Muse

About nine years ago, I managed to convince myself that I was nine years old. Every day I walk out into the street, I see things as a nine-year-old would see them. Does that make sense? Yes and no. I mean, you're... What are you sat on? A bed? That's not. It's a bouncy bounce. Bouncy bounce. Okay. What are those on your feet? They're shoes. They're not. They're your choo-chos. I mean, how else do you live like a nine-year-old? I mean, you're drinking. You're drinking alcohol. This isn't alcohol. This is wee-wee. Wee-wee. You can do this. Really. Stand up.

Okay.

Okay, come on. Shake it off. That's it. I feel silly. I know. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Come on, you're nine years old. It would be nice to not care as much about what other people thought. It's the best. Well, I am Michelle. I am Miss Michelle. Missy, you want to go jump on the bed. I'm the bouncy bounce. Get off there. What? Come off there. Not on Daddy's Bouncy Bounce. You know this.

TBTL. The first part of being smart is knowing what to do. We're going to have systems in place that are easier to learn. Because when we can put that, when we can learn our system, and we can get good at our system, then our talent can take over.

Can I throw something on you, see if it feels good? Sure. Okay, this is what I would do. I would start with a joke, joke, Vince Vaughn quote, obviously. Swingers or crashers?

Fred Claus. Can I just stop you real quick and just say, what a wonderful atmosphere you have here. A lot of energy, a lot of motion, a lot of fun, a lot of high-fiving, a lot of smiles.

You're both little troublemakers, you're both huge in Japan, you probably have a lot to talk about. Go!

Keep things light, don't bring up your divorce.

all right hello good morning and welcome everyone to a tuesday edition of tbtl the show that just might be too beautiful to live if you can see yeah the numbers all go to 11 my name is luke burbank i am your host be careful though it's spicy coming to you from the hollywood Broadcast Center right here in Portland, Oregon, where we woke up to some very smoky conditions. I'm ready to smoke the world with the rock and roll. Good deal. And we are apparently looking at some rainy days ahead, so looks like we're finally entering a for real fall-like weather pattern. It only took I don't know, nine months or however long it's been. It's been 3,794 episodes in this show to get here, which means we're at episode 3,795 in a collector series. Let the fun

begin. I seem a little

distracted. I apologize. I'm dealing with a situation with the cat. There is something about the soul of a cat. Who did something this morning that represented a level of intelligence and in fact learning. I'm learning! I found mildly upsetting. My My friend Andrew has taken a pledge. He's only going to talk about his new cat, Bingo the Kitten, three times a week maximum. I took no such pledge or oath. I will talk about Bubbles-er day. And this is going to be one of those days. So that is coming up. Also, I'm going to tell you the truly fascinating story of why it took the Minnesota Twins baseball team something like, let's see. carry the one 25 years over 25 years to get the URL twins.com it's called the internet and it's a fresh new way to check out sites buy clothing and surf music it involves some actual twins who live in Northern California Durland and Darvin and their love of twins.com the URL so we will talk about that plus uh speaking of the internet james corden the uh late night host is getting absolutely reputationally pummeled on the internet for being rude at restaurants man it's so rude i

can't believe it that's it's so damn rude and i never knew that i was going to take so much joy

in james corden getting reputationally pummeled on the internet so we will talk about that plus some emails and v-mails and this young man the longest running cobra of the show may be best known for his depictions of the tall ships does he like to do the show with a cat sitting on his lap yes he does he is andrew walsh and he's joining me right now good morning my friend hey luke i am about to enter some dangerous territory here okay you mentioned as you were i just want to say be careful though new.

It's spicy. While you were trying to figure out some math regarding that twins story, you said carry the one. And I've spent the past, I don't know, 45, 60 seconds since you said that, thinking that must be a punchline to a corny joke, right? And I'm trying to reverse engineer a joke where the punchline is like... Carry the one? Yeah, like, why did the, why was the math, is the baby, let me ask you this, because this could be one, on that Star Wars show, The Mandalorian, I say it that way because it matters, on The Mandalorian, is the little baby Yoda called The One by any chance? Well, his name is, I believe his name is Grogu and also The Child. Oh, The Child, not The One, because I was going to say, like, why did the mathematician get kicked off the star wars set because she carried the one or something like yeah like i'm so you see what i mean i'm so close to something here now ideally i would have seen it on the set and it's heartbreaking i gotta figure out some some it's got to involve a mathematician it's got to involve and the punchline has got to be because they carried the one but anyway i'll

maybe by the end of the show the one movie there's got to be a movie called the one right Where someone is the chosen one of some kind

Or maybe there's a pop song Something on Netflix called The One You're looking it up now Maybe there's the show

There's a Jet Li movie called The One that came out in 2001

Why did Jet Li Get a raise After his 2001 movie Because he really carried The One But Jet Li is a director

It did make $78.5 million At the box office At just US box office and it would only cost $20 million to make, so that's a big win for Jet Li. He did carry the one. And he's the director?

He's the director, right? Jet Li? Or is that an actor? No, no, Jet Li is the actor. Oh, then it does make sense. You carry the one in an actor. Exactly, he's one of those karate men. Okay, good. Yeah, no, it works. Wow, you know what? I think we just came up with the perfect joke. Like, objectively perfect, as our boy.

There's also a song by the band The Chainsmokers called The One.

Uh-huh, okay, maybe, okay, yeah

I saw a, not to change topics But I saw a bumper sticker the other day That was like a graphic Or sort of a visual representation of You know with, I don't think we call it frisbee golf I think we call it disc golf Yeah You know how the thing that you throw the disc at Yeah It's a sort of, it's on a pole And then it's kind of a basket And it has chains coming down Yeah, it's a basket made of relatively heavy chain, surprisingly heavy chain. And my guess is that that chain is supposed to kind of slow down the movement of the disc. So you can hit the chain like you could – because otherwise the disc would just fly right past it or whatever. And somebody had – it was that. It was a disc and it was that basket of chain and then it just said Chainsmoker.

Oh, wow. Oh, that's like your nickname as the disc golf champion. When you're playing disc golf, you're chain smoking.

You're smoking those chains.

That's pretty good. That's pretty good. The reason I don't have any problem with people calling it disc golf or people enjoying disc golf. I'll bet you we have a decent chunk of our constituents.

My guess is that the Venn diagram overlap of people who put up with RBS and people who do get out there and smoke some chains on the disc golf course is fairly substantial.

But the reason that I sort of made a somewhat scoffing sound there is because whenever I think of disc golf now, I think of that little piece of information I believe a listener dropped on us, unless you dropped it on me, that is true. And I have verified this by talking to actual disc golfers in my life, that disc golfers call regular golf ball golf. And I just, first of all, saying ball golf is hard with my Ohio accent. But also, I think a listener, I think we played a voicemail or something. I think we learned that together. And I did at the Eagles that I belong to, there's a whole contingent there of disc golf aficionados. In fact, the weather is about to turn here, and they play indoor disc golf in this big open area in the Eagles. I thought you had seen that before.

I think I did, and I think my brain decided to erase that information intentionally.

Yeah, because I remember that there's a nice big room where we can watch it. Can you ever have a dream where there is a projector and a screen where you can watch like a good Seahawks Thursday night football game or something? But if it's disc golf night, forget about it. And I feel like you were there one time when we got ousted by the disc golfers.

