Muse

Beware of things that cost $1.99. Those are the membership dues for this club that I joined. The Columbia House Music Club. Turns out, that wasn't really even a club. It was just a business for making money. Although it is how I found my favorite band, various artists of the 80s. TBTL! I feel like I have the power of a thousand cowboys running through my veins right now. They sound un-freaking-incredible together. I am not going to talk about myself. I'm going to talk about you, and if I talk about you, I think I'm going to talk about me.

Hey, this guy doesn't have it figured out, so we can't start work right now. Did everybody hear that? He does not have the show figured out. I'm looking into his eyes, and all I see is fear and a little bit of shame.

Have a good show, dummy. It's what you do is so important.

All right, hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a Wednesday edition of TVTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live.

Hey, where's the freaking gabagoo?

My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host.

Hello, everyone.

Coming to you from the Hollywood Broadcast Center right here in beautiful Portland, Oregon.

It's the story of a man with a brothel of a home and a pool filled with human excrement.

you know the the human mind is so it's so flexible it's uh able to adjust to all kinds of things when i'm up at the uh the future home of tbtl the river house studios overlooking the mighty columbia river i'm really enjoying that i really like looking out on the on the nature and uh even though the place is a wreck it's just very it's tranquil it's peaceful out in the country but i also love being here in the hollywood broadcast center right here in portland oregon i like looking at the person in a honda fit well not a person but a car that has a parking ticket despite the fact that they are parked this person seems to be parked legally and i have half of mine to take a picture of their car in case they need it as evidence later because i can't figure out a reason why this person who is parked in a clearly marked parking spot here in Portland, Oregon, why they have a ticket on their Honda Fit. So that'll be an ongoing plot line for the show today to see what happens, to see their response when they come out of their house and note that they have a ticket. This, by the way, is episode 3,891 in a collector series. Let the fun begin. and we've got another earned media spotlight i'd like to point out to anybody watching this is really bunk journalism this is of course where a company does something probably to get the attention of moderately successful podcasts like ours and then we give them exactly the attention they're asking for today it involves a guy who was surviving apparently on heinz

ketchup the red magic that puts more fun into everyday eating i've also found a new podcast

that I am very, very into right now. The Coldest Case in Laramie. So we can talk about that, too. And we can talk to this guy, the longest-running co-bro of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships.

I like turtles.

He sure does. He's Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

Tabs. I'm going to guess that their license plate tabs are potentially expired.

Well, the thing of that is they don't have a license plate on the front of the Honda Fit. And that's the part of the car that's pointed at me. So I can't tell you. If I could see the back of the car, I could maybe zoom in. I could enhance, enhance. Enhance, enhance. But from here, I can't quite tell. I also haven't been home in so long because I was in New York City. I was on Treasure Island in Allen, Washington with my daughter. Then I was out at the Riverhouse Studios. So maybe this car has been abandoned there for the better part of a week. That's true. But I'll tell you, one thing the pandemic really did, I feel, was it punctured the balloon that is our belief that we need parking enforcement. Because they just didn't give out parking tickets for most of the pandemic. and everything was fine. You know what I mean? And it's still not fully come back here in Portland. Like, I've lived here now going on three years. I've gotten maybe one parking ticket while I've been here. Maybe two. But, like, it's just not as enforced as it used to be. And, again, things have been basically okay, which I think points out that we didn't need all of that tyrannical parking enforcement. Well, what is it?

What does okay mean? I mean, obviously, they lost an income source, and I don't know if you know this.

Things have been okay in that you can still find parking. I think the argument for parking enforcement is if you don't have people driving small, you know, meter-made vehicles, so to speak, telling people you can't park there, all the cars will just stay where they are all the time, and everything will be really gummed up, and you won't be able to – You, the regular law-abiding citizen, won't be able to find a place to put your car because there's no enforcement of the rules. And that just hasn't happened. Now, I'm sure that's also because the way we live has changed.

Yeah, fewer people were out there, I guess, during the pandemic, sure, yeah.

But now, I mean, people are sort of returning to regular life. And my experience here in Portland is that the parking enforcement in terms of giving out tickets is still pretty sporadic. Like, Becca lives in a neighborhood here in Portland called the South Waterfront, and all of the parking there is, you know, metered. You know, you got to, like, do your phone thing and pay for it. And she never does, and she just kind of rolls the dice, and she has a couple of, like, secret spots, but basically she gets about one ticket every four months, generally not parking legally. So that's kind of where the enforcement is here in Portland, and again, everything seems to be fine.

Can I tell you something stupid I did That you're going to find out about later on in the show You put that parking ticket on the Honda Fit I did

That was a weird flex

I told you before We found the exact ones that I had growing up But I I would spend a lot of my childhood In the basement This isn't the thing I want to tell you I have something stupid and TBTL related to tell you in a second That'll go nowhere but I just got to get it off my chest But just really quickly I feel like I spent a lot of time playing in the basement when I was a kid and it was like I had a lot of toys down there but I also had just like a lot of like junk from my parents you know and like them you would just find things from their past lives right like old Zippo lighters that never had any fuel in them that I was allowed to play with which looking back my parents were so strict in so many ways but god is that not the most 1980s thing you ever heard I was just like let them play with the lighter that was an imitation of my mom it was really flattering No, and I remember them having little buttons from the 70s with sarcastic sayings on them or whatever, and I also found a pad of old fake parking tickets that I remember specifically said something like, you are receiving this because you parked like a horse's ass. I remember being like scandalized by that, and at one point on TBTL, we were talking about this, and we looked it up.

How do you not have these, Andrew?

You should have deployed that instead of the pink inked note. I mean, I mean, we could do it again now, but I think if you Google like fake parking ticket horse's ass or something, you will find the exact ones like they were mass produced and apparently still are that you could fold up and then put underneath somebody's windshield wiper and they're like, oh, no, I got a ticket. And then it's like, nope, just a citizen's shaming. And you got scared. You thought you had a ticket for a second. You might think twice the next time you park like a quote unquote horse's ass. Did you find it?

This is not a ticket, but if it were within my power, you would receive two. Yes. Because of your bullheaded, inconsiderate, feeble attempt at parking, you have taken enough room for a 20 mule team, two elephants, one goat, and a safari of, well, I guess we don't say this last part of the sentence anymore. Start with a P. It gets pretty racist pretty fast. The reason for giving you this is so that in the future you may think of someone else other than yourself. Besides, I don't like domineering, egotistical, or simple-minded drivers, and you probably fit into one of these categories. God, this is such an asshole letter. It's really mean. I sign off wishing you an early transmission failure on the expressway at about 4.30 p.m. Also, may the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits. all caps with my compliments was this written by the uh guy who owns the airbnb i stay well you

know what is horse's ass in there did i uh well i guess uh it got you there my description got you there but it actually doesn't it doesn't say ass in there anywhere huh i guess i misremembered

it's bullheaded inconsiderate feeble attempt at parking it doesn't this version but no no i think

that's the version i think maybe i was just it imprinted itself because i i do think i thought it was funny when i was a kid but also very harsh very harsh right like i actually think it's a

funny idea maybe we've talked about this before and i've just completely uh erased it from my brain but like i think the idea of having a fake parking ticket like a bunch of them in your glove box that you can just put on someone's car is kind of funny but it has to be a way well a less racist than this one is and be just a lighter touch because if I were to come out and see a parking ticket and then see someone going this is isn't a parking ticket but by the way you you know you got to park better next time my relief over it not being a parking ticket that was going to be 60 bucks would immediately make me feel positive towards the person who had left this basically passive-aggressive note on my car what would your response be if you came out and found some version of this on your car would it

be laughing or would you be angry it really depends if it's this particular thing like this language that i remember from my childhood i think i would find it more funny and i'd think i gotta tell luke about this on tbtl but if it were great content but if it were um you know if it was a handwritten note that was taking me to task for something else i mean there's a million you know me i mean there's a million factors in there that would depend how i felt about it

what is what i mean is if it was but not a handwritten note but i'm saying like a fake

parking ticket yeah if it was like um if it was exactly this one i think it was i think it would be like kind of funny and ironic that these tickets that i had from my youth ended up on my car if it was a different one i guess it really depends on i guess it really depends on what it

says there's also another uh let's see this one uh it's called you can buy this on amazon by the way parking tickets issue your own quote for the inconsiderate and uh you can just check the offense

Oh, yeah, okay, I like that

This is kind of great DWS Violation, driving while stupid And I guess in that case you have to follow the person

They're giving moving violations This is escalated

Is this a felony, is this reckless Can we plead this down to a misdemeanor Driving while stupid That indicates you followed the person You waited until they parked and left Don't do this How about number two Parking so close, I need a can opener

to get into my car okay yeah see that's one that's probably the closest what i want is parking near canyon arrow in a spot clearly marked compact which is probably that's the

one that probably gets closest to that well we're only uh two steps into a 14 step process

tell me when we get to please strip the bed and do not put the wool blankets in the washing machine

this is not a hotel this is my honda fit treated appropriately number three is pos violation i guess i know that you're being a piece of shit um number four is a uh cpi ps creative parking slash inventing a parking space i feel like that might that might cover your

friends at the gym can i can i um can i jump in here on that one yes here's the deal and i know this is really ironic coming from me but like that one if I see somebody is parked in a spot that isn't really a spot but it's not inconveniencing somebody or me I don't know that I would be that upset about it I mean I guess partially a big part of this for me is that a lot of people just go through the world not considering other people or just assuming that the world should bend to them at all at all times and places and so therefore I'm going to park my car right in the doorway of the 7-Eleven so that I don't have to you know so I don't have to walk very far to go get my to go get my Charleston shoe or whatever I'm just like oh come on you you're you're so self-centered but if somebody is kind of like for this like creative parking thing if somebody has like let's say parked at the in a no parking spot at the end of a parallel parking line but it's not blocking anybody's driveway it's not causing any issue at all

