Muse

Big news, sports fans! I've decided to start calling everyone sports fans. I know I'm not exactly the jockey type, but I watched Hoosiers last night, and I like sports now. Anybody have any objections? TBTL!

It's an honor for me to be here to discuss our top story tonight. If you feel uncomfortable at any time, Give me the sign. She's buying, right? Because I will be ordering a bowl of soup as an appetizer, not a cup. Chuck, I know people say I'll fill up, but you have no idea how my body processes soup. Wait a minute.

I read a tweet about a New Yorker article about you.

Okay, everyone. I feel like this was a productive meeting. But before you go, I've got to tell you this joke that I heard on TV last night.

All right, hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone. to a Tuesday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live.

Podcasts are the future of show business.

My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host.

I always be sneaky like how I get chocolate.

Coming to you from the beautiful Westchester neighborhood of Los Angeles, California, perched just between LAX and Loyola Marymount University. Here I am in California.

California got sunshine

where it is I think going to be in the like upper 80s today. I feel warm and I'm levitating. And I am here for it. I mean I'm literally here for it I think I'm here but I'm also figuratively here for it as in I'm excited about that like young people say sometimes it's episode 3645 in a collector series Let the fun begin. We made it everyone. I had a great morning so far here in LA. Got a little morning jog in along the Bologna wetland. A very, I think, kind of underappreciated, a little bit of natural beauty in the Playa del Rey part of LA. And I'll tell you what, I am feeling very good. And I'm bouncing back from an incident last night that happened when I landed at LAX at, like, about midnight. Boy, all this technology and apps and power gloves and floppy disks, all of this technology is pretty slick most of the time. But when it goes haywire, as it did last night involving the Lyft app... It was literally a major disaster. It goes haywire. Also, the latest round of rejected vanity plate requests in Washington State are in.

How dare you people even say that?

We'll take a look at what the state of Washington said you cannot put on your car this year. Oh, speaking of names, too, Kylie Jenner and Travis Scott have announced that their kid is no longer named Wolf.

Oh, hey, y'all said my name.

I didn't know their kid was named Wolf until I saw all the news reports that they've decided his name's not Wolf anymore. We don't know what his new name is, but we will take a look at that story. I'm in L.A., so I've got to cover some, you know, Hollywood celebrity hot goss here. I've got to spill some tea. So we'll do that coming up. We'll do all that with the help of this young man. The longest-running cobro of the show may be best known for his depictions of the tall ships. I think he really sees himself as a storyteller. And I'm going to get all anecdotal on you. He's Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now from the Roosevelt neighborhood of Seattle, Washington. Good morning, my friend.

Good morning. I'll tell you one other thing about that Kylie Jenner story. There is a sentence in there that I read approximately 15 to 25 times this morning, and I still don't understand it. I kept rereading. I tried rearranging the words in the sentence. I literally don't understand what the sentence means. and I don't know if that's bad writing or if I'm just really old. So that's another thing we can talk about later.

You know, I sent you a link to an article, but I don't think I even read the article myself.

Oh, okay.

Should we just talk?

No, no, no. I want to hear what happened. That was just a forward promo, my friend.

Can we talk? I'm considering making that my new catchphrase. Can we talk?

Hey, can we talk? Hey, that's perfect for now. Now that you're in L.A., that's perfect for you. Can we talk?

I believe that was Joan Rivers' famous kind of catchphrase was, can we talk? Oh, really? But I think that, yeah, but I mean, she's been gone for a while now. I mean, I feel like, I think that probably whatever trademark she may have had on it. I don't know if Melissa.

John Rivers' daughter, maybe if that was handed down, if the estate of Joan Rivers still owns the rights to say, can we talk? But I'm willing to test that. I'm willing to see if they can actually legally enforce that trademark. When I roll out my new catchphrase, can we talk?

Test the system. So what happened to you yesterday with the—

It was a just absolute zoo at LAX when I landed at almost midnight. I mean, I guess, you know, it's an international airport. There are flights coming in from all over the world. So I take off from Portland at about 8.45, and I may have been the only person in the airport at PDX. They offered to let me fly the plane. It was a very chill environment. It was like, they were like, where are you going, LA? OK, just take that plane, go down to C9 and just, you know, it mostly flies itself. So to go from that to landing in L.A. where it was just mobbed everywhere you went, there was just it was just a sea of humanity. And as I have complained before, because what I like to do is complain about what is my very privileged life. um but there's a new thing at lax where even if you're taking just a ride share you have to take a shuttle bus to the ride share um whereas it used to be that they could just come pick you up at the airport and that was why sometimes see the the getting to the rental car place is is very tedious from lax it's a bit away from the airport and it just seems like those buses are on a very irregular schedule so sometimes like this is just a kind of a one-day trip for me i'm down here doing a tv story i will just do a ride share because it seems simpler except the last time i was down here i realized that no that also now involves a shuttle bus i think what was i calling it's like the la exit but i was calling it the laxit oh like something you take if you haven't been able to go number two in a while right right um it's a uh it's a product that uses um what's there's they have the weirdest ads on morning edition for um uh metamucil i think where it explains using silica or not silica that's like what's in computer parts or something but what is the psyllium is psyllium the thing maybe i think silica though just to save some

emails here i think silica are tiny little hairs that are found on certain organs and animals

silica what is it that what what's the making what's the car that ben vickner had a silica isn't okay what's what what is i think you're right about silica but then what am i thinking that is a basic component of glass when you melt sand down and it becomes glass there it's

it's a word that's in the neighborhood of no you're right no i'm i'm right oh i'm thinking of cilia shit god i corrected you cilia rabbit i was for luke oh shit i corrected you and i was so wrong and i was trying to avoid the emails and we're just gonna get no but what are those little hairs called i think they're silicon as i just typed in silicon i'm seeing oh the little hairs i think that's cilia right is that right i don't know dude god i already let's start over

These ads on Morning Edition are so strange to me because they're for, like I want to say Metamucil or a laxative, but then they explain to you what it does. They explain to you how this, whatever the thing is that's neither cilia nor silica, how it works in your digestive tract. I believe it's my friend Chioki Ayanson, the voice of NPR, if I'm remembering right. It's just strange that they decided It's public radio, we should explain to these people How laxatives work I mean, I don't know if that's technically a laxative either But they're just, it's odd that it gets

