Muse

Hey, how you guys doing? I don't know if you got the news, but did you know the subway? They're now carrying Gabagool. So yeah, I know you go to Tubbs. I don't know, sometimes you make your own sandwich, you do your own thing. Not my circus, not my monkeys, but they got the Gabagool.

T-B-T-L.

Guess what day it is? Guess what day it is?

everybody's looking forward to the weekend brother who are you what are you doing i'm with the news

dude in 1971 bill greats invented microsoft wouldn't it be cool if i could remember my

dingus password for my email they say you snooze you lose but we snossed and look what we lost

All right. Hello. Good morning and welcome everyone to a Friday edition of TBTL. Oh, yeah. The show that just might be too beautiful to live. My name is Luke Burbank. I'm your host.

Haven't you bothered me enough, you big banana head?

Coming to you from the Hollywood Broadcast Center right here in beautiful Portland, Oregon, on this April 1st, April Fool's Day.

I have been pitying fools for 28 years, Bill, and it's never personal.

Oh, we have so many pranks and spoofs and stunts for the show today. I mean, wait till you get a load of this April foolishness. We don't have any of those things. In fact, we don't even have a full report on the tree that's outside of my apartment building. Trees. They're all around us, but who gives a s***? I was staring at this beautiful tree yesterday that's in bloom now, and I said I was going to go find out what it was, and I did. I went out there with my cell phone and this app that I was talking a big game about that usually is very effective at identifying any kind of plant or tree. All it could tell me is that it's a dicot of some kind. So we know that we are dealing with some kind of very mature dicot. Maybe we'll post a picture of it somewhere, and I'm sure the hive mind of the TBTL listeners will figure it out. We have lots to talk about here. Lots of non-tree, non-April foolishness-related content here on episode 3,653 in a collector's series. Let the fun begin. Russell Wilson, Mr. Unlimited, is working on a new hydration beverage. It tastes like soot and hot water. I'm hooked. I'm just... We're going to read it, but the press release on this, it's the gift that keeps on giving. It's literally listed as a hydration beverage. Isn't that implied? I mean, I guess maybe if it's a cocktail, it's not as hydrating, but I think if Russell Wilson is releasing a beverage, We can assume that it's going to have hydration going on It's going to help hydrate you Anyway, we'll talk about that Also, this is special The debut of the new segment Tweet of the Week

Hi everyone, welcome to my Twitter

In which I talk about my favorite Tweet of the Week Now, with new special theme song tweet of the week that's coming up plus music for your weekend and this guy the longest running cobro of the show may be best known for his depictions of the tall ships he is april fool's numero uno fan we do not have time for this kind of silliness he is andrew walsh and he's joining me right now from the sweet cream district of seattle washington good morning my friend

hey what's for real what is going on is there any like april fool's bullshit going on online i am I'm in such my own world right now. I've got a million various things going on related to home improvement and fighting with my old landlord and fantasy baseball draft right around the corner. I was actively avoiding that topic. We don't have to get into it, but let's just say that I've got a lot going on. And even though I've actually been up for quite some time this morning, I've spent almost zero of it. As somebody who co-hosts a pop culture in name only podcast, I've spent a ridiculous little amount of time actually reading about any kind of pop culture today. I've been on zero social media. Have people kind of gotten over this April foolishness that was surging so much in the early 2000s with the ad?

event of the internet it feels like it at this point like i haven't seen anything going on i haven't seen like cnn with a headline about you know amazon april fools pranks its customers by uh you know doing what like i haven't seen any anyone trying to pull anything i wonder if it's the state of the world i wonder if with the pandemic really oh i do see yahoo's changing its name to hoo-ha.

Is that a thing? Are they doing that? No, it just seemed... I was trying to think of the type of thing that you would get a press release about Yahoo. We have decided that we are going to change our name. Blah, blah, blah. Google is like, when you go to the thing, it's like,

it says Gorgle or something. Right. Like, just some little small sort of visual joke that's sort of short of like what famously Almost Live, the TV show in Seattle when I was growing up, kind of our local version of Saturday Night Live. they did an April Fool's joke where they said the space needle had tipped over and that the observation deck was like rolling down like Fifth Avenue or something. Right, right, right. It sent the town into a panic. So nothing on that level I'm seeing. I did see, I think her name is, I'm doing this from memory, but I think her name is Leanna Mestitsis. She's a radio producer, worked at This American Life, and also worked on this really great John Ronson audible special podcast called The Butterfly Effect. And anyway, a really talented radio producer. She tweeted something today. I don't have it right in front of me, which is why I'm hoping I'm getting her name mostly right. But she tweeted something today that I thought was so cruel. Not that she was not being cruel, but it was so cruel towards her. She said, this is the one-year anniversary of when a friend of mine created an email, a fake email account, to email me from Masterclass to offer me six figures to host a Masterclass about podcasting. Oh, wow. So a friend of hers made this April Fool's joke where they sent an email to her saying, hey, it's us from Masterclass. We really love your work. And they went in and mentioned the specific shows that she's worked on. So it wasn't just spam. And she said she had something like two conversations with different people about how to proceed, like not with the prankers, but she immediately called her friends to say, like, oh, my God, I just got this email from Masterclass. They want to offer me six figures to teach a class on podcasting. What should my next step be? That to me is that's sort of what the problem with a lot of April Fool's pranks are is that's just heartbreaking for a person. They think there's an opportunity and the opportunity is is not real.

Yeah. Yeah, and you know me, it's not even worthwhile for me to weigh in on any of this because I'm pretty far on the anti-pranking spectrum, right? I'm pretty far, is that left or right on the anti-pranking spectrum? I'm not exactly sure, but I'm not into pranks, even things that, you know, even Kimmel's stuff or whatever, like anything that even has a, even like Nathan for you. What's Nathan's last name again? I can't think of it off. Fielder. Right, and like that guy I think is, from what I hear. One question for you, Andrew.

How about, like, pranking an animal?

