Muse

You sucker. You better watch out you fool. Yeah fool. Hey fool. Sucker. You foolish. Foolish sucker. Hello? Hello. Is Eric there please? Speaking. Hey sucker. Who is this? This is the Piper. And I want to be pied. Paid. Who's this? It's Jared. Jared Lowe. We went to school together. Did we? Yes. I assume you got my letter. No. What letter? letter? Invitation. To a party? To a fight. What fight? Our fight. Hold on, hold on. There's something here. It's a letter. Should I open it? Yes. I'll call you back. It's long.

Well, I guess it's official. I really wasn't sure about this at the start. But then a friend of mine said something that just made all kinds of sense. She said, think of it more is a conversation. I like that. So then it hits me. You take this thing called the radio and put it on this new thing called the internet. It's so easy. All you do is point and click. But how does it work? All you need is a computer and a regular phone line. Hey, do you think you could be my

funniness mentor? I can definitely be your funniness mentor. So if this is truly a conversation,

then I say let the conversation begin. All right. Hello. Good morning and welcome everyone

On to a Thursday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live.

Isn't that for techno geeks with spreadsheets?

My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host. I think this guy's sense of humor never developed past junior high school. Coming to you from the Hollywood Broadcast Center right here in Portland, Oregon, where it's one of those times where you're hearing this on a Thursday, but we're recording it a day early. So I can't tell you what the weather is looking like. Uh, where I, where, where I am right now, I can tell you that it's just kind of raining a little bit, but on Thursday, as you're hearing this, I don't know, it could be all kinds of things could be happening. All kinds of things have been happening here in my, uh, apartment building. And I mentioned at the end of yesterday's show that I was going to give you an update on that. So I'll, um, so boring and forever taking, it's an incredibly complicated and boring story about lost and misplaced mail, which I know is why people tune into the show. You're tuned into episode 3,887 in A Collector Series. Let the fun begin. We're pre-taping this because as this is hitting the airwaves, I'm in New York and I'm I guess interviewing Depeche Mode or I'm like maybe walking down a street in Times Square with them. It's TBD on what exactly is going to go down but mostly what i'm excited about is uh that's all happening backstage at the colbert rapport no that's not what it's called the leech god i have no pathways left in my brain that have not already been grooved you know you take your um in the olden days i don't know if they do this anymore but back when people used to fix their own cars and stuff you would take when you're redoing your rotors which is part of your wheel you would take in the rotor to see if they could grind it down a little more because it would get scored you know your brake pads would basically create this groove in the rotor and you'd always hope that the guy had a little measurement device he would measure it and there was still enough thickness on the rotor that you could grind it down smooth again so your wheels wouldn't wobble so the brakes wouldn't be kind of riding in those grooves I'm all out of there's no grinding this brain down it is grooved it thinks that Stephen Colbert still hosts something called the Colbert Report it just is what it is everybody Starbucks has announced now this is a story that started out in what I call our earned media spotlight like a lot of times companies do something just to get media attention and we usually give it to them then I read the entire article and it's about something more interesting to me than just trying to get publicity, which is that Starbucks is rolling out some new coffees that have olive oil in them. And I think the actual story of it and what the power dynamic at play is is actually kind of interesting. It tastes like soot and hot water. I'm hooked. So we will talk about that. And then time permitting, I don't know if we'll get to this or not, but a first-generation iPhone

has been sold at auction.

I'm trying to use that phone!

and it went for more money than i was expecting we'll tell you exactly how much more money if we have time today we always make time of course for the blurs day messages on a thursday so we'll do those and we'll talk to this guy the longest running cobro of the show may be best known for his depictions of the tall ships

Does he love the Blur's Day segment more than any other part of the week? Yes, he does. He's Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

Hey, Luke. I don't know if this is a first or not. It feels unprecedented. But I'm realizing, I realized almost as soon as we started playing the intro tape to today's show that I kind of have to pee. Now, I think I can get through the show without stopping to go use the restroom. but this is this feels like an unusual situation like i already feel like the clock is ticking on us a little bit and so by the end of the show if i'm talking a mile a minute or if i which i will probably do whether i have to pee or not um if i seem even more frantic than usual understand

the situation we're going through here and this is because again we are recording this show this is the thursday edition but we're recording it on wednesday afternoon so normally you've got your whole routine in the morning which is uh all your normal morning stuff get get ready for the show and then usually we dial up at 10 so at about sometime after 10 i'm usually running a little late i dial you and that's right when your body says it's time to pee so you usually step away do that and then come back and then you're like you are set you are good to go for the show but this the rhythm of the recording sessions has now been thrown off for you so that your body doesn't know what to do because normally you'd be at this point you would be listening what listening to what do you listen to while you're having your lunch typically while you're making your sando

oh i i listen to the bump and stacy show on 710 espn and i and i play wordle and i mean this is how it works every day in fact i wasn't sure if i was going to bring this up or not because i don't think you're going to like this if you didn't like the p thing you're definitely not going to like

this well no i don't like it for you i don't like you being uncomfortable and i you know well you

Well, I get uncomfortable when I talk about bodily function on this show. You're a little prudish in that way. It kind of bobbles me.

I only wish that you would talk about it more. It's one of the only things I find interesting about you is what is going on with your body.

Well, I always, you know, I have my little routine. We do the show, get it posted. I go upstairs. I turn on my 710 ESPN. I listen to the radio. I read the Seattle Times, and I do my, well, I do my Wordle first. I play a couple of other New York Times-based games. I read the Seattle Times, kind of bop around. But here's the deal, and this is what I was going to say. Because I didn't take a proper lunch break today, I did not do the Wordle yet. Now, keep in mind, for folks who are listening to this, we are doing Thursday's TBTL, but I'm talking about Wednesday's Wordle. So don't worry. There's no spoilers here. It's impossible. But I will tell you this. I'm on a text chain with about six other people, I think, and we all share our Wordle scores throughout the day. I also now The past couple of weeks I've been sharing my Wordle score With listener Bette in New York Who started texting me her Wordle So these are my Wordle peeps now And here's my point I got a text message from Bette pretty early today I don't know if it, I mean maybe Bette does it During her lunch break too but there's a time difference there Point is, first Wordle news I got today was That Bette Busted out. Bette, I'm sorry if this was personal information i'm putting you on front street here but sooner or later gentlemen you will eat your word next text i get of the day is in my proper wordle group it's from genevieve who is by far the reigning champion of wordle she is what we call a word nerd she's also a bird nerd but that's something different um busted out luke whoa i get a text from anita busted out A couple of people have been able to get it in four or five. I think Katie has weighed in. I believe she busted out and lost. So now, usually I would have already done it during my lunch break, but I will admit that while you were doing your intro, I was like, I got to see what's going on. And I've opened up Wordle, and I have four. So I've taken two turns so far. There's only six turns you can take to unveil the word or to figure out what the word is. Right now, I know that I have four correct letters, but they're all in the wrong place. I know there's an R, an I, a P, and an E. That spells ripe. Wait, wait. I'm going to try to play along now.

