Muse

and i sat down at the desk looked right in the eye and i said just call me bond municipal i don't know how you do it i just come up with it i just think of it and i'm like ah is that funny yes it is and then i just say it you could uh get that offshore account shaken not stir just like his martinis and the james bond song tvtl

okay can i just say i feel like i'm on mtv right now you'll be staying with two of our

undergrads in their dorm room and what's a dorm room oh it's where the students sleep oh a room chair oh i like that and you'll maybe eat meals with them in the dining hall and that's the cafetorium. There's the strain beginning to show on him. If I could sleep 10 days at night in a

rice paddy, I could certainly last in this lousy bank. This is what the animal said to us. He says

to Miss Coghman here, baby, up your butt with a coconut. I think he was prepared to do it.

Except I saw no coconut. He had no coconut right now.

All right. Hello. Good morning and welcome, everyone, to a Wednesday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live.

It's like my heart is trying to hug my brain.

My name is Luke Burbank.

I don't know who that is and I don't care to find out.

Coming to you from the Hollywood Broadcast Center right here in Portland, Oregon where it is just absolutely beautiful.

Oh ma, pa, it's just beautiful.

We just, we, we vacillate between rainy Denzel days. Didn't know you like to get wet though. and oh ma, pa, it's beautiful Aaron Covey days.

Oh ma, pa, it's just beautiful.

And we're on a beautiful day here on this Wednesday edition of the show, which is episode 3,636 in a collector's series. Let the fun begin. All right, we are going to talk some football today. but not like in uh x's and o's uh i have a whistle around my neck and i'm wearing short shorts and hollering at you no we are going to talk about football in a way you don't have to

be a football nerd to appreciate you gotta be a real football nerd to sit through the whole thing

we're going to talk about the departure of russell wilson in terms of what it did to my mom, Susie Burbank. That's the saddest thing I've ever heard. In a more of a sort of Greek tragedy way, because Russell Wilson leaving the Seahawks to go play for the Denver Broncos is obviously great for Denver, very happy for all of our Denverites, but it is, it is, it sent a seismic, seismic shock through the city of Seattle, the state of Washington, and really the whole Pacific Northwest. So we will get into that, And then also, we tried to talk about decathalons yesterday and the Greek alphabet.

Holy f*** is this wrong!

We got some things pretty wrong. You might even say loud wrong.

I've made a huge mistake.

And so we're going to try to rectify that. Oh, boy. Just as I say that out loud, I realize what a terrible idea that is. But we're going to try, with the help of this young man, the longest-running Cobra of the show, He may be best known for his depictions of the tall ships. He is Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now from the Roosevelt neighborhood of Seattle, Washington. Good morning, my friend.

Good morning, Luke. And right at the top of the show, and I'm being very serious here, I do not want to go on a monologue or a diatribe or triple down on Tetris game or talk about pentagrams. Monologue. Or hexagons.

pentagram. I hear what you're doing there. I don't have

heptatitis. Okay, that one might be wrong. It's hard to work hepta. It's hard to work hepta into that. Do you have heptatitis C

or heptatitis D? Because they're different. One you get from intravenous drug use and one you just probably... I think it's A and C, isn't it?

Hepatitis A and hepatitis C. Probably.

So you are throwing out some Would you call those numeric prefixes?

As I understand it, and for the record, I don't understand it. That may be the truest TVChel statement of all time.

As I understand it, and I don't.

What we were struggling with yesterday were Greek.

Greek numerical prefixes. Now, I know we have a long explanation from listener Heidi, who is technically our Latin correspondent, but can, you know, play in these spaces and sort of untangle these things for us. But I know she has a lot of detail. Some of her detail I was not able to follow, but I did just see some tweets and notes from people saying, just like, look up Greek numerical prefixes. And that's where, and I think listener James sent in this list of from mono all the way up to hecto, which is 100.

But here's the thing, numerical prefixes. Yeah, I don't know what that means. I guess that's, I mean, I guess that's similar to like we would say singular, secondary, tertiary, quadrennial. Those are things that are sort of, they indicate a numeric value, but they're not a number.

did you see my response to James do you think James understood that I meant it in love he just sent us two links he said he was throwing his phone we knew that I cannot be listen I'll be honest sometimes I get my hackles up when people are like I was throwing my phone how did you not know that it was Matthew Modine in you know I can't even finish it I can't even think of a Matthew Modine Movie which is going to make people throw their phones

No he was in a He was in a movie about a wrestler Like a not like a Hulk Hogan Wrestler but But like a person who's like a very high Level like Olympic wrestler Let's see Matthew Modine wrestling movie I think it was called Vision Quest

Luke that was the movie I was trying to think of Oh, my God. Oh, my God. We got to get to Heidi's email. But that was literally the movie I was trying to think of. And the reason Matthew Modine was on my mind was because yesterday. All right. Just go with me on this. OK. Give me 15 seconds. Yesterday on After These Messages, our podcast about commercials, Genevieve and I, we should have had you on for this. I now realize we were talking about commercials throughout time that use the trope of poker or poker nights to sell products, not advertisements for poker. you know, services or online poker games, which is using that trope of poker. And we bumped in with a song by Madonna that I'd never heard of called I'm a Gambler or maybe just the Gambler or something along those lines. And I was like, oh, what is this song? I don't know it. It's from a 1984 movie soundtrack called Vision Quest starring Matthew Modine, who I happened to see in the in the music video while I was downloading it.

Wow, Madonna made a song for Vision Quest called I'm a Gambler.

Let me see what the actual name of the song is here. Here's my playlist from yesterday. It's actually called Gambler. Yeah, Gambler or The Gambler. Not to be confused, of course, with Kenny Rogers' version. Here, I'm going to play a little bit of it, just a tiny, tiny bit of it, before we get taken down. Gambler, I'm a gambler, and I will take you back the prize.

Have you ever heard that before? I have never heard that song before, but this is fascinating to me, Andrew. Vision Quest, the film, was released in the United Kingdom and Australia, but it was called Crazy For You in the UK and Australia, and the soundtrack features the Madonna song Crazy For You. You know, I see you through the smoky air, something, something in the weight of my stare. I wonder if they were like, no one's like, I wonder if Madonna was so hot at the time, like her brand was so popular that they just wanted to name the song after a name, the movie after a Madonna song that was on the soundtrack because they just thought that'll put more butts in seats.

But that name change was in the UK and Australia, right? Here in the United States? Only in the UK and Australia. Here it was called Vision Quest. Okay, I wanted to make sure I didn't have that.

But in the UK and Australia, it was called Crazy For You. The soundtrack features the song Crazy For You, which Madonna did not write. It was written by someone named John Bettis and John Lind. But you know what Madonna did write? Gambler. She has full writing credit on the song you just played.

But it sounds exactly like a song That a reggae band out of Florida Made and so there's some Accusations of song stealing I think I have that right But I'm not entirely sure

Somehow Dua Lipa has also been served with papers Over this whole thing There's also a Tom Cochran song On the soundtrack called

Lunatic Fringe Written by Tom Cochran But performed by Red Rider So Tom Cochran he's the life is a highway He certainly is I want to ride it all night long But I guess he also is a songwriter Who would just write songs that other people Would sometimes perform

That rings a bell actually Because I kind of remember when that song came out He was a guy oh yeah I mean we all have bells Luke Don't brag don't let your bell brag Anyway, yeah, I think when that song came out, it was super popular, and that was one of those, boy, we really got hit twice with that, because that was the type of song that fit on both VH1 and MTV at the time, and you just could not escape it. Life is a Highway? Yeah. Right.

I'm very, very interested now in the soundtrack to the movie Vision Quest, known in Australia and the UK as Crazy for You. um there was a song called she's on the zoom that don henley wrote and performed wow yeah

that was way ahead of his time very forward thinking yes indeed and then madonna had a

different song on the soundtrack called you're muted no no you're muted you're on mute you're on mute you're on mute i'm sorry no you gotta unmute the link um and let's see who a sammy hagar had a song on here the the red the red rocket himself the red rocker i should say i'll

fall in love again a sammy hagar tune there's a band called the style council what do you think

of them that's what do you think i know there's another song the style council did that was actually really famous can you are you able to find if you put the style council into gorgle does it tell you what their top song is because i know the name the style council it was like a band from the UK or something. I'm looking for

their hits now. The funny thing is I just clicked on it. Did they do like putting on

the Ritz or something? I remember that weird updated version of putting on the Ritz.

Let's see here. I am having some trouble finding their hits. The Wikipedia page. It's like a it's like a press release that starts with all the boring information. But let's see here. The shout to the top. The first thing that pops up is the song off of the soundtrack. long hot summer the lodgers you're the best thing i guess maybe that was it's weird that i know the

name i mean it's also a pretty unique name the style council but i thought that they had i thought because i couldn't tell you what that song with their with their number one song off of the crazy for you soundtrack i couldn't tell you what that song sounds like but i have heard the name the style council hmm well here i'm looking at a picture of them um presumably from probably 1980 something and i will tell you this the outfit they're the folks are wearing their look is totally back in style now so they really are kind of the style council i guess

do you think that the putting on the rich song was by taco was that probably t-a-c-o blue and

you don't know what to do but it was all kind of like it was sped up a little bit and fancy So that was not the style council.