I'd prank an elephant. But, like, I think Nathan – is it Fielder or Felder? Fielder, right? It's Nathan Fielder. It's Fielder, yeah. Nathan Fielder, I've heard, like, he's almost like a genius. He's so funny. But because that show was based on, like, kind of, like, setting up fake scenarios and faking people into thinking he's somebody he's not. And it's, like, that cringey kind of stuff. Like, I just have no tolerance for it anyway. But even if you are into the spirit of April Fool's, like, and you want to do something in that spirit, you've got to figure out a way to do it where you're not actually, if the person believes you, you're not hurting anybody. Like, that just totally, totally sucks. Like, my dad, I know I've said this on the show probably every year since we've been doing this show. So, like, my dad every year would pull out, he had this little white box in the basement. I can still picture the white box because I would avoid it like the plague. It kind of scared me when I was a kid. It was a little white box that you could, like, hold in the palm of your hand. And he would take that.

Did it have a button in it? And if you pressed it, you got a million dollars, but somebody somewhere died?

I don't even know why Bob Walsh has one of those. I don't know why you know that. No, that was a different box. This box contained a perfectly round, rubber, fake dog doo-doo in it, and every year he would take that to my grandmother's house, and he would leave it on the floor somewhere and then wait for her to yell, Terry, which is hilariously the name of their dog. Before that, it was Greta. They'd yell, Greta, what did you do? and like it's so unclear how a dog that i don't think really had a problem pooping in the house except for once a year when when when the flowers started blooming i don't understand how my uh grandma was so gullible but she grew up in a different era of course but like that that's over quickly like the only person that gets hurt is the dog because they would just well that's the thing shit out of it no just

joking well no but to the degree that poor terry had even a moment of of of kind of like hearing the tone of voice and and and their name and just being like kind of what i don't know what a dog's sort of what the inside of a dog as brain does when you say their name kind of grumpily but i'm assuming it's not a good feeling for them and the dog must have been so confused are you trying to do anything are you trying to cancel my dad luke burbank are you kidding me your dad was canceled years ago he's hilarious dog who is bob walsh um it's not a prank andrew it's real i got a bad haircut yesterday what you're seeing stop the tape what you're seeing is a bad haircut what's going on well i i was having a conversation yesterday with my friend anthony who's a cbs producer i work with a lot he lives here in portland as well and we were talking about haircuts because he had just finished one up and i said what do you um i go where do you go and he tells me the place and i go oh i usually just go to the rudy's and he goes i was going there but the problem is they never got the same person and it felt like a roll of the dice every time and i i knew i was jinxing it when i said it but i was like i've had pretty good results and then i went to get my hair cut later yesterday and the person cutting my hair she just cut it it's it's basically like all of the sides are are shaved are shorn pretty close which i which i go for which i asked for a number four clippers on the sides but the only hair that i have left is on top it's kind of it's it's going back to that like sort of tom cruise and valkyrie haircut i don't think i look like tom cruise but if you want to picture that hair it's kind of like you know some hair on top of your head but all the sides of your head are are pretty closely shorn up to the hair there's no part of my hair that's longer but that's on the side of my head

if that makes any sense i i don't know valkyrie but i'm sort of picturing that was a very severe version of that was kind of the look of it was kind of i called it the seattle cut for a while like that i feel like about because i feel like our buddy nick jarren had one of those and i'm saying like yes four years ago five years ago maybe that was a very in style look around these

parts anyway right kind of long a bit longer on top and then just like shaved but again not shaved like down to the skin but just like much shorter around all the sides and i don't like that haircut in fact two haircuts ago i said to the person cutting my hair a different person at this rudy's i said please don't make it look like tom cruise and valkyrie and that person kind of laughed and said oh yeah i wasn't gonna do that and they cut my hair they did a really nice job i really liked it this was a different person and i just thought i don't need to tell them to not make it look like tom cruise and valkyrie they understand it because they're looking at my hair which is combed in the fashion that i wear it so again i don't know if describing this is going to make any sense but normally i have i part my hair on the left side of my head and so there's a uh you know the majority of my hair is swooping over the top of my head hopefully to some degree covering up my baldness and then on the left there's a little bit of hair that is the other side of the part that's how i wear my hair that's how i was wearing my hair when i walked into the rudy's i now i no longer have that left side that little bit that was on the other side of the part

you know what i used to i think i've said this to you before i used to say something similar to my um barbers and i'm not joking here i did say this to them but it's just like it's so andrew as i think about this because it's like it was something that sort of made sense in my head but like my version of no valkyrie basically um stolen valkyrie but i used to tell them like you know just kind of like scissor short like i don't want to look like an astronaut and like i would always tell them i don't want to look like an astronaut And I don't think that really explained anything to anybody. And even now, as I think, because it's kind of buzz cutty, right?

Like, I don't want to look or I don't want to look like a 1950s gym teacher.

Right. But I would always say I don't want to look like an astronaut, which honestly, I think and, you know, most of these people, Rudy's probably had no idea what I was talking about. I've been I got my hair cut on Wednesday. Luke, our cycles are almost matching up. Um, but, uh, on Wednesday I probably had what would be a historic haircut in my life because I think it was the first time I've in my adult life that I've gone to the same.

barber four times I think my my current streak was three times and now I have seen the same woman four times uh and I like her and we have a good vibe and it's just nice not having to start over like I did for years and years and years I'd go to Rudy's exactly with your attitude like I trust them with my hair more than I trust myself with my hair so do it to it my dudes I would just always tell them you know don't use uh clippers on me um but uh it's really cool just going to the same person and just from from a conversational standpoint not even having to and don't get me wrong I want to make it clear whenever this comes up I always if I'm getting my hair cut by somebody who I have not met before I always kind of let let them take the lead as far as how chatty we're going to be I don't want to be like the person who's like forcing them to talk if they're having a long day and they just are more of a quiet person like I don't need to emotionally exhaust and I'm happy to sit there quietly like there's something kind of nice about that too but you know me and this person have a decent rapport uh and um and so anyway we just it's just nice not have to start over every time so i'm looking forward to it and also i'm in this thing now where and i know that you laughed at me about this last time but like every time i'm done getting my hair cut she rings me up and then i i make the next appointment for seven weeks away i found out that seven weeks is the um sweet spot and my next appointment luke will be uh just a few days before

