Muse

Does any duplicating go on around here when you're not present? Uh, yeah, maybe do you duplicate alone?

I think that's kind of a personal question.

You're laughing, Miss Tiley. Are you taking my duplication investigation seriously? Are you disrespecting my duplication investigation?

No, no, I'm not. I'm not disrespecting. I'm just saying that there's no real way I can check, you know, because I leave at a certain time.

I'm not duplicating is taking place. And when duplicating takes place, that means there's more than one. There may be two or three, Ms. Tyler. Two, three, or four.

I do.

Y'all are joking. Are y'all kidding with me? I'm talking about duping. Duping.

Okay.

TBTL.

First thing, I never heard of you. Never heard your name before you went on some news show. I don't think you can play football. I don't think you can wrestle. I don't even think you should be out here. Wow, that was very hard to hear. So many negative words. This cat is from upstate New York. He's not a downtown fancy cat.

He's blue collar. He works at a lumber yard. He still lives at home with his parents, Adam and Sally.

What in the reverse porkies is going on here?

This is stuff so funny, by the way.

Did the comic come up with this? Because some of this stuff, I feel like I could see somebody doing their act.

Well, hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a Thursday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live.

You know, this show is like a dynasty.

My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host. Hey, where's the freaking gabagoo? Coming to you once again from the corner of Second and Congress in beautiful Austin, Texas, looking out on the Colorado River. Or if you hear a certain exasperated mirth in my voice, it's because we have already had quite the technical adventure recording today's program. So if you're looking at the time stamp and thinking, huh, this is a little shorter than usual, it's because of many a technical hurdle that we'll explain coming up here in just a few minutes. Let's not lose sight, though, of the fact that we have arrived at episode 3592 in a collector series. Let the fun begin. Speaking of things that have not gone totally according to plan, I woke up this morning with a bit of a stuffy nose and decided to try something extreme, which was to basically build a home medical device here in the hotel room in Austin and use it. It was literally a major disaster. I don't know if it was the right call or not, but we'll talk about that. Oh, I might have gotten a W on this Thursday. This might be a Luke W Thursday. Because I may not have been totally wrong about the word swag, which came up on the show yesterday. You think swag is so cool. Speaking of swag, they are selling Theranos swag on eBay as we speak. If you have $999 lying around, you might be able to pick yourself up a sweet Theranos windbreaker. We'll go through that. And then time permitting, which I am already feeling like it might not. We'll talk Silly Glasses and Robot Nibbles, because it would be a great Donovan album. Silly Glasses and Robot Nibbles. The CES conference is happening in Las Vegas. Isn't that for techno geeks with spreadsheets? Sort of. I'm actually on my way to Las Vegas after this, but the Consumer Electronics Conference, or whatever they call it, I don't know what the S stands for, Consumer Electronics Show, probably, is going on in Las Vegas, and they are putting out all kinds of weird stuff, which we will talk about if we have time. What we always make time for on a Thursday, a.k.a. Blur's Day, is the Blur's Day messages. So we will do those as well. We'll do all of it with the help of this young man, the longest-running co-bro of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. This was him four minutes ago trying to fix our technical problems.

Let's go.

It was very, very foul. That's why I had to bleep all of it out. He is Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now from the Roosevelt neighborhood of Seattle, Washington. Good morning, my friend. What the heck is going on? This is on me, my dude. It's exactly what we talked about on the show earlier this week, how I cut things way too close. I don't leave any margin of error. Things like the Internet going down in a major metropolitan city called Seattle, Washington, Or at least the neighborhood of Roosevelt Where you are right now Where there is apparently no internet

Well, the ironic thing is According to one computer in front of me We do have internet again Okay, should we explain what's actually happening here? I went to dial you up this morning As we often do We knew that there was a tighter deadline Because you've got to catch that flight Because you're going to CES, I understand it Are you?

Are you now going to be reporting from CES for TVTL? I will be. I'm going to be in like a massage chair that also is an NFT. I'm sure there's something where like you get your teeth whitened while it massages you and also keeps you. It like haptically tells you how your Bitcoin is doing. Right. I promise you that's a device that exists.

And somehow reality is augmented Although I'm not entirely sure how So you're on your way over to Las Vegas Where you'll be joining us for tomorrow's show But the fact that you're on the road Would maybe lead some to believe That if there are technical issues It's because you're on the road But that's not the case You and I were talking And then suddenly You know, talking down the line Like we usually do Using our googahs and doodads And then suddenly You just couldn't hear me anymore And I start freaking out and it looks like there's no internet at my house. And so I restart the router, which in 2022, it takes about 18 hours for a router to restart. Maybe ask them that at CES if you get a chance. Ask them if they're working on cracking that.

