Muse

First of all, I'd like to see the chef face to face. These are the best Cajun chicken niblets I've ever had. Also, we're going to want to get dessert. I'm wondering which wine pairs best with the Oreo cheesecake. I wouldn't know that. You don't know. Okay, perhaps you should send over the house Somalian. Greg is from Nigeria. No, I don't mean Craig. I don't see how this helps us. I just want cheesecake with a good wine. Okay, let's get dessert. Just get some more drinks, huh? TBTN!

One thing you can do, you can paint inner tubes You can paint them with flowers, you can paint them with fish You can paint them with battleships, you can paint them to look like a torpedo

Dude, give me a bark This is grass clippings, give us the real deal or we're out of here

What don't you understand, it's crystal clear, Ron Donald do's, okay The four P's and one B, politeness, professionalism, perfectionism, proactive, be on time What are you doing, don't do that Actuality. What? No, don't do that. Now it's five P's. No, I already have four P's. That's an RDD. That's a Ron Donald do? No, a Ron Donald don'ts. This is so confusing, Ron.

I'm going to do it for you guys. I'm going to hook you up to the best stuff, okay? But you got to jump into my van. Definitely. For sharks. Come on.

All right, hello, good morning. Welcome, everyone, to a Thursday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live.

Is it too early to get a fish sandwich?

My name is Luke Burbank. I'm your host.

You know, you've got to eat that microphone.

Coming to you from the Hollywood Broadcast Center right here in extremely not dry Portland, Oregon, where... Didn't know you like to get wet, though. It just continues. I know this is not interesting content for me to start each day complaining about the weather, but we are now, we have arrived at May 12th. We've also arrived at episode 3,682 in a collector series. Let the fun begin. It's May 12th, and I think you can count on a couple of fingers the number of actually nice spring days that we've had down here in Portland, Oregon, so far. Like, just the sun's out, the sky's blue, it's warm, things are blooming. None of that has happened at all, and it's majorly overdue. Now, part of my slight grumpiness this morning may also be because it's day two with my new cat, Bubbles.

There is something about the soul of a cat.

Is that what they mean when they talk about the terrible twos? The second day that you have a cat, they decide to just absolutely tear your entire physical body to shreds. You're entering a world of pain. That's the phase that Bubbles is in. And last night at about 1 a.m., she just woke up and got the zoomies and was just completely and totally attacking me to where I had to hide under the covers. I had to pull the comforter up over my head and hide from my own pet that I voluntarily brought into this apartment. So and now she is even as I'm sitting here or standing, I should say, she's trying to crawl up my leg. That's her other move that she's very into and doesn't feel great. So if you see me out on the streets and you think that I just fell down a hill and rolled through an entire thicket of blackberry bushes. No, it's just my pet that I love. That's what's happening here. What's happening on the show today is a story about a Roman bust that a woman picked up at a Goodwill in Austin that turned out to be the real deal.

This is special. This is special.

She named it Dennis Reynolds because it looks like the guy from It's Always Sunny. We'll tell you that story. Also, we have got an announcement.

Attention, everybody.

Related to TBTL Trivia Night in Denver, May 27th. We need to get a head count. So the email is tbtlradio at gmail.com. I don't know why I'm just doing the announcement now. I really should welcome my friend and longest-running co-bro of the show to the program, of course. He is the cute one. And he's joining me right now from the Sweet Cream District of Seattle, Washington. He's Andrew Walsh. Good morning, my friend.

Good morning, Luke. I have a, sorry, my microphone was doing something weird there. Did it sound weird down the line? It did, actually. Okay, sorry about that.

But as long as it sounds okay in the Sweet Cream District, that's the big deal.

Luke, this is something very similar to something you lived through yourself. My mute button on my microphone. It's been janky for years, but I know how to finesse it usually. But for some reason, maybe it's getting worse, and it wasn't finessed, Luke, and that's why it sounded bad. My apologies to everybody. Not a great start, but sadly, not my worst. You know what? I hit that with some of that compressed air. And it's...

It fixed it on my soundboard, and it's the closest I'll ever come to actually doing some sort of, like, audio gear repair, which was just blow some compressed air into it. But it was, in fact, very satisfying. Yeah, just like that.

Yeah, we'll see if that helps. That's Aquanet, Andrew. You're not supposed to spray that on you. Oh, well, it's definitely not. Well, it's staying in place now.

That's nice. But, yeah, your board looks amazing. Yeah, it looks good. It looks hot. Did you ever use hairspray? Did you ever use a product like that as a young man?

Yeah, I think there was a time when I didn't know what I was doing as a young man, Luke. I mean, does that beg the question that I know what I'm doing now?

Is this what Denver's going to be like?

I think I'm using it right there. But, yeah, you go through those phases. I mean, I never had any, like, my hair was never in a style that I should have needed that stuff. But I didn't know what I was doing, and everybody else was doing it, and there was products around the house. So I don't know if I ever bought hairspray for myself, but I used hairspray that I was around the house. I believe I used VO5, you know, the stuff that, like, greasers used to use in the 50s. My dad is still a greaser, so I had access to that. I think I tried everything, and it didn't really help me in any social department.

I carpooled to, I think it was 7th grade, maybe 7th and 8th grade, with a kid named John D. Young. We called him Bino, which, I don't know, I wonder how he got that nickname. As I said it out loud, it sounded kind of on the line But this was not a weird borderline racial thing It was just his nickname was Bean I think because he had passed a lot of gas Anyway, he would get in the car So it is on the line A different line, Andrew It's a different line And he would get in the car And only after getting in the car He would then break out the can of Aquanet And like something out of a movie just apply a good third of the can to his hair so that a cloud of hairspray surrounded him for about half of the drive to school. And he just would really lock that thing down. And I think I may have had... I was more of a... Well, for one thing, I used mousse for a while. Oh, yeah. Did you ever try that? Yeah, of course, yeah. I tried some mousse at some point. I probably tried some hairspray. I'm sure we had some weird... My mom is, to this day, I took a picture of it, I think, at Thanksgiving. My mom acquires the world's strangest beauty products or whatever you might call those. We would never have Aquanet in the house because that would be the normal brand that normal people would buy. We'd have something called Aquaner or some off-brand weird. That one just removed. Water net. That was the problem. We'd have Water net. so I'm just and it'd be like not like it would be the kind that doesn't have it's not propelled by whatever the you know the thing that was supposedly um blowing a hole in the ozone layer the um what was the uh fluorocarbons or something whatever it was that was supposed to like hair spray was supposed to be part of what was uh you know killing the uh polar bears but we would have like the kind that it didn't have that propellant it was just like a sort of like I don't know what you'd call it a sprayer but it was just a manual pump like everything was always okay but but it just didn't work well it smelled strange it's probably mostly witch hazel i just never had any good stuff growing i just wanted to be john de young with an unlimited supply of aquanet

andrew why does aquanet sound so normal but water net sounds like the most ridiculous name you could possibly name hairspray that's a great question i never thought of that you okay a couple of things We need to get back to the business that you set up at the beginning of the show, but very, very, very quickly. And this doesn't have to become a whole thing. Something's been bothering me for about 24 hours now. Actually, if I'm looking at the clock, it's probably like 20, 21 and a half, 22 hours now, if we're going to be accurate, which we should in these cases. I feel like I owe you a bit of an apology regarding something I said on the show yesterday. And I'll be honest with you, Luke. I'm not I'm not even saying this. i do owe you an apology but i'm not doing this because i feel like it'll help our relationship or that really it'll help you get through life with this apology it's just i was kind of loud wrong about something yesterday and it'll make me feel better if i can just clear the air and it regards something very close to my heart both figuratively and according to my doctor literally which is french dip sandwiches um you know we talked about french dip sandwiches on the show yesterday and i mentioned how you said that you know you need to dip them or the the beauty of a french dip is you're dipping this thing into au jus because it softens up a crusty bun and in my head in that moment i was thinking yeah but i can picture the crusty bun french dips but a lot of them i was thinking have are made from a much softer bread and i was thinking specifically of one i had in la but i was also applied it to the one that i get sometimes at my favorite sandwich shop called Tubs in the Lake City area of Seattle for now.