But anyway, I do have a vague memory of walking in there once and and and thinking it was maybe like a. I don't even know. Kind of I didn't fully grasp what was going on. I think I thought it was like. I don't know a ritual an initiation an initiation somebody there were chains yes yeah I do have a vague memory of that I mean the thing is it doesn't seem it's a large room but it doesn't seem large enough to kind of recreate the conditions out on a real disc golf course no

my guess is it's not ideal but it's you know any port in a drizzle probably situation yeah

although you know i mean i don't want to i don't want to make it sound like i i think that these disc golfers could be a little hardier but like that seems like a thing you could well i guess if it's torrentially raining that does hit the disc and it does change its trajectory a bit i was going to say it seems like you know you could do that in the rain or in the not so great weather if you bundled up enough because it's not a sport where you're like running and you might slip or you know like the standing water would be a particular issue even if you're golfing and there's standing water everywhere it really affects what you're trying to do but with that disc thing uh it seems like you could kind of do that in bad weather yeah but is there a bar

is the question is there if you're doing that in bad cold weather um or the option is you can get a little tight uh and do it indoors where there's like a bar in the same room as you like Like, I can see the appeal there, certainly.

Yeah, the access to alcohol is a little bit more proximate if you're at the Eagles. If you're standing in the area that once housed all manner of quilts, Andrew.

Yeah, I know, right? That's the old... Did you go in that building when it was a quilt place, or you just know it was?

I did not, but we drove by it on the way home from church all the time. Yeah, yeah. Our Eagles is a former quilt place. That place and the diving bell. Yep, next door. Those loomed very... And now I believe there's like a – is it across the street like a high-end motorcycle place?

I can't picture that. I can picture the 7-Eleven that's across the street from the Eagles and then a little like in a park area that's owned by the utilities.

There, I believe – now, I mean, it's been a long time, but I think near there, like pretty close to across the street from that Eagles, was for when I was growing up like a Persian carpet store. like a real fancy like you know area rug place and then at some point it became a motorcycle

like a high-end motorcycle dealership i guess i can't quite picture that but if you keep on this is very boring but if you keep on heading maybe what would that be like north uh east on lake city way maybe that's where you start to hit various dealerships and also some some like dive bars that even i wouldn't go in which is like the shanty yeah the shanty is one of them have you ever been in there it looks like uh-huh oh have you is it is it a cool place or is

it um it sort of looks like nature says it definitely looks like a place where bikers would harass peewee herman exactly right and it's next to a strip club that actually used to be called the seven seas restaurant my friend simpson wong's dad owned the seven seas uh like chinese restaurant for many years and now it's um i forget what the new name of it is but it's a uh it's a Or at least last I remember, it was an adult dance club.

There is a Chinese restaurant that's like a few doors down. I think it's Chang's, C-H-I-A-N-G-S. Yeah, sure. It's kind of got an iconic sign, but it's definitely seen better days, right? It's like definitely looks like a Lake City.

But it has a great, the building is great. The building is like an octagon.

Yes, it is. And it has this great kind of old school sign. But again, it's really seen better days. It looks really shabby as you drive by it. But we've been there a few times. It's really good. I mean, and they have, like, kind of two menus, one for kind of Chinese-American tastes and one that's kind of more authentic, I think, and we kind of dabble off of both. But I don't know if you've ever been there, but if I can give a shout-out to Chang's, it's really good. Would you back me up on this, or do you think it's overrated?

I would. My early days of being obsessed with Shaolongbao. Oh, yeah. So, you know, when there was one Din Tai Fung and it was in like the greater Pasadena, California area, and then I moved up to Seattle or back to Seattle and I was just constantly on the hunt for Shaolong Bao, Chang's offered Shaolong Bao on their menu. And I called them and I said, do you have Shaolong Bao? And they said, yes. And then I got there and it was just frozen, you know, it was just like a frozen soup dumpling that they had heated up. Oh, really? to a room of people carefully hand folding these very labor-intensive dumplings so i was i guess i was disappointed in that aspect but the food is very yummy yeah the rest of the food i i didn't

try that and that's a very i guess specific thing and yeah this is definitely not a place where they're making their own noodles but uh but it is really tasty and the stuff that i that we got there is very fresh that reminds me what's that um i don't know why that i'd even bring this up There's an area near Pasadena that when I first moved to L.A., I couldn't find any pho that I really liked. I mean, there's plenty of places to get pho, but I feel like Seattle kind of spoiled me. I had gone in a couple. places in la and it just wasn't as flavorful and again it's la like i'm not trying to dunk i mean obviously la has great food and i'm sure there are a million good places but i wasn't finding them and a listener suggested a place that was out out pasadena way but not pasadena that was like the golden something the golden owl um i can't remember what it was called but oh my god i'm just thinking about it right now like if i go down to la it's worth the drive out there just

to get the fuck it's like was it like monrovia um not that and now i feel like monrovia has some really good monrovia and some parts of altadena altadena is actually technically where din ty

fung was back in the day the original i'm gonna i'm gonna google around not right now and maybe come back to you on this because i don't i think i'm getting my directions confused and i think i'm getting pasadena confused with another place i remember it was about i don't know maybe a half hour drive outside of um outside of la and i think it's a place that has a lot of vietnamese businesses um and it's not pasadena and this place was amazing it's one of the monterey park nope it's one of the only places that i will wait in line for happily that like i almost like like you know me like i'm not into that i don't you know i'm like a really really grumpy old man it's like we'll just go somewhere else and get food quickly but like and i don't like i think some people really kind of like the idea of waiting in line because it means that it's part of the tradition and it means you're going to be sitting down to something special i sort of understand that in an intellectual way but i don't usually experience it that way i usually just want to eat um but uh that costco and burbank thank you how did you get there cusack it's janine garofalo um how did you get there so quickly that's it now i'll look it up because i'm pretty sure i saved the email that the listener sent me and we're talking like this this email is getting on 10 years pretty soon but i love that place i'll tell you in a second i'll recommend it to all of what i

would like to do the listeners will hate this but what i'd like to do is just recite various businesses along lake city way that are of note uh-huh because i feel like so um there that you have changs which is a very interesting design um again physical design to the building it's it's a kind of an octagon or maybe it has you know even more sides than that but it's a sort of unusual shape and then you also have this place i think it's now some kind of a brew pub one of those places where you bring your own growler oh yeah is that growler guys is that growler guys maybe if they have growler guys in seattle they've got those in portland i didn't know that had made its way to seattle but that's a little bit further north um past you know the diving bell and before you hit before you hit um what used to be the seven seas chinese restaurant that building is also really of note it has unfortunately a kind of a bad history in that it was originally had an extremely racist name as a chicken shop and but again the physical building is very interesting it's also kind of an uh an interesting i don't know if you'd call it googie or not but there's like a there was a googie architecture movement it was a very historically kind of interesting sort of uh actual physical design to the building and then when i was growing up it was a also a chinese place after it stopped being the world's most racistly named chicken place so i don't want

to get i don't want to have you say it obviously and you're avoiding saying it but so do you think this is a place that was that was owned by white people you think and it was oh very much who was it racist against do you think um african americans african americans not not the asian

community that's interesting huh i had not but then later it became an asian restaurant or a chinese restaurant and i don't know at that point who owned it if it if the owners were you know white people are asian american folks but uh it's gone through a few different iterations uh and again now it's whatever that beer thing is um by the way this place uh is in the jim crow museum the original name for that building on Lake City Way. So that's, you know, never a great sign.

What is that? That's a museum that kind of chronicles our racist past, I take it?

Yeah, although, you know what? Is it possible this was a chain? I was Googling it to try to get a little more information on the actual building, and I'm looking at it saying the history of this place. But the museum, the Jim Crow Museum, is actually at Ferris State University. So I'm trying to do some very quick on-the-fly research as to if they're talking about the racist place that was in Seattle or if there were a bunch of racist – if this was a chain of racist restaurants.

Yeah, no, I'm not familiar. It's funny. We're going to send people Googling later. I had somebody – because I was talking about the lyrics of Mistress for Christmas by ACDC being way more – I never noticed that the first verse is like. inartfully gross. It's just like the first line involves like the word grope in it. And I was like, oh, and so I had some notes from listeners saying, hey, thanks for just kind of alluding to the fact that these are nasty lyrics because, but not telling us what it is because now we all are just Googling the lyrics to Mistress for Christmas. Like, I wonder if anywhere there's a chart that shows a small spike on people Googling the lyrics to Mistress for Christmas after our show last week.

