Muse

Our planet has been through so much this past year. Wars, droughts, impeachments. But we've never lost our sense of what's truly important. The great taste of Charleston Chew. TBTL!

Dear TBTL, you're so amazing. And I know you're gonna do better.

You know, a lot of people may not know this, but I happen to be quite famous.

This is the place to get something so different, so beautiful. The quality, it's unbelievable. Your vocals are amazing. I think it's just a combination of our voices is what works. They literally become one.

So what if I smell like roast beef? This whole place smells like roast beef. With him out of the way, I think we're just going to be 360 spins and slam dunk pointers.

all right hello good morning and welcome everyone to a tuesday edition of tbtl the show that just

might be too beautiful to live it is political correctness run amok my name is luke burbank i

am your host i'm not handling this well i don't feel competent i'm depressed i'm slouching coming to you from the hollywood broadcast center right here in portland oregon where it is on the wettest aside or the not dry side. You know, you like to get wet, though. For episode 3,665 in a collector's series.

Let the fun begin.

Where we have lots to talk about, including a person who wanted them to not celebrate their birthday at their workplace and the people, well, they tried to celebrate

and did not

go well. Also, I've gotten more updates on what's going on with my particular cat that I'm...

A cat is an angel that poops in a box.

...that I'm now internet stalking, known as Bubbles Burbank. And other things, including emails and V-mails, that we will get into. And also, with the help of this guy, the longest-running cobra of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships, he is...

Aloha means hello and goodbye. Goodbye!

He's Andrew Walsh. She's joining us right now from the Sweet Cream District of Seattle, Washington. Hello, my friend.

Good morning, Luke. I am getting increasingly anxious as this morning goes on because, as you know, I am on a text thread with about, how many of us are there now? Six other Wordle aficionados or enthusiasts. This is not the criminals. This is not the criminals. This is a group of friends. Is this a separate Wordle group that I'm unaware of? Yeah, do we do Wordle on the Criminals group? I remember that as being a space, a safe space for Wordle.

This is the first I'm learning that there's a whole other society of text people that are not criminals.

It is like a snowball that is rolling downhill, this Wordle chain I'm on. It's Genevieve and me and our pals Camaro, Kevin, and Anita. I can't, you know, there's more and more people on this chain. I'm going to say there's about seven of us now or whatever. And we play Wordle every day. Now, I'm the person who usually is, I bring up the rear, if I can put it that way. I'm the last person to usually weigh in on Wordle, because I have a little tradition where most of these folks do it early in the morning, if not late at night before they go to bed, which I don't like that at all. Wait until midnight and then do the next day's Wordle. That seems like, oh, I don't like it. It doesn't seem right. I feel like you should.

Is it your, like, when you wake up tradition?

It is, for me, it is after the show tradition. So most people are doing it kind of early in the morning, and then I will do TBTL, and then I will go upstairs and fix myself something between a snack and a lunch. Maybe it's just a lunch that is a standing lunch over the sink or whatever, and I will listen to bad local sports radio, and I will do my Wordle. And the thing about being last is you start to get a sense of how the puzzle is going to shape up that day. Not necessarily what the letters are, because that's all secret. But whether it was harder. Whether or not, and Luke, people are striking out. I mean, we're talking about Genevieve.

Today is like a bad day.

Yes, like, I'm talking about, you know, the champions of our list, of which I do not count myself among their ranks. But, like, Genevieve got all six terms and came up with nothing, and she's not the only one. I don't want to out everybody here. I mean, some things must remain private, but I think at least three people didn't get it. It's a no-bones day. Remember that? On the words. God, what was that? 2015 No Bones Days I think it was like three weeks ago I think it was three weeks ago but I'm getting increasingly nervous even the Smarties just whiffing or taking all six

Are you still working with a like a particular starting word? Yes, I am happy to tell people what my starting word is. I think it's OK to tell it here because. Yeah, it's not like it's not a secret. It shouldn't be. Well, it can be in a in a closed system like our text chain. If everybody knows what my starting word is and then they go after me, which it doesn't really matter because usually I'm going last. But, for example, I can never share my results with Genevieve before she's taken her turn because she knows what my starting word is. And so she can just write away. Which is what? You sure you want to know? I'll never be able to share it with you again. Let's see. Is it sourdough? It's starter. It is only five letters. It is weirdly appropriate for me, but I promise you there is a strategic reason I've chosen this word. Hold on. Hold on. Yeah, yeah. Weirdly appropriate for you. But it is weirdly appropriate for me.

And I assume it involves a lot of vowels.

It involves two vowels.

Oh, only two. Mm-hmm. Huh.

Yeah, I was doing like audio, which has A, U, I, and O. So that is one strategy. But there were some consonants that I wanted to include as well.

You've gone down to just two vowels, though.

I have. A and E. They're important. They're arts and entertainment. Garbage. It is not garbage. I'm out of guessing. garba i don't know where that word would end with five letters but here's what i i'll tell you what it started with i'll tell you what it used to be it used to be steam because i want an s and a t in there i want either an m or an n but and i want an a or an e i definitely want an e in my first guess right and so i was doing steam i think those are some good letters good mix of constant common consonant and common vowels but then i realized hey doesn't s often appear at the end of a word like a if it's a plural word now in wordle it turns out there are not a lot of plural words but it still makes sense to park an s at the end so i took all the same letters rearranged them and came up with meat we have the steams we have the steams is a show title army so yeah so you went you went from steams to meats from steam to meats exactly from steam to meats is also am i crazy or is that the same word no it's good the only difference is it puts the s at the end like i was saying because i just felt like hey putting an s at the end is smart in case the word

ends up being a um plural word but your sense today is that this is a this is a tough day on

the old wordle front yes and i don't i think at one point we shared maybe with some other folks what their first words are but i i don't remember them so i can't like like i don't know what genevieve's first word is and i also think she mixes it up a little bit so i can't take any clues from their results she doesn't tell you uh well she would but i think she likes to mix it up and also she doesn't like to show all of her cards as is but it does look like it's one of

those days this is a weird thing about wordle that there's any kind of competition about what the starting word would be like that's specific to a person well again it's because it's a clue

You know, if you know it and you're sharing your results every day, it is a clue to unlock the puzzle, because if I if I submit mine first and Genevieve knows I started with meets, well, then she can look at my first line and kind of figure out what letters are in play and what letters aren't.