I'll go to the router kiosk and ask them why that's still such a time-consuming process.

Yeah, don't accidentally go to the modem kiosk. A lot of people get those two confused. But anyway, so long story short No, it's not short It's actually a short story long, honestly, now that I think about it But it looked like the internet went out at my house But then we had a real conundrum Which was, can I fix this in time? I'm getting all these messages from my various computers saying Hey, you need to go into your router settings and fix something Or maybe your modem settings I don't even know anymore, man And that is something that I have done before But it can sometimes be a five minute fix and sometimes it can take five hours just to remember how to log into your modem settings like it's like it can be a complicated thing. So you and I were going back and forth. Do we record the show just using telephone technology like we used to just you on the phone, me on the phone, recording our own ends like we're doing an NPR story? And you're in St. Petersburg, Florida And I'm in Culver City, California Which is what we ended up doing now Because the internet kind of keeps coming on And then going away And we can't trust it So you and I are just like Edward R. Murrowing it Yes, we are Right now Talking via telephone

I feel like the term hero is overused In this day and age But I think what we're doing right now Is truly heroic We are doing This is like When our forefathers first podcasted And they gathered around a fire This was what it was like They were on a telephone Recording themselves in their respective locations And later putting the files together This is artisanal podcasting, my friend So all of you out there hearing this right now Particularly if you're visiting our show For the first time Because we're on the Nora McInerney Cool podcast list over on Spotify Welcome This is a typical show for us us freaking out about technical issues for the first 12 to 15 minutes of the program anyway here's the decision that we made dear listeners we decided that it was better to record whatever kind of show we could on this thursday and put it on the internet and get it to all of you sooner rather than later because the alternative was to record the show when i got to las vegas five six hours from now which means it gets posted really late at night and it leaves a lot of you in the lurch and let's be honest low key i want to have like two drinks on the plane probably and i don't necessarily want i don't want to get to vegas set this whole rig up again and then do a show tonight so selfishly uh we're gonna go with this format and uh who knows i mean this could actually be andrew this could be just the jolt this show needs sometimes you know they say necessity is the mother of invention uh i mean i feel like the show has been stagnating lately and this is kind of a you know this is this has all of my all of my synapses firing in a different way

than normal and i think it's going to be a great show i see what's going on here i privately asked you if you wanted to bring another person into the podcasting relationship and you're freaking out and so you cut my internet cable thinking that maybe this could provide the spark and we could just remain as two monogamous podcasters. I see what's going on. I would like us to try

some other things to spice this relationship up before we go before we take the full leap into bringing other people into the podcast, Andrew. It's very true. That's fair and actually

I find it charming. I find it charming how protective you are of our relationship. Let me say one good thing. Well, let me say one bad thing and one good thing. The bad thing is I feel like I'm floating in space right now. I can't Thanks. to you like the weird thing about this is this sounds and feels so different for me and my experience of talking to you right now but if everything goes according to plan this shouldn't really sound that difference to the listeners and i know that i'm sort of belaboring that but it's just it's a weird thing you and i prattling on and on and on about how weird this experience is but the listeners probably think stop talking about it because you guys just sound well as normal as you ever do one um put up if i'm going to be giving out put downs and put ups um i'm putting myself down but i'm putting up xfinity now this is uh you might be curious about this

you're saying andrew you're doing this yeah that sounds like you're kind of is that stockholm syndrome that you're i mean they're the ones who put us in this very position and now you're

putting them up just because i call them my comcast daddy doesn't mean i have stockholm syndrome um no i will say though that i'm getting these messages from my computers saying hey you need to fix your router or you need to go you know log in and hack into the mainframe and do this and like i was at this point of like trying to figure out with you whether or not i go down that road again not knowing if it's going to take minutes or hours and whether or not we have time for me to even try that but then i did get a text message from daddy comcast or comcast daddy whatever you prefer that said hey we realized that you're probably having outages right now we're working on it we're gonna um you know we have an eta of having this fixed by this afternoon like i will say that goes a long long way for me like you know we we pay a lot for cable so i'm not trying to make it sound like um we owe them something but i also think the internet is kind of magical and the fact that i use this thing every single day and for the most part it's reliable and you and I do radio shows and all kinds of things using internet and I don't have a lot of outages um and now I have an outage and I have a note from Comcast saying yep we know and we're working on it it really saved me a lot of time and it helped you and I decide right you know to go a

