Muse

Good evening, and welcome to the pre-taped call-in show, where we tape all our shows a week in advance. I'm your host, Ken Doral, and let's try it again. It's really not that hard, okay? Our topic, once again, is the elderly. We're taping it now, and it airs next week, okay? So, if you're watching me talk about the elderly, don't call to talk about it. It's too late. Instead, call about cooking, which is next week's topic. Okay? If you wanted to talk about the elderly, you should have called last week when our pet care show was airing, but we were taping the elderly show. Hello.

Hi, Ken. Great show.

Thank you. What can I do for you?

My dog has a disobedience problem.

Okay, okay. There you go. Look, if you wanted to talk about pet care, you should have called two weeks ago when our show on racism was airing. Hey, I'm doing a show about the elderly right now, which, of course, to you people watching means call in about cooking.

TBTL! I just noticed something that, In one of your interviews with John Candy, I believe, it looked like an older interview, you had less hair than you have today. How do you explain that?

I don't wear a wig, sir.

Paint your bald spot?

What bald spot?

You paint your bald spot.

Why are you wearing a tux? It's after six. What am I, a farmer? I was listening to your program on my car radio.

Oh, what do you think so far?

I'm a fan of yours. A really big fan. Hey, guys. You ready to let the dogs out? What? Do what? Let the dogs out. You know, like, ooh, let the dogs out, ooh, ooh. I'm sick.

All right, hello, good morning, and welcome to a Monday edition of TBTL.

This is special. This is special.

The show that just might be too beautiful to live. My name's Luke Burbank, I'm your host.

I'm not even supposed to be here today.

It's a holiday, but here we are bringing you a piping hot, fresh episode of Imaginary Radio here on President's Day. I'm the president of rap music, and I need to work with you right away. It is episode 3624 in a collector's series, and yes, it's a holiday, but we are still here putting together quality content for you, the tens of listeners. Let the fun begin. Including a little President's Day quiz. Presidential movie quiz is what we'll be playing. You play to win the game. Here on the program. Oh, and yes, it's a special holiday show. Yes, it will probably be a little shorter than usual. Yes, when I say that, we usually end up going about two hours. But we also have some breaking TBTL news. Another clue in the mystery surrounding where this audio tape came from.

For one thing, I have no shame before another mortal. All my shame is between myself and Christ.

Right before airtime, we got an update on that, which we're going to hear about in a moment, from this young man, the longest-running cobro of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. The next thing I'm saying is because it's written on the script that he handed me for today's program.

You are handsome. Don't worry.

He is Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now from the Roosevelt neighborhood of Seattle, Washington. Good morning, my friend. Yeah, you see what happens when I put together the show sheets? Now, a little explanation for the listeners. You're hearing this on President's Day. Andrew, by the time this airs, you're actually in Cleveland. But since it was a holiday and you've got a lot of travel going on, we thought we would pre-record this episode. Now, because I don't want to say this is a favor to you because it's not, but because this was a slight schedule adjustment related to your travel, you were nice enough to put the show sheet together and to put this presidential movie quiz together for us, or at least locate it. And because you wrote the script, I just noted right as the show was about to start that you wrote, hey, Andrew, how's it going? Now, that's on every show sheet that we ever do. But then right after that, it was, you look handsome today. I did put that in there, yes. Yes.

Which, now that I hear you say that, that was another podcast, wasn't it? No, no, that was You Look Nice Today. That was You Look Nice Today. Oh, yes. Right, yeah.

I think they're all done, though. I think they've ceased production.

Quite some time ago. I was a big fan. But, yeah, I just wanted to see if maybe I could get you in a Ron Burgundy moment. You look handsome today, Andrew. Thank you. Also, let's be honest.

You're Seattle 6, but a Cleveland 9. Yeah. Thank you.

Wait.

Oh, well.

Well, on behalf of the people – well, thank you on behalf of the people of Seattle. Screw you on behalf of the people of Cleveland. So, sorry. I have mixed allegiances today. Okay, if you don't mind, I want to jump right into this because you could tell I was very excited before we started recording because something just came in over the transom, and it is a clue. Thanks to listener David, by the way. This is astounding. I don't know how David stumbled on this. Maybe David is just going back through the TBTL archive and just kind of catching up, reliving some of the good times. But the drop that you just played a little bit ago, I will never lower my eyes to another mortal. That is one thing.

I have no shame before another mortal. All my shame is between myself and Christ.

We've been trying to figure out where that came from. We referenced it on the show the other day, and then we couldn't find it. You and I both lost to the drop. Then listener Ben wrote in to say, hey, I think I can help you find that drop again. Just try searching for shame in your individual archives. And that absolutely worked. Somehow we were leaving shame out of the equation.

