Muse

Apparently, a person's name actually influences who you grow up to become. Like, if your name's Dennis, you're slightly more likely to become a dentist. It's true. You're attracted to things that sound like your name. And, like, Larry's are more likely to be lawyers. I thought about it. My name's Joe. One letter away from joke. I was like, oh, my goodness. And the more you look for it in the world, the more you see it. Bernie Madoff? Don't give that guy your money. Last name's Madoff. I looked up the guy who started Craigslist. First name's Craig. That's spooky. Wow. What are the odds? Andre the Giant was seven feet tall. Yeah, last name was the giant. TBTL.

Asked your question? Well, possibly. um the hell am i doing here is that the question what was the question sir the man or beast that i run from

ain't been born and his mama's already dead i think we're pretty heavy on the bad news right now so maybe just sprinkle in some positive a spoonful of sugar and such sometimes people

say that my head is too big for my body and then i say compared to what i'm the president

of rap music and i need to work with you right away all right hello good morning and welcome everyone to a monday edition of tbtl the show just might be too beautiful to live i'm tired of this grandpa that's too damn bad my name is luke furbank i am your host early bird gets the worm but who wants to live on worms coming to you from the hollywood broadcast center right here in Portland, Oregon, where... Oh, ma,

pa, it's just beautiful.

It is an absolutely gorgeous day. I don't know what the temperature is outside because I'm, you know, hermetically sealed into this broadcast center, but it sure looks beautiful. It's blue sky, a few little white clouds, and the sun is shining, and we are very excited to bring you episode 3864 in a collector series... Let the fun begin where we have an update on a story we brought you i don't know six eight months ago about that new disney experience that was like you're on a star wars star cruiser these aren't the droids you're looking for and it was like five thousand dollars for a weekend sounds expensive well it's no longer five thousand dollars for a weekend because apparently not enough people wanted to go to an indoor star wars experience with no windows and so they're trying to figure out how to make some money off of that situation we'll talk about that also i finally finished the white lotus season two if god wanted us to listen to audiobooks she wouldn't have given us eyes to watch tv and i have so many thoughts which i will share with those of you who are not worried about having the White Lotus Season 2 spoiled for you, which would include, I think, my dear friend and the longest-running co-bro of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. He's basically the president of... Scatman's World. He's Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

Good morning, Luke. I'm going to ask a favor of maybe you, but certainly the tens of listeners here at the top of the show, I have a note here that's been haunting me in my email inbox. I use my inbox as kind of a to-do list, and so I'll send myself emails like, hey, work on this. Or I'll use my inbox sometimes as sort of a draft folder of something. I'm not great with technology.

I do exactly the same thing, but with my texts.

Yes, right. Yeah, I've heard you describe that, and it's very similar.

Lord knows I don't check my emails. And by Lord, I mean the listeners and you and our friend John.

Thank you. If you would like to call me My lord for the rest of the show I would accept that You know that a person

That I interviewed for that beatboxing story Her last name is M'lady Sort of like M'lady But M'lady like an Irish version And when we were trying to confirm it She didn't even I said is it M'lady And she just did a thing where she put her hand to her forehead And then like twirled her hand down Like M'lady

She's answered that question before A few times. Yeah, I like that. It's also such a nice way of talking, m'lady, m'lord. I love it. It's classy. So let's say that I have an idea for a topic on After These Messages, my podcast about commercials with Genevieve Haas. Let's say that it's going to be like, hey, I want commercials with, I'm just totally making this up, like bad husbands or whatever, right? I see one. I email.

myself bad husband commercial and I send myself a link and then I just kind of keep that email in my inbox for a while then the next time I'm watching TV and I see another bad husband commercial I'll send another note in that same thread eventually you got 10 or 12 of those bad boys those bad husbands you get you got yourself a show so here's the deal I have this email that's been sitting in my inbox for a couple of months now and it says even in commercials now I don't know if i've ever asked you about this luke i feel like i've had this conversation with you off air but a pet peeve of mine in both radio and television commercials is when people are listing things and then they throw the word even before the last thing even though there's no reason to throw an even there you know let's say you're selling cup holders right and you're just like these cup holders work anywhere in your boat on your motorcycle or even your car it's like even your car. Yeah, it's a cup holder. Of course it's going to work even in the car. Now, would

you accept it if it were even your

motorcycle? I knew you were going to ask that. Yes. I didn't want to get caught in the details there. Maybe not the best example. I'm just... But you know,

I'm just saying there is a universe for you in which even can sort of precede the final thing, but that thing needs to be something that you wouldn't think you could have like a

cup holder on. Exactly. In fact, as I was saying that, I was like, actually, if you put motorcycle last, that would be kind of I'm a cup holder for your motorcycle. Okay, I'll accept an even in that case. But when something like when it doesn't make any, let's say it was like, let's say it was a tire cleaning product, you know, that makes your tires super shiny and black. Then you can say like on your motorcycle, on your trailer, or even your car or whatever. Like they're all black tires. It doesn't, there's no even needed there. And I hear it sometimes. but ever since I started this let's see do I even have one example in here I did look up by the way I googled

bad husband ads and I got 1960s American advert for coffee husband gets angry about wife's bad oh I know

this one are you gonna hit play on this I know this is no I was just this is I was just reading it to you this is the one where this is kind of an iconic there's so much sexism in old commercials and I believe the one that you're talking about is really iconic it's a husband and wife in their own kitchen and he's like angry about how bad her coffee is and that he's like that he's actually even i think tempted to like step out on her with with the woman who makes coffee at work do you have it loaded up tell me how close i am on that well i can tell

you these they're sitting outside on like a veranda of some kind and uh i don't it looks like this is uploaded from a dvd because there's all kinds of like other digital information on it so So I don't have high hopes for this, but let me just play it. What's going on here?

This coffee is criminal. Honey, you killed the petunias. Yeah. Can you admit it? Your coffee really is murder. Papa Eddie, my coffee, it's murder.

The woman has now gone to the grocery store where apparently a guy named Papa Eddie works. Is this ringing any bells? Yeah, I think this is the one I'm talking about, but there might be several that are kind of in this. He threw some of this supposedly bad coffee on the flowers.

Yeah, out the window.

And so the petunias have been murdered. And now the wife is talking to Papa Eddie about how to basically get her fingerprints burned off and move to probably Mexico.

Either too bitter or too weak. Try Folgers. Never bitter, never weak, always nice and rich. Because Folgers coffee is mountain grown. Mountain grown?

Oh, that reminds me of another ad I'm sorry, I know that I'm completely Distracting us But there is an ad that was running During the many football games this weekend I don't think it's one of the ones That Will Arnett voices But it is for like a truck of some kind And it says So you can move mountains And then climb them And I was like, just don't move the mountain If you're going to climb it You're going to move the entire mountain And then climb it?

yeah i'm with you that's dumb that's just like that's just the how how manly can we be with this truck you know quote unquote manly it's like the this connection between trucks and manhood is pretty disgusting oh just to close out what i was smarter not harder exactly i mean unless you plan on climbing it like a bunch and you want it like in your backyard you're like i don't want to

drive like it's a backyard mountain and now it's like proximity maybe you have kids maybe you're a stay-at-home dad and you only have about an hour a day while the children are napping to get out and climb your mountain so you move it closer to you that i can go with exactly bring the mountain to my lady as the famous expression goes famously they say in the folgers ad so what i was going to

say was listeners please if you if you're listening to the radio you don't have to have a link but if you just can remember the detail of any commercial tv or radio where

Somebody's throwing an even at the end of a list Only because the copywriters feel that They need to for rhythm but it really makes No sense in the context please send them My way andrew at tbtl.net And thank you my ladies and lords

Ha do you know that That's a thing that I actually not Even but the construction Of naming multiple things is A big part of my professional life because When I am writing the Billboard they call it for live wire I will be saying We're going to talk to like this week on the show we're talking to a kenji lopez alt and we're also hearing some comedy from sarah schaefer

and we're getting some music from the band dead no and even and we're even getting some music

from the band dead i fall here's the trap that i fall into far too often and as if that weren't enough yeah right yes yes yes like it's weird how how hard it is to name three things and not use

the same word somewhere in that process oh i i mean i used to you know as part of my background as a public radio producer like writing 30 second promos and 60 second billboards or 29 second promos and 59 second billboards you know what i'm talking about luke um that was all i mean you there's there's not a lot of space to negotiate in there and if you're the type of show where you where you are trying to highlight the three main points as opposed to one main point i mean there's just not a lot of room to negotiate with the language so you fall into these patterns i know it well even i think to a lesser degree because what we do is so silly but like even

writing our little what we do is so important what we do have a good show what did i say did

i say silly oh god that keeps happening i have the sillies um but no even writing the description for tbtl each day it's like i always end it with plus like it's it's like so often the same thing Like, Andrew's on a quest to find some dumb commercials. Luke is angry at White Lotus 2. Plus, and what is our main story? I don't know if you are. I'm just making this up here. Plus, Endor, we have a problem. Like, I always end it with plus, and then it's like personal, personal, plus some story from pop culture or whatever. Personal, personal, additional. Yes. Is that a show title? Yeah, probably. Personal, personal, additional. No, that's the show description. Anyway, that's it. Thank you. I'm done for the day. Anything else you wanted to bounce off me?

