Muse

Hey, it's Steve here and I got a big surprise. Here we go, folks. It's paper towels. Put your hand on it. Wipe it around. They're perforated. They come right apart. Crumple into a ball, throw it up in the air. It comes right back down. Oh my gosh, you spilled some water? No, not anymore. Paper towels. It's a kite. Put a string on it. Fly it. It's a kite. Paper towels. It's easy. You can tie it in a knot. It's still there. Table's clean, kind of. Hey, hey, you can call for your friends. Hey, friends, come over. I got paper towels. If you got two, fold this in half, put it in your pocket. Save it for later. This one, boom. This is for the car, the house your backpack paper towels you've been saying i got i got a good grade on my test with i have best friends paper towel tbtl

do i look like i know what a jpeg is i just want a picture of a god dang hot dog i'm going to

suggest that we have a little constructive talking time not long at all i mean maybe Maybe 10 minutes or, okay, or maybe 15 is also good.

All right, Bozo, thank you. I'm calling a lot of people Bozo now. It's like my new thing. All right.

Beat, beat, ribby, ribby. Bada boom. How'd it go?

Well, he's going to acknowledge me on Instagram, so I guess you could say it was one of the best conversations of my entire life.

All right, hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, Welcome to a Wednesday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live.

What a fun, sexy time for you.

My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host.

You really are the most devious bastard in New York City.

Sure am. Coming to you from the Sheraton Hotel in Times Square, looking out on all manner of tourist trap and large digital advertising sign. Boy, this city is tussling and bustling, per all of the rumors. But I'm very excited to be here and very excited to be bringing you Episode 3811 in a collector's series. Let the fun begin. Of course, we are still counting the votes. And by we, I mean some people in places that I've never been to are in rooms somewhere counting and tabulating the votes from last night's huge and historic election.

Who cares about this stupid election?

And of course, there are so many places that you can go as a listener to podcasts or as a reader of newspapers. There's so many other places you can go to get insightful, trenchant commentary on what we think the election taught us. But we're going to do our version of that right here, right now. And you're the one stuck listening to it. So we hope it's going to be somewhat illuminating, at least give our feelings on how things are going here in these United States of America. Getting out here to New York was sort of a bit of an adventure for me. A few different phases to the trip. And one of them involved, well, somebody on the airplane whose feet were, well, not great.

It stinks.

So we'll talk about that. And speaking of those digital advertising boards, there is this, like, entire section of a building, right? You know how they figured out how to do this now in places like Times Square? Where it's like a skyscraper, but for some reason part of the skyscraper is also digital now? And, like, it just is flashing an ad for a movie. It was so bright like last night that I had to pull the shades in the middle of the night because the light from the movie trailer was bouncing off the ceiling of my hotel room. But it is a movie that I kind of can't really believe is real, so we'll try to figure out that together. And we'll do all of that with the help of this young man, the longest-running co-bro of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. He's my homie. He's my rotten soldier.

I'll say, what's up, doe?

He's Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now.

Good morning, my friend. Elections, shmlections, Luke. I just got an email in my inbox. It's a Google News alert with my name on it, Andrew Walsh. Apparently, somebody named Andrew Walsh, this was not me, has written for Yahoo Entertainment's website, the 13 best Sylvester Stallone roles of all time. Can I rattle through some of these with you quickly? Can I try to guess?

Can we do like that guy that wrote the little top 50 television shows of all time, and we spent about 50 minutes with me trying to guess The Wire?

Yeah, we're going to keep this to about 42 minutes. I'm going to put a 42-minute cap on this, and then we're going to talk about our cats for 30. Can I try to guess five? Can I try to guess five? It's going to be rough because this is one of those things where there's a lot of text. It's not a clean, little, tight, little list. But, yeah, you give me the movies you think are on this list, and I will let you know. Okay. I will certainly Rocky. Rocky is number one.

With a punching bag

Yes, with a boxing glove That was the word I was picturing a boxing glove and I said a punching bag

It's number one with a Burgess Meredith Riding on the back of a truck going

You can do it, rock! Do you think it's problematic for my boxing career That I consider a punching bag to be the bag That you wear on your hand when you punch your opponent It explains why you were defeated

You've heard about boxers going undefeated There is an opposite of that And I believe that was what you experienced during your career Yes. Yes. End in this corner. Sorry. Go ahead. End in this corner. Kid defeated. Andrew Lewis Walsh. That would be great if your name was Kid defeated. Andrew the loser, Lewis Walsh.

Okay. In the red trunks coming out of. Anyway. Okay. In the docker slacks that he sleeps in. Andrew Walsh. Okay. So you got Rocky. For some reason, a coat. In the hat that Linda Perry wears in the What's Going On video.

Okay, so obviously Rocky is going to be number one. Rambo is going to be huge.

Rambo, now keep in mind, these characters appear in various movies, so you're right. Number two is John Rambo as he appears in First Blood, the 1982 original in the series. Okay, then it gets, I feel like, probably his character in Copland. Copland is on there, yes. Let me see if I can find the name. Wow, you've actually got the, no, sorry, that would be coming in at number four, I think. But you got these almost in order. Freddy Heflin is his name in Copland, 1997's Copland.

Now, I think it would be very subversive if the other Andrew Walsh had listed the character in the movie Oscar. Oh, I don't see that on here It was a giant flop It was Sylvester Stallone's Oh, I know what it is I was going to say it was when he tried to break out into comedy But didn't he also do Was he Stop or my mom will shoot

He was in Stop or my mom will shoot He was also in Rhinestone as we talked about last week I'm surprised How did Rhinestone and Stop or my mom will shoot Not appear on this list Oh, I know the other one then Is it his character from Over the Top no no over the top represented here this andrew what listen i don't want to start a walsh on walsh beef here but this i have some notes inter walshing violence is that a show title i gotta tell you like i'm gonna give you one here because this is kind of driving me bananas because you got number one and two as like i think it was rocky and then rambo in first blood and And then it's Rocky again in number three as he appears in the movie Creed. Now, yeah, that's kind of I'm starting to realize, like, this is a whole thing I missed. Huh? Like, I just thought, oh, it's another reboot of a franchise. But I keep on hearing people refer to Creed like it's a real cult movie. Like, there are people who just love Creed. It's a thing, right?