Again, as I pointed out at the time, two people who are deeply filled with shame could not remember that the search term we needed was shame. And that, my friend, is irony. Or is it sarcasm?

And then you and I got in a conversation the other day about like, yeah, but what is the source of this tape? Like, we knew it was some sort of a like, I'll say local news story. It might not have been local to us, but it wasn't a national news story. Right. We felt like it was a local news story somewhere.

We Lester Holt was not interviewing this particular person on the NBC Nightly News. This was much more regional.

Yeah, I don't think. I don't think. I mean, Lester might have might have gotten a bite of this apple. I'm not sure. No, but it felt very local to us. At your dad's house? They just call him Lester. They just call him Lester? Yeah, I find it incredibly charming. Well, I would put Lester on. So anyway, David just sent us this tape. You and I were referencing this tape back in 2015. Now, keep in mind, I think this tape predates 2015 by several years. I think it was from a time that you and I were working together at Cairo Radio, producing another show, The Ross and Burbank Show. You were hosting, I was producing. um and then in like 2014 or 2015 i move away from seattle i go down to la and i'm doing the show from down there and while i'm in la something really big happened to our former colleague dave ross at cairo radio he had the opportunity to interview the president of the united states barack my president obama barack obama that's right um and uh we were talking about that and so I made a joke to you while we were talking. I said, boy, you know, after hearing this news about Dave Ross landing such a huge interview, I did what any self-respecting producer would do, which is I started to go through my own inventory and try to remember, did I ever book anything worthwhile during my time on that show? And that is where this clue comes in. So if you will go back to 2015 with me, you and I are talking, I'm in LA, you're in probably a post office up in probably right yeah

we don't have any harp music for this

you know I usually do I usually edit that onto the beginning of these flashbacks but I didn't do it this time because this is really happening here

yeah this is breaking news everyone just insert your own harp time travel music although you know the harp only means traveling back in time notice that the harp never means traveling forward oh really I disagree

when I pre-produce these things usually i harp it back and then i harp it back forward well you may i get okay listen i guess once you've

harped it back into the past then maybe when you're returning to the future but what nobody ever says in my experience i could be wrong about this i've been wrong like two times on the show i feel like no one ever says okay just imagine 40 years from now it always seems to me like it's like it was back in 2015 and that's when the harp kicks in but maybe that's just my faulty memory you know what's really

ironic is I just looked it up you were only wrong once on the show before but now you've been wrong twice because you said you were wrong twice so that gets really complicated okay we're going to try to do this live let's try this here we go this means we're going to the past just use your thinker this means we're going to the past wait a second hold on was that you talking or was that the tape Sorry, I got really confused there I'm doing this again, I'm mixing this live So here we go I'll stop now And I did what anybody in my position would do Of course

is I scanned my brain as hard as I could to think if I ever accomplished anything as producer of that show and uh I came up with what I texted you I'm like well don't forget I got you the uh 86 year old lady who reviewed a Chili's in her restaurant I believe it was an Olive Garden thank you that was a big gap actually sadly we got the lady who reviewed the Chili's we couldn't Yeah, no, right. Exactly. I was just going to take it. That level. What else? I remember I booked a guy who accidentally ate one of those little, I guess, bristles from a grill cleaning brush. Oh, yeah. Sure. Remember we got him? He was still in the hospital when he did the live radio interview. So that's a get. Yeah. That's Obama-level booking. There was the guy that we got on who – what did he do?

I forget, but he came on to talk about how he said he'll never lower his gaze to any mortal man.

Oh, that's right.

Wait, did we get him or was that tape that we used? No, no, no. We got that guy on the phone. Who was that guy? He was in the Midwest somewhere, and I can't even remember the circumstances, but when we got him on, he said like – I just remember him saying something like, I will not lower my gaze to any mortal man or something that was just really awesome and bombastic. We use it as a drop, but I can't find it anymore. So that was almost like the president. Boy, very little has changed over the course of four or five years, my friend.

That was seven years ago, right? 2015.

Seven years.

I know. So, you know, I just had, okay, so the big news here is that this was not some local news tape that we grabbed. This was local news tape that we created. We made this. This was a guest on the Ross and Barban show. Nobody has this.

How did we get this?

And so that, I feel like, is an amazing clue. But now I'm like, yeah, but how do you go back in the archives of Cairo Radio? And I am just having this thought right now, Luke. I didn't plan this out. But do you remember when we would save things in the audio system at Cairo Radio, everybody had their own folder on the network, and it was always QS something? Oh, right, QS. QS Burbank or QS Luke, QS Walsh. I have – every producer there had some QS with their name after it, and that was their own audio archive. They could add and delete as they wanted to. They asked us to keep it somewhat clean, and I'm sure you probably meticulously kept yours.