I don't think I really care about that that much would you consider issuing someone a fence number

five hog taking up two spaces oh you bet your sweet ass i would now these next two six and

seven are things i've actually heard you say to people that's crazy ugly driver violation leaving home without a bag for your head it's number six i don't think i want to align myself with these tickets what's more offensive number six or number seven a cov acute driver violation Parenthetically distracting another driver With your cuteness

With your cuteness, what is the

I added the cuteness part A cute driver violation Parenthetically distracting another driver That'd be kind of like a sweet Valentine's To give someone you love In your life, like hey I'm sorry But the Portland Police Department Just called me and they were looking for you They were giving you this cute driver violation

But it could also be passive aggressive If you feel like your partner isn't a very good

parker um yeah i air quotes if you put cute that's a cute driver violation i told you before that my

reaction would depend on what it says on the ticket that i pick up and i gotta say if i if i if i went to my car and i saw that somebody i think i'd be able to tell pretty quickly that it's not a real ticket like probably before i picked it up you pick it up and it says cute driver violation are you kidding me i would that would make my day i don't i'm not encouraging people to do that, but that would

make my day and then i'd assume that it's on the wrong car the key is it's either got to be

somebody that you know or you have to leave it on a male person's car leaving it on uh you know the car of a woman who you don't know is a bad is a bad yeah i don't think that's a good idea uh it brings us to number eight offense numero eight driving under the influence of annoying music wow

so again the scenario is turn it up so the scenario is somebody's driving they hear the music too loud you again followed them to their home followed them to wherever they're going to park and then you waited this katie perry business the moment lasting also the i mean no matter what the offense is whether it's this ticket or the other ticket or a handwritten note i mean let's not sleep on the real critical moment which is that moment when you get out of your car with this piece of paper in your hand and you're going to slip it under the windshield wiper of another car and how many times you are looking over your shoulder because like you do not you do not want anybody especially the car owner to catch you in the act of leaving this note a hundred percent

Like, yeah, you you need to be like dressed in all black, probably wearing a balaclava at three in the morning. Yes. To leave this note, because if somebody catches you, they will beat the living shit out of you. And by the way, no jury in the land would convict them. It would be it would be a real stand your ground type situation. This next one, number nine. There are things I don't like about it, the way it's worded. But there's also a general idea that I do appreciate, which is it's I'm just going to read it because it's an A B P I H S able bodied parking and handicap spot. Now, there's probably five things in there that we don't say that way anymore. But somebody using a spot that's set aside for people that are disabled when they are not is, I think, a high crime and misdemeanor.

Yes. No, I definitely I definitely agree with that. Although I also I grew up in a very judgy family and maybe culture. And so, like, I feel like there was a period of my life when we would you would try to assess the situation. You'd always assume that somebody parking using like a placard that lets you use a reserve spot like you either they don't have a placard. And so you're judging them, which if they don't have like the license to park there, I understand being peeved by that. But also like I would I'm trying to think I'm choosing my words carefully here because I don't know if I want to implicate myself here or the people around me. But I guess I was probably guilty of it to seeing somebody get out of a car that seems that seemed able bodied, for lack of a better word, don't seem to have mobility issues. But they have the placard and they're young or whatever. And they get out of the car and you're like, oh, I assume that you just like are using somebody else's and your grandma. Yeah, your grandma's, which I'm sure certain people do. But you also, and maybe this is a lesson I literally learned on this show from emails from listeners, you just don't know somebody's journey. You don't know if somebody has, like, and I think this is an example somebody sent in.

Does that mean that we live in a world where we can never observe anything with our eyes and make a judgment? Like, there is a chance that that 19-year-old person is dealing with, like, a mental health issue that means they have to park in the spot that's set aside for folks that are disabled. But, like, I mean, really, though, do we really have to not judge? This is taking a way more serious tone than I meant it to. But I am really trying to figure this out for myself. Are we really in a world where we, if we see a person who appears by every possible measure to just be using their grandma's disabled placard, are we not allowed to think, ah, that's bullshit?

Well, you're allowed to do whatever you want. And you should, but for me, hearing from listeners who are like, listen, there are sometimes internal things going on with one that can cause a need for this.

Cause you to have to park closer to the Walmart? Potentially. Potentially. Depression?

If you have an issue where you need to, in an emergency, get to a bathroom facility very quickly, that might not be something that is obvious to somebody who doesn't know you. And I'll tell you what, and again, I don't like this phrasing of, are we allowed? We're allowed to do and think and say whatever we want. But for me, it's been very freeing. I mean, literally, at some point in the past few days, I was parking in the Safeway parking lot at my old grocery store, for those who are keeping track. I know a lot of you are like, wait a second, I thought you were a Fred Meyer person. Now I am, but I still don't like to step out and go visit my ex every now and then over on Roosevelt. And there was somebody who was parked next to me, and I saw that they were, because I was parking. Stop the show. Are you really stopping the show?

No, I was just saying that the... listeners are having a crisis because of hearing that you've gone back to your

safe but any any who's holes yeah and somebody was getting on their car and it's like oh I don't I don't know what's going on with them they weren't you know they weren't using a walking aid of any sort I don't know what their deal was but I was also like yeah but also who knows it could be anything and it just doesn't it just doesn't affect me I was never gonna take that spot it does

because we live in a society and if if the new deal is and you're right we're allowed to do whatever we want if i feel like if being understanding goes to the point where we as a society then no longer ever assert any kind of social pressure on someone for doing something bad i feel like that's also deleterious you know like i'm but i'm saying we don't know if that person is doing something bad i know that we don't know but i'm saying if we just in other words if i think there's a usefulness to us as a society making some assumptions sometimes like i know that there's also a downside of that but there's also an upside which is like if if the new deal is and again i know you're not making any laws or telling people how they have to be you're just talking about how you are how you're going through the world but to me it's like if if if if the way of being inclusive means that you could see somebody do something that by all possible like realistic things is probably a shitty move but then the take is just like well you never know i wonder if that isn't sort of maybe bad because it means that people just keep doing shitty things and our take is well you never know someone's journey but it's like yeah your journey is very likely that you're just using someone's parking placard to park in a place that you don't really need again they could have there could be things going on with them but i just i'm just i i don't know i feel like i feel like there is a possible downside to to us being very very

non-judgy well i don't want to go down some slippery slope thing and so if there are other examples i would take them as they come but i will tell you specifically with this particular thing being somebody who grew up again in in a family where we were very judgy about those things and then that rubbed off on me and now you know hearing from people on the show who said actually I mean just sort of think about it in this other light it has made my life easier because I was never doing anything like okay so let's take the same example I park in a safe way and I see somebody parking there who you know I you know I'm not questioning them I'm not saying hey excuse me sir um what causes you to need that placard i was never going to do that anyway all i might do is feel some frustration and anger over a stranger who i know literally nothing about who i know literally nothing about and all i know is they're parking in that spot and they have a legal placard like it helps me my life i mean literally last wednesday or whenever that was my day and mood was improved by just taking a moment to be like i don't know what that person's thing is like i have no idea what that person's thing is it helped everybody involved i mean i mean i if there's some scenario where i don't know somebody parks their car and then they all tell and they're all like 17 and very athletic and they tumble out when they're all bouncing basketballs and shooting around and doing cartwheels like i guess maybe but like again it doesn't make my life any any easier to like carry some grudge around all day than when i was never going to do anything about it anyway it's just it's kind of a win-win i hear what you're saying by the way andrew this

is tvtl bragging news somebody has pulled up to the honda fit in a truck this is that's some real some real rear window that's like saying rural true some real rear window situation here a guy so the honda fit is still there a guy pulls up in a white truck and kind of pulls up at an awkward angle right in front of the car like kind of half parked half blocking the road gets out looks at the thing under the windshield which as he unfolds it makes me think it might not be a parking ticket it might be like a note yeah maybe it's something or other maybe it's one of these and then he right signed by the way this ticket i have to tell you is signed you are a jerk that's the signature on this fake parking ticket you are

a jerk or or you might be cute it should be you either you're either cute or a jerk um

this person got out looked at the thing which may not be a parking ticket and then put it back under the windshield of the honda and then drove off what's that guy's deal that's now that's interesting that's interesting like what is does he have a relationship with this car, why would he get out and check it? Why was he in a different car he put it back under there he doesn't live in the house now i've got a whole new theory andrew i might have to would it be okay with you if when we take a break i run downstairs and try to check

what this thing actually is god yeah i mean i appreciate that's great content i wouldn't have the cojones to do that i'll tell you that much i'm gonna wait till 3 a.m so we're gonna come back

3 15 a longer than usual break um because i have a theory which is this this car is in front of a very well-maintained old kind of Victorian home where the people that live there are, I mean, I sit here watching them all day long. They're an older couple. They take very good care of their home, and they're very worried about the parking situation in front of their house. Like, they do not like people blocking their driveway. Who would, right? But, like, there are little signs they've put up. they've painted some kind of like some kind of parameters for the parking like my sense is that they spend a lot of time looking out their front windows checking on how people are parking in front of their home on the city streets because they drive like um like a weird i say weird because it's just like it's an older cadillac it's like a mid-90s cat maybe it's like an early 2000s cadillac and it can barely get out of there they and they back it out of their like long driveway onto the street every day it's it would be hard for me to do it at the tender age of 46 anyway i'm wondering if it is not a note from them because they don't like what that's by the way this car is doing nothing it is such a small car and it is totally legally parked but i have a theory that the note is related to this couple living in this house that does not like how this person parked can we before this whole thing gets away from us as in someone gets in the car and leaves can we take a break i'm going to run down there and i'm just going to look at the note the guy in the white truck already did it okay the seal is broken on checking on this note because

i mean we will you we can go ahead and do this now i still haven't told you the thing i want to admit to but we'll do that at the very beginning of the thing um of the next segment but i also there's some interesting questions about who what the relationship with this truck is as well but Let me stop blabbering. Why don't you go ahead and take that break? Do your investigative work.

