Muse

Dairy. Gas prices. Whoa! Sick and twisted just how we like it. Organic dog food. Is it legal to be this insane? Guess who I got to hang out with this weekend? You have any of them? My family. Bruce Chandlings. Excuse me, America, do you mind? Fast food. Here we go! Psycho, screwy, and totally unbalanced Chandling turns the stand-up stage into a mental institution Laser pointers? You know what I like to do? I like to take my laser car and drive it off of a laser clip Nothing's off limits to Bruce Chandling Right here on ABC, NBC, and Six Flags Magic Mountain dot com TBTL

it's a rarely used device in comedy but it has its place right it's a different style

of comedy we're doing it man this is it we're right in the thick of the action whoa watch out

says that bird ew it's got a snake oh it's chasing a jackal oh my gosh when you get there

this is what you will see on the screen and there's a little arrow over there you press it and congratulations you're listening to a podcast all right hello good morning and welcome everyone

to a wednesday edition of tbtl the show that just might be too beautiful to live okay my name is luke burbank i'm your host brother who are you what are you doing coming to you from the hollywood broadcast center right here in beautiful portland oregon where it is uh didn't know you like to get not wet oh ma pa it's just beautiful it is a beautiful sunny wednesday in february here i said on i think monday's show that when i got home on sunday i was smelling flowers and i thought maybe that was just my brain maybe sending me faulty information because it's february what are the chances but no i was out for my little jog yesterday and there are some flowers that are actually blooming global warming am i right no i don't know there's probably flowers that actually bloom during this time of year but uh it is really nice and very welcome uh you're welcome to join us for episode 3616 in a collector series let the fun begin which is where we find ourselves today we talked yesterday on the show about how um nobody's watching the olympics and nbc is not really doing themselves any favors because they took down a bunch of videos that were basically the only good thing about the Olympics, which was Leslie Jones from Ghostbusters and Saturday Night Live and things like that. Leslie Jones has been sort of live tweeting the Olympics. She's been watching them on TV and then just giving her response to, like, the luge. And here's what it sounds like.

He can't even see. He's laying on his back. What if a squirrel run in front of him? He can't curve. He can't curve and save the squirrel.

NBC now apologizing for having taken down Leslie Jones's live tweets about the events. We will revisit some of her greatest hits from the ice skating and the skiing competitions. Also, there's a problem in the Pacific Northwest where people with Mazdas, their radio is permanently stuck on the public radio station.

A problem or a blessing.

Try to figure out what's going on with that.

I heard about that thing on the AM radio.

And something really good happened to me yesterday. But because of a position that I've staked out in the world, I wasn't able to properly brag about it. I won't trash talk. I won't be out there blowharding. And that hurt me. That hurt me bad, Linda. So I will all brag about it here. That's what I'm going to do. And I'm going to talk to this guy. The longest-running co-bro of the show may be best known for his depictions of the tall ships. He is Andrew. Boom, boom. Well, she needs joining me right now from the Roosevelt neighborhood of Seattle, Washington. Good morning, my friend.

Good morning, Luke. We have two, count them, two TBTL mysteries solved this morning. The TBTL 10s solve more mysteries before 9 o'clock than you do in your entire day. I don't know who the you is there. I didn't mean that directed at you, Luke. Good Joe Rogan show. You solve a lot of mysteries, too. I didn't mean that to be a slight. I feel like I'm already off.

You're saying we're feeding multiple birds with one scone

From a mystery standpoint One scone, dugs, flights You know that, I have to say

All of that stuff has really sunk into where now I actually have A reflex, sort of a reflex A bad feeling I heard somebody say, I don't want to beat a dead horse And I recoiled in horror, like it's working

Yeah, I mean we've said it before But I would like to reiterate I think I will unironically, but joyfully and knowingly use the PETA replacements on most of those animal idioms. Feeding two birds with one scone brings me delight. The only thing is, you know, if I really was in a meeting, like a quasi-important meeting with people who are not in on this, do I really want to derail everything by saying that? You know what I mean? It's also, I think, luckily a phrase I don't need to use all that often. And I think having a Doug on this flight is actually something that does come out of me quite a bit. And so there may be some moment where you and I are having like a fundraiser meeting or a meeting with our boss or something. And I start to say Doug and then I pull back. You know what I mean? I don't know if I really feel like just stopping the conversation to explain that. But I for those who know, if you know, you know.

And I love it. To me, it's not just that the replacement phrases now roll off the tongue, which they do. it's that if I hear the old phrase or if I just hear like somebody said I don't want to beat a dead horse with this and it really it made me feel sad so that's another way that this whole PETA thing has worked is that I think about those kinds of idioms now differently and probably will for the rest of my life

and this is grotesque and not exactly where I want to take things but honestly though I'll whisper it because it's grotesque beating a dead horse is better than beating a live horse sure if you gotta beat a horse

It raises the questions of how did the horse pass away? If the horse passed away gently in its sleep of old age. If the horse was cuddled to death and then someone came along, I mean, you know, it's not a great look. It's a terrible look.

It's a terrible look. No arguing that.

And also pointless, which is, I think, the point of the idiot. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

But if you have, like, a lot of anger and you're like, I'm going to take it out on a horse, like, I prefer to, you know, I would like to not see it.

that that's a horse racing that has its origins in horse racing and when they say dead they don't mean actually not alive they mean the horse is out of energy and you're riding it and the like the home stretch and you're whacking it but it just doesn't have any more energy sad again i'm sad yeah well you know they may have a point i say this all the time about pita but they seem like nutcases and then about 10 years later at whatever their initial thing is or whatever their thing is it's always a come on and then 10 years later you're like yeah that was they were

right about that yeah and they're and they're also just yeah they use shocking tactics okay um let's talk about these mysteries so i'll start with the least interesting one um which goes against my instincts uh my broadcasting instincts but draw the listeners in it's exactly but it's interesting i can dismiss this one quickly if i don't do it first we will not get to it because the next one is much more interesting so really quickly i was pondering on the show yesterday how i was getting occasional text messages from actually one particular tbtl listener on my i guess my private google voice line not that it's a problem it's just that i don't use that line for anything i don't even know what that number is i didn't understand how anybody would have that number it's like a 205 or a 502 or something and i was a little confused by that the answer is simple i think we use that line for the tbtl-a-thon or the 24-hour show i should say when we were taking phone calls. I don't know why we didn't use the TBTL voicemail line for that. Maybe I didn't realize that was a possibility. I'm not exactly sure why, but I think I just set that up very quickly, and some listeners saved that number. So thank you to Cheryl for figuring that out for me. Now, do you want to get to the more interesting part here, Luke? Yes. Let's do this. Do you remember you and I on the show, I'm going to say about a week ago, Could not find a drop that we love About a guy talking about Never dropping his eyes to another mortal Yes And it's one of our favorite drops And I am meticulous with the naming conventions of my drops But this was a really old one And I could not find it And I swear I had it It was driving me up a wall You couldn't find yours I couldn't find mine

And then We were searching under every possible title Drop my eyes to another man my only something is to God

and mortal was in there so I'm looking for mortal and nothing is showing up and then enter our friend Ben Quick. Hey Luke and Andrew Ben Quick here

I just had to call because about a week ago, you guys were trying to remember a drop, and you guys couldn't find it. And I think I may have a word that you guys weren't coming up with that might help you be able to search for it. It was something along the lines of the guy who said, I have no shame before another mortal. The only shame I have is between myself and Christ. But you guys didn't land on the word shame, so I wondered if maybe that would be something that would help you find out.

I've got it right here. I got it. I got it.

I didn't play it on the show. I got it. Love you guys. Bye.

Shame it is. It was saved as no shame.

One thing, I have no shame before another mortal. All my shame is between myself and Christ. I never drop my eyes to another human being.

I was searching Christ. I was searching eyes. I was searching mortal. I was searching every word except for shame.

One thing, I have no shame before another mortal.

Oh, Ben. Irony, Andrew. Shame on everybody involved. That a show hosted by two people who feel so much shame. So much shame. And yet we couldn't arrive at that search term, which is, of course, what that guy was talking about. Although, I wonder, Ben Callback, do you remember, does anybody remember what the context, what was that guy doing?