I would constantly transfer that audio over to that spindle of burnable CDs that literally was on my desk so long that I believe it became part of John Curley's desk. Yes, that's right. It may still be there next to a box of muscle milk.

Now, you might hear some—I don't know how far we want to go down this today because it's a holiday. Maybe I should just look for this another time. But you just heard a crinkling bag, I think, potentially, and what you heard was me pulling one of my early hard drive archives here where I have the TBTL show. You pulled off QS Walsh? I did. So I have on here is the TBTL show archive, the Walsh show archive, and I believe also my entire QS is on. There it is. There's QS Walsh, Luke. I'm looking at it right now so I don't know this is another one of those things you said this to

me the other day where one about twice a year your obsessive record keeping and organization totally comes in handy and then it basically just like justifies the behavior for the next

11 months yeah the next time that I'm just just so deep in my archiving now here's the problem Often what happens is These should be MP3 So it's searching for Mortal now It's taking a while It's searching the drive for Mortal The problem is What will happen is I will save all this stuff And it will be meticulous And then sometimes I find it But then other times More often than not It's like I'll find everything around it But not actually the thing You know what I mean? Like here I'm so proud that I have my QS Walsh here But Mortal isn't coming up with anything What about Shame? Let me try shame, but shame was the one that we know it wasn't saved under shame because that's why we couldn't find it on our current drive.

Well, no, we weren't searching with the word shame. Oh, you're right. That was the issue. Shame was the search term, so maybe that gives us a chance here. Here's what I'm really smelling, dog. One, lemon cleaning solution. Somebody in my building, I don't know if they committed a crime, but they used a heavy-duty dose of that citrusy-smelling cleaning something. It's actually not a bad smell, but I swear. of god it got into the hvac and my whole apartment smells it's it's a weird sensation though because it smells like i deep cleaned my apartment but i didn't i know that i didn't no uh here's what i'm smelling this seems like a great airplane project for you because you're actually again we've already mentioned you're yet to get on your multiple flights to cleveland you uh thumb drive a computer a lot of time a couple bloody marys i mean you could you could probably go through and

analyze each clip in your qs walsh you're gonna laugh at me but this drive has you heard that it was saved in a ziploc bag like which i know is not the like that's not like some sort of archiving trick but like archives use i um i do not trust me to take this hard drive on a trip to cleveland and like risk it being you know tossed into like this this has it's the only it's the only copy of my old night show archive and i'm pretty sure oh there are some tbtls on here oh well i guess some i i think i did duplicate this drive at one other time so you have some of these episodes i've been duping i will tell you that shame isn't giving me anything other than here here are the four results on shame shut down congressman shames park ranger cut two shut down congressman tries to shame park ranger part one those are out of order uh because i'm sure that was when we were That was the financial cliff, right? Or what did they call the cliff?

No, I think the government actually, remember, it really shut down for a few weeks. And then it did shut down.

Yes, right. And then Obama gun vote, shameful day in Washington. I actually remember that. And then guns.

Is that when they passed comprehensive and sensible gun control legislation?

Let's see. Shameful day in Washington, says Obama. A woman shouts, shame on you. Oh, actually, can we take a listen to this? Will this play from the drive? Two years time. Oh. Mr. President, we order in the Senate. Yeah, that's Biden, right? President of the Senate. Anyway, so.

We do not have time for this kind of silence. No, we do not. I just wanted to play my president, Barack Hussein Obama, because here's the thing, Andrew. Even though this isn't, we didn't go into this knowing this would be President's Day content.

Oh, you're right. See? Sure.

And that's the beauty of this show, Andrew, is that we started out wanting to do a presidential movie quiz, which I'm guessing we'll never get to. But we ended up talking about the presidents maybe in a more interesting roundabout way. Maybe, potentially. I don't know. Was there anything else on that drive? Should we just take a break and then come back and just play through the drive? I mean, if you think that's interesting.

I mean, this quiz is fine, but you're asking the wrong person what is interesting. If you don't think – as long as you don't mind, first of all, the little bit of a lag in playing something off of a drive, but then also me kind of, like, doing this on the fly. If you trust me enough, I actually think it could be more interesting than the – well, it could also just get us into some dark topics, though, too. Because, I mean, we were doing commercial radio, right, during a time when we were debating, like, serious issues or whatever. But we might be able to find some – oh, Snowden, NSA Snowden, not a traitor. You want to get into we didn't get him on the show, right? No, these are just like all this is like this is audio from all kinds of stories. We're just covering at the time talking about I would grab this stuff from news sources or whatever. Pistorius talks to Larry King.

