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TBTL!

Now wake up your brother, wake up your sister, wake up your mother, wake up your cousin, wake up the whole family, Get on Facebook, yeah, dude, and tell the world that we are going to rock them right now. Kyle does not like cheese.

Lifelong anti-cheeseite. It brings me great shame and embarrassment and social ostracization. The world of cheeses is strange and intimidating and, frankly, it's terrifying to me.

Well, that should take care of those two evil geniuses for a while. I hope that they've learned their lessons that computers are built by people, for people, to help people, not to control us.

Listen, I've got to give a clue here now. I don't want any more bulls**t any time during the day from anyone. That includes me. This is going to be very hot. It's going to be very uncomfortable for everybody. Maybe we shouldn't talk. Why not? It saddens me.

All right, hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a Tuesday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live.

This is how legends are made.

My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host. Hey, where's the freaking gabagoo? Coming to you from the Hollywood Broadcast Center right here in Portland, Oregon, where it is going to be a scorcher today.

I'm flying in hot for that hottie.

Looking like it's going to get up to 96 degrees. Although I will say it was in the 90s yesterday and 90 degrees on the West Coast feels it be hidden different than 90 degrees in the Washington District of Columbia where I was over the weekend where it was just 90 degrees in a humid environment. I'm not the first person to say this, but I would say 96 is tolerable if it is, as they say, a dry heat. We're hoping today's episode will be tolerable. It's episode 3,760 in a collector's series.

Let the fun begin.

Speaking of places that can get hot and humid, there is an allegedly fun thing going on in Detroit that turns out to be pretty dangerous. Call Kenny Loggins because you're in the danger zone. I'll tell you about the bell aisle slide. Also, I'm back on my hard knocks BS. There's no whining in football. But every August, football comes to wine country. Hey, those are both Detroit stories. I just realized that. And people think this is just a haphazard program that isn't carefully constructed so as to bring you all of the news that's worth talking about from the Motor City. This year's Hard Knocks features the Detroit Lions and their very interesting coach, Dan Campbell, will play you some of the audio of what's been going on with Hard Knocks, and we'll do some emails and V-mails and talk to this young man, the longest-running Cobra of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. He's, of course, also known in many places as...

You really are the most devious bastard in New York City.

He's Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend. Hey, Luke, you didn't tell me ahead of time that you wanted to make the show tolerable today. I heard in your intro that you were going to hope to make today's show tolerable. I didn't prep for that, unfortunately. So I'm going to do my best. I'm going to let you take the lead. I'm going to give you a little time. Should we stop down? What I need, give you like 20 to 30 minutes to get your tolerability plan together. What I usually do, on the days when you write tolerable in the show sheet and I have a little heads up, I like to stand in front of a mirror, like a vanity, and just pump myself up. I usually need about six to seven hours for that, so I think it would push the show back. I think we can move forward. I'm just asking you politely. I'm willing to be tolerable for both of us today. Thank you. You're tolerable for two. I'm like bowel. Now even children can tolerate TBTL. Even podcast listeners can tolerate TBTL. How do you do in the heat, by the way? I know it's going to be pretty warm in Seattle today as well. What is your standard operating procedure when it gets into the 90s? You know, it's funny. Generally speaking, I'm not a high heat kind of guy. I don't like, like, living in Los Angeles, weirdly the weather was one of the things I didn't like about that. Which, when you say that people think you're just playing a character. or that's like, hey, my personality is I didn't like. Your personality is I don't like that California got sunshine. Yeah, exactly, which I think California got sunshine. Trust that you know me well enough that that's not the game I'm playing there. Right. Like me at the campsite with Addy, yes, they identified me as cat guy, guy with a cat on a leash, but I did not want that to be my personality.

No, that's why you had a lizard on your shoulder. You were just like, come on, why is nobody talking about the lizard on my shoulder?

I've got a bearded dragon.

And a lizard on my shoulder.

Uh-huh. You know, I tried to grow a beard during the break.

Dude, that was going to be my first question for you when we opened up the show on Monday, on yesterday's episode. But then I think I just forgot. But that's unlikely. Then we decided to talk about cats for 50 minutes. I saw one person politely put on Slack, and I don't blame them. I'm just kind of like, I think maybe cat talk for me is like sport talk for other people. I can kind of skip that. Which, that's fair. We lead into it.

Cats playing sports. Could we bring together both of the things that that person doesn't find entertaining?

Weirdly, I think that would kind of shoot the moon, and that person would maybe then like that again. But, no, tell me about your beard.

Well, as I talked about yesterday, for the first week of the Summer Games, I was just working on this house project with my dad. And, you know, we were just two bros bro-ing it up. So, it didn't really occur to me to shave. I wasn't trying to look presentable for anyone. I didn't have to do anything, as they say, outward facing. And also, here's the thing. I have, and this is, I think, one of my sexiest traits. I have pretty bad skin for being a 46-year-old person. I still get plenty of breakouts. And I actually think I need to go to a dermatologist. I always have at least one pimple that is bedeviling me. It's rarely two. It's never three. like i don't have the kind of acne that i had in high school the kind of i guess you could say more typical uh sort of puberty related where you've got a lot of breakouts going on i don't have a lot of breakouts but i've always got one thing going on that i think god i wish i didn't have that happening and as soon as it goes away there might be one day a month where my face is without blemish but it's uh it's a weird thing at my age but anyway i had the thought after i didn't shave for a few days maybe i could grow a beard and if i could grow a beard then i wouldn't have to be so self-conscious about my breakouts because they would be i mean i i think in fact right now i have it's going away but i still have a bit of a uh a pimple that's it's where if i had a mustache you wouldn't even know it was happening i really spent uh some time during the break just thinking about people who can grow beards and how they're just getting away with something yeah God knows what's under my beard, man.

It's a face hider. I don't know if that's ever come up on the show. It's a real face hider. I probably have tattoos under there I don't even know about at this point.

Yes. And so after like four or five days of just letting it go, I thought, well, you know, I have two weeks here where I'm not filming anything. I mean, I guess I was going to be on stage for Wait, Wait. But I was like, I've got almost two weeks where I don't need to shave if I don't want to. um because i have this extremely exotic a brand of facial hair which is not enough to grow anything noticeable but if i don't shave for two days something looks off like that's why i'm worried

about like the worst i haven't had to do this in a long time obviously but having a pimple in an area where you have to shave over it sounds pretty miserable like you said you have one in your

mustache area i have a technique where i will shave everything except because part of the deal is with the pimple and uh for the people that didn't like cat talk or sports talk get ready

for pimple talk well there goes tolerability right out the window hey is dr pimple talker

is that a show title maybe um would you click on that i don't know if i click it's a it's you're exactly right it's not that it's painful it's that i'm wanting these things to go away as quickly as possible and there's a whole i mean did you what was your skin like in high school

you know ever battled with i mean yeah i mean certain i mean i was i i would say i probably had when it came to acne and stuff like that i was probably average of all of the things i had going on for me like my weight and the lazy eye acne never really became i mean obviously there were times when you were supposed to show up for pictures or or a dance or something you get the inopportune pimples i'm not saying that i was immune to it but in the list of things i had going against me i don't think it was i don't think it really charted it's so funny how like

having bad skin in high school just absolutely ruled my life i tried every single i really wanted my parents to just get me on what was called accutane to

That was for more, like, cystic stuff, which I didn't have. I just had sort of a lot going on on my face that was, you know, made me feel embarrassed. I used—I put egg yolks on my face for a while. I'd heard that would work. When we would go to these timeshare condominiums, I would just sit in the hot tub and try to scoop up the chlorine bubbles and put them on my face. Just assuming, like, this shit dries everything out? Yes, exactly, which I think is actually counterproductive, people will tell you. But I just wanted, I wanted to just draw, I mean, I didn't eat, you know, oily foods, greasy foods, because that was supposed to be, think, by the way, completely unrelated. But it's funny how whatever.

Your diet doesn't affect your skin?