Yeah. And it was also kind of, I guess you could say, ironically, it was sort of a redemption arc for Sylvester Stallone, if I remember right. because and I say ironically because you know the original Rocky is the story of an underdog and also Sylvester Stallone's personal story was interesting in that he wrote this movie he wanted to be Rocky people wanted to pay him a lot of money for the screenplay but they wouldn't let him be Rocky and he famously bet on himself and of course it turned out really great well you fast forward however many decades and Sylvester Stallone was sort of not really starring in movies anymore and I believe he either I don't know if he self-financed or if he took like very low pay to make Creed but Creed was another one of those things where Sylvester Stallone was like there's a market for this and like people were not interested and he somehow got that movie made and it turned out to be a massive hit and he's he's of course not fighting anymore I think he's sort of the it's like he's the old wise guy who's I now I don't know but is he training a young Apollo Creed because of course he beats Apollo Creed in the movies that he's the fighter yes it

looks like I'm trying to catch up on this here first of all I didn't realize it's Michael B jordan i'm gonna go out oh yeah michael b jordan that's why that movie be popular handsome man according to this here in front of me uh michael b jordan national treasure but yeah so he's uh he plays apollo creed's son michael b jordan okay uh from an extramarital affair um and it looks like uh and then rocky now he's wearing the little like hat that his trainer used to wear yeah you know so yeah right there's the trainer hat there's like the kind of hat that says

i'm um you know i've been around the block uh if i'm not here training this kid that's got no chance i'm at the off track betting somewhere in bayridge queens and uh that's the hat that

says it all have you ever met somebody's

in a boxing gym after hours to play poker luke because i feel like that would be the ultimate

poker game that would be amazing i have not okay in fact i don't know if i've ever even been in a real like uh you know box i mean i've been to fights i've seen you know but that's like they set up a a ring in like a casino riverboat one time camaro kevin i went to the old emerald queen casino when it was literally a riverboat on like the whatever that commencement bay and in tacoma like it had to legally be on the water and we watched some fights there but i've never

been a child fight where they were making children fight each other it was a monkey knife fight

it was drederick tatum fighting secretariat which i do believe is actually a plot point on the simpsons right oh okay they go into international waters and there's a monkey knife fight and i believe dredrick tatum is going to fight the horse dredrick tatum is their mike tyson character and i believe he's going to fight the racehorse secretary because they're in international waters

i remember the term monkey knife fight from the show but i did not remember those details i'm going to tell you this luke coming in at number five is a movie i'd never heard of but But now I want to watch the character that he plays in this is Johnny Kovac. And the movie is Fist, F period, I period, S period, T period. And he plays a 1930s Jimmy Hoffa-esque figure who rises from the working class of Cleveland to become a national union leader.

Ah, fist, like as in the union sort of, you know, you know, holding a fist aloft. I think so. Yeah. And it's also like an acronym. He was using to punch people.

No you mean when he puts it inside of a Inside of a punching bag Inside of a punching bag And then drags all 70 pounds of it Out into the ring and then loses So I don't know and it's directed by the same person Who did Moonstruck and I love Moonstruck and this is a good era In 1978 I feel like that would be A great Cleveland Labor yes please Yeah

I was trying to think of what fist would stand For forget it Stop

trying that would be a pretty downbeat movie that's how my dad that's how my dad describes unions forget it stop trying forget it stop trying not a huge didn't grow up in a huge pro-union household um hey um can i just mention yeah let's get out of this sorry i just wanted to show

i had a moment today uh i was jogging in central park which i mean i know i talk a lot about how i For me, Green Lake in Seattle is one of my very favorite places to run. It's probably also just very nostalgic because I grew up there. Central Park, on a day like today, it's about like 60 degrees here in New York. The leaves all have turned but are still on the trees. It is. I don't know if there's anything better than a Central Park stroll this time of year. But as I was out running, kind of by the – it doesn't really matter, but I was by where these softball fields are, and these two women are walking, and they're kind of not – I'm coming from behind where they are. It's a relatively narrow path. There's also a lot of strollers. By the way, Central Park on a Tuesday morning is mostly tourists wearing T-shirts that say New York fucking city that they bought probably in Times Square. And then 1% are toddlers, i.e. their parents are part of the 1%. And they are sitting in the grass having someone play them a song on guitar, like a big group of them. That's everybody in Central Park on a Wednesday at about 9 in the morning.

I've never heard of it. Is this where – did they name the park after that coffee shop in Friends?

Yes, exactly. I mean, the legs, the long tail on the Friends franchise is unreal. They actually designed an entire park here in New York based on that. So I'm on this little path, and there's these two women walking, and I can tell that they don't realize I'm behind them, and I don't want to spook them, but I also don't want to run into them or get too close to them. I'm trying to figure out what to do. and so one of them starts to step to the right and i say oh i'm on your right and then she kind of looks over and i realize it's the unbreakable kimmy schmidt oh no kidding just ellie kemper or whatever it is out for a walk with her friend and it felt a little on brand for the city considering unbreakable kimmy schmidt is filmed in new york or set in new york yeah that's great i'm a big fan i'm running past kimmy schmidt in central park this is all it's all coming together

on this wednesday that's a great celebrity sighting i'm a huge fan of ellie kemper not Not enough that I could call her name in the moment. I'm glad you bailed me out there. But, yeah, like she was on The Office for a while, not during an era that I watched much of it, but every now and then a rerun I'll be on. I'll be like, oh, Ellie Kemper. I always forget. Comedy Bang Bang, lots of appearances on the old TV show, I think.

Well, it's funny because, you know, I.

My memory is Swiss cheese now, but I do have bizarrely a pretty firm grasp on faces of people, whether famous or otherwise. Like if I meet someone, a lot of times I will remember their face to a way that's even a little surprising to me. So, of course, she looks over. It's Ellie Kemper. I'm like, of course, it's, you know, Kimmy Schmidt. And I wanted to say to her, that's the fanciest sentence I've ever heard. And I used to watch Frasier. like i was considering saying that to her but then i was like she'll have no idea she won't what that is that's one line that she delivered over the course of like multiple seasons of a scripted television program she will have no idea what i'm talking about it's like she remembers she's not going to know that we play that drop on tbtl that will have no context for her so i just did i didn't even say anything to acknowledge the fact that she is the person that i know her to be she smiled very kindly and i was on my way and everything was fine but i did i was wondering if was a missed opportunity if i should have said something to be like hey you're the person from that thing and i am an admirer of that thing but i just let it go plus i think you did the exact

