Muse

Okay, Moira, you're up. I just noticed the time. Wow. And you're all very busy, so why don't we reschedule this for... two weeks from now, when you're all more prepared. Oh, no, we were done early. We got plenty of time.

Come on, Moira, audition! I would love to learn from a professional singer.

Someone helped me all that long. It should have been you. Someone's arms were big and strong It should have been you I warned you I was lonely But you didn't seem to care, no, no, no That you could have been too too But you had a heat of woman's tears Woo-do, step-by-de-shank-a-low And someone loved me all night long It should have, it should have been you You That's the end Wow. That was different.

DBTL. Music is very powerful. Like that Cards for Kids commercial. Before I saw that commercial, I wanted to donate a car to kids. But that song changed my mind.

And that's satire. Right? And that's irony.

and that's coincidence is a metaphor it's a 16-4 with a loop at the hook freeze the bars and mute the quarter tones if it ever feels like we're dragging we're not it's just that kind of tune all right hello good morning and welcome everyone to a thursday edition of tbtl the show just might be too beautiful to live one thirty two thirty three thirty my name is luke burbank I'm your host.

First things first, I love my job.

Coming to you from the Hollywood Broadcast Center, located right here in Portland, Oregon, where it's actually sun has just come out, which is nice. It was a little bit cold this morning, and I looked over at the thermostat and realized that it was a little on the low side, and I was chilly, and my first thought was, okay, I'm going to go crank the heat up, because I live in a very energy-efficient apartment. Also, I was raised in an environment where we never turned the heat on, and so I think part of my adult life is trying to push back against that, and so I usually just go like, well I'll just make it as warm as it needs to be in here but the other thing I had done this morning was I had paid the power bill from the last two months and I was like gosh this is more expensive than I thought to keep this apartment warm and so I was standing there and I was I was in my running shorts and t-shirt because I was going to go for a jog after the show And I realized I'm not wearing enough clothes. Part of why I'm cold is because of how I'm dressed. And so I walked into the bedroom, and I got some sweats and put those on and got a sweater and put that on and didn't touch the heat. And I realized, oh, I'm my dad. Who is my daddy, and what does he do? Full-on Walt Burbank mode here at episode 3622 in a collector's series. Let the fun begin. Oh, hey, we've got some news. We've got lots of news. On Luke the dog. I'll say, what's up, dog? The rescue dog in England who had a Valentine's adoption party that no one came to. I have made contact with the shelter. This is a real thing that has happened, and I'll tell you what's going on there, what I'm hearing from the people at the Battersea Animal Shelter. Battersea, that's probably how you say it. But anyway, we'll talk about that. And then also this security guard in Russia who decided to modify a famous painting.

For me, to be able to condone that, my artism is bigger than that.

It's kind of an interesting story. It also raises the question of, I don't know, is there something to be said for modifying art? I kind of think this person did sort of a nice job. So we will talk about that and then, time permitting, Matthew Stafford, the quarterback for the Los Angeles Rams, was taking part in the L.A. celebration.

celebration parade, which, because of course they won the Super Bowl. Which I have a lot to say about that. Some of the video that I saw of that thing, it was, let's just say, fairly paltry, the attendance. That probably just satisfies, that satisfies a narrative that I'm already carrying around, that the LA Rams are kind of a team without a really strong fan base. but anyway they're at this uh victory celebration and a photographer falls off a very high stage and actually injures herself it turns out pretty badly and there is video of matthew stafford watching it happen making a face and then just turning and just walking away just doing absolutely zero follow-up and um well i want to talk about that because it's not a good look for him also So, it's a Thursday, a.k.a. a Blur's Day. So, we'll do the Blur's Day messages. We'll do all of that with the help of this young man, the longest-running Cobra of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. He's Mr. Razzle Dazzle. You want showmanship? You got it! He's Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now from the Roosevelt neighborhood of Seattle, Washington. Good morning, my friend.

Good morning, Luke. I have a, um, I'm trying to figure out how to put this. Later on in the show, I will be facing a crossroads, if you will, or a fork in the road, and I need to decide if I'm going to be podcasting's answer to Ringo Starr with his whole peace and love, peace and love, no more autographs vibe, or if I'm going to be just like cool Andy. Peace and love. Peace and love. Who isn't too glued to the rules and is just going to be chill and go with the flow. I don't know, man. Later on.

Is it an email or something? You want to just deal with it right now? Should we just make the call?

Can't make the call right now, but I will tell you what it is. Okay, I'll tell you what it is. Today's a Thursday, as you said, so we have Blursdays coming up later on today. And you know where this is going, right? Every now and then, somebody will say, hey, I know that Thursday is the Blur's Day section, and I'm getting married, and so I want this special announcement to my fiancé, and I will say, you know, we kind of got to hold the line on these things. Like, no offense, but Blur's Days are kind of long. It can't be an announcement for everything. We stick just to birthdays. I have to send those emails out, and I hate it, right? It's like, ugh. And then I got one today, Luke, that is sneaky. It's so cleverly sneaky. It's not in the one I sent you. I've kept it here because I don't know if I should read it or not. It's more of a life announcement that is couched, cleverly couched, in a quasi-Blur's Day. So I need to decide whether or not I'm going to read that or if it breaks the spirit of the rules of Blur's Days. And so you see, I want to be the cool guy, Luke. I want to be like, hey, we're all just family here. It's all fun. We can just read whatever we want during the Blur's Days. But then I think, what about that text I got from my brother-in-law yesterday who said, I love the newsletter, but I still hate the Blur's Days? Actually, he said it in the opposite order, which I thought was really interesting. You know how they say, like, when you're learning how to be a manager?

Wait, you're saying Zachary sent this?

Yeah. He sent a very, very nice note. But he started by saying, hey, you know I'm a guy who still hates the Blur's Days, but I got to say the newsletters have been really great lately. It was a really, really, really sweet note. And, of course, he will hear this. But I thought it was, like, laugh out loud funny that, like, the rule of thumb for these things is you make it a compliment sandwich. You start with the good. You weave in the bad and the end of the good. But, no, Zachary's coming in hot. You know I hate the blurs days. But unrelated to that, good job on the newsletter lately, buddy. And I was like, interesting approach there. So, anyway, that's what we've got to figure out. We've got to figure out if we're going to hold the line on Blurs Day or if we're going to let this Trojan Blurs Day through. I always be sneaky like how I get chocolate. This person knows what they did, too. They know. They're laughing their butt off right now.

I want to mention to folks, if you're in the Portland area, or even just, I don't know, if you're west of the Mississippi, we are doing Live Wire tonight at the Alberta Rose Theater. It's going to be a very fun show. Dessa will be there. Dessa is a writer and musician and podcaster, an all-around fascinating person from the Minnesota area. Curtis Cook, stand-up comedian extraordinaire. And then Sylvia Vasquez-Lovato will be there, somebody who climbed all seven summits, the big, really tall mountains on the world, and she's got a great story. Anyway, that's the plan tonight, so maybe you can come out and see us. Last night, I was on stage interviewing.

Fran Lebowitz and uh it was uh it was I think I think listener Lisa might have been there because I saw a tweet about that so Lisa thanks for coming out it was a fun night it was interesting boy does she keep you on your toes Andrew Lisa yep I mean just rapid fire just and a mind that won't quit yet uh no Fran Lebowitz is who I was referring to there when I said that and um it I've been there are also some people that i'm just friends with various folks were at the show and i've been getting a lot of texts from people kind of like well that was um good job with that boy i would be intimidated or how was that for you or other like things where people are being you want to talk about a compliment sandwich at least this is sort of like a yeah people being people being very complimentary to me because they're my friends um but also just being like huh boy you know that was again the word intimidating came up a few times in in various uh messages that i was getting from people because uh you know she is very she's not i think she's she's actually a very nice thoughtful person in my this is the second time that i've met her but um she is just so direct it's rare in this society that people are well you know what i was saying addy and her friend jessica came to the show last night as did becca and we were talking after the show and this is maybe slightly to the side of what i'm sort of saying but one of the things about fran leibowitz that's unique is i feel like you have people who are progressives who tend to these days hopefully anyway try to talk as inclusively as possible and particularly on a stage in front of a couple thousand people try to really measure their words that's like kind of the progressive way to do things now we're calling people in and we're checking our privilege And we're recognizing that we're on, you know, we're doing this show on the ancestral home of a particular Native American tribe. This is kind of the way we go through life. And then the other thing is you have the kind of right wingers who take some joy in just kind of like, you know, blasting the pretentious whatever. Like you got the people that are just calling it like it is. And then you got the people that are just being like very careful. Fran Liebowitz is someone who's very progressive Like extremely progressive In her politics and her thoughts But who also just calls it like she sees it And it's a weird combo I mean I find it to be very intriguing But she gives zero Apologies for anything she's saying And sometimes it's stuff that's like Whoa I don't know if I would exactly say that Whether it's about kids these days Or parenting or smoking cigarettes Or exercise Any opinion she has she holds it very deeply And very confidently And just delivers it in a way that we're not used to Like lefties delivering their opinions anymore

It's funny I think it's very different So I understand that But there's echoes of that in another stage performance You did recently An interview with Amy Sedaris Which I was at Whereas I know Amy Sedaris isn't like an intellectual But actually I think also She said that she and her brother David Actually have a friendship with Fran Leibovitz And Leibovitz comes over That came up last night Like Leibowitz comes over to David's house to use a Zoom for some reason.

They don't. Well, they didn't have a friendship previous to this. But what had happened was Fran Leibowitz during the pandemic had been hired to do virtual events like a lot of us were. So, you know, her her main way she makes a living because she doesn't really write anymore is she goes around just doing Q&A's with people, you know, with with audiences. And she couldn't do that during the pandemic because of that. And so some people were hiring her like to come stand in front of a zoom camera and do a, you know, a version of that as close as they could get to that. But she doesn't have the Internet at her house or at least she doesn't have Wi-Fi. So her agent, who's the same agent that David Sedaris had, told her, you can come do the show at David Sedaris's house. And she was like, I've never met David Sedaris. And the agent said, yeah, but he said you can come over. So she started going over there to do these live zoom events because he had Wi-Fi.

