Muse

We have to get our story out before Graham runs her version.

Now, I know it's a lot to ask. If we take down the woman who runs the network, we could potentially lose our jobs.

But why did we become journalists if not to uncover the truth and use it to change the world?

You know what? I'm in. You know what? I'm in, too. Graham is mean AF. That's a Twitter term, which I can only assume stands for mean as Frankenstein. There is another term, DTF. Don't touch Frankenstein To which I usually just reply WTF Won't touch Frankenstein Right, so we're all in T-B-T-L Guess what day it is Guess what day it is

It's Friday, Friday Gonna get down on Friday Everybody's looking forward to the weekend

What are you guys doing? Is this a hose job where you're hosing me down? Dude, you hose yourself down. You hose yourself up and down, Charlie. Come on, what do you want me to do? I don't care. Yeah, get a job. Oh, get a job? Just get a job? Why don't I strap up my job helmet and squeeze down into a job cannon and fire off into job land, where jobs grow on jobbies.

That was really, really, really terrible, but everyone does that kind of stuff sometimes. It happens like once or twice or three times in every life or twice i mean one or once let's get to the jokes all right hello good morning and

welcome everyone to a friday edition of tvtl the show it just might be too beautiful to live that

was the fanciest sentence i've ever heard and i used to watch frazier my name is luke burbank i

am your host hi everybody coming to you from the hollywood broadcast center right here in portland Oregon where I am once again trying to fend off a very mischievous or mischievous depending on how you like to say that word cat on the garbage can and she's eyeing the broadcast desk table sit stand desk so I've got one eye on her and one eye on the episode number which is $3,863 in a collector's series. Let the fun begin. And we come to you on this Friday with some wisdom. Some hard-earned wisdom, as in it cost me $30 to get this wisdom.

Intelligence for your life.

Because I bought it in the form of pull tabs at the bowling alley in the small town adjacent to where I'm remodeling a house currently. And we're going to go through some of these words of wisdom and also little bits of trivia. Are they factoids or not? We don't know. We may never know. But anyway, we're going to talk about that. Also, there is a computer program that can write music. If you feed in the typical kind of lyrics and sound and vibe of your favorite band, it can write music.

Isn't that for techno geeks with spreadsheets?

And the singer Nick Cave is not happy about it. I don't know what he's more unhappy about. The fact that an AI program wrote a Nick Cave song or the fact that I've been promoting this story for like three to four episodes and never getting to it. He's not happy about any of it. and we're going to talk about it on this Friday. Plus music for your weekend. And this guy.

Brother, who are you? What are you doing?

He's the longest-running Cobra of the show, maybe best known for its depictions of the tall ships. He is Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

Apparently it was a pot roast stain. I mentioned on the show yesterday that I was heading off to the Eagles Club to do some cleaning.

Is that the most eagles stain that could ever occur?

Well, I'm glad to know that it's not a murder stain, as I kept calling it. Well, I mean, a cow was murdered. No, that's true. That's your mom's forehead. At the end of yesterday's show, I think I snuck in the fact that I was going to rush out of here, out of my studio after the show yesterday with some of my favorite cleaning supplies to go hit the eagles, where I volunteered to do some cleaning. And, you know, a part of it was just because there's been this stain. There's this carpeted, kind of industrial carpet. A moral stain. High traffic carpeting on the stairs when you enter the Eagles that you go up this kind of two small flights of stairs. And for the past, I don't know how many years, Luke, but years with an S on it, there has been this nasty ass stain that started at the top stair and went down about, I don't know, six stairs and then ended it with.

a swirl on the landing again all of this on carpet and okay i am yesterday i i played along and i said i think i can picture the stain i did not realize it went down six stairs i took a took a

you know i'll make this the show pic today and i'll try to send this to you while i'm talking i did take some before pictures i didn't take any after pictures yet um but this is but i mean who cares about the after pictures well there's a reason it's always about the before calm your who has there's a reason i didn't take one i'm going to hopefully take one later me and my who has are listening i'm sorry i was trying to text you and talk at the same time and also i was trying to calm your who has those are three things they're very calm are they calm is that all it

takes all this time all i had to do was sometimes the sort of direct admonition to calm them is all it takes

oh dude

this is gross I would have remembered I did not notice that which is bizarre because I have been to the Seagulls in fact I'm technically now some form of member of this area but I have that is a stain that you would remember yeah that is a stain that also

stains my brain every time I enter the Eagles I'm just like listen like people we're trying to like rent out the kind of open space we have that is kind of next it's kind of all one building but like there's this kind of area with a dance floor where sometimes bands rented out to play there or tournaments dart tournaments parties we've even rented it before for genny genevieve's 40th uh no that dark thing didn't end up happening but anyway i've always looked at this day i'm just like this is the first thing people see when they walk in here unless you're unless you're luke but i i think that also i am especially once i see something like this it's all i see whereas probably more people might be like you Where they don't notice it as much I don't know But this thing has just been bedeviling me

I'm not surprised by the way that it's pot roast Because it's definitely something that had oil going on

Because here's what I learned yesterday Because I had not investigated the stain closely before I just would see it as I'd walk in And I'd get grossed out by it And I would say to myself One of these days, stain, I'm going to take you on And then yesterday was the day So yesterday I left here I took, just to battle the stain i took some folex spray which i may have talked about on the show before it's this like really great stain cleaner um i recommend it if i haven't mentioned it before like if you have any kind of a stain i mean wine stains uh i assume blood stains i haven't tried that but like this stuff is like miracle if you have it in like do you ever do the move where you spray

a bunch of folex and then you cover it with a towel and let it do its thing for a while

um sometimes yeah i think they recommend letting it sit for like five minutes or something so i've

I've noticed sometimes this is back when like Rudy would be having, you know, mostly just throwing up her food because she would eat it so fast. But like the direction sometimes on certain cleaning products would be, you know, you spray it and then you actually place a towel over, which I was like, does that have to do with like the fumes kind of marinating or taking part in some sort of like cycle? It's weird to cover it with a towel, but it seemed to have some efficacy.

You know, it's funny. I don't know if I've ever read those directions, but I have done that move for a couple of reasons. Number one, maybe to keep the cats off it, but also sometimes it's a good marker of where you were working to. You know what I mean? Anyway, so I took some Folex over there and I also took a scrub brush, just a standard scrub brush. I had a bucket with me. I also took my little, I guess they call them extraction cleaners or extraction vacuum, what I used to call like a steam cleaner, although no steam is involved with this. But, you know, it's like when you've seen these things before, a little vacuum where there's some cleaning fluid in one tank and then the dirty fluid after you vacuum it up goes into another. It appears to be a Bissell product. Yeah, mine, I believe, is a Bissell. Exactly. Oh, yeah. That's in the photo, isn't it? I was wondering how you got into my head like that. But anyway, so I took those things along with some mopping. I've been watching you sleep. That's good. Yes. And you have because, you know, I sleep with my Bissell. Is it weird? But anyway, so I took those over there. And then I was like, I don't even you know, I'm I very much kept my expectations in check. I'm like, I don't know if any of this is really going to work. And then as I got close to the stain, Luke, and this is where things get a little gross. Like, again, keep in mind, like, I don't think anybody has done any real cleaning of these stairs aside from maybe the occasional vacuuming for probably years. Right. And so there I am getting you got to get you got to get close to the dirt. Luke, that's the first rule of cleaning. And it is more than a stain. it is like a substance you know like it's like it's not like gum like but imagine the difference between just having a stain where you spilled some wine and that's mostly just like it's just a stain right it's just a discoloration it's not so this was something you know it's not quite gum but it was like three-dimensional in a way and so all right let's get to this I fill a bucket with a little bit of hot water and nothing else. And I just take my scrub brush and I start scrubbing at this thing for quite some time. Then I hit it with the Folex, let that soak in for a while. Then I hit it with the brush some more. Then I start using my extraction vacuum cleaner. I'm kind of going from step to step, letting the various things soak in. I spent a long time just on these whatever, however many steps are in that photo, Luke, six steps or whatever. I spent a long time scrubbing it the club is now open at 4 p.m. I got work around three people are now kind of it's not a huge crowd but some regulars are rolling in and like oh wow thanks can I walk around you and I would say yes and by the end of the night I was being celebrated as some sort of a hero I had mopped the place I'd gone to town on these stairs I extraction cleaned all of the stairs not just the stain.

And I was going to say, if you do your job on that stain, basically, there's going to be a racing stripe on those stairs.

Well, that's what I'm of the one area that's been cleaned. Well, that's what I'm a little bit worried about. And that's where your calmed hoo-ha's come in to come back to that. The reason I didn't still calm, by the way, I'm glad to see if we can get those back up by the end of the show. But by the end of the night, even though I was letting it sit for a while, like most of the stairs had sort of dried, like the places where i just extraction vacuumed like like kind of i would normally but the area where the stain was i was scrubbing so hard with this brush and using a little bit more hot water and stuff that that area remained dark but as it was starting to dry i started to think oh no we might exactly as you say have a clean racing stripe up these stairs which you know given the two i would rather take the clean stripe that will probably quickly fill in with with dirt again anyway it's a high traffic area it'll catch up um but i kind of i have a very busy day but i kind of it's driving me bananas i didn't take a photo when i left because it's starting to get dark there i didn't feel like it would be a good fair like comparison of before and after and also the stairs were still a little wet i'm very tempted to like kind of run over there at 4 p.m today and just secretly take some more photos without anybody seeing me because i'm embarrassed about it but But I'm dying to find out exactly what these stairs look like now that they've had 12 hours or so to dry out.

