Muse

Listen, wife's going out tonight. I'm going to have the guys over. We're going to watch the fish on the big screen. I'm going to grill up some brats. I got a micro brew chilling in my wet bar, and I was going to warm up some ziti. Why don't you come by if you got some triple fried pizza dough or some kind of frozen meatballs or whatever it is. You can warm it up in my microwave, or you can warm it up back at home. Bring it over pipe and hop. And if you want to bring over a vegetable medley, a crudite, figure out how much lunch meat you can spare, maybe bring over pound and a half, two pounds of Black Forest ham, maybe a Dijon mustard spread. Any kind of dessert, maybe a German chocolate cake or something like that. I tell you what would make you a big hit with the dudes is get some key lime pie, a la mode. I'm talking about ice cream on the side. And you have got to have a bite of my homemade ziti. I'm just going to warm her up. She's been in the freeze.

Thanks for the invite.

You know, I love her those hot mozzarella sticks. Cube them up, put them in some marinara sauce. You have them on standby. Of course, you can't go wrong with some sour cream and onions so long as you bring ridged chips.

Yeah. T-B-T-M Guess what day it is Guess what day it is

It's Friday Friday gotta get down on Friday Everybody's looking forward to the weekend Weekend Friday Friday getting down on Friday Everybody's looking forward to the weekend Partying Partying Yeah Partying Partying Yeah Fun

fun fun stop stop telling this i'm gonna puke so look why don't you download my blog it's free of course we do appreciate donations anybody know what this is huh all of this is the digestive

system and now we're gonna have a couple of guys who's gonna give us this presentation about what happens when the digestive system isn't working properly.

All right. Hello. Good morning and welcome, everyone, to a Friday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. Is this something you could share with the rest of us, Amazing Larry? My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host. Who is my daddy and what does he do? Coming to you from the Hollywood Broadcast Center in Portland, Oregon, here on this special Friday After Thanksgiving edition of the program. That's right. Called Black Friday in some places.

I don't buy this for one iota!

When we are all supposed to go out and get all kinds of screaming deals for the holidays. I don't know if that's how all of y'all are spending today or what you're doing, but we're very excited to have you here with us on episode 3,563 in a collector's series. Let the fun begin. And we're going to see today on the show if Andrew is going to have a little more money in his pocket. That cash could really get me out of a couple of jams. Because he is going to be scratching some scratch tickets live on the air and finding out if it is, in fact, his lucky day. It's your lucky day. You just found a USB flash drive in the parking lot. We will talk about that also. I am becoming, let's say, an unlikely media star in a way that I am, believe it or not, for all of my need for attention. Not now, Randy. It's the one room in my apartment where the door is closed, and it's the one room. Cats and Randy's hate a closed door. Randy is my Roomba, by the way, if you're just joining us. Anyway, I am, for all my need for attention, I'm getting some attention in my apartment building. I'm not 100% sure it's the kind of attention I want to get. We'll get to that, too, if we can. And maybe even an email or V-mail or two. All with the help of this young man, the longest-running cobro of the show, maybe known for his depictions, at least best known for his depictions of those tall ships, their grace and their splendor. Actually, you know what? It might be his lucky day.

Hey, it's my lucky day. I just found a USB drive in the parking lot.

Well, there you go. Spoiler alert. He's Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now from the Roosevelt neighborhood of Seattle, Washington. Good morning, my friend.

Good morning. I know that you, like most of our listeners, think of today as the day after Thanksgiving, traditionally, maybe more modernly, you think of it as Black Friday. I think of today as one thing and one thing only, Lenny Samosky's birthday. Lenny Samoski was my best friend when I was a very little kid He was what I call my first best friend He looked remarkably like Paul Simon A fact that I didn't appreciate at the time And I just saw a picture of him recently It is amazing

How he's like a little mini Paul Simon, which is also amazing because Paul Simon is a mini Paul Simon. Yeah, I was going to say, a mini Paul Simon would be a pretty, that'd be a small Simon. Here's a story not about Lenny Samosky. Pardon me? Nothing?

Small Simon? That'd be more like small Simon? Oh, sorry.

Oh, small Simon. Sorry.

I'm talking over you there. Do not interrupt the laughter. Okay, sorry.

Do I have a creaking door that can open?

I have a Roomba that can completely throw me off at the top of the show if you need that to happen.

I have a story here. It's not about Lenny Samoski. It's a story about me. Oh, Small Simon? But I was near Lenny Samoski when this happened. You studied him? You know how I am scared of heights? Yes. And it's irrational. I know that it's irrational. But there is this, I don't know, kind of train of thought that says, listen, if you're standing somewhere, on solid ground, maybe you're standing on a curb, right? Your average street curb. Also a church curb that I grew up with, by the way. Standing on a curb?

No, standing on holy ground. We are standing on holy ground. Anyway, if you're standing on somewhere that is solid.

Yeah, just picture yourself standing on a standard street curb, right? What is a curb? Like four inches off the ground, five?

Yes.