Personal. I have an update from my apartment building. The management of Gray Star has alerted us here in the building to something that we all knew, which is that the main elevator is down yet again. And it has been down for like four days. It is constantly not working, which is frustrating because the main elevator is, A, the elevator that is closest to where my apartment is. And it also is the only one that goes to the parking garage floor that my car is in. So if I take the other elevator, there's the main elevator and the south elevator. And if I take the south elevator, I then have to walk down like two or three floors of the parking garage. The other problem is whenever one of the elevators is out, which tends to be the main elevator. I mean, I've lived here now for what, like maybe a year and a half or something. It's I would say easily 50 percent of the time the main elevator has been out. but the problem is that people are constantly moving in and out of this building meaning they're constantly reserving the other elevator so there is very often the case that the main elevator is down and the south elevator is reserved for a move meaning that i need to take the stairs which is fine for me because luckily my body allows for that but i worry about people that aren't able to take stairs in my building uh i worry about myself when i have like bubbles in a cat carrier in a thing i'm wheeling with a bunch of stuff as i was on friday because it was becca's birthday weekend and we went out to lake oswego oregon and i have this this kind of wagon it's not a wagon but you know what i mean one of those like collapsible yeah i love hand cart thing yeah yeah um that are they're kind of i think they're sort of big right now it's it is like a wagon but it's made of canvas yeah and kind of condense it down anyway i had a whole bunch of stuff in the wagon and I couldn't use the main elevator was down and then the south elevator was being used for a move and so I had to like pick up the wagon oh and side note I'm in like a nice outfit because we're going to dinner that night and I'm carrying this whole situation down eight flights of stairs because I'm in P3 nobody show up in my car please and my apartment is on floor five so that's frustrating but actually here's the thing I want to talk about related to my elevator i uh when i was out of town for pre-christmas for some kind of work trip they went ahead and put up a bunch of kind of like they've decided that this building is going to be musically themed so they decided that that's going to be their kind of difference maker, when people come look at this apartment building versus other apartment buildings in portland they will be sold on the fact that there are giant pictures of jimmy hendrix everywhere and in the in the lobby oh you know what you'd get along with my neighbor more on that coming up wait hold on tell me do you live on

scat man's floor also a good show when it rains it pours on show titles i'll tell you so when you walk into my building now they retiled the um the entry way the foyer as it were and it says in kind of you know um like sort of that like hexagon kind of tile that a lot of people put like in their bathrooms and stuff so the main floor is black and then in white it says this must be the place which you know i'm a i'm a i like things that people of my ilk tend to like So I'm a fan of that Talking Heads song, Naive Melody. This must be the place. So I do love that song. I guess if I was going to tile something into a lobby, that's as good as anything. It is funny, though, because they put that in and then about, I don't know, six weeks went by. And then they put up a sign that said to the side that said, it's a song by the Talking Heads. They must have been getting asked like 30 times a day, what does that mean? So they thought, let's just let's make it simple. Let's put up a little plaque that says this is a song by the Talking Heads. um but anyway throughout the building including on every floor when you get out of the elevator there are now um pictures of musicians or of people playing music so like a close-up on someone's hands playing a guitar or somebody at woodstock or uh you know just somebody making music that has become now the theme for this building does it all tend to be like you mentioned

jimi hendrix you mentioned woodstock you mentioned guitars does it all tend to be kind of guitar Oriented rock From sort of that era or inspired By that era like I'm not even joking here I was joking about Scatman's floor of course But like do they I mean I assume that Is there are there like nods To jazz are there Nods to like people spinning Like electronic music is or is it All this sort of like guitar Man

Is that when Janie Jimplin yelled

Guitar man in the Jackie Jump story yeah I don't know guitar man you know i listen to so much of that music from that era but i'm also like i also sort

of find that sort of i find it sort of cringy well you know what i need to actually do a more thorough inventory of this because i do think it tends to fall into like beatles stones hendrix i don't know if there's a jackie jorm chomp but there's certainly no like little uzi vert right

yeah which is sort of there's no beastie boys it's so strange and i you know listen we have a lot of listeners who would who maybe are in like the boomer generation i'm not trying to be insulting towards them but like i'm kind of surprised like this hip place in portland is like still like isn't that like like hasn't anything happened since like rock exploded in the 1960s like is this really our point of reference for everything my guess is that the person who is making the

decisions does not live slash manage this building and is probably living in sacramento and is a white guy of a certain age who owns like 80 such buildings and a certain segment of the portfolio has been decided to be music buildings yeah no you're and then that guy was like yeah put some jackie jump jump in yeah like the kids are listening to yeah because certainly the people that work here and are in the management are all very much of the zoomer generation like you know we're talking 25 at the oldest so there's no way they're like we gotta get some of that sweet Hendrix going here in our music building but Andrew this is where our friendship falls apart because what I was going to say was a guy in the elevator was irrationally annoyed with these posters the other day like we're just making small talk like you do and then the doors open it's on my floor as we've noted now the fifth floor and uh you know it's some pictures of some people making music probably of a certain era and I go yeah they put a lot of posters up and the guy goes i hate him and i was like that's a weirdly strong response like is that why you had

it in the show sheet you had an angry neighbor oh i thought you had a neighbor that oh man you had one sentence in a show sheet like i don't know five days ago or something it just said loud mad or something and i was like oh i think i took it literally because i was like oh no are you hearing your neighbor like bashing things apart in an apartment like next to yours or something i see but just being like i hate it is this somebody did you already say that did you already giving me a demo on this person age range older than me much more of a probably a jackie

although you know what i can't tell who's older than me anymore i think i constantly see people that i think are

probably old and they're probably younger than me honestly like I think people over 40 seem like well those that's a grandparent and yet I'm heading towards 50 reckless abandon so I don't know how old he was he seemed like he might be a little bit older than me certainly he wasn't like 23 and it struck me just now that we've talked about it and now that you've let your true feelings be known on the matter I guess it maybe makes more sense but I was just surprised Because I had no opinion on these Signs other than Signs not the right word but I was like Well they put they tried and it's Not like it's um you know It's not pictures of like um Steve Miller band or something I mean it's not like It's not pictures of the fabulous

Thunderbirds that would be You know that now you're now you're talking my Language yeah hot blues and

Cool rock like it's I will give this building some credit It's not tonally and Sort of aesthetically the worst by any means you know what I mean it's not a picture again peace and love I'm saying this with peace and love it's not Carlos Santana in a fedora smoothing out with the guy from Matchbox 20 it is more knowing than that as is the quote this must be the place which kind of applies to your apartment building I'm actually not mad at that tile situation either so I was kind of surprised that this thing that I thought of at worst as being innocuous made this guy in my elevator as you would

say rip shit yeah no I mean I think you're comically uh lumping me in with this guy which is fine like I I can go along for the ride on that but if we're being earnest I think I can picture pretty well like I do think that there is this sort of default to when we think of like cool music we still think it's like 1969 which isn't like I ideal I think um you know because it just it does represent one very specific sort of slice of pop culture but aside from that I think i can picture this pretty well and i'll say this too like i must know the talking head song you're talking about but i can't hear it right now and when you told me about when you just mentioned a moment ago that it says this must be the place in the tiles i feel like i can picture that pretty well and also like i didn't get it right oh oh it's in that yeah and i uh i didn't know right away what that was a reference to but i think that's a totally fine thing to have in some in a place where you're arriving home it gives you a good feeling right it could be you know

It could be Nickelback lyrics It could be never made it as a wise man Play that

I really don't know I know Nickelback is like such a Is such a punchline But I actually don't know Nickelback What if I love Nickelback What if I'm the person who loves it I just haven't heard it yet A lot of people love it And you know what

This has come up on the program before Sort of roasting Nickelback Is a very easy go to And a go to that I very much uh utilized over the years and it's still not really my music but i'm less inclined towards like yucking that yum for me it's more just like i was picking that because it would be an idea of a a lyric that would make no sense in your apartment building yeah right more so than trying to roast nickelback but it's funny that i mentioned them and then you were like i don't have an opinion on nickelback because i'm also trying to you know temper my my usual kind of Using them as shorthand for bad music Because all Nickelback is to me Is Pearl Jam with less cred It's a lot of power chords It's a guy with a kind of A deep booming voice You know it's some people Really love it I'm not one of those people but Doesn't mean that the people who love it shouldn't love it

Yeah and I'm not you know I'm not Trying to zig one other zag I just honestly I'm admitting that like There's just like this whole section Of music and I think it comes from a certain era too when i was definitely not listening to the radio at all that i um i just don't know i just don't you know what i mean i again i know nickelback is the punchline but honestly i don't think i don't think i've ever heard a song come on the radio and i was like that's nickelback or

that i could name a song for you right now oh yeah yeah i know this song god these guys suck

Why does nobody ever talk about that? Did you get those lyrics? By the way, I know you were riffing and spoofing. But did you? I believe the lyrics are, look at this photograph. Every time I do, it makes me laugh. How did our eyes get so red? And what the hell is that on Joey's head? Is that really the lyric? Let me play it again. I believe those are the lyrics. Let me look them up.

