Muse

So, this test will determine whether you have the right personality profile to be a police officer. Just to make sure the machine is working, is your name Andy? I don't know how to answer that.

Simple yes or no? Well, everyone calls me Andy, but my full name is Andrew, I think. So, no?

Wait.

Yes.

Let's move on. Scenario, you pull a car over for speeding, you find out that it's your father. How do you handle the situation?

Well, first, I would be like, Dad, you're alive? TBTL! How can they say this about me? I don't believe it.

I show them. I record everything. Basically, it's Tommy by way of Cirque du Soleil, set in space with heavy erotic overtones and the gripping psychodrama of a thriller with plenty of heart and more than a little humor. Just like, you pull in, and you just get spit right out of them, and you just drop in and just smack the lip, whoopah, drop down, snap, ah! And then after that, you just drop in, just ride the barrel and get pitted, so pitted, like that.

Alright, hello, good morning, everyone, and welcome to a Monday edition of TBTL, a show that just might be too beautiful to live. We're getting medium play on three independent radio stations in Central Europe. My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host. I'll say, what's up, dog? Coming to you from the Hollywood Broadcast Center in beautiful Portland, Oregon. Beautiful but muddy. Made a mistake last night on a little after-dinner walk with Becca. I don't know why I do this. I have some sort of medical condition where if I see a for sale sign on a home or a condominium or what have you, I have to go over and look at what the actual price is. And even as a person who is not in the position to acquire a home in Portland, Oregon, at this very moment of my life, walking down the street, and I had been debating, because it was actually unseasonably warm. It may have been a record yesterday in terms of how warm it was for this time of year in Portland. I think I saw something on the internet about that. So I was like, if I wear rain boots that's overkill, I'm going to wear my snappy Nikes that I try to keep fairly pristine. Anyway, everything went fine. And then a block from my apartment, I see this for sale sign for this other apartment. And I'm just kind of curious because it's a cool looking building. And so I walk over to get a closer look at the actual hanging sign, not realizing that I have now tramped through what was about ankle deep mud. and completely ruined my shoes and ruined my night. And honestly, I'm still not emotionally right. So hopefully this will be healing for all of us. Episode 3564 in a collector series. Let the fun begin. Because obviously I'm still not over that whole incident. Speaking of weather situations, a pub full of people in England who had gone to see an Oasis cover band uh i think it was on friday night became trapped at the pub and had to sleep on the floor of the pub for like three nights because of a snowstorm that is going on right now in the uk oh my god damn you snow we will um give you the details of that event of course it actually turned out to be kind of a fun time that sounds like something i wouldn't mind getting stuck in people singing oasis people making friends drinking beer sounds like actually a pretty fun weekend uh we'll talk about that oh and um yannis uh anton cupo probably said that name wrong i've been practicing all morning the uh milwaukee bucks basketball player his love of oreo cookies is just it's exactly what

you need to be hearing this morning on this Monday when we're hearing about COVID variants emerging and all the other trouble of the world. Giannis' love for Oreos

He was like, have you ever dipped them, dunked them in

milk? He was like, no. Giannis' love of Oreos will save all of us, I think, here on this Monday. So we'll do that plus emails and V-mails. And we will talk to this guy, the longest-running Cobra of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. He's also got some thoughts on sweet treats at night. I call cakes.

Big ol' cookies.

He is Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now from the Roosevelt neighborhood of Seattle, Washington. Good morning, my friend.

Good morning, Luke. I was just doing a little bit of research here at the beginning of the show, because I got several notes from parents this weekend. Does that—that's actually a scary—like, we got notes from parents. It sounds like we're in trouble. We're not in trouble, but on the show last week, you mentioned a phrase that you heard a football man say. I believe it was a TV announcer or a radio announcer said, if you give a pig a pancake, it's going to want some syrup. I think it was a football player, actually. It was a football player saying that. Okay, sounds good. Well, it turns out that that is the name of a book by Laura Numeroff and illustrated by Felicia Bond. And they have created a whole series of books, starting with the 1985 book, If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. I thought that was an old expression going back. What's the mouse want? Some milk? Yeah, you know that expression, right? If you give a mouse a cookie, it's going to want some milk. No, I've never heard that before. You just said those words.

Is that a thing? You were aware of that?

I was aware of that. Genevieve will say that a lot. If you give a mouse a cookie, it's going to want some milk, which I thought was an old expression, but it turns out that's the name of the first book in the series. That one came out in 1985, followed by If You Give a Moose a Muffin, If You Give a Pig a Pancake. What's a moose? Want some butter? Let me see what happens. See, I have to click through on this one. If you give a... I think butter is a good guess.

What would you put on a muffin?

Wikipedia is not helping me here. Yeah, it's not giving me the quick answer. It's just telling me about the book. My apologies. But you also have, if you take a mouse to the movies, it's going to want some popcorn, I assume.

It's going to want to see an R-rated movie, even though it's not old enough.

It's going to dress up as a taller mouse with three of its friends in a trench coat.

Two mice in a trench coat. Yes. but anyway yeah so it turns out that not only is I want to keep playing this game though if you give a moose a muffin yeah that's funny like the they don't tell you the answer I'm looking at you're looking at right Amazon um that's the reveal I guess yeah maybe you have to buy the book maybe we shouldn't no you're right because this is this is the conceit of these books is like the cover if you give a dog a donut oh I don't even have a cat a cupcake like these are all these books that they've put out but they don't tell you the end of the story on the cover so it's not helpful to us if you take a mouse to school there's an obsession with mice

yeah if you give a mouse a brownie like you've already given the mouse a cookie now i haven't even read these so i shouldn't go i shouldn't be laying into this beloved author but um you've given the mouse a cookie back in 1985 you've created an entire cottage industry based on this yeah now it's 2016 cut ahead to 2016 and you're gonna release if you give a mouse a brownie like you're going that is i mean you're really going back to that well you couldn't come up with like a different animal and a different food right if you give a flamingo a beer koozie it'll get gonna want a modello it'll it'll think it'll think it's looking in a mirror um yeah no

How about if you give a flamingo a pair of socks, it's going to want another leg. If you give a flamingo leg warmers.

Yeah. No, you're already better at this. I'm going to say that.

We're going back to mice.

I'm giving you my money instead of Felicia and Laura.

I'm with you on that, though. You're right. It's like there are, you know, there are so many animals. If you give a koala a, what would you give a koala? If you give a koala.

Now I want to steal yours. If you give a koala a corona. Give a koala a crunk. He's going to want to ride home. Yeah, he's going to want to ride home from the founder of the restaurant's son.

Wait, that got really specific. Oh, God. Mancini's char house. If we're ever allowed back in the state of Minnesota, if we ever visit our colleagues back there at the home office again, you and me, my friend, we are beelining it for Mancini's char house.

Yeah, we need to make that near the end of the trip this time, though, not the first night. I ran into some trouble with that, if you recall.