That explanation, but anyway Psyllium husk, a natural dietary fiber Originating from Plantago Ovada, I don't know But that's off of the Metamucil website So psyllium must be what we're looking for

It's like they feel like These NPR listener types Are not going to just put any old thing in their body they need to understand the way that it bonds to their feces

and drags it out of their body good morning good morning everybody good morning westchester do you think the sill in metamucil is for psyllium you know this area now i think they're trying to

call it silicon beach oh yeah i've heard that yeah i i didn't know that was a thing i was on In my little jog this morning, I saw a real estate sign. It was a guy like Brent Jacobson, your man in Silicon Beach, and then had a big photo of him. I could be wrong. I've been wrong before, even in. recent memory. I don't remember. But I think Silicon Beach was a phrase that they were using

even when I was in L.A. as an I believe that I just I may have been after my time or I may have just never known about it. Yeah, I don't I think it's I think it's you're right. It's been around for a while. But I think it's because, you know, you've got in sort of Playa del Rey, Playa del Vista. You've got a lot of tech now because for a while it was I don't know why I'm deciding to just do this now but i mean it was one of the few slightly underdeveloped places in la and so there was relatively cheap real estate available i don't know probably 20 years ago and like ea sports is down there and all kinds of things like that but of course they wanted to build on that thing i was talking about earlier balona wetlands um and thankfully that was stopped uh because it's it's beautiful and i'm sure very necessary it's a transition between like the ocean and whatever the water system is in in greater los angeles but so i am standing there and i'm looking at this sea of humanity that's waiting for the metamucil bus at lax andrew the lax it and i'm thinking of a friend of ours i i don't i don't know why i'm being coy but a mutual friend of ours who travels a lot had texted me a life hack and by life hack i just mean a thing that is kind of expensive but But that would save me time at LAX, which is I could call a version of Lyft, like a fancy version, like a Lux, and they would come get me right from the terminal. I would not have to get on the Laxit bus. And she even said, this friend of ours, said, sometimes it's cheaper than a regular Lyft because people don't take it because it's bougie. And this is just the weird kind of dynamic pricing that goes on. you know it's a very strange it's a very strange thing like there's no predicting it's not it's not predictably way more than everything else so i looked at this i mean it was like four buses worth of people waiting that kind of thing and i was just like uh so i get i get onto the the app and uh sure enough i can do and also let's be honest i'm not paying for this i'm forcing a major television operation to pay for this eventually so i i was like i'm just gonna get the more expensive ride to my hotel and i i click for it and sure enough it's like so-and-so's coming in like an escalade to get you and i was like whoa this is cool this is farting through silk so instead of laxating you're now luxating hey whoa where's my bell from lax it to lux it moving on up uh so but then i'm looking at the car like the icon of the car and he's supposed to be seven minutes away and then six minutes away and then five minutes away and then it just says your car's here but i'm standing at exactly the place where the car is supposed to be yep

and he's not here and i can also see that he's actually now further away from the airport and, like, is driving through Hawthorne, which is, like, he's now, like, two or three miles away from the airport and driving in the opposite direction. But the thing is telling me that he's waiting for me. And, you know, I mean, I know that is, that's a little slice of hell for you, that idea of that ticking clock, like, so-and-so is here and they will be here for three more minutes before you're, like, charged for the ride. And I'm, like, frantically texting the guy. I'm, like, hey, it looks like it thinks you're stopped, But I know you're not stopped because I'm standing here I mean I was trying to be nice because I've had something Like this happen before where I start getting the slightest Bit aggro And then the person rolls up and then it's very awkward Because you know Like I'm now going to ride in their car So I really try to keep these things very friendly But I was like hey I think there's a little Confusion and then it's like Four minutes left three minutes left He's waiting for and I'm calling him

You see you said that You can see the blue dot is not where you are. Is the blue dot moving? Or is the blue dot still somewhere else?

No, the car.

I'm the blue dot. Okay, whatever. Is the car moving?

And it's moving because every time I try to call him, but it's also telling me that he's waiting for me and the clock is counting down. So I'm calling him, and it's that thing where it rings like three times, four times. It's ringing a different amount of times every time I call him and then getting hung up on, which tells me he's hanging up on you and it's sending me that message that says so-and-so is driving he may not be able to answer the phone i'm like which is it yeah lift is he driving or is he waiting for me it can't be both so so then it's like um finally i'm taking all these screen caps i don't know if i'm going to take this to small claims court or what but i'm like i'm screen capping the picture of the thing telling me you

is waiting but also showing that his car is in Hawthorne and I'm like also going to all like the number of times I've called him I'm like building a legal case on the fly as I stand there at LAX

this is like you're doing you're doing what I do I'm writing a letter they didn't pick up my garbage until about uh 2 p.m yesterday by noon I already had the entire letter to my landlords composed in my head you know what I mean like I was like they missed us again I'm sorry that we have to do this one last time blah blah blah like you're already arguing I'm litigating it and you're in

the middle of it I don't want them to charge me I don't want to have to send CBS a bill for five dollars for me missing or canceling a ride that I did not miss or cancel so I'm like real if honestly if it was my money I'd probably I would be annoyed but I would be less I would be less worried than sending this to Larry Alardo and being like hey Larry I just have to explain this wasn't on me this was on whatever was going on with lyft so the dude eventually cancels on me so now i'm sitting there and i go okay let me try to find another fancy car and now it's just doing that thing where it's like they're very smart with these apps because it always feels like something's happening even when nothing is happening and by that i mean it's like we're looking we're finding you your driver right now arrive by 12 15 and this little line is filling up and it's like all this motion on the app that's all making me think wow they found someone even though they have not it's like it's like a slot machine where you always feel like you're winning even though somehow at the end you're down you're like wait i kept hitting it was like making sounds and things were flashing it felt very much like it was going well so now i'm standing there for 10 more minutes they still haven't found another car and i'm like i got no choice but but to mount up on the metamucil mobile so i go get in the line i get on the lax it and now i'm trying to just get a regular lift and my hotel i can see from this window andrew i am looking at los angeles international airport i am i'm gonna say a a mile if i didn't have bags and stuff i could have probably just walked it but i'm now now what's telling me is if i want the fancy lift it's going to be like 40 which seems really overpriced if i want a regular lift andrew it's 95 jeez louise it wants to charge me 95 to go one mile in a you know nissan versa or something you know it was like the guy just put a cigarette out or whatever like it's and then and then all of a sudden so i'm like i'm not doing i can't do that i i cannot pay i mean i can't even have someone else pay 95 for me to go one mile i'll just walk or something but i'm trapped on this bus now and so then i look up and now now the the the fancy one is 95 or whatever and then the regular one is down to a mere 53 and then i look down again and then the prices have flip-flopped The prices are changing by increments of $20 to $40 every 30 seconds because of – and, oh, you know, this is going to get me wound up. They said, we're sorry. The wait times are longer than usual because of COVID-19. And I was like, like shit they are. Like, I mean, unless you're talking about in the larger scale the labor shortage. Yeah, that's what I assume. I guess you could make that argument. I mean, maybe.