you know i did a real number on a listener regarding the television show severance somebody emailed me and said thank you so much for telling me it doesn't resolve because i was going i was searching the internet trying to figure out if there is a resolution to season one of severance and there isn't and now i will stop watching it and that was a hundred

percent not what i was trying to do you know what this is not tv related but i actually i'm kind of glad you said that because i have a voicemail that i would like to play for you later on in the show where you luke and i'm not being sarcastic here at all i'm being earnest um for once in my damn life you really touched and changed a listener's life and uh involving in a bad way no in a great way like accidentally by talking about something on tbtl you ended up changing somebody's life for the better and their kids life for the better and i'm so excited to play that voice holy moly

true story and i know i was the person who has currently stopped watching severance that's exactly what it is they said i texted them i was like that was not what i was trying to say i was like i am so sorry it's it's good it just doesn't have a bow on it the way that i was hoping but Again, there was this person who was on the Internet searching high and low to try to find out if there is an end to it. in season one and when they learned there wasn't they were like i'm out that's interesting because if it was like we know it's only one season and it's going and again i haven't seen it so i don't even really know what i'm talking about here but just generally speaking if like you knew something was one season and it you have to like kind of um you have to trust the show that it's going somewhere it's going to stick a landing for you uh and then you find out oh it doesn't stick the landing i could see abandoning that show it's i think a lot of people have been traumatized

by the show lost right exactly that's what i was i felt so bad because i was trying i i immediately respond to the person i was like it's not lost as far as i know from season one it is going somewhere it's good it just doesn't have the full you know speaking of tv shows have you i mean i know you said vive's been watching this but our flag means death yeah genevieve binged so i was

kind of in the room while she was watching some of it but not not too much of it but she binged that show in like a week that has like as i think i said to you in a in a uh text last night that's like a uh cavalcade i don't think i said that i also don't think that's a word that i just said there it is like i think i said something wrong in that word right i think it's cavalcade cavalcade yes but what i meant was smorgasbord actually of um of just of comedians and actors and that we just love right and creative people that we love yeah it's a taika uh now i got all cocky with

knowing cavalcade taika wa tiki tt i thought but i could be wrong tt yeah i think it's a taika wa tiki production and it is it starts a little slow but it really really picks up speed and it is it's so heartfelt it feels to me like i'm trying to think of maybe the good place or something like that where you think it's just a comedy but then it becomes a real human experience

show and it's got um i always get this wrong i mess up his name is it reese darby or darby reese

he's known as the most difficult livewire guest we ever had right famously that's the first line but then second to that it's reese darby reese darby yes yeah um yeah it's like reese darby is basically i think it's actually based on a real story which was like the gentleman pirate who was a person who was like landed gentry, super rich, decided they wanted to go into piratry, but also didn't want to hurt anyone. And so this person went out on the high seas and was kind of like basically the nice pirate. And I'm pretty sure this must be also the basis for the princess. You've seen the Princess Bride, right?

Oh, yeah.

yeah definitely with uh not seeing uh it's a wonderful life i just don't know no no it's

always a fair question with me like i never saw the first jurassic park until like five years ago or something so yeah but you did see it five years ago i did eventually see um jurassic park and i ended up seeing it in 3d and imax see it wasn't that i was behind the times i was just waiting

i was waiting for the right experience you're waiting to see if life does in fact find a way Exactly So yeah So like It was like Very It had this Emotional core to it Or it has I've only watched Like four episodes But this emotional core to it That is really amazing To me Because it just starts off Being Trying to be funny And like I'd say like 50% of the first episode Doesn't work But then after that It just has a heart to it That you wouldn't believe

I like that There is something about The generation of Of TV comedy I think now Where it's just like It's not quite as mean what these and i were watching um oh we got a roku stick luke buddy of ours had a roku stick sold it to us on the cheap didn't serve his purposes anymore um did views find a free roku on the was sitting on a ladder she got no but from a friend and they didn't want it anymore so we plugged it in and i kind of didn't realize how much the roku experience would sort of change our viewing situation what all is on there actually so i you know i currently have an xbox and a smart tv and the smart tv you can just download apps onto it and then watch stuff directly on it like that's old news to a lot of folks but vives and i are always like 20 years behind the times um and then the xbox kind of serves the same purpose where it's like hey uh you can play games on it but i can also download the youtube app and watch stuff on there or the netflix app or the hbo max app etc etc our smart tv upstairs is the same way you can just download apps onto it and then you know sign into your services but for some reason the smart the so called smart tv that we have upstairs isn't so smart why do they call them smart tvs e equals mc c squared uh but uh we couldn't get hbo max on our smart tv for some reason it's like slightly too old of a generation. Which makes sense for us, because we were always just like, I don't know, probably bought too cheap of a TV a while back. But anyway, so we're like, well, let's try this Roku stick. And I thought it would be like basically the same, just a bunch of apps. And it is, except it unlocks all kinds of stuff for you. Like we have our usual apps that I just listed, all of the services, including HBO. But then there's like just like hidden free shows on channels that we wouldn't have otherwise downloaded. Like not Fubo. You have to pay a little bit for that, but there's another one that they all sound alike now.

I love how much Dave Sims can't say Fubo. Have you noticed this? No, how does he say it? Because you've been listening to the radio version of this, but he calls it Fobu.

Oh, I did not hear that.

He's like, Fobu has got you with all your live games and whatnot.

But here's the beauty of this thing. The Roku has brought back into our life, Luke, the remote control that we can talk to. when we lost internet that was how we were able to talk to you know just you can talk to your fobu remote my roku remote yes you can talk to your roku remote i can get my fobu to talk to my roku and loop classic fobu and i can't remember this other platform but yesterday veves and i were just like we plug it in we're like oh this isn't this is better than our other services let's just like talk into the remote and see what happens so we did what any cool young couple would do and we just said columbo and boom we saw that columbo was airing with some commercials on one of these apps that we just downloaded and then we're like well maybe that's a little bit old and fuddy-duddy let's try rockford files and then bingo bango boingo the rockford files was on and we watched one episode of that god damn it that show is so good load the rockford files make me make me older um Rockford Tiles is solid but then after that anyway this is really all over the place but I was gonna say then Genevieve's like I wonder what free movies they have so she found some free movie channel and we were watching Heathers and like that scene that that early on by the way well it's like I mean I think it holds up for what it is it for what it is which is a very exaggerated story that as Vee says you forget how it's almost so Tim Burton-y uh in in in its presentation and exaggeration but it's also like it is so much of our generation and maybe like maybe the slightly older gen x generation where it is based around just pure cruelness right and and and like the quote because i don't think i've ever even seen that movie but my sense of it

is winona riders in it right yes and christian slater yes and it's like the heathers are these

like kind of mean girls essentially exactly it's like kind of a quintessential mean girls movie and like what they do and you know there's a lot of twists and turns and and um and there's some you know moral conflict or whatever but essentially it's based on these these this group of girls that are complete bullies and just like what they do first of all it's kind of relatable to me like setting up this you know very nerdy overweight girl that they call martha dumb truck and like writing a fake note it begins this is not a spoiler by the way you know it begins one of things that sets off a lot of events are you saying heathers doesn't end in a logical way season one there is going to be a season two i understand actually i'm surprised somebody isn't turning that into a serialized thing but anyway that's about to be rebooted but maybe not so my point of all this i'm going to stop blabbing most people know the plot of that but the fact that those those shows are like deep or that movie and a lot of shows of that era that take place in high school are so rooted in cruelness right and then how do you fight back against that cruelty which is really the word i was looking for not cruelness whereas today's show luke what's the what's the show i've only seen a few episodes it's absolutely great it is a woman actress playing a boy in high school oh pen 13 it's not pen 13 but it's very oh it's a nassim nassim padrad that

is the that is called it's called it's isn't it like a a dude's name yes it's chad is it chad

Chad, Chad, I think we're close, but is it actually Chad? I feel like it's not Chad. But anyway, it's very close to that if it's not. But that show.