Well, sure. We both did. That was on me as much as you. Here's the thing, though. I heard that. So I was, I think, like most things that come into my life and I become aware of, it was probably by way of TikTok. I think I saw somebody on TikTok saying, this football player, I seem to remember it being a football player. This football player said something in a post-game press conference that was so charming that I'm going to start using it. That was what the person whose TikTok channel it was, and then it cut to this athlete saying, I just wanted to get into the league, and now that I'm in the league, I want to be an all-star, and then if I become an all-star, I want to become a all-star.

hall of famer and then the player said you know if you give a pig a pancake they're gonna want some syrup and i thought that was pretty clever too i told you about it you laughed i was like okay this is good so then i was texting with someone about about somebody who uh who who i had sort of done a small favor for and then they were asking for a different favor and i mean it's a very minor thing none of these i'm being vague because it just you never know who will hear this but i was just mixed up in some pretty serious business it's this mouse with a brownie he's it's got he's got knuckle tattoos it seems like a very very dangerous character um and so i was trying to be funny and sort of act like uh i would just i was probably just looking for a reason to use that phrase or idiom or whatever that is technically and so then i said well i texted this you give a pig a pancake they're gonna want syrup no response oh now the person the person who i was talking to this was a sibling of theirs and so i just was trying to be funny but then i realized is that when you call someone a pig like it's one thing if the football man wants to call himself a pig he's the pig he gets a pancake he wants the syrup but if you deploy that about somebody else it's i think it comes off as less kind of cute and folksy and more like what a pig which nobody

really likes being called well it's very clear to me that you're mixed up in some cosa nostra stuff here i'm doing some favors and then they wanted some more favors i can't tell you what they are but give a mob boss a tribute it's a fan it's a family member it's somebody i'm talking to it's their family member i'm just doing some favors like okay life on the streets burbank over here anyway um yeah you know maybe that's where you give a mouse a cookie which you did oh you

give a you give a soprano gabagool it's gonna want some bread you give a goat some gabagool and he's gonna he's gonna want to know where it is if you the freaking

the show title today is definitely if you give a goat some gabagool

oh anyway yeah you might go with mouse in that one um i have something that i wrote down uh in um in pen on the show sheet andrew because it was uh it involved something that a message that i received during the intro tape and i'm i'm wondering if this if i'm opening up a whole thing here that's going to really uh i'm going to regret bringing this up it's nothing to do with you or anything like that this is has to do with my family and my extended family hmm is it joyous it's not joyous it's it's perplexing and it's uh it's something that i don't exactly know what the best way to handle it is and uh i'm just going to talk about it because i think it might be sort of relatable for people so we had an absolutely wonderful thanksgiving burbank family thanksgiving everybody was there my new niece violet was in attendance my brother sammy and his wife ashley's baby and i probably held of the 30 hours or something i was at my parents house i probably held violet for 15 of those hours it's a very cute baby i've seen pictures oh i mean and she's just she's happy as a clam she did not you give a violet a pancake andrew and she's like i'm good i don't need any syrup i'm just gonna chill here she was just so content and uh just a sweetheart heart and also i don't see you as a huge baby holder i have done it i don't know if you ever

held a baby usually the parents say who are you please give me my child back um they uh sir this

is the children's section of the local public library and we would like you to please leave

you boop one muppet's nose and the next thing you know you're branded for life okay i'm intrigued

did what's going on baby's heads smell so good there is an every baby has the same smell to their to their head and i don't know exactly what it is could be cradle cap i don't know that would just baby dandruff but there is something universal about the smell of the head of a baby it is just the best smell that's ever existed i think that they should have candles that are baby head smell just i mean i would i would buy that candle anyway point is we had a really really great family thanksgiving but while we were there we were talking about some other extended family members who are very very dear people to me

and um and some of the people in that group are not vaccinated and i kind of knew i kind of had an inkling about about a couple of the folks um because of other things that i had heard and other things that had gone on but it was news to me how kind of widespread the the lack of vaccination was in this extended part of the the burbank universe if you will and the thing is there is a movement to try to get the whole family including various extended portions of the family so not just the core burbanks would be like 30 of us or something at this point but to get everybody together for a christmas thing because we didn't get to do that either last year because of the pandemic. And I am sort of of the opinion that not being vaccinated in this day and age is not, it's not just like, oh, you voted for a different, you know, gubernatorial candidate than I did. It's, it's so fundamental to our existence, the question of if science is real or not, if we can trust and we can believe in the institutions, I guess you could say of this country and of the medical establishment or you can't or you can trust someone on facebook to me that's such a fundamental question about kind of who we are as americans or as people or as whatever that i'm kind of disinclined to want to do this get together because not because i'm worried that i'll get covid i'm already boosted i'm i feel like i'm pretty i'm i'm about as as as as immunized wait that's what Aaron Rodgers I'm about as vaccinated as you can be and so I'm not I'm not worried about getting the vac of getting the virus from these dear dear people who I love but who have somehow gotten on the wrong train on this whole thing it is the principle of the matter so I was going to say yeah I'm gonna probably miss that event on principle you know and as the show intro was playing i got a text from my mom saying that the this wing of the family the extended family was proposing that the people who are not vaccinated take a covid test before they come to the get together so that we then they know that they're not you know positive and then we can all hang out and that now is an added wrinkle to the whole thing because it's not it doesn't strike me as people who are just being completely and totally willfully just disregarding it like they don't think it's made up or a pandemic and they're there it feels like a version of trying to meet us the vaccinated somewhere halfway or at least a third of the way down the road like it's a it's it's a to me it's actually it's a compelling offer because it even it increases the chances

that no one there is going to get covid if if either people have been vaxxed or they've been tested but i still am very much on the fence about if i want to do this or not because of

the things i've already stated what would you do in this situation wow i don't know my situation is so different um from yours that i almost have trouble relating but i don't think most people in the audience i'm like a pig with a pancake and you're like a dog with a donut Yeah, I'm like a recluse with a rec room who never leaves. Actually, that is, I am kind of like a recluse with a rec room. All I need is a rec room. So anyway, but this is me just stalling and trying to get the wheels moving in my own brain about this. This is really compelling. I mean, part of me, just as maybe the outsider here, would really like to know, okay, if these are folks who are saying, I think it's interesting they've turned it now into a into a bargaining situation or a like, well, OK, well, let's, you know, compromise here. That does make things more complicated because you just kind of wanted to say, no, I'm standing on principle. And then when when you start negotiating, the principle kind of slips and slides around. But do you have any idea why these people have decided that they do believe this is a real threat and they want to get tested, but they don't want the vaccine? Is there anything? Is there maybe you can't answer this?

It's all speculation because the problem is this is all information that's coming through one family member that's in the Burbank inner circle, a vaccinated family member who is reporting to us what the status is of these other people that are in the extended family network. And so what I really need to do is reach out to these folks directly. But honestly, it makes me so sad because I really love these people. And these are these are people who I would for, you know, would definitely think at least.

least to some part and again i'm sorry that i'm being annoyingly vague but i'm also trying to you know be somewhat respectful about people's identities and such i mean look it's maddie and marion and just i can't talk around it anymore no i'm clearly i mean they've been listening to joe rogan they've been donating joe rogan yeah so i it's it's so it makes me so bummed to think that some of these folks who i would have just i would have bet you ten thousand dollars that they were vaccinated because they are in every other way that i can think uh and these are not i don't these are these are and are not predictive right in the kind of music these people enjoy in the you know whether or not they graduated from college in the who do they vote for politically in all of the ways and again i know that there are exceptions to all of those things i just said but in all the ways that i think of like who are quote unquote our people who are the people we are simpatico with we like certain things and we don't like other things and we there's this is sort of like group dynamic and there are people apparently who are in that group dynamic with me who for some reason have decided that this vaccine is somehow dangerous to them or they are going to not get it and for me to just message them directly which is what i should do and say what is going on with this opening that can of worms getting into that conversation it's just such a bummer to me because one i think there's nothing that i'm going to say that is going to convince anyone because if these people were convincible they would have been convinced by tony fauci or any number of other people and i feel like it only offers the possibility of feelings getting really hurt because i feel like somewhere in text number three i'm going to say to them have you noticed how many americans are dead because of this and part of why that is the case is because of people not getting the vaccine so i'm i hope you're i hope you're you're feeling good about your decision uh to to sort of turn your back on every reliable scientific metric and go your own way on this and you know so anyway i don't want to send that text because that would be hurtful but i fear that it will go there and so i guess my answer to your question andrew is i don't know exactly why these these some of these folks are not getting it i guess i could ask them But I'm almost afraid to ask because I don't even know if I can handle having the conversation.