To me, that's a macroeconomic argument. And what they're trying to make is a microeconomic argument. They're just throwing it at the feet of COVID-19 when really what it is is they don't pay drivers enough. I don't know if we do ads for Lyft anymore. I just mean ride shares in general, by the way. A lot of those places have really made it so that it's not profitable for a lot of their drivers, so there aren't enough drivers. And in moments like this, for whatever reason, it's like the whole system starts melting down. So I did something, Andrew, very old school. When I got to the lot, there were taxi cabs, and I walked over to a good old-fashioned taxi cab, and I got in the taxi cab. It was $9.

I was going to say before, I didn't have this idea as you were telling your story, but as you were kind of winding up your story, I was thinking, I never liked cabs. I like the idea of cabs when I like was living in the Boston area and we were taking cabs and it was before these ride shares. But you never there was never any kind of accountability, kind of like what you were dealing with last night. Like you didn't know if they would show up. They would be cranky. The dispatch you'd have to call the dispatcher. The car never showed up. Well, the car said they're like. But the one place where cabs are completely easy and dependable back in the early 2000s and still today is the airport because they're just lined up there. You don't have to worry about whether or not they're going to show up. the cabs are there you just walk up to them i have had in my life a number of not great cab experiences at airports sometimes it'll be being in a city that i don't know well and worrying that i'm not getting the most direct ride home one time i was in fort lauderdale and the the cab line i think was really long as in the the taxi drivers had to wait in kind of a long queue and what they really hoped is that i flew into fort lauderdale but i needed to go to miami which is i don't know maybe 45 minutes away or something but i was just going to a hotel that was three blocks from the airport and i get in the cab and the guy starts driving and he goes where are you going and i go the west in fort lauderdale and he was so mad at me because this was like a three dollar fare for him that he just pulled the cab over and kicked me out on like a bridge yeah like so i didn't think that was going to happen um last night but i guess i've gotten so this is really what i was thinking about is like these apps and you know last night it was lyft wasn't working but all of them they've really got me right where they want me because they're just so second nature to me now and it didn't even occur to me to take a cab i also didn't actually know if the place where the metamucil bus took me also had cabs or if it was only like uber and lyft yes um luckily it did have cabs and and and i was able to get one but it's like it doesn't even occur to me to just get in a good old-fashioned taxi cab anymore because like these all of these can these apps are all very convenient and they all mostly work well and i've just sort of i've i've i've like subcontracted out all of my decision making or i've you know i've offshored all of my decision making to these things and when they start to not work i'm like a child you know the one i'm thinking still about

the the fact that like cabs would sometimes like not be accountable in various ways and you said that you would be sometimes paranoid that a that a that a cabbie might be going the long way or way out of their way to like kind of get a bigger fare trains and automobile style oh does that out of his town which is a weird thing i don't i didn't remember that it's the dude the dude

who's driving i think they go to the like the braid the braidwood inn or something as things are deteriorating and their cab driver is driving this like really weird souped up car and he's the dude who also played bizarro kramer on seinfeld oh yeah yeah i know exactly who you're talking i don't know that guy's name but that was the guy who takes them on this extremely circuitous route And Steve Martin is annoyed and John Candy says he's proud of his town, which is a damn rare thing.

That's such a good joke. Anyway, like, you know, I talk a lot about my friend Pauly on the show. I grew up with him, met him in high school, but he's been my friend throughout adulthood. And when we were he was living in Boston, I was in New Hampshire. And again, we're all spending a lot of time in Boston, you know, like kind of, you know, we're in our 20s. We're going out drinking in the city. And so that's usually when we'd be taking cabs, especially because I think the trains would shut down at a certain time and you'd be left to only have cabs, which we all thought was kind of a grift of the cab industries and connections to the city. But anyway, I remember. And listen, I talk about Paul on the show a lot. I love him. There are a few people I love more than Paul. This is going to be the only kind of somewhat negative thing I've said about him, which guarantees you he will listen to this show, which I don't think he's ever heard before. But, man, we would get in the cab with Paul, and he would immediately – he just – he almost became a different person. He immediately felt like he was getting ripped off, like that he knew a better way. And keep in mind, this is before everybody's got maps on their phones. In this day and age, even if you go with a traditional cab, you can tell pretty quickly if you're in a city you don't even know, you can just type in your destination on your phone, and you can follow along, and there's some accountability. Back in the day, we didn't have that This is pre-Blackberry, if you can imagine it And we would get in a cab And immediately, Paul would get Like, start with passive-aggressive And just inch his way up to aggressive Just with the driver Because it was both, I think, a combination Of maybe pride of him knowing directions well And also maybe just Just that kind of paranoia The kind of paranoia that I have over You know, again, like, it's noon and they haven't picked up my trash bin They're not going to come at all the whole system's broken and i'm already writing a letter to the mayor by 12 15 um even though they have like seven more hours to still pick up my trash like that that was a trigger for him and i just remember getting to a point where and also keep in mind if this is late at night and we've been in a bar like he's tuned up a little bit oh i would hate getting in cabs with him because he would just start like uh you should have taken a left there okay all right i guess i guess we can go this way like oh my goodness i know every i feel like everyone has their their particular hang up the thing that triggers them kind of irrationally um carrie and i had a friend who shall remain nameless but this was she's a very smart person um and uh really good with finance in fact that was her job is her job she somehow got in her mind that all real estate agents were just scammers and like she happened to be this friend of ours happened to be selling a house and she would not stop talking if you literally just said any word that had rea at the beginning you could be talking about reading rainbow like you before you could get

the full word out she'd be like oh real estate agents i mean they're just they're just scam I mean, and it's like, I was talking about Real Madrid.

