Muse

Oh, just calling to let you know that I had a dream last night in which they carved all the rest of the presidents into Mount Rushmore. Like it was a valley that went all the way down, and the most current presidents were carved at the bottom. So, that was a good dream. Power out. TBTL!

Giddy up. We're jumping on the audio wagon today, everybody.

Hey, this guy does not have the show figured out. I'm looking into his eyes, and all I see is fear and a little bit of shame.

In 1971, Bill Greats invented Microsoft. Wouldn't it be cool if I could remember my dingus password from my email?

We both have so much in common. We both love soup, and we love the outdoors.

we love snow peas sooner or later gentlemen you will eat your words you can't be that overly confident remember baby never you might eat that mic

all right hello good morning and welcome everyone to a tuesday edition of tbtl the show that just might be too beautiful to live oh yeah my name is luke burbank i am your host i just want you to be normal and clearly you're not coming to you from the hollywood broadcast center right here in portland oregon where i'm slightly distracted as i often am at the beginning of the show because there's something going on with bubbles the cat there is something about the soul of a cat she's a very bizarre relationship with me in that she always wants to be around me follows me from room to room is constantly trying to get closer to me but then also if i reach down to pick her up she runs away from me like i uh you know mean her some kind of harm and uh a minute ago she decided to climb into this corner of the room under this i guess desky thing bookshelf thing and i was reaching down to pick her up i was reaching over this kind of low desk thing back into the corner where she was this happened like two seconds ago and i stabbed myself

in the chin with a daytime emmy those things they're it's like an angel holding a

some kind of nuclear reaction the angel has these very sharp wings and um this is not just an excuse to remind everyone that i was part of a team that once won a daytime emmy although i'm not mad that i got a chance to mention that I poked myself right in the chin. I think I might be bleeding. Anyway, let's focus on the task at hand, my friends, which is episode 3745 in a collector's series.

Let the fun begin.

It turns out the Earth is spinning a little faster than maybe we expected. There was a day in June that took less than 24 hours. And we may need to add... A leap second pretty soon. It's kind of an interesting story, though, actually. Now that's interesting. Why they think the Earth sometimes spins faster than we've come to expect. Why sometimes it takes less than 24 hours for the Earth to make a full rotation. So we'll get into that also. Dior has announced that they are re-signing Johnny Depp.

You've got to be kidding me.

To what were already the world's worst ads for a cologne, only made worse by the, you know, credible allegations of extremely toxic behavior by him. So we may talk about that if we want to talk about the less great elements of life. Oh, speaking of things that maybe didn't go exactly according to plan, this guy named Jake Novak. was kind of an internet performer and was interested in getting an audition for Saturday Night Live and so he put a little TikTok audition video together

and I have been laughing the whole time

it did not go I guess the way he was hoping it's kind of been passed around as a particularly unfortunate attempt at getting on SNL We will play the tape and talk about that coming up, and we'll talk to this guy, the longest-running Cobra of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. I had a dream about this guy. Speaking of dreams, we started the show with a listener relaying one of their dreams.

had a dream where i was hanging out with this guy this was last night i had this dream and he was shirtless really i'm trying to build my beef castle and i have to say he looked good that's the thing that was happening in my dream he looked good he's andrew welsh and he's joining me right now good morning my friend don't sound so surprised my dream body is a dream body well the thing is i remember i had completely forgotten about this until like two seconds before the show when you and I were chatting and it kind of jogged my memory I remember looking at you thinking damn Andrew's actually in pretty decent shape he doesn't need to be so self-conscious about this

well that's dream me I mean there is a difference between dream me I mean you would say that that's my dream body for a reason of course I was going I had a lot of I mean we don't have to belabor this But twice I woke up today, once at 6 a.m. to feed the cat and then later around 8.39 to get out of bed. And both times I know I was having some pretty detailed dreams and I just can't quite grasp them. And one of them, I believe I was not just wearing a shirt. I believe I was wearing a suit. A lot of my dreams these days. I like that in your dreams, you're not just I'm wearing layers.

You're wearing layers.

In my one dream, I was wearing the Steve Bannon outfit. I had on 17 collared shirts, and that's not even counting the T-shirts.

11 pens. Andrew, hold on. I'm sorry. We have some TVTL breaking news right now. I'm watching something happen.

TVTL breaking news.

A guy is walking his dog in my neighborhood, a beautiful golden retriever, and the dog was just squatting to poop and the guy did not make any motion whatsoever to even try to get a bag out of his pocket or retrieve the poop and I can now see the poop and I can see the guy who did it and he's just walking away without a care in the world what kind of place did this dog poop what kind of area so it's an area that's like we learned that you and I call these things different things I call it the parking strip

The little strip of grass That might be between the sidewalk and the street

Yes, although this one isn't grass It is just kind of crummy bark Because it's kind of adjacent To an apartment building And there's a fire hydrant there And it's It's not the most aesthetically pleasing Thing as it is But it's less aesthetically pleasing

Now that that dog just pooped on it And the guy's just walking away And it sounds like if it's bark It's going to be even a little bit more camouflaged This is why we need Some sort of air horns on us at all times So you can blow it at people when they do this I just wish I had a freaking laser

Mounted on the outside of my apartment That I could just like hit this guy Not kill him but just like you know

Wing him, hit him in the shoulder

Do something Wow that was amazing And he's just got backwards baseball cap on Got some you know Sweat shorts on a t-shirt He's just living his best life as he ruins the rest of our lives that guy is on my list yes keep an eye out for that guy that is infuriating that is absolutely infuriating yeah i can't believe i just witnessed that happen in real time that's very upsetting hey speaking of breaking news now i don't even know how to

describe this news because tvtl breaking news i didn't realize that these were out in the wild until our listener Barbara, a.k.a. San Jose Barbie, tweeted at me yesterday. Apparently, some donors, all donors, I'm not sure, of the TBTL-a-thon have received their Mad Libs. Did you catch wind of any of this? I didn't, but that's awesome. So I was tweeted Barbara's responses to one. Can I tell you, this was a submission. This is one of the TBTL Mad Libs, or what do we call them? the two beautiful talibs that are in this book, which I believe donors who donated during the last TV telethon will get a digital and physical copy of. In fact, I wouldn't mind getting a physical copy of this thing, too. You need to donate, Andrew. This one was called A Real Hot Dog Story, and I'm going to read it to you as it was filled out blindly by Barbara or somebody in her family. OK, one day, Andrew decided to swim to the hot dog stand. He was so hungry that he planned on eating 3,500,000 hot dogs, even though his friend, Peter Sagal, told him that was a putrid amount of food. Andrew had to pick his toppings, so he asked the vendor to put cheeses, hats, cats, and even pencils on his hot dogs. The person behind the counter looked at him haughtily when they handed him his food, but Andrew didn't care. He was steamy. Andrew shot all the hot dogs into his mouth until he was adorable. and later that night his stomach hurt so bad it felt like he'd eaten an entire

bubbles and he spent 16 hours in the bathroom sorry about the cat aside the sausage rest a little cat aside at the end of that sorry about that but um that that actually worked out pretty well it's exciting that's good i was i was legitimately entertained by that it's weird you can't just like write a story and leave things blank because certain things just don't work and so it's exciting to see that that one actually really worked it paid off as an artist as a as a mad libs artist which is how i describe myself in my twitter bio now um that's very gratifying

and also thanks for donating barbara yes thank you san jose barbie and you're right andrew that totally worked as a mad lib because i've written mad libs before for other things i mean written a couple of them and there is a real knack to it to eliciting funny responses and i know that in the early part of this process uh the early part of your artistic development you had i think run some of them by genevieve to kind of get a take a temperature on if it was working or not and you guys had kind of developed a certain system that you then followed in writing all of the mad libs

which you did yeah i would run it and it worked i'm here to tell you i think i tried to stress test most of them at a certain point i think i just like started jamming them three and more

there is a different dog that is unsupervised that just took a shit in the front yard adjacent to the tree lawn and this one was not because the owners were standing there ignoring it it's because this dog which i've seen in the neighborhood with its owners has clearly gotten out of its house, out of its yard, and is just randomly roaming and pooping right now. We've had two situations unfold while I've been standing here doing the show.