Well, that's really interesting. I thought for sure. I mean, if I was talking to anybody about their family, I would make the assumption that these are people who are beloved family members, but also the ones who you don't relate to so much or maybe of a different generation and also maybe live in a different part of the state or country that has different norms. and maybe do have different tastes and are, you know, maybe, you know, buying into more of the cultural, you know, spending time in the cultural areas where you'd associate with these things. Everything that you just said is really surprising, given the context. So I'm glad you shared it, and it really does – it complicates things further because – and again, obviously I don't have an answer here. I'm just working this out too. But like, see, generally speaking, I think I'm the type of person who, even when we're having these conversations, let's say, let's just go like deep into the, like when we were deep into the Trump conversations, those, you know, four, I mean, if you count the election cycle of those five or six just increasingly scary years where we were deep in the depths of Trumpism and he was president and all of that. you know there are people in my life who voted for him or there are people in my life who didn't vote for him but also see the world completely differently than me and while I don't usually advocate for just taking an attitude of well we all see the world differently like I think you know me well enough I actually the things I believe in I believe in very strongly but I I usually believe that the best way to get my point across is to lead a good, loving life that people can look at me and, you know, and say, hey, listen, you know, somebody who might think of liberals.

Unfortunately, I ruined that years ago. Well, because I don't love you and it's obvious. No, because I haven't lived my life that way. So I have it's a little late for me to start with that. But I think that's an incredibly good approach, the one you're describing. And I see that in your life, actually. I really do.

Thanks. And I'm not trying to pat myself on the back. And I'm not saying that I do it all the time. But when it really comes down to it, I'm kind of I don't want to get into a very. specific thing here too but there was a moment during the trump administration where there was like kind of a loggerheads of like will we show up for this thing or not and i of course i was going to like that that doesn't end my relationship with people i love because of this thing it bothers me incredibly don't play the drop um that uh that people i love would see the world in the way they see it and i mean it just destroys me and breaks my heart in in ways that i can't even possibly get into here and we've tried before and i just end up crying um but i don't think that the solution there is to turn my back on those people and say well then we don't have a relationship you know what you do is you say well listen this is how i live my life i see the world differently than you but you see that like you know just hopefully like maybe be an example and don't be the example of the person who's the the left coast liberal who can't find any common ground And so therefore just go scampering back to his bubble like that's not somebody that I want to be. But I also don't want to give a lot of ground to, you know, any kind of ideals that are essentially based on racism and xenophobia and all the things that I think we're fueling, you know, and are fueling certain aspects of our culture. So all of that is to say, Luke, and I'm sorry that I'm sort of grandstanding here, but I'm working this out. And but it comes back to this particular situation because I'm stumped, because if I'm in your shoes, I'm actually closer to, I think, what you're feeling right now, at least in your head, if not your heart, which is just to be like, no, I'm not compromising on this. it's science because science is not a compromise i did not at this point not when things have been officially approved i mean i understand you know i do understand there are different levels of of testing things and there's a scientific process and i i know that i took third grade science right that's why i stopped um but i understand like this isn't a negotiation it's science and it's health and it's a global pandemic but on the other hand if you turn your back on that like the other pancake it just gives them more fuel of like the other side you know that's not living by the example like i'm trying to draw this parallel here you know it's like right and the other thing is being like no there's no rational they don't want to have a rational conversation on the other side they're either just pro fauci or get out of here but these i the other

thing that complicates this is i can promise you these people did not vote for trump these are not maga people these are not that's what these are people that in every other way would be in my in my liberal bubble yeah this is just something that has for whatever reason gone sideways for them also look scientifically speaking if they're willing to give themselves an antigen test the day that we're supposed to get together and the antigen test comes out negative the chances of somebody getting covid from the hangout are pretty low right like so there is this part of it that's like that is a compromise that's being proposed and that is something that could actually um provide a level of safety they're not saying ah get over it you lib or we'll just i'll try to stay six feet away i mean you know what i mean like they're they're proposing doing something that's kind of a hassle so that we can all get together because they love me and our family you know which again really complicates things because because they could make they could reasonably make the argument at that point that it's not i'm not in it's not about me or my family being my immediate family being in danger at that point it's about this the principle of this matter which it kind of is for me you know um and it but it does like you said i'm sure that if and again i haven't talked to these folks directly and i probably just need to suck it up and say hey we got to talk about this and that's probably where i'll end up with this but if they have been if they have gotten caught in the quicksand of anti-vax world their family uh not getting together with them when they've offered to do the antigen test probably only confirms their thoughts about how there's become this kind of you know sort of sheeple mentality around the vaccination right that's what i was trying to say before because it just it will confirm again i don't know i don't know where they're landing on this i have because i haven't talked to them but if if they've picked up many of the kind of talking points and thoughts around this if you're anti-vax me saying i'm not coming to this outside of you being vaxxed i'm not coming to an event that you're at it's only going to confirm their their feelings about the world and the vaccine and the people who are pro-vaccine

yes you know and that's what i think i was trying to get at before too is like you can't you know and again i

I knew I knew that you said and that's what was shocking that these folks are not the people who usually, you know, be deep into the Trump stuff or whatever. But generally speaking, this is where my conundrum is, because I do believe what I tell people is like, well, you're not going to change any minds when you're talking about the political side of things. Just to draw the analogy again, you're not going to change any minds just by turning your back on people. Like if if what is the goal, if we have any kind of goal here at all, it would be to try to convince people that getting vaccinated is the safe, smart, responsible thing to do. Right. And you have no chance of that if you just don't show up. On the other hand, I am just sort of irked on your behalf that you or any of us have to take up the that we have to. This is uncomfortable and difficult and it just doesn't seem fair. you know just sound like a whiner it doesn't seem fair that you have to take up this mantle that you have to take up this responsibility of convincing somebody else and also i will say this and i guess you're right the chances are if they do take a test and they you know they clear the test and everybody's vaxxed people are probably safe but like you're the least of my worries generally speaking in life but like your your parents are of a certain age i mean there are breakthrough true cases. And also those at home tests are not 100 percent. And if something happened now, I understand that you not showing up doesn't protect your parents. I don't know the ins and outs here. I'm just assuming that your parents or other people of their generation and age will be showing up here. Those people who are at risk here, even if they're vaccinated and even if these other folks have taken an at home test, that is not 100 percent. Like while I am in one hand here saying that, like, hey, you got to believe science, I believe the science also is trying to figure this out on the fly which is maybe something they would say then you know a lot of news reports over the past couple of days of a new variant that we don't know about yet i trust the scientists who are looking into it and who are looking into it vigorously but there are continually unknowns with this thing and you know is the trade-off really worth it if somebody's life literally ends up being at risk because of this get-together with some folks who didn't want to didn't want to do it i'm also i think just the reality of that is also something to think about But I guess you stonewalling doesn't prevent them getting together.

It's going to happen with or without me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

In fact, as we've been talking, I'm monitoring the response on Hawk Squad, and it's overwhelmingly positive to this approach, the testing approach, as it were.

