Muse

I'm not good at weed. I'm terrible at it. Some of you are probably high right now. I'm jealous of that ability to be in public high. I'm awful at weed. Have you ever smoked weed with someone and afterwards they're like, all right, what do you want to do? And you're like, what are you f***ing talking? We shouldn't have done that. You want to go to the mall? No way, that's where all my teachers ever are going to be. Every teacher I've ever had is going to be at the mall. But I wish I smoked weed, because there's a lot, there's a big difference between, like, the s*** I get into high versus the s*** I get into drunk. You know what I mean? It's not as bad. Think of the worst thing you've ever done high. Think about it. You got a second? Would you pet a dog a little too hard?

That's not that bad

Think of the worst thing you've ever done drunk That's jail TBTL I don't know why you insisted on my doing this rigid broadcasting

Oh well it'll soon be over

I hope so

I say I say what up dog Let the fun begin That's a tuna bro This comes out to all the coffee lovers of the world

In 1971, Bill Graetz invented Microsoft. Wouldn't it be cool if I could remember my dingus password from my email? We are super fun here, and I promise I won't stop until this little guy's leaping and laughing like the other kids. Oh, I see. Dirty monkey not okay. But dirty monkey dance?

Be careful, though. It's spicy. Do you mind if I continue? It's all right with me, but let's get going.

All right, hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a Tuesday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live.

I can't believe you're still on the air.

My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host.

There's a Hidden Valley Ranch party in my mouth.

That's not all that's going on in there. I'm still a little bit under the weather. I wonder if people were wondering how that sentence was going to end. I'm still a little bit under the weather today, so I'm pushing through that. Hopefully the vocal quality that I'm able to bring to the program today will at least meet the minimum standard of TBTL vocal quality, which is pretty low. That's the good news, I think, for me. Here we are in Portland, Oregon, coming to you from the Hollywood Broadcast Center, where we are looking at a very, very rainy day. Didn't know you like to get wet, though. Which, you know, I'm less put off by that than normal this time of year in the Great Pacific Northwest because it has been super dry up here. I know it's been very, very wet and flooding in other places, so I guess it's like pick your thing. But it's been very dry here, and I'm guessing that probably a little bit of rain is actually good for the area. So I'll allow it here on this Tuesday as we bring you episode 3875 in a collector series.

Let the fun begin.

You know, if it's rainy and gross outside, you can always go indoors and watch a movie at a movie theater. Maybe at an AMC.

Somehow, hot break feels good in a place like this.

Except AMC has announced that they have a new dynamic pricing model. This is already in place in certain cities in the United States where you will have to pay more money to be in a seat that's not in, like, the front row or way to the side. It's like reverse airline pricing model. Middle seats are going to cost you more. Sounds expensive. At AMC. But here's the good news, everyone. They they've put out a press release explaining that their North Stars are improving the experience of the moviegoer and also charging the moviegoer more money. Also, this story has been roiling around in the news. I have been personally reporting on it for CBS television. But now news that Eugene, Oregon has actually passed a rule stopping the sort of construction of, or I should say the installation of gas stoves and gas ranges in certain sizes of new apartment building projects.

Straight gas homing!

I've been sort of talking about the issue and around the issue, but I don't know. There might be a few people listening who could, who could, you know, gain some knowledge from my like five pearls of wisdom. That's Luke's patented five pearls of wisdom. It's a five pearls of wisdom Tuesday, everyone. No, I just spent a lot of time looking into this, and I don't know if we've actually on the show really talked in any depth about what the latest on the science is.

Maybe if you're not a reader and you didn't get into, you know, the various reports out there, I could just, like, give you the CliffsNotes version. That was a thought that I had today when I saw this news out of Eugene, Oregon. So we'll get into that. And we'll talk to this guy, the longest-running Cobra of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. He did send me a note today asking to address him by his new name. Targus, Targus. So I guess I'll do that out of respect. He's Targus, Targus, and he's joining us right now. Good morning, my friend.

Good morning, Luke. We also have a voicemail from the StewBot coming up later in the show as well. It's always a good feeling when you wake up to a text message on your personal phone line that says, Voicemail on the blower. That's what he always says when he wants to let us know that if we've been ignoring the voicemail line for too long, but the StewBot has dipped in, he will text me and he'll say, Voicemail on the blower.

If the StewBot is logging on? Oh, yeah, buddy.

He's like, yep, there's something you might want to do. There's some good stuff on the voicemail line. Don't let it pass you by. So we'll check in. He wants to talk about music.

Can I clarify something very quickly at the top of the show? Yesterday we were talking about, and by clarify, I guess I mean correct the record. Yesterday we were talking about this pretty incredible story out of Astoria, Oregon, that involved somebody allegedly leaving a dead fish on the porch of the so-called Goonies' house and then also allegedly stealing a very large and expensive yacht and piloting it out onto the Columbia River where he then got caught in some crazy swells. The yacht rolled over. The Coast Guard had to save the guy. They didn't realize that he was Jericho Labonte. But in fact They put him in the hospital For mild hypothermia They let him go Because he was under An assumed name And later everyone realized Oh This is the guy That left the Left the fish On the Goonies house And you and I Were marveling At how Wild The waters were There in the Columbia River And I was saying It doesn't even look Like a river It looks like the ocean Or something And a listener I'm going to go I'm going to slide Into my own DMs here A listener named Lauren who had actually sent me that article, or actually I think sent me the TikTok story about it. I'd seen it already, but Lauren had just sent it to me because a lot of people sent us that story the other day. Lauren mentioned that they're under the impression that where this boat was rolling over was actually sort of the mouth of the Columbia River, which would mean it's kind of where the Pacific Ocean and the Columbia River meet.

Indeed, yeah.

Which would make a lot more sense. Now, when I read a news account of it, They listed it as being on the Columbia River, which it it's like Schrodinger's boat. It sort of is and is not on the Columbia River, if that makes sense. Like it was technically on the Columbia River, but not like by where the future home of TBTL is that I'm working on. That's way downriver and in a way more placid section of the river. This is probably where the Columbia River and the Pacific Ocean come together. Hence those crazy waves, which makes a lot more sense.

actually yeah you and i might have been working off of different scripts for this one because there were now that you bring this up there were two things that sort of like stuck in my brain a little bit after the show for the show picture yesterday i took a screen grab of the boat being roiled in these waters right and i was remembering that during the show you would re-emphasize that it was the river and i was like man that doesn't look like a river and the piece that you sent me from cnn definitely said it's the mouth of the river i was like okay well that makes a lot of sense because it's like oceanic in its tumult what am i talking i'm sorry page a day calendar everybody um literally those were the best words that came to mind anyway oceanic in its tumult i know what a weird way to put that i'm broken me okay um but also you had mentioned that this guy did a dance when he left the fish at the at the porch of the goonies house and i couldn't find that in the cnn story either so um i don't wasn't sure i did have a quick thought i mean i trust you to death and you're better at um well don't trust me to death no that's true I do trust your brain more than me feel like you that's also a mistake no your brain is better than me maybe I mean listen man that's have we talked it's not the highest compliment I mean it's a pretty low bar to clear but um you know usually I do feel like you're a little bit better at like kind of remembering the details of a story and I could not find the dancing thing I was like is there a chance that you pictured it as him dancing with it because you watch so much TikTok. But anyway, I was not able to confirm that.

No, I was reading a bunch of different articles about Jericho Labonte, and some of them, I will admit, were very, like, they were from strange news sources. So I read the CNN article, and maybe because this guy is actually originally from Canada, there were some, maybe a couple Canadian outlets, but it was a... It was a it was an odd enough and yet widely sort of republished enough story that it made its way onto a like because usually the hierarchy for me, like if I can find the New York Times coverage of something, that's where I'm going to start and use as the reference point for our show. Because I just have a lot of faith that they're going to get it. They're going to get most of it right. And then you sort of go down, you know, like you kind of work your way down. And so like I had read some stuff on KGW, which is a TV station out here. And then I was down I mean I was down in the borderline Zerg nets of the world With that muscly kid Yeah exactly So But then again I know this sounds kind of crazy but like The reporting had It had the stench of truth And I hope you trust me to death To say cool things like the stench of truth You know how You know how like you and I Because of the jobs that we've had over the years particularly like radio producer which means you just read a lot of articles about things you know how you can just from reading something you can tell if it's written by someone who was in any way interested in actually getting the facts of the story in order like oddly like because there are there we live in such a weird sort of fractured media landscape where there's so much like there's such a limited amount of original reporting that goes on now that you'll have a story that'll happen so like uh you know like i said kgw which is a tv station or the oregonian which is the paper here uh or maybe like you know a paper in like longview washington or something we'll we'll have enough resources to put one person on the story and they'll write a piece and then the internet will just take that one thing and just disassemble it and just re like do all this kind of trickery where it's like they're trying to get their clicks on a story they didn't write but they don't just republish it with a link they kind of make it look like they're doing the writing you know because they read the story they do basically like a print version of what we do we read the story and then we talk about the story and we didn't do the original reporting either but the whatever the like and again admittedly dicey sounding website that described this guy doing a sort of a dance on the porch or that had been reported to police that he had been dancing around on the porch. There was something about the way it was all written that it didn't seem to me like a chat bot had just rewritten this thing and gotten it wrong. It felt like a human being had actually analyzed the information and was writing this. That was my take on it, but I

could be wrong about that. Let me ask you this. Do you trust an outlet called CBS News? Who? They have some Real jokers on Sunday, I'll tell you that much.