for now boffle um but um i uh that was my skinner or no no that was my super nintendo chalmers impression um anyway uh so obviously after talking about it i i was so hungry after the show and i beelined it i mean you called me for a work related thing like five minutes you sounded like you were in the car i was already in the car on the way to tubs luke i

was so hungry and i got let me just explain what was going on yeah i was sending you many a picture of the cat but i had it in sort of the wrong format it needed to be landscape instead of vertical and so i called you to just clarify something and i was like huh the show ended i mean literal moments ago and you're in a car already um you know it's interesting to know

that that was you going to tubs no yeah no i had a flashing light one of those like temporary flashing lights you can put on the top of your car if you're a cop but you're not right riding in a marked car mine is green by the way i'm not allowed to use red or or i miss those by the way

yeah that that you know that's that's passe now of course the unmarked cars the lights are in the

grill so yeah you can't see it if you're just scary there's something i know and it's always

you know basically it's it's usually some muscle car yeah because you know even though sorry i'm completely distracting us here but it's like one of the things we know is that police chases are generally very dangerous and are pretty bad idea and a lot of collateral damage can occur and a lot of police departments have decided that um for the safety of the public they will not go on high speed chases they'll just figure out how to catch the person later maybe but they still all have to drive like the biggest muscle car of all time as their undercover car because you know penises because blue lives matter um and so those those grills are full of the lights that they can light up if they need um but i miss the days like leslie nielsen police squad you put that thing on top of that like magnetic thing that you throw on the roof of the like you know uh caprice and go after

the bad guys that that was a cool look especially because we all instinctively know from a very early age that the grill is like the teeth of the car or the grimness of the car so seeing those lights part of the increasing militarization of our police it's it's uncomfortable but anyway yeah So I get my French dip. I bring it home. I think you know where this is going. I lay it out and I realize, no, no, this is, I mean, it's not overly crusty, but no, no, it's served on a, you know, crusty-ish French baguette as they mostly are. And as I'm eating it, I'm like, yeah, this is the norm. I mean, I do think in occasions, like I do know that Johnny's pastrami, which I talk about a lot, I believe that has a non-crusty bun that it's served on. But I do think that that is outside the norm, whereas I was pretty stridently arguing that the crustiness and the non-crustiness is not a given. Where I think it is a given and you said that and you're not even a meat eater anymore and I am and if you were to cut me open right now, like French dip would come out of me, like au jus would just pour out of my veins. If you cut me open, do I not bleed au jus? If you cut me open, do I not satisfy the cravings? I am but just a man made mostly out of sliced meats. Oh, it was good, man. Oh, good, I'm bad. So it scratched that itch. It scratched that itch, but it also kind of set the tone for the rest of the day. I just felt very unhealthy the rest of the day, and I just ate it so fast. I mean, you can eat a French dip sandwich, and that's fine. It's a giant sandwich, and it's like two meals in one, but whatever. You pace yourself, but I didn't pace myself. I swear I didn't even chew some of it.

Did you go to your special parking spot where you sit?

No, no time. I brought it home this time, especially, Luke. I don't know why I'm going soft here, but it creates dynamism in the show. I don't like to take the au jus to my secret space for eating in the car.

You generally, I mean, up until, I guess, recently, you would very much not eat in your car. You don't do drive-thrus, et cetera. So I guess this sitting in your car, eating your sandwich thing, was that a whole new phase of your life? And would that be the first time that you consistently would consume food in your vehicle?

Yeah, you know, because the sandwich shops would open, but you couldn't eat in their dining area. So that's what started with me. The pandemic changed us all. Exactly. As did the Internet. Don't forget that. So anyway, yeah. So usually I get a sandwich that doesn't have a dipping sauce. There is something. This is taking us in the wrong direction. We need to get back on the road. But this is taking you right back to Tubbs. No, I can't go back.

I'm going to call you two minutes after the show. I'm just going to hear.

they do have something called the joker's dip there which doesn't have an au jus but a barbecue dipping sauce every now and then i will eat that in the car if i'm me as joker dip

that's apparently my joaquin phoenix i don't know who that is i just wanted it i wanted it to sound kind of Thank you. shy and slightly unhinged that's what i was going for with that impression of joaquin phoenix as

joker but uh barbecue sauce i will very carefully carefully carefully dip in my car but that's a dangerous game but au jus is even more dangerous it's not as dark but it's it'll

drip even it's oh you know well see this drip i mean this andrew this is a classic dilemma or maybe dilemma is the wrong word but i mean this is a this is a very very tough call which is a worse thing to what's a more dangerous substance to be consuming in your car because i can see a really strong argument on both sides should we get dan pashman on this seems like a pashman pashman's got an entire one season arc on this exact question i'll bet you you're right

has he addressed eating in the car i mean he must have at some point right you know we should actually

we should we should um run that by him but so the you're right the viscosity of the barbecue sauce is higher therefore it's a little more manageable it is you can see the drip happening in slow-mo and you could maybe account for it the au jus is more uh liquid and could spill more but the barbecue sauce has got so much sugar in it if you spill that and again i'm speaking to a person who co-hosts a cleaning podcast cleaning barbecue sauce out of that area between the seat and the center console where like french fries go to die if you're like me and you might actually eat in your car more than you should sometimes i'll just be looking for something and i'll just see like oh yeah i had a euro in here there's a tomato down there but anyway barbecue sauce i i think i would be more likely to eat a jus than barbecue sauce because the implication of spilling the barbecue sauce is much it's it's sticky it's it has more smell to it i just think that would be a real

disaster here's my move um it's a dangerous move too but here's my move because the sandwich the sandwiches are so big i can't hold the sandwich i'm so okay i've left tubs i've driven to my little secret spot which is a uh it's like i pull over to the side of the small little road that is on a hill overlooking lake washington right and overlooking some very nice houses that are probably five million dollars uh and only have one bedroom uh and i sit there and i I sit behind the wheel of the car, of course, and I listen to the radio, and I unfold the sandwich on my lap. It has a lot of that big white kind of butcher paper, right, that it's wrapped in. Yes.

I love that kind of paper. That kind of paper makes me hungry, particularly if there's a little oil glob, like if you go to Bay Cities in L.A. Oh, I'm going to be in L.A. in a week. I might have to go to Bay Cities. That's my tubs.