the tbtl-a-thon so i'll be looking sharp my dude see the problem for me is uh i just kind of ignore it and let it go up until like we're filming today uh for cbs some stuff here in portland and uh next week we've got live wire coming up and so it's i can't set it on a seven week schedule because i you know sometimes it'll maybe it's only been two weeks but it feels like it's growing out and back and i need to try to look semi-presentable but i do have to get a better system i think i've just got to get a person that i go to now um that's a little bit more you know regular i also think i may have this person may have given me a less than stellar haircut because i offended her regarding the provenance of the noted fish artist ray troll is that one that's one of the people in fish or that's somebody who paints fish he paints like over the top salmon and they're on t-shirts and you have definitely seen this work if you've been to pike place market if you've walked around seattle um if you just google ray troll spawn till you die he is uh he's an artist and they look sort of familiar i'm surprised because it's like at least when i was growing up in seattle it was a huge thing not for people my age but like lots of adults were really into the artwork of this guy ray troll in particular like just t-shirts and stuff so i noticed that the woman cutting my hair has a ray troll t-shirt on which you don't see that much in portland and which i kind of feel like is a throwback to my youth and i say something like wow ray troll that's a real seattle institution and she stops and she goes you mean a real ketchikan institution don't you And I was like, oh, is he actually from Ketchikan, Alaska? She goes, yes. And then she proceeds to basically let me know that she is the largest fan in the world of this guy's paintings of fish in all of the forms, including she owns like 20 of his T-shirts. She's got like a Grateful Dead one. She's got the one she's wearing, which was signed by him. she was like it was weird though because the whole i felt like the whole tone of our interaction changed when i misunderstood the place where this dude ray troll was from because i was talking to

his number one 28 year old fan that is a um that is an interesting twist in this story like i would have never guessed that that's where this was going i mean i didn't even know he existed but like yeah of all of the of all of the ways to kick things off like how did it happen that you are irking the world's biggest ray troll fan i know who's again not if if the person cutting

my hair had been like 60 if they'd been like a retired public radio engineer i would have been like yeah ray troll it checks out because it's like again it's just it's fine and in fact you know i mean there's i wouldn't be surprised to see a sort of ironic not ironic but you know how things in fashion are so cyclical i could definitely see it coming back and being very in style for younger folks but when i was growing up it was very much a thing that a kind of middle-aged public radio listening certain type of person who was also maybe in a some kind of informal bluegrass band some loose association of people who get together to play some kind of stringed instruments those would have been the folks with wearing the ray troll stuff so here you have this you know under 30 conventionally attractive um woman who's got a ray troll shirt on and little did i know that this is basically the organizing principle of her person

personality i know one thing about ray troll and that's that ray's favorite fish is the rat fish the distant relative of the shark has come to be ray's totem i know this because i am on a youtube video that is really just a um it's just a like a photo montage um with i assume a music that is called strolling and trolling a tour of ray trolls catch a can and um it's like a a slideshow on YouTube. Could have used this info yesterday, Andrew. And who put this out but Washington State Magazine. Go Cougs. This is the music. Is it supposed to be that quiet? Oh, that might be coming down the line funny for you if this is a weird mix, but it says he's got a license plate that says Ratfish, apparently.

Well, I don't know if she was trying to teach me a lesson with this haircut but i definitely think i need to just get someone so your system has worked because i remember the first time that you did this when you were wrapping up a haircut and the person said do you want to make another appointment and you did it was on the calendar and we talked about it on the show and then i even remember like as the day was approaching we were all on pins and needles would it work out would you go back uh you know would you sort of um you know keep the appointment and obviously you did and this is your new system

and it's working well yeah i mean i hear there were a couple of things i think the first time and i don't even know if you and i talked about this but the first time it took me a while to figure out exactly how many weeks i needed in between my haircuts because there's a fine line between go for me it's just it sort of feels like my hair is fine fine fine wait let's be clear my hair is not fine my hair though is non-problematic or not causing me any issues um until suddenly it feels like this hair is too long and i must get it off my head like it's it's a it just seems like i don't know i don't know why that is but um last time i think i went in and maybe i'd given it five or six weeks but i maybe just like five weeks and i went in and it just like i felt like i barely even needed a haircut and so she didn't charge me for the whole thing she was very nice about that and then there was another time i think this is it you had mentioned when i told you i was signing up or i was trying this new system of signing up you had said oh god if only i could live a life that was so easily kind of, you know, scheduled, but I can't do that kind of thing. And then what happened was I did have to change my haircut because of your schedule, I think is what you're thinking about there. Something happened where you had to move TBTL or something. Not a big deal, and I'm not saying that to bust your balls, but that's what really happened. It was like there was a comedic irony in there that your response was, I can't live that kind of life where I schedule haircuts. And I'm like, well, I can, but it turns out, no, I am attached to you. So I can't live that kind of life. I'm not saying that passive aggressively, by the way, it really was not a problem. I pushed it back a day. I mean, it was fine. But like, no, that's where we are. But I like it. She mentioned that she's going to start cutting at another shop. And the thing is, I've now moved further north and I go to the one at the U District, which is I think I could go to one closer to my new house. But I'm like, well, I like this. I don't mind going to the U District, you know, once every two months or whatever. But then she mentioned that she's going to start working in the Capitol Hill one more. And I'm like, well, I'm not going to be driving all the way from my house up north in the practical suburbs all the way down to Capitol Hill. So I was like, oh, but she's keeping she's keeping some hours at the current location. But I got to say, I would draw the line at driving down to Capitol Hill to get my hair cut every two months.

Andrew, I am so hyped about a TV show that I started watching last night and I really want to tell you about it. But if I start telling you about it right now, then it's going to be one of those shows where it'll be like an hour later and we haven't even gotten a top story. So why don't we do this? Why don't we take our break right now and then come back and I want to tell you about this show. I'm going to do Tweet of the Week, talk about Russell Wilson's thingy. By that I mean music. Phrasing. I want to talk about Russell Wilson's dink. Call back to yesterday's show, by the way, in case that seemed like a completely random thing to say. Dual income.

No kickoffs Dual income No kickoffs I don't know Yes Sorry

So let's Let's take a quick break And then when we come back I want to tell you about my new I think I don't want to over Hype it Andrew But I feel like I may have found Our new Patriot Oh wow We may We may be in need Of a new Special TBTL television Related podcast

So in other words A show that has Zero marketing And nobody will ever see And it won't help our numbers Exactly I love it already I love it already

Stay with us, this is TBTL We was hoping for some razzle dazzle Razzle dazzle That's right man, razzle dazzle

On your mark, get set Now ready, ready, go All right, let's thank some dazzling donors. These are the folks who are dazzling this with their donation of dough each month, and it's pretty vital to the operation. Hey, look who it is. Our friend, Cheryl Cherchik of Corvallis, Oregon. Cheryl in Corvallis. Hi, this is Cheryl in Corvallis, and I am just workshopping my dazzling donor message. My 11, Lance, deserves a majority of the credit for the actual donation. He puts up with me telling him about what the guys are up to. That's us. And even though I still can't get him to actually listen, he downloads every episode of TBTL just to help the numbers. Thanks, Lance.

