Muse

He who questions training only trains himself at asking questions. What? Patience, my son. To summon your power for the conflict to come, you must first have power over that which conflicts you. Okay, am I the only one who finds these things just a little bit formulaic? If you want to push something down, you have to pull it up. If you want to go left, you have to go right. Your temper is very quick, my friend. But until you learn to master your rage... Your rage will become your master? That's what you were going to say, right? Right? Not necessarily.

TBTL!

For our viewing pleasure, I packed Terms of E. Oh, love it. Then we're going to bring it up with a little fried greens to the tea. And then Hope floats with Sandy B. Yes. Does somebody die in that one? They die in all of them. Good.

This need you have to be the smartest guy in the room is... Wolf pudding.

Hey, you sound like you might be a little bit jealous, babe. No, and I know a little something about being jealous because people have been jealous of me my entire life.

I know these guys are annoying, but that's all I got.

I'm doing the work. I'm baby stepping. I'm not a slacker. So come on over. Take a ride in my hot air balloon. It'll take you wherever you want to go. I promise.

all right hello good morning and welcome everyone to a monday edition of tbtl the show it just might be too beautiful to live oh my name is luke burbank i am your host time for luke burbank to turn up the heat i'm gonna do my best to turn the heat up today even though i am pretty under the weather on this monday i get dizzy spells nausea cold sweats hot sweats I do not think I am dealing with the dreaded COVID. It's just a kind of typical cold. But what's really great is it's also coming with a nice little side of nausea. So I may be pregnant and have a cold. I don't know. But I'm going to power through here for episode 3874 in a collector series.

Let the fun begin.

We have more somehow on this Monday. We have more Goonies in the news.

Goonies never say die!

We've gone from being a show that never talks about Goonies, or the Goonies, to a show that never stops talking about it. So we're going to keep that promise to you today on this Monday. There's more Goonies in the news. Also, I don't know if you saw the footage of the U.S. shooting down that Chinese spy balloon.

I bought a balloon, and it doesn't mean I think I'm better than everybody else.

It's pretty dramatic stuff. I didn't realize how fast how quickly a balloon can just drift across the United States because it was in Montana on like Tuesday or something and I heard about it and then it was in South Carolina they were shooting it down like four or five days later I've been on airplane flights that seem like they took longer to cross the country but we will talk about that and then speaking of diplomatic rouse speaking of tense situations

The combustion becomes an explosion.

I am in some kind of a back and forth with a neighbor of mine in the apartment building regarding the music of Sean Colvin and also cooking, maybe late at night. So we will get into that and we'll get into all of it with this young man, the longest running co-bro of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. When he cracks the mic and starts talking, all I can say is it's a kind of magic. He's Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend. Good morning.

Oh, that was my Mike Daisy. It didn't come out right. It just freaked everybody out. It's a kind of magic. Yeah, mine sounded more like Nicolas Cage talking about the... Yes. Yes. Where's that? You already sound better than you did when we first dialed up, so I think you're, you know, I'm not your doctor legally. I'm not your doctor, but I think you're already on the mend, so that's good news.

Does he believe that hosting a podcast could cure his sickness? Yes, he does.

How are you feeling?

I'm okay. I mean, it didn't help that, you know, my dear friend and longest co-bro of the show, Andrew Walsh, was in Portland this weekend, as was Genevieve for part of it. And so we, you know, we definitely, we worked hard and we played hard, Andrew. And so the playing hard part, certainly, I'm a little old for two nights of excitement like that. But then I woke up yesterday, Sunday, and I was just coughing a lot and sneezing and felt like I sort of had a cold. And I was like, okay, that's fine. I'll just lie low today. And so I pretty much did that. But then by the evening time, it had kind of...

We had added something to it, which was a little bit of of of nausea and feeling almost like I could maybe throw up, which I didn't do. And then I woke up this morning and I was all still kind of here. So I think I'm going to be OK.

But and you have covid tests at your place. I do. And I'm going to take one after the show. I was going to say, because if not, like I feel I feel bad. And Veeves was taking advantage of every program that was available like during, you know, during the more heart of the pandemic and even as of, I'm going to say, maybe six months ago to a year ago. But the thing is, those things don't last forever. Right. And I kind of don't want to have a closet full of expired tests. So I was thinking if you needed one, actually, I haven't checked.

I still have some of the government ones that, you know, we were getting for free by far and away the most I think the most successful government program I've ever purchased. personally interacted with with those covid tests i still have some of those and i'm going to take one after i'll take one when we're done here and before i do livewire although livewire is also recorded virtually as far as today goes of course on thursday hopefully i'll be better by then because we will be alive at the alberta rose theater here in portland but i i my gut tells me this is not covid but i will take a test um and uh to make sure here in a couple of hours great

yes please do that and if you need any more i will send them to you in fact if i recall a listener An anonymous listener sent us some COVID tests as well that we opened in one of our What's in the Box segments.

The way that the listeners seek to take care of us, they're like the mom I never had sending us COVID tests. Well, my mom is great, but my mom would never send me a COVID test. Yeah, that's true. That's just not her style. My mom might show up with a belated birthday present that was something, a secondhand something that she'd picked up somewhere. She might give me something like that, but she's not going to be like, you know, eat your vegetables, Luke. And here's that COVID test in case you need it. Like, that's just not her style.

Well, speaking of, I don't think I've ever felt as protected as I did this weekend under the under the protective wing of one Sarah in Portland.

Thanks a lot, Chad. Yeah. Where was where was Chad? No. You know what? It's good to know thyself. And what Chad said, I'm going to explain what we're talking about in a minute. Chad said, I'm good at a lot of things. That's not one of them. It's fair. Absolutely fair. So night one of our little hangout in Portland, we ended up at this bar that I really like called My Father's Place. We had gone into a different bar called the Sandy Hut, which is a really cool, really old school Portland place, but it's also been discovered by a really young school crowd, who I'm sure are very nice people. They just happened to be 20-plus years younger than us, and they were sitting in all of the booths and banquettes. So we walked in there, turned on our heels and headed for my father's place after I in the 45 seconds I was in there.

I won and lost seven dollars in about 45 seconds. Life comes at you fast. Like literally, were we in there 60 seconds and I won and lost seven dollars?

I was I was actually a little surprised because we you and me and Genevieve, we walk in and I'm serving. I'm feeling like I'm hosting, you know, like it's a little bit on me to make sure we find a place that's comfortable for all of us. And I'm scanning the room. There's like nowhere to sit. again we're two decades older than everyone else it was it was a pretty vibrant scene and if there's one thing we don't like anymore at our age it's a vibrant scene yeah and as i'm doing all of this kind of analysis and then i'm like you know we should do it's like a five minute lift ride to my father's place that's what we're gonna do i've made the decision i turn around and you're like hey i'm up five bucks you've already fed money into a slot machine poking away at it we were

just sitting that we found the one little corner where the three of us could sort of regroup for a second again we had just walked in and it looked like a i mean it totally looked like my kind of place this what is it called again the sandy hut the sandy hut it looks absolutely amazing but it was like a friday night and it's just a little busy for three people who wanted to catch up and so i'm just sort of like standing in the corner but like while you're looking at your phone to figure out the next step i realize i'm standing next to one of those little video um slot machine games which i never know how those work anyway and i usually don't go for them if i have other options but i literally had a single in my pocket so i was like why not just like put it in here and spin this thing four times or whatever you get for for a dollar and i spun it once i virtually spun it once and all of a sudden my account balance went up to eight dollars i was like oh shit like i couldn't do anything with that because i never intended to win money because i didn't want to stand in the line the whole thing is like i couldn't i couldn't like then take these winnings and then stand in line with them i mean the bar was pretty pretty busy and i was like oh shit now I gotta use up all this money so I just started hitting the button as quickly as I could and you'll be happy to know that I then did piss away the rest of the money as quickly as possible

well that's good to hear at least there was a positive outcome yeah exactly I will tell you this I don't this is not the can of it's not even a can of worms it's not the conversation we need to revisit at this very moment because we have much to talk about

when we got down to my father's place. And then later when I got home to my apartment. But it was funny because I was calling the Lyft and you still had like $3 on your machine. And you turned to me and said, well, you haven't called the Lyft yet, right? And I just lied right to your face. I said, I absolutely have not. Because I had a sense that you were going to burn through that $3 before the Lyft was going to get there. And I didn't want to wait because I thought, well, if he keeps winning, I really just wanted to be out of there and on my way to somewhere more comfortable for us. but I also know that you and I could not have more different approaches to rideshare situations. I know that you would not call a rideshare while you were still physically somewhere doing something else because you don't want them to be waiting around. Is that still your general approach to the thing? I remember us being in Arizona. We were leaving the Mariner Spring Training, and I was ready to call the lift at about the seventh inning. Yeah, right. And you wanted us to be out in front of the stadium waiting for them so that we were there when they got there.