So this sandwich is so big that each half is like more of a moderate sandwich. Like a normal person probably eat half of this and call it, say, job done. What I do is I take the butcher paper, I unwrap it on my lap, and now I'm looking at two huge halves of the sandwich, right? Like on a kind of a French roll baguette type of thing. I take the brown paper bag, Luke, that the sandwich came in, not the wrapper, not the white butcher paper, but the brown bag. I set that on the passenger seat, okay? I take the half of the sandwich that I'm not eating first, and I carefully move that over, and I set that down on the brown paper bag. Now on my lap is just one half of the sandwich and a lot of this white paper. I carefully, carefully, carefully open up the barbecue sauce. I sit it. This is what's going to surprise you, and you're going to chastise me. I set it down on the passenger side seat on the brown paper bag next to its friend, the second half of the sandwich. Then when I go to eat my Joker dip sandwich, the part that's on my lap, I pick it up. I very carefully. Could you introduce me as Joker dip? Lean it over and I dip it into the barbecue sauce. But now I've got to pull it all the way back across the console. So what I'm doing is with my right hand, I'm holding a napkin and I am I'm carrying it. I'm moving it along with the sandwich for the entire travel from the dip on the right hand side. So if it drips, it's going to hit the napkin supposedly and then right up to my mouth. and i eat it but you know even taking those measures something can go wrong constantly it's a very dangerous mission i shouldn't be doing it it probably makes more sense to put the barbecue sauce on my lap but i feel like one small a fly yes comes in the car and i jump and your stomach

gurgles exactly just an inopportune moment and you're that thing's pitching over to the side forget it so that's why i'm sorry i have perfected a system andrew just so you know for eating a taco time soft burrito at ranch taco time bean soft burrito uh with one hand while driving and i think i've talked about this before on the show it involves creating suction because the danger is if you take a bite of like a burrito you know and it's got a bunch of stuff and all that. stuff is going to potentially come kind of you know um cascading out of the burrito but i have done this so many times that i i can bite into it in such a way and then create suction in such a way that i can consume an entire one of those burritos with one hand with no spilling and i feel like that's not a good skill to have that is a skill you can only develop by eating upwards of 20,000 bean burritos from taco time it is some real malcolm gladwell shit going on and you really

got to be careful with that suction thing that you're talking about because i feel like i know what you're talking about um but that's also how you get things down the wrong pipe and it becomes

a choking hazard yes yes exactly hey um let's do this really quick before we forget or get too far into the show we would like to hear from the folks who are going to be coming to denver to hang out with us on friday may 27th we're going to be doing a trivia night um we've pretty much got the location picked out i mean uh i mean it's pretty confirmed from our end andrew maybe you and i will talk after the show and then tomorrow we'll announce literally where it's happening in denver but the big thing is we need to know like how many chairs to get if the place has enough seating for uh the number of folks that are going to come uh if we can maybe get a food truck to show up because the place we're going to be doesn't actually serve food, although you can bring food. Anyway, could you please email us at tbtlradio at gmail.com. That's tbtlradio at gmail.com. And let us know if you think you're coming. And this is not legally binding. I mean, this is just a rough estimate. No, it is. It's legally binding. If you could just take a picture of the front and back of your credit card. i saw somebody wrote on twitter um i'm having a really tough day please send me all the credit card information um no it just is just so because right now my estimate is between seven and four hundred people are going to come to this trivia night andrew and that's too that's far too wide of a range for us to make 702 concrete plans oh you took the over i'm taking the over yeah i did

want to clear up one thing too i mean you're making it very clear luke that this is you know it's a trivia night it's a fun hangout i got an email from somebody asking you know when tickets will be on sale this isn't a ticketed event or anything like that this is a fun chill hangout location tbd but we're getting close and yeah we'll play some trivia and then we'll and then we'll hang out but definitely no tickets we just want to get a head count yeah because if it's

uh 10 people then that's one we'll just maybe we'll get another pizza from costco yeah if it's going to be a hundred people maybe we can get a food truck to come out and um and provide some convenient uh sustenance so yes uh tbtl radio at gmail.com please and also of course if you're like you know bring in a an 11 or a friend or a hinge date or whatever i want to see at least one hinge date happening i want to see one unhinged date happening that's such an obvious joke i can't believe that hasn't been like an snl sketch yet no no that's not i didn't mean that you said the quiet part loud no i just i'm surprised that that legitimately had me lol i'm surprised i haven't haven't thought of it yet um all right so that's uh that's uh what we need from all of y'all who think you're coming out to uh denver on the 27th for that get together now the other thing that you mentioned to me in a text i think last night andrew was that there's something going on related to your lovely new home in the sweet cream district that's um what

would you say perplexing you annoying you well i just had a little adventure last night that i wanted to tell you about but okay i will be honest with you and i i don't want to i don't want to dictate the show i know yesterday i got a little bit grabby with the uh no i really like

i'm into it i like seeing that alpha i'm very happy to go beta on it but we are 25 minutes

into this because we do a break and then come back yeah because i went to i went to make you an apology that i promised was going to be no more than 90 seconds and there's something about this show luke there's just something about the soul of an apology i don't know how that turned

into a 20 minute conversation about car well because i decided to talk about well i mean you really want to know i decided to talk about the militarization of police by way of the police cars not having the unmarked cars and how they're now lit up. I wanted to talk about Leslie Nielsen. I wanted to talk about the sporkful. I wanted to talk about the question of if it was worse to spill barbecue sauce or au jus. I was the one, Andrew, who really bloated that apology out to a tight 22 minutes. Is there something M. Night

Shyamalan-y about this show? Wasn't his last one? The show TBTL? Yeah, like wasn't Thank you.

there like wasn't his last one like you go to a beach and then suddenly you get old or whatever

like i feel like there's something about you know about that movie because of the memeification of it which is me the beach it makes you old yeah i've never seen the movie i just picked i've just seen pictures of people where they're like the beach it made us old that's what i know about

that yeah yeah i feel like that's kind of us though hey i'm just gonna really quickly do a quick 90 second apology here and then the next thing you know we're 90 years old and they're a retirement show for us it makes you old is this the beach of podcasts is that what's happening here i used to think it was the beaches of podcasts but it turns out it's the beach

all right quick break and then and also andrew i want to tell you how you've made your way into the dreams of somebody in my life to the consternation of someone else in my life so uh we'll talk about that as well on the other side here on tbtl oh the other side of the break not like in heaven

we was hoping for some razzle dazzle razzle dazzle that's right man razzle dazzle on your

mark on your mark get set get set now ready ready go everybody razzle dazzle let's thank some

dazzling donors these wonderful generous long-suffering folks are keeping the show going with their dazzling donation of dough starting today with scotty howton of capitol hill seattle washington scotty the hottie with the body i mean all of us have bodies presumably that's sort of how we're here we have a corporeal form but um scotty is uh is a long long time personal friend of ours uh karaoke enthusiast and tbtl supporter par excellence scott says this is my first time being a dazzling donor looking at the thank you gifts last year i couldn't decide what i wanted and i was worried i'd get fomo from not getting certain gifts that's the that's that's the plan that's literally we're we're hoping of course and everyone when we do tbtl on 13 in a who is donating, should just do what works for their particular financial situation. We would never want anyone to, you know, pledge at a level that would be stressful for them. That being said, we are hoping that the thank you gifts are intriguing enough that it will incentivize folks to support TBTL. I was nervous that I wouldn't be able to swing it, but I survived. So far, I might not be able to sustain being a dazzling donor this coming TBTL-a-thon, but rest assured, I will be supporting the first podcast I ever listened to. Oh, God, Andrew. the tbtl it makes you old i mean that's wild to think about being somebody's first podcast

sorry this is distracting to you but this is a scotty's theme song i just figured we give him a little bump isn't this scotty's uh go-to karaoke song well i maybe but i i always knew him to do a teenage dirtbag by we you're right i'm getting weedus and len confused you got weedus in my land oh no it's the classic blunder the first is never by never going to a land deal in asia i'm messing that up never mind what a blunder though i wonder if

people confuse len and weedus all the time i i mean i'm i will be honest those i love both bands or at least i love the hit songs from both bands but i those ones don't cross i don't know those don't cross-pollinate in my mind i don't know why um all right but scotty says i will be supporting the first podcast i ever listened to and have been listening to on a regular basis to continue entertaining us the only way they know how by confusing land with stories about barbecue sauce and who knows my financial situation might be changing soon i turn 40 luke i'll be celebrating in pdx scotty hit me up dude and wanted to try something new and kind of flip my life around i'm going back to school and doing one of those coding boot camps. Scotty, you're going to be richer than all of us. Yes, I know somebody who did that. I'm both scared and super excited. Wish me luck. Thanks for all you do, and thanks for creating this amazing supportive community. Scotty, thank you, my friend, and good luck on coding school. That's amazing, and I've heard there's a decent buck in that. Can you code us a couple NFTs when you're done or something? Could you code me a power out? um scotty really though thanks man and hit me up when you're coming down to portland maybe we can uh go check out my father's place together and again that's not where my dad that's not where my secret dad lives that's just a bar that i like in portland um i i don't know why this is such a as they say first world problem but i am just so rooting for nfts to fall apart because of how much i missed the bus on that you know i have no holdings and the one thing

i tried to do in the nft space it's just completely caused me to lose like i don't know five hundred

