Muse

Hey Julia, can you say T-B-T-L? L. T. B. B.

B.

T.

L.

L.

L.

Gah-gah. Gah-gah.

T-B-T-L!

Have you ever been vaccinated for chicken pox or measles? This is like a vaccination, but for your brain. It hurts at first. But it makes you better.

I was skeptical. It seemed too good to be true. I'm so glad I tried it.

Okay, no sounds, no sounds. Just words. No, I need words, not silence. Just give me words.

His lips are softer than the baked potato I practice on. But, just like that potato, he turned out to be rotten.

That went slightly better than the worst it could have possibly gone. Things are going to start happening to me now.

All right. Hello. Good morning and welcome, everyone, to a Monday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. I heard about that thing on the AM radio. My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host. I'm a professional. Look it up in the book. joining you from a new location today. This is an auspicious day for the podcast. That's right, the first ever broadcast emanating from the Riverhouse Studios on the banks of the mighty Columbia.

This is special. This is special.

Very excited to be here, to be broadcasting from this new location where I will be intermittently over the next few months while I'm working on this project, which as I sort of take stock of the room that I'm in, it's going to be quite the project, but it'll be fun to talk about here on the show. Also, today is Juneteenth, a solemn day of remembrance, a celebration of, I guess, a very small and belated, incredibly belated step towards freedom in this country for all citizens. As the great Michael Che, though, pointed out, it's curious why white people have Juneteenth off. If you think about the history of the events and what Juneteenth really was about, we should all be working today, white people. I'm sorry. That's just the... I cannot believe he just told that joke. So here we are, bringing you episode 3,709 in a collector's series. Let the fun begin. Had a lovely Father's Day yesterday. I may actually become a golfer. Who is my daddy, and what does he do? Addie and I went to the driving range. There's a golf course near here that appears to be largely abandoned, but it's like a nice golf course. We were there on Father's Day, and there was like nobody there. And I felt like, well, maybe this could be my chance to take up golf. Oh, and speaking of sports, tomorrow I will have a chance to spend up to 30 minutes in the presence of a sports star who looms very large on this show, and his name... Mr. Mr. Mr. Unlimited. That's right, Drew Locke. I get to meet Drew Locke tomorrow. So, should I shoot my shot? Really, I am going to some event that Russell Wilson will be at, a meet and greet of sorts. Do I shoot my shot? What should that shot look like? We'll talk about that with this young man, the longest running co-bro of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. On the subject of sports, he's a Mariners fan, so he knows pain and suffering.

Well, I get knocked down, but, you know, I get up again, man.

He is Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now.

Good morning, my friend. Good morning, Luke. In fact, I went to a Mariners game this weekend, and I wasn't supposed to. I wasn't even supposed to be here that day. I was actually a little bit, I was feeling really, really tired, worn down on Saturday. I had not been eating right, been eating a lot of junk food last week. I'm like, Saturday is my day. I'm going to stay home. I'm going to nest. I'm going to buy all the vegetables in the produce aisle. I'm going to come home, make a stir fry, just get some greens in me and reset. And then about two hours before the ball game, a friend of mine texted me, hey, just got two free tickets to the game. You want to come? And I was like, ah, Luke, it was so hard. You know I love hanging out at the ballpark, right? One of my favorite things to do outside my own house is just hang out at the ballpark. I could hang out there and just watch him throw bullpen warmups, you know, skip the game. I just like being there. But, man, I was like, oh, devil on my shoulder. I really.

was looking forward to just staying home and doing my thing on Saturday, but I rallied and I said to my friend listen, call me back in one hour if you don't have any other takers in one hour, I'll go with you. He's an incredibly unpopular, unlikable fella, so he couldn't get any other takers and so I went to the game and you know what Luke, I'm glad I did we didn't win because they're the Mariners, but it was a nice chill time at the ballpark and even though I almost fell asleep on the train on the way there, it was a nice time once I got that first hot dog in me.

Unlike the Mariners, Andrew, you rallied. Yes, exactly. Exactly. I had an adventurous weekend as well. I went to a concert with Becca at what's called Edgefield here in the, well, down, I guess, down in the greater Portland area. It's part of a big McMinimins complex. So, you know, like the McMinimins folks, They like to buy up old, like, sanitariums and, like, Catholic schools and whatnot and then just turn it into, like, a sprawling complex of different restaurants and, you know, bars and such. So they've got this place called Edgefield, which I do believe may have been a, like, a sanitarium at some point. And it's got a huge, well, I wouldn't say huge, but it's got a kind of an outdoor music venue as part of it. And, you know, you get your kind of the same folks that, well, it's, I would say it's a little bit, it's a little hipper than what comes through the Chateau Saint-Michel winery tour. But you get your Krong Bin coming through there. Oh, Pavement is going to be playing there later this summer. Those sorts of folks. And so these tickets were a gift, I think maybe for Valentine's Day. And so it'd been on the calendar for a long time. And as we have talked about on the show extensively, the the weather has been just terrible, terrible here in the Northwest. Was that was it just raining hardcore over the weekend in Seattle?

It was OK yesterday. Yesterday was overcast and then eventually some sun came out. But aside from that, yeah, we had some crap weather.

Well, I'm going to this is full disclosure. The weather was just so lousy on Saturday That in the back of my mind I was like I was very appreciative Of this kind gift Of these tickets to this concert But if I had purchased the tickets myself And then looked at the weather forecast For an outdoor show I would have probably said I'm going to eat it on these tickets And also my conception of bright eyes Is kind of Is interesting because I like some You know, it's the guy Connor Oberst, but I guess when he's playing music, he plays as Bright Eyes. And if you would have asked me, I would have said, I think I know, like, one Bright Eyes song. I know that, like, this is the, you know, first day of my life, kind of very emo song. But that would have been what I would have thought would have been the extent of my Bright Eyes knowledge. So that was also part of it. I was like, I think I like the idea of Bright Eyes, but I don't really know. I couldn't tell you a lot of his songs. It's just, and do I want to go, you know, deal with this weather situation? Well, anyway, because this was a gift, we followed through and went out to the location, and it was, from pretty much the word go, a disaster, Andrew. It was literally a major disaster. so part of the problem is this edgefield joint has so many rules and those rules all sort of make the experience of the person going to the concert less great so uh becca had brought this um like a blanket to sit on right and uh we were going through security which was so so stiff it was like the security was tougher than getting into like a mariners game it was it rivaled the tsa i'm like y'all we're going to a bright eye show these are a bunch of indie music fans most of them with their toddlers at this point like this is this is this is a appears to be a fairly tame crowd and uh but anyway so so we're going through security and the the guy who's very just kind of humorless and and whatever says to becca unfold your blanket so we she unfolds the blanket she takes like she sort of like shows him there's nothing in here and he goes no unfold it completely so he she unfolds it he goes yeah that can't go in you need to either take it back to your car take it over there and it's like what they had a rule andrew thread size of oh the size of blanket you could have that's ridiculous like as it like i