right thing which is you saw her you were like hey that's cool and then you told your friends about it like that's that's how we do that i feel like that's the right amount of the right amount i know what you mean like you want to kind of like that line is so funny but she'll have no idea and then you'll just be another in a long line of people who said something to her that is either way too obvious or way too obscure and she just is like that must have been something from a show i was on you know what i mean and right and then it just breaks the conversation she's having you said she was with a buddy like there's just um it's like it's i'm i'm not super like i don't think of me as somebody who's gets super excited about star spotting like when we were in la genevieve i'd be with vives and friends and they'd be all a titter if somebody was at the next table and usually i didn't know who the person was or didn't really care like oh it's the bunch of guys from like the um silicon valley show or whatever they're having a birthday party i'm like impractical jokers the guys from impractical jokers but anyway i don't really care about impractically right now having said that like if i saw ellie kemper i'd be like oh that's cool you know and then i would tell people about it but i i also think like it's cool not to uh now obviously that does not go for you if ellie kemper is a listener of tbtl she has to tell you that she saw you in public so that you don't make a fool of yourself yes it's lucky that i was jogging and

not walking because when i'm jogging i am just trying to get it over with as quickly as possible And in fact, you know, I'm like I didn't have I didn't really have time to do anything embarrassing because I was just kind of on my way. If I were walking and let's say that I'm I'm getting closer, we're coming from opposite directions and I'm on a stroll in Central Park and and and Kimmy Schmidt and her friend are walking towards me. And I have now like 45 seconds to recognize her and formulate a plan. There's no chance that I'm not saying something to her about being Ellie Kemper. Like, this unfolded perfectly for her in that I didn't know it was her until she looked at me, and then I was already past her.

It would be amazing if she's now telling her friends, like, I saw the guy from CBS. Wait, you mean the guy who did the Flaming Lips story?

Yeah, that's the one. Do you know it's, I mean, I don't know if I mentioned this last time I was here in town, but I had such an odd thing happen. Because it is so, doing those CBS TV stories, which is also why I'm out here this week, it is a very anonymous thing because I don't think people have, other than maybe like Mo Rocca, who's just so kind of funny and droll and great, I don't really feel like the average person has like a favorite correspondent on these shows. It's just kind of like we're just the people that are there facilitating whoever the actual star of the segment is. And I just can't imagine anyone being aware of me working on that show. But I got out of a cab in like Bryant Park or something like I literally was like had been somewhere, got in a cab, went up to a different part of New York, stepped out of the cab. And these two guys go, hey, you're the guy from CBS Sunday morning.

That was last time, right? Or is this happened again now?

oh okay no it happened last time you could have knocked me over with a feather i was like how what how why like i just i mean so i'm just saying there's a chance ellie kemper

they're both 19 years old too yes they love vaping being extremely cool i'm just saying

andrew you joke but it's very possible ellie kemper right now is telling her friends that luke burbank jogged past her in a state farm t-shirt for a softball team that he never joined

I wish I could think of something, like, obscure that you would have said one time in one of your, like, CBS projects that she could have, like, yelled. She's like, oh, man, I was going to yell, why are you watching people play video games? But, like, I didn't want to bug him. He was on his jog.

So I am out here in New York, and I'll tell you, I almost didn't make it. Or at least I almost didn't make my flight. Because yesterday, of course, we recorded the show. I had a few other things.

going on in the morning my flight was at like 2 30 and I did a very dumb thing which was I just kind of let my morning kind of get away from me and so by the time it was almost time to go to the airport I decided I really wanted to try to sneak in a very quick jog and by that I mean sometimes I'll do this thing where if I don't have enough time for like a leisurely little outing I will go on the treadmill in my apartment building and I will run the fastest I can possibly run for like three miles like a dead sprint and it is it doesn't take very long but it is exhausting to me right like it's really really for me high intensity so i decide okay i have like 20 minutes or something i'm gonna just go down there and i'm just gonna like go crazy thankfully there was no one else in the gym on this particular time because it's embarrassing because i'm sweating like a stuck pig and i'm also hyping myself up i'm going five which means like five laps and then we're four like it's a very it's not it's not a cool look so pigs get

all that done i just wanted to defend pigs there i believe pigs don't sweat which is why they have to roll around in the mud i learned that in the fletch movie i watched recently why in the world

i mean i don't i don't disagree with you but how in the world oh squealing like a stuck pig not sweating like a i didn't never even know are you saying stuck or stuffed stuff there's a there is a term squealing like it's kind of actually gross actually yeah I would say squealing like a stuck pig I assume that meant someone had stuck like a knife in them or something squealing like a stuck pig maybe it just means a pig that's trapped or something but it's definitely not sweating like a stuck pig that was that was a malapropism I stopped your story there just to make a dumb joke

but I will say that we should come up with something better than that that it would be PETA approved I'll work on that absolutely after show to-do list how about squealing like a loved

pig like you got a you got a pig something really cute for your anniversary with them and they're just like squealing because they're just like oh my gosh I feel so seen or what about uh if it's

like stuck this is off a bit but if we wanted to sort of I'm luck like uh squealing like a lucky pig because like just one pig won the powerball maybe the powerball exactly powerball so uh so

anyway that the the reason i bring that up is because it becomes relevant a little bit later in the story so i get i get done with that i jump in the shower i do this kind of packing that i rarely do andrew where i'm literally just throwing everything into my suitcase like i'm usually like i pack the night before i'm very organized and diligent about like okay i'll be on the road for x number of days and that equals this many you know of each garment etc and then on this day i might whatever so this was not that this was like from a movie where someone's just like throwing everything into a suitcase jumping on it to make it like you know close and zip up like there's one you know sleeve of a shirt coming out of it's gonna say that yes like that was the vibe and then i'm calling the lift and i'm jumping in the lift and i'm looking at it and i'm realizing that I will get to the airport at, like, 1.40, which is, you know, gives me 40 minutes before the flight boards. Not great, but I'm already checked in. You know, I'm on TSA pre-check, all this stuff. Normally, that's enough time. I'm not feeling great about it, but I am feeling like this is doable. I get there, and I go up to the counter, and I ask the person there. I go, can I check this bag? It was a huge suitcase because I'm gone for a long time. Can I check this? And she goes, no, actually, it's kind of too late, but you can just gate check it at the plane. I was like, OK, cool. And I call them and let them. Yeah, definitely. I just I had a bad feeling that I might want to not have to have this suitcase with me for some reason. A still small voice just said, like, you're going to check this anyway. There's no way this is going in the overhead. So if you can just get this out of your life now, it would be easier. She was like, just take it to the gate and they'll check it. I was like, cool. I go, could you do me a favor? could you ring them and let them know i'm on the way and she goes oh you have 40 minutes you're fine and i was like okay i get to the line and it is ridiculous the regular line is ridiculous the pre-check line is ridiculous like uh just really really long and we're sort of standing there in the line and now this is my fault i just want to say for the record i should have gotten to the airport earlier i should have given myself more time i created this problem but i also fly out of that airport all the all the time i have a pretty good sense generally of like you know what of sort of how much time it takes to do stuff there was just i don't i couldn't i thought maybe the person was training but they i don't think they were they were just the most the person who was at the sort of chris sullivan choke point of this of this uh tsa line the person taking the ids and the whatever they were just very deliberate very deliberate so they would just like take and they'd look at a thing and then they'd and then also about half the people in the line were not even in the right line so they would come through and then there would be a whole situation because they don't have tsa pre-check there was no one guarding that line right there was no one saying show me your boarding pass to get into this line so that was part of the problem