What do you think of this new era where you and I end up just singing the songs more than playing them? I honestly think there might be an upside. That's for Spotify to decide. I think there might be an upside to that or a real downside. I can't tell.

Okay. Speaking of regrettable decisions on this program, Andrew, yesterday the topic of the decathlon came up. Because we were reading a New York Post story about who's cheating at Wordle. And I believe the person writing the piece used the term decathlon of deceit or deceitful decathlon. They were going with alliteration.

It started with us trying to dunk on them, and it became one of the top 10 cringiest moments in TV tell history. That is a hell of a list.

Yeah. Who dunks on the dunker? Because we've learned. um so we started talking about decathlon and then i was i said very confidently that the decathlon is five events and you said no it's six actually that's not how it went down you weren't correcting me i think you said six and i corrected you said no no my friend i know about these things it's five and then we realized no deca no i thought it was i think we were both wrong what did you do to yesterday's episode am i going to listen back to it and just hear all these like cut-ins

where you're like, DECA, 10, obvs. Oh, wait. Oh, no. You're saying that I was wrong as well. We were both wrong.

I thought it was five. You thought it was six. Neither of us were right.

Okay, yes. I apologize. No, my point was, yeah, I corrected you incorrectly. Yes, absolutely.

I think it would be so great, though, because I don't really listen back to the show. If just over the course of the years, you'd been going back in, spending just hours of your afternoon reenacting parts of the show so that you look more correct than you were and frankly I'd like to do that too but I'm just too lazy maybe you have the commitment for it but it would be really funny if I tuned into yesterday's show, and you were just nailing it on this whole topic. That would be great. It would also be, of course, funnier if they were terrible edits, too. Like, just, like, recorded on a phone or something, like, at a totally different time and place. Oh, look, the decathlon 10. It's just like, yeah, it's like, I'm just grabbing audio from around the internet that isn't even my voice of people saying these things, like a ransom note. By the way, speaking of recording in different places, we got to get to Heidi's letter here but do I sound more echoey today because I have started the process of removing things from my office as we move into our new home and I it sounds echoey in here to me does it sound echoey to you no it doesn't and I'm actually

I'm smashing my headphones against my ears to try to get the most fidelity and no it sounds fine I think it's because you use those shotgun mics that are very very focused yeah that should probably help help help all right so we got everything wrong that was a good joke i had the mic muted because i was burping i wasn't withholding andrew i'm just i'm i just wanted i'm shotgunning a polar ruby red grapefruit calorie free seltzer right now from polar and my humor luke it it definitely uh comes back on me and what the silence you heard was not me withholding enjoyment for that joke it was me muting the mic because i was i was burping anyway uh we went down this road of of of wrongness a road of wrongness andrew about if we if if deca is a greek letter if it's a number again i think we've learned it's a numeric prefix now but anyway heidi our latin correspondent wrote and said hi guys i'm sure you're getting a million emails about this number letter mix-up, but I'm here to try to make you feel better about it. By the way, mealy, a thousand in Latin, that's why a million is called a million because it's a thousand thousands. That makes sense. Did not realize that. I mean, a thousand thousands is a milly. In the words of little Wayne, a milly, a milly, a milly, a milly. I was thinking it. A milly, a milly. Did he get pardoned by Trump over something? Why

Wayne I loved him he did yeah he did he did or I don't know if he got pardoned but he was one of those people who like said yeah Trump will help make us rich or something right didn't they I

think he had a weapons charge oh okay and I think it was and I think he you know basically I think he was on paper a felon and I think I feel like either Trump pardoned him or he was he was going pro-Trump to try to secure a pardon that's or something which is a bummer because i love the music of little wayne yeah that's a bummer um anyway lots of people get greek and latin number words mixed up and lots of people don't really understand that the greek alphabet is separate an actual alphabet because of all the ways we use those letter names in english we use greek letters as numbers sometimes like pi which is a number and uh just a letter making a p sound for greek words of course you know the variants of covid are using the letters too they aren't numbered they're just letters so this is part of where i was very confused i would have thought that alpha andrew is the number one it's not right it just means first it's kind of like an a this is what happened to us yesterday yes yeah but people always consider the alpha of something to be the first or foremost since it's the first letter of the alphabet but it can seem like it's associated with the number one because of that in greek one is shown with a prefix mono yes isn't a number exactly but from a greek word meaning alone or single so mononucleosis monologue you only got in high school if you were cool because it meant you kiss someone means one i guess i guess that means single nucleosis which means which which means mark smith isn't coming to school for two

months it should be called di nucleosis because there were two of you who are making out under

the bleachers that's right um but this is the heidi has gotten exactly has gotten exactly to where a lot of my confusion was because i would have thought that alpha is a number and alpha is not a number it's a it's a letter i guess and i think i knew that right because i mean that

that's like military speak like right like alpha bravo well right exactly yankee fox although that

i think that military speak if we can confuse it more i think the alpha bravo stuff is more letting the person know over the radio what letter you're saying right because e's and d's yes things sound the same so you're saying i think you're saying alpha bravo so they know you're saying.

a b um heidi continues um in greek uh one is shown the prefix mono in latin unis means one and you see that as a prefix in english in lots of things too unicorn unique or andrew unicycle i almost commandeered an elderly man's unicycle on the tillicum crossing in portland over the weekend wait true true story true story becca and i were walking over this bridge going on a walk we like to do it over to sellwood and somebody had a unicycle it was propped it was like right at the peak of this this cool pedestrian bridge called the tillicum crossing and i wanted to impress her i wanted to show her that i could ride a unicycle but i but i stopped short of asking the person who was off their unicycle and taking photos i stopped sort of asking them if i could

try the unicycle what is your well obviously pretty high so your confidence level is high that you can still hop on a unicycle when's the last time you were on one years i've thrown a

guacamole at someone on a unicycle more recently than i've ridden i was gonna say when's the last time you threw a dip i can't believe i will never ever live that down what a jerk move god that was terrible i mean i know we've told the story many many times on the show but i think it was you

and vives and van and i maybe yeah we were in we were in the park and we were listening to the

cal anderson yep and somebody was on and we were eating probably from like taco bravo or something yeah that's a place right across the street bravo yep yeah used to be a kfc um and then is a taco place now and i i don't know what came over me but i threw this container of guacamole at a guy who was on a unicycle he was pretty far away and it hit him and i believe he he fell over or had a

reaction maybe it landed right in front of him he definitely had a reaction i think i don't know i can't remember if it hit him or not or if he was so terrible rancho bravo by the way is my favorite favorite rb place rb rancho bravo here um

anyway uh so that's the unis thing um also in latin quintus means fifth so that gives us things like quintuplets but in greek the penta prefix means five like pentagram yeah both are commonly used in english you know it all makes sense i honestly i feel less bad about how how loud wrong we were

because it is kind of confusing you have so you have letters then you have number prefixes and the number prefixes you have a set of them from greek and you have a set of them from latin

exactly so there is there's a fair amount to keep straight because if we were like the pentagon that you know it's five-sided but you could also i mean there's also a that's i believe the latin for it, right? But then there's a Greek

No, Greek is penta, so it would be quintagon if you were using the...

If we were going Latin, it would be the quintagon. You want to make that a thing? But you might say we had quintuplets, which would be five kids. So the fact that we jump back and forth between these things, which none of them are numbers. They are numeric prefixes. Anyway. So in other words, we

were right all along. That's where I'm going with this answer. We didn't even make any mistakes at all and no phones were thrown or broken. That's exactly right.

So, take that. All right, let's take a quick break and then we will come back with some top stories included, including the long conversation I had with my mother last night, which my mom doesn't usually text me. Can I talk to you, Andrew? And she did last night. And I was like, oh, no. Yeah, right. It's like someone got a diagnosis or something's happened in the family. And I called her immediately and I was like, what's going on? She goes, I need to talk to you about Russell Wilson. so we will talk about that in a moment here on tbtl we was hoping for some razzle dazzle

razzle dazzle that's right man razzle dazzle on your mark on your mark get set get set now ready

ready go everybody razzle dazzle let's thank some dazzling donors these are the listeners that are dazzling us with their donation and what we do is if you are able to, if you're in a place financially where you can be a dazzling donor, we just basically say send us some kind of an email or audio message or what have you and we will pretty much read it verbatim and as a way of saying thanks for the support, which is not insignificant from Stephanie Broad right here in Portland, Oregon Stephanie says Broad, like Broadway which I'm not far from Broadway here in Portland Andrew where I think it's on Broadway yeah they're opening a

Have I told you about this? Sorry, Stephanie. Just hang on for a second. This sports bar that is focused on women's sports and playing women's sports on the television. It's called the Sports Bra.

No, but I like it.

So good, right? Yes. Have you gone in? No, it's not open yet. It's under construction. But it's so funny because I was driving past it and I was like, oh, cool. They're putting a sports bar in my neighborhood. Awesome. And then it was only later that I saw a news article that the place is called the Sports Bra. And the the the owner is she's an athlete herself and a chef and for years and years would go into sports bars and would see that they were only playing men's sports on the TVs. And she'd have to go and ask, hey, can you put the game on that happened to involve women players? And she thought that was bullshit because it is. And so she's opening this entire sports bar that is going to be totally focused on women's sports. That's cool.

I really, really want it to be successful. Yeah.