He wasn't fighting a bear. That was a different guy. We know that. That was a bear that entered Carl's world. Carl's world. So I am now changing this. And then you have some interesting stuff here for the top of the show I want to talk about. But so I'm changing this. Do you want to help me? So I had it saved in my folder as no shame. And, of course, that allowed me one keyword, shame. And I didn't land on that. So I'm changing this to no shame.

sorry about that i was also changing the name on my file here i started playing it by accident

christ god i now have a drop called no shame another mortal eyes christ god uh and hopefully that will serve me well because we will forget all of this and we will do this again in probably about two years i'll meet you right back here in 12 months for this conversation um i was feeling

what do they call it less shame yesterday andrew when i went to get my haircut and i sat down at the rudy's here in portland one of the many rudy's and i was talking to the stylist and she had all these pictures of bruce springsteen up on the mirror i said you must be a fan there was even a picture of her and bruce springs springsteen together i said you must be a big springsteen fan And he said, well, I am, but, you know, my very favorite artist is actually John Prine. And I said, interesting, because I was I recently received a tattoo of John Prine and I lifted my sleeve up and she thought it was so cool. And then when I was paying, she made me show it to the guy working the kind of register at the barbershop. And he was freaking out about it. And then as I was leaving, as the door was swinging closed behind me, I heard him saying, that was so cool. if they were talking about the tattoo after I left.

That's very cool. That's a good feeling. Yes. So that was... Are you going on dates with either one of these people now? Because that seems like that's a good way to meet people.

Yeah, I'm kind of taken. Yeah, that's true. Got this tattoo kind of too late in the game. But no, I mean, I think I will, when I go back there, I'll be the John Prine tattoo guy, which will, I'm sure, get me some kind of special treatment. Although, speaking of special treatment, so when this um these these uh barbershop i'm saying barbershop but whatever you call them i guess they you know rudy's is a barbershop styles itself as a barbershop i think a barbershop is like you've got that kind of like barber pole and it's uh three guys named sal that work there and you know i think of what rudy's does as a little bit more kind of hip and stylish but anyway when it switched over from being a place called bishops to being rudy's one of the things that the rudy's folks brought over was a shampoo because the price of the haircut went up I think it's like $40 for a haircut now and part of it was they threw in a shampoo and I usually the way I try to schedule it is I will get my haircut before I'm going to go do a jog or something because I feel like my hair is going to be I'm going to have little hairs on the back of my neck it's going to be gross so then I will get the haircut and then go exercise and then take a shower and kind of deal with all of it in in one event so i usually historically i've kind of passed on the shampoo thing but then for some reason i can't remember why i got it i don't know three or four haircuts ago and it is so relaxing like it is just the bed the water temperature is perfect they're kind of you know they're sort of caressing your head there it is like you know how i used to love getting the lice check when i was in grade

school because it was just kind of like a head massage this is that but so much better and so i got really excited about this and i started like looking forward to the shampoo part of the haircut and the last three times i got my haircut they haven't offered to do the shampoo and i don't want to bring it up like i know they're supposed to do it but they're not offering but i feel like if i say if i kind of go and how about that uh shampoo that i'm entitled to that feels gauche to me but i'm really bummed that they've like i keep getting folks that just are not doing that

for whatever reason i um am as you can imagine given the way i navigate the world um especially

comfortable and excited about having someone shampoo you know i i enjoy that um i don't usually

ask for it um but i was going to say that when i'm in a when i'm in rudy's i'm always like like really on my best behavior i just think especially during covid like i'm just like the whole you know usually i'm always just asking i'm like how are you guys doing how are people treating you like how is this going and i like talking to barbers because i i just learn more and more about the the job of being a barber and a stylist and i think it's interesting and i also think that it took me a long time to realize how hard that job is so all of that is to say um when i'm in there like i'm you know maybe i'm a little bit um maybe i'm even a little bit of a suck up but i'm always very gentle when i ask for things or what have you or i try to make their lives easy uh probably way more so than i need to i don't think it's wrong to maybe ask for a shampoo but i think for what it's worth they did cut back on them or stop doing them for a while because of covid they were doing they were kind of eliminating anything that wasn't absolutely necessary that was putting them kind of close to people's faces i know that they're still not doing beard trims um so take that off your list too luke so you know i don't think there's anything gauche about asking for it but just ask in a way that you know shows that you understand the situation be like hey are you guys doing shampoos or is it a no right but i mean i've only yes but

i've only gotten my hair cut at this place during the pandemic so when they started shampooing my hair which had never even occurred to me to ask for i probably previous to this i'd probably had like i'd had my hair washed at a hair place two times total so it was during the so it was definitely like not on hold because of the pandemic at this place but people they have

their own policies based i mean yeah i i realize that because i've sometimes gotten it you know i've had many haircuts during the pandemic at the rudy's that i go to and um i think it depends on the person's comfort level like i think that you know they can they can make their own decisions about that so i would just say that if you're going to ask i don't think it's a gauche question is my point but just understand that hey you might have somebody who's comfortable with it you may not and just sort of showing that like you understand that it might not be a it might not be an option but asking politely i think is fine yeah i don't the funny so i'm about to say

something that's incredibly not generous to people in the service industry um which i will i'm sure regret once it leaves my mouth but i kind of feel like either go to work or don't go to i don't i don't i don't get the sense that the the folks that are not shampooing my hair are not doing it because of concerns about covid because they're cutting my hair they're like really up in my business anyway and of course i'm masked and everything um what the here's what i'm wondering about like because the people that work at this rudy's are hourly employees they're not independent contractors which is kind of the case for a lot of salons you like rent your chair you're kind of a small business owner and your business is the hair cutting and hair coloring and you just work at a salon I've actually asked just because I was curious the Rudy's folks they are hourly employees they work at Rudy's it feels to me like it'd be like if I went in Chipotle and I asked for extra onions and the Chipotle employee said I don't feel comfortable going and getting the onions because that's going to put me closer to Derek who chops the onions and that feels unsafe to me I respect people's right to make decisions about their life but it kind of feels like to me if that were the case which I actually don't think it is it'd be like well then maybe don't come to work because you work at a place where i'm paying money for among other things my hair to be washed so if that makes you feel unsafe this is not a good place for you to be working right now yeah i think that's very ungenerous honestly yeah i do you think that everybody should so what if you i mean do people that are working at a place where they're getting paid by the hour to do the job do they reserve the right to not do part of the job

because they feel unsafe yeah i this specific example where you draw that line i just i'm talking about one specific example i don't think you're a big slippery slope person so i don't think there's a need to draw it out i just think that i just i mean we're talking about the exact same situations you go to rudy's i go to rudy's and i think i and again like i'll admit i probably bend way too far the other way but yeah i think it's a i just think it's a really tough weird unique job and so i you know i kind of take their word for it and if you know one thing i've been doing lately is i've been going back to the same person which is something i really

like and so right because you're scheduling these things out now right you got a person yeah and so

we kind of know each other and we talk and like i don't know i kind of i just like going in there i like going into rudy's i rudy's is one of my favorite um is just one of my favorite this sounds weird but like brands like i wish we could do i don't think i have brand loyalty to anything like i have to rudy's like when i went down to la and i was kind of like in a really stressful time and you know kind of wondering if i had made the right decision to go down there like the one thing that i loved was they had rudy's which felt like a little bit of home to me you know what i mean like i started coming to rudy's when i lived in in seattle and so like i don't know i'm just so i'm very loyal to them and so when i go in there i'm just going in and again i i understand that i said i'm just like i'm the i'm the cuck of rudy's it's i actually got a tattoo i was showing them that too so i understand that maybe i'm bending far the other way but like you and i had a very similar situation to remember like i can't remember exactly it was something about it was something oh I went into yeah because I had scheduled my haircut but I felt like I didn't schedule it I'd never scheduled haircuts in advance before it's a new thing I'm trying as I get younger and cooler and um I remember kind of being like oh I have this haircut scheduled but I kind of don't need it but I'm not going to cancel it because I sort of feel like that's screwing the barber over um so I'll just go in and tell him to clean it up a little bit and and she kept saying to me oh do you want me to take some money off of your cut for for this since it's just a little bit of a cleanup and i was just like you do whatever like you feel you know that you guys do whatever you feel like you deserve for this and she did end up taking some money off but i don't know maybe maybe part of it is i see too many companies that i love going under i don't know what it is so sometimes i feel like my money is almost like it just is like an underwriting in a certain way i don't know what it is but i don't know i just really appreciate the service there i like the people who work there i always have interesting conversations so i'm never kind of going in feeling like I deserve something I mean they cut my hair I pay them what I agree to and I guess I didn't like it there's a lot of other barber shops now one question we should obviously