Because if somebody gets in this car and starts driving, I'm jumping out this window, and I'm on the fifth floor. Yeah, no, that's dangerous. It's going to be very dangerous for me, but I will do it.

As my coach used to say to me, go, go, go, go, go, and then I quit.

I've got a real motor, Andrew. Yeah. All right. Quick break here on TVTL. God, you can hear the excitement in my voice, and then we'll be back in a moment. Stay with us.

Blood makes the grass grow.

Walk it off. hey coach you are a jerk

on your mark on your mark get set get set now ready ready go everybody rattle okay luke i am on the edge of my seat dying to find out what you learned about that note on the car across the street but really quickly let me clear up my editing mistake that i told you i needed to get off my chest in the last segment we are about to read some messages from dazzling donors who support this show so so ridiculously generously now you're looking at these donors that we're about to thank and you're probably thinking hey didn't we thank these donors like recently like maybe even on monday's show like jake in chicago like that name seems familiar This all, Luke, would you believe, and I don't think I do this a lot, I somehow edited out the dazzling donors. We did them, we recorded them, and then somehow in my editing process, I completely edited out that part of the show. And I would have never known, except for a 10 who posted on the Slack page, hey, I hope they didn't run out of dazzling donors already. Why weren't there any on Monday's show? Thank you, Farron, for the heads up. I would have never, ever known. And today's dazzling donors would have assumed that we never dazzled them or that we never thanked them for dazzling us, maybe I should say.

Do you remember what it was you were trying to sort of resect from the program? Because obviously you must have just gone right to the top story sounder. Was there something going on that you were trying to actively take out of the show or just one of those kind of things? Because you do a ton of, like, technical times with the program just to get it, like, on the Internet and so that the ads run where they're supposed to, et cetera. Was it intentional in terms of trying to edit content or just one of those weird things?

Well, it's interesting. Like, I don't do a lot of content editing on the show. I will make little marks sometimes if I feel like I stumble too much. I might go back. If I just get done talking and then I'm like, ugh, what the hell did I just say? I might, like, put a little mark in my file and then go back and maybe clean. it up later in this case i think what happened was you were being a huge asshole and i was trying to edit out you have a different file for that it's a different mark different it's a ticket but no you know what it is i mean the answer is a jerk i will um i will answer your question but i'll try to do it quickly because it's gonna be boring as hell but not to me i want to know why you're cutting into our revenue stream yeah the um the very basic edits that i make every day are I clean up where we pause briefly for a break so when you say we'll we'll have these top stories coming up in just a minute we pause for about 10 seconds you might say okay here comes the dazzling donor music or whatever I'll say that to you and then a little interstitial chat have we

ever considered releasing that as its own content all of the well the problem is I don't conversations we have when we're quote-unquote stopping down well that's one interesting thing is I don't save

a file that is unedited for quick because the edits are so basic and so boring and daily I just clean up I take the 10 seconds out where you and I pause and I make it just like one second and then ads will automatically be inserted there and then usually self happy we get then we get done with the dazzling donors and then you hit the top story sounder but sometimes you pause for a couple of seconds before hitting top stories you don't really need to so I usually tighten that up a little bit right Thank you, I appreciate that. Yeah, of course. I mean, that's the beauty of not being live. And I think what happened was I was probably editing quickly and I saw the space before the top stories and I saw the chatter and somehow in my brain, I must have just, I cut too much out. Instead of cutting a little break chatter, I cut the entire Dazzling Donor segment. So it went from, that's coming up in just a minute. Then we paused, we played about 400 Carvana ads and then we came back to the top stories And there is no mention of today's Dazzling Donors.

The good news for our friend Jake Scheidel in Chicago, Illinois, and also our second Dazzling Donor today, who will be revealed in a few moments, is that I have never, Andrew, been more prepared to read some Dazzling Donor messages. There's a lot of pressure now, though. I mean, this must be what it's like to do prep, like to actually be ready for something. I'm unfamiliar with this feeling But I just I feel so intimately familiar With both of these dazzling donor messages I feel like I'm going to really hit it out of the park today Much like a resurgent Travis Kalanick Sorry, Jared Kalanick I've been calling him the wrong name his entire time

Is that somebody? Is Travis Kalanick somebody?

Maybe, I don't know How do I not know Jared Kalanick? Did you see that he's supposedly resurgent?

Well, I know that on Sunday he hit two home runs and his first two at-bats. I don't know since then, but, yeah.

How's Travis Kalanick doing?

I'm looking at the stats. Nothing. Not even showing up on baseball prospectus for some reason. I'm not sure.

Let's thank Jake Scheidel of Chicago, pronounced Jake like cake, but with a J.

I remember that joke. It's just as good the second time.

I'd like to recommend the Disposable Media podcast. Did you watch Survivor last night? Now, my question, the first time you read this, Andrew, remains, did Jake steal our name for a network? Is Jake running something called Disposable Media?

Maybe this is Jake's bid to get on our imaginary podcast network that we would call Disposable Media.

So Jake's doing a podcast, and this is him pitching the podcast to the yet-unformed but much-discussed podcasting network Disposable Media. Did you watch Survivor last night This is the podcast that Jake does It's a silly show in which we discuss Survivor We've had a lot of running jokes and segments Including wildlife shots The music minute And Probst prose

Now this is where I ask you who Mark Probst is And you explain it to me Travis Probst This is where I ask you

Travis Probst you'd have to really really tolerate this program today to understand what that was a reference to Probst Pros and this is the part where yesterday I mentioned or the other day I mentioned that Jeff Probst the host of Survivor has been on TBTL and was very nice and kind and recorded a really sweet message for Addy who at the time was a big Survivor watcher so we love we stan Jeff aka Travis Probst if you want to hear more about any of these segments and they are good segments Jake says you can subscribe anywhere you get your podcasts thank you Jake otherwise how would anyone know where to get a podcast I don't mean to I'm not trying to go ham on young Jacob here I think because I have to say it

so many different little ads and promos, you know, get it wherever you get your podcasts. I kind of have, I sort of hit the wall with that for myself personally. Like I feel like most people, unless you're my dad, by the way, it is interesting hanging out with someone of a totally different generation who just doesn't care or listen to podcasts. I was trying to tell him about this podcast, The Coldest Case in Laramie that I'm into. And I was like, well, dad, you listen to podcasts. He goes, I don't really. i don't i don't know about that stuff i was like oh yeah there are people in the world who do not

know i guess where to get a podcast so maybe yeah and i think i my dad was asking me about that the other day too i know that sometimes he can he'll dip in and listen online but i don't think that he has like a podcast app on his phone or anything and there are people um who are just not that interested the thing that bothers me is when like celebrities like andy richter will publicly say how disinterested they are in podcasting he did that in pod yeah i have i have tape of andy richter just being like i'm just not into podcasts they're not for me like whatever thank you and then um of course then years later he starts a podcast and because like you know i'm not one of those podcasters who has a huge chip on my shoulder a la scott aukerman who um feels like these these famous people coming in and just like sort of taking up the podcast space with their celebrity and then becoming the most famous podcasters. His favorite joke is talking about the famous podcasters, Barack Obama and Bruce Springsteen and Conan O'Brien, who I bring his friends with. More so with Barack Obama and Bruce Springsteen. That's a really good spoof.

Like, podcaster Barack Obama?

Yeah. By the way, this is a quick aside here. September 29th, 2009, Too Beautiful to Live, Hour 2 maybe? Survivor's Jeff Probst Huh I'll change that to I think I can get In there and change that to Travis weird typo there On extra metadata Survivor's Jeff Probst on Trump's Hair being pals With Ryan Seacrest and what he Doesn't love about Survivor Also Marina Zinovich Talks about her Roman Polanski documentary Do you think this was a best Of TBTL or would you have to You'd have two guests in one show

wait wait you said you said 2019 I'm sorry 2009 did I say 2019 no I maybe I might have misheard I was gonna say because I feel like I would remember if that was three years ago also wow we had Marina Zinovich on talking about a Roman Polanski this used to be a really different show

this is a this is a yeah it's a great documentary I'm seeing that this episode is also almost two hours long so I think I said hour two I was guessing this couldn't have been the radio days if it's almost two hours long

So, no, because I remember I actually have a very, not the Maria Zanovich conversation, but I have a very specific memory of I was it was at, you know, the house in Mount Baker and it was not in the basement. It was the room where the entire recording was being held up by a stick. And I remember sitting there at that little table and like noting like Jeff Probst being on the telephone. So it would not have been the radio.

