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In the year 1621, the Pilgrims held their first Thanksgiving feast. They invited the great Indian chief, Massasoit, who brought 90 of his brave Indians and a great abundance of food. Governor William Bradford and Captain Miles Standish were honored guests. Elder William Brewster, who was a minister, said a prayer that went something like this. We thank God for our homes and our food and our safety in a new land. We thank God for the opportunity to create a new world with freedom and justice. Amen.

TBTN

Boy, this music, this music is the musical equivalent of eating mashed potatoes. It just makes me feel warm and slightly tired, but generally happy. That's right. Hello, everyone. Welcome to this year's TPTL Thanksgiving show. I'm Luke Burbank. Right over there is the longest-running co-bro of the show, Mr. Andrew Walsh. Good morning, my friend. Welcome to Thanksgiving. How are you feeling? Thank you.

This song is great, but it's a little lumpy. Did you notice? Just a little lumpy.

I get jokes.

Do you like lumps in your mashed potatoes? Some people don't mind them. Some people actually, I think, kind of dig it.

You know what? Growing up, the idea of lumpy mashed potatoes was one of those things that loomed large in the culture. Like it was something that was talked about a lot. And I remember thinking, boy, that sounds terrible. And then I realized, well, if you're talking about mashed potatoes that are made with real potatoes, And there's a little bit of cooked but not completely mashed up potato. So, you know, just like, I guess that would be a lump. It doesn't bother me at all. It's not a big deal. I certainly don't understand how it became this thing that was like, oh, yeah, she's such a bad cook. There's lumps in her mashed potatoes. It's just a piece of the thing you're already eating that's slightly less mashed.

Well, I'll say this. I'm in charge of mashed potatoes on Thanksgiving, as I have been for, I don't know, probably since Genevieve and I started doing Thanksgiving meals together. And I don't like lumps in my mashed potatoes. Listen, I'm not going to get up and walk out on Thanksgiving if there are lumps in my mashed potatoes. It's not, though.

They're not lumps of concrete. They're not lumps of a different substance. They're just the potato hasn't been mashed, that particular lump of potato, right?

Yeah, yeah. But, you know, mouthfeel is a thing, right? I mean, we like consistency in certain types of foods and, you know, and so I understand why some people to their taste, they don't mind a lumpy mashed potato and other people like I love a nice almost whipped mashed potato like that is really, really, you know, kind of creamy. But I will say this, and I don't even know – I don't even know exactly what I'm talking about here, but I've been told and warned that if you mash the potatoes too much, then they become pasty or gluey. And I don't even really know what that means, but I'm always trying to operate in this window of I want to get all the lumps out of this. I mean for my own just gratitude when I sit down to eat them – gratitude is the wrong word, but you know what I mean.

I just like the idea of you sitting down, gathering everyone together at your Friendsgiving. I am grateful. Can we just – I know this is a little bit weird, but could we just bow our heads in gratitude for these potatoes not having lumps in them?

You know what I do which is weird? I take little miniature tiny flags for every country in the world, and I put one in each person's mashed potatoes. That's why we always have to have hundreds and hundreds of people over for Thanksgiving because I have a lot of flags. Anyway, I don't exactly know what I'm working against as far. Like, I've never sat down to eat mashed potatoes and thought these are too gluey or these are too pasty or whatever people say. But me as the mashed potato maker, I feel like I'm always working with that ceiling hovering over me and, like, thinking, like, don't overdo it because you'll ruin Thanksgiving.

My brother-in-law, Josh, is in charge of the potatoes at the big Burbank family Thanksgiving. And he, of course, because he's an actual chef, he and my sister have a restaurant, Pollo Bravo, which will be opening soon in their new Portland location. Yeah, Andrew, it's Thanksgiving, but I'm giving gratitude to the fact that I can use this frequency to plug my sister and brother-in-law's businesses. He makes the mashed potatoes, and he puts the potatoes through something called a ricer, which is a slightly confusing name because it doesn't have anything to do with rice. But it's a hand crank, and it kind of – it sort of macerates the potatoes in a way that they end up perfect, not overly macerated.

but not under mash there are certainly no lumps i mean it's just the best thing ever now what i've gotten into in my um i actually got into this when i was still living in bellingham i was going to say what i've got in into as a person who lives by themselves and therefore can just really lean into the kind of sadder elements of single uh single dwelling like buying a cookbook microwave meals for one um what i have kind of got into are instant mashed potatoes yeah i've never really

got i've been that a place like a every now and then you go to like a oh like that would be like what you get it like kind of kfc right yes yes like you know they're not back they're not in