Not next to the other poop, but in the same general area?

Not next to it, like kitty corner, if you will. Basically across a little kind of driveway and in a yard, like in someone's actual front yard. And I just watched this little Kind of fluffy white dog Just walk right over Squat and do its thing And then just saunter along its way So basically this immediate Like kind of two lots In front of me between the apartment building And the house are just getting absolutely Carpet bombed today

This is a true story I saw a dog sniffing around a fire hydrant the other day It was on a leash and it was in my neighborhood And I was a little disappointed in the dog I was like that's a little bit of a stereotype right yeah like you can do you can do better be your own dog don't be don't be a cartoon version

of yourself exactly i mean that's that's a tired and hurtful stereotype yeah that dogs just want

to pee on fire hydrants on the other hand i mean i guess it's also that dog's right to maybe if now it goes against the grain to be so basic like cycled all the way back it's like pink goth or something i don't know how pink goth works exactly now here's the real question andrew

If now I see a guy out walking around looking for his dog, the guy who obviously owns the white fluffy dog has come out of his. Oh, you know what? This is actually this is I have some good news for you, Andrew.

Is he going to step in the dog poop? TVTL breaking news.

It would appear that the guy, the white dog that took a crap on a lawn was taking a crap on its own lawn. OK, good. So that's kind of that's better than the alternative because the guy just came out of the house looking around. for something, which I assume is the white dog that was wandering around. Is he going to clean up the poop? Well, I don't know, but it's his yard. It's his yard, I guess. So that makes me... It's laying in weight, though. I don't like that. Yeah, no, it's going to be not good when somebody steps on it. But at least that dog was crapping in what appears to be its own yard. So there's that. Did it come back? It's not fenced in, and it's not on a leash. It's, I mean, we shall see what happens. I mean, and believe me, I've got the breaking news sounder ready to go.

this is like any other updates this is the worst episode of rear window ever which is a weird thing to say because that was not an episodic movie that was just a movie so i kind of ruined that

joke although now i'm looking at the dog the dog is just standing on the sidewalk andrew the guy has not gotten the dog so maybe maybe i was uh maybe i was mistaken the dog is now just sauntering down the sidewalk it does not if that guy was out looking for it it's amazing to me that He has not grabbed it. Now we have a mailman coming up. He is trying to get the dog's attention. He is walking the dog back to one of the houses.

The mailman is trying to cajole the white fluffy dog?

Yes, the mailman is trying to be helpful with the loose dog. He is now walking back down to the driveway where the loose white dog is kind of wandering. He's going to step in the poo.

He's trying to be a hero, but no good. deed goes unpunished yeah exactly and he's now fanning himself with um what looks like some kind of a circular from probably a casino and um the dog appears to have been reunited with its owner so that guy was looking for his dog he was just bad at the problem much like the film much like the tv show rear window i don't have all of the information andrew what i can see from this window is a sidewalk a driveway a dog that was loose a guy that was walking down the driveway looking like he was looking for the dog but i can't see when the dog goes down the driveway

i can't see what happens to it i'm gonna write some rear window fan fiction later on this afternoon

starring max hedrum posted so yeah exactly this is a hey this is a legitimate this is a legitimate thing though if the guy who had his dog poop and didn't make any attempt to clean it up if he lives in my apartment building should i say something to him the next time i see him i would say that

like if i'm in this position and i've seen like in the moment i'm more likely to say something in the moment but then you know my move though right it's it's like i don't really know what to say so i say something that i mean to be cutting but then it actually is just real polite and then we become best friends because he never knew i was trying to insult him or something like I would ruin the moment I will say the issue that you're seeing this after the fact that you would have to bring it up I should say after the fact in other words you're not in the moment you can't just be like what you're not going to clean that up as you walk by or something that you have to like carry it around in your in your head for not the poop but just the story for you know potentially hours if not days.

Although on the plus side, I have time to rehearse what I'm going to say because I think there's a way to present it so it's kind of not like I'm becoming, as they say now, Karen or, I don't know, a Chad. I don't know what the version of somebody who's getting overly worked up about something, what we're calling it these days. But I could say something to him kind of casually like, hey, man, could you do me a favor and just – could you do the neighborhood a favor and just go ahead and grab that dog poop when it happens or something? I mean, I feel like there's a way to bring it up where I'm not being completely, like, unhinged, and maybe that could get through to him.

Maybe. I mean, you could say, listen, my voicemail hasn't been working. It's been somewhat spotty, and so I'm getting some messages. Oh, wait, hold on. That was your excuse, but to Tracy, or maybe Stacy at the Avis Rent-A-Car. I'm getting you a tattoo of that woman's name, like in Memento. I used to call her Ashley I think And it's not Ashley but I do know that it's Stacy Or Tracy I want to say Stacy

You don't have to get the tattoo because you don't know it Yeah I mean I guess I just feel like If because the thing is the folks in my Building who have dogs you see Them a lot because they're you know very Frequently taking the elevator taking the Dogs outside ideally walking Them further away from The building than just like the very Very sort of closest amount of greenery which is never fun because if everyone just walks their dog to where there's like some like kind of decorative plants and then has their dog pee there it just means that you've got a lot of dog pee happening right by the door of the building which they actually send out emails all the time asking people not to do that that's great but you see the people with dogs a lot because they're usually dealing with their dogs and uh if this feller if he lives in my building and i'm going to be seeing him in the elevator it's going to be very difficult for me to stifle the urge to go hey could you could you be a mensch and maybe pick up the dog poop see this is one of

those things where maybe i'm struggling because it's like i don't think that i'll bet you i would not have whatever it takes to um to to say that to break that silence and confront the person but i would want a person to like i guess i'm not being the change i want to see in the world um but so if you do have the opportunity to do that i would encourage you to it'd be good for the show certainly it might be good for society probably not i don't that's always the thing like are you actually as you craft what you want to say what you said before is pretty soft in a good way i mean like in a way of maybe you'll get into that person's head and they will think about it next time but most most any kind of um almost like a reprimand from somebody it almost always or never always and never no it's like always never is it is it really going to change their behavior or is it just going to irritate them I will tell you what and I've said this before because we had my whole thing where I left a note on a neighbor's car in Wallingford because they were consistently you know parking and taking up two spots with one little car and that didn't end well for me but the reason I did leave a note or part of the part of the motivation and that I felt emboldened to do that was I received a note on my car when I parked in LA I was new

