Muse

Baby, have you ever wondered, wondered, whatever became of me? I'm living on imaginary radio. I'm living on that T-D-T-L. T-B-T-L. This is the part where I'm supposed to do the whole intro thingy. Yeah, I just came here to hit dingers and have a good time. That's about it.

This is a show for dogs, about dogs, starring one dog, and one dirty dog. Expect to feel several bone tremors and be perceived by all around you to be a disgrace.

The comedy factor speaks for itself. It's just painfully obvious. It's an unfulfilled prophecy. It just has to be played out.

Oh, this is fantastic. I've been waiting for this moment for months and it's finally here. well hello good morning and welcome everyone to a thursday edition of tbtl the show that just might be too beautiful to live my name is luke burbank i am your host coming to you once again from new york city looking down seventh avenue here in midtown manhattan where as we are recording this program the sun has now moved into a a sort of i don't know what you'd call an opening between all of the skyscrapers here in midtown and it's just blasting right into my hotel room at the sheraton and so now i'm wearing sunglasses because i love staring out the window particularly in a place like new york so i wasn't going to close the blinds in the hotel room but i have sunglasses on and i and i also can see my reflection weirdly in the uh in the window i don't think i've ever done the show in sunglasses i feel like some kind of cool 80s rock and roll dj i feel like i could even be a w i could be a venus flytrap at wkrp in cincinnati to reference back to the opening intro tape i don't we may have a whole new Luke today as I wear cool guy Ray-Ban sunglasses and talk to you about episode 3812 in a collector's series. Let the fun begin. Part of why maybe I'm such a cool guy on this Thursday is because last night, once again, I found myself amidst a cannabis cuisine situation. Hey, what

happened? I

was out in Brooklyn. I was in Williamsburg at this extremely cool get-together of people that were eating very elevated cannabis cuisine and it was well it had an effect on me I quit vaping 3 hours and 27 minutes ago I gave it up I'm done anyway we will talk about that we will also talk about this movie Violent Night you gotta be kidding me that I am being subjected to 24 hours a day in this hotel room because the trailer for it is in constant loop on a huge digital billboard in Times Square that beams along with the sunshine into my room i can't decide if violent night is the most ridiculous thing i've ever seen or actually a pretty genius sort of holiday romp i don't know i might actually be able to get into this i've now watched and listened to the trailer about five times and we'll play it for you coming up also speaking of questionable media projects Jim Ursay is the owner of the Indianapolis Colts football team, and he's sort of a character, but I did not realize until today. Like, for instance, he just appointed a person named Jeff Saturday. Jeff Saturday, by the way, one of the few names that sounds more made up than Luke Burbank, but he appointed Jeff Saturday to be the coach of the Indianapolis Colts. The only issue is Jeff Saturday has almost no coaching experience. But the thing that's more interesting about Jim Irsay is that he fancies himself some kind of rock and roller. And he got these two guys together with acoustic guitars to stand next to the Washington Monument while he kind of leans against a tree for support and sings Blowing in the Wind.

Hey, want to hear the most annoying sound in the world?

It is something else. And we're going to play it for you coming up. and because it's a Thursday, a.k.a. Blur's Day, we'll do the Blur's Day messages.

So stick around for that.

We'll do all of it with the help of this guy, the longest-running co-bro of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. He's been wearing cool guy sunglasses to do the program for years and years. In fact, that's where I got the idea.

He's my devil, my dark lover, my alter ego. Sometimes I think he's my conscience.

He's Andrew Waltz.

and he is joining me right now. Good morning, my friend. Good morning, Luke. I'm excited to try something out with you here just to see how it feels. I'm going to tell you a very, very quick little story here at the top of the show, okay? It's important that you and the listeners know this story is not a true story. I'm making this up. I'm just trying to use something as an example. I need some context for it, so go with me here, okay? Here's a fake story. Yesterday, Luke, I was puttering around in the kitchen doing some dishes, and a little teaspoon fell down into the garbage disposal drain. Again, this is not a true story. A little teaspoon fell into the garbage disposal, and I always get nervous when I reach down in there to grab a spoon or something, but I was very careful, and I'm reaching down into the garbage disposal, and then Genevieve, she turned on the vacuum cleaner behind me, and it scared me. Luke, I squealed like a pig that won the Powerball. Oh! You see what that was leading up to?

The pig that won the Powerball, I see.

That came from listener Harrison, who says, Hey, Hermanos, you guys were trying to come up with an alternative to squealing like a stuck pig, and then you ended up saying it, like a pig that won the Powerball, because we're also talking about Powerball winnings yesterday or the day before. Harrison says, You know that a porker would just be squealing in hog heaven with a billion dollars. Now, here's the deal. Now, hog heaven is another thing we need to come up with, because, I mean, you know, it implies

that the pig is dead. Well, the problem is hog heaven indicates the existence of a hog

hell. Right. I mean, that's a whole other thing right there. Hog purgatory. But anyway, it doesn't... The hog bardo. It does not... It doesn't mirror stuck pig. I think those are the best ones where it's kind of like, it follows the sort of, like, rhythm of the original expression, either it rhymes or it starts with the same couple of letters, but it's got one syllable, like, stuck. but i just can't come up with anything and i gotta say squealing like a pig that won the power ball power ball excuse me kind of delights me i love that expression i know because you can picture it

yes like you like you can picture a cartoon pig yep it's got a it's got money it's it's clutching money somehow with both of its hooves and there's money there's dollar there's like thousand dollar bills flying around that's not how any of that works by the way i don't think they give you cash money and i don't know how a pig with cloven hooves would even do it but it's definitely put it this way a pig winning a bunch of money that's flying around it as it's doing kind of like an excited dance is 100 a slot machine somewhere i promise you i know that's probably why we can both

picture it so well not that either one of us are like slot machine maniacs but it's very porker's payday or you know what else it is it's a it's an illustration on a pull tab which is very much my lane can't you see like a farm like a farmyard themed pull tab bin where every pull tab you pull has some sort of like little cartoon animals on it and let's face it because these pull tab makers are also cheeky and living in the 80s and a bit misogynist there's probably a quote unquote farmer's daughter illustrated in there somewhere as well