guess so you don't take up too much yeah which which let's face it i mean you go to a show like that you will grumble about some people some family some couple that takes up too much space with their blanket like i can see that i'm glad there's some sort of like i'm glad there's some sort of attention being paid to everybody having a somewhat equitable experience but

the f on and if it's just some cranky security guard at the front i don't think that's the that's ridiculous that sounds absolutely also it wasn't like she didn't bring the parachute

from my e class at daniel bagley elementary school like this is also a rainy day like you're just just

be happy anyone's still showing up for the show i mean blankets fold as well like somebody might say yeah this is a huge blanket but it folds in half because that gives me it's more comfortable on the ground that way like you don't know how somebody's going to use a blanket exactly my

blanket don't jiggle jiggle it folds that irritates me so much i know and it was just and the way that the guy had the kind of he had the sort of um he had the affect or whatever of not even being like oh yeah hey sorry we've got this rule and again i know you could say it's not a person who's doing a job it's not always their job to manage my feelings but they just had this air of like inevitability about it like we were just nuts for trying to bring in this blanket that was probably i don't know five square feet larger than whatever the rule was which was total news to us so so we have to ditch the blanket now the other thing andrew is i brought a couple of these chairs that i bought at rei which are called like stargazers made by some company called nemo and they are very involved to set up like because they kind of collapse down into this very small zip up bag but then you take them out and they have that kind of I don't know what that technology is called but it's like every tent now operates on this technology of a bunch of aluminum tubes that have some kind of like elastic going through them but then you know they go from being small to you can fit them all together and then you've got like a full on tent pole. Can you see what I'm

can you imagine what I'm describing? I don't think I'm familiar with that technology but i can imagine it i think it sounds cool yeah it's it's kind of like a

quantum leap for all things camping so it used to be that half of the time spent at least in my childhood we would set up our family tent was my dad trying to locate all the poles that go with the other like you know like this section of pole goes with this section of pole and then we would be doing it wrong and then we'd think we lost part of it and it'd be two in the morning and we're trying to do this by lantern light well now they've got this technology where any tent pole that you need it stays connected at all times because there's like a there's a kind of a nylon kind of elastic band that's running through all of it so you can pull it apart and make it smaller but you can also just fit it back together really quickly and it's kind of amazing technology but anyway this these chairs work on the same principle my point is these chairs are like kind of a typical the profile of them is more or less like a camp chair and of course they've got a huge sign andrew that says low chairs only so they've confiscated the they've confiscated the blanket we were going to sit on which would have been great would have been low profile we're not blocking anyone and now i'm now i'm like trying to sneak my chairs in and they're pulling people aside they are pulling people out of the line andrew and measuring their chairs i shit you not okay

quick question so you get turned back um get turned away with the blanket so you return the blanket to the car and you're like well shit then i guess the blanket on a table oh okay we put the

we stay in line because also by the way the parking is like half a mile away from picturing yeah yeah so i mean this is this is this is what i'm talking about like this is why it just was kind of like you got to be kidding me because so she was like you can put it literally was like you can put the blanket on that table over there where by the way there's like 50 blankets that people have been told he goes but we do not guarantee any security for those blankets and we're like okay thank you for making this experience really fun so becca goes and puts the blanket over on the table rolling the dice on if a blanket thief by the way if you want to steal a blanket i'd recommend any edgefield show um beautiful large blankets available for free almost almost too big you might say so so now my emotional state going into this is one of just kind of like not fully embracing the experience anyway and now it's just getting it's just sort of becoming hassley and i feel like i'm being hassled by someone who's making making my experience even even more unpleasant the weather is against us they've confiscated the blankets they're they are measuring the backs of people's chairs they have a tape measure and they are like sending people away with the chairs now this is where we we got a little bit lucky because these chairs are this weird technology and they fold up into these teeny tiny little pack whatever you want to call it bags that you can sling over your arm it didn't look like a regular camp chair and so i was able to get past this guy goes what are those and i go uh it's a low chair and he goes okay you should just say look it's swords and daggers and just see like maybe that's those that's what gets Weirdly fine Those are allowed It's a Various hatchet

I'm going to be doing a hatchet toss exhibition towards the side of the stage. So I was like, there was this moment where he looks at me, our eyes meet, and I was actually shocked at this point because he just seemed like somebody who kind of enjoyed messing with people, which let's be honest, if I had that job and like, you know, I don't, I'm not sure. This appeared to be probably a security company that the McMinimans people like subcontract with. It's that kind of security company where everyone's wearing like a yellow polo shirt that says something or other on it. And my guess is it is not the most financially rewarding gig. And I'm sure people are a headache when they show up. I mean the concert goers. So I could see a world in which you start to take a little bit of sort of like – I'm going to make a big assumption here and say a certain amount of class differentiation out on these. certain kind of indie music fans so i don't know maybe maybe this is maybe this is maybe this is why this guy loves this job but anyway we had a moment where we locked eyes where i could tell he was debating fully ruining my day by making me pull these chairs out of the their containment but he just said okay and he let us in so now okay we're in the venue and i have an umbrella andrew becca's got a poncho and i've got an umbrella and as we know my hair is a whole situation it's more topic than hair at this point it's spun sugar and like what i don't really i should have just worn a hat but i i don't like wearing a hat because i think it makes my face look even more round so now we we walk out to this field and i start seeing signs no umbrellas you can't have an umbrella andrew because that could also block someone's view so no large blanket no no chair that could block someone's view no umbrella and again all of these rules I guess I can see the logic if everyone had a massive golf umbrella yeah like it could be in the way but I had a regular ass umbrella from Fred Meyer that Becca had just bought which if you're sitting on the ground like if they would have let us sit on the blanket on the ground and then I just have the umbrella on my shoulder I am not it's not taking up a huge amount of space it's not like changing the profile of of what someone can see from sitting behind me but so I just feel like now i'm starting to get really anxious because it's well first of all it just starts pouring i am talking torrential not it's misting not like little scattered rain showers i'm talking just dumping to wherever the opening act is playing and everyone's just like scattering everyone's just leaving the the lawn because it's just it's like you're standing in a shower on full blast and and we're so we're standing under a tree and we're just kind of looking around and i'm like i'm starting to get this anxiety because i know that as soon as i set these chairs up someone's going to come over and tell me they're too tall or as soon as i walk out there with my umbrella someone's going to come up to me and say you can't use this you can't even walk around

with this umbrella sir like that was the energy i was feeling so i'm just like scan i'm trying to feel and i'm and i'm just i look at back and i go is it gonna really bum you out if we don't make it through the whole show and she goes no it's totally fine whatever so i was like okay and i honestly in that moment some part of my brain was like i i just want to go home i just want to go to i just want to go to a bar somewhere yeah try and just drink a beer and like be somewhere that's not here with all of these things that are stressing me out the rain my chairs are too tall i can't use an umbrella my hair's gonna melt i only know one bright ice song you want to be somewhere where