I don't feel like you need an excuse or a justification to go to the Eagles at 4 p.m. on a Friday.

No, that is true. I mean, the only thing is I would go there and I'd have to run back because I could do my work. I could do my work from the Eagles this afternoon. I have to write a newsletter. I've got to write various things today. I've got some writing on the agenda. But why couldn't I do that at the Eagles?

You're saying it's the 21st century.

That's right.

Is it, by the way, the 21st century? It is. Okay. I always get that mixed up because it's sort of off by a digit, right? So, like, the 1900s through 2000 was the 20th century, technically? Yeah, 20th century.

I always have to think of 20th century Fox, embarrassing as that is. I always have to kind of go through that. Well, let's see. I know that 20th century was in the 1990s because I would see that logo before movies.

Can you sing the song, though?

did i get close you were very close let's hear it i think it might be um i think that i made some major mistakes in there but i think i made up for it with my energy you absolutely did

and you were pretty close i think it might be um

Actually, I don't know if there's a key change.

Can we hear it? Yeah, I'm looking it up here.

I think I have it here. Now, you skipped right over the drum parts, though. Doesn't it start with drumming before the... Yes, it does.

And you nailed that, by the way. And I recently attended a beatboxing.

Yeah, that's...

So I know what I'm talking about. I have... You know, I didn't want to say this when you were talking about that.

But again, I think I'm off on the...

I can't carry a tune at all, for real.

Okay, let's take a listen to this.

Yes. This is the part you nailed. Here it goes. Ready?

Oh, dang it.

Hey, Luke. Hey, Luke. Yes.

Somehow heartbreak feels good in a place like this. I would put that on the list of most surprising stories of 2022. The obsession around the Nicole Kidman come back to the movie theater ads like people were her for Christmas or sorry for Halloween. Also, some people probably were her for Christmas. I don't know how people celebrate these holidays, but I mean, the yeah, the sort of at least in the parts of the pop culture that I tend to sort of swim in.

That whole Nicole Kidman thing just kept resurfacing.

I really had a reaction there, though, to hearing, and I now get it from that Nicole Kidman intro a little bit, too. Like, I love going to the movies so much that you'd think I would go more. But, you know, it's just like just hearing that gives me this cozy feeling of, like, here I am. I've got my popcorn. And good or bad, I'm here for the next two hours, you know?

Yes, absolutely. I was, like, waiting. i was trying to think what movie would i like in my mind what movie starts right after that music and i don't even know if this was a um 20th century fox film but for some reason it's beverly

hills cop oh that's interesting you know what i said and i'm the same thing like i have no idea if this is even the right studio but when you said that i tried to just think like first answer best answer for some reason i had joe versus the volcano locked in wow i saw that at oak tree cinema Oh, yeah?

Mere Steps from the Mandarin Gate. Yes, indeed. Joe vs. the Volcano. Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan.

God, I love that movie. I don't know if I... I haven't watched it in a minute, so I don't know if I love it as much as I did growing up, but man, did I love that movie growing up.

You know what I love, Andrew?

Mm-hmm.

Our American Public Media Christmas bonus. Did you get one?

I did. Are you going to go full Christmas vacation here? Are you going to go full Griswold? No, I love it.

I'm drinking from it right now. I have absolutely integrated this Brita water bottle with charcoal filter into my life. It's changing my life, Andrew. I'm not even kidding.

I'm glad to hear that. Let's talk about it because I have mine locked and loaded in the refrigerator right now, full of water. Every now and then I'll take a pull from it. But I have now several water bottles in my life, not to brag. I've had this one, my first water bottle that I bought when you and I were going hitchhiking. I said, well, probably time to buy a water bottle. The rest of America has one. And then I've only used this Rubbermaid thing exclusively for like years. And then I plunked down a whole $17 for another one that seals up a little bit better that I've been using. So now I have an upstairs and a downstairs. And then what do I get in the mail? But another water bottle from our friends at APM Studios that, as you say, has a built in Brita filter, a charcoal filter that's replaceable. replaceable um and you fill it up with water replacement exactly like a package of replacement filters now here's the thing about it though in order so so it actually filters not when you're pouring it in like a like a brita can like a britter pitcher if you will it filters it as it goes through the straw so the filtering is happening right before it hits your mouth right and you have to kind of really you have to really kind of pull on it you can't just use gravity and

tilt it back right and you also have to be uh unless it's completely full of water you have to have it sort of oriented you like up and down you can't you can't yeah tilt it up to your mouth because then the bottom of the straw is not making contact with the water so that is a little bit of a design flaw i think so what i like about it though is it is spill proof and so i can put it on my nightstand and then when bubble in bubbles invariably at five in the morning starts meowing at me and then i open the door but then remain under my covers she climbs onto the nightstand and knocks whatever is on there off and when it was like a glass of water or my um you know clean canteen uh water bottle that i had that's like uh one of those stainless steel deals uh it would spill so this thing is spill proof and i like that about it yes you know that's a good point so it's

spill proof in other words you don't have to close it up to be spill proof because you do have to use like some some suction to get the water out of it even if you leave the little spout open you can knock it over and it just sits there i like that that's a good argument for it i'm going to revisit mine i love hearing how much you love that luke because i thought it was a nice gesture from our pals over there but i um i it wasn't my favorite water bottle because again i like the water to do the work for me i like the gravity do the work for me i'm a deeply lazy man um the other thing

that i like about it is so i also have a i don't have a refrigerator in this apartment that has like water you know as part of the refrigerator like built into the door or anything that's rich people shit yeah i mean that's honestly that's farting through silk but um so i have one of i have a an actual brita like you know kind of whatever you'd call it water tank yeah something

okay yeah that's in my fridge one of those big ones right with a spout sort of yes a big one

with a spout that i refill uh you fill it through the top and then it filters the water as it goes down that is like that's like precious to me that water like i feel like i go through it very quickly and then i have to pull it out and refill it which is kind of a bit of a procedure but because the filter is built into this water bottle i can just put straight up tap water into this thing and know that it's getting filtered meaning i'm not burning through the water in my refrigerator at the same the which for some reason is comforting to me luke this is i mean i don't know if this is good

podcasting but it's just really blowing my mind right now that we have somehow entered into a conversation about brita when i actually had an imaginary conversation with you about brita in my head this morning and i shit you not and i'm sorry i'm listening to you through your phone i feel like i mean this is true even if you were listening to me through my phone how are you hearing my thoughts how are you hearing my because i honestly kind of sometimes i'll have a thought and i don't know i don't think i explicitly picture us having it on tbtl but like i just talk to you about things all the time right and so this morning okay let me let me just in my refrigerator i have more of a kind of old school brita like picture you know and i actually it sits in our downstairs fridge it takes up a lot of room i hadn't used it when we were a one refrigerator family for so long but it's like hey we have the room for it why not we got the genevieve went to costco at one point bought a a lifetime's worth of filters for it might as well use this thing so um you know i've been trying to get in a better habit of using that instead of the regular tap water as i fill up my multiple water bottles and last night i put i usually start with putting a bunch of ice in my water bottle uh because i kind of carry it with me throughout the day and i like it to get colder and colder um and then last night i filled it with ice in my water bottle and then i pulled out my brita uh pitcher and as i was pouring it a bunch of water kind of spilled all over the place and i kind of had this like thought in the back like you got to be so careful pouring these brita pitchers they have a little flat like kind of a flap over the spout i don't

know what causes the greatest pitchers because they're designed for the filtration of the water not the sort of usefulness of the pouring.

Yeah, and then this morning, so I drank some of that water, and then this morning I was refilling it again with the Brita pitcher, and I thought to myself, I've got to be really careful here because you spilled a bunch of water last night. And then that's what led me to talking about kind of, and I can't remember who wrote that book, like the design of everyday things, or there were a couple of great documentaries about just like, again, the design of everyday things that came out like 15 years ago that really made you kind of appreciate when something is well designed and it's well designed, you don't even think about the design that we can just sort of take it for granted, right? And I just sort of had this conversation about how like Brita, they do all of these things, at least with this specific product I have, but like pouring is a problem. And it's like somebody else at the helm, somebody in the design room, somebody could have designed it in a way that the last pour problem could have been like solved. But I already have a show title that you said at the end of yesterday's show, which is Pull Tab Justice. It makes no sense, but I love it.

Thank you for introducing that back into today's program so we can now use it.

I locked it in yesterday. But anyway, yeah. And so I was having this imaginary because you love design, right? And you appreciate these things. And so I was having this sort of like quick imaginary conversation with you about the bad design of my Brita picture. And now here we are.