Lance.

Good looking out. Appreciate you. Now we've got to get the birds to do that. Exactly. Well, we, of course, kicked off our van tour, our last tbtl-a-thon in the delica at uh cheryl's house in corvallis our very first show outside of

a listener's house it was raining we didn't know how to use the tarp on the outside of our van we are going to be broadcasting it on youtube live everything uh went off without a hitch cheryl and lance and the kids could not have been more helpful and calming during the time that we needed it the most but uh yeah in fact luke i have a little secret theme to today's dazzling donors I'm going to see if you can figure it out later.

I'm picking up what you're putting down, Broski. Cheryl says, I'm grateful that he understands what a huge part of my life my imaginary friends are. I'd also like to send a special message to my amazing kids, who are also 10s, Julian and Irene, who we also met that day. They've been working so hard and dealing with so much this last year. You are both caring, loving people who have so much joy, empathy, and creativity to share with the world. I'm so excited to see what the future holds for you both. Finally, to the tens, thanks for continuing to be the amazing group of human beings that you are. This community holds one another up in ways that I've never seen anywhere else, a truly unicorn, mind-exploding emoji sort of way. Aw. That's really sweet.

Yeah, I feel like— Cheryl embodies that, by the way. I agree, but also Cheryl, sorry to cut you off

No, that's alright As long as you're complimenting Cheryl, you can cut me off

No, but yeah, I mean, everything that you say About the community, I agree with And Cheryl, I mean, a lot of people epitomize it But Cheryl certainly does And she's been such a backbone to the community Especially on some of the digital spaces Like Slack or whatever So involved and always just like Making sure if there's a new person who's signing up For the TBTL Slack, making sure that they know Their way around and introducing them to other people And stuff, she's really

mostly making sure to just pull down references to where i live specifically and that and also

always having our backs in ways that sometimes we don't even have our own backs and she's looking out for us more than we look out for ourselves and i appreciate it i don't even and yet i'm

dropping more hints i live near a dicot some kind of dicot now it's going to be very easy to find trees they're all around us but who gives a crap trees they're all around us but who gives a shit uh we give a major bleep about cheryl thank you cheryl so much for all of the amazing things you do to keep this show going maestro we've also got to thank megan french in sacramento california the theme Andrew being yes people who allowed us to park our Delica in front of their houses while we were doing the TV telethon last year of course we stopped by Megan's house as well that's right that's right Megan did something incredible that I didn't even know was a thing which was ordered a sign for us from this company that comes like like four in the morning and puts letters up in your yard to make a special message so you can do it for i would say typically it's probably for birthdays or maybe birth announcements or other things or occasionally a podcast that's driving a japanese van up to your house to record in front of your yard um but uh we also did do a

gender reveal for me um during that stop too so it it was fitting i think i wish that we would not

have used that particular kind of explosive because of course there was a wildfire which is still devastating

Sacramento. No, it's not funny. I shouldn't laugh.

Megan says no fundraiser will top meeting y'all on my front porch last year but I'm still looking forward to whatever you have in store. I love you guys. I think we've got something. We actually have a meeting later today with our colleague and friend John.

and I don't know if Emily will be there or not. I don't know if Emily has now been promoted to a level within our company where she no longer has to take meetings with people like us, but we've got a TBTL-a-thon-related meeting coming up later today, and I do think it's going to be, this year's THON is going to be really fun and a really great kind of TBTL community-building thing. But yeah, Megan, thank you for hosting us last year, and we really appreciate you. I hope that this year, on the one-year anniversary Of us coming by your house You'll put another sign out Even though we won't be there We'd just like that to become a yearly event Where you kind of promote TBTL with your yard Yeah, please Is that too much to ask? It is too much to ask Don't do that, Megan Even though it would be funny Please do not do that It's much more helpful for you to just keep dazzling donating Don't spend any more money on signs for us Unless we come back by So thanks to our dazzling donors For making TBTL possible Hello and welcome to Top Story. I started watching this show on Apple Plus last night, Andrew, called Severance. I don't know if you've been hearing any buzz around it, or if you are familiar at all with the premise of the show.

I don't think so, no. I don't think so, unless you start describing it and it rings a bell.

Well, I'm trying to think about how to talk about it. I don't want to give too much away. But basically, the plot is, what if you worked at a job where there was something that was such sort of high security that you had to sign a waiver that allowed them to put some microchip in your brain that severed your memories between your life outside of work and your life inside of work? So when you go to the office of this company called Lumen, by the way, the guy who wrote the show is from Olympia. So there's like one of the projects they're working on is called the Tumwater Project. Oh, interesting. And the company is called Lumen, which I don't know if that's a Lumen Field reference. I mean, it's spelled differently.

Well, Lumen Field is named after a real company. So that's kind of interesting because I'm getting my internet technically through Lumen now.

Although it's spelled differently in the show. But I'm just, I mean, of the many things I'm enjoying about it I'm enjoying some little subtle kind of Northwest references But, so the idea is These folks work at this big kind of company We don't really know what the company does yet But, and Adam Scott is kind of, I guess you would say Sort of the main star, along with Patricia Arquette

Oh, this is Adam Scott I knew he was in a new project I didn't know this was it Okay, gotcha