you have a little bit more control like and i i'm like that to too much too much of an extreme which is why i don't leave the house and why sometimes i get too anxious when i'm going somewhere if i'm unfamiliar with if i'm unfamiliar with what you know what i mean what the situation is going to be or whatever you want to be somewhere where you feel like you can control things whether it's a

jukebox or the tv remote i also felt like there was a massively high chance of getting hollered at and i was like i was like i was i was shadow boxing or i was pre-litigating all of this stuff in my head before it happened because i was like i'm gonna set the chair up i'm gonna get i'm gonna to be sitting in the chair and then i'm going to get a tap on my shoulder or i'm going to have my umbrella over my head and then i'm going to get a tap on my shoulder like everything was going to

lead to me getting a tap on my shoulder and the difference is like for me if i get a tap on the shoulder then i'm going to say something that i think is cutting but is actually just very confusing the person's going to look at me quizzically and then i'm just going to live the rest of my day being frustrated and maybe even doubly frustrated by my my lack of ability to be cutting whereas you the chance i mean i don't know if this is really the chance of this happening in this scenario but it's more like headbutt first to ask questions later traditionally speaking ding ding ding is that a show title have we used that as a show title maybe um yes i was

like because yeah exactly my thought was this will be and i'm definitely not going to win that argument like it's not going to be a thing where i am i'm i'm slight

Thank you.

rude to some person who's just trying to do their job and then they're gonna be like you know what good point keep sitting here in your two tall chairs with your umbrella right like you've given me a lot to think about much to consider in this conversation where you dressed me down for my choice of employment mr mr mr radio guy mr mr mr radio guy so this is all going on in my head and And I really just – I was just – I was – and I was – this was, again, completely created by my own insecurity, anger, need for total comfort at all times, et cetera, et cetera. Vanity regarding the hair, the whole thing. It was a real smorgasbord, Andrew, of the things about me that are not great. So we – finally it stops raining. So that's like, okay, one thing is going our way. The rain has now stopped. so we go we wander our way out and we're like way in the back because i was like well look if we are far enough back where basically no one really wants to sit anyway then maybe we can set these chairs up and no one will kind of mess with us sure because we're not like we're certainly not trying to go to the front row of the seats and i even found a little sort of like slight downhill slope so i was like if we are at the bottom of the downhill slope adjusting for six inches of you know rise behind us maybe that will also help us get away with this and so can I just say

too and by the way this whole like kind of get away with it or get around the rules like generally speaking what they have sort of created although inexpertly so and frustratingly so is to instill in everybody just a general sense of let's look over our shoulder and make sure we're not ruining anybody else's experience like i mean if people were just like that anyway maybe you wouldn't need these militant rules at the door you know what i mean if you didn't have the people who are going to take advantage of every single square inch that they can and yeah and spread their i think there's a portlandia skit about this as well isn't there like kind of famous yeah they go to like whatever outdoor show in portland i mean it's exactly like literally this place i believe they're unpacking house land but no because that wouldn't really be them but you know what i mean just tons of like probably pre-packed containers of food and just like spreading out and creating a a crunchy home for themselves at this concert and annoying everybody like if everybody just acted like hey you know my chairs might be a little bit tall let's try to keep them to the back of this venue um then maybe you wouldn't need everybody's like militant enforcement of

these rules although the other thing that's kind of interesting about that chair rule is there's no rule against standing so you could bring your low chair and i don't think there should be a rule against standing you bought your ticket you know or maybe there should be because there was an area so the way it was laid out was there was a there was a big area like near the stage where everyone was standing and then there's this hill and when the hill starts going up that's where the chairs come out and so i think that the assumption is if you really want to stand and vibe to the show go stand where the standers are but of course they're not enforcing it so many people who brought their low slung chairs would get excited because they like bright eyes and then they would stand up and then it's like that's taller than any camp chair my friend yeah like so it was a little bit the it's kind of an odd system uh but so we get the chairs set up and no one hollers at us and then i said i'm gonna go get a drink and so i go over this was the one other thing i'll say to the edgefield the people that are in charge of edgefield you got to throw down some gravel somewhere because it was like woodstock and it was so muddy everywhere and where you would get the drinks from was across from an immense bank of porta potties that reeked of human waste reeked of human waste every single time that door would swing open everybody in line for the alcohol would get a whiff it's like you gotta we gotta pump those bad boys out before a show i mean really we gotta stay on top of that and it was just like luckily i i the one thing i had the presence of mine to do was to wear some kind of rain boots because it was i mean if you just had your normal shoes on they were completely destroyed you know by the end of this but i get back to the chairs and now the the rain has fully stopped and it's not quite sunny but it's just like kind of cloudy but but but tolerable and so then i have a drink i'm starting to feel better that's how alcohol works i look over at becca who's adorable the connor obers comes out and starts playing a song and i'm like oh man i love this song and then he plays his next song and i'm like oh shit i like this song too and of the first like eight songs that he plays with his band like six of them i totally know i was like oh yeah four wins i know that song oh yeah uh they go wild i know that song like i'm like wait i love this band and and then it's like we're also back in the area where a lot of parents are like by the way very conscientious parents who are like Like, my kid is going to want to run around and dance and be crazy. So I'm going to be kind of in the far back so that that's not bothering anyone. So there's just, like, cute kids dancing around. And now we're sitting in our chairs and no one's hollering at us. And I don't even need my umbrella. And I'm catching a mild buzz. And I'm listening to this music that I love more than I realized I loved it. And I was just like, this is a perfect night. You know and it was like A really good lesson for me About how kind of Sort of How wildly things can swing

In a given one hour period Because one hour previous I was having a terrible night And I was just like why are we even doing this And then like just blink And I'm having an absolutely Wonderful evening that couldn't have been Going better and It ended up just being such a great night