I'm now looking at the cover of the book, The Design of Everyday Things. It's written by somebody named Don Norman, and it makes me furious. Let me look at it. Because it's an example of what poor design would be.

It's a teapot, right? It's sort of a hot water pot with a spout and a handle on the same side. Yes.

I mean, it's very effective in sort of presenting the case that when it's good design, you don't think about it. when it's bad design it's life ruining because like hell for me would be being locked in a room

with this tea kettle for life yes that is that reminds me of um my uncle don who had a not don

norman who wrote the design of everyday things oh shit that is my uncle yeah wow this is what

you really buried the lead on that what a weird show no my uncle don um who's no longer with us He lived in West Virginia, and that's the reason – if I'm saying his name weird, it's because I can only hear his name in his voice, which was a thick Appalachian accent, Dawn. Oh, wow. And we would be excited. He's the guy – I mentioned him the other day – who would have the silver dollars in the purple sack from – what is the – The Crown Royal bag. The Crown Royal. Yeah. And anyway – or I guess that's not liqueur. But anyway, he also in his little like workshop area in the basement as kids would just be delighted to go down there and he'd show us all the stupid stuff. And he had he was Polish. I'll put that out there. And he had like a Polish pistol, which was a gun that when you held it, the barrel pointed back at your face. And that's essentially what's on the cover of this book. Only the teapot version.

Do you know that my and again, I apologize because I know that you are Polish. And we, you know, it's not in good taste to make, you know, Polish jokes anymore. But I used to make a device that was called a Polish switchblade. You would make it? I would make it. It was two popsicle sticks and then you'd wind a rubber band around it so you could put them together. So the popsicle sticks were basically like covering each other and then you would release your thumb and it would fly out like a switchblade. But it was two popsicle sticks.

You know, now that you say that, I never heard it called that. But I do remember kids monkeying around with Popsicle sticks and a rubber band. So you would attach them not in the middle of each stick but, like, kind of at the ends of each so that it would kind of extend out. Yes, exactly.

And you would, like, you'd sort of twist it up and then you would pull it back so that you would be holding with your thumb. You're holding the Popsicle sticks together and then when you release it with your thumb, one of them flies and kind of extends out. And we were like, hey, do you want to see a Polish switchblade? And then it was like, which honestly, I believe that I want to live in that country where those are the switchblades people are carrying. It feels much safer to me.

It's weird. Well, first of all, I mean, I hear this story and it's just it's not a story about popsicle sticks. It's a story of a boy who wants one of those switchblade combs so badly. So, so badly.

Did I ever tell you I didn't have switchblade comb money, Andrew, when I was a kid. but some kid at my school had a switchblade comb that then the comb flew out they lost the comb part and so they were like uh this is this is broken i don't want it so they gave it to me so i had a switchblade comb without the comb in it and then i took one of my mom's combs cut it up and wedged it in there and it kind of worked it was sort of the wrong size i don't know if the fully closed i think i had to hold it like it wouldn't click closed but it would close enough that i could like walk around holding and then again back to the releasing with my thumb and the comb would come out i thought that was the coolest thing of all time that's interesting

because i remember some of the bad boys of liverpool elementary taking the comb out to what end i don't know other than they loved this they loved this they wanted to be a real switch play exactly and even though i don't think i knew of anybody who would like tried to replace it with some sort of a makeshift shiv but like i think that they're like well we don't need the comb we just like the switchblade action of this thing so they would take out the comb and then it would

just become a tool of menace i was such an innocent andrew i was like why and what happened to that comb don't you realize you could walk up to someone and they think you have a switchblade and then you could be combing your hair like the fawn exactly you can lean up against a jukebox and say hey it never even occurred to me that of course you want to take the comb out if you were a miscreant because you'd want it to be more knifey clearly you've played knifey spoon

i love that joke um but back to the popsicle stick thing it's interesting like listen i'm i'm polish i'm not really offended by polish jokes i understand that we don't make polish jokes anymore but just like going back to that mentality of the 1980s your kids there are these things called polish jokes i don't even quite get why the popsicle stick thing is i know the switchblade Like, really, the joke should be, with all due respect, that somehow it comes back to bite you. Like, that's the premise of the Polish jokes, like that you've you've you're so dumb that you've outsmarted yourself in some way.

It's like the joke, you know, what NASA says, you know, we're going to go to Jupiter and the, you know, Russian space program says we're going to Mars. And then the Polish space program says we're going to the sun. And everyone says, well, you'll burn up. And they say, well, we're going to go at night.

Right. Exactly.

Those are the nature of those jokes. You're right. The popsicle sticks don't make any sense.

Yeah.

They're not playing on this perceived kind of lack of intellect from our Polish friends.

I'm trying to think. So you just call it a Polish switch, like a snowman switchblade because it was popsicles and it was ice. I'm trying to think. There's got to be a better name for those if we want to get in the business of making them, which I kind of, oh, did you have to notch? Did you have to cut notches into the popsicle sticks where the rubber bands went in to keep it from flying apart?

I bet you that would have made it better. I wasn't a budding junior engineer of any kind. So I think whatever the least hassle way to construct that thing was what I was doing. By the way, we should take a break. We're about 30 minutes into the show. When we come back, though, we're all going to get a lot smarter, Andrew, because I'm going to read you some of these Beer Brothers pull tabs from the bowling alley in the town where my house is. And it's going to change your life. Let me give you a little preview. Pull tab, Justin. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow. Oh, it's a thinker. Okay. Let's see here. Oh, this is trivia. This one's less interesting. Home is where the heart is. Okay, thank you. Pull tab that cost me $1.

Now, these are, so in other words, you pull these tabs, you're hoping to win a pot of money. Yes, money. But if you don't win, you...

get these little it's almost like a fortune cookie it sounds aphorism it is

it's either a fortune or it's a a little fact about something or it is like an inspirational quote or it's just a kind of a jokey quote okay okay so and I have to say well you know we'll talk about it after the break coming up on TBTL All right, let's thank some of our daily donors who are making TBTL possible with their monthly financial support. And despite our Mountain Dew, Code Red, Call of Duty ads, I can promise you we are only here because of these donations. Do not let the ads that they tried to put on Tig Notaro's show and that accidentally fell down to us. Do not let those ads fool you, my friends. This is the lifeblood, the financial lifeblood of the program. Folks like Amanda Wilhelm of Shoreline, Washington. The Wilhelm Scream. That's what they named before.

Every time Amanda screams, it's called the Wilhelm Scream.

An angel gets their wings. Speaking of the Wilhelm Scream and the Walsh Helm Scream, we got a note, an email from a listener. I'm going to go with Kevin. Kevin. That's what I was going to say. I really was going to say Kevin, who has a TikTok page and somebody was talking about the Wilhelm scream on TikTok and Kevin duetted it and talked about the Walsh helm scream.

That's right. Now, I responded to Kevin. It was it was an ode to TBTL and the Walsh helm scream and these weird little inside jokes and traditions that we have. The only thing I took issue with was he described it as one of the co-hosts did an imitation of the Wilhelm scream and did a terrible job, but it was hilarious. And, you know, I would take some issue with the description of terrible job. I think I nailed it perfectly. I think most people would not be able to tell the difference between the original and the one that I offered the world.

and also um listener kevin while you know drawing attention to our program which we appreciated also said it's two guys talking to each other can you believe that's a podcast or something and i said this to kevin in the email so i'm comfortable repeating it here really kevin

really you and i both responded by taking umbrage by roasting two different tiny very nice attempt to promote our program we are on brand my friend i swear to god we both wrote back taking umbrage

in different things nice thanks also to jessamine bateman leno in burien washington that's who

jason bateman is named for that's right that's right famously thank you jessamine jason bateman

i believe who was in was he was in teen wolf 2 oh yeah i didn't know that i think michael j fox was off to bigger and better things after making Teen Wolf 1. I have Teen Wolf on the brain because I was looking at TikTok this morning as part of my show prep, Andrew, for the record. And somebody was breaking down... I follow a lot of sports stuff on TikTok, and it's mostly people pointing their cell phone at a television that has a game on and then just giving funny commentary about it. This was a guy breaking down Teen Wolf's first basketball game, The game where Michael J. Fox turns into Teen Wolf And then I think puts up like 30 Puts up like 30 He's got a triple-double definitely Actually, he doesn't have that many assists He's got like 30 points, 13 rebounds And the guy's just breaking it down As if it was a real basketball game It was very funny

I feel like I had a friend who didn't like that Who thought it was

That friend is me

Was it you? Was it like you don't like that basketball scene Because it's so ridiculous And you appreciate the sport of basketball?

uh yeah andrew but you got god you got a friend and that friend is you that's me because the actual basketball in teen wolf is shite it was it's a bunch of actor kids who grew up in the valley none of whom had time to play basketball because they were going on auditions for a frosted flakes ad and now you want the including by the way the guy who plays francis who steals peewee's bike oh yeah he's on the team with michael j fox it's a bunch of kids the only person who can even a little bit play basketball is whoever is pretending to be michael j fox in the wolf suit

you know i've never seen that movie titanic was on at the eagles last night i haven't seen that movie either there's a lot there are a lot of like really fundamental like kind of pop culture Statement movies that I have not seen And this is one of them