to la and i was living in that airbnb and as parking was tough on this block um that basically surrounded this kind of apartment building i was staying in and i had parked i hadn't really thought of it i didn't i you know i'm a pretty conscientious person as you know um but i had parked didn't think twice of it and i um went on with my day and then when i went to get in my car the next day uh somebody had left a note on it and it wasn't like hey you dirty bag of fleas it just said people that was my opener for this people are mean in LA man they're real bullies it said hey comma if you had parked a little closer to the curb I could have fit behind you and like that was it there was no name calling the person wasn't pleased obviously they cared enough to write a damn note and put it under my thing but it was not super angry it wasn't super friendly it was a state of fact and I backed up and I looked and I was like son of a gun I didn't realize that i kind of like i left too much space in the city and i really you know it's culver city but um a city nonetheless and you know parking is tight then you look out for your neighbors and you get as close to the driveways as you can without blocking them you know and and so that always lived in my head like that was a little bit of feedback i got about my behavior from a stranger that i still think about that i think was actually productive and that's the tough thing to do especially in person i think andrew

tbtl breaking news this guy definitely lives in my building he is now returned from his dog walk is waiting at the light is about to be crossing the street uh back to the entrance of my apartment building so there is a very real chance that i will have a chance to uh interact with this guy at some point probably at a different time he's taking his dog out see this is where i wish you

had a window that both opened but disguised your identity because the ideal thing here would be for just an anonymous voice to yell from above and rain down upon him hey clean i'm gonna swear oh maddie mary i'm sorry i'm gonna swear hey clean up your dog's shit that's what this guy needs to hear and he needs to not know exactly where it came from so he knows that there are

eyes on the situation i think this is more a case of soft diplomacy or this needs some which is if i appeal to his humanity if i say hey man you know we all have to walk in this neighborhood and we don't it would just be something where i'm just saying hey you know you know neighbor to neighbor could you just do me a solid and and just try to pick up that dog i know it's a hassle but could you just do that because then we don't all have to like smell it and step in it and be around it Like if I, I think that if, cause I, I do so many things that are unthoughtful in the world. I, I, you know, I park in places that are, I don't ever park in a disabled parking spot. That's the one, that's the one rule that even I will obey, but anything else, if I think I can get away with it, I tend to do that. I just tend to be a sort of sketchy person. And if somebody were to call me out on my sketchiness and they were just to yell at me, that would really get my hackles up and I would be defensive. If someone were to say, hey, man, when you park in that spot that says no parking, it means that it's really hard for us to see the oncoming traffic when we get to that intersection, which, by the way, I only recently learned that. Particularly when I lived on Capitol Hill in Seattle and there's like no parking, there's often like a space that's left, like there's a no parking zone that's kind of at the very end of the street. And I always remember thinking like, why the heck would you do that? That's a perfectly good parking space, one I would avail myself of often. And then one day I was trying to like, you know, turn off of a street onto another street. And I realized I cannot see any of the traffic on this street because somebody is parked in this space where they say no parking. Oh, that's why that's that.

Yeah. And sometimes I realize, too, it could be bus stuff. I don't know if you're into bus stuff, but there's a there's some intersections in my old neighborhood. But they've been kind of, I don't know, not not repaving the streets, but kind of repainting them and spiffing up the streets and making them more even more bike friendly in my old neighborhood where I happened to be the other day. And I noticed like the the turn lanes for turning left at a at like a stoplight there. They're like the front of the turn lanes are all X'd out. And I thought, huh, that's not usually how they indicate that bikes should go in front of cars there. What's going on? And as I'm sitting there, a big bus takes a turn, and I realize, oh, that's just telling the cars, don't pull up any further than this because the buses will not be able to curve around this because we have those – what are they – not attenuated. What do you call those buses that have the little – the joint in the middle of them so they can snake around?

Yeah, well, I always say accordion, but I think there is a term for it, and it's – is it attenuated? I feel like I'm – there but not quite it but either way yeah you sometimes just articulate it articulate it and sometimes you just don't know you know there are definitely we couldn't articulate that word is it's not lost on me but also unsurprising so all i'm saying is i think if i were if somebody were

appealing to me to do something that was falls in the category of being a good neighbor i would respond better to somebody with a kind of friendly approach versus somebody coming at me hard so i I would say if I do end up in the elevator with this guy and I am thinking of saying something to him, I will probably go with the friendly approach to see if maybe that might. And, you know, you never know. He may just like say, you know, screw you. But maybe it will live in his head. Maybe a small seed will be planted that will grow into a mighty tree of him picking up his dog poop.

I would I would I mean, listen, I can't argue against your approach. It's the more responsible one. You're you're not hiding behind a window yelling at somebody like obviously everything you said is the more mature. and proper approach i just sort of got broish vibes from this guy with the backwards yeah and so maybe i'm making some assumptions about like him not really wanting to listen to a nerd no offense um tell him how to take care of his dog but you know that's maybe some baggage i'm bringing with me uh and also you got to start somewhere at least you at least you don't lose

the high ground exactly like i can always go to pick up your dog poop dude mister i can always go to the i can always go to the hollering approach yeah and the thing is i mean i plan on being here at this window five days a week 50 weeks a year well ever since your accident i mean what else have you got to do i still don't know what's going on with the escape dog by the way the guy who i thought was the dog's owner is clearly a handyman because now he's walking around with a tape measure in his pocket and a and a like a box full of nails a bucket full of nails so like he's just work oh no oh my oh my his own handyman he could be but i would be surprised he has the he he something about his comportment makes me think that he's just working there he's on the job he seems to be on the job like he walked over to like a work van okay yeah his stuff sure and then came back to so he could live there but my guess is he's actually working there yeah um and

so that further clouds the issue it certainly does which would show why or it would explain sort of why he has less interest in that dog right exactly why he was kind of like walked out like

huh but then didn't seem to like take any really i don't know concrete steps to like get the dog uh you know to sort of take care of the dog or put the dog in the yard or something he seemed kind of only minimally interested in what was going on with the dog which would track if he

doesn't if it's not actually his dog but i guess the only question i have and maybe maybe maybe it's time to put this to bed for i don't know i've got another 30 to 40 minutes of speculation i'd like to do so the the mail carrier saw the dog and decided that the dog was somewhere where it wasn't supposed to be and so it's like i said sort of like uh corralling the dog back to this other house do you think that the mailman just knows that dog and knows which it's very possible

because i've seen this mailman in the neighborhood before he is the mailman that has me thinking that I should maybe become a mail carrier because he's very fit. He wears mailman shorts. So he's got real. Yeah, he's a very fit mailman who seems like he's just, you know, living his best life as he's walking around the neighborhood, delivering mail, knowing where the dogs go. Like he's he probably does know what house that dog belongs to.