Yeah, I know that feeling well, because as has been well established, I'm reluctant to leave. I always have been and it gets worse as I get older. But then I always say, you know, quite often once I'm finally like talked into leaving the house to do whatever, even if it's something that I'm like kind of highly anxious about or what have you, I'm I'm I'm going to say maybe eight times out of 10. I'm glad I did. And that's what I told myself. I went to the ball game the other day, which is different because it wasn't like a situation I was unfamiliar with. I know what it's like to go to a ball game. But like, I'm like, you know what? I'm dead tired right now. I really don't want to go. But I'm like, you know what? Like, if I just stay home and have the night that I'm planning, I'll never remember it anyway, because it'll just be another night like every other night of my life where I've stayed home, you know? So eight times out of 10, I'm glad I've gone out. I will say, though, on those two times out of 10, when it's as miserable as you think it's going to be, God, is that a gut punch? That has happened to me a couple of times where I'm just like, I don't know. Should we go to that concert last minute? I'm not a spur of the moment person. and okay yeah let's do it and then like two hours later the band still hasn't started uh your feet are tired and you're just like it's hot in here there's youth in here like get me out of this place

totally yeah like if it just kept torrentially raining the whole time maybe this is a really

different story yeah but but i'm glad but i'm glad it's not though i didn't mean to turn it negative there but no no but that was and that was that was exactly what becca said at the end

she was like i was like i'm so glad we did this she goes yeah she goes if we hadn't we would have just been sitting somewhere drinking you know a beer in a bar which could be any saturday night but instead this was like a really fun special saturday night that that i will remember for a long time and no joke like i'm a full-on bright eyes fan now i mean that's not saying much i know that he's a popular performer that people love but i guess i was expecting it to be mostly just like him and a guitar and soulful kind of you know emo music but he had a huge band with him they had horns they were gonna say yeah they're kind of known for their horns i think yeah i guess i had i had not realized that but it was like a it was i guess we'll say rock show it was like a much more of a rock show than i was expecting but like in the best way the only thing that we did kind of mess up was i do really like that you know again i should just know what the name of the song is but you know that famous one where it's like this is the first year of my life first last day of my life i don't know what he says but it's that really heartfelt one and they played their whole set and then he said all right we have our uh this is our last song and then he was debating between two songs he goes i uh at the end of the night i always check in with the band and depending on how much my throat hurts because he really goes for it you could hear his voice just blowing out throughout the show he was like by the the amount my voice hurts it depends on uh that's if i choose to do this song or not and he goes but i'm gonna try because my voice really hurts but i'm gonna try it anyway he goes and it's so much more fun than that other one that's all slow and quiet so i thought you know it's his last song of the night his voice is hurting and he just said he's going to do this up tempo number instead of the one that's all slow and just me well that makes me think he's decided he's not doing his his his emo hit so they play this other song which is cool but of course i have to break down the world's most complicated camp chair and it's been kind of a nice night and i'm like well that's going to be so as he's as he's playing what i think is the last song i start breaking down our little setup and getting everything zipped up and now we're just now we're just kind of standing there and we're enjoying it and then he finishes and then we everyone cheers and we start walking out let's try to beat the traffic etc and as we're kind of wending our way down the path i hear him come back out and start playing the song that i wanted to hear the whole night and he was playing it beautifully and i was like oh dang

i really missed time that yeah i don't know the song i don't know bright eyes that well i saw him at um i saw him in concord one time but as with all of the things in my life i was there to see the opening act whose name I've already forgotten maybe I'll choose a song by them for music for your weekend this Friday it's driving me nuts I got was it the smoking popes it was the smoking popes it was the straight edge bishops yes no I can't

I can't remember, but I was briefly obsessed with them, and they actually, I think they came to town, and I think they were on my talk show, and they did a little in-studio, I was producing the show at the time, and they did a little in-studio performance that I set up, and it made my day, and they were playing later that night, and they got us tickets to this band, and so me and Veves and maybe some friends went, and it was really a Bright Eyes show, and they were the openers, and I remember, I don't even know if I stuck around for all of Bright Eyes, I remember seeing the beginning of it, But like it was like that time I went to see Belly, the band Belly in high school, and I couldn't figure out why all the cool kids were there. And they were all into some other band that was playing called Super Chunk. And really, it was a Super Chunk show I was at who I would later fall in love with. Oh, I love Super Chunk. Yeah, me too. But at the time, I didn't know Super Chunk. I just knew like how much I loved Feed the Tree, et cetera.

Uh-huh. You weren't into Majesty Shredding yet? No, I was not. I don't know if that's the album was even out. I think that's a Super Chunk record, right? if so I don't know that I don't know the name of that one yeah I don't know that one well I guess the takeaway for me was uh you know just stick sort of stay engaged even when you want to disengage because like I really had this moment of almost disengaging from the night and just kind of being like let's call it and I'm just so glad that I didn't just call it so and your blanket let's yes oh yeah good thank you for yeah uh walked out grabbed the blanket it folded it back up uh and uh and uh got back to the car and had a had a lovely uh rest of our evening okay so yeah it all uh it all worked out okay let's take a quick break and then when we come back i'm speaking of going to events with becca andrew tomorrow i am going to be in the presence of mr unlimited himself and i need to talk this through with you so we'll do that in a moment here on tbtl hello and welcome to top story i don't talk about russell wilson in a moment first i have to just say like if i can i'm in a moment right now but it's all happening i'm doing the show from this little house i'm looking out at this kind of beautiful nature scene i'm looking at the river there's a deer that just walked through the yard like yeah like this is i mean boy is this place a garbage hole right now with literally nothing in it addy stayed here last night so we uh we started out in portland yesterday and we had some brunch at this really great place called lazy susan in the montevilla neighborhood or montevilla depending on how they say it and then we um came up here to uh to this little place in washington state and uh we went to the driving range because there's this golf course not super far away and hit some balls as i mentioned in the intro i was shocked first of all it's like 18 to play nine holes of golf there which is unheard of prices yeah um it's i mean it's a public course but golf is like kind of prohibitively expensive now and i asked the woman i was like how busy this place she goes it's not that busy pretty much just show up and get a tea time i was like what so i was like maybe i owe it to myself to become a golfer but anyway you can't afford not to golf that's right but then we came back here and um and had a little uh we had a little fire she's got one of those he's got one of those um you know those like aluminum like rodent has one too it's like all the rage i think They're called like a solo stove or something.

Oh, yeah. I got one of those. You mean the thing that you – Oh, you have one too? The little fire pit. I always refer to it as my little portable fire pit. But, yeah, that's what we have. Yes.

Yeah, those things are cool. Yeah. They really generate some heat. We set that up in the little yard and had just like an absolutely lovely evening. But, oh, man, this house has – there's one towel that I bought at Target. I need to get two towels. Yes, you do. there's uh i've yet to shower here by the way i've uh which is problematic because it's all this is also the place where i'm doing the most intense physical labor of my life so that's a bad combo um there are there's one roll of toilet paper which we're getting very low on uh i'm trying to think what else there's a nightmare no coffee there's there's uh like there are no paper towels like it's covered in dust it's a real it's a real shit show i'm gonna be honest with you but But as I sit here using this patio table, Andrew, to broadcast to you and with you and to the listeners, I am looking out on this really kind of incredible view that I have been playing this out of my mind for a long time ever since I got this house. And it's all happening. And I have to say, it is providing me with exactly the calming vibration that I was hoping it would provide me with. So that's kind of nice to – that's a nice experience.