Well the plot is There's a teenager played by Michael J. Fox Who actually is a werewolf But the werewolf

wolfiness makes him very good at basketball and also kind of a ladies man which raises questions about bestiality but whatever you call it best huh i don't know i heard someone say that it sounds smarter it does sound doesn't it and also less gross yeah it really does i mean there's no reason it would be bestiality they don't call them the bests of the field like there's no logical reason why it would be that but i heard someone smart say that and then it just like kind of

lodged in my brain somewhere so i assume there's a lot of tension between michael j fox who can play a somewhat like kind of i don't know if nebbishy is the right word but a somewhat like kind of nervous character right and then he's turning into this wolf where he has animal urges and i assume the comedy comes between those two forces well right and it's basically like

it's sort of like can't buy me love with patrick dempsey where you have this alter ego and the alter ego is very popular and is the hit of all of the teen parties etc and is also leading the team to the like whatever city championship michael j fox is shite at basketball when he's michael j fox but he's really good when he's a wolf because you know wolves are notoriously good at basketball and um so it comes down to the final game or the big game and he basically decides he doesn't want to be a wolf and he leads a chant no more wolf no more wolf as he's standing on the basketball court and the whole crowd starts chanting no more wolf and i guess that's like michael j fox's liberation from his teen wolf alter ego that is what liberates him just just i mean there might have been some other mcguffin i'm forgetting about but i just i know that there's a point where he is chanting no more wolf because everybody wants the wolf and he's chanting no more wolf and then everyone decides okay we're cool with no more wolf yeah that seems weird to me

like because i don't go to very many basketball games uh only when i run into our friend and and yesterday's donor lauren um but uh i just think if i'm a spectator at a basketball game and one of the players turns into a wolf or even enters the court as a wolf like i i want to see that like i don't want to i don't want to cheer for not seeing the wolf wouldn't the wolf make

the game better uh it does but this is i think it's an example of the crowd embracing michael j fox for who he is when he's not the wolf oh wow that's really nice although i'll tell you this uh you can't even in this woke day and age and you can't even get a clip of teen wolf because they've made so many like other versions of teen wolf i was trying to find no more wolf teen wolf and all you get is Teen Wolf Season 7, why the show was really canceled. There was a show called Teen Wolf and they had seven seasons?

I'm still reeling from you telling me that Jason Bateman was in Teen Wolf 2, a movie that I didn't even know existed.

Again, I believe that, well, obviously there was still money to be made on the Teen Wolf franchise and Michael J. Fox wasn't interested in doing it so they put Jason Bateman in, I believe. Interesting, and of course more story to tell. So I guess he re-wolfs, the re-wolfening, I believe.

Oh, it's interesting. It's Teen Wolf T-O-O.

Yes. And by the way, my problem with the basketball in the basketball playing in Teen Wolf is there is literally a scene where the guy who plays Francis in Pee Wee shoots the ball. My memory is he shoots the ball from the top of the key. So it could either be a free throw or maybe it's even a three pointer. And I swear to God, so he's shooting it from like straight on to the basket. He's standing, you know, at the top of the of the the key, as they call it. I swear to God, the ball goes in from the baseline, like as if somebody was standing 90 degrees from this person and shooting at the other direction. Like the the verisimilitude of the basketball scenes is so, so bad. Like they put the the least amount of thought into making the basketball stuff seem realistic. Shoot the ball. That was my. Also, there is a Hans Gruber appearance, which honestly feels forced. He was big at the time, so I get it. They were like, we have to get more Alan Rickman in this film. But it does feel a little gratuitous.

Would you have even known what imitation I was doing? Like, the only imitations that actually land with Genevieve are when I say the name of the character in the imitation. That's where we are now. Hi, I'm Jerry Seinfeld.

You're basically You're Ron Albertson From Waiting for Guffman And he's doing his Jimmy Cagney impression Oh right And Catherine O'Hara is like You never cared about She always says it's a great impression And then she asks me who is it

That's a pretty good impression yourself

Oh man you know who loved that impression Impression and impression Elizabeth Chiavetta Who's in Hampton, New Hampshire Sure. Did you ever get out the hand? Hampton, New Hampshire.

Yeah, I believe the Hampton is kind of the coast area. It's kind of the fun, vacation-y, beachy area. I could be somewhat wrong about that, but I think that's where it is. That would make sense.

You know, the Hamptons and all that.

Yeah. I know that's not in New Hampshire. Yeah, but yeah, Elizabeth and Jess, I've got to say, both people who have been supporting the show for a very, very long time, and thank you.

We've also got James West checking in from Commerce City, Colorado. Nice. Thank you, James, from Commerce City. Thank you, baby. Thanks also to John Jacobs in Jingleheimer Schmidt, Michigan. Oh, I'm sorry, John, John, John, John.

I'm sorry. Don't listen to him. Listen to me. John, listen to me. Thank you so much for donating. Thank you, John.

We love you. I'm sorry. Thank you, John. I can't. Sometimes I leave my body on a Friday. I worked out. I was staring at my Brita, and I just lost myself, and I apologize. Please don't hold it against Andrew. Please continue donating to Andrew's salary.

I'll send you my cash app.

Yeah, cash app, Venmo. Venmo is probably not even the cool way. It's probably the cash app now, right?

Yeah, I don't know. I always thought that the cash app was more for sending people tips or something like that, right? I just feel like there's a lot of young people online who are just kind of like, hey, I just had my... What is the thing that people steal out of cars these days for the copper? Catalytic converter. I have my Cadillac converter stolen. Could you send me some help via Cash App? That's the context I usually see that stuff in.

I feel like also there's less verification. I have Cash App and Venmo. I don't ever really use Cash App. I had a guy who was doing some junk hauling from the house that I'm working on. Didn't have Venmo. He only had the Cash App, so I downloaded it. But it feels very, the Cash App to me feels very unregulated. Like, you don't need your real name. Like, Venmo is pretty above board. It's like, you know, they double check who you are. I accidentally Venmoed the wrong person, Andrew, when I was in Palm Springs. It was my living nightmare of what sending money, what could happen when you send money digitally. By the way, thanks to Jess Creech. I hope this isn't Jess's living nightmare of what happens when you send money. Because Jess is sending money to TVTL. Thank you, Jess.

Thank you, Jess. Appreciate it. Luke, I do want to hear more about this, though, because I get so nervous sending money via these apps, but they have these built-in checks now, like to check yourself before you accidentally send the person the wrong money. So tell me more. I'd rather check myself before I wreck myself. Who wouldn't?

Exactly. Let me just activate this real quickly.

Hello, and welcome to Top Story.

Yeah, when we were in Palm Springs, we were at this Airbnb, and I had negotiated an agreement with the owners of the Airbnb, which was they wanted to charge me for heating the swimming pool, like on a per-day basis, which I thought was a little bit weird considering you're renting the facility, the things should all be functional, right? I remember you mentioning that, yeah. I was kind of – but, you know, whatever. It is what it is. And so I made them an offer. I said, look, how about I give you $100 and then you heat the pool? And they said, yeah, that sounds fine. Because they were asking for more than that? Yeah, I think it was going to be like $50 a day, and we were there for like five days. Somehow I was getting it for like half the price that they were proposing, which I think the price should have been $0. But I was like, whatever. I don't want to I don't want to get, you know, get into it with these folks who are very nice, by the way, the people that own this place, for the record. But so towards the end of the week, one of the owners of the of the house reached out and said, hey, can you go ahead and Venmo me that? Well, they said can they made the request through Airbnb, which was a whole other situation. It was for some reason difficult for me to pay the hundred dollars through Airbnb. So they said, well, you could just Venmo us. I said, OK. and um so i put the person's name i put her name into venmo and i got a person with the same name who looked eerily similar to her like same age same ethnicity like had like if you would have said this is i would have bet a thousand dollars it was the same person what i bet andrew was a hundred dollars it was the same person because i sent it and it did the little thing it said like Is this the person you're trying to send it to? And I was like, of course it is. How many Jocelyn Chois could there be? Turns out a few. And so I sent it to the wrong Jocelyn Choi.