We're doing a Sunday morning piece about it So that'll hopefully give it a little A little bit of a oomph Anyway, Stephanie Broad Like Broadway, like the street where the sports bra is Is right here in Portland, Oregon And Stephanie says, I feel very awkward Well, that makes two of us, Stephanie You all are very cool I was a dazzling donor a year ago too But I didn't fill out the form And now I am filling it out But I really don't know what to say Because I am an extremely awkward human being I will say, every time I hear A voicemail of mine on the show I get so excited It makes me feel like a celebrity My main thing is books So please buy indie Support your local stores And please do not buy at that big internet box And then Stephanie Includes a link to something called Bookshop.org Is a great online store And Libro.fm Is a great audiobook resource

Which we used to do ads for Libro We did, yes And I want to say they're based in, if not Seattle, the Pacific Northwest as well. By the way, I still use Libro. I'm a fan of Libro. And I'm pretty sure I've used Books.org as well.

Also, Stephanie mentions Libby, which is the – I think it's the digital book resource from the public library.

I use that. I think you use that too, right? I really do. Yep. And in fact, like what I usually do is if I have I think I just said this the other day on the show, like if I have a physical copy of a book, which I kind of prefer to, you know, take around, maybe read over lunch like I did yesterday. But I like to rent the digital version on my phone using my Kindle app and Libby so I can, you know, read at night without having a light on.

so a recommendation for libbybookshop.org and libro.fm from stephanie and the recommendations don't stop there andrew stephanie also says i want to say hello to my guy we made it official on february 6th after 11 years hey so many congratulations to both of you he is very patient and takes out the trash which makes him a keeper even though he likes cheese so So in the way that he likes to take the trash out, Andrew, that's a similarity that you have. But in the way that he likes cheese, that is a dissimilarity.

Yeah. And I'm trying to figure out whether or not, you know, is Stephanie just saying that because I don't like cheese and that's kind of a thing on the show? Or does Stephanie not like cheese either? Let's talk about that.

I don't know. Well, Stephanie, if you're in a position to dazzlingly donate next year, update us on the cheese situation. See, that's how you do it, Andrew.

cash can you answer my question but i will only read it if you're holding a fistful of cash thank

you i have to say we have we work with someone uh named annie who is just fabulous uh who who works at apm and and coordinates uh advertising and things like that and annie often sends us lists of potential advertisers and sometimes we say that would be a good fit for the show sometimes we say maybe it wouldn't be for whatever reason boy did I ever just feel like a god-danged hero yesterday Andrew because there was like right four proposed ads involving cheese right and I was like this is where LB saves the day because of course you're a noted non-cheese person or at least you know a lot lots of different kinds of cheese yeah um it's not for you and I was able to just swoop in and save the day and say, I will do any and all ads for cheese. I will eat as much cheese as you need me to.

You're welcome. Now, I was a sport, though. I mean, I said I'm happy to read ad copy for cheese, but it's just a well-established fact. On the show, Marge Simpson, I hear you grumbling back there. It would just be weird if I just came out and was like, you guys, you're going to love this cheese. It is super creamy. It is super stinky. It is all the things that you people love about cheese. It's like if I didn't acknowledge the fact that I have said many times on the show that that is.

is not a space that I play in, I think some listeners would possibly think I'm somewhat disingenuous. So I was happy to sell the cheese. I just didn't want to eat the cheese.

Right. I believe what you said was, I'm willing to do the ads as long as I can say in them, I don't eat this product. But if I did, it would be this product.

Yeah, exactly. It would be like the most interesting man in the world

approach to selling cheese. Stephanie continues, I will do a little self-promotion. I have a YouTube channel where I talk about books My channel name is Time to read Exclamation point Because I made it many years ago And I am not clever I think that's it Oh, and Independent Bookstore Day Is the last Saturday in April So everyone go check out Not in a way that makes Stephanie feel embarrassed Or, you know Stephanie sounds like maybe a bit of a shy person But everyone go check out Time to Read On YouTube

I need a judgment call here, Luke, because I checked it out yesterday, and I looked at Stephanie's latest entry in the series, which was just from earlier this week, Monday Reads, and I found it absolutely delightful. I was going to say, if you wanted, I could play a little bit of audio from it here, but if you think that would make Stephanie feel awkward, I don't have to do that either.

Stephanie mentioned it in the Dazzling Donor Messages, which makes me think it's fair game.

Here, I've got it dialed. And by the way, Stephanie's not doing too shabby with subscribers, by the way. North of 2,000. Whoa. If I were on YouTube, I don't think I would have that many followers. So she's already kind of killing it at the game. Oh, yeah.

Is there like a TBTL thing on YouTube?

There is because we had to set one up for like our live show a couple of years ago and some other things.

but it's just like these random snippets of no andrew what what what what andrew what andrew i don't like the tone of this conversation there's something something on youtube when you

put tbtl into youtube the first thing that comes up is something called truth behind the lies which i believe is a youtube channel dedicated to roblox gaming oh that is so much better than

And I thought it was going to be, I thought it was going to be like some sort of a MAGA thing or a conspiracy thing.

How is it that we're 3,636 episodes into this and it never occurred to me that TBTL could also stand for truth behind the lies? I have always just thought of it as Too Beautiful to Live, the name of this show. I never put it together that could also have that other meaning. By the way, this guy has 164,000 subscribers. Although we do have. He's more popular even than Stephanie.

But the official TBTL account where we have a whopping, wait for it, 413 subscribers. We're no Stephanie. But when I just type in TBTL YouTube, I do get in all of our shows from our last van journey from a year ago are up there, too, because Christina was streaming them live on YouTube and posting them. So we do have a presence. And again, 413 compared to Stephanie's 2K plus doesn't make me feel super great. But here, I do feel super great about Stephanie. Here, take a listen to this.

I finished something. It's very exciting. And today I started and got to page 107 of How the Garcia Girls Lost Their Accents. I can't really tell you how happy I am about that because I am so, so happy about it. This is one of those books. The only other books that I can think of that gave me the same feeling before I started them are The Kite Runner and there's one more, Oh, and Blindness, where for some reason I'm intimidated or even like Water for Chocolate, where I don't think that they're going to be particularly difficult books. But I don't know. For some reason, I'm intimidated. I think it's like the not break. Like there's so many words on the pages.

There's so many words on the pages. Yes. By the way, I felt the same way about The Kite Runner, and Stephanie goes on to say, but these books, it turns out, they're anything but intimidating, and, like, it's just, like, they're really fast reads. The only one I read of the ones she's mentioning was The Kite Runner, and I think I had the same exact journey that Stephanie had.

Well, I'm looking at Stephanie's YouTube page, and this is great. This also gets us out of doing the TBTL Book Club, because people can just go to Stephanie's YouTube page.

Yes, or maybe Stephanie can run it. Wait, that's an idea. Yeah, maybe we should partner up. I don't know if you've heard, but she has 2,000 YouTube followers, Luke. I'm serious. That's a great idea.

Sweet, sweet followers. All right. Get at us. Thank you, Stephanie. We appreciate you. Congrats, too, on making it official February 6th and on your many, many subscribers. Maestro.

On your mark. On your mark. Get set. Get set. Now ready. Ready. Go. Everybody ready.

We also want to thank David Samut of Woodland, California. I swear to God, Andrew, if David has a podcast that has more listeners than TVTL, I'm going to feel thoroughly and completely pwned by the donors today. David says, my wife, Shelly, and I usually listen to you guys while we are either driving or working on a home. We are building up in the mountains. Wow. Oh, that is cool, man. Your deep dives into subjects that have no outcome on anyone's daily life reminds me of the days, literally, on a bar stool in the Eagles Club with my best buddies.

Oh, I wonder which one.

Huh. Yeah, David. Again, next year, for your dazzling donor message, tell us which Eagles you used to go to. David says, take care, guys. You're doing dog's work. We are doing dog's work. Ah, he heard yesterday's show.

Yeah.

David, can you send us, can someone, can you update me? Can you give me the 411? I want to know about this house you're building in the mountains. This sounds up your alley, Luke. I'm very intrigued by these kinds of projects and things. So, David, thank you very much for the support, the financial support. And, yeah, honest, like really and truly, let me know how that project is going because I'm very interested in those things. Thanks to our dazzling donors today. Hello and welcome to Top Story. Andrew, how did I know we were going to talk about Russell Wilson today and it did not occur to me to have that drop ready to go? What? You know why? Because I'm Mr. Some Limited. My brain is limited. And, like, one of my very favorite drops we've ever had Is relevant to the thing we're talking about today As our main top story And I didn't even think Mr. Unlimited Now I'm just going to play this incessantly Throughout the rest of the years

Well, the nice thing about it is If you want to separate You know what I mean? If you want to separate your emotions a little bit From Russell Wilson Because, I mean, I think that you and I Both really like him as a person As well as Sure What was a franchise quarterback And a fan of Nano Bubbles The healing power of nanobubbles But then if you want to start thinking like Listen, this is tough He's breaking up with us We need to focus on some of the cringier aspects of Russell Wilson Just keep playing that Because then you're like, oh yeah That's also who Russell Wilson is You know this is a big story