I figured, and again, this is coming out on a Thursday. I don't know if we should do this on the air.

It's going to be such bad radio. I feel like I should just put my phone down and concentrate on TBTL.

Well, this is the only thing that's made me. this is how insecure i am okay okay this is how much i need the attention but in the weirdest ways we have been talking recently on the show about how i was saying it really is a testament to how uninterested in puzzles i truly am that everybody got on the world train i got on the world train and i was interested in it we talked about it a lot on the show becca and i would pass it back and forth our scores you're on a whole text chain and then when the fad kind of started to receive seed the water went out and all the barnacles and i'm the barnacle in this story me i'm that barnacle are where we're exposed you know where the bombs are a lot of malls i just i got it i got it got it in four don't got it don't tell anybody about that okay um so yeah i i just kind of got uninterested in it because everybody in my life wasn't talking about as actively which proves that i'm not a person who truly did it for the love of the game i did it for the love of like being part of a group activity and now only because i know that people much smarter than i like genevieve have bombed out now i want to be the hero and jump on wordle and just be like i want to be the guy who retired from the game and then just pops back in and hits the game winning three-pointer like still got it by the way i never had it i don't still got it indicates at one point i had it i was never very good at wordle but this is the most intrigued i've been And you telling me that no one else can do it means I really want to do it so that I'm somehow the hero.

Well, when I say no one else can do it, of course, I am not speaking of myself. I just got it in four. I don't know what these people's problems are. Like, come on, man. Just brush my shoulder off. Wow.

Now, did it help? Do you feel like it helped that you knew that it was difficult? Like, did you go into it with a different strategy than you would have if other folks were getting it in three or four?

Sort of. And again since we're doing this a day late And you can't really I mean there are technically Ways you can go back if you're like

Don't tell me the answer by the way I'm going to try to play it I'm going to play it quietly like you Play your Hex Empire do you have the app Open or am I I do okay we're not doing

That thing like where people play chess over the phone Or whatever okay so you got it so Speed wordle you have well I already I already told You what four of the letters are so you have a I forgot already that's the good news I think there Was an R and so what word are you going to start

With I'm trying to remember What my I used to have one of those listen because again my brain is a very simple machine i had my little starting word i forget what it was but it was something i had literally seen someone mention in a new york times story about wordle like some people start with this soiree or something because it had like a lot of vowels in it much like when i play roulette i only play the same four numbers 7 14 35 and 23 i have all my little systems none of them work by the way but i have them and that's important to me so i don't know what i used to start with i'm just gonna i think a lot of people

i think the wordle bot suggests that people start with least i don't use least but that's one and there's another one with o's and i's that i think a lot of people were using there um because you want to you want to try to get a bunch of vowels in there um to kind of see what you're working

with okay let's see here all right enter uh well i've got an r because i remember you saying there was an r yep so there was an r in it yep so i'm r i've got one correct letter and it's in the

correct place it starts with an r okay oh wow see that's gonna be huge what word did you use

roots root with as in i haven't been to the salon in a few weeks can you see my roots wait you used

two o's oh yeah have i told you you're supposed to eliminate letters starting with a word with a double letter you wasted a space what i have never heard you more disappointed than me and i've done some disappointing things in our friendship i mean you're you're right to be apoplectic that's a such a folly i feel like you're not taking this you know what i feel like you're not taking this world conversation seriously are you disrespecting my wordle conversation well i know that there's no double o's in it now i i will uh i will tell you this I'll answer a question while you continue to work on that I'll try to figure out other ways to try to save this conversation As you just puzzled this out But I will say that It's all you do is puzzle it out I do think that when I was choosing my fourth My fourth guess Which I did, again, just to remind everybody that I did win in four When I was choosing my fourth guess I think I did choose something that I maybe wouldn't have thought of But I was like, oh, it's a little trickier If it's this word instead of that word so I did so yeah I think the mentality of me going last here did help me a tiny bit and let me tell you this actually Luke can I tell you about some scandal that's been kind of brewing in the Wordle community when I say yes the Wordle community I mean my Wordle community I'm talking about the people I'm on this text chain with Genevieve I don't know if you know this is in all seriousness a very smart person yes she loves words she's a she's She's a writer. She's really good, especially at word games. She's constantly playing all of the digital New York Times crossword-related games and the Queen Bee game or whatever that thing's called. Everybody gets mad at me when I call it the Queen Bee game. You know what I'm talking about. Relax. Anyway, Genevieve loves these things, but she's also, you know, part of that is she's really good at. deducing things and so she has now deduced or or very closely deduced what everybody in our chains starting word is like she knows mine because i told her a long time ago that i shouldn't have

done and they say you don't play the wordle you play the player so she's already putting you on

a hand that's incredible and we had for the first time in a long time everybody who's in this world group or i think yeah everybody who's in this world group we're together for the super bowl this year i'm just sort of realizing that that was the maybe the first time we've all been in the same place together and this came up and there's different philosophies about this camaro kev who's on this chain he gets kind of he gets a little steamed that genevieve is is is drafting off of other people when they post their results first genevieve can sort of figure out oh i think i know what kevin's word is or i know like generally speaking and it's not all i mean to her credit it's not always because we've told her like i told her what mine was and now i try to mix it up a little bit but she's just sort of like from doing this day in and day out and watching our habits and then seeing what the final word is her brain does something that mine can't and it is to her credit as she says it's not cheating she's just using the information that's given to her she can sort of deduce from other people posting their results first she thinks she has an idea of what letters might be used on a certain day and it gives her a leg up and so she's often coming Genevieve, by the way, busted out today Just a quick little reminder of that But she, to her credit, went First, I believe, today in our Wordle chain, but now there has been a little bit Of a, like, Kevin wanted a new rule Where we just say, we just Use the honor system and say how many we want In, but we don't, like, kind of post The green and yellow, yeah And then Toon, our friend Toon, she's just like, who cares, I'm not playing Against you guys, I'm playing against Myself and the machine, and I'm sharing my Results, I really don't care if Genevieve knows what my word is and genevieve said i do know what your word is and she wrote it down on a piece of paper and showed it to to tune and tune says you have it within one so like genevieve i mean clearly is good at this deduction thing but then when people start teasing genevieve about being a cheat genevieve gets kind of apoplectic uh to use that word again and she'll be like i i'm not you guys are you all have the same access to the information i do which is often her her response which is a terrible imitation of genevieve nobody played that for her but uh yes a little scandal brewing in the local Wordle community here.