I think it's Chad. Is it?

Yeah, maybe you're right. I'm on the Google. Yeah, it's Chad. I told you, Luke, why do we ever doubt ourselves? We're always right. It's an Andrew W. Tuesday. It's Macca Chad. But anyway. I wonder if that was going to haunt you. That show apparently depicts the struggles of high school today, but it's just like it just handles things so much differently. You know what I mean? It's just like it's not based with the assumption that kids are cruel, at least not in the same way that the brutal, blatant cruelty of the era that we kind of grew up in. That was a plot point for a lot of this stuff. So I kind of threw us pretty far away. But the fact that you were talking about our flag means. death has this like moral core and heart to it and you compare it to like the good place or something like that we're living through an era where people want more of that

I think I definitely think so like it's really it's a show that makes everybody kind of likable in the show or at least says everyone including Blackbeard everyone comes from where they came from essentially right like nobody's a flattened out character who just like sucks like in a you know in a typical movie from a long time ago or tv show a long time ago where like the bad person is just the bad person they just like want to like screw everyone over all the time it's like this is like everyone comes from somewhere which i kind of like um speaking of by the way talking into your uh roku i have a situation going on in my um gym in the in the in the apartment building which is now i like to watch the mariners game when i exercise yes watching sports on a treadmill is one of the best ways to make that time pass it is changing my life i i want only day games for the because it's i really i ran like three miles the other day and i just didn't even know it happened because i just wanted to know if chris flexen was gonna actually like get out of a jam or two but i have to say into the remote mariners or root sports while other people are

there working out uh-huh and they all think i'm talking to them so this i was picturing it sort of like a kind of an empty workout room in your apartment but it's actually there are folks in

It turns out a lot of people are now availing themselves of this workout situation, and I'm the guy who wanders in and then picks up a remote off of a random elliptical and then yells, Chris Flexin, into it. It's extremely confusing to everybody in the gym.

How do you handle the etiquette of changing the station? Or is it usually off when you go in there?

It hasn't, in the three times I've done this, it hasn't been on. Oh, good. So at least I haven't had to deal with that. But definitely me yelling Root Sports into the remote has put everybody a little bit at ill ease.

Just remember, everybody's probably got earphones in, right? Or earbuds or earplugs or whatever you call them. They turned around. Did they? Somebody looked. Oh, shoot. Yeah. Okay. Well.

I also, I get it in this mode when I use the equipment in this gym where I think everyone's judging me about how fast I'm running or not running. Was this ever a part of when you were going to the gym? Did this ever factor into your experience? You know what?

You know what? I'm a dick. I was laughing at you because I found that to be, like, not unrelatable, but just, like, a perfect example of being so far in your head that nobody in the world would be paying attention to how fast you're running. And then, no, I know exactly the feeling you're talking about, Luke. And I know intellectually nobody is. but like sometimes if you're just in your own mode or if you take it and again for me and it's elliptical so especially nobody's judging people on ellipticals i think but like if somebody if you end up getting on an elliptical next to somebody who is working out and you're doing the same exact thing and it's clear that they're going way faster or way harder as far as resistance is concerned you know what that hat that thought has creeped into my into my dark head you're right

there are people that are running way faster than me and i'm like okay i gotta speed this up a little bit and then i'm like then like i go through i tend to go three miles as fast as i can on this thing and then if they're just running when i'm done if i got there and they were running uh-huh and then i run my hardest and then i'm done and they're still running i just i feel a sense of just like being less than to them and nobody's thinking this but i'm just in my own mind i'm i'm not feeling great about myself uh also side note the sweat i know we talked about this a few episodes ago but my sweat now andrew is making a slender man on the wall of the gym

in my freaking apartment oh no we are we first of all too many slender men in our lives these days

No, I have now noticed That there will be a Slender Man Or Slender Men's Dripping down the wall Under the huge TV Where I'm watching the Mariners And it's my own human sweat

Where's it flipping off you from?

My freaking forehead

So you're kind of like You're running And it's like You're maybe

It's going all over Like It's all over the base Of the treadmill Which is weird It's I mean 100% all over The like where the readout is I do the thing on the treadmill where I Um

I wanted to show me like a loop, like I'm running in like a quarter-mile track. Do you ever use that one?

No, I don't think so. I think I might have done a bike or a rowing machine like that once.

So I like to do the whatever you call it, the readout, where it just shows you like you're running a quarter-mile at a time.

Yeah, that's smart.

Because that just kind of feels like, I don't know, I'm getting somewhere. But the sweat is covering that. it's all over the handrails and it's also now on the wall wow yeah the i didn't you know and i'm

not trying to shame you like it is it is what it is but i didn't realize it was flying off of you

because you're not so far and so wet no i'm like three feet from the wall oh no and also other people are just running further and faster than me yeah because they're trying to get away from you i started doing a thing the other day where i have a towel that i put over the readout so that i don't know how far i'm going and i just like listen to like the gist and i go the gist is typically the mike pesca show is typically like i don't know 30 something minutes and so i just run for an entire gist and don't let myself see how far i've gone just because i also the other thing that I do is when it's counting down I get so obsessed with what the timing is of how far I've

gone how tired I am etc believe it or not all this talk is reminding me because that feeling makes me makes me hungry makes you want to eat no um it makes me want to go to the gym because I'm remembering like kind of having to play mind games it's been like a couple of months I think since I've been to the gym but like sometimes I uh will I always start with the elliptical but then if I'm sort of still feeling strong after that for lack of a better word I will go to the actual stairs you know the moving stairs things and I find those to be pretty challenging yeah and I find those to be pretty um challenging um and so I can usually if I put that on a pretty decent pace I think and again I know this is kind of sounds lame to people who really work out but like maybe five minutes or something at a really good pace on that thing. But I definitely, that is one where it's so challenging that I need to try to not look at those numbers count down because sometimes it's motivating. Other times it is absolutely destroying me. It's like how could time move so slowly? It does not make sense.

Do you listen to any kind of music or podcastery when you're doing this?

Yeah, you know, I mean, for the past couple of years now, it's definitely been kind of part of my levitard tradition. And, in fact, I wonder if I'd start listening to that show again because I've kind of put it down for a while. I wonder if I would start listening to it again if I was spending more time at the gym. But usually it is something kind of entertaining and talky like that. Yeah. Does that do better for you than, like, music or whatnot? I think so because music I like. Music gives you a rhythm. And keep in mind, I'm not kind of running on a treadmill. I'm doing the elliptical, which is similar motion, I suppose, kind of. But, yeah, I think I go through phases. Like, I remember getting to know the, was it Yeezy? I don't know. Like, Kanye's first kind of difficult record. You know, the one that came out, like, number six or seven or something like that after my Dark Twisted Fantasy. And I remember, like, kind of.