different direction well because you and I have very different approaches to these sorts of issues Andrew because when the internet goes out at my house I just you know I just sit around kind of you know glumly waiting for the internet fairy to come and fix it as in I just wait for it to turn back on you and this goes for a lot of different technical things you actually have pretty good success with kind of going into the the sort of innards of like your router or even your computer and like fixing sound cards or finding something that was switched off I always find that stuff to be completely and totally opaque and I don't have any success with going in and kind of troubleshooting that stuff so i always just go i'm gonna wait for someone at their end to fix it but you have a pretty good history of actually going in and fixing these things the reason it was good that the internet company told you that it was them and not your machine is because in two hours from now you would have been like doc brown from back to the future the whole router would be in pieces there would be wires everywhere i'm already wearing i'm wearing

that weird metal hat, that ring hat right now. Yes. If you can picture

it. I actually bought one of those on Amazon because supposedly it stimulates hair growth.

I literally have a new I have a new, it's not even

new, I've had it since I lived in Portland, but a new laser balding helmet. Oh, you really do

have a new one?

Oh yeah, the old one, the one that we took on the road and made people wear here in Austin, Andrew, at a live show that one The battery died And then I bought a new battery on the internet And then that battery didn't work either So I purchased a different one And it plugs in Which I didn't like at first Because I thought well I'm going to be trapped Like I like the other one being battery operated Because I could just put it on For new listeners, maybe people who've only Started listening in the last year or so Yeah I have one of these things that you wear It's like a bike helmet but it shines red laser light On your head and supposedly simulates hair growth Who knows if it works what it is is the illusion that i'm doing something and that's that's a powerful placebo but anyway this new one that is plugged in is actually fine because one the battery doesn't fail because it doesn't have a battery and then i just i sit on my couch i hook it up you know on kind of like a little extension cord i watch my television and uh i blast uh i radiate my scalp with hopefully um red hair growing uh lasers but i am really surprised to hear that you bought a

second one of those i'm sorry to cut you off but we can move on here maybe we can talk about this later but i really i mean i knew i knew you bought the first one and you were kind of always kidding on the square about it like i know that you really did use it but you also thought it was funny because it is funny and it looks funny and so it became a big bit on the show but i hadn't heard about it in so long i really just figured that i mean i didn't really think about it but if you were to ask me i would have said oh yeah luke used to use that thing but no so

you this is gonna sound like i'm insulting you or but like you so you do believe part of you does

Thank you.

believe it works like did you notice when you were in between laser baldness helmets did you

notice a difference no i don't necessarily believe it works but i also don't fear that it's making the situation worse if that makes any sense so why not worst yeah i mean and some would say well because it's hundreds of dollars that would be an argument for why not but to me it's like it's hard for me it's hard for me to tell i'm actually in an okay place emotionally with my hair these days which is it's like i i'm 45 i'm at the age where plenty of people lose their hair and so somehow i think i was losing my hair a little faster than the average in my 20s and it's sort of stabilized maybe that's the balding helmet maybe that's the finasteride pills that i take but like it feels like it's i don't know i feel like everybody else's hair loss is caught up with mine and now i just feel pretty i just feel like i'm kind of in the middle of the pack i'm not that embarrassed about it anymore and so i don't know if the helmet was helping with that or i just don't i don't think it's hurting and it's honestly an emotional crutch it's a thing where on certain nights i'm watching my tv i've done all the dishes it's like a puttering thing I put that thing on my head, it goes for 25 minutes, it has a little remote control that's wired to it, I turn it on, I feel this like kind of warm sensation, and it literally comforts me. I don't know if it does anything, but there's something about the act of doing that makes me feel, it's like I'm shining some kind of grow light on my weed operation or something. I just feel like, like it's, so, you know, that's kind of, I can't, I don't know if it's medically, if it's really medically verified or not, but I don't think it's making anything worse. And so that is why, and again, I probably was drunk when I bought it. I mean, you're absolutely right. I probably was a couple of glasses of wine in, feeling insecure and feeling like I, you know, I wanted to acquire something that would calm or fill whatever laser balding shaped hole there is in my heart. And I did. And it filled it. And everything's great now. I'm fixed.

Hey, you know what? And I think I I think I've cut you off enough that we don't even know what your original point was. But I want to confess something to you here. I don't know if confess is the right word. Well, I sort of feel like whispering it. So if my instinct is to whisper this, then maybe it is something I want to admit. But I kind of pulled a Burbank shopping, a little on the fly, a little, you know, not a huge purchase yesterday, but tens upon tens of dollars I spent on something that I absolutely do not need. And I. That hurts. That's now officially pulling a Burbank.