So they didn't do the thing for you, though, where they said, just to confirm, you've never sent money to this person before. What is the last four digits of their phone number? Because I always get that. In fact, for the small non, it's not even a nonprofit, but the small community group I volunteer for when we're fundraising. It's a four.

profit right it's for exactly i did oh that's sort of a well i'll save that for another day i did make a joke to one of the people who was coming up getting free coffee from us the other day a guy that i know really really well and he he i think sometimes even listens to tbtl now he's kind of one of our regular customers and he loves kind of teasing me and making fun of me and telling new volunteers that i'm a big radio star and they should respect me he's always busting my chops whatever he's a great guy and I always look forward to seeing him but um you know sometimes I bust his chops back and after I gave him like another cup of coffee I said you know that's four dollars after the first two we start charging four dollars a cup which is obviously not true and he knows that but he sort of tattled on me he said hey hey you yelled to one of my other volunteers this guy's trying to charge me four dollars a cup and I could tell that the other volunteers didn't quite know the nature of our relationship and they i think for a moment looked at me kind of concerned like what are you pulling here walsh why are you charging people money it was a very

awkward moment that would be an incredible side hustle really i mean charging people experiencing homelessness for the food and coffee that you're hey there to distribute for free that's worth giving up your Seahawks

watching for my friend. You think that I'm dedicated to a cause. Get real. Anyway all that is to say we do offer to let people donate to us via Venmo if need be but like there's this whole thing of like they have to reach out to me directly and use my Venmo because they need the last four digits of my phone number because there's all these checks and balances.

It didn't ask me for the I think if it did that and I know what you're talking about it also provided me the option of skipping that for some reason. Basically Basically, I have in my life probably used Venmo, I don't know, a couple hundred times. I've always been sending the money to the person I was trying to send it to. And so I've just gotten lazy. And I'm just like, yeah, of course, of course, easy Venmo. Yeah, I know who I'm sending this to, a person I've never met before who has, it turns out, a fairly common name. And so I sent it to her, and then she said, oh, did you have a chance to send the money? I said, oh, yeah, this is you, right? And I screen capped who I'd sent it to, and I sent it to her. like kind of being a little bit like yeah jocelyn calm down here are the receipts yeah exactly and she was like yeah that's not me i was like what so i will say this for venmo they were able to claw the money back you didn't there's no way to reach out to that person and

say hey i accidentally did that you just went to and i think i would too but you just went directly to file an oopsie report with Venmo?

This is how kind of, what's the word, cynical my brain is, Andrew. I thought if I reached out to the Jocelyn Choi that I didn't mean to send the money to and alerted her to the fact that she had money in her Venmo from me, there was a greater chance that she would then transfer the money. As if this other, I assume, completely harmless Jocelyn Choi is walking around the world waiting with her venmo to trap me out of my hundred dollars that's not a real thing but my brain is so twisted that i thought let's get the authorities involved asap so they can just like pull the money back as opposed to reaching out to the wrong person and saying hey i sent you the money by accident could you send it back to me and now they're like oh really hmm a hundred dollars well um what can i do with this which i assume which i now assume would not have been the response from the person who i sent the money to accidentally i still think

you know though i think you follow i think if you had reached out to this person they would have given the money back i think totally 99 of the people would but i also think that like it's just cleaner the way you did it you don't have to wait on them to are they getting notifications on their phone do they have push notifications turned on and off are they traveling are they in a plane like you just like why deal with another stranger who you don't know i think that actually it made

sense what you did no joke but i was very i have to say i was very appreciative of venmo because i had blown through all of the all of the pop-ups that said are you sure this is who you want to send money to right i was like calm down then calm your hoo-has and they they did their hoo-has were extremely plastic i uh oh go ahead sorry sorry so i just give them credit for then helping me after Basically, they did everything they could to protect me from myself, and then I called them, could you please give me my money back that I sent to the wrong person, even though you really wanted me to send it to the right person?

This reminds me of another little story, a little bit of a follow-up involving money that I want to tell you about. You know part of the story, and I told the listeners that it was looking like I was going to be the champion of my fantasy football league this year.

Oh, yeah, what happened with that? And then things kind of got a little stalled when, you know.

know a player almost died on the field in like the last game of the regular season would that have been the last game of the no no it would have been the second to last week um yeah demar hamlin demar hamlin right and i think most people are familiar with that story but because of that there were kind of like that game ended up getting called you know just kind of canceled five and a

half minutes in or whatever it was um well it wasn't canceled initially it was it was postponed And then days later And that was I've never seen that before In the history of the NFL in fact I don't know That might be the first time they've ever just Canceled a game like we're not going to make it up

Yeah like so everybody was waiting hey When are they going to play the makeup game the league Decides they're not going to play the makeup game And that you know caused some things like For in the real world for trying to figure Out what that would mean for kind of the Playoff chances of the various teams involved But then also fantasy Football as well so I think I even Mentioned on the show that like I was kind of waiting to hear from the commissioner like am i going to get the the text to the group that says hey everybody andrew one congratulations blah blah here's how you can get your money or whatever so i was waiting on that and i finally got the the text from our commish right um but the thing is i think the entire season as i would refer to this league i told you that it was a hundred dollar buy-in and so and i was like and there's 10 of us in there and i didn't really know what the breakdown would be but i'm like well that's at least even if you take some of the money and you divide it up between the second and third place winners, I must be getting at least 500, like my original 100 and another four. But I was thinking it could be like 600 or 700. And then when the text came back, it was Andrew is getting, I think, oh shoot, I should have it in front of me, something like 350 or 400 or something. And I was like, oh, that's a lot less than I thought. And so I opened-

Yeah, that was supposed to be Xbox money.

Yeah, so I opened up my Venmo app and I look back at my history. I use Venmo very, very infrequently, so I didn't have to scroll very long, and I saw, oh, at the beginning of the season, I had Venmoed $50 to the commissioner. This whole time, I was telling Genevieve this was a $100 buy-in. She was like, that's a little rich for my blood. You better win this thing. It was never a $100 buy-in to begin with. So I didn't lose. I still won. I still have money, and I still have enough winnings to get an Xbox, and I kind of like connecting a winning like this to an actual purchase I want to make, sort of. i'll always think of this xbox if i ever get it as my fantasy football xbox you know but um i was like there's a psychology there right like i didn't lose any money because i only paid 50 for the w box an r box um but uh yeah so anyway i thought you might as as the real gambler of this podcasting duo i thought you might appreciate the mentality oh man i can so identify i'll play these

like silly little like slot machines that they have in the bars in portland and there's this one that i really like um it's called um like twin win or twin dolphin or something i like it because one time i won like a bunch of money on it like maybe 500 bucks on it um but i have no idea how it works like i don't know what any of the symbols mean and i don't understand when it's about to give me some money and when it's not oh that's interesting that you yeah right game that you don't understand it's like a double well i mean those slot machines are just yeah ridiculous anyway like they're just you're just buying a lotto ticket you know you're buying hundreds of lotto tickets in a row in a session as you sit there for 40 minutes and they're literally administrated by the oregon state lottery but um i kind of bizarrely like it because it's like a double gamble I'm gambling and then I'm also totally unsure until the thing starts either the numbers are going to go up or they're going to go down I have no idea what's going to happen and I've played this game a lot and I could not explain to you what the rules are or what I'm trying to get

that yeah and I am kind of surprised like for me and you're the one who taught me how to play that game that I referenced I feel like more and more on the show like jacks are better or whatever it's like little video poker games And now that I know how to play that, and it's definitely not complicated, but I'm not somebody who's really kind of steeped in games like that. You know, I love it if I'm on a trip or something and there's some sort of casino where I can sit at a bar and just, like, drink my drinks and just, like, tap away at that. But, like, there's a rhyme and reason. Even if I'm playing stupidly or drunkenly and I'm losing five cents a hand or a dollar a hand or whatever, there's still a rhyme or a reason to it. It doesn't seem for everything that I know about you, you're kind of a literal guy, you know, from not liking make them ups in the movies and being more of a nonfiction and documentary kind, you know, being gravitating towards those kinds of things. Like you just sort of saying, I don't know, I'm going to watch the dolphin spin and we'll see if it pays out. I'm kind of surprised that that is. entertaining to you well because there's no way for me to impact the outcome so if i'm playing a card game at a table like in a casino or if i'm playing cards with like you know my friends or at a a poker room i definitely want to understand how the rules work because i can actually have i can make a difference um in the case of these machines they're just so silly you're just pulling a tab as it were you're just buying a lotto ticket and it's either going to be a winner or not you can't change the outcome yeah cannot so now now with your jacks are better and games like that you actually can impact the outcome because you have the option of saving like cards so you you know you get your hand and then you're like i want to keep these ones and i want to like discard these other ones i actually don't like playing those games anymore because i don't like to have to make decisions in that world andrew because everything is going great emotionally for me and none of this sounds like trying to numb out but no it's interesting though because you i mean

or it's like well obviously you still play poker sometimes right and so like i would well i mean i only know the very basic rules of poker anyway but obvious it's obvious to say i would never sit down at a poker table but like if you sit down at a poker table like you're you're putting your whole brain into that so it's almost like all or nothing for you now you don't want to

it's just it's the mood that i'm in basically um and there are and again i mean i'm i was joking But I was not joking That obviously there is some part of my brain My brain is spinning pretty fast And thinking a lot of thoughts All the time And when I am sitting at one of those stupid machines It feels like my brain Stops spinning It feels like it slows down And it's weird because there's money on the line Not a lot of money The nice thing about these machines is that You can't bet The max you could bet is like $2 a spin Which is that significant it but you can also play it for 25 cents a spin or whatever so the good news is you it's not like it's a huge financial outlay but there is something very calming about it for me and i like not having to make decisions also if i'm playing a real slot machine like at a casino i don't like the ones that if you get to the bonus you've got to choose between like three different like giant piggy banks to see which one is going to have the grand in it or which one is going to be the mini or i just i don't want to have to make any decisions because what i'm trying to do in these moments is