Just calm down.

I, I, I, I stan Real Madrid. Um, and she would just go off. It was just this like sore spot for her. It was the most, it was the, I mean, what had happened, I guess. Well, I don't know what had exactly happened, but like, I think one of the things was she had bought a house, a kind of lovely home actually, and then, uh, decided she was going to sell it. And then the real estate agents were giving her what was at the time, I think the accurate appraisal of the house and she didn't really it was less than she thought it should be also this is years ago now so i'm sure that house is worth eight billion dollars um and someone has to offer one billion over asking all cash to get it but something got lodged in her brain that like real estate agents writ large were just out to scam people and i i remember thinking you know i mean i'm sure there are some unscrupulous real estate agents out there but it's a pretty well regulated industry that i that lots of people work it it's a pretty big lubricant in the economy that is the united states and you know they're just trying to sell you something in silicon beach they're not like it's not it was just a weird it was a weird profession for her to be deeply cynical about

well as somebody who did just go through the whole process of buying a house i would say that she's absolutely right never met a good real estate agent just kidding obviously we loved our real estate agent but um who is a 10 who is a 10 and literally the best if i think it's okay for me to say this if he if anybody is interested in knowing who that person is if you're in the uh if you're if you're looking for a home or something email me and i'll ask you not if you're looking for a

home if you're buying if you're selling a home um i don't think that your agent wants to do any finding of homes for people because that's i'm not going to speak for her but uh that was a very lame real estate joke um i'm sure that you're i'm sure sarah will will take on any and all clients But it seems like trying to help someone or someone's buy a home is such so much work right now. Whereas selling a home, it's like, oh, we will be entertaining offers on Saturday. Bring us your finest jewels and baubles and and your first born. And we may consider allowing you to purchase this place, you know.

Well, maybe maybe that's why Sarah is so good. And I realize that she's listening to this. So I'm not just trying to blow smoke. But, like, when we met her, I think, and I don't want to put words in her mouth, but I think she told us, like, that she actually finds more pleasure in helping people find homes, actually.

Yeah. Sure. And I bet you that's a lot of real estate agents. I mean, I was just, I'm just, because I'm lazy, I'm putting myself in the shoes of a hardworking real estate agent who's trying to, who's, you know, clients are on. And luckily, you and Genevieve were, you know, you were able to get this done, actually, remarkably quickly. but you hear these horror stories about people putting in offers on 60 homes and getting out bid every single time and stuff and like that seems tough whereas it's almost like selling a home right now just feels like like if someone calls you up if you're a real estate agent someone calls you up and says i want to sell my home that just seems like like again i don't know all the ins and outs and there's plenty of paperwork and i'm sure downsize become dollar signs i feel i turn into that emoji that the guy's tongue is a dollar or something because it's just like it It feels, and again, I know that I don't really know that industry, but it feels like you just, you put a sign out. If you're in, you know, a major American city right now, you put a for sale sign outside of your house and then people just start backing dump trucks of money up to you. And the dump trucks are crashing into each other because everyone's trying to dump more money in your driveway. I believe that's how real estate works, right?

I think so. I mean, but back to your kind of original point or what you were talking about, about this one person sort of I'll just say paranoia, although I don't know if that's the proper word. But regarding real estate agents, I mean, it's actually, Luke, very much triggered by the same thing as as the cabbie only on a grand scale. So it sort of makes sense. You know, when I think of Pauly, you know, in the backseat of that cab, we're in our 20s. We're broke. You know, this is the this is the era when fifty dollars. It's blurry.

500 you know like uh you don't have much margins in life um and so you know he was that was probably part of the driving thing too not that he was broke as a joke but like you know he's watching his bottom line and he feels like he feels like everybody in in the cabbie industry is out to get you which maybe they were at that time um and so imagine that same exact feeling only with everything everything you've worked and saved for and like yeah i definitely understand that i mean i don't i don't think that people should go into it thinking that every every real estate agent is a scammer of course but i understand that that's coming from a very similar place because you're just like one wrong move and i just i make the wrong decision but i've put everything into this

right and also this person that i'm thinking of had been through um they had been through some stuff where i think it was it was sort of like they'd gone through a divorce they had had this beautiful custom home they built and then they'd gone through a divorce and then they had this other house that they bought with the what they got from that other thing and i think it was like this was kind of their whole financial life was in this so it's very emotionally charged as it is for most i mean you know the majority of americans i think well i don't know if it's the majority of americans but certainly of of americans who own homes i think it's pretty typical that that's where the majority of the vast majority of their quote-unquote wealth is yes is in in real estate I heard someone say, it might have even been Jen, saying we live in our wealth in America in that most of us own one thing of value, and it's the home that we live in. We live in our wealth, which is just kind of an interesting way to think about it.

Yeah. I think that house, when you told me that that person had a bad experience selling their house, that makes so much sense, too, because I'd been having conversations like this recently during our process. And just this idea that, like, the people who are selling the house, I mean, it's so much more than financial. I mean, it's emotion. The whole process is emotional on both sides of it. But if you're working with somebody who if you're working with, like, let's say a couple like me and Vives, who are just like so excited to start the next phase of our life and like we're looking for our forever home and all that stuff like those emotions are so much better to work with than what do you mean? this isn't value do you have any idea i mean i raised my kids in this house we spent so much time uh treating that deck you know like the it must be so hard as a seller to hear that other people don't see your beloved property the way you do the funniest part of this whole thing and

then we should probably go to break is um there was one particular real estate agent that came through and our friend was particularly unhappy with and i think he was kind of a you know this was in bellingham and so this person was this this guy was i think one of the you know kind of more prolific i guess you could say real estate folks so carrie and i kind of i think and our friend had talked about this person whatever so we were somehow vaguely aware of this guy or like and he didn't do anything by the way but just our friend was complaining about something and then And I remember being on a flight from Bellingham. Actually, maybe it was coming back up via SeaTac to Bellingham. I was on a flight either coming to or leaving Bellingham. And there was just a very annoying person on the plane who wouldn't shut up behind me. And I just was like, this person is so annoying. And at some point I snuck a look and it was the dude. It was the real estate agent. I was like, you know, she may have been on to something with this one particular person. She may not have been completely wrong. because he was I think it was like he was coming back from Disneyland and he was like yelling at his kids or something it was it was some some weirdness going on but we don't have time for

this today but remind me at some point because I have a very very very TBTL story I have one of you know how we talk about like kind of cringe moments or intrusive thoughts memories like I'll just be going about my day and then suddenly a memory will just floor me right one of those Incidents I was that guy I found out later that I was the talky Guy sitting behind some people who Didn't appreciate it I will tell you This story at some point we don't have to do it Today but every now and then I will think of that And it I want to hear this story