Alright, let me see.

What turn are you on now?

I'm on number two.

Oh, okay, so you haven't made what I would call a lot of... What's that? Is it Riper? We'll put it in and find out.

Yeah, that's it.

Did you seriously get it in two or are you spoofing

me? I totally looked it up.

I really wanted to...

I really wanted to... I was like, there's no way that you're

going with i was just number i was you don't even share your results right you should i was screen grab you don't even know how to share do you see the button at the bottom that says share you're supposed to do that and then it shows me like where you're i was really i want to tell

you the journey i went on while you were describing the scandal in the local wordle community it was could i make andrew quit the show by getting this into and sticking to my story that i got it into like how angry could i make you like again angry that you don't even know how to share this this

is like an old man taking a photo of his computer screen and sending it to his grandchildren and saying you're interested in this article you guys hey let's screen grabbed his like the his ranking and results instead of hitting the share button the beauty of wordle is you hit the share button and it shows everybody the green and yellow tile tile andrew listen i printed out an article from

yahoo that i'm gonna fax you okay i'm really i'm i'll tell you what i'm really disappointed in myself that i didn't have i'm actually for the second show in a row i'm sweating i was sweating yesterday because you played the tape of you you thinking that i was like is this where you're gonna say something yeah exactly that made me sweat yesterday's show today's show i'm sweating because i was really trying to steal myself to like really lean into just sticking to my story that i randomly got riper i could i could which i don't even think i knew that was a word i guess what that's an adverb for like so when something's more ripe uh yeah if you have two if you have two in a trillion years i would have never gotten that but i just thought do i have do i have the acting chops to sell this to andrew and to act like oblivious but sort of pleasantly proud but oblivious like can i pull this character off and the answer is no i couldn't i immediately caved and just told you that yeah i googled it now do you know about the wordle bot

no the wordle bot is a website that you go to after you complete your game i don't know how it knows it's just reading my phone somehow but i just went to Thank you. wordlebot i googled it and it says what would you like to do do you want me to analyze your wordle from today and i'm gonna hit yes on this and then it's gonna kind of give you all kinds of data they actually have like i believe the people who do a lot of data and analytics for the news side of um the new york times yes actually we've run this uh wordlebot now where it'll kind of really break down like um so first of all skill level uh out of 99 i got 88 but most people, the national average is 82. I got a luck factor of 46 out of 99, which is very low. So that kind of speaks to my skill level. And I got it in four turns when the national average today was 5.5. And then it'll go through and it'll say, okay, your first word steam was pretty good. I would have gone with least, but steam is pretty good. And then I went with gripe secondly. And the bot tells me wonderful choice you've narrowed it down to seven remaining words i just got your other text that says is that good um for your score i sent it to the wordle chain oh i sent

my screen i sent my grandpa screen cap to the wordle chain asking is that good just to see what the reaction is in real time to see how many people block me oh my well first of all you sent

this okay grandpa you sent the screen cap to the wordle chain and you sent is that good to me personally i don't know if you know because you're on the wordle chain no you sent to the group you sent the screen cap and then or maybe there's something funky going on with my phone

but i think i got a direct message because i'm now let me just say this too that's going to be a great show pick that thing i sent you and it doesn't give it away see so i think although i did just say it on the show but it doesn't give away the word if someone were to look if this is the show pick for today's episode just that very elderly screen cap i sent you someone could look at that but they wouldn't get the answer but that's the whole no but that's the whole point

of the share button it doesn't spoil it it doesn't show you it doesn't show you what the letters were but it shows you just green and yellow squares to show like okay in turn one generally we've got two yellow squares one green square and two gray squares or whatever so it is a way of sharing i I just can't believe you don't know the basics of this, but now I'm annoying myself, so I'll just shut the hell up.

I can't tell you how much I love how much it creases you, my deep unawareness or my deep lack of facility with the Wordle stuff. But I am now launching on a mission to get really good at Wordle. I'm going to go into the Wordle dojo and become like a master and then really surprise you one of these days. Although the problem is now I've established that I am not above cheating on this, and so if I were to do really well, like imagine it's six months from now and I've been playing it more and I get a really hard word right away, you'll just be like, yeah, you're spoofing me again. So I've really killed my credibility with you of forever doing well on Wordle.

Speaking of you going into a quiet place and inside your own mind and improving yourself.

Is this Aaron Rodgers related?

How did we not talk Well maybe we didn't talk about this Because our dear friend and listener Lisa Is such a big fan of the Green Bay Packers

I wish I could say it was out of consideration It just was one of those weird things

That we didn't get too much But my god is he out of his darkness retreat yet He was going to do four days of total Sensory deprivation And he was going to stay in complete Blackness darkness for four days Right that was the plan

While he contemplated Now, for folks that don't know who we're talking about, Aaron Rodgers, quarterback for the Green Bay Packers, personal nemesis of Andrews. Just wonderful personality. Real leader of men. Never looks pouty when one of his teammates lets him down. Now, listen, I told you that I can never, ever get past the fact that Seattle Mariners pitcher Robbie Ray would not take the vaccine. That's always going to, no matter what he does, that's good for the Seattle Mariners baseball team. I'll never get past that. Here's what's really strange. Aaron Rodgers did the same thing. Somehow it does not make me. I don't I don't love Aaron Rodgers. You've certainly brought me over closer to your dark side. I will say this after their final whatever their final game was this year where he played really lousy and he got sacked a bunch and he just looked not good at football. I thought, and I'm not going to win this debate with you, Andrew because I know you really don't like the guy no matter what, and you shouldn't like him, and again the anti-vax stuff should bother me as much with him as it bothers me with Robbie Ray I will say this, his final press conference that he did of this season I was slightly impressed with the way that he was talking about himself and to the reporters about his decision that he was making, and they were like reporters were at, one reporter asked him um, are you