Exactly. And to be clear, that is not a joke about Luke leaving baseball games early, something that he would never do for defending my honor. Yes, exactly. Yeah, I don't like I mean, I just yeah, when a car because now cars come usually within two minutes if you're in the city. And so usually I want to be at least walking to the curb as I'm calling that thing, unless I know I'm in a situation where it's going to be 10 or 15 minutes. But I also keep in mind, like I also had no intention. I would have left $2 or $3 just on that machine for the next lucky person to come and spin if they wanted to. I wasn't going to hold up our evening. Again, we were just standing there. I had 60 seconds to burn and 100 cents to burn. So I just put it in this machine. And it was just kind of funny that it immediately was like, I'm the very first push of that button. But, yeah, I knew that I could just burn through. I was just like, click, click, click, click, click. I'm like, there's no way I'm coming. you know if i had won anything over like maybe ten dollars i could have given it to you to cash in at your own convenience or something or if it was significant money then it would

be worth waiting in line and i can then afford my own car hey i have this ticket i can't yes if i give you this ticket can you venmo me just venmo me fifteen dollars exactly i'll give you this ticket you're gonna have to wait a couple weeks for it to clear but um that's how they get you anyway well we um so we end up down at my father's place and it ends up being like the perfect absolute perfect vibe for us we there's a whole one sort of end of the bar that wasn't taken so we were able to sit and just hang out and have a really fun night and our friend chad was there who's a tbtl listener he's a bartender there yep um i think he identifies primarily as a tbtl listener um tbtl fan first wage earner second but uh so anyway we're all chatting it's great night's going great and you know we're getting into our cups and stuff but i think my sense is everything is still within the bounds of you know normal bar behavior and then a guy comes a guy with a ponytail comes i don't know why that detail is important but i just want to mention it guy with a ponytail sits down he's i would say probably looks about 10 years older than us would that be your memory i know you're a little he reminds me specific on face details

yeah no i mean i only saw him for a second i didn't even notice him come in so i don't know Nor did I If you were seeing him For a while before I did But when I did Finally notice him I only got a quick Glimpse of him But yeah he was a He was a guy Who was probably In his you know 50s or early 60s Gray hair Maybe shoulder length Pulled back In a ponytail Looked like He looked like Definitely like Some sort of a Character or an extra In some sort of movie Maybe the The one with John Cusack Where he uses His love of record stores To Oh high fidelity Yeah that one Exactly He seemed like he might have been in that movie.

I think character is the right way to describe it. Now, also, he did not, and I know that no one can really know what's going on, but just for context, he didn't look like a person who was experiencing homelessness or was dealing with a kind of psychotic break or something, because that's also something that has occurred when I've been at my father's place, is somebody who's come in who's got, clearly they're dealing with some mental health stuff that's sort of making it difficult for them to just be around other people. This was not that. No, this was a guy who looks like your dad's friend who's kind of a little much sometimes, you know, who's got a lot of ideas about things and like kind of gets a little a little mansplaining or whatever. Anyway, so he's he just comes in. My memory is he sits down. He takes his backpack off or his pack, whatever he had. And he just I believe the first thing he said was, well, you look like a bunch of douchebags. Yeah, like that's all I hear.

Come on, you douchebags. It seemed like it seemed like something that you I was probably looking down at my drink or something. That's what I usually do in bars. I'm just looking down at my drink. And I just hear that somebody say that, like not yelling at us, but loud and clear and clearly at us, the group of us that were sitting along the bar. And he's kind of standing across from us, sort of. And it you would your brain immediately thinks that you just ran into an old friend who's going to say. this like a course greeting or something like i thought i ran into an old enemy i was ready to

fight i mean for a very split second like who would just say clearly out loud to a group of friends like well you look like a bunch of group bags you expect to like look up here and be like what lenny from college and you all get up lenny samoski from the samoski pizza empire now to be clear i don't think i have a friend in this world who would greet me in that way it would be an ex friend of mine but like that was the tone almost because like what kind of a person and again just to reiterate what you're saying he's not somebody who like and you know we're all on our own journey but he's not somebody who when you look at him like gives off immediate vibes of oh this person is way out of their mind and just yelling at people you know he just looked like another

customer and i was just like very calmly expressed to us that we seem like a bunch of douchebags and

which is something that i had to take sort of stock of that like is that true um but before we could even process it our protector came in it was sarah it happened so fast luke and probably

so why don't you probably save the night will you be the ponytail guy and i'll be bartender sarah

at my father's place yeah but of course i don't use language like that so i got to clean it up a little bit are you ready for are you ready for that okay uh okay but if it's going to be a

distraction no then and if it's going to ruin my impeccable timing with my sarah impression on the 1.5 second delay that we have on ipdtl nope then i'll tell you right now i'm going to say dork

balls i'm not trying to i'm not trying to not trying to trip you up here although i did sort of change at the last minute i was going to say dumbledorps and it seemed like that might be a distraction so dork balls it is here we go we're drinking clink clink ambient sidewalks in who

shaker and then well you look like a bunch of dork balls we're not doing this again tom sarah goes right over from just says nope we're not doing this again and tom immediately puts his backpack back on and walks towards the exit and he said something like like

but we use this analogy a lot the whole interaction was a little bit like the cartoon exactly what i was gonna say the sheepdog and the coyote punching in for work like okay see you

later sarah that guy's job was to come in and make some people feel uncomfortable for no reason and And Sarah Schaub was to say, not today, Satan. And then it was just like, okay. And he didn't try to get into it further with us. He didn't try to get into it with Sarah. He just kind of said, yeah, he muttered one more thing, put his backpack on, and walked right out. And we were, I mean, that went from being something that could have been kind of weird. I mean, listen, I was not going to fight him because that's not enough to make me try to fight someone. It would have made it uncomfortable for all of us because we would have been like, what are you talking about? And then we would have been engaging in a conversation with him. It would have been a bad scene, but it would have potentially made the night less fun. But it went from being something that could have made the night less fun to being like that was a legendary move by Sarah.

And I also want to describe Sarah a little bit, too, because Sarah is in case you're like kind of picturing like a really big person like Sarah was, you know, Sarah's not a big person at all, relatively small. Again, I'm not great. sometimes I describe people as I think I see them but maybe I just maybe remember auras better because I do have like a lot of face blindness but like you can back me up here right like Sarah's not a big person she's pretty short with points right exactly but like she's not a big intimidating

person in other words no no no Sarah was the ponytailed man probably had 40 pounds on Sarah yeah it was all about it was like when and just complete conviction in the rightness of what was about to happen and not even, it was not a debate and you know what I mean, it was just like there was something it was like when you see somebody dealing with like a normal sized person that's dealing with like a bear but they just know the tone of voice to use or something like, or like some kind of larger and maybe more dangerous animal but this person is just, they've dealt with it enough that they know how to present themselves in such a way that it tells the brain of the larger scarier animal, okay, that person is the alpha and i am the beta and that is what happened on friday night the thing that really

confused me or the thing that like has really stuck with me that is like a puzzle piece that doesn't seem to fit is as soon as this thing happens and this all i am a douchebag first of all i was doing some soul searching on that turns out tom was right um but as i was like this whole thing happened in a matter of seconds like you jumping in and saying not today tom was like that's not much of an exaggeration at all like Sarah just came out of nowhere before I could even process what this guy was saying and then so and then she doesn't even kind of stick around to like accept high fives for us or whatever she's it was a busy night at the bar she's go she's making some other drinks we don't even get a chance to thank her or whatever later on things slow down maybe it's five minutes later or something and we're just like Sarah what happened like what was that and the question we all had I think I don't know who asked it was I don't know. Who is this guy? Is he in here every night? Does he just come back, back to the bar, says, hey, dork balls, and then you kick him up.

And is that a thing he says to a lot of people, or is there something uniquely douchey about us?

Yeah, well, that would have been maybe a second or third question for me.

That was an actual concern I had because it was like, again, we were getting pretty tuned up. We're boisterous. We're excited. We're talking to each other. I'm probably not maintaining my volume particularly carefully. And it was like okay I don't think what this guy said Was appropriate but on the other hand did he have a point

Well the funny thing is And I mentioned this to you at dinner On Saturday I think that like A lot of the places we were going even this bar Which is again a very like kind of Comfortable old school bar Was still filled with like a lot of young People like the part of Portland we were in And you described it as sort of the Capitol Hill The Seattle's Capitol Hill of Portland Like a lot of young people a lot of very hip People or whatever but I also just got from that bar just like a really good vibe i did not get the impression like oh here come these old fuddy duddies um who like you don't feel like no everybody was very nice and cool and it just seemed like the type of place where everybody can be really cool you know like whatever so um i really like my brain and this probably just goes to my personality type when i heard that guy say that i really thought it's like oh this guy's gonna be a little annoying But that's kind of He thinks he's being funny He's the ball bustery guy

Who's a regular And it's like Don't pay attention to Tom He's just being Tom

Right And I was like Well so my initial thing is You know Somebody does that at a bar It's like Well this is going to be annoying For a little bit But you just got to be like You know You give them one little grunt And if they keep on Trying to engage with you You just ignore them But Sarah swoops in Says not today Tom By the way Was his name Tom Or are we just using that Because I don't recall that I'm just going with

He seemed like a Tom

Let's go with Tom And anyway We say so is he in here all the night And the answer is no She's like look I think I've seen him once before Right do I remember that right I'm like wait But what she did say was

And he also was rude to people then

Yeah right exactly So this was usual behavior But it wasn't like a pattern yet She'd only seen it once before And then she saw it again And did she mention whether or not She already had her eyes on him When he walked in Or she just heard this I don't know about that Yeah okay so anyway Just astounding It all happened so quickly

And that was only the beginning of my controversial evening, Andrew. We should take a break because I feel like this next segment where I talk about what was waiting for me when I got home could take a little time. And I don't want us to go to break at like 55 after the start of the show. So we'll take a quick break here on TVTL and then we'll come right back with this next phase of my Friday evening. hello and welcome to top story i cannot over express to you andrew how frequently i'm muting my microphone and like horrendously clearing my throat or make you know making all kinds of um unholy and unnatural sounds uh and i have this fear that i'm going to and this has happened before i'm going to get confused as to when i have the mic muted and when i don't and i'm going to I'm going to basically mute it when I when I'm talking and then unmute it just in time to make a terrible sound. So I will try not to do that, but just know there's a real possibility.