That's a good answer to a question that was hanging out there because Amy Sedaris didn't seem to know exactly why this or didn't get into it on stage, why this arrangement had been set up. But it definitely seemed awkward. And she seemed delighted by it. Right. Because Amy looks up to Fran Leibowitz a great deal. And I think she was talking about maybe even planning a dinner date with them or something. I can't remember. But but there's something about it's like and you're right. I mean, there is there is privilege in this. Like, I don't want to disregard that, but it is just a different kind of era. And also that specifically that New York intellectual thing. I mean, she's a Fran Leibovitz is a holdover from, you know, definitely a different era. But I'd almost put like we were talking about Alec Baldwin the other day. Right. Like, don't you.

And like Alec Baldwin's greatest dream is to be like basically on the same level as Fran Lebowitz. Like you just take all the acting and everything aside. Like what it's like that style of like New York wealth, intellectual, public intellectual. Exactly right. And again, she isn't. I think she isn't intellectual. Like, obviously, she's incredibly smart, but like there's just it's hard for me to explain it. But it's almost like a holdover from the Algonquin roundtable days that people want to kind of be a part of.

Well, it's also somebody who's totally not worried about being canceled, which is interesting to observe in this day and age, because whether or not can't quote unquote cancel culture is real. A lot of people, myself included, certainly try to measure our words so that we don't. I mean, first of all, just say something that's hurtful, because why would you do that if you can avoid it? But then also say something that is regrettable and then, you know, deal with the repercussions from that. And, you know, I mean, it's just like it's just really interesting to watch somebody who is and not because they're Ben Shapiro or some gross right winger who's just like try to get me, you know, like not because they're whatever Adam Carolla has become. like she's just you know I mean she spent a lot of the time talking about how you know again very very very progressive causes that she champions and that she's a deep believer you know I don't think I don't think the argument is that Fran Leibowitz is somehow a right winger but she just it's interesting to watch somebody who is literally saying whatever comes into their mind without any sort of circumspection or like qualification or going back like what I meant to say was this or I guess you could see it this way or because like you and I now when we talk on the show andrew if we get into anything that's remotely serious it's like have you ever read a book where the the the sort of thing in the book is that each page is mostly footnotes like there'll be like a sentence and then the sentence will generate 35 footnotes so that the actual layout of the page is one written sentence and then everything else is like a sub kind of section that's the footnotes explaining all the things about the sentence consider the lobster i haven't

actually read that but i assume that that's a big david foster wallace thing although he might have been doing that playing that up for at for some sort of laughs but is that kind of what you're talking about isn't he a huge footnoter i think he was yeah you know i haven't even read

i've read a little bit of day was that consider the goldfish or lobster consider are you just

joking because i associate with goldfish fish can so no consider the lobster i think i don't think

i know that work i just know the thing about goldfish that that he wrote that's about like goldfish don't know what water is because they're in it oh um i didn't even know he did a thing so is consider the lobster also just like a kind of a well-known david foster wallace thing that i

unaware yeah and but again i'm not trying to make it sound like i i know what the hell i'm talking about i think i thought that was his most famous book consider the lobster i was in fact i'm trying to think if that was the book that i saw but like it's the type of book that people have the best intentions to read and they carry it around forever and eventually it beats them down that's my understanding of it and i was at somebody's house for brunch a few weeks ago and i saw that it was on their bookshelf and i had to be like yeah i see that you have that there way to go how long did it take you to like just kind of open it and close it so it looked like those those spine breaks are real come on get real with me i always think of infinite jest as being oh

right yeah being that of like everyone has a copy of it at their house and no one's actually read it but i mean the thing is every time i actually that i saw everything i hear david foster wall Every time I would hear him interviewed or I would see. So the reason I know about the goldfish thing is because somebody took it and animated it. In other words, that's how I that's my way into David Foster Wallace. Someone made a snappy web video where they took his work and then they made it a cartoon so that Luke's could understand it.

Well, you and I also grew up reading comic book versions of the Bible, I believe. Right.

Yes. The cartoon Bible. I think they called it, maybe they called it the Comic Bible. Or the Illustrated Bible. Illustrated Bible. But yeah, that was really the best way for me to also absorb that information. But I guess, anyway, when you and I talk, Andrew, I don't want to drag you into my world, but certainly when we talk on the show about something that feels a little serious to us, we are like a David Foster Wallace page in that before we can get to whatever the statement is we want to make, yeah we will give 35 kind of qualifications and caveats etc before getting to it because we just want to try to like anticipate every possible piece of criticism that anyone could level against what our opinion is going to be or how we come by that opinion or our backstory or all of those sorts of things and it's very interesting to be on stage with a person who does none of that calculating and like

God, how freeing. Now, you know, I'm not saying every single take that Fran Leibowitz had is necessarily correct, but again, it was just, I had a really fun time. What was really nice is when my part was done, oh, this was interesting. You'll get a kick out of this, Andrew, I guess. So she comes into the backstage, and again, this is the second time I've met her, and she's always actually been, she's very nice, or nicer than you expect her to be. Like she's not just kind of like a, a grump or whatever, but she comes in and I said, Hey, how's the tour going? And she goes terrible. And I go, what? Well, she goes, have you been on a plane? Have you been on an airplane? And like, really what she was just saying is she hates flying and she has to fly. She's on like a 15 city tour where they basically keep having her do a thing in California. And then there's like five days off and then another thing in California. So she just keeps like flying across the country back and forth. And she doesn't like that kind of stuff. But then she just proceeds to, like, she starts with terrible and then just holds forth for, like, 20 solid minutes. Like, she's just doing Fran Leibovitz backstage. Like, that's not an act. She's not, like, sitting somewhere in a hyperbaric chamber drinking tea, getting ready to emerge from this Chrysalis on stage as Fran Leibovitz. No, this is just her state of being, whether there's a thousand people watching her or it's just me, right? but um so then we're talking through the show and i go because the plan is like i interview her for 30 minutes and then i leave the stage and she goes to a podium and does a q a with the audience for an hour so i was like you know i'm trying to be professional about it so i'm like um well how do you want me to um make that transition from the interview to that she goes i've done 5 000 of these no one has ever asked me that until last night this is the second night in a row someone's asked me that i said okay uh so what we'll just wing it or something she goes yeah it'll be okay and i said okay so at about 30 minutes i go i will i'll go ahead make the transition she goes not about not about 30 minutes exactly 30 minutes and i go okay okay and this makes it sound like she was being more like direct with me than she was like this none of this felt weird coming from her like this is just how she communicates so she goes not about 30 minutes 30 minutes i go okay i go well just so you know like and what's kind of liberating about talking to somebody like this is that you also then don't have to be on your best behavior you know what i mean like it's liberating to you the the interlocutor because it's sort of like actually that's not really the right word there as the other person who's talking to somebody like this you then can kind of be your most direct self so then i say to her she's like not not about 30 minutes exactly 30 minutes i said okay but listen i'm gonna have to look at my watch to figure out when that is because they don't have a clock on stage for me so i said so if i'm looking at my watch i'm not ignoring you she goes that would assume that i'm looking at you or paying attention to you because i can't see anything so when she goes when when i'm looking at people i'm not seeing

them i'm just doing it because that's what you're supposed to do and i was like okay well we've got so we've have this settled now i'll be looking at my watch a lot during the interview you won't be noting it because you can't see me from four feet away and we'll get through this and we did and it

ended up being really fun it's a weird combination of her at first sounding like she's just like chill yeah yeah i don't know we don't don't worry about the transition it'll be fine and then to like okay then we'll do it around 30 minutes not about 30 minutes like wait are you chill or are you specific right but i mean that's one of the things about her whole thing that's she's

very she she's contradictory but in a in a very kind of interesting way and in a way that's just fun to hear her talk so she said at one point um when she was talking to me that she didn't find other people very interesting so then your natural thought is well then she's obsessed with herself she's saying that on stage or she's saying yeah she goes she said on stage she says something like i don't i don't find other people particularly interesting so then the natural takeaway from that is that she's very interested in herself but then in the q a people are just peppering her with questions about herself and at some point she goes i don't know because she goes i don't believe it or not i'm not i don't think about myself that much because i know that might seem weird because i'm up here talking about myself but i just don't she goes you know you live with someone for 71 years which is how old she is goes and you just eventually you're kind of bored with them which is such she doesn't like constantly generating these phrases and and thoughts about the world that even if they're sort of seemingly contradictory they're all kind of

entertaining and interesting so yeah i can hear i can every quote you say or paraphrase you say i can hear it so clearly ringing out in her voice no i feel like i was i was last night when i was

so becca came backstage and i was relaying part of this conversation to her and i felt like i was just killing it with my friend leibovitz impression and i feel like it's totally evaporated overnight wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait this was after the show

what this is after the show you're back During a Fran Leibovitz imitation or before this is before the show because there was a lot of time to walk in She's in a separate dressing room Andrew come on this is the big time we all have our own dressing rooms and she also is Mostly obsessed with getting dinner there were four people whose job it was to try to figure out where they could get dinner After the show they're asking me they're asking Becca like what was she looking for Any food that was available so there was some snafu with the the the dinner plan so the fran and her the team from this whatever entertainment production company that was putting these things on they had not gotten dinner before the show which was supposed to be the plan so then it shifted to how where can we get dinner in portland after the show is over and after the book signing is done and it was the singular topic of conversation i could hear coming from the other dressing room and the other thing about somebody like you could hear things

coming from the other dressing room. This is my point. I could hear. Listen. Listen, I'm not criticizing you. I'm just saying, look at the big brownies on you. I don't know what that means. Well, I didn't. Insert any word that begins with a B. What did you hear about my underwear? Look at the big bozos on you. I throw out my Tommy Johns when they have big brownies. Oh, God. How did I make it worse? How did I try to make it better, and you made it worse? Anyway, you know what I mean, though? Like, I wouldn't do a Fran Leibovitz imitation if I were anywhere even in the same state as Fran Leibovitz. We were talking outside after the Amy Sedaris thing, and I was just like in a, whatever, casual conversation with a friend about David Sedaris. We were there with a friend who was more familiar with David Sedaris' work. In fact, was pretty unfamiliar with Amy Sedaris, but went because of the connection and because it was fun times. And I was talking to her, and we were talking about one of his books or something. And then Amy walks by to go grab a car or something. I realize, oh, this whole time I was having a conversation about this woman and really this woman's brother. And I don't think she overheard me. But just seeing that I was having a conversation about this woman's family, essentially, this famous person's family, you know, 10 feet away from them. And if their conversation had paused for a moment, they would have overheard me saying something about David going to Kent State or whatever the hell, you know, whatever. Even if I wasn't saying anything bad, there's something that I'm very self-conscious about. So I can't imagine trying on an imitation just knowing that she's even on the premises.