Like, are you quitting? Are you going to get a new team? And he said, you know what? It's so raw right now. I just feel so emotional. I just can't say anything because I just don't know. And then another reporter said something like, I'm not trying to troll you, Aaron. But, I mean, do you feel like you still have the ability to play this game? And he goes, listen, Craig, I've known you forever. I know you're not trying to troll me. I will tell you that that was a good press conference for him in terms of the optics. like because so many of those players have so many reporters so afraid to even ask them like do you still have it and at his lowest moment he's you know maybe he doesn't have it by the way someone asking him do you still have it and he didn't just like climb over the lectern and like fight the guy he was like i've known you for a long time i know you're not trolling me it's a fair question i think i have it or whatever i'm not saying that that's a good answer i mean it doesn't cover up my right totally um i was just i was i was slightly surprised at uh at that response from him because i'm with you he has he can be pouty and whatever okay so all of that sorry i'm just trying to make sure we don't get like completely bogged down in football talk he announced or somewhat somehow it was leaked that in order to decide how he wanted to proceed with his nfl career he was going to go into a four day darkness presumably also silence retreat

correct that's my understanding of it now i didn't see i've only heard like everybody referencing this on every sports related thing i listen to people just it's like a shorthand of just like him going into his darkness retreat but i think that that was he must have been out for days by this point i don't know if you can look it up by the way um you're getting some praise on this text chain over your results and i had to let everybody know that you're a big stinking cheater why i would

put stinking in there i don't even know that's rude update people our friend katie uh said for today you're a real winner because uh we had two people who x'd out it took me all six and literally the second that this thing hits there is then a response from andrew he cheated you guys we're recording tbtl right now he doesn't even know how to properly share his results do not buy the hype i love it i love i think this i think this on some level he responded

andrew can't handle that i'm better than him at wordle this is a very unfortunate look dude

oh my gosh this is the most fun i've i was ready to retire from podcasting but this is my equivalent of four days of silent silent dark retreat and you know what i've emerged from it thinking i want to keep doing the show so anyway this isn't sensory deprivation

it's more like intelligence deprivation that's what tbtl can offer you uh i didn't um i didn't

hear much else about Aaron Rodgers' trip into isolation. I just saw one little mention of it somewhere. I think even what I saw was Tom Brady responds to news of Aaron Rodgers going into isolation. It was weird. I didn't even see someone breaking down like, where is this isolation chamber? Who's monitoring him? It was really short on details what I was seeing, and now I haven't heard anything about him emerging from it. It's a very weird story to me.

last day i don't know i'm seeing an article from three days ago saying uh aaron rogers is entering his darkness retreat so there's a chance that he's still he's still there i was thinking like would it be weird if like something huge happened and like he emerges and he's like the last he's like literally the last man on earth or something i mean that is the plot of various episodes of

the twilight zone and other such movies where you you know you come out of your bunker and you know A lot has changed about the world I saw I've never seen this movie But it was It definitely has Christopher Walken In it And the story is A family builds a very Elaborate bomb shelter In the 1950s Husband and wife I should say It's called Blast from the Past according to the internet Is that Brendan Fraser in it or something?

I'm looking it up now Yes, Brendan Fraser, Alicia Silverstone Christopher Walken, Sissy Spacek Wow, Dave Foley of The Kids in the Hall I've never seen this, never even heard of it

And I saw like, I get the weirdest Content on TikTok that's like movie related Where it'll be like a clip From this movie, right, but not a trailer Like literally like three minutes of the movie But then like a robot voice going A husband and wife Built an underground bomb shelter And the bomb They misunderstood, they went above ground and thought bomb had occurred it's like somebody who doesn't speak it's like a bot yeah i know that bot voice i'm you know what i'm talking about it's like a bot somehow compares a film clip with maybe like text that's out there in the world about the film and then it puts a voice to it and then it slaps it together yeah i don't know why this is all just about algorithmically getting like eyeballs but it's slightly off and i don't know what the purpose of it is but what happened for me was I was unaware

aware this film existed and now i'm fairly intrigued because because like uh um christopher walken and i guess sissy spacek the younger versions of themselves they think there's been a nuclear war an atomic war probably at that time they go down to the bunker and they seal it and the bunker has a setting that seals it for like 30 years or something like that and then they have a baby down there and then they raise the baby the baby grows up to be brendan fraser and this whole time they're growing old and having a life together underground not aware that above ground is still normal in fact somebody comes the house is demolished they build something over the house it's a whole thing but it's a kind of intriguing concept for a movie i'm watching the trailer

silently right now it does look good i totally want to stream this on tubi or something along the lines of that um this looks great i'm not a huge brendan fraser guy but this looks like he can pull this off it's a great concept for a movie I'd also like to point out I'm going to channel my inner Jen Andrews here and just point out that we have a little bit of a limited space or time I guess for today's show she would be better at this and we are under a half hour until we have to wrap this show up and we have barely gotten started should we take a break yes we

should we absolutely which is why we're not going to do it right now let's take a break And we'll be back with the second half hour of TVTL in just a moment. Stay with us.

On your mark. On your mark. Get set. Get set. Now ready. Ready. Go. Everybody rattle, dattle.