I think it was called Pete Davidson is Pumping My Wife.

Yeah, it was toxic. Anyway I remember like that record I associated very much With a specific moment In my gym going experience Because I remember listening to it once and being like You might have lost me now Here with this record Kanye But I need to go back and make sure you've lost me You know like when something tastes so bad That you gotta keep on tasting it to make sure it tastes bad And that it's all gone This pizza's awful and where did it go I kind of did that to that record Until I became obsessed with that record And so anyway, I know that there was like my dark, twisted fantasy. It was after that. I think it was it's was T-Lop after that. I think so. Yeah, I think we're talking about the album between those two. And I'm blanking on it. I'll get you a discography later.

But that was like you would listen to that to kind of like put some some pep in your step.

Yeah. Yep. And there are definitely, like, going even back to New Hampshire, I remember there were times when, like, I got to know, like, Jay-Z's Black album on a treadmill, too. Like, there were times when music is what I needed. Maybe, I do wonder if there's a breakdown between what you listen to on a treadmill versus an elliptical. Is that a nutso thing to speculate on?

How much resistance do you put on the elliptical?

I have it go in cycles. So it'll start off for, I think, it goes four minutes on, four minutes off.

far as toughness and i then oh interesting so in other words you let's just say you start with like for four minutes at a pretty moderate level right and then the next four minutes are at a much not a much higher but significantly higher resistance on that let's say halfway up the chart right and then it knocks down to four again so you can catch your breath and then it'll knock back up to the the heavy resistance four but then i start cheating it up so that if you can picture my resistance pattern on the screen as little towers that i'm making i make the tall towers taller and taller and taller until i get to the end of my work the incline or since the kind of an incline only with these periods you're making it harder yeah you're unsheeting it sneaking it up maybe is the word to look for yeah and so i like to chocolate i exactly i like to feel i like to feel pretty devastated after doing that and again it doesn't take much i'm not i'm not super fit but I like if I'm going to if I'm going to be on that thing for 35 minutes plus a cool down I want to feel like when it's done I want to be like pretty sweaty and feeling like I've accomplished something there's a whole thing on tick tock of like walking it's not elliptical it's like treadmill walking at an incline I think it's 10% incline for I forget the exact number but it's basically like walking uphill for 30 minutes three times a day.

Or three times a week.

Oh, three times a week. Okay, yeah.

Yeah. Three times a week, walking uphill for, I don't know what it is, like maybe 30 minutes. And people swear by it. Everybody is, everybody's saying it's like the, it's the new thing.

As far as the new thing, as far as being effective towards their weight loss goals or something like that, or just like as far as feeling good.

Having a Brazilian butt lift. Oh. Why is that? It sounds like a surgery. it's you know what you can get it by walking at a an incline of 10 yeah all these folks are just like this is the thing that changed my life and i i've watched a bunch of people do i did it in the gym i don't know maybe three weeks ago and it's it's definitely hard but i was also what i realized when i was doing it was all the people i saw on tiktok doing it are in their early 20s where their bodies are just a wonderland so anything they do just works well for their bodies yeah so like i was doing it i was like this is cool this feels you know this is a bit challenging but more or less what i a version of what i do all the time either in this gym or running around town and i was thinking about all of these people being like i got the best results and i was like no you started as a beautiful person again conventionally beautiful person you did this thing you walked up a hill on a treadmill and you remained a beautiful person like you're 23 you're a beautiful person it's going to be beautiful for you for about the next 10 years

by the way this is so so so unimportant but if you don't mind me just scratching this itch you had 808s and heartbreak you had my beautiful dark twisted fantasy then you had yeezus and yeezus was the one where i was like wow this is he started to get really kind of weirder with i

I don't think I could even name a song off of Yeez's.

There was one song near the end that sampled something kind of haunting and beautiful that you and I both used to geek out on. And I'm blanking on it now. I'm looking for the track listing here.

Is that does that have the where Kim is on a like a motorbike? That's not it. Yes.

Yes. I forgot that that's her. Yes. I think it's called Bound 2, but it kind of doesn't really matter. But that's the song. And I know that you like that song. And that is by far like that's that I love that that is the last song on the record. It's it is a but it's a beautiful song. But that album is kind of challenging just from a production standpoint at times. And again, I've come around like I really like it. And that's from 2013. I can't believe how long ago that was.

But you know, it's so sad is now when I think of that song bound to all I can think of is I think that Seth Rogen did like a joke version of that song where it's like him and maybe Nick Kroll. on the bike. Huh, I'm looking this up. It was Seth Rogen and somebody else who's definitely not Kim Kardashian on this motorcycle.

Oh, James Franco and Seth Rogen? Yeah, here it is. And they call it Bound 3. Okay.

Yeah, and it was like, that's now what I think of when I think of that video for that song.

I kind of forgot. I forgot about the video aspect of it. Again, I just think of it as a period of time when I was at the 24-hour fitness down on the bottom of Denny Hill in seattle also um the place where i learned that i like certain movies that i wouldn't usually see like the movie with sandra bullock where she's a canadian sandy b and she's trying to get her

green card i always call it green card but that's not the name of the movie that's a very different famous movie um sandy dipper do i believe exactly exactly um is trying to get her green card and ryan reynolds is in it i believe and and she's a mean but she's not trying to get her green card

but she's trying to get some other like her what yeah she is trying to get her green card it's just

not called green card and so she's so they have to pretend like they're getting married in order

to get a green card but um and would that anyone had to fake marry ryan reynolds i know sandy b i

know well ryan reynolds doesn't want to do this but i think he has to or something and there is

this um ryan reynolds reacts meme going around tiktok right now which is just like ryan reynolds reactions i know that's a lot of arts dude but it is it kills me somebody has just taken like a bunch of footage of ryan reynolds being apoplectic and then just show people like pwning their nuts while trying to skateboard and then cut to ryan reynolds just looking confused

it's so good the movie that i was watching and fell in love with luke while i watched it with captions on edit 24 hour fitness was called card the proposal red card yeah oh the proposal the proposal i i can't believe honestly and again i'm not asking for people to congratulate me on this although i i would accept it if you did but like i can't believe that i got sandra bullock and ryan reynolds right there that i was able to just grasp for that and and actually grab it is this the day

where everything changes or was this a maybe maybe this is the beginning watch this of a lifetime of knowing who ryan reynolds are they're little known actors who made their imprint in a small way on American culture. Okay, we're not trying to jinx it, but we're going to take a quick break and we come back. I feel pretty confident Andrew will still know who Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock are right after this here on TBTL. We was hoping for some razzle dazzle. Razzle dazzle.

That's right, man. Razzle dazzle. On your mark. On your mark. Get set. Get set. Now ready. Ready. Go.