basically disengage from my brain that's really i kind of i don't i don't want to belabor this because we've probably sucked whatever entertainment value we can out of this conversation but it's a

view into how disturbed my mind is so but also that's entertaining well that well that's that's

always entertaining but also like it's this weird intersection between like what i'm drawn to with some of the dumb video games i play right that you don't have i i don't think that you can relate to i'm even going to use the example of this dumb game i play called hex empire that we talk about that sometimes i'll play during tbtl and it's like it takes decision making it's kind of like a it's the most most basic like just online kind of world domination game but i can't explain to you just how basic it is you just move little blue dots around right um but it does take a little bit of thought and a little bit of strategy but a tiny bit and the stakes are totally irrelevant right I'm not paying to play this game and that's why sometimes I actually need this game to help me focus a little bit it's like doodling during a meeting or sometimes I just kind of have this going but and I have other games like this in my life even to some degree Minecraft or some of these games that take just a tiny bit of my mind but it gives my mind a tiny bit of structure i actually don't like any games that are totally random and even like on my ipad if i'm watching tv with genevieve and i pull out my ipad there are times i might be in the mood to play jacks are better i don't know if i've ever told you that like i have it on the ipad it's very rare but i'll pull it out but i won't play a game that is just like on the same exact app that is just like spinning wheels and it does and now there's no money involved so that might be the big difference here but like for me i like games that just have and jacks are better scratches this itch just a tiny tiny tiny recess of your brain you know what i mean as opposed to because you don't need much to play jacks are better and if you're not gambling much it really doesn't matter but it's not just random complete randomness and i i am still just a little i guess surprised that it's complete randomness for you that you don't need a tiny little chunk of your brain spinning on this To almost distract from the other thoughts I would feel like the randomness would make your brain Would make your brain Too free to think about other things Well that's where the alcohol comes in Ah, gotcha

The last part of my brain that's still cogitating I just drowned that in vodka And then everything's okay Yeah I'm sorry I'm rambling so much and belaboring that

But is this a good segue into the poll

tabs? Yes, it is. It sure is. On the topic of casual bar-based wagering, I went down to... I don't know why I'm being so secretive. I mean, my plan is to ultimately move up to this house that I'm fixing up, and I don't know if I'm just going to consistently be weirdly vague about it's in southern Washington, but for the time being, I am... A little mystique. Nothing wrong with that. But I went down to... I had to go down to the bank, and so I was in the in the where the bank is in this town that's near me and i noticed as i was driving to the parking lot that there is a perfectly preserved rad bowling alley with that sign that i sent to you it's kind of that classic neon with like a male figure he's kind of like got his arm up for the bowling it's and uh and they've got a lounge there and i thought you know it's five o'clock you've earned it luke pop into that lounge for a minute and just get a look-see in that bowling alley and so i did and it absolutely delivered um in terms of what i was hoping it would be like it was very well preserved and the lounge itself there were all these regulars in there i could tell and i thought oh this is dangerous for me i could i could like i like don't make any eye contact don't start chatting with people don't make this your new reality luke because it could

very much become my reality exactly i mean this is a place that you might literally have to buy That is – we joke around about you one time having the idea of buying a bowling alley and then telling people that you almost put a bowling alley. I did call them and ask if it was for sale. Oh, that's right. So you actually made some sort of – I mean I was pretty far through the due diligence. You already had your funding lined up.

So I'm sitting at the bar and I'm having a beer and I'm kind of just taking it all in and they had pull tabs. And so I bought some pull tabs. I invested in some pull tab futures from some company called The Beer Brothers. Mostly what I did was I picked the $1 ones because this bartender, she was very frantic. She wasn't exuding that she was frantic, but I could tell she had a lot going on, and I didn't want to be like, can I get 17 of the 25 centers from tank number 11 and then 15? I wanted to make the order very straightforward. So I said, can I please have $20 of number 17, which were these ones that were $1 apiece? I didn't win. I think I won $3. I just gave back to her. But what I did, Andrew, was I got a bunch of these spent pull tabs that have little bits of information on them, et cetera, as I've been talking about. So here's one for you. Actually, you know what? Let's see here. I have some music I want to play for this. Let me get to that. Smooth. Very smooth transition from old old.

Oh, I thought you were going to play Smooth by Santana. I was like, please do not. We don't have the rights to that. You think we have Smooth by Santana money on this show?

I've never been so glad that we don't have the rights to something. did you know Andrew that American car horns beep in the tone of F all of them I thought there were I thought they were varied you know I just realized that you can't think that's a joke about the F word when I when I when I looked at this initially I was like I had the same thought I was like wait all don't most horns sound different I bet you that there this is a joke about the f-word don't you think it'd be funnier if they said in the key of fu oh yes you know what take a memo let's let's punch these up and send it to the beer brothers i've never got to punch anything up before i don't know if this is real or not this i don't think is a joke i think it's intended to be a fact pearls melt in vinegar is that possible wow it could be i mean there's

not vinegar in on the ocean floor right right it's also if it's a joke it's not very funny

no it's a it's even worse than car horns beeping in the tone of f uh can you imagine having like a beautiful string of pearls and then like bending over and somehow they dip into vinegar and they're

just dissolved oh my yeah right i'm trying to see it looks like this is something that it has been bandied about the internet it looks like there's some NBC news stuff on this so this is yeah it looks like there's maybe some truth to this

here's just a kind of a I don't know what you'd call it a little aphorism he who hesitates is probably right is that true I don't know we're arriving at the part of this song by the way where there's a bad edit just a bad edit

you didn't i thought i was just gonna miss a beat i didn't know that there was just gonna be a

this is like i'm looking at the wave file there's just a big hole in it and there has been andrew for i don't know 11 12 years of this program uh he who hesitates is probably right i guess that's just you know saying measure twice cut one i mean i guess i

I'm kind of, I'm a guy who hesitates. I can, but, you know, I can be ponderous. Maybe, but sometimes you also think that, like, indecision, maybe the next tab will be about indecision is a poor man's thoughtfulness. What year did the Titanic sink? Oh, I do know it sank because I saw it on the TV screens last night at the Eagles. They had a movie on about that. Yeah. That movie that you haven't seen. What year was that is the question. So what year? I'm hesitating. Oh, that's just the file's done. Sorry, back at it. Back at it. Oh, I feel like if I get this wrong, I really sound like a dum-dum.

I would have never guessed this.

Really? I'm going to say 1923. A little earlier, 1912, but you're in the neighborhood.

I would have said 1986. It was sometime between Teen Wolf 1 and Teen Wolf 2. Exactly. Do you know, Andrew, that the King of Hearts is the only king without a mustache? i believe they're saying in the deck in the deck not in real life or king there's never been the

king of hearts does not have a mustache i didn't know that i also didn't know well i guess that makes sense if you had also told me that like different card makers depict them in different ways i would believe that as well but i guess there is just some standard things right like

the one-eyed jack you know how um i've got that tattoo on my arm of two playing cards and it's a queen of hearts and an ace of hearts and um i had seen somebody who had like a like our lady of guadalupe or something on his arm and i thought it looked really nice but i'm not catholic and uh i'm not really into religion so i was like oh this is my religion gambling as evidenced by today's show so i went to the place and i said i want to have a very realistic like Two playing cards I want them to be like this And the tattoo artist I had to talk to him For a substantial amount of time To talk him out of the idea Of making it a suicide king Or a suicide jack That's like Stabbing their own head With a sword And their tongues out And they're all crazy And I was like I don't want that And he was like Yeah but it would be so cool And I was like Yeah but You don't have to have it On your body I don't want that on my body Yeah yeah He was very He was not into Just doing a straightforward Playing card He wanted it to have

some some razzle dazzle now do you know i mean you you've stared at a lot of cards in your life like does every deck have a version i know that the artist's depictions of these things vary but like are there standard things like there's always a one-eyed jack there's always a suicide did you say jack or king or suicide jack it looks like there's a suicide king yeah i'm looking up

right um you know i don't know i the cards that i look at believe it or not are pretty standard like in other words they're at a casino like I'm not so I don't actually know I could tell you that casino cards look like the cards that you grew up playing you know cards with I don't know if it's if that's like if every deck has that or not or what the what the rules are around

that it I mean again I'm just googling on the fly here just like the pearls before vinegar but it does say that the king of pearls before vinegar the king of hearts is sometimes called the Suicide King because he appears to be sticking a Sword through his head so even in the very traditional Depictions which I just never look at that Closely there is a sort of rudimentary Sort of drawing of he's Holding a sword up and maybe you would assume It's going behind his head but apparently it's going Right in there I didn't know that. Does the website say

Anything about the Queen of Hearts on the subject Of playing with her? It says playing with the

Queen of Hearts. Uh-huh. It says Joker is the only fool

I love that song. What are the lyrics?