You could probably stand there for quite some time and never falter. You could even tip your toes over the edge of it, and you're not going to fall off. however you do that same exact thing 12 stories in the air and you're going to be really nervous that you're suddenly just going to tip over and fall right but like and of course there is some wind factors to consider but just rationally rationally speaking like you're not going to just tip over and fall off a roof if you're within five feet of it the way i feel if i'm if i'm up high somewhere so it makes you wonder like what what am i so afraid of when i'm up high dying Yeah, let me tell you this. One time, me and Lenny Samosky, I'm going to put us in about first grade here, maybe second. I don't know. Back when they called him regular-sized Simon. Yeah. We were in Valley City. Keep trying. It's going to scare and break through. It's like the running game. The listeners are enjoying it, and that's what matters. Yeah, no, it's like the running game. You just got to keep trying, and eventually you're going to break one off. I'm going to put us at first or second grade. Of course, this is in Valley City, Ohio, a place where we all had a lot of land and spaces between houses. And a lot of us had some sort of ponds, and we were standing on, like, a dock going out into his backyard pond, and we were fishing, Luke. We were probably fishing for Bluegill, and we're just standing there at the edge of the dock talking. And then suddenly, without any reason whatsoever and without any notice, I just tipped over and fell into the pond for no reason. Lenny didn't push me. Oh, good. I just I was worried that that's where this story was going was no give you a shove no I remember I just I was standing there one moment and then the next moment I'm in the pond fully closed shoes on holding on to a fishing rod and Lenny just looking down at me like what in the living hell just happened. I don't remember much else other than I had to wear – so Lenny's mom, Mrs. Samoski, took me inside, and she – I don't know if she washed, but she certainly dried my clothes. I can't remember what I had to wear, but I just remember feeling super, super embarrassed. You know me.

Like a nightgown from Little House on the Prairie or something probably.

I think it was a nightgown. Weirdly, yeah, she put me in stockings. It was a strange getup that she decided to put me in. Like a French maid outfit. It was that. It had one of those pointy Madonna bras. But anyway, it was dry, and that's all you can really ask for in this circumstance. No, she did dry my clothes, and I had to wear – I can't remember if it was – I couldn't fit into Lenny's clothes because Lenny was – I call him Small Simon because he kind of looked like Paul Simon. See, I knew you'd get there. And so I couldn't wear his. I'm trying to think. I might have had to wear Lenny's dad's clothes. By the way, for convenience, Lenny's dad also named Lenny Samosky. Lenny Senior

I mean honestly when you got a name like Lenny Samoski going in the family you don't let that

Run out his dad might have actually been a Junior Lenny might have been the third I don't Know lay off I don't Have all of the questions all of the Answers to your questions about the Samoski family but I think I had to wear some of his dad's Clothes possibly or I might have had to wear a robe Which is even worse I have a Weird you know I'm wearing a robe right now Are you is it fluffy at least is it

Big and thick and it's great I got it from the uh beverly hilton hotel in la it's very comfortable and when we're done with the samaski the 23 and me i would love to tell you a little robe hack that i learned recently that is great and also helps with modesty but please i think i'm done you got i wonder if i mean did you have um how old were you when when it when adults or maybe you realized that your eyesight was not as 2020 as it could have been oh for me my family knew

early on i wore a i started wearing glasses when i was two years old and i wore a patch over one

of my eyes before that so obviously at this point you were wearing glasses and you i wonder if it had to do at all with your eyesight not being great if that is kind of what somehow got you a little off standing on the edge of that dock maybe just you know or you could have tripped over the tackle box there's so many things that could have happened no i didn't trip i mean that's

the thing i didn't trip there was nothing i was standing silent because that that's why that's the point of the story is it wasn't like there was no explaining it and it goes to so when people say like hey you know why are you scared of heights you're not going to just suddenly fall over i say Let me tell you a little story about me and Lenny Samoski down on the dock.

So you're standing at the edge of this dock, and the next thing you know, you're in the water, basically.

In my memory of this, I am shoulder to shoulder with Lenny, my right shoulder to his left shoulder, but we're not touching. And we're just peacefully fishing, and then literally the next thing I know, I'm tipping over and I'm in the water. Tipping over forward.

Uh-huh. gosh i wish that we could see oh my god me too video of that so that we could actually figure out what was going on of course we'll never know but i would just say between that and i'm not i hope this doesn't sound like i'm in any way trying to have fun at your expense andrew but no joke between that incident which i'm just now learning about and then of course unfortunately the the incident where you hurt your fingers i do think it's probably best for you to not stand on the edge of high rise buildings. I just think probably for everyone, that's the best policy,

but maybe you in particular. Yeah. Although I feel like you're kind of missing the point, like that me falling and breaking my finger was a, was a very clear example of clumsiness. Like I was running, I had, you know, I was running awkwardly with a big camera around my neck and a backpack and new shoes. And I was running across traffic to catch a bus and I hit the curb. I'm not saying it was a graceful moment or that I didn't look like a jackass doing it, but I tripped and fell which is a thing that happens in physics standing on lenny's dock i didn't trip i didn't fall i i mean i did fall but i didn't trip i just i just fell over i just tipped is that what that otis redding song is about slipping on the dock of the bay yes i i think so did small simon cover

that he did a very gentle version for children well all of which is to say i understand why you You don't want to stand near things that you could, if you were to have another Samosky situation, find yourself falling off of, because thankfully that wasn't life-threatening. But it could be, like, if you would have fallen off my roof at the Seattle house during the Blue Angels, very life-threatening. Oh, my God. Extremely life-threatening. Oh, my God. I will make this promise to you as your colleague and as your co-bro in podcasting. i will not create scenarios during the broadcast or the recording or the whatever of this show where there's the possibility that if you samaskied you would be dead i will really be because i feel like i proposed something a while ago that you were just a i don't know if i didn't

samasky like that he shouldn't have to carry that around that's not fair to the samasky name i don't

think saying washing it is fair either because i don't think that's you're not doing it every two days you did it one time in your life

yeah but I don't feel like that's his I just feel like Samoskiing it makes it sound like it was his thing right now that's fair but there needs to be

another there needs to be a term for it that doesn't unfairly disparage you or the Samoski

family there must be there must be something Samoski

because if he is the third although wow wait a minute now I'm blowing the case wide open if he's Lenny Samoski the third another nickname for people that are the third is Trip is this oh because triples triples yeah because you're the because you're the third you're the trip triples are the best thanks god that that is one of those sketches from that show that is just my god walks the line of just absolute despair but also so funny oh my god i think you should leave if people have not even walk the line or is it just just fully live in the world it's just so it's so full of despair