I mean, it probably, maybe in a roundabout way, but, you know, there's a whole thing, I remember being in high school, people saying, don't eat chocolate, don't eat potato chips, don't eat greasy food. Like, that's going to, that's going to add to your acne, and I would be surprised if there was any actual medical evidence. I mean, what causes a pimple is sebum oil that's in your pores where you have these very, very fine hairs. The pore gets clogged up for some reason, and then you get a buildup of the oil and then the other kind of infection that happens, and then you've got yourself a zit. But I was just going to say it's funny how whatever you're dealing with when you're insecure is what you're dealing with because I didn't deal with a weight situation. I didn't deal with the lazy eye I was over in Seattle Just staring in the mirror at night Thinking I would give anything For these pimples to go away And you were to some degree Probably dealing with your own stuff Thinking gosh I wish I wasn't dealing with this And that was stuff That never even crossed my mind Much like pimples Probably didn't cross your mind

Yeah I mean I would say They crossed my mind But again like just in the way That I think almost anybody Of that age at some point Almost anybody Not to overly generalize They crossed my face That was the problem They crisscrossed my face Yeah yeah

Um, but, uh, but, but so the, the, the deal with the shaving is it's a, you're, I'm always playing this game when I start to feel, it starts with, I will just brush my face and feel like a small pain. And it's like, Oh, really? Like I'll have this moment where I'm just like, come on face. Like, cause I can tell that there's something below the surface that now we're going to play a game with. Is it going to emerge? If it emerges, what is going to be the right way to deal with it? Is it to just leave it alone and let it go down? Is it to try to, and I don't mean to be gross here, but is it to try to pop it, as it were? And the funny thing is, they're like snowflakes. No two are exactly alike. But one thing that doesn't seem great is two. And I like to eat them. I like to let them land on my tongue. But, like, definitely shaving the top of one off is not going to speed up the healing process. Even though Phil Peterson swore by it In high school, he swore that when he shaved It would somehow It would just take It would just sort of plane off The top of a pimple And then it would heal very quickly Now again, Phil Peterson Had better skin than I did So maybe he was dealing with a different That's tough to hear though Reality But so what I will do now As a 46 year old middle age dad type Is I will shave my whole face And then I will shave around the pimple meaning i have like a tiny if you were to look at me from the side i have a tiny like seven hairs surrounding this blemish that i don't want to shave because uh i think i will

prolong its existence on my face save it for your dating profile but i bought myself a box of stridex pinder yesterday uh or not yesterday a couple of days ago but i usually i mean even to this day i keep stridex around um just in case you know i get a pimple you know where i sometimes get them is and i bet you this is just i bet you this is more me because i'm wearing a baseball cap all the time but every now and then i get one like on the very like right where my hairline meets the back of my neck sort of do you ever get them down there those are little uh-huh little sons of guns yeah yeah so i tried to grow a beard oh yeah thinking that was more interesting than my stridex and i tried a couple of different stories there neither neither one really bore fruit so Okay, you started to grow a beard. Believe me, everyone manage your expectations.

This one doesn't pay off either. But I, well, one thing is, it turns out my beard, to the degree that I have one, like, the hair that was growing, particularly on my neck, is so gray. Like, I have, you know, the lower part of my hair on my head is very, very gray at this point. Like, you know, solidly, solidly gray. But for some reason, the top of my hair is brown, which is weird. I don't know why that part has not really gone gray as quickly as everything else. But the beard is all gray when I grow it out. Which, if I could grow a nice, healthy beard and look like a Clooney who has a gray beard. beard i'm fine with that but i somehow it's surprising to me that those hairs are gray and it just didn't i realized that there was the only thing that i could maybe pull off if i gave

enough time would be a goatee which is not as your lawyer i'm gonna advise you against that yeah i don't it's not that's not that would be i mean hold on though let's explore that for just a second some nice older couple sits down in front of their tv on a sunday morning with steaming cups of coffee and then a folded up new york times and they turn on cbs sunday morning and they're going to hear a commentary about pickleball but it's coming from a hipster in the 90s with just are you wearing a van dyke do you have like if i don't grow this goatee what am i supposed to stroke thoughtfully no so what what what style goatee would you go for like the the mustache goatee combo situation or just the just the chin thing and do we have a flavor saver in there what's

the whole look no soul patch okay only because i don't think i can grow one okay uh it would probably be uh it would probably be the mustache and then around the mouth yeah down to the chin Again, because those are the only areas that my body produces what could even really be described as facial hair. Like, just the cheek area is like seven hairs on each side. Like, it was so scant. And when I realized that nothing, I mean, you know, the last time I tried to grow it out was probably a few years ago or whatever. When I realized nothing had changed in the facial hair department, that was when I shaved it all off.

Did your dad say anything? Did he notice? Did he say, hey, you haven't shaved. You're growing a beard. You're becoming a man.

He didn't. Even when I was up on the ladder with the nail gun, feeling very macho, he didn't comment at all on my facial hair. Becca did say that she noticed when I gave her a kiss that it was bristly. So that was at least something. That made me feel enough for like a nanosecond. But I will also tell you that when I shaved, what was revealed was plenty of pimples. Oh, yeah.

So it was almost like probably growing it out, probably exacerbated some more pimple.

Well, I was also wondering about that. I was wondering if, I don't know. I mean, we're talking about hairs, like pores. I was like, because I shave pretty much every day. And I was like, is that making it worse? If I just let everything grow out, would that somehow remedy the situation? I don't know. I mean, the listeners have brought me skin care products to events. So I've been talking about the brand.

Yeah. I mean, that's cool.

Yeah. I mean, that is that's how I get some free, you know, Mario Badescu drying cream. I also a listener recommended that I buy these like stickers that you put on your face that have some kind of zit fighting concoction on them. And so for a long time I was like If you saw me at night before I went to bed It was quite a scene Because I'd have basically a bunch of little circles Stuck to my face to problem areas I eventually decided I don't know if that was helping or hurting Because then when you have to peel the sticker off

It seems like it kind of irritates the situation I do not like stickers in general But I hate stickers on skin For a while there When Genevieve and I were living in Wallingford I don't know if you recall, but the couple above us had a daughter whose age, I'm going to put it around, I don't know, maybe three or four or something, you know, like enough that she was, she was like, you know, we could talk to her and play with her and stuff, but she's still a pretty young kid. I'm great with children. Anyway, and like. You actually are, I think. And animals. Actually, I did enjoy hanging out with this kid. She was, she was pretty cool. But I don't know if you remember I think that like I was babysitting her But it was the first time that I had to help a kid Like go to the bathroom She's like I gotta go to the bathroom now I'm just like why are you looking at me I gotta tell you something that happened in the Smithsonian Later by the way But anyway I just remember like her putting stickers on me Or I ran into her and her mom at the grocery store one time She's like oh I have a sticker for you And I let her put it in my hand And I was just thinking like kid This means that I like you The fact that I'm letting you put a sticker on my skin There's something about that that really icks me out and i i don't i don't know why you know what i mean it's not like oh because as a kid i was attacked by a sticker or something like i i don't know what it is i think it's come on probably more in later in life and i'll tell you this and i don't know if this is a a polite thing to say but also like you know it's maybe not such a big trend anymore but people still do it like they love taking photos of themselves with their like uh their beauty

masks on I don't I don't think they're called beauty masks but whatever those things are called or if every now and then they're called horrifying yeah I can't I can't with those they look yeah

they're so uncanny like that kind of full face kind of translucent sticker thing like you look

like you're about to do some kind of murdering yeah exactly and again people are not doing that for my benefit so that's fine do it to it my dudes but yeah that it gives me um it frightens

me and it gives me bad feelings yeah um i was we were at the smithsonian natural history museum and we were looking at the hope diamond which it turns out has been uh generously donated by the harry winston jewelry company meaning that the entire thing was branded under harry winston which is kind of you want to talk about the ick like first of all just diamonds in general i feel are like this is not fun and i'm not i'm not being fun here if you uh you know if you have a A diamond that is meaningful to you, a ring or a necklace or something, or earrings, great. Have fun with that. But there's just something about that whole thing. Like, I learned recently that the engagement ring is a fairly recent invention. By the way, I know this is bordering on incel talk, and I don't mean it to. But, like, basically the diamond industry at some point was like, we need to trick people into thinking they have to give somebody another ring.

Yeah, I don't think, I mean, maybe I'm missing a beat here. I don't think this is incel talk. I think this is absolutely right. I think the diamond industry is terrible.