I will say this. The mail carrier uniform is pretty high on the list of uniforms, I think, because they have this. you mentioned those shorts and i can picture them immediately they have the racing stripes on each side which is like a little bit of flair but not too much flair i like the color i kind of like the it's kind of a steel blue gray sort of yeah yeah yeah um and i like the uh the the logo you know it seems very official and governmenty as opposed to and listen i don't want to insult i know that we have some ups um workers in our audience because one of them kind of befriended you in south seattle for a while right wasn't your ups delivery guy a tvtl listener when you lived in mount baker um but you know it's not they don't pick their uniforms but i will say i would take a u.s postal service uniform any there's a certain kind of sundays over ups yeah i mean yeah brown

is i don't know brown is definitely not my color and i don't think is a particularly particularly flattering color on a lot of people uh i was muting my mic as i was clearing my throat

by the way trying to clear um yeah it's not and oh do you remember they used to have the slogan

what can brown do for you yeah what i don't know were they thinking i know it you know it could do

it could make me use the bathroom at a bar that i would yes it could make me use another service

like it could make me you know you know how like do you ever go to a bar and you think okay if there's anywhere that i want to not have a stomach problem bar just because of the absolutely terrible there is a bar around the corner from my place and uh the folks that work there are nice it's it's i guess i would say it's sort of my neighborhood go-to now it's not particularly there's nothing particularly great about it other than it's like six maybe four blocks away and the people are nice and whatever it's fine but the bathroom is so upsetting like it's one of those it's like out of like the movie singles or something like it's designed to look like a bar bathroom where they just like stuck a million stickers on everything and there's no door on the toilet you know and like probably no seat on the toilet like I and I regularly think to myself should I go to that place and then I think maybe how's my stomach feeling because I cannot cannot find myself in need of a bathroom for number two while I'm there those two things can never happen I think I've said this before and it's not quite

is relatable because it's a different time in my life but um there was a bar in kent ohio it was i'm sorry it wasn't even a bar it was like a punk club it was really just like a it was almost like a bombed out building i mean somebody owned it and ran it it was called the mantis and it wasn't even a bar you would bring you would bring your own booze like so much about this was probably illegal there's no way that it was because the bat so basically my friends who were in various bands would play there from time to time or somebody would be playing there and it was this tight very um packed little punk club where people were just bringing their own booze and drugs and then the bathroom itself didn't i luke this sounds like an exaggeration i could be wrong i think it had half of a toilet or something like there was something had happened something like there was a toilet structure there but it had been like half of it had broken off was it like

it was like terrible was it that the toilet only went up halfway from the floor or only came out

halfway from the wall i'm having trouble picturing it which makes me feel like a liar i can't remember exactly what was up with the toilet but like it was more like the idea of a toilet like go in this area and like so when i think of a bar and just being like oh will i will i have to use the restroom here i mean obviously you would be much safer just going anywhere outside than this place which didn't you know the bathroom didn't have a door like it was just yeah i'm looking it up now the mantis uh no longer open for business luke unfortunately we will not be able to do a tbtl live show at the mantis in kent ohio i just think the idea of a toilet is a decent show title

i'll write it down give it a day in court all right uh all right well let's do this let's take a quick break and then when we come back much more tbtl in just a moment all right let's thank some donors of the day these wonderful generous folks are keeping the show going with their financial support folks like sarah reinthaler of brooklyn new york thank you sarah tan ying dong is in pittsburgh pennsylvania i think is tan ying the listener speaking of andrew dog poop situations wasn't there something where tan ying was had a like a doorbell cam or whatever some kind of surveillance going on people

in the neighborhood dumping poop in garbage cans this re i think you've brought this up before this is a story that really stuck with you it's only rings a vague vague bell i know that tanning is written in before i recognize the name but i can't quite remember that story i'm just thinking

tanning might have some advice for me on how to yeah probably well so get at me tanning let me know mindy lum is in minneapolis minnesota where you will be able to get pickled pizza at the um what's it called the big get together what do they call the state further the great get together the big get together something like that yeah the cool hang thanks to allegra campbell in seattle washington travis worthington is in linwood washington thanks travis and then susan brownell is in san francisco california rounding out our list today thank you so much to all of our donors thanks for supporting tbtl we absolutely would not

be here without you the great minnesota get-together the great minnesota get-together yeah i think it's more modern

hello and welcome to top story i don't know if you saw this uh andrew when it was kind of making the rounds a few weeks ago but this sort of snl audition tape that a guy named jake novak put together went, as they say, viral recently. Did you see anything about this before I put it on the show?

no but i've read into it this morning and the the i've surprised myself with the number of

opinions i have about this okay good i i've sort of debated talking about it um because it's been out for like probably over a month now and on the one hand it seems very up our alley because it involves snl it involves video there's audio tape of the whole thing i mean it's a video but we can play the sound but on the other hand it's like do we need to like are we adding anything to the world to like play this guy's tape and kind of like say something negative about him when he's just being earnest um but i do think it's it's kind of interesting and i i wonder actually like what the long-term effect will be for this guy if this is actually going to be one of those things where it actually kind of works out for him so let me just start by i'm going to play this was a tiktok video i believe that he made it's directed at lauren michaels it's a little hard to follow some of it because you know you're just getting the sound and the video parties He's he's got these, you know, he's animated it with these photos of SNL cast members and and he's holding props in some of it. But this is this guy, Jake Novak, with sort of an open letter to Lorne Michaels asking if he can be part of the cast.

I want to be the next SNL cast member. And here's why I should be a contender. Hi, Lorne Michaels. I'm Jake Novak. And I know that you're feeling the heat because your roster lost Kate Kyle, 80 MP. That means you got an open seat and I feel out to be feeling it because when it comes to comedy songs, I kind of been killing it.

By the way, I do appreciate him saying I'm a rapping, rhyming, hammy nerd, because I feel like in that moment he's calling, he's identifying himself for what he is, which is, and I say this advisedly and with love, he's a theater kid, right? Yes. There's a certain theater kid energy that's going on.

Some of his earlier, more popular videos were also really leaning into that persona, and There's a lot of self-deprecation to all of his humor, for whatever that's worth.

Yes, so I give him definite credit for that.

I'm Sammy Berg, but haven't you heard? I'm more than a rapper. I'm an actor, too. So here's a couple of nice guys getting their jackets. After you. After you. After you. After you. After you. After you've seen that scene. I mean, I'm in, right? But I've been sitting on the ringer. In addition to the spitting, I'm a hell of a singer. I could be bound tonight.

This I'm sitting on the ringer is the first of two times where I really wish he would have did chosen different words. Although it's funny that I just said did different words, which is not the correct word for that sentence. But like there's that. I don't think anyone ever says sitting on the ringer.

Yeah, waiting for a phone call. He should have said I'm turning up my ringer or something on the cell phone or something.

Yes, because he just yes. He there you go. He wanted to rhyme it with singer. Yeah, he wanted the reveal to be that he can also sing. But I don't think I'm sitting on the ringer is really a thing That people say

Out on Broadway but I'm running for 30 Rock So I can hand Deliver you the next Dick in a box Not literally obviously I really want to give you the next big thing Oh god Dear Mr. Michaels won't you give me a chance My melodies will make the people laugh while they dance I'll write I'll perform man I'll sweep the stage but whatever it is I'm ready to do it in Studio 8H. What do you say? Did I dive or get you to bite?

Maybe we... That's the second one. Did I dive? Nobody uses dive to describe if you failed. I mean, you could take a dive in a fight, but he's winding up to rhyme something with Saturday Night Live. But wait, doesn't a stand-up comedian dive? Or what is the thing? No, they bomb. I bombed.

No, I didn't dive. Yeah, okay, gotcha.

Nobody says dive. Did I dive as in, like, did I fail at this? That's just not a thing that people say, therefore, rhyming it – I mean, he just – again, he wants – he's trying to set something up that will rhyme with live, presumably Saturday Night Live. But I just – those two word choices – literally, that's the only thing about this video that really kind of got to me. Everything else is like, hey, you know, have fun and, you know, good luck with this.