Look at this photograph. Every time I do, it makes me laugh.

Oh, I sort of see, I see as he's kind of like, he's reminiscing at a time looking at a photograph.

And his friends were all goofing around And to represent something else

What do we think was on Joey's head though

Is it like a dumbass hat Or is he balancing something up there I think maybe a kielbasa He's balancing a kielbasa

Then the question is are you going to eat it Because I feel like what the hell is that on Joey's head I mean if it was a hat I feel like Chad Whatever his name is The lead singer of Nickelback I feel like Chad would know what a hat is So what the hell is that on Joey's head Because you think it's something It's way outside the bounds of a hat

Yeah but if you're making fun of your bro Who's like wearing like a hat That is like not something that you consider cool You could also be like What the hell is on your head And it's like yes you know it's a hat But the thing is why are you making these sartorial choices Just to defend that But also if that reminds me of a I feel like that's a waste of kielbasa And that irritates me Well who says you can't eat it later Yeah, I do. Joey hasn't washed that hair in a while.

When the hell did Joey wash his hair? That reminds me of an extremely formative moment in my relationship with my daughter and my brothers, which was we were I've told the story recently, I think. but we were coming back from, like, Bumbershoot. And this, I believe, was the year at Bumbershoot where, like, Addy and the, you know, my brother Sam and David were, like, probably roughly maybe 9th or 10th grade, if that. And they saw Macklemore just walking through the crowd. And this is when Macklemore was, like, he was the level of fame where he would be on Ross and Burbank. So not that famous yet.

But getting some national play, so he was, like, kind of a big deal.

i don't think he was getting i don't think that a thrift shop had dropped yet i think he was still mostly just playing to very um rapturous local seattle crowds um including uh sam and david and addy they were like very pumped to having macklemore i thought the white rapper macklemore that guy your guys him her um but but then yeah i think very shortly thereafter i remember well Well, I moved to L.A. and they were playing thrift shop on the radio in L.A. And I was like, whoa, that guy really is going places. But they got these free hats, like some sort of trucker hats that probably had some sort of energy drink on them or something. The kind of thing they'll hand you at a festival out of a giant like plastic bag, you know, like a couple of street teamers will have a massive plastic bag. that they're pulling some sort of frisbee or hat or other mass-produced petroleum-based product probably made in China. And so they got these hats, and Addie and Sam quickly surmised that these hats looked kind of silly because they were mass-produced. And we were in the car after Bumbershoot driving somewhere, and Sam just looks over at David, who's the only one who still has the hat on, and goes take off that ridiculous hat and which i think is kind of what uh the guy from nickelback

was saying right joey do you know that i'm not even joking when i was giving that example i was thinking about that scene that you just described because i remember and didn't you say that but not to pick on him but didn't and david had sort of an outsized reaction to that right

i think i can't remember how david took it i feel like if he had taken it badly We would remember it Because he would have hulked out Oh I thought that was what you remembered

He didn't hulk out

But this is the thing What the guy from Nickelback doesn't say about Joey's Headgear is He doesn't say Take off that ridiculous headgear Let me put it this way What Sam didn't say to David was What the hell is that on your head Because Sam recognized it to be a hat

So wait you're going back You're arguing with me That you that is something that somebody might Not say to somebody if they were wearing

Joey was not wearing a hat in the Nickelback song okay And that is the hill I will die on

You win You don't think there's a world Where anybody ever says what the hell is on your head That that's just that's Totally outside the realm of a possibility to you I think they would say why

Are you wearing that hat okay what is that Hat take off that ridiculous hat I think what the hell is on Joey's head we've now moved outside the hat the haberdashery experience is my opinion okay fine yeah i don't i don't

i guess so like what a weird what a weird thing to deny that people sometimes say stuff like that

um andrew this is how we make the show five days a week people ask what do you talk about and i say often nickelback lyrics and me digging my heels in on something i would like to how is how is the

internet i mean this must be a thing right like people have surmised like for years and years now like let's see what this song came out in 2005 so for years

and years now people have probably like said like what is on joey said has it been memefied

it must have been right and oh andrew lewis walsh nickelback finally explains what the hell is on

joey's head okay i'm on it too wait hold on it doesn't need me to take off my ad blocker for

this shit fine whatever for those who have been wondering what the hell is on joey's head in the photograph music video oh shit dude in the video he holds up a actual photograph it looks

like a stanley cup i'm looking at a still uh yeah i'm looking at it too nickelback face mike kroger

went on to talk to elm he actually said what the hell was on joey's head in photograph uh in the video when you see my brother front man chad kroger hold up that picture the picture is actually of his kitchen uh in his kitchen that's not a prop for the video that came from his kitchen and what the hell's on joey's head the thing on joey's head was a champagne bucket there my wife and i got chad for his house warming andrew there you go it's a luke w monday nice because it was it

because it wasn't a hat not a hat right exactly and my argument for the record wasn't that it was definitely a hat but that it is conceivably something you would say to somebody if your argument is that you refuse to eat a kielbasa that had been on my head that is true i would

not far away from you which means you don't like i think my hair is clean up to eat kielbasa off

of there's literally nobody's head that i would eat kielbasa off of nobody in this world she would come the closest certainly okay good um i would ask her to shave her head first and then i would wash it to my standards and then and then we would display the kielbasa on it do you feel um for you

Is human hair on sort of a random person and especially, not gross thing to you, but something that seems especially kind of non-hygienic?

In regards to food, it just seems, like, nasty. I don't think I think of people's hair as being nasty.

Seems greasy, potentially.

Yeah, I mean, this is, hey, you want to go into creeper town here? Have you ever, like, walked by somebody and they have nice smelling hair? Or if you're maybe like, or somebody's sitting in front of you at some sort of a, I don't know, a concert or an event or something, and they flip their hair back and it smells great. Like, that's a nice feeling. Do you know that I get that?

I hesitate to use the term whiff because that seems like it's upping the creeper factor. but when i'm jogging and i jog past a person typically a woman not always but more frequently a woman and they have like some kind of nice shampoo or something it's remarkable how far because i give everyone a really wide berth so i would probably be the closest would be like six feet away from this person and you get a hit of what somebody's like shampoo is what somebody's you know creams and lotions might be and it's it's surprising because i realize i'm also out in the world like i wear cologne i wear um home by yves saint laurent and i'm like i'm also sort of projecting um an olfactory kind of profile in the world and i don't think about it until i jog past someone and i totally get a sense of what their deal is yeah it's funny how a nice smell

like a nice like a smell that comes from somebody's grooming products even if it's like a a cologne or a perfume or something like it just seems i i've never been really comfortable with applying it myself i do have this one kind of cologne that i can never remember the name of it's something that like uses v's instead of use uh so it's kind of got a severe sort of uh branding around it but it's a really nice sort of mellow smell um and i've been using it for years but i i put it on less and less now um bulgari yeah i think it's bulgari do you know it well i just that's the

one high-end brand i know that uses v's for use let me look at bulgari yeah i think it is it and

it's something i don't know if they make various uh sense i assume that they do this one i actually know genevieve picked this out for me years and years and years ago because i think one of the

like any good cologne it was picked out by a partner that's exactly why yeah harm by ysl because carrie was like we need to upgrade this situation dude and you know and i think it even

did because i liked that i've talked about this on the show before there's something called egyptian musk which is a scent and it's and i believe that is somehow like the description of this scent included a little bit of that uh anyway so i have this stuff but here's what i'm getting at like i love that experience you're talking about uh when somebody has their scent profile on lock and you pass them or you're in the elevator with them you're like oh that's nice smelling but like i never trust myself that i'm doing it right like i always worry that i'm putting too much on you know and then especially if you're wearing it a lot if you're wearing it daily are you upping that factor because you're getting more and more used to it you know and because i've also been in elevators with people who don't have it right and then you're just like well I'd rather just not have a smell than be the person who like people are grimacing when they get on the elevator with me

See, I think I tend to like the smell of perfume and cologne. So I know what you mean, and I definitely have gone nose blind on my stuff. It used to be like I would spritz it in the air and then walk through it. Yeah, right.