John Turturro is in it Love some Turturro, nice Zach Cherry, who's really good. So it's Adam Scott's character. It opens on Adam Scott in his car in the parking lot of this giant kind of company that he works at. And he's just crying. And we don't know why he's crying. Then he goes into work and he scans through his key card and he gets into this elevator. And as he goes up the elevator, his entire affect changes. because he's passed across some sort of like you know like uh rfid threshold where his brain now his memories of what his real life is have been totally turned off and now his brain is in he's in severed mode and he's now at work where he does i mean it's the aesthetic of this show andrew is flawless it's like it appears to be set i'm kind of in the 80s they're working on these like weird 80s computers where they're doing this project where they just have to highlight they're looking at this green kind of 80s almost dos screen that just has numbers that go across it and they have to pull the numbers down and put them in these little separate kind of little baskets and they basically have to do this all day long and there's no real explanation of kind of why they pull certain numbers down into these baskets but it's just this kind of thing that you get a feel for it once you've been doing it if one of the numbers seems sort of out of place you grab it and you put it in its place it's got some real brazil yes kind of vibes going on of thinking that yeah of this mind sort of somewhat mindless and and i don't know kind of opaque um job that you're doing in this place but what happens is and again i'm not giving too much away adam scott when he when he's at work he finds out that his like his best friend at work the guy that he really liked, someone named Petey, has been fired. And he really liked this dude, Petey. So Adam Scott goes through his workday, whatever, and then he goes home, and as he leaves the company, then his brain turns back on to his real-life memories. And he's at a diner, or he's at a bar actually having a drink, and a dude shows up and says, I'm your friend from work. I got out. and it's not what they say it is over there and thus the intrigue of

the show really begins oh you got me that sounds you really got me with that description man

i want to check this out it is i mean andrew it also stars the guy from patriot who plays cool rick lakeman's brother really he's incredible he is the most pompous he's the total opposite of cool rick or or you know of rick interesting yeah he's totally the opposite of rick lakeman in that he's this like real pompous he's married to adam scott's he's adam scott's brother-in-law he's married to adam scott's sister and he is just so unbelievably like um cloying i guess or i don't know he's he's like there's this dinner party that adam scott has to go to where uh the guy from patriot is um uh where he's sort of holding court at this dinner and it is so brilliant and then at some point adam scott ends up staying at their house because he's had too much to drink and he's sleeping in the kids they're about to have a baby and he's sleeping in what's going to be the kids bedroom and he's sleeping in like a race car bed and the guy the guy who plays rick on patriots explained to him in this very pompous way well we read that the if you move a child from one bed to another as they're growing up it traumatizes them so the way the swedish people do it is they have all of the beds the child will ever use in their room so they choose when they want to switch beds oh my god so there's like a crib a race car bed another bed a regular size bed and they're gonna like let the child choose when he wants to sleep in when he's progressing to his next bed so as to not traumatize him but the only one they have sheets for is the race car bed so

that's where adam scott is sleeping that night i do kind of like that idea of even as an adult like i've never has anybody ever done that have they ever had has there already been has there ever been any like rich eccentric who has a bedroom with multiple beds in it or you're so rich that you have multiple bedrooms and you choose which bedroom you want to sleep in every night i think not i think most humans just have a desire for that routine right that would hold no appeal for

anybody right no matter how rich you are the unfamiliarity or the changing feeling of being in a different bed every night even if it's within your own house would be unpleasant like that's one thing that money you don't need money for that you know from the richest king to the poorest pauper andrew we would all like to just have a comfy bed that works for us that because that's

part of what makes it comfortable yeah exactly although now i want to do it i want to be that i want to be that psychopath andrew one other thing that i will say about this show i feel

like i've already hooked you in and now i'm just gilding the lily and i'm i'm almost i probably shouldn't even tell you about this because it would have been a pleasant surprise for you but a significant plot point in the first episode is garbage anxiety oh seriously yes in adam scott's real life he has a running issue with his neighbor putting stuff in his recycling oh my god

i had garbage anxiety so bad yesterday i was actually going to make a point of not talking about it on the show because we joke around about my garbage anxiety but it got to the point yesterday where i was having some emotions on a walk where i i think i was probably dealing with a lot of things and it was all going into that one bin if you will of my garbage anxiety and i was so uncomfortable in my own skin for like i don't know a few minutes that i was like this isn't funny anymore like you need to find some help because what happened was this wasn't our first garbage day since we've owned the house but it was our first garbage day since we've lived here I had taken the garbage out I think it was last week when I was over here doing painting projects I can't believe that was just last week it feels like a lifetime ago and so I took the bins out on the night before and then came back to this house the next evening or afternoon to finish up some painting project and then I went to return the bins to our garage where we keep them now and somebody had already put their dog poo in our garbage bin which is like oh no yeah and it's it's like again i've described this so many times that like we have a tall garbage bin like i had at my old house except it's got that weird governor in it or whatever you want to call it the restrictor thing so that it's you're only using like half of the garbage can um and so like i open up the lid and i'm like i'm face to face with somebody's literally very stinky dog poop you know in a bag but like right in our garbage can i'm like oh that's so gross and i'm like excited like when i move in here i'm going to really get to learn when these garbage trucks come by our house and i'm going to um you know make sure that i'm bringing them in off the street as fast as possible because there's a lot of foot traffic here um and frankly where i live dog poop might be the best thing for me to find in my garbage can so um so uh and i also think that garbage pickup is going to be much more consistent here because i live in a regular residential area now so that should be a plus and yesterday i finished up t BTL. And again, I kind of have a lot of things going on, a lot of things on my mind, a lot of uncertainty, you know, just wrapping up certain things like I'm still getting billed from my old cable company, even though they were supposed to shut off service. But there's indications that they haven't shut off service and they're still billing me. And I'm dealing with that. I mentioned earlier dealing with some outstanding things with our landlord that isn't going so well. It's just like, you know, it's just a transition part of my life. And I don't think that I necessarily have the best personality for that kind of stuff it's been a fun time but i think my brain probably is just processing a lot of stuff and i go outside i'm going to go walk to grab some lunch i check the bins and most of them are empty except for the actual garbage bin the one i'm kind of most concerned about and i'm like okay that's fine that truck hasn't come yet and then i start well i think i come back in the house i lock a couple of doors and then i take my walk to get something to eat and as I'm walking down the same street that my bin is on I'm noticing

everybody else's bins are empty and I'm like oh my god this isn't good why was my bin which I just checked like five minutes ago still full but all of these other bins are empty I'm like it's probably not that big of a deal and even if they did skip my house like it's a phone call and maybe an argument of me saying no they were at the curb stop lying to me city whatever but I realized I was getting so upset about it I was super hungry I'd had way too much coffee I was wound up from TBTL I don't know if you know this Luke but it winds me up but I was walking up this hill towards my lunch place and I realized I was so in my head I was fighting with the city already about them being liars saying that my bin wasn't out and on time I was so many so many moves ahead of where i was in reality and i actually had to stop and be like wait a second andrew this is not a big deal first of all they have five more hours in the day to pick this thing up uh it might have been picked up in the five minutes that i went into the house to lock the doors and even if not and even if they charge me and they rip me off they're ripping me off like an extra 15 or something for an extra garbage pickup like this is a handleable situation like you need to calm down Like, it wasn't, like, funny the way we joke around about it on the show. And then I go, I ate my lunch, and I came back home, and I think what happened was the truck came during the five minutes that I came back inside the house to lock the doors. That's why on my walk, in which I did not pass my own can again, everybody else's was empty, but I was thinking that mine wasn't behind me. And so that entire walk, and I knew it. Again, I had to talk myself down. Like, I knew that I was being irrational, but it was just more proof of how irrational I was being. And I need to just, like, trust the system a little bit more. I was done dirty by the city many times in my old apartment building. And I do think that it's that psychological impact of them just sort of gaslighting you and them just insisting that it wasn't at the curb when really it was. So, anyway, I'm rambling now. But it was one of those moments where I was like, this isn't cute, man. You need to get out of your head on this shit.