But it is also so funny Basically my Instagram feed now Is nothing but Various I think you can leave memes I follow so many I think you can leave memes And then so many people who love those What did I say? Can leave Oh I think you should leave memes It's just like it's all it is And I had the most beautiful image come across The Transom the other day Of like somebody did a painting I'll find it and send it to you later Somebody did a painting of Odenkirk And this like very stylized Almost 1970s style I think it's a tri-color painting with three Odenkirks and three cars. It is beautiful. It is the most beautiful. That show has been. inspired some of the most wonderful works of art I have ever seen come out of a TV show fandom.

There's also no day, there isn't a day, I'm going to get into double negative town here. Let me put it this way. No matter what's happening in my life, if I happen to see a memefied version of Patty Harrison from the fake Shark Tank sketch, they're talking about, I'm worried about how much wine I drink.

I just saw one moments ago.

So whatever's happening for me, it's a little more bearable, or if things are going well, they're going even better anytime I see that. Now, the reason that I'm in a bathrobe – well, first of all, my bathrobe hack, okay, Andrew? You know how every bathrobe typically comes with a – what would you call it? A sash, a tie, a thing that goes around the waist, right? And you've got those kind of a couple of kind of loose loops for the tie portion to go through. And what I have been doing for 44 years of my life, if I'm in a bathrobe, is I just tie that thing in the front and kind of cinch it. But then over time, it can kind of get loose. Maybe I didn't do the greatest job. It's always struck me as not the most effective way to keep the front of the robe closed, right? Like it's just imperfect in my experience. and then i saw on tiktok the other day someone do the thing where instead of running the sash around your back you run the sash through the loop on the let's just say kind of your right the right side of your like stomach and then through the loop that's on the left side of your stomach and then you make a bow right in front of yourself no part of the sash goes behind your back and let me tell you something Andrew this is absolutely the most comfortable and the most buttoned up or I should say tied up a bathrobe I've ever had in my life hmm I can picture it

is Drew McGarry who is the defender of bathrobes or the man who's passionate about bathrooms am I right he's

definitely written extensively on this one kind of robe he got and then I think he did a bunch of I think he loves one particular bathrobe or like you said bathrobes and then he did a you know You know, he ordered like five of them and wrote reviews of them or something. But this is the only way to go. I would just recommend it to the listeners at home. Give this a try. Because you get a nice, tight cinch. The robe is not going to fly open. And it's, I mean, I don't know if that was the original design, but it is a much better way to close one's robe.

That's funny. Like, I believe you. I'm not, I mean, I haven't worn a robe since as a child. But I believe you. Yeah, I'm not a robe guy. But I the physics seem a little bit odd because like it just sort of feels like part of it is tying it in front. But also like you're wrapping the robe around you kind of as tight as you can. And then you're securing if somehow I feel like you're pulling at the sides. I feel like you're pulling at the sides of those loops.

It's just like anything. I mean, I don't think you have. But certainly I think women at times, you know, those who identify as a woman will wear like some kind of a dress or something where there's a tie in the front of it. There's some kind of or it could be in the back. But the idea is that you have. Let's just imagine two pieces of fabric. You tie them in a bow and they bring together whatever area you're trying to kind of cinch up. And this is just a much more effective way to cinch that area up. Anyway, I just thought I would pass it on. The reason that I'm in this robe, you know what? Let's do this. Let's take a quick break Come back I will quickly tell you Why I'm in this robe And how it relates to my What's going on in my building And then we're going to Scratch some tickets And then we're going to Hit that dinosaur And get into the weekend How do you feel about that? Sounds good Okay Quick break here on TBTL Then back with much more all right let's thank some donors of the day these are the thoughtful lovely wonderful people that are making today's episode possible with their financial support of the show each month and boy don't we appreciate it wouldn't be here without folks like marissa Uterberg in Lakewood, Ohio. Heard of it? I have. Used to live there. Home sweet

home. Love Lakewood. Is Marissa one of

the people that you like went to grade school with who has now sort of become a fan of the show because of the Andrew Walsh Association?

No. Well, I don't want to derail it here. There was a time when Marissa and I were fishing out on... We were actually at Lenny Sennoski's pond. Oh, you Uterberg'd it. Yeah, I totally pulled an Uterberg. No, I don't know. I don't think I know Marissa personally, but I do know.

You're going Uderberg, huh? You know, oh, Uder. Yeah, I didn't even realize that we were doing that differently. But yeah, I guess Uderberg? I don't know.

Do you know something I don't know? I don't know. That's what I'm asking. Again, I'm not from Lakewood, Ohio. You might know something. Marissa, let us know. How do we pronounce your last name?

Hey, in Lakewood, we call it Uderberg.