Because Becca Who is not a football head At least not as it relates to the NFL She had to go to the University of Oregon And they have a good football team Her whole family went there. This is hard for me, Andrew. I was going to say. I mean, there's only one, like, Pac-12 university that I sort of actively root against, and it would be the University of Oregon. It's not Washington State. I don't care what happens to the Cougars. I'm generally positive towards the Cougars. But Oregon really, really grinds my gears. But anyway, you know this is a big story. Don't tell Danny O'Neal. He'll be wearing his purple Track suit

His purple track suit

Trying to start a fight with some Oregon fans Like he did when we were in Georgia together Anyway You know it's a big story Because Becca texted me and said Hey I'm sorry to hear about Russell Wilson She goes On the same day that the Packers managed to re-sign Aaron Rodgers And I was like What are you, Mina Kimes? Where's all this sports knowledge coming from All of a sudden i did also go to mina kimes twitter feed immediately i was like i need to be with someone yes right now virtually who who who feels this as intensely as i do so um obviously if you had an internet connection yesterday you probably heard about the fact that the seattle seahawks traded their really really good quarterback russell wilson aka mr mr unlimited to the Denver Broncos for a bunch of draft picks and some players who, by the way, are not terrible players. Just want to say they got a defensive lineman who's pretty decent, all on the older side. They got a tight end who had some promise. Yeah. A fant and Drew Locke. I don't know. I mean, I don't think that anybody in Seattle was like, God, I sure hope we can get Drew Locke helming the team. But I will mention that Drew Locke was a second round draft pick two years ago Like the Broncos thought that this was a person who had the potential to play quarterback in the NFL He was I think the 43rd overall pick So he's not like a complete slouch But not to get too focused on the X's and O's To focus on the emotional toll this took I feel like yesterday was And let me just asterisk and caveat there are worse things happening in the world right now than a football man going to another city so i don't i don't want to keep that you know in mind and i want to offer that perspective i understand that there are much much more traumatic world events happening than russell wilson but he's going to moscow that's what that's what hurts that's what hurts but i I feel like yesterday was a very emotional day in the city of Seattle. Like I was hearing about it. People were reaching out to me from other states saying, are you doing okay? Like I said, my mom was wrecked by this. I had to talk her down last night and, you know, try to give her the sort of, I guess, the sales pitch on why this was probably the right call for the team, even though I think in the short term like the next few seasons it's going to be kind of a bummer because russell wilson is still a really good quarterback and and we don't have him anymore and a lot of teams kind of a lot of nfl teams just enter the wilderness without a good quarterback and stay there for an indeterminate amount of time so are we going to be one of those teams you never know but um yeah it was a really it was a really sad day it hit me harder emotionally than i think i would have

expected. You know, hearing you talk about this kind of answers some questions for me, too. Here are my emotions on this right now. First of all, I feel a little bit guilty, Luke, because I became a football fan, like a, you know, pretty interested football fan after I moved to Seattle. I grew up with the Browns. You know this story. I grew up with the Browns, but we weren't like a big sports family. Around the time in the 1980s, when the Browns were pretty good with Bernie Kosar, we'd watch the games and i remember there was some excitement around that i remember going out in the backyard and pretending i was bernie kosar with this big football that was too big for my

but you pretended to be bernie kosar doing that hvac commercial right yeah most well yeah what what else you stood you stood in front of a green screen and said is your home hot in the summer and

cold in the winter reach out to i'm confused as to what else i would even possibly do there hold on one second only because you raised it and i'm slow on these things let me just go ahead and play

this i like to cosplay heat pump bernie kosar being someone who's comfortable heating things up cooling them down and staying tough and reliable under any conditions i've got to respect my electric heat pump it's the only system that gives 100 all year long in winter the heat pump

by the way that was not i do not want to taint this at all in my oh sorry sorry sorry that was weird um that was me as a child imitating bernie kosar in the backyard but in the backyard sorry to go on this long tangent my point is i want to acknowledge the fact that i was kind of a seahawks fan before my return to browns fandom um and so you know i would always think seahawks first and then over the course of the past several years as the browns kind of rebuilt and everything I guess I kind of realized yesterday that my true heaviest emotions are more with the Browns now, which maybe is not a surprise to you, Luke.

But I've seen that transition happen in your life over the last probably five years.

It legit made me feel kind of guilty because I was following all this news yesterday and I kind of was thinking, well, it kind of makes sense in a way. And everybody, I told you this before the show, I was almost getting a little bit frustrated by the people I heard on the radio who kept saying, like, I just can't believe it. This is the most shocking day in Seattle sports history, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, but you were the same people who for the past two off seasons were covering a reluctant Russell Wilson and telling me how he was releasing lists of other teams that his management was leaking, saying that he'd be happy to go here. One leading up to his contract re-signing and then the year after his contract re-signing. Like, honestly, I was like, if I was a betting man last year, I would have said that he's not coming back this year. Why are you all acting like this is so shocking? And you know why, Luke? Because I wasn't in my feels as much.

It was not an emotional issue for you in the way that, like, Baker or maybe Miles Garrett is a better example. Like, a really, really premium Browns player leaving the Browns would not hit me emotionally the way that this did. And similarly, I think for you, it was like you didn't have a huge emotional connection to the topic.

Yeah. And again, like I want to make it clear, though, like, you know, I have I've watched Russell Wilson's entire career here in Seattle. I've watched almost I mean, literally almost every game, I would say, since he's been a quarterback here. So, you know, I don't want to downplay my fandom, but I did have to acknowledge that while this was like kind of kind of shocking and interesting and an interesting news day for me, Hearing all these people like Dave Wyman Just being flabbergasted Somebody pushed his flabbergast buzz

button i messed it up two days in a row um i that'd be a tv telethon thank you gift it's like that easy button they used to have at office depot but it's a flabbergast button but it

says flabbergast button wrong yeah the only because that's really from the new girl right um but yeah our own spin on it is ruining it or my own spin on it but anyway my point being that that's what struck me later in the day as I was reflecting on this I was thinking oh it's just emotion it's just it just sucks and just this idea of even if you sort of intellectually know Russell Wilson's been making noise to get out of here etc etc like it's been a long journey with him and then to just suddenly be like wait a second we're just like mid-90s Seahawks fans again or whatever like the fallow period was like I think that it took me a little bit to get there Although I was telling you the other day on the show, too, I also I think I have a delayed emotional reaction to news events.

He was, you know, the most critical component of something that gave the city of Seattle just a massive emotional jolt for like a decade. Right now, the Seahawks like have always been a pretty big deal in Seattle, even when they're lousy. Like I remember the Tom Flores two and 14 seasons and maybe maybe that's an extreme example and people were kind of not feeling it for the Seahawks then. But like the Seahawks have always been a pretty big deal in Seattle, but there was something about what happened. I mean, well, the something was they went to the Super Bowl two times. They won one of the Super Bowls their first time ever doing that. But like Russell Wilson was a bigger deal than just football for the people of Seattle for some reason. and for him to like i was reminded of people were like trying to rank seattle sports events and they were saying this is the this is the biggest one like as far as trades go this is the biggest one that's ever happened and maybe somewhat close second would be ken griffey jr being traded to the cincinnati reds um because he was ken griffey jr was as a mariner pretty close to what russell Wilson is as a Seahawks except for King Griffith Jr. was not able to almost single-handedly take the Mariners to the World Series so you throw that on it you know Russell Wilson is tremendously beloved he is a great element in the community and he was really pretty good at his job and got us a Super Bowl like he just sort of represented a lot for this town and for him to be wearing I think our friend John Goodwin said yesterday was a banner day for the people who Photoshop NFL players into other uniforms yeah yeah I saw this like some tweet of like Russell Wilson as a Bronco but clearly he's never worn a Denver Broncos jersey yet but they just like photoshopped him and I think this was maybe on defector they said this is what Russell Wilson would look like as a Denver Bronco when he was also chubby because in the photoshopping it added about 40 pounds to

Russell by the way would you put at number three the a-rod trade and I know that that is a very Now we're probably getting too much into sports. I wasn't here for that, and I know it's a different scenario because A-Rod was just starting to heat up when the Mariners— I think it was a trade, right? They traded him to the Yankees, and it was always my understanding that he was like the great hope.

I think he went to the Rangers maybe before the Yankees.

Oh, did he make a stop in Texas before going to the Yankees? Okay, gotcha.

I could be wrong about that. What I remember is a team came in and paid him a buttload of money, and we couldn't compete with the salary, And he went he went somewhere to get a bunch more money and we hated him and we would boo him whenever he came back to the stadium. Now, I was texting with our pal Mike Peska about this, and he was asking me, are people in Seattle mad at Russell Wilson? And I said, I don't think so. I haven't heard anyone say that they're mad at Russell Wilson over this, that like they think this was somehow Russell Wilson's fault. Whereas we were all mad at A-Rod when he left the Mariners. Yes, exactly. And you're right.

By the way, he wasn't traded. He went into free agency and then went to the Rangers.

So, but I guess I'm glad that people understand that this is not somehow, quote, unquote, Russell Wilson's fault.

Although, although it does. I mean, I doubt that. Sorry, I never I'll finish my thought, but then I'll stop interjecting with sports talk. But I was going to say it does seem like it is kind of his fault. Like, I don't think the team would have traded him if he didn't make it pretty clear that he wanted out of town. Right.