You can try it live on a Saturday night, so check my feed. You'll agree where I should be in September. Write with Colin Keenan, Chloe Bowen as an SNL cast member.

So there you go. That's the Jake Novak audition tape. The Internet has savaged him pretty hard over it. He actually did an interview with New York Magazine, with Vulture at New York Magazine, talking about how this has impacted his life. He said he was like, well, you know, I just figured what's the worst thing that could happen? He said, I literally had that thought before I posted the video. And in a certain way, I guess the worst has happened because people have been roasting him pretty hard. But I wonder, actually, if in the long term, if he doesn't end up in a Super Bowl ad or getting enough attention off of this. And it's like it's like the production value is bad. It's not like he's bad at singing or bad at rhyming. Like he's probably not right for SNL, but he might be right for something else. And all this attention he's getting, my guess is it has to sort of help. What do you think? Well, a couple of a couple of quick notes.

You said the production quality is good. And, yeah, that's one thing like it.

even sound okay hold on i don't think this is good this is not my kind of entertainment this is not my kind of humor um but to see it with the visuals does help and it's very tick tocky you know it's a lot of quick cuts and him doing cute little things and little i mean not prop humor but you know like him you know spelling out the story a little bit more with his with his nerdy little face um and that adds something one thing that takes away though unless this was a glitch on my end but I looked at it a couple of times on a couple of different browsers he does a terrible job of syncing up the audio with the video and even in my somewhat limited exposure to these kinds of videos like usually there is a higher standard for that and so the fact that it just seems way unsynced might be maybe it's just more distracting to me but I think that it is going to play on anybody who watches it as making it seem a little bit more cringy here's here's my general take on this and this is going to kind of make me sound like this is going to make me sound like a jerk but um this just does not seem that much worse than half the other shit that i see people celebrating online and like maybe this is just my like gen randy rainbow god bless but like

there's that's there's a guy named randy rainbow who i'm sure our listeners love so i don't mean to yuck anyone's yum but he does lots of parody songs and things that are often related to politics and stuff and like it's you know it's it could induce a chuckle potentially but it's not really my kind of comedy and it's but this is not to me measurably worse than anything randy

rainbow does i get so many and okay listen if you're a listener right now and you're thinking about a video that you sent me trust me i loved yours yours was awesome but i will say that in doing this job i receive a lot of links to people you're like you got to check this out and i watch it and i'm just like i didn't i literally didn't have to check that out like i think it's so cringy right like and that's fine other people like other things i'm kind of a gen x asshole who still rolls my eyes at all this i was i mean going back to the mid 2000s and even the the flash mobs and the and the glee stuff and the singing and the dancing it wasn't for me like i'm kind of built the opposite for that and so everything seems pretty cringy i feel like this could have been on the the knife's edge like this could have gone either way and maybe this just maybe I'm just betraying my own ignorance of this space which is totally fair but like I feel like because because early on this started to tip in that direction then people piled on and it became like the cringiest video on TikTok and I gotta say again it's not for me yes I think it's silly but like I really don't think it's that much worse than a lot of the shit these other people who are dunking on it like you know what i mean and also reading this interview with him um on on vulture and again i'm not advocating for him to get a role on snl i don't you know what i mean like whatever not for me but honestly his approach to this this medium is pretty solid it reminded me of things that you and i talk about he says you know listen at one point i decided that if i want to make a go of this i'm really going to make a go of it it's not all going to be gold i'm going put it out there i decided that wednesday is my day for publishing i've been doing that i think for years now every wednesday he releases something he doesn't give himself too much time to overthink it um and it's you know sometimes it's good sometimes it's bad some of his stuff has gone you know kind of mini viral so he's gotten a lot of engagement on some of his stuff and other other stuff is just you know other of his stuff has just uh sat there but like in this case this is just like one guy who puts out a video once a week and yeah this one's probably as dumb as the rest but like i i guess i'm more irritated by the people dunking on him because i think probably a lot of the shit they like is not that much better the thing that was curious to me

was how tonally different this is than anything that happens on snl and now you can it's an endless debate uh what was the best cast of snl or is snl good anymore i mean this is people are always sort of speculating on on this i guess but it this doesn't fall under this sort of umbrella of anything i've ever seen on snl so and he he says he's a fan of the show and it's just interesting to me that you could be a fan of the show it'd be like if i was trying to audition to be an animator for the simpsons and then i drew a far guild like right if you watch the show you know what the tone and the energy is then you made this video which is for the people that like it that's it's a it's an awesome thing and i'm i'm glad for the people that this you know who are enjoying this or that kind of comedy that kind of whatever entertainment but it's so different rhythmically and comedically from anything on snl it's like i kind of wanted to sort of like say have you watched snl like did you take did you absorb any of the comic rhythm of snl because this is not that yes although i mean And maybe you are. you don't you believe that the the existence of tick tock and some of these other like kind of modern platforms are probably changing slowly but also kind of changing the tone of more mainstream shows maybe like like SNL like could you see something that maybe isn't quite this over the top cringe tick tocky but stuff that is I don't know just a little bit more tick tocky in general

on snl well they've certainly done sketches about tiktok um and i've seen those um and and i think you're right generally that the the the way that we you know things are getting edited now and stuff i even find myself doing it sometimes like i talked about this before but i when i first got bubbles i made this little video of me walking into my apartment and then she was sitting on the couch and you only see her for like a blip of a second and normally old luke pre-tiktok luke i would have like had her on you know had her on camera for 30 seconds because that's the payoff but what i've noticed kind of aesthetically is that these videos on tiktok they upcut they they they often cut off the thing that you think is what you're there to watch you know it's a kind of it's a it's a rhythm and i find myself sort of subconsciously you know stealing that a little bit in more things now that i do but that being said i just feel like this is really outside of anything that i would ever see so much so that people were wondering if this was actually an snl viral project that was another thing that people were speculating for a while because it's kind of so out of step with what they do that it would i mean it would be kind of a genius like Kyle Mooney although I think he's leaving the show too I mean I will say this to Jake Novak's point they do need some new cast members because they lost 80 Bryant Kate McKinnon and Kyle Mooney among others and those are some of my favorite folks on the show yeah I mean I guess the closest

thing here and he name drops him as Andy Samberg and like those kind of like hey sing-songy rap videos that are you know silly obviously this is not of that of that caliber not that I really go for that shit either um but um uh but so i mean i you know i can see what he's trying to do he's trying to show off his talents but um again this is what i think is just like what i'm kind of hooked on he was asked by um vulture it's uh who was writing this jason someone i can't remember the name off the top of my head jason frank i think was interviewing him and it says were you happy with the video when you posted it and he says i was i thought it was fun i thought i did good work on it i don't know that i thought it was like a masterpiece or anything but when you're doing so much in a short amount of time you just don't think of everything as a masterpiece in this age we're living in there's this appetite for constant content uh that's not the same as constant contact by the way which is still not an underwriter uh it's just more important that you put something out than nothing at all and i gotta say like again yeah this video is not for me but it's like oh look at what i do for a living just like you know what i mean there are times i was not i don't think either one of us were super psyched about yesterday's show but we didn't skip it because it wasn't a masterpiece you know wait i thought yesterday's show was pretty good you didn't like it well i thought i honestly thought i i landed some pretty good jokes in there i thought i did a pretty good job wow no no i'm just kidding i thought that you had made it i thought you had made a comment at the beginning of yesterday's show so i thought friday's show was terrible

no i knew that yeah sterling um did you see this article about the earth rotating i guess this is the short in june we had the shortest day since we started keeping track it was june 29th it was the shortest day since the atomic clock was invented i'd seen i'd seen that floating around the uh rotation of the earth took well it was 1.59 milliseconds shorter than 24 hours i don't know I was going to try to do that math in my head. I was going to try to say 23 hours, 59 minutes, 59 seconds, and... I mean, milliseconds are... A milli, a milli, a milli, a milli, a milli, a milli, a milli, a milli. Anyway, the reason I think this is happening is actually because of basically global warming, or at least the fact that the glaciers are melting. because basically when the the earth weighs a lot at the poles because of all of the snow and ice and so it's kind of like basically like imagine you're like pressing on a basketball at the ends you're kind of making it more um well they use the exact term here which i uh i'm just trying to buy you some time i'll throw out some words let me get to the i'm gonna get yes thank you the earth is slightly wider than it is tall oh okay So it's, which makes it an oblate spheroid.