Talk about dark, right? That story took a turn. This is I like this. You know, I mean, I don't like what happened with Oscar Pistorius, but I like this as a concept for our President's Day show. In the words of my president, Barack Hussein Obama, it is our turn.

So let's just take a quick break. We're going to do it.

We'll come back and we'll continue this classic President's Day content here on TBTL.

Good thing I put a show sheet together.

You are handsome.

I think there is a possibility that there was a bomb on board. And we're taking that very seriously.

Is that why I shouldn't just play a drop called Obama Answers?

i was gonna say is that what you meant starting with that that was not me ladies and gentlemen

i'm playing the music when you said oh just playing old news tape could go dark could get dark i'm just like i'm just looking through my system for anything that has barack obama's name on it because he's the only president i have any tape from right he was the president well the other guy after him who i don't play tape from because it's triggering i guess i have probably some stuff from him i don't have anything from joe biden and i don't have anything well no i mean i have some presidential candidates i have you know jeb bush uh famously got this one uh oh boy this takes forever well it's going to be pleased you have to be super oh my goodness what is happening nothing good andrew nothing good well here's what i

here's what i think happened i have a file on in my um apple music whatever archive called jeb bush please clap but i am guessing it's one minute 21 seconds long i am guessing what happened was this was the raw tape that i had loaded in somewhere that has a probably a commercial in front of it because of whatever msnbc or cnn was covering the media event so if we keep playing this it's probably like a price line ad then it probably comes back to whatever the news coverage was somewhere else i have it more isolated but anyway i will stop just absolutely destroying this dishonoring this nation's proud history of having presidents and not so proud history of the last one uh and just uh turn it back over to you what it so this this uh drive that you have you said it's got everything from the andrew walsh show and how much of tbtl if you had to guess

this has according to my label on this thing this is the entire i mean we're talking about the show archive actual you know archived episodes of tbtl starting from the very first one in 2008 through may of 2020 so that's what's on this drive but also the archive of nine months of the andrew wall show uh the ones that didn't have john curly on it when he took over and then did you literally not archive those well yeah because i i didn't archive them myself i asked um our buddy aaron No, who's our buddy over there at Cairo who, like, was such a help to TBTL and me. That's a lot of people. But the person who's the person who, like, got you to turn TBTL into a podcast early on. James. Oh, Botdorf. Yeah, James Botdorf. James Botdorf. Love that guy. So when I was leaving, I'm like, hey, could you do me a solid and throw all of my shows? Because I didn't have access to it or whatever. So he said, do you want the curly ones, too? And I was like, no, I don't need that. Because they frog walked you out of there, right? Right, exactly. Turned off your cards. But what I'm looking at now is not any kind of full show. This is just like, I guess, three or four years of clips of tape. I mean, this also includes you and I, like, just there's some Simpsons tape in here, I see, that was probably somehow humorously related to a topic we wanted to talk about. Well, you know, we simp for the Simpsons. Yes, exactly. Famously. But, like, then there's just, like, news stuff, all kinds of stuff. I mean, Trayvon Martin stuff, which we don't want to get into today. Should I play that Obama bomb tape? Yeah, play that again. But what is this? How about this? Phone prank. GMs discuss release of QB Ryan Fitzpatrick. What do you think that is? Okay, hold on. Phone? So GMs. Phone prank, you said? Yes, it's phone prank. So general managers discuss the release of QB Ryan Fitzpatrick. Did somebody break into an owner's meeting or something?

I wonder if somebody called pretending to be a GM of a team to another real GM And basically pranked them By acting like they were either going to offer them Ryan Fitzpatrick or ask for Ryan Fitzpatrick I don't remember that Specifically but that would be my guess based on the context Why don't you play it and I'll do some googling

And by the way I am sorting this by length Because before I was going to try to look for the full Interview of that Never lower my eyes guy So this might not be the best way to do it But I can tell you that I'm in like the 27 second range here This is some long tape we can break it off

Let me set it up I've got it here now prank call gets buffalo gm to reveal his frustrations with ryan fitzpatrick oh okay one day before the start of the nfl's free agency period two 20 year old pranksters managed to get buffalo bills general manager buddy nicks on the phone with tampa bay buccaneers general manager mark dominick all while they listened and recorded the conversation so i guess they did that thing you could do with two restaurants maybe where you like you call one restaurant and then you call another restaurant then you conference them in together like you know to like pick up orders and then they're just like talking to each other they're so confused because each one thinks

the other one is trying to place an order oh you heard that bit well i think you've told me about them doing that on um stern right that they used to do it on turn and some other places too i'm

trying to remember who where i used to hear that a lot but yeah you'll get like two restaurants where the the both the people that take the like to-go orders are just getting mightily annoyed with each other because they both are like okay what do you want what do you want what do you want and they put an order and it's all confusing this seems like it might have been that anyway Why don't we take a listen?