They do that in broadcast news, right? Isn't that a famous scene?

Right. And I think maybe that's where I got it from. That's how you apply cologne or perfume is you spray it in the air, you walk through the cloud. That's enough. Then I started directly spritzing it on my body. one spritz only and now i'm up to like maybe two spritzes which seems like it's probably too much that being said i actually like the smell i don't know if i meant i have mentioned this guy on the show in one capacity or another but you know there's a true legend living in my building he drives uh like a 19 maybe a 2000 like um chrysler sebring it's gold his the car leaks oil So he put a bunch of kitty litter down In his parking spot To absorb the oil He also uses the club When he's not in his car Which by the way he's in his car like easily 8 hours a day Just talking on his cell phone

Just in the parking lot

In the parking garage In his car On the phone Most of the time when I go to my car The guy is like in his car He's like probably in his Again I don't know how old anyone is I guess he's a few years older than me and he wears a lot of cologne and the funny thing is i like it like i can tell when he has been in the elevator within the last three hours which i know sounds like well that's got to be way too much i don't mind it like i don't mind the smell and i don't mind that he wears that amount of cologne but it's funny because i can get in an empty elevator and be like oh that guy was in

this elevator long before old spice was up on our grill with all of its wacky commercials as it has been for let's say i don't know the past 20 years now you know before that old spice was not as and it wasn't as prominent in our culture and it certainly wasn't didn't have this sort of like kind of wacky reputation it was just sort of a sleeper like it was a thing that dads used exactly and that's what i was gonna say my dad one of the things he was most proud of when i was growing up so this would have put him um i think they had me kind of like i was probably around his age right when I was like a kid and who was 10 or something like that. And I just remember my dad would always be proud because he would get so many compliments on his Old Spice aftershave. He wore Old Spice every day. He was a man who had a scent. Like you could, you would know, you know, VO5 and Old Spice. That's my dad.

Well, you know what? What's funny is I was actually going to mention that your dad and your stepmom visited Cairo.

Oh, yeah.

And your dad came and your dad had a very pleasant scent. And that's, in my mind, I think of Bob Walsh as being a nice-smelling guy of a certain age. He was probably 43 when he visited the station.

No, he was older than that then, but it is funny to think probably how much older I am than the man I'm describing now, who, again, in the 90s or whatever, it was his favorite thing. People would be like, hey, what are you wearing? That's a nice scent. He'd be like, ah, Old Spice. Nobody ever thinks it's going to be Old Spice, but it's Old Spice. Very proud of that.

It's working. Well, as of 15 years. I know. Oh, that was a long time ago, man. As of the 1930s, it was still working for me, Andrew.

Right. When my dad, when you and Dave Ross were broadcasting with those megaphones. Yes. Update.

The boys are beating the Jerrys abroad, having stormed Omaha Beach. Now this ad for Brillo.

And that, by the way, was a story about Ballard. That was something that was happening in the Ballard community. There were a bunch of guys who owned boats, and they're called Jerrys. Yes, they were.

That's exactly what I was talking about. All right, quick break, and then back with more TBTL in a moment. Hello, and welcome to Top Story. Do you remember some months ago, Andrew, when we talked about this Disney Star Wars hotel? Yeah. Star Wars hotel?

Yeah.

Stars War. Go watch a Stars War. If there's one group of folks, other than Trekkies, that I probably want to try to not end up on the wrong... Well, if there's three things that people could like, Andrew, that I don't want to get on the wrong side of, one would be Star Trek, the other would be Star Wars, and the third would be Disney. These are things that are near and dear to people's heart.

You might want to throw some Hamilton in there, along with some Doctor Who, maybe?

I feel like those are all very yes those are all in that category of things that are very big with our listeners so I don't want to seem I don't want to yuck any yums that's I believe the second time today I've said that which tells you I'm probably yucking too many yums but we talked about this Disney Star Wars hotel that was this immersive experience that I think the reason that we it's called the Galactic Star Cruiser it opened uh in march of 2022 so we're coming up on almost one year of this um it only has a hundred rooms in it and the reason that we talked about at the time was because it was pretty expensive it was like five grand for a weekend to stay there and do all the stuff and it was very participatory and i think the way we talked about it was you and i would not do well in that environment because there's a lot of like standing in what is the and i'm going to use the wrong term but let's just say hollow deck of the star cruiser and having someone who's dressed in Star Wars regalia have you do something with a phaser, right? Like it's a lot of you're kind of immersed in the experience imagine like a murder mystery train ride, but on steroids Holodecks are Star Trek, but I don't know if you know that, yeah, okay, I wasn't sure if you knew that I wanted to see if my words could lead to four people having their heads actually shoot off their bodies and promises made, promises kept

It's fun to get engagement, I'm pretty sure And I'm looking at these photos. I'm looking at these photos again. Now, I'm pretty sure that I said this last time, but I'll say it again. And I'm not just saying this not to, you know, upset or, you know, like dismiss something that other people love. Like, it looks cool. It's just not for me because I don't like anything that is participatory. You know what I mean? Like, I had a meltdown because I had to go to two dinner parties last weekend. Like, I'm just like, I'm the weird one in that case. Like, this seems like, I mean, as far as, like, hotel rooms, like, staying in a hotel room that is, like, that is outfitted in this way that it seems like you're on an actual spaceship. I mean, it's kind of cool. Like, it's not completely unlike that place we stayed in. I was going to say Mount Pedy. Yeah, Coober Pedy in Australia. Like, you know, like, I understand why this architecture and stuff, this recreation of these starships or whatever they are is really, really cool. i just wouldn't want to play games with strangers for me i mean i do think that the rooms look

pretty cool if i was 12 yeah like it looks like my 12 year old fantasy i think as an adult the no windows would bother me as you know i'm big on staring and i uh whenever i'm doing the show from the road it could be a uh residence in in yonkers new york i am dragging a desk over to the window to at least look into the parking lot like that's a very like I think I have some sort of low-level claustrophobia that's activated by no windows did you get that in Coober Pedy because

we so for folks no I didn't so maybe it's very low level and Coober Pedy well you were also just there for one evening I mean we were just on the go during that trip but Coober Pedy is a town in Australia kind of right in the center of Australia if I remember correctly where everything is sort of built underground it's kind of a mining community but it's also a way of the opal capital of the world right yes and um and also that is where there is a spaceship kind of coincidentally from an old movie which i can't chronicles of riddick i believe nice yeah but the hotel we stayed in or the rooms we stayed in were in a facility that were literally built into the ground

which was kind of cool yeah i actually really enjoyed that so i guess maybe i'm not claustrophobic just something about paying five and if you're a family they say six thousand dollars six thousand dollars for a weekend to sleep in something that didn't have windows would probably bum me out i'd rather spend that on the white lotus more in a minute on that but um it turns out that uh this uh galactic star cruiser is really having some trubs it only has 100 rooms and it's basically hasn't ever been sold out it's going to be sold out for president's day weekend the writer of by the way this is a piece in the san francisco chronicle by katie dowd uh said that president's day weekend it looks like it's full capacity but other than that they've really struggled to actually sell the thing out which is you know normal disney stuff is like things are sold out you know years in advance uh for you know the california hotel or something that's the one that's like in disneyland and stuff so it's pretty unique or unusual that a disney product like this would be struggling to put heads in beds, as they say. So basically, here's what they're doing. Level one of them trying to fix this is offering their preferred Disney members who are part of some kind of club, the Disney Vacation Club. They can get 30% off. And then regulars like you and I could get some amount of discount. But my guess is if offering this at a half-price deal to the DVC folks doesn't work pretty soon you and i andrew could stay together in a galactic star cruiser for

a reasonable price well that's good when the price comes down that's when you you're going to get more interested in it here's one thing yeah i would um here's the thing about these photos too and um now i'm going to go a little negative here but you know these photos of these rooms and even these communal spaces like it does look pretty cool but you know that's one thing about being an adult. as well is like you know you know when you're actually in something like that you can really notice the cheapness of it you know what i mean and like i wonder when you're actually in these rooms i mean i'm looking at i'm looking at publicity photos right now and i say yeah i can sort of get into it and you said yeah as a kid certainly because when you're a kid you're kind of not like oh that's kind of funny that there's a seam in that wall there and it looks like somebody just puttied it up or whatever i don't even know what i'm talking about but you When you're in then, you're just sort of like, oh, okay, yeah, this is – and I have no idea. I've never been in these rooms because I've never had $5,000 in my life. But, you know, there's also a possibility that, like, as an adult in this experience, it's not quite as rich as it might appear in these photos. Right.