Thank you.

dollars or something our friend has some nft thing and put out the first bid on it for everybody and everybody got in and i put one thousand of dollars in an nft account or in a something bit wallet is that the this is part of the problem i don't even know where it's at and had it all ready to go for this for this you know first stage like you can get in on the ground floor and i was trying to get on the ground floor and it somehow glitched and it wouldn't let me and then it like basically wouldn't our friend was as this thing was launching was trying to figure out how to fix my thing she couldn't so then it was just like a lost cause that thousand dollars is like five hundred dollars now i'm just a hemorrhaging money so it did eventually go through i didn't know that i thought you know it didn't go through but i had to put it in something if this makes oh i see it's like a crypto wallet so it's got to be the money has to be in some sort of crypto right so it's not an nft it's in what i was told was of i don't know if it's in like elyrium or elysium or whatever but it's just like i want i put this thousand dollars and so i could finally do something for my financial future not involving the casino and um you know set something up to pass on to addy my thousand dollars in some film nft and um couldn't get into that have not gotten the money back out and in the time that the money's been in there it's lost half of its value that's where that is losing value i know how am i the only person that's somehow losing money in the crypto space i'm not sure you should have given it to me scotty that's why i need you to code me an nft please thank you maestro on your mark on your mark get set

Get set Now ready Ready Go Everybody rattles down

Well, will you look who it is, Andrew? It's our friend Chris Surface Yay! Down in Tacoma, Washington That sounded like a fake yay It wasn't fake, Chris Just like it wasn't sarcastic yesterday, Andrew When I said I was looking forward to talking to you today

It never occurred to me it was sarcastic until you said that via text Chris and I met once He hosted a little party to watch the final episode of Game of Thrones at his theater down there in Tacoma, and I guess they were doing that throughout the season, and he invited Genevieve and I to watch the final episode there. I will never forget it.

I know, and Chris, I believe yeah, it's a theater is it a theater where they put plays on, or is it a movie theater? Both!

It's Tacoma Little Theater, I believe. I don't know why I stuttered. Tacoma Little Theater is where it's at. I don't know what their situation is right now, but I believe they're up and running again. Let's support it, folks.

Absolutely. Chris says, That's unique feedback and feedback I love to hear. That's the opposite of throwing your phone. It sounds like Chris's phone stays right where it is when he listens to the show. In fact, it's relaxing for him. It's like, this is a dark place to take it.

But I remember being kind of young and kind of I thought that was the part where you were going to say, so I won't No, I will I will, it's the TBTL way See if I can get the blood pressure rising again This is the way, Andrew I was confused one time, I remember I was like probably, I don't know, 12 or 13 or something And I knew about addiction But I didn't quite understand certain things that I would see in pop culture Like, for example, I knew that alcohol was a sedative But I also knew that sometimes in a movie If you saw somebody who really struggled with it They would maybe wake up and have a drink and call it an eye opener. Right. And so I asked my mom about that. This is a real story. I remember being in the car and asking my mom and saying, like, I don't understand that. Like, if things are a sedative, why would you take it and call it an eye opener? Why would it give you energy? Right. And she said, well, that's kind of the nature of addiction. Sometimes, like, you know, once you're addicted to it, it has almost the opposite effects on you. And I don't know if that's scientifically sound or not. I do remember that conversation. And my point is this, Chris, I think you're addicted to TBTL because I think when you first start listening to TBTL, it raises your blood pressure and you're throwing phones around the room, you're yelling, you're just frustrated as heck. But eventually, when you're really addicted, when you're in late stage just to feel normal. Yes, exactly. Then when it starts calming you down, it means you got it bad, my friend, and I'm glad you do.

We are very, very happy to have Chris in the TBTL family. He says, everyone in the TBTL universe rocks, and I'm ready to host you at my theater when you do a live event in Tacoma. We have a bar, just saying.

I would love to do that.

Again, it's Tacoma Little Theater. We should do that. We've never done a TBTL in Tacoma, and Tacoma is an absolutely lovely, I would say, slept-on town, you know, for many, many years, kind of operating a bit in the shadow of Seattle. But I know a lot of people who've moved to Tacoma. it's the

Brooklyn of Seattle now, and a lot of really cool things going on down there. So, Chris, we will do that at some point. That will be fun. And thank you so much for supporting the program. We really appreciate you. Hello, and welcome to Top Story. All right, Andrew, what's going on with your house? Okay, I'm a little worried about this because my 90-second apology turned into a 25-minute conversation, and I don't want to take up the entire show with this. So I will try, starting now, to be efficient with this story. But first, some background. When Vives and I first... But first, what about Dijon? What if you were to spill Dijon mustard? What's the most viscous mustard? When Vives and I were purchasing this house that we live in now, we got the inspection report from the seller, right? And it was all pretty good. It's literally, it's very easy to read. I was intimidated when I saw the length of the document come through, but it's a it was a well laid out guide with photos and these nice clear green check marks for everything that was a OK and red little X's or something for things that needed attention. And there were only three red flags in this entire report, one of which I would describe as maybe a medium thing that we need to deal with one very, very small and one I thought maybe small ish. Here they are. The really, really small one was a toilet kept on running in one of the bathrooms. We just needed to replace some of the hardware inside the toilet tank. No big deal. Toilets are simple to fix. Genevieve fixed that, I believe, the day we got the keys. She was very proud. She Instagrammed it. The more long-term thing is there's some masonry work that needs to be done near the roof. No big deal. We'll figure that out down the line. The middle one was something that I said I would investigate. And what it warned about was when you run the dishwasher, there's a leak under the kitchen sink. And I thought it said there was a relatively small leak. It said something like and I remember this specifically. It said probably due to a blockage in the drain line of the dishwasher. I remember it specifically said call a handyman to get it cleared out. Right. It wasn't. So, in other words, I feel like including the word handyman in there is their way of saying, like, this is not a big deal. This isn't, like, call a plumber or, you know, block off a week. Just call somebody who knows what they're doing. They'll clear your lines for you. So I figured, you know, I messed around a little bit with the drainage pipes under the sink at my old apartment. I remember that being a bit of an adventure. It was. And I kind of got myself into a little of a pickle with that one. But it was because of the ill care of the place leading up to that moment. But, like, when I took apart, like, my pee traps and all the drainage stuff under the sink at my old apartment, it was disgusting. It was, like, jam-packed. Like, the entire pipes were just jam-packed with goo. That was some of the grossest stuff I've ever seen in my life.