It's OK when I say it about myself. It hurts a little. I hear it from you.

i um i'm trying to think even was i was i a glass of beer into this i did buy some of that um heavy ipa from dogfish head the other day i'm wondering can i blame this purchase on dogfish head but um last night something reminded me i wasn't on instagram but somebody sent me an email or something about a product and it reminded me of a different product that i had been seeing in my Instagram feed and this is this is the power of advertising right here there was a product in my Instagram feed that I saw a bunch of times and then I ended up buying it weeks later looking it up online and buying it from a different outfit but what it is is a tiny little projector that you can easily plug into either your smartphone or your computer and it'll do those work because

I don't know the ads for him and I'm very intrigued, but I feel like there's no way those work as well as they seem like they do in the Instagram ads.

The little you're talking about the little kind of cute looking ones that looks like it would fit in like a Wes Anderson living room or something or study.

Yeah, just like just just I'm just thinking of little projectors I've seen that, you know, show people watching movies from their phone. But it's like, you know, it's projecting out on their wall or ceiling and it looks great.

the actual picture looks great you know what's amazing to me now that we have this conversation is i've been attracted to these little projectors um since i saw them on instagram and i don't think any of the ads i looked at actually showed what the projection looks like it's the actual like form of the what is the word i'm form factor of the of the piece of the device itself i find it to be so cute and i have been doing something more and more i've been getting back Into video games That I play behind my computer There are two kinds of Video games I play, actually three Although one has really fallen off The kind of video games that I go in the other room And I play on my Xbox, those are sport Games, baseball, football I'm kind of an athlete Kind of a jock Then I i get into and i'll do that for months on end and not really feel like doing anything else i'll listen to the levitard show and just like hit baseballs out of the park on the easiest level um you know all day and night and then i'll go through a mode where i'll come into my office i'll be like oh maybe i should just open up that a civilization six game it's like a big map game kind of like risk you know like in a big version of risk and i'll not play that for years and then all of a sudden i'll just like get in the mode and then i'll sit behind my computer and play it for hours and hours on end for weeks on end and that's been the mode I've been in lately and when I'm sitting in my little office I have my computer in front of me I'm playing my map game as I'll call it but then I have the second computer right to my left and I'll just put on any kind of movie but like a movie that I don't actually have to watch I just go online and I look for old weird black and white streaming movies just like some sort of visual stimulation I will oh my god Luke I found And if you go to YouTube and search by length, so you're looking for like long form YouTube videos and you just type in like 1980s VHS tape, you will find people who were experimenting with their VHS cameras back when they were new in the 80s and they found the tapes and they just uploaded them. And you just get, like, this insight into people's lives and homes and, like, teenagers messing around with their AV club, you know, like, recording kits, like, back in 1981. And, like, I mean, it looks like a Motley Crue video, just, like, kids standing around smoking while the AV nerd is trying to figure out how to use. It is – I love having this shit on in the background. It is, like, it is the closest thing I have discovered to a time machine. So my point is I love having this background kind of just images going and I was thinking wouldn't it be fun if I could just project those onto the wall like not put down a screen or anything because it doesn't matter but like just go full hippie psychedelic studio in here where I just have some random images like kind of projected onto the wall across from me while I'm playing my stupid video games. And so thusly, yesterday, I spent $75 or whatever it was for one of these portable projectors. I hope it works.

I did read the reviews. I found one that was cheaper, but all the reviews said, don't get this. This is this is jank box. So I went with one that was a little bit more expensive, but had good reviews. That sounds like it's going to be quite the scene there in your room with broadcasting.

I mean, if the cops were to come over, they might think something's going on. Like, they just find you like it's got a real it's like it seems like the thing you'd find in the bad guy in the movie seven. Like, when you get to his layer, he's just brought he's broadcasting like footage from the 80s on VHS tape of people like staring into the camera. Either that or it's very, very outsider art.

I was hope that's so funny. I didn't think of it that way, although you're probably more accurate. I was thinking it's going to have more of, like, an Andy Warhol, you know, party vibe in here. Just, like, random images being projected around. Like a Velvet Underground show. Exactly. That's what I was going for. Although, me introducing teenage life from the 80s, maybe that just moved the needle a little bit closer to a concerned parent.

i love the idea of somebody coming over to your house and walking into the room and you're broadcasting teenagers from the 1980s futzing with their technology from a youtube video you're playing donovan and i'm just in the corner wearing a laser balding helmet just staring into the middle distance that's some real that's some real weird shit going down oh man we got to try acid hey um we got to try taking a break here because uh when we come back uh we do have a couple top stories and i also want to tell you about the medical intervention that i did on myself today here at the hotel we can try to decide if it was a good idea or not plus we do have some blurs days even on this weird funky version of the show so we'll do a quick break here on tbtl and be back in just a moment all right let's thank some donors of the day i don't know if this is the show that these people wanted to support with their financial donation andrew i mean the episode they want to support tbtl they love tbtl this episode i'm not sure but we very much appreciate the support nonetheless From Laura Evans Oh, who's here in Texas Dallas, Texas To be exact Thank you, Laura Thanks for supporting the program Sharon Sprout is in Chilliwack, British Columbia That's fun to say That definitely sounds Well, there was Chilliwilly That was a cartoon penguin, right?