How about this? Can I offer it? Because this next story I wasn't there for it. I'm going to have a lot of questions for you and you're going to have to be telling this story, which means it might be hard for you when need be to stop and clear your throat. Should I have here? I have opened up here and you don't have to use this. You don't have to go to this. I'm just offering. I have opened up a website that is called flu jokes And so I have a bunch of flu jokes in front of me If you need 15 seconds These are all just like one-liners it looks like Say flu joke and I'll have one ready

I love it, thank you Does he think of everything on this show? Yes, he does I have a good, it's kind of a flu I don't know if you'll like this But it's kind of a flu joke Depending on how the flu manifests in someone's body maybe That I learned on The Last of Us Which I was watching yesterday during my convalescing So By the way we should talk about that show At some point in earnest

Yeah let me get on that then Because I've been putting it off a little bit Because I know I'm going to have to sit down and binge the first I think four that are out now There's four that are out

I watched all four of them yesterday And I was really ready for there to be a fifth episode But you know It's kind of post-apocalyptic And these two people this uh you know this guy and this young girl who he's kind of charged with transporting somewhere are are just traveling around kind of the wilderness in the woods and things and she has this book of like puns and so sometimes she'll just read them to him and it's pretty cute because he's a very gruff he's been through a lot so he's very gruff but you know he can't help but admit that some of them are pretty good like one of them is um did you know that diarrhea is genetic no because it runs in your genes

Thank you.

Oh, I think I've heard that before.

Oh, gross. Anyway, I'll give you the sign if I need some more flu jokes. And actually, I don't want to make too much out of this next thing. So maybe it doesn't have to be 40 minutes of the show. But we went to one more location as we were walking back to drop you off at the hotel. And we had left my father's place. We walked by this other joint. And we went down and we had another drink there. So we were out until fairly late, and when I get home, I open my apartment door. I'm going to say it's like probably 1.30 or 2 now, and there is a handwritten note that slipped under the door, and it says, Hey, I appreciate that you enjoy cooking, but please be mindful that everything you cook fills up my home with your cooking smells. It's a little late to be cooking still, right? Can you please have respect for our shared space? exclamation point thank you your neighbor with a sensitive nose what does that even now you told

me this i don't know all of this story but you told me a little bit about this on saturday and that is just i mean what is going through the head of somebody who says please respect our

shared you're cooking a little late for cooking i was so food i was so confused with i mean and also you weren't cooking food you were no i was with you being defended by sarah i mean that was that was the thing that had me especially well i was really mad about two things one i should be able to cook food at any time i want in my own home that i pay rent on exactly so that's just the beginning of it i don't need to justify when i'm cooking and then second of all i wasn't even cooking no and so i so i wake up saturday oh well sorry i have left out a key part of this whole thing so i'm home and i'm still i'm playing with the cats and i'm like i'm kind of still a little buzzing and so i'm listening to some music and i can't for the life of me tell you why this is the song andrew that i'm listening to but i'm listening to some sean colvin music like i think it just came up in a algorithm based on something else sometimes i get a little tipsy i listen to the indigo girls that might have sent me in the direction of a sean colvin song so i'm like listening to like some sean colvin music now i don't think there's there's a band that could be a lot more mellow or a singer that could be a lot more mellow and i don't like loud music like just generally i don't i don't like it to be loud when i'm in a bar i don't like it to be loud when i'm in when i'm in a car i don't like it loud on a train i don't like it loud when i'm in maine oh

speaking i would like to know if you like it on a bus but we'll talk about that later um so do you Really quick question about this. Do you ever have the urge when you're by yourself? Now you have shared walls now, so maybe this isn't the case, but especially during a time when you felt like literally nobody could hear you. Do you ever blast the music? Is it rare for me to do that? I'm like you. I don't need things super loud, but there is the occasional time when maybe I am maybe coming home a little bit later at night. Genevieve still out or something. And I know that like I can blast my music as loud as I want and nobody will hear it in a certain song. comes on the algorithm and i just turn it up so loud because i think sue me sue me for what and it's a real feeling of freedom it's a rarity for me but do you ever get that it's very it's weird

i don't have that impulse i do not enjoy music more based on how like that now it's louder now it's at 11 and so i like it one percent more um than i would if it was just at 10 or at five it's strange it's just it's and it's a hang-up for me because i'm very and in fact i was telling i think I was telling you or Genevieve about this the other night which is that I've had some run-ins at some bars in Portland where the music is way too loud and I'll like ask hey to the bartender could you turn the music down a little bit and they're kind of not they don't like that kind of feedback from the customers so I generally don't do that and again I just so all I know is I am I'm in the apartment I'm kind of I'm looking at the note I'm thinking about how do I respond to this and And I'm also, like, throwing the little things for the cats to run around and chase and stuff. And so next thing you know, I'm listening to my Sean Colvin, and next thing you know, I hear, like, a really loud knock on my door. Now, it's 2 in the morning. Let me explain to you also. I live at the end of a hallway. So I only have two shared walls because two of my walls are the street. and I have never in the almost two years maybe or something I've been here have never had any I've never heard a neighbor I've never smelled a neighbor I've never had a neighbor express that they could hear me like this is one of these kind of modern apartment buildings where everything is like really thick concrete like it's kind of a it's sort of an industrial type space but you know like then they sort of put some nice touches on it so it's not your kind of classic apartment that's constructed primarily out of wood and you can hear your neighbors walking, like I cannot hear anyone walking above me ever I've never heard a noise from any other apartment in this building, which is kind of really a nice aspect of living in this particular unit, is it's extremely private so imagine my surprise when someone knocks on my door really loudly and I go over to look out the thing, you know, through the door the peephole to see who it is and they're gone there's nobody there and I know exactly who it is because this new neighbor of mine a week ago or so I'm walking in the hall I get out of the elevator and I see a woman maybe mid-30s or something who's got these like couple boxes outside the apartment and she's like sorting through photographs I said oh hey are you moving in or moving out this tells you by the way the level of interaction I have with the neighbors I didn't even know if this person was moving in or moving out and she said we're moving in I said well welcome to the neighborhood and she said thanks and I went and I opened my door that was the last I thought of it but the people I've noticed the other people in the hallway who moved in maybe a year ago and I don't I don't I'm not pals with them but I just kind of can recognize these these folks so I know that there's a new person in the general area so that's I know it's this person so I go I'm like huh so I look down the hallway there's no one there so I think well maybe we should talk about this like someone just knocked

on my door oh and they said and it was a woman's voice turn your music down and again can you remind me the time ish here this is like two in the morning two in the morning okay so i will admit that two in the morning is late to be playing music if you're playing it loud and if it's music that has that's well just generally loud but maybe has a ton of bass too or something that kind of travels but this is like freaking sean colvin and again i don't like i don't enjoy the music to ever be loud there's no way that I was like bumping it so and even if I was let's just say you know it was annoying to this other person they could actually hear it okay totally there's a way to say like you can knock on the door and say hey I don't want to be a pain but like I'm trying to sleep and I would be like oh yeah sorry about that wow I'm really surprised you can hear it I've never heard anything through the walls but absolutely will do will turn down right but the approach was knock on the door say your music is too loud and then scuttle back to your apartment and shut the door Before I can even like Have a conversation about it So then I go to their door And I knock on their door Like maybe we should And also remind you I'm also holding a note About my food stinking Right And this is still This person is not At the top of my list Right now Yeah And I knock on the door And then it's like No response And I'm like Okay That's triple weird Triples are best That's triple weird You slipped it out Under my door You knocked on my door You hid from me And now you're hiding from me In your apartment when I'm knocking so we can have a conversation about it. And so I go back to my apartment. I turn the music off, and I go to sleep. And I wake up the next morning, and I think, did I hallucinate that? Did somebody slip some Jameson into my double Jameson and cause my brain to short-circuit? And I look, and there's the note. No, that was a real thing. That happened. And I start to feel really annoyed at that note. And so I type up a response that is, I don't actually have it because it was just an email draft, and I printed it and then deleted it but I can paraphrase and I will say this I think I could have been even despite what I thought was some kind of annoying behavior I still could have been a little nicer about it I think I was kind of I felt like I was kind of returning fire in you know at the tone that so I think I said and I'm kind of paraphrasing but I basically said hey there I got your note about the cooking I can't express to you how surprised I was considering I didn't cook anything yesterday and in fact I'm rarely here I have another home in southern Washington that's where I'm spending a lot of time I travel for work a lot I'm a very low impact neighbor I said based on your week being here you seem to be a very high impact neighbor I said like in two years no one has ever knocked on my door once and you knocked on my door at two in the morning I said to tell me to turn down my Sean Colvin so I said I really wish you the best oh this is the thing I said too I go maybe this is something you're dealing with on an emotional level because my point is like i have no beef with anyone in this building i've never had one issue somebody moves in a week