All right, let's thank some dazzling donors. These wonderful, generous donors are dazzling us with the dough that they're sending in each month. And as a thanks for them supporting us at such a high level, we read a message submitted by the donors. In this case, the first one is Megan Yoho in Charlotte, North Carolina. Beautiful. Charlotte, North Carolina. Megan says, I wasn't sure what to say this year until the gentle reminder came to me that Luke is better at Wordle than Andrew will ever be. Some people have called him a natural. Some people have said his skill is riper than Andrew's. I'm going to go use the restroom now. I wasn't sure what to say this year until the gentle reminder to write my dazzling donor message prompted me to talk about my dog. My dog is Doris, who sang on the TBTL talent show. And she is wonderful. Well, first of all, that is a wonderful name for a dog. We had a good dog named Hank. No, the kid was named Big Hank. The dog was named Divot, I believe, on yesterday's program. Doris is another very good dog name. And so Megan says, may we all know a love as pure as a dog's. Also, it's interesting that, listen, Megan, I don't want to stir up any controversy at home. It's interesting that Doris, the dog gets mentioned before your children. But then again, I've met a dog and I've met children and sometimes dogs are more fun. Shout out to my fives and my eleven Who put up with me Or pot up with me Talking about Luke and Andrew like I know them personally And to the tens who get Why it's like that It really do be like that though, Megan So you're not alone with that Thanks Luke and Andrew for this community Dazzle on, power out Ooh, that's a cool

Dazzle on is nice

Power out That could be a new If we're ever looking to replace No Mountain Too Tall And good luck to all Dazzle On and Power Out is pretty good

Or maybe if our dazzling donors of course These are the people who are just contributing Incredibly generous amounts of money to the show

To the detriment of Megan's family probably

Exactly maybe they get to like say Dazzle On like that's a special little like Code for the TV Maybe they get kind of their special We should have some sort of special rings like Dazzler rings to sweeten the pot

But see I don't feel we don't want to create

No friction we don't want to create that kind of system

We want you know this this is

This this show is everyone who agrees that I'm better at Wordle is welcome to be a part of this.

You know, you hold it and then you Google what is today's Wordle?

Hey, I have a quick question for you and I apologize. I think you got this right. You usually do. I will admit that I was reading your latest text message to the chain, which you are banned from. And I blanked out for a second. When you mentioned Big Hank, Big Hank was a baby yesterday, right? Yes, I corrected myself.

I thought for a moment the dog was named Big Hank, but the dog was named Divot. Yes. And the baby was named Big Hank. Yes. Good names both. Today, the dog is named Doris, and the children are unnamed. That's how Megan rolls. Well, Megan's waiting until inspiration hits her. Fair. Absolutely fair. Megan, thank you so much for supporting the show. We really do appreciate you. Maestro?

On your mark. On your mark. Get set. Get set. Now ready. Ready. Hey, look who it is. It's our dear friend Ryan Honick out there in Alexandria, Virginia.

I'm going to give you a heads up on this, Luke. I don't know if you've pre-read the whole thing. I haven't. This is a little bit time-stamped based on some world events, some sporting-related world events. Okay. And it's going to get a little painful near the end knowing how things actually turned out IRL. So I just want to give you a heads up on that.

and i apologize so this was submitted by ryan yes when there was is it like super bowl or something it might be super so it was like ryan ryan was was submitting this before the super bowl had

been played indeed and i assume that there's some hashtag some hashtag fly eagles fly contained in

this i assume that this message says may harrison butker doink the upright to somebody's great

financial benefit. You're the only person who will remember that name because you profited off of that doink.

Actually, you don't forget a name like Harrison Butker. A dazzling doinker. You know what? Doink on. Power in. Ryan says, Luke and Andrew, I continue to be so grateful for this pod cart and having my two best imaginary friendos in my ear on a daily basis. Two years in, Rachel now understands what it means when I casually drop a TBTL reference or start a sentence with, Luke and Andrew said, Speaking of your ever-increasing fan base, congratulations to fellow 10 and awesome friend-o Steve. He and his wife just welcomed their first five this week. Hey, congratulations, y'all. I'm wondering if that isn't the Steve who, along with Jennifer, jumped on that Livewire party bus once. Because I know we've got a Steve out there in the greater D.C. area who's a friend of the show. Anyway, congratulations, Steve, and I know that's also where Ryan lives. um born the same night as the state of the union so perhaps a future politico powerhouse i shared with my family andrew's appreciation for bob's market oh right i forgot that's like ryan's

grandpa yeah grandpa's bob yeah in santa monica that story is my grandfather has owned that so

this is how you know i don't pre-read these i'm just reading these cold andrew like how i play wordle i just go in i nail it and i get out you're just reading it cold the way you lie my grandfather has owned that store since as long as i can remember and he was thrilled at the mention when i talked to him this weekend it's his birthday i'll let him know to expect the tbtl bump yeah bob you're gonna want to get more french rolls in there and a couple of more uh boar's head turkey loaf what do you call that amount of like deli neat before it's been sliced would you just call that a hunk oh that's a hunk a big hank a big hank a ham order up a couple more big

hanks of boar's head let's get some more turkey i think you just use the plural just get some more

turkey i don't know if that's plural or not i guess i think you're right it is turkey but it's in it's in a format if you will that's so to the rest of us that aren't running a commercial sandwich enterprise and i know bob's is a uh full-on market but like most people would never have that in their possession, that amount of meat. Anyway, please do prepare, Bob, for the TBTL bump. Finally, as I write this on the eve of the Super Bowl, thank you, Rachel, for turning me into a diehard Eagles fan. I love you. Aww! That part's good. There's my aw sound effect. Hold on. Dang it.

I have a whole bunch of sound machines. I got a new sound machine as a housewarming gift. Here, how about some... No, I want my... You're playing

those for me, not for the love between ryan and rachel that's the love between ryan and rachel sound effect um let's see and then ryan wraps us up by saying i love you hashtag fly eagles fly will there be a parade nicholas cage voice yes there will be yes he does it's just going to be for kansas city yeah we're out

i know i'm sorry ryan we really appreciate you and thank you rachel for tolerating

ryan dragging you into this world or at least boring you with the details of this world uh we appreciate both of you and uh also our other dazzling donor megan from today thank you both so

much hello and welcome to top story all right andrew this is where we need to make a critical