Joker is the only fool Who'd do anything for you Is that what it is? I love that song

You know, when that song comes up My memory is Peggy on King of the Hill Singing that song in some episode What number In bingo is called the Heinz Variety

Oh, give me a second on this It must be obvious It must be 57 But do I have to know what column it would be in?

Nope, 57 That's all the beer brothers are giving us G57, maybe? This actually references your for-profit coffee business you've been doing. If you continually give, you will continually have. Hmm, interesting. What if you continually charge $4 for every cup over two? You'll continually be rich. New Jersey, the Garden State. They just wanted to tell us that. That's it? Yep. New Jersey, the Garden State. Thanks, Beer Brothers. Thank you for that. Interesting. Um, here's a, this is a real, this is profound. Clouds that thunder do not always rain. Interesting. Got a real. I honestly think that's probably typical, right? I mean.

I don't know. I wouldn't know, but I'm also trying to.

Thunder is, I actually got this right the other day. on the show, which is what's going on with lightning and thunder, which is that the lightning, because it's a static, you know, it's basically fire, it actually, like, creates a vacuum. Like, it burns the air and then when the air rushes back in to fill that gap, that's what thunder is.

Hmm. So it's kind of all bark, no bite. I'm just trying to figure out, like, what is the point of that one? All hat, no cattle? It's just kind of saying that, like, hey, you might think that doom is on the way because it's thundering, but don't worry, sometimes it's just a saber rattling

yep I think you're right I think that's what I take away

alright

a smile Andrew is your personal welcome mat you could really take that a couple of ways yeah

like you're being a doormat yeah like you're being walked all over that's the very first thing I thought of but I've also had my nose very close to the carpet in the past 24 hours yeah

if it's not fun you're not doing it right my guy I put in the my guy

there was an implied my guy in that yeah i mean i don't think that applies to everything

you know maryland the old state line the old line state i was gonna say

maryland the old line state oh wait i got one here luke i got one here ohio the buckeye state that's good yeah i paid a dollar to learn that yeah i'm just doing this i'm just riffing remember

remember each one of these represents one dollar I spent was not a winner where were fortune cookies invented

oh you know I think I know like a state I think it was no a country oh the United States you are right my friend I think I could have gone better than that though who wrote the book about the fortune cookie and as a way of like Jennifer Aitley yeah Jennifer Aitley about kind of talking about American

Chinese cuisine and the yeah there's a lot of um there's a lot of interesting like you know um general I think general so's chicken is an American invention I think um uh there's another very popular uh sort of what we consider to be Chinese food dish like I forget what it is but it was invented in Springfield uh Springfield Missouri oh that's right because you did oh yeah

that's right didn't didn't you do a piece that also featured featured jennifer eightley i did a

story about the oldest continuously operated chinese restaurant in america is in butte montana right i remember this and so i did a story about that and then it kind of expanded a bit into the sort of americanization for instance chop suey is an america completely american like it was invented in america by you know chinese americans but it wasn't like if you go to china apparently i've never been to china but like chop suey is not a traditional chinese day yeah that makes

sense i think the majority of things that i eat off of an american chinese menu would did was jennifer in that story though or were you going to okay yeah yeah that's cool i believe

it was but it was during the pandemic so we were on zoom gotcha yeah yeah cool but they had her go to a chinese restaurant in la or wherever she lives so there was like an appropriate or an

interesting backdrop oh i see for the interview yeah yeah that's interesting yeah and the and just like the the um i mean just the the formation of chinese american restaurants and like just the the the labor story there and the immigration story there is super interesting too i don't know i didn't see your piece i'm sorry i don't know if it went into all of that but just from

the bits and pieces i pick up from culture well yeah i mean uh one of the things was there was There was something called the Chinese Exclusion Act, which was basically a hugely, intensely racist piece of legislation that made it illegal for, among other things, for Chinese men to do a lot of jobs in America because white Americans were freaked out that the Chinese folks were going to take their jobs. And so the jobs that were allowed were what were considered to be traditionally, quote unquote, female jobs. So working in restaurants, working in laundry, things like that. And so a lot of Chinese folks and I guess Chinese-Americans went towards those industries because it was literally the only thing they were allowed to do. This country, man. Yeah, it's been a great place for everyone who looks like me. Yeah. Historically.

Well, Andrew. Do we have any pull tabs that can pull us? That brings us to our next pull tab. Yeah, pull us out of this. Nobody's perfect. It's a picture of Uncle Sam shrugging. Pobody's nerfect. I forgot about that. Did you have a button or something that you had as a kid?

Some t-shirt or some shit. What did you take a pic? Do you already have a show pic for today?

Well, I was going to use these stairs so that people can see my same nightmare. Oh, yeah. No, that's actually better.

But everyone just imagine a polta.

that says nobody's perfect maybe i you know i can combine the two why don't you send that

right whoever spilled that pot roast yeah right yeah po buddy's nerfick all right let's do a little music for your weekend there was one more on here but i thought i thought nobody's perfect felt like a good ending there was one also that says don't ever give up keep trying which feels to me like it should be illegal for an a gambling entity to

put that in one of their yeah like if you took that literally i would still be at the bowling

alley right now dumping money into basket number or to tank number 17 good point boy yeah i think

i gotta i think i gotta go to the eagles later now i gotta i gotta do my work there and then i gotta start pulling the tabs all right sounds good should we do some music for yourself we should What would you like to play? I'm going to play this song that. OK, I'm going to play a song for you here, mostly because I want to read to you a text message I received from a friend about this song, because this came in over the transom via some press release. I saw a band called The Tubs, which, of course, it sounded like a band I would like. Usually that is to me. I hear a band called The Tubs. I assumed it was going to be very poppy, kind of jangly rock. It's not it's not quite that. It's a little it's slightly more somber, at least in the vocals. The name of the song is Wretched Lie And I hit play on the song And I listened to it a little bit And I'll be honest with you I'm not even sure that I love it either I still need to spend some more time with this song But I thought And I am not a Bob Mould expert I thought it sounds Does this sound a little bit like Bob Mould Or maybe a little bit like Sugar One of Bob Mould's bands And I wasn't sure I'm like does this make even any sense That I'm associating this sound with Bob Mould And so I sent it to a friend of mine who –

By the way, on this remodel, we've had to do bob mold remediation. It's not cheap. Any house built basically before 1960, you're probably going to have bob mold issues.

The coincidences today are bananas because all along the bottom of my office, I have bob molding, just like where the floor meets the wall. Quarter round or what is it? Yeah, quarter round. It's always so hard to cut the corners. Anyway, so I sent this to my friend Pauly, who I invoke on the show quite a bit, I feel like. And he's my oldest friend. I've known him since high school. And he is the only reason I know who Bob Mould is, is because of Paul. Like Paul was obsessed with Husker Du and Sugar and Bob Mould. And so I sent this to him and I said, does this remind you of Bob Mould? Like, why does this remind me of Bob Mould? And he sent me back the most Pauly text I've ever received. I'm going to read it to you after I play the song. so here's the song what is that actually from again it's R.I.P. Alex Trebek oh right alright so here it is enough talking here is the song Wretched Lie by The Tubbs

Underneath the dimming light I've told you and still I find

You are always on my mind You are always on my mind Cause I, I have told the wretched lie I have told the wretched lie I have led myself to lie And I have told the wretched lie

So it is jangly, but a little bit more mournful than I was expecting from a band called The Tubs. And I do think I like it. Maybe this is my third time hearing it right now. But I sent this to Paul. Kind of British? Yeah, it does have. Canadian, maybe? Yeah, and then some interesting instrumentation there when like the, I don't know if that was a vibraphone or what popped in there at the end. So I sent it to Paul. I'm like, does this remind you of Bob Mould at all? Like, I don't even know what I'm talking about here. But for some reason, I thought of Bob Mould. And here's the response. Yeah, I can kind of hear it. The sort of off-kilter strumming of the rhythm guitar is moldy. I think he's also doing this droning thing with the two highest strings that Bob does. The catchy riff that plays over all of the sounds, much more Johnny Marr to me. And that little keyboard throws me off. Not sure I like it. Sounds like...

an early 2000s keyboard band like mates of state just don't fit for me of course the lyrics are about some failed relationship which is super moldy i can sort of hear bob's voice in the quieter parts but i also hear richard thompson that may have something to do with the similar

accents anyway that's all i got yeah that's a lot official paulie is hosting music for your weekend that's how you talk about music you don't go like i do huh that sounds kind of that's that's i'm getting major wilco vibes off of that like that's my music criticism me too referencing a thing that

it sounds like to me i'm always like is it jangling and does it have hand claps that's all i know anyway i just thought that was kind of funny i don't know if it translated but that's it the song was called wretched lie by the tubs um i thought you just liked it because it's named after your favorite sandwich and it's named after my favorite hot tub place and my favorite

uh sandwich place yeah so matt i'm picturing you in a tub at tubs eating a sandwich from tubs don't picture that shredded iceberg lettuce falling into the hot tub i highly recommend not

picturing that i i care about your sex life um i would like to suggest a song by the band

dead which you have played you've you've featured them i believe as a music for your weekend selection a lot past yeah a lot yeah i have i have a song and a backup do you happen to remember if either of the songs have been songs that you've played by Dead?