the back room of the kfc running their potatoes through a rice you don't think so and no i i'm i'm not uh i'm not thinking that's how they do it but poyo not bravo on them it would have been back and it must have been back in bellingham where i don't i just realized that what i love about thanksgiving is mashed potatoes i'm too lazy i don't even really that's not true i've made mashed potatoes in my life but they are actually pretty labor intensive and i thought what if i just have made some instant mashed potatoes let's see how those are and first of all they're the easiest thing in the world to make you just boil two cups of water and as soon as that water hits a boil you open the packet you throw it in there and then you immediately mix it with a fork because it's setting up right away. And I will tell you, my friend, instant mashed potatoes, you throw a crap load of butter in there, some salt and pepper. Is it as good as, you know, mom used to make? Well, not my mom, but is it as good as, you know, mom's recipe? No, but will it do in a pinch? And does it kind of have that, you know, warming effect and sort of comfort food factor after almost no work doing the preparation yes like i think the the roi the return on investment from instant mashed potatoes is really high i've never made them

myself i will say that i mean i if i'm talking about the right stuff the right stuff um i think i know you're talking about because again like a like a kentucky fried chicken or i guess It's not even called that anymore, KFC-style thing, or I'm remembering, like, mashed potatoes I might have gotten in the lunchroom at college or whatever. It's actually not for me. I'm not a big snobby guy, but I just remember maybe I wasn't adding enough butter. I'm not here to argue your point, but what I do want to say is I realized this weekend during a conversation with a friend that I don't think I've ever had boxed stuffing, like stovetop stuffing. I was talking to Camaro Kev, and he was making an argument for that. Now, I don't know how those two stack up, boxed potatoes versus boxed stuffing, but I am tempted to try some just like not this – obviously not on Thanksgiving, but just how about some middle-of-the-year stovetop stuffing?

I think I'm ready to try it. And I've never made that either. Stuffing is not a big thing for me, but is the idea that it's all sort of dehydrated as well, so you throw that box of stuffing and you add some, I don't know, water, milk, what have you, and then you just bake it and you've got your stuffing basically, instant stuffing?

Well, I haven't tried it. Here's everything I know about stovetop stuffing. I got a friend, right? And I hear that he's having stovetop stuffing for dinner at his house. and it turns out my mom's also cooking it at my house so we're gonna try to uh do a bang bang as the canceled louis ck used to say i saw he was grateful that you don't make many louis ck references i saw that he was trending i think he might have been has he been nominated for a grammy or something or i saw that there was i would be surprised he was nominated for something that had everybody kind of upset yesterday or maybe this was even earlier today all the days are blending together saying uh huh i guess uh you know whatever i don't need to get into that on thanksgiving but um all of that is to say that's more of a black friday conversation we'll see you here tomorrow for that baby um actually we do have a fun idea for tomorrow's black friday show but um i was gonna say so i don't know luke i i haven't done it but according to anita and kevin who i was talking to this weekend it is stovetop because i said it's funny that it's actually called stovetop i've never thought about that before it seems like something you would throw in the oven but apparently oh i see you put it on the stovetop in a sauce pan you add i'm uh i can't remember if you're adding stock to that or water or some other liquid i'm gonna guess stock and they say a whole bunch of butter and then you cook it on the stovetop and then maybe you top it off in the oven to to give it a kind of a crusty finish i'm not sure

their their tagline is if it's not stovetop it's not thanksgiving which i think is a little extreme Yeah, yeah, I've had 45 Thanksgivings in my life where it was not stovetop and it still felt like Thanksgiving to me. have you maybe you've never had a thanksgiving you know what would be a great experiment this

year because i don't think maybe you know maybe my brother-in-law jason or my brother-in-law josh or a couple of the aa randos that my mom will bring maybe those folks have had stovetop but i know nobody in my family like the burbanks we didn't grow up eating stovetop stuffing i wondered if i were to make some and then put it in like a casserole dish so it was like i had just made it And I was like, guys, I made – I decided to try making stuffing this year. I wonder how it would compete with the real stuffing. My mom's – I love my mom so much, and I feel like I give her too hard of a time on the show. So let me do that again here on Thanksgiving.

So let me double down.

My mom loves stuffing for one reason. It gives her an excuse to not throw away bread because the idea is you can use stale bread in there. and it's it gives my mom so much joy to tear up a bunch of old ass stale bread and feel like it's not being wasted i think that's why she's into the stuffing game how long is she keeping this bread years i don't know but i just know her favorite thing to do is tear up bread and it's always weird bread it's not like just i don't know what your normal uh you know loaf of wheat bread it's some janky like one time i think she was trying to put sarah lee low carb bread because it had been a woohoo down or something um this all could be part of why i've just never been that excited about stuffing now here's what becca's family does they make stuffing balls so it's some family stuffing recipe they get it all together but then before they cook it so they get it all mixed up whatever's in there and then they form the stuffing into balls and they cook the balls and what you do