Kelly Welch is in Vancouver, Washington. Kelly, I'm going to be driving through your fair city here just in a matter of minutes once this is all recorded. In fact, by the time you hear it, I might be driving back through your fair city on my way back to Portland. Thank you, Kelly, for supporting the program. Chris Borgia is in Seattle, Washington. Thank you, Chris.

Long time listener and donor there.

Katie Broussard and Peter Broussard are in Salt Lake City, Utah. oh man i just learned a fact about salt lake city that i am now forgetting that i would love to be able to throw down right now because uh live wire is on in salt lake city and we do this little thing at the top of that show where we we i give uh elena a little quiz about a city and there was a fun fact i'll remember it later and then i'll shout it out but in the meantime Thank you, Katie and Peter, so much. And then Rebecca Singer is in Arden, North Carolina. Thank you, Rebecca. Thanks to all of our donors of the day for making today's show possible.

Hello and welcome to Top Story.

All right, just a quick thing on this whole bathrobe situation. The reason I'm in a bathrobe is because in between the recordings we were doing today, I realized I had exactly enough time to go downstairs in my building, run my very fastest on the treadmill for three miles and then come back upstairs.

And that's interesting. I know you're trying to get through this. Maybe we can circle back. I didn't know that you're doing that now, that you're that you're running in your in your gym. That brings me pleasure. I'm glad to know that you're taking advantage of the amenities. I'm not joking. That's cool.

The funny part is this new place that I've moved to has a much simpler kind of the the old gym in the yard building was kind of it was kind of cool, kind of looked out on the on the Burnside Bridge and the river. There was a little bit more visually interesting about it. This this gym is totally functional, but it's just kind of like landlocked in the middle of the building. I'm just kind of staring at a blank white wall. And yet I've been using it a lot more also probably has to do with the seasons.

Yeah. And the pandemic. Right. It wasn't your gym in the – I didn't even know you ever used the gym in your other building because I thought it was closed for most of the time you lived there. Like three times maybe total.

But this one, what's convenient about it – well, I mean the convenience factor is obvious. If I go and run around the city of Portland outside, which is still my preference, I need to wear warm clothes because it's cold outside right now. But then pretty soon I'm sweaty and I kind of have too much warmth on. I have to make sure that I have certain fobs and things to get back in the building, et cetera. There's just kind of a lot going on, whereas I can just go down the treadmill, just kind of knock it out and be done. Although, of course, as is my custom, I was being a time optimist. So even though I could do the run in the time allotted, what I didn't account for was the taking a quick shower afterwards, figuring out what I was going to wear, et cetera. And so I decided, because I was already keeping you waiting too long, Andrew, to just take my shower and then quickly throw a bathrobe on, tie it in the front like everybody's doing. And that's what I did. Now, here is how this relates to this thing I keep talking around. I was coming, not post-run, but I was just walking down the hall in my building the other day, and I bumped into my neighbor, my immediate neighbor in this apartment building, whose door is at about a 90-degree angle to my door. Is this your first meeting? Nope. I've talked to this guy before. He's really nice. Actually, he's the guy who I bumped into the elevator. Yep, okay. He said we could grab a beer sometime. He slipped his phone number, contact information, and is an extremely pleasant fellow. Like, I feel very happy to have this person as my neighbor. But I noticed that he has a little, like, ring camera. It's a doorbell slash ring camera mounted on the door of his apartment. now let me just mention my apartment is at the dead end of a long hallway so if you walk all the way down the hallway and it's pretty long the very last thing there you'll run into my door if that makes sense and as you're running into my door if you look to the right it would be my neighbor's door so we're at the our we're the only units way down at the end of this hallway and as i was in the hall and i bumped into him we were just making small talk and he said hey so do you're using

the gym downstairs or what do you do and i go yeah sometimes i use it if i'm in a hurry or sometimes i try to go for a little jog around here and he goes yeah i was doing that orange theory thing over a couple blocks away and we're just talking about fitness he goes yeah because i because i saw you the other day you were all sweaty and i realized he saw me on his camera and here's the thing about his camera this is not the first time we've talked about it but I didn't put it all together. He gets an push notification on his phone whenever there is motion in front of the camera. Yep. Meaning anytime I enter or leave my apartment, he gets an update on his phone and can see if I am sweating or if it is early in the morning or late at night or whatever I'm doing, it is all going right to his phone. And I am not sure how I feel about that.

Yeah. Yeah. That makes me a little uncomfortable. It does. And I don't tend to overreact to those things because we've talked about how there's almost always a camera on you in this day and age. And I've come to come to, you know, deal with that. But there's also this idea that, well, so if something goes down in the neighborhood, somebody could go back to the tape and see it or potentially if you have, you know, you picture an old fashioned monitor or something, maybe somebody sees you walking down the street like what's the big deal? But the fact that this fellow who you know, that you have some sort of a relationship, a casual neighborly sounds like good relationship. I liked everything about this story. But the fact that, yeah, I mean, you know me. We were talking about a few weeks ago. I messed around with a couple of those. They're not ring, but ring style cameras. And I like I'm a technology guy. I like playing around with them. But I know exactly what that experience is, as do you from Snake Cam. Your phone buzzes. You take a look. And who is it? And now you're going to be ninety nine percent of those buzzes.

That is that's I think ninety nine percent is low ninety nine point nine because there's nothing else down here. Yeah, it's not like, you know, I mean, I I assume that the lobby of the smart building has 50.

Oh, God, I don't like this.