Andrew, do you know I saw on Twitter, like yesterday, somebody saying, they were quoting, I was hoping for a little razzle-dazzle. They weren't a tent. It was unrelated to TBTL. And were they singing the song, or they were? They weren't singing it. They were just saying, we could use a little razzle-dazzle. Oh, yeah. And I wanted to say, we've been doing this for years over on TBTL, but then I didn't want Spotify to pull it down.

Right, exactly.

I was on the horns of a dilemma. Yeah. Let's thank some dazzling donors. These are the wonderful, generous people dazzling us with their donation each month, including Linder Peacock in Portsmouth, Rhode Island. Linder says, I'm usually an optimistic person, but today I'm 100% give up. Oh, don't worry. I'll tell you why. I sat down on a cold, sunny day next to the pellet stove to write my dazzling donor message. Are you familiar with the pellet stove situation, Andrew? You know, it rings a bell.

It feels like something you've probably talked about before. These are these stoves that you feed a pre, like, what would you call it?

Smashed little fuel source, a pellet into. And then they also have these barbecues I think they're called Trajers Or Traeger Maybe they're Traegers Which also are fueled by these pellets

It's a whole industry, these pellets And so I'm looking at them now So they're kind of like So they can take different shapes But the ones I'm looking at Are actually like They look like wood-burning stoves Inside the house I was picturing more of an outdoor situation

I think the thing Linder's talking about Appears to be indoors If it's not Linder Beautiful Be careful. Watch yourself with the what's at the CO2 off of that. I sat down next to the pellet stove to write my dazzling donor message. Nothing was coming to me later during my 11th social media distraction. I saw an old tweet from a British novelist, Catherine Isaac. She tweets, my seven year old was tapping away on my Mac tonight and told me he was writing a book. i think you'll agree it's one hell of an opening and then parenthetically she says and her screenshot shows the words the killer forest one day there were seven pairs of underpants they were not ordinary they were evil so is this the opening line the killer forest all caps one day there were seven underpants they were not ordinary they were evil yeah so the seven-year-old is

apparently sitting down of their own volition and writing a story called the killer forest that's the title the killer forest and then the story begins one day there were seven pairs of underpants they were not ordinary they were evil that's the tweet i feel like that kid

really kind of they started strong they kind of petered out well we don't know what came next i

love the killer forest like i i feel like that's a strong it is interesting is is the forest going to be the killer or the underwear but again it's like you know as long as season one doesn't end this way i'm okay with it we just have to make sure that there's more as long as we don't don't

turn thousands of people off to enjoying the rest of this story linder continues having decided to put a bow on that for y'all to enjoy i switched from coffee to wine interesting and typed up these words you're reading now today is a day for me to stay in my lane the one where i provide some money and a team of creative folks make some quality entertainment. I'm so happy to have you all. Thank you, everyone, making and supporting the show. Very sweet. Thank you, Linda. We've got a Linda and a Linda in our life. We do. And both of them, I think, really bring the power out hard.

That is true. Yeah, because Linda brings the power out at the end of every show. Now we have Linda. I almost wonder if there are some copyright claims there.

Linda, I think, Linda definitely called in, right, During the 2020 Thawne that we did

I think so I remember meeting Linder Who I believe is Well we know I don't have to say Believe is in New England We know she's in Portsmouth, Rhode Island Yet I believe I met Linder At the Texas show I think Linder made it All the way to Texas The one in Austin With Chevy Graves

Yes, exactly What the heck Linder, thank you so much For supporting the program Really appreciate you Thanks for keeping This whole thing going Maestro

We've also got to thank Amy Lake in Eugene, Oregon.

Not to, you know, shine my own apple, but we will be doing LiveWire April 29th in Eugene at the Holt Center. Amy, see you there? Amy has done so much for this show that I feel like it's not on her to come visit the LiveWire situation. I promoted TBTL on LiveWire the other day. Really?

What did you say? Did you say, TBTL is getting a new co-host? I'm looking for a new co-host.

I literally was reading the credits, and I said, hey, if you want to hear our weekly podcast, The Best News, or you want to hear my other podcast, TBTL. Nice. Did any of your producers give you the hairy eyeball? I'm on Zoom, and it was in speaker mode, so I didn't see them. Okay, good. But I thought of you. I was like, this will finally make Andrew not mad at me. Less mad, not not mad. What's that thing that's not furious, less furious? Amy is in Eugene and says, I am not much of a wordsmith, so this is always the hardest part of being a dazzling donor. I thought about this, Andrew. Like these fine folks are not only donating money to our show, they're not only making it possible that this can be our job, but they are also then tasked with a homework assignment. Yeah, right. Exactly. I guess like coming up with a witty or pithy thing.

That is true. I guess we should always let people know that, like, you know, you always have the you have the option of just saying, hey, I don't really have a comment. We've had people do that in the past. That's fine, too. Boy, I hope people don't see this as a burden. This show makes me laugh, cry, roll my eyes.

Easy, Amy. Here it comes. And occasionally, ah, dang it. I was going to say, thank God Amy didn't say throw my phone, but then I read the rest of that sentence. And occasionally throw my phone. Y'all are the best. Biggest TBTL accomplishment for me? Converting my 11 to a 10. That. Shout out to Heidi. Okay. That is huge. Amazing, Amy. like you've not only supported the show financially but you have actually forced another human being to listen to this bull bull roar to the point where they now do it voluntarily that is amazing i mean i've never had that success in my own personal life with it i know when i'm dating someone or married to someone andrew i know that it's i know it's we've settled into a groove when they have literally no idea what i'm talking about five days a week on this show there's a certain moment where it's kind of like oh intriguing sure you do a thing you talk to your friend andrew which recorded it goes on the internet and then there's a point where it's like the person who i'm with has zero idea this is occurring yes you know generally speaking in

my life i would say because we have some friends who i know listen to the show or or often listen to the show and i don't really know what anybody's

listening patterns are but i never even if it's a friend who i met first through tbtl i never start with the assumption that they know what's going on in my life because they've been listening to

tbtl you know what i mean which is why it's a little bit disorienting when people do know yes yes when people are like oh hey i was listening to the show and i heard that uh you got a cat named bubbles right that you met at a pet smart in happy valley right oh i was

wondering you sent that photo of bubbles by the way bubbles is doing well you're getting um updates from the uh from got one last night just warmed my freaking heart man so cute yeah thanks

for sharing that with me so i sent that to you last night like i it seems to me like it's a deeply personal and interesting experience to get a cat until i realize everyone i know has four cats like it's the most not special thing to get a cat but it feels to me so special well of course

it's special i'd be kind of bummed if you said it didn't feel special yeah that's no i mean i i

just think i want to like i want to shout it from the roof i got a cat her name is bubbles there is

something probably i know it's probably well maybe i shouldn't tell you your emotions but it must be an interesting time to live like knowing that this happy event is sort of happening but that there's some distance between you two right now because bubbles has to stay with her mom it's bubbles is a girl cat right her mom bubbles is a girl cat okay cool i want to make sure when i was texting you last night i wanted to make sure i didn't get that wrong um but anyway uh so yeah bubbles is going to spend more time with her mom so you said it could be a couple or maybe even a few weeks before you guys kind of reunite and she moves well again i this is a week i think this is a

weird situation where the the mom and her daughter who have bubbles and these other kittens were like how like they were ready for me to take the cat when i met them in happy valley and i was like And but they they said we could also have the cat stay with her mom. And I was like, do that. Yeah, that's let's let this cat get its groove. Right.