I mean, I guess you could just go along with it and also not have the hard conversation, which is a—you know what I would do if I were you is I'd have the best intentions to start this conversation, But then just eventually just like wait until it's too late because I'm just so bad with confrontation.

I will do the opposite, which is I will go in with the best of intentions to not talk about it. And I will literally set one foot in the door and I'll say, you have committed a genocide. I'm not kidding. Like, that's my problem is I am incapable of keeping this shit to myself. like um you even said this to me the other day and you were totally right talking about my uh my my the surveillance that's going on in my building with my neighbor's ring cam yeah and i said well maybe i'll grab a beer with it but i'll casually bring it up and you were like well burbs if you have it in the back of your mind to casually bring it up you're gonna probably not so casually bring it up not so late in the conversation i would say that to anybody for what it's worth

that wasn't that wasn't a judgment oh i didn't take it yeah i didn't take it as any kind of

criticism it is really just how my brain is wired i am i'm not that's the other part of this is even if i agree to go to it i don't i don't know how i'll be able to spend you know five hours hanging and again i love i love love love the people in question i love them so much that's why it's extra hard if they were like if they sucked yeah then i'd be like this would be just like such an easy decision that's why that's why i'm i'm really shocked about uh about this but anyway i love these people so much and like i don't know how i go for four hours and it doesn't come up yeah like it's just again it feels it feels like the it just feels like the the biggest thing in our world and it has been for what are we going on three years now like how long has it been it will be three years in march i guess and it is a thing that you know was pre was not preventable but it was much more manageable than it turned out to be or then it has sort of played itself out because of so many decisions that so many people have made about not wanting to wear a mask or not wanting to get vaccinated or now you know i mean i do think the people who are vaccinated are getting the booster i saw this this stat on twitter the other day and then we can we can move on to happier topics. I saw this stat a while ago that was like somebody was celebrating that it was like vaccinations were at, you know, some high number first time in in like a year and a half. And I was like, no, Sherlock, that's because it's the first time the people who got the first round are able to get a booster. No wonder like you could you can back time it exactly to all of the smart people got the vaccine and now they're eligible for the booster. So they're getting the booster. That's why the numbers up. It's not because a bunch of people who were holding out decided to get it, you know, so I don't know. I just I don't know how I will be able to not get into it. And I feel like once we open that door, it's it will dominate the entire four hours will be unpleasant for everyone. I don't know why I've set this family hang at four hours. That's clearly the amount of time I'm willing to a lot for this. But anyway, it will just dominate the whole thing and it'll be it'll be weird. And it'll it's probably better if I just skip it so that the people that do go can have their fun.

This is me just getting into details that are probably not important. But just so I can help picture this event, you're talking. You said that your main core of family right now is about 30, but this would be a bigger group. So are we talking double that? Are we talking like some sort of an event? OK, so not quite that. Another like six, seven people. Oh, see, that kind of changes in my head, too. You know, I'm picturing it's also the wrong season for this. Like, I'm picturing, like, a big outdoor picnic-y kind of thing where there's, like, 60 to 80 people there or something along those lines. And I'm also sort of thinking, like, do you have to – do you even have to engage in an event that big? But I see, no, this is just a slightly bigger bringing some more people into the fold. Indoors. Indoors, yeah. I don't know, man.

Yeah.

Just thinking about your parents, honestly, just the concern about that. I mean – I mean, well, I don't know. Let's end it. But I guess I could you might maybe if you want to get into negotiation, say, well, then not a take. How about not as those, you know, quick tests like you took last week are good, especially if you're pretty sure you don't have it. But you're vaxxed and you took that like maybe are there still like are there still testing centers that do the more vigorous testing, I assume.

Yeah, I mean, I guess I could ask for that. But I to me, it's like that. Yeah. Then it's like then I feel like in some bizarre universe. And this is what you were saying earlier. It feels unfair that because some people have gotten the really bad have gotten some bad ideas lodged in their brain. The rest of us have to be weird about it. Like, I feel like I'd be being a jerk if I was like, um, the at home antigen test is not reliable enough. I need you to please go get the, what's it, the PS2? No, what are the PCR tests? An Xbox, I'm not sure. Exactly. It's weird because then if I was asking for the much more kind of like intense real PCR test, then I feel like I'm being extra.

And you're in on it. And now suddenly you're responsible. You're taking on a responsibility that shouldn't be your responsibility of like organizing what the ground rules are for this family gathering. Yeah.

I we should wrap it up here. I will say I need to get more info on this, too, because I'm I'm I'm seeing more information coming through Hawk Squad, even as we're talking about who in this group is and isn't vaccinated. And there is a person who is vaccinated who I didn't think was. and and what i'm starting to wonder is if it's i'm starting to piece together some kind of backstory on this now that i if i talk about it more specifically it's too possible that i don't want to i don't i don't want to out anyone yeah you know on any side of this so anyway point is i'm still gathering information on this and i will um you know i will keep you and the listeners posted as as things progress with this if i end up going to this or not we'll

see what happens let's just say i expected more from david actually i should i need to text him

and be like bruh what do you what do you make of this um okay uh let's uh take a break real quickly here and then when we come back we'll get into these top stories and we'll do some emails and v-mails as well here on a monday edition of tbtl stay with us Hey, let's thank some donors of the day. These are the wonderful, generous, supportive people making today's episode possible with their financial support. Folks like Connor Wells in Vancouver, Washington. Wells, Wells, Wells. Thanks, Connor. i'll see you out there in vancouver at some point the vancouver uh waterfront it's all it's all

Biffy now, there's this part of Vancouver that's right on the Columbia River where they've got all kinds of wine bars and condos and an esplanade. It's quite nice over there. Michael Croshaw is in Western Springs, Illinois. Do we think that's a Chicago land? Gosh, I don't know. It sounds like a place where Mark Twain would be from. I know he was, I think, from Hannibal, Missouri or something. Actually, where was Samuel Clemens from?

You look that up. I don't know, but I am looking up. Yeah, this is outside of Chicago.

Okay, Samuel Clemens.

There's a floor and decor nearby.

I wanted to show off that I knew his real name was Samuel Clemens.

Tavern on LaGrange. You ever go here? Not you. Sorry, I was talking to Michael. You ever go to that? Tavern on LaGrange, Michael? This looks like our kind of place.

Florida, Missouri, not Hannibal, Missouri. At least I had the right state for Mark Twain But doesn't Western Springs, Illinois Sound like a place where a famous author would be from? Yes, it certainly does It just seems like it could be where But somebody folksy Like, I think Hemingway was from Oak Park, Illinois Which is a Tony suburb of Chicago Which we were Kind of thinking about the other night When we were recording some special TBTL content Which we'll be telling you all about in the coming weeks But Western Springs, Illinois he sounds like a folksy American kind of humorist would be from Western Springs. Not too far from the Brookfield Zoo. We know Michael Croshaw is there. He's our version of a folksy American comedy entertainer person. Then we've got Jen and Chris Gay in Halifax, Massachusetts. Wow, that's another surprise ending. Yeah, you can see that coming. Halifax, Florida. no haliflax haliflax have you considered changing it to haliflax that's when um you

get flaxseed oil but you have too much of it you got haliflax bro joe rogan has uh actually

recommended taking haliflax if the ivermectin is not working try the haliflax definitely stay away from the vax though uh stephanie martinez is in los angeles california i will be in los angeles california tomorrow doing a story um about seize candy they're turning i think like a hundred they're gonna put me in the uniform this is the this is that that burbank magic andrew that i bring to these tv stories they're gonna strap me into a seize candy outfit and i'm gonna try to sell candy to people in the shop in like hollywood or wherever it is chocolate up wow that was me