Well, I was doing it relatively quietly. And also, for being somebody who is more socially present than you would expect, in that I introduced her to Becca and she said hi and came into the dressing room. And, you know, she meets, you know, friendly, when she does an event, meets a thousand different people. And I think that, you know, mostly she's being perfunctory and kind of like doing the socially acceptable thing of saying hello and then asking a question like, are you having a nice night or whatever? Like she does that stuff, which you might not even expect just based on seeing her on her TV things. But so she was plenty nice. And again, you know, not completely self-absorbed, but she self-absorbed enough that I knew there was zero chance that she was in the other room overhearing. Sure. Like I just there was just she's the kind of person that you got to go up and stand right in her admittedly faulty field of vision to get her attention and then try to keep it like that's that's the dynamic. It's not like, whereas Amy actually, Amy was almost the opposite, like would not stop asking questions of me and Becca backstage, was like deeply interested or at least appeared to be deeply interested in the minutiae of my life, which my life, my life is good. That's my Fran Leibovitz impression.

Oh, that's why she wasn't mad.

Yeah, this is my Fran Leibovitz impression. And nobody I can't do it I was trying to think I was trying to do too many things I was trying to think of sort of a Fran Lebowitz-ism But then how would Borat say that

That's a tough order

Those are such divergent Kind of things that I can't Also the first one I thought of Fran Lebowitz saying Is something I can't say Because I'm not a Jew It was like a joke she said Basically about how she doesn't like running She doesn't believe in running And the only way she would run Would be if she was being chased by And then she you know talked about something Having to do with the holocaust Which again not really Not a joke I want to do in Borat voice But it was what came to mind Now I want to hear that Oh god speaking of runs Andrew Oh god please talk about running We come back from the break though No it's not about a run that I went on It's about something I signed up for this weekend That I'm in just i'm in deep regret about um so maybe we can talk about that uh when we come back from this Quick break here on TBTL.

Thank you, baby.

All right, let's thank some donors of the day who are making today's show possible with their support. Folks like Michael Leiter of Wolfville, Nova Scotia.

Now that is a place where I would get very little sleep Wolfville Yes Next to Next to Snakesville I'm not really scared of wolves

Also my friend That was pretty good I was I was Very afraid of The idea of wolves As a kid Because I I think it must have been Maybe my Dad reading to us Because I don't remember Reading them myself But the Little house on the prairie books the laura ingalls wilder books and that was a big thing for her that's something that she remembered from her childhood you know out yeah like wolves howling when you're living in a very rudimentary structure out on the prairie um it's very and it was one of those things you know how like you're a kid and just like it scares you unduly and you immediately start overestimating the possibility of it happening in your own life i just remember something from those laura ingalls wilder books about wolves howling in the night and it really struck me

the wolf of prairie street is the name of the show today that's not really good do we know like they lived in a prairie was there a town name were there any street names in the little house

on the prairie that i could oh sure well um okay so the wolf of butter churning street i don't know what did they do well andrew okay so the big city i believe was mankato oh that does ring a bell So they would go to—so they lived in Walnut Grove, I think was the area that they lived in, right? But then when they would go to the big city, it would be Mankato. And then they ended up moving to the big city for some reason at some point where they ran—at least their mom kind of helped run this, like, rooming house, this little inn sort of thing. And I believe that was – I don't know if that's where Laura meets Almanzo, a.k.a. Manly, but I do believe it's where Mary meets Albert, her husband, et cetera, et cetera.

I thought she was too good for Manly, but I was only watching the TV show. Did you read – it sounds like you read the books. Your dad read you the books.

I think – well, I think I read some of the books at some point, but I really watched the TV shows because it was like the only TV that my mom would permit in the house for a number of years. And maybe she was But she certainly came around To old Almanzo at some point And became quite besotted with him It's also like It's funny for me to think that I more or less thought that was a documentary When I was a kid And now it's like no it was Michael Landon living out his hero fantasies In the San Fernando Valley

Genevieve says that's the biggest difference Between the books and the TV show Is that Pa is It's portrayed very differently

Well sure Because Michael Landon was the director Of a lot of these episodes And you know The big star really Of the show So it just became basically The story of Michael Landon And then Melissa Gilbert Who I think was the Actor who portrayed Laura Ingalls It was really kind of their story and everybody else was just Out you know Out kind of spinning around in wider orbits Of the narrative but um anyway all of Which is to say stay safe out there In Wolfville Michael please yes Sleep with the light on okay if I've learned Anything from Little House Richard Ratinger is in Chicago Illinois Very few wolf sightings exactly In downtown Chicago Thankfully in the loop almost

No wolf sightings for now until we Get to a real um what's That post-apocalyptic movie where the lions Are roaming the streets as Bruce Willis Is by one of our favorite directors Oh, Twelve Monkeys I mean, I could have come up with Station Eleven

Which has just been adapted Into a television program That actually is set in Chicago And that's got heavy You know, it's not quite We haven't gotten that far in the story In other words, it's not like 20 years later, where you do have Just wolves running down Through the loop in Chicago But it is set there, so anyway just watch out for station 11 stuff richard is what i'm really trying to say mark verner

is in seattle washington mark and we know seattle is just an apocalyptic hellscape if you uh yes if you uh if you if you watch fox news and you see a man named jason reporting from seattle you know what a scary place this is interesting that there would be

a Jason who's worse.

Worse than the Jason from Friday the 13th. Worse for our society than Jason Voorhees. Wait, that's who I was talking about. Who are you talking about? I love just Fox News, just like the Ingram angle. And it's just like Laura Ingram just doing her bullshit thing. And then she's like, joining us now to talk about Antifa running Seattle is Jason. And then it's just Jason Voorhees.

Wait, Jason Voorhees? That's a full name of Jason from those movies? I believe so, right? I had no idea. I don't know. I saw one of them once.

Well, that's the funny part is I, much like David Foster Wallace, have actually had a limited experience with the content of the Friday the 13th movies. But they're so iconic in the culture that I've picked up a detail or two. Matt Hatfield is in Media, Pennsylvania.

Media. That's funny. I thought I'd look down quickly. I thought that said Medina. I know there are Medinas here in Washington. I grew up near a Medina. I grew up in Medina County, Ohio. No, but this is Media PA. Do you think there's a reason it's called Media Pennsylvania?

I'll tell you one thing. The landscape where Matt Hatfield lives is just changing rapidly. Well, I mean, the Internet changed everything in Media PA. Well, Pennsylvania does not under deliver on the names of the places because, of course, Intercourse Pennsylvania is also a place. Media. Got some clever names out there. Thanks, Matt. Also, thanks to Mark Bourne in North Hampton, Massachusetts. I feel like I'm going out on a limb here, Andrew, but I feel like was we may have had a different mark that was driving truck for a while. I try to say drive and truck. Drive and truck. Yeah, I didn't know that. I don't like long haul trucking. Yeah, had a long haul trucker.

Is he the same one who told us the big poo box story?

I think that might be a different person who drives truck. I think that person and I could be totally wrong on all of this but anyway, Mark whether you're the Mark I'm thinking of or a different Mark, thank you for supporting the program. And then Amy Cash is in Seattle, Washington that's a good name. With a name like Cash you gotta donate to TBTL. You really have to, I mean honestly. Amy doesn't even like the show No, don't blame her. And you're just like, God, this just comes with the territory when your last name is Cash Thank you so much to all of our donors of the day. Thanks for making today's episode possible. Wouldn't be here without you. Hello and welcome to Top Story. Okay, real quick, Luke the dog update. So I got up this morning and this is now my morning habit, Andrew. I went and I checked the website of the animal shelter in england in battersea uh where this dog luke the dog had a valentine's adoption party that nobody came to and they have all their dogs listed there and photos of them very cute photos and then the ones that where somebody has adopted them it says reserved and the ones that haven't been adopted it doesn't say reserved and every time i go back including this morning i see that luke's not reserved and i am so confused so i decided to try to call england this morning which again you and i andrew we talked about this extensively like yesterday about long distance calling and things like that so i won't revisit that but there was a time when i used to know how to dial internationally um because you know that comes up when you're a radio producer particularly if you're at npr i used to call the uk all the time um zero what would you do zero one one one

and then their country code is the country code one one for england or is it oh one four

i think it's isn't it four four four four four right right right yeah so it's oh one one to get out i think yes four four plus four four country code yep but so i used to i was actually fairly adept at calling internationally for a while like just from my desk phone but i have clearly lost that because the first thing i had to do was google how do you dial internationally on a cell

phone and also what's it going to cost you because well that was the thing then i had to go to

verizon's website and try to figure out like if you're traveling international you can switch your you can switch to international calls and i don't think it's actually that much money and it's all all good like we had that when we were in australia i think but if you don't have it switched over and you're just going to try to call england i think it was two bucks a minute or something which i felt like was a worthwhile investment for the show although i could never figure out how to call them i kept calling and the verizon thing would say this call is subject to international calling charges on your phone which i'm sorry but explain why that matters if we're talking about ones and zeros and the internet and like somehow it made sense when it was a conventional phone line. It was just literally lines laying on the... It was

literally an undersea cable spanning the north atlantic that somehow seemed like yeah that's fair that should cost me more because i'm going to use up this i'm going to be one of the little bits of information running along this cable on the bottom of the ocean but this is more just like you're just doing that because you can right at this point like i can't imagine a universe in which it's fundamentally different for me to call someone in england on a cell phone uh who's also likely answering on a cell phone uh than it would be for me to call you andrew i mean it