is you get a ball of stuffing and you put it on your plate you know that well going back i feel like 99 of the content i've brought to the show this week has been me just uh re recapping conversations i had with camaro kev over a football game but he and anita were telling me that um and i think they might be even making this we're having a little um we're having a little pre thanksgiving gathering i know we're recording this or we're okay slow down walsh we're recording this a little bit earlier we're not recording this on thanksgiving day i'm sorry to break everybody's uh magical moment there um the day before thanksgiving we are planning on having a little friendsgiving i don't like calling it friendsgiving to be honest with you i know you

don't and i've been referenced the last uh you know few shows kind of the shows around thanksgiving heaven it's just easier it's it's one of those things where it just instead of saying thanksgiving with friends it's just it's it's easy so i'm using it but i know every time i'm using it you're dying

inside no i don't mind if other people use it i think that might have been the first time i've ever said it anyway there's a little thanksgiving gathering at our eagles uh situation and so i think what they're doing what kevin and anita are doing are making stuffing muffins which is what got us on this top stuffings stuffings exactly and i think it might be a stovetop recipe like stovetop stuffing but then you put it in little uh stuff you know little little muffin uh pans or whatever so then you're gonna get a kind of a nice crusty top like a muffin i'm excited to try

those yeah now i'm looking at this stovetop box and i'm feeling like should i for the sake of content and because i'm so hungry should i go to the store and buy some stovetop make it tonight as an experiment and just see how it goes. Of course, we're recording this before actual Thanksgiving. So this would be something that you'll already know, dear listener, if I did that or not, because you know more about what's been happening in the real-time world of TBTL than I do at this point.

You know, I was tempted. So I have a Brussels sprout recipe that I've been making for a long time now, a sautéed stovetop, you know, nice kind of browned Brussels sprouts that I like a lot. But it's one of the foods that I make that I feel like it is a little bit tricky. You got to really get the timing right because you don't want them to be soggy, but you don't want them to be undercooked, but you definitely want them to be browned and crisped in the right way. And again, this isn't an oven recipe. This is a stovetop, like a sauteed recipe. And so it's one of the more, it's not a difficult thing to make. I mean, it's super easy to prep, but it's a little bit tricky to get perfect, right? And there was a time when I was making these quite a bit, especially, I don't know, during the winter months and, you know, years and years ago. I was making it quite a bit. Now I don't make it all that often. And I think I'm signed up to make those for Thanksgiving this year. For Thanksgiving? And my concern is getting it right. And so I asked these. I'm like, should I make them? You know, I had this conversation maybe last week, the week before Thanksgiving. I said, you know, should I make them? Should I do a trial run on them to make sure that I nail them on Thanksgiving? But she kind of said, no, that's too many, too many Brussels sprouts in two weeks. You know, it'll it won't be as special to have them on Thanksgiving. But I'm a little nervous about getting it, about getting the browning right. I needed to. I should have practiced. I see. So you wanted to practice.

But then yeah, Viva's like, I don't want to eat two Brussels sprout meals. Yeah. That close together. It's fair. At least Brussels sprout dishes. Yeah, I don't blame her for that. Brussels sprouts kind of a little goes a long way, although I'll tell you, as a person who generally doesn't eat meat, I end up eating a lot of Brussels sprouts now because lots of, like, gastropubs and places like that, they may not have a lot of non-meat options. They all seem to have Brussels sprouts. Everybody has Brussels sprouts on the menu. So I end up getting that a lot.

Yeah. My one question for you on that is not to, again, like kind of meat shame you or something because you're making your own decisions. I'm just curious, is it a conundrum for you if those are made with, like, bacon grease or bacon? I don't make mine. By the way, you're welcome to have mine. I don't make it with any kind of bacon or meat product. But I feel like in restaurants, they're often going to be throwing in some, like, either little bits of bacon or cooking it in bacon grease.

I should care more because this whole idea is I'm trying to be nicer to animals. But honestly, I don't. Like, I don't care if my Impossible Burger is cooked on the same griddle where meat was cooked. I don't, I'm sure that if I were to deeply investigate all of the ingredients and all of the things that I eat, a lot of them are, you know, involve beef tallow and things that I'm not a vegan at all. And I don't try to stick to only vegan products. So I'm sure that I'm getting a dose of that in my life on the regular. And again, because I'm kind of, I'm on whatever this journey is for me. I just don't really ask a lot of questions. If there were big chunks of meat on it, I would probably be like – if there was big chunks of bacon in it, I would not eat that. But if it's cooked in some kind of bacon grease, I would probably just – honestly, I'd probably just really enjoy it and just tell myself to not get worried about it.

Well, you know, I really, really try for the most part not to stand on my high horse on anything. But I do remember when you and I, was it our trip down to Austin? I can't remember which trip it was, but I refused to perform in any venues that sold lumpy mashed potatoes. Do you remember that? And it kind of became a whole thing. But I was just like, I need to, you know what I mean? If I'm going to hold these principles, I need to hold them tightly.