Yes, didn't Chilliwilly serve I don't know. Snow cones wasn't that a brand Or was that a cartoon

I think Chili Willie was a Penguin who I don't Think it was I don't think he was like Captain Crunch that he only existed to sell Something I thought He was actually like a cartoon character Who had a life and you know did Things and then maybe later became also a Spokes penguin I'm gonna look this up

I do have just enough Internet to see if it's right internet for that when you type it in by the way the first thing that pops up is chili willies tex-mex temple of spicy cuisine which has um wow sadly closed strong in west virginia strong seo for that place tell you what yeah a place that's permanently closed is beating out chili willie

the cartoon character jason hart is in bellingham washington what is up jason jason i think i'm thinking of the right jason was my uh my homie who was who was uh giving me some tips and tricks on airport parking back in the day that's right nice to hear from you thanks for the support um rachel raider is in everett washington thank you rachel hope i'm saying that right is it's right on the line between rachel and rachel but i've got a rachel in my family it's a different spelling

so i'm going with going with rachel could eleanor johnson could it be just rachel like wasn't that It could be Wasn't there like a fake movie in the Seinfeld universe Called Rochelle Rochelle or am I making that up Wow

It's possible My knowledge of the Seinfeld universe doesn't go I mean I watched I probably watched every episode But I've I think my brain has deleted a lot of that information But thank you Rochelle If that's how we say it

And also by the way I just found it The spelling for the fake movie on Seinfeld Is R-O-C-H-E-L-L-E So I was probably wrong about that

Are we any closer to Chili Willie update? That's the big question Eleanor Johnson has on her mind In Belmont, Massachusetts

It says Chili Willie was a character That appeared in a fake erotic movie In the Seinfeld universe Wow, I didn't see that coming Oh, that's what I was Okay, now that is ringing a bell No, it does look like Chili Willie Just started off as a cartoon character In fact, it looks like the character soon became the second most popular universal character behind Woody Woodpecker. And I got to say, I can see some similarities and not just because they're both birds.

Yes, that totally makes sense. They're from the same. When are they going to reboot that? That universe. That's a good point. The WWCU, the Woody Woodpecker comic universe or whatever.

The extended universe. Yes. The Woody Woodpecker cinematic universe.

Release the Snyder Cut Hey, Andrew Get a load of who our last Donor of the day is today, Jessica Pinter Of Cleveland, Ohio

I'm sorry, Jessica I'm sorry that this is Your show

Jessica's a good friend of mine Going all the way back to high school

As we've Said many times, the key of this program Is recruiting people From our actual families and Throughout our lives to start listening and then Donate to the show if we can just Get everyone from our yearbook From our high school yearbook to actually Give for the for less than the price of a Cup of coffee a day if I could get everybody In the Nathan Hale yearbook Circa 1994 To donate we could you know We'd be set for a while on this program Thank you so much to all of our Donors of the day for making today's Episode weird though it may be possible we would not be here without you hello and welcome to top story now andrew i don't know what you're recording muting what's making it onto the um onto the tape and i don't want to embarrass you but it's relevant to what i'm about to tell you you just i just heard you over the phone have a little a quick sneeze maybe is that

did that happen there in roosevelt of course yes i muted my mic but of course you still heard it And I've heard you kind of cough a couple of times. You have your cough button. But, of course, that stops it from going into the recording. But you and I must sound like we're in some sort of a – I'm not really sick. I just sneezed once, and you, like, snuffled a little bit ago. But, yeah, it didn't occur to me that – I was like, why is he just doing that in the microphone? But, no, you're muting it on the tape.