They sure do.

I don't let anybody on there. Because according to CBSnews.com, I'm going to read directly from this article here, officers had been looking for Labonte since Wednesday. He had allegedly left a dead fish on the porch of an Oregon home featured in the movie The Goonies. Labonte had shared a video of the moment to social media and an acquaintance alerted police to its existence. The video, Luke, it's weird that it has your name in here. The video, Luke, also showed Labonte dancing around the property. Another person said that he had taken Labonte fishing earlier on Wednesday. I want to interview that person. I want to interview the person who took him fishing.

Wow. I found the website that I had been using yesterday for that info. Had I known that my brothers and sisters in Christ at CBS Television or CBS News were writing about it. It's funny. People used to tease me for saying colleague too much. Christ Broadcast System? Is that CBS? If I'd known that CBS had covered it, I would have been referring to that. But I was reading a website called SK Pop, and the URL is sportskeeda.com. And I have no idea what a sportskeeda is. But again, the way that this article was constructed, it was that they had actually fairly effectively i mean this is definitely one of those websites that just goes through and and harvests other people's reporting and then kind of like um sort of collates it and combines it and pull quotes and adds photos that are taken from other news websites and makes what looks like a story about it even though it's comprised of things other people have reported but i will say that uh the person who's credited with uh writing this at at sports skita usashi sarkar something about how usashi sarkar wrote about it i thought yeah this still feels like there's this is not completely made up if that makes any sense you know what a

weird website skpop while we are dissecting not just the media

media's coverage of this, but our own coverage of the story yesterday, calling it coverage escalates what we do. I feel like our own discussion of the story yesterday. I'm going to give you a put up here. Are you ready for that? Is that something you want to hear or

will you get shy and blush? I would love it. Then I want to give you some other headlines from

sportskeeda.com. I look forward to that. So when you, when I, you sent me this article from CNN yesterday and I, that was the one I read and now I'm clicking around and I'm reading other versions as well but they all seem to follow this a similar timeline it begins chronologically with this guy who left the fish on the porch at the Goonies house then later on in the day ends up getting rescued and then after the rescue learns that the boat was stolen and then he ends up getting um I guess uh he's in custody now um when you told the story on the show yesterday for what this is worth not that we're on this podcast just to congratulate each other on a job well done I actually thought you you told the story better by beginning with the rescue and then backing up with the context. It was an it was an actual conscious thought I had. I was like, oh, yeah, that actually is a smoother story when you say, hey, the Coast Guard was called. They did this incredible rescue in these choppy waters. And then when they get this guy and they dry him off and they send him to a warming shelter somewhere and then they start to realize, oh, this guy, we were already looking for this guy. Why were we looking for him? Because of the fish on the porch, blah, blah, blah. I actually kind of, in my head, just like a little tiny part of my brain was like, ah, well done, Burbank. So there you go.

I wish I could take credit for that, but that's what they said on Sportskeeda. Is that true? Is that Sportskeeda's version of it? No, but I think it might be what a person on TikTok said, Andrew. Like, I believe that, I don't know why we're getting so in the waves on this. This is so great. So deeply in the waves, which may or may not be where the Columbia River meets the Pacific Ocean. this is incredible the way that this thing hit my radar i wish i actually i i probably can't find it because i look i look at tiktok on my phone um and and in order to play audio for you i'd have to do it from this computer but just to kind of set it up this weekend i'm like you know scrolling tiktok in between uh an escalating war of notes with my neighbor i'm scrolling tiktok and a person who i don't follow on tiktok comes on they said something very funny um they said something like every once in a while the Oregonian just drops a story that just like uh every once in a while the Oregonian just drops a story and just leaves it right there and it's a great story or something and this is one of those things where what's playing is the video from somewhere of the rescue but then this person is just kind of their head is sort of um popping up in the

corner yeah I can picture that people can probably picture that if you go on you know

reels or tiktok and i believe what this person did on tiktok and i really wish i could credit them i also wish instagram wasn't such a pain to try to um play like why do you think instagram instagram or or tiktok here is this no i'm talking about instagram because we'll talk about both of them but i know that i have the actual story in my instagram messages because listener lauren sent it to me i see why do you think instagram doesn't want to make their website more easy to use and they want it to only be primarily app-based there's got to be a financial reason for that

oh yeah that is interesting isn't it like you can't i don't maybe they've changed it now but it kind of frustrates me you know i like to take i like to take my photos not on my phone but on my camera and then maybe touch them up on my computer a little bit and then upload them to instagram and the way i do that is i then once the photo's all done and ready to be uploaded to the internet i have to email it to my phone and then upload it from my phone what a boring story did you find

what you're looking for i did i don't think that was boring um i am uh this was the i can now see andrew i can see the person who posted this thing there was something called zero blog 30 and i'm going to see if i can find this okay here we need to see if i can find the person who was popping in on uh the uh on on instagram here we go okay are we here yet is this uh no it's it's too complicated the point is this person it's just i mean i'm sorry that i had to narrate this for everyone it's just again we're living in a very fractured media environment okay i found it andrew this is the original thing i saw on tiktok i don't know the name of this person who's popping in on something called it seems to be associated with barstool sports so we know it's oh great yeah sure so this is what this person said let's see if this person which is how i learned about this unfolds the story in the same way i did because my theory is i basically mimicked

what this person said yesterday the coasties are out doing some training when they get a mayday call from this boat off the oregon coast at the mouth of the columbia river a notoriously super rough spot they get there right away conditions are too dangerous for the boats to get him so they lower down a brand spanking new rescue swimmer john walton

Right as Walton's about.

I'll mention this is the much more involved version. This is good, though.

She's really good.

She's doing great. And that's the thing. I think I saw a truncated, because I remember vividly that this person said, every once in a while, the Oregonian really just drops a story on you. And I thought, oh, that's funny local content. Is that a thing with the Oregonian? Should I know about it? Should I follow this person? What I'm playing for you is a much longer, more detailed description of what happened. But you're still noticing that it's starting with the rescue.

To him right there. Bam. The boat gets slammed by a wave, flips a full 360. The guy goes flying, but miraculously, Walton finds him and saves him. And phew, just like that, 35-year-old Jericho Labonte is treated for mild hypothermia, and he's like, go. End of story? No, no, no. This is the wacky coast of Oregon. Here's where shit gets weird. Yeah, the cops were looking for Labonte because that $160,000 boat he was on was stolen, and days earlier, he had trespassed on the house from the Goonies to leave dead fish on the porch and dance in the yard.

There you go. Dance in the yard. Anything that I anything that I said or in any way that I constructed that story so it was interesting was 100% because of whoever Zero Dark 30 is by way of Barstool Sports. Zero Blog 30

right? Zero Blog 30 by way of Barstool Sports. Yeah, that's a good handle and good content. Thank you. Absolutely.

And we salute good content. We don't make it here, but we salute it. And so that's the important thing.

What are the top stories on ZerbSports.net?