Yeah.

And so we're in a weird situation where like I'm happy for them to have the cat for one to two additional years. Just I want this cat to be totally nursed, totally comfortable. I want them. I want the mom to be sick of this cat when I take it. But they were like, we can give it to you right now. You can like take it like we have we brought a carrier And I was like uh no let's Like why don't y'all just Maybe I'll just visit Bubbles For the rest of Bubbles's life

Because almost like because I was going to say that Like it almost feels like even though the anticipation Must be killing you in a certain way it's also Kind of a fun I mean it's incredibly Exciting thing to look forward to

Yes I am So like I'm super duper excited About the getting of the Bubbles But I'm also like very much wanting this cat to get the – like they sent me – that video that I sent you last night, it's like Bubbles is running around and her name is not Bubbles. Her name at her house is Mowgli, like Mowgli, Mowgli.

Oh, really? So I – you know, you texted me something like that last night but I wasn't exactly – I wasn't sure what you were talking about. So the cat has a name with its current family.

yeah which is i think i think maugli is the name of the um maybe the kid from the lion king oh okay but i'm like that sucks bubbles that's your name but so uh bubbles is like running around this like the thing i sent you running around like a kind of an ottoman and then the mom is like peeking around the corner and i'm just thinking like what's it going to be like for this mom when she doesn't have bubbles in her life now you're making me sad but i think i mean these are the thoughts that occur in my brain i can't sure so i'm just like let's again i just want i want i want the bubbles to be a teenager when she leaves so the mom is like get her out of my freaking hair like going to college right exactly like uh don't let the door hit you yeah right or i'll see you when i'm looking at you which is the thing that um this uh bartender at rossi's in chicago uh will always say and our our buddy the stew bot was there for some reason in chicago and he was like i went to rossi's i finally went to rossi's and he was like and i talked to um oh i'm forgetting her name now but and i texted him i was like did she say i'll see you when i'm looking at you and he was like she did so i want i want mowgli mowgli aka um bubbles mom to be like i'll see when i'm looking at sure get the heck out of

my hair yeah i just wanted to be less sad for her if you want i mean i do have another feline here that is a professor so if you really want to lean into the going to college aspect of this i will i don't know if

if Professor Bananas has any syllabi ready to go, but I could ask her to start working on some stuff. I would love to see the two of them. Do you think the two of them will ever meet? I kind of doubt it only because Bananas is a very, it's a very shy cat. So I don't think that it would be something that, that, you know what I mean? Like if it was any kind of situation where they had the freedom to run around or whatever, I think Bananas would just hide. You know what I mean? Like, I don't think they would play together necessarily. I could be wrong. If Eves and I ever get another cat, we'll kind of see how that goes. Bananas is getting very set in her ways.

Between Theo and Professor, did you ever try to take them around? Did you ever put them on? I ask because I got a leash from Becca for her cat that she never used, and I'm really thinking about trying to walk bubbles. Did you ever take them out in the world and have any kind of like – It sounds like for Theo, he was not he did not like people touching him and putting him into boxes and taking him places.

Yeah, we didn't really we did have a couple of harnesses with leashes, but that was just for like transport purposes when we didn't want to keep them in boxes for the entire trip from L.A. back up to Seattle. We drove and so we have those things. But no, I never really tried to take them on a walk or anything. There was one time when we were living in New Hampshire and we were doing some outdoor work. I can't remember if we were painting the house or what. You're looking at the old man? Yeah. That's my one New Hampshire reference. We were just sitting on our deck thinking about the old man on the mountain. And Genevieve had, like, somehow, I think Theo had a harness at the time. I hope it was a harness. And Genevieve just tied it to a piece of string or something, like kitchen string, and, like, tied it to the deck to kind of let him roll around but not get away. Just seeing, I mean, I guess if it was a store-bought leash, I'd have been fine with it. But the fact that it just was string, there was something kind of like depressing about that to me. I might be remembering that story wrong, but I remember thinking that that was kind of weird.

But no, for the most part, sitting near you and she can come in. No, she's she's at work today.

I can say whatever, whatever I want or cheer style.

Sorry.

One time on cheers. Rebecca. Oh, anyway. Yeah. But so there was one time that Theo was on some kind of leash. There was one time where we kind of had them tied up outside. But that was kind of the extent of it. We've had various places where we kind of let him out on a balcony or a porch. I mean, we lived so many places with that cat. Bananas, though, is just too scared. And, you know, she, when we lost Theo, like when Theo ran away, I should say, like, I don't know, a while back now when we were living in Wallingford.

Was it only Theo? I thought it was both of them.

They both did run away. We got her back sooner because she was just so scared that she went under a neighbor's shed and just crouched in a place where nobody could reach her. So we always knew where she was, but she was just terrified. And then finally at night, I think she came out and snuck up to get some food or something. And then he stayed out for another five days. Yeah, that was terrible. That was a terrible time. Terrible time, man.

That was Wallingford.

That was Wallingford going around.

Like a window was open or something?

Yeah, that was on me, too. I left one of the – I think we were relatively new renters in this place. Genevieve, I've been talking about it. It was on you. And I think that I had forgotten that this one window didn't have a screen. and I opened it I think and that's how they got out and that killed me knowing it was my fault and Luke going around I don't know why I keep on turning the stories about your cute little kitten into sad stories of my life but and by the way this ended good he came home like we had many many more years with him but it was a really bad feeling going around the neighborhood like by day three being like Theo hasn't come back yet we got to go to flyer town and like stapling flyers of your beloved cat up around the neighborhood and just being like oh god that is a bad feeling Whenever I see those signs now, I always take a photo with my phone. I've never found somebody's cat. In case you see the cat. Exactly. Exactly. Cat or dog, I'll take a photo. I'll be like, just in case, you never know if you ever see this cat or dog, at least I'll have the information on my phone.