Oh, that was my next word. Dang. Yes. the glaciers and the poles way down on the earth's crust at the north and south poles since the poles are melting due to climate change there's less pressure on the top and bottom of the planet which moves the crust up and makes the earth rounder the circular shape helps the planet spin faster so uh and the other thing i didn't know about was they occasionally have to add Leap seconds Because I guess So the earth Had been spinning kind of slowly Of late Like there are times Like they think that back in the dinosaur era They were actually The earth was spinning way faster When dinosaurs roamed the planet 70 million years ago A single day on earth lasted about 23 and a half hours Whoa Yeah right So how Those scientists better check their hypotenuses how in the holy hell can you know that and this is not me being anti-science i'm i believe that scientists know this but i cannot wrap my mind around how you're able to tell that 70 million

years ago a day was 23 and a half hours i don't know for sure but i and this was i'm looking i'm scrolling this is not in this article but apparently there is um somebody named denver the last dinosaur who um survived somehow the um you know extermination of all of the dinosaurs and uh scientists maybe have been interviewing denver the last dinosaur do i have that right is it denver what was the song denver what was the song we got in trouble for playing by youtube i think it was denver the last dinosaur yes that song just got out of my head after four months jesus and you

know what's so weird that song i i couldn't sing that song if you paid me like i know that that was a whole thing and like you and john were really in on that and the listeners were and everything somehow they just like went in one ear and out the other i don't mean it wasn't interesting content but it did not make a meaningful impression on me as a song but the listeners loved it y'all loved it you guys were all talking about how it was an earworm you couldn't i couldn't get out of my head it was a listener who submitted it to the inside of my brain because

because we kept saying the word denver and a listener and i'm sorry that i'm forgetting your name um said that i just keep hearing this theme song over and over every time you say the word denver um and here we'll play a little bit of it because we're not on youtube right now i think we can get away with this i hope this is the same one oh there's going to be a little bit of a build up here luke that was just going and the thing is i didn't even know the second line i just had denver the last dinosaur going through my head like for the entire week that we were in denver since the listener sent this in and chances are this will stick with me for a while so anyway all of that is to say you ask how scientists know and i have a feeling there's some sort of connection here

i just i just i'm trying to think i know nothing about um paleontology or cosmology or even Cosmetology whatever Science you use you one would use To figure that out like how Could they I just don't understand Would it be in the fossil record Would it have to do with radio carbon dating Like how could you Know how long a day was 70 Million years ago down to the half hour Yeah strange To me another thing that's strange to me Dior has re-signed Johnny Depp Andrew for those stupid Savage commercials

I didn't even know these existed for a while Until like, was it during the I don't think it was during the football season It was some season where I was watching something And they are like You want to talk about an SNL parody I couldn't believe they were real It's like The skeleton of Johnny Depp Who still thinks he's cool in his style He's like playing An electric guitar in a desert at night In the middle of nowhere, the guitar isn't plugged in I don't think, so that raises some questions From a technical standpoint And he's just like, is that what, like, Johnny Depp, like, shredding on a guitar, that's what I want to smell like? Oh, my God. It smells like desperation.

For some reason, this company, Dior, has been, like, obsessively sticking by him throughout this whole thing. By the way, there's been some new information that's released from the Amber Heard, Johnny Depp Amber Heard trial, which I mean, look, obviously, I think one of the things that came out on the trial was that these were two people who both they had a very toxic relationship and they were they were both very flawed individuals. I still think that the behaviors that Johnny Depp exhibited were, you know, abusive. Like, I think it was wildly inappropriate what he did. And I don't know if, you know, if that. means that he should never be allowed to be in a movie again or not i don't know i'll let somebody else make that decision but i find it strange that this one perfume company was like obsessed with sticking with him and never pulled those ads because even as the defamation trial was going and as amber heard was writing her op-ed piece and and stuff that would have you would think would have made any other celebrity considered to be sort of radioactive i know what you're talking about andrew there was some show we were watching where it just was one of those like i don't know We were streaming it So it was like an on-demand thing But it just endlessly played those Sauvage ads And they were so dumb And I was seeing them I'm like, I can't believe they haven't pulled these Well, now they've signed him to this seven-figure That means millions That means in the millions of dollars Is that what seven figures is? Some seven-figure deal To continue to do these ads And here is the craziest part And this might actually explain Why they decided to stick with him Sauvage is the top selling Fragrance in the world Like since They signed him up in 2017 to do Those terrible ads it has apparently Sold perfume Well so

I just feel Like there's so little I know About this and so much I want to say And that's Going to be a problem and that my friend Is how TBTL works you walked me Through the broad strokes of the trial As it was still happening because I knew this thing was happening but i'd sort of missed my on-ramp to it and then you walked me through it right and then i paid a little bit more attention as it went on from there the thing that and but i you know i cannot claim to know all the ins and outs of all of the various accusations and the the narrative and the storyline but i think he's a shit heel right the thing that surprised me though and i don't even know how to describe this i'm not talking about anybody that you and i know together or certainly anybody in in the audience but i'm thinking about several women that i know who i know like kind of from my past whatever but like i mean liberal-minded women i'm not talking about like somebody i knew a long time ago and yeah we kind of grew apart and you know like their view of the world is different than mine i mean people who share my view of the world i remember because i think that the um the ruling came out on a friday or near a weekend or something and and people these women like showing videos of themselves like watching pirates of the caribbean or caribbean i don't know how you say it um and being like oh just watching this just because like this sort of like smug sort of like we won sort of situation and again this is just i'm just plucking this from my life i don't know i don't know if this was widespread or not but i was confused and i kept asking genevieve like what am i missing about this story that these people who i would usually kind of agree with on on social issues like this are are celebrating this and jenny was like i literally don't know i'm seeing it on my timeline too i i do not understand why these people who otherwise would stand up against somebody like this is celebrating him and i don't know if it's my lack of knowledge of the case if it has something to do with just his role in the culture and sex appeal and all of those things and he's bigger than his legend is bigger than himself i don't know what it is but also he's advertising a cologne for men too right and so like some people really celebrated this as kind of like a oh finally we're shutting the book on the me too era shit right and so like do you think that the dudes who are impressed like pre-trial the dudes who are impressed by a cologne that smells like johnny depp playing guitar in a desert are going to be put off by this trial i guess not that's not who your audience is

i guess i wonder if it's the dudes buying the cologne or the girlfriends of the dudes yeah maybe that makes more sense i don't know because i also think that there's like a component to this has to be for the people that again are weirdly obsessed with supporting johnny depp and making amber heard out to be some bad person i think it's that johnny depp was a international movie star by the way i liked his acting like i i was a fan of johnny depp in films i thought he was amazing in fear and loathing in las vegas and stuff yeah i like that movie a lot but uh but i think for a lot of people particularly some uh women but but not exclusively women they just love johnny depp they love his movies they love they just love the idea of him and And the the most recent trial allowed them to introduce enough doubt around what Amber Heard was saying. I don't think that I think looking at the trial and looking at everything. I mean, I think the broad strokes of what Amber Heard was saying were completely true. And there were some things, there were some inconsistencies for her, like she said she was going to donate, you know, she got this money from him over something and she said she was going to donate it to, you know, a domestic violence survivors group and then she didn't. By the way, I think she also...