move on but had so did you did did somebody say to you at Rudy's we're not doing the shampoo because or people have the choice stylists have the choice to shampoo or not shampoo based on their their comfort level or is that are you just kind of are you wondering if that's the case at

no no at one point and I don't think it was my current barber I think it was somebody else and And, again, I just always, especially during the pandemic, that's where I'd always start conversations if we were going to have a conversation. I'd always just kind of say, you know, how's it going? Like, what's life like being a barber and all of this? And at some point, I think it was earlier on, I think it was when the Rudy's, I'm sorry, when the pandemic was, you know, even more prominent and it was a scarier time. I know for sure that they said, you know, we're not doing beard trims, we're not doing hair washings, we're not doing anything extraneous like that. I think somebody told me that while they were cutting my hair it might have also been on a sign I'm not sure I'm not claiming that that is the case anymore I believe though that I mean and again maybe maybe it's not a rule at all maybe everybody at that shop is comfortable doing it but even pre-pandemic it was never a given that I'd get a haircut usually I would just always go to somebody different and just normal times oh yeah sorry never given a shampoo like sometimes they would do it sometimes they would ask if i wanted it and that would depend on my mood if i said yes or no and sometimes people just didn't ask if i wanted it in normal times i don't think i i would probably still say hey do you have time for a shampoo i guess i do just give them a lot of i give them a lot of leeway to decide but um yeah so anyway well the funny part is it never even

it never even occurred to me that it could be part of the service i would never ask for it And, like, it was, again, nothing, it was not something that I ever even took advantage of until one time when they switched over. Like, the first time when it was officially Rudy's, they were like, and would you like your shampoo before or after the haircut? And I was like, whoa, okay. And then I was like, this is farting through silk. And then, like.

I don't like it when you do that, if you're getting a shampoo.

I can't go back to that location. Yeah, no. But I've been told I'm on double probation at, like, the Hawthorne location and banned from the Pearl location of Rudy's for farting through silk. And no more silk.

They have no more silk anywhere on premise.

Speaking of masks, what is the status in Seattle right now? They just announced in Oregon that the mask mandate will be, I guess, relaxed March 31st, if not earlier. And that is based on hospitalization rates. So the latest that we would still have to wear a mask in Oregon as of right now, that's me knocking wood, would be March 31st. What's the deal in Seattle?

You know, I hadn't heard anything at all. In fact, when I don't know if you mentioned, did you mention this in the intro yesterday or maybe I just saw it in your notes? That was news to me and good news to me. And so I'm just looking now because I hadn't heard anything about it in Washington. but I see the latest headline is just from last night governor insley is optimistic quote-unquote optimistic washington will revisit mask mandate in the near future so that is very that's a very vague that's that's a real that's a

real firm statement i'm optimistic that i will continue to think about this yeah i mean it's

that sounds like insley i believe that quote but anyway that's i'm excited and i assume that you know i feel like oregon and washington have been you know have very have kind of gone through this stuff in very similar ways so i'm hoping that maybe you're like the pucks-a-tawny mask mandate

uh and it'll come out of my hole yeah if i see my mat i come out of my hole if they shampoo my hair it means two more weeks of mask mandate um they they're dropping it as of thursday in new

york state oh yeah is that for is that for everybody like in like places of business or

is that just the school one because i heard this new york state will drop its indoor mask mandate for businesses effective Thursday according to the Wall Street Journal all right well I'm saying

nice I'm excited because I look forward to a world where we don't have to wear masks I assume that we might have some listeners who are like think that's bad news because they want people to wear masks more which I guess I can understand that but you know I don't love I don't love wearing masks and I think about those and if it's safe to take them off you know me I've been I've been saying this since the beginning like I will always do what I'm told because I'm a good little boy But, like, the second they said you don't have to wear masks anymore, I stopped wearing masks in places where I didn't have to.

Like that, those three weeks. Oh, those glorious three weeks in June. Those were amazing.

I still remember them. I pictured them with a little orange glow in my memory.

Yeah, I, you know, I was talking about how Becca and I were in Montana and how we kind of didn't fit in because we were wearing our masks and she did have a New Yorker tote bag. um but i will also say that by day i was there for like four or five days and since there isn't a mask mandate there and i am vaccinated and i have had omicron to where it's like the difference between me wearing a mask and me not wearing a mask i think is pretty indistinguishable at this point like i think it's pretty unlikely that i could get something in in the covid department and give it to someone or get covid from someone i'm wearing the mask because it's the rule and because i'm trying to signal to other people that we should you know wear the mask that's it's performative on my part at this point and i have to admit that after about four days in a state where no one's asking you to perform i was like i walked into the airport i didn't even know where my mask was like i had complete i had i had for probably a day and a half hadn't even had a thought about if i should have a mask or not and granted we were you know mostly outside but if we Or like went into a coffee shop to get a muffin Or something I'm sure I did a couple things Indoors without the mask on And you know It was amazing how quickly I kind of I sort of Modified my behavior to fit what the local More's were

Yeah I mentioned this to you off air I'm quite sure so let's bring it To the air And I think I may be mentioned To the audience that I'm going to be in Cleveland In a couple of weeks just haven't seen my Folks in years now so gonna go home for kind of a like a full week i'm gonna do some tbtls from i assume their basement i don't know fun set up somewhere we're gonna do some tbtls from there um just so that i can kind of like work but also see them for a while and spend some time there and ohio is a non-mask state and i kind of have mixed emotions about this because like and again like i know as it's like teasing insley about his wishy-washiness but i generally speaking like i just trust i just have trusted the leaders here in washington state to tell me when it's safe to take off my mask and when it's not whereas in places like ohio there's so much more pressure from more you know conservative areas and businesses and so while ohio actually treated the pandemic pretty well early on their yeah dewine did a dewine did a really good job yeah but i also know that it is a more conservative place and so like them they haven't had a mask mandate i think in like a year now or something like my dad when i was talking to him we both kind of realized how different the cultures are because he can barely remember wearing a mask that's not true but you know what i mean it's been so long he was shocked to hear that i still like wear a mask when i walk into a restaurant or what have you and so like i said i'm a rule follower and i you know and i trust the vaccine which i'm boosted for and i know that's not a you know for the person who's rushing to your email to say that that is not a bulletproof solution i understand that but if washington state tomorrow says it's safe to take off your mask i 100 trust it a little bit more than going to ohio which like two weeks ago i heard the headline was they had the highest rate of hospitalizations and i don't you know i don't know how often those numbers move around or what have you but like i feel like there could potentially be some social pressure like i'm not somebody who's like i'm not a real look at me kind of guy so if i'm in some situation i'm like literally the only person in a panera bread wearing

a mask I might feel uncomfortable about that like I say I feel pretty confident that if I were to contract something I'd be fine like I'm not I don't know how to say this I'm not freaking out about my own health in this situation I'm just doing what I'm told but I'm also thinking like is Ohio the place where I want to take off my mask that was very long and rambly but I think

you know what I'm talking about right and is that just because you haven't as far as you know had it like if you'd if you were like me and you you'd had the vaccine the booster and omicron would that change your would that would because again i just feel like for me realistically i i could be walking around without a mask and i don't think i'm a danger to myself or anyone else based on the

current situation with the virus yeah i um so you're asking i'm just basing this on the fact that i'm vaccinated but i don't think i've had again if i ever had the if i ever had the virus It was asymptomatic, and I was an invisible carrier, which is not what they call it, but what I like calling it. But, yeah, no, I'm just very – I'm just kind of comfortable with it. Like, you know, some people I know, including you, have gotten it, and it was during the Omicron phase. And, oh, I heard a famous person say Omicron yesterday, and I was like, yes. It was a famous smart person too, and they flubbed and said Omicron. I was like, oh, that gives me some cover. Who was it? I'm blanking on it. Fauci? It was Rogan? No, I don't know. I honestly I'm racking my brain, but it's not interesting. But anyway. Yeah. So I've seen people I've known actually quite a few people now who've had very who've had the disease at various stages and they've been basically OK. And so I'm not again just I'm not talking about the global pandemic or our responsibility to others who are more vulnerable. I'm just talking about me myself. It's not something that keeps me up at night. Like, if I get this, I'm really concerned. I know some people in our friend circle who are super scared of catching it. And I'm not one of those people. So that's where I'm coming from, if that's your question.