later and they're telling me stop cooking at night and stop playing sean colvin so loud it's like it was i just was like i don't think i'm the problem here this one thing has changed in this equation and it's this new neighbor and so i said something like listen i really wish you the best but if you have other uh if you have other things you want to talk to me about be they cooking or Sean Colvin related please route them through the management best L print it and as I came to meet you on Saturday I slid under the door of the neighbor and I went on my merry way and then of course you and I were doing some stuff on Saturday and somewhere in the back of my mind I'm like have I started have i started a war here you know like uh because i've i've i passed this i'm either going to come home and find no note or i'm going to find a really unhinged note or i don't know what i'm going to find but like i had started i'd sort of started rolling a snowball down a hill that i wasn't sure how big it was going to be by the time i got home do we have any updates now yeah we have another note that was waiting for me on saturday when i got home ah hold on i need

to get into this all right i am on the edge of my seat i'm a little anxious okay hi neighbor

thanks for asking actually i am going through something i'm sick and i was really losing i was really hoping to sleep i sincerely apologize for misdirecting my frustrations at you for cooking i was half asleep and that was uncalled for i am sorry for that i've been here for two months although i'm not sure how the duration of tenancy is relevant i wasn't playing my music at 2am so let's not point fingers decency and respect are pretty universal and so is sleeping i don't care what you're playing just please be aware of the shared wall thank you i'm sure you're a lovely human i will have the courtesy to respect your space i only ask for the same in return all caps thank you interesting interesting right because it's not it's it's not it's not escalating it's not totally backing down but it's not escalating yeah yeah and i i think it had the desired effect because it very much neutralized my annoyance about the situation i didn't i so i wrote a response back i hand wrote a response back that i delivered before i came and then met you again on saturday night which just said and again i'm paraphrasing because this one was a handwritten note i just said hey there i'm sorry to hear that you weren't feeling well i totally understand And, you know, sometimes we're not having our best day. I said something like, I don't think I conceded anything on the cooking or the music even. But I just said something like, something else nice. And then I wrote, truce, comma, and then like L or something. And I made a smiley face. So basically, I wrote like a very casual note that was like two sentences that was just basically saying like, okay, listen, we got off to a bad start. Let's just call it even. So that was my response to that note Because if I would have been in a worse state of mind

Joke joke What happened when the flu joined Instagram She became an influenza Er Did that Influenza er? Well it just says she became an influenza Maybe I didn't do it right Did you take advantage of that? I did thank you

I muted my mic and I did a little throat clearance If I were i mean i could have tried to litigate the question of the cooking and like this quote unquote shared wall we now have which i guess we've always had but like this i i didn't i just didn't want to get into it i was like okay look she did something that was kind of not very cool i responded in a way that was like not aggressive but pretty kind of like snide um i could have just said sorry the music was too loud but i don't know what the cooking thing was i wasn't even home i could have just done that but instead i kind of was like this might be a personal problem and like you know i was just i was just kind of not having the bs i thought but her response was it was it was placating enough to me that it just made me think do i want to be in an argument with this person do i want to have it be weird every time i walk by their door for the foreseeable future or do we want to just call it a truth so that's where things are at by the way about two or three months

ago i think i teed something up on this show that i said i was like i'm not sure if i was ready to talk about at the moment and i it's very tied into this it's a neighbor related story that actually i think i'm ready to talk about today i don't think it's as edge of the seat as yours but i found myself for a moment in a similar situation recently um but here's the one thing that remains with your living situation now and this is just part of i think often being a renter or not even a renter but anybody who shares walls i mean you could have a condo and be dealing with the same thing um you now though will always have this you know when you go to turn on your sean colvin or right whatever it is like you will always have this and like the thing is like you say i believe you when you say you i think you are very sensitive to loud noises we've talked about that and other things as well so i totally believe you when you say like listen i'm not i'm not somebody who goes in for that but at whatever level you were enjoying it which i believe is reasonable seemed unreasonable to her in that moment and now like you do have to think about And even though it wasn't your food she was smelling, you now will think about that when you crack an egg. And that's kind of shitty. I mean, listen, we all deal with this kind of stuff. There's always something when you're living in any kind of a shared space. But like, yeah, and now it just kind of lives on your shoulder, though.

Let me just, before we hear about your neighbor's situation, just add to that. You're absolutely right. I really enjoy getting a really good night's sleep. Who doesn't? But then I've been doing this thing where I'm trying to get. up early and like I like getting up early making my coffee and the first thing I do and part of how I get out of bed is I put on OPB and I have you know there's three rooms in this house basically well there's a bathroom too so there's like and they have I've so no speakers in them and I I wake up and I look at my phone I check what time it is and then I hit I turn on OPB and that's kind of my soundtrack for getting ready in the morning this morning when I got up I was making the coffee And I realized they were talking about a story that I was really interested in And I couldn't hear what Steve Inskeep was saying and I was like Huh why and I was like oh because I have it on low I didn't even realize I was doing it I couldn't hear It over the coffee maker because I was already worried That my morning edition listening At 530 a.m. was going to be Bothering this neighbor of mine yeah indeed

You were yep that's what I'm talking about So I guess you're gonna have to keep on Like maybe Testing the boundaries on this stuff a little bit you'll be respectful you'll be thinking like well i don't want to create an issue here but also you have to live your life and again like i i think i'm i'm decent at um maybe questioning you or pushing back a little bit when it sort of seems like hey listen like you know like maybe you're maybe you're not being considered enough or something like that but i don't that just does not unless you're unless you're lying to me unless you're leaving something out unless you put some you made some liver and onions and put it outside of her door um i think that you just need to like I'm glad that her reaction also Was sort of setting the Setting the Setting the table Yeah, turning the temperature down a little bit Which then let you kind of be goofy And now she has one of those very valuable Luke Burbank signatures Whether or not she realizes how much that's worth

She doesn't, because all she knows me as is L

Yes, exactly Next time you sign at U The next time you sign at K And over time, eventually she has a collector series It's a puzzle for her to solve

So what happened with your neighbor?

Well, and again, I don't want to overplay this. The day I wanted to talk about it, I was feeling really still very uncomfortable about an interaction I had with some new neighbors. And it was, again, one of those things because I wasn't sure how it was going to play out. And so far, it hasn't really played out in any way. But we live in this house and we moved in in March. We bought this place. We plan on being here for a long time. I'm only reiterating that because, you know, I know that I've told stories over the years about irritations with neighbors or small run-ins with neighbors and whether it's from their noise or my cigarette smoke or what have you. We've gone through a lot of that with me. But I'll tell you one thing. Now that we are settled in here, we don't have any shared walls or spaces. We have a little buffer of a yard around us. Like, I have no desire to have anything but, you know, great relations with all of our neighbors, which we do, by the way. except for that guy who was walking down my street the other day but i'll tell you about that another time um for this time though uh we only have one house that is directly next to ours because we're kind of on a corner lot with an alley behind us so that's pretty good um and it's very in their space and our space is very private even though you know we're we're not like far we're not living in the country but our yards have like bushes between them and hedges and trees and all these things so um the people who live over there are all renters um and we've met the owner a couple of times i think i want to say his name is dan he's a really really nice guy um he and his his family he's got a little kid who just could not be cuter um would stop by in the summertime just kind of say hello to us and also like you know work on some maintenance on the house or something i see him from time to time seems really sweet the people who lived in the house when i first got here, it seems like there's two units. There's a woman, I think her name is Kelly, a young woman who lives in the lower unit. And then the main house, some other people were renting it. Well, recently, those people who were renting it left. And I ran into Dan a couple of months ago, the landlord or whatever, the property owner, while he was installing some lights or something, he said, Oh, hey, and he's almost like kind of apologetic. He's like, Hey, we got some more people moving in you know my long time tenants upstairs uh are you know they had to move out for various reasons or whatever and he just was kind of talking about this in this way of just like i hope this isn't going to be a pain for me and i hope this is not going to be a pain for you because he said these are like um cousins or something of the woman who lives in the lower unit so it's going to be kind of a family affair over here now um and he's kind of like yeah they have a dog he's like i wouldn't usually do that but you know i really trust kelly and this is kelly's family but they do have a dog and and he also said they're musicians and like you just say all this stuff like and i'm like listen man like for real like if there's any issues or whatever i'd let you know but like we don't share walls like we have not had any we have had

absolutely no issues with noise or anything from our neighbors next door kelly uh and the people who are living here uh in the upstairs unit or have been nothing but really nice and sweet In fact, I think I've told you this story.