so there was a bunch of people that just had gotten in the wrong line accidentally because it looked shorter they were like well why wouldn't i want to go in the line that's shorter so every time that would happen the person would then stop have a whole conversation with them Would scan their ticket Would walk them personally over to the other line So she kept closing the station And everyone's starting to get really Now the thing about the TSA pre-check line Is it's a bunch of people like me It's a bunch of people who travel a lot Have that stupid little check mark And are like all cutting it kind of close So there starts to be sort of massive unrest In the pre-check line As it's like 20 minutes has gone by Now it's about 25 minutes My flight is now leaving in 15 minutes It's leaving in 15 minutes, and I'm just like – I'm trying so hard to not – I know that there's nothing I'm going to say to the folks working the TSA line that's going to make their life better or my life better or get me through faster. I'm just standing there, and I'm just – but this is a long flight, too, Portland to JFK. It's not the kind of – it's not like Portland to Seattle, like just get the next one. It's like I don't even know what the implications are.

And you said your flight is listed to leave in 15 minutes. Well, we've talked about this before. I mean, there's a chance that even if you were at the gate at this point, they might be sending you away saying, no, no, no, like we closed the gate like 20 minutes ago. They like to board those things 35 minutes in advance and then close the gate.

Well, the official rule, I think all this might have changed, is 10 minutes before the flight is supposed to take off is usually when they close the door. And obviously we all know once that door is closed And I think there are actually different policies Depending on the airline Some might even do it like you said I've had Alaska flights where they did it like 20 minutes before

Yeah I had an Alaska flight one time Where I had tons of time I was in the bathroom I was about to start brushing my teeth And they announced my name And then they gave me grief And I was like we're nowhere even near time to close that thing yet But anyway

So I'm in this line And I'm just realizing that I'm probably going to miss the flight for no good reason it wasn't like it was just because this person took forever and then her co-worker is standing next to her and it's like could we open another one of these like there's just two people standing there and one person's going really slow and the other person just kind of observing and it was like there was a lot of capacity like there was other whatever you call them you know uh scanners and stuff like they could have opened another lane and just the line would have evaporated like that it was just one of those weird things where you just had a person who was very very deliberate and no one had thought to open another lane and it just like the line just like blew up and then all of a sudden it was a situation and everybody in the line is like freaking out i finally get to i'm like three people from getting to where they scan my stuff and i i and i'm not really proud of this but i sort of involuntary like literally didn't even realize i was saying anything out loud but i just was like a lot of us are going to miss our flight or something and the woman not the woman who's very deliberate but the her co-worker who's just standing next to her looks at me and the woman goes were you here two hours before your flight is taking off and i said no actually i wasn't that's a good point and that was it that's where i left it because i was like you know i'm i don't want to get i want to get taken out here and zip ties and also you know there's no reason to berate these folks that are just trying to do their job but it was again it was very it was unnecessary because you know what happened andrew when i got to the front of the line some other tsa person rolls up and goes okay we're opening this one over here and then they like pull one of those stanchions down and then all of a sudden everyone behind me just gets to go through like the people who got there and would have been standing in a half hour line we're now standing in a 45 second line like all they needed to do and it didn't there were no there were no conversations there was no supervisor who said uh ted go open another thing it was just like somebody saw a problem and then they fixed it And I was just like, why couldn't that have happened 20 minutes ago? So anyway, as I'm going through handing them my ID, they announced that the flight is about to take off. Like Alaska Airlines flight 273 to JFK is now about to take off. And I'm like, oh, my God. Now, the other thing is they're doing remodeling at the Portland airport. So you can't just go out of the security and then go right to where the gates are. You take this very circuitous, your detour. They literally built a temporary wall to block you from going down the normal way so that they can do whatever they're doing. So I'm it is probably so at this point it is my flight is taking off at 220 and I I'm not exaggerating. It's like my I have two minutes from when my suitcase finally comes through. Thank God they didn't like flag my my backpack for having like microphone equipment, which happens a lot. Oh, like. that would have been it game over so my stuff gets through the conveyor belt i grab it i realize that

i have the the flight is leaving in 12 minutes which means i have two minutes to get to the gate which is i know this sounds crazy easily a half a mile away like or maybe maybe a maybe a quarter of a mile you know airports are pretty are bigger than you think they are until you have to start running in them and then you realize oh this is actually kind of far like this is a like if you did this three or four times you'd actually make some you'd be doing some mileage and so i am that guy in the airport i am in a dead sprint with my roller bag and my computer bag slung over and i am sprinting and let me tell you about halfway through my sprint i realized i have no gas in the tank i just did that stupid thing on the treadmill to try to get some exercise and i am like i'm done i have no i cannot run fast enough to get to the flight and so i just started like power walking and i'm like i mean i'm like hyper ventilating i'm sweating like crazy i see the gate c11 and i see that there's like one last passenger going through and i was tempted to do that yell like please hold the door like from all the way down the whatever you call it terminal or something but i didn't because i'm i would rather miss the flight than embarrass myself to that level but i like hobbled my way up to that gate and then literally had to sit down on the floor and get myself together because i was so completely and totally worn out so you you

sat on the floor at the gate you didn't board right away because the door was still open i just

needed to be where the door was still open if that makes any sense yeah so it wasn't like it