I think it's called like grow in bucks G R O W I N apostrophe and then b-u-c-k-s growing bucks or raisin raisin dough or something you know whatever clever thing i will say this about pole tabory when you get the ones that are sometimes if you're in a certain state like literally like in the united states some states or some counties will have the ones that are just a string of numbers oh yeah and they're like paper they're they're like you pull them off and they're a string of numbers and you know i guess if you win you win all the same but it's really i have to say it is so much less fun to just rip open a paper thing and see like seven random digits and then occasionally there's like a red line going through which means you won some money i love seeing me a pig celebrating its hard one powerball bucks on

my pull tab absolutely because if you don't win the money you still win just in life by being able to see these cartoons i will say some of the i was kind of shocked some of these um pull tabs are quite randy the art and themes on them i remember is it kenmore lanes that has the huge pull tab wall where they have bins upon bins upon bins it's probably i don't know if i've ever even

been to that part of that bowling alley but that sounds about right it's wherever phyllis and i did

an episode of tbtl one time from a bowling alley and we pulled tabs together and i believe phyllis one 50 bucks and i sort of resent her for that to this day um and i remember like looking at all the options and being like wow there are so many different fun pull tabs here and i can't i apologize that i can't um be specific here i just don't remember it it's not because i'm prudish but there were some that made me

Thank you.

I went out and I bought pearls and then I put them on and then I clutched them.

They were quite horny. Yeah, I mean, I don't need the eroticism of a lot of those pull tabs. Like I said, I'm just happy with just a pig with a top hat and a monocle because it's recently come into some money. That's enough entertainment for me. Thank you very much.

Yep, exactly. Anyway, Harrison, I appreciate that alternative. I'm going to try to remember to use that. Not that it's – I never even knew squeal like a stuck pig, but now I want to start using this more. Maybe I'll try it out around the holidays, around Thanksgiving. We've got some family coming over. Maybe I can kind of just throw it out there casually, see how the people react to it.

I'm sorry. I'm a little distracted. I'm trying to get a sweet photo of me in these sunglasses from through the window of the Sheraton. And I'll just tell you what, Andrew. I am no photographer

Are you reaching your What do you mean Through the window

No there's I mean there's a reflection Of me Coming back From the window In my cool sunglasses And I was just I wanted you to see How cool I look But I'm having I'm having trouble Documenting it And it just looks now Like I'm a ghost I just sent you a picture Where it looks like There's a ghost Of a cool guy Trying to co-host This podcast

Oh no Luke's in hog heaven Nearly a ghost now You keep sending me Photos of you In glasses This is like The second or third day Yeah what is In a row this is our new love language yeah i think so yeah because you sent me a picture of you and your readers the other are those readers you have or are they oh you are ghost like yes um how do you define readers um like a non-prescription magnifying lens that you put

on just to read uh no these are prescription not the sunglasses i'm wearing right now but the ones that i now i wore all day during the shoot yesterday first time i've ever filmed a tv thing with those dang glasses on um they are maybe readers can if i get maybe readers can be uh

prescription actually but i think the point is that they're only for like kind of magnifying print or whatever they're not to see far away or anything they're merely you put them on to

see small things in front of you yeah well that's mostly what these are doing it's kind of medium depth to close so like what i've noticed is if i'm trying to read my computer screen or my phone or any small print, I have to have these glasses on now or I have to hold the thing very far away from me. And even in the middle distance stuff, it's just all clearer now when I'm wearing these glasses. So that's, I guess, like I said, that's sort of the new thing for me, and it's going to take some adjusting because I haven't been a glasses person much historically. I did wear some glasses in my 20s as a fashion statement.

When you were smoking your pipe, right, and you were writing?

Back when I was a novelist, Andrew, I would wear my glasses. and smoke my pipe and write my novels. But yeah, I was at this weed thing yesterday, Andrew. And let me just tell you this. You would never fall victim to this because I think you start out sort of already being extremely, how do I put it? I don't think that you get high on your own supply at all about your coolness. But if you are a person like me who even at 46 occasionally thinks, hey, I'm still kind of cool. williamsburg brooklyn will humble you will absolutely particularly a 200 a plate elevated fine dining cannabis event where they're playing where they're honoring the 29th anniversary of a wu-tang clan record therefore playing that music in a room in an incredibly modern event space filled with like people about the age of 28 who have who are doing so well in new york that they have the money to come to this thing on a wednesday night it was shocking how cool everybody there was i just wanted to like i wanted to scuttle back to the airplane and hustle back to southern washington where i belong this is a it was a very cool event

well here's one thing i'm going to say the most uncool thing in the world right here but if i have this right if they were claiming to be celebrating the 20th anniversary of 36 chambers they're off by a year you could have one-upped them with that because that came out in 93 right

i don't even think uh i believe you on that i think yesterday somebody said i don't think it was somebody with the group it might have been one of the producers on the story somebody said the 29th anniversary and i thought boy that's oh 29th oh oh yeah oh god that's right because

yeah 93 i'm looking it's november 93 and right now it's november 2022 so yeah i'm sorry i did my math wrong there so it's 29th not 19th yeah wow but that's yeah that's uh that was a long time

ago um which also makes me feel old i mean this is a think about it for the folks in that room at that event space listening to Wu-Tang is like when we were in high school us listening to

the Beach Boys or something yeah I know I mean that's something that is right or or the Beatles you know as I grew up not to go on my usual boring rant about that but realizing how close like being a kid in the 80s and thinking I was listening to this like magical stuff from a totally magical era that was like so so long ago listening to the Beatles and realizing oh that was 20 years ago that's like me listening to something from 2002 right now now the thing was with this event i went