Right. I guess I just wondered if that hesitation, if, like, the idea that you don't want to take your mask off in Ohio or you're wondering if that's the place, if you would, if you'd had Omicron and you tested positive, if you wouldn't feel that way, if you would, like, because, like I said, if I went to Ohio and there was no mask mandate, I truthfully I would probably just go maskless which is hard to even say out loud into this microphone because it's so the mask thing is so coded now yeah along the lines of like are you a team player or are you not like and so for me to even say that I would not wear the mask in a state where they didn't require the mask almost feels like I'm betraying the ethos of of this show and our friends and things like that but again going back to the actual science of it unless there's something i haven't heard i'm no danger to myself or anyone else if i'm maskless

at this point yeah and i you know i mean the more we talk it out i think you're right like i'm sure so i'll have to wear my mask on the plane obviously but and then probably in the airport i i don't know but i would assume that that's still yes even in montana you had to i mean the the rules

where you're supposed to wear it in the airport and then on the plane i'll bet you the second i

get in my parents car i take it off and then um by the way my parents always pick me up at the airport i'm like flying in almost i'll they'll be picking me up at like nine o'clock at night we haven't had the conversation yet but i could i could call an uber but like they're just old school they're just like somebody comes to the airport you pick them up somebody's going to the airport you drop them off um i don't tell them that sometimes i let genevieve take the train to the airport because that would be oh no yeah very bad behavior on my part yeah it is very cute but anyway i'll bet you you're right and again i'm just i i want to be honest here um i'll bet you i take it off and we can talk about it when i'm in cleveland about how i've been navigating it And maybe it's even unfair of me to say that Like if Inslee says I can take off my mask I'll do it But if I go to Ohio And they're taking off their masks Maybe that's just I don't know I don't know if that's sound reasoning on my part either So I'll bet you though Once I'm there I'll take it off And it'll become quickly easy to forget That I used to wear a mask Two days ago I wore a mask everywhere Right

But I mean if you look at There are the I mean my guess would be washington and oregon are probably some of the last states that even have it there's probably one in california just based on the politics right i think california probably has it oregon still has it washington still has it new york is relaxing it as of thursday i would assume new york is right in there with the like being overly or not overly but being extra careful with the rules i mean we will soon be at a point where there are no mask mandates in any states yeah exactly

that's what i'm sort of thinking too and what else did i see that um oh i saw like you were talking about seeing smelling flowers on your jog today and just like seeing those little those little um sprigs of spring that are starting to to show and there was another there was another sign of maybe turning the

corner again knock on all the wood around you and fake wood laminate in this case um because who knows what could be around the corner as far as other variants or or anything we just don't know but the way things are trending right now i'm starting to feel very optimistic and i saw something else i don't know if it was an event that's going to start happening again or maybe it was a medical expert saying uh you know knock on wood but medical experts often say knock on wood um but they tell all their 45 year old yes but we're thinking that you know um things could be opening up again you know pretty quickly and that that's very exciting for me and it should be for everybody i always just like we have one listener i actually i don't even know if this person listens anymore um but somebody who i've been following on instagram and actually somebody who used to live in the same neighborhood with me and so i'd run into her from time to time we haven't talked in a long time but I follow her on Instagram and I don't want to put anybody's story um out on front street so I won't mention their name or anything but I just know that this is somebody who works in um in corrections I I don't know exactly what her role is I think it might be a medical role although I'm not sure but essentially works in in the jail system and it just feels very exposed all the time and I also know that this person lost somebody very close to them who uh who died because of covid like kind of early on and so i think about that person all the time right just such a different different experience over the past two years than what i've had and what i am describing to you right like i follow the rules i do what i'm told i know some people who've had it and they've essentially been fine you know and so that's my experience with it And so I live my life. But I do often think about the heartbreaking stories that she would post about losing someone to this way too soon. And then also having to double mask up and go into a jail system every single day during a pandemic. And she is somebody who I think about who would say, wear a mask, like, don't worry about what the laws are. You should wear a mask all the time because it's important. And I understand where I think to a degree that I can through Instagram stories, understand where she's coming from. So it's just one of those things where I want to be honest with you and the audience, but I also understand that this is just hitting everybody in different places.

Sure. And you're I mean, you're right that we have like an incredible amount of privilege that we weren't teachers, frontline workers, medical folks, people that work in the in the jail and prison system, first responders, door dash drivers, like all of the jobs that involved having to be around people. And particularly if you're thinking about the health care system and also, you know, jails, which I mean, the stories coming out of like at the time when there wasn't yet a vaccine, we didn't know, you know, it turns out that most people, if they're young and healthy and they got covid, most people were were generally OK. but there was so much unknown and to think about going into a building with a bunch of human beings and a virus raging through the country and those buildings i mean that's terrifying like as somebody who's not i have never been afraid of getting covid really throughout this whole thing i would be i would have been terrified two months into covid to go work my job in corrections i would I mean, people have been doing so much stuff that's so much scarier than podcasting, Andrew. I don't know if you believe this. Some things. All gave some, and some gave all. And then a couple of others podcasted.

Some gave blurs, and that's us. I hope I'm not cutting you off. I just had a little thought, and I wonder if you have the same thing or if we've talked about this. But, like, I'll be watching a movie or a TV show, and somebody will walk into a room, and I don't know how to explain this, But I almost have like this muscle somewhere between cognitive dissonance and muscle memory of them not taking off their mask or putting on a mask or something like I remember this happening while watching Nightmare Alley this weekend. I was in the theater. And of course, this takes place in the 40s. Right. Doesn't it take place in 41 or something? The pandemic has nothing to do with this. But somebody walks into a room and I remember just having like this feeling of just like, where's your mask or why aren't you taking off your mask or something? and there was no mask it's just like it's such a part of me now like walking into walking to a building and putting a mask on or maybe walking out and taking it off I don't know like I wonder how long I also wonder if there will ever be a part of my life I'm not talking about the world or or even this country but just me personally will there be scenarios for the rest of my life in which I wear a mask because a year or two ago I would have said I hope not and I don't think so and now and i don't like wearing a mask i'm gonna be clear about that so like will there be a society where some people are wearing them a lot more often

And I will be kind of an odd man out if I don't.

I don't know. This was a Hey Dummies question a few weeks ago. But I definitely, there are some upsides to the mask. One, if I have a breakout, I like, I want to reserve the right to wear a mask if my face is acting up. I also want to reserve the right to wear a mask if I'm going into the men's bathroom anywhere, but particularly at an airport. Yeah, double mask there. Triple even. there are certainly some times when it's kind of convenient for one reason or another when you're getting a tattoo so they can't see you grimacing like it it's a good question i wonder a year from now if things continue on the path they appear to be on and let's just say there are no mask mandates a year from now when you are just kind of walking through the mall or whatever are you gonna see like let's say there's a hundred people in that mall or restaurant or what have you are it will 10 of them have a mask on right right well zero of them will 90 i wonder how it'll shake out

um one last thought on this actually i meant to tell you this the other day so i hadn't gone to the gym and like you know whatever however long it was during the pandemic when everything was shut down um and i remember i had just gotten into a good rhythm of going to the gym right before the pandemic shut everything down and then i finally went back for the first time i think during that short window when the mask mandate was lifted and how long ago was that luke i'm now my brain is totally fried that wasn't this it was the summer it was like yeah i don't know i don't know whenever that oh my goodness my brain is fried um but yeah whenever that was whenever that little window was i was like okay the mask mandate is gone i'm gonna go back to my 24-hour fitness and i think i did that a couple of times in that in that window or whatever And then since the mask mandate has come back, I've gone back to the gym, not regularly, but, you know, every couple of weeks or whatever, I'll just have the time. I'll be like, oh, this would be a good time to go to the gym. And I did that, I think, on Monday of this week. And, Luke, I don't do a lot of shit at the gym. I basically do cardio for about, you know, a little under an hour. Then I'll whatever. And then I'll do some sit-ups or something. But I sweat a lot. And in fact, I like sweating a lot when I'm working out. But my God, is my mask so gross? I hate, hate working out in a mask in the gym. I know this is, you know, you were talking about running outside with a mask in early days of pandemic, which really sucked, too. But there's also something about being inside on a stationary elliptical or stair master. Do we call them stair masters? Is that a holdover from my youth? Is it a stair master?