Oh, I think that they – we are going to have to go take a quick detour into salary cap conversation. But I think it was the logical decision – I mean it's not an emotional decision. In fact, emotionally it really sucks. But I think it was a logical decision for the Seahawks because –

Here's what's going on. The way that these NFL contracts work, if you're somebody of, like, Russell Wilson's stature or Aaron Rodgers' stature, when your contract comes up, so Russell Wilson has two years left on his contract, it's not like you don't play your final season of your contract and just kind of hope that the team wants to have you around after that season. Your agent reaches out to the team, right, going into your final season and sometimes going into your final two seasons and says, okay, what are we going to do about this? how are we going to lock this down for the foreseeable future because you don't want an angry russell wilson just playing out the last year of his contract with no guarantees so the you basically have to like commit a bunch of money to the person before their contract is even done or risk losing them or risk having them just be kind of like you know poopy pants for a whole season so the the seahawks were about to have to decide if they wanted to pay russell wilson 50 million dollars a season because that's what Aaron Rodgers is effectively getting um and even I mean I don't think that those two things were happening like I think it was just coincidence that the Rodgers news came out because the deal with the Denver Broncos and the CLC Hawks has been in the works for probably a week if not more and I think it was just a coincidence that the Rodgers announcement happened when it did but even so the Seahawks are smart enough to know they were going to have to pay Russell Wilson a crap load of money to keep him around and the other thing is We didn't go to the playoffs last year Like Russell Wilson's war Win over replacement Is that what that is? I always get that slightly wrong

Yeah, win over replacement I thought so, yeah, baseball term though, right?

But I think it

Win above, if it's WA, it's probably win above

Win above replacement So basically, like, how much better at this job Is this person Than Another average person doing this job And I think it was like 2017 2018 His war How much better he was at the job Than just any other person you plugged in there It was off the charts But for the last two seasons I think he's been Below the number in other words His actual efficacy and these are Very weird abstract statistics That are probably shouldn't even Be trusted but The thing is if we had like this is what i was telling my mom last night i was like if the seahawks had just gone 13 and 4 and and got to the nfc championship and then decided to trade russell wilson that would be lunacy but this and this kind of is to your point too andrew you're saying how is it such a shock like you have a person who makes a ton of money and is going to make a ton more money and they're kind of have made it known that they're not super happy with some of the things Going on at this team and they really want to win A Super Bowl like it's not A shock that everybody Involved sort of decided there was a better way To do this you know and the other thing is Because there's a salary cap in the NFL Every dollar you pay Russell Wilson Is one less dollar you have to pay An offensive lineman a linebacker A wide receiver so the Seahawks are going to free up a tremendous amount of salary Cap over the next few years that they Can then spend on other players So All of that being said that's like the intellectual part of it like i think this was probably the right call for the seahawks they got a lot you know they got two first round draft picks they got two second round draft picks they got i think a fourth pick as well and then they got these players so that's all good but so that's the intellectual side of it which i keep trying to tell myself i keep trying to remind myself of that but boy the emotional side the broncos are going to play at lumen field next season you know that's on the schedule I didn't know that it was already on the schedule Russell Wilson coming out in a Broncos uniform on Lumen Field is going to emotionally hit me in a way that I can't think I can't think of an analog I don't think even Ken Griffey Jr. who I was a huge fan of I don't know seeing him in a Reds uniform his dad played for the Reds for many years just kind of was like whatever he's playing baseball A-Rod I didn't care about Gary Payton it probably hurt me a bit I think he went and became a Celtic But like Watching Russell Wilson suit up For another team at Lumenfield That's gonna be kind of a gut punch

For me yeah I mean what you Ideally want and I'm gonna Summon the name of somebody who We dislike but go with me On this but you want the Roethlisberger Treatment right well you don't want the Roethlisberger treatment but I'm talking About the ending of his career Where you know the networks all it was such a huge deal his final game of the season right and uh it was against the browns the browns lost um but you know like the it was like ben you know he he was mr pittsburgh for so long and then he retires as a pittsburgh stealer and plays his last game um actually i think his last game was a road game but he does get to play his his last home game as well and the

gets to celebrate him etc etc like you're deprived of that i mean we were lucky to have russell wilson in his prime the first yeah 10 years of his career and to see that and and the unlikely story of him too being a draft pick um you know like what was a fourth rounder or whatever um

am i right about that anyway he was yeah he was a late he was there were many many quarterbacks

that went before him in that particular draft i don't know if i'm right exactly on fourth round But anyway, but but so we did we were lucky. We got to see a lot of great stuff. But yeah, but you really hope like once you have that quarterback that you're going to that you're going to also get that retirement moment. And they're in the retiring of the number and all of those things. And yeah, that that feeling of seeing him trot out in in a Denver. Well, you know who can associate with it, I guess, is Green Bay fans, right? Because didn't – Brett Favre? Who was after – I'm sorry. I'm confusing my – who did Manning play for originally?

Oh, Peyton was – he was an Indianapolis Colt. He was a Colt. Sorry about that. Yeah. But also the Green Bay thing is they had Brett Favre for many years, and then he went and he played for the Vikings.

He went to the Vikings, which that's even worse because that's an – that's a divisional rival. But but yeah, but literally seeing the Broncos uniform on Peyton Manning, like some people in our listening audience know the feeling that we're talking about. And I guess they survived it. But I'm with you. That is going to be a gut punch. And I'm saying gut punch to clean it up.

I'm I'm going to say something, Andrew, that I'll probably call you later and say, hey, have you posted the show yet? You know what?

I'm going to put a mark in the recording right now so I can actually do that.

it'll save everybody some time later there is a i want to say that i i really love russell wilson and i really want him to have a great successful career going forward because he just seems like such a good human being and he really gave his all to this to the city of seattle and he deserves nothing but the best but there is a an extremely grotesque dark cynical part of me that i don't like to make contact with Andrew that would feel some validation some vindication some whatever what I'm trying to say is there is a messed up universe in which if Russell Wilson has a terrible time in Denver for one reason or another or runs out on the field and twists his ankle and doesn't play at all next season that makes the Seahawks decision much more valid right like I don't want Russell Wilson to have a bad time of it in life Because I love the guy but The screwed up part about this Calculation is the worse he does The better a decision it was By the Seahawks oh

Yeah Like I mean everything you said except For the injury I wouldn't I would That's what I'm dancing around

That's what I'm dancing around I don't want him to get hurt but if he were to go Blow out an ACL And then just be done for the season to be like holy s we sold that car right before the engine blew up but isn't it even better if he totally

sucks and isn't injured like that's the that that's what you want and i have no qualms about that i i won't and i'm not trying to make you feel bad about it i won't root for an injury and i don't you know i don't want to be on the record with that but i'm just imagining waking up totally rooting for him to just blow chunks out there like are you kidding me i want to see him buried Yes, I want to see him lose every freaking game I don't think that's going to happen But of course I'm rooting against him now Sorry, it's sports This isn't, you know, it's sports

I'm not rooting against him Because he seems like such a nice fellow But my sense of the, like, investment is a weird way to put it Particularly when you're talking about human beings At least this country doesn't have a history Of buying human beings as property And thinking of them as an investment And there are no parallels with the NFL um but no like just from a sort of like did the seahawks management make the right call like i was trying to explain this to my mom last night i was like this is the deal russell wilson is a he's a he's a lamborghini he's a maybach he's some kind of like extremely high-end performance vehicle and the check engine light is on and we're driving it and someone came up to us and said what'd you pay for this lamborghini and we said a hundred thousand dollars and i'll give you 110 for it and we can either sell it or we can keep driving it for another year and just hope that that check engine light doesn't like the engine doesn't explode right that's basically like and the the seahawks calculation was let's let's move russell wilson when he has the maximum value as a as a player with trade possibilities and that that of course that decision is more and more validated the worse and worse russell wilson does through whatever for whatever reason be it uh just poor performance injuries nano bubble embolism who knows but i like him as a person i don't want him to go out and and and and suck because i just I like the dude. I feel like he's a good human being.

I guess the only person I sort of felt that way, because I'm like, again, injuries aside, I am pretty cutthroat in my fandom. And I root against people who are not even a Seahawks fan anymore, who are playing against my team. I was vulnerable. Luke, don't throw that back in my face. I guess the one person was Zanino. When Mike Zanino left the Mariners And he was still slumping in other teams I can't remember where he went I feel like one of the Florida teams I think he kind of pulled a little bit out of his slump But I legitimately felt bad for him Because I just liked him so much And listen, I like Russell Wilson too

Andrew, what is Mike Zanino responsible for?

Oh, the miracle on dirt, of course

The miracle on dirt

Was that a grand slam or a home run? Because I feel like I exaggerated he hit a cosmic slam remember when he hit the cosmic slam against the twins uh anyway i do

that is against one of the greatest baseball moments of my life you and i sitting outside the rv listening on the radio i believe it was they were down by two and he had a three-run home run

that sounds right it was a multiple it was a multiple oh yeah i'm run yeah and we were down yeah oh yeah oh yeah it was a come from behind yeah yeah there's a term i don't remember what

the term is but there's actually a term for when you hit a grand slam and it wins the game and you're down by three oh and i only learned this recently that there is a specific term for that but i remember that phil bradley a seattle mariner center fielder did that in the 80s and i was also listening on my clock radio my dad was sitting on my bed um because my dad would come down and like pray with all the kids like us in our respective bedrooms or wherever we were sleeping liz sleeping on a hide-a-bed with a bunch of cabinets she had piled up as her room. My dad would come around, and he would sit on your bed, and he'd pray with you and maybe read you a book or something. And I was listening to the Mariners, and it was the bottom of the ninth. The Mariners were down by three, and Phil Bradley hit a grand slam to win the game. Probably the only win the Mariners had that season.