Yeah, I mean, it seems to be very bad for the people that are actually mining the diamonds. It's, you know, a cartel. It's, you know, it's a bad scene all around. But also I saw they had the Hope Diamond. I was like, okay, I'm going to lay my eyes on that. And as it's in this rotating cabinet, first of all, no offense, pretty underwhelming. It's like blue, which I didn't expect. i thought the hope diamond this is just going to be a massive rock like a clear diamond don't you think hope diamond doesn't that tell you it's going to be clear um i assumed i mean what were

you picturing i gotta say like i've never given a lot of thought you clear like sparkling thing

how big the like football size um maybe like the size of a um a plum okay yeah yeah something substantial i just heard about the hope diamond my whole life uh and i don't i'd never seen it that i remembered i mean you know like on tv or whatever and so i thought okay i'll climb these stairs and i'll battle the line to get to see this plum-sized diamond that's really gonna knock my socks off but then i look at it and it's it's blue and it's surrounded by diamonds but it was i was i was pretty underwhelmed well there were these little kids uh a couple boys and a little girl who were following the case rotates so wherever you're standing you'll get your moment To stare at the hope diamond And these little kids were Running in a circle following it Come as it came Around and at some point This young girl just And I thought it was an accident And I realized no no she's doing this intentionally She just kind of walks over to me And buries her face In my privates Like just like she's been around Adults she trusts them She's comfortable with me i guess being there standing there in my lululemon shorts because it was as i started the show by saying like a million percent humidity so it was like shorts and a t-shirt and she just plants her face right in my junk yeah that's and comfortable i'm i'm trying to not i'm trying to not freak out in a way that makes it worse but i'm also trying to i sort of i start moving back she's just keeping it going and you're probably looking around for parents right i'm looking around her dad was had a stroller for one of the other youngsters and was kind of dazing off into the distance and eventually the mom came around and then and sort of apologized it was it wasn't like i needed an apology from them but i just needed them to know that there was no part of me that was inviting

this situation yeah of course absolutely yeah i i was on the um i was on a very very very crowded train this past saturday we went to the mariners game and it was a sold out crowd and it was a

tight game to the end you sent that picture to our text chain that looked like i don't feel like t-mobile is actually ready to host a successful baseball team luke i had never seen anything like

it and again as i put in the text message like this wasn't my first t-mobile you know i was trying to do rodeo there i go there you know i try to go there you know several times a season or what have you and i have my little routines and sure you know if i might want to sneak out and go to a day game on a wednesday i'm not expecting a huge crowd and maybe that's what i'm used to but this is a sold out crowd is ichiro's induction into the mariners hall of fame so it's like this

by the way how about him doing that speech in english yeah i know and we were the first time

i've ever heard his voice i think literally in my life like at least speaking english for that long yeah i mean you hear little things i can the commercials and this and that yeah no it um it was it was really impressive it was also very long it became like state of the union where um and why would i dunk on such a special moment but and it was like it was a special ceremony like i won't lie there were times where i was like trying to be like okay don't get choked up here like you know don't there's no crying in baseball i read that somewhere i think it's just two men just celebrating each other's strength but um no it was really it was it was really nice but anyway to get there this is not going to mean a lot to people outside this area but luke genevieve and i show up to t-mobile park from we're walking from the um pioneer square area right so we get off the train in pioneer square because it's a nicer walk and the line to get into t-mobile park luke starts all the way at the end of like where the beginning of the hot dogs would be outside in other words all the way past um century link field or whatever it's called now lumen field and the event center the line was going all the way past the event center all the way snaking then across the street but like kind of under that footbridge there i can explain it but it would have taken you would have been proud of me by the way so we show up and we see this line and i'm like there's no way this is the only line to get into the park like i've been here before there's a lot of different entrances like i'm not getting in this line and i kind of split up i'm like maybe you get in that line and then i'll go ahead and i'll see if there's another line to get in because this must be a bunch of people who just saw a line don't come to the park very often and just get in line and so i just kind of made my way up towards the actual gates uh kind of where the big um with a big statue of a mitt with a hole in it

yeah which really typifies some of the darker years for the mariners when they were playing

with a mitt with a hole in it just why not a broken bat mariners why not put a statue of a broken bat and broken dreams as your statue at the entrance. But anyway, so I go up to the kind of the front and I find another line and I get in and I think, oh, this one's going to snake around to like all the way to the home plate, but it'll still be shorter. Turns out, no, the line I got in was like a five minute line. I was almost in the stadium too quickly and then sucked up in this huge crowd of people trying to get T-shirts. It was a bananas crowd there, but that isn't why I started this story. What were we talking about? we're talking about the hope diamond that's the last thing i remember kids pressing their face into your nether regions oh yes on the way home afterwards we get on a train and now this is one of those situations where this sold out crowd is now like just jam packing these trains leaving but everybody's happy because it's another mariner's victory this one was not this one was not i've left that stadium sad too many times were there some really bad strike calls there

were now you know i saw a headline about that like literally like the seattle times or somebody was saying basically the thing that we're often bandying about in our text chain which is like robot umps now robot umps forever did the mariners get job done some calls yeah and you know it's a

little bit harder to follow that stuff when you're in the stands of course and you don't have like the we did pull out our phones every now and then and sort of look at the at the um what do you call the tracker the pitch tracker um and so yeah and jp got really screwed on a couple i think ty france got booted early on in the game because he contested a call yeah that's why we had lamb in there anyway um yeah so that was it and also i think i had heard that our umpire that day or at least the day before was a minor league umpire who was making his major league debut so there you go bring that up right as teams are trying to get into the playoffs but sure okay all of that is to say i i'm packed onto this train i'm there with me and genevieve and a couple of other friends And we're all separated on the train because like one, I mean, it's just like train comes, it fills up immediately and you just have to wait for it. It's just like you're jam packed and they're like sardines. And then you have young people who are leaving the Kendrick Lamar show. So a couple of stops later, you hope that there's going to be like some relief. But instead, more people pack on like you're like, there's no way you can fit more people in this train. But then young people are like, hey, look, I'm going to shove into this train, too. And I'm all the way by the door. And all of this is to say there was a family. I think it was a family of four, a dad and a mom and two daughters. I'm going to put maybe the older daughter around 11 and the younger daughter around five or something like that. And they're kind of get a little bit separated to not far separated, but, you know, like a few people in between them. And the two little girls are kind of right pressed up against me because I'm kind of if you can picture my left hand is up holding on to the bar so I don't fall over. Right. And so and then those two kids are kind of tucked kind of to my left by my side. And, you know, I automatically feel somewhat protective of kids in this, you know, potentially rowdy place with just jam-packed. But I just kept on trying to make meaningful eye contact with the dad. Like, I just kept on trying to do all of my energy to say. the mom I did I she wasn't in sight for me but like I just he kept on looking over at them right as anybody would he kept on looking over make sure his kids were okay and I just all every time I tried to make eye contact and just be like I'm by the I'm not a threat first of all and also I'm keeping an eye on this situation as well I don't know if I communicated any of that but I tried to

use the force to get that across to him that's a problem for me a little bit it probably exists mostly in my own head but i just love kids and i like to you know if there's a cute kid uh you know sitting at the table near me in the restaurant i'll give him a wave or something because i just i i love kids and yet it's like there's an amount of loving kids that can be too much if you're you know a stranger to them particularly if you're a dude so i'm always trying to walk that line of and it a lot of it comes down to me making eye contact with the parents to kind of let them know like yeah i waved at your kid but i also am not a total weirdo and

it makes a big difference to who you who you're there with right is it just you by yourself eating soup uh or is it you know you and becca with me yeah exactly it's a definitely in fact uh that

happened on the elevator uh in we were we started out staying in tyson's corner virginia out near Wolf Trap and boy Not a Place that seems to have a deep Soul to it Tyson's Corner Virginia there's no because it sort

Of sounds like it could be down home and folksy But it sounds like it seems to

Be it's a giant I mean There's the Galleria our hotel Which was technically the Ritz Carlton which is you know Pretty fancy you're really farting through silk But it was like the Ritz that's Attached to a mall And it was but anyway Same thing happened where I got into the There was these two little girls in the elevator with their mom And the door opened and one of the girls Started to run out thinking it was her floor And it wasn't, she kind of ran into me And then I stepped into the elevator And I could just sense the mom's energy was like Okay, now there's a dude in this space And then Becca came in behind me And then I saw the mom relax Like, he got one woman to deal with him So he must not be a threat It was like this weird subtext of it Like, having somebody with me Particularly having a woman with me Seemed to put the mom more at ease For whatever reason