You're right because these are – this is what Disney – well, actually, you know what? The ones I'm looking at are taken by somebody named Alan Shaben of the Los Angeles Times via Getty Image. So I will give Alan Shaben and Getty Image credit. These are not, like, the Disney people released, the ones I'm looking at. But the ones that I'm looking at also are not, like, super compelling for me. Like, I'm looking at this velvet bench, and I'm just seeing, like, butt marks on it because, like, it's velvet. Like, those are the kind of things that, as an adult, you might be more aware of. Something else that I'm aware of right now, Andrew, is how the White Lotus Season 2. Ends and I want to Pause here and let people know That I intend to Talk in graphic detail About the end of that show so if you haven't watched it You might want to skip ahead to the emails And v-mails You have watched all of season two As well right yes I have

Now it's been you know me I got Goldfish brain over here and it's been You know several I don't know maybe it's been a month since I watched a couple

Of months but I'll reset the scene for you

A bunch of rich people go to the Galactic Star Cruiser. Yep, I remember that. That's exactly how I remember it. So I guess I do have a good brain. No, I remember the broad strokes pretty well. I might not be able to. You know, I saw other people say, too, it was hard for me to remember people's names in the second season. And I just thought that was me. I'm always kind of bad with that. But I saw other people commenting, too, that they don't say each other's names all that much in it. But anyway, I can follow along. Go ahead.

Well, again, with all of the spoiler alert caveats being offered I had a fairly First of all, I enjoyed it Because it's just kind of eye candy, you know What would it be like to eat so many meals at a high-end hotel And never worry about how much it was costing

And then not worry about how much it's costing Or that you have to take off your shirt the next day

Oh, good point I didn't even get into that with Becca how like people are just eating with abandon and then just as ripped as just beautiful they're just the most beautiful people very very beautiful babies yes um but um i i enjoy overall i enjoyed it i thought it was a kind of a fun romp i didn't enjoy it quite as much as season one and i had one major issue with the sort of denouement and it was again i i don't need to say it anymore if you're still listening this is being spoiled for you i'm sorry jennifer coolidge's character dies And her husband John Grice A.k.a. Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite Oh, I didn't make that connection Okay Is out to kill her Because he wants to get her money Because they have a prenup And under the prenup If she divorces him Then he gets nothing But if she dies He gets her money And so thus launches An incredibly elaborate and improbable plot involving uncle rico when he was just a firefighter in wyoming capturing the heart of an extremely erudite british wealthy guy from palermo who then agrees along with a guy who looks like the love child of ron jeremy and uh super mario to murder jennifer coolidge because he loved uncle rico aka her current husband greg and it was it strained credulity so hard for me that i just kind of i found the last like once i figured out what was going on now becca called it way before i did when he was telling the story when this guy was telling the story of falling in love with this man in wyoming who didn't reciprocate becca was like well that's her husband and i was like there's no way that's uncle rico he doesn't have enough charisma for someone to fall in love with and then murder for but in fact it was uncle rico aka greg her husband

the only thing about that that made sense and i you know there was so i was watching it while all the rumors were swirling nobody really knew but there were like all kinds of just you know very uh complicated fan theories and that was a big one and that was the one that Vives and I were starting to circle around right before the the final episode aired the only thing that sort of makes sense there is we do know that that character greg um jennifer coolidge's husband um did work for the bureau of land management when they met so it's kind of like okay you kind of can see some overlap there but but here's the i mean luke i'm gonna be straightforward and again like obviously everything is spoiled now and i have not really had this conversation with anybody where I can just give it both barrels. And again, for those who loved the ending- Would you kill for beauty, Andrew? And I know a lot of people loved the ending, and that's good. I loved watching season two. I will watch season three. But I hated, I absolutely hated the ending of season two. First of all, tonally, them going into this very dramatic soap opera-y vibe where, and I looked it up, I'm not Tanya is Jennifer Coolidge's character where she comes out of the room literally guns ablaze and firing around I'm just like what even is this like tonally this isn't why I'm into this show and again if it's sort of an homage to like super soap opera-y kind of um tv making back in the day fine but that's not what I'm here for um the idea that like you just said the whole the The whole premise that this is built on doesn't hold up because we see her meet Greg in season one. Like, like, is are we as the viewers of the show supposed to believe that when we see Tanya and Greg meet in season one, that he's already playing a game with her, that he had her in his sights the whole time? Because if you go back and watch the end of season one or if you go back and watch season one, which I did not do, I just don't think that that's going to hold water. there seemed to be some sort of attraction there you can believe that maybe as the relationship went on and he was indebted to her for the medical bills and all of that which by the way gets one

line in season two it's like he's like well you took me to that specialist and now you're not dying like okay thank you for sewing up that loose end like literally let me just stop babbling and

ask you that question so are we supposed to believe in season one that she was a target that this was a grift or that that originally there was some romance there and then uh because maybe for whatever reason his his lover whatever that guy's name is from in the loop non-lover that was the thing unrequited i believe oh was it oh it was unrequited that was the premise of the story

was that he had fallen in love with uh i'm just going to keep calling him uncle rico and uncle rico uh who was heterosexual had not reciprocated but this guy would still do anything for him That's that's the story he tells Jennifer Coolidge, which he doesn't realize she he is talking about her current.

OK, well, that helps a little bit because, you know what, Luke, that's a detail. I still think everything I'm ranting about stands. You know, I had forgotten that detail. I don't think I realized it was unrequited. I thought that they had a relationship. I thought that the guy you're calling Uncle Rico and the guy I'm calling from in the loop. I thought that they actually did have a relationship and they cooked this up. But no, no. So and that maybe that maybe Greg was by. But no, you're saying that it was always unrequited. the character of greg slash uncle rico was straight but he still had this he had this person who would do anything for him but still though it still doesn't make sense like it's just the guy that

i'm calling david sedaris um the guy that i'm calling david sedaris like says to jennifer coolidge jennifer coolidge i think maybe she raises the question like you know have you ever been in love and he says something to the effect of he's basically saying he's only been in love once and it was when I was in my Jack Kerouac phase and I was bumming around the United States and I met, I don't know what this accent is just go with it, and I met a firefighter from Wyoming and you know I would do anything for him I still would and he's talking about Uncle Rico and it's just like, the problem is they need to make Uncle Rico way, Greg, way more charismatic if somebody is going to murder for

this dude he needs to get a lot hotter i mean attraction is attraction i i i feel like i feel

like there's enough that is just mad because nobody would murder for you andrew i just feel

like that that's subjective and like okay whatever but like but like i just feel like there's enough objectiveness about the the end of everything being revealed in this way just like what like you're you're hanging so much on right this very shaky premise very you could have i want to say

this i when jennifer coolidge says to herself you got this and then takes a major header off that boat and dies that is fucking funny i'm sorry when she's like you go girl and then absolutely doesn't

go that was actually that made me lol because it was so unexpected i was frustrated because you

could see a ladder behind her like there was no need to obviously take the shoes off but i guess that was making me so mad i guess the premise here is no she's not thinking straight she's panicking and she's not the brightest bulb okay fine let's just say the shoe thing whatever but like are we not supposed to see the ladder that's directly behind her that you could walk down to get to the literally built into a yacht yeah it's just it's just downstairs of the you just did you just you just took care you just tc bead your way out of a you know a murderous situation you've

changed yeah you can use a ladder and you're never going back to old tanya yeah so new tanya climbs down the ladder and gets in the boat i totally agree with you that was kind of making me crazy But I just felt like you could have they could have achieved what they were going for in a more believable fashion for me. And the other thing I realized was that they really wanted to have those scenes in Palermo because they this was an entire show built around people drinking champagne in slow motion to EDM music. like every scene from the party in palermo for jennifer coolidge's character oh right kept cutting to mcdonald's supermo of people kind of decadently pouring champagne into their mouths but like from a distance as some kind of music played so as to sort of say this is you know uh major caligula vibes or something fine do all of that but come up with a better way to kill her Because this is my question If you're the guy Who again I'll call David Sedaris The very erudite, very charming guy And you want to kill Jennifer Coolidge Because you're in love with her husband And he's going to give you money to fix up your mansion Which was also part of the premise Was when Greg got her money He was going to give some of it to the other guy So the guy could maintain his mansion This is, by the way, the premise of this Is that Italian people have insane Homes and yachts but no money Literally that's the premise of the murder Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Which is, you know, it's a big it's I'll tell you this. It's a big pivot to go from. I don't know if I can make the mortgage on this to I'm murdering someone or here's a bigger pivot going from my friend has a mansion to I'm helping him murder someone. Right. Yeah. No, even that didn't that didn't make a lot of check out for me. Yeah. But like you could they really wanted to show these parties. But the problem is, if you're going to kill Jennifer Coolidge, why are you throwing her all these parties? Why are you putting this much work into the murder of Jennifer Coolidge? Just like get her on the day one on the boat as you're going out to Palermo, push her off the side.