on the show before that I feel bad because I ran into Kelly like on a walk one time and I completely didn't recognize her and I was doing that thing that's very Andrew right like I'm walking along staring into your drink yeah exactly I'm walking along I got my big black headphones on there's a young woman walking towards me I'm not making eye contact after a while I realized that she's like as we're passing she's like more and more frantically waving at me and I take off my headphones I thought she might have been a listener she's like I'm your neighbor and I could tell that she was a little bit like come on i thought we were midway through signing an autograph yeah and i was like because i had helped her like i had she had a broken lawnmower i was in her yard helping her with her broken lawnmower one time and here i was just like trying to give a stranger their space and she's like it's me we're we're supposed to be friends was kind of the vibe i got from her so anyway my point is sweet people next door the people upstairs leave i hear kelly's family's moving in extended family or whatever they're musicians they have a dog i'm sincerely telling the property owner dan i'm like i'm not worried about this first of all it's winter time like we're not spending a lot of time outside i'm sure it'll be fine i said we we seem to have good walls or whatever and then some time passes i think i get the uh i think i see some activity over there at some point that you get the impression that people are moving in but i can't kind of quite clock it all and coincidentally this was a night i'm gonna say about two months ago maybe three months ago now that I was a little under the weather and it wasn't something that lasted. And I think I was, this was a Sunday night. And I remember being a little bit under the weather, but I was fine for TBTL the next day. So it wasn't a huge deal, but it was a rarity for me that I was going to bed at, I remember it was exactly 11 o'clock. Now I usually stay up pretty late. So 11 o'clock going to bed, it felt like a responsible move for me. Like I had my book, I was going to read a little bit and fall asleep and i laid down and i'm always worried about not being able to fall asleep if i'm if i'm going to bed a little bit earlier it's a terrible feeling i feel like tossing and turning and i was lucky enough i don't know if i played my my falling asleep game or what it was but i fell asleep almost immediately and i remember avatar avatar oh that is a good one for a you're right uh beaches is my b anyway um i just had fallen asleep and i think even genevieve had gone to bed early that night too so we're just both laying there and then all of a sudden i just hear outside like right outside our bedroom the three stooges were there it was just that noise it was a woman's voice making that noise over and over and over again wait really yes and then at some point i thought that was your impression of a dog barking no that was a woman going and i realized oh that's one of our neighbors probably one of our new neighbors playing with the dog outside i didn't hear a noise at all from

the dog but it was probably maybe their first night there it literally might have been their first night there and so like they were like excited to have like an area where the dog could run around in a fenced in area it might have even been our existing neighbor kelly meeting her neighbors or meeting her cousin's dog a new dog mate for the first time you know like i don't know whoever was it was just somebody at not a completely unreasonable hour like they're in their own backyard at 11 o'clock playing with their dog i'm not usually somebody who's going to get super bent out of shape about that but like i had just fallen asleep and it which for some reason i'd never heard neighbor noises in our house before ever and for some reason i don't know if it was the tenor of the voice the volume that time and also the fact that i was going to bed early and this happened to be happening right outside of our bedroom windows i was like you got to be shitting me and so then i wake up and now i'm like fully awake just listening to this whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop sound and being like are you kidding me and now i got this feeling like i'm never falling asleep again so i shouldn't sound like this whoa sorry about that it was it was not unlike that and there's maybe some clapping and i realized that she's probably you know whoever this is is probably throwing a bone or a ball and the dog is catching and she's saying come back here the dog i have not heard one noise from the dog itself but i just kind of picked that up from context maybe i hear some collar rattling or something i just was able to tell what was going on but anyway i uh i'm like oh now i'm like really grumpy so i grab my pillow and i'm like i'll go downstairs and sleep in the basement for a little bit we have a couch down here and so i just like i kind of am downstairs and i don't even know who i'm mad i'm just really grumpy because i was like finally i'm just gonna fall asleep and be responsible and we have this door to the outside right here in the basement outside my uh outside my office and kind of where this downstairs couch is and i put the pillow down on the couch and i can still hear them whooping a little bit because i'm still kind of on that side of the house even though I'm downstairs now so I just open up my back door my basement door and I just sort of yeah these people cannot be that far away from me right i'm just like hey could you keep it down and that was about my tone and that was it and i heard this person say oh yeah yeah sorry and then like kind of talk a little bit more but i have a feeling that this person was now just and i don't know if this is a new neighbor the existing neighbor playing with the new dog or whatever but uh i hear them i hear them keep on talking and i think that they're probably like maybe talking to the dog now i'm hoping saying something like okay buddy we got to keep it down not like oh apparently the neighbors are jerks over there or whatever but it could have been a passive aggressive thing where they were talking to the dog about me I'm not exactly sure they do keep it down immediately I don't hear anything else I I lay my head back down on my pillow I think I did end up crashing down here for a little bit and that's essentially the end of the story but the thing I wanted to talk about that day was I woke up on Monday just like I'm not good with I don't ever tell I don't confront people ever

And even though I didn't like the reason I yelled out my door, kind of just talked out my door, I didn't have to even yell it loudly. And I was not I don't think I came off as overly angry. But, you know, I wasn't wearing shoes or anything. I just opened up the door and said, could you keep it down? And they did. And I was glad of those results. But I also don't want the new neighbors to think that I'm like some sort of like super sensitive to sound guy who hates their dog or whatever. I did get to meet one of the new neighbors a couple of weeks ago. He parked his van near mine Outside on the street And we introduced each other And he kind of said Oh yeah we got a dog I'm like yeah I know I want to meet that dog Like I haven't He said you know Sometimes she barks I'm like I haven't heard anything And that's true Like every now and then I'll hear a distant dog barking You know in the yard Playing or something But like it is not A dog that is creating Any problems for me And so I just I really want to have a moment I don't know who the woman is Who I asked to shush But I want to like Have a moment Where I can meet that person or see that person again and somehow kind of address it and make it clear to them that they are not a problem for me at all. And, in fact, I want to meet that dog. And then the other day, this is just two days ago, I see the dog is in the front yard, all, you know, in a gated-in area, cutting and running around, and I come outside, and I know that this happened once before. When the dog sees me, it does bark at me a little bit. Not much, though, not in a bad way, just like a, you know, like just a dog saying hello kind of way. um that dog and i'm worried about the neighbors thinking that i hate their dog or something so i kind of went outside to say hey do i hear a dog out here and i realized the dog was not being attended it was just kind of running around with its toy in the gated area i'm sorry the fenced in area and i said hey come here and so the dog runs up to me and barks a couple of times and i'm like hey buddy but then it runs back kind of around the corner and i hear a man's voice say hey you get back in here get back in here or whatever like clearly upset that the dog was barking and I just want and it might have been this guy Sean that I already met and I just want to see Sean and be like hey by the way I think I got your dog in trouble the other day like the dog was just saying hello to me I want to make it clear your dog is not a problem so anyway that's where I am right now I feel worried that like I legitimately did have to shush this noise that one day because I was under the weather and I needed to sleep but now I really want these folks to know that I'm not like Dennis the menace's neighbor Mr. Wilson yeah and and the other thing

is and i i think i have some of this tendency i think you well i don't know if you have more of it than i do but it might be the kind of thing where you just leave it alone and just are pleasant to them and yeah and then it works itself out yeah or there's the over explain it like take a moment to be like hey do you guys have some time on tuesday night first to get together i need to

talk to you no i will not do that i won't address it heads on i just want to be pleasant and i want them to know that if i see the only thing i might say is hey you know by the way your dog just kind of barked a hello at me the other day and it sounded like you guys were worried about it being too him being or her being too noisy just so you know it's not a problem I just want them to know that we're amenable and friendly I don't need to revisit anything I don't want to go back to the the night I shushed to the neighbors or anything like

that that's good because I think I mean I'm even thinking about it as it relates to me and this neighbor which is I don't know how buried the hatchet is I don't know what the deal is but what I know is that if heaven forbid if I happen to pass this person in the hallway and we just are like hey how's it going and it's a pleasantry i will that will more than solve any kind of or more than put to rest any kind of lingering weirdness in my mind so like yeah i think probably just being pleasant to them um will be will be sufficient as opposed to like and i know you're not proposing this but like they open their door one night and you're in the backyard rolling around with the dog being like proving to them that you like dogs i'm for

some reason arm wrestling the dog they're like you're not a dog i was just getting into the dog's

dog bed with them to show you how much i wasn't mad about the dog like a totally normal neighbor

i feel like i maybe belabored that story a little bit but the the morning after though i you know it was one of those things after the shushing that like really lived in my head for a while and i just was like i just wanted an opportunity

opportunity to, if not address it head on, at least like show them that like we're, we're, we're relatively cool neighbors, you know, which I don't think anybody's ever actually said about me. I heard that as it came out of my mouth. Am I a relatively cool neighbor? Probably not. But our current neighbors pose no inconvenience to me. And I want them to know that.