in very very tentative andrew because i told you that when we were filming something kind of the same but actually very different it turns out in portland recently in oregon city that was like um a get together in someone's home it was you know just a handful of people it was a very um casual affair and i had one schmear of canna butter on one piece of toast and it sent me i was like kind of not okay for a while so i went into this one being like because this this was like a five course meal and everything was infused so uh you know they were making this really great uh corn dish i think it was called a chen chen and that had you know canna butter infused into it There was these dumplings. There were all just all manner of things. But everything had some amount of cannabis in it. So I was like, I, you know, I had one thing from the last time and I was knocked out. I was like, I cannot eat this whole meal or at least the things on this meal that I would eat things that are there was also like bone marrow, which I was very happy to pass on, regardless of my, you know, quasi vegetarian status. but i was the whole time you know like we're filming we're filming everyone eating it and we're filming the chef and it's a very cool scene actually and everybody was very nice and the food looked incredible but i was just like if i have any of this i will probably be not okay and then it came time for what we call the tease or the promo where i say something into the camera about this thing where i'm at which they will then use you know during the episode potentially to promote the thing that's coming up and we realized that really the only way for it to work was for me to eat one of these dumplings that was infused and we had to do like four takes so I ended up eating like four of these infused dumplings and I also and I thought this was going to be a bad idea I broke down and they had made this kind of like a rum old-fashioned that looked very delicious but it had a little dosing of something in it as well and somebody handed me one of those and I was like you know what let's give it a shot and so i had some of that and i was very concerned i was like i've had four dumplings i've had a rum old-fashioned with something in it i am going to be bouncing bouncing off of the empire state building um and i will tell you what andrew it was an incredibly pleasant experience i don't know how this guy did it i don't know how he did his cbd uh mixed with his whatever it was but i just felt very pleasantly relaxed in the lift on the way back to manhattan and then i just got back here watched a little tv i had the best experience having some amount of marijuana in my system i've ever had in my life so yeah it must

have to do with what what they were each like kind of like you say dosing it with it sounds like this was more of a cbd experience which is you know cbd is not as like in your head like thc is right cbd is more of a you know people use it a lot more in medical contexts to ease pain and anxiety

and stuff he said that if somebody ate the entire meal it would be like 25 milligrams of the stuff which that sounded like a lot for me like i think maybe i had like five milligrams at the other place and i was freaking out so um i didn't eat everything in the meal because there was a lot of like you know meat and things like that that i skipped but you know i had a little bite of a few things and so i had i don't know how many milligrams in my system but some amount of cannabis and i just tell you what i just felt great i like want to get the guy's recipe i want to be like what did you do i want more of that that was a good experience i didn't feel paranoid i didn't get the munchies i wasn't i just felt a sort of little elevated sense of well-being it

was very nice to give a sense of it for you um just to kind of get a sense of dosing like the average one like kind of um like serving or whatever is 10 milligrams so like if you go to washing in you know in washington state if you buy a pack of gummies or cookies or whatever that are like kind of individually served usually it's like this candy is 10 milligrams i was going to ask since you were staying more sober during the taping of this one did you notice the people around you getting more high around you i feel like the first time you were so obsessed with your own experience that you might not have noticed if other people were getting a little getting a little goofy Everybody seemed completely great Everybody just seemed to be having a nice time Nobody seemed like they were out of it No one was staring into the middle distance I was also, I have to say I was sort of impressed, I guess you would say With the folks that were The staff that was preparing the food Because we watched them, you know, for hours Getting all the stuff ready And so many things, like they had bread That had actually been baked The butter that was used to make this baguette loaf Was canna butter So the bread itself had something in it. And everyone's like cutting the bread and then people are taste testing and everyone's passing it around. And there'd be other things where everything that had cannabis in it, a lot of it has to be tasted by the crew to make sure that the flavor is right and the proportions are OK and everything. And I'm just watching and I'm like, you're all going to be so high. Stop eating the bread. But everyone was totally fine. i was like how could you be i just can't imagine the stress of working as an open kitchen by the way and like these beautiful people have collected while the wu-tang is playing for this open kitchen concept where you're doing all this very elaborate dessert plating and everything i mean it felt like we were watching top chef or something and uh i can't imagine doing that and being even a little bit high but i guess you know these folks know what they're doing i did meet two men who i'm very convinced were mafia people from new jersey like straight out of an episode of the sopranos like it literally could it could totally be a sopranos thing if you had like um arty bucco wants to learn about cannabis cuisine so he goes to an event in the city and for some reason it pisses tony off like these the thing started at 7 30 and everybody's hustling around you know up to the last minute at seven these two guys materialize outside the door and they come inside and they are both uh extremely italian american appearing they're both probably in their 60s they're both kind of like um i don't know how to describe them other than they could have totally just been characters on the soprano their hair sort of quaffed immaculately um and it was like one guy's name was i'm not even kidding one guy's name was frankie one guy's name was johnny they thought i worked there or something i happened to be standing near the front door

and they came in and they said is this where the cannabis thing is i said yeah and then i'm making small talk with them and i said oh how did you find out about it because i was told initially that this was a a membership club or something but they seemed like this was their first time doing something like this and i go oh how did you hear about this and they look at each other and i'm not kidding andrew they go we're um we're in the industry and i was like the industry i didn't say the industry of what but then one guy goes yeah uh restaurants i'm a chef and i was thinking that's the longest time it's ever taken someone to say they're a chef if they're actually a chef and the one guy was like yeah i'm really interested in this but i need to know like how much do you use and like people are driving home from this like how do they do that part and everything and like it was like they seemed interested in what was going on but nothing about them being there by the way i just mentioned 90 of the clientele there they saw it on instagram they're incredibly beautiful people of all different kinds of backgrounds and gender identities etc i mean it's a freaking benetton ad there and then these two five four italian guys in their 60s who are like we're in the um industry i am sending you a photo of this flyer

that i got the other day from sopranos pizza here in the greenwood neighborhood of seattle let me know if these guys you saw if any of them are the guys who are posing in this sopranos pizza flyer

okay so then i will tell you as soon as i get the photo so then i was just like this is mysterious to me because this just seems like a an odd place for these two fellas to show up doing cannabis research and one of them's like yeah i don't really i don't smoke anything i don't do it i'm not going to eat any of the food i just want to see what they're doing and i'm thinking he spent two hundred dollars to just watch them put food on a plate and then the other guy who's allegedly the chef was like yeah i'll try a little bit of it i don't know i don't do it a lot and uh and then Then they go, have you ever watched, oh, man, there is a cooking show that is about weed, and I can't believe I'm not going to be able to, it involves the term bong. It's like, oh, man, the story is going to get even less interesting because I can't remember the specific name of this competitive cannabis cooking show, but it's like, you know, whatever, bong something or other. And they go, have you ever watched Bong something? And I was like, no, but, you know, this chef who's here tonight, Chef Miguel, he was on that show. And they get so excited because I guess they've.