was just like one person in front of you and you were the last one there were still some people who were still going through the door there was a bit there were a couple people dealing with a few

things they were checking some you know the overhead was full they were taking some bags so i had i had a little bit i probably had two minutes of time to just get myself together but it was i mean i was that was as that was i was like this would be really interesting if i end up actually missing this flight because of lack of cardiovascular health or because of having used up my cardiovascular health a few minutes ago at my apartment building like it'd be weird if I literally missed a flight because I couldn't run fast enough to get to it like that's the stakes are very high for me in that point and then it would mean uh maybe I need to train harder or

something now here's the thing can I ask you a quick question yeah I don't I hopefully this isn't where you're going I'm not trying to ruin the story but um when I'm like if I'm chasing a bus down which is a little different because it's outside or whatever and especially as the weather kind of gets chilly and I'm wearing a coat and it's cold outside but then you're running my problem in any situation like this is when I finally settle down I just start pouring sweat so were you just sweating your ass off on the plane

like a loved pig Andrew

like a lucky pig

a pig who loved that he made the flight and didn't have to take some kind of red eye on Southwest so So I'm like, you know, I'm like the last person onto the plane and I get to the I get to the, you know, I go down the whatever you call it, the jetway or something. I get to the actual door of the plane. And now it just so happened that this was one of those flights where I was lucky enough to be up there in the front of the plane in first class, which was another reason I was going to be goddamned if I missed that flight, Andrew, because the difference between being up there and being way in the back for a cross-country flight is quite substantial. like one of them is fine and one of them is you know gonna be kind of arduous so i get to the door and the flight attendants go are you luke and i was thinking huh some more tens out there some more cbs sunday morning fans out there in the world yes are you ellie um and they go do you mind sit now so i had been i have you know i have this like if i if it can happen if I get lucky enough to be up at the front of the plane and I get to choose my seat I get very excited about picking a specific seat which is in the front row of that of the first class because you have a bulkhead up there which is a lot of leg room you don't have to I like to be on the window because I like to look outside at the pretty mountains but I like to be way at the front because then I can get up and use the restroom without the person next to me having to move so it is like that and that doesn't happen to me very often but if I can manage to be in the front row of that thing that is like that's it doesn't get any better than that for me and i look forward to it and i'm excited i have the whole picture in my mind well they were like do you mind taking 3f um which you know there are much much much much much much bigger problems in the world than if i have to sit in the seat that wasn't the one that i had reserved but of course course i had no choice because they had already put this mom it was a it was a it was a mom her two unbelievably adorable children and their nanny were all flying in first class andrew like i mean my goodness and so because of something where they couldn't all sit together they had just given my seat to the kid this unbelievably cute kid on an ipad was just in my seat and so then i had to trudge back to a different seat which again was still very comfortable and i was very lucky to get to be up there but it wasn't the seat that i was so excited to have and they didn't even give me an option it wasn't like i was sitting in my seat and they came to me and said would you mind moving they just said they were already putting someone in my seat they were like you've already been moved basically which was a little bit like i mean it's hard to be mad at like an adorable child she didn't do anything but i was just kind of a little bit like huh i wish i would have had a little bit more of a say and how this was going to go as opposed to i just get on the plane and The kid's already decked out in all of her air. What do you call it? Like the kind of headphones that you wear that are Bluetooth, but they're big.

Yeah, because I don't think you want to put little. Do should kids put earbuds in their ears? It seems like that might be a dangerous thing. I'm not sure.

Maybe so. I mean, well, that this one did this one had like pink Bluetooth, you know, headphones and like a pink iPad and then like blankets and was all cozied up and like was all just like set. And I mean, and the mom actually said to the kid something funny. She goes, are you more excited to be on a plane or that you get to play with your iPad? And the kid completely ignored her. This was in another world. No interest. So, again, it's not like it's the firstest of first world problems. But I was just kind of like, huh, that's an interesting move. Like, I'm not going to go evict the kid from the seat. But I just thought, huh, you know, you might have let me sit down and then come and asked me if it was cool, as opposed to just, like, basically making the decision for me.

Well, I'm assuming that if you hadn't been so late, this wouldn't have happened, or am I wrong?

I think you're right. Well, I think it would have happened, but in a different orientation. Had I been there sitting in my seat, they would have probably said, I think what was happening was the mom was already supposed to be sitting next to me, right? But she wasn't going to be able to sit with her kid. And so they put the kid in my seat, and they figured we'll work it out with this guy. Now, had I been sitting in my seat, maybe there would have been some other solution. Somebody in that part of the plane was going to have to move for this family to stay together, you know, which on a Norton coach, I kind of I'm like, I get it. I don't know. In first class, you're flying you're flying four people, including the nanny. Just get your own plane, Emirates. Like what's going on here? Like, you know, like at that point, seriously, just charter something. You're clearly super wealthy. Your kids are probably flying directly to Central Park where they're going to sit in the grass. and have some off-brand Raffi play them Baby Shark on an acoustic guitar. Like, you have quite the life going. Anyway, the reason that this became a little bit more of a bummer to me was because once I was seated in my new seat and I got all set up, I smelled the smell of very stinky feet. And I thought for a minute that it was me, Andrew, because as we talked about on the show not that long ago, I have at times in my life had feet that didn't smell amazing. but that really scarred me psychologically to the point where I made it a very, very, very strong life goal to never have stinky feet again, meaning I would never go sockless with shoes. I would never wear socks two days in a row. I used a variety of foot sprays and Gold Bond medicated powder to put in all of my shoes literally before I ever put them on so that I never get stinky feet.

Your feet are always chewing gum, just to make sure that they don't smell. Always, constantly.

I scrape my feet with a tongue scraper.

Oh, God.

I just do everything that I have to to keep them smelling minty fresh. And I realize that it's the guy next to me, who is a very put-together person. I sent you a picture of his feet, Andrew, and that wasn't just because I know how you are. That was because—

Wait, which foot pic was this that you sent me? Like, let's see. Let me scroll out. The one with the desert boots. Still scrolling, still scrolling, still scrolling. Wait, this is just wiki feet. Okay. No, yeah, you did send me that. They were very stylish shoes. Very stylish. Yeah. I thought maybe, because I saw those. I didn't know if that was a man or a woman's feet or whose feet they were, but I thought it was going to be the mom's feet.