Oh well I don't want you to Relive something that is maybe you know the

Only other person who knows about it is Genevieve So maybe it'll help me exercise But we honestly don't have to do it today I Intend on doing that than license plates I intend on doing TV

At least another four or five episodes all right well let's do this let's take a quick break and then uh when we come back uh i want to i want to hear about this because i i'm willing to fight whoever it was in this scenario that thought you were being annoying because i don't think you're annoying at all all right quick break then back with more tbtl in a moment we was hoping for some razzle dazzle razzle dazzle

that's right man razzle dazzle on your mark on your mark get set get set now ready ready go Everybody rattle, dattle

Alright, let's thank some dazzling donors These are the folks who are

donating a dazzling amount of dough each month and uh it's hugely important in the financial it's the financial lifeblood of this show speaking of donations and the tbtl-a-thon andrew i am very excited you and i had a little meeting recently about the plan for this year's tbtl-a-thon It seems like we have arrived at a plan, and I think it's going to be really fun. I'm very excited about this.

Yes, me too. There's a lot to fill in, but we have the outlines. We have the structure of an idea, and now we can start implementing. I'm very excited. Which is more than I usually have for anything. You're like a free jazz guy when it comes to planning. Exactly. It's a cosmic gumbo.

Yeah, exactly. Let's thank our friend, Roald Palomaria. North Bend, Washington. Roald says, that's right. Roald says, sorry, this is late. I didn't read the email all the way through. Only our listeners.

Oops, I meant to cut that line. We didn't need to include your apology, Roald. You're fine.

I was going to say, only our listeners both donate to the show and then say sorry they didn't send in their homework.

I didn't read the email all the way through

When I first got it For their donation Here's what Roald said Eight years ago I had been divorced for a couple of years And was very lonely The dating scene was Not existent and I came to the conclusion I would be alone for the rest of my life Aw Roald But then in June of 2014 Apple Podcasts suggested TBTL I connected with you guys right away and I started to interact with the 10s on Facebook and I wasn't so lonely. A couple of months later, I met my future wife, Lindsay. Coincidence, Rold writes, I think not. We have been happily married for almost four years. She brought her great children, Asher, now 12, and Audrey, nine, into my life and into my daughter Hayden's life. I think Hayden just had a birthday, right? Indeed.

Yeah, I was going to mention that because Roald says Hayden is now 14, but I think we have it on good authority that Hayden is now 15. Another thing to apologize for, Roald. If you'd gotten this in a little bit later,

we would have had the proper age. We've been hot off the presses. He also says, in August of 2020, we welcomed our son, Val. Congratulations. It's tradition now for you to play a drop of your choosing for each child. Okay, so I would love it if you could do that again. Thank you for all you do, and thank you for the tens who don't know it, but they have helped me get through some tough times. That's really sweet. Signed, Listener Rold. Aw, Rold, I'm so glad to hear that all of that cool stuff came into your life, and I'm sorry to hear that you were feeling lonely there. It's a crummy experience. Now, here's the thing, Andrew.

Oh, you're on the road. Are you worried about your drops?

Chester, well, I just don't have my full arsenal of memes for this meme war, but I can give it a try. Can you do me a favor, though? Do you have Roald's list in front of you?

Yeah, so let's start.

You give me a name. You give me a name, and I'm just going to fire a drop.

Okay, we're going to start with Asher. How do you feel about that? Asher is 12, unless there were more Blur's days that I don't know about. Okay, here we go.

Good golly, Miss Molly. There we go.

Perfect. That's Asher's favorite drop. We have Audrey. Nine-year-old Audrey is looking for a drop, Luke. What can you hook Audrey up with?

New York City!

Now, can you just change that to say North Bend, Washington? Yes, I can't work on that after the show. The recently blursed Hayden, 15-year-old Hayden. Okay.

It's so cool.

Oh. That's too... That's really for Val. That for a 15-year-old, let's be honest. Val probably never stops pooping. That stolen veil drop. Oh, what? Terrible. Just terrible. So, are we... No, let's get Hayden a more mature one. Okay, this is Val. We're giving this one to Val. Get used to hand-me-downs, Val. Now let's get Hayden a proper 15-year-old drop.

Okay, here we go.

It stinks. Perfect. Referring to what Val just did. Just like when you're 15, everything kind of stinks. Yeah, no, I like it. Congratulations. Sorry to spring that on you. I should have given you that. Thank you, Roald.

Thank you, Roald, for the support, and we really do appreciate you. All right, Maestro.

Before you say Maestro, let me just say one more reason. I want to say why I'm thankful for Roald. Something that I actually think about quite a great deal is Roald is our inside person in the grocery store industry, and you know I love getting inside info on the grocery store industry.

I really honestly do. And so whenever we're talking about grocery stores, Rold will pop in and say, well, it might be this. It might be that. It might be because of the compression unit on the refrigerator.

I don't think that's a thing.

But he's always filling me with dazzling details regarding that. So thank you for that. And now I will. Oh, go ahead.

