude changes a little bit and you got to kind of in the moment probably offer it back am i well

this is how you and i are different because if there was a person that i knew lost money i would absolutely return it to them if i found someone's wallet i would give it back to them intact i have no interest in benefiting from somebody else's misfortune but when you put it in the back of an armored truck and now it's generalized and now it's like that money let's say it was a hundred thousand dollars total which actually sounds high who knows what was in there like fifty thousand dollars or something when you take that fifty thousand dollars and you and you go through the insurance process of getting it back of getting it you know restored to whatever giant banking corporation uh you know had that money and was transporting that money it gets reduced down to such a small amount of money that even though the principal holds that we all pay for it and it is technically somebody's money i don't have any sympathy for whatever giant bank was involved with this uh whereas if it was a dry cleaners like if it was uncle billy second uncle billy reference in like uh two weeks on the show if it was like uncle billy from uh it's a wonderful life like it was a family business and the person was had walked into the bank to make their deposit and they left a an envelope full of money but you know it was clear that this was you know part of someone's transaction i would never in a million years try to keep that money obviously here's the thing i want to say though let's make sure the doors on the armored trucks are locked yeah i mean you got the armor thing down but how about we just latch them how many times have you had the back door of your van fly open on the freeway ever andrew yeah i don't think that's ever happened and and you're not you're not transporting millions of dollars uh in your car or maybe if you were driving a van at some time or when you had your um you know your minivan that you loved like uh it is weird to me that this happens as often as it does because it just seems like the main job of driving an armored car is make sure the back door is closed that just seems like in the top three things that you have to make sure of when that's your job and yet it this

seems to be happening on a semi-regular basis i'm sending a note to um my buddy tony right now to see if i got any of that story about him finding money in a parking lot right um yeah it really kind of um what's the word i'm looking for um it nullifies the effects of the armored

part of your car does if you leave the doors open that's right like i don't maybe the doors are too heavy i mean one of the things about those those trucks is that they're super duper duper protected you know what i mean like the inside it's like they're basically designed so that if you tried to like shoot a rocket launcher at it you couldn't actually get through and get into the they're they're expecting the heist to be something out of like a Michael Mann film when in fact it's just Larry didn't shut the back door how would you would you be comfortable with

that job though as a driver of an armored car I would be I think I would be pretty nervous

I think it's one of those things that like a lot of jobs that are actually probably stressful because I don't have it it seems easy to me I think about this with law enforcement like not to turn this into a conversation about policing in this country but i think that my my general thought is look we need we need the police to be better to the citizens of this country particularly the citizens of color and it's not that big of a deal to be a police officer you're driving around you're talking to people you're you know most of the time you you're not in like life and death situations a lot of times you're showing up at arguments or whatever this is i'm saying how i think of the job of being a police officer because I don't have the job you know I bet you if I really was a police officer and I was driving around thinking about how any situation that I come up upon could potentially turn violent I think it would be more stressful than I expect which isn't a way of saying that we don't need to radically change how we police the citizens of this country but it's same thing with well near there is like driving an armored truck because To me, it just seems like it would be tedious. But I guess if you were transporting huge amounts of money, the small possibility that you could find yourself in the crosshairs of somebody who wanted to get that money and that you never know if there's somebody that's been tracking the movements of this truck over the course of months and is going to, like, try to take you out in some way, the fact that that's always a possibility I think probably would be stressful if I actually had that job.

Yeah, I do wonder, though, if by, like, you know, I don't know, two months into that job, it does become more tedious. not that I need to belabor this it's funny though like everything you just said about police and policing obviously I agree like the system is totally screwed and I think that cops act with impunity in so many ways I mean there's so many issues but I don't ever have that thought I mean that is the one thing that I always try to balance in my head is just like like I hated putting on a uniform to go work at Walsh Manufacturing where I was going to be like separating the stainless steel

from the regular steel air to the walsh manufacturing you know like i just think about

putting on that uniform which i know is a very different uniform than a sin toss blue collar uniform but like just like putting on a police officer's uniform every morning and going out into the world to do your job like i just i don't know like i just i actually think about how hard that would be all the time again that is not me saying that every cop is a hero or that the system doesn't need major structural change um but i but i don't think i ever take for granted how hard that job would be and how terrible i would be at it like i i mean again like as a telemarketer i was like oh going into battle who am i gonna face today i'm the other why did you wear a bulletproof vest when you work for town and country magazine for ebsco telemarketing um uh well it's just you you protect yourself however you can but um anyway yeah so i don't take that for granted And maybe the armored car thing, though, is, I mean, you are civilians, and I would be so nervous on the first day, of course. But after a while, I'll bet you there are so many processes that are just built in that it does become sort of tedious, right?