Is it an ultimate grand slam? Yes, that is what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly what it is.

But that wouldn't have been Zanino's thing because it wasn't a grand slam. No, I want to say it was like a three-run shot, and we were down by two. But that was, I love that you and I got to share that moment, Andrew, because that's like seriously in like my top 10, it's in my decathlon of sports moments.

I was going to say, I was almost certain that the walk-off Grand Slam thing was going to have some sort of like, it's called a quadra slam or some other Greek or Latin. It's a half Greek, half Latin numeric lagging indicator.

What?

Luke, I rarely, rarely do this, but I need a breaking news sounder here. Can you have a TVTL breaking news?

Are you kidding me?

It's not sports related, so we'll have to come back to this. My apologies. TVTL breaking news. What's going on? I just got a text message from Genevieve, who has taken this week off of work so that she can work. Well, she originally took it off of work so she could go visit some friends in L.A., But instead, she stayed home when we bought this house so that she could take this week to paint things and move things in. Luke, I'm getting away with murder. She is doing all of the work while I'm doing. Yes, I feel actually pretty guilty about it. But I just got a text message from her. She's at the new house and she wrote in all caps, look what arrived exclamation point. And I wasn't really sure what we were waiting on. This is on me for not even having it top of mind right now. Another free letter. It is a photo of our brand new black garbage bin from the city, Luke Burbank. I was having so much garbage anxiety earlier this week because we inherited a couple of recycling bins and a yard waste bin. But for some reason, our black garbage bin disappeared. I wasn't sure if the city had picked it up, if it had been stolen. One of the sweet cream ladies had thrown it in the back of her pickup truck and taken it. But I set up a new account with Seattle Public Utilities earlier this week. I am grimy. I am slimy. I need a shower. I talked to somebody on the phone. I said, yeah, we need to upgrade from one of those small bins to a big one. Also, I don't have the little one anymore. Please believe me. I haven't stolen it. I'm not running a con here. But it has showed up. And tomorrow is garbage day at the new places. Listeners will soon be very acquainted with.

so i'm very excited to have a garbage bin but also that's it's been monday in the roosevelt neighborhood of seattle washington and now it's going to be thursday in the sweet cream district in the sweet cream district all right well that's i think what we're calling it

there were some questions i guess it'll come down to how many angry emails we get but i do think

the sweet cream district is pretty is is has a certain ring to it but like that's i don't think

that's offensive again it's a term i don't think so either again that was celebrating sex workers

i said that yesterday there's definitely seemed there are more pejorative ways i've heard that line of work described of course but um but now you're gonna have to like you know thursday like so wednesday night is going to be the new is the new sunday night exactly i mean i'm just thinking

about the show sheet implications right now you can just like right now just punch that in for the next several thursday mornings luke like how's garbage situation going um i'm also looking at this bin and i mean if this is truly a brand new bin from the city like i have one opportunity to crawl into a bin and do my oscar the grouch impression right because like the moment this is sullied with actual garbage i won't want to you know have anything to do with that but i should probably hightail can we wrap up here i should hightail the house and get my oscar the moment or oscar the grouch moment in here before genevieve throws any trash in there yeah i totally i totally

respect that and understand i was the other day in the car with becca and we were doing ways and you know they're always trying to get you to like ride with like christina aguilera or master chief from i think it's master chief from like halo but maybe i've just been misreading and it's master chef i don't know but like the rock it's chief keef oh my god that would be insane ride with chief keef just like okay you're you're on a you're on a jet ski but you're in a yard that's like chief keef's like frame of reference for mode of transportation um and i was like has anybody ever done that shit she was like yeah i did it with oscar the grouch the other I was like how was that she goes it was kind of funny I was like I could tell that I had I was so dismissive of it that I was like it was kind of mildly offensive that I was like who would ever do this she's like I did it one time I was like bored and it was Oscar the Grouch it was kind of

cute you know I did it once I don't use Waze anymore because I have like Google Maps is integrated in my phone and I'm pretty sure I'm pretty sure Google Maps bought Waze so I think it's all the same information and because my phone's an Android it's just easier to do but It doesn't have some of those bells and whistles, or at least the interface isn't the same. And I don't think you can do celebrity voices on Google Maps, which, again, fine with me. But when I did use Waze in L.A. all the time, I remember one time, is it Andre Brower?

Wow, the guy from Brooklyn Nine-Nine?

Yeah, that's what I'm thinking of. But actually, I think I'm confused. It's not Andre Brower, and this is casually racist of me. It is it's not the chief who it's the other black man on the show who's really, really built. Oh, Terry Crews, Terry Crews. I wasn't conjuring his name correctly, but yeah, it was Terry Crews. So I actually found that to be like, I thought it was funny for a second, but he yells like he was yelling at me the whole time. That's Terry Crews's whole kind of exactly, which was funny in theory, but in like practicality, it was it was not very pleasant.

yeah and i wonder what oscar the grouch was like too like yeah i'm tempted to do an oscar the impression but i'm i'm gonna spare the listeners that nightmare anyway go seahawks i guess is how i want to it's gonna be it's feeling you haven't talked about that how

are you feeling right now you said you have the intellectual side that you explain um but then like are you feeling a little empty are you feeling a little bit like a little bit Dave Rossi like when I say Dave Ross esque I mean like

he's always just I'm building an elaborate ham radio

set up in my basement for him that's almost like there's no bad news it's just like well this will be interesting to see how this plays out

you know right it's all kind of a petri dish yeah right like we'll see how this goes honestly I'm feeling a bit bummed today because what I think is undeniable is that the team is going to be less successful on the field for the next couple of seasons than they would have been if they kept russell wilson if they kept russell wilson they would have a better chance of having a winning record this coming season doesn't mean they would necessarily they wouldn't be guaranteed but he's a dynamic player at that position and there's like only a handful of people that are as good as he is at the quarter I don't know. position and most of the other teams have locked those fellers down be they a patrick mahomes or obviously an aaron rogers or um you know so it's kind of a bummer because the seahawks here's the thing while the seahawks have had russell wilson they have always had a little special sparkle to them like they're just they're not like every other team like they have an incredibly dynamic person at a very very critical position and like i said there's like i don't know how many teams are in the nfl 32 28 some large numbers like there's like 22 of the teams don't have a russell wilson level quarterback and they you know they might win some games they might lose some games whatever but it's like there's something cool it's i keep going back to the car analogy it's like you're pulling up to the drive-in and you're just in a bitchin vintage mustang like there's something fun about having russell wilson helming your team and now we don't have that and that is going to be sort of a bummer and again we're going to probably be pretty bad for a couple of years hopefully the draft picks that we're getting from denver we will draft players who are really good and then we will be like in three years a really good football team again but again the wilderness For NFL teams if you're not From I mean although I guess that analogy doesn't totally hold because there's a Salary cap and it just applies to everyone Equally which is makes football different than Say baseball but like It seems like There are a lot of teams that can just never Get their shit together in the NFL And I Worry that the Seahawks could Get caught in that kind of spiral

Lost in the desert for a really

Long time yeah once you're kind Of like screwed it's hard to get unscrewed in the NFL unless you know again I don't know why it would be that like the Cowboys are able to do it you know or the Packers or whomever like I don't know why certain franchise I guess it just comes down to maybe general management or fan base or something there are some teams that seem to just generally stay in the conversation the Pittsburgh Steelers teams like that but there are also a lot of other teams that just kind of are just kind of perpetually circling the bowl and the Seahawks have not been that for the last 10 years and it makes me scurred that they could become that team and then once you're in that spiral it's like how do you get out of it

I will say that the leadership there has not shown it has not given us a lot of reasons to feel super confident in them I do feel like they've squandered the last couple of years with Russell Wilson probably has something to do with the reason he wants to get out I guess there's an argument also nobody really knows what goes on behind those closed doors except for the people who are behind them, but there is a chance that it was potentially Russell's attitude of wanting to get out of Dodge that maybe was also part of the cosmic gumbo of bad taste for why we had to, you know, kind of make this decision. But, yeah, obviously I want the best for the Seahawks and I'm really, really hoping. I mean, I'm a weird optimist. So are you in a slightly, I think in a slightly different way. Well, yours is maybe based more on knowledge and mine is just kind of like anything can happen but that's my imitation of me that was me doing

bernie kosar as a kid i want that to be the thing that i listen to on ways ride with andrew doing a childlike impression of bernie kosar turn right in 200 feet take a left or a right anything can

happen but anyway uh yeah so i i you know part of me also thinks like who knows what if we look Back in this time where I don't Think it's going to be luck is it drew Luck lock lock I can't even remember I don't think it's gonna be drew lock But what if this sets off a chain of Events where we end up with a young Quarterback who suddenly has like way More potential than anybody ever Thought Allah Russell Wilson and the Next thing we know it's like no this Was just I mean whether it was a good Decision or luck or whatever I'm not Totally giving up on the idea of the See against all against all advice of the the grumps on the fun-loving criminals thread like i don't know i'll believe my brother sam who said we will lose every game next season i will well now i don't want to i don't want to um i don't want to turn this positivity train into a negativity train i was hearing some talk on the radio people are very concerned about dk metcalf right now depending on what kind of a rebuilding this is whether or not he wants to stick around uh depending on who's the i mean how many games

Last season Were we listening To the commentators Say why have they Not targeted DK Yeah that's true You know I mean like Yeah definitely like I don't think that Drew Locke is an Upgrade for him At that you know As far as the person Throwing him the ball But there were Seemed to be a lot Of times where Who knows Maybe it'll be Better for him Because if he has A scurred quarterback Yeah sure Who's the biggest target Who's the largest man I can throw this to

Throw it to that tower I'm gonna throw it to Is that the No never mind

I was trying to think of a tower with Smith Smith Tower, Columbia, like Smith Tower.