I won't talk about it more, but it was awful. So I'm figuring it might be something like this. We have a blockage in there. Let me just, at some point, and my plan was, Luke, and I told Vives this, I said, you know, we have the keys, like, three weeks before we move in. i'm doing projects over there i'll just take a saturday i'll turn on the dishwasher before we move in and before we put all of our belongings under the sink while everything's cleared out i'll just do a test run on the on the dishwasher and see where the leak is and see if i can track it down i'm thinking it's going to be a small little leak well projects beget projects next thing you know we're here for like a month and a half and i still haven't i still haven't um looked into this thing but yesterday you know that i was running kind of like hot yesterday luke i I was just kind of like, I just, you and I are just kind of doing a lot of stuff for this TBTL-a-thon and I have this list of things to do, none of which are huge or big, but it just kind of keeps getting longer. And so I've kind of been in this mode the last few days of just like trying to get things done and I'm just kind of, kind of high anxiety level. And I decided, you know what I'm going to do? I have some writing to do. I'm going to take my laptop. This is yesterday around 7 p.m. I've been kind of, kind of running hot all day. I'm like, you know what I'm going to do? And maybe I just wanted to kind of do something else. Maybe I'm procrastinating here, but I'm like, I'll just bring my laptop upstairs. I'll clear everything out from under the sink, and I'll just hit go on this dishwasher. And I figure if it's a drainage thing, it has to run through its cycles first anyway. So I'll just do some of my writing chores and just watch for drips, just thinking it's going to be a small little thing. And then maybe track them down, or maybe at least I'll know what I'm going to need to look at when it's time to actually maybe start taking some things apart. so I tell thieves I'm gonna do this I pull some stuff out from under the from under the sink I don't even totally unlike me I don't even clear everything out from under the sink I'm just like I just pull out the important stuff you know just like cleaners and stuff I'm like I'm just gonna take a quick look here it's no big deal I hit go on the dishwasher which is a really old crappy dishwasher by the way I mean I guess it's not You It's just really old and not very good. It's got, like, one spinny thing at the bottom of it, you know? It's probably from, like, 1999. And I think our refrigerator, by the way, is from 1997. But it sounds like a jet engine from 1998, so that's awesome. Anyway, so the dishwasher, I, like, turn this knob and push a button. It's unclear how it works. But immediately, and I don't even understand how this is happening in the moment, immediately, water starts shooting out this little kind of whole thing that i'll describe in a minute on the top of my sink and it water starts pouring out the pipes underneath underneath the sink like and i can see very clearly where the tube the drainage tube is coming out of the dishwasher and then hooking up to some other tubes under the sink that are eventually going to lead to my garbage disposal unit which will then drain it out but immediately water starts pouring out and this thing that's on top of my sink the thing that it's really pouring out of i'll spoiler alert

here for people who know what i'm talking about it turns out this thing on top of my sink is something called an air vent for the dishwasher but it looks like okay picture a sink with a special little hose you remember when you know back in the day sinks would have the special little hose that wasn't attached to the faucet itself um instead of in the place that that would usually be there's a little metal cap on our sink that's maybe two and a half three inches high it looks like a little robot head sort of it looks a little bit like i know you know exactly what it is well what i later learn is that's a that's something called you know an air vent for the dishwasher and it's needed for some reason that i don't have to get into but i don't know it's an air vent at the moment all i know is as soon as this dishwasher starts its thing it starts pouring water out of that thing Genevieve spins it around so the two little openings are pouring now instead of onto the counter but into the sink and I am so I have no idea what I'm doing here and I'm so shocked you immediately go into freak out mode of like stop stop open like well I do stop the water as soon as possible but I'm also like that's astounding I'm like for a second it almost looked like the design of this dishwasher was to drain into the sink by pouring out of this little robot head that is not how it's supposed to work but for a second i was so shocked i'm like is this how this works because i've seen some janky dishwashers before you know i think your family you said had one that would be on wheels that you would roll out and then hook up to tubes right didn't you have one of those yeah you had to wheel it across the kitchen and then attach it to the faucet so i'm like is this some sort of weird thing where it it drains literally into the sink through this little metal cap like that's nuts but also aside that would be so gross too because

imagine i mean there's food yeah if there's food particles on your dishes that would be just i mean i guess you wash dishes in the sink but still it just seems yeah you just don't want to

see that or you're using the sink and then suddenly this thing starts draining well you know that's

what happens not to derail your story but that's what was going on in my apartment for a while was if there was anything in my garbage disposal like if i had you know put some food down there but not actually run the disposal the when i ran the dishwasher it would drain up through the sink and then distribute whatever the stuff was that was in my yet yet to be disposed food matter if that makes any sense yes okay so i always have to make sure that i have like completely run my disposal before i run the dishwasher or i'll have like kind of a gross like food regurgitation but

yes that actually sounds similar to so anyway and also not only is water pouring out of the top of this thing but you know below the sink where tubes are like kind of secured with um uh what do you call them hose clamps and everything it's also just leaking at these little intersections as well so they clearly like like the thing said there's a blockage somewhere but i thought it was going to be a little blockage that i was gonna have to track down it was causing a little bit of leaking but no it was a this turned into the bellagio fountain literally a major disaster um And so I've never brought my laptop upstairs. Clearly this is not an evening where I'm going to be, you know, typing out some work while I wait for a small leak under the sink. Suddenly it's just like you say, yeah, it's like it's a water fountain in my kitchen. So we grab some towels. We're cleaning up. Genevieve's there with me. And I'm just like, whoa, whoa, we definitely have a blockage somewhere. We, you know, I don't know much about plumbing, but I do know some of this stuff, especially with drainage. It's it makes sense. It's all physics, right? And I was even thinking later, it's a lot like an audio chain. Like, and I love troubleshooting. You know that, Luke. But you're kind of like, okay, well, I know that this device is making the sound. I can hear it. But when I plug it in, it doesn't seem to make it to that device. Oh, it does make it to, like, you know, an audio chain. You're just trying to track down where is the audio stopping between devices and then troubleshooting that area. And drainage is essentially the same thing. Like, somewhere there's a blockage. And so I go back to the homeowner's report and it says, yeah, there's probably a blockage in the in the drain line for the dishwasher. I'm like, well, if it's. Pouring out of this thing at the top of my sink, the blockage is clearly not between the dishwasher and this thing, right? It has to come somewhere further down the chain. So little by little, Aviz and I are just taking apart everything, right? I take out all the P-traps. I take out everything that is like kind of the drainage of the sink. It's all clear. And in fact, that's even suspicious to me. And then I'm looking at the garbage disposal we have, and I'm like, this is a brand-new garbage disposal. My guess is, again, this was a rental unit. My guess is they probably had a garbage disposal in this unit forever that didn't work, probably, and they just told the people not to, the renters not to use it, and they probably quickly swapped it out before they put the house on the market, right? That's just my guess. Because as I'm looking at the garbage disposal unit itself, it's very clean. It's very new. All of the tubes hooking up to it, or I guess the one tube hooking up to it, is clearly brand new. And I'm telling Veves, I'm like, it makes sense that the blockage would be, you know, further down the chain here. But I'm looking at these tubes and they look new. I guess I'll take them off, but I'm not super, you know, hopeful that we're going to find a blockage there. But so little by little, I'm taking tubes apart. This thing that's on top of the sink, as I'm describing it, and as I mentioned before, it's actually called an air vent and it's not supposed to shoot water out of it. It's just supposed to allow some air as the thing drains. So I take that tube off. I take another tube off.