it's basically sending an email i think yeah you know i honestly don't know i'd be interested to know because i wonder i mean there is a chance that satellites could be involved and satellites could be the new you know line under the ocean i i but i don't know i'm just throwing that out there

uh you might be right about that uh anyway i could i couldn't figure out how to call england because i'm a 45 year old man uh but uh so i then emailed them and i also was thinking i don't know what time it is over there it might be kind of late but would you would you know andrew i got an email back from a very nice person named sarah who said hi luke thanks excuse me

sorry i ruined it but wait a second though i want to know the nature of your email how did you did you represent yourself as somebody who's interested in adopting was it hey you know me and my friends have been talking about this or i work on a show just curious how this you know what i said i'll

read you my exact email hello there from portland usa exclamation point love it already i'm glad i asked our radio show has been closely following luke's progress yes i just i lied and said this was a radio show because i just i've obviously internalized a lot of shame around this being a podcast and i can't beat it i also just feel like people are more likely to respond if they hear radio show our radio show has been closely following luke's progress after the story about no one showing up for his valentine's day party we keep checking the website and see that he's not yet reserved can you give us a quick update on what's going on have people been visiting him and seeking to adopt him since the media stories went out thanks l that was the message good the

only note i have on that is you should have said i am a presenter at a local radio station do you

know what Andrew I what I was fighting the urge throughout the email to British it up there were like multiple points where I was starting to type a sentence and I could hear the more British way to state it in my mind and the crazy thought went through my brain I wonder if I British this up if that will if that will cause this nice person at this animal shelter to be more likely to respond to me. Which makes no sense, but these are the thoughts that go through

my brain. Yeah, I think it would be the opposite, actually. I think you don't want to overdo that, right? Anyway. I did say, job done. Which I think we have a definitive no on that from Paul in London, right? Didn't he write in to say, no, that's not

really something we say. What do they say on the SNL Amazon commercial? I don't know about that. I don't know about that, Paul. I don't know about that. So Sarah gets back to me. Hi, Luke. Thanks so much for getting in touch about our lonely Valentine, Luke. I know, right? So far, we've had an overwhelming amount of interest in him, so we're gradually sifting through all of the emails and getting in touch with those who we think would be a good match for him. We'll be sure to update everyone when he finds a home. Smiley, kind of like rosy-cheeked emoji. Best.

And Sarah from from the shelter. That's what I imagine, because also when you have a publicity, a huge publicity event like this, for lack of a better word, you will get a bunch of people who want to adopt this. But people who, you know, run adoption agencies for dogs like they really want to make sure this dog is going to a good home, not somebody who's like, I don't know, a podcaster in Portland, USA, who just wants to do it as a radio stunt. Just kidding. I'm just joking. But for real, like you really want to make sure that this isn't somebody just jumping on some Internet trend because, you know, first they named the boat Boaty McBoatface and now they want the dog from the Internet, you know. Absolutely.

And I was just I was just surprised that I mean, they're just doing things in the order that they should be happening, which is they're going to go through all the applications and then they're going to try to pick the best one based on a bunch of factors. And then if that person is still interested or that family is still interested, then they'll probably put up the pending sign for old Luke. But there was just something about going back every – I guess – see, the way that I handle things is if I had a stack of like 100 people that wanted to adopt this dog, I would just say reserved on the website, figuring in the 100 people there's somebody who's going to work out. Like it would be surprising if it didn't. But

But they're just, you know, they're they're dotting their I's and crossing their T's, which totally makes sense. I just needed to hear from somebody at the place that that there are people who because I had read that one line in that Kent online piece, which just was very thin informationally. So I needed to get it. My old my old journalistic instincts kicked in rusty, though they may be. And I just needed to get somebody there telling me definitively that there were people that were lining up to adopt old Lukey. And now that I know that is the case, I can sleep at night, Andrew.

I have a little bit of a dazzling detail on this thanks to a listener. I'm looking for the email now. Unfortunately, I can't find it. But what is the name of the town this is? You said at the beginning of the show.

I'm confused because I'm terrible with geography, particularly in London. But I believe the place is called Battersea, and then it was being reported in Kent online. So I think Kent is maybe the larger area, which I'm told is a little bit – it's sort of a bit south of London. Maybe London is to its north. So there is also somewhere called Battersea, which is, I believe, maybe a neighborhood in London. I don't know. I think this is in the greater London area.

I think Paul, our London 10, said he's about a three-hour drive or a three-hour train ride away from this place. I don't know about that. I don't know about that. But I did get a note from Peter that I have here saying, and again, I don't know that this is going to mean much to you, Luke, because I don't think you dabble. But the subject line is, you probably know Battersea. Battersea, which he says is right outside London. So how could that be a three-hour train trip? Anyway, is home of the Battersea.

Paul doesn't know about London.

I don't even think he lives there. He's a man of a million voices. He probably lives in Jersey. That's your next Dateline NBC scam. Just calling podcasts. All the while.

Well, just a fact. Yeah, exactly. Paul is just living. He's living in Elmira, New York.

He's also got a Twitter handle where he calls himself Saul as opposed to Paul. I mean, there's a lot of smoke around there. But Peter says, you probably know Battersea. It's home to the Battersea Power Station. If you're familiar with the cover art of the Pink Floyd album Animals, which I am, for my money, Animals is the Pink Floyd album. That is my favorite Pink Floyd album. The iconic building with the smokestacks is the Battersea Power Station. So if you want to take a look, just Google Animals by Pink Floyd. Right, it's got like the pig flying over it. Did the album have the pig flying over those? I couldn't remember if that's... Maybe not. I know that the pig is related, I believe, to that album. but I can't remember if it's actually on the cover. Are you looking it up as the pig in there? Now I feel like a bad fan.

No, no, no, no, no. Guess, this is according to courts, guess who the new, as of 2016, who the new tenant of the Battersea Power Station is.

You're right, it does have the tiny little pig floating above it. I'm so sad that I had to even question that. Oh, stop it. Who owned it?

Apple. Oh, God, what are they doing with it? Apple will be moving its British offices to the Battersea Power Station, a derelict coal power station that's been out of service in 1975. And then they flew a pig balloon, like a giant, you know, like Goodyear blimp size pink pig balloon over the power station where they were moving, I guess, just as a reference to it being the Pink Floyd album.

You know, not the worst. I don't hate that. I don't either. Like, it's a decommissioned power station. It's a coal power station, which is terrible for the world. But they didn't tear it down. And they're reclaiming it and turning it into office space. You know, I'm not like, again, these, you know, it's easy to be frustrated by these huge, huge corporations that are running everything. It's a pretty bad imbalance of power, I would say. But this is not a bad move by Apple, I would say. I actually find that pretty charming.

And if you look at a picture of the floating pig balloon, it's actually pretty, I have to say, sort of clever. Yeah, good for them. Got to give them that. All right, so that's the update on Luke the dog. The quick update on Luke the jogger is this weekend. So Becca is a very, very diligent runner. her brother is a incredibly fast run diligent and fast runner who like regularly like places in the top five of races like half marathons and marathons and things uh her sister-in-law is a really uh dedicated runner uh who worked at nike for many years this is a group of people who for whom running is a very central part of their existence i am a person for whom running is something i try to do as much as i can just because uh i got to do something considering how i eat um but it's i'm i'm not like in league with them they run far

distances at fast speeds but so they have this family tradition there's this run out in salem this weekend on sunday that is um uh it's actually i guess like the oldest organized run in oregon it's put on by a running club and it's out by where their mom lives out in this very beautiful part of salem on with rolling hills and wineries and things and there there are there's a walk there's a six mile run and then there's a 15k the 15k is like nine nine and a third miles or something and i have been feeling this tremendous pressure to they're all doing the 15k and the problem with the 15k is a it's nine miles plus but b it's very hilly out there in fact the website for the run says a hilly course i'm so bad at running uphill i don't think anyone's great at it but some people are just better at getting through it and it just saps me like I could on flat ground I could probably run pretty far these days because I've been I've been at it a bit but I hate running up hills it just it's like it's my kryptonite when it comes to jogging and so but I also know that if I do the long run first of all and I survive it I will feel like a trillion dollars on sunday and it'll be more of a fun group event and i think i'm physically capable of it but i'm just not like mentally capable of it like if i did the six miler then i would just be like that would be something i would just be like looking forward to but this is it's gone from like something that would be like oh that'll be a fun sunday morning activity to like okay well let's see if i live and so this morning i was signing up for it but because of and no one's putting pressure on me other than myself like i don't want to be seen as not up for a challenge i ended up signing up for the long one so and part of it was because i guess you get wine at the end which you have access to wine and that doesn't even sound good yeah who wants to drink wine

at the end of a torturous run hey good news stick around after for the eggnog fest

free cottage cheese at the finish line cozy up with some warm egg of the tempe marathon free clam chowder all you can drink in fact there are those little tables at every every three miles and

you can just get as much clam chowder as you want during the race it's anchovy fest 2022

too so i don't know i just when when somehow that i forget why before the break i felt the need to mention that but i guess in the interest of world building andrew and plot building i'll talk to you on monday about how that went um because i don't i don't know i think my plan is going to be to just tell everyone i know that's running it which is the people i just mentioned to just don't talk to me don't look at me don't try to run near me everyone just go do your thing yeah i'm not kidding yeah like i don't know i'm at a pool party like i don't want any attention i don't want to feel like i have to i'm probably going to walk up the hills because they're steep you know like i just i don't want to have to be thinking about what anyone else is thinking of me while

i'm trying to survive this i guess is what i'm trying to say i know what you mean i feel that i mean i i feel it to the degree a non-runner can but i feel like i know those situations and also But, like, that seems just – I mean, that's the equivalent of telling me that I have to run a half mile, but, like, still, I understand.