So I'm wondering if this was a, I mean, 2009 is pretty early on, relatively speaking. Right.

Right, because we started in 2008.

But could it have been, like, I mean, I know that sometimes you would repurpose content is a nice way of putting that. But I don't know, like, this sort of seems like it would be kind of early for you to be taking the, can we just listen to what the intro tape was that day? If I hit play on the. Yes, we can. Oh, you know what? It's going to start with an ad, isn't it?

Welcome to TBTL, where Luke, Jen, and Sean, freed from the bounds of the FCC, can say whatever the hell they want. What? What the hell? Why can't I swear? Damn it.

That's not bad. That's a pretty good tape. I wonder if that person's still listening.

Hey, Tracy, this is Suzanne Hawker, the NBC therapist. Who's crazy, me or Ann Curry?

Hello, Tracy. Jack informed me of the talk you had earlier, and if you don't mind, I'd like to hop right in and start with some role play.

Like my wife and I do? Cool. You be the maid. I want you to scream. Daddy Heath, you play the matador.

Uh, no, Tracy. What I want you to do is talk to that empty chair as if your father were sitting there.

Oh, no. I'm mad at you. This is stupid. Come on, Tracy. We're here to help you. This is long.

Tracy, maybe it will help if Jack sits in the chair and pretends to be your father.

I want to talk to you, son. You sound nothing like my dad. Well, where is he from? All I know is he's from funky North Philly. He worked in a Campbell soup factory, and he had a droopy lip due to an unattended root canal. I think I can do this.

Okay.

Go. I'm mad at you, Dad. Hey, dummy. I'm mad at you, too. Why you gotta act out that way?

Uh, that's not exactly what I had. Because you left me, Dad.

I was just... First of all, I am astounded at the...

format of this that it starts with a dry intro and then you're just playing like two minutes of a scene and I'm not criticizing I love the randomness of early TBTLs but I was just talking to Genevieve recently about because I was like I mean would you put that in a show now Alec Baldwin a white man doing a no black voice I don't think I don't know if you would

I was doing that exact same kind of analysis as we're listening back like I don't think I would but I also think that The joke is on Jack Donaghy I don't know I wouldn't Advise that we put it in the show now I don't think we Play a white person doing an impression of Of Fred Samford but But that being said I was also Thinking I do I do think That the joke is on Jack Donaghy I don't know we would just be like Why do we want to get into that right I do think that

Liz Lemon I think it was an interesting thing That like she wrote her character or Tina Fey wrote that character in a way that Liz was often casually racist and like the show I mean she definitely was the butt of those jokes right or her like kind of trying to overcome or trying to prove that she wasn't racist at times and again in this sort of like casual white person racist way and I definitely think the joke was always on that character in this case I don't know I don't know who the joke is on other than it maybe made the audience laugh to hear Baldwin do this Anyway

The joke is on listener Jake Because I want to say something Jake We did this exact aggression To the T To the second The first time we did your dazzling donor message This is amazing Literally we ended up on this episode Old episode of TVTL We played it We got weirded out by Alec Baldwin Doing an impression of somebody of a different race Also I described Red Fox As being named Fred Sanford All of it All of it happened in exactly the same way. That is our commitment to, what, routine? Mm-hmm, yeah. To doing things, you know, to, in fact, every show that you hear, we've done that entire show word for word, one time as a practice.

Yeah, it's called a dress rehearsal. Yes, full dress.

Full dress. Jake says, if you want to hear more of any of these segments, and they are good segments, you can subscribe anywhere you get your podcasts. Andrew, I feel like I'm kind of over people saying that. Wait, I'm glitching now. I'm sorry.

Somebody hit Luke on the side of the head.

That person has just walked by that Honda Fit three times. Are they in a loop?

Is the Matrix glitching? I'm dying to hear about what that note says.

And did I mention how it's a good podcast, Jake says. Where can I get it? Well, anywhere you get your podcasts, Andrew. New segments, new episodes every Survivor Sunday Or Marquesas Monday If we're busy on Sunday Which I love that I would love if we had that out with this show We do it five days a week unless we're busy In which case we do it two days a week

Also I just want Because I feel like I really ruined that pitch I'm just going to say the full name of the podcast once again Did you watch Survivor last night Is the name of the podcast Sorry for getting us so far afield Jake

Hosted by Cake with a J

That's right

Maestro

I'm not saying people don't love listening to us

thanking the Dazzling Donors, Andrew. I'm not saying people would ever consider fast-forwarding that because this is all content. But today, because we have set up this expectation of what the hell is on that car and what the hell is that on Jesse's head, people are riveted. People are like, not only have we done these Dazzling Donors now two times, but people are listening more closely to this Dazzling Donor read than any other time in history because they want to know what the hell is going on with that parking ticket on that vehicle. And we will reveal that right after we thank our friend and Dazzling Donor numero two today, Barbara West, a.k.a. San Jose Barbie.

Thank you, Barbara. And I remember this one because that's right. As of right now, Barbara West, San Jose Barbie, not in San Jose, which I guess I'll allow.

Unless there's a San Jose in New Zealand, because here's what Barbie says. Are we going with San Jose Barbie? I believe we've – I mean, seriously, I think we've had this conversation before. Barbara goes by the handle San Jose Barbie, but I don't know if in Barbara's real life people refer to her as Barbie. I don't think so. she gave us we've had this conversation and i forget how it ended i am quite sure if i remember

this correctly which i you know potentially don't um but i'm pretty sure that we had this conversation on the air and barbara wrote in to say no i don't go by barbie in my day-to-day life it was a name that i wrote in to tbtl with because there was already an another Barbara, I believe. And I like that. I mean, as long as San Jose Barbie is okay with that, I love nicknames for listeners. I think it's one of my favorite things about radio.

Well, San Jose Barbie has moved, at least temporarily, to New Zealand and says, Hi, guys. I'm super happy to have spent another year with you two cobros. This year I'm mostly listening to you from New Zealand, where I am taking a leave of absence from work to celebrate my 50th birthday in style. Can't believe I've been listening to this show For more than 13 years And it's still such an important part of my life You guys really are my friends And I'm so grateful to listen every day Aw, Barbara, thank you Thank you You are our friend Does the podcast swirl in a different direction in New Zealand?

Do you know After these messages yesterday Which is a podcast I do with Genevieve We were talking I played a commercial from Australia an uber eats commercial from australia and i said something like the commercials spin the other way there and genevieve said she took a deep breath and just said i am so sick of that joke and that joke construction can we please just retire it as a species so anyway i don't wait a second is that

an over listen i i trust genevieve's taste implicitly but is that an overdone is i mean i'm I'm legitimately wondering.

For Genevieve, it certainly is. Yeah, yeah.

Well, Barbara, now you know. Don't make that joke around Genevieve, even though you're listening to this from New Zealand. Thank you, Barbara, and thank you, Jake, for dazzling us with your donation of dough. And also, you'll never know how much better the first read of these two things was.

It's lost in history.

You can never know. But thank you. We wouldn't be here without you. hello and welcome to top story all right i went out to the car andrew and i uh i'm going back i took a picture of this note which i can send you it is it's this is not going to have the greatest payoff because there's still some mystery around it and i didn't want to um i didn't want to mess with someone's personal property so i can tell you it is not a parking ticket it is an envelope that says evidence oh my god on it oh my god and is sealed oh my goodness that's the thing i didn't open and then a note and they're both in like a large ziploc bag like a what you might call a freezer bag sure yeah like a gallon size bag probably right a gallon size ziploc bag with a very thick envelope that says evidence handwritten on it is evidence and then i did open the ziploc bag by the way and i pulled out the evidence i want this to stand i want this on the record if they find my dna on this letter if you hear about a crime that was crimed here in portland they found my dna on it it's because i was trying to make good content for you the listeners but i did take the evidence envelope out of the Ziploc bag and then the note and the note says I accidentally hit your car accidentally backed into your car

okay yeah yeah yeah

please call me and then it has the person's name and phone number which is such a nice thing to do and very thoughtful and we love this we love to see this kind of you know civil behavior you bump into someone's car you leave them a note you leave your phone number so that's the note i don't know what is going on with this envelope that says evidence and that is what i would really like to get into uh but i can't because it'd be opening someone else's did it feel like

there was something in there other than just like a sheet of paper like was it could oh yeah did they knock something maybe they knocked something off the car like that you didn't notice something small maybe something came off the bumper and so they threw it in this bag in this envelope

No, it's not that. It's like, I'm just going to send you this picture. It's like the envelope just has a lot of paperwork in it, like a lot. As if you, I don't know, took all your tax forms or something and folded them up and put them in an envelope. It's kind of a lot of material. How much evidence could there be related to this? Oh, side note, the car looks totally fine. like i can't see any uh indication that like it's like the bumper is not falling off it's not like the headlights are not smashed out like i don't know what happened now this is the thing the evidence envelope it has a kind of um what would you call it um not an insignia but like a uh like a you know like a an envelope that comes from a business where in the upper