I am sorry. I am just, I'm just blown away by the history of this particular chicken restaurant with an extremely racist logo and name. It was an American chain of three restaurants. It was founded in Salt Lake City, Utah in 1925. And then in 1929, another one was opened in Lake City in Seattle. A third was open in the Hollywood District of Portland, Oregon. And that, by the way, that location is now Clyde's Prime Rib, one of my very favorite places, even though I don't eat a lot of meat, one of my favorite places to hang out in Portland because they have great video poker, great music. The raviolis are vegetarian and very edible. They make good drinks. But this is on the Wikipedia page for this restaurant. It says it was a restaurant. It was founded in 1925. And then it says, fate, closure due to change in popular standards concerning racial intolerance.

You think?

Oh, that's interesting. I guess that's one way for a business to fail.

Yeah. I mean, that's a very – how many other businesses? And it almost makes it sound like there – it's, oh, the times have changed. It sort of blames time and space.

If not for these popular standards, Andrew, concerning racial intolerance, we could still

have wildly racist restaurants everywhere exactly all right i have not gotten any closer to finding this restaurant or this this town that i'm looking for in southern california why don't you can you tell me about what's going on with your cat you said that it's i can but andrew it's it's honestly

concerning to me okay because this is what she did this morning when i was sleeping in my room in my bed which is where i sleep i left the door open just a crack because i had used the restroom which is what i call my bathroom which is weird i also have a sign that says employees must wash hands well that's good though it's a good reminder and the cat came in through the door between the restroom and my bedroom jumped up on the wall and turned the light on oh to make me get up wow wow she turned i don't know if she knew what she was doing but that's a weirdly specific place to

jump up and hit something and the thing is if it was a random accident or a quasi random accident

now she knows exactly because i then got up and said really dude and then turned the light back off because it was like 5 30 in the morning but that's the thing that i worry about with her is Anytime she does something to get my attention and then I respond to it, I think it goes somewhere in her, you know, memory banks. And then she'll probably do it again at some point. I think I found the restaurant.

I definitely found the town I was trying to think of, Alhambra. Oh, Alhambra, sure. Now, is that anywhere near Pasadena or am I just? It is. Okay, so at least I was going in the right direction because I got really embarrassed there when I said Pasadena. I wasn't. So I think it's called Golden Deli in Alhambra. Am I saying Alhambra? Alhambra. Ham? Yeah. Like ham? Just say, you know what?

Say it like Los Feliz. Like intentionally mispronounce it. So Alhambra is how I should say that if I don't want to. Say it like Casey, South Carolina, which I messed up yesterday because they spell it wrong.

Oh, good. You know, I saw that note too. Did somebody, I don't remember how that note came in. I wanted a correction on that.

I think it was an email or it might have been a tweet or I don't know.

Yeah, you said case and I was, I almost said, could that be Casey? But you know what? when you're reading the donors of the day Luke I like to just like take a really light hand I like to let you just guide me I don't like to interrupt I appreciate yeah I appreciate you trusting me in those matters I just feel so safe in your hands when you're reading those donors so you know who

I want to say though like in my defense first of all thank you to that donor from Casey South Carolina yes and thank you to the person who corrected me yeah but that is not what I would consider the typical spelling of i don't know casey like you have c-a-s-e-y uh you have the letter k the letter c there are a lot of ways to make casey work and that is not one that i'm familiar with and i feel like it's part of a proud tradition in the south of of saying of like of either just in deliberately mispronouncing names of cities or spelling names of cities and kind of an odd way you know like i just i want to put some of that on the south yeah i mean i think you're right

to blame the city in this case i mean that definitely makes sense i mean would you even say that that's a southern thing in all seriousness or is it just every region has its things like

that we talk about the reason i'm thinking about it oh my god andrew speaking of casey's i recently did interview with casey parks who's a really great writer for the washington post she's also written um a really fascinating memoir about growing up in louisiana and in the book uh she talks about a lot of cities in louisiana and in the south where the the name is it does you don't pronounce it the way it looks on paper and it's just you got to kind of be from there and there's no talking the people there out of it i'm trying to think of the um oh you know what it is it's so there is a town where a lot of this book takes takes place in louisiana and it's spelled like delhi like as in um new delhi like the city in india right they pronounce it delhi oh and you can't get anybody in delhi louisiana to admit that it's spelled delhi oh wow everywhere else it would be it's like d-e-l-h-i delhi but they call it delhi so i think i've got that in my mind and there was a few other examples in the book of just places in the south where people are sort of like stubbornly saying the name of their city the way they want to which is their right but that's i think what was leading me to be a little bit defensive about kc south carolina what state

is what is it delhi is that what you said delhi louisiana what uh what's louisiana i just wanted to see if i could find the um you know the origin of just like who who named it and why you know

Well, that's the other thing that I feel like, I do feel like the South, there's a great John Prine, and is it Iris Dement? Also, I mean, they do in spite of ourselves together. There's a song called No, We're Not the Jet Set. We're the old Chevrolet set. And they basically sing about how all of the places they like to go are like Paris, Texas. And they name a bunch of like very international cities, but that are actually just in the South.

Uh-huh, right. Yep, we were talking about that the other day I think something came up We were trying to figure out Because we got into some New England talk as well It seemed like in New England or in Maine maybe Didn't we say that the state of Maine Has more cities That have international Connotations than any other state Does that ring a bell to you?

It does, I would like to clarify something So that the George Jones and Tammy Wynette fans Do not come for me, I guess it's actually a George Jones, Tammy Wynette song oh okay gotcha this is a great can i just read you some of these lyrics yeah i guess we we can't

play them right because i guess you could play i don't know 30 seconds of it or something i don't know we haven't gotten any warnings in a while or the folks at apm just stopped sending us the

warnings i don't know also a win by the way that's how i get out of a lot of my training they're just like these guys are never going to change okay hold on i'm gonna i'm now trying to i'm searching for this um i i did not realize that this was not originally um a john prine song it's so clever that it is, by the way, the version that I was thinking of is by John Prine and Iris Dement. But I'll play you the original, a little bit of it, George Jones and Tammy Wynette. By the way, Delhi, Louisiana, not mentioned in this song.

By a fountain backing room I fell in love with you In a small cafe in Athens You said you loved me too

And it was April in Paris When I first held you close to me Rome, Georgia Athens, Texas And perished in a city

No, we're not the jet set We're the old Chevrolet set There's no Riviera In Festus, Missouri

There you go, another example. Missouri, come on.

I know masses In Marlinville, Kansas i gotta let this get to the end of this this is a great line

but ain't we got love what a great line um that should i do not understand why that song did not pop up on my eddie rabbit road tunes algorithm that i was listening to such a good road that is such a good road song yeah and that's the vibe of that of that kind of automatic playlist that was set up. I love it. I'm just

Baking martinis is draft beer and weenies. Our Bach and Tchaikovsky is haggard and husky.