Yeah. No, I appreciate your consistency. Andrew, we have to go to the break because I actually have a Thanksgiving quiz that I want to give you that's 50 questions long. So we're going to and this is going to be today will be kind of a shorter show because it's a holiday because, you know, we want to want to enjoy ourselves a little bit on this Thanksgiving, too, by eating food and not doing our jobs. So anyway, it's going to we're going to really have to race through these. I bet you we get to three questions total of the 50 that actually might be ambitious. Anyway, however far we get, I want to give you this Thanksgiving quiz right after this quick break here on TBTL special Thanksgiving show. Thank you, baby I'll tell you what I'm thankful for today, Andrew These donors of the day These wonderful folks we're about to thank Who make TBTL possible If not for the folks who supported us Who support us, I should say With their donations so we would certainly not be here today or any other day doing this show because as much as I love talking to you, and I really do, you know, we've got to have a job, and this is our job. Thanks to Laura Talbert, who's out there in Baltimore, Maryland. Thank you, Laura, for supporting TBTL. Aaron Fielding is in Thomasville, Georgia.

Boy, we've got a real great geographical spread today, Andrew. We're starting in the south. Well, I guess we're starting in the Atlantic. Would you call that the mid-Atlantic Baltimore? I'd call that the Mid-Atlantic, yeah. Down to Southeast. Now what?

Love it. And then bouncing back to the Pacific Northwest where Mintesano Gebrey is in SeaTac, Washington. Thank you so much. Practically neighbors. For the support of the program. Then we're going to head down the West Coast, Andrew, to Campbell, California, where Tiffany Heiner is helping keep TBTL going from down there in Campbell. Now we're going to stay out here on the left coast, Luke? No, sir. we're not we're gonna go to the other brooklyn there's a neighborhood in portland called brooklyn it'd be great if if you clarify no i mean the i mean brooklyn new york i know everyone's thinking the brooklyn that's in portland but we're talking about brooklyn new york where charlotte myrer

is uh supporting the show and then we'll head on down back home baby bring it back home the sunshine state no no we're not talking about orlando texas we're talking about orlando florida carrie moy is uh helping us out as well that is sweet though we i mean we really did just whip

around the states we kind of left some corners in the middle yeah but we certainly hit the corners we definitely hit the coastal elites and that's what's important that's right

Thank you, babies, for making TBTL possible. We wouldn't be here without you. But everything's gonna be all right.

Thank you, baby.

Hello and welcome to Top Story. I don't like that I used that top story thing. That feels too formal. That feels too, like, you know, like it's just any old TBTL, but it's not. It's Thanksgiving. People are listening to this as they're prepping their Thanksgiving meals. Maybe they're driving out to visit loved ones, you know, like this. That was just a little too, I don't know, normal. How about this?

How is it that I haven't used the turkey gobble? Do you remember, like, I discovered that way back when I was in L.A., I think. And you hated it And I would use it like crazy It's so cute It's so pleasant on the ears

It really is

I think it was on that sound board I found How about this

Q13

Here we go 1, 2, 3, 2, 2, 3

I mean I don't want to overuse this music But I feel like this is This is a good Little musical Little Thanksgiving Day audio spackle for this quiz that I want to give you?

When I get an answer correct, I'm going to hit this. Okay? That's what I get for getting an answer right. I earn it. Let me try to pick the hardest questions on this list. Are these going to be history kind of questions? Are these going to expose me for being a real moron?

They're not going to expose you for being a moron, but they are absolutely history questions. It's from Parade.com, home of Parade Magazine. Isn't that where the smartest woman in the world writes? Marilyn Vos Savant, sure. 50 Thanksgiving trivia, but it's also the home of Howard Huge, a dog that gets into trouble. So, you've got kind of both sides of the coin there in terms of intelligence. I might be leaning towards that. 50 Thanksgiving trivia questions and answers to impress all of your dinner guests. Now, I gotta give Jessica Sagers, who put this together, and I like that she mentions that Thanksgiving is one of America's oldest and most beloved holidays, But it also exposes somewhat dark history of this country Often at the expense of the first people here by the European settlers So, okay, we've put all that out there We have recognized that there is a complicated history to Thanksgiving And now on to some of these questions, Andrew What meats were served at the first Thanksgiving celebration? What meats do you think were served at the first Thanksgiving celebration?

Oh, this is not multiple choice. This is me just throwing it out there. I'm going to say deer. Yes, venison. Venison. Very good. How many are listed? Because I'll keep going if you want. One, two, three, four.

Four total. And I'm going to give you a hint. The last three are definitely in the waterfowl.

Oh, and I've already got the four. Well, thank you. First of all, I earned one of those. Wait a minute. No, that means this is four gobbles. If I get it right, yeah, you regretted giving me that hint because I was going to go with another land animal, but I'm going to now go with a goose. Yes, goose is on the list. Oh, what is good for the gander?

So there's two more.