You guys moving anybody? Well, no, I don't think so. I mean, you know, we're still struggling here with our quarterback. You know, his backup. I say struggling. We're not really struggling. He's going to have to do something or, you know, or we'll have to.

Okay, is this the guy who says, I never lower my eyes to another mortal? Did we get there? Yeah, he'll have to do it because, you know, In the inseam, you got to give him some more room in the inseam.

Because they can cut me like I'm riding on a wire from a bunghole to where...

By the way, I don't even know who that is in the conversation, but I'm going to tell you that person's name, Buddy. That's the Buddy of that conversation. Absolutely. I'll also mention that Buddy Nix is, I'm happy to report, still alive, but is no longer in football. He's retired. You know who's still playing football? Ryan Fitzmagic. Yeah. Ryan Fitzpatrick. And Cher and cockroaches will be the only thing left in 1,000 years. I'm going through this.

I see we have some whacking day tape from the Simpsons. I'm trying to skip over the stuff that is very serious.

We totally get, let me ask you this. Is there no, because of the way that the search parameters go or just our lack of imagination, there's no way for us to try to find the shame guy, right? Like, do you don't have anything that's like best interviews or weird interviews or fight, guy fights something or?

It's not, you know, what I can do is I can search, but because it's an external drive and it's not indexed, talk to the nerds about that, It takes at least 30 seconds per search, and I can't access anything else while I do that. Sure. Well, I can fill 30 seconds. Okay, fill 30 seconds. I'm searching on fight. Yes. So far, I've got Mayor McGinn. Oh, wait. Hold on. This was a quick search. I'll tell you what we got here. Maybe this will get us a little bit closer here. I got Phoenix Jones. Oh, yeah. I mentioned Phoenix Jones in that tape I played that got us here before. I said, I booked Phoenix Jones for you, Seattle's one-time self-proclamation. self-proclaimed well sort of i mean he was a self-proclaimed superhero i hated the felix jones phenomenon less than you did um i feel like i didn't end great for him sort of feel like we took that together didn't we that that journey maybe maybe i was a little bit more like i can't believe we do this on commercial radio when i was brand new there like really we're just going to take this so-called masked avenger who's like honestly roaming the streets of seattle supposedly trying to help law enforcement we're just going to have this guy on the radio but i mean you know A lot of people had him on the radio. Yeah, that wore thin real fast for me. How about this? Chuck E. Cheese fight. I don't think this is what we're looking for, but Chuck E. Cheese fight. Let's take a listen.

For one thing, I never lower my gaze to any animatronic rats. All my mistakes are between me and the ball pig.

Do another mouse. Oh, no. Oh, that's not good. That was just when they tasted the pizza. Oh, hey-o.

Got it. Still got it. I'm sure that was in the service of our long running Chuck E. Cheese conversation around just the amount of the number of times the police have to be called to a Chuck E. Cheese to break it up because of the intersection of alcohol and estranged families and children's birthday parties. Yeah, that's a powder keg, a real powder keg.

It looks like we played a Super Bowl ad that was Oreo Whisper Fight. Do you remember an Oreo Whisper Fight that was a Super Bowl ad? Let's take a listen to that.

I've always preferred the cream part of an Oreo.

That's crazy.

The cookie's the best part.

Cream. Cookie. Cream. Cookie. Cream. Cookie. Cream.

Oh. They're in a library. Oh. And they're, like, fighting And they're destroying the library But everyone's doing it at a whisper Do you remember this? Or you're just looking it up? I'm looking it up And it's actually not a bad premise Like, it works way better with the visuals You know? Yeah Like, it's actually a pretty funny idea Everyone's acting it really well If that makes any sense

It's funny, I have no recollection of that at all I'm now doing a search on eyes I'm not seeing anything on eyes Are there any other search terms that might get us closer to

Oh the thing I was going to say By way of filling Except for I know that list came together quicker than you expected

Oh go ahead

There's an irony to this whole thing Because I'm both sort of proud That we actually generated this tape But because we generated it There's no larger awareness of it It wasn't on CNN Because we're so boutique there was no that's why you can't find this tape on the internet is because we're not big a big enough deal to have created a ripple where it still exists i don't know that this will necessarily

translate to the listeners because this is more like reading my own diary or more like going back and i don't know stumbling on on an old um workbook or something but uh like manti teo there's a lot with Manti Teo tape in here. Wow.