I mean, I don't think I mean, that's what it was called, but I also don't think that we call it that anymore. But that's when, you know, when I was a kid, that was what you called it.

Yeah. Anyway, whatever the whatever the stair thing is called, the stair master, like in your mask, my mask, it's soaking wet. And then I'm really out of breath on those stairs and I can't breathe through it that well. And so I'll kind of pull it away from my chin a little bit just to get like a big inhale of breath. And then you're like, what am I doing? What am I doing here? But it is awful. And the first time I did that, Luke, I didn't have a backup mask. So I went into the locker room and I had to, like, dry it out under the—luckily they have a lot of those air blowers, you know what I mean, to, like, dry your hands. And I had to stand there for, like, ten minutes getting it dry. It was not fun.

Let's take a break so I can kind of recover from that information. Swallow that. Swallow that bio. Lie down for a minute. Yeah. And then we'll come back and we'll thank the donors of the day. And we'll talk about Leslie Jones and her Olympics commentary, her informal and unsanctioned Olympics commentary coming up here on TBTL. Hey, let's thank the donors of the day. These are the generous, wonderful, delightful people making today's episode possible with their financial support. Megan Curtis is helping us out from Melrose, Massachusetts. Hmm. What is a Melrose?

Well, it's a rose who runs a diner.

Uh-huh.

Is that what you were hoping for?

Yes, that was the answer. You know I paused Because I almost made a joke Earlier in the show When you talked about Scheduling your haircuts Because you said Because I'm getting younger And cooler It's like I could see you Scheduling a chicken fried steak I could see you Like calling Mel's diner And being like Putting it on your calendar That in four months You're gonna go in And have a chicken fried steak

And thinking about that And just thinking about That chicken fried steak If I had to do that Like a black coffee Yeah

And a chicken I feel like having black coffee With food is the ultimate Old guy move

Oh yeah Yeah, well, I guess.

add a newspaper propped up on a bottle of ketchup, huh?

But not even, like, breakfast, because obviously most of us drink coffee at breakfast, but, like, I'll have the, you know, I'll have the chicken fried steak, extra gravy, cup of black coffee.

Yeah, that's pretty tough. I will tell you this, not to get us, well, even more off topic, but I told you there's a little diner, not really in my neighborhood, maybe about, it's about exactly a mile from me. You probably even know it on 65th It's called the Varsity Ravenna restaurant. There's two Varsities. Does Seattle have – oh, my gosh. Sorry, I'm spinning now. Does Seattle have a larger-than-usual amount or proportion of restaurant owners who had some sort of disagreement and split apart, and now there are two restaurants with the same name that are run by different families?

Is that the case with the Varsity?

There's a Varsity in Wallingford. I used to go to and there's a Varsity now in this neighborhood I go to and I asked them about it because I didn't realize there was a connection and oh they have some little display of an old newspaper talking about the two locations I'm like I didn't know you guys were related like we're not anymore there was a split and I'm like there's a pho place around

well you had Izzell's fried chicken which split off to be heaven sent and Izzell's

what is the was it a Cuban sandwich place that everybody loves

Paseo's that's now got a different name

I just feel like there's all these businesses that are, like, beloved, and then they split apart. It's like, no, don't serve food like my brother. Anyway, this little Varsity I go to, it's not like something that I would, like, I don't want to speak ill of them. It's not like something that's a destination place. I wouldn't say, hey, Luke, you have to go to the Varsity Cafe, right? It's just a cafe. They have booths that I like and booths that I like to sit in. And I was usually ordering lunch items, and they were fine, you know, just a French dip. It was okay. I liked sitting there in the sunshine in the window, but nothing that I would necessarily go out of my way to recommend. But then I ordered breakfast one day. I was there with Genevieve. And I'm not somebody who usually goes for steak and eggs. I like chicken fried steak, but I don't usually get steak and eggs. I was in the mood for it one day, Luke, and I'm a changed man. It is the most artery-clogging meal that I eat on the reg. And you know I eat some artery-clogging meals on the reg. And however they cook their steak, and I don't know what kind of cut it is. It's not like eating a steak at a steakhouse, right? But it's actually kind of better than I thought it was going to be. They actually cook it to the right temperature. I'm a medium-rare guy. And usually a breakfast steak, you don't expect that. They're just going to cook it until it's brown inside. But they actually cook it to order. and they must cook it in so much butter and garlic. I don't know. They just have one of those cement trucks that just has butter and garlic spinning around in it. They just must pour it out onto the griddle to cook this steak. It is so good. So this place that I'd always been saying, yeah, the food's fine. Like, well, you know, whatever. I like sitting in the sunshine there. Now I'm just like, I think about that steak and eggs and that cup of black coffee. It is so goddamn good.

So you do get a cup of black coffee with your steak and egg.

Um, some, yeah, yeah, definitely. I'm not, I have this weird block about drinking soda with egg, with like breakfast food, even if it's not breakfast time. You know what I mean? I understand that, okay, it's not a great look to wake up and chug a soda in the morning, but if I'm eating steak and eggs for lunch at 1 p.m., there's no reason why I couldn't have a Coke with that like I would if I was eating a French dip. But my brain says, no, you don't drink Coke with eggs. So I will drink a coffee.

See, I love nothing more than a big greasy breakfast and a Diet Coke. Because if you're eating like hash browns, I mean, you're eating potatoes. They could be French fries. They could be hash browns. You're having eggs. You're having, you know, a muff, like an English muffin. These are all the components of a dinner or a lunch or whatever. And we were talking about this yesterday, like they're salty. So I really like to wash. Also, on the occasion when I get a big greasy breakfast, let's be honest, I'm probably hungover. Yes. So I'm also just like so thirsty. I'm dehydrated, and I rehydrate with Diet Coke, which is probably the least good way to do that.

Although there is something about a soda, especially if it's on ice, like a soda fountain Coke when you're hungover. I don't know. It's like medicine.

Jody Windling agrees, Andrew. Jody is in Heron, Illinois.

What's a heron?

That's not even spelled the same way.

You're right. It's not spelled like the bird. You can get Genevieve in here

The resident birder of the show Thank you Jody for the support Appreciate you Catherine McLeod Is in New York City Ha

Interesting They haven't changed the name Weren't we on a campaign To get them to change the name of the city Because it's just It's confusing

Or the name of the state Or the name of the state The name of the state, yeah. Anyway, how's our campaign going? They haven't done that yet, huh?

No, I think they were focusing on the mask mandate, and then once they relaxed that, and the next item of business is to take a look at the name of the state and the city. Thank you, Catherine. Also, thanks to Krista Nations in Rochester, Washington. Thanks, Krista. Thank you. Kelly Zuger. What were you going to say?

I just said Nations. It's kind of a regal name. It's a powerful name. I like it. It is. Yeah.

Well, it reminds me of Cary Nation. I know that this is nations, plural, but wasn't Cary Nation a revolutionary? I feel like Cary Nation was either a big part of the temperance movement or a big part of the suffrage movement.

You know why I know, I'm looking it up as I speak here, a radical member of something, don't cut that off. You know why I know the Carrie Nation? Because there is a movie called Welcome – not Welcome to the Dollhouse. It's a Russ –

It's the temperance movement, by the way.

It's the temperance movement. Okay. It's a Russ Meyer film. So, you know, it's great towards women. Sure. Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. It's a really trippy, very TNA-y, as Russ Meyer's was, film. But I did like it because it's very trippy, and it's got the strawberry alarm clock, The band, the actual Strawberry Alarm Clock is in that, but I believe the main characters are a band, and they perform under the name of the Cary Nations, and I think that's a good band name.