It's funny. I like, well, why do I take everything to a serious place? I like that song because of kind of the era and the approach to it. But in a certain way, like if that were a new song now, like ever since the Bush administration, like I've, maybe not unusually, maybe rightfully so, But, like, I get very aggravated and agitated about, like, celebrating the dumbness of our culture that often, like, new country music does. You know, like, I don't, you know, well, I won't do the Southern accent. That's rude to our Southern listeners. But this idea of just, like, you know, you read your books, I drive my truck. And it's like, okay, how did you just make a whole song called You Read Your Books, I Drive My Truck? Actually, write that down, Luke. Yeah, that's actually not that idea. I might work on that later. but like you know what i'm talking about it's just like it drives no i used to have bananas

i think you know i used to have these arguments with carrie about this which as i think about it may have been we may have been arguing about something else like we may this may have been an overlay of some other kind of argument um but specifically what i was arguing about was that exact thing which was like i find it so offensive the idea the songs that are written about how i'm more american than you because i didn't go to college and by the way going to college is overrated but as a person at like i get america more than you because i drink beer at the high school football like whatever the annoying tropes of new country are and i mean there is of course an occasional new country song that'll worm its way into my brain but i'm totally with you this like celebration of we're the real america and the way we know that we're the real america is because we're functionally illiterate yeah is not what i'm into like i wonder if i'm just being

honest with myself if i so you played that song and it had all the hallmarks of like kind of old fun country that i like right but if somebody did an updated version of that and i didn't know about that original but if i was like just scanning through the dial right and like i heard some new country version with those exact lyrics i would just be like i hate this country i would be so

i would you know i think i would give that one i would i would hate it less because it's at least a clever conceit which is naming international towns that are actually in america i feel like that even is too conceptually um kind of complex compared to what the a lot of the new country sounds like now you know what i mean like i would at least give like blake shelton has some ridiculously bad songs but i have to tip the cap a bit on the play on words he has a song called i i hate every bone in your body except mine what he also has a song called like um let's drink on it like let's take some time and drink on it like you know he and his girlfriend whatever are arguing and they say let's drink he says let's drink on it which is pretty clever like he's got some turns of phrase that i have to at least say okay from a wordplay standpoint i tip the cap then they're just the ones that are just so much less creative even than that that i'm just kind of you know i'm

i'm very turned off by yeah wow that is that's a filthy that's a that's ac dc level i'm over here clutching my pearls for christmas level are you kidding that that that's a triple that's a quadruple entendre i can't put that uh put that uh content warning on today's show with vigor

i know i'm i'm i wonder if i even got the uh if i even got the uh lyrics right every bone has its thorn no um what is it i hate every oof it's even worse i hate every bone in her body except mine I also feel like the problem is I don't I don't want to get into a detailed discussion about this because my nieces listen to the show or at least used to. But I would say this. My problem with that with that song lyric is not just that it's quite dirty, but that I don't think it's fully anatomically accurate. Can I ask you a question? Because that's not nobody calls it that. That's not how it's described. You don't say, you know, a person when they're tumescent is they have a bone. no nobody that's not that's not what we call it so it's close it's adjacent to a clever line but it doesn't quite get there which for me it would not I wouldn't make it the title of my song

yeah no I well I'm again I think that is like close only counts in horseshoes and country western songs I think we should probably get off this topic as it gets closer and closer to you know the anatomy and what have you but one quick question for you

before we go to break is where do babies come from i was drinking my coffee okay well either way

i think that's gonna be a longer question no i think i think letting that sit there is you know let me do i'm gonna do some research on that luke maybe during the break i'm gonna try to stop googling i feel like i was off to a bad start today because there are too many blake shelton loves a gwen stefani very very much andrew wait that wasn't blake is wait who did you credit that song to because i saw that's a blake shelton song oh are you sure that's not a cover because when i typed it in i got another person another country western singer doing that but it really doesn't matter oh i i was just starting to say that like i don't want to google

anymore i think it's a blake shelton song only because sorry i'm throwing carrie under the bus i don't think she liked that song but she loved blake shelton um and i was so i was i feel like she would sometimes i would hear blake shelton and somehow i made the connection with that being a song by him but you never know i also thought that john prine and irish demented uh we're not

the jet sets who knows because i'm seeing um that exact i mean this is a very very specific um song title right and i don't know when blake's did it or if he did the first but i'm seeing like the neverly brothers released it in 2006 that seems to be the first uh hit on spotify Neverly Brothers somebody called the Neverly Brothers which seems to be like an Everly Brothers cover band seems in the songs you can't sing for mama is the name of their album I mean a lot of evidence pointing to that that might have been this clever bands novelty song first maybe I'm wondering if because there's also rusty for reference to poison doing a song CC DeVille singing the track I hate every bone in your body but mine and that one is

your i noticed there's like a couple i'm wondering if this is just and this would be unsurprising to me for modern country i wonder if that's just like a um a sort of a phrase that's gone around and around and if blake shelton has a version that use as a song that uses that lyric because it's just kind of it's catchy i guess um but it's not the same song that everybody else has been

performing i don't know um yeah i'm not finding any evidence of blake shelton doing that song But yeah, I'm getting a bunch of other things I'm getting a bunch When you type in Blake Shelton And the title of that song You just get a bunch of other naughty words In his titles Like Kiss My Country Ass Is that your favorite song? Kiss My Country Ass That is as close to You read your books I'll drive my truck As you get, I think

Is it possible it's called Hillbilly Bone And it's a duet with Trace Atkins

I am closing my internet now because I keep saying I'm going to stop Googling things because I'm not being present. I'm just being a bad – I'm not even a good Googler. I'm just being a bad Googler. And so I will let – you know what? As Iris Dement once famously sang, I will let the mystery be and I will just try to be present for the rest of the show. And sometimes I will know the answer. I believe that was Tammy Wynette. I hate you.

I want to get to the bottom. I know, I am telling you, in the words of, what's her name? Jennifer. I'll Google it. Coolidge. I don't know. Yes. In the words of, by the way, how do you feel about those Jennifer Coolidge old Navy ads that are already playing that are Christmassy? It's too early for that.

I don't care about the timing of things anymore. I sort of feel like people, I don't know. I'm just not on board with the complaining about when you're putting Christmas stuff up in stores or whatever. But I've only so that aspect doesn't bother me. And then I've only sort of caught those commercials out of the corner of my eye. But as Genevieve and I did comment the other day, she seems like a good fit for that kind of quirky branding that that Target has been, you know, kind of sticking with for a couple of decades now. It sort of seems like the very kind of big personality with the big, bright colors. And she's playing a piano in the new one. Am I right about that? Kind of.

And I do think it's funny that they she's clearly not even trying to pretend to play piano. Like she's just I think almost like for comic effect is kind of mashing the keys. Yeah. If I pretend played piano like they're not doing the thing where they're, you know, not showing her hands or filming it from an artful side so that you can't tell that she's that's like it's it's almost part of the joke that she doesn't know how to play piano.

You know, I when I saw that commercial, you know, I remember turning to Genevieve and just saying, I'm just glad to see that she that her payday continues. Like she was ever since White Lotus, especially, I think like she's just become even kind of more prominently beloved. And I really like that. In fact, I said to you, I'm like, you know, with the White Lotus and then like the were the Amazon commercials that she was in in the Super Bowl that were really funny. You know, these Target ones and these other. projects that she's in i forget that she's also plays like the really the lady who's married to the super elderly rich guy in best in show and talks about how they could sit and talk and not talk and how they love soup and split peas or whatever um all day long i uh it's like oh my god i almost had a second i had this cognitive stiffness stifler's mom in american pie you know what vive said that i've never seen american pie you will not be surprised it doesn't seem like

kind of movie have you now we do need i have seen it i think i saw it in a theater possibly now we need to move on but i need to also clarify that hillbilly bone the song by blake shelton does not have the line in it that i'm desperately searching for okay and you know maybe he just said it like in passing maybe he's never sung those lyrics but andrew i have to say this we have been talking a lot of crap about new country but i think he makes a point in this song let me read you some of the lyrics i got a friend in new york city he's never heard of conway twitty don't know nothing about grits and greens never been south of queens really kind of fumbling the geography of the tri-state area but that's okay i believe it was because queens rhymes with greens that that guy i'd really be like you know south of like midtown or something but anyway but he flew down here on a business trip that would be fun i took him honky tonkin and that was it he took to it like a pig to mud like a cow to cud we've all got a hillbilly bone deep down inside no matter where you're from you just can't hide it scansion blake scansion look into it when the band starts banging and the fiddle sobs you can't help but hollering yeehaw i mean don't you think you've got a hillbilly bone somewhere down in you that you would take like a pig to mud if you just heard the right song hanging out with blake shelton andrew you know what honestly luke i don't

hate where that ended i thought it was just gonna be all duncan on the north and how no it was saying we're all yeah and i don't know how sarcastic you're being but honestly the fact that it's kind of like hey even the you know you come down here and we all have a good time together i can get behind that message you know what honestly i'm gonna keep going with this because

it is a song of inclusion it's a big tent you ain't gotta be born out in the sticks with an f-150 and a 30-06 or have a bubba in the family tree to get down with me it is a big

did you start that being sarcastic and now we've turned around on it because i actually think i

did you know what i started being sarcastic and i think i'm with you that at least it's a song saying hey we can all kind of hang out and honky-tonk together instead of i'm better than you because i you know um i have a i have a bubba in my family or whatever it is a song about like Hey, we're all pretty similar, actually.