No. The mom probably has a team of people that probably do that pedicure where, like, goldfish nibble on your feet. She probably has a goldfish imported from some other place to nibble her feet. like this person i mean again they're up there at the front of the plane um which would to me confer or at least indicate that they probably have access to a working shower and things like that very put together person looked nice was very pleasant there was nothing about

out this person's whatever i could read on them that would uh indicate to me that they were not someone who had access to like you know hygiene stations they just didn't realize they had he had bare feet in these like leather like desert boots or chukkas or whatever you'd call them and let me tell you every time he shifted his position i got hit with a wave of foot stink and all i could think was how does he not smell this or how do the people in his life how have they not mentioned this to him how is it that everything else about this person's existence would indicate a certain amount of uh privilege and preparedness and put togetherness and then your feet smell so bad that i'm sitting pretty far away from you because these seats are fairly large in first class i'm not it's not even coach it's not like we're pushed up against each other literally every time he would just like cross his you know foot over his knee or whatever it would just be like a new blast of foot stench and the i spent five hours resenting the shit out of that kid because if i would have been in my original seat i would not have to be smelling this guy's

feet the whole time was it that actually it was actually the kid that was in your seat not the

mom or the nanny it was the kid uh no it was the mom who the mom was in my seat but it was so she

could be next to the kid so i still blame the kid still it's easier to blame a kid because you can take them down easier if exactly they're so bad at fighting they really are i mean one of the

hardest things is to headbutt them you've got to get on their level they have a low center of gravity though so you know that's a challenge yeah anyway i was i'm not exaggerating i had a thought towards the end of the flight which i did not act on of like once we had the plane had landed and we're all getting off the plane and we're all going our separate ways you know how there's like that moment once the plane lands where everyone breaks into conversation because we're all massively relieved that we don't have to be on the plane with a stranger anymore like so now we'll talk to them because the worst is that we just have to talk to him for 10 minutes like whereas when the plane is taking off like i'll i'm pretty quiet when the plane's taking off because if this person next to me is going to be annoying i don't want to have to talk to

them for five hours yep and also depending who you're next to you also want to signal hey i'm not going to be a guy who's going to talk your ear off so everybody's very um quiet in these

situations right but then you're like on the ground and you're just kind of like oh okay well now now let's become best friends because there's a real i can see that there's an expiration date for this hangout but um i was tempted to like in the because this guy was very nice i mean I all of all of our chatting involved me going oh I've got to use the restroom and then he would like stand up that was another thing that happened I mean I know that this is securing zero sympathy from the listeners because this is like I am a fully aware of how of how first world all of this is but this is just this was just it was a moment where I was I was living in complete privilege and luxury but then all these little small things were going wrong which are things you're not really allowed to complain about but like i get up to use the restroom and it was exactly at the moment where the flight attendant walks through the area of first class with a basket of snacks like some chips or uh whatever coconut encrusted cashews or something and like i i'm not a big snacker but i do kind of like really enjoy that also i was really hungry still and so i come back from the restroom and i like sit back in my seat and i realize she's now walking back to the front of the plane because she thinks that she's presented every person up there with the possibility of these snacks but she hasn't for me because i wasn't there and then i'm like do i ring the flight attendant button to in first class i thought that i thought you guys are always asking

for shit up in first class i thought they're happy to bring this stuff i mean they are to me yes

that is true but it's more like i would never ring the button to get someone i would i would just wait and then if they came by i would say oh can i have a little more wine or something or whatever Like it wouldn't be like I wouldn't summon them, particularly over something as silly as some coconut encrusted cashews like that just feels very, very, very privileged of me. But I was also really hungry and I was just sitting there and I was just like, I really hope they come back so I can ask about those cashews. And eventually she did. But it was like just I had a lot of little moments of of feeling annoyed and then feeling annoyed at myself that. And when I was in the height of privilege, I was still finding ways to be slightly unhappy about things. But this is the thing I didn't do, I considered. I considered as we were deplaning, maybe saying to my seatmate, hey, I just want to let you know, I mean, in a nice way, like not in a I'm trying to make this person feel bad way, but like you might want to wear socks with those with those boots or something like I'm not kidding, not because I wanted to roast this person who I would never see again, but because I. almost felt like i owed it to them to let them know that this was happening they might know and

just not be able to do anything about it in that moment i mean yeah there's no need to do that like you say like i didn't your relationship is over i have i have a couple of other questions related to this story um first of all i assume that all things like just forget about what your seats were supposed to be originally you would still take stinky feet in first class over coach right

obviously i think so well i don't know you know if you can get in an exit row of coach or in a um like the front row of coach it's pretty great i have no i don't have any problem flying in coach if i'm able to at least have like um not the most terrible coach seat and i'm not let's say a ran

just a random like you know those things first of all you know they do often charge more for those exit rows and you know if you get the the the middle bulkhead or whatever you call the the front of coach that's kind of good but like just say you're you're random it doesn't even have to be a middle seat but just like a random window or a aisle seat in uh in i think i think i'll take stinky yeah i think i would too my other question is what about a mask we all carry around masks these days i would have because you don't it's annoying when you have to wear a mask for the entire flight and you feel like you're you know back in the day you felt like a criminal if You didn't put it right back up after eating one peanut or whatever. We're not in that mode anymore. But for a long flight like this, were you tempted just to pull out your mask and put it on from time to time?

I was, but I didn't have one in my bag. I have a bunch of masks at my house. I don't generally mask these days. Maybe I should. But if I would have had a mask. And that was, again, that was karma for me. That's what I get for not having a mask in my computer bag. Because I would have put one on so fast And it would have radically changed the experience I'm not a super sensitive Smeller I'm not sort of getting the vapors All the time Or like this room smells weird I feel like I'm not overly sensitive About how things smell generally But like It was so pungent I mean it was like the second that I sat down And I thought oh my god Are those my feet And then I was like I need to go in the bathroom and check and make sure that's not me i don't know what i was going to do about it but like it was the kind of thing that there was because i didn't have a mask which is on me there was no getting away from it and it just it just continued it was just a very present thing in my mind but i think you're right i think i still would have taken it over being in row you know middle seat row 25 or something and again i just want to say i understand very much that none of this makes none of this is very sympathetic towards me like i get that i'm just reporting my experience it's