But then there's the other thing, which is – and the eagle sores in the audience will identify with this. But there is the endorphin release of completing a race like that or, you know, is really intense and feels really great. Like, I can picture the moment I'm done and how nice that's going to feel. And that's almost enough to justify it. There's also the thing of picking up your packet. Like, it is a very, very fun kind of group activity. If you do a race of any length, you know, the night before usually or the day before, there will be this whole kind of place set up where you go and you get your time chip and your bib. And you're there's usually giving you some kind of free like energy supplement, you know, like it's like a packet with a bunch of freebies in it from different companies that are trying to get your business. And you're just kind of like hanging out with a bunch of other people, particularly if you're talking about a marathon or a half marathon, a bunch of other people who have for the last however many months been like working towards this goal. You feel this kind of connection with them like, oh, yeah, we all were out there running in the rain three weeks ago to be at this moment. And you're not actually doing the run, which kind of sucks. You're in the fun part of it, which it's all like anticipation. So that part I'm excited about. I'm excited about getting the packet.

And I'm excited about being done and drinking my clam chowder.

So you just need to somehow like just skip the middle part or not remember the middle part or something.

Can I proxy? I mean, I was just doing a story about double proxy weddings. Can I get someone to be my proxy runner in this event? Did you end up going to like – so you actually obviously went to a double proxy wedding? Well, I went to the – so one of the people we profiled who do it as their business, this husband and wife, They did like five ceremonies In their living room While we were there filming

Oh in a living room Okay interesting

You don't have to be Like you don't have to be ordained To do it You don't have to be at a church In fact The idea of having two people Stand up and say I do Is not even legally Part of the process What you have to do Is sign over certain rights To a proxy Somebody has to sign for you In the state of Montana But nowhere is it said That they have to also actually Like reenact a wedding Ah yeah These people do this because they feel like it's meaningful to the people who are getting married, that there was a ceremony of some kind, not just paperwork moving across a desk.

And I guess now I'm just asking you to do the whole story. But it's CBS. It may never air. Did did the proxies were they new to this process? How were they chosen or are they just like professional proxies?

The proxies were in this particular case, the people it was that the husband and wife. the husband was was officiating the ceremony the wife was standing in as one of the proxies and a person a woman who worked for them and with them was the other proxy so it was actually a man and two women okay and they would just read he would say do you as the proxy for so and so uh agree whatever the you know particular line was and then the person would say i do and then he would read do you as the proxy for so and so and they would say i do and they would just switch up like the gender of the person they were proxying for the names the people like it was just basically like a kind of this i don't know i don't want to say revolving door that makes it sound like it's it's not special because it was actually kind of nice and they they had stories of people stopping by their house when they were like out and happened to be in montana and they were like this was where you did the marriage the wedding ceremony for us and they said oh i like that they feel like it kind of created a sense for these folks that there was a real thing that happened and it really happened somewhere and that's kind of a better feeling than just something changed on a piece of paper somewhere that was then filed with the county so anyway that's a nice dazzling detail

that people will then go and look at their proxy house that's interesting yeah and they're open to

it because it was like i don't know if i mean they do thousands of these and i'd be like maybe don't show up at my house but these there's this couple tom and teresa again i don't based on tom's bookshelf i don't think he and i politically would be super aligned but he was a really sweet dude and his wife was really awesome and they were just had that kind of moment that you have sometimes when you're you're hanging out with people that again you know that if you started to discuss anything outside of this topic you'd realize very quickly the differences in your views of the world he was a real infinite jest guy and you're considered the lobster guy i'm more of a lobster head he's more of a jest head sure yeah but it was like well did dinesh d'souza

right consider the lobster andrew i think he said i think he wrote lock the lobster up yeah he

basically said that the lobster needs to just take care of itself and stop receiving government subsidies but um yeah anyway it was that was actually kind of a fun a fun little um story to get to do more so than i was expecting because when they pitched it to me i was like what the heck is this but anyway um all right what would you rather talk about as our last top story today andrew before we go to blurs days the security guard updating the paintings or matthew stafford seeming like a not particularly thoughtful person well i haven't i only saw the headline in the photo

with the painting thing um but i i've actually i saw the stafford thing kind of unfolding on twitter yesterday so i guess i'm more familiar with that i will say the one thing about the painting though is this becoming a trend i didn't read the story as as i mentioned but i swear i've seen two headlines in the past two weeks about the another one was a bored security guard doing something else to a painting i think unless i unless unless this is the same story with two headlines i feel like now ever since that spanish fresco thing fresco thing i feel like now everybody is trying to get internet headlines by ruining art i don't know if that's right or not well we

can do this in like two minutes because it's you know there's not a ton to say about this story but i think what you saw was the same event being described in a different headline okay unless there's been multiple incidents of board security guards updating paintings but this happened uh at the back in december in uh ekaterinburg russia where it was at the boris yeltsin presidential Center. Remember that guy? Yeah. The This guard was apparently bored and egged on by some teenagers that were visiting this gallery.

Okay, that's a dazzling detail. Okay. He's egged on by teenagers?

His claim is that he was egged on. Well, first of all, he said he thought it was a children's drawing and that teenage visitors at the museum had asked him to draw on the painting. so the the painting itself is called um three figures and it's been valued at almost a million dollars it's a a painting of kind of three heads but it's it's it's i guess i don't know the i don't my artism is not uh complicated enough for me to know how to describe styles of painting but you have sort of like three three human figures but they don't have distinct facial features And so what this guard did was took a ballpoint pen And drew eyes on two of the figures And I've never seen this painting without the eyes I don't think the eyes really ruined it for me I don't know, it's kind of nice Like if I walked into the gallery and this was the painting I'd go, yeah, that checks out Like he didn't like, I don't know how you would deface it In a way that wasn't art Because that's the thing about art It's all art Like this painting is from the 1930s So the artist Anna Lea Porskaya Is not around to see it But I'd be curious if we can channel her To know what she would think Because I could almost see an argument I could see two arguments One, Bish, I painted this the way I painted it Do not mess with it And then I could see another argument that was like Art is a living organism And now this is the painting I created something, someone added to it And that is it's it's it's a dynamic piece of work. I could kind of see both arguments, actually.

I think I think, though, for it to be again, I'm out of my wheelhouse, too. But I feel like if you're an artist who is open to that idea that that the art changes with time, like that's a very different artistic statement and sentiment and and approach to art. Like somebody from the 30s who just painted something might not want their painting to face. of course i guess yes the only person that really matters is who owns it i guess at this point and

whether or not it's up in value or down see that's what you can't do that with an nft andrew and that's why they're the future of art um the a couple of other like funny little details so this security guard this is one of those situations where the museum contracts with some company that provides them with security guards this was this dude's first day he may have even just been a fill-in so it wasn't like he was so i what i think happened was this security company had hired a guy who's maybe not the sharpest knife in the drawer maybe not the inkiest pen in the folder i don't know he um so he's there i think he it sounds like he had literally been on the job for like an hour like he shows up day one they sit him down a desk they go they'll guard this area and within a very short amount of time he's got a pen out and he's drawing on one of the paintings and then about an hour later he reports that he doesn't feel well and he goes home oh this is a terrible employee that was the extent of his time at the Boris Yeltsin gallery was show up get goaded on by some teenagers to face a painting and then say that what does Ed Helms say in the office that he has a boom boom tummy

yeah the baby talk yeah yeah

then he's just like I'm sick I don't feel well and I'm going Home that was his entire country and he did Say later that he felt like a fool for what He did they figured this out because Somebody noted that there was eyes now On this painting That was their first their first tip Something had changed then they went back to the security Footage and they saw the dude I got I have a sense that what happened was right after this guy Did it probably to try to impress these Teenagers He then he's sitting there with the consequences Of his actions and then he looks up and he realizes there's a security camera here duh this is a million dollar painting they're gonna know this was me i can't be around for this i don't feel i have a boob boob tummy

i gotta go home yeah i mean you really got to put your best foot forward on your first day of work you know what i mean like just like not settle in look around like don't stick your neck out don't probably don't draw on the art i would say the lying actually bums me out the most of that whole thing or like the the the saying that i need to go home because i'm sick although i mean i'm i don't know what i would do in that situation i would be freaking out again like i am immediately struck just in hearing you tell this story of that that feeling in the pit of your stomach when you're a kid and you've done something terribly wrong and like as i told you before maybe maybe to my detriment but i've lived a life of adulthood that avoids that feeling as much as possible feeling like I need to lie.

Or I'm stuck in a situation where I'm waiting for somebody to find something out. Ugh, terrible. I would have just been like, okay, boss, hi, I'm the new guy. A little bit of a mix-up here. Some teenagers told me that I should probably draw on the painting, and I did. Did I make the right move or not? Do we wait to discuss this when we go over our Thrive review system in six months? Or is it something you'd like to address now? Just trying to get the lay of the land here, sir. See, I would piece. I would peace.

I wouldn't even say that I didn't feel well. I would just walk out of the job. Like, I wouldn't even give anyone an excuse. I would just.

You'd be in the United States by now.

I would steal my personnel file. If there was a way for them to never be able to trace it back to me, like, I would be a ghost. You'd be, like, stealing the security footage? I'd take the painting with me. Just to be safe. I would just be. I would. Yeah. But I'm a sketchball. What can I say? They can fix it, they think, for about $3,000, by the way. They don't think that it's—

Oh, okay.

This is one other thing that's kind of a—this has to be something that has to do with the translation. So the executive director of the gallery was talking about the event, and he was actually kind of understanding. He's like, this guy understands he made a mistake. He did the wrong thing. But this is the way the guy described the event. He said, Mr. Drozdov said security cameras had recorded what he called, quote, a smashing performance by Mr. Vasiliev, Vasiliev being the security guard. Like the idea that he described as a smashing performance.

Yeah, that's kind of interesting. There's some translation issue going on there. Unless he was like smashing a vase and somebody was trying to be clever. But that's not the instance here.