seen that show and like chef miguel turns around they're like hey chef miguel chef miguel and it's clear he has never seen these people before in his life and he's kind of like oh he's waving back kind of like i don't know who these people are but that's cool and i was like this then the um the person kind of running the venue comes up to these two guys and goes you need to wait outside until 7 30 please and the one guy looks at him and goes well can i finish answering this man's question because he was in the middle of talking to me and i was like this is the part of the sopranos where somebody is getting in a trunk later like you do not send frankie and johnny of uh the industry out into the cold thus embarrassing them uh on one of their few trips into williamsburg i was like i don't want to be around any of this energy right now because

i don't know where this is going what was it a sort of an irritated can i finish answering this

guy's question or was it legitimately it was diplomatic but it was also kind of like i can't believe you're trying to kick us out of this place where we're standing it also was pretty cold last night in new york um it wasn't it wasn't like prickly but it was it felt to me like if it had to be said again it was going to get prickly and i because also the guy running the venue was a little bit of a like a prickly dude himself like he kept kind of like moving our camera crew around and stuff and being like you can't be there because you know it's in the way of this or that so i just go like um i keep chatting with these gentlemen from the industry whatever it is and i excuse myself just so i can get out of the situation i pretend i have to go to the bathroom because i just don't i don't want to be there when they're getting physically moved out of the building and then i just go and i pretend use the bathroom i come back and they're still just standing right in the corner they never left they never went outside the entire time they just ended up sticking around until it was time for the dinner so clearly they won whatever that argument was about if they could be in the building or not and they seem to have a genuinely lovely time i am still extremely confused as to what their angle was on being at this thing but there they were there they were yeah all right here we are at the point where we should definitely take a break uh so let us do that and then we'll be back with more tbtl in just a moment including the unforgettable music of Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay. Stay with us.

Thank you, baby.

Hey, let's thank some of our daily donors. These are the wonderful, generous TBTL supporters. They're in the industry of keeping TBTL

going. It's a good industry.

There are folks like Sybil Adams, and we're sure glad it exists. It's an important industry. It's, to us, highly important. Sybil Adams is in Seattle, Washington. Thank you so much, Sybil. Also, huh, Kelly Kilburn. My old friend Kelly Kilburn is in Seattle, Washington. Thank you, Kelly. I've known Kelly for a long, long time, and is just a wonderful human being. And I knew a listener to the show But I didn't realize was still supporting the program Thanks Kelly Also Elizabeth McCullough Is also in Seattle, Washington Everybody's in Seattle these days I know, everybody's moving to Seattle It's the Austin of Washington Megan Rodriguez though Is in the Austin of Texas Did you see that? I don't think

Maybe your eyes glanced at it And it was in the back of your head

I don't think so I can't even see anything I'm wearing sunglasses

Also, that is true. I mean, Austin would be the go-to place.

I legitimately think I picked Austin because of its characteristic of being a place everyone's moving to. And I think, coincidentally, Megan Rodriguez is in Austin. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it. Nice. Kate Roppel and Matt Sutton are in Colorado Springs. Colorado. That's the Colorado Springs of Colorado Yeah That's what you're doing with there Thank you Kate and Matt Appreciate you And then Bridget Shobbs Would you go I feel like If that had a U If Bridget's last name had a U I would be going That's a Shob But it looks like maybe it's Shaves Here's the deal

Bridget has been a long time listener of the show I don't know if you recall Bridget even joined us on stage At the Chicago show in that little virgin theater that we did the show. Oh, yes, I do remember that. And I always see it in my head. When I see that name, I always see it as Chabez, but there's no way that's right. So I have no help here. But I know Bridget. I'm sorry I don't know how to pronounce your name, but I know you well, and I appreciate everything you've done for TBTL.

Absolutely do appreciate you, Bridget. And we appreciate all of our donors of the day for making TBTL possible. We just would not be able to do this without you. Hello and welcome to Top Story. So I already kind of mentioned this yesterday on the program, but when I checked into this hotel room and looked out the window, I noticed that I am almost directly across from a giant digital billboard in Times Square, which is kind of on the side of a different building, which has been and I've now been here, I don't know, two days or something, almost 48 hours. It has not stopped in the 48 hours, Andrew, playing the trailer for some movie called Violet Night, where Santa just kicks a tremendous amount of John Leguizamo and his hench people's asses. Are you, other than me mentioning it, are you vaguely aware of the existence of something called Violent Night? Nope. This is the first I'm hearing of it. It's, again, I started off. Who kicks John Leguizamo?

Who's kicking him?

What's that?

Who's kicking John Leguizamo?

Santa. Oh, Santa is. Oh, okay. I thought you said an actor. We don't know who's playing. Okay, gotcha.

Oh, I do. it's the guy from um stranger things um uh who plays the uh who plays the the the sheriff oh

yeah everybody loves him yeah i don't know his name but yeah yeah he became an overnight almost

cult sensation yes of course yeah who also i believe he had a pretty long career of just trying to sort of break into the industry and doing theater in new york and other things so it seems like it's sort of um it's it's nice to see somebody who was he's one of those overnight successes that was working away at it for 15 years you know david harbour um david harbour

i'm looking it up here also you have a beverly d'angelo of the um oh lampoon movies vacation

yeah the vacation movies i should say yeah yes i love i love a good beverly d'angelo sighting if only there was a pull tab that had a beverly d'angelo from christmas vacation on it anyway i can't i i couldn't hear the audio obviously it's just this muted like 40 second loop of santa just beating the living hell out of people that i'm just if i look out my window yep there it is still happening violent night so i went online and i actually like listened i watched the trailer and i listened to it and i loaded the audio and i just would like to play this for you please now i want to mention uh i'm skipping a little bit ahead because there's the beginning of it is like there's a bar where all the santas go to and david harbour is one of them he's kind of getting drunk which is ironic because i think david harbour in real life is actually quite sober but he's getting drunk and the other santas are comparing notes and they said like how long have you been doing this and he says i invented the whole thing so i guess he's like the original santa right okay yeah but there are multiple santas in this in this violent night verse And he then goes out to do his thing and finds himself in a house of some people they appear to be, I think, very well off. And at the same time, John Leguizamo, a.k.a. Benny Blanco from the Bronx, he and his crew show up to rob this house, rob some safe at this house. And Santa, David Harbour, is just sort of caught in the middle like he doesn't even want to be there. and he's actually trying to leave and they start beating him up and then they mess with the wrong santa andrew now this little girl this little girl who lives in this house somehow has a i don't this is like one of the silliest mcguffins i've ever seen but they set it up in the trailer that her parents give her a walkie-talkie that allows her to talk to santa and so she's talking to it and it is actually letting her talk to the like david harvard the real santa it feels very