Well, it's SportsSkeeda.com, first of all. I use the name because it matters. Here's one. Worship to the devil. Quote, worship to the devil. End quote. Sam Smith, Balenciaga lyrics in Unholy comes under fire online. This also appears, I think that this, I wonder if SK is for South Korea. So SK Pop might be South Korea Pop. Because there's a lot of references to Korean celebrities That I don't really know about Getting divorced and stuff When you said SK-pop

That is what I assume Since K-pop is such a big deal

But it's interesting because There's one out of every eight stories Is about K-pop And the rest are just like One of the wildest stories Twitter explodes as Ben Stiller reportedly in talks To play triplets in new series Oh you know what that is? Actually I might bookmark SK-pop Remember that documentary on, I believe it was on Netflix or maybe somewhere else about basically these triplets in like Long Island or upstate New York somewhere who had never met before, but they were the result of this really, really upsetting like fertility clinic where I think the fertility doctor had been just doing all kinds of unethical experiments, but maybe even had fought. I don't know if actually the doctor fathered these people or not But basically there was these triplets Who had been separated at birth in some fashion I guess Ben Stiller Well he's a little old to play one of them Maybe he plays the doctor or something

Oh because were they How old were they in the documentary Were they were young adults like in their 20s or 30s I picture them maybe a little bit older But I didn't watch it you only told me about it

They were older when they were interviewed But they met I believe they met like at college In their you know like early 20s So let's see some other things. When did Kim Petras undergo gender confirmation surgery? Singer becomes first transgender woman to win a Grammy. Oh, well, there you go.

Do you know Kim Petras?

I don't think I know who Kim Petras is, honestly. Although I think she might sing that song with Sam Smith.

I was going to say, I think I just saw that name for the first time yesterday because the conservatives were very concerned, Luke, about the evilness of that performance where people dressed up like comical red devils with pitchforks and horns and danced around. in a song about the devil and you got you got ted cruz writing this is evil uh yeah well quote

full satan worship on national television end quote sam smith grammy satanic performance of unholy sparks backlash another article to that point i mean uh here's my hot take on that i hate that song but i am totally in a nine anyway threatened by sam smith putting on a red top

did you did you know that song before i've only known that song got really big on tick tick tock

i see as a as a meme-ified thing it's just like it's so i'm sorry to people that love that song but anything that tries to bring together the sexual and the sacred and the satanic the three

this is a thing of yours going back years like what's the song about the sexy church song that

you don't yeah that's by hosier you hate it and it's like it is like it's like i can't even my brain has erased the lyrics out of self-preservation but it's just like a song that's about like what if we were what if we were sacred and sexual take me to church is that what it is take me yeah take me to church i'll take me to church i'll wrestle like a dog or something it's just so fucking corny it's like the least sexy thing ever to me again it's just my proclivities and then also the sam smith like it's like mommy and dad are doing something doing something unholy it's like oh it's so corny like the idea my problem with that is just that the song blows chunks it's not that they were dressed up like the devil do you think that that's

what ted cruz meant just like this song is just it's possible he and i have a lot of the same

musical taste so that could have been his criticism and it hurts when like some of the times the worst people on earth have a good opinion but if his opinion is that the song is so bad it's evil then i do have to agree with him on that right can i just quickly check because um i'm like i am sure that i have offended so many of our listeners that's like one of it's one of the biggest songs in the world right now so me saying it sucks is just statistically gonna hit too many people in our audience who love that song and it was like their first date song or something mummy don't know daddy's getting hot at the body shop though it's like mummy well well sam smith is from

england oh okay i wasn't even making a joke there i thought that he was doing corny wordplay by the

way this might be a kim petrus song officially it's called unholy song by kim petrus and sam smith so i don't want to like yeah i don't i don't want to credit the wrong person in this i'm just more familiar with sam smith before so somebody is singing mommy don't know daddy's getting hot at the body shop doing something unholy he lucky lucky yeah ooh he lucky lucky yeah yeah yeah he lucky lucky yeah he lucky lucky yeah a lucky lucky girl she got married to a boy like you she'd kick you out if she ever ever knew about all the you tell me what to do dirty dirty boy you know everything is talking on the scene i hear them whispering about the places that you've been and how you don't know how to keep your business clean i just honestly you'd mentioned a story from like a vampire movie where like the punishment for a vampire is they just lock him in a wall because he's never gonna die yeah tom my punishment would be to lock me in a room with the song unholy and then every 4 000 spins it switches to take me to church by hozier and then it goes back to unholy for another 10 000 spins while you were reading that i could if you listen and you

got turned on i would never been before i would encourage listeners to go back a little bit re-listen that listen very very closely because in the background you can hear marsupial gurgle unretiring that was the most amazing thing about that it really i mean phonetically and i will say

i think i did the song justice yeah right well your incredible incredible performance that was some real scary okey for the listeners it was like they just woke me up out of a dead sleep and said read this and get all of the scansion wrong please it's by sam smith and kim petrus

but popularized by luke burbank in the style of if you do the shutterfly version at karaoke

you know the one with the little yeah with the butterfly that's singing that would actually be

a sick tattoo the shutterfly would be and like have it kind of like grainy and blue because it's like because the technology little digitized little digitized that would be really because

i don't think tattoo if you i don't even because that's a really from an era like i don't think most places use that like Shutterfly technology anymore because I think that's based on physical laser discs and my guess is that that's a you know sometime in the not too distant future you won't be able to go into a karaoke joint and they'll have a big bunch of laser discs where they're going to try to make sure they can find the George Michael song you want like it's all online like why would it not be at this point so that Shutterfly thing I think is probably rapidly becoming a dinosaur that only people have like Our age who were doing a lot of Karaoke in the like you know Mid 2000 you know 2005 through 2015 Or something would know what the hell

That even is well I think First of all is it wrong have they Diversified couple of things first of all is it Definitely shutterfly because that's a photo Website right I think it's something else And I'm struggling to come up with it I know It's like a butterfly that's singing is It singer fly I'm looking for It but also I swear that it is leap Like I'm pretty sure that when Genevieve I'm sorry when kjba base um kj's at the eagles i've seen i swear i've seen that up there too and i know that that's all through the computer system were you saying that that's only attached to like the

physical well i was wondering if um let's see uh butterfly karaoke logo let's see if that'll help us yeah why am i having so much trouble i gotta find that it's definitely not shutterfly thank you for stopping me before i made the listeners even more insane from that but could somebody please could we hive mind this and we've got cage

in the audience for many years and the thing about that, whatever that version is, whatever the thing with the butterfly is, it was usually kind of a decent version I think, so you'd ask for that because a lot of times they'd have we're going to go with the George Michael example Faith or something, they'd have like four or five versions that were actually produced by different companies and some would be a little more midi-ish and less midi-ish and some the timing would sort of work a little better when the letters changed color And I seem to feel like that one Singify or whatever it was The one where that butterfly with a microphone Would be the logo Those ones tended to be sort of Sort of better But I obviously don't remember the name

Yeah I'm looking at Moth Because Butterfly keeps getting me that song Butterfly by Crazy Town By Crazy Town which of course was then turned into Barterfly I believe by one of One of our listeners right Do you remember this?

Oh How can I forget I'm texting some of my people by the way on this What was the name I'm doing this in time with the music Where I am by the way Not where you are

If we get pulled off of Spotify for this I mean it's worth it

Hey yo

Hey what's happening dude I'm a guy with a rep for being me Terrorizing people wherever I go It's not intentional You know, I want to credit the listener, but the listener who sent this in used the metadata

DJ Kitskat, so I only have their professional name, whoever mashed that together for us. And I do believe, unless I was fooled by the internet, I'm pretty sure that was made by a listener for us, not just grabbed off of the internet. That is so funny.

i remember that being the case my my excitement about it was well a because it just slaps and b because it was actually made like that's a tbtl exclusive thanks to one of our listeners which is even more fun than just pulling something down off of the internet that's already good um sort of like that cartoon of oops the dirty monster that listener eric illustrated for us i'm very proud of that i show that around to people when i'm trying to in any way impress them about what tbtl is that's one of my go-tos that and your intro for cereal

That animation I believe was made Right before we joined APM So I'm going to put that around 2014 Maybe it could even be as old as 2013 Which means that thing is almost If not already a decade Old Luke Burbank My goal for the next decade is to get One more cartoon made out of Three minutes of TBTL content We have ten years to get it done And then see if we can talk Eric into doing it And also yes talk Eric into doing it Hi Eric are you still out there?

oh man i just got the i've got a response uh quick response from camaro good i know what

you're talking about but don't remember the name and how am i typing in 1990s karaoke logo wings 2000s logo i mean i we all know what we're talking about how does the internet not history

have this the future is a mystery i mean are we seriously going into tbtl mystery solvers territory on this tuesday morning to feel like it

if you've got the crime we've got the time we're the bloodhound gang like this definitely happened

we all saw it's not called shutterfly that is the photo service what is that thing it's it's not called singify singer fly and is this also the mandela effect in that it had nothing to do with fly i just like it could just be called like karaoke hits but because i saw that butterfly character i like changed the name of that particular company that was releasing karaoke tracks because i would look at the butterfly thing and then i would think that was its name

like i mandela'd that well it's funny because you were saying a butterfly and i was before you said butterfly i think i mumbled something about the b and you're absolutely right it's not i'm quite sure that you're right it is not a b but in my head again see earlier comments on brain being Broken like I was remembering it as a little Buzzy bee in the corner but it's not it is a Butterfly I just I cannot believe that this is that hard to

Find how is the internet The internet you know more like the It's more like the internet

Well we got a show title The show title wasn't already oceanic Tumult and the stench of truth Talk about the

Internat Well you know what that'll give us something to talk about tomorrow I promise you By the time the cock crows thrice I'm using a lot of Biblical terminology just to try to push back On the satanic vibes Of Sam Smith and Kim Petras

Somebody needs to and I appreciate that

Thank you. But I'm sure that we will know very soon what the story is on that thing. And then I can proceed to get that tattoo, which absolutely no one will be impressed by. No, I disagree.