Thank you.

left side, it just kind of has their logo and information. And it has the logo and information for an apartment or a property management company, okay, that is down the street from this car. Like, I can see it from where I do the show every day. It's a, you know, they've got like a building and a parking area, and they have lots and lots of vans with their logo on it that come up and down this street all day long, because they're out checking on properties the envelope has that on it and i'm wondering was the guy who got out of the white truck the guy who hit the car and was he checking to see if they'd read his note that's what i was

wondering too in the back of my head the whole time like why did this truck stop why did this truck stop and this person check the notes i feel like if it was the person who left the note luke they wouldn't need to get out of the car and examine it again because I feel like they would drive by they'd be able to see if the stuff was left how they saw it and also if this envelope is sort of like a thick package like a bundle of papers or something like I think it's kind of unlikely that whoever owned this would you say it is a Kia Fit did you say that

I thought it was a Honda Fit but I think it might be a Ford something or other okay so like one of those very very very um it's like smaller than your gulf okay yeah so um for some reason i thought

you're gonna say smaller than my gullet and i don't know why it's much smaller than your gullet um wait that was i didn't even i didn't think about the implications it's much larger than your gullet okay good but anyway yeah so i don't i don't think so i feel like this i mean you saw it you had eyes on it but i feel like this person the truck was just curious but let me ask you this this is an important question i also have a sort of a theory about that envelope with the return address of the have you looked at by the way the photo oh no which where did you send it to email your your email okay yeah let me take a look here i know you like that yeah i have a theory about that okay yeah it's a significant kind of package in here i like that handwriting on evidence and i can use this as a show pick right like there's no yeah i don't think it's overly there's nothing in there um here's my important question for you so one interesting thing here is it's like an it's an it's a letter-sized envelope i was picturing like one of those bigger like almost like manila size envelopes that'd be eight and a half by 11 but it's not it's almost like it's a letter size envelope a business letter size envelope that looks like maybe that you maybe you'd shove some some hundos in there or something except i doubt there are hundos in there my question about the car i think it has hundos in it and the question about the truck is did the truck approach this car was it driving on the street and it approached it from the front so there's a chance that this truck just saw this got curious popped out and the or the truck approached from the back So must have known that this stuff was already on the car

Exactly, and that's why I think the guy in the white truck Is the person who left this situation Under this person's, you know The windshield wiper on their car Because the white truck approached this red car From behind Of unknown provenance It approached it from the rear And so you would have to be like looking back at the car Like, you would typically never, like, you're not, like, looking back and craning your neck to see what's under the windshield wiper of every car you're driving past. You would only do that, and, again, the angle that the truck, it didn't even park. It basically, like, pulled in diagonally in front of this car with, again, half of the truck still blocking traffic. And it's coming from the direction where the property management company is, Andrew, that is on the envelope. That guy had to be the person Who had left the note I don't know why they were checking on it I don't know what was going on But that person had to have known That that note was there Because they would have just driven past If they were just like a random unrelated person

And it also raises the question Why don't you take photos in landscape Why are they always up and down It's so hard to work with when I'm posting these To the website

Do you know that I kind of weirdly have re-embraced the up and down photo i mean i know you think that i don't do it in landscape enough

but i mean well i know that every for our website we need them because otherwise i have to put tons

of black spacing on either side of it that's okay that's a that's an aesthetic this is my point now i just forgot to take it in landscape but i'm telling you the aesthetic of an up and down photo or video and the black space on the side because i look at so much tiktok it's a thing that does not bother me as much as it it bothered me much more before i started looking at tiktok as much as i do if that makes any sense and my eyes have kind of adjusted and i'm with you like landscape just makes so much more sense it's just a way better aspect ratio for for the photos and all that stuff but because i see so many people just taking jane

videos on their phone in the moment and that no one's ever thinking do it in landscape i am now kind of like into it in the same way that i'm sort of into adding ending videos on an upcut oh yeah that's kind of funny which i was never into before tiktok it used to be a mistake and

now it's funny now it's a it's a comedy tool and i'm with you too i'm going to call somebody out here this is somebody who either listens to the show or used to i don't know if she'll hear this or not but we have a listener named colette who i've met a couple of times and i follow her on instagram and basically i'm just trying to as you would say bite her rhyme all the time as far as like the types of photos that she puts in her instagram stories because they they always have like some sort of a there's a bit of a sense of humor in there just i can't even explain an implied sense of humor that has to do with the the things she's taking photos of the way they're cropped and in there just they're some of my favorite content on instagram and they're because the format of an instagram story is vertical yeah vertical like this um i'm totally into that and she's had a huge influence over like me messing around with that as well i am only giving you a hard time here and i really am just giving you a hard time it's not a big deal but it's just because our website at apm needs things to be landscape style and so therefore i have to like kind of go and mess around with this but um i'm mostly teasing i got us way off track on this um and it is interesting can we go back to this envelope do you think that there's any chance that the person who left this envelope full of evidence right evidence is also a weird very legal word or potentially and maybe somewhat humorous in this case if they left a nice note but then they're like evidence but it's actually you know just some sort of documentation but do you think that this person actually has no affiliation with the apartment down the street but just needed an envelope like how far down the street is that apartment complex could they be like

it's not an apartment complex it's an apartment management company or a company rather a business

yeah right it's a business so okay sorry about that but so do you think they just kind of went to the first business said hey i need to leave a note on somebody's card you don't have an envelope i could borrow by any chance is that a possibility that seems pretty unlikely to me just because you

know it's occam's razor right and um you know by the way if you're paying too much for occam's razor You should really consider subscribing to Harry's You know, I built an Occam's Razor factory

In Germany

I was asking myself, why are Occam's Razors So expensive And I decided To tackle the problem and disrupt that industry

One of my least favorite things is going into a CVS in Times Square and just needing An Occam's Razor, but it's like behind It's a picture of it

You can take some plastic box to the front Tragic bananas My guess is that It is the most likely situation that a person was – and my guess would be – do they – okay, sorry. I'm trying to see something here too. This theory is becoming even more complex for me. The car that was supposedly backed into is parked across the street from an apartment complex. And I'm wondering – I'm trying to see a sign on the apartment complex. because maybe that apartment complex isn't managed by the apartment management company that is down the street and was the person who worked for the apartment management company backing their like work vehicle out of it that and then bumped into this red car and then left the note i also have a theory that it was somebody was doing this in the line of duty as it were because there's different insurance implications if you're driving a work vehicle and you like fender bend someone I think your work covers it And so I think this person I'm just going to tell you Their name is Will The person who signed the note The person who left the note is named Will It's Will Wheaton And that is I really buried the lead there Wesley Crusher Just crushed this Ford something The person is named Will The person Will I wonder if they Were more inclined to leave a note Because they It wasn't going to hit their personal insurance I'm making a lot of assumptions about Will right now But all of that is to say It feels to me like They must work In fact you know what I probably could google I don't have the person's last name Because I didn't photograph the note That felt overly intrusive for some reason I took a picture of it all But then when I was reading the note I was like I'm not going to take a picture of this person's Well it had their email and their actual cell phone number But I bet you anyway if i were to go back and look at i could find this person's place of employ and i bet you it's this uh apartment or you know whatever you call it like property management company

i don't i think this is an unreasonable request and i understand that but there's

no chance living an unreasonable time okay is there just your guy is there any chance

you're willing to go leave your own own note under the windshield wiper and just say yes i gotta be honest i'm just a nosy neighbor and i am so curious about what so is and we are going to

compose it together right now and i'm going to print it you know you can do as soon as the show's

over i'm going down there you know a lot of people i think you mentioned that you saw this in my newsletter the other day maybe maybe you and i didn't talk about that but there's all this talk of AI these days and the artificial intelligence chatbots and I actually had like a little conversation with the the AI the chat GPT chatbot about TBTL I don't know if you happen to catch that that was not a spoof that was a real conversation I had because I said like hey what do you know about TBTL and it listed a bunch of facts of the show not listed it wrote out a bunch of stuff about the show that I thought was very interesting actually not just the superficial stuff that you'd find in wikipedia uh but then it didn't list me as a podcast host so i asked it does it know that i also host the show and is it embarrassing for me to be so thirsty to ask for that etc etc um people you i got a text from somebody last night i think maybe bill in formerly in toronto who said that he used chat gpt to help him write his uh his dazzling donor message um a friend this weekend said he was using chat gpt to like he was writing business letters but then putting them into chat gpt for tone and to have like tone and and then that what the computer spits out is a little bit more finessed like people are really using this as a tool all of that is to say i don't know if we want to use chat gpt to write a note to the ford something

or other owner well i know that my brain is doing a bad job at it because i'm already trying to do this hey there sorry for the strange note but i saw this quote evidence envelope and was intrigued any chance how do i how do i turn the corner after that or is that even a good opening line

i think that's fine i think be a little self-deprecating you might disagree with this but just say i'll admit i'm just being a nosy neighbor smiley face uh and then just uh sign it luke and what are you going to give your contact info i was thinking of giving your contact info that's fine you literally can give my contact info you can sign it you give them

do you think let me ask you this do you think it helps my case or hurts my case if i mentioned

that i do a podcast i was wondering the same thing um i was gonna bring that up i feel like