I think about, you know, the process they need to move up higher up on the list. Make sure the back door is shut.

Yeah, no, that is definitely, like, put that higher up on the checklist. I think about driving a big rig a lot. Now, I'm getting really far. That is a job that I would not want. See, I used to romanticize it because I loved the idea of not being pinned down anywhere. It's just like the road is your home. You sleep in the back of your truck. You drive around all the time.

That part does seem kind of cool, the sleeper cab. Which is so weird to me.

You get it really tricked out. Which is strange, right? Because what do I like more than anything right now, which is being home.

Right, but if your home was the sleeper cab, you had it all set up just so. And it's like cozy, and you pull over at the thing and get all cozy in there. That seems kind of fun.

And obviously even that's romanticized. But the thing is, for every for every moment of freedom you have driving across this land of ours, there's also the moment that you show up and you got to back that thing into a bay somewhere. And I just start pouring sweat just thinking about that, man. There is, you know, the Whole Foods isn't far from my house. And it's basically on it's between two one way main roads and then two small side streets. And the big garage for it is on the side street. And every now and then I'll be walking there and this huge truck is there to make a delivery. And it's doing these maneuvers where it's just holding up traffic like foot traffic and, you know, car traffic is everybody's just waiting while this truck is has to back up into this Whole Foods garage. And like there is no room for error. There's no margin for error at all. And I just think, my God, to be behind that wheel, I would just be freaking out. I would be there all day long going forward an inch, back an inch, forward an inch.

Sometimes there will be a situation where you've got one of those huge semi-trucks that's on a street that it probably shouldn't be on, but that's the only way to access whatever the thing is. and it's like there's just the actual kind of geometry of it is such that they can't turn down the street without going up on the curb or whatever yep and it's like they're almost hitting all these signs and like it's that is that makes me so stressed i do try to give those folks as wide a berth as i can like if i'm if i'm about to do a turn and i see somebody who's turning with one of those big big ass trucks i'm like backing up a little bit i'm trying to in small ways make their life five percent less stressful because that does seem like it would really suck to be driving through like neighborhoods in like a you know one of those trucks that's got i don't know however many feet of trailer behind it that just that is not not a job that i would want that's right i like to jeer them i yell boo like in the princess bride yeah How you doing?

Here I go.

Once again, with the email, every week, I hope that it's from a female. No, man, it's not from a female.

All right, an email or V-mail before we get out of here today?

Yeah, remember you told a story on the show the other day. As a matter of fact, I should follow up on this. You needed some ground black pepper in your new apartment, and so you were just knocking on the neighbor's doors. Oh, you found the one that you moved from your old apartment.

It was just in, like, a random, it was, like, in the wrong box of stuff. Did you return the pepper that you borrowed from your neighbor across the hall? I did. I ground. When I found my pepper, I ground it into about roughly the same amount and then brought it to them. Oh, interesting. I just left it at their door. You were able to grind. Oh, I was going to say. I'm totally kidding.

Okay, yeah, yeah. But you should have bought them a new one, too, maybe, or something as a little thank you gift. But anyway. You know, that would be nice. Maybe I'll do that. Or maybe drop off a bottle of wine for Thanksgiving or something. Well, let's not get crazy. I mean, Pepper, what's the street value of Pepper? 30 cents? Anyway, I got this note from Joe in Harrisburg, PA. It says, Luke's story about knocking on his neighbor's doors looking for Pepper reminded me of a funny story. I'm one of those stereotypical guys whose wife is constantly elbowing me or kicking me in the shins under the table because I either called someone by the wrong name or I completely ignored someone because I didn't remember that I knew them. A few years ago, we were hosting a party at our house, and in attendance were my family. whom I mostly remember, my wife's family, I usually remember about half of them, and some of our friends, most of whom I don't remember. The party was underway when there was a knock on our front door. I opened the door, and I saw a man and a woman standing outside holding a pie. I welcomed them warmly and invited them inside. My wife took the pie to the kitchen. There were people throughout the house, some in the living room, others in the dining room, kitchen, and family room. Uh-oh, does that mean the show's over?