As does the gym. Like there are areas of this building where it feels like, yeah, you're out standing in the lobby. You assume that there's some kind of documentation of you being there. this is i mean i i guess that one could say that i don't have a reasonable expectation of privacy because i'm in a public hallway but it's again it's weird because there's just nothing down here there's only there is literally only one person who doesn't live in that apartment in my neighbor's apartment there's only one person who could ever activate this and that's me and it's like every time i walk by it now i have to think about it like ad again he couldn't be he couldn't be a nicer guy it's not like i don't think he has any nefarious intentions but it's just like it's kind of in my head now and i'm just kind of like man is there like do i do i tell him hey i don't like love that because that sounds kind of shady on my part and again i mean he could theoretically he could just stand there with his door open all day if he wanted to and then he would get to see me come and go like that would also be his right which is where these things get very talk radio and slippery slopey and the like you know but it's it's uh yeah it's it's kind of it's a slightly weird experience just to feel like and then it's also the fact like i said that there's a push notification that that's the that's definitely the thing for me oh because you know how this came up andrew did i give you the full i don't know if i ever on air gave you the update on the story but this was because of the pepper thing so remember how i said i went to my

first neighbor and i rung the doorbell yeah this was him right because you'd said that you had met

him on the you had met him on the elevator yeah and he didn't answer and i don't even actually think he was at his place is why he didn't answer but he had the footage of me ringing his doorbell which is why at a different point when we bumped into each other he said oh hey did you come by the other day and i said yeah i was trying to you know get some pepper and he goes oh okay and that was when he explained to me what was going on with this like camera recording thing and then i just kind of put it out of my mind i didn't think much of it until he mentioned oh yeah i saw you the

other day you were pretty sweaty yeah and like sharing that information I mean in a certain way I'm kind of glad that he's open about it that way he's not getting the push notification like now it is sort of on your radar but like and I probably make myself out to sound like more of a lush on the show than hopefully I really am but like I just think of like times that I've been I don't know you know out staying in a hotel or something right and you're out late and you come back and you have to like kind of walk by the the desk I don't know if you know this move maybe people learn as self-conscious as i am about this but like in my head i look drunk i don't know why i don't nobody's ever told me like that i act obnoxious when i'm drunk or anything but like

i'm just so self-conscious when you fell off the samaski the samaski dock they was trying to say i was drunk i had eight beers i had eight capri suns that was all i But if you it sounded like you might know what I'm talking about, Luke, as I walk by that front desk in a hotel, like I am so self-conscious if I've had what I think to be too much to drink or something to drink. I don't want to look drunk. And so, like, I straighten my back or whatever. You walk briskly. And again, this idea that there's surveillance out there is one thing like, OK, you might there might be a million times your life are like, oh, God, I hope nobody was monitoring the cam as I tripped on the curb or whatever. you know like but like knowing that you are sent it's almost like you are sending him somebody that you know you're sending him an alert every time you come home that you're coming home literally the bar or leave home you're coming home at 4 a.m i mean who knows you're doing that sexy thing in the movie where you're bringing a date back and you're making out in the hallway before you open the door like who knows like that and again they're you should see me i can picture it i have actually some drawings i'd like to show you tell me how close you've been to some slash fic about It's interesting. I have you making out with Smurfs, and I have you making out with Gargamel, and somehow this can coexist in this universe. But a very sexy Gargamel. It's a very sexy Gargamel wearing the Madonna bra again. Show title, very sexy Gargamel? Probably not. I'm not even going to write that one down. I am thinking about calling the show Robespierre. I don't know why. I like that. That doesn't really see. I'm into that. Anyway, but yeah, there is something that, and I'm trying, I'm really trying to check myself here to make sure that I'm not being kind of out of touch or just being an old man or like whatever. But there is something very specific about knowing every time you return to your door, you are setting off an alarm that's going directly to his phone that he will either see in the moment or when he wakes up or when he checks his phone later. I'm basically Olive in this situation.

Your cat? My cat, my old cat. Because that's what Snake Cam, when we never found the snake, Like, I just, Snake Cam was sitting out in the sun porch, which is an area that Olive was able to get access to, you know, even because we had the animal door permanently shut because she was bringing in things she was catching. But, you know, my phone would constantly buzz whenever Olive would, like, jump through the window and be hanging out in the sun porch. And it was kind of fun because I could see her. It made me happy. I'm Olive now somehow. And the problem is if I say, hey, man, that makes me feel kind of weird. I don't have any – I have no way to verify if that thing is on or off. Yeah, exactly. Other than like going to management and asking them to like take it down, which also just seems like escalating. It's just – and again, if my neighbor, who I like tremendously, if my neighbor had any nefarious intentions, he would have never told me casually about like how this thing works. It's I mean, what I could say is the chances of a property crime occurring at his door or mine, considering the floor of the building we're on, how far it is, the amount of fobbery you need to get into the building and up the elevator. It's a pretty low and there's like there's no solicitation. You know what I mean? We don't it's not like a house where anyone could walk up at any time. It seems very unlikely that somebody is getting into the building, getting up the stairs, getting down the hall to these doors that, side note, automatically lock. I could take issue with just the necessity of this thing considering where these apartments are situated. But yeah, so that's where things are at with that. And I don't I mean, I don't really I mean, maybe, you know, one thing I could do, actually, is take the guy up on his offer to grab a beer sometime and then just like in a nice way, say, if I'm being totally honest, dude, I feel a little weird. The fact that your phone gets a buzz every time I leave my house and maybe see what he says, you know, like, don't come at him, but just kind of be honest.