Well, and it is, I mean, it is a total game changer. Everyone's got a story about this. Like when you live, um, you know, in a, either a department or a freestanding, you know, or whatever and you have neighbors that are a hassle for some reason it can be life ruining the stories are crazy luckily I've never had somebody who's just like you know just way beyond the beyonds but just having to have that thought every day when you come and go from your home of like is this going to be an incident it's terrible because Andrew and I've actually recently crocheted you a potholder that says this home is where the heart is and if you're if every time you're going into your home or out of your home you're bracing for a possible confrontation It's a terrible feeling

Yeah, I got one that says Home is where the heart disease is Oh, okay It's a slightly less Uplifting message

That would be owing to our difference In cooking styles Right, exactly Well, for instance, I don't cook I do think I lied in my note To this neighbor Because, again, Saturday morning Let's just say I still had a little bit of You know, last night's You know, alcohol in me I was probably still a little blurry And I was also kind of annoyed And I think I wrote in the note Something like I literally haven't turned my stove on In a month Which is true but not true I've turned the range on I've turned the top part on I probably haven't baked anything for a month But it was like I went from being like It wasn't me last night I wasn't even here To being like You don't understand As part of my religion I am not allowed to turn on a stove Anywhere, anytime Like I wanted to make it I wanted to go beyond Just like it wasn't me last night To being like It could have never been me

And it will never be me But relatively speaking You are on the road a lot Yes You get a lot of take out Like you're not somebody Who's spending tons of time in the kitchen

I really am not like I should I would be healthier if I did more if I did more meal prepping and cooked more stuff here so that was why I was especially slightly sort of ticked we we should there's not a whole lot of story here but it's just odd that the Goonies are somehow in the news again like we went many years on the show not talking about that that movie or the town of Astoria Oregon and now it's coming up a lot have you happened to see this Coast Guard video of this boat that was capsizing this like very fancy yacht that was capsizing at the mouth of the

Columbia River in Astoria I didn't just stumble on it I saw it when you sent it this morning and I read it it is astounding and I'll let you lay out the story but I will maybe at the end of this are we am I for promoting my takes now I will I will momentarily after you tell the story try to at least examine the argument that this isn't a coincidence the fact that the Goonies are in the news two days or two weeks in a row

oh I think I have a sense I know where you're going to go with it and I have a sense I agree with you am I forward promoting my agreeing with your take?

you don't even know my take but you're forward promoting your reaction to it I love that because I had had a thought as well

but I want to hear what your take is I saw this on believe it or not TikTok this weekend which is crazy somebody was just saying this really wild story has unfolded out in Astoria and what they were showing was local news actually I think it was Coast Guard footage of somebody had taken this very fancy yacht out from Astoria and like were going out into sort of the Columbia River which is very wide I mean river is kind of understating at that point like that makes it sound like you know a little crick in your backyard this thing is pretty big and rollicking and this person obviously didn't know how to operate this vessel or they got stuck and the waves are rolling this entire huge yacht and the helicopter, the Coast Guard couldn't send a rescue boat because it wouldn't be safe for them. So they had a diver dive out of the helicopter or maybe out of a boat and swim to the guy who was on the yacht and save him and they pulled him, the Coast Guard rescue diver and the guy got pulled up into the helicopter and it was an amazing bit of heroics from the Coast Guard and so it made it onto KGW, the local affiliate they bring the guy back to the hospital where he's treated for, you know, I don't know, whatever salt water, no, actually the Columbia is fresh water, they observe him at the hospital, they decide that he's okay and they let him go and it's only when the TV news starts showing this rescue and a more close up shot of the guy that it becomes clear that this person who was in the yacht was a guy identified as 35-year-old Jericho Labonte. Can we just take a moment to discuss the name Jericho Labonte? Yeah. That is my new fake name.

It can't be, man. I mean, honestly,

at this point, Jericho's I would say, yeah, Jericho's had enough, you're right I don't want to throw more charges on Jericho's name But Jericho Labonte is a crazy name

Next time you write a note to your neighbor, sign it J J-L

So When they figured out that this guy Who had been saved off of this yacht was actually Jericho Labonte They also got a call from the Marina that it reported Oh yeah, that yacht was stolen this morning So Jericho Labonte was not supposed to be Driving this yacht, and he's also the person That's suspected of having left A dead fish On the porch Of the Goonies house They were looking for whoever left A dead fish on the porch of the Goonies house And it turns out it's the same guy Who's being rescued As the boat was capsizing It turns out Allegedly at this point It's all Jericho Labonte

What's the difference between bird flu And swine flu For bird flu you need Tweetment and swine flu you need oinkment i didn't say they were good jokes i said they were noises i can make while you take advantage of your throat clearing system over there here's my only issue with them and i

usually don't like this kind of i don't like people giving me this kind of feedback and i certainly don't like having to provide it but when you're doing flu jokes and everything is about influenza and swine flu and bird flu you're talking to a guy who just got done watching four episodes of the last of us it feels a little serious like you know like swine flu doesn't just seem like an oinkomit joke to me it's hard it's hard for me to be in the comedy space in my brain when we're talking about a potential global pandemic wow so when they say snowflake this is

what they're talking about like kind of like i'm just telling you why i want to be laughing at it

i want to be laughing i'm saying like what was the first one again it was a influenza yeah somebody

is now an influenza because the flu joined Instagram and became an influenza. That's the thing. I said it wrong. What happened when the flu joined Instagram? She became an influenza.

Right. I feel like you do have to at the end kind of skew it towards. It's their influencers though, right? So shouldn't they? I'm not. I don't know why this is the hill I want to die on. But okay. So what is your theory as to how it's not a coincidence that we've been talking about the Goonies so much on

Well, the connection here is that this person who we don't know why we don't have motive, but we do know that this is the same person based on surveillance footage who, for some reason, showed up at this Goonies house, which is in the news because it was slash is controversial in some ways. And it's controversial because it's bringing so much traffic to this neighborhood. And some of the neighbors don't want this tourism from this movie from the 80s, like coming and taking photos on this little sounds like a small residential street. And so if if the headlines, if we're dealing with somebody here, well, first of all, I guess his mental state doesn't really have anything to do with it one way or another. Although my my guess is might be dealing with something here.

It looks like that to me. It's just a series of actions that seem pretty unconnected for any real criminal intent and more somebody who's dealing with maybe mental health issues.

But I guess the only connection here is it might not be a coincidence that for some reason this person decided to drop a dead fish on the Goonies house the week after the Goonies house was or the week during that the Goonies house was in the news so much because of people coming up. But the Goonies house was well publicized. We now are like thinking, where is the Goonies house? You can find it pretty easily. Like this person might have been, you know, got this dead fish idea from the stories.

That's kind of what my theory was, too, was it's been out there in the consciousness a lot. And so when and again, I don't want to violate the Goldwater rule and try to diagnose this Jericho Labonte, who I've never met. But certainly we get the ideas in our head from somewhere. And if something is bouncing around in the news a lot and you're seeing it a lot or maybe you're visiting Astoria and it sort of it brings to mind this thing or it's in the local paper there. It could be what drives you to go do something unexpected like that. Sure. Yeah.

Did you say this like the surveillance video also shows that this person deposited a dead fish on the I guess front porch of this house and then you could see him apparently making a little video on the it was a dancing. I didn't realize it was dancing. But making a little video of himself with the fish.

Yes, exactly. He is apparently from Canada. He's from British Columbia, where he's also wanted on some stuff up there. This is the thing that I'm kind of curious about. Yeah, okay. So this is not interesting to anyone except me as a failed maritime enthusiast. But I'm reading the Coast Guard report on it, and they said that the Coast Guard was actually doing a training mission. nearby thank god they were by the way right they were doing a training

mission and they got a mayday call from the boat the sandpiper that's actually the name of the yacht that this guy labonte had allegedly stolen so i'm just it's amazing to me that he knew how to operate the boat like he could get it out of the marina i can't do that with boats that i'm

the owner of yeah right yeah like yeah who who is the who uh colton um who is the young pilot who's the kid who was stealing airplanes in the pacific northwest and flying them around after harris colton harris yeah after watching like tutorials on youtube how to fly airplanes

right like colton harris moore maybe or something like that um yeah this guy for whatever he's dealing with and for whatever his like backstory is he was able to get onto this boat start it untie it it's huge by the way back it out of the slip drive it out of the marina uh get out there get stuck and then know how to operate the radio to call the coast guard i would have died so much earlier in this process i would have no idea how to turn the radio on and like i guess i would try to turn on and i'd just start yelling mayday into it like it was in a movie or something like this guy there's a he had unfortunately like he had just enough competency to get himself into