And also, even though you don't have to have a Bubba in your family is a little bit of a kind of a winking, you know, it's almost like kind of making fun of his own culture a little bit, I think. And like, you know, I love that movie as we somehow devoted, I believe, two months of this show to Rhinestone starring Dolly Parton and Sylvester Stallone. Right. And Stallone, the big city guy, has to go down and Dolly's got to show him what it's like to live in the country. You're like, I thought it was going to be all like kind of fish out of water. Look how dumb these Yankees are. But no, it's just like, hey, you come down here.

We all got a hillbilly bone in there. I'm still no closer to understand why I thought that Blake Shelton sang that song. I don't know. Or a song with that lyric. I've got it. The problem is I have to reach out to Carrie about this. But then she'll say, well, what was the context? And I have to say, I was roasting you over liking Blake Shelton. Maybe just leave it be.

Or just ask her through your lawyers. Like an old Seahawk trying to get a hold of Russell Wilson, which we might talk about in the have you been we're gonna do a no point yeah maybe that can

come up in the no point you know the thing about the political discourse andrew is that sometimes the voices on the furthest to the fringe are the loudest and i feel like that reflects the people agitating for a no point yeah it's like seven people who are very loud about wanting a no point

no i think it's good you know i it wasn't nobody was being rude about it but i and it wasn't even seven honestly you just got a couple of emails just saying i'm surprised you didn't do a no point like it was just like this this huge moment the biggest you know mariner season of our lifetime did come to a close over the weekend and we talked about it a lot on this the regular feed and like so we didn't really kind of address like kind of where we want like it was an epic 18 inning game that you know we should just talk about a little bit like where we watch it and how we feel now that it's all over because we have some friends who i'm literally worried about their mental health after after that loss and i'm pretty sanguine about it so hopefully we'll get a no point out

later today yes we will be doing that first though we got to take a break on this episode of tbtl and then when we come back i really speaking of sports and the business of sports andrew i want to talk to you about why the minnesota twins only recently got a hold of twins.com it's a cool story so that's coming up here on tbtl

thank you baby let's thank some of our daily donors these wonderful generous folks are keeping the program going with their monthly donations folks like abby vanderveer in amsterdam in new zealand i think amsterdam is definitely in new zealand you got that part right well it doesn't have the country and i don't want to take noted little person john sklaroff to task again andrew

um this is this country this is on me we're going to get into this in the email segment i i went a little bit hard i got some listeners who are standing up for apm executive john sklaroff who i i place a lot of blame for a mistake yesterday that maybe i should share some of that blame maybe we'll discuss it but um abby who's in amsterdam by the way fascinating person and former guest on the spotless podcast because abby is an art cleaner and art restorer and it's a

fascinating field that is fascinating i wonder if they called abby in to clean off the sunflowers the van gogh oh probably i'm guessing yes they're like we need to get the best art restorer in europe to come squeegee down this glass that's covering this painting yep exactly so anyway Thanks, Abby. Thank you, Abby. We really appreciate your support from all the way over there in Amsterdam, the Netherlands. Also, Rachel Howard Till is in Woodland, California.

Hey, Rach. Do you think it's okay to say Rach? I love the name. I don't want to be that middle-aged guy who gives everybody a nickname or shortens their name. I saw my dad do that to all of my friends and my sister's friends. It's not a good look for the person in question. But I do like the familiar greeting of Rach for somebody named Rachel. I've got a sister who's a Rachel, and she's always Rach or Rachy. Yeah, she's, oh, Rachy. Now, if you don't know somebody.

In our family, she's Rachy. My sister Liz is Lizzie. Sarah is Cerzy. Hannah is sometimes Hanser. Taking a lot of Sam is Samwise. Dave is Davey. Samwise is so great. A lot of liberties taken with the names in my family.

Yeah, Han, you want to be careful, and, you know, obviously, no offense to your sister, Hannah, but you just got to be careful with the nickname, like, Hansy. Do you say it's Hansy? No, Hanser. Hanser, okay, okay, that's better. Okay, yeah, Hansy you want to kind of avoid, I think.

Hattori Hanzo. She's named for the sword from Kill Bill.

Oh, I did not get that reference.

Hattori Hanzo? Yeah. Isn't that what Beatrice Kiddo is going to get, is the Hattori Hanzo?

i'm not i saw that movie once in the theater and i wasn't a big fan so i never returned to it so i

don't remember i have to say i saw it in la and i was the exact right amount of drunk to see that movie so it was sort of like all of my you know we've this has been coming up on the show a lot lately which is that i am pretty literal and when people are doing things on screen that don't feel motivated to me i get turned off pretty quickly and that movie is probably full of that kind of stuff but i was just all of my kind of quibbling ways just went out the window thanks to uh you know a couple of stiff drinks before i went to the theater and i just loved that movie you should

just drink before you like read or watch anything now you'll enjoy well i i you know i the i i want

to say the last movie i saw in a theater was the french dispatch oh yeah and um it was the same thing it was uh you know becca and i went and got some dinner and had a couple drinks before and i just loved the hell out of that movie because i was a little tuned up i also bought that truck

that night um so a lot of decisions were made oh my god you should you should always drink before you buy and before you make under a martini moon yes major purchase yes uh thank you uh rachel

also known as rachie and also thanks to mary simpson who's in seattle washington thanks mary Thanks to Rodney Anderson Out there in San Antonio Texas

Now they say San Antone San Antone sometimes You can say that I believe you can say that Can I say that? One can say it But can I Is the question Probably not But should one But should one

I love San Antonio The San Antonio Hill Country Is just absolutely spectacular One of my very favorite places To go in the whole world Beautiful Rodney thanks for supporting us Also Lori and Robert Hope Are in one of my other favorite places in the world muckle t o washington uh and then chris aquino is here in portland oregon chris you know the rules you know the rules if i see you out there in the wild please do identify yourself um because i'm usually you know i'm out honky-tonking yeah and uh i can't be responsible for how how honky-tonk it might get so just let me know chris if i see you out at my father's place or the 715 inn or one of my other local

establishments um thank you chris for the support thanks to all of our donors today for making tvtl possible hello and welcome to top story all right uh the uh top story that i want to talk about i became aware of the development in this story recently now i think that this the the sort of newer news on the topic actually happened a couple of weeks ago but i just found out about it which is that after many, many, many years of trying, the Minnesota Twins have gotten the URL Twins.com from these two brothers in Northern California, Durland and Darvin, who have owned Twins.com since 1995, I think it was. There's a really, really great piece written back in 2015 by Ben Lindberg in Grantland, RIP, about Major League Baseball trying to get all of the URLs for their baseball teams kind of sewn up. And it actually starts with Major League Baseball itself not having the rights to MLB.com. There was a law firm in Philadelphia, Morgan Lewis and Bacchius, that had MLB.com. And in 1994, and I didn't realize this until I read this article, back in those days, you didn't have to pay for a URL. You just had to be the first person to ask for it Were you aware of that?