Yeah, if it comes up naturally, maybe, whether you're having a beer or another time. In other words, me personally, although I guess I kind of avoid confrontation in a way – not that this is confrontation, but I feel like if you take him up on that beer and then you go out, but the whole time your mission is to have this conversation, I feel like it's going to come out in a way that seems less natural than the next time you're having a conversation with him. Whether it's over beers or whether it's in the hallway, the next time the conversation of the camera comes up, maybe he brings it up. It might maybe that's a more natural place to bring it up. I will say, and I'm kind of just reiterating here, but if we can end it on a slightly positive note, because maybe I'm overreacting to all this.

I don't think you are. I think the listeners are going to be I have a feeling the listeners are going to be incensed on my behalf.

I like the fact that he, in a couple of different ways now, has specifically mentioned to you that, oh, yeah, I happen to notice that. Because what that says to me, unless I'm misreading it and he's like, you know, what is the movie that we always think? Sliver. Sliver. Unless he's like really slivering you. Billy Baldwin and sliver. I love. He's a lesser Baldwin. Not the least Baldwin. Yeah.

But anyway, I like the fact that he's mentioning it casually. I don't know if he's maybe a little bit younger than you, too. It makes me feel like it's just a natural state of things to him, and it's not weird, and it's very casual, and he's not hiding anything. And it's kind of like, oh, yeah, I noticed you did that because we have these things now, and this is the way the world works. That gives me great comfort, or it gives me more comfort.

Absolutely. Again, I can't say this enough. I don't think there's any nefarious intention there. I would just feel better if If our apartments were like a four-way If there was a four-way stop I.e. if there was like more units down here Yeah, because then you'd have to turn off notifications Right, exactly Like if it was like If there were lots of people who would be walking by Then it would just be kind of like At some point he maybe turns off the push Because it's too many It's boring He's not looking at it every time He's not noticing who has or has not been recently exercising Right, right, right, right The fact that it's only me is why it feels a little bit personal. But yeah, I'll just, I'll kind of see how it goes. I mean, the other thing I could do is just go real spy versus spy. And then I set up my own camera. Oh, I don't even have time to talk about this with you today because we actually need to get to your, we need you to win some money on these tickets so that you can get me out of this hellhole, this surveillance state I'm in.

I'm going to buy you one of those invisibility cloaks that you can get from the Harry Potter world website.

Do you promise me that if you win a million dollars on these tickets, you'll buy me an invisibility cloak? I will easily make you that promise because you can only win up to $5,000. The thing I want to tell you about maybe on Monday's show is the device that I've put on my apartment door that's not outward-facing but is inward. I put a smart lock on my door. It is so cool. Oh my gosh. I could talk about it for an hour, but I won't because what we really need to do right now is we need to make you some money. So tell me about these tickets. Where'd you get them? What is your system? What are you using to scratch? What's the deal?

Okay, here's the background on these things. I'm not a big scratch ticket person. I have traditionally, in fact, I don't even think I scratched my first ticket until about, I don't know, six or seven years ago, I was visiting my parents at home, and it happened to be around my birthday. When I say at home, I was visiting my parents back in Cleveland, and some relative, as a little birthday gift, gave me like five Ohio lottery tickets. I was like, oh, this is fun. So I scratched them off. I don't think I want anything. Anyway, but you do know that when I'm in one of our little dive bars around here, I like to take advantage of the pull tabs. Right. They're kind of similar to scratch tickets, only the mechanism is a little bit different, and they have them in bars around here and in some other states. To the point where I kind of got really used to that, and then I think it was earlier this summer, about, I don't know, four months ago or something, I was at a bar that didn't have pull tabs, but I was really in the mood to do pull tabs. But I think this was at Lenny's I don't know if you know Lenny's in the Tangletown neighborhood And there's a little convenience store next door So I stopped next door and I bought I think ten one dollar Scratch-em-offs And just to kind of scratch That itch if you will And then it just started this Perpetual scratch-off ticket thing Right like I was never winning big but I was winning A few dollars back a few dollars back a few dollars Back and I just kept throwing them back In you know I just would trade them in for more tickets and then at some point I just stopped and for the past, again, like four months I've had three tickets sitting here in my desk drawer that I keep thinking, ah, one of these days I'll go to Teddy's and I'll be in the mood to scratch these and I just keep on not doing it and I thought it would be something fun to do on the show I can win up to $5,000 Now, here, I have a quick question for you not to belabor this too much but I was reading the back of the scratch-em-off ticket right before we started recording and let me tell you this The available prizes I could win are $1, $2, $4, $5, $10, $20, $30, $50, $100, or the big prize, $5,000. Invisibility Cloak. Or the Invisibility Cloak. So there's a whole wide range there.

Which I'm going to tie in the front for the record now that I know how to do that.