was kind of hard up for money i mean she just sold her house she made that desert she made that commitment i'm sorry this is the one thing that i was reading about she made that commitment before the trial started so then when the trial started she didn't have as much money on hand and so she reached an agreement with the organization i do you remember what the organization was but they came out and said that name we're like no no we're still working with her like the money is still coming it's just like a huge thing has happened and so we've received some of it and we're gonna get more in the future like she didn't bail like it was such a smear

job right and she's spending a ton on her defense which she was trying to use her homeowner's insurance to pay for but now her home insurance is suing her saying we do not we're not going to pay for this case I mean it's so complex and again do does Amber Heard seem like somebody who has made the right decision to every second of her life of course not but nobody does that's just not how life works and so she's got her own you know behaviors that were probably not great for her or johnny depp but i don't think it wasn't like he was exonerated in my mind like it was like he had a what appeared to be a substance abuse problem he said incredibly violent and incredibly mean things about this woman um potentially assaulted her and the i think for some people they just didn't want to live in a world where johnny depp was that person and so creating this counter narrative it's almost like anti-vaxxers like i was talking about this with becca the other day because she knows some folks who are let's just say doing their own research and one of these folks uh their parents got covid recently even though they were vaccinated and i was like well that's gonna that's just gonna be more evidence for them that the vaccine either doesn't work or whatever because oh you got covid even though you were vaccinated this vaccine you've all talked about so much and i was saying for people like that every single thing is just supporting evidence it's evidence that supports their worldview that there's something wrong with the vaccine yeah yeah so if you get covid and you're vaccinated that means something if they didn't get covid even though they weren't vaccinated or like no matter what happens they're going to fit it into that worldview and i think there were a bunch of people that just didn't want to live in a world where johnny depp is a toxic asshole and so they were fitting every piece of information they got into this narrative that made amber heard out to be some unhinged person and johnny depp to actually be not so bad and it's just i mean it's really wild to watch this unfold on sort of an international scale i mean he is being celebrated he's playing concerts in france that are sold out he's re-signing he's filming movies again it's just like none of it happened and for all whatever progress we think we made through me too or through so-called political correctness or anything like that this is real evidence that that we have not come far

enough yeah yeah absolutely and everybody and again like i i'm not i can't sit here and give a full-throated defense of amber heard because i haven't heard all the ins and outs of the case but i you you mentioning that thing about her funds i did read kind of a wrap-up by i don't know if it was jessica valenti or somebody who just said like so much of what we so much of how the media treated amber heard in this trial just fits into how society treats victims of violence and who are in bad domestic relationships nobody has to claim that i have done everything absolutely right in my life in order to not be abused you know and just like the way that that that this just smear campaign went on and on because people just decided like we don't we don't want to take this side and again i know it's hard like i know it's it's like yeah i mean whatever i know it's a weird place to take it but like woody allen was probably my favorite director one of my favorite directors and then again i i started watching his movies when i was relatively young anyway so a lot of it's relatively young meaning like college not not as a kid but i'd be lying if i didn't say like what if i woke up one day and it turns out oh all this woody allen stuff was just a dream and actually you can still watch all of his movies and they're good and he's not problematic at all like that would be nice because i liked those movies you know what i mean um and so i think i kind of understand the idea of of not of or maybe more relevant and now i'm talking a mile a minute and babbling but maybe like the brown signing to sean watson is a better example too like would i would i like to live in a world where i'm you know as football season approaches and i'm seeing more and more stuff about the browns and what their season is going to look like would would it be cleaner and easier if i could be like yeah this is going to be the year again or you know like whatever but no like it really sucks that like i want this team to not exist anymore like i i'm so mad at the browns and it would be nice if i could go back to my old world but you can't and like and so again i guess the people who are happy that johnny that they can still watch the pirates of the caribbean or possibly the caribbean maybe they get to keep on watching that and good for them and

this gave them a little cover maybe i guess i just don't understand how savage missed the chance to signed Jake Novak yeah right that should be

what he comes out with next that would be good here i go once again with the email every week i hope that it's from a female no man it's not from a female all right have we um gotten any

more updates from the listeners about things i couldn't remember on friday's show and their

origins nope nothing on that topic but um people were pretty excited about us talking about pickles the other day. Take a listen to this from Ann. Hey dummies, this is listener Ann and I am calling

in response to Pickle Talk. I'm contractually obligated to advocate for the humble peanut butter and pickle sandwich. My sister and my cousins always have my back. This is the most delicious sandwich ever created. Another thing about pickles is that they are also something that you will see at ultra races apparently the acidic nature of the pickled brine prevents cramping i only just learned this even though my 11 is an ultra runner and has been for a number

of years now anyway that's all pickle talk pickle talk power out um it doesn't sound like i'm not gonna rush out and get a peanut butter and pickle sandwich but i'd certainly eat that before a lot of other things that we talk about on this show i mean should we do it should we do an experiment oh this is one that i would actually i guess do i have um but that'd be interesting i do wonder if different you and i have pledged our allegiance to claus and pickles um i do love them but i do wonder if when you're mixing it with peanut butter if you want something that might be maybe has a slightly like you had said um were they dilbert's pickles no were they scott adams dillbert pickles yeah they were pickles that worked in a very stultifying corporate environment um what uh what were those grillo grillo yeah you said that those have a slightly different taste i wonder if those might be better on peanut butter than a than a big bold clausen

i also wonder what peanut butter is the best because i would eat a handful of peanuts and eat a pickle anytime in fact i'm sure i've done that at some point a chaser without realizing it But when you get peanut butter, that if you add sugar to it, something about the sweetness, that seems like that would be a weird flavor combination.

People do like sweet and salty, though. I would try that at some point. Maybe actually get back with us. What I'm not going to say if Ashley comes back with some sort of gross ass, like natural peanut butter with chunks or something like I'm not going to go chunky peanut butter. I can tell you right now I'll like it better with creamy. Hey, we got a couple of notes from people on this, including listener Lloyd, not Pizza Lloyd, Other Lloyd. Oh, we need a better name for Other Lloyd. Anyway. Hey, Other Lloyd. This is from listener Ashley with a, what do you call it? A trick for remembering something when you have a mnemonic device. I need a mnemonic device for mnemonic devices.