Yeah, that's a good point. Why? What was the point of going out there and whining and dining and partying with her? How does that play into any of this? If they if at the end of the day, it's just going to be a thug with a rope and a gun who's going to try a comical rope like I'm sorry.

Were they out of candlesticks? No, it really did.

Mr. Peacock. I kind of didn't mind that. I thought it was actually kind of funny. But, you know, like I had to look up his name.

You were taking that as kind of a knowing reference, right, to the cheesiness of it, because I was just taking it literally as I tend to do. And I was like, oh, she's pulling out a rope. She's pulling out tape. I mean, it sounds like you watch that as like a knowing wink from Mike White.

No, I'll be honest with you. By that point, like by the second half of the final episode, I was just kind of getting like major, like I said, like major exaggerated soap opera vibes from it. And she had one really funny line where she's I think it's maybe her last phone conversation with her assistant. And she says something about, quote unquote, the gays that is like super, super funny. And that and I remember just like laughing my ass off at that. And then but then from that point forward, like things just got more and more, like I say, in the soap opera, soap opera exaggerated way that I take it maybe like Mike White was doing something there. but it just wasn't for me you know like it just didn't work for me i i was honestly i was pretty

much fine with the whole thing i didn't like it as much i like season one as i've already mentioned i was sort of fine with the whole thing i just wanted the plot believe it or not i wanted the plot to just be a little bit more literal for me or linear or make more sense because like fine you know have uh uncle rico have greg out for uh his wife's money even though i agree with you andrew they did not do enough to develop that relationship for us it goes from he just seems kind of like a schmo in season one who's got some illness and we think he ghosted but then he doesn't he's just showing up he's basically the bruce springsteen song tougher than the rest he's like uh if you're rough and ready for love i'm tougher than the rest like okay maybe that's what she needs she just needs this guy that's kind of like not particularly exciting but he is he'll be there and then the next time we see them they hate each other and they're in sicily but we don't And then he has one like kind of furtive phone conversation. That's all we get off of. his character we don't know anything about what has transpired in the in-between time and i feel like they're trying to make up for it from an exposition standpoint when jennifer cool just like hey dan and says we go to cecily like they're they were in like the last episode they were trying to tie up so many they're trying to explain so many things um that it just felt a little slapdash but again i would have been fine with it if they would have just made the murder of jennifer coolidge or the attempted murder of jennifer oh on the subject of which do you realize what the implications

are of this show uncle rico gets the money yeah i guess so i guess it worked out what a bad outcome like doesn't that bother i'm reconstructing some things in my head that doesn't bother me

here's the deal i feel like that's so that agitates me because he should not be getting her money after he tried to have her murdered well this to me that i don't mind movies or tv

shows or stories that don't end in a in a quote unquote clean way that like well and and oh and they got away with it holy shit like i'm more i'm fine living in that world but here here's my deal here's my critique of the soft on crime andrew walsh that's right back at it again i um here's my critique of the whole thing you i just felt like you didn't need a big kind of swinging plot I don't mean like big swinging. I mean like this big. Sorry. Hold on. In three. That's what Uncle Rico had. That's honestly. No, but like. Okay. So season one. You have. You see a coffin coming off, I believe, a boat, right? Or an airplane in the very, very first scene.

It's going onto an airplane. It's an amazing plot device, I think. It's real Chekhov's coffin.

Exactly. And then as season one goes on, like you have that. You know that there's a death in the future, but you don't know much about it. But the story goes on. It's about on we it's about it's it's about human behavior. I'm talking about season one here. And then when you realize, you know, how things did escalate to somebody being killed, like it was happened in a moment of passion, for lack of a better word. Like it just like everything about season one was like every scene sort of seemed beautiful to me and it did lead to something, but it didn't have to be this like just this plot, this this huge plot that, oh, the whole time we were withholding this thing from you and all these strings were being pulled. And I sort of feel like if you look at season two, there's so much good stuff in there. Again, a look at sort of the ennui of the rich. But even more than that, like between the two main couples, the young people, the Aubrey Plaza Quartet, I'll call it. You know, you had this there were such good themes in there that like two of these people were just so self-obsessed and their money made them look at the world in a very simplistic way. But they still think they're good people because they throw some money at charities. Right. And the other people in this couple think that, like, they're more evolved than that. And I'll use the word woke here, even though I don't think that's really the right word. But they're more progressive and they're but really they're more miserable. They're no. Yeah, they're more miserable. And they're no better than the other people either. And like there's all this like really subtle, like sort of social commentary around that stuff. And about even like a little bit of the good guy-ism of the young man of the three generations of men and his just horrible flirtation. The kid with Seinfeld hair? Yeah, the kid with Seinfeld. Like there's such good stuff in there.

I can't believe that hairdo is coming back, by the way. I couldn't get over how 90s, you know, everything is cyclical. But that kid's hair, it made me think I was watching a movie from the late 80s. Like I just haven't seen that hairdo in popular culture as not as part of a period piece. That was also distracting to me.

But I just thought that there were some really interesting, some really interesting storytelling and threads and themes and some good performances. And like you just didn't need this huge soap operatic like device like that. That's what that's what bummed me out. I liked these stories and vignettes when they were a little bit smaller, when they were ominous, but but smaller in scale.

you know i also i mean i was wrong about the i guessed wrong on the connection between um the the sort of rich guy from palermo and jennifer coolidge's husband i was wrong about that but almost every other big plot point i just was like oh well that's what's going to happen with that and like you knew that the guy that was following the one young woman and was like sort of pretending to be her like angry pimp you knew that was a total setup and then they you know at the end You see him as the doorman, and they hug, and he's got a big smile on his face. Of course, yeah, I knew that. It felt like it all just kind of—it was tying—it was being tied up in a bow that I kind of felt like I saw coming from sort of a mile away. Again, I will return to, for me, the critical question of the entire season two of The White Lotus. Over, under, 60K, what do you think Michael Imperiola—

room service charge was room service i'm talking all the meals that all he and f murray kill and the seinfeld hair kid eat right the uh two women who are like sex workers or whatever who are dining on his card the whole time all of it over under 60k i'll take the line how about that i don't

think that's an option i don't know man i don't i think it was more or less than 60k i i around there i have no idea i can't answer that question guess had to be around like i mean think about

just like you get a hamburger for room i just started channeling jennifer coolidge you get a hamburger you get a hamburger for room service it's like 40 all i could think the whole time was how much is this costing everyone everyone's eating all the time and then they're taking their meal down to the pool and then they're getting like their ninth bottle of wine no one's even checking what the bottle of wine costs. I was so stressed about the finances of people in the

White Lotus. Do we know where Imperioli gets his money? Is he a Hollywood producer? Yes, there's

one line where the kid or the dad, somebody says he made his money in Hollywood. Oh, that was another thing that ticked me off, Andrew. When they go to the ancestral home of their family and they go to that house where there's these three women who may be distant relatives but who are very pissed that they're there how does the kid and by kid i mean he's probably 25 how does the 25 year old not utilize google translate more there's literally one little scene where he holds up his phone and it says something in italian and then that's when the two women on the front porch are like okay come in like the first thing that he should have done as a zoomer was whip that bad boy out and say to his granddad and dad okay whatever you want to say to these folks say it into this phone and it's going to say it in italian have you used that before i've never really used it i haven't um but i feel like i would in that situation like that was one of those hollywood things where they needed there to be a miscommunication so that the scene could happen so that the people the women could be like get out of here because it just wouldn't have been as interesting if they were just like had a normal conversation by way of you know what i did have happen recently that was a really cool use of technology i was in a walmart not to brag and i was in the produce department i was with my dad we were working on the house and i went up to one of the employees and i started talking to him and he signaled to me that he was deaf and he just whipped out his phone and he pointed at it and i just started talking into his phone which just transcribed it oh that's cool in and then he just then immediately helped me get where i was going based on using this phone it took zero seconds it was like way to go technology this just really like allowed us to have this moment that was helpful to me and allowed him to do his job even though he was a deaf person it was like i was like this is a cool use of technology i love that yeah that is really cool anyway so seinfeld hair kid should have availed himself of whatever the cool and it's probably not even google translate that's probably like having a yahoo account or something like i'm sure the kids have some other cool he uses translation software they use he uses map quest to communicate it was web tv

here i go once again with the email every week i hope that it's from a female

no man it's not from a female all right email or vmail uh before we get out of here let's see here

beetle bailey is the brother of high from high and lowest we already covered that okay Here, how about this voicemail that I received?