First of all, you need a John Prine tattoo. Yeah. exactly where you can go for one i'm not kidding this silly tattoo has really been helping me like a lot i i look at it probably once a day when i am starting to spin out over something like what you're talking about andrew and of course obviously well a few things one you got a lot going on you're moving like you said you're dealing with some stuff it's your old place you're just like and there's a lot of unknowns a lot of question marks around how things will go at your new house and i can understand that feeling of like this is you know week one of of the garbage pickup while you own the house and if this is going to be an ongoing problem like it's the beginning of many years of your life living at this place and if already there's issues then it's easy to catastrophize that and just feel like okay well this is now going to be something that i have to deal with week in and week out for the rest of my existence which is not the case But I can see how you're how one's anxiety kind of goes there.

And I have been in the habit of taking a photo of my garbage bins out at the curb every night when I take them out at the old place because they would lie. They would skip us regularly and then the contractors would say, well, the bin wasn't out at the curb. So I would always take a photo with my phone that had a timestamp on it so I could say when the city lied to us, no, look, here is a timestamp photo. And then they had no recourse. Right. Well, this I meant to take a photo. This was, again, kind of the big launching of my new garbage life, and I forgot to take a photo of my bins out at the curb, and I was like, why? I was so mad at myself for not taking my photo. You let your guard down. I did. I absolutely did. You got cocky. Yeah, so anyway.

You were celebrating at the one-yard line, and somebody just snuck up behind you and swatted the ball away.

Exactly.

Do you happen to have our new Tweet of the Week theme song ready to go, my friend? It's Luke's Tweet of the Week. Oh, yeah.

Thank you to listener Ryan in the D.C. area for that wonderful. In fact, we should just do it one more time.

It's Luke's Tweet of the Week.

Oh, yeah. Ryan made a whole bunch of different versions. I love it. So I don't know if that was the one that he thought was the final version, but that's the one that I like the best. So that's what we're going with. Love it.

some bongos in there i know which we'll just do one more time it's luke's tweet of the week oh yeah you love to hear it thanks ryan that's awesome so again this segment is it started

accidentally or we should say organically last week um when i said we should have a segment on fridays where you talk about your favorite tweet not that you read but that you tweeted out yourself this week um i'm not great on twitter i don't see most of your tweets luke because i have everything sorted by um by time not prominence how much you like the person not by how much i like the person so usually i don't know about your tweets until you tell me about them um which everybody agrees is the best part of the show so what is your favorite thing that you tweeted out and this does not count you just retweeting somebody else's right stuff unless you've added

content of your own well it was a kind of a quiet week in lake tweet-a-gone where all the tweets get liked and all of the ads are above average lake tweet-a-gone um i i don't have a ton of tweets that i haven't already referenced on the show that's the other problem i have a my michael dukakis tweet but i already talked about that so that doesn't count I have, this is what I wrote three days ago I wrote, it's weird how Typing absolute legend At the end of a generally incoherent tweet Can get you like 20,000 likes Absolute legend

It's Luke's tweet of the week Oh yeah

It also punctuates this segment Yes, it's a great, great bookend Now how did that do?

uh well it doesn't have 20 000 likes it has it's it has between 71 and 20 000 likes between the low end 71 yeah and on the high end eventually 20 000 i just i obviously i had seen i had seen a tweet somewhere where somebody had written something about i don't think it was related to the quote-unquote slap but it was there's a kind of a i don't know what you'd call it a syntax a language on twitter where somebody just like will highlight someone who you weren't thinking who you hadn't been spending a lot of time thinking about and then they'll just be like absolute ledge go off king legend and it's like you know the guy standing the guy standing three you know people back in the subway line like at on the viral video go off king absolute legend and um so i'd seen that somewhere and i thought it would be kind of funny if i ended the tweet with absolute legend um but then it also seems kind of thirsty because i mentioned the 20 000 likes so it seems like it's a ploy to get 20 000 likes and also now i can't delete it because people realize i just deleted it because it didn't get to 20 000 so i've painted myself into a bit of a corner but that's what happens andrew you take some swings uh in the twitter game you're not gonna you know you're not gonna hit every pitch so that's the that's probably i think the tweet that i want to highlight this week and also see if i can get it moving in the direction of of 20 000 likes because it's kind of stalled out it's been stagnating at uh 71 for a

while can i share with you so this week's newsletter the tbtl newsletter which you can sign up for it tbtl.net is so good and the reason it is so good love it is because i didn't write it our boy the stew bot offered to help out because he knows that i'm busy so he did we have a guest guest author this week this is not a uh this is no april foolishness here and so he said hey i know you're moving um and things are busy so if you need um if you need some help with the newsletter i could do something like i don't know rank all the 10 counties in new hampshire for you or something. Wow, Soviet Russia, coronavirus gets you. And so I'm like, yeah, that sounds great. And so moments later, he sent me a list. Well, there are only 10 counties in New Hampshire, and he sent me a ranked list of them. I'm not going to read the whole thing here, but here I have reread this entry, number seven, so many times, and it makes me laugh so hard. I hope I'm not building it up too much. But so he's ranking all the counties in New Hampshire, a state he's. never been to um number eight belknap shows you how strong this list is belknap would be a top five county in north carolina or missouri does a lot of the little things right yeah oh yeah buddy

it's so great i've been thinking like i don't know like sometimes jokes get in my head like an earworm too and like since i read this earlier this week i've been going around thinking it does

a lot of little things right yeah oh yeah buddy that's great oh i didn't even know that was in the offing well thank you stew um that's the other kind of really that's the the business model of this show the listeners donating money and also people who used to get paid to work with us continuing to work with us pro bono exactly because yeah oh yeah buddy because they know that you're having you're having a busy week yeah well then i feel bad i was zero help because i know you doubled up on the hey dummies videos because i was off gallivanting in the tropics and you were like hey do you want me to just get this out of the way so we get it to uh our friend james on time uh so now i feel bad if i put more on your plate no not at all actually i i don't

want to give it away but i actually did a uh on location hey dummies um and uh i think it actually turned out really well too and that's never it's it's that's that's not a problem do you have a