I did something weird with my I don't know if you've heard this Andrew but I'm surrounded by clocks and I did something accidental when we were going to our first break which is I always pause my little timer try to keep an accurate sense of where we're at in the show and I somehow put it in reverse mode so it started counting down instead of counting up and what I didn't know until that moment was when you do that when it gets back to double zeros it does a little alarm

Well, let's just wrap it up here, then. We can finish this email in tomorrow's show, if that's okay with you. Okay, so back to Zach's story here. I'm sorry, Joe's story here. Sorry, Joe. You just always reminded me of Zach. So anyway, there's a bunch of—

The irony that you might have messed up the emailer's name when the premise of the email is that he struggles with remembering people's names.

Yeah, well, that's why I feel like I'm in the clear there. Anyway, so there's a bunch of people throughout this house. They're having this party. And this couple that he invites in, they sit in the living room and they're talking with folks and everybody's mixing it up. After about an hour, the woman asks me, where is Mike? And I replied, Mike, who? The woman with a worried look on her face said, Mike Edwards. Now, I've made up the last name here for the story, but I told her, I think he's around. He lives next door, though. And then the woman exclaimed, oh, we were supposed to attend Mike's party. It turns out they had gone to the wrong house, obviously. but because there was a party going on they didn't think anything was strange and they were enjoying themselves they retrieved their pie from the kitchen and got the rest of their belongings together and they said you folks are the nicest people we've ever met we really had fun and we really had ended up having fun we hate to go but they did leave and we all just laughed about how we invited total strangers into our house because i didn't recognize them or i thought i just didn't recognize them that's from joe z in harrisburg pennsylvania i think this is the upside of mild

face blindness because if you and andrew you've talked about having trouble sometimes putting

names to faces and even recognizing faces yeah i bet you that that is also part of why you're

exceedingly nice to everyone because your default at that point your kind of fallback position has to be i'm not remembering this person so i'm gonna overdo it with the warmth you know what i mean whereas if you like if that person came into my house i might be like i don't know you you know because I tend to have a decent memory for faces. But here it was, they had this great experience and these people got to go to this fun party and with a bunch of people they didn't know because of the emailers kind of not being able to put faces to names.

I do hate that feeling. Genevieve had a big party here this summer. I mean, not big, whatever, reasonable size party here this summer. And I can't remember if you, no, I don't think you were there, Luke, but you've seen my setup before during these types of events. The party will be kind of upstairs on our roof area and I'll be down in the alleyway kind of cooking up burgers or what have you. And that means that I'm the first person to see people as they come in through. the gate in through the alley and then eventually up the stairs and the problem is like a lot of these folks are maybe people that Genevieve knows through work or what have you and I've probably met them at some point but there's often at least I mean oh I'm just thinking back to these cringy moments that I have where like one time a couple came in and I just couldn't place them and I didn't say who are you but it's just like we know so well when somebody's faking it now right i mean i did the totally obvious oh hey you guys uh and it's like and then when i clicked like i don't know maybe genevieve told me later or clicked five minutes later when they walked away and i'm like oh shit like i've had several dinners with them like we've gone to dinner before and i know i gave them the oh hey the like just totally unconvincing uh I don't really remember you or know who I'm talking to and you're both like staring at each other oh god I hate that feeling so much you know

what I do unfortunately in that situation is because I've had that happen plenty of times where it happens a lot with live wire stuff actually because there are lots of people that kind of move through that world and maybe there's somebody who's um donates to the show or is on the board or is this i don't know you're just somebody that's on the periphery and i've met them a couple times but i don't remember it so what i'll do that and you're right it's probably pretty noticeable hey you how's it been you know very general then later i'll realize who it is or i'll ask someone and they'll remind me and then let's say that the person's name is like you know is rick and i know that rick is like runs a donut company or something i'll just be like going falling all over myself to use rick's name and mention donuts uh-huh yeah yeah like rick's now having a conversation somewhere else and i go what's up rick the donut king yeah just like draping your arm have you guys had rick's donuts yet oh my god dude rick kills it in the donut game and it's just like trying to like erase all doubt that i that i might have forgotten who they were which is again

probably not that convincing and it turns out he just manufactures spare tires for cars which are called donuts, and you bury yourself even deeper.

Yes, exactly. I'm making it even more apparent that I don't know what the hell I'm talking about.

So awkward. All right. Hey, how do you feel about going out with I've Got Nothing by Whitney Houston? Oh, is that actually the name of the song? I don't know. I'm looking it up now.

I Have Nothing? Yeah, because I know that she sings that line, I have nothing, nothing. Is it If I Don't Have You?

You know, I don't know. I didn't know the song at all. I just assumed that the kid was saying the name of the song. But now that I look it up, I'm not finding anything.

Do a search for I Have Nothing. Well, I can do it, actually. I Have Nothing. Like, what song is that from? I Have Nothing.