I mean, this is just really... He's still playing. But is Manti Teo still playing? I mean, he was a very effective... He was a San Diego Charger, I believe. Still in there. Former American football linebacker. Another player who Ryan Fitzpatrick has outlasted.

Yeah, right? Right? Oh, here's Bruce Willis. Is this the tape that still makes me angry to this day? Him doing the interview. Oh, when he's talking down to the reporter at the junket? The Red 2 junket, I believe. I don't know. This just says, Bruce Willis, end of interview. Let's take a listen to this.

You have some great questions there, Jamie.

I think my time is unfortunately up. Yep, that's exactly what it is. Talking down to him. There's another one for him.

Oh, come on. We are rude. Help me out.

Go to the coast, we'll get together, have a few laughs.

Boy, Manti Teo, that was a wild story. I don't know if the show Catfish was on the air, but that was when the idea of catfishing exploded in the consciousness of a lot of us. And I also feel like it was peak Deadspin.

Gawker, Deadspin

These websites that kind of Wrote about juicy stories But in a kind of somewhat smart way Maybe not all the time The thing that I have to always say about Gawker is When they turned their laser on someone I didn't know I always found it delightful And the few times it was on someone I did know It always felt kind of mean-spirited But I just remember reading Endless amounts of digital ink About the Manti Teo story Which of course really was a sad story for this young football player because he just was basically scammed into thinking he had a relationship with someone to where he was engaged to this person, I believe, and then was being told all these wild things about this person's health, et cetera. And of course it was, as we have all learned from watching the show Catfish, it was not who the person said they were and all of the wild health things were also false. Yeah, I remember, I have a very distinct memory of that

story because it kind of broke right before i went on the air for the andrew walsh show so that was a night show that began at seven and um i remember you know nick jarren was the producer of the show and he's brilliant and he also just and he's also had a more sporty mind than me at the time he probably still does even though he stopped watching sports five years ago um that's not true he loves basketball he stopped watching the nfl but either way i remember the story came out and i think it was a dead spin exclusive right i think they broke the story and i remember being very dense I didn't know who these folks were I didn't even know what catfishing was although to answer your question I'm quite sure the show was out already but it wasn't like it wasn't a household name I actually think that this Manti Teo story actually led to the popularity of the term catfishing I think it introduced a lot of people to the concept who weren't already watching the MTV show I could be wrong that could be my own personal experience but this was happening this all happened right before I went on the air but Nick and he's such a good producer was just like we got to talk about this this is fascinating i remember just like i am such a slow reader and i'm just trying to read into this story like it's amazing how time can sort of slow down

uh man tied to apostrophe oh it's like all these names that are maybe not totally natural to your brain and that's adding and you're stressing because you have to go on is that a stress dream you still have occasionally where like you're crashing to go host your show and you're trying to get the info i i have that dream a lot still uh where it's just like it's we're about to go live with something and i just don't have enough time to really consume the information

before i'm supposed to go like talk about it or something you know interestingly i've never for for the most part i've never hosted a music show but my one of my radio stress dreams that i've had several times now in the past just couple of years um is similar to that but i'm not getting ready to host a talk show I'm getting ready to host a music show and I'm filling in for somebody and the last CD is always about to wind down and I can't get the next CD and sometimes people are trying to help me oh yeah and but that's not not helpful I just can't find anything although as I'm talking not to turn this too much in the dream talk I did have the dream the talk radio dream that you're mentioning now not long ago like in the past couple of weeks I had a dream where I went into a place that was kind of like Minnesota Public Radio where I didn't work but I was filling in I had some connection there and I was filling in and I thought I was filling in as a producer but as the dream went on I kind of realized oh I'm supposed to be on the air but I couldn't get the ISDN to hook up Luke it wasn't one of those big Zephyr boxes sorry everybody it was one of those small I don't know if you were ever at a shop that used those really small ISDN boxes that only did like the road kit maybe and we had one at NHPR that was only a G.722 box um and this is during the era when it was literally you patched things in by pulling cables out in the patch room and repatching them um and there was this one little box that i hated using because it was the oldest of them and like i said it was only g.722 which is a codec sorry everybody but anyway in my dream luke literally this box that i have not seen

Thank you.