Is there a problem with a new venture that hopes to capture a piece of the $9 billion sports drink market to develop next-gen products under those banners that can play across various hydration occasions and functional need states? As long as it's fungible. Russell Wilson and AJ Vaynerchuk team up on hydration beverage, and it's called Local Weather, by the way. That's the name of their hydration beverage. i don't i wonder if aj vaynerchuk is related to gary vaynerchuk aka gary v who's a sort of become like the he's sort of the joe well i don't want to say that's not fair i don't know what his like politics are what his deal is with the like as far as you know coronavirus i don't know anything about gary v except that he's become an extremely influential um investment guru and crypto and all of the other things to a certain kind of dude who also probably bets on sports um and you know is of a certain age and has a certain kind of um approach to the world if that makes sense like he's the go-to guy everyone's always talking about gary v and i think they maybe have the same last name i would be surprised if he and aj were not related but anyway this dude aj and russell wilson are teaming up um i guess they're calling aj a digital media guru so maybe they're maybe it's just a coincidence um they have teamed up to enter the rtd beverage market with the launch of local weather an nft powered no tropic boosted hydration drink brand aimed at

gen z consumers nft powered what does that mean an nft powered drink

i have a feeling that someone just told russell wilson it's nft powered and no tropic boosted and he just said i'm in he just said like he said is it limited and they said no and he said so it's unlimited and he's like i'm in i don't local weather uh is going to use the tagline mind and body hydration the drinks feature coconut water for hydration and pink himalayan sea salt for electrolytes plus ashwagandha l-theanine and l-tyrosine to support mental stamina focus and performance okay the line will launch in 16 ounce aluminum bottles and four flavors fruit punch orange clementine and four loco no i made that last one up this is what russell said Throughout my career, I've found the high sugar and artificial sports drinks we all know prevent me from achieving my best, Wilson said in a press release. As a professional athlete and father, I truly believe we owe it to the next generation to provide a better option that suits their performance needs and speaks to their creative pursuits. It's time to start a new conversation and change the dialogue around sports hydration forever. We do need help.

That is one thing. I don't know if I would buy this or not, but I'm so glad that somebody is changing the dialogue around sports beverages forever because I was so sick of the old dialogue. I mean, I didn't even like it when it was new. I thought it was kind of disingenuous and misleading. And now I just didn't like the tone. I didn't like the tone of that dialogue right out of the gate. And now it's been I mean, when is the last time we've seen a paradigm shift in the dialogue around sports drinks, Luke? It's been decades.

Well, when's the last time, Andrew, we've seen a sports drink that's able to play across various hydration occasions? And, I mean, okay, fine. You've got some of them. Sure. You've got your...

shower aid you've got your gatorade things like that yeah can they play across various hydration

occasions sure but what about functional need states no absolutely not like okay gatorade i can drink that obviously while i am um you know running a marathon or when i'm crying in the shower everybody knows that and i've done both right um various hydration occasions exactly but my need states are the same in both of those situations shower running same need states but I'm looking for something that, like, if I want to – here's a scenario that I've had a lot, Luke. I'm snorkeling, right? I'm snorkeling, and I'm really thirsty. And that's a different sort of need state than when you're running or crying in the shower. And so now I feel like this could kind of bring – this is one beverage to rule them all, essentially.

Sure. That's the game changer here, Andrew. I we were talking about I'm sort of was bringing this topic up yesterday on the show and where I was really starting to take it was. Of course, we all loved Russell Wilson when he was a Seahawk because he's a really good football player and we knew he was kind of a dork, but it was, you know, he was our dork. But I can feel I can feel it starting to change. I can feel my heart starting to change a little bit. Like, I don't think Russell Wilson obviously is a bad person, but I'm starting to notice his corniness in a different way. And it specifically, I'm thinking of this tweet that he sent out that was, I believe it says something. It's like him in his Broncos uniform dropping back for a pass. And he says, like, they thought I was done. I told him I'm just getting started. Let's ride. And I, other than, you know, playing across various hydration occasions, I don't think anything typifies Russell Wilson's whole deal more than that tweet. Yeah. because it is completely disconnected from reality nobody said he was done zero people said he was done everybody wanted russell wilson and it's this this kind of imagined world where it's like and maybe it's you know like what michael jordan i guess sort of had not that russell wilson is as dominant in his sport as michael jordan was in his but you know in that documentary you started to see that jordan had to sort of like psych himself up and create like enemies like he he was really mad at the sonics coach george carl for ignoring him in a ruth's chris steakhouse so that he took it upon himself to personally try to destroy what was then my basketball team i don't know maybe there's a little bit of that with russell but mostly it's just corny to me because it's like does russell wilson think that every that nobody wanted him that people thought he was going to retire? Did he think he was, I mean, he signed, did he sign the richest, has he signed the richest contract? He hasn't yet, but he will very likely sign like one of the richest contracts in the history of pro football. Yeah, that's not, that just doesn't make sense from the standpoint that they thought I was done. Like, does he think that they thought he was done? The thing is, I mean, I guess, listen,