Now, I'm wondering, this feels tricky because we think of turkey, of course, but I don't think of turkeys hanging out in the water. Is the whole point of this that there is no turkey?

There, in fact, was not turkey, Andrew. They did not serve turkey. According to Parade Magazine, they did not serve turkey at the first Thanksgiving celebration.

That sounds like one of those things you'd read in Parade or Reader's Digest. Okay, good. So I'm doing great, actually. Thanks for the hint, by the way. So we did goose. We did the deer. I'm going to say a duck. Yes, duck. Nice.

And one more. And this one, for some reason, is surprising to me. Let me just say, it is not a waterfowl that we generally eat anymore.

Oh, no. Is it a swan? It's a swan. Oh, no. That was a sad turkey gobble. I don't know if you could tell the difference there. Isn't that so weird? We're so biased. It's like, well, that one's prettier. Right? I mean, it makes no sense, the meat that we eat and the meat that we don't. But imagine if you came over to someone's house and they were like, I just made a delicious swan pie. You'd be like, wow, why did you ruin Valentine's Day? Hey, you want to try some of the swan jerky? My uncle's been making it. We just have totally decided we're not going to eat them, but we very much still, people still eat goose, people still eat duck and the like. But for some reason, swans have kind of moved off the list. All right, who was the first president to pardon a turkey? Can we stop that? I know I do this every year, but just stop it. Stop the pardoning of the turkey. I agree.

So sick of it. So sick of it.

I totally agree. It's a weird, it's a very, also I like that I picked the version of this song where you have like Vince Garaldi counting the song in.

I like it though that you can hear like the texture of that microphone, not the texture, but the timbre of that microphone. It's so warm and producer-y sounding.

I like it, except, like I said, the problem is I'm looping this, and so about every two minutes and 12 seconds you hear Vince Giraldi count us in. That's okay. It's very warm. Who was the first president to pardon a turkey? And I'm with you, Andrew. It's a very bizarre thing that we sort of anthropomorphize these animals, where most of us are going to be eating them, but then we're like, we're going to give a couple of them a break.

I don't know. God damn. So I'm going to say FDR is not messing around with this during the war. It doesn't, let me put it this way. It doesn't go back as far as I would have imagined. I'm going to say Eisenhower.

I was leaning towards Eisenhower. I'm going to say Eisenhower. This is one of the presidents. I'm going to say one of them. Maybe the only one. I know for a fact that this president is mentioned in a Billy Joel song.

cola war i can't take it anymore you're in the right you're on the right song i don't even i

actually i don't know that song that well i don't believe that he says cola war in that song but i

yeah but i oh is it i yeah cola wars i can't take it anymore haven't we had this conversation

before no i guess i didn't realize that lyric was cola wars but don't google it because you're

going to get the answer to the question yeah i just wanted to make sure that i just typed in cola wars i don't think the answer is going to be uh i'm getting a rock and roll cola wars i can think i think as a reference it's such a it's such a bad line i think it's a reference to the

pepsi and coke thing i think so too for the record billy joel also doesn't like that song i told you i had a real yeah come to i had a real come to billy moment with the legacy of billy joel because he's such a nice sounding fellow and is so much more self-effacing than i expected him to be yeah So the fact that he's aware of the things about his songs that can be sort of grating, it makes me now like him a lot.

Well, you ignored my Eisenhower. You ignored Eisenhower, so that's clearly not right. So that's a negative gobble for me. I still am feeling like it happened. It just seems like a very kind of post-World War II thing. But I think if I were close with that, you would have told me.

Well, I told you by giving you the greatest hint of all time, which is that it's in the Billy Joel song. I know, but I can't. We didn't start to fire. this person's name blown away what else do i have to say we didn't start the fire oh it's kennedy

yes john f kennedy jfk blown away what else do i have to say uh i'm not giving myself a gobble for that you you handed that to me but um okay yeah even even uh newer than i thought or more recent than i thought i was i honestly if you hadn't given me all those clues i would have gone slightly older i would have gone with uh truman if not eisenhower just sort of had this vibe of something like kind of like we got through that now let's have fun with turkeys

uh how many calories on average are consumed per person at thanksgiving dinner i'm so bad this also feels unknowable i don't know how parade magazine thinks they've figured this out i'm gonna say 1500 you're that's a little low based on what they've come up with they say 4,500 calories. Whoa! I think that's off. I think that's high. 4,500 calories is sort of double the standard amount of calories that the sort of average person's daily caloric intake is... Day, okay. So they're saying that people eat twice their entire day's calories at Thanksgiving. I think what happens to most people is what happens to me. You're very excited for the meal, you pile up a bunch of food on your plate, you go ham, and then you hit the wall early.