interesting about the terrible person the the mask thing because i don't usually wear a mask either i it used to be i would wear it on the weekends when i was volunteering or around food i don't i haven't done that in a while so i don't know um if the volunteers are still still wearing masks um on the weekends when we do that thing um but for the most part like i don't wear a mask anywhere the other day i had uh just this a little bit of cold symptoms i told you and it lasted about 48 hours. I was fine. But I went to the grocery store. I figured I better put on a mask just for those around me, you know, just in case I'm misreading this situation. And also who wants to give anybody a cold anyway, if it was a cold. So anyway, but here's where I'm going with this. I still get a weird panicky feeling if I realize I've left the house without a mask. And I wonder how long that's going to take me to get over because I hate those paper masks. I hate like if you find yourself in a situation where it turns out, oh, there is a mask policy here and you don't have your own, you have to wear one of our disposable ones, which I mean, that's happened to me like once when I went to get a flu shot or not to get the COVID booster or whatever. They made me wear their mask, which stank. And I am very sensitive to smell. And so I'm so nervous about being in a situation where somebody says, here, you have to wear our mask that I always when I leave the house, I'm like making sure I have a mask in my pocket, even though I haven't worn it in forever. I wonder how long this will last with me.

well that's the thing i would have assumed i just had one in my bag because for the same reason although i i've had the experience when i was getting the bivalent um the other day uh oh by the way if you are in portland now of course i can't remember the name of the of the pharmacy but if you are you know it's really hard to get an appointment for the bivalent it's like a kind of a long wait sometimes a few weeks maybe even a month but there are walk-up appointments at this it would be so much better if i could remember the name of the pharmacy but it's around the corner from the trader joe's in hollywood so if you know where that is um it's uh and and the guy was who was running at the doctor was so great he was like how'd you hear about us and i was like

my girlfriend found you all online I think through next door believe it or not if you're in Portland and you're trying to get a walk up and he was like tell everybody about it because we have a lot of capacity and we want to give as many of these shots as we can my point is they wanted you to have a mask while you were in there which is reasonable and they had just like the paper ones and I just put it on and then I went and got the flu shot and it was the same thing I got the flu shot at like a Fred Meyer and they were like we want people to be masked up in this pharmacy again totally makes sense and they had the just take one you know So I think the problem now is I'm getting lazy because if I find myself at a place where a mask is required, they usually just have a big box of like temporary ones. And that's kind of what I'm going to. I need to get back in the habit of bringing my own mask places because it would have made the whole flight different for me.

I'm looking at the clock. I just realized that we should definitely go to a break now. We're a little bit crunched for time today.

Yeah, probably so. In fact, we may have to just leave. I mean, do you think the listeners will be OK if we don't talk about the election?

I mean, listeners have been asking me if I could weigh in with more political opinions to just think I'm really insightful on these issues. So maybe we'll have to hold that for tomorrow.

I almost sent you and Chris Hayes an article about a human trafficking hoax that was on an app called Gas. I read about it in the Washington Post. And then I was like – I was sending it to you as evidence of this thing I've been trying to explain that I think is not doing me any favors with the listeners. And I could talk about that when we come back. Okay.

That sounds great. Okay.

All right. Quick break, and then back with something or other here on TBTL. Let's thank our daily donors. These are the generous folks who are actually paying extra today for us to not talk about politics, for us to not give our insights on the red wave that never happened. I will say I saw somebody had retweeted the truly horrendous Ben Shapiro saying this isn't a red wave. This is a red wedding. And I was like, yeah, it is. It's nice to it's nice to see your enemies vanquish before you. And by that, I mean, Ben Shapiro is my enemy. So the people who appreciate us laying off the political talk today, but still being entertaining and sparkling like usual. Folks like Sandra Gilliam of Burton, Washington Huh, I don't know if I know where Burton, Washington is I know that Sandra has been supporting the show for a while though So thank you Also, Doug Horton is in Fraser, Colorado That is the fanciest city I've ever heard of And I used to live in Fraser, Colorado

Now that's F-R-A-S-E-R The tree, like a Fraser fir would have an I in there Am I right about that? Yes, I believe so

Because I have a Christmas smell Jar, that's not what they call it I have one of those diffusers That's a Frasier fir

Get the smell jar Hey, get the smell jar

Thanks Doug, also thanks to Laurel Humphrey In Burien, Washington All I can hear is Yanni Humphrey, but that's alright I think this is Laurel, thank you Thanks to James Norton, who's in Seattle Appreciate you James And then Martha Zuma is checking in from Oxford. That was my impression of the music of Great Britain, Andrew. God Save the King. Oh, right. That's different now, isn't it?

I think it's basically the same. They just put a trip hop beat behind it. That's my understanding. Go off, King. I'm not a royal expert.

Go off king. Thanks, Martha. And then thanks to Raymond Williams, who's in Seattle, Washington. Appreciate you, Raymond. Thank you to all of our donors for making TBTL possible. We absolutely would not be here without you.

Here I go once again with the email. Every week, I hope that it's from a female. No, man, it's not from a female.

All right. Obviously, we got to like zero of the top stories. I apologize. Again, you don't need our election take other than to say few. I'm glad that things didn't go worse. I do tomorrow, Andrew, want to talk because I'm going to be in this hotel room for like eight days or something. I want to talk to you about this movie trailer that's on constant loop and is assaulting my delicate eyeballs because it seems it seems like something from I think you should leave. It really does. So we can talk about all of that stuff tomorrow. In the meantime, are there any emails or emails that are of note?

Yeah, let me play this voicemail for you. This is from listener Rachel. I think Rachel does a good job of setting this up. I don't need to repeat what you're about to hear, but we're basically.

talking the other day i believe anna called in and was asking about like songs we might sing when we want to vanquish intrusive thoughts uh as we're puttering around and so that inspired this from

rachel hi guys this is listener rachel from pittsburgh i was calling because um i wanted to share with you two things about the songs that you use to get intrusive thoughts out of your head And first of all, this is a fun fact, which is that I'm a therapist and there is an intervention in acceptance and commitment therapy, ACT, where you actually do sing your intrusive thoughts to help you realize it's just a thought, right? Like if you say the word blender a hundred times and it starts to sound just like gibberish because a word is just a representation of a thing. It's not the thing. And so if you can sing or say something a bunch of times, right, you start to realize that the thought maybe doesn't have as much power over you. So, for example, sometimes if I were to use ACT therapy, you might have someone sing out loud, I'm going to die someday. I'm going to die someday. I'm going to die someday. I'm going to die. Over and over again until the thought has a little bit less meaning. And the second thing I wanted to share was just about nonsense songs about bananas. And that is that whenever I open a banana, I often think of a song that I don't think I made up, but it's a rendition of Sweeney Todd, where instead of they say, I feel you, Joanna, I sing, I'll peel you, banana. Power up.