That is a bomb-ass idea for a tattoo.

I am so pleasantly surprised to hear you say that because I feel like I just go for so much more stunty shit in that department. I mean, I have a bottle of joy tattooed on one arm. I've got John Prine. Like I'm that's like my most like overtly thirsty area I can think of is like, oh, get a funny tattoo like you would just never do that. You have so much more respect for yourself. So the fact that you think that would be a funny tattoo really actually makes me very happy.

Well, I wouldn't get that. Well, first of all, you know, I'm not a tattoo guy. I wouldn't get that to get a tattoo. If I did, I wouldn't get that tattoo because I really think that it represents somebody who likes to karaoke a lot. But I also like kind of like corny, bright colored, simple illustrations, like these things that sort of pop. And, you know, your joy tattoo has a little I think it has a little shading in there. But I really like that, though, too. It's a very simple design. You know, people know the logo and the colors and it really pops. I love that. But I just think that the karaoke, if you're somebody who has, you know, a bunch of your young adult or currently you're like you're karaokeing all the time. It's of a certain era. like you're somebody will see that like and be like yes I dig exactly where you're coming from I also think it would look good as a tattoo and it would be kind of funny but not not like the type of thing where it's like oh it's so funny that it's of the moment and it's gonna wear off soon you know like it like the joke will wear off and it'll grow tired I think it's a great idea maybe somebody in our audience already has it now the question is how much if I were to get that

tattoo how much of my life because right now it's about 60 percent is explaining the tattoos that i have um because they're kind of non they're a little bit nonsensical or there's always a story behind them like the joy thing is like you know this long involved story about a meeting actually that you and i were in and this painting and holding on to your joy and your joy is like a fire that's i mean that's an hour of someone's life if they make the mistake of asking about it a lot of times if i'm in a bar i'll just say it's my mom's name ha which it's not um just because they don't I mean it doesn't even matter like they don't need that story it's not gonna like if we were sitting down having coffee and having an intense conversation I might tell the story because it is meaningful to me or the John Prine one that doesn't take that long uh the John Prine is you know but like I also have my daughter's name Addie Grace which had been my first ex-wife's name was part of it which got laser burned off most of these things have some the this red star that I have that never healed correctly uh it never healed correctly because I was so nervous about how much it was going to hurt.

Is that the one you got on air, by the way? Did you get that on an episode of TBTL?

No, I got the names on my arm fixed by a tattoo artist named Lucky from Seattle who was a big TBTL fan and also did my Joy Bottle and is really good. Would recommend Lucky. But each one of them, the story about the Red Star is I was very nervous about getting the tattoo. It was the first one I'd gotten I was worried about how much it was going to hurt So I went in and I signed the paperwork And I said oh I forgot something in the car And then I like shotgunned eight beers They trying to say I was too drunk for a tattoo No I mean I like slammed a few beers To take the edge off Which is exactly what you shouldn't do Because it like thins your blood And then the tattoo doesn't heal correctly And this the one the first one I got Has never really healed I've had it like touched up two times And it still never kind of looks right My point is this is already like it's going to take so much time to explain these stupid things you throw the whatever we're calling him the karaoke butterfly on there and is it like we just got to go to a break I've got to clear my head even as I'm talking to you I'm running through possible names of that butterfly insect whatever the hell that thing is you know I don't even know if it has fly because there's another thing called carafly but it's not I already looked up the CaraFly logo. There isn't a CaraFly logo.

But I wonder if that's what I'm conflating, because I definitely know the CaraFly. I think I saw that on Genevieve's karaoke screen.

Well, yeah, because if you've ever tried to do karaoke at your house, on your computer, using your laptop, there's a lot of this content that's CaraFly that is free. You can get it on YouTube And you used to be able to I think buy like Relatively cheap like DVDs Or something or Laserdiscs I don't know who has a Laserdisc player other than Kamara Kev But it was I just remember some times Of like having parties and wanting to do karaoke But we don't have the real setup and there's something called Karafly being part of it but that was not The thing with the butterfly

I think I'm thinking of Karafun by the way Not Karafun carafly i can't find carafly but i when i i was like how am i striking out on this again i think oh no you're right you're right no it's carafun carafun is what i was also thinking okay yeah but that is different than the than the than the logo carafun or was it the old carafun logo is it the old carafun logo we might be getting close here this i think we're getting ever closer

because one of the carafun one of the um uh the carafun logo okay the k in the carafun logo depending on which version of it you're looking at, it looks like a butterfly a little bit. The top of the K is almost like part of the butterfly's antenna or whatever. And then also I'm noticing that when you're looking at a karaoke, a KaraFun karaoke version, Andrew, this is terrible for the listeners, but very satisfying for us. I'm looking at a screenshot of someone, the YouTube version of Old Man by Neil Young. Apparently he didn't pull the rights from whoever does these zoom karaoke's and in the middle of the circle it's an instrumental break is a little bumblebee looking thing so I'm wondering if like you saw something like that at some point that's why you thought that that little guy was a bee

bees oh my gosh this is driving and then whenever you look it up though you just get a bunch of songs about bees I'm not even joking this is maddening it really

is but mostly for the listeners so I will stop now okay and um and uh take a break and then come back and then talk about the real stuff that people want to hear about which is how much is it going to cost them to sit dead center in a movie theater going forward if that movie theater is amc so stay with us here on tbtl hello and welcome to top story i'm just everything on today's show andrew is me like looking back on something at a weird time started the show by clarifying what was going on with that boat in the river slash mouth of the ocean. I did want to mention, because my eyes fell upon it on my sheet, the opening piece of tape we used is a really funny comedian named Brooks Whelan who is talking about how he gets in much less trouble when he gets high than when he drinks alcohol. So just wanted, in case people were wondering who that comedian was, I don't want the listeners to have a frustrating situation like we're having with this butterfly karaoke logo with this Brooks Whelan thing.

that's a guy named Brooks Whelan yeah I'll try to put that into the in the description too sometimes when we use um tape from a specific comedian or um somebody on Instagram or more likely TikTok I like to try to at least put it in the description the first time we use it so people can find it also because we're just kind of borrowing their content totally well that's why I try and I'm

not always successful but I really try to make a point to credit somebody who did something funny so at least maybe we can drive some attention their way since they've provided us with an entertaining opening 20 seconds of the program so that's brooks wheel and brooks wheel and also the guy who right at the beginning of the pandemic got in an argument a debate with his friend that he could run a marathon with no training and it did oh and they documented it we actually interviewed him on live wire about it but uh that's not what we're here to talk about what we're here to talk about is the latest news from the amc folks which is that uh going forward uh At certain AMC locations, you will, they've already kicked this off at some places, some of the locations in New York, Chicago, and Kansas City, soon to be expanded to all domestic AMC locations. This is by the end of 2023. There is different, there will be different price points for the different seats in the movie theater. Three different seat pricing options. The first is standard sight line, described as the seats that are the most common in auditoriums and are available for the traditional cost of a ticket. Then there's value sight line, referred to as seats in the front row of the auditorium, as well as selected ADA seats in each auditorium and are available at a lower price than standard sight line seats. And then the third option is preferred sight line. Those are seats in the middle of the auditorium. They're priced at a premium to standard sight line seats. so in other words I guess there's just like you could think about this as at what time did you get to the movie theater before the movie if you were the person who got there 30 minutes before the movie or whenever they let you in and you would go sit right dead center midway up the thing get your nice seats those are going to be extra if you were one of the people who gets there a little on the later side and you tend to be a little off the middle but you're not it's not terrible but you're off on the far side off to the sides a bit that's going to be the regular price But now the good news, Andrew, is if you're the person like me who used to get who gets there when one of the trailers is already played and the only seat is in the front row, I guess I'm getting a break on the price, supposedly.