okay now that made your microphone do yeah i know that i needed to back off more on that sorry about that yeah no you're still i can't even hear you right now you're oh no seriously did that blow out my thing seriously oh no now you're back that is strange i got something weird going on with my board i mean i definitely yelled too loud and i definitely distorted there but um yeah you actually

lost the connection huh i didn't lose the connection you got and i would imagine when you listen back to the recording you'll hear that it actually went a bit quiet is it possible there's something in your microphone like the ribbon in your microphone or something although you're using

a shot yeah but i'm also using headphones and so i i don't think i you know i think um i think we're pretty far afield from what we should be talking about here you and i stephanie martinez and her support of tbtl yeah there i think i have a bad um cable on my board and that only affects what you hear this cable only affects what is coming out of my board and into the computer that you are monitoring me on so i think that aside from the distortion that created there i think somehow me yelling meat up or whatever i just yelled chocolate up um is fresh brisket on the board oh that's what it is well you know what happened again did you just yell again no no i didn't i think that this cable is bad i can try twisting it um i don't know this is actually great though

andrew this because this is something you deal with in the reverse a lot of the time which is I'll be traveling somewhere. I'll be talking to you. My voice will be doing all kinds of funny things because of the connection. And you're so good at just rolling with it so that later on when you put the two other recordings together, the listeners are none the wiser. This is my one experience with your voice being even a little bit funky, and I've already completely ruined it.

Is it better now? Can you hear me? I'm pulling out all these cables because I have a replacement cable that if worse comes to worse. You sound great right now.

I just don't yell fresh brisket on the board. Okay, sounds good. I'm going to try. I can't make any promises. You know who loves fresh brisket on the board is Charles Short in Omak, Washington. Oh, man. Thank you, Charles, for the support. Sorry, I wasn't paying attention to what you said. I like that you got a riff on each one of them. these cities in here no i'm and i appreciate it i'm not being sarcastic at all jonathan tang is in san francisco california where i may or may not be later this week depending so the plan right now is i i'm going to la tomorrow after we do the show uh doing the seas candy thing and then depending on the schedule and if these cold water swimmers will have us or not and our camera crew and a bunch of other boring details i may be um cold water swimming on thursday and friday so uh in san francisco so jonathan i'll see you out there can i thank you for the

support jump in here some questions i forgot we got off track because i started pulling cables you know me once i started thinking about cables i can't think about anything else but will you stop naming cables your your seize candy thing kind of surprised me um i don't think i'm you know me i'm not a big chocolate person um or you know i'm a chocoholic those i can't live without my chocohol oh that's so interesting i'm an alcoholic um has anybody come up with that it's like a chocoholic only you're addicted to alcohol um but um uh you know i know there's a c's chocolate excuse me i'm not a little hockett and i do not like beer i've been waiting to contextualize that shop for two months there's a seized chocolate in ballard i believe right is that the chocolate shop i'm thinking of that's in ballard here's what i'm getting at for some reason i thought seized chocolate was a seattle thing i'm clearly wrong if you're going to la to do this story um does seattle have some famous chocolatier if that's the right word which is probably not um or is am i just making it up there happens to be a chocolate shop that's part of a chain in ballard and so i assumed that seattle had some special connection to some

chocolate shop sees candies is an american manufacturer and distributor of candy particularly chocolates founded by charles c and his wife florence uh in los angeles in 1921 the company hq is now in san francisco they have i think um you know stores all over the country including in seattle so it's very possible you've seen a sees candies uh you know now there's also a lot of real high-end fancy chocolate that's made in seattle it's a very artisanal thing these days right in fact it's very it's interesting my dad's old sign shop i'm thinking of theo chocolate by the way yes theo is a very uh popular in seattle and maybe nationally very kind of um high-end chocolate i would say sees is much more um it's a little how do i put it my experience with sees candies was when i was a kid sometimes on friday nights we'd get the burbank clan together and we would go out to northgate mall now known as your local hockey team's practice facility but we would um we would go sometimes we get some dinner at burger master and then we would just walk up and down the mall and my dad would go to the seas candies in the northgate mall and he would get a box or a bag of white chocolate, of white chocolates. And what they were, were like, imagine a really large chocolate chip. So like much bigger than you would put in a normal cookie, but they were white chocolate and you'd have a whole bag of them and you'd go, dad, can I get a white chocolate? He'd give you one and you'd put it on your tongue and try to see how long you could make it last. And so you'd be like running around, exploring them all, going in and out of places, all with this white chocolate slowly dissolving on your tongue. that was my experience with seized candies as a kid um and uh i'm going to be down at the i think kind of original or at least now the most sort of famous storefront operation they have and then i'm going out to a factory where they make it and um stuff like that for the record yeah what i was

thinking though was of theo chocolate which or theo's chocolate i think it's theo chocolate which has like a a um shop right in downtown ballard if that's a thing um where you can take tours i believe they make it there and all the air smells like chocolate it's been there as long as i've lived here and i think probably for a long time it's an old brick building and i just for some reason i get that confused with seas which is clearly very different but seattle does have its chocolate shop that i was thinking of oh sure yeah yeah and portland as well in fact i should

know the name because there's a some a very fancy chocolate company that's i guess sponsoring live wire or at least just giving us merch or giving us free chocolate because the two live shows that we've done um in the last couple of months the the the people who are going to be on the show the guests will come into the green room and they will look down at this table where all these chocolates are spread out from this real fancy chocolate company and they will go whoa fancy and everyone's very excited about these chocolates and i never eat any of them because a i'm nervous Just like the show's about to start. I'm just trying to focus on that. And then afterwards.

they're all gone and so it's kind of uh it's sort of moot but um yeah i know these uh fancy chocolates and and artisanal and here's the thing though this is why i got to give the fine folks that sees chocolate some credit all of the new cool fancy chocolate it's like the fancier it is the less it tastes like chocolate to me it's like the higher the cacao is like if you're eating milk chocolate these days you're considered to be really 2000 and late with the with the fancy all the fancy chocolate is like hey we made chocolate it's so dark that it tastes nothing like chocolate and also it has jalapeno in it that's like the that's like the most the coolest thing you can do with chocolate now is to make it not taste like chocolate and what I appreciate appreciate about a place like C's is that because they sent me a giant ass box of like in the summertime when they found out we were gonna do this story they sent me this massive crate of chocolate that i took out to my sister's place for a family get-together and it's like i respect that their chocolate tastes to me like chocolate i like that right doesn't taste like soot and what is the hot water i'm hooked i have started following this um tastes like soot and hot water i'm hooked i've started following this like portlandia tiktok it's not it's like hot water you can't hear it enough i say that's what i thought i thought it'd be nice just to get another spin of that wheel um i started following this portlandia tiktok which isn't even like put out by the show it's just somebody has decided to upload a bunch of the sketches sure and there are so many that i was not even aware of that are so funny um i thought i had watched every season of that show but clearly i hadn't because there's a bunch of stuff out there that i was unfamiliar with that's like really funny oh yeah it's called order cafe you remember that one where it's the most complicated ordering system you could possibly have and like of course fred armison is running it and this this customer goes in and just like the the various things that she

has to go through to just try to get her pastrami sandwich no i you know i gotta say i'll bet you i haven't even seen half of them because like there was a time when i was keeping up to date with that as you were but they just keep making them you know like that i don't know if it's tbtl yeah exactly um so i don't know if they're still in production now but there are so many of them

yeah i'm trying to find this um this order cafe sketch which i can't find uh maybe i'll uh also it turns out that about 90 percent of portlandia sketches are about restaurants yeah I immediately think of the one where they farting porch.