Yeah, it is. I communed with a rabbit yesterday, sort of. I don't know. Let me be honest with you. I don't know if the rabbit knew we were communing. But I don't even really know what that word means. I think it means that time at church where you. go up and they give you the wafer um i uh was sitting outside i every now and then huh do i have the words to describe this feeling i have i don't know that i do i'll try i um yesterday it was father's day of course i didn't think i was gonna have time to talk to my dad because i had a really busy day i had like a brunch thing in the morning and then my volunteer thing in the afternoon and like i had said like i had been um i had planned on recharging my um anti-social batteries on Saturday night and I didn't do that so I was just really looking forward to the moment that my volunteering was going to be done around you know five o'clock and I could um change into my shorts or tonight pants or whatever and just putter around and start cooking um so anyway I had not planned on talking to my dad on Sunday I thought I'd be too busy so I talked to him briefly on Saturday and had a you know quick quick chat and happy birthday and we'll talk soon um but anyway I'm changing out of my um my brunch clothes after my volunteering thing so happy to be putting on a pair of shorts and I give my dad a call kind of spur of the moment I'm like I'll check in with him anyway like even though we said we weren't going to talk today I'll just see if I can catch him figure I talk to him for five minutes well that five minute conversation ends up being probably like a I don't know hour 90 minute call maybe an hour long or 90 minute call um and during this time I'm talking with them I think you know this about me Luke I'm kind of a kind of a a wanderer a pacer when I'm on the phone I pace around it's hard for me just to sit and talk on the phone um And so I'm sort of pacing. And then this is the moment that it's hard for me to describe. But every now and then I'll be like, wait, just like kind of in the back of my brain while I'm on the phone, like I can go stand in my backyard. Like, I can't explain. There's something that's like the front porch. It seems like an obvious place to sit and have a phone call. But like, I think I was like emptying the cat box while I was talking to my dad. Sorry, dad. And then I like go to throw it outside near the garage where eventually I'll throw it away. And then I'm like, you know, I'm outside anyway. Like, just just walk around the side of your yard. We have a little, like, the previous owners left a little junky, like, little swinging bench thing there, if you can picture it. And I don't know how long we'll keep it. It's not much to look at, but I just sat down in it in my little backyard, which is not a very cute backyard right now, but it's got a new fence, and I'm just sitting there enjoying the rare sunshine. And as I turn the corner to go sit on this bench, I see a little rabbit that I've startled. There's a lot of rabbits out this time of year in Seattle. Yeah, they are. A lot.

God, those things, I'll tell you what.

they they reproduce like like something like possums yeah exactly um so i scare it away and i kind of feel bad about it then i sit down on my little bench i'm talking to my dad and i'm not really thinking about the rabbit much but then i turn my head at some point not that much longer and i see that this rabbit has sussed me out from under the hedge and has decided that i am not a threat i am just a guy who wants to talk to his dad on the telephone in the sunshine so the rabbit at some point came out from under the hedge and was like i don't know six feet from me i felt like i was trying to measure and i'm like well if i were to lay down right here my head would probably be where that rabbit is about so like that was remarkably close for such a skittish creature just to be sitting there very cutely like eating my lawn and just like looking at me and and it was just like i tried to take a photo of it but like this i was on the phone and the sun was the wrong angle and it's just like real it was pretty crappy but uh there was a real moment i gotta say it was a real moment like i wanted to i wanted to like feed it or i want to give it a carrot or something i wanted it to be my friend or my my you wanted to ask what's up doc i wanted to ask it something

about albuquerque um it's really funny if you think about bugs bunny and how far i mean i know it's a cartoon but how incredibly far from what a rabbit looks like bugs bunny actually is and acts i would say as well and behaves behaves yeah so anyway i think i'm gonna be having i love those those little moments i think i'm gonna be having a fair amount of them out here like literally as i'm talking to you i am looking at like a i don't know six month old deer nice just eating this the layout of this place is kind of interesting because again i'm in a neighborhood like it's not like i'm not in the woods but the way this property that i'm on is is sort of set up it's on a hill and the house that i'm in is is on the top of the hill but then there's this very pretty steep really overgrown part they just got like tall wild grass and then that goes down to where there's some kind of like a forest and i love the wild grass part like i'm never gonna develop that into anything or do anything with it like that that's the cool part but the things that live in that wild grass that i know about are deer well they live in the woods but they like to come up and eat that wild grass the largest feral cat i've ever seen in my life andrew there is a black cat black as night that looks like it's part puma and it is i am afraid of this now luckily this cat is afraid of me as well but this is i'm not exaggerating the largest cat that is not like a lynx or something that i've it makes like theo in Theo's biggest days look small. And it doesn't help that the cat is midnight black.

Give it a wide berth.

I am, but it lives in the grass behind the house. I don't know what to do. Like, on the one hand, I'm normally rooting for feral cats because I think that must be a kind of a tough life. This cat is doing fine. This is the Tony Soprano of feral cats, man. Do you think there are snakes in that grass? Oh, there's everything in that grass. And so what happened last night was Addie and I had been golfing, and then we went to this little restaurant to get some dinner. And the whole time, Bubbles was here. So the problem with this being a construction zone is I don't really want her wandering around where I'm tearing a wall apart because I don't know what's in that wall. I just don't know. It made me nervous. So I had her upstairs in a kind of a contained area, which I know is not fun for her. So I felt bad. When we got home, I was like, this cat has been a bit cooped up, and I would like her to have a little bit of fun times. And so we were going out to the yard to set up the fire and stuff. And I thought, well, let me just bring her out here and just see if maybe she'll just kind of hang out in the grass with us, the short grass. So that's what we set up the chairs and making the fire. And I could even send you a video, Andrew. I was going to put this video on the internet, but I was worried too many people would like kind of, you know, well actually me on my about whether or not you can take a cat outside or just this. I understand what a bad idea this was, but like what basically happened was I am sitting there and she's kind of staying near us. And then all of a sudden, she just beelines it for this section. Basically, it's like a, I don't know, a prairie, would you call it? It's like this small prairie area. And she goes in there, and I start chasing her. And I've never been down there. That's scary. What I didn't realize was it's steep AF. I'm, like, in my tennis shoes. I'm, like, if I jump down this little hill and try to chase her, I will just go ass over tea kettle. It's also, like, you can't see her in this grass at all. I know that I've seen this giant Feral cat before Yeah that's what I was thinking about That would be scary Right and so now I'm like starting to kind of panic Because I'm like I want to get her back So I gingerly lower myself down Into this kind of prairie And now it almost feels like a movie Like when someone goes missing in like a corn maze Or something Like I see like oh I see some grass Rustling in an odd way So I'm walking over to her But I'm also trying i'm basically jack nicholson at the end of the shining i'm trying to danny hey danny i don't want to hurt you like that's me trying to get the cat back because if she decides to just go down the hill i could literally never see her again yeah like i would at that point the only way to get her would be if she decided that she wanted to come back so i'm like having a real moment of panic but i don't want to like panic too hard because i don't want to like give off some kind