I see that you have Ha Ha Here and Bad Love. I feel like I must have played Bad Love. That's one of their newer ones that came out, I think, this summer.

That's a big hit off of their latest album.

Yeah, which is just the whole thing slaps. But I don't think I've played Ha Ha. That's an earlier one, right? I think I know it.

Yeah, I think it's off. It's like two albums ago. So I kind of, you know, Addy loves them and you love them. And every time I've heard a song by them, I've really liked it. I will be honest with you. the name dead doesn't um spark joy for me so i've always a little kind of like it but it's i mean it couldn't less it couldn't reflect the vibe of the band less you know what i mean like it's that sounds like a death metal band and they're very much not that and again i need to tell you about this because you have been a fan much longer than i have but i was kind of doing a deep dive on them before i interviewed them this week and uh i just i mean they're just so good like there's a huge amount of Cocteau Twins to go back to my music criticism where I compare things to sound like it's like Wilco meets Cocteau Twins it's like I love the guitar playing in a lot of their songs I love the vocals they sort of switch back and forth of who sings if it's the guitar player or the lead singer anyway I'm just very into this band right now so I would like to play Ha Ha or could you actually play Ha Ha

Yeah, I'll play it from here. And then after we hear the song, I really want to hear how that interview went and whether or not you told Emily that I'm available, which is inappropriate. But that's the question coming your way.

Well, spoiler alert, I led with that, which is why the interview is very short.

Here it is.

When it comes to falling, yeah I'm falling all the time Don't wanna talk about it Oh yeah, I'm doing fine It's best to fight about it

Yeah, boy, I love to cry

All I know is I love you

All the love is cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry

to full albums of theirs i think they may have like three or four out and they're just like there are no i'm never skipping a song there's never a song that is not good that's a double negative but you get the yeah and it's just so fucking good and the albums are so consumable

too because not that i mean obviously you love war on drugs and you know i like some long form stuff but there's something just like so inherently poppy about them that the songs are usually pretty tight the albums are usually two to three minutes exactly 45 minute record you can listen to it and again the whole thing is just like kind of like pop and candy sort of i just i love it how did

the interview go it went well i mean they were so uh nice it was jason and erica uh the guitar player and the lead singer um the drummer was they were in new mexico where um where she's buying a house or something

wait is it erica or emily why did i say emily sorry okay yes i wasn't sure um and uh listen

who is the dead fan here andrew you know just for a second i thought we were talking about the grateful dead too that's what i just realized when i said it that way like if it'd be great if you followed the band dead to all of their gigs and you just told people that you follow the dead but it was a totally different band dude i wish we had this conversation before you interviewed

them because i would legitimately like all kidding aside it would have been funny have you considered calling your fans dead heads smell dhd that's great they probably i'm sure that they've

they probably do they seemed very um uh very funny self-aware self-deprecating it was really fun to get to chat with them i also had sent a message to addy like hey uh i'm interviewing this band you like a lot do you have any questions and she sent me this like like long list of actually very good questions and so i read one of them to the band and they were like shout out to addy we feel really seen nice and i'm texting addy and addy just sent me uh an emoji of a skeleton and

she said dead but in this case literally that's really i'm really glad you hear that because when you when you were sending when you told me the other day that you were going to interview them and i think i might have actually cut that out of the show because it was around it was at the end of a show when i was distracted by something i was really embarrassed by like not listening to you so i just cut the whole thing out um sorry i don't listen to these shows but uh no i don't do that that often but it was something that had happened i literally like had lost the thread of the show i don't know if you recall that but i remember you saying that you were distracted but

i don't remember hearing you distracted because i was distracted thinking about interviewing the

band and so anyway we were mutually checked i i have not seen them interviewed before i've seen them like kind of perform in like i think like the kexp studio space or maybe the current or one of those band or one of those stations like that and so um they looked really charming playing but you just never know with the band interview yeah you know what i mean and so i'm glad to hear that they were like it sounds like they were chatty and fun and interesting super game and actually that was

another thing we didn't have time to get into it but that was one of the things that i had noticed in the daddy also raised which was the the look i mean first of all the name dead dehd and then also the kind of appearance of the band do not in any way indicate the kind of sound that they're going to be making they really look very kind of punk and um you know emily has a lot of tattoos and now has a gold tooth which we talked about basically the dentist put this tooth in and was like it was either that they were out of as emily called it tooth colored teeth and i said that should be a name of an album like she didn't go in looking to get a gold tooth really it was a thing where basically it was like either a placeholder it was something where the or they it was not not the dentist's intention and she said no i really like it and the dentist was stoked she said it like took a picture with her and was like no one ever goes for this tooth that's really interesting yeah so we um that started because i asked her i was actually on the i was a little bit on the fence about this question because i was asking this question of a woman which was i had noticed I was looking at Dead on TikTok And I noticed that she had braces And I was curious about what the Effect of having braces is On your singing I wouldn't normally ask A woman about something that had to do with Anything sort of physical in that way but I thought it was Kind of germane and she actually Had a very interesting answer which is she had her braces Taken off early because it was really hard To sing with them on it was cutting her mouth up and stuff Oh interesting and then that got us to the Gold tooth conversation Oh, but yeah, it's interesting because to look at them, if you see a photograph of them and their affect, they seem like they might be kind of snarly and punk, but they were extremely friendly and nice and great, and they played Bad Love.

Oh, they played it, so they played it. Oh, man, I want to hear that.

They played it live in New Mexico, and they were recording themselves there on Pro Tools, and so that'll be on LiveWire actually this weekend. And I love that when we get them, when we get a band to play like one of their hit songs, but like a version that will only ever exist for Livewire, like it will never happen exactly that way again. I kind of think that's cool.

Yeah. And I also I've never heard them kind of stripped down their music. And I was actually when I saw this in the show sheet today, that was another thing I was going to ask you, because that is something that I used to love when I'd work on a public radio show. And I'm the occasion a band that I'd heard of would come in and they would play one of their songs. But it just like just guitar. And sometimes you have to talk them into it because they'd be very, you know, listen, I'm not a musical artist. So I understand being like not not wanting to present anything but your best self when you're going to get exposure via the media. But like it was so cool sometimes hearing these songs broken down in this way. And I just feel like dead really lends themselves to that. No joke. I was thinking about that.

Yeah, they were game. They played a song, just the guitar and some vocals. And I'm with you on that. Almost every song that I love that's got a lot of production on it, if I hear it stripped down, I love the stripped down version. And I'm not involved in music. I'm not in a band. People that are in bands that listen could explain. But sometimes I'm sort of like, why so production? Why all the production when a guitar and a voice or a piano and a voice

is just very compelling yeah sometimes it just it's sometimes it hits right um so anyway well that's awesome i'm really glad that went well that's cool yeah i was i was stoked about that

um uh speaking of music we have a song from our friend oh speaking of the walsh helm scream i believe it is our friend holly woo mike oh okay the walsh helm scream into various productions and this song comes from mike okay great that's right uh mike says i got a little music for your weekend for you it's everything but the girl the song is nothing left to lose everything but the girl is back after a 12-year hiatus and tracy thorne has one of the all-time greatest voices no further explanation needed well let me explain a little further hollywood mike i love everything but the girl and um i love their story as well because if i have it right so it's a guy named ben watt and tracy thorne and they were just bandmates for years platonically and then i believe he was very ill with maybe even some kind of cancer and the and tracy thorn the lead singer took care of him and in sort of nursing him back to health they fell in love and uh they have this really beautiful song called um walk the same line which is sort of her song about being worried about him in the middle of the night when he was sick it's just a very beautiful love story and i believe they're still together um and uh mostly what it means andrew is there's still time for you and i to take this relationship to another level if we learned anything from everything but the girl it's that it's never too late for you and i to

become romantic partners do you know just ignoring all that do you know that i don't i mean i've always heard of the band nothing but the girl but like i everything but the girl what did i say anything but nothing but nothing but the girl oh i haven't heard of that very different you've been thinking of a different band yeah no but i've literally i don't know what their sound is i don't know that i've ever heard a song by everything but the girl uh it is well we're

gonna find out i'm looking forward to it yeah they're they're great um i'm a i'm a fan and as is hollywood mike so that's what we're gonna we're gonna play a little everything but the girl to wrap up this week of broadcasting thank you everyone for listening we will see you on monday until then have a great weekend take care of yourselves and please remember no mountain too

tall. And good luck to all. And sorry, Nick Cave. He's going to become our Matt Damon.

I need a thicker skin. This pain keeps getting in. Tell me what to do. Because I've always listened to you. And I'm here at your door. And I've been here before. Tell me what to do Cause nothing works without you you call that a knife this is a knife that's not a knife that's a spoon all right all right you

in. I see you've played Knifey Spoonie before. Power out.