No, although even in this day and age Unless it's a valuable property that another entity wants I'm pretty sure that the fees are pretty nominal Because we've signed up for some over the course of this show

Yes, but And have had them purchased for us kindly by the listeners I think of Demonspit.com And Cranky Yandy, I believe, is another one

Was Demonspit really one?

Oh yeah I just I only recently let well not recently I only let demon spit go a year or two I think I bought demon spit I thought demon spit would be a great name for an energy drink oh okay so you

remember the origin of that one okay that's good to know on the show and then I think this is when

we were a radio show if I remember right and literally during the commercial break I went on and the internet and found that no one owned demon spit.com so I bought it or I rented it and I had it for a number I was paying the like you know whatever the fees on demon spit.com for

like a long time and when you went there what did it direct to do you know it didn't direct to anything it was available i bought it yeah but so you bought it you owned it but then i just some

website i think that i made it go to bruce willis singing the seagram's golden wine cooler i'm not even kidding you i believe this is what actually happened lynn will tell us that's funny i think it just redirected to the video where bruce willis sings seagram's golden wine cooler

I'm going to it now and it gives me literally a blank page. It doesn't even give me like a buy this site or it's just like a blank. I think it's some not secure thing. But anyway, I'm getting us further and further away from this twin story. Are these these brothers who who Durland and Darvin? Yeah, sorry. Say the names. Are they twins themselves? Is that why they registered it? That's exactly why.

All right. They are twins, and they are very into being twins. Ben Lindbergh ends up literally just going to their house in Northern California, I think in like the greater San Jose area. He's, you know, I think living on the East Coast, but he's out in Northern Cal for work. And he has tried to get in touch with them through the twins.com website, which just has like a D&D logo on it for Durland and Darwin. and it says under reconstruction which ben lindberg raises the question can you have reconstruction when there's been no construction like nothing ever happened with the website they just registered it back in the day i think i mean there's so many dazzling deets about this story one of them is that uh when uh ben lindberg uh goes to the website originally he uh he does a google street view and sees that there's just a pretty standard kind of humble little house there in like san jose or wherever it is and it's got hummers it's got two hummers in the driveway a black one and a white one because derland drives one of them darvin drives the spy versus spy vibes there and so he like this guy ben limberg literally because he's emailed them through the website and never heard back so he's going to be in california so he just goes and knocks on the door and i don't know if it's derland or darvin who answers but one of them answers and they start chatting it up and And then the other one comes out and they're just like, yep, we're Durland and Darvin. And they live together. They've never been married. They work together. It doesn't ever really say specifically what they do. I think it's some kind of maybe like property management business or something. It's not particularly tech. But one of the things that's amazing is.

They clearly ran in some crew of people who had some sense that registering URLs back in the day might be a good idea because for many years, their friend Jeff owned Jeff.com.

Jeff.com.

They were friends with the Jeff who owned Jeff.com.

I wonder what Jeff.com is doing now.

I went to it yesterday, Andrew, as I was reading this article. It is the weirdest. Would you do me a favor and go to Jeff.com right now? Yeah, I just got there. really jeff sold it to the most bizarre i cannot tell it's like a lifestyle brand but it's so kludgy like it's the weirdest website ever now yeah it says it's a um it says everything in one

app it's there's beauty fitness but it seems like this is not english as a first language it says

beauty no it feels like a bot like a bot that had some a bad line of code created this website yeah

And then the first one is just Mr. And there's a picture of a laundry machine, a washing machine. You click on it, it says your laundry home delivered. Like this is an app that doesn't seem to then you get perfect hair and nails without the weight. I don't understand what this app does, but I'm going to download it and put my credit card information into it right now.

What do you think the chances of getting your laundry delivered through this website would be? Like the chances that your laundry would successfully be delivered?

That they would pick it up and then – oh, you know what? And I'm looking – I scrolled down far enough that I see they have no – they show a world map with little dots all over it, and none of those dots are in the United States. So we are dealing with something overseas here.

The story of – as Ben Lindbergh writes it, the story of Major League Baseball trying to get its hands on the various names, like the various URLs, is pretty funny. For one thing, I mentioned that law firm that originally had MLB, Morgan, Lewis, and Bacchius. Well, here's the thing. That law firm happened to also work for Major League Baseball. You know who worked for them? The current commissioner of baseball, Rob Manfred, was in-house counsel from this law firm in Philadelphia that had MLB.com. So, of course, they were sympathetic to MLB's Major League Baseball's cause, and they basically sold them the URL for $500,000. So that was a pretty easy one. Do you know one of the URLs? I don't know if you got a chance to read this article or not, Andrew. But one of the URLs that Major League Baseball has never gotten their grubby little mitts on? Rays.com, as in Tampa Bay Rays. Because you know who owns it? Rays Boathouse in Ballard. And they will not sell it for any price.

I'm clicking around looking at other articles, not the long one from 2015. And I had that literally right now. That line is highlighted on my screen because I wasn't sure if you knew that dazzling detail. And I was dying to share that with you. Raise.com is owned by the Seattle Seafood Restaurant, Raise Boathouse. And the only other one that they can't get is Giants.com because the NFL has Giants.com for the, you know, for the New York Giants, you know, so the San Francisco Giants.

Football Giants, as they will call them often on ESPN. That's right.

Yeah, they do say that. That's the official name, huh? The Football Giants of New York. New York Football Giants.

I don't know if that's the official name, but it's certainly how they're often referred to. I kind of like that. So since, like, I'm going to say 1995, I think, was when Durland and Darvin just jumped on that URL, twins.com, and they refused to sell it. They say in this article in Grantland that they were offered, I think, north of $700,000 for it at one point. And it seems like their issue, you'd think that was them saying we won't sell at any price. it wasn't as they expressed it to ben lindberg they just wanted the minnesota twins to directly contact them they had been contacted by major league baseball this is almost just like a management story as much as anything so the twins all of these teams were leaving it to major league baseball to do the interfacing with the people squatting on the various urls and for some reason it was offensive to some degree to derland and darvin having not been reached out to just by

the team the minnesota twins now um first of all i think they even even 700k and even this if this goes back in the day if they were holding out for money i don't blame them because the mlb has hugely deep pockets and they would easily just pay to just get this taken care of they don't care just like take the money um one thing that's fascinating to me though is i'm on twins.com right now and i guess it takes a while to build a website because it looks like a website from 1995 I'm talking about the one that MLB now owns And operates as a team page

Have you noticed if you put twins.com in It just directs you to mlb.com No I didn't notice that Have you looked at the URL That's what happened to me yesterday I put twins.com in Sorry And it just rerouted me to the Twins page at MLB.com.

Yeah, MLB.com slash Twins. Now, that could be how all the – have you checked out Mariners.com?