Oh, right. Yes. I was actually going to say the one where they go to like a farm to table kind of restaurant and they want to meet the cow before they eat it. So they go out to the farm. Do you recall that one?

I don't. But I think that's actually just a good idea for for people eating meat. You just have to meet the animal first. Yeah. I'm now I'm on eater dot com. And every time Portlandia has perfectly defined trendy food culture. And they have a list of all the different restaurant sketches that they did Anyway, thank you to our donors of today Thanks for making today's episode possible We really do appreciate you I didn't even know you could do that Welcome to Top Story I didn't do that on purpose, Andrew You didn't? I thought you were just trolling There's a ghost in the machine Because I play the, like, Top Story sound effect off of this one program. And for, oh, you know what part of it must be? There's the iTunes or my Apple Music, whatever you call that thing, was set on repeat. But there's still no reason that Armisen should have been activated. But it actually kind of worked. Activate Armisen. Activate the Armisen protocol. Since we've been talking about food and because I think we're actually going to run out of time here, maybe tomorrow we can talk about these pub goers or we can skip it. It was a cute story. Yeah, it's fine. But I really want you to hear Giannis Antetokounmpo. I think it's talk. Antetokounmpo. That's the one. Antetokounmpo. You know what, Andrew? I actually emailed myself an audio pronouncer of this, and I still messed it up because I was so – let's see here. This is –

I think I'm being lazy.

Giannis Antetokounmpo.

Oh, okay, yeah. I think I'm being a little bit lazy on one of those syllables. I'm not quite hitting it. but a Giannis Antetokounmpo Giannis Antetokounmpo yes which one of those ends early on is hard for me to hit but at least I have the number of syllables kind of there that's just from me

listening to a lot of Dan Levitard show oh sure of course Giannis Antetokounmpo I also was calling him Giannis up until very recently which is another I mean I think he was the MVP of the NBA I should I should the guy's name he also just seems andrew to be an absolute delight there are so many stories about him like in his uh rookie season you know he grew up in greece the greek free came over to the nba if i remember right we've got you know listeners in milwaukee and we've also got just people who are hardcore nba fans who know janice's story much better than i do so i want to apologize for messing up any of the uh details but the sense i got was that uh he was uh highly regarded but he you know as a draft pick because he has he's a tall guy he's got a lot of natural skill but that his rookie season initially anyway it wasn't he didn't just like start off you know averaging 25 points a game or something and uh i don't know what he signed his rookie contract for but i heard a story that this couple this like i want to say they're like in their 50s or 60s who were season ticket holders to the Bucs games they were driving down the road one day on their way to the game uh during Giannis's rookie season and they look over and they see this very tall guy jogging down the street and it's Giannis and I forget exactly why this happened but it was like something had happened where he needed to go like double back to his apartment or something before the game Speaking of a David Burbank move. Yeah, right? Giannis, the only jogger taller than David Burbank. So he, somehow he had basically found himself kind of like sort of late for the game. He didn't have a car at the time. And so he was just jogging to the stadium. And this couple was like, well, would you like a ride? And he was like, well, I sure would. So they gave him a ride to the game. He folds himself into their geo. I know. i can't it's a geo and like i just see stuff again on tiktok of like there was this little kid and he had some sign made all i want for christmas is a picture with janice and so of course it's like did you know i'm talking about is this the one that's at the book signing he did uh there was this one was actually on the floor this is like during a game after a game but he but the book signing one too Remind me of the details of that one

I don't remember the details I actually, this was another child I want to say a little girl Although I'm not entirely sure But there was some sort of book signing And she had, I want to say, made something for him Like a drawing or something And then he just like, he stands up from behind the table To come out to the other side and give her a big hug And I don't remember exactly everything that went into it It was just so sweet And also he's just a giant of a man So it was an interesting visual

By the way, just that if I can, now that I've Googled the details of Giannis getting a ride to the game in December, this is his rookie season. Antonin and Kupa. I know I said that wrong, but I just tried to go fast. Took a taxi from his suburban Milwaukee home to a nearby Western Union. It was game day and he wanted to wire some money to his family in Athens before heading to the arena. Oh, my gosh, Andrew. These people with these pop up ads. Thanks, SI.com. Some kind of Benbridge pop-up ad completely obscured what I was trying to read. He went to the ATM, withdrew some cash, and sent it. When he went back to take out more for cab fare, he discovered he had reached his limit. Oh, my gosh. He decided to run the two or so miles to the Bradley Center. A young married couple pulled up alongside him. Okay, so I guess they weren't that old. I thought, for some reason, these were old people. Are you the Bucks rookie, they asked. Yes, Giannis said. Do you need a ride? Yes, please, he replied. He hopped into the backseat of the SUV and was dropped off at the arena's front door. Anyway, the thing I saw with him and this little kid is it's this little kid. He's got a sign. It's at the game. And so Giannis, like, of course, brings the kid down on the floor, takes a picture of him, gives the kid, like, his shoes. Then realize the kid has a little sibling, like, I think a little sister or brother who's all excited. And so then Giannis, like, strips, takes his jersey off so he can give it to the other kid. I mean, he's, like, fully nude by the end of this.

Yeah, it takes a dark turn.

The Milwaukee police are looking into.

He just got one sock on and he's limping off the floor. He's like the giving Giannis.

There's nothing left of him because he's just being so sweet to these kids.

By the way, if you want to hear me cry, let's do this. Here it is. I found the video. This was from 2019, which I want to say, was that his rookie year? Maybe 2018 was his rookie year. I'm not sure. Here he is at some sort of a signing event and a little girl goes up to him with a jersey to sign. But then she also has some sort of a purple folder that she she wants to give to him. Let's see if this sound works. OK, so you can't really hear what she's saying. I'm hooked. But she's handing him a purple folder. Right. And and it's something that she made for him. I don't there's no good.

description here um and then so he is so he's so um i would say uh charmed by this that he's kind of stands up from behind his table and then comes around to give her a big hug and then she's overwhelmed by emotion oh right i remember that he's coming around and she's like crying oh yeah now she starts crying she can't believe she's hugging yannis i don't know how much well you could hear that but he's saying this is amazing this is amazing you made all of this and it's like some sort of scrapbook in a folder and she can't contain her joy as you can hear my own voice cracking up a little bit it is beautiful by all appearances

everything i've ever seen with this guy when he interacts with somebody is exactly how you would hope that somebody might interact with their fans and i can see i can imagine how hard it would be too if you're an nba superstar to preserve that much kind of excitement for the fans because day one you're like oh my gosh somebody made this whole art project about me or oh this kid made this sign and they really want a picture with me but day 700 and when I mean he's I would my guess would be he's probably the biggest athlete the biggest star in Greece now as far as athletes go just because of how he's you know huge in the US everywhere he goes and he's not a small guy either everywhere he goes people want a piece of him want to talk to him want to tell him that they love him or that they're mad at him that he missed a shot in the game or whatever right the fact that he seems to maintain some amount of kind of just joy around the whole thing is really incredible he just seems like one of the most decent human beings and i'm basing this off of stuff that i've seen on the internet i don't know the guy but he sure seems like a sweetheart and it did not dim my enthusiasm for him when i saw him recently during a post-game press conference talking about oreo cookies and how much he likes them uh take a listen to this like have you ever ate oreos

before i was like yeah you know like when i came to the league that was the first thing i ate because like when i was younger i was always craving them and you know could never afford them you know so i was like okay when i make a little bit of money you know people go spend money in cars and chains

so first of all let's just take a moment to digest that so he's growing up in greece he really wants to have oreo cookies his family is not financially in the position for him to have a lot of oreos so when he gets over to the nba and starts making money the first thing he does he says he's not buying cars we know he didn't buy a car because he was jogging to the stadium or chains he was buying oreo cookies but apparently did not know that there was the custom of dipping them in milk so he's just eating oreos pretty much all day long just dry oreos which is a very different experience than dipping them in milk ate them for like

a month straight no dinner no lunch no nothing so i got sick of them right he was like have you ever dipped them oh uh dunk them in uh milk like no it's like you should try that i took the oreos and i threw it in the milk he's like no just dunk it like put it in like don't worry about it give me a spoon i grab a spoon i took the first one it's like what the hell no freaking way it's like you like them i was like bro this is amazing you know so i realized from now on that's a every night snack for me so that's it that's the secret

to Giannis' success is he eats a bowl of Oreos in milk, possibly with a spoon, like cereal. And, you know, that's the recipe for success, it would appear.