Yeah, definitely And I would always like I would choose to interact with like kids In a public space like that Differently depending on whether or not I am by myself And because of this Like I can almost imagine If Genevieve were closer to me In that situation And these two girls They seem like, you know Pretty gregarious kids If they had started up a conversation With Veves and me That would have been one thing But if it was just me I'd probably just like Even though like you said too though there is always a thing there I mean there are these two cute little kids right and like there's always that urge to kind of like goof around with them a little bit but it's like nah that's

my move yeah give me a baby and I will I'm incapable of not doing faces to a baby I like

I test their object permanence with my face like way too early whenever if I see a kid and I'm doing if I that's like a kind of a go to action later on and you're like got your nose and they're like my lungs are only barely formed right but I always do like kind of the peekaboo thing with my i cover my face with my big fat hands and then i and then i try to make them laugh that way that's my go-to that's my that's my tight five i would rent i would rent

someone's kid for an afternoon that's i think the level of like young child uh rearing or dealing with that i want to do like uh you know addy's 28 and there haven't hasn't been any concrete conversation about this but i i will probably be a grandfather at some point uh which is when i'm

really going to grow my gray beard yeah do you think it's weird that whenever i see addy i try to like hide my face behind my hands and then reveal my face and try to make her laugh i know

that's why i started doing it i thought all kids liked that sometimes when she's crying i'll just blow in her face and it stuns her but it stops her from crying oh i didn't even know that is that something that people do yeah that's a thing you can do with babies if they're crying uh you can blow in their face and it will it will stop them not permanently like it usually they'll go back to crying but if you really need a break you can do a little blowing on their face and they'll they'll they'll stop at least for a few moments so we need to stop for a few moments here and then when we come back we need to thank the donors of the day and talk everything andrew i'm telling you everything is detroit today the mariners are playing in detroit oh that's right yes i want to tell you about this slide in detroit that's just absolutely jacking people up yeah and i want to talk about hard knocks featuring the detroit lions so shout out to our listeners in the greater detroit area uh this is we're going to super serve those p1s when we come back here on tbtl

thank you baby

All right, let's thank our daily donors. These are the generous, supportive, wonderful people who are keeping the show going with their donations. Talking about Susan Turner in Odenton, Maryland. Thank you, Susan. Andrew Henderson is in Ottawa, Ontario. Wow. Canada, Ontario. I don't think I've ever been. I've been to Ottawa. That's the capital, right? I believe so. Of the entire country? I thought so. You could be right. Don't come in here like you're Joel Otto from the Calgary Flames. God, how much of that did I get wrong? All of it?

I'm right about that, right? Yeah, Ottawa. I believe so. Yeah, I visited it one time. I visited the CBC there, Luke. It was amazing.

Oh, wow. Really?

I got my favorite T-shirt. I don't have it anymore because this was decades ago, but I got a cool, like, blue T-shirt with, like, the kind of classic, maybe, like, 1980s CBC logo on it. All I remember is the T-shirt. But, yeah, no, they had a whole huge operation there. It's really cool.

I told you that there was – apparently the plan was for me to host that show Q. Oh, yeah, it's a fill-in host, right? Just a fill-in, yeah, yeah, for, like, a week for Tom Power. And I remember being at the PRPD and all of the various people involved or had signed off on it. It was going to happen. And then it never did, which was, I think, really for the best. Because my considering I just learned that Ottawa is the capital of Canada and how kind of deeply Canadian that show is sort of culturally. You would have it. It would have been.

You would have done some prep.

You would have faked it. It would have been a bad situation. It would not have been good for the listeners. It would have been me like interviewing a folk duo from Nova Scotia, trying to bro down and them explaining to me that Ottawa is actually the capital of Canada and me learning that on there. It would have been a bad scene. Anyway, we love the support of Andrew Henderson out there in Ottawa. Thank you. Also, hey, back to back Andrews. It's a back to back Andrew Tuesday. It's a two for Tuesday. Yeah, it is. Andrew Stephen is in Los Angeles, California. Thanks. Andrew, numero dos. Tricia Scherer is in Bellingham, Washington. Oh, my gosh. One of my favorite places to have an old boat sitting on a trailer that Axel has rusted through. Oh, my God. Have I told you about this situation?

I don't know if there's a new situation. You did mention that it's sort of stuck there and that Carrie is pretty psyched about it.

Carrie is pretty much ready to have this out of her yard, reasonably so. and i called the guy to come out and take a look at it because it's on a trailer but the axle has rusted through it's not like drivable you can't just hook a truck up to it and tow it away something has to happen where the axle is fixed and this guy who i will possibly end up having to hire to do the job because he's the only person who thinks they can figure out the solution his this these were the things that he was able to promise me nothing what he said was i don't how much is it going to cost i don't know how long it's going to take i don't know if it's possible if i do bring this thing down if i can fix the axle enough to bring this down to my boat yard i'm also going to charge you storage for the time it takes me to be working on it and i was like that seems kind of like a rip off you're going to take a long time to fix it but you're going to charge me storage while you're taking your sweet time to fix it yeah that doesn't i don't like this luke i didn't like it i didn't like it either i'm trying to i'm researching other options yeah good but i was like oh and he what any he's charging me 75 to go look at it which he already did okay that was the end of that conversation out of pocket then you already paid that which he will fold into the overall many thousands of dollars that he wants for this boat that's frankly doesn't have a lot of street value as of right now although i do have a lot of Sort of nostalgic appreciation for it But this was the conversation He was like Yeah I don't know how long the axle will take To get the replacement I don't know how The time that takes I don't know how much it's going to cost I don't know if I'll be able to get to it Before I have to do all my winterizing of other boats So that might push it back And I'm going to charge you storage If it's in my yard I'm charging the storage And I'm like, really, even though you're also the one who can end it being in your boatyard, that seems weird. And then he was like, and also, you owe me for a half hour for going and looking at it. You owe me seventy five dollars. Yeah.

What are you, an airline? I don't think so. Right. No, we only let airlines treat us that way.

Exactly. So I was like, I'm investigating other things. And if that guy thinks he's going to, well, that's not fair. I mean, he did. I was annoyed because the $75 was at the end of a long litany of things that are making me not happy. But I guess, you know, to a degree, you need to respect people's time. If I had to do something work-related and took up part of my afternoon, I would expect to be compensated for that. So I don't think that's even the worst part of it. But it was just that it came after so many other things That were making me mildly annoyed Yeah, this isn't the person for you I don't think it is either But I don't know if the person exists, Andrew Although I've got Rich on the case I'll take a look at it My old neighbor Rich He's got a buddy, Jimmy Jimmy has a boat repair business And he's got Jimmy coming over to take a look at it

What if you drive to the old Ballard Slip And get a couple of Jerry's Offer to drive them up to Bellingham You buy them, I don't know you buy him lunch maybe you put him up in bellingham this is such a classic rich move by the

way i have have him on red right now because he's like so helpful he's retired you know he's just like an just extremely sweet human being who does exist andrew despite your no um it sounds so plausible i can't even believe it but he um he so of course i like i asked him hey could you uh you got that friend jimmy does like maritime stuff could you have him take a look at this and and see you know uh what's going on with it if there's any way to fix this enough so i can at least get it out of that yard uh and get it somewhere else and of course he then like is immediately on the case he's got jimmy come and take a look at it but then he starts sending me a series of texts one is like i noticed that the um tabs are expired on your trailer so do you have the paperwork uh to update your tabs because if this thing if you get out on the street you're i need to have those tabs updated like that's the least of our problems rich yeah oh that's like

that's oh that's not the guy that's rich oh no that's rich my neighbor jimmy okay that's rich

oppa i'm like i'm like listen i would love to be able to tow this thing and get a ticket for having expired tabs that would be a great day for me because it would mean it's towable then i'm i'm going back and forth i go really i'm just trying to salvage this motor because the motor has very low miles and it was not cheap and and then he's like i assume you winterized it properly right

and i'm like rich enough you're trying to save the motor off the boat because you think the rest

of the boat isn't so great the boat has no value at this point it's an old wooden boat it's a really cool boat and but it needs to be like totally sanded down a lot of the stuff taken off of it kind of like disassembled sanded varnished and then put back together it could be a really fun project and part of why i want to bring it down to the house that i'm uh working on is because i do think it would be uh there's something about the outside of a boat that could be good for the inside of a luke in terms of the sanding of it and kind of just working on it could be a fun project but it's not really it doesn't have any real value the motor on the other hand is actually pretty new uh pretty nice was not cheap but of course it's like i'm telling rich I want to save the motor. And he's like, well, I assume you winterized it properly. And I'm like, have you met me? No, I didn't winterize it. The last time I took it out was with you and Rudy trying to look. I'm talking to you now. You and Rudy and me trying to look at the eclipse.