I assume that's how they – that's what happens with all of them, which is interesting because one of the things that's brought up in this article from back in 2015 is – and I'm sure it's even more the case now – the value of URLs is actually declining because of apps. Because mostly now, or at least a lot of the time Ben Lindbergh writes about the fact that And this is 2015, so imagine seven years ago It's even more so now Even then, something like 50% of the people Interacting with MLB online Were doing it on mobile And were doing it through the app So we're less and less a culture That types in addresses into URLs To get to things

Yeah, exactly And I'm still, and again, I'm so Gosh, I just feel so ancient lately I gotta remember that too like the other day actually not the other day literally last night i'm sorry you know what this is such a boring story when this story has so many dazzling details i was just gonna say that i realized i needed soap and i'm like oh i gotta go downstairs and like and and go to i go i still buy stuff from grove.com i think there's still a sponsor actually so this is not a paid message but of course i'm very loyal to my grove.com i needed some more soap and cleaning supplies and last night i was cooking and i'm like okay well just i was gonna do this luke i was gonna email myself a reminder so that when i'm behind my computer again to order something from grove.com then i'm like dude just use the app like everybody just uses apps these days and so yes i just opened the app on my i downloaded and opened the app on my phone and then just very quickly just like ordered the soap and in in three minutes i have a box on the way to my house but i'm still so old i'm thinking like okay email yourself send yourself an email for starters some people young people don't even know what emails are anymore so that the next time you're behind your computer you can type in www.grove you know what i mean like my mindset is off but anyway um back

to the story that's more interesting than this well um the it's it's unclear what derland and darvin got for this url but it would seem that they probably got less than whatever the the highest offer back in the day was presumably although you're right i mean mlb has such deep pockets and the minnesota twins have such deep pockets that maybe just to have it they were still willing to overpay for something that's a depreciating asset but one of the things that i thought was really amazing buried far in the story was just the life of derland and darvin and how obsessed with being twins they are and they are like it's our whole identity if we didn't have twins.com it would really kind of like it's a owning twins.com is a big part of our identity as twins and we go everywhere together and we we work together we hang out together they were in a band together called wildfire that mostly did cover songs it was kind of like a um hair metal band or pop hair metal band back in you know the the 80s and probably early 90s this is like these guys are zellig like characters who just keep popping up in weird moments of history so they were in this bay area battle of the bands which they almost won as wildfire they did not win but If they would have won, it was a radio station promotion. And the prize was, if you were the top band from the West Coast, you would square off against the top band from the East Coast. And so I said 80s and 90s. This would have to be early 80s, for reasons that will become clear in a moment. The band from the West Coast would face off against the band from the East Coast, and then the winner would get a record deal with Mercury Records. They almost made it to the Super Bowl of this thing. They basically were one short of that. the band from the east coast that ended up winning it all was bon jovi whoa and the song was runaway and it was how bon jovi ended up on mercury records wait a second so i mean bon this is going way back these guys yeah because like runaway is pre is like pre like slippery when wet and all that like bon like runaway was their big early hit would have been like 82 or 83 derland and darvin came close to unseating John Bon Jovi from his epic music career. The guys who own Twins.com could have stood in the way of Bon Jovi getting its first record contract.

Sliding freaking doors. I want to know what the world looks like. What were they, Twin Flame? Wildfire, I believe. Why do they not have twin in their band name?

that's a really good point that i had not thought of if they're so obsessed with being twins how do you have a band that's not doesn't have twins in the name i feel like i could work on

that with them but i won't do it on the show i'm still working on the carry the one joke but um like yeah what would the world look like if because like in in my version of the story it is absolutes, right? Like Bon Jovi does not exist. But like, as in...

bon jovi had no other paths to success the man in the high castle it's a counterfactual history it's only it's only the fire band that um that ends up becoming the the the band just imagine

it's just like derland and darvin you got to also click on the link i sent you and just look at a

picture of these two jabronis i did i was scrolling yeah i was scrolling yesterday i did see them and i saw that they're you know i pictured them around our age they're clearly a bit older than us but i kind of not that you know not to age bon jovi too much but i didn't realize that they're quite as old as bon jovi who i thought of as yeah i guess these guys are probably in their 60s huh yeah

probably now but yeah this idea that like if derland and darvin were the like hottest rockers in america instead of bon jovi throughout the 80s that is a that's a fascinating sliding door

thought experiment yeah and meanwhile john bon jovi's just driving around in one hummer just

feeling like something is missing in his life owning bon jovi.com and refusing to give it up to an italian restaurant somewhere in piscataway

here i go once again with the email every week i hope that it's from a female

no man it's not from a female all rightly you alluded to an email i think from our colleague and future supervisor, John Sklaroff? Actually, you know what?

This is not from John Sklaroff. This is a listener defending John Sklaroff. So, yeah, I mean, I think we explained it before, right, that we saw that it was like somebody was...

Is it from Skan Jara?

It was Auckland, and then it looked like the country was NI, and we thought that, oh, this is a typo in the spreadsheet that John prepared for us. It should be NZ for New Zealand. And then, I mean, I kept my cool, but you went on a real prima donna rant, of course. Mistakes were made. Mistakes were made. And then we got, you know, really putting John in his place, I think, and trying to explain how tough our job is behind these microphones and that typos really do us no favors. We just need to be supported better than that. Exactly. From our staff. Oh, man. So we got this from listener Sarah.

Hey, Luke and Andrew. It's Sarah from Maine, formerly Austin, now Maine, calling with a geography tip. I would never do this except that you dragged John Sklaroff into your complaint about initials in your spreadsheet. And I wanted to point something out about New Zealand. New Zealand is two islands, North Island and South Island. And Auckland is on the North Island, which I believe was abbreviated to N-I on your sheet. So do not drag the good name of John Sklaroff into your thankful listeners. And please remember this for next year, because I really think I've heard you do it before. Or don't remember it. Do what you want.

OK, I don't care what you do. First of all, I think it's interesting that the listeners like John more than us now, which is clear and appropriate.

I think we kind of all saw that coming.

The second I said hello to him in St. Paul, I sort of had had a feeling, certainly. And, you know, and John did email us later, too. And it is it was an issue with the spreadsheet that I created. We have a column for state. Right. So you and I are reading. Most of our listeners are in the United States. So you might have a column that says Seattle and then the next column says Washington. And then I added a column between state and country where I could like kind of mark down the date that we thank people. So I wasn't seeing the country column anymore. And if I had just expanded a little bit, I would have seen that the state was N.I. and the country was N.Z. And John did let me know that while he tendered his resignation as executive producer of TBTL. We're in negotiations now. I think we can keep them.

so for the record this was our bad this was not our colleague john's bad that's the case so i just wanted to yeah i wanted to clarify that it's on us i would say it's mostly on the listener for living in auckland northern island which is confusing for us i think it's on the listener for

sure and also for those um move to worcester right which one um john i mean there are other thing i have other notes for john as well that we don't have to get into on the show so like no nobody's getting off scot-free here okay i just want to make that clear as well um i was talking the other day too that um i had i don't even i would even call it a bathroom situation but a while back i went to our eagles club um and i needed to use the restroom and i needed to use the rest.

room for kind of an extended period of time it was just kind of it was just one of those moments right nothing was wrong i just needed i needed some time in there but i didn't realize that this bathroom that has no windows in it um and like no light source other than the fluorescent lights above uh those lights are on a timer and while i was in the stall eventually everything went pitch black on me in that bathroom and I had to use my my the light on my phone to kind of to finish up I was wondering if maybe somebody would walk in and activate the lights and then what would I do in that situation do I admit that I was just a guy sitting on a toilet in the dark anyway this reminded listener April of this story hi Andrew this is April in Maine I'm just listening to

Monday's show and I have to share with you my bathroom light story so many years ago in early 2000s I had a UTI and I had to be in a public restroom it was at a grocery store and I couldn't leave the bathroom because every time I did I just had to go again so I was sitting in the toilet and after a while the light went off and I'm sitting there and no cell phones and no flashlight no watch no nothing sitting there sitting there in the dark pitch dark just waiting someone comes in so the light turns on and I didn't want to freak them out by there being a person sitting in the pitch dark bathroom so i sat very very quietly and didn't make a sound um didn't move didn't do anything because i didn't want them to know that there was a weirdo sitting in the dark in the bathroom so they left i decided you know i need to just get out of here so i took care of the rest of my business left the room um and survived but it was one of the strangest things That's ever happened to me And I feel ya I feel your pain in that moment Okay, take care, power out