I think, and I'm looking this up here, I think this doesn't matter all that much, but I think this all started with just a random tweet he sent out. My guess is that he's, because I saw this tweet. I don't follow him, but somebody, you know, retweeted it. This is, I'm going to say last week or the week. Oh, actually, no, I got it right here. It was last week. It was November 23rd. he just tweeted out randomly you won't believe me but a kid just told me to try dunking my oreos and milk man game changer fire emoji glass of milk emoji um hashtag mad my girl didn't tell me sooner hashtag new bedtime snack so that came out at 8 p.m on november 23rd and my guess is we

now have sound because probably somebody followed up as well they should have so the the world that we live in is one in which up until a week ago, Giannis had never had Oreos dipped in milk and finally did. And his life is forever changed. Also, Oreos, that's growing up in Greece. I don't really know the snack culture there, but that's an interesting thing for him to have kind of an interest in, right? Because I would imagine that there are all kinds of snacks and desserts and things that are sold in Greece, you know, probably not in the U.S. So there's – it seems like Oreos strike me as a very United States kind of thing. Yeah.

Like that brand. It just seems very U.S. Yeah, very – and, you know, what is it, Nabisco? It's some kind of sort of mass-produced kind of thing. I can't speak to, you know, you know, access to those types of things in other countries. But, you know, when I my move for eating Oreos, which I haven't eaten in a long time because my milk consumption has gone down. And I just I don't know. It's like when you again, like I'm not going to have an Oreo without milk usually. But my moves, first of all, I think that you and I, you would not tolerate. i think my family's um choices when it came to oreos because we were a double stuff family and like your hot dogs i think you do not like double the stuff i think you like them thinner i'm

assuming yeah double stuff is too much stuff for me i like the kind of traditional proportion of

of you know cookie to cream filling my family was a double stuff family and i would be too if i were to buy oreos today i'd probably buy double stuff um and i think i would peel them apart as a kid i'd peel them apart scrape the white stuff um with my teeth then dip each individual chocolate cookie what would you call it it's not a cookie at that point it's like a um yeah yeah whatever wafer wafer is the word i'm looking for kind of although it almost feels like

a like a stroopwafel is a wafer what oreo is some other kind of black well you know you have

charcoal you have vanilla wafers too and that's kind of like you know what i mean that's kind of like a half of an oreo anyway i think i got to an age and maybe this is when i became a man luke um i wasn't aware that it happened yeah no i took um i met an oreo at a bar um no i told you about i uh i think i just started dipping them wholesale into the into the milk because i realized that the experience was better to dip, you know, and then I'd usually probably eat half of the cookie. I'd want to say that's probably, that's a two biter for me. You dip half of the cookie, whole thing in milk, take the bite, and then just grab the tiniest corner of whatever's left of that second half and dunk as much of that as possible.

I think half of an Oreo is the right bite, but you do get into a situation where it's Ideally, this is where Giannis actually raises an interesting kind of Oreo hack, which is it feels in one way kind of indulgent, but to just actually submerge the whole thing in milk and then bring it out of the milk with a spoon. Because there's always the little part of the Oreo that I'm holding by my fingertips that can't go in the milk because I don't want to dip my fingers in the milk. That seems kind of gross. I agree. Even though my fingers are just made out of me and I put my hand in my mouth if I'm eating. I don't know why my fingers going in the milk seems like it's besmirching the milk in some way.

You know what? Back in the day, the stew bot would do this. And I did this once or twice, too, where when he was working for American Public Media, he would take quotes that we would say and kind of spiffy them up like a nice like Reader's Digest sort of quote kind of thing and tweet it out. And I haven't had one of those in a while or we haven't tweeted anything out like that in a while. But my finger. What did you just say? my finger is just my fingers are just made out of me my fingers are just made out of me

might be a time to bring back this tradition well because think about it i'm going to take the oreo and i'm going to put it in my mouth and i'm holding it by my hand by my fingers which means my fingers are also going to get pretty close to my mouth if not slightly inside my mouth and yet the idea of my fingertips going into the milk seems kind of gross to me yeah because yeah i

mean your fingers are just made of you but they're also things that we wash all the time because they're dirty and they pick up germs and right but i'm saying if i'm in the act of eating the

oreo cookie the fingers are probably entering my mouth's airspace but i somehow don't want those same fingertips to go into the milk because the milk is going to enter my mouth's airspace i'm saying it's not totally logical but the idea of a cookie i mean this would revolutionize the game a cookie you pour a bowl of milk you get your oreo cookie you drop it into the bowl of milk we've just turned into the sporkful by the way you take a spoon and then you fish the cookie out of the bowl of milk the cookie is now fully um how do i say this in a non uh sexual way the the the cookie is now fully absorbed a bunch of the milk and now you're eating it and it's probably as delicious as the day is long and yet we culturally have a huge thing around dipping cookies

in milk by hand like when Giannis mentions the fishing it out with a spoon that's a whole I mean you know what that's what you need is you need someone to come into the situation who has does didn't grow up with the kind of cultural pressure to dip the cookie by hand he's like I'm going to use a spoon for this and he might be right

well this has been discussed on the show before because Vives and I made a discovery in fact this is mostly kind of her discovery there is a cereal made out of Oreos right you know this and And they're like little Cheerio-shaped things, but they're a sugar cereal, and they taste like Oreos. And do you remember what they're called? Let me give you a hint. It's the worst branding idea maybe ever. It is such a miss. It is such a miss.

Breakfast cereal, that is like basically tiny Oreos in milk. But they're in the shape of like a Cheerio.

Oh. Or what are those? Fruit. a fruit loop it's a looks hardier like it looks bigger like a fruit loop they're not called oreos no luke that's what they should be called they're called oreo o's oh no yes yes they're called oreo o's i think this i think i was shopping one day and i took a photo of this because i was like wow we're just straight up putting cookies in in cereal now which i guess cookie crisp has been doing for quite some time but i think and i'm not even usually judgy about stuff like that in a grocery store i just think i thought it was funny i took a photo of it and sent it to veeves and she just wrote back she thought i was outraged that they were called oreo o's as opposed to just ori dash o's like what are you even thinking there yeah sugar

on the brain seriously uh by the way there's a little i played most of the tape but this is just one last clip of janice talking about the actual experience of his oreos being in the

bowl of milk and what it tasted like for him it tastes like soot and hot water i knew that was a

setup i know i knew in the middle of it that i was doing a terror the problem was the ostensible tape i was it made no sense like if i would have said oh did you see that other thing on let me see if i can find it on twitter like if i would have set it up better i could have got you well but you could hear me fumbling around for like a plausible reason why i needed to play one more

piece of tape well you know what i always say though right you give a janice a cookie he's

gonna want some milk and some mouse here i go once again with the email every week i hope that it's from a female oh man it's not from a female all right um we've got to be relatively quick here

Because, as you remember, I was calling the hair place during our break asking that they could push my little haircut back. So, yeah, we've got time for maybe one e-mail or v-mail, whatever your fave is here.