Yeah, you know what? Maybe I'm forgetting about those so i was thinking the meal and maybe they're thinking all day like they're thinking you're waking up you're having strudel while you watch the parade maybe i don't know if people eat strudel but you know like um you know some sort of a breakfast pastry and then you keep nibbling and then you're you're cutting up things in the kitchen preparing and you're taking a bite here a bite there i don't know i can't make it but even that i can't make the math work on this man

I I I I think what they're trying to say is that our our caloric intake is elevated on Thanksgiving which I would agree it is but double a normal day I wonder because the thing is most of us you just you know you have what you have and then you kind of get full and like although I know people do people this is the one holiday where everyone like gets excited for how much they're going to consume like it's almost like it's it's now become the socially acceptable thing to to eat Until you have to undo the top button on your jeans Until you have to lie down It is a national holiday built around Almost ending your own life Through food Binge giving Are you having a binge giving with your friends Is that the day after Friendsgiving

No that's purge giving

Oh god the purge giving That's when it gets dark Which president received a live raccoon As a Thanksgiving present We talked about this last year

Now, I don't expect you to remember this, but I want to know. So I know that I didn't remember this president either.

So this is not on you if you don't remember.

Oh, God, Johnson.

Is it even are OK?

Things are going to start raccooning to me now.

No, it's not Johnson. It's not Johnson. It's not Nixon. This guy was not known for his loquacious ways.

I really thought it was Johnson. And it's not Johnson or Nixon, huh? No, definitely not.

It's a president whose nickname had to do with his lack of talkativeness. Whose last name had to do with it?

No, his nickname. Oh, his nickname. Yeah. Oh, old Silent McKinley.

No, it is Silent. It is Silent. That's his middle name? No, Silent is the nickname, but it's not McKinley.

The nickname?

It's a different name. It's a first name. It's monosyllabic. It's also an abbreviation of a state in the West.

Wait, the first name? Okay, this is ridiculous. The first name is an abbreviation of a state in the West?

I mean, it could be a shorthand way to describe a state in the West. Old silent.

This is driving me nuts, man. Well, it's not silent law. I'm getting.

It's not silent or.

Calvin Coolidge? Yes. Oh, okay. Calvin Coolidge. I'm sorry. Those hints were twisted. They're not helping. Sorry. That was one of those things where the hints were so tortured that it was making it harder for you to get to sleep. Okay, man. Have I heard my last turkey gobble of Thanksgiving? Hopefully. I need a softball here, buddy.

One last one. This is unknowable, so I'm not expecting you to get this, because I wouldn't if you were posing it to me. And I also think it's unknowable for Parade Magazine, but I'm still interested in it. How many Americans prefer Thanksgiving leftovers to Thanksgiving dinner?

This is according to some poll. Right. When did this quiz come out? Well, this is 2021 that they're releasing. And so they're basing it on some poll that says blank percentage of Americans say they prefer Thanksgiving leftovers. So it's going to be slightly more or slightly less, right? I'm going to say slightly more because that's what makes it, quote, unquote, interesting. Hey, listen, let's not throw any stones in the, quote, unquote, interesting department, please. I'm going to say 58% of Americans find Thanksgiving leftovers more appealing than the original meal. They're saying 80%. What?

Get out of my house with that. I don't know. I do enjoy day two is very fun to go kind of rummage through the refrigerator. Again, get the mashed potatoes. Although the mashed potatoes are not better the second day, to be honest.

You know what I've learned is if you're going to do it right, I only learned this later in life. You got to implement the oven. You know, I was a microwave guy my entire life because I just didn't I wasn't, you know, for better or for worse. My parents just didn't really teach me any kind of culinary skills, which I'm kind of bummed about. But so the idea of using an oven for something quick, it would just never even occurred to me throw it in the microwave. But like trying to microwave stuffing and mashed potatoes, it just never really works out right. It gets too hot around the edges and then potentially too like microwave crusty, which is not a good kind of crusty. But if you can take the time and heat up the oven and throw the stuffing or the dressing and the mashed potatoes in there, then it'll kind of heat up evenly. I might do that.

Then I get the rolls going. Those are also – you know what's weird? As I'm thinking about it, none of this stuff is better the next day for me, honestly. It's fine, but it's not actually – better but i just look forward to it for some reason too we all gather around you know not like in the formal setting like you know for thanksgiving there's tablecloths it's all like we get out break out the good dishes which for some reason then when they're done and washed and dried they go back into you know those like cardboard cardboard file boxes where you might keep important documents well imagine that without the folders hanging it just that box that's where all the good Burbank dishes go that were probably handed down from like my grandma on my dad's side they go in bubble wrap they go back in there they go back to I don't know where in the house the basement or something but anyway it's not as formal as that but it is fun to kind of just gather around the table the day after Thanksgiving heat up a bunch of food and kind of sit there and just in a daze just continue to consume I do enjoy that okay last one really quick oh we get another one oh get out

the gobble again Sarah

Joseph Hale who campaigned for thanksgiving to be a national holiday also wrote what famous song give you a hint it's not we didn't start the fire okay sarah joseph ahale who campaigned for thanksgiving to be a national holiday wrote what famous song now this is i'm going to help you a little bit was it