Or people aren't paying the extra money. So all that's left are the good seats that you pay a little bit more for, I guess.

potentially like empty well here's the deal of that i have carol hold my calls i have so much to say on this because let me start by saying this on the occasion that i walk into a movie theater these days and even like a chain theater like this which i do more often than not if i'm going into the movies um i like i i love the experience of going to the movie theater especially if it's not especially planned out the last time I went was actually a couple of months ago now but it was kind of perfect we were having a lazy Saturday Genevieve and I went to get some hungover pancakes at IHOP and then we said you know what after this it might be fun to go see a movie is there anything just worth sitting there having a little popcorn with and Genevieve said oh yeah this new movie called The Menu just came out and my friend told me to watch it and not to look up anything about it and I'm like perfect we went in it was before that movie was all buzzy and it was like absolutely perfect i love being able to just to walk into an amc without too much planning um i worry about the future of that because whenever i do that the place is empty man the place is so dead empty which is great if you don't like people which i don't i don't like sitting next to people like i like having a nice empty theater to myself that's great but when you're like yeah but at what cost will i be able to be 60 years i plan on spending my retirement years i'm probably not retiring at 60 by the way but i plan on spending my retirement years going and watching matinees all the time that's what i want to do it's not going to work if there are no more theaters you know and it's for me it's not the same i'm just never going to turn on the menu on netflix in the middle of the day and watch it it's like about going to the theater so i want amc to do well i know they're a huge conglomerate i know that they're not some non-profit or something but generally speaking i want access to movie theaters in the future so if this is what they're doing to make a little money okay like okay i understand it's different times there's a lot of competition and you almost lost your entire business model to the pandemic um having said that and this is where it gets real old man yells at clouds i've been saying for years that i hate what i consider still to be the new model of having to choose your seats in a movie theater and i am the only person in the world yes in my friend group in our audience who will stand up behind me who hates the big puffy seats that are like loungers that you go into because i don't want to lounge i especially don't want to like get all like you're sitting next to a stranger but you're like in this in this you're you almost those seats are uncomfortable unless you kick the legs up i don't want the legs up i don't want to be like one of those creatures that's in the beginning of the wall-e movie i just want to walk into a theater maybe i'm getting real greg cody back in my day here you know popcorn is maybe tumbling out of my bag as i look for a seat that

isn't near anybody my tennis shoes are probably sticking to the floor a little bit it's 1986 and i'm about to see bill and ted's bogus journey like i just don't need i don't need the comforts

of home pardon me i'm getting very emotional here well let me say this i'll give you a chance to um Clear your throat I also, when you said you don't like the new I thought you were going to say system of reserving your seat I don't like that But see, that's really surprising to me Because I also know that you don't like Conflict, you don't like Weirdness, you don't like having to Step across a bunch of people I guess you still have to do that potentially I would think that the idea that everyone has a seat It's assigned, there's no Nobody's, you know I would think that that would be a cleaner and easier system For you and you would like that Like, I like that about this.

Nope. Because I don't like sitting next to people. I'll take a slightly less line of sight if or less, I guess, attractive line of sight or whatever. Yeah.

If you take obstructed view. Yeah.

I don't want obstructive view. But like, you know, like I want to put a seat between us. If you're if you're going to the movie theater by yourself and you have to choose on the little computer screen ahead of time, like they won't let you put one seat between you and somebody else. It has to be pairs of seats. It's like very controlling. I just want to be able to walk in, scope the scene, and then be like, that's the one for me. It's almost like if you go into a diner and you're not sitting at a table, you want to just choose a stool. Like, well, it looks like that one is good because that guy is wrapping up and I want to have an empty stool next to me or what have you. I've always hated that, and I've been ringing the bell on this for a while. People think I'm off my nut when it comes to this idea of the cushy seats. I find them so unbearably uncomfortable and wow. Yeah, that is. Oh, I hate it so much. I want to be sitting in a chair for two hours. Well, three if it's four, if it's a Christopher Nolan movie. But but yeah, I just think it's ridiculous.

The movie unfolds backwards. So it's like you actually gain four hours. It's like flying. It's like flying to Hawaii. You gain four hours in a Christopher Nolan.

Yeah, exactly. Anyway. Anyway, so of course they're doing this now. I mean, everything has been pointing towards it. Like, we used to be able to just walk in, choose a seat, but no, then it's kind of like, well, no, you have to choose your seat in advance, like, based on a computer illustration of what the theater looks like. And then you better hope that, you know, even having the option, if you go into a big old school, like, auditorium-style theater and you just choose your seat, and then if somebody sits down right next to you, you can just pop up one and move two down or something like that. or find it I mean you don't want to be rude about it but I just mean that like having the flexibility to choose your seats once you kind of scope out the scene is important to me I have always hated assigned seating and of course of course it was leading to them monetizing it was that when you

said you've been ringing this bell where you was that the bell you were ringing was mark my words they're going to actually start charging higher prices for the better seats truthfully no but for

the argument of this conversation yes i like your style next time just lie no i've never actually said that i can't even claim that i knew that it was going to be monetized but but it doesn't surprise me and i've just been hating the new style of having to choose because to me it is it is giving up a sense of control over over what i mean i know you're still you're still choosing your seats but you're choosing your seats based on what the current situation is and not how the current situation may change based on people who come into that theater after you well and also

you've pointed something out that i hadn't thought of i guess there would be they're trying to account for it on the earlier shows what they're saying is that a sight line at amc is applied to all show times to begin after 4 p.m and my guess is that's because a matinee show typically is not gonna the theater is not gonna sell out and what would really suck would be you sell 30 tickets to a matinee showing of whatever um film and then it's just like these 30 people are just all encrusted around this gap in the middle that's like the four dollar more seats nobody wanted to pay for but no one wants to go sit in them because they don't want to get yelled at so you just like that would be a that see that's because i'm a sketchball that's the part that would bug me i would hate to be in a movie theater where there's a bunch of primo seats that i know no one's going to use but i can't go sit in them because right as bill and ted's most bogus of journeys uh is starting to unfold i'm gonna get the flashlight in my face and someone's gonna be like i think you're in there's like i'm very tense about that stuff even though i like to push the rules like if we're at a baseball game which i hope will be at many this year um and it's like you know that kind of part of the game where you can kind of tell oh those seats are probably not going to be taken so you kind of go down a few rows get to a little better seat i'm always a little bit nervous while sitting there that someone's going to tap me on the shoulder like i i never fully relax into enjoying the game because i'm worried that i'm in someone's seat

and it's going to be embarrassing for me i for films once you're 10 minutes in i feel like i can relax there have been that because i remember so you've done that just taking a different seat

than what you chose ahead of time in the assigned in the assigned theater setting yeah i mean i

don't do it a lot but i'm trying to think to live dangerously genevieve and i went to see this was kind of a shitty move on my part but it really played into my desire not to distract other people during a movie or like kind of get in other people's ways genevieve and i went to see a movie i'm blanking on which one it was sorry don o'neill the details are where it dazzles and I'm blanking on this but we went to see a movie and this wasn't all that long ago and we chose our seats I didn't know exactly where they were or something and then I think maybe I went to use the restroom or no you know what it was super long lines at the concession stand and then like their popcorn thing was broken I finally got to the front of the line they're like there's gonna be a wait for the popcorn I'm like screw this I went to a different stand on a different level of the theater it was a whole thing I was already kind of a little bit irritated by the time I walk into the theater I believe the the very beginning of the movie is already rolling I mean certainly we're well into previews I think that we have maybe actually even started the first couple of minutes of the movie and I I'm standing in the aisle I'm looking for Genevieve I can't remember what the assigned seats are I think I have a sense of where they are but I'm holding an oversized soda and a popcorn or something and I don't think Genevieve wanted any of it either so this wasn't about me like kind of sharing the concessions and I simply couldn't find her and I was sick of like kind of standing there feeling like I was disturbing everybody looking for my seat so I finally just took an aisle seat I'm just I'll just plop down here it was a very busy day too in fact this might have been the day we decided to go to a movie again kind of on a whim in the afternoon and Genevieve wasn't sure why we were only being charged five dollars a ticket when she was getting the tickets online then we got to the theater and it was very crowded and it turned

Turns out it was movie day. It was like National Movie Day or something. And AMC was running some promo. Yeah, which is why everything was really, like, really, really busy. And I couldn't find Genevieve. So I just sat down in an aisle seat. And for the first, like, five, ten minutes of the movie, as more people filtered in, I would tense up a little bit. Like, are any of these kids going to make me get out of their seat? Are they going to be scared of me because I'm an old man? But eventually that died down. The traffic stopped. And we were into the movie. And I knew I was fine. Genevieve. And so Veve just sat next to you? No, Genevieve and I just sat in very different seats for all the movie. That's where I say that that was not Genevieve's favorite move on my part. We essentially just watched this movie separately in different parts of the movie theater.