of energy that makes her less likely to to walk back to me so i'm trying to be cool about like hey bubs let's go back up the hill because i can kind of see her still but i'm like at this point i'm not able to run and grab her like she can get away from me yeah and so it's a game she'll think it's a game and i'm just like this is all going through my mind over the course of 15 seconds so i'm like hey buddy let's just go back up here and like amazingly and thankfully she decides to just come jogging back up through the grass close enough to where i can grab her and then it's like i took her back in the house immediately and closed the door and i was like well that was that was an experiment that really failed but but um you could get a long you could get a long

tether or something and you know you said you already have a harness for her i think that would be fine it's that harness yeah does she hate it if it's gonna not if it's gonna be a not fun time for her then to be outside in the harness then forget about it but um that would be one thing but yeah i would never let a cat just roam without any kind of boundaries because they could just be gone in a second just like one little flit of something in their eyesight and they could just be gone that doesn't make a lot of sense you know what i mean like a little bird flies by or

whatever well the thing is though with i just sent you this video by the way you so you can see the moment the moment when things went south but like the whole thing is with olive my old cat olive would just roamed the earth free like the neighborhood just like completely but that's because she was always an outdoor cat like she was born in a barn literally i don't know i think with bubbles it's already too late i think she's already too city-fied or urbanized or house whatever like uh you know i at this point i don't know i don't think bubbles has the whatever the inner radar to like run around in this grass avoid borderline bobcats and just come back later for dinner like that's what that's what olive does but i don't think we're talking about the same kind of cat. And also, this is a cat. I mean, if you

dedicate... yourself to say this is going to be an indoor outdoor cat and that's the one place where she lives but i mean the fact that she's got it's not even really her home there and you're coming and going and you can't if she does go away and you don't see her for a day or two sometimes that's okay with a indoor outdoor cat it's scary but it's sometimes just part of nature and they come back eventually but like you can't do that if you're leaving to go down to the big city again

you know like that's yeah no like it's uh i would have to come up with a much better system because like i said it was it was uh it was a little a little scary but it all worked out and now um she's just running around this house absolutely terrorizing me so does she like that um she like that uh that uh treadmill still she yes you know i mean the the i have this treadmill for her at the apartment and she she does not it's not like she gets on there and does like three miles or something but she will i can get her to go on there with if i use the laser pointer and then Sometimes when she has a ton of energy, she will actually voluntarily get on the treadmill and run for, like, 20 seconds, and that always feels like a real win. That feels like she's got all this energy, and she's burning it off right now. So that's kind of a nice experience.

I also wonder if she would, like, use it more if you got her a smartwatch or something that, like, kind of measured her steps. Like, couldn't you see that as being something that would maybe kind of encourage her to get on it more? Sure.

They'd probably make one of those, too. They probably do. Some kind of an Apple watch for cats. Yeah. Oh, I promise you they have a collar like that. No, I am not going to acquire that. I have already spent enough on, I think I said this on the show the other day, but I'm going to start calling this cat Million Dollar Baby because I swear I will have spent a million dollars on this cat by the time she's done on this planet. um i uh as i've mentioned now a few times uh already this program andrew i am uh i apparently going to get to meet if i choose to meet russell wilson tomorrow in portland is this an alaska airlines thing or do there is exactly an alaska airlines thing so becca works for uh something called the portland business alliance and uh which is essentially the chamber of commerce for portland and they have lots of business relationships and one of them is with alaska airlines and there was basically an email that went out that said like we have a we have one spot left to go to this reception with russell wilson and she said well could we actually can i get a plus one for luke and then apparently they had to ask russell wilson or somebody if it was okay it was like not an easy like i get the sense this is not something like where they're trying to get people to go it's like it's a relatively short list but i was looking at the like the rundown and it's like arrive 4 30 there was like a thing about what you should wear like basically they're saying like don't show up in a sweatsuit yeah um so like they were supposed to look kind of nice and then it's like you know four to four to five you know whatever like um socializing mingling five to 5 30 russell wilson and then it's like please don't bring anything for him to sign don't like there's like a list of things you're not supposed to do around russell wilson and then i believe at 5 30 peace and love right so i have never for all of the for all the kind of sports for all the sports discussion on the show and all the conversation around russell wilson and all of the kind of sort of lucky access that that we've gotten over the years of getting to go to seahawks things and like be on the sideline and stuff like that i mean i guess probably we must have seen him walk by when we got to go on the sideline do you remember much about that i was never on the

sideline with you that must have been a different you didn't come to that no i you must have been living in la at the time maybe yeah we oh oh was this the big was this the nfc championship game that you're talking about it must have been yeah we either yeah i've never been on the sideline

there yep so i've i my i guess my point is i've never met i've never met russell wilson before and i'm of two minds for this thing tomorrow one mind is just stand in the farthest back corner of the room and just observe people going up to russell wilson and shaking his hand and saying stuff and you know trying to have a moment with him either just being above all of that and just kind of like watching it happen or fully immersing myself in it where i try to get him

to agree to come back to the seahawks oh i thought you're gonna ask him some mr unlimited related questions like where is this character right now where's the character i knew we would okay

god damn it andrew now i have to do this tomorrow now i have to ask russell wilson what happened to

mr unlimited you're exactly right would you really do that or is that cringy yes i would really do

it it's super cringy and troll but it'll absolutely do it but it's theater content well that's kind

of the thing everything that you described does not sound appealing to me at all like the idea of meeting somebody who's famous but like even if it's a even if it's a very limited crowd which it sounds like it is but it's like hey everybody like the fact that even though it's presented like from this time to this time it is russell wilson time it's like it's gonna be a bunch of people who are geeked out of their brains to meet somebody famous who they see

You

you know on on the on the television and i guess for those who watch it in person on the pitch um but um like that holds no appeal to me like to be able to shake somebody's hand even even if it's like okay russell wilson can kind of make the rounds and even you're talking with them for five minutes like it's like i'm trying to think if there's anybody famous who i really like that that would be meaningful to me because it's such a it just feels like such a i don't know i can explain it it just feels transactional is the wrong word but like russell wilson doesn't isn't doesn't really care about meeting me in this situation you know what i mean like i understand like if you were to say hey listen i'm gonna do a cbs piece i'm gonna sit down and we're gonna create an experience and for better for worse it'll be a thing like a meet and greet doesn't hold an appeal to me i'm not saying it shouldn't for other people i'm talking about myself and i actually think i'm yeah quite weird about that so i'm not trying to dole out advice um having the same way by the way generally yeah and i think that tbtl is the only compelling reason to do it is because you're creating something that you can report back on in one way or another yes

but here okay so here's the thing though you know this is if i'm gonna do this this now is going to involve me having to lie to russell wilson because the only way to frame it is to go like dude i love mr unlimited what happened are you gonna bring that back well also what if i get him to bring

it back what if you get him on your cell phone doing mr unlimited oh my god okay come on now

that's a really high bar i guess i'll have to read the room also i don't know i don't i legit don't know how many people are going to this thing like i maybe there's going to be so many people that like you don't really i may not even actually get to talk to him or maybe it's a small enough group that like i might get if i could get three minutes with him i could probably get him to

do unlimited you again here's what you have to do we'll lower the bar a little bit here's all you have to do just it has to be easy for you to say from the comfort of your yard swing andrew you and him in um matching ice baths uh topless uh doing mr unlimited together in a selfie uh or actually no you know what sierra will shoot it for you that's all you have to do that's all you

have to do to bring home the bacon here hey it's luke mr mr podcast mr we love him mr uh we uh Hey, every little thing. But people always say to me, Luke, what's your motivation?