on the bodyguard soundtrack just add just one okay just one clue okay all right it was not on

the bodyguard that was the clue i was going to give you and now it's not on the bodyguard

soundtrack okay so any song basically any song that was not on the 1992 bodyguard soundtrack

this is an old timey song that is generally kind of i think kind of considered at this point like

a kid's song like a song you would sing as a little kid over the hills and through the woods

to grandmother's house no good guess it's kind of i'd say it's probably roughly from that era I believe it might have been on the first I don't think that deserved a gobble You said it was a good guess And I stopped listening I think it might have been on like the first Recording that Edison made Like I believe this song Mary Had a Little Lamb Yes Hey Double gobbles Nice I am thankful that we're almost at the end You should be thankful that I didn't remember

I had this drop until today.

Here I go once again with the email. Every week I hope that it's from a female. No, man. It's not from a female.

I also wish I had some special Thanksgiving thing for this, but whatever. We set the precedent with playing the real top stories. Now we're playing the real email thing. Do you have any Thanksgiving-related emails or V-mails?

Yeah, I got a nice message here from listener Danny that's specifically Thanksgiving-related. I'm going to play it for you in a second. I'm also going to stall, though. I do think—let's put something other than Doogie underneath there.

So you know what? I have something much better, and I don't know why I didn't think of this. I'm sorry. Is this better?

No, but I was going to try to drop a turkey gobble on top of it, but that's okay. You know what, while you, let's grab something more Thanksgiving-y for her voicemail, but before we get there, can I stall a second and tell you something that isn't really Thanksgiving-related but I've been meaning to share on the show with you? I got an email from listener Carolyn who lives up in Vermont, and this is, it's so distracting. I thought it was going to be the short version. No, this one is seven minutes long. Okay, good. I'll talk slowly. It looks like she's on some sort of a list serve, like kind of a community list serve of things going on in the neighborhood, lost and found stuff, and maybe looking to sell a snowblower. I'm not exactly sure. And somebody posted missing cats. This is from about a week ago. So this is somebody who lives in Vermont, presumably, who's missing a couple of cats. And I want to read this to you. two missing black cats one with white markings on the chest and feet the other completely black the one with white markings responds to the name professor female and the pure black one responds to Theo male Theo went missing at the beginning of the school year and professor went missing at the beginning of October any information is appreciated that can't be a coincidence these cats by the way do not match my cat's descriptions and of course our professor's full name is Professor Bananas but the fact that there is a household in Vermont that at least used to have a cat named Professor and a cat named Theo is pretty astounding

I think those have to be listeners what are the chances of a theo and a professor i think if a listener named their

cats after my cats they would have gotten in touch before they went missing and then some other listener in the same small vermont town you know what i mean like what is the chance we have two listeners in the small vermont town for some reason i'm not naming the town although we name towns all the time it's milton vermont um so i just think that that i think it's a coincidence hmm that is an odd coincidence oh my god luke i'm not even joking the next post below it seeking broken slash unwanted snowblowers i didn't say snowblowers because i saw that i said snowblowers before because i always think of that as the quintessential thing that people are trying to get rid of on tradio or whatever when i listen to those radio swap them shows uh in new hampshire anyway um i find that interesting now i kind of put you on the spot do you have any thanksgiving music or we can go back to we can go back to i mean vince garaldi is even fine for this voicemail

if you want let's see here i have something called a thanksgiving story but then it's listed as speech so maybe this is probably spoken word let's see here i don't have so much of a family i think this is maybe from a listener at some point okay i have uh a charlie brown uh thanksgiving by george winston but which is this i think the same thing i was playing before but maybe played by a different artist oh that doesn't sound that's good get that in i have a midi recording of the uh thanksgiving

song of course i always do a whole album that is a peanuts thanksgiving isn't it like um or am i

making that up uh i don't think you're making it up but i don't think i have it right here

oh there it is um here how about this there we go We'll play this. This is Vince Giraldi, Little Birdie. So I think this is Woodstock's theme song. Oh, cute. I like this. Pull that down a little bit here. As we introduce this voicemail, as I said before, from listener Danny in New Hampshire. Very New England. New England flavor today.

Hi, Luke and Andrew. Backup lawyer Danny here. First time caller. Is she? Our backup lawyer?

I forget where she falls on that.

Oh, so my apologies. Okay, I've messed everything up here. First of all, I picked a song that has scatting in it. That's going to be a problem, so I'm going to go with a different track off of this. Also, she says backup lawyer. So this is our other lawyer named Danielle who can also sometimes go by the name Danny. My apologies for that. Let's establish the music here again. Can we do this? There we go. Oh, yeah. Okay, here we go. Here we go.