the one one of the tubes had a little bit of gunk in it but nothing like what should have been creating this problem yeah the bellagio and i did have a um i did buy a snake it's actually you know the drainage snake which i've never used before and i wasn't using it properly but i bought one that you can put on the end of a drill it's not the kind with the crank on it but i didn't even attach it to a drill i just ran it into the wall as far as it would go just using my hands to see if it would hit any blockages i ran it pretty far into the wall no problems there no problems with anything genevieve cleared out a little bit of gunk in this one drainage tube and she's like maybe that's it i'm like maybe but i'm not i'm not convinced but i mean this is it we've gone as far as we can go i guess we'll just put everything together maybe that gunk was creating a problem and and we'll just put it back together and hope for the best and if not then we have to call a plumber or as the as the official document said call a handyman or a woman um so Genevieve says yeah but that little air vent on the top of the sink it's kind of busted up and since everything is just torn apart now anyway why don't I just run to Lowe's and get us a new one um and this is just kind of a side story but it was just kind of busted up and old and we're like well it would be easy to replace this thing now it's probably a five dollar fix so vives runs to lows and i start kind of re-watching i was watching a youtube video um that was explaining exactly what my problem is as i was taking apart my sink and i was i kind of didn't watch the whole thing and then get to work i was kind of watching it along with me and it was basically confirming everything i was doing just some you know somebody on online posting this

video by the way i love you and i you know we create content for a living and we would love to have hundreds of thousands of views on youtube but it's the guy who's just like well here's how you yeah um you know put this fastener on the back side of your siding yeah for uh your tool shit like the most random home improvement thing that no one knows how to do but just one guy in kendallville illinois decided to film himself changing this part on his riding lawnmower And it's got 4 million views

Yeah, it doesn't even talk about barbecue sauce Or the viscosity thereof, it's ridiculous I know But it was actually very helpful And it did, like I say, I was kind of watching along And it was confirming But then he gets to the part where his blockage is And it looks pretty bad In this tube that is essentially Leading from the air vent Down into His garbage disposal That's the tube that looks pretty gunky to him And that's the one where we found a little bit of stuff But I was convinced it wasn't enough Genevieve's at the store she almost didn't buy this new thing but she decided this is kind of critical that she decides to go pick this thing up from the grocery store because it gives me time to ruminate a little bit more just in like 15 minutes that she's gone I'm like well I got nothing else to do let me watch this video some more and he's got a pretty bad blockage right at this kind of joint where this tube hits the disposal and I'm like I don't have any gunk in there and I'm like poking my finger in there and in fact it doesn't even seem like a through way to me And I grabbed like a little like somewhere between a straw brush and a bottle brush that we have to clean various things. And I'm like, well, let me run that in there and see if I can clear anything out. But it's just hitting a dead end. It's like a straight up dead end. And I'm like, that can't make sense. Like, I know how water flows. Like, it can't be hitting a dead end. I'm like, what the hell? Is this thing broken or was it manufactured? differently so then i start googling around i'm like wait a second how do you hook up a how do you hook up a dishwasher when you already have a garbage disposal and i i end up on a couple of other youtube videos and suddenly i realize i find an instruction manual for hooking up a you know hooking up a dishwasher with a disposal and there's this little plastic thing that is a blockage that you don't need if you don't have a dishwasher but if you have a dishwasher and you have a tube hooked up in there you need to take a screwdriver and a hammer and just bluntly blast that thing out of there you just need to pop this plastic tab out of there and then it'll end up in your garbage disposal and then you need to get pliers like needle nose pliers and pull it out and then

is there anything more terrifying than reaching your hand into a garbage just very few things i want the i want the power turned off to the entire city that i'm in i want that i want that

satellite shot of the earth in a disaster movie where lights blink off all across i want entire

continents going dark before i put my hand in it's like that's just a universally terrifying

thing and now i am i can't even describe the emotion i'm having i am less shame kind of i'm kind of proud i'm kind of ecstatic that i figured this out i'm kind of nervous to just take a screwdriver and a hammer and just blast something out because I think I'm right and because I saw something on YouTube but it makes total sense it makes total sense that the reason the one it wasn't a little blockage for a handyman to clear out it was a dam it wasn't it was not installed right like everything in this house they clearly had some people come in I'm sure working as fast as possible and as cheap as possible and installing I told you I mean I won't go through the list again but everything in this house is installed wrong the hot means cold and everything downstairs in the faucets there are fixtures that are connected with uh actual scotch tape on the wiring that i had to remove like everything has been things that say front or things that are facing frontward have stickers that say install this to the back like the story of everything in this house so they clearly to sell this house quickly installed a disposal the nice thing is nobody's ever used this disposal before i guess um but they didn't do it right and so before i even punched it out i waited for genevieve to come home because i first of all

wanted another set of eyes on this you like you were like do you authorize me the co-owner of this home do you authorize me to do this thing but i also wanted to walk her through it like

luke i was pacing in the front yard when she pulls in i'm like veves i have a store i don't even know how to describe i need you in here i need to i think i figured this out uh i am astounded i am i am miffed at whoever installed this thing but i'm also astounded and i am proud and so she's like yeah and you know i'm like get down there poke your finger in there luke it was biblical i said poke your finger in there and believe thomas um and she's like yeah that's a good do you like my doubting thomas references i did that's a solid yeah that's a solid biblical yeah no it's just a real andrew w week i guess what this is and she's like yeah that's it get yourself a hammer and a screwdriver and get to pound in and i did that thing popped out i thought it was metal but it was a little piece of plastic i hope you saying get to pound in was in the clear i hope it was not in fact i can edit it so it wasn't i'll just put like some random sound over it and that was it luke i re-hooked everything up i was nervous as hell i'm like there still could be a leak maybe oh this one video also said when you're tightening your hose clamps back onto the disposal don't go ham on it they didn't say that but they said don't do it just do it snug and if it leaks you can tighten it up more later because if you break that if you squeeze it too tight you'll break the disposal and you'll have to replace the whole thing that was a good that was good advice for me because i i'm worried about leaks i could have easily like you know tightened it too much and ruined the whole thing that would have been a that's the thing these things never work out this way the rest of the night i run the um a full cycle on the dishwasher And everything is fine Every time it gets to a drainage cycle It's fine I'm waiting for the leak to come back I'm waiting for a flood I'm telling Vee It can't be It can't be And by the way The reason water started pouring out immediately Was because somebody else Clearly had tried to run the dishwasher Maybe it was this inspector Saw that water was pouring all over the place And immediately shut it down So there was probably still water In the system In the lines That the very first order of business For the old dishwasher Was to expel that water which is why we didn't have to wait for a traditional drain cycle. So now I'm rambling. That's my story. Andrew. Luke, I've never had the feeling that I had last night. It took me so long to come down from that. Like, victory. You were the handyman. The handyman was inside the house. That's right. Jalapeno. Jalapeno. Jalapeno. That's why I texted you and said I can't.

wait to tell you my story satisfying i was so about all of the money you saved you don't have to hire somebody yep to come out and fix that you've also you know now think of i mean the confidence boost and the thing is the next project that you tackle the main thing for me that i keep

on coming back to is veves and i stood there for a second she said should i go to home depot and just replace this vent only because this one just looks a little bit old and janky and i was like nah and then we're like well why not everything's already pulled off and the hardware store is closed go ahead if we if she if we hadn't decided that which we were totally on the razor's edge about we would have just put everything back together water would have poured all over the place again i would have cleaned it up and then we'd be making plans right now to find a plumber in this economy forget about it and then you're right then we would have paid and then the person would have said oh yeah somebody didn't install that right just like the handyman came the electrician came out a few weeks ago it was like yeah all this stuff is installed wrong it's just like man oh man but this one i did myself i'm i'm less afraid of water than electricity i am very

proud of you andrew and i don't mean that in any kind of patronizing way that is take it a very empowering experience um and it's not just home improvement andrew that's going your way you're showing up in my sister hannah's dreams oh you mentioned she texted hawk squad i had the weirdest dream this morning um i hope it's okay that i'm reading this but whatever um between chris's alarm and mine chris is her husband uh we were kids living in the 77th house and we all had our cats gus blue loki leo and bubbles we were playing with them on the futon we had fish sticks carrot sticks and the sound of cotton swabs from cosmic osmo was in the background that was this weird video game that we had from this like very, it was like an Apple 2E clone was the computer that we had. So it was like a fake Apple, but like, you know, in the 80s. Luke

and Andrew were there. Wait, hold on one second. Hold on one second though. Those cat names, are those your real cat names or are these just dream cat names? Those are the real cats that

are in our family. Oh, I see.