reginald vel johnson bruce willis i was gonna say does she ever does she ever tie somebody up and write on their shirt i now i have your gun or whatever happens in that movie she says smoke

if you've got them uh-huh um but it is interesting because like they needed to create it seems some sort of connection between these two characters for whatever reason so that i don't know i plot propulsion or some kind of emotional investment from the viewers anyway so we are now at the point in the trailer where santa david harbour is beat up he's on the ground in this house and somewhere else i think in this house is where the little the little girl with the walkie-talkie is now by the way i could be confused she could be in a totally different house all we know is that there's a little girl with a walkie-talkie who's talking to santa this is the violent night trailer

are you gonna help the santa yeah trudi santa no my nice list santa claus is coming to town time for some seasons beatings

oh no uh yes you heard right andrew it's time for some seasons beatings

right but it's like a bond like the fifth watching of this i started to get into that line like i started to be kind of excited when it was going to come up because it's so funny and terrible

who the hell are you

boss what if he really is the real no such thing as santa by the way we knew this was going to happen right the the the jaded and very evil john leguizamo of course doesn't believe in santa like is this going to be a movie where at the end John Leguizamo's heart of stone melts because he sees that Christmas

is real? When somebody dumps a bunch of letters to Santa on the

courtroom floor. When it snows in Orlando for the first time ever, which I believe is a plot point in Ernest Saves Christmas.

These bad men? They're all on my naughty list. Naughty? That's naughty! And what do you do to the naughty ones? I'll give him a lump of coal.

By the way.

I gotta watch.

The lump of coal is he puts a grenade in the pants of one of the bad guys and then watches him blow up into smithereens.

I thought for, I was going to guess, I was going to say like, he takes a lump of coal and like, bashes it into some guy's face or something.

No, I believe this Santa's lump of coal, Andrew, is a grenade. Believe in you, Santa. now he's walking by his reindeer and one of the reindeer has pooped in the snow which one of you did that prancer prancer lowers its head in embarrassment it's been caught shitting in the snow so unprofessional violent night coming to theaters december 2nd like i know i'm not even kidding i don't really usually watch things i don't watch things that are sort of campy or so bad they're good i mean there are some exceptions i do love the movie the room uh but i don't go in for like ultra violence in movies or things that are like you know i don't know a horror film that's again i don't care about friday the 13th or nightmare on elm street or any of that stuff i kind of could see watching this movie if it was streaming like if i was in a hotel room and it was streaming i might watch this movie I think that the trailer has done its evil work on me I want to see him say Time for season's beatings That's when I'm going to cheer in the theater He just said the line

Come to the North Pole They said we'll have a few laughs I'm sorry I don't revere that movie The way you and Veves do I don't know if rever is the right word I don't mean to put that on you But that was not part of my cultural currency The way it was for Genevieve And so many people in my life And I think you as well I'm like, I come to it so late in life and I'm always mangling these iconic lines that sort of mean something to me because I've heard other people say them. But, yeah, no, this doesn't. I mean, it's funny. You go to two pot parties. Now you want to watch campy. I want to wear sunglasses when I do the show and I want to go watch Santa kick some ass. You've changed. Yeah, this doesn't hold a lot of appeal to me, except from a marketing standpoint of, like, it's interesting that, I don't know how many years ago it was that that movie, I don't know if I'm saying this right, Krampus? Yeah, Krampus came out, right? Oh, right. That was more of a horror movie. And people are sort of trying to, and maybe it all, maybe part of it goes to this idea of people saying, hey, Die Hard was a Christmas movie, or this idea of movies that weren't explicitly Christmas movies, but are now associated with the holidays. Maybe that gave, like, producers the idea to, like, make these campy-ish things that fit, like, what would usually be non-Christmassy genres make Christmas movies out of that and maybe fill that hole. Krampus, by the way, that was Adam Scott, I believe, now. Oh, really? He actually played? I never saw that movie. It's not for me. I remember it came out, I think, when we were in L.A., because I think Genevieve went to see it with her horror movie-loving bud in L.A. They would go to see all the stupid horror movies together But yeah Adam Scott I was watching Succession This week or I'm sorry Severance Tomorrow Tomorrow

Tomorrow is Severance Friday You want to talk about it I really want to I'm obsessed with that show still months later Did you ever re-watch it? Would I ever or did I ever? Did you? No I've only watched it once Are you beginning your re-watching already?

Well no I mean it's just it's well we'll talk about tomorrow i guess it's just like one of the re-watching it doesn't do me any good i'm just gonna see what i've already seen but i'm having trouble leaving that world you know like when you get really into a book or a tv show and then you're just like i just want to stay in that world a little bit longer i'm having trouble leaving the world of the music of jim ursay the owner of the indianapolis colts i saw a piece in defector today a great piece of writing by dave mckenna um killing dylan the fascinating horrors of jim ursay's blowing in the wind i already mentioned the fact that uh jim ursay uh fired frank reich who was his uh his initial head coach this season and replaced him with a guy named Jeff Saturday, who doesn't have a ton of coaching experience, which everyone was a little mystified by. This is how Dave McKenna wrote about it in Defector. Jim Ursay was asked early on Monday's press conference, announcing Jeff Saturday as the new head coach for the Colts, why the hell he hired a guy with no coaching experience. He had no sensible response. Quote, it's an intuitive decision, Ursay said early on in his rambling retort. I don't know how to make sausage, he said later. He should have simply warbled. The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind, which is something I've somehow just learned that he's warbled before. Check it out. And then Dave McKenna links to a YouTube clip of the owner of the Indianapolis Colts with what I guess is called the Jim Irsay band, which in this case is two dudes with acoustic guitars. They are standing kind of on the mall there in Washington, D.C. Behind them is the Washington Monument. Jim Ursay is in a cowboy hat, sunglasses, a black blazer, and is for some reason hanging on to a fairly small tree as if it's the only thing keeping him upright. Like as if he showed up for this bizarre music and video shoot Like pretty full in the bag But still wanted to go forward with it And so just decided that he would hang on to this tree for dear life Here is a little bit of what this music sounds like It starts off fine because it's the other two guys playing guitar

We'll be right back. Seasons beatings to my ears.