real trouble i'd be yelling mayday into a garage door opener that's not that's not even the radio my dude um yeah i mean also you have that moment too when you realize hey i've done something wrong here i can get in a lot of trouble but i need help here i mean these videos i'm reading the article i'm like okay you know you read about these new stories about people needing rescuing from various situations and i guess maybe i lack imagination sometimes and then i didn't need my imagination this time because the the coast guard showed and shared the video from the helicopter of the rescue and it's crazy holy shit is it harrowing oh my god like they say we were going to send a boat but we couldn't send a boat maybe i have that somewhat wrong but they said we couldn't send another vessel out on the water yeah it wasn't safe because to get so close the the water was you know so um so many waves that we couldn't get another vessel nearby so we had to drop somebody down from a helicopter like wow and then you watch the video and you're like oh wow this rescuer this just person swimming is in the water and then you see a wave come you're like whoa that's a pretty big wave and then the wave comes and spin knocks the entire boat over just ass over tea kettle rolls i mean it absolutely just rolls this big boat and i'm just like oh my god you have two human beings in this water that just overturned this boat and one of them and i guess that is the wave that kind of knocked the the perpetrator out of the boat i'm talking like a cop now but did end up getting rescued i couldn't believe that they were able to rescue

anybody in these in these circumstances i know i mean that water was the the size of those waves and again uh this is the columbia river like that must have just been some sort of like wind and storm action because it's not really like we're not talking about the ocean like but these look like ocean waves yeah huge waves you would see in like hawaii that somebody might get themselves in trouble by trying to surf or yeah like it's weird to think that that's just a river that's doing

that exactly i couldn't get my again i'm reading it i'm like okay it was a water rescue and then

you see it you're like whoa that's real life now the thing is and this is again where my brain goes as a failed maritime enthusiast the people i'm either really bummed for the folks well the first question is is that boat like is that is what happened to the boat is the boat destroyed beyond you know ever being usable again or i mean clearly the coast guard is not going to mess with that boat in that situation it's dangerous they get everybody back in the helicopter they get out of there but like presumably when things calm down is the boat upright is the boat just floating can someone go get it is the boat destroyed like does does does like they call it capsizing i think of capsizing as being more like what a sailboat does but this is the same thing basically got rolled over right is that boat ruined and then is that a huge bummer for the owners or is it a massive

relief you know they say the happiest day of a boner boat owner's life is the day you buy your boat and the day Jericho Labonte steals it steals it and rolls it in the into the I could see as

somebody who's who had a boat that ended up being more expensive and and like you know it's hard it can be very hard to sell a boat at an amount that you recoup what you put into it now again i don't know these people's situation maybe it's their happy place maybe it's a retired couple and there's nothing they love more than going out on their boat and in which case i feel really sad for them because that's a bummer but i can also see a world in which it's like oh my god that thing is

out of my life uh yes i could see that also being the case yeah like one of the people in the couple is suffering from a lot of gambling debt and is like a cartoon saying a prayer. In the middle of saying a prayer, God, if there's a way out of this.

please give me a sign and then the phone his phone lights up he looks down your boat has been stolen and his capsize a little fist bump because that's the thing your boat could get stolen but there's

not going to be that much damage usually yeah someone steals your boat and then they take it on a joyride and maybe they ditch it somewhere or whatever it's like okay this is if they were trying to get rid of this boat i think this was the best case scenario right that's what i'm saying

here i go once again with the email every week i hope that it's from a female oh man It's not from a female

I didn't even tell you about the other thing That I'm dealing with right now, Andrew Which is You know that scene At the end of Chinatown Where Roman Polanski Uses the knife on Jack Nicholson's nostril

Yeah, it's near the beginning

It's near the beginning, okay Well, my cat, Bubbles Burbank Decided to do a version of that Yesterday while I was on the couch Just trying to watch The Last of Us and heal up She went running I have this little feather toy thing on a stick And I'll be on the couch watching TV But I'll be just kind of mindlessly Playing with this thing with her Because she loves to chase it around But sometimes it ends up on the other side of the couch So that she, instead of running around the couch Wants to jump over the couch and onto my body And the feather Happened to just land Behind me in such a way That she decided to run up my body And to sink her talon Into my nose, the outside of my nose and then run up and use the nail to get leverage and therefore cut a huge, very gory gash right down my nostril.

Oh, that's rough.

On the outside of my nostril. So it was bleeding like you wouldn't believe yesterday. I got to do live wire in front of people on Thursday. I got to do live wire in front of my colleagues in about an hour here from this room, and it is gruesome looking.

Will anything for today's LiveWire be recorded for video that will be published? So that's good. A few days will really help. I know it's easy for me to say, but it's Monday right now.

I feel like cat scratches, unless you get cat scratch fever, there's something about them where they're kind of, they're grizzly, but they go away pretty fast.

They sort of do. i find with me and this might have i mean somebody must know about this but i do feel like if i get let's say that i just scratch myself and i break my skin um on something sharp that is absolutely equivalent to a cat scratch the cat scratch will swell up in a different way i think they must have something maybe maybe it's just because their claws are dirty and you know carrying things that my body is reacting to or maybe there's something about the actual makeup of a cat claw yeah exactly right well i'm sure they don't like use their paws to bury poop or anything like that but do you find that like on your arm or something doing the show with you if you get a little scratch does it swell up and kind of turn a little bit puffier than a regular scratch would

um i think so yes i agree with you um uh i'm just trying i don't get scratched that much outside of this stupid cat so i'm just trying to compare it in my mind yeah a regular scratch is like if i'm stealing a boat from the marina in astoria and i scratch myself or something how that compares to one from bubbles i'm just hoping i what i you know i need to get some neosporin on this thing yeah yeah because the other problem is good the orientation of how i am on stage when doing live wire with the guests is such that they would be looking at the right side of my face which is the side the scratch is on they would be asking but that means the audience would be seeing the good side right so who do i well there is no good side let's be honest but the less troubling side Do I want the audience to see This terrible wound Or do I want the guest to see the terrible wound

I think the guests Can handle it

I mean I don't know

I'm not your agent Or do I do the move If I put some

Probably more manager than agent I mean manager is kind of like I had a manager for I had an agent and then I had a manager And now I don't have either of them

An agent would kind of help you land gigs, right? Be out there representing you, getting you in the door, and then a manager might help manage your image.

Correct. Like a manager would be more taking the long view of your lifetime of performing. Like I'm going to manage your career. We're going to make all kinds of decisions about what movies you take and don't take. This is obviously if you were having a successful career. And how do we manage this so that there's the right amount of demand for your services from the public etc and an agent would be more like negotiating fees for things um or like when i had an agent it was a lot of like here are all the things that you're auditioning for and this is you know like they were just like the more kind of in the day-to-day trenches of trying to get you jobs and then the manager would be more like the long view and then you have a personal assistant

not you but one that would maybe have a personal assistant and i'm thinking i was thinking like would it be nice to have a personal assistant? And I'm like, no. I don't have enough absolutely not I don't think I could keep them busy enough I'd be like okay I would throw the darts in the dartboard then they have to go get the darts and bring them back to me that's the first thing I would think of as being the role of a personal assistant and honestly that doesn't sound like great work I would just feel like I needed to be interacting

with them so much like I need to be giving them something to do yeah and I'd be well a there wouldn't be enough to do or it would be something that I would rather like we have a whole like Travel service for CBS stuff But I like to do it myself Because I'm very particular about what seat I'm going to get, I'm particular about A lot of the stuff like that, I'd rather What time the flight is, all that stuff I can't just go like You know, somebody, I need tickets to Chicago on Wednesday, and then I need to be back Home by Saturday, and then just like, I don't think About it again until I'm going to the airport I don't have that kind of life, I need a ticket At exactly a certain hour of the day So that I can do TBTL before I go but so that i can land in time to do whatever it's like i just i would feel like i wouldn't have enough work for the person and then i would feel bad even though i don't know getting paid to

do nothing wouldn't be the worst yeah well that that's true too best best gig in the industry that you can get you know their first job assistant making sure i don't play my sean colvin too loud yes and going and getting me takeout food and bringing it back home right right right or renting the apartment next to yours so that um you don't have any issues you

know what forget the personal assistant yeah i'm renting the apartment next to mine i'm knocking the wall down and i'm just gonna have it yeah slowly take over this entire floor of this building

do you remember um a couple of uh days weeks years ago on the show you and i were mentioning the feeling of turning around in somebody's driveway and getting the impression that you are one of a million cars a day that might turn around in that driveway based on some sort of traffic pattern around there and you're trying to you realize that oh i'll bet you a million cars miss that turn and so they always turn around in this driveway or what have you um and i always feel i feel guilty doing that sort of i always wonder are they watching another car and i'm just the 30th car that day to do this well i got this voicemail from a listener who did not leave their

name hey dummies i'm listening to last week's episode about people turning around in driveways

hitting an anchor etc etc that would be a reference to the garbage truck i believe that knocked over an anchor that we recently learned you have at your house in Washington what is the

deal with that anchor now it's still there and it's it's they they sort of quote-unquote fixed it um you know in that because it wasn't knocked over like it wasn't flat on the ground but it was it was kind of off kilter and so they put it back on kilter but if I walk up to it and like shake it with my hand it feels real shaky like it doesn't feel solidly put in there anymore like i think the this is way too much information but i think the original thing that someone had done was they had this big old anchor like think it's like a popeye anchor it's classic black iron right so it's like the very classic thing you think of if you think of an anchor and they had basically like poured a big thing of cement they you know cut a hole in the ground poured a thing of cement put some kind of bolt in there affix the anchor to that bolt and then covered it back up with dirt and stuff so it was really solidly in there and I think when the garbage truck hit it it kind of broke that seal and so even though they came back out and kind of straightened it out and put it back up I think it's much less stable than it used to be. And are you

I can't remember your thoughts on this thing you inherited this with the new house are you interested in keeping it like for the long term? It's grown

on me oddly enough like I thought it was kitsch when I first had the place and I think I I just I it was also like when I looked at the listing for the house in the what I guess they were sort of using as the dining room, which is where my dad and I now watch stolen BBC content. There was a giant steering wheel from a boat like they were going for kind of a maritime theme. I think it was owned by somebody named Jericho. Go ahead. Lobotomy. So it is growing on you.