Oh, my God. It's so cringy. What's your motivation, Mr. Unlimited? That's literally what he says. What's your most – wait, I thought you are Mr. Unlimited. But let me ask you this question.

Is it immoral for me to lie to Russell Wilson for the purpose of a bit on the show?

No, but it is immoral to do anything that would jeopardize your girlfriend's job or make her feel uncomfortable if this is her event. So you need to get sign-off from her, I would say. That's going to be the tough one. She's pretty agreeable. She's pretty agreeable, thankfully.

But, yeah. Okay, so you feel like it's not – because you're – again, I have a sort of slippery relationship with the truth. You're a much more truth-based person. You're a much more truth-based life form than I am, Andrew. But you're saying in this case, it is okay, not unlike lying to the Nazis about the people you may be hiding in your home. And I would put these two events on basically the same level.

You've really made it difficult for me to answer this question.

You're saying it's not immoral for me to pretend like I like the Mr. Unlimited character a little more than I do so as to either get Russell Wilson to start doing it again or maybe, and I can't imagine this will work, but maybe get him to say it on my phone.

I do not think that that is immoral I also do not think that it is like lying to a Nazi I just want that I just want that to be on the record

Here I go once again with the email Every week I hope that it's from a female No man It's not from a female

All rightily An email or V-mail before we get out of here?

Yeah I have a couple of voicemails here Now a couple of these are referring to things from A while back now In fact I'm going to start with this one And maybe we can keep the next one for tomorrow But it must have been a couple of weeks ago You and I were talking about baby oil

Oh yeah And just Was that because I was talking about Petroleum jelly or something And we sort of got into just like Weird baby products No something about when you would Your grandma would put baby oil in the bath

Yeah and we ended up there as the conversation evolved But I have no idea why it started And that's why I just wanted to let that sit there Like how are we talking about baby oil On this podcast and how do we still have a podcast But anyway we were talking about how we work

You don't think this is the number one podcast For learning about oiling things up

So we were talking about Like what is the point of baby oil Aside from I guess keeping babies Skin smooth and we got this voicemail From someone I don't know.

who has a very specific use for it. Who has a very specific use for it.

Hey, guys. Just wanted to weigh in on the uses of baby oil. And for me, the primary use, unfortunately, for baby oil is like removing tar. So like if you go to the beach and you get tar on your foot, the quickest, best way to get it off is with some baby oil.

but i learned this um please hold wait andrew what beach what god forsaken beach are you going to that has tar isn't that a thing you have you gotten tar on your foot from the beach from an

in the in certain parts of the ocean you get uh beach tar yeah really i had never heard of this maybe it's more of a fool i'm trying i'm looking this up because this was not shocking to me but i vacationed in florida a lot as a kid whereas maybe your trips were more west coast i'm wondering if this is a um this is an east coast thing but i'm if you just type in tar on beach you see that

it's a very common thing yeah well i mean i guess tar heels i mean that's a north carolina thing but like um that's really fascinating i was imagining just like a real kind of industrial waste site beach where you're just stepping over pools of tar and i was like that's i would go to i would

simply go to a different beach i would simply not go to the beach um this is of course my number one go-to on this is jupiter florida.us faqs um beach tar is a natural seepage jupiter florida bob craft loves that place doesn't he oh my god that is so that's what the tar is it's a natural baby oil it's a natural seepage from the ocean bottom it's called tar or rock oil but it is a natural thing It's not like a toxic thing.

I apologize for my hesitation there.

In fact, I think I edited this voicemail a little bit, and I think the caller might have even said it might have been like a San Diego beach or somewhere around there, Southern California. So anyway, I'll let them pick up here.

I learned this, very sadly, from going body surfing years ago. and at the time my hair was like down to my waist and I remember coming out of the ocean and I was with a group of people and they just looked at me and went oh no and there was a glob of tar on the top of my head that covered my entire head and we tried six lifting it out getting it it was i mean it was horrible and we left the beach and went to a pharmacist and he's the one that told us you need to buy as big a container of baby oil as you can find and then gradually work it through your hair and it will get the tar out and sure enough it worked It took a long time and a lot of baby oil, and then I probably had to wash my hair a hundred times afterwards, but it worked.

So now if I ever need to buy just huge amounts of baby oil and I don't want anybody to know why, if anybody does inquire, I'll just say Ocean Tar, Ocean Tar.

Right. That is amazing. I really just learned something. I had no idea. I'm at the same website you were in Jupiter, Florida. It's I guess it sounds like this is it's a form of petroleum. And because it's lighter than water, you didn't mention this part, right? No, it seeps out of these rocks out somewhere, you know, maybe a bit further out. And then it floats along on the water because it is lighter than the water. And then it, you know, kind of collects at the shore. And then it's something that you can step in Or as in the case of a listener Get just globbed right in your ear I wonder if part of why I don't know about this Is because of my fear of sharks Like I can I can count on Maybe four hands The number of times I've actually been in the ocean If you can believe that I mean maybe that's a slight exaggeration Because I've been to Hawaii And have been in the ocean many times I also lived in Florida for a little while But it's not Like, my go-to is not getting in the ocean, and I think it's because of having a certain amount of fear of sharks and just weird sea life that I can't see. And so I don't think – I've not – there are – my mother has spent half of her life – right now my mom's probably in the ocean. Like, if I call my mom right now – well, she wouldn't answer because her phone would be on the shore. My mom is probably splashing in an ocean somewhere as we speak, and not like a warm ocean. Like – My mom's probably in the in the Puget Sound. My mom's in the Pacific Ocean, the cold part right now. But because I'm not like that, I haven't had I've had limited interactions with the ocean scape. That's why I didn't know about ocean tar. But now I do.