That, by the way, is the most in tune he is in the entire song. You get a little later on and it is it's really something I believe the way Dave McKenna described it is there's a lot of footage of Ursa crooning rock tunes out there. His renderings of the weight, turn the page and hurt all in the key of off. oh yikes all in the key of off i watched the video of him doing hurt it is so bizarre it's at the hammerstein ballroom in new york it's called the jim ursay collection and he is sitting on stage again i just can't point out enough this is the guy that owns the indianapolis colts he is just sitting on stage he is surrounded by a massive band of talented professional musicians there's fiddle there's guitar there's like seven backup singers and all of these people have been brought there to play their music and pretend like the guy who's singing doesn't sound like a a pig that just lost the power ball like it's so bad and it's such a it is it is such an emperor you know has no clothes like situation that so he's sitting on stage when he's doing hurt He's sitting on stage So everyone else is standing like it's a normal concert There's a stage I think he has basically bought out the venue The Hammerstein Ballroom and just brought in friends I mean there's no way someone bought a ticket To see the Jim Irsay collection But he's doing Hurt, he's sitting On a chair in the middle of the stage And he has like a round table next to him With a pack of smokes on it He's just chain smoking with his cowboy hat on Dedicating the song Hurt Now let me just remind you all Nine Inch Nails, Hurt he's dedicated it to his daughters who are in the audience and they're clapping it's kind of weird like if you really go into the message of the song and it's also so obvious That he is a guy who thinks Johnny Cash wrote the song Hurt You know what I mean? Like he's a guy of a certain age Who likes Johnny Cash And heard I promise you he was not like Down with the Nine Inch Nails version of Hurt He is a kind of guy who heard Johnny Cash singing Hurt And thinks I also have a voice that sort of sounds like Plenty of whiskey has run over it And so let me just do that So he's just getting all these And there's like so many videos online Of his various musical exploits which always involves him clearly paying normal musicians who can play to hang around with him and then let him sing very, very out of tune so he can feel like he's in a rock band. It is a truly strange phenomenon.

That is weird. Now, here's the one thing I'm a little bit distracted by, and not to get super into football talk here, but Jeff Saturday coached for several years a high school football team and ended with a very respectable three and seven record at hebron christian high school in 2020 so let's not say that he's coming into the nfl with zero

experience luke the most famous thing that jeff saturday is known for is getting yelled at by peyton manning during a colts game there's some famous like peyton manning was miked up and he's just screaming at jeff saturday to just run the play wait what was saturday's role in in He was the center for many years. He was a very good center, by the way. He was a very good football player. But the only reason I would have known there was, and we have listeners in Indianapolis and Indiana who love the guy, I'm sure. And I'm not saying anything bad about Jeff Saturday. But I only knew of him as the guy Peyton Manning was yelling at one time in a game because he was mad that he didn't feel like Jeff Saturday was running the play right. I don't know. As the center, I guess it would just have to be with, that would involve the direction that you were blocking or something. or you know but um this ursay guy he reminds me of here i am in new york you know the owner of the new york knicks is a guy named james dolan and i think he actually got his money from comcast i think he might be a like a comcast guy like i think his his family i could be wrong about this my my vague memory is his family owned some cable concern in like i don't know somewhere here in the northeast and either it got acquired by comcast and they got rich or they became comcast and got rich he's one of those guys who just got a bunch of money through sort of nothing that he did but his favorite thing to do is to slap his fedora on and play with his james dolan blues band and also make people show up for these shows like literally pay people to come out because you know he's fine i guess but he's not great he's not somebody that anybody would buy a ticket to see there's something going on with these these these guys who inherited a bunch of money from their parents because Jim Irsay's dad was the person who bought the Colts when they were in Baltimore actually I believe what he did was he bought the LA Rams and then he traded them for the Baltimore Colts and then moved them out of Baltimore and made them the Indianapolis Colts that was Jim Irsay's dad and again James Dolan's dad I think was the person who made the money in their family as well but there's something about these these these guys that grow up in this situation they just want to be rock stars and they're so bad at and isn't

balmer one of them too i mean he i think of him as a microsoft guy but he owns a sports team now but i know everybody says yeah balmer is like uh you know oh he's he can really shred on guitar whatever and you just like see like the i don't know what where these events are i think you're thinking of paul allen is it paul allen who does that okay yeah you're right i am thinking of all yeah all right p but he also owned a sport and paul allen would do yeah but it always was so So cringy. So, so cringy.

Yeah, it was a little. I mean, Paul Allen's move, and I can say this from personal experience because I worked some of these events. Paul Allen was also a person who was very, very taken with rock and rollers. And so, you know, he created the Experience Music Project and he would do these various events and charity events and things. And, you know, some money was raised for really great programs. So it wasn't like for nothing. but i think a big draw for paul allen was getting to like sit at a table with um joe walsh from the eagles or something you know and he i will give paul allen credit for this these events that i was part of that had like ringo star was there and carlos santana and whomever like some uh one of the dudes from led zeppelin jimmy page i think was there i don't remember paul allen getting up on stage in that venue and playing i think he would more like he had this like mega yacht that he would literally like fly rock stars to the mega yacht like on a helicopter and then they would all just hang out with guitars and jam on the yacht yeah which on some level i guess what i would say is if you become a billionaire why not use it for the most ridiculous thing ever which is flying joe walsh to your yacht so you can jam with him i mean i don't know because i would feel like i

would be self-aware enough and again i know people are like no man he could really play And like maybe he could like technically I mean that scene is not my scene anyway like whatever he's listening to to and trying to emulate is not it's just like so uber rich boomer bullshit to me like I'm just super not interested in it. But like you said, why not? I guess just amount of certain personal pride, I guess, would be my answer to that question. Like maybe maybe I'm reading the situation wrong, but like I just feel like it would be so transactional that you're kind of like buying rock star friends to just sort of like be around you. Like maybe they really are friends and they enjoy it. And it's not it's really not my place to say. I guess I'm just yucking yums here, but it just it just always turned me off so much.