in 25 or no when was I New Hampshire 20 years ago 15 years ago um appeared and I'm trying to dial up what I'm now realizing isn't my host but my co-host for this show and I've been so focused on the ISDN that I didn't read any of the material because I didn't realize I was supposed to be hosting with this person sorry that was not an interesting story that is a hyper specific stress stream

that I totally identify with the idea of being in the rack room yes trying to like plug those things in then you can't ever you're never in good communication with the person back in the studio who's like you just have incomplete information all around you don't know what's going on there and then you're like doing you're futzing with something in the rack room and then you're sprinting back to the air studio or the production studio to see if it worked and it didn't like there's no intercom system it's just like and the clock is ticking down now if you heard me make a a sound of i don't even know what surprise joy it was because i went to deadspin old deadspin new deadspin is dead to me yeah spin but the old deadspin where the man titeo story was and it was like timothy burke writing about it and they did write this sort of definitive piece and i think to their credit they wrote about it from the perspective of this was a very sad thing that happened to this unsuspecting person man titeo it wasn't like from the perspective of like get a load of this chump or anything like that but as i was scrolling down the piece i see there's another story linked there's a lot going on in this jason vargas interview and it's whatever that party vargas like you know the other day we were trying to remember whatever happened to party vargas this is the interview i don't even know what's happening it's just jason vargas as a met being talked to with like a with like glasses and different hair like he just really looks like he's stopped being party Vargas and now he's kind of like middle-aged dad Vargas who like loves to listen to Wilco or something this is a tweet Jason Vargas says he was confused about his outing tonight his comments after allowing four runs on 0.1 innings pitched let's just hear what Jason Vargas had to say about getting shelled for that's essentially getting almost no outs that's like getting one out and giving up four runs at the beginning of the game into the sexual tape huh the sexual tape this is party Vargas as a Met um you know I guess

I really wasn't out there long enough to really assess that um you know there were some some tough at-bats that went their way uh you know Donaldson laid off some some good pitches and then um that bat to Markakis and Swanson were you know just really didn't go my way so So, you know, unfortunately I really wasn't out there long enough to really evaluate what was wrong or, you know, what wasn't. Do you worry at all about your spot in the rotation? Um, you know, I just, you know, more focused on, you know, trying to understand what happened tonight. You know, not too focused on, you know, what's going to happen in the future.

All right, this is not paying off particularly, Which is why Deadspin folded Because they would over promise with their headlines Like there's a lot going on in this Jason Vargas interview Which There was not that much going on other than he pitched bad It was funny that they said Something about the big question is why the Mets Have a Brooklyn Heights dad Who's just supposed to go pick up his kid from school In their lineup which is exactly what Jason Vargas looks like In this clip

I have a question for you I got a little distracted here We never did anything with Addy Adelaide Your daughter about driving. Did we? I'm looking. See, I used to label things quick cuts and they were things that often at the top of the show just to like lay out, you know, just like little promo pieces of tape. And I see I have a quick cut called Addy Driving. But then when I expand that a little bit more, I see it. That's a quick cut of a longer piece of tape that comes from King. No, I'm sorry. Like Cairo TV, stoned driving? This can't be your daughter. Your daughter was interviewed on Cairo TV about driving while stoned. I feel like I would have heard about that. That doesn't ring any bells, does it?

If we played it on the show, that also would have upped the chances. I don't know. Let's hear what it is. It's so normal.

Oh, I hit a cone. I see it in the rear of the mirror. Ah! I'm starting to get it. Oh, yeah. I can feel it in my eyes. I can feel it in my body and my head. One time in your life you get to do this, you should do it. Yeah. You should do it! Yeah. That's awesome.

She would be a danger, yeah.

Yeah, definitely. That's dangerous.

Okay, so this wasn't your Addy. This is probably somebody else maybe with the name Addy. And clearly this was right before they legalized pot or after they legalized pot. And they were like – so Cairo had the idea of what if we get somebody stoned and then put them on a safe course and see if they can pass a driver's test or something like that. I see. Gotcha.

I don't think your daughter has ever taken marijuana.

Absolutely not. All right. We have, I don't know, two minutes of show left. Should we launch into this presidential movie quiz?

I was worried that it was going to be too long over the course of three segments. This thing has 30 questions. The good news is, Luke, next year's President's Day podcast already produced. In the bag.

In the bag, baby. Yes. All right. I guess we're going to call that good for this little holiday edition of the program. This is exciting. Tomorrow, we will be checking in with Andrew from his parents' basement in Cleveland. How are you feeling about all that? Are you excited, nervous from a technological standpoint? Are you feeling stressed, or do you think it's all going to work out?