Yes, the listeners are not hearing any of that. But I am battling a bit of a cold, Andrew, and I keep taking tests, And the tests keep telling me it's not the Cron, so I guess I've got to trust the technology. But I have had a little bit of a cold and woke up this morning here in the hotel room, and my voice was a little fried, and I was very congested. And I was worried because I'm—

with recording this with you i'm also in the process of recording the voiceover tracks for this kirsten dunst profile that'll be on tv this weekend and i i record started recording that earlier this week and so if my voice goes out then the recordings aren't going to match and it's going to sound weird or the whole thing's going to have to be recorded with me having a fried voice so i was i was trying to do what i could to get in front of it and particularly to relieve my congestion and i decided this morning that what i really wished i had was a neti pot have you used

a neti pot no i haven't they don't seem super appealing to me but i will admit i heard a radio advertisement for what is the what is the newfangled neti pot that some guy has there's like there's like some entrepreneur and he's got the the modern neti pot that he's trying to sell

you know what i'm talking about do they advertise that on kick see i think it sounds like i mean

that seems like a good match right i think i did hear that on kick c i have not heard that ad but

i will tell you this the neti pot seems kind of weird if you haven't used it before and it almost seems like it would feel strange to have water going up one of your nostrils and down the other i mean that's something we generally try to avoid like if you jump into a swimming pool or lake water going up your nose is an unpleasant experience let me tell you it is the most relieving Thing when you're Very stuffed up to run that thing And I mean like again the first time You're kind of going out on a limb because you're squirting The water up one side of your nose and you're Horking out all kinds of Stuff out of the other side of your nose But I woke up this Morning so congested I was like god I wish I had a Neti pot and then I was like what I do have is a bottle of Water that I could Drink and then I'll have an empty water bottle And then I could put some warm water in there And then I could try to just make because the way the neti Pot you know the ones that I've had before it's just a squeezable thing but it has like a nozzle on it so it kind of directs the flow of the water so i got some warm water in the in the water bottle and i did it and it kind of worked it wasn't exactly as good as a real one but it worked i had water coming out of you know the other side of my nose and i felt much less congested afterward then i realized as i be as i started to have ringing in my ears and a slight headache that when you do a real neti pot you use like um sterile water like you're not supposed to do it with tap water which i totally forgot about like you're you're supposed to use a solution that's specifically designed you could probably make it at home with salt or something but you're supposed to use it's not a great idea to run tap water into your brain and ear cavities i learned because i'm now i'm dealing with some Kind of weird inner ear pain My nose is much clearer But my inner ears are completely ruined now From my home neti pod experiment

Well have you tried pouring water Into your ears now

Like Chili Willie does in that one iconic That sounds like something a cartoon Character would do

Whatever ails you just keep on pouring water Into that orifice we already know that you're You know Pretty big into the bidet scene sorry i couldn't think of the word bidet for a second what kind of you know what this where i can't think of the word bidet on tbtl well andrew we didn't even talk about this

when i got back from vacation our hotel room in hawaii had a bidet bidilt into it and it was one of the fancy ones with a dryer on it was a toto washlet and you'd think that i would have just been you know in clover with this thing but it sucked the calibration was off it didn't make you clean it sprayed all over the floor it's actually kind of smelled weird it didn't smell like fecal matter it just smelled like a mechanical fan that had been greased with the raw i mean it was just it made the using the bathroom experience measurably worse um and it's like i almost wanted to ask them, can we go to a room that doesn't have a bidet, which those are words I never thought I would

speak. I saw your tweet about this. That was funny. You said this bidet doesn't work for shit. That was a good plan on words there.

Quite literally. Yep, I

love it. Also, I feel like while I'm just giving you put-ups along with Comcast Daddy, I will say it had a bidet bidilt into it, or whatever you said also made me laugh. That was a little secret there. A bidet bidilt? Yeah, let's just give you credit for that yeah that's the thing i've clearly not um i mean i'm gonna betray even more my ignorance of bidets i'm gonna betray my bidet ignorance but um and i understand that it's not it's not a device that is inserted into the body in any way like i understand that intellectually but yeah like going and using a bidet that just strangers have been using as they come and go in a um i guess not a hotel room but an air b&b in this case like yeah i just can't imagine wanting to um share a bidet with anyone that's a

really that's actually a good question or an interesting thing to think about like what is the because the idea is if you put a bidet in your house maybe even a tushy modern bidet fine advertiser here on the program then primarily you're using it your loved ones are using it there's a kind of it's within the family i guess but if you're if you're out in the world is that it's it's a wand the really fancy ones you know they have this little power wand that you can kind of with a remote control on the wall have it come out further pull back you can kind of supposedly control it although this didn't this was untameable this one but how much contact does that have um wild bidets can't be but are okin no that didn't work you gave me a put up and it went to my head and then i tried i i tried too hard with that no but like you're right it's like is it is it gross to use a bidet that strangers have been using because how much contact is that thing it's not it's not supposed to make physical contact and yet it's still it's pretty close and that is something that gives me uh gives me pause did it give you pause before i mentioned it no it didn't sorry um but it may no but it made me actually you know it makes me retroactively happy that we just stopped using it like yeah because for the first like two or three times i used the bathroom i was like oh this is so cool because again it has the dryer on it which that's like real that's really farting through silk as uh my friend brianne would say but um