I can't put myself in the mindset of an elite athlete, obviously, those days are behind me. We know that you scuba dive. We know that you cry in the shower. Those are elite. I'm a world champion. I have a gold medal of shower crying. But I understand that you have to be motivated in ways that are kind of unrelatable to us and in some ways seem very corny to us, and they can manifest themselves in all kinds of irritating ways to the outside fan, right? But that one was just so over the top. They said I was done. nobody said you were done dude no but and you're right the psych and but again like even to get away from the the football aspect of this i know it's more like kind of this psychological thing that's interesting about like because i defended him so much like that that the whole video that you have that drop from unlimited like the unlimited drop you play is actually the least annoying part of that in some ways when you did you go back and re-watch that whole thing if we have this conversation it is so so so so terrible punch myself in my big purple balls

than go back and voluntarily watch russell wilson these days i mean it's so so rough but i mean

there were obviously there were things even off the field about his personality that i respected um and defended that other people found annoying and i think that he is essentially a very good person and a very good quarterback and he's got to motivate himself in various ways but i think you're right like now that i don't need to spend any energy defending him it's just like go yourself

sorry for my language all right let's let's enjoy a little music for your weekend before we get out of here i'm on my way over to that uh sports bar that exclusively shows women's sports on the television sports bra the sports

bra where uh my and anthony who i mentioned earlier in the show is already over there with the camera crew oh and he said it is an absolute zoo today is the opening day um and said every single portland media is there uh they're like the oregonian is live streaming it on facebook uh so i guess we're gonna i'm gonna go over there and see what's uh what's what but before that we should play some music what song would you like to play this week canter i have a song that i um

put aside for this very occasion several weeks ago i haven't listened to it in a while and i can't remember much about this band because i tucked it away a while ago but the name of the the the i should say the artist is fan club wallet one word fan club wallet um do ads for them i think we're about to use the promo code tvtl and i believe it's one of those things where it's kind of a a one person it's mostly a one person act i think um that is uh that goes by the name fan club wallet all i know is they're out of on ottawa ontario and uh for the sake of timing and getting this uh show wrapped up as fast as possible i'll just play this song and uh fittingly enough it is called great timing by fan club wallet

I deserve to be with someone that hurts me So I'll just spend all of my time with myself I don't need anybody else's help Is it that easy for you to see through me Now that I've gone and shown myself To somebody else I want your darling on your part

Nothing like some good alt-pop music combined with self-loathing to speak to this guy.

They were playing some 90s playlist in the place I was getting my hair cut yesterday. And I was, I think I've, there were some sort of nineties music, even some sort of very popular grunge that I had kind of like stopped. I don't know. It was just like, oh, I've heard that song a million times. I can't even remember the exact. It wasn't like Nirvana. It was something that was a little more mainstream, I guess, or not that Nirvana wasn't mainstream, but there was some nineties song I heard yesterday that was grunge. I was like, I'm appreciating this as music right now. You know, like I probably loved it when it came out. I probably at some point was like, I'm over that. And it's like, I'm ready for it again. so I'm feeling the 90s. I, Andrew, would like to really class this show up for once with my music for your weekend and play you an etude. Etude. A short musical composition, typically for one instrument, designed as an exercise to improve the technique or demonstrate the skill of the player. Etudes can be an exercise, like I just read, but they can also, there are different kinds of etudes that are written as music that's meant to be performed And Philip Glass wrote one called Etude No. 2 that I heard there's a pianist named Jeremy Dank. I don't know how he is with the memes. He's great.

I was wondering.

Great with the piano. And he's got a new book out, and he's been doing a lot of promotion of that. I think he was on Sunday morning. He was on Fresh Air. And on Fresh Air, they were playing a few examples of his piano playing. playing and he does a version of this philip glass etude number two and it just stopped me in my tracks i found it to be so beautiful i actually have it here okay um if you want me

to just play it so i was so you're not playing the steven glass version you're playing the jeremy

dank version well let me play it here i'll play the steven glass version i've actually got three versions here but we're running a little short on time so i was trying to sort of compact things So here's the Philip Glass version. So that's the Philip Glass version. There's also a version I found on Harp. This woman, Lavina Mehir, playing it on harp, which is really beautiful.

And then there is the Jeremy Denk version, which was actually the first one that I heard and what really just kind of, like I said, really stopped me in my tracks. Take a listen to this.

Thank you.

I was driving to the airport when I heard this, and then I immediately just started playing it. You know, I went to my Spotify and found the song and was just having a real, I don't know, American beauty type of moment where I'm just like, I'm in the car, I'm going to the airport, I'm going somewhere for work. It was, I think it was getting to be nighttime. I'm not going to sit here, Andrew, and say into this microphone that I didn't start crying. you know for for no apparent reason other than just the beauty of this music and also just the moment that i was in so uh that's what i wanted to play for everyone this week um definitely check out this album that jeremy dank put out i think it covers like a thousand years of music or something like it's it's i think it's called like songs from like you know 17 something to now and so he sort of picks different pieces of music um from the last a long period of time and um it's really incredible i've been really enjoying the whole album so i'm not usually one to critic you

know me like we can play whatever we want to play for music for your weekend that's the point we don't have to both like it but i will say this luke you have a bad attitude mister you need a

You need a baditude adjustment. Wait, you need an ad-itude adjustment. Is that the joke? Maybe. Etude. Whoa, how about I play etude really loud for you, Andrew, just to remind you. We are going with Stolen Valkyrie for the show title today. Oh, yeah, that's better anyway. That's better anyway. Stolen Valkyrie. All right, and we've got a listener's suggestion. It's from listener Wendy in Baltimore. I heard about this band in a short clip on NPR, and I loved this song. They are from Montana. They seem adorable. And they have only 663 followers on Spotify, but I feel that will change soon. Love you guys and love the show. The band is called Joyce from the Future, and the song is called The Sound of Being Alive. Do you know them? No, I just like that name. It's great. The song is good, too. Thank you, Wendy, because I feel like Wendy is sort of hipping us to something that is— I'm imagining we're going to hear much more from Joyce from the future. I mean, maybe down the road, maybe in the future, Joyce will finally check in, as the name would indicate. But I really like this song, too. It's really good. So thanks, Wendy. If you've got a music-free weekend selection, send it to me, luke at tbtl.net, and I'll put you on the list. That's going to bring us to the end of our broadcast week. Thank you for listening. Thanks for being part of this whole thing. We are going to be back here on Monday with more imaginary radio for you. so please do join us for that until then have a great weekend schedule your haircuts or you will pay the price and we'll see you on Monday until then please remember to mount too tall and good luck to all

The cloud has grown heavier once again I find myself tiptoeing in my own head Celebrate the days that I could wake up without hesitation Of getting out of bed But today I'm smelling without even feeling like I have to pretend

I think the thing that we want to do now, the thing ideally that we would you know end this meeting with is just get everyone looped in circle the wagons to the point where we can sort of set a roadmap for a dialogue yeah going forward

you know we can have a granular approach or you know we can look at everything from uh 35 000 feet power out