I was going to say, Bubbles is your kitten now, not also a childhood cat. I see.

Gotcha. So Gus belongs to Josh and Sarah. Blue belongs to addy loki and leo are hannah and uh and the kids maddie and marion's cats and then bubbles is okay bubbles so she's has she has a dream and the cats are there but we're all kids she says um and luke andrew was there and my mind registered him as andrew but you referred to him as peter like peter williams oh yeah and so you made it into my sister's dream so congratulations thank Her daughter, Maddie, followed up, wait, did your daughter's nieces or nephews even exist? So her daughter said, wait, we didn't make the cut. Andrew made the cut. Right, right, right, right. And then my mom tried to smooth things over, saying, dreams can be so convoluted. And then kind of like that one grimacing emoji face. Yep. And then Hannah came back and said something else about Cosmic Osmo and why you were in the dream. She said, I don't know why we had fish sticks and carrots or why Andrew was in the dream, but there they were. I've been listening to a lot of TVTL lately. And then Maddie said, the fact that your brother's friend is more in your brain than your own daughter's. You officially outrank Maddie and Mary now when it comes to my sister Hannah's subconscious, Andrew. So, I mean, just enjoy that status.

You know, I got a random text message today. I didn't recognize the number. It looked like it might be a Portland number that said, get out of my dreams and into my car. Do you think that could have been? That was from Billy Ocean. Oh, okay. Gotcha. I wasn't sure if that was your sister. I'm scared of cars.

There's a right way to rock and a wrong way to roll. You can't just listen to your song. Just remember that life is number one. You can't be having so much fun. Just remember that life is much fun. You can't be number one.

Are you ready to blurs? I was born ready, yeah. Got a Blur's Day message here from Sam, our buddy Sam, who says, I'd like to wish my sweet husband Barry a happy birthday. This is broadcast Barry, folks. Famous in the TVTL verse. Sam says, I have lots of sweet things I want to say to him, but I guess that's all I need to say on the show. Laughing face emoji. Emoji. Do I say emoji funny? You do. Call the electrician. I need to fix my emoji Sam says do they have an electrician emoji Sam says happy birthday to Luke too by the way well you know this is the thing Barry

and I, I believe, have the same birthday. Is that correct? Indeed you do. Indeed you do. And so Barry wished me a happy birthday and I said thanks. Oh, no. And I should have said right back at you, here's the thing, Andrew. Oh, no. I know a shockingly sort of long list of people that have the same birthday as me and people who have the birthday a day maybe after me, and I sometimes get a little confused as to which is which. So, like, for instance, my friend Jenny Cox, She has the exact same birthday as me. Becca's sister-in-law is the day after me. Her sister is like a couple days. There's a lot of these birthdays that are kind of circulating in and around the same day as my birthday. And so, Barry, happy birthday. I'm sorry that I responded with thanks and not right back at you. That is so cold. Happy Blur's Day, Barry. Super rude. Particularly considering Barry sends us coffee every night. I know. It's delicious. Leslie says, I'd like to wish a double happy birthday to me and Luke. Oh, that's me. We are one week apart. My birthday is the 15th. I know no 10s personally, so I have to be my own spokesperson and self-advocate and Luke's advocate. Happy birthday, Luke and Leslie. Happy Blurs Day. Happy Blurs Day to you, Leslie.

It's good that you're advocating for yourself. Brett in the U District says, Brett here, wishing my wonderful and talented wife and TBTLM progenitor Amy a happy golden Blur's Day, meaning that her birthday is on Blur's Day. Is this how this works? Amy did a tremendous job managing home and work in the midst of gestures at everything. Rockwell, Mac, and I love you no matter what the cats say.

Sounds like they're dealing with a cat situation Like I am

Can we just really quickly do a Bubbles check Because other than the top of the show We haven't heard much about your situation With Bubbles But it sounds like you're thinking about maybe taking her back It's not working out

Oh yeah, or turning her into a fur coat or something Maybe 101 101 Bengals style No, you know what She is bonding to me Pretty hardcore to the point where I'll be standing Like brushing my teeth And she wants to hang out with me So she'll start climbing up my pants And like right now I'm holding her She was for most of the show Just sleeping on my foot Oh that's great And it was really cute And then stupidly I thought Well maybe I'll pick her up and cuddle her And that woke her up And so now she's being a little bit She's kind of wandering around the room And meowing But I'm holding her She is you know She's just exploring her body She's figuring out that she has teeth And claws And that she likes to wrestle with me probably she's just playing with me the way that she had previously been playing with her mom and dad you know i've been trying to explain to her that i have i am a pink fleshy living being that it doesn't feel great when you do that but um all in all she's uh doing great and nice uh is just making me endlessly happy last night i was oh the other thing though the problem another problem is she loves to sit on my laptop she's very intrigued by the the glowing screen of the laptop and my workflow is usually i sit like if i'm obviously i'm in this studio a lot of the day when we're working and i'm doing other stuff but then if i'm like writing we have live wire tonight uh at the alberta rose theater come see us and um i was i usually you know the night before we'll go through the script and everything i'm sitting on the couch with my laptop trying to do this and the cat is climbing onto my laptop and sending text messages to people. Complete gibberish text messages. You're going to have that. I'm going to have to figure out, because I don't want to have to sit at like a, you know, I don't want to be sitting at a desk 247 when I'm working. I like sitting on my couch and relaxing. That's the whole reason I have a laptop computer. But I'm going to have to figure something out because she's making it almost impossible for me to work with that.

Yeah, that's the thing. I was just texting with a friend yesterday saying that her cat, who's now an adult-sized cat, still likes to sleep on her keyboard, probably because of the warmth, we're thinking. And so her daughter deliberately leaves her mom's, our friend's, laptop open and on at night so the cat can sleep on it, which that is a recipe for disaster.

I mean, go buy, like, Adele. Yeah, right. I mean, the computer, not the singer. Go to the pawn shop or whatever and buy an old, completely outmoded piece of laptop technology purely for the cat to sleep on.

And it keeps it out of the landfill.

All right. Schaefer says, I'm excited to wish a happy Blur's Day to Kara. She is a super nice, super cool Austin who came to the front page after hearing last week's donor message. Oh, good. I would ding my bell for that, Schaefer, but I'm holding a cat. I thought the boys would be chuffed. Thank you, Andrew, to see The Cure for Global Loneliness in action. Happy Blur's Day. Kara, there will be birthday whiskey waiting for you the next time you stop by. Oh, that's awesome. I want to say here we also got a note from Kara as well asking if she should get a random Friday the 13th tattoo on her Blur's Day to mark the occasion. What do you say?

100%.

Hundo? One hundo a day?