Okay, good. Now, I wanted to ask you, there's also a little bit of, there's a little stat on the back of here that says the odds of winning any prize are One in What Knowing that I just listed to you all The range of prices I could just win a dollar Up to five thousand

I'd say one in ten probably

This says one in Three point eight four Wow I don't have The thing is I don't have three point eight four tickets I only have three tickets I need to beat the odds here Luke is my point Yeah you do Now what's the game what's the ticket actually say The game, and I'm going to post a photo of these for today's show pick if you want to see it. It's red, hot, and blue, Luke. Match three likes. Like your politics. It feels very 4th of July-y. Maybe that's when I got these. Match three like amounts and win that amount. Match two. like amounts and a little fire money symbol and win two times that amount so in other words if i scratch off a one dollar scratch off a one dollar and then i scratch off this little symbol that actually will be a two dollar prize you dig i'm kind of i'm just going to need to hear this happening okay now here's the one thing i want to say to you that is maybe slightly controversial i am going to be scratching these off i'm not a professional scratcher so i don't have one of those special, like, Washington State Lottery keychain scratcher things. I use coins. Sure. What do you think? Because I've gotten into a debate with someone. I don't think it was you. You think a quarter is the best one?

Yeah, because you have large hands. So I think the quarter will be easier for you to hold on to. Quarter has ridges along the edge of it, if I remember. It does. Which kind of adds to the sort of, you know, you'll get a little more scratching going. then, like, I think isn't a nickel kind of flat around the edges? Exactly, which is why I go with the nickel,

because it's the biggest coin for my fat hands that is flat around the edges, because I don't think those ridges help you in scraping. It's like if you had a paint scraper that was serrated. That doesn't really help you on a flat edge, right? Sure, okay. Well, you know, you have your system. I'm going to trust you on this. That's my controversial opinion. So I'm going to scratch these things off. They look like, are these little oil barrels? Oh, no, what I'm scratching off, the symbol that I'm scratching off are rolled up wads of cash with a rubber band around them, okay? I mean, you can't not make money on that. Okay, the first one. Can you hear that? Do I need to move this microphone? Nope, no, it sounds great. I can hear it. I've got a $1. Okay. I got a $5,000. Okay. Luke, I have another $5,000. If I get one more $5,000 on this ticket.

How many unscratched numbers are there left?

How many chances is that $5,000? There's six total. I've scratched off three. There are three left. There's no way in hell that this is actually. Oh, another important thing that I want to mention here. Aside from using a nickel, I have a paper towel on my desk here. I only scratch them on a paper towel, which I will then roll up and discard the dust off.

This is my least favorite thing about scratch off tickets. And it probably has helped me not get caught up in any sort of an addiction with them. I hate the mess that they make. Like, it's so, it honestly makes it not worth, like, same thing. My former mother-in-law, who I like to call Other Ma, Cheryl, used to always get me lots of tickets. In fact, I think I won like 50 bucks on one of them a couple years ago. She'd get me a lot of tickets, which was really sweet. But then I would often not use them forever because it never felt like a good time to make a mess.

Exactly. It's never a good time to make a mess. That's also a good show title. It is a good time to make $5,000. Okay, yeah. So, it would be amazing. So I haven't scratched these off yet. I'm also doing that thing where I'm now like kind of cleaning the edges. But we don't have to do that for the purpose of this show. All right. I got a $1, a $5,000, a $5,000. And I'm going to scratch one more. Okay. That's a 10. That's a 10. That doesn't get me anywhere. Okay. I got another one. That doesn't get me anywhere. You have two ones and two $5,000s? Yeah. So I could either win $5,000 here if this next one is a $5,000. I could win $1 if the next one is a $1. or I could win $2 if this next one is that little weird symbol with the dollar symbol on fire because it will be double. It's a 10. So there you go. I got two 5,000s, two 10s, and two 1s. That is worthless to me. Ticket number 66. Moving on to ticket number 67. I'm not sure if this is good radio now that I think about it. But I'm entertained. It's a good friendship. Okay, good. I got one. And you don't have to deal with a mess. I have a $1 on this ticket. Is this also red, hot, and blue?

Oh, they're all red, hot, and blue, baby. Oh, I see. Three red, hot, and blue tickets. See, my whole thing, when I do, on the rare occasion, when I buy these tickets, they have these machines for them, too, like in the grocery store. Yep. And I get obsessed with the variety of options. Yeah, I know. Because each one, I think, well, maybe that's my lucky one. Maybe it's, you know, Santa Bucks or whatever. you know like I just so I'll end up with like 40 different styles of tickets none of which I really understand how to play so each one I have to try to learn the rules I think it was probably smarter to just stay consistent with red hot and blue yeah and especially since this was getting

near the end of me you know tossing the money back in and it was only three tickets I've scratched off um three so far I got a one dollar a twenty dollar a one dollar another one dollar okay right Right now, I am at least, at the very least, a $1-ionaire. I have won $1, which means I can take that back to the lotto and get myself a free ticket. The next one is $5,000. That doesn't do me anything.

any good, because I already know that there isn't enough for another $5,000 and another $10,000. So, those were moot, but I did win $1. Taking that back to the Circle K. The gas station near me, which I can't remember what it was before. It's a Circle K now. I get a kick out of that for some reason. Alright, last one. You ready? Yeah. It's weird, because the sign doesn't say Circle K, but they changed a bunch of equipment recently, and the receipts say Circle K, and the uniforms of the staff, say Circle K. I got a $1. That's how you keep the needles moving while you're scratching. You got a $5,000.

Okay.