How can you remember that? The only other thing. And again, I thank you listeners who are still listening for bearing with us today. This is a big thing. I was trying to keep it off of the sports like X's and O's a little bit and just talk about the emotional experience of having something like this happen, even though I admit that football doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. but it's one of those things where if it matters to you then it sort of does matter does that make any sense like you can make the intellectual argument that football is completely meaningless it's just adult men running around in uniforms hurting each other like maybe it does matter but for the negative and yet once your heart is invested in it the way mine is then it sort of does take on some meaning but the thing i was going to say quickly about you were saying who knows maybe all of the indicators are that the seahawks are probably going to be bad before they get good again but who knows you never know what could happen i was so yesterday the nfl network must have just sensed that seahawk fans were in a dark place and this is like an amazing bit of programming andrew so i turned on the nfl network while i was doing my other work i just had it going in the background and by the time i turned it on they had switched over to playing the seahawks game the super bowl where they beat the broncos oh really because i was watching some nfl network

But I caught the talk shows yesterday afternoon Where they were talking about this And Aaron Rodgers

After that they went into And I think it was special programming Because the TV told me it was a different game You know what I mean? It said like classic rewind Chargers versus whatever But then what was really on the screen Was the Seahawks Super Bowl They beat Denver And then it went right into The NFC Championship game Where the Seahawks beat the Green Bay Packers And they had a like .01% chance Of coming back in that game Because they were down by 12 And Russell Wilson threw an interception With like Five minutes left Down by 12, you're down by two touchdowns And you throw an interception with just over five minutes left That is an almost insurmountable Situation And I was watching it And it was so, first of all, it did my heart such good So thank you whoever's programming the NFL Network Both of those games were exactly what I needed But I was watching it And I was like, I know how this ends And I still can't believe it gets there And I was like When does this happen And when does this other thing happen And I had this moment of like When Russell Wilson threw that interception Which by the way was his fourth interception Of the game He threw four interceptions He targeted Jermaine Kearse four times And was picked off four times And guess who he threw a touchdown to In overtime to win the game Jermaine flippin' Kearse But I was watching I was watching Because again I know how the story ends on that game And I was watching when he threw that Interception with like five minutes and ten seconds Left and I was watching everyone's body language On the sideline I was listening to the announcers I was trying to Remember physically where I mean I knew where I was I was in Port Townsend Camaro Kevin and Nita were over we were making Like homebrewed hawk bombs But like If there was no way that I Would have thought when I watched that game for the first Time at five minutes and whatever seconds when Russell Wilson throws the interception there's no way I thought we were going to win that game there was no realistic chance we were going to win that game and yet we did like and so I guess my point in that is there's no realistic chance that we're going to go be good next season with Drew Locke or Carson Wentz or whoever like whoever we get maybe Gardner Minshew I could get down with that but like I also thought we weren't going to win that game when Russell Wilson's with an interception so my point is you never know right and it was just like an interesting kind of mental exercise to watch something like that unfold again in sort of real time but know how it ends but then also think about how emotionally wrecked i was as it was happening and how much i didn't think there was any chance we could win so i'm trying to apply that same like maybe we're just maybe it's five minutes and 20 seconds left and feels like we just threw an interception to salt the game away but You never know, right?

Yeah, you never know. I mean, right now it is just sky's the limit. We have no idea if Locke is going to be the quarterback or it could be somebody else. Let's just really hope it's not Deshaun Watson, which I already heard some people saying like, well, maybe I heard some people on the radio saying like, well, how would we feel if he settled with the dozens of women who were accusing him of sexual assault?

This was another topic that my mother and I discussed last night, because what I really like to talk about with her is allegations of sexual assault involving massage. But I was telling her, and I'm going to say this on the show. I know no one's listening anymore except you and me, Andrew. If the Seahawks signed Deshaun Watson, I will not.

watch a game yeah I will not watch a Seahawks game where Deshaun Watson is on the team me too

Browns too because the Browns are you know there's a question mark that like and and they'll they'll both hurt me really really bad but I won't I won't yeah I mean I'll come back maybe maybe I'll come back after if either one of those teams were to do that but I can't support that and I and I won't

and it would kill me but I won't I would I said this when I was like I would so much rather lose every game with drew lock than be a good team who has to who's who's using someone uh at the quarterback position who there are very very multiple very credible allegations of sexual assault yes like that that's just a not like it's just even i cannot cross that bridge i mean i've i have sacrificed so much of my own morality to watch football and to root for nfl teams But that, for me, is a bridge too far.

Here I go once again with the email. Every week, I hope that it's from a female. No, man, it's not from a female.

We never talk about Calvin Ridley getting suspended for gambling. Oh, yeah.

I had a take on that.

What's your take?

Well, I had a take on it, and then I listened to the Levitard show yesterday, and they had the same take, and now I feel like I'm just parodying that show. No, you arrived independently at your take. What's your take? But the thing is, I'll bet you my take was informed by just listening to that show so much. That is a show that is basically available because of the just dump trucks of money that DraftKings is using to support them. Like they had a $50 million agreement with DraftKings. So that show is 100% basically kind of in the pocket of gambling. But Dan Lebitard has a pretty, you know, pretty solid head on his shoulders as far as how these things work. And what I was thinking was, you know, a lot of people are making the comparisons. Like, why is this player suspended for an entire year for making some pretty is it penny ante bets? What's the expression I'm looking for? Some pretty, you know, penny ante, penny ante low stakes. And he's suspended for a whole year. But then there are other people in the league who, again, I have just very credible accusations of domestic abuse and assault and they get maybe more of a slap on the wrist or they miss a few games like what is with that? And I'm like, it's pretty clear to me that the whole point is that especially as gambling becomes a bigger and bigger part of the NFL as it gets legalized in states and online gambling, especially the NFL's number one concern is the apparent integrity of the game. Like, if somebody is accused of assault, like, yeah, that's going to upset some of their audience, but unfortunately not all of their audience. But if you're banking on most of your audience kind of being engaged or a big chunk of your audience being engaged in these games because they have money riding on it, and then you start to introduce this idea of, wait, can we trust these players? Are these players betting on the games as well? Is there integrity here? Then that's hitting people's bottom lines And that's why the league has to like really come down It's just self-preservation

Yeah, I mean it just feels like another Extremely hypocritical thing From an extremely hypocritical organization Which is we're going to make billions and billions of dollars Off of everybody gambling on this thing now But we're also going to like Come down hard on this guy Who made a couple of bets on the like Hard Rock Casino app Also he bet on the Falcons He played for the Falcons He was on a break He was on a mental health break for a week And he was betting on his team Which is kind of like what Pete Rose got in trouble for If I understand right Pete Rose was always betting that he was going to win Which, is there anything I mean, NFL players are betting on themselves Every time they take the field They are saying It is worth risking life and limb Because I think I'm going to be successful That's the whole thing So to me, you should be allowed to bet as much as you want on sports if you're an athlete As long as you're just betting for your team to win As long as you're not betting against your team Right, exactly You should be allowed to bet on the Atlanta Falcons if you play for the Atlanta Falcons Now, I guess it gets more complicated if you get into certain sorts of point distribution And kind of like, is somebody, you know You can only bet the money line Here's the new rule I figured it out You can only bet the money line And the money line just means that's win-loss. Like, if you play for the Falcons, you're allowed to bet money that you're going to win. But not, like, buy a certain number of points. Not who's, you know, what's the coin toss going to be. Nothing that you might be able to impact specifically other than just, like, we're going to win. And I think I'm so confident we're going to win that I'm betting $1,000 that we're going to win. You cannot bet on what color Gatorade you're going to throw on the coach.