Wow. That's really, that's the dazzling, that's the detail that dazzles. That's the personal detail that dazzles.

No, that is the most Andrew thing in the world. I'm just like, well, we're just going to be sitting in the dark. I mean, I love sitting next to Genevieve during movies, trying to make her laugh every now and then. There was there's some line where Chris Evans, his character in a Marvel movie when he's playing Captain America. Right. Says something about it was in one of the dark moments of the later Marvel movies when the Infinity Stones. He says, that's it. We lost. And it was a very serious moment. And I leaned over to Genevieve and I said, we snossed and look, we lost.

and I made her laugh so damn hard.

Hey, next time you're going to a movie and you're going to sit separately from Genevieve, will you let me sit next to you? Because that's a quality line.

She talks about that all the time. It was such an inappropriate time to make her laugh in this movie theater. Anyway, so I enjoy sitting next to Genevieve to see movies,

but I also don't think that, I mean, once you're in there and it's dark, like we're all just watching the same movie and we're going to talk about it later anyway, right? Is it that big of a deal?

Yeah, if you're not sharing snacks, I like sharing snacks too, because i always hang out with people whether it's becca or addy who eat less of the snacks than me but so i get to buy a big thing of snacks and feel like but this is for two people but then really it's like i eat like 80 of it 90 of it um now a couple things one i just will say briefly that this i believe that overall this is an issue for amc like any kind of dying industry and i don't want it to die either like i like i don't go to the movies all that often but i like that they I like that movie houses exist and I would like them to continue to exist. But you do get into a kind of death spiral where you don't have enough money or you're not bringing in enough revenue. And so you're trying to figure out how to monetize things so you can bring in enough revenue to stay in business. But in doing that, you're making it less appealing for the customer to come interact with your product. And I feel like this is an example of that. Like they're going like we've got to figure out how to like they're probably thinking, look, we have some power users. I mean, they've already tried this with various passes and things. By the way, that's all in the, like, granular of this article. There's all these rules around, like, if you're a member of the, you know, preferred member thing, you can, like, or whatever. You know what I mean? Like, they have certain kinds of, like, membership clubs now at AMC. And, like, if you're, depending on what level of the membership club is, like, you have to be in the membership club to get the cheapest seats, believe it or not. You're not allowed to buy the cheapest seats unless you're part of the membership club. and there's one level of the membership club that's free but you still have to sign up for your AMC somehow heartbreak feels good points so that you know you can get somehow heartbreak feels good in a place like this you have to be at least minimally in the club in order to have access to the lowest level of preferred sightline seats if that makes any sense

oh are you talking about the stubs club I'm a member of the stubs club I'm logging in now here I've been a member since May 27th 2018 your membership includes free refill on your large popcorn I thought first of all I thought everybody had that second of all it's hard to like eat all the large popcorn and then need

yeah you're I mean honestly that's the you should get that that should just be free they should put your picture on the wall you can put down two large popcorns that's a feat I can't but by the

way the way I mean I've said this on the show before the way I can house a large tub of popcorn before the movie even begins is astounding when I go are we having lunch at an AMC today is that what's happening i the other day jenny just find you in the lobby you're not even going to a movie you're just eating popcorn i think so i thought i was racking up points though am i not racking up any points i can't tell like i feel like i always give them my email address but now i don't know how to access whatever i've been racking up you know what i mean well i i do feel like this is

one of those desperate moves where they're trying to they're probably thinking we have to figure out like there are the people that go to like four movies a month and then there are people like me that go to one movie a year and they're like we're not going to make enough money off of the luke burbanks of the world we have to figure out how to get the people going four times a month to just spend more who is our who are our p ones who are the power users of amc and

how do we get them to spend more money because that's probably see which is a bad long-term strategy because you're just trying to extract more blood from the same turn up but that's what i think they're doing here now all this talk about movie concessions and movies did have me thinking i don't know if i'm i'm still kind of under the weather but maybe if i you know if i sort of get my second wind this afternoon could i go to a movie and so i was like googling movies near me And there's a movie theater Literally three blocks from my house And I'm looking at these Andrew And I don't know If I have ever seen A slate of films

That are less appealing to me Yeah that's been happening to me lately too

And like I mean listen Obviously my tendencies Are more towards the A24 Side of the world but I'm not against Seeing a popular movie like you like To call it a popcorn movie or I guess what you call it a two popcorn movie um like i'm not against that like there are lots of movies that are that are broadly appealing that i also think would be fun to go see in a movie theater but i am looking at this these are the movies that are closest to me in the part of portland orange that i am

currently in avatar the way of water titanic excuse you they're just re-releasing it let's just be re-releasing it i like re-releases but i don't have any interest in that movie i've never

seen it i probably never will it just also feels i mean look if it's fun if it's fun for folks if it's like hey i loved that movie when i was uh you know 20 years ago or 40 years ago or whatever i want to see it in theater i got no problem with that it just feels like you're out of ideas to me when you're putting titanic back out but okay puss in boots the last wish maybe that's fun for kids uh 80 for brady yeah that's rough that's some rough stuff a knock at the cabin is that must be

Horror right I don't know that one I'm not really interested in that I'm not interested In horror movies so that takes A lot I'm seeing also infinity pool I don't know what that is but it looks scary

Magic Mike's Last Dance do you promise I mean I know that like the original Magic Mike's were kind of seen as like Sort of like a fun romp that Was much better and more watchable Than you would think for just a movie now here's what's Kind of great each one of these films There's something called missing there's something called Plane that appears to be a Gerard butler film all of the films have a little description underneath as to what they are so titanic is listed as romance slash drama oh a man called otto yeah and i've never been blotto starring tom hanks that's listed as drama slash novels so i guess if you like drama or novels that's for you um the uh uh 80 for brady is listed as a comedy friendship movie and then Magic Mike's Last Dance is listed as Drama slash stripping Well that's true I know if you're a fan of drama Or stripping Magic Mike's Last Dance is currently playing

I know that Genevieve has really enjoyed those movies So you know I mean I think that She had I don't think they're necessarily bad Yeah so I don't The only thing because I'm looking at my Fandango app there's an app Called Fandango and it's also a joke

What movie related club, are you not part of it?

Do you remember the show Strangers with Candy? Of course you do with Amy Sedaris and there's some episode where she's exposed for not being able to read, which that isn't, I'm not laughing at people who can't read, but it's just a ridiculous show and at one point somebody's holding up flashcards, I think Colbert's character Mr. Niblett is that his name? Knoblet is holding up flashcards or something and she's just guessing at what the words are at one point And she says, Fandango. And so Vives and I are incapable of saying that word in any other way than that. But I do see, and Genevieve was telling you about this this week, and this movie Women Talking, it seems like incredibly serious fare. But that is the one thing that is playing at theaters right now that I would watch. It sounds like a good movie that is quite heavy.

I'm trying to find, yeah, it did sound really interesting based on Genevieve's description. I'm just trying to find that particular scene where Colbert is giving Amy Sedaris the flashcards because you're right, it's so funny. But it's interesting that there's not more. I put in Amy Sedaris. Maybe I just used the wrong search terms. I should have put in Cara Fly Butterfly Amy Sedaris.

Cara Fun.

You would think it would just be like right there for the watching, but maybe they're keeping a lock. I mean, you know, Amy's got to pay for those rabbits of hers, like Tina, that I still see on Instagram. Maybe they're keeping some tight reins on the Strangers with Candy content floating around the universe.