i feel like helps i feel like helps ah helps maybe yeah i think so um so uh here's where right right now hey there sorry for the strange note but i saw this i saw yeah this because it'll be in i'm gonna put it in the ziploc bag i saw this evidence envelope and was intrigued i'll admit this is just me being nosy uh then crying emoji crying laughing emoji um but weirdly i host a podcast and i'm just gonna throw over the listeners under this bus the listeners are

dying to know what the story is too much um i'm just wondering if it creeps them out to know because

yeah right right that's a good point okay well then then do i even mention the podcast then

um what did you say i'm a podcaster and this is turning into who knows it this is becoming a bit of a mystery or something okay like it sort of sound you know because it's intriguing like only murders in the building or Starling only envelopes on the yeah fusion

okay okay this is I'll admit this is just me being nosy cry laugh emoji but I host a podcast and what did you say and this

and and and this seems like a great mystery or something that seems sort of fun and you write something that you can end in an exclamation point for tone

a fun mystery if they're somebody crack again I can't see any damage on the car that's the other thing i feel like if i am a big a big believer in the idea that if you you know bump someone's car you should leave a note and i would except if there was no visible damage to the car which i'm staring at this thing andrew and it's like it's like candy apple red it has like um rims on it this like little ford it's got like roof racks like it's clearly a car that somebody i think takes some pride in like it's it's it's it seems to be washed it's like it's like a cool little car um but i cannot see any damage on this car i cannot see any damage that necessitates a thick ass envelope and that is spelled with two c's of evidence like i this is there's just something is very weird about this anyway i wouldn't probably leave a note if i if there was no damage to the

vehicle because then the person could be opportunistic or something i just would be

like you know what it's almost like better if i legitimately believe that there's no damage to the vehicle it's almost better that the person doesn't

have to go through the journey of like coming out to their car seeing something under their windshield wiper reading that someone hit their car walking around their car looking for the damage yeah exactly like it's almost just like it's like more energy out of their life than then they need to uh sort of use up for something that's a non-event yeah i mean and also if you're

doing a lot of parallel parking in the city like you're gonna people are gonna bump you like it just happens like when we we had a you know the car we drive now was a new car in i guess 2017 as our first brand new car, right? And, you know, pretty quickly, we started to see little bumps on the bumper because we parallel parked outside our house every day. We parallel parked everywhere we went for the most part. So, like, I don't know. I also sort of think that that's a bit of the cost of doing business a little bit. I didn't need a note on my car every time because, you know, what am I going to do? Get my bumper brushed out? I don't really know how it works. I think you brush it like hair. You know, buffed out. Do you get my bumper combed every time somebody accidentally bumps me a tiny bit when they're trying to parallel park?

I'm sorry. I'm going back into this note, and I'm rethinking everything I've typed so far. I'm trying to imagine. I'm trying to put myself in the shoes of a person finding this note. The problem is they're already finding so many notes.

Yeah, I know. There's going to be a lot of it. It's going to be very overwhelming.

There's the note from Will. There's the evidence envelope.

there's a hop on and then there's a hop on here's what you do do you you don't you don't smoke do you you don't smoke cigarettes no i'm considering taking it up though could you start here's what i think you need to do and i don't know why you have to smoke to do this i just sort of feel like it would make more sense i think you just need to stake this car out i think that you need to go outside you you're keeping eyes on it right now right go outside today get yourself a pack of cigarettes kids don't smoke i do not recommend this for anybody except for luke you just to fit the sort of the the full thing here i just didn't think that you need to like kind of lean up against a wall maybe arms kind of crossed in front of you maybe even put one leg up you know that kind of move like you're kind of sitting there like smoking one leg is up on the wall of the building nearby and just stake out this car and then sort of like when somebody finally approaches check what they do so you know the car owner see if they go through the stuff maybe and then in some way now you stink now that's the problem you now reek of cigarette butts which is bad so pop a piece of gum in your mouth it's not going to fix everything but it'll mitigate it a little bit and then approach this person in a very non-threatening way and uh and say i've been watching you no wait hold on i'm gonna wait can i adjust the approach to say hey i'm a neighbor and i'm super curious about those notes on your car that's what you do i'm gonna go i've been watching you i've Or I've been watching you. One of the two. It really depends on who the person is.

I didn't even know you had that voice in you.

And I liked my life better when I didn't know that. I'm not allowed to use that voice.

I'm not allowed to go in the sandbox with that voice. Okay. Hey there. Sorry for the strange note, but I saw this evidence envelope and was intrigued. I'll admit this is just me being nosy. Laughy cry emoji. Any chance you'd... I'm changing this as you'd mind. any chance you'd mind shooting me a message to let me know the story about that yeah i'm still

kind of stuck on whether or not you want to mention that well because the next the next line

is like everyone oh yes yes yes i was gonna make a joke like that too yes oh i'm somebody just walked past the car but they are not the driver they're not getting in the car i thought we had i thought we had contact no um like everyone on planet earth i host a podcast what the problem that i'm having here is i do think the podcast angle helps us but i also agree that if this person were to know that literally tens of people are now vicariously experiencing some part of their life it would feel weird to them so how do we get the points for the podcast like everybody

like like everybody else i host a podcast and this feels like a great neighborhood mystery

exclamation point andrew that's perfectly stated thank you the chat gpt says that i'm a writer

by the way the chat gpt described me as a writer which i've never described myself as a writer but i gotta be honest with you i flippin loved seeing that andrew walsh is a writer i would kill to be

i would kill someone and then write about it for a chat bot to describe me as a writer god that's Writer is such a noble profession compared to a podcaster. Yeah, Genevieve's a writer. Professional garbage worrier.

Yeah.

Now, do I sign it?

Just first name and give them your TBTL email address.

Oh, yeah. I didn't even put any contact information. Well, here's the thing. If I give them my TBTL address, then they might be able to figure out what TBTL is. They'll hear everything. Is that so bad? Do we want them to know what TBTL is? or do we not i don't feel like it's bad we've been respectful okay i mean i'll cut out all of the um jack donaghy stuff you'll cut out all the dazzling donors i probably will bit is every day

oh my god some just some real like severance shit every day we thank jake and barbara but every day we cut it out and every day we have to do it over again and over time the those dazzling donor reads for specifically those two people become increasingly bizarre the falcon cannot hear the falconer the center will not hold day 700 of thanking dazzling donors jake and barbara and then immediately editing it out thanks and sorry for this odd note hope your car is okay And I did, I used the wrong version of your just to seem approachable

No, don't do that

I will distance myself from this entire mystery project

Okay, tbtl.net Luke at tbtl.net

Yeah, I think so I think, I actually like that that's a little bit trackable Maybe it might make the person feel Okay, let's talk about this I think you did a good job with the letter Better than a chat GPT, maybe even What do you think So you're going to print this out You're going to slip it under the windshield wiper. What do you think are the chances?

Well, do I put it in the envelope or do I put it under the windshield wiper?

I do not think you put it in the envelope, but I think that's confusing. That's Will's territory. Yeah, and it sort of seems like, wait a second, is this all the same person? What's going on? No, no, no. This has to be in a different envelope, but different. Now, here's a question for you. Are you going to put this in an envelope so that strangers like you can't read your note? Or are you going to leave it flapping in the wind?

It would be amazing if this starts a series of other notes ending up on the card. I love this. Hi, sorry for the strange note, but I saw this note that this podcaster left, and I was wondering, did you get back to the podcaster? Laughy, cryy emoji. Oh, man, I love it.

The more I think about it, the more I like leaving the tbtl.net account. First of all, .net is just, I think we forget how hilarious that is. But also the person can find the show

What you probably can't quite hear in the background Is me printing this note out

No I can't hear that So now do we have to be a little bit I wanted to open a couple of packages From the listeners here for our mail segment today But we should probably be a little bit speedy about this Because you need to get that down there Before the owner of the car shows up Or the driver of the car

Yes although if I'm able to observe The driver of the car I feel like I will then I would take either of them responding to my note or me just getting eyes on them coming out to the car, right? Either one feels like a pretty big step forward. So if they were to come out, I would actually not freak out because I'd be like, okay, now we're getting more, you know, I don't know, more information on the whole situation. We also didn't talk about the guy who survived being stranded at sea just eating only Heinz Ketchup. That's okay. But they're giving him a new boat. That's the takeaway. There's a guy, we're happy for him. Heinz Ketchup got a lot of earned media on it, including even here. Also, there's a new podcast from the folks at Serial. It's called Who Put That Note on That Car? It's hosted by Sarah Koenig. It's very good. No, it's called The Coldest Case in Laramie, and it is actually very good. It's kind of in the way that The Last of Us is exactly what you expect. It's like an elevated version. We were talking about this on the show yesterday. it's a post-apocalyptic kind of zombie-ish show but it's just done better than a lot of the other ones but it's also not surprising, it's kind of you're getting what you're expecting to get from a show like this but you're just getting a better version of it that's exactly what this The Coldest Case in Laramie is it's from serial productions what's kind of interesting is speaking of Sarah Koenig they do have her say previously on The Coldest Case in Laramie and then this other reporter from the New York Times And Kim Barker kicks in with her story of a cold case, a murder that happened in Laramie, Wyoming, and the suspicion around a person who they think did it, you know, who was for some reason never fully been, you know, was charged, but the charges were dropped. Again, it's interesting that they're sticking with the format of Sarah Koenig being like previously on the coldest case in Laramie. Like they're just like, this is our brand. we have her say previously on serial or previously on uh you know whatever they're sticking with that

i think that's really good i think that's smart because you know after serial got acquired by the new york times you know i got a news alert from the new york times i mean it really wasn't a news alert i think pretty they play pretty fast and loose with those but like saying hey you know the this the seattle times from the makers of Thank you. Serial are releasing a new season like it's just the language around it is is complicated now because we think of serial is one thing but now like serial is the New York Times etc so actually trying to preserve that the hearing that voice early on I think is really really smart branding to like kind of distinguish it as a serial project yeah it's and and again it's like it's the kind of thing that it follows the beats of serial which is some crime happened and

it's it turns out much more complicated than one would have thought and they interview you know the people related to the story and it's handled in a kind of like respectful and sober and detail oriented way but it's a well-told story like it's like i feel like it's it's almost a parody of cereal but i'm enjoying it because it's still it's good you know what i mean like it's it's a quality product that's doing exactly what i expected this quality product to do for me do you know when i

got the alert um from on my phone little push notification telling me hey we have a new podcast from the makers of cereal i looked down quickly and i thought it said the coldest case in larama and i was like you got to be shitting me first duplas is coming for our lunch now cereal we were already there and then i look more closely i'm like oh this is laramie that makes more sense