Have you ever Both of our calls from Maine today? Good point I think maybe That's geographically Almost as far as you can get in the contiguous United States from where we do the show That's interesting Do you think it's implicit bias on my part? Do you think I have a Maine bias? I mean, we can't rule it out it's like main element the best have you ever main attraction have you ever um used the bathroom

at a grocery store um yes who somebody around me was talking about this recently maybe it was imaginary friends on another podcast i don't know but boy back in the day when you had to use it like now they have accessible ones like at the the safe way like there's just a couple of like bathrooms normal yeah but back in the day you had to go through those plastic those those plastic sheets that hung from the ceiling right like the thing and you go back through the dairy

and it was cold it's like refrigerated and there's boxes of things and there's like the table where people take their lunch break and you're just like yes I can't believe I'm in the machinery of this

grocery store yes and it was intimidating too and I remember like kind of being marched back there you know my mom I don't think had like she wasn't like the most patient woman in the world I could be wrong about this i don't mean to mischaracterize her but i i just sort of feel like if it's a situation where i need to go to the bathroom in in the grocery store i probably didn't go before i left the house or something along the lines that like it was and i kind of get this like if you're you know like grocery shopping you're one adult with two kids who are probably squirming all over the place you're just trying to get your grocery shopping done and then like one of them says you know i have to use the bathroom and like what are you going to do i mean the kid's got to use the bathroom i'm the kid in this case but it's also just like a huge pain in the ass and then you got to find somebody who's going to escort you back through the refrigerated section you get to see where you get to see how the milk lives uh so you can go use a scary employee

bathroom somewhere a couple of um uh bathroom thoughts here at the end of today's episode one i was at home depot i was this was i was doing some uh you know projects on the house that i'm working on and I was driving around and I was actually driving my dad's truck I don't know why that matters but I was just I was getting some groceries and then I was getting a bunch of plywood and somewhere on the way to the groceries I realized my stomach didn't feel great and so I kind of pushed through it at the grocery store I didn't go use the employee bathroom or whatever and then I pushed through it at the Home Depot and this was a lot of load I think I was getting like 20 or 30 sheets of plywood it was kind of a lot of physical stuff and i wheel it all out to my dad's truck i'm about to put it all on this roof rack and i just realized i don't think this it went from kind of mildly a problem to

Like, a pretty immediate situation. And so I was like, oh, I don't even know what this Home Depot bathroom deal is going to be. Do they even have one? But I just walked to the back of the store, and my goodness, if they didn't have the cleanest, nicest, single-person bathroom, as in you can just go in and lock the door and be in there by yourself, and it was totally clean, it was heaven. I'm going to start stopping by that Home Depot just to do my biz.

it is nice to know where those kinds of bathrooms are right like i know of one in the u district that is always my get out of jail free card like if i find myself in a situation i know where there's a clean accessible bathroom um that you don't have to like pretend you're a customer anywhere or anything um and i remember having that same deal when i worked on a campus um for KCRW the radio station I worked for a few years back now was on a college campus our bathrooms in the in the little radio station area itself were like there were just two single use bathrooms you know that was shared by all of the employees and so sometimes if you went in there to use the restroom like after lunch or something you might come out and there would be a line or of two or three of your colleagues waiting to use the restroom right after you that does not always provide the kind of um privacy that one needs in these very cramped quarters so i knew where there there were other bathrooms on campus of varying degrees of uh cleanliness and grossness i was

expecting the home depot bathroom to be in the plumbing department yeah just to be one of the toilets that were for sale but they kind of you know put a curtain in front of it or something so i was very relieved also that reminds me you're mentioning the bathroom situation at kcrw that reminds me when i worked at wnyc in new york the old one that was at one center street um now they have a super fancy you know building but um back then it was extremely sort of haphazard the um the the physical whatever you want to call it plant aspect of wnyc and there was a newsroom That was really like a converted I don't even know what it had been before This was just a city building where we were Because it had started Probably the city owned the rights to the frequency or something There was one bathroom at WNYC And it was in the newsroom There was just a door Like imagine you just all work together There's no hall You don't go somewhere You just walk back next to like Andrea Bernstein's desk And open a door and step into it And close the door and do what you gotta do so humiliating and i remember seeing so many celebrities have to use that bathroom i remember like timing them being like okay claire danes has been in there for a minute like it was the worst at work bathroom setup i could have ever imagined yeah that's rough i mean the kcrw one was rough as

well um but at least there were two of them out there but yeah you couldn't you couldn't leave anything you know what i mean like you needed to make sure that you were leaving a pretty clean atmosphere in there because there could easily be like any of your colleagues just like waiting

to walk in which is intimidating they should let you smoke cigarettes in that bathroom exactly to cover cigars when i worked at dick's drive-in everybody just smoked in the bathrooms and you couldn't like there was one bathroom and everybody just i didn't but everybody else just smoked it actually didn't smell bad it smelled like cigarette smoke um my buddy ben i think it was ben posted

something to instagram recently he was in a home depot and he noted that you know like you're walking through all the various appliances and stuff refrigerators uh bathroom vanities or whatever they're all a lot of them are on the ground and you can kind of you know get a feel for them but the toilets are all like kind of lifted up off the ground and are more at like eye level because and i don't know if this is universal or not but how many kids just see a toilet and they think oh i can just i'm assuming i'm assuming we're talking about kids that don't know better here as opposed to other people who are just doing terrible things but i wonder if this is a universal thing at lowe's and home depots do they keep the toilets off the ground so that people don't use them i bet it's not for little kids i bet it's for college students

who were like being jerks yeah who were just made like dry docking it upper decking it like i have a feeling that would be more the case than because like imagine no matter how young you are first of all i would be terrified to pull my pants down and go to the bathroom in public like that maybe it's just my experience as a little kid that was very shy about using the public restroom at all but i feels to me more like pranksters yeah that makes sense now this is a very different

scenario but it does remind me of a of a quick story from my childhood um we were going on i some of the some of the details around this are fuzzy but um

When we lived out in the country in Valley City, Ohio, I believe it was my Uncle Steve, kind of my weird Uncle Steve, who had a RV. And I think that, you know, he would share it with other family members if we wanted to take a trip or something like that. And I was very young here, so you'll understand why the details are fuzzy, because I was a kid who thought it was OK at one point to use the RV's bathroom as it sat in our driveway. My guess is this RV maybe sat in our driveway for maybe a few days or a week before we were going to take it on a trip or something. And all I know is we were getting a tour of it or something. And then I went in there when everybody left and I just went number two in the bathroom in the RV. But like I remember then going to flush it and nothing happened because it wasn't set up with the water yet. I don't know how RVs were. and having to like go and you know there was probably toilet paper in there and whatever and having to go uh tell I remember I'm pretty sure it was my mom and again this was a moment of um maybe less patience than one would hope uh would have with their child because I remember kind of being in trouble for just like leave which again I don't want to have to be the person to clean that up either I don't know how it was cleaned up if they hooked up the plumbing or what it was but yeah I just left a little present in there and then it wouldn't go away and I had to go tell my parents like hey the bathroom in the the bathroom in the van doesn't work

i would have just moved i would have run away from home but i would have never admitted to that

right yeah i mean yeah how do you i mean you the only thing i could have possibly hoped for would be that it would be blamed on my sister but you know she's older than me i don't think she would have made that mistake she's also she's also housebroken so that was that was the difference

there sure um all right we should wrap it up today because we have a no point to record right after this uh which we'll send out on the same frequency so uh maybe tomorrow we can the james corden story is rapidly evolving so uh he was banned from balthazar the restaurant in new york and now he's been readmitted he may be banned again by tomorrow so uh we can get into that then in the meantime thank you everyone for listening to today's show we will be back here tomorrow with more of this imaginary radio. So please do join us for that. Until then, have a great Tuesday. Take care of yourselves, and please remember, no mountain too tall. And good luck to all.

Hold it.

You addressing me? Uh-huh.

A real cowboy always mixes his peas with his taters.

that's real valuable info what are you doing now I'm trying to get some butter you're supposed to sop up gravy with your biscuit I don't want to use my biscuit to sop up some gravy I got other plans for my biscuit and they involve butter

power out