i mean i listen you know i hate these conversations but it's almost like a reverse fart really right it's like it's blowing the opposite way yeah inhaling farts through i don't

know okay my fault my fault i felt it felt it felt very fancy to me and so i kept wanting to make it work and then eventually was like no this is lame and so then i eschewed it for the rest of the trip and i'm actually kind of glad i did now that i think about it in terms of its uh its grossness hey can i lay one top story on you that i just think will maybe make you laugh a little bit Andrew and maybe tomorrow we can talk CES when I'm actually in Las Vegas assuming I make my flight and all of that this story comes to from the state of Tennessee where a Tennessee state lawmaker by the name of Jeremy Faison was at his son's high school basketball game and he became enraged with the referee as sometimes parents do he came out on the court he sort of challenged a referee to a fight the referee ignored him he tried to pants the referee or the official i should say and um that didn't go well and then they sort of hauled the guy out of there so that's a thing that happens i hadn't heard of somebody trying to pants the person which i'm very glad it didn't work because that would have been i mean that's sexual assault at some level if you're taking someone's clothing off of their body in public and they don't want you to that's obviously really uncool what i thought was interesting was the apology that this guy posted on twitter here's what he said uh for years i thought how wrong it is when a parent loses their temper at a sporting event by the way he misspells loses but that's happening left and right that's not even part of the story it's just a footnote um it's not christian and it's not mature and it's embarrassing to the child that's always been my thoughts now this is the part where it sounds like it might have been written by kenny powers andrew unfortunately i acted the fool tonight and lost my temper on a ref i was wanting him to fight me totally lost my junk and got booted from the gym i've never really lost my temper but i did tonight and it was completely stupid of me emotions getting in the way of rational thoughts are never good i hope to be able to find the ref and ask for his forgiveness, I was bad wrong. It's not a bad apology. Right? I mean, he should not have done what he did. And again, if the referee wanted to, or the official from the basketball game wanted to, you know, seek charges against him, I think that official would be well within their rights. But I do kind of like the use of the term totally lost my junk. like that's a new one and then i liked it he ends with i was bad wrong which is the cousin of loud wrong your favorite thing from levitard that's right i haven't heard him say that in a while

i do like that loud wrong um yeah no i mean i i actually did i saw that you wanted to talk about this so i read it this morning i hadn't seen it before i saw it on the show sheet but i i read it and i did like again like what he did is bad i don't want to diminish that but i don't think that it's unforgivable depending on what he does from here and he says like

Like, I want it just seems like a sincere apology riddled with typos. Yeah. But like in a certain way, that almost makes it more sincere. Like, I don't I like this so much more than I'm sorry if I offended somebody. He's like, damn, like I used to make fun of these people. I could not understand how somebody could lose their shit and I lost their shit. And like, I just think that, like, you know, almost everybody has lost their shit in some way or another and acted irrationally at some point. You know what I mean? I think of and, you know, it's been a very long time, but I think of some irrational behavior I had when when I was like behind the wheel of a car sometimes and felt like I was like cut off in traffic or whatever. And just like like if I could get that person's head on a pike, I would do it right now. And then later on, you're like, who was that person? Who was I in that in that scenario? And it sort of sounds like he's like, yeah, like I lost my shit. I'm embarrassed and I need to apologize to this person. I don't think a good apology necessarily means that he shouldn't be held accountable in some way. But it also sounds like, you know, if the punishment is proper for for what he did, well, then, you know, he'll do that, too, whether or not, you know, probably won't be allowed back in basketball games maybe for a while.

Right. I totally agree. It doesn't make it it doesn't make it OK and it doesn't remove what happened to that basketball official. It doesn't make it so that that didn't happen. But at the very least, it is what feels like a very sincere apology that is also now introduced the term totally lost my junk into my vernacular. All right. Do you want to send me the blurs is?

No, you know what, Luke? I don't. It's a new year. It's a new Andrew. It's a new blurs. There's a new there's a new blurs on the horizon, Luke. And it's just me doing the blurs days all by myself. It is. You might be thinking, is this a power grab? And you know what? Yes, it is. Go with your instincts on that. It's also just easier for me to do them today because I'm having Internet issues and I have a mere two blurs days, which I am shocked about.