I don't think so. OK, Matt Stafford. um this is an interesting story to me because on its face when i saw the video i was pretty shocked but i can but also what we know is that it's very easy to get a deeply wrong impression about something that happened based on four seconds of video shot from someone's phone so during the los angeles rams uh super bowl celebration there was a moment where a photographer I think who worked for the NFL actually she was taking pictures of the player celebrating was on a very high stage and with no guardrails and she was taking pictures with her back to the edge of the stage and fell and hurt herself she fractured her spine fortunately she was released from the hospital later it wasn't the kind of break in your spine where it impairs you know your future mobility at least it didn't paralyze her but a fractured spine is certainly not nothing and what's really shocking about the video is you have matthew stafford the quarterback for the rams he sees this happen he makes a face like oh my god and instead of doing the thing that i feel like is almost just wired into us as humans which is to go towards the person he just turns on his heels and walks away like without a care in the world and his wife who's standing next to him runs towards the person his wife has the human reaction that i think we would all have i feel like this is going to haunt matthew i also thought that joe rogan was gonna get fired from spotify so maybe we need a third thing to happen to matthew stafford um but i feel like this is gonna haunt matthew really i mean this is his Well, no, I'm skipping right to the third. I just feel like this is narcissism captured in almost its most naked form. To watch a person injure themselves like that and to not have, again, the instinctive. Like we're talking about hardwired into us going back to our like 150,000 year ancestors to go towards somebody from the tribe who's hurt. to walk away from that is it blows my mind that you could even do that physically yeah and you

know i appreciate what you said before it's you know it's a few seconds of footage i mean it's more than four but not much and the instance happens so quickly but there's something about the body language that is so telling he's kind of like oh that happened and just kind of turns around and i i was you know i was gonna say sports twitter is some of the worst twitter but that's probably not true but um i follow a lot of sports accounts and you know things devolve so quickly in any conversation about sports or even related to sports on twitter because a lot of neanderthals and people with just terrible takes and just so just rampant with sexism and what have you so i don't know who it was who was jumping to stafford's defense probably just people who like to be trolly But also, you know, Stafford fans I don't know Is there anyone jumping to his defense? Yeah, I mean, I'm just I'm talking about randos on Twitter Is what I'm talking about here I'm not talking about you know Stephen A. Smith or anything like that I am just I just mean that people are like well he's probably drunk he's at a party like he's he shouldn't be stepping into that situation anyway like leave it for the medics or like you want somebody who isn't trained to really go and try to help that person and you know there's people bending over backwards and it's like listen I admit I wasn't there and this is just a couple of minutes of it's a snippet of tape and I can't I I can't be judge, jury and executioner on this, but it's more than a photograph. I think photographs can be much more misleading because it is a split second in time. And in this, when he turns around, like I've watched it a bunch. I was getting like Zaprudery on this. And like he turns around and like his left hand does not. He's holding a water bottle in his right hand. She falls off backwards. I think I have the order right here. And he kind of is like he has this quick look on his face like that happened. He takes a swig of water and turns around in one move. Even his left hand is not like, oh, I'm looking. Oh, somebody's like, oh, he's probably looking for somebody who can help. I'm like, he does not have any kind of, what's the word I'm looking for? He's not motivated at all in this situation. There's no physical body language that shows that urgency is the word I'm looking for. There's no urgency with him. His wife, like you said, her face falls, and she's like, oh, my gosh.

And she immediately starts walking toward the person who fell, which is, I mean, you can't have a more contrast.

in their reactions and uh so a couple of things here first of all um just well here i'll save that point for a second my first point is there is something i think about maybe more than i should about how i think you get to a level of fame in almost maybe any um any discipline but maybe especially with sports and the highest level of sports like this because it does take a certain And it takes a mentality to be even though it's a physical sport, it takes a mentality to get into that physical place to do that sport. And you have to like you have to block a lot of things out. I think about the coach speak that players will just like spit out because they don't really have time in a press conference to really think about the questions that are being given. You know what I mean? Or the answers they should be giving to these questions. Like it's hard to be thoughtful as a as an athlete at this level because you're trained to block everything out and you just need to focus on yourself and your discipline and all of the just bananas things you have to put your body and mind through. And I think that is true, though, even if even if you're not in that situation and you're just famous and you get to a level of fame where you can't sort of see the humanity around you. You can start to see people as just an ends to a mean or potentially just something blocking you from getting to the right and obstruction obstruction or or someone helping you get to your goal or obstructing you from. Yeah. And so all of that, that's a lot of babbling for me. I'm sorry. But anyway, I can just sort of I think about this stuff a lot and I'm trying to get into Stafford's brain in this moment and even giving him every benefit of the doubt that like this is a party atmosphere. He doesn't quite see what's going on. He's drunk, which I don't think he is, but just using, you know, he's had a few. He's had two Miller Lights, but he doesn't drink at all most of the year, you know, because he's training or whatever. I'm just trying to give every benefit of the doubt. I don't care, man. Russell Wilson's up there. How do you think he reacts? Oh, my God. How do you think Russell Wilson reacts? He probably starts praying. But then he gets help. But no. Russell Wilson's living in the hospital with this photographer right now.

Sierra's there. Literally, he's sleeping at the foot of the hospital. In fact, this woman has checked out of the hospital. She's actually back home. Tarzana, but he is continuing to stay there. He still is curled up

at the foot of her hospital bed and he looks sad because he doesn't know where she went. No, I didn't mean to turn that into me making fun of him because I actually like him a lot, but he's also somebody who, it's so funny, in press conferences he will spit out some of the most annoying non-sentences in coach speak, but I truly do believe that he is a good human being who has human instincts in this way. I don't really know much about Stafford. We're getting emails from folks who make good points about him, you know, really being a mensch in Detroit and not trying to get out of there and then proving that once he did finally get out of there that he had a lot to offer and that there's something worth rooting for there, which, you know, I get. Sure. I'm not anti.

Historically, I have had, like, zero thoughts, negative or positive, about Matthew Stafford. Yeah, me too. I never thought about him. And I never saw him as a villain for going to L.A. You know, I've just had no thoughts on Matthew Stafford, really but this is a tough one because it it's hard for me to not extrapolate I guess or maybe just write this huge backstory about Matthew Stafford as a human being and it just happens to be him because he's famous but any human being who is, let's just say, of what we assume to be sound mind. And by that I mean, if this was a person who appeared to be deeply mentally ill and they were on the streets of Portland, and you see that a lot out here, and then someone else suffered a fall, I wouldn't expect that person who is also dealing with a lot and maybe not connected to the reality of this world, I wouldn't expect them to run over and check on this person. but i would expect anyone else to anybody who's not in that situation i've just described and again the look on matthew stafford's wife's face as she has her hands up i'm looking at right now i have a freeze frame on my computer she has her hands up and she's going towards the edge of the stage and he has turned his back and is drinking his aquafina like not a care in the world like somebody might have just died it's a really high stage it appears to be on concrete like I mean I just anyway it's it's very hard for me to not see a person who at a fundamental level is able to just and I'm we may get an email from a listener saying well do you realize how violent football is and like you know he sees people getting hurt all the time and so it doesn't bother him I guess you could maybe try to make that argument but it's very hard for me to not think that Matthew Stafford is a narcissist also by the way I think that is really overused as a term these days everyone's ex is a narcissist and everyone exists everyone's ex is toxic at least on tiktok it's like no one ever dated anyone and then they just broke up because it didn't work out it's always because their ex was a total narcissist i saw a sandwich board here in portland the other day that was for some kind of therapy although it didn't sound like full-on like um what would you call it like therapy where the person had a degree of some kind in in counseling It seemed like it was something else I forget what the name was But it was being sort of advertised as a kind of therapy But it was like help dealing with Narcissist ex Therapy and I was just struck by like The way that term narcissist has just taken Over as the way that People describe their exes now

There's actually a couple of articles That have been floating around There's one in the, I told you I started getting Harper's Magazine again which I like But there's one piece in there that is written by some sort of British philosopher that was like i tried to read the the first page of this article like a hundred times it's just like it's just written too much like a philosophy paper and somebody who likes making it impossible to read their words um but it was basically about like kind of the overuse of trauma of the idea of trauma and then there is a much much more readable and i found interesting

was that the guy was that was that the guy who wrote the body keeps the score

no i don't believe so that guy's not british right no no i think this is maybe even And maybe looking at it from a different point of view, the New York Times had a good feature. And I can't remember this writer's name either, but she had a pretty good, very readable, very interesting and kind of challenging, how I think about these things, piece in the New York Times about the kind of, again, the overuse of the word trauma and everything that goes along with that, too. And even tying it back to West Elm Brady or whoever that narcissistic guy was, you know, West, Caleb, West Elm, Caleb, maybe. Yeah. I can't remember his name. But just like how there are assholes in this world and that's not good. But not everything is is necessarily diagnosed as narcissism or sociopathy or whatever, although I will say there's something. And again, I'm not saying I know that I'm not calling Stafford a straight up sociopath because of four seconds of video of something that happened and I was not there. But like in that moment, you see something that is hard to describe as anything but sociopathic. Like he just did not see that as a human being going through a painful human moment. He didn't even see it like he just I mean, he saw it.

Well, he saw it. That's the whole problem. Yeah, he saw it. That's the thing. It's the series of events that are so galling because he makes a face like, oh, shit. So he saw it. Like, bruh. And then his brain said the response to that is to just literally turn your back on it and start wandering the other way and casually take a slug of your bottle of water. That would all be bad. But you could say, well, maybe you don't understand the sight line. Like, if you weren't there, you don't understand what he can see and can't see. and maybe he thinks that the stage is not as high as it is or he thinks she got caught by security guards. There's a bunch of things that you could say since we have limited information about what his experience was. But what really belies that is there's someone standing right next to him who has the exact same experience he has and does the exact opposite. And that's why it's so damning because you just have two people in a moment responding so wildly differently to something. And it's just... Let me put it this way. I'm never going to see Matt Stafford play football. and not think of this moment for the rest of my life. I mean, whatever, that doesn't impact him in any way.