decision um because as you mentioned today's show this thursday edition of the program is on a fairly tight time window because i am uh needing to uh get in a lift and go to the airport so i can get on an airplane so i can go to new york so i can interview the band depeche mode oh yeah and i had promoted at the top of the show i actually promoted yesterday that i was going to give you some updates about my apartment building situation but i also had promoted the top stories i'm thinking we just move the top stories to the friday edition of the show and um and maybe get into the apartment stuff or what do you think i actually am very uh fine either way what yeah i'm more interesting to you and the listeners in your the human interest what's going on in your apartment well again it's now been overhyped probably but yesterday at the end of the program i mentioned that i had found out the actual name of my neighbor who had left me the note telling me to please stop cooking late at night, which I wasn't doing, by the way, and also to stop playing my music, which happened to be Sean Colvin. The neighbor said, you know, I don't think the kind of music matters, which is a fair point. But anyway, the only reason I would be aware of that neighbor's name is because of this very convoluted male situation that I will try to explain in a clear fashion, but I don't know if it's possible. So what happened was, like, two weeks ago or so, maybe not even that long ago, I get an email from the building that I live in. It's called the Daily Digest, right? And they just, it's like, here's what's going on with various things in the apartment building. And it also includes messages between the different tenants in this building. So there's also a whole website dedicated to this, which you'll be not surprised to hear, Andrew, I never go to. Like, I'm not really trying to make friends at this apartment building. I'm not, like, I don't have a profile. I'm not really over in that world. But sometimes if I'm bored, I will click on the Daily Digest. And on this particular day, I click on it, and a message, there's a message from a person in apartment, let's just say, 405. And they say, hi, I had a key in my mailbox. So the way that our mail works here is if there's a package that's too large to fit in your mailbox, but it was sent to you in the U.S. mail, right, they'll put a key in your mailbox, and that key will correspond with a different larger locker that you unlock and you get the thing. People are familiar. So the message from this guy was, hey, I got a key in my mailbox, and then when I opened the larger mailbox, it was a package for somebody in apartment, dot, dot, dot. And it turns out I was apartment, dot, dot, dot, Andrew. That was my apartment. I'm the person in that story. That's okay. It's me.

And I was like, so obviously I was intrigued because this person had found a piece of mail that was intended for me. And this person then said, I put that in the general mail area, which I was like, okay, sort of supposed to be behind lock and key. I don't also know what it is, but okay. And then he said, does the person in this apartment, again, talking about mine, does the person in this apartment have my mail? which, Andrew, I didn't because I probably go down there once a month to get anything I'm pretty hands off with that situation so this led me to go to the full-on portal for the apartment building to try to find this guy's profile so that I could then send him an email or a message that said I don't have your thing it wasn't his fault really but I didn't really love the implication that i had his shit because it was like he had my shit i did not have his stuff he had my stuff right yeah so i wanted to like just be clear with him that i'm not like hiding his because oh you know also why andrew because i don't know maybe four hours later i had a call i had a voicemail from the people in the leasing office going hi we had so and so report that you might have their mail do you have it and i was like calling them back going and no one answered but i called back got the voicemail and I was like I don't have that person's mail I didn't get I didn't say frankly I resent the implication but I was feeling that way a little bit because you feel like you'd already addressed it because I felt like I just didn't have anything to do with any of this like somebody found my mail and assumed it meant I had their mail and then began a campaign of harassment where they had exactly one phone call placed to me yes asking about the mail so I told you it's complicated so I was trying to find this person's information in the system because a lot of people have profiles they're like i live in this apartment and this is my name and this is what i like and this is my email like i don't know why anyone would want to have that much contact with people in an apartment building but people do it so i thought i can find this guy i can find his profile i can email him and say i'm sorry but i don't have your stuff well i couldn't find him in there which i thought was kind of ironic like that he was also one of the people who hadn't registered all of this stuff but as i was looking for his thing i was just scrolling through because i knew his name so scrolling through alphabetically everybody and who do i happen upon the name of the person who left me the note because it lists their apartment number which is one off for well it's two off from my apartment number so then did i google that person did i get on the internet and try to figure out who this person yes if you didn't play that i was going to say it missed opportunity if i didn't do that and um i couldn't get a lot of good information about them and then i also decided i it's fine i don't need good information i don't need any more information about them

than I already have, which is that they left me a couple of notes. We sort of have a detente and now we're just leaving each other alone. That's enough. Some part of me, when I found their name, I was very intrigued by the idea of figuring out, what's this person's deal in the world? They don't have much of a deal in the world and they have a fairly unique name. It's not Jane Smith or something. But it doesn't really... They didn't seem to have a lot of stuff. And then I just at some point I started to feel kind of gross about it. Like I was like, I don't I don't need to I don't need to find out more about this person unless we have like if things were to escalate and all of a sudden we had problems, then maybe I'll, you know, maybe I would need to figure out if this is something that they're doing in other places and spaces. But for now, I was like, I know enough about them, which is that we're both going to leave each other alone and everything is fine.

yeah what if it turns out that they're I just needed to Paula Cole I was trying I wanted to make a joke about another like soft spoken sort of singer and I just couldn't get the name I knew that the singer is Paula Cole the where have all the cowboys gone and I was starting my joke before I had my because I couldn't think of her name so I was googling where have all the cowboys gone because what was the music you were listening to in your

apartment Sean Colvin

Sean Colvin, so I was trying to, like, I wanted to make a Paula Cole reference, I couldn't think of her name, I thought if I Googled quickly, I could start the joke without the ending, but get to the ending. Dangerous game, Dano. If you rewind by 30 seconds, hit that back button, listener, and just listen to me die. Just listen to this joke, just die upon arrival.

That was awful, absolutely awful. I knew where you were going with it, though. By the way, Andrew, as we're now recording this, remember I said I don't know how the weather is going to be when this is airing. I can tell you how the weather is right now. It is snowing profusely. It's not sticking, but I'm already doing a calculation in my mind. I was going to take a lift to the airport. Now I think I'm going to jump in my car because I am fine driving in this. It's not anything dangerous, but I'm sure that all of a sudden the surge pricing and the lack of lifts is going to become a real problem. I hear what you're doing. I'm picking up what you're polycholing down. I didn't remember it sounding like this I thought it was

This is the kind of cool whisper rap intro part Yeah No, I know what you mean I actually really do love this song Yeah, it's a good song You want to take your fate into your own hands And not kind of rely on that Of course, now you have to pay for long-term parking But one thing I want to say

Well, CBS has to

Oh, good point I was going to say, yeah You know the backstory on this And I would ask you to kind of you know keep your cards close to your vest for this conversation but like we have a neighbor who we had one impression of and we knew he was somewhat difficult for some folks but we had a good impression of him when we moved in here and then I started to see some of his writing online from years ago because he's kind of part of this neighborhood list serve that I was just automatically put on and whatever and I had heard that he had gotten kind of shirty with some people on there and i went back and i read what he the way he had taught and it's amazing like he's a little bit of a he's an older guy he's a little bit of a quirky kind of almost good i don't even know if curmudgeon is the right word when you talk to him in person but when you when you see the writing and you see the difference in how people when they're writing even directly to like you know community lister where he's gonna have to look these people in the eye the toxicity with which he spoke to people really really changed the way i enter well maybe not the way i interact with him but i certainly don't lose any sleep over possibly offending him like he told he says he likes to make up jokes and the other day he was like hey i don't know if you know this i'm just like getting out of my car oh boy and he's like yeah oh yeah and i was oh he was in his car too he's like oh i was having a driveway moment he's a big npr guy i like to listen to npr and so then Are you talking about Livewire? Actually, I bet you he knows about Livewire. But I don't want to, I don't think any of my neighbors know I do this podcast. I would like to do this podcast.