Me trying to explain a TikTok meme is really not good podcasting. But, you know, it's my brand. there is this meme going around it's some country western song that's like a kind of a sad kind of crying in your beer song um where the the the refrain is something about miami and then i think it's like he's maybe missing his love who's named amy so it's like miami but then it's like my amy or something and the meme is like a young person is doing something so the young person is who the person who's put up the tick tock and then the song's playing and then it cuts to like a really bad like getty image of a sort of archetypal old person older person just like doing something and the one that i i seriously laughed for like an hour the other day again this is not going to be funny when i say it out loud um you just have to watch it and hear the music and you have to watch like 20 of these to kind of get the rhythm of them but it was the young guys like it's like a picture from behind of this person at a walmart he's like me scanning a like 48 inch 4k tv in as a red onion at the walmart because you know like you self-checkout oh sorry he's at self-checkout so the joke is that he's like he's getting this tv but he's scanning a he's like as a red onion he's putting it in as a red onion he's putting this like two thousand dollar piece of technology And then the song keeps going It just cuts to like A sort of older Walmart employee Who's like you know Monitoring the self-checkout Just pointing at him with a smile Going have a great day son Again not funny if you haven't seen the meme But I couldn't stop laughing At this thing the other day I was thinking of it because The grocery store industry And the self-checkout I find to be I find it really interesting Boy I'll tell you That thing is learning like the self-checkout at the fred meyer by house in portland is i mean it is so sophisticated now well first of all obviously like they have cameras but there's a video screen where you see yourself and if there's any problem like an honest problem not like i'm trying to steal anything it starts showing you a looped video of what you just did so that the person can uh like walk over and just immediately like heaven forbid you were trying to do something shady it's right there on camera and it's very intentional like they want you to know that this is all being monitored very closely like there was a time in the early days of this where i think it was you probably could scan in a tv as a red onion but um those days seem to be pretty over like that system is extremely sophisticated

yeah this might be old-fashioned for people who are already using like those amazon stores where you can just like walk in and fill your basket up and walk out without ever actually checking out and it's just like tracking you and you're connected via your smartphone that's in your pocket etc but i don't mess around in those spaces um and i was at the airport i want to say this was a SeaTac situation. So maybe you're familiar with it. But I was just at one of those little, you know, snack stores. What are they all called? Like Hudson News or something like that? Yeah. And I was getting my breakfast pretzels, which is a whole thing for me when I'm flying. Usually I'll have breakfast pretzels. I have a whole thing about how I think pretzels are a really good breakfast snack, but I won't bore you with it. But let's say I had my breakfast pretzels and an orange juice and a third thing. And it was like self-checkout, but you didn't scan each item you just put them all underneath like this I don't know like this television screen magnifying glass thing it was really out of the movie Brazil and it was just like oh you have these three things this is how much you owe and you're like okay like I don't it was like it was so fascinating to me it's just like you just dump them all on this little counter area and it's like pay this is this what you have and you're like yep it's like alright pay this much

uh there was a pretty great Saturday Night Life um you know short video I guess short film Like, as in it wasn't a sketch where they're sort of on stage at 30 Rock, but it was an ad for the kind of like whatever you call those stores, the Amazon Go store or something like where you walk in and you just, you know, you grab whatever you want and you walk out. But the joke was it starts off with, you know, some like white person like just grab and go. And it's like white guy grabs a sandwich and it's all convenient. And then you have Chris Redd, who's a black man, walk in and they're like, just get your thing. And he's like, um, yeah.

Yeah, right. No. This is a trap, right? Yeah. And they're like, no. And it's like the voiceover is so sort of white and omniscient. Like, no, you don't have to worry. We know. And it was just like a number of different people in the store who happened to be black being like, yeah, we're not about walking out of a store with stuff. Yeah. Because of the history of black people being hassled over things. I was like, I never thought of it that way, but that's a pretty good point. Yes, it is. All right. Maestro.

I hit it. I don't know why I don't. Ah, dang it.

On your mark. On your mark. Get set.

Get set. It was fine. Now ready. Ready. Go. Fix it in post.

Everybody rattle, dazzle. Listen, our next Dazzling Donor is Kirk Honda, who is also a podcast host himself. He understands technical times. If anyone understands, Andrew, what just happened with the music, it's Dazzling Donor Kirk Honda. Although Kirk would have gone back and fixed it, though. That's the thing. Yeah, he would have. I mean, he's professional. He cares about his podcast. Kirk says, I wish I was as clever as the rest of the 10s So I could come up with something witty and poignant to say All you have to do, Kirk, is tell us how we completely fixed your life And helped you meet your wife

Exactly, it's not hard

It's a simple formula Boiler plate, yeah Make it so that we somehow are the heroes of the story And then everything will be fine I'll just say that TBTL continues to be my favorite thing to listen to Oh, and sorry, Andrew, for texting you so often whenever I get a Tubbs sandwich or I LOL at your show. I feel compelled to text you. Oh, and Luke, play a few of your favorite Andrew drops. Oh, now do you have Andrew drops with you? I probably do. Let me see.

I need to get a cup of coffee. Would this be a good time for me to leave the room, get a cup of coffee, and you can just unload your Andrew file and I don't have to be embarrassed by it?

I don't know.

I agree with everything that you said. You dress for the podcast you want to host. Let's see.

How about this? You see what happens when you feel a stinger in the abs?

We got some good ones there.

You see what happens when you feel a stinger in the abs?

I don't remember that. Let's see. I think that was – you were just reading the list of all of the alternate voiceover dialogue that they use in Lebowski.

I didn't know there was more than just the –

Yes, this was a great segment that you completely – you found this. Somebody had made a list of the other things that they – because, you know, obviously John Goodman's character is yelling something quite foul about something when you do something to a stranger in a part of their body. And I think Find a Stranger in the Alps was the famous one, but there were just a bunch of other ones, too, that were just totally ridiculous. That was a fun thing.

And that wasn't us making things up and riffing on it? Maybe. I don't. Let's see here. I can only hear Yanni now.

Oh, and then this is where you probably – this is just for Kirk. This is when you want to go get your coffee, Andrew.

What's up?