anyway but i will never not see that in my mind now when i see matt stafford i wonder if he'll be on the joe rogan show soon i wonder what his level of damage control is going to have to be over this maybe not a whole lot maybe i'm making a much bigger deal out of this than it is somebody's

going to ask him though right he's got to be hunkering down and figuring out like okay well eventually i'm gonna have to crack a microphone again at a press conference like this is going to be a story i mean for better for worse or or i mean i think it's for better that we maybe ask about this but like um no matter what his first press avail this is the biggest i mean it's over it's kind of over maybe i'm maybe you're right maybe i'm exaggerating but it seems like it's kind of overshadowing um the victory of four days prior to right now well i will say this the timing

for him is very fortunate two things are fortunate that this photographer appears to be okay although she's also has set up a go fund me now because of course this is america in 2022 and there's no way somebody associated with the nba nfl however tangentially should expect quality health care when they get injured doing their job um this is now the this is now the job of the internet to fund this woman's medical situation which is i got a tight four hours on that but um it's i guess the timing is somewhat fortunate for stafford because he doesn't have to do any press conferences for six months yeah or whenever so there there is time like what would really suck is if this was right before the super bowl or during the season when he is as part of his job has to do x number of avails you know with the media so who knows maybe whenever spring spring training whenever you know uh training camp kicks in again maybe we'll all have forgotten about this but i just think it's always going to be in the back of my mind it's just a very terrible terrible reflection or terrible vision of how you can be in the world whatever was going on for him he should

just drop ten thousand dollars in the go fund me right now or just send her ten grand and just say that would be the move i mean what is that like first of all i mean it's so obvious that the refs helped him win that game did you hear not only was that thing not only was that um holding call in the end zone that basically would have sent it into the fourth down territory and would have significantly changed that final drive not only was that hold not a hold but people and i heard um Dave Wyman saying this on uh on 7-10 and he's not somebody who's like really likes to whine about the refs but he said somebody sent him the tape and he watched it over and over and it's true that three out of the four offensive linemen jumped off sides before that play even unfolded have you seen that tape too like that just seems and again I'm like so I'm not usually well you

know Aaron Donald was in the neutral zone on the final play when he when he troubled Joe Burrow

into like on fourth down that play that didn't go through seemed like the nfl wanted so badly to have this narrative hey we built this new stadium in in hollywood or not in hollywood but in la and just like it just the whole thing just seems the only thing though this is the only

reason that i felt less terrible about that because i was rooting for the bangles and my pocketbook was rooting for the bangles and none of that came about the way i was hoping but the the face mask and i hate jalen ramsey by the way i find jalen ramsey despicable jalen ramsey got golden tate's sister pregnant and then bounced on her so he could go to la and play with the rams and s talk everyone and be just seemingly to me like not a very nice person so i don't love jalen ramsey but that face mask yeah was egregious and it was game-changing and i guess that's the only reason i mean i agree that the the last like three calls were unbelievably bad poorly timed i mean that officiating crew should really not be allowed to officiate another super bowl because there was the fact that they missed that face mask the fact that they called those calls they did to extend the rams drives those were that was bad officiating yeah on that on that kind of stage but i guess i'm almost like glad that the face mask happened because if it hadn't then we'd be just spinning ourselves out of control. I would be so spun up about it because there'd be, I couldn't, yeah, so that almost like, that helps me deal with, the only word I can think of, Andrew, is trauma of watching that game.

Well, Luke, we'll end it here. I'll just say, to answer your question, I'd like to talk about the Stafford story.

There's a right way to rock and a wrong way to roll. You can't just listen to your soul. Just remember that life is number one you can be having so much fun just remember that life is much fun you can be not

all right time for some blurs days i want to start reminding uh people this at the uh top of the segment And if you want to send in a Blur's Day, it's easy peasy, lemon squeezy. Just email me, andrew at tbtl.net, and put Blur's Day in the subject line. You know who did that? Put suck it, Zachary, in the subject line. Sarah in Carlisle, Pennsylvania says, I just wanted to wish myself a happy 52nd Blur's Day. My Blur's Day is tomorrow. That'll be Friday the 18th. Happy Blurs Day, Sarah, in 10-sylvania. I don't know why I turned into Transylvania there.

How about Amanda, who's near Atlanta, saying, Hiya! Am I allowed to wish myself a happy Blurs Day? Well, Sarah did it. I mean, do you listen to the show, Amanda? Did you hear what we just did?

Rewind the tape, Amanda.

I'm the only 10 I know. I'm having my 44th Blurs on Sunday. so power out I will tell you Amanda I wish that I was still 44 to be 44 again to just have your to be still on the beginning side of 40s just treasure it

it feels like just months ago

that I was 44 didn't the light look different when you were 44 like the Billy Collins poem

Rob in Tenver says I want to wish that TBTL Tiny Tacoma Triplets. That's a lot of tees, dude. Eli, Lily, and June. The happiest first birthday ever. They are special kiddos and turned one on Valentine's Day. Their parents are TBTL 10s. That's Bobby and Lizzie. And they are, well, American bleepin' heroes. Rob wrote bleepin'. I'm not editing Rob. They're not only alive, but glowing and thriving as parents of four. That's job done on year one that's your thing job done job done job done

uh I'm I I feel like I have a memory of when we learned about these triplets coming into the world and I probably said something very similar to this back then but it is just impossible for my mind to really wrap itself around what the change in life would be to going from not having triplets to having triplets yes like Like, I can't, I just can't. My friend Devin had twins. Well, he and his wife had twins. And let me be honest, she did more of the work than he did. But I can't, I mean, that twins is just like from zero to two or from one to three or whatever the particular numbers are on it is just mind blowing. But from one to four to add three babies to the mix. My goodness, Bobby and Lizzie. That's incredible and glad to hear you're doing well

Yeah, and happy Blur's Day to Eli, Lily, and June Great, great names

Courtney says, I want to wish my husband Tony a happy birthday TBTL is his favorite podcast And he's been listening to it for years He absolutely loves you guys How about we absolutely love you guys, Courtney?

Yeah, Courtney, how do you feel, Courtney? Where are we in this?

Just hold your nose and tolerate it and email us Having you guys wish him a happy Blur's Day Would make his day as incredible as he is Aw I gotta break out the aw sound effect for that So happy Blur's Day Tony

Yeah happy Blur's

Courtney thanks for emailing us Thanks for remembering this was a thing for Tony That was really thoughtful

And we're gonna make this work too Courtney Next year you're gonna love us too

It's one of those weird things It's like when you least expect it You're gonna have the thought What are Luke and Andrew up to today when you least expect it, and that's when we've got you.

That's it.

I mean, do we do this now? Let's just do this now.

Oh, wait, what? Well, I don't know. Are we going to do this sneaky? This is the I always be sneaky?

Are we going to do the sneaky? I don't know. It's up to you. This is a... I always be sneaky like how I get chocolate. There's no way for me to, you know, ask you to litigate this without reading it to you. So I guess we're going to let this one in. But if I get a bunch of these, if I get a bunch of Trojan Horse Blur's days.

Oh, that's a good podcast, by the way. No, there really is one called the Trojan Horse Letter that's out right now from the folks at Serial. It's good. Really? What's it about? Is it actually about the historical story of the Trojan Horse? No, it's about the education system in Birmingham, England, and a letter, a hoax letter that was written that ended up changing a lot about how these schools are run, even though everyone kind of knew it was a hoax. Sounds boring. Do they have a Blur's Day segment? I'm only on episode four. Yeah, well, maybe Zachary will enjoy that podcast. So here it is. I'll read this just because, again, you're going to enjoy the cleverness here. But I will have to tell everybody in my best Ringo Starr, peace and love, peace and love. We've got to reserve. We've got to reserve Blurs Days for actual Blurs Days. But listen, first of all, Luke, this is from Jake. I don't think you mentioned this on the show, but you told me off air that this had happened to you recently. Jake refers to himself as a.k.a. the Uber driving 11 who dressed as a hot dog Halloween weekend and gave Luke a ride back to his car at an ungodly hour. Yes. Yes. Yes, indeed. And this Jake says, I want to wish my wife, Stephanie in Portland, a very belated Blur's Day and a very happy, less belated zero-th Blur's Day to our marriage. Do you see what he did? Like, at some point, Stephanie had a Blur's Day. But it sounds like very recently, they just got married. And this is really a wedding announcement here. Oh, I see. It's because... A very belated Blur's Day. God knows. It could have been at any point, but he's saying, but happy Blur's Day to our marriage, which basically just happened. You see how it's sneaky? I see what he's doing there.

I am... You know what, though? I always be sneaky like how I get chocolate. I totally support this being included in the messages because it means that this guy and his newly minted marriage and his wonderful wife have not completely given up on TBTL, considering what an absolute mess I was when he gave me that ride, that Lyft ride. That is something that will live in my head, as they say, rent-free for the rest of my life. Me getting a ride to my car at just the earliest hour of the morning, just a complete wreck, a complete hungover disaster mess. So happy birthday on the belated birthday. Happy congratulations on the wedding, all of it. whatever it'll take for you to sign this NDA that I'm forwarding you.

Yeah, and to waive the car cleanup fee. He does say I'm extremely—

That, come on, have a little respect.

I'm extremely lucky to embark on this quest with someone who also thought naming a wedding guest dinner table Splooch the Turtle was a good idea and who used the sound machine during rehearsal. So that's from Jay. Congratulations, guys. But that's it. That's the last one, everybody. Peace and love. Peace and love. Until you have to give me a ride.

until you have to give me another ride at some point and then it's whatever you want to keep you happy, Jake. It was Jake, right? It was Jake, yep. Elizabeth says, happy birthday to Justin. You are the funniest, most inspirational and loving person. We adore you, Liz and Bob. Wait a second.

Okay, so Liz and Bob.

How about Bobby and Lizzie who have triplets? Liz and Bob. Bobby and Lizzie. Do we have multiple couples with these names or is it possible that Liz and Bob are taking a break from their busy schedule raising triplets

to wish? Now if it was Justin who was wishing the triplets a happy Blur's Day I would maybe subscribe to that more but it wasn't. It was Rob. I don't know why Justin wasn't wishing the triplets a happy Blur's Day. That sort of seems weird to me honestly that Justin wouldn't wish them a happy Blur's Day but I don't know man. I feel like if this was our Lizzie and Bobby from above, wouldn't they be wishing their own triplets a Happy Blur's Day instead of this Justin fella? Well, maybe they don't want their triplets to get a big head. It's true. I feel like it's not all about you. Yep, you're absolutely right. Anyway, let's do this. Happy Blur's Day, Justin. Sorry we took it negative town. Negative town? I just thought maybe it was the same thing. Yeah, I sort of did. I thought it was weird that he didn't wish the triplets a Happy Blur's Day. Lauren says, happiest of 29th... Oh, these are our Architen friends. Lauren says, happiest of 29th Blur's days to my dear friend Sarah. Thank you for being a constant presence in my life over the last seven years, from coworkers to friends to roommates. We're in different cities now, but TBTL is sort of a way for us to still hang out every day. Your friendship makes all our TBTL adventures even more special. Looking forward to my next trip to Seattle to celebrate your Blur's Day together. Happy Blur's Day, Sarah. Ran into Lauren in a Fred Meyer parking lot a few months ago. Oh, really? I don't have really a good power out to that, but yeah.