I mean I would be I feel like Larima In Australia the Pink Panther pub When that When the Mark Duplass Documentary comes out I feel like it's going to be Everyone's going to be talking about it and someone will do a full on I mean folks in Australia did The journalism student and professor did a great Podcast called Lost in Larima But I bet you that there will be Something like that Once that thing kind of gets re-upped into the consciousness now all right i'm overthinking this note because i compose i don't know if you know this but every pretty much word document that i compose i just do it in an email draft including my live wire questions when i like we're doing live wire at the alberta rose tomorrow night and i have all of these docs going well i say docs i have all of these email drafts for like my questions for the various guests and my thoughts and notes and stuff like that i do all of it in an email draft now the problem is when i printed it it printed my other email my non tbtl email because that's the program i was working in so then i cut that part off i have scissors here but now i've cut the bottom of the note off and now i feel like this paper looks weird like it's not a standard it's not a standard like sheet of paper now it's something it's something about cutting it makes it seem more unhinged yeah that is a little bit odd yeah and you don't have

one of those paper cutters those things are great aren't they they stress me out they are amazing but i have a phobia of my finger getting caught in one i used to use them all the time when i was making like uh mixtape covers and stuff out so you had one um i they'll sell those to private citizens well there's a waiting period i think we had a small one at home and like and maybe like the family office or something like that i also would part of my this is pre like internet for me in pre-computers for me so the way i would make mixtape covers would be like literally by creating some sort of like a like you know montage or that's the wrong word but like cutting things out of magazines using real photographs taping them together real letters writing the word teriyaki madness right exactly then going to a kinko's and then printing them using color copiers and doing two-sided things as a real magician when i come to my when it came to that stuff And so I do a lot of like cutting things right to the, you know, eighth of a centimeter or whatever. That's not even.

That's the kind of thing, whatever that's called, that like paper cutter that I think would be so life improving. Like every household should have one of those for things like you're describing or just making someone a card or whatever. And yet if you told if you told me those cost a thousand dollars a piece, I'd be like, that sounds about right. It's one of those things. I'm sure it's twenty dollars or fifty bucks or whatever. But it seems to me like What kind of a What are you a king who has that in their home And yet it's like probably affordable And very life improving

Yeah definitely I feel like there's always somebody In the school too And maybe this is the who would be like I could use that as a sword Take that off I could use that as a sword

I thought you meant like a teacher Or a person who was a secretary Who was like in charge of it And that would have been Elsa Mungerson at Jesus Creek

Oh I see no I feel like there was always somebody who would fantasize about, like, well, if it comes down to it, we can use that blade. I'm like, it comes down to what?

This is my box. This is my box. I never travel without my box. Oh, what's in the box? In the first drawer, I keep my magic stones. Oh, what's in the box? Licorice! Licorice! Bloodsweet licorice! Bloodsweet licorice!

All right, I don't want to get over the fact that they had David Cross star.

Let me ruin this song for you. All right, so I'm going to open up some boxes that have been kind of hanging around here for quite some time. My apologies to listeners who have sent things to the TBTL PO box waiting for us to open them. The PO box, by the way, is three, three, six, eight, seven. That's TBTL P.O. Box 33687, Seattle, Washington 98133. And I'm going to open up this box from, well, let's see here. It is Haas. The return address is like a stamp that says Poe. I'm assuming this is not Edgar Allan Poe.

Is it with an E?

Yeah, it is, and it's a raven. Could be. That's strange. I should open this sooner. Okay, so I don't know what's in this box yet, But this comes with a little note, and this is from listener Catherine. It says, Dear Andrew and Luke, enclosed are. Okay, Luke, I need help with a word. I know that I know this word. I don't know what it means. There's a lot of Ds, dude.

Okay.

Dodiahedron calendars.

Oh, dodecahedron?

Dodecahedron calendars I made for each of you. Each year I get a pattern off the Internet, print it, cut it, and tape it together. I bet you that's a person with one of those scary paper cutters. It rattles because I put a little rice in it to keep it from blowing off your desk. I hope that doesn't make it too appealing to your kitties. I'll bet you it will, but that's okay.

Oh, so this is actually going to be a dodecahedron?

I think so. I hope you find them as useful as other people. I'll give them to you from Catherine in Elkins, West Virginia. We don't hear from a lot of West Virginia listeners. That's exciting. Oh, interesting. There they are. So, oh, wow, I didn't know this was the word for the shape.

I see any polyhedron with 12 flat faces, I believe, is what you're probably that is exactly what I'm looking at.

And we can just do you know who will love this, too, is Genevieve, who cannot get enough calendars in her life to reference another calendar from the listeners that you're that you could be taking credit for a lot.

But you're going to give them the credit, which is pretty beta of you.

While we're here, let me just do one more here. There's no return address on this one, and I should check the P.O. box, too. It's been a couple of weeks, but I still have some packages that are kind of piling up outside my office here. I will send you your calendar, Luke, or at least next time I see you, I'll give it to you.

Dodecahedron.

There's the word. How did I say it? Probably nowhere near close to that. But this package, which is kind of a bubble envelope, you know, like kind of a protective package, contains no letter so far, but then two more envelopes with that kind of protective bubble tape stuff inside of it. I'm opening the second envelope here so far. No indication of who this is from or what it is. Oh, this is interesting. This is a passport from the guy who from Patty Moriarty. Moriarty. That was a bad joke about Laramie. Oh, yeah. No, let's see here. This is some sort of a game.

Dodecahedron.

There we go. This is from listener Jamie. Happy holidays. Enjoy your break. And this tiny indoor winter game. No phone throwing, of course. This is from listener Jamie in Mississippi, I believe. And these are two tiny little wood. What do you call the machine that Jamie has where she can cut things? It's like a laser cutter for thin wood. No, not plasma cutter. Something like that. That's too intense. And they're little cornhole games. Is that what you call it? Like mini TBTL cornhole games. You know what I'm talking about?

Meaning, well, like it's a beanbag you throw in a hole?

But instead of a beanbag, it comes with these little tiles that you throw into a little hole. But like the, yeah, picture like a cornhole game that you would see at your summer barbecue. Only shrink it down and then shrink it down again. And then get real Moranis with it and shrink it down one more time. and yeah it's about the size of I don't know a little bit bigger than a deck of cards I would say I think I say that a lot I'll send you yours as well Luke Jamie this is amazing you are an artist thank you you can play alone or with teams it says here are some instructions I will read those on my own time thank you that is amazing

Jamie apparently this is the hardest shape to pronounce not not dodecahedron but this one let's see if this works probably not you're looking at how to pronounce oh my goodness oh my god i'm not allowed to use that voice was that your scary voice nobody's there's something called a uh a rhombi cozy dodecahedron a rhombi cozy dodecahedron which is described as the hardest shape to pronounce to pronounce and so i was trying to find that pronouncer like that dodeca

a hedron pronouncer i was playing and instead i got this youtube video which has real like um what was that uh to tom water washington oh yeah the pronouncer washington a good place to go uh let's just let's all get wigged out together on this we are looking at how to pronounce the

name of this shape or solid how do you say it rhombicosi dodecahedron it's geez why you gotta

be creepy when you're saying rhombicosi dodecahedron why do you have to be well you gotta make it weird

french guy i also want to thank listener minnie for sending me this cute cute little keychain with a kitten that looks just like my mr bingo thank you mini i appreciate it open one more package thank you everybody again tbtl p.o box three three six eight seven seattle washington nine eight one three three i love saying that i feel like i'm a guy on tv in the 80s uh-huh yeah i love i

wish we like gave the phone number more i was doing an impression of like sports talk the other day on this show and i was sweeping the quarter hour and i was like and i was like just hammering the phone numbers yeah yeah i was doing all the talk radio stuff that we used to have to do and it was very fun and kind of soothing yeah i love giving the number as well you know i i will

hook up this little device it's it had some issues so i disconnected it but i think i can reconnect it and just i didn't change anything but i assume it'll just work now because it's been unhooked for about six months that's how technology works right maybe we should do a call-in show at some point because we do have the technology i just need to hook this thing back up and kind of relearn how to take calls live on the air. But we promised ourselves and our listeners that we would do that from time to time, and it is a fun thing to do. All right.