Oh, yeah, right. Oh, I thought you were talking to Rich in that conversation. Yeah, that was the last time? Yes. Really? Oh, wow, the eclipse. Well, we could put a time stamp on that then. That was quite some time ago. All right, listen, we still have some more donors to thank. But one last question. It all started thanks to Tricia Scherer in Bellingham, Washington. Question though I know that you said there's a lot of supply chain issues So you can't buy a new trailer Or buy some parts or something But there must be boat trailer rentals Right? Could you rent a trailer?

That's a really interesting idea That had not occurred to me Let's look into that Okay, then the problem is I gotta put the boat on something else Yeah, then I mean When I pick the trailer back

Oh yeah, because how would you get a boat From one trailer to another without water

I think they have to bring out some kind of cherry picker type of deal that's got straps on it, and you have to literally hoist it, which is part of why this is a lot. The whole thing is a lot. Anyway, thank you, Tricia. Sorry that I got waylaid with Boat Talk. Greg Lithgow is in Newton, Massachusetts. Is that Newtown or Newton? I believe it's Newton, Mass. Newton, Mass. That's where Greg is. Thank you, Greg. And then Sarah Thibodeau is in Bothell, Washington, for whatever amount of time. Feels right to you. No pressure. Just go with your gut. First thought, best thought. Sarah, thanks to all of our donors of the day for making TBTL possible. Wouldn't be here without you. Hello and welcome to Top Story. story out of detroit because that's the main place that we cover uh the giant slide in bell isle park in detroit has been closed and is now reopened after people were flying off of the slide and whacking themselves this is actual audio of somebody going down the slide in detroit this lady is flying off the slide it's one of those giant slides right she's flying off every bump and then she slides all the way down into the fence where the person videotaping her standing with their phone like it's wild apparently they waxed the slide too much so this slide's been

around i think since the 60s if i'm right about that and then it closed down during the pandemic and then it just reopened and they had waxed it and i want to describe it for folks who haven't seen the video so this is one of those you know the type of slide you might see the state fair that is wide enough for what luke four maybe even five people to go down at the same time kind of abreast you know and it's uh it's not ridiculously steep but then it's kind of got those little hills built into it so like every now and then there's a little bit of a bump right but when it's waxed like this people are just flying the hell off of those bumps and then coming crashing down on this metal slide and that's what you hear you just hear the impact of of body and bone on metal yeah

and apparently uh the people running the slide have been giving everyone advice if you don't want to like you know fly off the slide and whack your head you have to like lean forward in this very specific position that somehow distributes your body weight so that you stay affixed to the slide i do sort of appreciate though the person uh i think running the slide who's quoted in this um uh new york times piece that i was looking at written by um uh remy tooman i believe uh the the person running the slide was saying we do want it to be kind of fast though like that's more fun for people so we're trying to split the difference between kind of like a slow not very entertaining ride and something that is you know gonna cause lawsuits right and bodily harm yeah ron olson is the chief of parks and recreation for the michigan department of natural resources um one thing that's kind of great is it has inspired a song that is just a straight banger have you heard the song by gmac i think i heard a hip-hop song and i'm assuming it's i believe that would be this one uh take a listen to this this is uh gmac the giant slide

What's great about the second verse

Is he turns it into a parenting tutorial He's basically saying you can punish your kids by making them go on the giant slide.

It's still getting on your nerves, so you make them get back on your new time.

That's like an ODB line.

Yeah.

Like, we're not even trying to make this scan at that point.

God, they dirt and dirt bust your ass. Your kids are still on your nerves. Make them get back on the slide.

I have to say, one of the things, and, you know, only time will tell if we can stand the test of time, as I believe Sammy Hagar once wrote, but nobody...

Honestly, those are the kinds of lines I got into, like, kind of Def Leppard and some of that stuff, like, just in eighth grade, having, like, you know, really been more of, like, kind of a classic rock Beatles Zeppelin kind of guy, but I was like, oh, this stuff is kind of fun, but unfortunately, that kind of music in the 80s led me to believe that I could write lyrics, and I remember, like, writing lyrics that were like, oh, yeah, I mean, if these guys can do it, like, I can write lyrics like that, and it just, Sammy Hagar, Def Leppard, Groups like that have led a lot of young people to think that they also can write lyrics, which might be a good thing. But I'm thinking, in my case, was a bad, embarrassing thing.

I believe that's from Why Can't This Be Love. Oh, really? I actually know that song. OK. But so who knows what will happen with this? But people seem to be taking their injuries. more or less in stride i uh in this new york times piece they interview a couple people who went down the slide and just got completely slapped around but they were kind of laughing and i was i have to say i was genuinely a bit surprised because in the day and age we live in and i'm not this is not a rant about like you know tort reform or something but i could see somebody if they you know if they got their head bonked decently on this uh seeking some kind of legal remedy for that i.e. a lawsuit but i haven't heard anything about that everyone who was interviewed who had been down it even the people that kind of like flew up in the air seem to be kind of handling it in a you know just kind of like laughing it off and and uh you know having

a fun day kind of thing well first of all good on detroit that's the that's the hardscrabble

nature of detroit and detroit good people versus everybody yes they consistently tell us on hard

knocks andrew more on that in a moment but i think that you're going to know exactly what i'm talking about and i assume that you had the same kind of reaction to these videos as they were you know populating on twitter last week that i'm watching this and all i can think of is how old and fragile i've gotten during the during the two weeks of the summer games i don't know exactly what happened but my back started to hurt really bad my lower back it wasn't a um it wasn't spasms it was just one of those lingering like for for one day or maybe one and a half days it was really acute but after that it just lingered and it would not go away and I haven't been exercising I've been eating terribly like it's just like it's not a mystery why my body is failing me but like I'm in that mode where I'm waking up like my body is almost literally creaking in the morning as I grunt my way out of bed and then I open up my Twitters and I just see all these people slamming their body on the slide and I'm just like I guess those days are gone for me because I mean you know it wasn't i feel like it wasn't that long ago that i'd get myself in a gunny sack and go down the slide given the opportunity yeah that was the other thing is they they interviewed some people

who had gone to the slide when they were kids because like you said this is a tradition and then these older folks like probably people our age or maybe a little older saw the news coverage about how the slide was dangerous and then decided to go back and try the slide how'd they turn out One of them got there with their grandkids Watched people just getting Completely pwned by the slide And then said no we're not going down Which if I was a grandkid I would have been Ticked off but it also Sounds like a lot of the other people interviewed said Oh yeah this slide has always been dangerous This is a known thing like from you know The 70s like you would always get Kind of you know whacked on this slide Faces of slide Videos of people just getting destroyed on this thing um also in detroit news andrew hard knocks is profiling the detroit lions and uh of course i love hard knocks although i keep every time i watch it i want to compose a tweet which i won't waste everyone's time with i'll just say it to you nobody at any level of the production of hard knocks has ever come within a city block of the word subtlety If you were to write that on a dry erase board, the people that look, if you were to write subtlety on a dry erase board and bring in everyone associated with hard knocks, they would go, what is that word?

I'll turn it down a thousand notches if I have to. Dan Campbell approaching subtlety. I'm the most subtle man you will ever meet.

I'm even just talking about the production.

Oh, you're talking about the production, right?

I just mean, it is so, like, there's nothing nuanced about any of it. It is so, like, obvious and ham-fisted, and I love it.