I have to tell you something, Andrew. Yeah. I didn't realize we were still doing the show. I love it. I was like, this is so much more of an explanation than Andrew would normally give me. I thought I was just talking to you off air like, hey, do you want to send me that file? But we were on air and you were giving me a very public explanation of why it is that I will not have access to the Blur's Day list today. And I appreciate that.

That is that is funny because, yeah, in the way that we're doing the show right now, we can't play all of the sounds like usually you would hear the Blur's Day music playing behind you and you would know that I'm in broadcast mode. But I feel like I must talk slightly differently when I'm on tape than when I do. Right. You can probably you can tell right away that I was I was I thought we were still recording that this is part of the show. I could there was a different quality in your voice that was I know it would shock the listeners to know that this is us being broadcasters like this is us actually putting it on a little bit if you hear us just talking and we're not recording it's even lower energy but I could hear I could hear you were in broadcast voice and I was like okay let's let's roll with this yeah the main difference between my broadcast voice and my regular voice is I swear a lot more in my broadcast voice so look for that you do that's how you can tell but anyway we'll roll with this we are. Just imagine the music is playing. Here, I'm going to swell it here a little bit. Yes, I can hear it.

There's a right way to rock and a wrong way to roll You can't just listen to your soul Just remember that life is number one You can be having so much fun Just remember that life is much fun You can be number one

Okay, and then I have a couple of Blur's days for you. Gretchen says, but by the way, can we, wait, hold on, let's slow down though. Is it not strange that we take a kind of a two week break from doing kind of live in the moment shows and we don't have an avalanche of Blur's days? It's weird to me, but I do feel like it's the listeners

Truly the listeners' parents Years ago realizing that on this particular Thursday I was going to be very late for a flight And they knew to not get pregnant During the time that would lead to there being like 40 Blur's Day messages today So I take this as a little grace note from the universe That we only have two this week

And actually, that's a good reminder to me I'm getting stressed out I hate the idea of you rushing to that airport So let's do this. Gretchen says, I'd like to say happy 29th Blur's Day to my daughter and fellow 10, Olivia. Those are two great names, are they? Gretchen and Olivia. You are the smartest, kindest, and best daughter ever. Love you, Mom. This is from Gretchen, the former roller rink worker that Andrew out.

did on my birthday last year oh that's right i think we had i remember that i think gretchen i remember having gretchen on and i remember keeping her anonymous but i don't remember doxing her sorry gretchen uh and happy blurs day olivia sorry everybody and from our friend veronique who says happy blurs day to my super talented supportive and fantabulous at everything she does Sibyl you've held me up especially this year and on so many other occasions you were at my side in a flash when I was amidst a massive meltdown and it took me and you took me to get life-saving tacos can't wait until I get to see your buns back in that bike saddle beside my buns again well got kind of kind of specific there at the end Veronique but uh yes absolutely

happy birthday Sibyl is it a bicycle side-by-side bicycle made for two where their buns are side by side or are they just on different bikes riding

I think they're on different bikes I think they're on different bikes yeah but that's all I'll say about that I'm not going to weigh in on the bun situation but I will say happy birthday to Sybil from Veronique and from us happy birthday

I guess that's going to do it my friend I don't know what song you have in mind I've really let you down on song help this week you've been strong when I was weak Andrew I've had no song suggestions And today is no different I promise tomorrow if I get to Las Vegas I promise I will come Well actually tomorrow's music for your weekend Which I'm excited about my song But next week I'll pick all of the songs Since I've been so unhelpful this week What do you want to go out with?

I'm just doing this on the fly right here I'm going to go out with a B-52 song Called Dry County From the album Cosmic Thing So this is like the height of their popularity But kind of a deep cut That I haven't heard this song in forever I remember liking this as a young person, Dry County by the B-52s.

All right. I am going to the opposite of that, Las Vegas, Nevada, where I'll see you all from tomorrow, hopefully. All right. Thanks for listening, folks. Thanks for bearing with us on this kind of weird show on this Thursday. But we will be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio for you. Until then, have a great Thursday. Take care of yourselves and each other. And please remember, no mountain too tall. And good luck to all.

It's one of those lazy days I got nothing to do Let the wind blow round my head Let a cloud be my bed

When the blues won't do up on the side of the head Throw them to the floor and kick them out the door

Well, the blues keep you in the head And you're all out of bed in the morning Just sit on the porch and swing Sit on the porch and swing

The heat of the day's got me in a haze

I suck without the internet, dude. It's like I'm too real for it, you know? Power out.