Yeah, I mean, again, as we speak now, I'm still in Seattle, so I did a little run-through. I'm going to be trying something that I've never tried before as far as the technology setup is concerned, but it's very similar to what you do when you go on the road, Luke. So I did have one successful run through with it. I already know that I'm going to do one thing that's very simple and very stupid, but I won't be able to figure it out at the last minute and I'll be panicking. But maybe we can dial up a little bit early, but I think it'll all work out well. And again, I'm really looking forward to seeing my folks and everything. I guess the one thing I don't think they'll hear this My one concern is I didn't get anybody any Gifts I feel like I should be you know Showing up with some coffee Or something at least We know you'll be there

Two hours early You know wander around That place is full Of Seattle specific Things that will Delight parents You know it's not necessarily like Unless you were going to the sub pop store There's probably not a lot in there that you could buy me that I would be like, oh, my gosh. But, like, to bring your stepmom, you know, a bag of Seattle coffee or something or to, like, get your dad, like, some Seattle-y thing from that area. There's a lot of stores there, too. Like, you could really knock that out just while you're waiting for your flight.

What about some clam chowder in a bread bowl that I try to keep warm in my backpack?

Oh, that actually, I mean, I don't see any way that that would go wrong. And then on the flight, if you get hungry, just pull it out. Middle seat. Yeah. Chowder.

anyone chowder oh you know my move is i get one of those mcdonald's straws that's like relatively wide i just i attach a few of those together and i keep the backpack down under the seat in front of me but i very subtly very subtly poke this long mcdonald's straw contraption down into my backpack and i just take little little furtive sips it's great except for occasionally a chunk

of potato comes up yeah no i mean that's a good then you're just like are you middle seat or do

You have an aisle. It's so rough, man. I don't want to even talk about it. They're the worst seats possible. I do – it's four flights, keep in mind, there and back. And, yeah, I was going through them. And I took the best seats of my worst options. And a couple of them – like I'm one of my flights, Luke, because as much as I want to be in the aisle, I'd take a window before I would take a middle, obviously. And so one of my seats, I think my first flight – Is outside the window? Is just outside the window. It's the William Shatner seat. The very, very, very, very last row, the opposite of the bulkhead, whatever, the bulk butt. I'm in the window seat of the bulk butt, and that is about as trapped as you can get on an airplane.

Well, yes, but you are close to the restroom, although I guess for you, fundamentally, the issue is you're going to have to ask people to—you'll have to ask two people to get up and move, but you never know. Can you tell if the seats next to you are taken?

Um, that's kind of, I, I can't remember off the top of my head and I'm trying not to open the app here because I'll get distracted even more so than I am by this thing. But, um, yeah, I'm, I'm trying, you know, I was trying to like move things around so that I am in seats where the seat next to me isn't taken. And I think that was my move of going all the way to the back. I'm like, I'm going to be kind of miserable on this flight either way. But if I take the most miserable window seat, there's a chance, probably the least desirable seat on a plane is the last row middle seat. Right. So I think I took that thinking, maybe nobody will take that middle seat next to me. Well, Godspeed, my friend. Yeah, I just, you know what, I just, honestly, no joke, like, I'm putting myself just in a different mindset. I'm just like, listen, I can survive this. And I think I mentioned this to you in the show before that I get off the plane. Hey, groovy daddy-o.

No, just before. I believe your system can handle it. Just take the edge off before the plane.

No, no, can you – also, by the way, that is actually spoken by somebody who does not consume a lot of marijuana, the idea of being stuck in a small place but then also let's make time slow down and smoke a bunch of weed before we do that. That doesn't appeal to me. But I – I can't remember exactly what I was going to say, but I am just going to remember. You and I took a 13-hour trip to Australia, right? After that, I'm going to try to remind myself. I was high as a flipping type. I think I can handle a couple of... Uppers, downers, laughers, goofballs. Smackers, yeah. Get Shorty, the FX series starring Ray Romano. Which I still haven't watched. I'm not even joking. Bring that with you. Download that on your damn touchpad. That'll help the time fly. Anyway. All right. Thanks for listening, everyone. Should we go out with a little West Wing? Oh, sure. You want to do that? Yeah, I can do that. Why not? Let's just mix it up a little. I can call it up here in a second. Imagine Andrew and I are on a walk and talk right now. Yes. You're Josh Molina. I'm Bradley Whitford. This is going great. All right. Thanks for listening. I've never watched one episode, by the way, of the West Wing. I've literally never watched an episode. I watched the first couple of seasons. Ask me nothing. All right. Thanks, everybody, for hanging out on this holiday with us. We'll be back here tomorrow with a brand-new episode of the show. So do join us for that. Until then, have a great Monday. Take care of yourselves. And please remember, no mountain too tall. And good luck to all. Important show. Important show. I should not have brought up baseball. I understand. My mistake. My mistake. You got to know your crowd. Power out.