You're worried that if you were to jokingly turn him on to my show, it would, in some roundabout way, get back to, it would connect back up to you, and you're not trying to have him in that world.

Yeah, I mean, just generally speaking, if I want to have conversations about my neighborhood, I'd be happier if my neighbors didn't know that I do. this podcast so would you have a problem if he and i started a wordle chain no you know what i

encourage that i encourage that please take your wordle bullshit and and and go with god god is my neighbor by the way uh anyway i'll tell you this and we we have to we have to go because i have to we have some blurs days to get through here but like he's like he's like oh i was having a driveway moment he's like oh by the way i was listening to npr the other day and he tells me about some story I'm not going to go into the detail of it About some story regarding the space program And he's like and I like to make up jokes And I was thinking huh maybe there's a good joke here And then like he just he's like do you want to hear my joke And I'm like thinking no god no No but of course I said yes And so I'm standing there in the driveway With like groceries in my hands

And he tells me this joke Was the joke if Athletes get athlete's foot What do astronauts get What is it Mistletoe Huh.

Jokes are really difficult, I must say. Do astronauts use missiles? Don't Army men use missiles? Not to be overly gendered about it. Well, if you believe what NASA tells you, Andrew, they don't. Anyway, what I was going to say was he tells me this joke that he made that is so ableist, Luke. It is like, and I'm not like, I'm telling you, I'm not being a snowflake. It was like we were on the playground in 1986 and nobody knew better that you wouldn't. I'm just like, and then I'm like, okay, man. Oh, and I kind of like, you know, when somebody tells a joke, you can sort of get away with just like groaning. I didn't lecture him about why it's inappropriate. He's an older man, but I didn't laugh. I was just like, okay, all right. And I went inside, but I thought I kind of played it off like, okay, you and your corny jokes, but I definitely did not smile. And then a couple of days later, maybe no, no, like more than a week later, Genevieve and I are getting out of our car and this guy sees us again. And again, he's our neighbor across the street. And he comes up. And I thought he was just going to say hey to us and maybe chat with Vives a little bit. And he's like, oh, hey, you know, I was really thinking you didn't like my joke the other day. And I'm just wondering, like, why you didn't like my – and I was just – No way. Yes, and he had some theory about it. And he was like – and he didn't bring up the fact that it was ableist.

I was going to say, I assume ableist wasn't part of the theory.

And I just said – and at this point, I really was. I had my hands full of groceries and I was holding like I might have been holding like some logs of wood or something for our fireplace. I was like holding something heavy and he's like trying to get me to tell him why I didn't laugh at his joke. And I was just like, listen, I was like, no, no, no, that. OK, whatever. And I maybe if I was a more responsible person, I would have explained why that's offensive. But I didn't. I just said, no, man, I don't have any notes for you. I got to go. This is heavy. And I went inside and I got to say, I was a little bit, you know, I wasn't rude, but I also wasn't playing his game. And, like, kind of I was thinking in the back of my head, I see how he treats people online, and I don't owe him anything. And so I didn't feel bad about not, like, you know, creating fake pleasantries. Right.

Although it's weird because, well, we don't have time to unpack all of this. No, I'm sorry. I've gone way long. Well, first of all, I would say the way you get him is you steal his mail, but then you accuse him of stealing your mail. Because that's the gaslighting that goes on in this building, and it's got me twisted, bro. but maybe on a subsequent episode we could talk about that a little bit because what you're describing is a person who is both I think probably making the world a worse place with their online discourse and even their jokes that they're saying that are ableist or whatever but is also desperate for connection and it doesn't make the stuff that's offensive not offensive but it's like a reminder that shit is complicated this is a person who kind of I don't want to sound like I'm excusing any behaviors, but it's like it's just like they don't know how to do this, but they're trying. And it's it's almost like a Tim Robinson character, like somebody who's just like, yeah, really trying to like connect and whatever and make friends and and is lonely as hell. but is also actively doing things that that push people away because it's it's mean spirited and also probably doesn't understand online tone is like that. You can't be super mean just because you're typing it like saying it is not different than typing it, you know, which is a generational thing. It sounds like I'm defending the guy and I'm not. He's just a more as you're describing him. It's a more complicated character than I was expecting. Absolutely. He is complicated.

There's a right way to rock And a wrong way to roll You can just listen to your soul Just remember that life is number one You can be having so much fun Just remember that life is much fun You can be number one

Thank you.

Now, Andrew, I just want to tell you, we're okay. We're okay. You don't want me to micro-machines my way through this?

No, I don't want you to be stressed. I do need to get out of here, but it's not like as of this very second. We've got a good 10 minutes here. Do you think we can get these in in 10 minutes?

We're going to do this in five minutes. I didn't even send you the Blur's days.

And we're going to refund the other five minutes to the listeners.