See, I kind of gave up. I watched the Miami Dolphins season, which is probably, like, what do you think that was, 10 years ago now? Like, I think maybe, like, maybe inspired by you or my kind of newfound appreciation of football, I believe I watched two seasons of it and kind of liked it, and then I came back for a third or something, And I just I oh, of course, I watched the Brown season a few years ago. But like, generally speaking, I actually don't think it's a good show. I love the news that it generates. I love hearing other people talk about it. Like, I'm excited for you to tell me about it and maybe play some tape. I don't mind them talking about it on the sports radio show. But I do. I listen to all of that so that I don't have to watch the show.

It's weird because most things that I don't like watch it or most things that are this like free of of irony and again kind of nuance i would just stop watching them too but there's something about how bad it is that makes me love it even more but um so yeah dan campbell the coach of the lions is a real quote machine this is from the first episode where he is um kind of hyping up his team which i believe they were like 2 and 14 last year or something they didn't have a particularly great record.

So this is him basically talking about how they're going to change the culture. But I really defy you or the listeners, Andrew, to follow the logic of this two minutes and 44 seconds of Dan Campbell.

What are we? What makes us what we are and what we're going to be? I think it's that right there. It's grit. It's what we started with last year, guys. All you guys that were in here. It's our core foundation, man, grit. And what does it mean? really in a nutshell i think it means this we'll go a little bit longer we'll push a little harder

and we'll think a little deeper and a little by the way i'm with him so far grit you're gonna work you're gonna outwork everyone so this is making sense so far for now sharper like to me

it means we'll play anywhere we'll play on grass we'll play in turf we'll go to a fucking landfill

doesn't matter unlikely i mean the nba or the nfl is always trying to expand its brand yeah maybe landfill probably not london sure landfill i don't know right doesn't matter if you have one

ass cheek and three toes i will beat your ass yeah i mean that sounds like a person who'd be

relatively easy to beat yes that's where i got one ass cheek and three toes i probably honestly i might even be able to tackle that person right exactly like why exactly like i was did he mean like even if you only have did he did he mess up the end of that was he meaning to say like even if you only have one ass cheek and three toes you will still you will still kick ass because that makes it sound like he's beating up on somebody who should most definitely doesn't have their full complement of yes exactly abilities imagine you show up for the football game it's on a landfill the other team every player has one ass cheek and three toes and how

you even know that is a question right it means that normally i'm 100 85 man that's all i need to beat you i don't care i will produce and win at 85 you guys already know you're not gonna be 100 until next march this is the best you're gonna feel right now it's the best you're gonna feel the quicker you accept that man the better off we're all gonna be all right now wow you

there's a number of teams you don't hear the you don't hear coaches i don't know that i totally followed that but like you really don't hear coaches leaning into 85 i know 110 you hear a lot which is that like you're gonna have to learn how to play even though you're not gonna you're gonna be hurt you're gonna have nagging injuries yeah but still it's it's it gets a little between the ass cheeks and the three toes and the 85 it's getting a little convoluted and it's gonna go from

here as it equates to just bear with me the ocean right there's enough okay i'll allow it teams they just barely get to the water you got to get in the water to compete are we playing on

a landfill or are we playing in the ocean dan what is a floating barge of garbage okay in international waters who are we're playing football uh-huh on a garbage bar there's a lot of body horror going on yeah exactly that's all they get to then there's a number of teams they

are in the shallows and they come in a hurry man and they are all over your ass which ass cheek

would you say yeah the one the one both yeah half well that's no they're all over your ass because they're they need the other half jealous themselves jealous they're going out look at that two look at those two that two ass cheek privilege i want one strolling onto this garbage barge

to play me at football i can move they strike and move and they're dangerous man you just got to get a hold of them though if you can just get a hold of them and you start dragging their ass out to the deep dark abyss you can drown them what why okay so we have

you're out on a barge in the ocean but then you have the shallow dwellers is this what we're The machines are in the shallows, but they're dangerous. But they're dangerous. You've got to drag them to the deeper water and drown them. Okay. Yeah.

And that's what we got to be. That's who we have to be. Because that's our domain. That is our domain. Because we'll tread water as long as it takes to fucking bury you.

I think drown is the metaphor we're working with. Wait, are you burying them on the garbage barge?

we'll go as long as it takes because we can and we choose to that's who we are that's who we have to be now it goes without saying the teams that are dangerous in the shallows in the abyss are probably the top four or five in this league that's who they are and that's what we're working to last thing i'm going to say i'm keeping this brief the last thing i'm going to say is this

there is no light at the end of the tunnel oh this is the part where he starts quoting metallica by the way great i i would say paraphrasing metallica

really there is no light there's a song metallica has no leaf clover and it says man when it comes to the soothing light at the end of your tunnel it's just a freight train coming your way so if you're seeing a fucking light it's a freight train just put your head down and go to work it's about to be fun man what that does not sound fun everything you described sounds pretty awful

I certainly didn't say We will have a king's moot We will We will enter Sandman We will crown you as king of the ocean I'm looking up When like what album No Leaf Clover came out On do you are you familiar with this song I'm not I'm not

But again it's like it You know now our friend Durs Said in our text chain that he would die For Dan Campbell or whatever he's really it's working for him yeah because of course dan campbell is he was a player not that long ago he's still titanically ripped and like looks like almost like he could he could still play like he could be a tight end you know that just basically you know you throw the ball two three times a game or something like he's he's a very menacing or intimidating person in his physical presence he also seems like you know a generally sweet guy uh when he's not mixing metaphors about garbage barges and uh metallica but it doesn't it did that i have to say it didn't make it sound like it was going to be a lot of fun to be a detroit line now here's what my real issue is my issue is with something they also said on the first episode about dan campbell okay i'm going to play this for

you only 32 people on earth get to be an nfl head coach and none of the other 31 has a resume quite like dan campbell so what do you think dan campbell's resume would be that is so dissimilar

to the other coaches in the nfl maybe he was really heavily into macrame or he worked for a time as a translator at the united nations he came over from the health care field uh late in life he was actually he was leading a team that was writing software that actually streamlines medical billing and just fell into football that would be an unusual background what if i told you Andrew that Dan Campbell played football his entire life and then became a coach after he retired from football and now is still a coach what if I told you that was his background would

you be shocked how did he pull that I went to Texas A&M graduated as a fifth year senior got drafted by the New York Giants in the third round and I was with the New York Giants for four years went to the Dallas Cowboys for three as a free agent came here as a free agent and then finished my career with the new orleans saints in 2009 so that was 11 seasons right at the end of my time in new orleans when i knew i couldn't play anymore it was you know what are you gonna do with the rest of your life you know what do you know what do you love and it was football so and it was

medical billing and it was you clean user interface let me ask you this it was improving

the ux experience for people that are trying to let me ask you this in all seriousness i have no

interest in defending um hard knocks i think it's a terrible show but um but i also think it serves a purpose and i'm glad it's out there um but i uh i have a question for you do you think to to give him the benefit of the doubt here are there many head coaches in the nfl who are former players

that's a legit like former like nfl players i think a lot of them played not all in the nfl but But I think almost every coach played—not every coach, because I can think of some exceptions—but almost every coach played at least college football. Even Pete Carroll played college football.

He did. Okay, I didn't know that.

I think he played at, like, San Francisco, like, USF or San Francisco State or something. Like, almost—now, you know, head coaches who were active in the NFL recently, that is, I guess I would say, not totally typical. But almost every NFL coach Played football in their life To some degree And again some of them Even played maybe in the NFL a long time I bet Sean Payton was a backup quarterback In the NFL maybe

What about the nerdy guy who's down in Miami now That's the exception I can't think of his name When his stuff goes viral He's so cute

I love him It's like one of our friends from our text chain Somehow got to be an NFL He's so great isn't he And I'm guessing even he Maybe played like high school or something But I'm trying to do a quick Like mental inventory like I'm sure Sean McVay Sean McVay Had to have played college football somewhere Trying to think of NFL NFL coaches who actually played In the NFL and then you know yeah Maybe that's a not a long List Mike Vrabel did I know that Anyway I'll stop naming coaches but I just thought

With Vrabel, my former teammate, I believe he's a Walsh guy. Yeah, I believe so.

And is he like the Titans coach maybe now or something?

I think that sounds right. It's one of those teams. I get the Southeastern teams confused quite a bit.