Yo, yikes. I hate that stuff so much. Kirk, thank you for sticking with TVTL all these years. We really appreciate you. Thanks for supporting the show. hello and welcome to top story i don't know why i'm hitting the top story sounder at 49 minutes into the show just to ask you who hurt you andrew who oh right who said that you were annoying them um while sitting behind them like that real estate agent was on that flight

um this is an embarrassing memory so I was at a Dodgers game with Genevieve and a couple of other people I can't remember who I was there with this would have been about 2014 I think relatively new in LA I don't know if this is my first Dodgers game or not but we have pretty good seats and um I remember I'm sitting in the aisle Genevieve is to my left and whoever our friends are on the other side of Genevieve and I must have just been in one of my chatty moods I was probably very excited to be there I was probably talking loudly I knew just enough about baseball at this at this point to be dangerous when I say dangerous I mean dangerous to sit in front of because as we got to I think we even started talking with these people who were in front of us and I think that they were like I think they had some sort of flex plan or season ticket holders or something like those were their seats right i just i just have this memory of us being in a pretty good section we were just tourists you know um but they this was like their season tickets or whatever and um i i was embarrassed anyway because i remember fumbling around and trying to explain some of the people on the field to genevieve but also knowing that i was getting a lot of it wrong and then correcting it and then doing that thing where at a certain point i was just basically talking

to myself about it like oh that's a former mariner no that's not a mariner wait uh wait wasn't he with the mayor and like nobody's even listening to me at this point i'm just like talking modesto nuts on the yeah and and again this is 2014 this is quite a you know you're always saying andrew you know more about baseball than you let on maybe in 2022 but definitely not in 2014 and i was fumbling around i'm probably misidentifying people as russell brandon i have no idea what

At least you didn't call him Russell Brand.

Russell Brand, yes.

I loved Russell Brannion in Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

Anyway, at one point, apparently, I get up to get myself a beverage or something like that. And the woman of the couple sitting in front of us, who I now realize has been the biggest recipient of my babbling. Because when people are sitting directly behind you in close quarters, you know, I can't hear their conversation, but they can hear everything I've been saying. Apparently, she turns to Genevieve, maybe unaware that Genevieve is my partner, maybe not giving a shit that Genevieve is my partner, and just says, boy, that one never shuts up, does he?

Wow.

One of Genevieve's biggest regrets in life is telling me that story. I think about it all the time. I actually am glad she told me that story Because it reminds me When I'm in situations if I can't hear the people in front of me It doesn't mean they can't hear me And so I think it reminds me maybe that more people Can hear you than you think at any given moment And so I should maybe just be a little bit More aware of that So I'm glad she told me it But it's not, but you know It doesn't fill me with good feelings either Like you know, I don't think Genevieve made a mistake In telling me that But I remain so embarrassed And I also just think like those people like they don't even probably remember that they don't know who i am i don't know who they are they live in a different state like it doesn't matter but it's just like every

now and then i'll just be washing dishes and just go that's just so i mean look here's one thing i can say about that i have been to so many baseball games with you and you're a delight to be with like that's why i feel like either that person who said that was just like a ball busty kind of person who that's their like way of communicating is just to kind of like be like you know ball busty for no reason like I've just never been in a situation like that with you where I've ever had the thought like oh my god okay Andrew calm down like that's just never never a thought that's occurred to me and again I have been I've probably been to like 15 or 20 baseball games with you so I just I just don't feel like that's an accurate assessment of what your vibe is well I don't think

i was at my best that day and also keep in mind when you so back in the day when you and i were first going to baseball games together and i knew very little about baseball or the or the mariners or what a hit was i mean i told you when i first started watching baseball in my 30s i had to kind of take a moment to realize oh just because you've hit the ball with your bat doesn't make that a hit you actually have to reach base like that was the level that i was beginning at in my 30s of watching baseball so I'm sure early on when I was going to baseball games with you and you were living in Mount Baker I wasn't sitting there being a know-it-all who knows nothing I was asking you questions I was talking you were the know-it-all who maybe knows nothing right I don't know exactly then as and then as time goes on like me you know then you and I've been watching the Mariners together now for 10 years so there's just a different dynamic what was going on here was I don't know who we were with or if I was just talking to Genevieve or everybody but somehow I became like the guy who knew what was going on and the thing is i didn't know what was going on and that's what's so embarrassing but that's a different criticism see that's the thing this is

why i just don't i'm i'm i just don't think that was fair of that person or accurate because what if it was that you didn't know baseball maybe they could have said boy um he really he really doesn't know a lot about baseball but that one doesn't shut up it's just like those are two different issues i think i don't know i just think you weren't there but i'm sure i was talking i just think that's a bad person what you're seeing is a bad baseball fan like because again i mean nothing that i'm gonna say is gonna penetrate your your brain's your brain's lifelong mission to make you not like yourself but like that is just not how you move through the world that is not the experience uh like one of my very favorite things to do is go to baseball games with you So if there was even a whiff of that, you know, like, I don't know, in the early days or nowadays or at any point, if there was any whiff of if you just, I don't know, talking too much or talking about things you didn't understand or talking about things you do understand but in a way that's just, like, exhausting, if there was a whiff of any of that, I would probably try to find reasons to not go to games with you. But, like, I don't know. I'm just – I don't think that's a fair criticism at all. Now, the person who should be criticized is our friend. who leaves baseball games in the seventh inning claims to be a fan but then wants to beat traffic and that's it's not you it's someone who shall remain nameless but allow me to explain cilia to

you luke i think that was the vibe i was probably giving off that day like a lot of a lot of i probably was cranked up i was probably talking a lot and talking a lot about baseball that i don't know much about that these people probably knew and were just like what is this guy doing so So anyway, it was a good life lesson.

Well, there is also this dynamic, and it's hit and miss. But like, so to speak, where's my bell?

That's a good baseball card. You're taking it the whole nine yards, Luke. Yes, I am. That famous baseball expression.

I went in that. We've been filming in that bar in Portland, the sports bar that's going to show women's sports exclusively called the Sports Bra. And they have all this really great art and like kind of, I don't know, just sports related stuff. but they have this framed picture it's like a silhouette of a guy like a baseball player just like hitting a home run or something and then below it just says touchdown which is a really good visual joke but um i was gonna say like there is a thing that happens with people who buy season tickets or you know a third of the season tickets or whatever to baseball games sometimes they can be really fun and inviting and like just excited to be there and excited that people are excited to be there and then you sometimes get these folks who like are scoring the game and wearing their headphones and it's like they almost they just kind of almost don't want to be bothered like which is weird because they came to the baseball game but it's like it almost feels like their private thing you know i've sat near people like that before who are just kind of like not i'll just say they're not enjoying the game the way that i'm enjoying the game i mean they get to enjoy it however they want but i also wonder if that contributed to this a little bit if these people go to 25 games a year they have their little kind of like thing going and then suddenly there's somebody who's excited and talkative and like kind of enjoying it in a different way and it's just kind of like you know it was not the way they tend to enjoy

the game no i they i if and we can move on from this but the way i remembered is like they were

they will kill them and they were a very friendly hunt them down like dogs they weren't like

baseball nerds in that way they were very friendly we were taught you know it wasn't like we didn't talk the whole time and they were just scoring the game or something and then turned around to Genevieve the second I walked away we had already established some sort of a relationship with them you know what I mean we were talking we were bantering they were probably just they're probably just ball busting you know what I mean it was it was not that big of a deal it was a one-off thing that this one woman said quickly probably just in a way and she I mean to me the biggest question is did she know Genevieve was my partner or not? And my guess is she did. My guess is she did. It was just that kind of personality. We were laughing at times together. We were doing whatever. She probably just assumed that is my personality and also that I can probably just like, if this got back to me, that I can just take a joke and move on with my life, which clearly I can. That was only eight years ago.