Oh, man. You know, I will sit. Okay, this will be 10 minutes. I sit in meetings sometimes. The meeting will end like three minutes early and the people in the meeting will say, OK, we're going to give you your time back, which is I didn't realize that was a universal thing. I'm so out of corporate culture, but like I just knew that like the people like our bosses will say that like, OK, we're going to end a little early. We're going to give you your time back. And I'm like, you're giving me four minutes back. Like, what are you talking about? But then I saw people spoof. Have you heard that? I saw people spoofing about that online. Apparently, like that's a thing. Like, the Zoom meeting ends, like, five minutes early, and the boss will be like, okay, I'm going to give you guys your time back. Right. Anyway, Josh says, happiest Blursday to my wife and the rock of our family, Karen. She is the Andrew to my Luke. Oh, okay, so she's the cool one, wears sunglasses, super cool. The very chill one about Wordle. She's my best friend, and there's no one in the world I'd rather have as my life partner and co-parent. She can putter with the best of them, and in addition to being smart, funny, loving, and talented, she's one of the most thoughtful and giving people. I won the lottery, and I'm thankful every day that she likes me back. Love from Josh, Elliot, and Pearl. What a wonderful Blur's Day. Oh, come on now. What a love letter. Love it. Happy Blur's Day, Karen. Aaron says, I'd like to wish a happy Blur's Day to—I think I said that wrong. I'm going to start over. Aaron says, I'd like to wish Terry a happy birthday. That's what it says on the paper. Thank you for your friendship, and here's to you being one of the best grandmas on the planet. Please have a great day today. Sorry I missed your actual birth last Thursday. I found this email in my draft folder. Aaron in Olympia says, I'd like to wish my two boys Norris and Lennox a happy Blur's Day. Oh, and myself, while we're at it, I'm glad I get to share my birthday month with my two favorite boys. That's from Aaron and Olympia to Norris and Lennox. Happy birthday, guys. Let it breathe since we're not in a hurry. Hey, dummies. I'm not in a hurry. It's Tiara from Baltimore. It's our friend Tiara. Today is me and Andrew's sister's birthday. That is a fact. Tiara from Baltimore shares a birthday with my sister. So I'll pause here and say happy Blur's Day to my sister, but also very happy Blur's Day to Tierra. Tierra says it's also 76 degrees here today. Yay, global warming. Oh, come on, T. Rooting for global warming. It's not a milestone birthday for me, but I'm so happy to finally not. That's climatist, Tierra. I'm finally happy to not hear go Browns all the time. Love you guys. Power out. Go Bengals. Happy Blursday, Tiara. And finally, Annie says, I want to wish my in-real-life cousin

of Holler Lake Christian Preschool and PNB Nutcracker Rapticades fame. What is that? Ratcapades? Ratcapades fame. There's a rat in the nutcase.

I'm guessing, from the information provided so far, I'm guessing this is my dear friend Leah. Indeed it is. Who was so kind as to, I was going to say weasel me, but I guess maybe rat me into a production at PNB for CBS Sunday Morning and was my classmate at Haller Lake Preschool. There's a picture somewhere, I always mention this, but there's a picture of me and Leah when we were like four or something, which there aren't that many pictures of me when I was four, and Leah of all people is in one of them.

You know what, Luke, some people rat you out, Leah ratted you in. She sure did. for that. And continues to. We love you. Leah deserves a happy Blur's Day and she's getting one from Annie, who, by the way, I believe I met Annie before at Teddy's during the baseball playoffs. Anyway, Annie says, I hope you have a fabulous day, dear cousin. Love you lots. Happy Blur's Day to Leah and the entire gang. Happy Blur's Day, everybody.

Wait a sec. Now, hold on. Hold on. We've got some extra time here. Did I miss one? I just want to say happy Blur's Day to my actual mom, Susie B and my actual sister, Hannah N, who have the same birthday, February 24th, so tomorrow as this is airing, and I love them so much.

easy to remember their birthdays because it's on the same day. So thank you for kind of consolidating that. It's one less thing for me to remember. Also, Hannah is the only sibling of mine, I believe, maybe DFTB, but like Hannah has, I think of late, been the most regular consumer of the program. So I really want to make sure I don't miss Hannah's birthday because she's probably hearing this.

If you don't mind, like if you have Blur's Days that you'd like to share, Luke, if you could just email me, andrew at tbtl.net and put Blur's Day in this it's just like i like to keep kind of track of these things and now like i sort of feel like the timing was off now because of i like to time these things out you can tell them from the tightness with which i presented those blurs days you can tell that i'm a real perfectionist

no i'm laughing andrew because no no i'm laughing let me tell you why i'm laughing because we could do three more shows if you want because my flight has been delayed by two can i redo the

Because I stumbled a lot By at least two hours

Yeah presumably Does that kind of screw you

Other than like you planning for this Does this screw you over on the other end Like you're not doing any interviews

It just means I'm going to get into New York Like really really late Which is fine it's just kind of a lack of sleep thing But it's not But I'm just hoping that the I'm hoping that the plane gets to Portland I was thinking and now that we have Just all the time in the world we can just really let our hair down and have this conversation I was sort of thinking that like a lot of the real tough weather is kind of in the Midwest, upper Midwest, kind of the middle of the country, it's not so much I mean they're getting snow in California but the real, as I was reading it the really, really tough stuff was kind of flyover country in terms of my flight being from Portland to New York and then Friday I'm flying from New York to Seattle because Addie and I are going away for the weekend for her birthday. And I thought, is it possible to fly over all of the bad weather? But I don't think that's how the airlines work in terms of the ripple effect. I was like, could it be that I'm just like soaring over the upper Midwest and everything's iced down, but I'm just waving from the safety of the airplane because my plane doesn't need to land in the Midwest? But I don't think that's what's going on. I think probably the airplane that I'm supposed to be getting on is currently somewhere else having problems. or is being pressed into some other duties. So who knows? Maybe Depeche Mode will have to interview themselves, which also sounds like a song they might write. I'm interviewing myself because Luke's flight was delayed.

Do you think if I played that for them, they would think twice about sitting down with you for this interview? I'll cut you.

I will expose you for the wordle cheat that you are. No, I do feel bad about trying to get away with that. all right i guess that's gonna do it for today's extremely sped up extremely unnecessarily episode hurry up and wait is this what they mean when they say hurry up and wait i think this is exactly what they're talking about well i'll be at my father's place waiting for my lift oh i'll be the guy with a guy with a to me bag i know actually there's a there's a bar called the wooden chicken that's out by the airport oh i rarely go to because it's not convenient but i

Don't miss your flight. I feel like I heard somebody's like there. I think I've told you this before. What a terrible way to end the show. But their rock bottom moment before they went into the program was when they realized that they went to an airport, I think, and they were drinking and they missed their flight. And then they just stayed in the airport and just drank the rest of the night.

Oh, yeah. I'm not going to do that. Let's not. I may.

And that person was Stephen Colbert.

Oh, of the Colbert rapport. Exactly. All right. thanks for listening everybody we'll be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio for you I guess we'll find out if I ever got to New York or not so in the meantime have a great Thursday take care of yourselves and please remember no mountain too tall and good luck to all

what i love to think about this is a it's a puzzle and each of every one of us is an integral piece that puts a big picture in which we're all together it puts a big picture and so it lets us to see the big picture yeah power out and