Would they consider changing it to the Krista Nations? They should, in honor of one of our donors of the day. Kelly Zuger is in Seattle, Washington. Thank you, Kelly, for helping us out. And then Summer Ash is in Socorro, New Mexico.

Summer just came up on the show yesterday, I think. Now that's our stargazing. Yes, but this is the one I was asking about, our stargazing summer. Yes.

And I feel like Socorro, New Mexico must be the home of some kind of giant telescope.

Telescope. I could see that.

Don't you think? That seems like the kind of place where they would have a huge government research facility

and a telescope where they can see the aliens. And then Summer goes to look in it, and then she pulls her eye away, and she's got a black ring around her eye because somebody was a prankster.

That bit never gets old. Never gets old. Every time. First day at the Hubble telescope research station on the ground, and you get that old shoe polish on the eye. Thanks, Summer. Thank you to all of our donors of the day for making today's episode possible. Wouldn't be here without you. hello and welcome to top story well the first top story of the day andrew is that i got the wordle in two guesses yesterday and it was all i could do to not tweet that out like not tweet the results out i've suddenly realized why people have been doing that because i was it it was it put more wind in my sails than it ever should have that i got in two tries i you know i was

thinking about our conversation um about this the other day and i guess you can't tweet it out because you sort of staked your claim on i i wouldn't or or i don't think you were you don't seem annoyed by people posting it right like i know some people who are like oh i don't want to see your wordles anymore and i kind of don't get that annoyance because it's twitter like there's just a million things on twitter that i scroll by you weren't annoyed by other people but you were kind of saying like that's just not your move do i have that right i was i was south of annoyed but north of loving it does that make any sense it makes a show title almost made water come out of my nose south of annoyed north of loving it yes also sounds like a country music song and so and i mean i just was thinking about it because i realized so much of my um conversations now are, like, kind of deconstructing the day's Wordles, and I'm loving it. Now, I'm not having most of these conversations online, and I have posted a Wordle in, like, response to somebody else's Wordle score before. But mostly it's like, and again, maybe this is just part of getting younger and cooler again, but, like, so much is, like, Genevieve wakes up, does the Wordle. She texts me her results. Then I wait. I want to do it in the morning, but I discipline myself, and I wait. And it's my little reward, as I told somebody the other day. It's my little reward for ruining the show every day is after TBTL. I will reward myself with my Wordle, and then I'll send my results to these. But then inevitably, at some point later in the day, we will start talking about how we got there. What word did you start with? Oh, you started with that. Oh, like – and then Genevieve also knows the types of words I start with. So she's like, oh, I knew you were going to do well because you usually start with Steam or whatever. And then she's got a whole text chain with some of our other – about it so i'm not even on that chain but she'll tell me like what anita was doing or what katie was doing and i love it it occurred to me like i'm not saying everybody has to love it but it is such a big part of my conversations and i actually love deconstructing wordles and how people got there maybe it's like talking about your dreams but anyway i like that yeah i i was like i said

when people post their score i'm always kind of like okay well good for you um you know that's not super useful information to me whatever but then the second the second that those tiles turned green i was like i gotta tweet about this and then i did like the actually most annoying move which was i didn't tweet it out but then i tweeted about the fact that i wanted to tweet it out which was a chance to casually mention i got it in two tries which is really the thirstiest thing

you can do i you know we were talking about this the other day i'm now realizing because of the headline that the new york times was buying wordle and people were um a lot of people were mostly bummed about that and i just i simply wasn't it just felt like a good fit to me and i made the argument that they should keep wordle free indefinitely they're supposed to start out that way anyway because it's such a good gateway to to get people to download the new york times games app and i gotta say just having those conversations was a gateway for me genevieve plays that spelling bee game where you have like a honeycomb queen bee or something it's actually called spelling bee i think i i was annoying somebody because i i used all the wrong terminology last time i was talking oh it's not i i got that from you that's not actually the name i think i kept calling it queen bee i think it's called spelling bee i think if you get all of the words that are hidden in the jumble then maybe you become the queen bee and then there's larva you have to kill the queen bee to become the queen bee you have to kill the queen bee i know there's larva and that's really gross um it was in my mask while i was working out how are you doing over there you okay no can we take another break and go lie down again that's a good way to make sure that we get to the advertisers um anyway um it i actually downloaded the app and now i'm playing that not regularly and i'm not smart enough for it it really makes my brain hurt like that far side cartoon um or does it say my brain is full like it is it is a much tougher game it's like you just got to like kind of find the the hidden words that could be made by this jumble of letters and there are certain clues so you know kind of how many words you're going for and when you just can't unlock it it just it feels it makes me feel almost claustrophobic in my own brain but then when you do get a word boy does it feel good so if if wordle was kind of a gateway for me to get into that i think it's just a great move all around for wordle to be on the new york times app i was doing

a bunch of crossword puzzle stuff this weekend in montana because i told you we were buying i was buying every local paper that they were selling at the store and becca is like a crossword expert like does the new york times crossword like you know fridays or something or whatever one of the harder days and i'm really bad with crosswords but maybe i'm like maybe i'm a montana seven i'm a new york times four but a montana seven because uh i actually was having some success and in fact there was one that becca had done like 80 maybe 90 percent of but she was stuck and i just like parachuted right in and just like for whatever reason the like last four that she was having trouble with were just things that i knew and it all just like fit together it was deeply satisfying i thought am i a crossword guy now is this a new thing for me i you know i'm

every now and then genevieve will turn to me when she's doing a crossword puzzle and i will be able to be helpful because it'll be something either about radio or sound or sports but i will say i'm having a vague memory and i'm struggling with the details here that's a double-edged sword because it can also be super disappointing when i'm not right about it and i want to say it was last baseball season and genevieve had some clue that was baseball related and i was pretty confident in my answer to her and then i was very wrong about it and then once she got the right answer I'm like, oh, yes, that is obvious. And I really felt like less of a person.

Well, you know, Saturday was the day that I swooped in and saved the crossword. And then Sunday, I put something in pen, and it was just totally wrong. I didn't realize it until like an hour later. And then I'm like trying to write the real letters, small, in the corner. And then I just threw the paper out. That was when I decided I'm not a crossword guy.

And then I got a bird, and I lined its cage with it. It basically lasted for about 24 hours My question of am I a crossword guy I don't like crossword puzzles They are so difficult for me And like I say They literally make me feel like I am trapped in the crossword puzzle

NBC is apologizing For having taken down A bunch of the tweets Of Les Leslie Jones, who I think she's actually been doing this. I don't know how many Olympics this goes back, but I remember seeing something.

I think 2016 for what it's worth.

I remember seeing a headline about it, but not fully grasping what was really going on at the time. Like, Leslie Jones loves the Olympics or whatever. I think I probably assumed it was some sort of a tie-in because NBC is broadcasting them. I don't think it is, though, as evidenced by the fact that they were taking her tweets down. so what she's been doing is just sitting there watching tv like presumably at her house and she's got her phone kind of trained on the television so you're you're seeing you know whatever is happening and then she's just giving her commentary and it is delightful i would absolutely watch any sport that i mean football ice dancing gymnastics high lie you name it if Leslie Jones is narrating it. I'm pretty into it. This is this is her take on ice skating when one of the participants had fallen down a couple of times.

This is how do you like she didn't fail twice. I wouldn't I would quit. I'd be like, all right, well, I failed twice. I'm just go ahead and crawl off of this ice. But she brave. She brave to continue to do her program because she's been working all her life to get here. And I love her outfit. I love it. It looks like a little rose at the bottom, you know? But she didn't reach for that ice a couple of times, man.

By the way, that's a great way to describe falling down, reaching for the ice. Yes. I love that. That's like, it makes it sound like it was more intentional.