mostly i'm just obsessing over this dude james dolan who owns the knicks and how he got his money because i'm also looking at 30 rock right now from this building and it has comcast on the top of it and it just looks so cable town to me isn't that the name isn't that the company that takes over uh nbc in in 30 in the show 30 rock yeah call it cable town i think yeah yeah but in real life i mean that was a joke about comcast right yes yes which is very subtweety of that show i mean i don't know why i'm just mentioning this 12 years later but um it's funny that like i'm looking because i've never really looked at the 30 rock building from this angle it's a beautiful you know old historic art deco building of course got the skating rink in front of it i mean it's a gorgeous play a thing but i've never looked at it from the side that has the comcast logo on the top of it and i just imagine like the writers for 30 rock one day coming to work and just seeing cable town on top of there and it's also like it's not it's it doesn't really look um how do i put this it's a 30 rock is this incredible historic building and then the comcast logo is completely out of step with what the vibe of the building is yeah like and that's how very kind of uncanny

thing now 30 rock of course the the show 30 rock was around when ge still owned nbc and i think they would take a lot of shots at ge too right like the microwave division and all of that And then when Comcast in real life took over, that's when they started making fun of like this and they portrayed Cable Town as or Comcast slash Cable Town as just being like real, like kind of like, oh, this is like these are kind of like backwoods people come into the big city. Yokels is the word I'm looking for. Not backwards. That's not exactly the right descriptor there. But Yokels is exactly the word.

Well, that's why I was thinking maybe this James Dolan guy, which I actually think I was wrong about. I was thinking maybe he was part of that because he just seems like such a yokel with his you know putting his fedora on and making everyone come out to his music show that no one's particularly interested in but I think those are I think I'm thinking of different yokels for what that's worth. anyway if you really want to just um if you want to lose a couple hours of your afternoon uh just look up the jim ursay collection and just enjoy enjoy what you can make happen if you are a billionaire because your dad was an hvac magnate in the midwest 45 years ago and therefore bought a football team and now you own the football team and get to do whatever you want one more football

related question personally speaking here we're getting somewhat near the weekend you're going to be in new york city throughout the weekend right yes so that's lucky for you because our beloved seahawks are for stupid nfl reasons playing in germany this week which is a real i mean they're playing an east coast they're playing an east coast team i feel like that's unfair it's like it's three more hours maybe i'm maybe i'm exaggerating the effect like once you're over there but it just seems weird to have a west coast team like the seattle seahawks playing an east coast team the tampa bay buccaneers in germany so that our so that the seattle fan base has to get up at 6 30 a.m local time to see kickoff which i guess i'm planning on doing but like that's ridiculous but it's easier for you you'll it'll be 9 30 in the morning that's you know we watch 10 a.m football on the west coast quite a bit i was thinking about that um i didn't you know plan

any of this around that but it is fortuitous for me because i uh i won't have to get up so so early then i was thinking if i was in seattle and it's a sunday morning i i enjoy kind of a nice leisurely sunday morning play with the cat a little bit maybe do the puzzle with becca if i if i were in seattle or portland rather would i get up at 6 30 would i set an alarm for 6 15 a.m to watch the first quarters of the seahawk game and what would that say about me as a person and the answer i probably would have i probably but um i'm excited that i've got a little three-hour head start i'm i agree with you on that by the way that it just seems like if you're going to play in germany why don't you just have two east coast teams play in germany why are you why are the seahawks once again first of all crossing they're crossing the north american continent and then they're they're crossing the atlantic ocean and then they're crossing europe or going deep into europe like that i can't see how that's not going to have an effect on a team if anyone's ever traveled to europe just to sightsee the first like three days you're there you're just completely knocked out by jet lag yeah obviously seahawks are flying private they're trying to account for this but it just seems like germany is not the place where the seahawks are going to

play their best football yeah i mean any team come coming from the u.s going overseas to play i think it's a pretty stupid thing but yeah i i really do feel like the nfl does like just like it almost like just wants to punish west coast teams for being a west coast team like it just seems so like either have two west coast teams go out there or an east coast team and west coast team again like when you're talking about a flight that long maybe you know like negotiating three hours addition like how much of a difference that makes but i i think it does make a difference and it just seems so it's like oh whatever you're seattle it doesn't matter yeah i i just think

that they know that seattle is probably going to win the superbowl this year as i've been saying right since the preseason andrew as they knew when they made the schedule yeah exactly they're trying to throw up every roadblock that they can to stop our absolute dominance also i mean this is tom brady's last chance to save his marriage not unlike bruce willis and diehard this is a This is a marriage that is really on the rocks So on the rocks that they filed for divorce But I feel like if Tom Brady can just play Really good on Sunday He might be able to get his family back So the stakes are pretty high

Come to Munich they said Alright sorry I'm done Come to Munich they say

Is that a show title maybe? Just remember that life is number one. You can be having so much fun. Just remember that life is much fun. You can be number one.

Just blursing through nap time here. Got a few blurses to share. I'll take care of these, Luke. You just sit back and relax. Maybe you have a sound effect machine. Actually, you probably don't have a sound effect machine with you, do you?

Oh, but I've got my – I can do some things here. Yeah, you do some things. Turn off. First of all, I'm going to – I want to apologize to the Blur's Day today. First, I have to unpause Jim Ursay, and then I can stop him. What if I just played the next four minutes of that song? I was going to say, I could just kill the Blur's Day music, and that could be our – Absolutely catrolling, folks. But no, I've got – let's see. I've got this guy. I've got this one that we use sometimes. I'm ready to go. Let's do this. Okay.

What about this from Debra? I'm interested in seeing how you punctuate this. This is from Debra who says, I'd like to wish the happiest Blur's Day to my dear friend, Michelle, who turns 80. Oh, my God. That's so crazy. Why? Who turns 80. That's 8-0 today. She has no freaking clue what a podcast is, but if she did, I know she'd be a straight up 10. Love you, Michelle. You're an angel on earth. We got this from Karen in Kenmore, who says, by the way, Cousin Karen in Kenmore, I like it. I like the alliteration. And Karen says, I'd like to wish my Cous-10 Melissa, who's apparently turning 50 soon, a very happy Blur's Day. I had a great time reconnecting. It's just so frustrating. I want to be in Florida getting a tan on my back. I had a great time reconnecting with you in September, and I hope we can do it again soon. And that's a Blur's Day wish to Melissa from Cousin Karen in Kenmore. Does she spell cousin with a K? Is it like Cousin Karen in Kenmore? I don't think so. It was a C. I copied and pasted this and kind of edited it a little bit. James says, this is James and Emily. I'm going to take a stab at this here. I might be wrong. I'm pretty sure this is James and Emily, formerly of Florida, now up in like New Hampshire or something now.