Can I jam in two quickies? We don't have to ponder on them too much. But two things happening in my neighborhood here. One thing that I thought was astounding, I mentioned to you on the show the other day, Luke, how sometimes I would dream of being a long-haul trucker because there's something about the freedom of that lifestyle. This is something I'd fantasize about when I was younger. But then I would think about the moment where you're not just driving a truck on an open freeway, but you've arrived at your destination. And now the hard work begins. Now you have to back that truck up to a bay somewhere. And, you know, even in the best of circumstances and, you know, like in some parking lot that is built for nothing but semis to back up to bays, that would be very intimidating. And then I mentioned that here in the in the Roosevelt District, there's a Whole Foods and often I will see a truck pulling into their bay, which is just like on a little side street and traffic is backed up in both directions. Even foot traffic can't get by while this truck and, you know, the truck drivers, I've never seen them do a bad job of it. But it just seems like the most stressful, impossible place to back a semi up. Well, we just got an email from former truck driver Mark, who says, as a former trucker who used to often make deliveries to the Roosevelt Whole Foods, let me tell you, that dock is amongst the more difficult ones I've had to back into in my career. In fact, most of the Whole Foods docks are difficult to back into, none more so than the ones in Portland, particularly, Luke, the downtown Burnside location. This is probably something you're familiar with. That one takes the top spot. It makes no sense. These buildings were built in the modern era when deliveries by semis were expected. Perhaps the designers thought that all the deliveries would be made by farmers on horse carts before they were hit in the face by the cold, hard reality of American logistics. So anyway, I loved having somebody who actually has had that experience of backing the truck up into the Roosevelt Whole Foods, something that I am astounded by. And then also has experience with Portland and its issues.

this is where and i know we're not supposed to ponder here because i'm supposed to be going and getting a haircut but this is where remember i think i was in texas and i had that like they had given me like a small school bus as my rental car yeah and i said how how much i was struck by how easy it was to park this small school bus which i believe was probably more like a ford something some Canyonero type of vehicle and I was like I you know I'm not personally somebody who probably would seek out ex-urban Texas life probably because of some political stuff and other things but when it comes to the ease of getting like parking a car because all the parking spaces are double the size and the parking lot is eight times bigger than you get here in the northwest and all that everything is bigger stuff like it kind of it is convenient in a way and I would Imagine, too, if you're if you're driving a truck down there and you're trying to back it into a place like there is some there is something to be said for the convenience of that kind of stuff versus places like Seattle and Portland that are much more, you know, they're designed to be dense urban centers where people walk a lot and the streets are more narrow. And it's probably hell on wheels, literally and figuratively, if you're trying to drive one of those trucks.

Right. Hey, while we're in the Roosevelt District, and I'm just going to rush on here so that we can get you in that barber's chair, got a note from Eric who says, hey, Andrew, on Monday, this is, I think, a couple of weeks ago. hey andrew on monday i was driving down roosevelt and as i traversed the speaker district i sighted a bearded fellow peering into a black city of seattle garbage can suddenly my brain clicked i did a near spit take and i saw that it was indeed you in the pouring rain checking your garbage status i was irrationally delighted by the bizarre timing happenstance and i said and that delight turned to concern and dread as i approached the u district where i was headed uh had the garbage been collected yet was there dog poo or other feces in there where where the hell were you recycling in compost bins hope all was collected as scheduled and that you invest in a raincoat monday was nasty out there and i say monday now um yeah that was me you had a sighting of me in my element checking to see because what happens is usually um and yes it was eventually uh emptied but usually what happens is we have three bins at the curb on every other week and the recycling and compost are emptied first and then like by the time i wake up and then at some point in the afternoon they come to take the black bin but it's always as the day gets longer i wonder have they picked it up and i'm out there checking because i don't want to leave it out there too long because it'll just start to collect everybody's dog poop but i also um you know i i need to kind of check on it uh in the meantime until it's emptied so anyway there

you go eric that was me that's just like i looked cool i love sounds like i did i love this listener just got to see you so in your element you know that is yep that's about you weren't just like walking down the street or just kind of like doing any old random thing you were doing a thing that is described like in case the listeners wonder do we really live this life yes yeah right right it's like somebody seeing me playing the uh video poker at a shabby bar in portland And they'd be like, yeah, no, this all checks out. Yep. This is what they said they were doing. They are who we thought they were, in the words of Dennis Green.

I miss video poker. Okay. Hey, I have an idea. Do you want to go out with a Modest Mouse song? There's a song in the world at large. Sure. You know what?

I think Isaac Brock is in one of those Portlandia sketches. There's one where Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein's characters have come into a public school like they're parents of a kid. so it's kind of like the parents night but they're worried that the kids are hearing lousy music and they really want the kids to have these like this like hipster music and this whole series of other parents come through and i believe one of them is is the guy from modest mouse isaac brock so this is very uh apropos of our previous conversation i will also mention real quickly at the end of today's show tomorrow is going to be a little bit tricky we're actually going to record a couple of episodes i'm going to be heading down to los angeles uh the uh the the no point conversion is it's kind of a little bit of an up in the air thing if we have time we're going to do it tomorrow because the seahawks of course are playing tonight browns have already played um but just so you know we may or may not be able to do it tomorrow we're going to try our best though nice and you go get that haircut my friend i will i'm gonna get all of them cut good stuff all right thanks everyone We're going to be back here tomorrow with more Imaginary Radio for you. Until then, have a great Monday. Stay safe. Take care of yourselves. And please remember, no mountain too tall. And good luck to all. Well, I float on, baby, I ain't got no plan Well, I float on, maybe would you understand Gonna float on, maybe would you understand Well, I float on, maybe would you understand The days get shorter and the nights get colder I like the autumn, but this place is getting home I pack my belongings and I head for the coast It might not be a lot, but I feel like I'm making the most The days get longer and the nights smell green I guess it's not surprising, but it's free and I should leave I like songs about drifters, books about the same They both seem to make me feel a little less insane Walked on off to another spot I still haven't gotten anywhere That I want, did I want Love, did I need to know

Why does it always feel like I'm caught in a little trouble

Hi, hello. My name is Dana. I'll be taking care of you today. If you have any questions about the menu, please let me know. I guess I do have a question about the chicken. If you could just tell us a little bit more about it. The chicken is a heritage breed, woodland-raised chicken that's been fed a diet of sheep's milk soy and hazelnuts okay this is this is local yes absolutely i'm gonna ask you just one more time and it's local it is is that usda organic or organ organic or portland organic it's just all across the board organic the hazelnuts these are local how big is the area where the chickens are able to roam free i'm sorry to interrupt i have exactly the same question four acres so here is the chicken you'll be enjoying tonight you have this information This is fantastic. Absolutely. His name was Colin. Here are his papers, okay? That's great. They do a lot to make sure that their chickens are very happy. When you say they, I mean, who are these people raising Colin? It's a farm that's located about 30 miles south of Portland. Tell you what, we're going to go check it out, if you don't mind. Just if you could hold our seats. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we'll be right back. I'll make sure. Thank you so much, Dana. Sure, sure. Power out.