As a soon-to-be kitten owner or a semi-kitten, I mean, I put a deposit down on Bubbles, so I don't know where that puts me in the timeline of this. but i have to tell you if i don't even this cat has never lived in this apartment but if that cat went missing i would be wrecked yeah like i have a different perspective on it i think i've just had a lot of privilege around my pets they've always lived at the houses i lived in and they've also just been kind of like not missing and so i just just like when i would walk by those things i'd be like oh that sucks someone lost their poodle but something about this silly little cat that doesn't even live here yet the idea of bubbles being gone just is so it's so it stresses me out in a way that makes me really rethink those little flyers well here's one thing to

maybe warn you about although i feel like your um your home situation is going to be a pretty tightly sealed up situation so i don't think it's going to be a problem given that like you're in an apartment that's in in a in a Yeah.

multi-unit place that's like in a tower or whatever not a tower i don't do you live in a

do you live in a boat or a tower ivory tower no wife's new name is tower but like you shouldn't

have like any open rafter areas or that type of thing the place where little kittens or even full-grown cats when they're in a new place sometimes they'll go to ground right and you will have searched everywhere and this still could happen in your apartment like there could be some morning maybe your first or second morning where you wake up and at first you're like uh this is what cats do i'm sure that she's around here somewhere and then you're like well i'll just look though and i'll look under the bed and i'll look here and i'll look there and then you start to be like okay intellectually i know everything's fine but um this is starting to feel not right and uh i bet you the cat ran away and is already getting a tattoo and learning how to smoke and

i'm never gonna see her again mom for a heart so i had that i went to becca's on easter she made this like really lovely Easter meal for us including plant-based ham and I walked in there and she has a cat named Holly and I walked in I walked around the entire apartment and I couldn't find Holly and there was a window that was up she lives on like the 20th floor of something and I was like there was a window that was open and I was like Holly's here right yeah I was trying to be chill about yeah she was like yeah yeah she's definitely in this I was like are you and I went around I checked every crevice and she was obviously there but my brain went to did Holly jump out of the window this like small open window right the 20 something floor of this

south waterfront apartment right I mean and I you know cats are you know they have good balance and they trust their own legs and they will perch I saw a photo on Instagram yesterday I think of I can't remember what the source of this was Or why anybody shared this Other than it might have been their own cat But it was like a cat sitting up on a ledge That was like I think something like that Like on the 13th floor or something And just chilling on the edge of the balcony And I remember thinking like I would not be taking a photo Of my cat in that situation I would unfortunately be probably freaking out You'd be lassoing him But the thing is you got to be careful because the cat is fine You don't want your own You know it's not me on that ledge I got to be careful just to you know

i would try to call it down a butterfly net and then they jump yeah exactly you don't want to

spook them or whatever but my gosh there have been times where um even in our old apartment because we were our apartment was on top of another building we were just on the second floor but sometimes we had these screens without windows that were i'm sorry windows without screens that were just propped open and it'll be weird that's a great youtube record his screens without windows anyway and it would make me so nervous and jennifer's like they're cats they're fine i'm Like, Theo's getting so clumsy. He's an old cat. Like, I don't trust him up there anymore.

You know what happened to this cat, Holly, of Becca's? So she lives on the very, very high floor, like a deadly high floor. And they have balconies. And one day she came home. You want to get, you know, I don't know, trigger warning, whatever. I'm going to tell you guys a story that is going to be stressful if you have a cat. She came home one day and couldn't find her cat. This is when the cat was a kitten. the cat was two balconies down had jumped was chasing a bird and had jumped and fallen like 35 feet onto a different balcony and had it not been that balcony it would have been the ground which was like 400 feet oh no and then she had to go to the front desk and be like can you call the people the people weren't home she had to figure out what unit the cat was in the

balcony of wow because she could sort of see or hear that she could see it the cat was like

this kitten was two balconies down yeah yeah and she couldn't figure out what what balcony that related to uh-huh and then did and then there was like nobody home had to have security call the people at their work to allow security to let her go in to get her cat oh my to bring it back up three stories can you imagine if they were just like no sorry oh my gosh see these are the things

andrew that keep me up at night but the cat was fine the cat was okay i was remember the

holly go lightly is a cute little tuxedo cat is doing all right here i go once again with the

email every week i hope that it's from a female no man it's not from a female all right again we

didn't get to the top stories but maybe that tells you they're not that great they're not better than a story about holly go lightly jumping down three stories of balconies and

they're not as good as a story about how you inadvertently touched a listener's life luke again i'm not being sarcastic when i say exactly um and i'm gonna play that for you right now i'm tempted as i often am to kind of explain into this piece of tape but i don't want to give away too much.

But I think it'll all make sense. If there are any lingering questions at the end of this quick voicemail, we can address them there. This is from Amanda.

Hi, this is Amanda. And this is a good news Thursday. I wanted to thank you guys because I have a son who, he's 14 and a dancer and absolutely loves Hamilton, obsessed with Hamilton, just can't get enough to listen to the Hamilton soundtrack, you know. And I went to look at Hamilton tickets and discovered how insanely expensive they were, just like Luke with me. And I said, sorry, Jade, I don't think we're going to make that work. And then you guys were talking about the lottery thing. I'd never heard of that before. I didn't know anything about it. So I entered the lottery thing down in Portland, and I won. What? And now I have Hamilton tickets, and I get to take my kid who I am going to cry. Because he's going to be so excited when he hears about it. and um just all thanks to you guys letting me know so thank you guys so much this is a really

good news power out how great is that that makes me emotional see i was dying to play that for you all show that's so great i know i didn't i had not known about that either i'm not really into

that scene of course again becca of the cat falling off the balconies was the one who told us about that because my you know my um sister hannah has been to hamilton but her daughters My nieces, Maddie and Mary, who've been on the show, haven't been there. And my sister Liz was saying Jack and Abe would love to go. And Becca was saying to them, you know, there's this lottery thing. And again, my guess is it's Lin-Manuel Miranda wanting it to be accessible. And it worked for the listener. Holy cripes. I know.

That's so cool. That is super amazing. So Amanda and her 14-year-old, most importantly, her 14-year-old, can go to the show. So congratulations, guys. That's amazing. I don't know what the... Congratulations to me. I'm sorry. That's what I meant. I said you guys. I meant Luke and Bubbles. Congratulations to you guys, Luke and Bubbles.

For one second, focus this back on the important... Congratulations to Bubbles. If she ever lives here, she will know. She will have the pride of having a dad who recommended the Hamilton Lottery.

Yeah. I don't know what the odds are on that, but that's amazing.

I think they might not be bad in that Becca also got them. That's good. Not recently, but previously. like when she did the lottery she got them so i think that i think that there's a you know some number of these tickets that are available through that thing i'm so excited that that

worked out for that listener do you want me to end the show here with one of the jokes one of my favorite genres can you end the show with another thing where i'm a hero sorry those come about once every 12 years um uh one of my favorite genres of jokes are telling you the jokes that i learned while listening to my mom's AA tapes. I just realized I don't know if I should have said that. I'm so fascinated

with this. This feels like the closest that you got to the church stuff that I grew up in. Yeah, yeah. Because we had cassette tapes of sermons and some of them that were good were kind of listenable because they would have jokes in them. This to me feels like the closest

you got to that. Yeah, because I mean obviously we had a religion thing going on in our family as well, but it was very different than yours and it didn't have that component. nobody cares so tired easter's over aa very wired um but um so i think catholicism tired bill the big book i'm not sure if um they if i have the terminology right but it's my understanding that uh when you're in the program you give talks about your own experience to kind