As your attorney, I advise you to get a very regrettable tattoo. No, I love, I mean, look, I'm covered in tattoos that you could say are regrettable. I'm all for people getting tattoos. My body is a temple. A big, jiggly temple.

Thanks, Tubbs. Megan from Horseheads. Hey. It's gorgeous out there. Here to wish my wonderful friend Hess a very happy Blurs Day. Hey, Hess. We were just talking about Hess the other day, a dazzling donor, I believe. She's on an adventure moving to Hawaii. We also discussed that. Good luck. I can't wait to visit.

You're going to get a lot of that, Hess. Happy Blurs?

Yeah.

Jen says, I want to wish a very happy Blurs Day to my dear friend Kelly. Can't wait to celebrate with you when you're in town. Love you, friendo. Nice. Love those guys. Long-time friends.

Long-time listeners. Ross says, my wife Jane and daughter Betsy are celebrating birthdays. They're both kind, hardworking, compassionate. They give their time to make their communities better by volunteering. They're both fantastic mothers. Jane has been the best partner in life for me for almost 44 years. Betsy is an awesome daughter. I'm a lucky man.

Holy moly. Congratulations, 44 years Happy Blur's Day, guys How many marriages is that for me? Let's do the math 15 to 20 marriages Kate in North Carolina says I'd like to wish myself a happy Blur's Day I've been listening since the radio days And attended the Waffle House show But alas, I have no 10 friends in real life I'd also like to wish my brother a happy Blur's Day Even though he doesn't listen We have the same birthday, three years apart And I think that's pretty cool. That is pretty cool, too. Thanks for checking in from North Cackalacky.

Happy Blur's Day. We're your IRL friends. Yeah, we are.

Mike says, I'd like to a show. I would kill for some Waffle House grits. Oh, God dang it.

Kill for just some waffles right now. I know it's not the same as Waffle House, and I shouldn't even say it in the same sentence, but there is a, what do you call it, pancake, an international house of pancakes. It's not far from me that I'm kind of thinking about going to just because of that. That scratches an itch, as does Denny's.

There's a Denny's in downtown Portland. It's not really downtown Portland, but there's a Denny's in Portland that I'm guessing was closed or modified during the pandemic like a lot of places. But it's fully back up and thriving. Yeah. And there are just some days when I'm like, God, like just a Denny's breakfast, a Grand Slam breakfast, hold the bacon for me.

Yep.

But, oh, that's a very specific kind of food experience that sometimes I miss.

I used to get the super slam at Denny's, but then they stopped offering it when they had to start putting calories on the menu. So that's where I am. That's a true story. Mike says, I'd like to wish a happy Blur's Day to my amazing, beautiful, wonderful fiance. Taylor, you are the glue that holds our family together, even though you and our five McKenna like to call me stinky. Stinky. I still hope that your first year in your mid-30s will be the best year of your life. We love you so goddamn much.

Goddamn.

Happy Blur's Day to Taylor.

Yeah. Jeremy says, happy Blur's Day to my very good friendo and ten, Gail, on Friday the 13th. Wow. We had a couple of people. Gail, did you get the tattoo? Get a tattoo, Gail. That's going around. Get a tattoo of Kara. You have to. Uh-huh. Exactly. Get a tattoo of Kara getting a Friday the 13th tattoo. Prime number birthdays are supposed to be very auspicious. Actually, I made that up, but let's go with it for this year. I would have believed you.

I'll go with it. I'll tell you really quickly my favorite Gail story. I wasn't even there for this. Genevieve was waiting at a stoplight for a crosswalk light in Seattle. And people who aren't from here might not know it, but Seattleites in general really obey the crosswalk lights. Like, I've never seen anywhere else. Like, people will just stand there in a dead, empty road waiting for you. We will stop on the freeway to let a pedestrian cross. Yes, and the pedestrians will not cross until they get that little white character walking across the road. And Genevieve apparently one day was waiting there, and an older couple was there, and the woman went to cross the street or something, and the guy said, We wait for the light. We're not millennials, Gale. And that always sticks in my head.

So that's a story about someone named Gail. That's not a story about our Gail.

No, I don't think it was our Gail, although that would be amazing if it were.

Gail, was that you?

Gail? Did you almost cross against the light? It's not very Seattle of you.

Is this one mine? Sean says, I'd love to wish my number one five Yoshiaki a happy fourth Blur's Day. Yoshiaki is a kind and loving way about him that is such a blessing. He is daily pointing out the beauty of the world around him and dropping love bombs all around. Whenever TBTL starts, he gets so excited. That's so sweet.

That's awesome. Happy Blur's Day, Yoshiaki. It's so great to hear. I love that we're training the next generation to listen to this, whatever this is. Happy Blur's Day, buddy. Yeah, happy Blur's Day.

You don't usually do this. Let me just do this. I'm trying to keep the Blur's Days kind of streamlined. Don't want to go too long. But Sean did send in this quick little movie of Yoshiaki. Take a listen to this.

All right.

What did you just say? I love TVTL. You love what? I love TVTL. So there you go. No, I mean, you can't argue with that.

That's amazing. God, it must be like having a cat that can talk. Oh, that's the poll quote for today. Having children must be like having a cat that can talk. Speaking of which, Bubbles is doing pretty well. I've been holding her for the entire Blur's Day segment. She's not meowing. She's just licking my thumb with her little sandpaper tongue. I think I'm a particularly fun guy to lick if you're a cat because I eat so much salt. I bet you that I'm just like a salt lick I bet you I just you know what I mean like Too many pull quotes I'm surprised that there aren't like you know Deer emerging you know From the woods to walk up and or you know What are they like Buffaloes where they throw the salt lick out for I guess that's More like cows and stuff I thought it was horses But that doesn't seem right I'm just surprised that Wild and domestic Animals aren't approaching me to say hey can we Get a lick the important thing is We are wrapped up for today's episode Thank you everyone for listening We did not talk about the Dennis Reynolds statue. The point is, the lady, the woman, excuse me, the person, I don't know why I need to gender it, whatever. This person in Austin bought this bust, and it turned out to be a real thing that she is now repatriating, if you will, or sending back to Europe where it was looted by the Nazis.

But literally found it at a good will and bought it for $35.

Yes, and kind of figured it was probably worth something, which it was. And what she has as a replacement is a 3D printing of it now, I guess. Because what can't be printed three-dimensionally? Right. I guess she got some sort of...

They say they gave her a little bit of money for it. Because legally, she was not allowed to keep it. She had to give it back.

Right, because it was never... It was looted from somewhere. And so it ultimately needs to go back to where it was looted from. It was never sold legitimately. So she then can't sell it. But at Goodwill, stuff is hiding in Goodwill, man. Keep your eyes open. Well, you know, they're fancy Goodwills now. I saw one when I was in Eugene. They have the Goodwill where they put all of the really good stuff that comes in, and it's like a boutique or something. Oh, nice. Wow. So there's different levels of Goodwill now, I guess. All right. That's going to do it for today's edition of TBTL. Thank you for listening. We will be back here tomorrow with more of this Imaginary Radio, a Friday edition of the show. Hey, if you're in Portland and you're looking for something to do tonight, come on down to Livewire. It's going to be very fun. John Mualem will be there. He's written this great book, John Craigie, a guy named Keenan Lowe. We'll be there as well. Oh, and Jenny Wynn from the Sports Bra, because we just can't cover that story enough here in Portland. Okay, that's going on tonight. We'll see you tomorrow with more TVTL. Until then, have a great Thursday, and please remember, no mountain too tall.

And good luck to all.

Come on now. Come on now.

My dream is to sail around the world on a catamaran with two members of every cat race and share my love with cats for all the humans to see around the world. Power out.