Lord, every time she, you can tell her, you can look at her face, look at her face. Just check her face out. She know, she know that shit's over. poor thing just i don't want her to keep jumping because i'm scared all right all right

i like i i don't know how nbc hasn't harnessed this like they knew it was happening i mean you knew it was happening how and also i i'm sort of glad they didn't like i'm there i'm surprised on multiple levels here i'm surprised that nbc didn't go okay we're gonna fly leslie jones over for the olympics and have her just like do this because it's very funny i'm also surprised that they were taking these down because i guess you know it was like she was sort of broadcasting the olympics without the express written consent of major league baseball but i just can't believe that nbc didn't understand that this was i mean they've rectified the situation apparently but i can't believe that they were taking these down this is the one good thing about the olympics the way i

The way it was explained in the newspaper article that I read – sorry, I don't know why I said that sentence that way. I'll reward myself later with some wordle. But anyway, the article that I read, and I don't remember the source on this, went into quite a bit of detail. And it sounds like it wasn't NBC directly taking it down.

Right, they're blaming a third party or something?

Yeah, essentially, like they are. They paid $7.7 billion to broadcast the Olympics through 2034 or something, it said. and um and so they're obviously very protective of it so on all these other like third-party apps or whatever they just have their filters you know cranked up to 11 to make sure that people which even that is just like i still think that's bullshit like you want people sharing little clips you want to be buzzy like how can nobody is going to be like watching this if there's somebody who's

likely to watch the olympics they're not watching this in lieu of it it's a supplement i understand

like if somebody is like posting an entire like an entire event on YouTube so that you can just watch on YouTube I understand that but like you want people tweeting about this you want people turning this into a TikTok meme like they're so dumb about that but what they're saying now is like okay yeah no no we like Leslie Jones this is good for us this is good for everybody involved so we're just going to try to like ease up on those filters and but again they they don't say like these are our filters it's us working with these other platforms or what have you but you know they're gonna make it so Leslie Jones can can still do this but I still think that they're they're still missing the larger point here I think right like because if you or I were to put

up our commentary and we're showing the you know feed there's a chance that we would get taken down because we're not Leslie Jones and we're not as funny as she is this is her reaction to luge

oh okay what sweet madness is this okay you okay you know them things that you carry the refrigerator on, you know how you put that little big ass board, skateboard under the refrigerator so you can move it? That's literally what the f*** they on right now. I'm telling you in that little bitty tube, how the f*** does this not go wrong? How does this not go f***ing wrong? Huh? He's not even he can't even see. He laying on his back. So he can't even see in front of him. He can't, he can't see if there's like some kind of, what if a squirrel run in front of him? He can't curve, he can't curve and say squirrel. Do you understand what I'm saying? Because his feet is driving. Do you understand what I'm saying when I say his feet is down a long ass water slide? A ice water slide at that. And the ice look like if you hit that shit. Ouch.

Oh, this was her take on if they have breaks on skis. She was watching like the downhill skiing where they're going super duper fast. And she was pretty amazed.

Are you kidding? OK, so is this how you ski? Man, man, ain't no brakes. Do they have brakes on the skis? Is the ski got brakes? Because I'm thinking, too, if you pushed on the brakes, that you would hide your plane all the way off the mountain. Are y'all serious? Are you serious? And any time I hear about a ski accident, I'll be like, oh, well, this is snow. You know, they just fall on snow. Shit! Shit.

I've been making that point in a less funny way for my whole life, which is it is a miracle to me that 1,000 people a day don't die on the ski slopes. Just based on the fact that when you crash or get tired, the move is to sit down on the slope while someone who is north of you is barreling down with two sharp pieces of fiberglass on their feet. Like, it's amazing anyone survives this stuff.

I don't think I'd watch downhill skiing, or is it the ski jump? Whatever it is where they're just, like, barreling down as fast as they can and then flying through the air. I hadn't seen that since I was a kid, and it was on probably at Teddy's last week or something, and Veeves and I were earlier this week, and Veeves and I were watching it, and I couldn't tell. Those skis, as they're building up speed, shooting downhill, are they kind of, like, locked into two troughs? like if they tried to move their skis left or right would they not be able to it looked like the skis were almost kind of like down into like two ditches if that makes sense uh if you're

talking about the thing where they don't have poles yeah where they just go down the slope like ski jumping yeah and then they do what's amazing about that is there's like some tiny uh kind of advantage to crossing your skis in the air it creates somehow more like lift so they all do that move too like they're flying through the air but the skis are slightly crossed because it kind of adds to their their the length of their jump I don't think that that one would they're in a

trough of any kind like something has not in its own trough okay not that I'm aware of although

I'm not the expert all of my knowledge of that sport is about the guy Eddie the Eagle who was the unlikely British ski jumper I think they made a movie about him where like I forget who played him but he was just kind of quirky like i think at the time there was there was like it wasn't a super competitive thing in in england to be the the ski jumper and so this guy eddie the eagle got it but he was just kind of like a bit sort of doofy and kind of lovable and not very good

at ski jumping what if i mean somebody must have tried this you've seen the jackass movies did anybody try this what if you had a squirrel suit on and you kept it closed while you were racing down the hill but then you did because you mean like a flying squirrel yeah is that what they call those suits like whatever it is the word that can basically give you wings people will maybe jump off a cliff with them or whatever and soar down to the ground could you actually could you actually get could you actually like kind of take off and almost fly because they are flying through the air what if we gave them wings yeah i mean that could be that'll probably

be a sport in like two years yeah they'll add that because you know uh because they're always trying to kind of like make it more entertaining and hopefully they'll have leslie jones calling this is um this is her reaction to the outfits that uh this ice skating uh this like pairs skaters were wearing particularly the uh the dude's outfit yo okay now i love her outfit

but is it too long is what i'm worried about like does that get in the way you know the sleeves and stuff i'd be worried about little technical stuff like that you know because i'm kind of an expert But anyway, love the magenta, love the confidence, love the confidence in the dude. He came there to wear that outfit. He came there going, I'm good with this. I'm glad that we are in sync with our outfits. He didn't fight. He didn't he didn't even raise an eyebrow when she said that there's going to be a glitter snake on his back. She didn't even he didn't even flinch. She was like, put it there. and matter of fact let it extend to the front and put it in glitter you know what i'm saying he was with it he was with it i love these spins i'm getting scared though to the throw-off part because he even though he looks very smooth he don't look big i will say too like the

if i'm being a hundred percent honest i never fully got the leslie jones appeal Like I thought it was you know funny She would come do you know on Weekend Update She would sort of come on and she would act You could say I guess like sort of extra Sexual towards Colin Jost was kind of the bit Like I sort of understood that Leslie Jones Was funny but I would I will say that This is the funniest Leslie Jones to me Like this makes me understand What the hype has been about for the last 10 years About Leslie Jones

You mentioned earlier that you're surprised NBC didn't somehow like kind of formalize this like fly her out and make it a thing but I but that would have also ruined it totally ruined it yeah that would have been bad right because also I didn't realize how much she's gonna like just casually swearing in these as well so of course you have to clean that up like it's so much better this way again what they should do is just like there should have never been a headline that oh this this content has been taken down and Leslie Jones having to go to Instagram saying I don't think I can do this anymore because it's just not worth my time if it's going to be taken down like they really sullied it and again i'm just repeating myself now there are so many leslie joneses out there too not that maybe right now have as many followers but you could also just stumble on some somebody else some kid who could go totally viral with their version of you know commenting on this stuff it's just like it's such it's such an old media mentality it's frustrating i mean how the way

that i find out about most of the stuff whether it's music pop culture is now via tiktok and it's you know it's snippets i was talking about that mike judge stuff and then we found out it's on cinemax and people are like you know telling me that they watch it on cinemax and love it and i'm considering subscribing it's like letting your content out there so people can get it through whatever platform is a good idea generally speaking like you said if someone just streaming the olympics like they're just they've set up a high-tech camera and they're just playing it on their channel and they're getting the eyeballs that's a bad idea but anything short of that you should just welcome it it's just more attention to whatever your thing is amen here i go once again

with the email every week i hope that it's from a female oh man it's not from a female uh we didn't

get a chance to talk about the uh public radio situation in the mazdas of seattle but maybe we can talk about that tomorrow i wonder also if we'll have some some updates on that because it made its way from geek wire to the seattle times where eric lucidas wrote about it and um i'm i'm guessing that they'll have a solution for it pretty soon it's a very interesting story um so

yeah let's talk about that tomorrow now i want to ask you a programming question here luke uh we got an email from uh tiara in baltimore that you and i were talking about off air it's a great email it's a dilemma it's a workplace dilemma that we could really chew on for a while do we want to do that now how is your time looking do we want to get into this or do you want to go another direction with a voicemail I have here.