She didn't realize that you co-host a podcast where this would become a conversation seven years later. Anyway. Oh my gosh. Well, I wish, you know, Andrew, I wish I could take away your pain. No, I really do. I wish that, like, we could, I don't know, hypnosis or something, shock therapy. What can we do?

No, I think it's good. Like I say, like, Genevieve is like, I should have never told you that. To this day, like, I don't know if she can hear me. She's working from home today. To this day, she will say, like, I should have never told you. I don't know what I was thinking. Why would I tell you that? What she's not saying out loud is I know what a fragile little flower you are. And I am. I'm maybe not a flower. I'm a fragile little creature, though. But I'm glad I'm not just saying that I am glad I would rather know that I it's more mortifying to me to know that people are saying that quietly. Like if anything, it does. I remember now when I'm sitting in that situation, like everything, even if I'm talking somewhat quietly, given the circumstances, the people in front of you, like their ears are closer to you than even the person you're at the game with in a certain way. So just be just acknowledge that, I guess.

I just – I don't like the idea of you doing dishes and enjoying yourself and then going, oh, like having that – and I have – there are probably two or three things. In fact, there are things, the listeners may be surprised, that I have – I'm too embarrassed to even bring up on this show that live in my head that way that I will go years without thinking about. And then it'll just I mean, it'll just pop up It'll intrude its way into my brain And I will have to work really hard To push it back where it came from Or where it was hanging out before Because it can be a real day ruiner So I wish that wasn't happening for you With that thing But I am here to tell you That you are a delight to attend baseball games Thank you, I appreciate it Now, please Before we do the emails Although we do have to be I'm a little bit I'm a little bit in a time crisis here i've got to go you know what i gotta go do is talk to the head of a production company that finds the next big kid on youtube and then turns them in and helps them monetize the whole thing films their stuff because i'm going right yeah this kid named uh his name is ryan um kaji and he is the his family it's got this thing called ryan's world which our listeners that have young children may be aware of ryan's world they're clearing 25 mil playing with legos suddenly i turned into sebastian maniscalco again they're making 25 mil

by the way wait can i give you a modest ross for less can i give you a modest proposal here I went through the voicemail line yesterday And we have tons of good voicemails I got about seven that I'm staring at right now How about this How about we wrap up the show today Or do whatever little business you want to do And then we skip the emails and emails today Don't you call it my little business You do your little business And then just do it on the newspaper And then tomorrow Because I don't know what your travel schedule is Tomorrow maybe our main segment tomorrow Can be like going through some of these great voicemails I love it.

I do want to know the sentence in the article related to Wolf. I don't know if his name is Wolf Jenner Scott or Wolf Scott Jenner. By the way, Wolf Scott Jenner definitely sounds like a newscaster. Because it is. It's two newscaster names. It's Wolf Blitzer and Peter Jenner. Peter Jennings, I guess. Right, right, right. But Wolf Scott Jenner definitely sounds like that could be a TV host or something. Anyway, maybe we'll talk about that, too, tomorrow. The plan is for me to fly back late tonight, depending on how long our little shoot goes. So, anyway. All right. I guess then we should wrap things up for today's episode. Would you go to a psychic called Deja Vu Psychic, Andrew? Because I'm staring out the window at a place. I feel like it's a weird name for a psychic shop, right? That is kind of strange.

Well, I can't tell if it's, like, really, really appropriate or not.

I don't know enough about that world. I've been staring at it for an hour trying to decide if it's the best or worst name for a psychic place.

One very, very small anecdote before we get out of here. We'll wrap up the show on this. Something happened in my relationship with Genevieve the other day. Wait, actually, I'm going to need an hour. No, that I don't think has ever happened before, which is one of my favorite things in the world is when I can, like, land a really good joke and make Genevieve, like, really laugh her ass off, right? And that happened the other day, only I wasn't joking. I didn't say anything that I thought was funny at all, but she couldn't stop laughing at it. And this is what I said. We're talking about deja vu. I don't know why we're talking about deja vu. And I just said, I really hate deja vu. You never know when it's over. And I was just being serious. That's something I hate about deja vu. It's like that moment of when it first begins, it's almost thrilling. You're like, wait, I think I'm having it. I think I'm having deja vu. Wait did I just ruin it by not by saying it Wait is it over now is it still happening That's the thing I hate about deja vu is you never know It's over but for some reason Genevieve just thought That she said it was like it perfectly Encapsulated me in a way that I still Don't understand it definitely Sounds Yogi Berra adjacent

Right didn't he famously say it's like Deja vu all over again right yeah Good point like it sounds that sounds like I think The thing he would say would be like You know the problem with deja vu is you don't know When it's over I think that's I can see why she laughed at that anyway that's my anecdote alright well that's going to be it for this Tuesday edition of the program I want to say thank you to everyone for listening we'll be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio so please do join us for that until then have a great Tuesday take care of yourselves stay safe and please remember no mountain too tall and good luck to all

We'll be right back. You have to discriminate. You choose things that are funny or mildly amusing or interesting. You're a miracle. Your stories have none of that. They're not even amusing accidentally. It's like going on a show. a date with a chatty Cathy doll. I expect you have a little string on your chest, you know, that I pull out and have to snap back. Except I wouldn't pull it out and snap it back. You would. And by the way, you know, when you're telling these little stories, here's a good idea. Have a point. It makes it so much more interesting for the listener. Power out.