Oh, I got two $5,000s, my boy. We find ourselves in a very similar situation to where we were. Merely one ticket to go. Do you remember ticket 66? Real tease. Ticket 68 here. What you got for me, Mr. Brown Ground? I got a $30. Okay, I got two more. Okay, you have two more. Two more options. You need it to be a 5,000er. You have two 5,000s, right? Yes, so I could either, right now, I could either win $5,000. If one of these is a 5,000, I could win $1 or $30, or technically $2 or $60 with that special little. Wait, do you have two 30s as well? Oh, well, no, but I have two more to scratch off. Oh, got it. You get running 30s here. Yeah, or running ones. I had running ones once, and Mrs. Mosky had to wash my clothes.

she was like Andrew put the nightgown back on keep this around for when Andrew has a situation

we're down to our last one here I got two one dollars now so there's a chance of me winning either one dollar here five thousand dollars or two dollars ready boy what if I win five thousand dollars you need a cloak daddy needs a new invisibility cloak sad horns sad horns all around I got a 30, a 30, a 1, a 1, a 5K, a 5K.

That adds up to nothing. But you know what? We made memories today that we'll never forget.

And I have one more. I have one more.

You do.

All you need is a chip and a chair, my dude. That's right. So there you go.

All right. I know you had a song in your heart. Normally on Fridays, of course, we do music for your weekend. But this is kind of a sort of a holiday show. And let's just be totally honest I was too busy Getting ready for Thanksgiving stuff To remember to grab music for your weekend And so you at least though Andrew have a song that you want us to End the show with and end the week with

Sure you know I mean now Actually that feels like a lot of pressure But you know this is kind of good Because music for your weekend I didn't have anything I didn't have like a brand new artist Or something new that I've been digging on I've still been listening to this record that I played for Music for Your Weekend I don't know, like a month ago this Old Man Saxon fella his album Rothko Chicken and Waffles have you had a chance to listen to the whole song is so good

no I haven't but I need to maybe on my drive I'm putting together because again as this is being recorded I'm about to leave for Thanksgiving stuff I know that it's already happened as far as hearing this but anyway I'm looking for some new tunes to listen to on my ride so maybe Old Man Saxon

yeah so let me tell you this I remember when I introduced that last song off of this record, it was called Hell Yeah. And that seemed like it would be the obvious kind of like kind of single off of this because it's more of a, you know, it's kind of a boastful. It's kind of a boastful song, like don't worry about the haters and the players or whatever type of vibe. But that's not really. And it's a great song and it's a bopper for the weekend, but it's not really representative of the whole album. The whole album is much more introspective sort of. And there is a song on here that I've been listening to this record. And then this one song just spoke to me the other night that I listened to it like 100 times in a row. And it's called Just Me. It's a real laid back, chill sound. Like I say, it's introspective. And it almost reminds me of some like kind of Serengeti projects. Remember our old pale Serengeti? Like kind of real, real chill kind of beat here. I hope it's not too downbeat as we head into the weekend.

I think everybody, as they're hearing this, everybody is just full of tryptophan, although we all learned that that's actually not even scientifically accurate. But everyone's just like full of day two mashed potatoes and turkey and gravy, and they just want to kind of sit on the couch and vibe. And this is going to be exactly the song for that.

Perfect. I'm going to get this going in one second. I did have a little bit of a hiccup with my internet here, so hopefully it'll clean itself up here in a moment.

All right. I just want to say thanks, everyone, for spending this week with us. We really do appreciate it. We are going to be back here on Monday with more Imaginary Radio for you, so definitely please join us for that. Until then, have a great weekend. How's your internet, Andrew? Great.

Sweet. See, your weekend's already going great. Have a great weekend. Take care of yourselves and each other. And please remember, no mountain too tall. And good luck to all.

Hope it don't last. But it seemed I was blaming that girl, blaming that paper when it was just me. Been gone for a long time. Game strange, game blame, cause it's all mine. Must confess all that stress keeps me up, but it's gonna be alright. Trying to one-up on a plan I can't just let that slide by But why not give a fuck Get your books and I'm gon' get mine All these moments that I want It was my one While I was faithfully Stay away from things that I need Yeah, I was blaming that girl Blaming that paper Blaming that weed Oh, it was just me Just me, just me Oh, just me, just me It wasn't that, hey, it wasn't that beat, nah It was just me, just me, just me Oh, just me, just me

It wasn't that no, so it wasn't that No, it was just me Oh, wow It wasn't them haze It wasn't that beef Nah, it was just me

It wasn't them faking It wasn't them streets Nah, it was just me I just wanna roll

I wanna hit that I wanna get this

Forgot about my peace Careful my jeans And I handle my bitch

But first, it's the live drawing of tonight's Powerball, Lotto Jackpot.

Let's go to Shonda at the lottery headquarters. And I'm Shonda. And the first ball up is three.

The next is seven. The next is nine. And the last is Jay. making tonight's winning numbers three, seven, nine, J. Back to you, Jim.

Shauna, I don't think there's supposed to be letters in the lotto drawing.

Yeah, give us a second on that. In the meantime, let's go to Rhonda with the numbers for tonight's double play.

And thanks, you. I'm Rhonda. Tonight's double play jackpot is money. And the first fall-up is three. The next is 4,000. The next is blank. And the last is Milwaukee Bucks. Making tonight's winning numbers three, four thousand blank Milwaukee Bucks. Back to you, Jim.

The numbers aren't supposed to go above ten.

Yeah, and was there a blank in there?

I also think that one of the balls from the NBA draft might have gotten mixed in. Maybe there's an issue with the tubes feeding the balls up?

Well, let's go back to Shonda, who I'm told has the correct numbers this time.

Shonda? And I'm Shonda, and you're watching Lotteries. The first ball up is three. The next is meatball. The next is meatball. And the last is bread. Making tonight's lucky numbers three, meatball, meatball, bread. Back to you, Jim. Power out.