Do you have any unimportant emails?

I got a voicemail that I heard today that had me on the edge of my seat. And this plays into the conversation we're having or sort of references we made over the past few shows about, like, kind of the ring doorbells that can kind of record what's going on in your front porch in case somebody's taking packages or what have you. And we have a listener with a story about that. That just happened to her very recently, by the way.

Hey, co-bros. This is a listener from California. I don't feel like sharing my name, but you guys are weighing in on cameras and stuff like that. And I know you're not asking people's opinions on, like, you know, do you think cameras are good or surveillance state, blah, blah, blah. But I just felt compelled to share my experience that I just went through yesterday and the day before. So I had to ring doorbell because I actually don't have a doorbell at this house, which I didn't know was an actual thing. But, yeah, so I'm a renter, so I needed a doorbell because, like most millennials, I'm not going to answer the door if somebody knocks. I'm going to melt off the couch.

What if the person has a question about cladding? You just missed a I like

I like our listeners Describe

of what happens when the doorbell rings and you're not expecting it.

I'm not going to answer the door if somebody knocks. I'm going to melt off the couch onto the floor so I'm not going to look through the windows. So I had to ring doorbells. It was fun. There's a cat that comes freaking around that wants some scritches and scratches so I catch him on the cam and let him in and it never dawned on me that it could be not that it couldn't be used for surveillance But, like, I never thought somebody was going to take anything off my porch. I never had a package stolen or anything like that. And I'm inclined to be a little bit like Luke, where, you know, maybe I get a little impulsive and have a little drinky poo and get to ordering online. So the other night, I actually, I saw this the next morning, but somebody was on my porch, and they appeared to be putting my spare key back in the very secretive hiding place where it was. I'm not like a key under the mat, dumbass. So that really rattled me. I actually recognized the person as somebody that lives in an adjacent apartment complex. I texted the property manager over there. He confirmed that it was her, and she has a bit of a reputation for this. So, as you can imagine, being a single woman living by myself, that scared the fuck out of me. So, my landlord...

Wait, can you pause, Andrew? this person has a reputation in the complex for getting people's spare keys out of their hidey holes how long do you have that rep before they tell you to look elsewhere for your housing

my guess is that's probably not exactly the pattern but just that this person is reputation for being a sketchball potentially um later on i think our listener is going to mention you know like whether this person is sort of a maybe a tweaker type as we say somebody who's maybe like just sort of known as you know keep your guard up that that's my interpretation of that i mean i just heard the same thing you did but um yeah myself that scared the fuck out of me

so um my landlord was super chill about it he changed the lock the next day and now i am one of those people that has security cameras because i am terrified that this person made a copy of the which again the lock has already changed but now I'm like rattled because I don't know who this person knows or like what their agenda is and if they are just like a tweaker person which it appears they might be or like what but now I am the person with cameras and that has the little sticker on their window that says ring and I literally never thought I would be that person um hopefully i'll calm down and come off the ledge a little bit over the next i don't know a couple weeks luke you might want to keep your camera out in you know the hinterlands where you're moving because you could catch cool wildlife on that thing i just did that's that's like what i was using my ring camera for to catch when not your kitty came by and i could like you know let him in and there's another cat that my friends and i named party cat and party cat comes by and we let party cat in and party cat hangs out so i don't know you might catch some cool wildlife um so just something to think about um anyway uh power out so much to unpack there i

mean i want to talk about nacho kitty and party cat but um and the wildlife that you caught as well but my my big takeaway from that was i had mentioned the other day that it's like i'm not against people or or even myself having like a little security cameras i was just wondering if it would bring me peace of mind because if i did have a package stolen or if i had some sort of property damage or whatever and i just caught like some figure who i'll never see again on the camera doing that violating whatever the violation is it would give me really really bad feelings but not bring me any closer to justice and here we have a call from a listener who like was able to see something and to take proactive measures in order to you know not necessarily uh email the the photo around the neighborhood but just say hey listen my security may have been breached like i need to take some measures here and get my locks changed also like just sympathy to this person too like saying that like you're finally just starting to calm down days or weeks later or whatever it is like that's really really upsetting and so i'm sorry about that you know i um you know i'm a

middle-aged dad type and i'm very fortunate that in the world i don't feel physically unsafe a lot and that's real privilege for me but um i have when i'm working on this house like it's very like i can't stress this enough it has walls but there's no insulation on them the interior walls are all torn down the wind whistles right through that bad boy the basement is like right out of the movie

Thank you.

saw currently like just and it was a couple weeks ago and my dad had already left to go back home and i was just doing a last few things and i was in the basement and i heard a noise and i'll tell you andrew i froze like i was 10 years old and it was nothing it was the wind or something but i was like oh my gosh what what i realized was i'm so lucky that i spend so little of my time being concerned for my physical safety you know and when that happened i was like oh my god i am totally transported to being younger and being like what the hell is happening yeah um the wildlife that i saw was quite confusing because what it was andrew was a very well-groomed standard poodle that i've never seen in the neighborhood i have never seen this dog in a yard or running about and there was no human with it a a beautiful purebred well-groomed standard poodle escaped from some asylum and ran down the stairs of my house activating the camera.

Arkham Asylum is where that dog came from.

I believe it was. Barkham Asylum.

I mean, it was right there for the taking. I set it up. You knock it down. I love it.

It's so fucking perfect. It was truly confusing because I was like, I mean, I know all of my neighbors at this point, and I'm in and out of that neighborhood constantly. I know all the animals. I know all the stray cats i know party cat i know nacho kitty um i bet you it was called nacho kitty because

it's not the listener's exactly yeah i also i wanted to ask you i also want to tell you a really quick story about something that happened to me recently that really freaked me out but um uh would you ever let us i mean i know that your situation doesn't allow for it right now in the apartment like the walk-up or the elevator up apartment that you live in but like allegedly elevator up sometimes when we were living in new hampshire like our neighbors or our neighbors would have cats but also there was like this sort of like this neighborhood cat that kind of popped his head in we called we named him Bert and we would like let him into our house like Theo at the time didn't love it but he would just deal with it and like I kind of like letting strange cats in the house not just to let them in and out of their own will but it's always kind of fun just to see them because they tend to it's always the new cat the neighborhood cat that just marches in and acts like they own the place you ever mess around with that

i don't the the closest i've come to that was a story i've told many times which was when i worked at this plumbing company in high school we had a cat wander up to the plumbing yard that was we would later realize very much at the end of its life but we were looking for anything that was not plumbing related that we could do at this plumbing company and so we adopted this cat we named it shop cat and i literally combed its hair and we like gave it milk and i was like we have a pet and then we didn't see shop cat and then we smelled a very foul odor and it was shop cat had gone under the stairs to to pass away i kind of like to think that shop cats last few days were pretty nice though yeah because they were getting their hair combed they were getting milk like i i like to think we gave shop cat a good send-off but as far as the cat i was just

thinking of his fur but there's nothing about calling it hair on the cat really i don't think

it's fur right i think there's a difference between fur and hair right that is true i mean

And I guess because, like, oh, you know, that's one thing I haven't told you about our newest cat, Bingo. He's a medium-haired cat, which is fine. I didn't want a long-haired cat. He's, like, kind of a medium-haired cat, which is fine. But, Luke, his tail is long-haired. We came back from Hawaii. Whoa. He's, like, now, like, he's like a cat attached to a tail. I think he looks like a freak that Genevieve won't go along with. I mean, I love him. He's my freak. But, like, it's so weird. He's this cat with this giant tail As if he's spooked all the time Look at this photograph

Every time It seems to make me laugh Why are we so pale And what the hell is that on Bingo's tail

What the hell is that on Bingo's ass Anyway I would by the way

I would absolutely let a neighborhood cat Into my house Now that I'm a cat person 100% I would do that

Let me tell you about this thing Now, I'm going to make this as short as possible because I'll tell you what, when this happened to me, it creeped me out so much. It didn't even maybe creep me out, but it upset me so much that I told this to several friends and I kind of got a blank look in exchange. So let's end this show with a story that maybe isn't relatable. But this goes back maybe about a month and a half ago. So it was a weekend and I was like, you know, downstairs here in the basement playing video games or whatever I was doing. And then I ended up just falling asleep on the couch. Right. And sometimes bingo will be down here with me. Sometimes not. It doesn't really matter. Genevieve is asleep upstairs and there is a door in our basement here that leads to the outside. And I was just.

sleeping and suddenly I awoke and suddenly I realized they were talking to me and suddenly I awoke Luke to wind blowing on me and the basement door was wide open now keep in mind we already had one scare with Bingo where we thought he had gotten outside but he was just hiding in a cupboard somewhere but like we still have not had that really really scary thing that indoor cat owners know which is your cat has gotten outside and you just gotta hope that they come back and I'm really dreading if that happens to bingo and here I am I wake up on the couch at like three in the morning and the wind is howling outside and the door is wide open I spring up and I run to the door I look outside and I can't see bingo anywhere I don't know what I expected to see but I'm like freaking out my heart is racing I close the door And I run upstairs and Bingo and Professor Bananas, both the cats, are just at the top of the stairs looking down at me like, why are you acting like a freak? And is it breakfast time yet? And I was so relieved. And I came back down here. And I think I realize now what happened is this is how we learned that our basement door is off kilter somehow. And it's not clicking. Get Walt on the case. Yeah, I do. Actually, I do.