You know what? I might be wrong about Knoblet showing her flashcards because I think I found the scene here. But, of course, it's not loading on the Comedy Central website because there's literal dust on this.

there's no one who works at comedy central anymore oh is that did they just have huge layoffs well i

just feel like it's been you know comedy central was i feel like it started off ambitiously and then it kind of sunk into just being like you know um you know comics unleashed or something and then it found its way with the daily show and colbert and then it's just like the i'm not saying that the trevor noah show wasn't wasn't entertaining but i certainly didn't watch it a whole lot because of just the fractured nature of media. How would you say that two times in a show? Well, it's very easy. You just say it twice, like I did. I feel like Comedy Central, it's probably I'm just aging out of the demo. I just know that there was a time when Comedy Central was a really big deal, and it just feels like it's really not a big deal anymore. So I think... Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead. That's it. That was all I was going to say. There was a high watermark for Comedy Central, in my opinion, but I guess that's probably based on me being 46. Maybe there are 26 year olds who just freaking love Comedy Central now, and I'm just too old or something.

Yeah, I don't know what they got going on over there. I remember, like, Idiot Sitter. I loved that, but that was very short-lived. Oh, yeah, Jillian. And that started on the web. I actually think, now, I could be wrong about this. Hopefully the tape will be entertaining anyway. I think it is an episode where Amy Sedaris' character is trying out for the cheerleading squad.

Okay.

And somehow she has to maybe, maybe they're spelling things out or something, and then she has to say what it spells. I think I found the scene here. I could be wrong. Give me about 60 seconds and I'll either, this will pay off or it won't. Okay, so far it's not. We're going to unmute the website. I appreciate that Comedy Central did start with it muted so that in some cases you might be saved in a meeting. I appreciate that.

Win!

Win. I knew that. Thank you, Sharon.

Wow.

Okay, so that's... That one I hate for the things she can do. She's perfect.

I agree. She's in. Next up, Jerry Blaine.

These are tryouts. They're trying out for this one.

I think she gets sent to Colbert after this.

Give me a V-I-C-T-O-R-Y. V-I-C-T-O-R-Y. What's its spell? Jerry, what does V-I-C-T-O-R-Y spell? Fandango.

There it is. I found the Fandango. And any time I open the app, I say to myself, Fandango.

By the way, I may need to start watching Comedy Central. I'm looking at the lineup. It's really not Matt. 6 a.m. to 6.30, I'm not into it. Cindy Crawford and Ellen Pompeo share secrets. That feels like a skincare commercial, maybe. But from starting at 6.30 a.m. and going all the way until 11 a.m., it's just Parks and Rec reruns.

Oh, nice. Okay, good.

Then starting at 11, we get about five hours of Seinfeld reruns. Then we get a little Adam Sandler, Texas three-step, Happy Gilmore, Billy Madison, and then Happy Gilmore again. And then The Longest Yard, which is also, I believe, he's in the remake of that. Then from 11 p.m. This is Sunday, by the way, so this is weekend programming. Then you get about six hours of South Park until 5 a.m. when Sex Toys, 50% off, kicks in. I don't think that's a show. I believe that is probably another pay-to-play ad. It just seems like it's long stretches of reruns of shows that I generally like. Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Seinfeld, The Office. But you know what I do like about it? I'm not kidding. what this represents to me is that kind of thing that you can zone out on during a weekend where you just get caught watching like a catfish marathon on mtv where you just don't have to make any hard decisions you're like i like brooklyn 99 i'll watch it for six hours yeah no i like that

feeling too although i am surprised i'm looking at these schedules too and it's just showing me kind of the weekday schedule and it's you're right it's just the the network doesn't have i mean there might be some more stuff in prime time than i'm not seeing but aside from like the daily show and then aquafina which i i've seen parts of that i want to go back into that world the the nora from queens that was a really good show like they're almost comedy central is almost back to what they were back in the 90s when i was that's what i'm saying just like all reruns of stuff

wow that's that was the sense that i had because i just don't think that there's enough money in original i think it's really hard to make original content on cable and make your money back unless it's something like south park that's just legacy and people just make a point to go find it i think it's really

really hard to cut through all of the noise and so you just have a lot of these kind of like and then even if you go well what about last you know last week tonight with John Oliver well yeah but that's on HBO like HBO has a different content model which is we pay for HBO or some of us do I do and then they pay the people that make the shows it's not as and that's a good system and I like that system actually because it allows HBO to make good content like I don't know I mean last week tonight seems like it's such a good show that Even if it was just on Comedy Central, it would still find an audience. But I just think it's really, really hard these days to make a show on basic cable and have it really make an impression on people.

Yeah, it's interesting. It's just, you know, we're just we've, I guess, now lived through or maybe or maybe we're seeing some of the tail end of just like everybody feeling like the only way to be successful is to crank out new content, new content, new content. And I'm surprised to see that Comedy Central is now kind of like back to like very little original programming that that I find that surprising because it just sort of just like there was a time, you know, I mean, we're still kind of going through it. But I feel like I don't know, just over the past decade, it's just like Yahoo needs to get into the TV business. Like everybody was like the only way to survive is by launching a TV show. And yet here I am on the Comedy Central website and they have very little original programming. I'm kind of shocked.

Well, I wonder if it's because of also the shift to streaming. So now it's like, well, you've got to be a streamer and you've got to like, you know, make your original prestige content like King of Tulsa. And then everyone will watch Hulu or whatever the hell that's on. But I don't know where that leaves where that leaves a sort of, you know, not really over the air, but I don't know how cable works. But like, where does that leave like a Comedy Central in the world when you're either a Hulu now or maybe you're NBC and CBS and you still have enough eyeballs that you're still kind of keeping it going? But where does that leave something like Comedy Central?

Yeah. Yeah. Wow.

Here I go once again with the email every week. I hope that it's from a female. No, man, it's not from a female.

All right. We didn't get to talking about gas stoves, but I really was. I mean, it's very rare that I feel like I can kind of succinctly describe what's going on with a fairly major news event or at least a news event that's getting talked about a ton but this is just one of those and I wanted to talk to you and Genevieve about it the other night, but that was shut down summarily because you know, that's just not something, I was like, thought I was going to really explain to Genevieve the magic of induction and Genevieve, I feel like she's okay with me saying this, Genevieve's very committed to you guys eventually having a gas stove gas range and i thought well yeah but i can just reason with this person no so instead i want to reason with the listeners and just explain at some point maybe tomorrow what the latest is on it in case they don't want to read an article about it is that a good use of our time or is that not really what we do yeah sure let's do it

let's do that and if anybody has any issues about us at some point getting a gas stove please send all of your emails directly to genevieve i will not give you the address but i do not feel like

Spoiler alert, I'm not saying – I don't think anyone's saying that you should never, ever, under any circumstances, get a gas stove. That's one of the things that I thought I would, like, clarify. I guess there's friends who tell me that. Yeah. The name Tucker and Sean.

Rhymes with Shoden. Theron Shoden. All right. Yeah, no, let's do that tomorrow. Let's get more into that conversation tomorrow. I would appreciate that. I was thinking earlier as we were talking about the storytelling of the various ways of telling the story of the boat rescue earlier on in the show. I'm just like, maybe I should just describe my job as I like to sit back and let my friend Luke tell me stories. That's what I do for a living.

I like to let my friend Luke try to log into the Barstool Sports Instagram so he can find someone called ZeroBlog30 who did a better job than him talking about a boat theft.

Before I get into the voicemail or one of the voicemails that I want to play today from our friend the Stewbot, which I have promised and I will deliver on, I have another question for you that is also musically related. The Stewbot wants to talk about that Nico song we played the other day, but before we get there, I have something top of mind that I'm going to play it first because it's related to film, and I wanted to ask you this. Here's my question for you. Do you know the song Key Largo by Bertie Higgins? And if your answer is no, can I explain to you why it's yes?

This is you talking now. This is me talking.

Do you know this song Key Largo by Bertie Higgins?

No.

Now explain to me why I do know this song. I will let Bertie explain to you why you know this song. This came on the other day in the car. And I think that this was the type of song that I have heard a million times in my life. And I just never paid attention to it. It's a little yacht rocky, which is. not a uh a genre that i am particularly attracted to i don't like a lot of that that type of music but i was sitting at a stoplight on aurora this song was on and it was like it was like this has been in the background of my life a million times i've never paid attention to it and then i'm sitting there i'm just like listening to it for the first time and i realized that the lyrics are all about a very specific movie called key largo which i was unfamiliar with too and i was sitting there listening to the song and thinking I want to go home and watch this movie please listen to this chorus listen to the lyrics closely I do think that you've heard this before you just don't realize it but listen to the lyrics all the way through in the chorus Genevieve heard this part two and said I've never heard this before in my life and I said wait for Here we go, here we go, here we go.