Hi, Luke and Andrew. This is Ashley from Royal Oak, Michigan. I'm sure other Michiganders have called to let you know this by now, but I just wanted to share our cool mnemonic, I think that's the right word, mnemonic device that we have for remembering the names of the Great Lakes. So if you think of the word homes, like H-O-M-E-S, that's a great way to remember the first letter of all the lakes. So you have H, Huron, O, Ontario, M, Michigan, E, Erie, S, Superior, Homes. Wow. just felt that that was um important information to have out into the world um also um i did not throw my phone when you guys were not knowing that because a i can't afford a new phone right now so why would i do that and also um i just want to affirm that you're allowed to be wrong about things when you have to kind of just like bullshit with your friends and create content But five days a week, people are going to be wrong about things, and that's okay. I just wanted to let you know that we're not all throwing our phones when you get things wrong.

And that is how you get your voicemail played on TBTL.

That, first of all, extremely useful information. It is. I don't think I'll ever forget the Great Lakes again. And also, thank you. Was that listener Ashley? Ashley, yeah. Thank you, Ashley, for I feel very seen and very understood. You're exactly right. This is hard. It's hard to sit here. This is not a hard job per se, but it's hard to do this for an hour to an hour and a half every day off the top of your head and not get a lot of stuff wrong because that's just kind of what happens, except we're just doing this in a kind of a semi-public forum. So thank you for recognizing that and going easy on us. And also, yeah, I mean, you really only hurt yourself when you throw your phone because then you have to get a new phone. And it also raises the question, would this show be.

better if i were less stupid you know like like maybe part of the charm of this show is not knowing things because if you and i were just a couple of know-it-alls who knew everything all the time like what fun would that be there are plenty of shows where people there are plenty of shows where

people know things yeah exactly you know what i mean you got your omnibuses you got your um you know um that's probably john green yeah that's it there's one show where the no thing no the um the uh oh my goodness i can't believe that i'm now it's like when you said omnibus it completely cleared my brain i know that green's podcast but um anthropocene review oh right you were talking i wouldn't have been able to get really really good would highly highly recommend andrew do you

know how to remember the streets in downtown seattle i used to give me a shot at this it's Something involving Jesus. Yes. Good boy time. Jesus good time boy. No, Jesus. No, let's see. Hold on. I really want to get this, but it's been so long. I remember I had it memorized when I lived in Capitol Hill because it was very relevant to those streets that I was crossing all the time. But I can't remember the sentence. What is it? Jesus Christ made Seattle under protest.

jesus christ made seattle under protest jefferson james jesus christ cherry columbia made marion and madison seattle spring and seneca under university and union union protest pike and pine yep there you go i nailed it yeah addy like must have been like out with her friends a couple weeks ago and she was like what's the thing she texted me she's like what's the thing for remembering the streets uh-huh i was like you never stop parenting andrew well the thing is i

find that one well obviously i guess i just demonstrated i find that one so hard to remember anyway you know what i mean like homes you need a mnemonic to remember jesus christ made seattle under purpose so that you can then remember the streets because it just that one is so long and doesn't make a lot of sense like and maybe it's just because my my brain isn't as you know Flexible as it was when I was a kid Or whatever what do they say brains are Plastic Not flexible But you know like I'll remember Every good boy does fine That's the notes on the scale Right and then the Some people come from the Every good boy deserves fudge school Oh yeah no as every good boy does fine That's where I came from and left the Left the fudge out of it

By the way I think I said plastic Assuming that plastic and plasticity were kind of related, but I actually don't know if they are.

Plasticity is what I was thinking of.

Yeah, neuroplasticity, right? Yeah. Which is the kind of like the ability for your brain to change and develop different pathways and things like that. That's neuroplasticity. But can you use plastic and plasticity to mean the same thing?

Because this almost seems the opposite, right? Right, plastic is kind of rigid But was there a super character Was there a super man Who was like plastic man And he was really stretchy Or was that elastic man

That's a great question I'm picturing the guy that you're talking about Wow We've got a situation here We've got people, man Andrew It has just been a day here on this corner Somehow now We've got like A car that was turning onto the street that's mad at a different car that was trying to make a left turn and then there's a giant truck behind it and then a minivan and people are hollering out of windows. It's a whole scene. Man, you really... What's going on? Because you broadcast from that place. And nothing ever happens. And then today it's just been dog pooping and street fighting. Things are really getting active here in this corner in Portland.

Plastic Man was an OG comic book. 1941 it started it was originally published by Quality Comics but eventually DC Comics took it over so it is legit was Rubberman a thing Rubberman, I'm trying to figure out so it looks like, you look up Rubberman, Plasticman I want to see what his super power is apparently it was one of the earlier ones to actually incorporate humor into comic books as opposed to just like you know, Superman being stoic And the hero at all times And overly earnest maybe is the word I guess Batman is stoic Superman is earnest But I can't figure out what is Oh here Powers and abilities He's malleable He's Yeah he can stretch Well that makes me think then

That plasticity and plastic Have to be kind of related I mean based on this comic book From 1940 yeah Also Rubberman is a thing But it's an American horror story It's a B

bdsm fetish huh rubber man is a bdsm fetish coverall made of shiny black latex it's a character in american horror story primarily portrayed by riley schmidt nice anyway and again happy belated birthday maddie yes absolutely shout out to all the children listening so many questions for your parents all right that's gonna do it for today's show it's starting

to rain here andrew we have more break oh that is what i wanted to start the show with let me just end this with one really really quick note if I can find the link which maybe I can't but the Seattle Times today had one of the most euphemistic articles about the weather turning so it's been really hot and warm here and for some people too hot that's kind of worth noting as well but there's some rain around the corner but the headline in the Seattle Times was not rain is around the corner it is and it looks like the website has updated again Petricor Petrichor. It says fans of Petrichor are excited for what's coming. Which definitely sounds like a Christian rock band I would have listened to, by the way, in middle school. So you knew that word Petrichor being the word that means the smell that you smell when it rains for the first time in a long time. And it kind of hits the hot pavement and you smell oils and plant substances getting moist for the first time in a long time. Oof.

Let's go ahead and just make a commitment to not using that word, moist, on the show. It's a fine word. Damp. Damp is fine. Damp will work. But yes, the kind of that smell of the rain hitting the pavement and the dust when it hasn't rained forever. That smell is called Petrichor. Yeah, I love that smell. Damp memes. I'm really into making damp.

Anyway, there you go. That's what I wanted to add. And you'd already seen the article Petrichor. But it was like a real it was a real, I would say, lesson in kind of leading with a positive spin and a headline as opposed to rain.

You know what, I forgot what Petrichor, I knew there was a word for it, that's phenomenon, I forgot it was Petrichor, I saw the headline in the Times, either last night or this morning, and it was like, fans of Petrichor, and I was like, fans of what? So it was actually a really well-written headline, because it caused me to then read the article and go, oh yeah, that's what they're talking about.

And this is how you can remember it, Petrichor, Peter eats tacos richly in Corner House on Right, that's how you can remember Petrichor. It's simple. It's simple. It's almost too easy.

Peter eats tacos on Corner House. On right? On right? Yeah. In Corner House on right. Wow. That's amazing. All right. That's going to do it for today's show. Thank you, everyone, for listening. We will be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio for you. So please do join us for that. Until then, have a great Tuesday. Take care of yourselves. uh let's just say it because i have to go mariners and please remember no mountain too tall and good luck to all i love pickles you know it's my heritage i love a pickle power out