While you do that, Luke, I just got an update from my friend Tony, which I assume I can read straight on the air here. If not, I'll edit it out later if there's anything that he wouldn't want shared.

The song is called I Have Nothing, by the way.

It was an envelope with five $20 bills. So imagine being like a couple of 12-year-olds and you found an envelope with five $20 bills and it says unmarked envelope on the side of the road. It was Dylan. They stumbled across it. He says 10 or 11 years old they were at the time. And it was like being so young, it was like finding a lot more. So anyway, he goes on with more details that I don't know that I should share on the air. But, yeah, so I was kind of right. So my friend Tony does remember it. He was with my friend Dylan. And they found $100 on the side of the road as kids.

damn that's so much money i know right well i i mean i've told the story a million times on the show but the i i would find a five dollars here or there you know to just probably dropped out of someone's pocket which that alone seemed huge but of course i did once find that gold krugerrand oh right that uh had the uh i got like a hundred and maybe 120 dollars for it at a gold place i found it at a batting cage and went to turn it in and the guy running the batting cage said why don't you keep it and give us your phone number which was in those days 206-522-3388 you know that's my childhood phone number no i wonder who's a pretty good phone number lots of duplication 522-3388 give us your phone number and then if somebody comes in asking for their crew grand will call you and nobody did and so then i was after a couple months i called them and they said no one's inquired about it you should just go ahead and keep it and uh and so i did that

was my biggest cash haul or my biggest find of my childhood i think my biggest was a 20 bill that i think i found um in a department store i remember i because i was always looking down right so i was finding money a lot as a kid and i think i've mentioned this to you before um but i remember finding a pretty decent amount, just like a single bill that was either

10 or 20 and i believe it was do you remember when you're a little kid in the way department stores were were set up as you might have a around i can't i don't even know how to it's like a display in a department store where a bunch of shirts are hanging or pants are hanging but it's an they're all hanging in a round thing and if you were a little kid like narnia you'd hide in those you could walk into the center of it right and then i always worried i was about to

Enter a Narnia-type situation.

Exactly. There was definitely a lion there. I remember a witch, but I can't remember what else. But I think it was inside one of those secret spaces that I found, like, a bill. And I think I've said this to you before, that I was so excited, and I came running out of that thing, kind of waving it and yelling to my mom, like, look what I found. And I think you'll appreciate her response, which was, be quiet. Somebody's going to hear you. Put it in your pocket. And she later explained to me, she's like, because somebody will claim it was theirs, which I always took it to mean that some bad person will will claim it's theirs when it's really not theirs. When on the other hand, it could literally be somebody's. You know what I mean? Like, were we living in a world where we're living in a world where some stranger was going to take 10 or 20 dollars away from an excited child in a department store?

somebody loitering in the pennies just waiting for that moment when a naive child claimed to have found five dollars and that's when you swoop in you know what andrew that's how they get you that's how they get you um okay so what's the name of this song again it's actually called i have nothing oh i have it is the it's the i think second or third single off of the bodyguard oh soundtrack sweet original soundtrack album all right here of course the big hit the big hit It would be the cover of I Will Always Love You, the Dolly Parton song, and then something else.

I'm Every Woman. This has her cover of I'm Every Woman in this, too.

Is that also on the Bodyguard song?

It is, yeah. That's track number three. So we're just going to split the difference here and go with track number two, I Have Nothing.

All right. Hey, thanks for listening, everyone. We're going to be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio for you, so do join us for that. Until then, have a great Tuesday. Take care of yourselves, and please remember, no mountain too tall. And good luck to all.

Share my life Take me for what I am Cause I'll never change All my colors for you Take my love I'll never ask for too much Just all that you are And everything that you do I don't really need to look Very much further I don't want to have to go Where you don't follow I will hold it back again This passion inside Can't run from myself There's nowhere to hide Don't make me close one more door I don't wanna hurt anymore Stay in my arms Leave me there Must I imagine you there Don't walk away from me I have nothing, nothing, nothing If I don't have you You You You see through

Right to the heart of

Glass house, white Ferrari, live for New Year's Eve Sloppy steaks at Trifani's Big rare cut of meat with water dumped all over it Water splashing around the table Makes tonight so much more fun After the club, go to Trifani's for sloppy steaks They'd say, no sloppy steaks but they can't stop you from ordering a steak in a glass of water. Before you knew it, we were dumping that water on those steaks. The waiters were coming to try and snatch him up. We had to eat as fast as we could. Oh, I missed those nights. I was a piece of s***, though.

Power out.