But when they're saying no one has a resume quite like his, I really expected it to be like he was a carnival barker. He used to guess people's weight. Yeah. Anything below the symbols. no a guy who looks like dan campbell and played football his whole life decided that he wanted to continue being part of football on the coach just completely checks out 100 checks out as the

resume for an nfl football coach yeah that's infuriating yeah the writing on the show is just so bad and like you said like if you can get to the point where you just embrace the suck like that's one thing but i have not been able to get to that point but although i

love hearing the tape when you present it to me oh i yeah again i don't i don't really i'm not a big sort of hate watcher if you will like i don't like to watch things that are quote unquote so bad they're good yeah i'm that's just not really my thing and i wouldn't even say that i hate watch hard knocks i genuinely enjoy it for some reason even though it's so corny there is something it's also it has to do with the season like as in like the time of year there is something that just makes me it calms me to hear liev shriver's voice as uh sprinklers are going and you just see a football going through like a jug machine in slow motion towards the outstretched hands of uh you know uh a wide receiver who's not in full pads by the way have you seen those helmet covers that everybody had to wear for the initial part of training camp were they helmet i thought they

were a totally different kind of helmet or they know it's just a thing that snapped onto your existing i didn't realize that yeah but then i guess some players were complaining about it right they're like yeah on hard knocks they were saying damage well they were saying that i mean i

i was reading defector and defector was saying that the science is actually pretty incomplete oh okay on on if these things really actually do as much as they're supposed to do And yet it's unassailable Because anything that even Indicates that it might help with brain health Obviously we're for that But the other thing is the players on Hard Knocks Were complaining that the things are not Lightweight And you can just imagine You're running around And you've got this massive extra thing on your helmet You must feel like the Great Gazoo From The Flintstones That alien that comes back

Wait hold on I got to look this up. Wow. You, you have, oh, the great, that's not who I was picturing. The little green alien with a giant helmet. With like a giant head. Oh, that's a good reference. Yeah.

But like, I only learned the other day that the Flintstones were Neanderthals or Neander Falls. No.

I thought they were cave people or like cavemen.

Well, according to On the Media, Andrew, your favorite show, they did a whole episode on, And it was hilarious because the person who was helping co-host They, I believe, were a scientist And they were saying Neanderthal And Brooke Gladstone refused And was just calling it Neanderthal the whole time

That describes the first 10 years of my relationship with Genevieve, by the way She was the first person who I heard refer to them as Neanderthals And she really, really stuck with it But wait, I mean, I guess See, I'm embarrassed about something I just said And it's not Neanderthal It's that I said no You know Fred Flintstone isn't a Neanderthal He's a caveman but honestly like What is a caveman like when we think When we think of the scientific Text of unfrozen caveman Lawyer which is played on this Episode of on the media by the way Oh yeah what is the theme of the episode

Neanderthals in pop culture oh that sounds

Great that's the latest episode I gotta listen to that one yeah You like the show better with Bob gone

I guess I don't have an opinion I'm a Brooke Gladstone fan Yeah, me too. So as long as I've got Brooke Gladstone helming things, I'm good. Yeah, me too. Although I did like Bob Garfield as well. I used to like him.

He became a real blowhard. Oh, really? But yeah, and he left in a bit of disgrace. He was let go because of the way he treated coworkers, and it made total sense. He was like, I didn't bully people. I just shouted at meetings five times in my career. I'm just like, you know, you're a little bit older than me, but I have never shouted in a meeting before. Of course, I'm not Bob Garfield. anyway um all of that is to say i mean i guess when we're talking when we look at what we call cavemen in pop culture i guess that's a type of neanderthal right which i andrew i want you to

this is a safe space for us to both admit that we didn't

know this no i'm admitting it right here i mean i guess that makes sense but i didn't either until i listened to that episode i always thought when you saw a caveman as it were like a fred flintstone or an unfrozen caveman lawyer or the geico caveman they were just homo sapiens from a long time ago like i thought of it as being like yeah those are our ancestors that's what we were all like at one point but what they were making the case on on the media is that we look down upon neanderthals or neanderthals because they don't exist anymore so they we think of them as being cave people who were dumb uh had the heavy brow ridge and were not ready uh we're not able to make it into you know modernity or the current moment as we homo sapiens did because they had some kind of defect and this argument was no they don't they didn't they just got unlucky having to do probably with climate change and their particular physical build but that they had culture and art and they took care of um uh you know they're they find neanderthal uh remains that have like injuries like profound injuries that they then recovered from or that healed and that tells them that like if you were there was a neanderthal with like two broken legs and like a one arm that was not functional but they lived past that which meant someone must have been bringing them food like it wasn't just complete utter survival of the fittest there was culture there and that you know also by the way we all have neanderthal in us yeah this is the only thing that's just made me want to

actually take one of those dna tests i think genevieve had some extra um like uh wisdom teeth or something so she thinks that she's got a special bond with neanderthals she thinks that she's more neanderthal than me which is you know if it's true like she can have that designation what I'm stuck on here is the great gazoo and how fucking bizarre this is so since we've already broken the seal on the f-word on today's episode really earning that earning that explicit label um I'm just reading about this now so I totally forgot about this character as I'm looking at it I figured oh maybe this was a crossover character from the Jetsons and uh-huh I think I assume that's what it was but I'm not seeing any evidence of that can I give you just a just a tiny nugget of the backstory of the great kazoo from wikipedia unless you know it you know why no i don't i assumed it was i assumed it was a crossover from the jetsons as well the great kazoo is a tiny green floating alien who is exiled to earth from his home planet zitox which is sometimes called ziltox by gazam the mighty as punishment for having invented a doomsday machine a weapon of immense destructive power yeah i mean it's called a doomsday machine We got that from context. His invention was a button when, if pressed, would destroy the universe and explosive Zam, although he insists he just made it on a whim. Now, how does this have to do anything with the Flintstones? It looks like Gazoo was discovered by Fred and Barney when his flying saucer crashed. So this was just like some episode. Like, what were they thinking? Were they just like, we need to expand the universe here. We've explored all of prehistoric mankind as much as we have. Let's now go right to aliens being on Earth It's an interesting decision

I actually think it's pretty funny though It's more interesting than just like a modern day Yeah Person hanging out in Flintstone land Like, I actually, I dig it By the way, I'm now on the Wikipedia page Part of the bit is that When Fred is talking to Gazoo One of the running gags is that Fred argues with Gazoo While Wilma believes he is talking to himself when their daughter Pebbles says Gazoo, Wilma thinks Pebbles is sneezing. The plot point regarding Gazoo trying to return home is never resolved because of the cancellation of the original series. By the way, in Flintstones Viva Rock Vegas, Alan Cumming played

Gazoo. Oh, no kidding! You know, that's the second one. I was just thinking about the... I'd never watched those movies when they came out, but I was at... What's that pizza shop that I used to love to go to? That's in there's one in Capitol Hill but there's also One in Freelard it was like my kind Of place I'd go on a Friday And get a slice of pizza and a shot and a beer And they always had VHS movies Playing oh yeah big Mario's big Mario's Thank you I really enjoyed my when I lived in Wallingford I would do that a lot and Anyway they always They would always just have some random movie literally On VHS and the one of the Last times I was there It was the first Flintstones Movie which made me Kind of I mean it's one of those things where you see something in that context like it's good it's a Friday you know I'm feeling good it's a Friday got a slice of pizza and a beer and I'm just doing my thing like I don't know if I would have the same reaction if Genevieve said hey I'd like to sit down and watch the Flintstones movie tonight you know maybe it was just the surroundings but it the movie seemed better than I remembered it

You have Halle Berry in there as well, which I totally forgotten about, who bestill my heart. And then and then you also have the B-52s who are doing like the theme song and are also like kind of in the movie as well. I mean, that rings some bells for me, like Alan Cumming, Alan Cumming. Yeah. Well, that was, I think, in the second one.