Why don't we listen to the voicemail? Because I've just seen like half of Tierra's email and I thought it was fascinating and I don't want to give it short shrift. Yeah. So maybe we can even maybe we can even start. Tomorrow's going to be Blur's Day, right? Yeah, tomorrow's going to be

Blur's Day and then Friday we do music for your weekend. So maybe we can just pull that up in earlier into the show or something.

Yeah, make that an actual top story or even kick things off because it is it seems like it's a pretty good topic for us. So yes, let us let us

listen to a voicemail. Good. So I have a voicemail here from Listener Kelly, and she is commenting on our conversation that we had, I believe, yesterday about how growing up we just didn't drink much water. You and I, two kids growing up in different parts of the country, but in the 80s and, like, you know, being thirsty in the morning. Here's some orange juice or apple juice. Thursday in the afternoon, here's some Kool-Aid or whatever. Like, I just don't remember everybody carrying water bottles around everywhere. Oh, by the way, quick little note on that, too. I got a note, a text message from a listener who said, also, growing up, you had water fountains in school and, you know, I have kids like I send my kids to school with water bottles. And I don't know if that's just I don't know if the pandemic changed things or that's just the trend that was already ongoing before the pandemic hit. But that's true, too. Like we were all just sucking on long lines. We all stick our face in that same water.

I know, how is that not just, like, the vector for every kind of, like, herpetic illness?

Right, exactly.

Like, how do we not all have herpes from just our grade school water fountain existence?

It's not funny, but I'm just picturing a classroom of second graders with herpes sores.

Like in Spinal Tap? I don't think I remember that I think there's a kind of Like a running uncommented upon joke Is it Spinal Tap or something else where Every like most of the scenes A different member of the band has a herpetic sore Just migrating between The band members if I remember right

It's so funny and you know I haven't sat down To actually watch that movie start to finish In so so long that I almost wonder If that was a joke that was just lost on me When I watched it when I was younger Anyway this voicemail is not about herpes But it is about resistance to drinking water. Take a listen to this.

Hey, dummies. This is Kelly, formerly of Vancouver, Washington, now of Sherwood, Oregon. On the note of water in households, my mom hates water, like actively refuses to drink water. So I grew up in like the only thing to drink was like milk and apple juice. This is like fine, whatever. I was a lazy child. However, when we were growing up, we lived in California and we went on field trips to things like the gold country. So my mom sent me on a full day field trip, like the entire day, like 8 a.m. to like 3 p.m. with two packs of Capri Sun, end of list. I like drink them on the bus on the way there because that was a treat. We didn't even like get Capri Sun. We had milk and apple juice, period. so like the entire time we're like walking around in like 80 degree weather no one is sharing their drinks with me the chaperones are like oh i'm sorry we can't share drinks because that's nasty so i drink water like a fish now i blame my mom she says water rests your insides anyway water is the best um i love soda too but i love water i don't really have a power out

Power out. Kelly's mom says that water rusts her insides.

This is a... I don't even want to make this comparison because I'm sure Kelly's mom is a lovely human. But that almost sounds like a theory Trump would have. Because you know this stupid thing about like basically exercising depletes your life energy. There's like a fixed amount of life energy you get. And if you exercise, it reduces it. That's right up there with water rusts your insides.

It really is fascinating. And so I have a question

That would be considered child abuse now, by the way If you sent a kid to a field trip An all-day field trip outside And you just sent them with two Capri Suns I mean, I feel like in this day and age If an adult saw a child Who didn't have, like, a huge water Like, you know, water bottle For, like, the field trip They would just take everyone back to school They would just, like, get back on the bus We're going home This child is close to death

i at first when i heard this thought that she sent kelly kelly's mom sent her with like two like packages of multiple capri suns but no it must have just been two pouches right and that's why she drank them all on the bus and they were out i have kind of a painful memory let's end the show on a painful memory um i was in a boy scout troop i'm not trying to brag i just was um it was also weird because my dad was also one of the parents in the Boy Scout troop which is a good thing that's good parenting but I remember kind of always being a little bit embarrassed because my dad I was very why am I talking about this but you know me like I was not a popular kid I was often bullied or teased and all that stuff and I didn't want my dad to see that right and so you know so it was a little uncomfortable having my dad on these Boy Scout things when I'm worried that somebody's gonna potentially mock me or pants me or whatever um it was just always awkward but i remember going on some hike and my dad was there and let's say there were i don't know 15 of us boy scouts and a few adults or whatever and um there were some kids there who were you know just generally pretty shitty towards me just generally speaking through life and one of them was sean this was one of those situations where he was also a nerd like he was he was a kid like we were neither one of us were popular kids at all and both of us were made fun of and so sometimes that would create even more friction among those at the bottom of the food chain right and so he i remember just being a particularly nasty person and a person who i did not appreciate taking shit off of because he wasn't even cool if all of that makes sense yeah totally like you were like wait you don't you don't

get to bully me you're the recipient of bullying we're two crabs in a bucket right you don't get

to bully me and i just and again like i'm using his full name here maybe he's somewhere and he's just a very pleasant person these days i don't know i'm talking about when i was 12 years old or 11 years old or whenever this was i did not like sean on the record um and i remember like we were on this hike and I was preserving my water and sean was guzzling his water and he was out of water very early on and then he asked if he could have some of my water i was like no like i wanted to guzzle my water too but i didn't i i preserved it because i knew that this was going to be a long hike but somehow he like he told on me and like he didn't tell my dad he told some other adult and the other adults started pressuring me to like be a be a good person and share my water with nasty Sean and I don't remember what my dad's role was in this I think I think my dad probably said yeah you know give him a sip of your water or whatever but I do think that spiritually he was on my side with this I think we were able to talk later that it was kind of bullshit but that was the situation we're in and so don't dig in but I think about that all the time and I'm it's both kind of an embarrassing memory for me because it was just like just like this little nastiness between two little nasty people myself included um but also feeling like i got big dogged by the adults it's like shouldn't the lesson here be that like you told us to preserve water i preserved water and now my reward is i have to give some to this nasty guy i know that also your dad was in an impossible

position yes exactly because as the adult of course you're supposed to say to the kid whether it's your son or someone else uh you know we should share also it's probably like that's probably a credo in the boy scouts right sure probably but they should have don't drink your water nasty sean that should also be a credo that should be a badge you can get yeah i didn't drink all my water five minutes into the hike that should be they should they should reward you for

that you know what i'm even i could be now just expanding on the story and having false memories but i'm wondering i think that maybe sean's dad was also there and so maybe sean complained to his dad and then his dad was kind of like why don't you give my boy water i could be wrong about that but that would add another element to it as well right because i'm trying to think like it's just also such a you're really gonna you're gonna tell on me well that's what i was wondering on you and

And also, if you're Sean's dad, it's like, don't you have any water? Or did you also drink your water? Right. Yeah, exactly. Well, you know what? You're both kicked out of the Boy Scouts. That's it. Both of you. All the g***s of Valley Center, Ohio.

I should not. I should not say this. Nobody. I think I think I found Sean online, but let's just move on.

Don't dox.

Don't dox. Nobody dox. I'm serious.

Everyone be cool for once in your lives. Be cool, everyone.

This was from when I was 11 years old, I'm going to say.

Is he doing a GoFundMe to get some water?

I would say based on what I'm saying here, we probably would still not be friends today. But who knows? Be cool, people. Don't make me regret everything I've ever said or did.

This is why we can't have nice stories.

Exactly. Or sad stories as we close out a Wednesday episode of FDTL.

All right. That's going to do it. for today's episode the good news though is that we'll be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio and what we're not going to talk about tomorrow is how people went out and found this guy that's right and dropped a dime on us that's right nobody drop a dime on us please and if you agree to that we agree to come back tomorrow and bring you another episode of TBTL so please do join us for that until then have a great Wednesday take care of yourselves snitches get stitches and please remember no mountain too tall and we're all cool now good luck to you all We'll be right back. This is a fancy bottle. I bet that bottle costs more than the water.

Power out.