Hi, Luke and Andrew. Back up, Lawyer Danny here, first-time caller, long-time listener. I have been moved to make this call in light of the last few days and in the spirit of thanksgiving. This is a TDTL is Gratitude Givers message. The last several years have sucked. I'll spare you the long story longer version and just say there's been a lot of pain and sorrow in my life, and I know I'm not special in that regard. But TBTL has been a lifeline, a constant, a daily dose of contact and fun with my imaginary friendos, card exchanges, listener gifts, hilarious chatter on the STEM page, live shows, all the things that come with being a part of this community. And last week when TBTL lost a beloved friendo, Drew McFrizz, we all rallied, and I was reminded again that what we have is special. this last Sunday my mother died unexpectedly and tragically and yesterday I had a long drive to make so of course I queued up tbtl for some background listening and I heard Jennifer's call about her sister and the noise machine and I had to pull off and just have a good long and much needed cry I love you guys I love everyone in this community and for that I am grateful thank you for everything and on that drive i also got to see some tool in a tesla driving like a total jackass get pulled over right in front of me and so i am also grateful to have a place to share my petty joy how's that for a power out happy thanksgiving

that's a good power out and that hell of a that's how you do it on on our best days i think this show represents that whole range of emotions exactly although the tough stuff that we've got to get through in life and then also just the beautiful moments like some jerk getting pulled over after they've been being a jerk yeah i think i might have seen something like that maybe once in my life and it is just the sweetest plum on the tree man there's a subreddit by

By the way, Danny, I'm really sorry to hear about your mom and all the tough stuff you've been through for real. But now I'm going to talk about Reddit. There's a subreddit called Instant Karma, Luke, where there's a lot of that stuff. It's a little bit more, unfortunately, I mean, it's maybe a little bit more, it's a little darker because you'll see somebody. It's like a lot of the stuff is people sharing their dashboard cam video. Often, I think maybe even, maybe that's more common in other countries. I don't know. And you'll see somebody just driving like a total jerk, like cutting people off, like total road rage. And then that person just like flips their car into the berm or something. And it's like instant karma is going to get you.

Yeah. Well, I'm glad, Danny, that you were able to witness some instant karma that also didn't lead to anyone flipping their truck.

By the way, is your uncle going to be watching Russian car crash videos this Thanksgiving?

I don't think that we're all going to be getting together. We may get together for Christmas, which, you know what? We can talk about this maybe on the show that aired before this one, Andrew, because I do have a bit of a dilemma. Okay. I think the listeners are all thankful that we only do this once a year where we, well, that's not true because we also do the winter games where we get into this weird world of not knowing exactly what has already aired and what hasn't. and if we've broached various topics or not because we're trying to get this done in advance. So anyway, I guess let's wrap things up there. I know that we had a – what song did we say we wrote?

Well, here's the deal, and I like this. So let me set it up here for a second. I know that you have a pretty steadfast, I would say, rule slash tradition related to the holidays where you don't like to listen to any kind of holiday music until Thanksgiving. But then once you have Thanksgiving, maybe even while you're kind of cleaning up on Thanksgiving night, you can start breaking out the Christmas music. And so I asked you before the show if you had a Christmas song that you would like to start with. And we can start playing Christmas music now for a while.

Yeah, we can. And, like, don't get me wrong. Like, I love, love, love Christmas music. But I can only really enjoy it as soon as Thanksgiving is over, as soon as the meal is put away. And then I feel like that only increases my love for it. There's already stations that are in full-time Christmas mode, like they started playing the Christmas music sometime maybe even before Halloween happened. For me, my enjoyment of this is elevated by the fact that it's a limited-time offer. So I'm very excited that as this is broadcasting, as people are downloading this and listening to it, depending, I guess, on when they're hearing it, I feel like it's safe for us to finally play some Christmas music. So, yeah, can we play that Sufjan, whatever it's called? Come on, let's all do the elf boogie or something. Let's boogie to the elf dance. That's the one. Why don't we go out with that? All right. Thanks for listening, everyone. I hope you're having a great Thanksgiving wherever you are and get to be with the people that you love. We're going to be speaking to people you love. We're going to be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio for you. How many gobbles does that? We'll see you tomorrow. Please join us for that. And remember, no mountain too tall. And good luck to all.

Up in the bedroom, your sister's bangs, she cut them herself. Santa is here, sleigh bells are ringing, 21 elves, they are all singing. Kmart is closed, so is the bakery, everyone's home, watching TV. Santa Claus is coming, hear the banjos strumming Santa Claus is coming, hear the banjos strumming Chestnuts and fire, holly and hay, Jesus and Mary, what a great day This time of the year,

there should be a hotline you can call with questions about cooking turkeys a special 800 number where the phones are staffed by experts there is what do you mean the butterball hotline butterball has a hotline yeah it's an 800 number the phones are staffed by experts are you kidding me no god i'm sorry i love my country charlie get me the number for the butterball hotline yes sir power out Thank you.