If you have three to four days for him to obsessively hang it.

I do. But anyway, yeah, I think because my when I woke up, I assumed that that door at some point blew open because it was like we were having windstorms that weekend. And I assume that the door had been open for a long time. But the more I think about it now, probably the wind blew, blew that door open. And I woke up immediately and ran and closed that door. I think that that's probably what happened. And none of the cats wandered out. but um it just now we just got to keep the door locked all the time until we get it fixed which is probably a good thing anyway but my god that feeling of just again like immediately i was just like oh my god my next three days are just making flyers and roaming the neighborhood for my kid

you know isn't it insane how quickly your mind can spiral like in the course of four to five seconds you saw laid out in front of you the rest of your life yeah exactly and we love our little

i mean who doesn't love their pet right but like we just love our little guy so much the tail is weird but he's like he's still young and even back you know he's growing leaps and bounds so even like two months ago or a month and a half whenever it was he was smaller and more vulnerable and i was just like oh my guy my little guy but everything was fine but yeah got to keep the doors locked

now that's for damn sure that heart that heart race i thought that i lost becca's cat which is insane because i'm in an apartment yeah and the door had never been open but i was watching her name is holly and i was watching holly and bubbles and holly had was she's a lot more like um the professor in that she as you would say goes to ground and tends to just like when she's over here she spends the first two days just like in a closet just really wants to be kind of out of site and so i knew her like three places that she was usually hiding and i had checked her three places and she wasn't in them and i went through what i thought was i mean this is not a huge place i went through every single possible place that she could be and um and i was i was like i was like i can't believe i lost her cat how did i even open the door like what the hell and i was freaking out and i called her and as i was calling her i went i looked in the last place which was basically like the top half of a litter tray you know how like you have those litter trays it's litter in the bottom and the top is just like a swinging door kind of a thing it's like plastic it wasn't the litter box it was only the top part of it that was just sitting in a corner of this room because i'd gotten the litter box out and was using it for holly if she wanted to use it and she had gone into this shell of a thing which also then had a moving blanket on top so she was in a place that i just wasn't seeing that it exists existed but i went from being like oh i somehow lost my girlfriend's cat like my girlfriend's cat is dead and we're definitely breaking up to oh here she is okay we're fine like it was but i had that same like racing mind of like just just catastrophizing what like this is she's in the street and she's currently on i-84

in portland dead especially somebody else's cat i gotta say yes i was like i'll trade bubbles for holly in a minute maybe the sorry bubs you gotta die yeah i mean honestly like you lose your own cat you feel terribly of all the emotions but it's like your problem that you need to solve with the emotions and everything that goes along with it but the idea of being responsible for somebody else's beloved pet um and then thinking that something might have happened to them i it's just such such a terrible feeling did do you have you seen that commercial i know we're up to 90 minutes now we got to go but um have you seen that commercial i believe it's for a new iphone i want to say where you can delete a text message that you just sent if and the guy's commercial the guy's looking after he's like house sitting and he's looking after some guy's iguana or a little lizard or something and it begins with him saying dude i killed your iguana i'm sorry and then all of a sudden the lizard just like flips over comes back to life and he's able to delete the text it's i don't know why they have the house sitter look like such a weirdo but aside from that i think it's a great case use

example it makes me want that phone i think that i thought of you when i saw that commercial because I was like this is actually a very effective ad I like the music I actually like the casting of the kind of Sort of slightly oddball looking dude He's really weird

Maybe he's lizard like in his own way Do you think that maybe that's why

Well you know what I think that campaign They went out of their way to pick protagonists Who are let's just say Kind of What's the word Eccentric appearing I think it's the same campaign that has the guy Who's like on his phone constantly and annoying everyone and then he walks into traffic. Oh, sorry, you know what? That's not for a phone. That's for a car. I can't remember which car it is. It's actually a very good ad. You and Veeves might want to take a look at it. Basically, this guy is just like he's very annoying because he's just one of those people you see who's just with their nose stuck in their phone and they're like almost bumping into you on the street and it's just kind of like, come on, dude. And he's crossing a street and the person who's driving this car that has good brakes or whatever stops And they say something like, you know, the all new whatever, whatever, with breaking even for those people or whatever. And he's just this kind of like he looks a little like Cosmo Kramer, but younger. And he's wearing like he's wearing an outfit that looks totally out of style to me. But I know it's in style, but I'm just too old for it. You know, so I was confusing him with the guy who's babysitting the iguana.

You know, last little point here, I will say this. I was in the store this weekend and I saw some bath bombs. Right. The balls that you throw in your bathtub. Never used those before in my life But that commercial with Patrick Mahomes Which I don't even think is that great of a commercial And I definitely don't think it's a good conceit for a campaign That is for, I want to say Allstate, some sort of insurance Is that what Patrick Mahomes is selling In those commercials that I see 50 times a day Is it Jake from State Farm? It's State Farm, yeah, yeah, that's right So I said Allstate, sorry But anyway, those commercials with Patrick Mahomes And sometimes Andy Reid And other people in that universe And Jake, none of them make me want to switch insurance

You dare not speak Aaron Rodgers' name

Oh, Rodgers, well, yeah I think he got pulled from that campaign, though With all of his, you know, controversy I saw him in one yesterday Is he a new one now?

He's hired a stunt double in it And then Jake from State Farm tells him he doesn't need to get that personal Or something

Yeah, that's the whole premise of all of them Is you don't have to get that personal That whole construction does not work for me at all All I was going to say was the one thing that works about that whole campaign is it makes me want to get bath bombs. Like, it seems so fun and satisfying seeing him just pull more and more bath... They're called bath bombs, right? Or bath balls? I think so, yeah. Bath balls. He's just, like, pulling them out of his robe pockets and throwing them into the tub. Like, I have a visceral reaction to that. Like, I see that commercial. I want to go buy bath bombs. I don't give a shit about anything else in the entire campaign.

I'm with you, by the way. I could really... I need Calgon to take me away.

He's plopping them in and you can see the water Sudzing up more and more It seems so satisfying

I took a bath in New York And it's probably the first time I've taken a bath In a couple of years Because when I lived in Bellingham The nice thing was after we remodeled the bathroom The main bathroom There was a shower, a stand up shower With a door and then a bathtub So it meant that the bathtub stayed relatively clean Because you weren't showering it every day And now I don't have that set up I have a kind of standard apartment bathtub i stand in you know that's also the shower and um and at the house i'm working on there's literally no bathtub there's just a shower so i was at this hotel in new york and i was like i went on a long run in central park and i got back and i was like you know what this is probably a pretty clean bathtub there's housekeeping i'm taking a bath and i poured a shit ton of like you know whatever soaps and things i could put in there that were in the room and i just like sat there in a bath It was extremely relaxing Would recommend

Yeah especially if you have a nice bath I assume that was kind of a nicer bath That was probably like beckoning you It was standard bath but it was very clean

So the problem is like I would never take a bath in my bath currently Even though it's clean Like if you looked at it it's not gross But I would need to scrub it out completely Before I filled it with water And then turned myself into You know a character in some kind of Pot of soup

Right. I will say I took a few baths during the pandemic. I remember like kind of like, you know, what else we got to do here? You know, get yourself a little pre-roll, prop your iPad up.

on the edge of the tub and just like settle in for a while. I'm a little bit too antsy though. I always love the idea of it in like the first five minutes and then I kind of then I'm just like I gotta get out of here and play darts or whatever. Well bathroom dart board Andrew

bathroom darts. That's your million

take that on Shark Tank

dart tank

alright I think we've done enough for one day but my friends if you haven't gotten enough of this tomfoolery good news we'll be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio for you. So please do join us for that. In the meantime, have a great Monday. Take care of yourselves and please remember no mountain too tall and good luck to all.

My dream is to sail around the world on a catamaran with two members of every cat race and share my love with cats. for all the humans to see around the world. Power out!