You know, it's interesting that she used the example of Blender for the intrusive thought, because that is my intrusive thought. i think i'm a blender or no i think a blender is going to get me wait what do i think i'm not sure i just have to sing blender blender i would probably sing you're also funny because sweeney

todd is such a dark dark play really story like anytime anything even tangentially related to sweeney todd is somehow making one's mental health better yeah right is uh that's really something

who thought the darkest part of that voicemail wasn't going to be the part where people were singing i'm going to die someday um right yeah i uh yeah i feel like my intrusive thoughts not that we have to get into i i would like i i always i'm just like i'm exactly like chris farley in that um in that snl bit where uh he's like doing the interview he's trying to interview somebody he's like oh just idiot like i remember specifically the one that he did with paul mccartney where he asks yeah much of really dumb questions and then he just it's like so cringy That's basically I don't even know if I use the term intrusive thought correctly. I feel like we as a society and me as a person, like sometimes we hear these technical terms from the field of psychology or what have you. And then I just apply them to my life and probably use them incorrectly. But that is kind of my version of what we're talking about.

Yeah, I am. I have a kind of a, you know, a different take now on a lot of that Chris Farley stuff, because for whatever reason, i don't know a couple years ago maybe it was because bob odenkirk was making the rounds um uh promoting one of his movies and he was a writer on snl during the chris farley days but like he talks about that chippendale sketch that chris farley was in that i just thought was riotously funny when i was a kid and like i think bob odenkirk is really of the opinion that it was real i think that was written by robert smigel but but bob odenkirk is like that really hurt chris farley to actually be played for you know a kind of a joke like that and that you know even that like i think about the such an idiot and he's like kind of smashing his hair back and like beating himself up and it's like generally speaking if somebody's dealing with as much kind of you know addiction and things like chris farley obviously did there's probably some pretty dark interior thoughts and some certain amount of of self-doubt and self-loathing that would drive one towards that so now all that stuff has a slightly different tone or color to it for me

now yeah and that's that stuff was always kind of dark anyway you know even in the van down by the

river stuff has a bit of right i just never picked any of it up because i had no sense of empathy for other humans let me read you one i was just like big guy fall down hit coffee table this is

funny wait now you're doing unfrozen caveman lawyer describing this yeah that's interesting we still we can say that though right let me share with you one more note we got this from a listener this from listener sam who says uh you guys were talking about hot air balloon proposals remember that was a couple of weeks ago i think about proposing on a higher balloon i said the big

danger of going up in a hot air balloon is you might get proposed exactly sam says you're talking

about hot air balloon proposals and how cheesy they are well i'll have you know that i propose in a hot air balloon are they cheesy yes are they scary as hell absolutely the first few feet in the air are exciting but then once you get above the tree line the realization Thank you.

sets in that you're in a wicker basket held up by a balloon and an open flame i don't have fear of heights but i was so close to having a panic attack what amazed me was how little control the pilot had luke as i read this my hands are getting sweaty they can make it go up and they can make it go down and that's pretty much it which means they don't know where they're going to land so with that in mind there's a guy following us in a truck the whole time so he could meet us wherever we ended up landing to help us out we needed to land on some farmland in upstate new york the pilot confirmed that this is normal and said you'd have to be a special kind of person to be upset about a hot air balloon landing on your lawn yeah but i mean if it's a farm like couldn't that ruin corn i mean like i don't know like what's down there uh our pilot also informed us that he was ranked the number 23 hot air balloon pilot in the u.s to which my wife and i asked simultaneously out of how many i was so nervous on this thing that it made the proposal a breeze with all that said it was a once in a lifetime experience the views were amazing and it's just such a unique thing if given the chance i highly recommend it i will not be doing that sam i will not be going on on hot that sounds like your nightmare it's yeah i mean honestly i just i i can't i i think this part of the conversation we had last time was what's scarier jumping from an airplane with a parachute like you know doing a controlled skydive or a hot air balloon and you would think it'd be like well you don't have to you know you don't have to do anything for the hot air balloon you can just sit there and try to look at the at the ground of the basket which is i guess what i would do but there would be something about the um there would be something about the the feeling of being stuck at the top of the ferris wheel forever you know like you're just like yeah it just seems like it would be interminable i don't know i mean two things for

me one would be i would i think i would be worried i wouldn't do it but i'd be worried that i would at you know at 5 000 feet or something i would be struck by some sort of mania and want to jump out of the basket like i don't like it's kind of that feeling when you're driving and you're like what if i just crossed over the center line into the oncoming traffic or something you know that you want to that's an intrusive thought and i think a lot of people have versions of that and obviously people don't act on those things but i think i would feel a little uncomfortable being like i'm in this basket and i'm alive but if i were to just like hop over the side i would be not alive very quickly the other thing is the last time i was in a hot air balloon i get on there and they go are you luke and i go yeah and they go we gave your seat away to this fucking kid and then i had to be back in the less nice part of the hot air balloon and i It was just filled with rage the entire time.

The good thing is the flame of the hot air balloon acts like a candle.

It kind of sterilized the air. It sterilized the air.

Exactly.

That was nice. I did appreciate that. So anyway. All right. Great. That's a great voicemail. Thank you, Sam, for sending that in. And also, I hope you know that no yucks were meant to be, no yums were meant to be yucked over your hot air balloon proposal. I think that's awesome. And also it's an interesting approach Because if you're just scared to death Of something else It does make the proposal part

Like a breeze That's why if I ever go in a hot air balloon I want them to fill it with snakes

Snakes on a hot air balloon That I believe Was that the British version of snakes on a plane

Somebody's working on it probably right now For snake week

Alright everyone Well thank you for listening Thanks for being part of TBTL We are going to be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio for you. So please do join us for that until then have a great Wednesday. Count every vote and please remember no mountain too tall and good luck to all.

I tell you this because as an artist, I think you'll understand. Sometimes when I'm driving On the road at night I see two headlights coming toward me Fast, I have this sudden impulse to turn the wheel quickly Head on into the oncoming car I can anticipate the explosion The sound of shattering glass The flames rising out of the flowing gasoline Right well i have to i have to go now duane because i i'm due back on the planet earth power out