Well, it is a thing that happened, though. It is a thing that happened.

It's true. You can fact check it.

Kim in Greenlake says, happy birthday to my five, Lucy, who's 12 today. 12 years old. Aww. I'm so excited to go to Mexico with you tomorrow. Love, Mom. Fun. Wow. I wonder where in Mexico Kim and Lucy are going. Yeah, that sounds great. Happy Blur's Day, Lucy. Happy Blur's Day ever.

everybody hey wait speaking of kids i gotta say happy blurs day to my very own child addy

indeed bring the music back can we borrow can i borrow five more seconds of this music okay this is coming out this is coming out of year end though okay here we go okay sure here it is

happy blurs day to adelaide who is 28 today wow i know right amazing she's gonna be driving pretty soon one of these days once she um gets her license back in the meantime jake's driving around everywhere that's right exactly jake is the personal chauffeur of the entire burbank clan uh happy blurs day to my own daughter who i love so much and who is uh i think most parents will can concur with this but it's like whatever you do on this planet it's all it's all fine but then you have a kid and you realize dang this is kind of like this is probably the certainly the only meaningful thing I've done on this big blue marble so I'm very lucky to have such an awesome kid so happy Blurs Day to my beautiful daughter who will never hear this because she doesn't listen

to TBTL indeed from me too and you guys have some fun birthday plans this weekend

well today's her actual like her actual birthday today she's down here in Portland with her friend Jessica and so I don't know if they're doing fun youthful things tonight or if they're coming to live wire that's sort of tbd but then so they're either doing something fun or they're

going to live wire is what i heard there i will wait i don't think watching your 45 year old dad

on stage is the most fun thing for someone to do um which is why i told him i was like if you want to come to the show by all means but also i'm not going to be offended it's not like uh if they you know if they want to go hang out with people their age and and and kick up their heels that certainly also seems like a good way to celebrate one's birthday but anyway tomorrow night we're having a get-together here in my apartment which is going to be quite something because it's my sisters uh my nephews uh becca addy her friend uh cora the dog it's gonna be like a lot of people in this relatively small space but i think it's gonna be fun but it's like i don't have enough plates like where is the my setup at burbank springs in bellingham was it was a pretty large house there was a lot of stuff to do there was plenty of anything you would need utensil wise this is now me throwing this party in my bachelor pad where i bought like exactly six forks at crate and barrel a year and a half ago so there's like nothing nothing in here is really up to the task of having a sort of a large-ish party but i i think it's gonna with a dog in attendance but I just think it's going to be fun in that kind of way, like more like when you're in your 20s and you just go for it, you know, and it's a little bit like, again, people like I don't have enough chairs in this. I have four chairs total. So people are going to be sitting on the couch eating. I don't have enough surface area for anything, but I am actually very much looking forward to it, weirdly, for that reason.

You said you wouldn't be insulted if Adelaide and her friend don't go to see you record LifeWire tonight. Would you be insulted if they went to a taping of Ask Me Another instead?

Well, that show doesn't exist anymore, Andrew, because I vanquish all of my foes. I'm like the Conan of weekend programming, what is best in life, to hear the lamentation of the shows that are not on the air anymore.

All right. Well, then what if they're going to go watch Dominic Holden interview Fran Leibovitz at a different theater tonight? How about that? I don't know. Wow, Dominic Holden. I'm out.

Well, you know who it is. It's David Schmader.

That's who I was thinking. I knew I wasn't. The Schmader is the joke I was looking for, and I went with Dominic Holden instead.

Because I'm keenly aware. So this is what I did. I was also looking at who else was interviewing Fran at her various stops. Like, you know, are they someone who's more well-known than me, less well-known? What is the kind of general person that they're pulling into this? And so the most famous person would be Ari Shapiro, who talked to her in D.C., I believe, on the tour. And then you've got folks like David and I who are kind of at the sort of mid-level. Then you've got some folks who are maybe even less outward-facing than I am who are doing it in certain places. But that's why I know that it's David Schmader in Seattle.

It actually is Schmader, too. And it's funny. I think I didn't know that because I think I talked to you about that a long time ago when you first mentioned that you were interviewing her. But then I saw another ad that Schmader was doing it. And I had this moment of, wait a second. Oh, I forgot. Luke's in a different city now. Schmader's doing it up here. But also, that's just Schmader territory. I mean, even if it wasn't a literal. It's just Schmader being Schmader. That was going to be my joke. That's a Schmader role. And I went with Holden. I couldn't call up Schmader. I can't believe that they even figured out I live in Portland. They mean the organizers. Yeah, or just whoever. Somebody was like, who could we get in Portland? And someone said to me, because nobody knows where I live anymore. I mean, the listeners of this show kind of do. But because I've lived in a lot of random towns, seemingly random places in the last six, seven years, people will be like, aren't you in Bellingham? If they know what Bellingham is. people either think i'm from seattle like i currently live in seattle or they think i live maybe in bellingham everyone's surprised to hear portland i don't think port townsend comes up much anymore but there's just very little awareness of where i've settled of these bunch of these kind of smallish northwest places so i'm because again people aren't tracking my movements that closely thankfully um so i'm surprised that somebody figured out that i lived here and

actually got in touch with me to do this yeah and it sounds like it went well although it also sounds like some people felt like you needed some support afterwards as well i mean i think what it

is is that it's just like again it's hard to explain but when you're dealing with someone who's super direct it kind of brings out a directness in in me as well like if someone is very very like if somebody seems very um careful with their language or like like i have to kind of hold their hand or or sort of like um i don't know what the word is i'm looking for thankfully i don't host for a variety of radio shows like if i get if i get a sense from a guest i'm interviewing that i have to be really careful with how i'm talking to them so as to not hurt their feelings or make them feel um you know somehow slightly offended or marginalized or put on the spot i sense that pretty quickly and then i think that probably affects how i talk to that person and then there are people like fran lebowitz where her whole thing is being direct and then it makes me not feel so worried about if i'm being overly direct with her like i introduced her as the last unapologetic cigarette smoker allowed in polite company and what was interesting about that was later in the q a when i was on stage anymore cigarette smoking came up and she said it was like with luke's intro of me which i didn't even think she heard like there are a lot of us smokers out there and then what i was thinking was well no you missed my point fran which is i'm not saying there aren't a lot of cigarette smokers i'm saying most of them aren't allowed in polite company right like that she's like you see cigarette butts everywhere on the streets and i was like yes yes that is a thing but those people are not sitting on stage at the arlene schnitzer hall in portland being interviewed they're not in polite company you are you you you occupy this strange world where david sedaris lets you smoke in his apartment while you're doing your zoom event you know kind of thing i um we should just end the

show but man it's amazing i have to do live wire in like two hours i'll uh i'll make this very quick like i'm you know i quit smoking um four years ago now it might be five i know i think like four years ago now um and 99.9 of the time i'm fine i don't spend my days thinking about cigarettes in fact i never smoked during the day the last 10 years as a smoker anyway it was only and night smokes kind of thing but man every now and then and I feel like weirdly increasingly and maybe it's because of the media I'm consuming if I see somebody smoking in a movie or what but like there's been a few things where I've seen oh I just saw some random thing somebody I follow on on Twitter or Instagram they took a photo of like their dad like watching some TV show and like in his living room and just like he's got a he's lighting a cigarette or he's got a cigarette in his mouth and there's a pack of cigarettes on the table and an ashtray and it's just like it looked like i don't know me in the 90s i don't know just like yeah cigarettes were just a way of life and like i had this overwhelming and by the way this was a dirt baggy photo this was not like a luxurious this was not a sexy madman i'm smoking i mean this was this was a dirt baggy photo but Somehow just seeing somebody in their own living room smoking a cigarette with an ashtray there, I wanted a cigarette so, so damn bad, but I did not smoke one.

All right. Well, I don't want to sound – I mean, my instinct there was to say, good job, don't give in. Well, no, I'm not going to go buy a cigarette. But then on the other hand, I don't want to set that – I also don't want to set that dynamic up.

Oh, no, but I'm never going to smoke. I trust myself enough. Like, I'm not going to go back on that. But it's just weird how you're fine, you're fine, you're fine. And then you just see this like very unglamorous photo of somebody smoking cigarettes, but it just put me there so much. And like I wanted an inhale so bad. And then and then I just moved on with my life, you know, and it didn't it didn't dog me.

But on the subject of, I guess you could say addiction and never knowing when something's going to pop up. Remind me, if you can, tomorrow to tell you about this incredible documentary that I just watched on HBO called Life of Crime. This is a documentary that spans from 1984 to 20. 2020 whoa yes it is a i mean it's almost my entire lifetime this person was filming and following these three people in newark new jersey it's a it's a really really incredible piece of filmmaking um uh which maybe we can get into on a subsequent episode when we aren't uh we haven't passed the river hours ago and are now just talking basically to ourselves um so uh so there you go this seems like the right time this seems like one hour after the right time yeah so we'll do that I'll edit most of this down I can get this down to probably tight 45 minutes mostly blurs days that's the feedback that I hear from most of the podcast professionals let's get it down to 90 seconds if we can thanks for listening for our credits we'll be back we'll be back tomorrow with more imaginary radio for you Until then, have a great Thursday. Maybe we'll see some of you at Livewire tonight, hopefully. Take care of yourselves, take care of each other, and please remember, no mountain too tall. And good luck to all.

i think it's very important that writers write in a real voice in their own voice but only if they're really good writers and i have noticed and surely even someone of your 10 years have noticed that too many people are writing books period okay there are too many books the books are terrible and this is because you have been taught to have self-esteem and apparently you have so much self-esteem that you think you know what i shouldn't keep these thoughts to myself, I should share them with the world. Power out.