I think that's in the sequel. On Great Gazoo The creation of Great Gazoo is Attributed to the writer Joanna Lee Who wrote more than 20 episodes of the Flintstones He was based on Bill Moore A design teacher from CalArts The first draft of the episode that introduced The Great Gazoo was originally Titled The Wizard of Og And Gazoo's original name was Professor Og Now here's where it gets interesting Andrew Other proposed names for Gazoo were Rip Van Zonk Hocus the Pocus Dr. Puckwuck And Shaggle Bextinkus

Or Shaggy for short We'd like to thank Shaggle Bextinkus For supporting TBTL This is how the show keeps going Thank you From what is the planet that Bextinkus is from

He is from Ziltox Sometimes called Ziltox Yes exactly In her original character description, Joanna Lee described Gazoo as, quote, a mirror reflecting life's vicissitudes, vagaries, ritual magic, and dreary reality. Simply, Gazoo is life brought home to our two favorite life participants, Fred and Barney. Wow, that's like a very deep description of what this alien cartoon is.

Well, I've always said that. I always said the great Gazoo holds up a mirror to society. Uh-huh. Of life's vicissitudes? Yes, I feel like I've been a broken record with that.

Here I go once again with the email. Every week, I hope that it's from a female. No, man, it's not from a female.

All righty, we're already pretty far into this, but you got an email or V-mail that is striking your fancy today?

Yeah, we got a bunch of voicemails during the two weeks of the summer games that we were not able to play, so I want to play this one. Now I know that we're talking at the beginning of the show That some of our listeners are done with cat talk That's fine It's late in the show now You can respectfully bow out of this But you, Luke, I believe Did you end up buying that fancy litter robot thing? Or are you about to?

I did, and it is on the way Or they keep emailing me I will give them credit It's clearly bothering them that they haven't shipped it to me yet Because I get an email from them every other day going Thank you for your patience

Okay, well, that's nice. I like that customer service. Well, this voicemail from Abony is going to pump you up as you wait for that prize.

Hi, Luke and Andrew. This is listener Abney from Maryland, and I'm time bandaging, and I just listened to the fact that you have bought a litter robot for Luke. You're going to love it. I bought the Litter Robot 4 in, like, the middle of the night. I was having fever dreams about scooping my cat's cat litter because he has the worst smelling pee that I've ever experienced in my life. And I just, I was fed up. I also have a Litter Genie, by the way. You don't have to cut it with scissors. There's a little razor blade thing on it that you can use to cut it. But you're not going to need that anymore because, oh, my God, this Litter Robot 4 is the greatest thing. It is the greatest thing. Everyone thought I was crazy when I spent $600 on a litter box that I wasn't going to get for a month because I bought this back in May, and mine was delivered yesterday, and I am so excited. I've never been more interested in my cat's bowel movements. It has an app. It tells you how much your cat weighs, and, I mean, you might already know all this because maybe yours has been delivered. I'm listening like two weeks late. but and it senses when the cat goes to the bathroom sends you a little text message or notification and tells you hey it's clean now i can't wait to hear all about your experience with it please talk about this incessantly because i have no one else to discuss this with because i'm the only person i know who's just interested and excited about cat bowel movements and various very expensive equipment that goes along with it. So I'm just, oh, I'm so excited. You can hear it in my voice. I'm going to let it go and continue listening. And, yeah, power out.

Yeah, so that, Abney, that's a great, great voicemail and very exciting for me because mine is supposed to show up in September, whatever that means, and I am very, very excited about it. I also did figure out that razor blade thing that's built into the litter genie.

I also have figured that out. Thank you, Ebony. But yeah, I mean, this is what I said back when I was considering ordering this thing. I mean, $600 is a lot of money, a lot of money, and seems like a crazy amount to spend for something like this, except for the fact that every single day, a minimum of two times a day, sometimes three times a day, I am in that litter box scooping out bubbles, number ones and number twos. And it's gross Because she's like a jungle cat I think her Pheromones are extra strong or something So she's, Becca has commented on this as well She's extra Smelly in that department Stinky Yes, it's Thanks I heard a crazy story from Who was, it was Ed O'Neill From Married with Children And Modern Family Telling a story about John Lovitz Who had been Oh this story is going to be so Uninteresting because I can't remember Who the other person was but John Lovitz Was really good friends Oh with Phil Hartman

Oh yeah they were very close

They were really good friends like best Friends apparently and of course Phil Hartman Met a very untimely death And Ed O'Neill was talking about how he ran Into John Lovitz the week of Phil Hartman's Passing tragically and he felt so bad because he knew how close they were and he said to John Levitz I'm just so sorry about Phil and John goes what happened to him and Ed O'Neill was like well you know he died oh that that was John Levitz's wrong although also in the story John Levitz apparently like literally cried for a week and was profoundly devastated by the loss of his friend but his commitment to the bit right was so strong what happened to him oh that yeah that's really yeah i just just even i hope you'll do that when i when i pass oh you think you're going on the show and people will be like yeah we're really sorry about luke him oh that um he was

too beautiful to live will be my stock answer i'm sure nice um but uh yeah you know i just when i think of phil hartman i mean it's been 30 years or is that what it's been something like that and it's just like it's still one of the most heartbreaking stories one of the most heartbreaking losses and also when you hear about his really close friendship with both him and I think also Mike Myers and him no no no I'm sorry I'm confusing Mike Myers and Chris Farley were really really close too and like the loss of the and of course they're all you know we're kind of in the SNL universe here but like it's like the loss of these great talents is always sad and especially at such young ages but then also like when you hear about when you hear from their friends that they left behind who are just devastated I think um Lovitz kind of didn't didn't replace his character well I guess yeah sort of replaced his character on news radio because Phil was still doing news radio oh when he died and then Lovitz had been on as I think just like a a character here and there before but then I think he got kind of a a regular role on that show after Phil Hartman died ah yeah Phil Hartman I mean if

you think about the breadth of things that that guy did that were so funny not just on snl which he was great on but even like the simpsons you know all the yeah troy mcclure stuff and and then yeah like i know you're a kind of a news radio head yeah he's great i mean he's so good on that

and even like before peewee herman was peewee's playhouse it was more of a kind of a bawdy weird thing phil hartman was like kind of a partner on that i mean he's certainly a character and i got the impression that him and Paul Rubens might have like kind of collaborated on that whole universe I don't know to what degree I'm correct on that but yeah I mean he did he did a lot of stuff and also I mean so well too like he was my favorite part of all of those things totally and

not to no good comes from ranking what is the saddest way for somebody to leave this planet yeah but you know like Chris Farley obviously dealt with addiction and you know people who i think that you know i think it's a chemical thing in people's brain and i don't judge i don't think it's a moral failing i don't judge anyone who who deals with addiction uh etc but the you know that was a kind of a long process of of an unfortunate thing for chris farley the phil hartman thing was just so just out of nowhere and just you know and so violent and and and you know we don't have to get into the details it's probably triggering for folks but just just so so so unbelievably out of the blue yeah yeah absolutely anyway r.i.p my friend yes we'll always have that super cut of the troy mcclure film that's right so there's that alice doesn't live Hellas doesn't live anymore. All right. Thank you, Abony, for calling in. I really appreciate it. I am so excited. And let me tell you, you'll be the first to know when that bad boy shows up. Yeah. I'm pretty excited about it. Love that energy. That's going to do it for today's show. Thank you, everyone, for listening. Thanks for being part of TBTL. We are going to be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio for you. Please do join us for that. Until then, have a great Tuesday. Take care of yourselves. And please remember, no mountain too tall. And good luck to all.

Hi, Luke. Hi, Andrew. This is Irene from Corvallis, Oregon. I did a mad lib with my mom, and I'm going to read it to you. Once upon a time, there was a wiggly cockatiel named Oops. Oops's feathers were purple and yellow, and he weighed two million pounds, which is very big for a cockatiel. Oops lived with a sparkly family in Box City, Ohio, where he survived on a die of kittens in cages. He was only allowed out of his cage two hours a day. When he did get time outside the cage, Oops would fly around the house and poop all over the living room. When he did this, the family would yell at him, Oops, you wanton chicken! This hurt oops feelings. And one day, he decided to run away from home. He built a book out of the newspaper in his cage and used it to escape. When his family realized he was gone, they felt lonely and looked all over the house for him. The whole time, oops was porched on a blanket just outside the kitchen window, watching them. When he saw how much they missed him, he decided to come back home. Oops flew back in through the window, pooped on the spatula for good measure, and then made his way back to his cage. Oh well, he said. There's no place like Toy. Power out. Power out.