Now, that's interesting.

I could be wrong about that, but either way, James says, I want to wish a happy birthday to my beautiful wife and best friend, Emily. I love you and your patience when I talk endlessly about movies you haven't seen, like Die Hard. Andrew, you know what? Happy birthday to Emily from James. What's up? That is so cute.

It's literally illegal.

Leanna says, happy birthday to me. I took the day off of work, and I had an exhausting but fun afternoon with my friend Kayla. We went to the Queens Museum and then had delicious Malaysian food, and then I got home, put on a Snuggie, and enjoyed a little vino from the couch. Thanks to TBTL for being there through so many phases.

of my life says liana that sounds wonderful liana that sounds great now i want malaysian food i'm in new york city like there is absolutely endless endless food options you know i did this morning andrew i never do this but i figured i'm in new york so i went out and i went to a diner because there's like a diner on every corner and i had a cup of coffee and i read the paper and it was hilarious the entire diner was empty it's pretty early it was like seven something the entire diner was empty and the lady made me sit in the tiniest one person booth ever and she said um before you're by yourself sir and i was like okay fair and then they had they offered boozy drinks they had like multiple different like menus made up for boozy drinks and boozy was spelled differently each time and um it was just the food was amazing i mean i got some hash browns i got some eggs over medium and some coffee some new york coffee it was really wonderful i loved it

it was a nice morning i wanted so badly to be in a good old-fashioned east coast style uh or even i need to take a a midwest style like jewish deli yesterday i got i was in a meeting with our boss john sklaroff yesterday who i believe now is running american public media i'm pretty sure that he is that should be good for us i feel like he's an ally he is definitely an ally he does more work for this show than i do at this point but anyway we're talking about pickles because of course he has that uh what i consider to be a famous pickle related drop that i play on the show sometimes we both love pickles which led us to talking about diners he was talking about this one kind of near his house and in Minnesota and like and even he said you know it's not this place isn't perfect but it's it's my go-to place I'm looking it up and it's like to me it looks perfect it's like a small little square Midwestern brick building that's been there since the 60s and they're just you know slinging hash browns and and you know pastrami or whatever and like we just don't have that in Seattle I know we have a couple of like kind of newish dingfelders yeah there is And, like, it's good. I like the food there. But it's like, you know, there are two places that are kind of, like, hipster-y. We're bringing this to the West Coast, but they're all takeout windows. Like, there's no old-fashioned diner that you can go in and sit on a stool. I ended up going to Roxy's, which closed. The owner sold it just, like, a couple of months ago. And then it's already reopened under new ownership. And it's, you know, I think it's in between things right now. I got myself a corned beef sandwich. It was fine. I mean, I want people to support Roxy's if you can, because it's better to have Roxy's around than to not have Roxy's around. But, man, there's just nothing in Seattle that is that kind of a diner. Like what you and I went to, that place, was it Joseph's or Joe's, I guess? Junior's. Junior's, yeah. Like that, like there's just, you can't get that here.

Now that's making me want to go to like Second Avenue Deli here in New York. Oh, yes. Obviously, you got the Carnegie Deli. I could go to, like, I bet you I could still eat some stuff on the menu at Second Avenue. They've got all kinds of pickled things and delicious stuff that isn't necessarily meat-based for me. I'm going to go do that before I leave.

Would you do matzo ball soup even if it was in a chicken broth? You know, chicken soup broth.

Probably. I am not very strict with myself these days about if there's a base ingredient that might have— which is why I don't really call myself a vegetarian anymore because I don't think that's an accurate description. But, yeah, if I wanted to have—I'm trying to think of—there's some other stuff. Like, I get these beans a lot from a place called Wero in Portland, and I know the beans must have lard in them. They're not listed as vegan. Just stuff like that. I'm just kind of not, you know, if there's a base ingredient, I'm not going to deprive myself of it, which is why I'm a bad vegetarian slash not a vegetarian.

Would you eat matzo ball soup if they put weed in it, Luke? That's the only way I eat it now.

That's the only way I can. Now that I'm Chester Cheetah.

And I'm very cool I think Chester Cheetah was on some much Harder drugs I got a whole theory on that Alright I got one more Blurs Day to get to here This is from Kayla who says In my ongoing quest to make my brother Anthony a listener Happy Blurs Day to his brand new Baby Violet She's so perfect and so lucky To have you and Marissa as her parents Congratulations Friends Yes congratulations and happy Blurs Day And welcome to the world Violet But that is a beautiful name. Why couldn't that movie have been called Violet Night? That would be so nice.

You know, my niece is named Violet.

Oh, that's right. And what a good name. How old is Violet now?

Oh, I think a year and a couple of months. Yeah. She's adorable. She does sometimes from certain angles look.

look a little bit like Spaghet.

Spaghet!

And it's because sometimes I see her hiding behind a plant at the office. We all see her there. And then it's kind of like, okay, all right, thank you, Violet. Do the thing. Oh, what a beautiful baby. What's her name? Well, it's Violet, but we call her Spaghet.

Spagoo!

It was really funny because we went to my brother Sam's wedding celebration and it was just like, there was a line. I mean, there's a line of people to celebrate the bride and groom, but there was a longer line of people to just hold Violet.

Oh, of course. Absolutely.

She's so treasured in our family, on both sides of her family, because there aren't that many babies actively working the family circuit right now. So she's really at the top of the list.

That's awesome. She deserves it. All right. Well, happy Blur's Day to everybody.

Yes. Thanks, everybody, for sending in those messages. That is going to do it for today's show, but we're going to be back here tomorrow. I have to find a different digital billboard to obsess over, Andrew, for the next 24 hours, so I have something to talk about with you tomorrow. They are running a different one for Conan O'Brien for Team Coco. Oh. That maybe we could talk about. Just the brand? Yeah, I guess. It's like the best thing that ever happened to Conan O'Brien's career was getting off of television, I guess. He's now arguably more famous as a podcaster. He invented podcasts, right? He sure did. We'll talk about that tomorrow. and we'll talk about severance so please do join us for that until then have a great Thursday take care of yourselves and please remember no mountain too tall

and good luck to all

hey it's very neat had to pause the show to say woo more cat talk please Power out.

Power out.