Because you bought that Gatorade. I I just think that it gets it just gets problematic because if it's all out in the open and then you have a player on let's just say the Seahawks and this player always bets on his team and he talks about that. But then one week they ask him, are you betting on your team this week? And he says, no, I'm not betting on us this week. that is kind of like that by just not betting you're sending a message that you don't have confidence in your team and then you're still sort of affecting the outcome because you're somebody who's in the locker room and then other bettors start thinking like what does this wide receiver know that we don't know I think that I mean there are just practical reasons probably why players shouldn't bet now I'm not I'm not arguing with you Luke that this isn't like very hypocritical As far as what this punishment is And it's very draconian I think again you and I are mostly in agreement On this but I do understand from a practical Matter why it's just probably easier to not have The people who are playing and coaching the games gambling Right Pete Rose should be able to be In the Hall of Fame though I agree

100% I mean Pete Rose actually sounds like a pretty Fairly despicable human being But I think he should be in the Hall of Fame because He didn't like those hits that he Got those are not aided By his gambling addiction Like he had to you know swing a bat He had to hit a round ball with a round bat Many many many Many times successfully which is why I think He should be in the Hall of Fame also the other thing I'll just Say quickly is All of not all of these but Pretty much most of these players In all these sports are gambling on these sports All the time just informally Yeah they're not using draft Kings or whatever right right this was This was the part of this New York Times article that I was totally shocked by they said the most well-known punishment for sports gambling related infractions in the nfl occurred in 1963 when pete rosell who was then the commissioner suspended green bay packers running back paul hornung which this was not well known to me because i had no idea that i think paul hornung's i think his nickname was the golden boy he was a like beloved green Bay Packer and he was like a big He was like a big deal he was like the You know I don't know Russell Wilson Of his time but I believe he's a running Back and Detroit Lions defensive end Alex Karras for the entire season for Betting on football games Paul Hornung And Alex Karras were suspended for a Season for betting on football games Why is Alex Karras a notable name to Me because he was the dad on the TV Show Webster oh there's your Webster Connection yes George you mentioned Yesterday was George of George and ma'am on Webster that was Alex Karras who was suspended for a year for betting on football who knew

I remember that he had a football connection because I think we talked about that recently right because

there were a couple of shows he was on SNL oh he was he hosted SNL and for some reason I can't remember why it came up that he had hosted and Tina Turner was the musical guest and we I don't know if we were just talking about the Saturday Night Live like there's this meme going around of like basically The guest star introducing a band It kind of started with Daniel Craig saying Ladies and gentlemen The Weeknd And everybody would play that on Friday And then it's kind of expanded to just sort of like Super random people introducing Other seemingly kind of random musical acts And somehow Alex Karras Made his way into that Into our awareness

Yeah and I also But I used to remember even as a kid knowing that Because doesn't he play a former sports star On the show Isn't that part of his character

um maybe it's confusing because when webster was out this was a golden time for ex-athletes former athletes being in sitcoms because of course bob euchre yeah that's the other thing was in mr belvedere right yes and i'm wondering if i'm conflating those was he a former athlete

was the plot that he was a former athlete maybe that's what i am thinking of by the way you know something was funny this is before i had my um projector but i was still just watching kind of random things on youtube while i played stupid video games um i watched something this is like again several months ago i was watching something and it must have been just somewhat sports related even though usually i'm just looking for more like kind of ambient images um and then it automatically rolled into some bob euchre documentary from espn that was about 13 years old and it wasn't like it was definitely not like the best documentary you've ever seen but it was worth it like i I stopped playing my game, and I just sat in here, and I watched this Bob. I knew very little about him. I'm sure you know a lot more about how he was a former player. He was a bad player, and he kind of got his start in the kind of the performing end of things by just, like, making fun of himself all the time and, of course, being the broadcaster for the— I want to say Cincinnati Reds, but— Brewers. Brewers, Brewers, right, for so long. Yeah.

And, of course, I only knew about Bob Uecker as the guy who would do like Krylon ads, no runs, no drips, no errors, and always talk about how bad he was at baseball. And he would do Miller Lite ads. Maybe it was Johnny Bench would do the Krylon ads. But I think Uecker did some of those, too. But like a lot of Miller Lite ads where it was like basically the joke was Bob Uecker was bad at baseball. Right, right, right.

That's right. I saw one of those recently when Vives and I were on some sort of a jag about Miller Lite commercials. Hey, listen, I do want to, while you have that Doogie music playing, if you don't mind. Can I just say one thing?

It's an Andrew W. Wednesday. On the show Webster, Alex Karras does play a retired NFL football player.

There you go. Yes, that kind of stuck in my brain a little bit, although I also could have bet and won on me just conflating it with Webster. Okay, or I'm sorry, with Euchre. Okay, take a listen to this voicemail. Luke, I want to play this for you because now this is going to be a little bit of a journey. But at the end of this voicemail, you'll hear why I want to play this for you. Essentially, Luke, spoiler alert, you're right. And I know you love that feeling.

Hi, Luke and Andrew. This is mostly for Luke. This is Kat in Merced. Luke, Nicholas Holt, who was the actor from About a Boy, and he's in the awesome show The Great, which is pretty great, was on Doc Shepard's podcast a few weeks ago, and he said, job done at the very end. So I don't know about that, guys. that 10 who lives in London and said that's not really a thing.

I love how mad that's going to make Paul that we're saying he lives in London. I know, Paul's head just exploded. Thank you, Kat. That 10 that lives in London. But yeah, and I think I've seen some other people maybe posting on Slack kind of similar sentiments. Now, it's almost like the modern equivalent of your obsession with peeling the film off of appliances. People are like, I heard it. I heard it. I heard somebody say, job done. Do you want to hear a knock-off joke? Yeah, I do. All right, here, take a quick listen to this.

Hello, I am Amelia, and I heard you are doing, like, knock-knock jokes kind of thing, and here's my knock-knock. Who's that? Maya. Maya who? Maya who? Maya.

I thought you might like that. Bye.

That's awesome. Maya. Maya. Good day for voicemails. That's Rednecks, right? Is that Rednecks?

I think so, yeah. What are their names again? It's the B-side of Cotton Eye Joe. List them all with Greek prefixes.

You know what's funny is I got that job done thing from this guy called the pool guy. Oh, yeah. And he's a British dude. He's on TikTok, and he just, like, cleans up swimming pools. And it's very satisfying to see a pool just go from, you know, grow green water to, like, sparkling blue. And I was watching him the other day, and I thought, this guy is interesting. this guy is like filming himself way more than he normally does like you never see him usually in the footage and i was like this is all kind of and then i realized it's a different british guy who's also a pool cleaner who's not the pool guy he's a different dude but he's seen all the fame that the other british swimming pool cleaner is getting and he's doing these knockoff videos but they're not as good it took me like four minutes to piece this all together i was like these are

kind of crappy now and like eliger two of pool cleaning videos british who knew british

pool cleaning dudes was a whole was a whole mood

what do you want to call the show today by the way i didn't write anything down uh i was gonna make a joke about um pete rose using p e b's performance enhancing bets that I don't that's really that's really trying to jam something in it

I know that this never gets this never gets us to a good show title if it's too like intentional but is there something around the Russell Wilson Mr. Unlimited Mr.

what did you we gotta get out of here what did you think about the Seahawks Twitter or like social media manager tweeting out that gif of of what's the movie Castaway Tom Hanks yelling Wilson Wilson while he's looking for his favorite beach ball I didn't see that but I think I'm okay

with it I mean I think the sentiment is the sentiment is right on which is we're sad that

we think we've lost Wilson and we're sad right yeah it didn't bother me as much but I mean it did not hit Seahawks fans really uh very well everybody's like you traded him you know what I mean whatever that whatever was happening behind I see if you don't know but everybody's team that

traded him you don't get to also then ask

Act apoplectic about him leaving. Exactly. Just be like, everybody's just like, you did this. You did this. Delete this. Like, don't troll your fan base here. I didn't necessarily have that emotion. But again, I only care about the Browns now, as you well know. Anyway, so, oh, yeah, I'll come up with a show title. Can we go out with K-Dude and Little Hoagie? That's the real question. Do you want to ask Spotify? No, I don't. Didn't Spotify break yesterday? Do you want to go out with that? All right, man. Yeah, you got it there. Okay, cool.

Do you realize that... Oh, no. This is the NFC Championship mix. You know what? Enjoy it. We need it.

He's going to throw down the middle.

He's got a man. The ball is caught. Game over, baby. Touchdown. The game is over. The Seahawks are going back to the Super Bowl.

You know you rock when you roll with the Seahawks. Do you realize there is no one from this song plays for the Seahawks anymore?

I know.

Wilson was the last holdout.

Is there one Bobby Wagner reference? All right.

I'll let you fade this out when you see Fit Andrew. I do think this is one song we're pretty Spotify-proof on.

I think so, too. And it's about the Broncos, too. Oh, the irony.

Thanks for listening, everyone. We'll be back here tomorrow with less sports talk, but more imaginary radio for you. Until then, have a great Wednesday, stay safe, and please remember, no mountain too tall. And good luck to all.

Because we're going to get a colossal win. The way the Broncos play is such a sin. Once they begin to play right, they might just win. But they are going to take a hard blow. I know they may be sad, though. See their team lose, Broncos fans will not be amused. When the trophy goes to the righteous victor. Sorry, Broncos, but get out of the picture.

Hey, guys. Russell here. Yes, the typical boring, yes, Russell, the robot Russell, the one you guys love to know, real, real exciting. You know, I'm real excited. But anyways, everybody has to have an alter ego, right? And I've been thinking about what my alter ego would be. And I think I have an alter ego. His name, his name's Mr. Mr. Mr. Unlimited. You got to be unlimited. You got to have a thought process of being unlimited. So when people ask you, you know, what you're thinking about or what you want to do in life or where you want to go, you got to be unlimited. Tell them, I'm unlimited. You know what I mean?

So when they ask you certain questions like, who brings you motivation, Russell?

Mr. Unlimited.

Who's your role model, Russell?

Unlimited.

Who's your go-to person for advice, Russell?

They think Pete Carroll. They think this person. Think that person. Love you, Pete. But it's Mr. Unlimited. Power out.