of inspire others whatever this is why my mom loves aa so much because it's basically her new church and i'm not saying this to be dismissive of anybody who's in aa i think it's an amazing program and it works for a lot of people but there's definitely like a a similarity to like bible study fellowship which is the other thing my mom used to do like aa is her new bible study

fellowship i can see that i mean it's groups of people you know supporting each other in a in a way and trying to focus on the good and what have you but so i think these talks are called leads at least that's what i think we called them growing up like you know like hey i have a lead on a cassette tape here and these things would be passed around this is pre-internet right and people would share the beginning of the meeting essentially i don't think it was the beginning i think that i i don't know i've never said in one of these meetings but it was like the main part it was like the um keynote of the meeting maybe right like you know be like hey i'm bob and i have this is my story to tell this is what my journey has been and i think there were people who gave them you know kind of a lot and they might become sort of known for their good story their lead um and then some of these things would be recorded and then passed around too so if you're not at a meeting you can pop this in your walkman and go for a walk and listen to another person's journey but they often began with a joke right and so here i think this is this was a i don't know pretty big build up for a joke that i think is pretty common outside

inside of AA. This isn't specifically about drinking or anything or addiction, but here's the joke. So there's this guy just occurred to me. I now have to remember this joke from 30 years ago. Okay. So there's this guy and he really wants to win the lottery. And every night before he goes to bed, he prays, Lord, please let tomorrow be the day that I win the lottery. And he's been doing this like his entire adult life. And then one day he's just getting frustrated with God and he's on his hands and knees thank you for not saying frustrated sure which a lot of people say which really bums me out and god said thank you for not saying frustrated no and so he's praying he's like please lord i'm you know i i pray to you i live a good life i pray to you every night this is the one thing that i want is just to win the lottery why why won't you grant me this one this one wish now i kind of turned god into a genie but anyway then uh apparently the the heaven sort of opened up rubbed a bottle yes and the heavens open up that and um our our fella our protagonist here is a booming voice of god who says ned his name's ned you have to buy a ticket that's the joke kind of a terrible joke and a lot of the sides i would say not a great joke but i did a very bad job telling i would say that the um probably not the best joke it wasn't great soup but the portions were also too small yeah exactly so anyway there it is and i then you can see how that would be spun into you can pray all you want but you have to do the work yourself right in this case the work being by a by a lottery ticket so anyway we can cut all that out and i'll get

don't do that don't do it because it will also ruin the joke that i'm going to repeat that i've told probably 20 times on this show but like maybe there's a new listener and i always forget the guy that goes to you know the guy that goes to heaven and i have a lot of heaven related jokes from my childhood some of them i think are maybe overly gendered like there's a there's a guy that goes to heaven who um he gets to heaven and the uh peter is that the the angel that's like people yeah the bouncer running the bouncer running the um whatever you call it the the he's behind the rope at heaven he's got the list peter is like looking at the list and he's like uh did you ever uh so there's a guy in in front of the guy who the protagonist of our story and again apologies if you've heard this story before and apologies that this is probably again weirdly gets into these ideas about how we think men and women should be in terms of their sexuality i've already ruined the joke by the way by caveating in that way so there's this guy it's like let's say he's three deep to get into heaven and the guy in the guy at the front of the line the peter says did you ever uh cheat on your spouse and the guy says one time and so they said well you're gonna get to drive a cadillac around heaven you only cheated one time the next guy gets up and and peter says did you ever cheat on your spouse and then um he says yeah like kind of a lot actually it was not great this was a blind spot for me and peter's like you get into heaven but you're gonna have to drive like a um you know vita bug and then the guy uh who's third in line the the the point of this joke he gets up there and peter says do you ever cheat on your wife and he's like absolutely not never never did it once and so uh peter's like you get to drive a cadillac do you know this joke by the way i remember you telling it yes but i won't ruin it So the guy in the Cadillac one day pulls up at a stoplight, and he's crying his eyes out. And the guy in the V-Dub bug pulls up next to him and goes, why are you crying? You're driving a Cadillac. And the guy in the Cadillac goes, yeah, but my wife just went by on rollerblades. Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen.

Okay, I am going to tell one more. This is a terrible joke and really leans into gendered stuff. So all the same caveats. This is a joke that I heard on an AA tape in the 80s. Basically, every joke from our childhood is problematic, I think, is the takeaway. And this is – I mean, this isn't – I mean, whatever. This, again, was – I think that if I heard it on an AA tape in the 80s or early 90s, I can just share it here as – with that being the context of it. I'm not saying this because I think this is funny. I actually think the fact that I remember these jokes – I've heard so many jokes in my life, but for some reason, there are several that stuck with me that were specifically – and I remember hearing them on AA tapes. And to me, that's the interesting thing here, not the terrible jokes themselves. But I'm going to rush through this one because that last one was just torture that I told. But there's three people. I don't think I want any fans with my rollerblade joke. There are three couples here on Earth. They get into some sort of an auto accident. Trigger warning on that, I guess. Too late. Sorry, shit. I got to get that down. And now they're up in heaven, all three couples. And for some reason, it's the men who are approaching St. Peter. And St. Peter says to the first fella, But you – you know what? You spent your whole life just obsessed with money. I mean, even look at your wife. Her name is Penny. Sorry, you're not getting into heaven. And then the next fellow goes up there and St. Peter says, you spent your whole life just obsessing over alcohol. I mean, look at your wife. You married somebody named Sherry. I'm sorry. You just don't pass muster here.

And then the third guy- By the way, you've more or less described most of my adult life.

And then the third guy- Various marriages to money and alcohol. And then the third guy doesn't even bother going up to St. Peter. He just turns to his wife and says, come on, Fanny, let's get out of here. We don't have a chance.

Ladies and gentlemen, I got a legit lol. That's a pretty good spoof.

All right.

Maybe the hell one. You know, the hell one that I always tell. Oh, yes.

Yes. That's come up on the show before.

I'll make it really fast. Guy goes to hell and he's the lead demon is taking him around and says, like, You're going to spend the rest of eternity In this particular situation And he leads him to a room And it's a bunch of people doing a headstand On a hardwood floor And then he's like no thanks And takes him to another room And it's like a bunch of people doing a headstand On a brick floor And then a bunch of people just standing around Ankle deep in human feces drinking coffee And the guy's like I'll take it And then He's like cool And then another demon comes in After about ten minutes and goes Alright coffee breaks over back on your head

Yep Sorry, I'm not giving you the big laugh that you gave me Only because I've heard that one before You know, I don't like to do anything fake, Luke It's all real with me

You know what, and I appreciate that about you

So when you get the laughs, you know they're from the heart

I know that they're honest I know that they're legit Alright, this seems like a good time To wind down this Tuesday Actually, we kind of missed that time You get off on being withholding, Andrew Alright Thank you everyone for listening Thanks for being part of the show We're going to be back here tomorrow with more of this imaginary radio for you. Until then, have a great Tuesday. Thank you for being part of TBTL, and please remember, no mountains tall. And good luck to all. I don't really know how to end this conversation so high five

power out