I used to I used to love swimming in the ocean is a big part of growing up in Ohio. But it was a big part of growing up in Ohio because we would take yearly long ass vacations. Like, and again, we wouldn't fly there. we would load up the van like one of those conversion vans that the the last one we had was big enough to have a tiny television with a vcr in it and we had certain that must have just felt so bad a and there were certain tapes that we would keep in there parts of our vhs collection and uh one of them was the pilot episode of quantum leap that uh was like a two hour long movie and we watched that oh god damn it man i would kill like hours must have just flown by for you i just they just quantum leapt i um i i found the original pilot of that online and i watched it but i really i mean i would of all of the objects of my past if i could get my hands on one thing it would be that exact tape so i could see what the commercials were that i probably watched over and over and over anyway um and we would drive down and take us a couple of days i think to drive down to florida and then we would spend a couple of i think often like the vacations would be like a couple of weeks i can't remember like my parents like somehow worked it with my school so that i would just have tons of homework leading up to it and then oh oh wow so this would be in this during the school year yeah i think so it wasn't like i don't know maybe sometimes it overlapped with some other time off i think we often went maybe around easter time anyway so maybe there were some built-in days off but i remember like we took a lot of time it was pretty cool of my parents to let me do that i guess um or i was spoiled but uh yeah so anyway i loved the ocean like we would go out there and we would look for um for shark's teeth that was a big thing we had these wire mesh things and you would scoop up the sand and there was a certain beach in Florida where there was tons of shark's teeth and I would collect those and I would just swim I mean I would swim I would just stay in the water for as long as you would let me and I never was nervous about anything I was never worried about undertow we would just sort of like splash around and body surf or whatever um it wasn't until I was older that I sort of realized the impact of the ocean because I think then years and years and years if not decades went by before I ever took a vacation as an adult again and then I was when I finally had the opportunity I was like traveling in Mexico I want to say with Genevieve's family and her family was nowhere around they went on some sort of shopping expedition or something I'm like well I'm gonna stay at the at the condo or whatever and then I'm gonna go in the ocean and I went in the ocean myself one day and like I left my glasses on the beach so I was nearly blind I went to a part of the beach where nobody was really around and I just dove in the ocean for the first time in forever. I was like, this is great. And then I felt an undertow. I must have been splashing around in a big wave and the wave came and tumbled me in a way that I did not remember being tumbled as a kid. I guess it's just a very different experience when you're a little buoyant kid. And then I remember feeling sucked under and panicky then coming up and being like, the ocean, she's strong. I remember being like, no, my God.

I mean, how did I do this as a kid so fearlessly?

yeah i think this came up maybe the last time when i happened to be in hawaii for that tv story because uh we went to this beach that's called like um eternal eternity beach or something because it's like that sounds scary yeah the beach it takes you to eternity that sounds not ominous m night um but like it's where they um it's where that famous scene from from here to eternity where burt lancaster uh and i forget the name of the actress but they roll around in the surf kissing which i believe madonna reenacts in a video maybe for true blue oh but um we went to that beach and it was so cool it's it's very um contained and the surf comes in and i actually liked it because it's kind of a cove so i didn't feel like this the i didn't feel like there would be sharks in there which makes no sense by the way i don't think that's how sharks work but it also um it it because it was sort of contained it didn't feel like i could be swept out to sea either but because it was contained the waves were monstrous and i had this moment that where i was just i had so much fun swimming and i was loving it but i had a moment where i just got caught by a huge wave like i was trying to kind of body surf and it's never i've never really had that experience of body surfing and the wave really really really just like you're surfing on the wave well this one i caught and i caught it seriously caught this wave to where it picked my 200 pound body up and just lifted me i was on top of the wave i went for very far very fast and then it just slammed me into the sand and it was like that kind of thing where just go limp you're like jesus take the wheel like i there's no way that i can control the the anything about what's happening to my physical body right now and after that i kind of got out and went back and sat on the beach for a while because like that was fun but that was that felt like a close one like if that thing would have slammed me down differently or wrong or something that could have been a bad situation so i think there's something about being an adult like you said where you you just under your mortality is just so much more to the front of your brain at our age than it is when you're six that you're just like okay uh thanks universe for letting me get away with that one and i'm gonna go sit on this blanket now right contemplate my life i still

like going in the ocean from time to time um and so like it didn't totally scare me away from it but like when i'm in the ocean now i definitely am more aware of i'm con you know it's kind of like after i fell and broke my finger and now every every step i take on a sidewalk i'm always It's like it takes me forever to walk anywhere because I reach out my toe and I tap around and I make sure the sidewalk in front of me is solid enough to hold me. And that's how I walk everywhere. It takes me hours to get around the block. But it's a little bit more like that in the ocean with me. I'm just kind of like always feeling for, OK, a wave is coming. But remember, there will be an undertow. Like, is this it? Am I drowning now? Am I drowning now, Dad? Anyway, the thing is, and I know our listeners know this.

I don't know why I feel like this is we are the show for this or this is the point of the show for me to mention this. But just so folks know, if you are being pulled out to sea in an undertow – I'm not even kidding, Andrew. This isn't like a setup. The tendency is to want to try to swim back to the shore. But really you should swim – like if the shore is north and you're being pulled south out to the water or whatever, swim east-west. It's counterintuitive, but you just want to start swimming – like swim parallel to the shore for a while. Because what you really need to do is get out of that riptide, and then you will have a greater likelihood of getting back to the shore. So I'm just – maybe this will – someone will find themselves in a moment, and this will pop into their brain. And boy, what a weird almost last thought to have. But just swim parallel to the shore for a while. Get out of that riptide, and you'll have a better chance of getting back.

Or they might just think unlimited. This undertow is unlimited.

Their last thought will be, I can't believe Luke got Russell Wilson to say Mr. Unlimited into that phone.

Shirtless in an ice bath. How did he do it? How did he pull it off?

Okay.

All right.

Andrew, I did this entire show. My show sheet is written on the label from a heavy-duty tarp by the company Everbuilt, a six-foot-by-eight-foot-ten, I don't know what ML, M-I-L means, tarp. That's the only paper I have. I told you there's nothing in this house. There's no paper. There's no printer. I hand wrote this show sheet on this lake label that I fished out of the bag the tarp was in.

I'm glad you didn't use toilet paper, given the fact that you're running out. I'm running low. You said something that you're like, ding, ding, ding, is that a show title? But you didn't actually have a bell, and I didn't write it down. You don't remember what it was, do you?

It was something I thought you said.

I think it was something I said, which is probably why I didn't write it down. I probably just kept on talking.

Well, Andrew, as I've already explained, I'm working off of a tarp label.

yeah i don't know what you expect from me just send me the brand name of the tarp and that will

be the show title today take a picture of have you watched that video by the way of the cat running into the it's it's it's frightful so yeah you happen to be catching that exact moment yeah because i was trying to addy was building a fire it was a nice sunset i was trying to capture the the ambience and then i was going to film the cat and that was as the cat was running into the

tall grass. I'm so glad that that is not the last footage of that.

I know. Well, that's why I was tempted to post the video online, but people will get the wrong idea, because I was going to joke, this is a short film called The Last Time We Saw the Cat.

Oh, yeah, no. But I think it'll scare

people. It will. Anyway. Alright, thanks for listening, everyone. We will be back here tomorrow with more Imaginary Radio for you. Until then, have a great rest of your Monday. Stay safe, take care of yourselves, and please remember, no mountain too tall. And good luck to all. Poop-dee-dee-woop-scoop

Unlimited diarrhea Unlimited Wait a second

What is that?

Should I leave that in there?

Yes! Power out