Yes. So I was going to say quickly.

sorry one second is that in the real estate listing it was you know giving you all the specs for the house all these photos and it said in the real estate listing the um the the whatever it is the stern wheel or the steering wheel belongs to the owners like i was like i'm not gonna fight you for that yeah i don't need that giant steering wheel you have leaning up against

the wall in your dining room might have had personal meaning to them too who knows but i don't want any of their stuff there was a um there was a house that we put a bid on when we were i i already told you this story i'll just tell you the quick version here uh in greenwood we put a bid on a house that we ended up not buying not winning the the bidding war on which ended up being a very good thing it wouldn't it would have been too small the space for us but very cute house um and it had like kind of an anchor on the outside of it on the front what would you call the um not visage what would you call the front

front of a house you know that is facing the street yeah the facade is the word i was looking for exactly and it had like this anchor kind of up near the roof kind of under the peak of the roof not an anchor i'm sorry i believe it was a steering wheel it was a um like a nautical steering wheel sorry i don't know why i said anchor but um and we looked at that and we're like yeah we'd probably take that down right away and then we ended up not buying the house obviously but i still passed the house a lot because i passed it on the way of the grocery store and i saw almost immediately when whoever did buy it and the new owners moved in i even got a photo of it you can see that the steering wheel is not just taken down but it was leaning up against the garbage bins like it was going out with the next day's trash and so i took a photo grab me one of

those um i need a new one for the dining room this house it's the previous owners and of course if you

if you ever do get rid of your anchor you have to say anchors away uh during the process but

anyway let's go back to this voicemail hey dummies i'm listening to last week's episode about people turning around in driveways hitting an anchor etc etc and andrew talking about turning around in other people's driveways and i don't know if y'all are like me but i have the parent warning stories that are burned in my mind forever and growing up when my mom was a teenager she turned around in someone's driveway when she was lost somewhere and a guy came out with a shotgun and was like get off my property and mom told me that story when i was like learning the drive and now it's forever in my mind whenever i turn around in a stranger's driveway i'm like are they gonna come out with a shotgun anyway now you all can be afraid of that too because well it's kind of a bummer anyway just thought of the story wanted to share

do you think that i don't know if this listener has ever gone back and verified that story as an adult could that be an apocryphal thing that we tell our our children because we want to protect

them somebody the the idea that uh what was the listener's name did they leave we don't i don't think we have a name on that that their mom was just telling that story to keep them out of trouble or that it really happened i wonder about that i had when i was in tennessee a couple months ago and i was really loving tennessee more than i even expected to but when i was going out to this place called standing stone state park for some reason the ways app two times had me i'm driving on this like little kind of rural highway and then it says now take a right on like green mountain road i think it was called and i was like okay and it was just unpaved it was an unpaved driveway that was going like back into an area where there was like two or three houses and and i was like looking at on the thing like there's no way this is right and sure enough it was it It was like a weird, tiny, unpaved gravel road that went in between a bunch of houses and then weirdly connected up with a different rural highway on the other side. I could have gone, I found out later, like another quarter of a mile and just used a regular road. But, you know, Waze doesn't know that. It's just always trying to take you on what it thinks is the most efficient route. But the first time I pulled down that road, I really had the thought, is someone going to take a shot at me? And I don't mean this to bespurge the good folks of Tennessee, but I was like, I'm driving way back down a gravel driveway right now into a little cluster of homes where maybe they don't want people driving back here. And there's no way you're coming back here by accident. And I had that thought. Obviously, it was fine. Everything was fine. But I guess I would just say to that listener, you know what, whether your mom made it up or not, I'd heed the advice. Just go another mile and wait until the Waze tells you you can turn around.

This also sounds like a, and I have no idea, you know, who this listener is or where they grew up or learned to drive, but it feels like the type of thing that you would either see or say in a rural community, like having grown up in Valley City, Ohio, it's Valley City, Luke, not Valley Center, you know, a lot of, you know, it was all country roads, a lot of space between the houses. you can really find yourself in areas that feel like you're really kind of far out there or whatever very isolated areas and also who has shotguns right like i don't see this as somebody who's like living in seattle and turning around in the greenwood neighborhood and somebody pulled out a shotgun on them you know or or yes exactly that story it feels very rural unless the

listener's mom was living in the hbo max show the last of us where it could very much be happening

in downtown Chicago yeah I'll try to watch some of that today so that we can talk about it because I mean I gotta say this is I usually if I if I know I'm going to be watching a show I'll try to protect myself from spoilers but man I just can't escape it like more than anything I think like even succession the TV show succession I would see tons of memes and all kinds of stuff about succession on social media but because I had no idea what the show was about really except for the broadest of broad strokes none of it felt spoilery to me because i didn't know who any of these people were or what the hell they were talking about or what the memes represented but man the last of us i

just i mean on levitard they're spoiling spoiling oh really well i wouldn't say spoiling they would probably say not but like i know about i know some details of this grand love story that one episode is dedicated to and then these is really into it and then i was driving with vives down to portland and we heard um eric degans doing uh a little he was one person on an npr roundtable about it for like five minutes or something and you know they try to say no spoilers but still like i know so much about the show way more than i would want to going into it so i need to just to get into it and keep up with everybody at this point yeah the only problem is that it is one of

those things that they're not releasing the whole thing at once yeah which is so i went from no episodes having been watched yesterday to now i've watched all of them and now i have to wait a week

yeah and that's but that's kind of fun though i mean i had that that really i think the white lotus season two you know on this show i've complained about some things um in season two i didn't personally really like the ending blah blah blah but one of the most pleasurable things about watching white lotus season two was watching it with the rest of the world and everybody coming up with their theories about it and me texting my friend rosen and we had old text changes dedicated to our theories about what was going to happen in the last three episodes or whatever like that's a

really fun aspect of these kinds of shows yeah it is and you know it's uh we've talked about this a bunch of different times but yeah like i remember back you know in the days of the sopranos when i was living in la and it was just so sunday nights and you know la too like i know you're a little less jazzed on the weather but it's like a warm-ish sunday night but you still have the sopranos to look forward to and also i'm sure for me part of it said i was like you know 30 i was just a pup just a babe of 30 and like i just really liked that time of my life and a big part of it was getting together with my buddy cotter and uh my first ex and like making italian

food and watching the sopranos that was a big thing my stomach just rumbled as you said italian

food i think i need to get me some lunch here i need to get me some more soup oh yeah you should

have some fun man that i'm actually so great when you're under the weather i have a little um i mean

i still like i said i've got to do live wire today and i actually have a lot of sort of like computer work and things i need to be doing um travel expenses for cbs etc but i have to be honest with you like i don't like being sick but i've also given myself total permission today when live wire is done to like door dash a giant thing of this rice soup the vegetable and rice soup that this Thai place in my neighborhood makes we're going to order that I'm going to or I might even get some groceries sent over here and just like I'm going to hunker down with the cats I'm going to find I wish I had more of the last of us to watch but um I'm just going to like get cozy and eat some soup and watch some tv which I don't I don't do that on a typical weekday so even though I'm not liking the fact that I'm sick I'm a bizarrely sort of sight looking forward to totally checking out from responsible society for an afternoon you know i don't feel so well either you know what i think i'm going to do the same thing you know what i hold i have a list here of

influenza jokes that i can do to fill for you no you made your sick day sound so wonderful i'm trying to figure out if i can just tell people i'm sick i don't know who i need to tell i'm not responsible to a lot of people once we're done with the show today but uh that does sound very Yeah, exactly, our boss at APF. I will, yeah, I'll try to be productive. But, yeah, that sounds good. Take care of yourself.

Thank you, and you as well.

Thank you.

All right, thanks, everyone. That's going to do it for today's episode of the program. But Lord willing, and my fever don't rise, we'll be back here tomorrow with more Imaginary Radio. So please do join us for that. In the meantime, have a great Monday. Take care of yourselves. And please remember, no mountain too tall.

And good luck to all.

The purpose of this film is to stimulate your thoughts on how to properly operate a recreational boat. Watch closely and notice the boating errors that are committed. At the end of the presentation, we encourage you to discuss what you've just seen with the people around you. Power out.