Starring in our own late, late show Sailing away to Key Lago

I'm going to let it go a little bit longer here.

Here's looking at you, kid Missing all the things we did We couldn't find it once again

So, I'm listening to this.

Is that where they got the line in Casablanca from? Well, that's what – so I'm listening to this. I'm like, wait, this sounds like he's actually referencing a real movie called Key Largo with Bogey and Bacall. So I interrupt the song in my car for a second, and I talk to my phone. You know, you can do it. You say, hey, Gorgle. And you're like, is Key Largo a movie? And it's like, yes, Key Largo was a movie with Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall. And also, I think –

I thought that he was just referencing Casablanca there.

Yeah, because then the lyric goes, here's looking at you, kid. And I started to wonder, could that be like a Berenstain Bear thing where we all think it's from Casablanca, but really it's from Key Largo? I think I'm definitely wrong on that, right? Like, that is definitely a line from Casablanca, right?

Well, good question. I know that famously there's a line that's associated with Lauren Bacall in Casablanca that she never actually says.

Are you thinking of Play It Again, Sam? Because that's not actually in there, right?

Famously, it's not actually in there. People will say, play it again, Sam. It's like, that's my Lauren Bacall impression. Play it again, Sam. But that one, she doesn't say it. She says something like, play it one more time, Sam, for the memory. She says something that's been paraphrased to play it again, Sam, but that's not a line.

And that's her saying that, not Bogart? I always thought that was a Bogart line.

I thought it was Bacall because she's very nostalgic. Because, of course, the Rick character, Humphrey Bogart's character, is very non-nostalgic. He's a tough guy. Let me do my Lauren Bacall impression again. Do you have those papers of transit for me? That's how he sounds.

That's really good. Yeah, so Here's Looking at You Kid definitely is from Casablanca. Casablanca. Casablanca. I'll give you three on that. I always thought it was, but listening to the song, I was suddenly like, oh, is this like one of those cultural misrememberings? It doesn't seem to be. But there really is a movie called Key Largo with these two that sounds really good. It's like a it's like a, I think, 1940s era noir film, like exactly what you want out of them. And so I want to watch it. Now that I played that song for you, though, do you remember hearing that song? Absolutely not. Really?

No, really never heard that song that I'm aware of that. I remember I have never heard that song in my life. That's funny. I wonder if it just had to do with like the music your parents listened to when you were a kid, maybe, because my parents are obviously were heavily. heavily into the christian music so like i wouldn't have ever heard that song on the radio because it would have never been playing the commercial radio yeah maybe maybe like i i

definitely get like major like i'm in the back seat of our olds mobile like while my mom is like running errands or taking my sister to some music lessons or something right and i'm entertaining myself with my star wars figures on the back bench seat you're allowed to bring one toy you If your parents ever say that to you, you're allowed to bring one toy. Anyway, I really want to see Key Largo, though. It's a John Huston film.

Are you kidding me, dude? Yeah, exactly. I'm looking at it now. Directed by John Huston. I might watch this today. I might take to my bed again. I'm really leaning into my cozy core sickness regimen. Regimen, regimen, regimen. And I could see, like, I'm sure this can, I can probably on demand this from some.

on pluto tv type deal exactly yeah amc whatnot uh i bet you i could i bet you i could rent this for 4.99 and um have some more of my annie's not chicken soup or maybe it's amy's i can never keep those straight um but wait there's more but we've still got to hear from the stew bot right

we indeed we do you played a song for music for your weekend called these days and we played the Nico version of it on the show the other day, and the Stewbot left a message on the blower, as he says, with some more dazzling details about this song, some of which I did realize as I was Googling it while you were playing it the other day, but take a listen to this.

Hey, bozos, it's Stew from your old work. I was listening to Friday's weekend music time segment, or whatever you call it, and I had some dazzling beats on the song These Days by Nico, which I believe was Luke's selection. The song itself was actually written by Jackson Brown when he was like a teenager, like mid-60s or whatever. It's been covered by a ton of people besides Nico, like Cher, Paul Westerberg, and Miley Cyrus even. Now, not at the same time, but I would pay like five bucks to hear that particular trio. So anyway, Nico's version, I first heard it in the Royal Tenenbaums, and I'm going to guess the minute I say that, you're like, oh, yeah, that's right, because it's a very Wes Anderson-y founding song. And final Dazzling Beat, which is actually a more depressing beat. If you want to continue enjoying this song without reservation, don't Google Nico's opinions on race. It's not great. Miss you both very much And Papa Booey

He gets the show You know I'm not shocked about that Because I had I mean I don't know if this is I'm making a weird case that like if your parents Have bad takes you will necessarily have bad Takes and that's absolutely not true But I was reading a little bit about Nico I didn't get into her personal beliefs But there were some real questions about like let's say Her dad's alliances during World War II and stuff like that, being from Germany. The other thing that makes that all make sense and how it ended up in my algorithm is I've been listening to, I really, this is a hot take, I really enjoy the song Our House by Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young.

Oh, yeah, yeah, me too.

And so I'll put that on sometimes as a kind of a music starter. And I know that Jackson Brown and David Crosby collabed a lot. And in fact, I was just learning when David Crosby passed away, and now I'm going to forget the songs, but there's like two or three really well-known, well, there's, I think the song Mexico by James Taylor, I believe that David Crosby sings backup vocals on that, uncredited. Okay. And there was like two other songs. This was, I heard this by way of the Howard Stern show. So, you know, again, take it with a grain of Baba Booey. But like, there were a lot of songs or a number of kind of well-known songs that David Crosby would just sing backup on because he just thought it was fun and he wouldn't ever be credited or whatever. And some of those songs were Jackson Brown songs. So there was a big overlap there with those guys and the kind of, you know, doing each other's music, etc. So I could see how that would, me putting in Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young would send it towards Jackson Brown Town which would then spit out a Nico song that's covering a Jackson Brown tune. Do you know my Jackson Brown story? Maybe. I don't know. It's short and sweet. I was doing a TV story about um oh my goodness mandy moore and uh mandy moore is a singer as well as being an actor and also a deeply nice person and she was playing a show uh at this small little theater in la kind of warming up for her album release and i guess jackson brown who i never really knew that much about like i just don't i don't think about jackson brown very much we were trying to film something of her warm-ups and we were delaying the sound check and this guy sort of nice looking guy in his like 70s or whatever was very annoyed at us and i went over to kind of calm him down like it's all right dude i don't know what you're doing here but like it'll be fine and then later it was explained to me that that was jackson brown who needed to do his sound check and was and uh was unhappy that we were delaying things and i don't i don't know if jackson brown and needed someone to give less than negative 10 zero shits about who he is but he got that on that afternoon could not have been less aware of who he was or given him i was kind of like we're cbs sunday morning i don't know who you are but we are the alpha in this situation um but uh anyway

that's my jackson brown story if you could do it all over would you ask him if he knows the birdie higgins song key largo and then i would tell him You Even if you say no, the answer is yes. I was so confident. I thought everybody knew that song.

The reason I feel confident saying I haven't heard it, or at least I'm not aware of having heard it, is because that line is very memorable when he's mentioning Bogey and Bacall. Because I really love Casablanca, and I really love the African Queen, which isn't Bogey and Bacall. That's Bogey and Katharine Hepburn. But I'm a real sucker for an old Humphrey Bogart film. So I feel like I would have remembered, oh, like Bogey and Bacall, I would have been like, oh, that's a pretty catchy line, actually.

And for me, though, because I never I so rarely pay attention to the lyrics, especially for music like that, that I, again, feel like was just probably in the background for a bunch of me growing up. I or for a bunch of time that I spent growing up, I was just like, oh, I'm just it was sometimes for me. Music is almost like a magic eye game where suddenly I'm paying attention to it for the first time. I'm like, oh, this is about a movie. Who wants to see a movie?

Who needs a movie? Like Dylan in the movies.

God, I messed it up. It's so short.

How many layers of a joke is that? Like Dylan in the movies. Now I got to go listen to Belle and Sebastian. That's fine. Worst things could happen on an afternoon. All right. That's going to do it for today's show. But thank you so much for listening and hanging out and being part of TBTL. We are going to be right back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio for you. So we will see you then. In the meantime, have a great Tuesday. Take care of yourselves, and please remember, no mountain too tall. And good luck to all.

My new film is a mix of action and comedy. It's called McBain. Let's get silly. The film is just me in front of a brick wall for an hour and a half. It cost 80 million dollars. How do you sleep at night? On top of a pile of money with many beautiful ladies. Power out.