I do need to get this note down to the car. I agree we should take calls, by the way. But I just want to double-check with something. So the plan is I'm putting my note in a different Ziploc bag and putting that under the other one.

Why a Ziploc bag? I think you can just leave it. I don't know.

But what if it gets rained on?

Well, that's true. What's the weather like? Wait five minutes. oh god you get every kind of weather here i was gonna say maybe put it just in an envelope excessive but i feel like i feel like a bag wrap it in tinfoil um what would be the most unhinged

what if i wrap it in an ace bandage do you know what it's hard to find these days by the way we

gotta go but um non-ziplock sandwich bags i had to go to two different stores to find them and

then there's kind of just like fold yes exactly why do they even make those anymore are you

kidding me i need them in my kitchen for various things sometimes you don't need a whole um you don't need a whole ziploc bag it seems excessive what's excessive about it the fact that it zips

and locks i like the zipping i'm iffy on the locking no but i mean like i know what you well i don't know what you mean that's why i'm asking about it you feel like there's i feel like those sandwich bags when i was a kid of course those were the kind of bags my sandwiches were in when i would take my lunch to school and i was so jealous of the kids that had their sandwich in a ziploc bag it just seemed like the this is a weird like little plastic bag that has kind of a like a what would you call a hood on the top of it over you've kind of folded over but this is only they like this is from the prairie days this is when they hadn't we did not have zipping and locking technology and now that we do have that why would we go back to that kind of weird loose slightly more aerated more stale making bag technology well i don't yeah i'd like i mean

And it's interesting that you would even question this. I just figured every kitchen has a bag of zip, has a box of Ziploc bags and a box of these little sandwich bags and, you know, not even for food necessarily, but every now and then you just need to throw, I don't know, like, um, here's an example. Okay. So I got done assembling those little locker cabinets for my bathroom the other day.

Oh, I saw on Instagram.

Yeah. So I have some extra little, uh, screws and nuts right now. I have a lot, like I have a, right now those things are sitting in like a little soup container. That's probably too big. It's taking up too much space. I'm probably not going to need these nuts and bolts at any time soon. But if I can just put them in a tiny little baggie and wrap it up with a twist tie and just, like, stick it in the very corner of the bottom shelf of this thing and just forget about it, it takes up very little room. And, yeah, I don't know. I guess I could do the same thing with the Ziploc bag, but it just seems – again, I don't know why I keep saying this. It just seems excessive.

Right, because they're the same size, right? Like the sandwich bag. It's thicker. It's a higher quality. I see. I don't know. If anything, to me, if I was keeping little, like, screws and, you know, washers and odds and ends, even more so, I would want the bag to be zipped and locked. Luke, I can't argue with that.

I literally, I don't have an argument. I don't know why I need these bags. It's a feeling. And it's just, like, certain things need small little bags that don't have, like, all the zipping and locking technology and the thickness that I don't.

need and you're right i got and one thing too i don't know if this is now nope it's not interesting but vives and i also are trying to reduce our plastic now that's not interesting we've been using a lot of like reusable ziploc bags now like we have a set of maybe 10 of them that we can put food in like you have a little bit of an onion left over some you know vegetables radishes like

whatever just list all the vegetables in my fridge what makes it more reusable it's like a much

thicker it's much thicker it's like somewhere between uh like one of those glad storage containers and a baggie you know what i mean and they ziploc but then you wash them out you let them dry and you can use them i mean we've probably used them hundreds of times now you know um so well maybe not hundreds but dozens in the year that we've had them or so so um you just use them over and over and over and they never wear out and they're they're made to be cleaned out and reused they're a little bit stiffer a little bit more like in the structured anyway good way

that i should put my letter in a coffin okay a small coffin and i'll draw i'll write you on the outside of the coffin and then i'll fold the note and put it in there and put that under

the windshield wiper well i probably should admit this but i think the reason i was thinking about those little baggies is because and this is this is how you can tell that you and i spent our college days a little bit differently but like the non-ziplock baggies are what you'd always get weed in right they're always like roll you put the you put weed in the bottom then it's like kind of rolled up and then i think you know like maybe that they would even like lick the bag and roll it almost like a joint and it would be like a nice tight little bag i mean i don't know if that's what the kids are doing i think kids again these days i know that i sound like a broken

all of these all of these applications would benefit from the ability to zip and lock i know

I guess you're I guess you're right except I think and I could be wrong about this Luke but I'm just thinking this out now why am I talking about this so much it doesn't matter this was the 90s also follow up with what I'm about to follow up with Andrew is legal now but like back then like let's say that you would go to your friend or you know your dealer I guess I hate using that word it sounds so it lacks nuance you go to your friend who also happens to have a marijuana supply and and you say you know I want a quarter or an eighth and so they might fill up one of these baggies and then use one of those little um one of those little uh um little i guess what's the word i'm looking for a scale it's like a scale that you hang the baggie from it's a i think it was using postal service or something and like one of those it's like a counterbalance kind of thing yeah and so that's very like old school and i think that if back then like it was like to the and i don't even know what the smallest measurement would be but a ziploc bag would be heavier and you'd be like hey man you're using ziploc bag there you know i mean that might be part of it i'm not sure uh remember a minute ago

when i said i can't believe what i'm gonna follow that up with yeah this is the part where i'm following it up with something that i've already pre-regreted not that i've ever nor would i ever dabble in drugs that are north of marijuana but south of like heroin um but uh let's just say friends of mine people that i've talked to um and have confided in me about there was a period of time where when people would get cocaine the thing was and this goes back to your sandwich bag technology it would be in a sandwich bag that then the person tied off in a knot and then they pulled the sandwich bag and like ripped it so that there was just this little what's left of the sandwich bag and this very tight knot oh interesting that would be the amount of the illicit substance and again not that i have ever experienced this but it was a bitch to get that nod out without spilling everything and i remember my friends thinking why is this how we're doing this and it might be a weight thing do you think i you know again ask my friends andrew i'm just reporting what i've been told from other people but it's just funny that sandwich bag technology features prominently in basically every drug interaction yeah i guess so i mean it could

have something to do with and also if it could could have to do with weight yeah i think that's more of a size thing and absolutely i i swear i'm not being coy here i've never i've never really been around cocaine it's not part of my lived experience but i also i have however and this

is where you haven't ever played darts just after just ripping a fat whale i don't think that i have

the right thing sounds worse by the way but i have been around ziploc bags not to brag and that is something that i've been around and i have friends who've been around if you're dealing with something that is granular but also very expensive like it seems like a ziploc bag would be problematic in that like like i'm picturing like pouring sugar into a baggie or something there you're gonna have a lot of loss of more flour or flour and it's stuck in the like in the ridges of those

bags i would guess no you would be that you're uh again uh your hunch is is correct it would be that would probably a Ziploc bag also

wouldn't be a great containment device for it. Maybe none of them are great. Maybe we shouldn't be doing cocaine is really a takeaway. Yeah, maybe we should all stop doing drugs kids. Okay, well now I'm not going to leave. I was going to leave a small, like a half, like a small rock in the coffin with the note that says U on it. A small white rock? A small white rock. A small like anthrax like substance in the coffin that says U on it with a small knife in it, but it's to scale. So it's like a small coffin but also a small knife um and then my note and it says but now i'm just floppers on the top of it i didn't do it i didn't rig shit you know i'm doing a story for cbs about um like what's being called the warby parker of coffins and it's actually a very interesting story because coffins are very expensive and uh do you know that it is in america you are legally allowed to get your own coffin and bring it to the funeral home or your family, your loved ones are? You do not have to buy the coffin from the funeral home?

Oh, that makes sense. They don't want you to know this, though.

They want you to think you have to buy it from them because they're really expensive. But this company, they're called Titan, they make them, you can buy them online, and you are legally allowed to bring your own coffin. It's BYOC or something. But all I'm thinking is, is there a way for me to work a clip of coffin flops into my CBS Sunday morning piece. Yeah, just like hasn't this happened to you? Has this ever happened to you? Corncob TV is trying to get me.

All right, before we start quoting every I think you should leave a sketch.

But seriously, I am going to put in a Ziploc bag. You're going to put in a Ziploc bag?

Okay, but just like a little sandwich bag one?

Okay, if I have a sandwich bag, I'll do a sandwich bag. Okay, yeah. What about saran

wrap what do you think the pot no is that weird that's how my mom by the way that's how we got our sandwiches you felt like maybe you felt some like class issues about having your sandwich in baggies my mom didn't put our sandwiches in baggies she wrapped them in saran wrap my friend

that's the kind of thing that would have embarrassed me as a kid but as an adult i would totally do it and in fact it probably keeps it fresher it probably does and there's actually something kind of satisfying about unwrapping that baby yeah okay uh well i will go outside oh i realized something that yesterday this is so not important but at the beginning of the show i said i'm trying to commune with the birds in my neighborhood at the other house and all i wanted to do if there was one person who heard that and then was like what is he talking about he never mentioned it i put out a hummingbird feeder uh right outside the window where i sit when i'm doing the show from the other place and i don't think the hummingbirds know about it and what they don't know is that you know it's supposed to be like a couple tablespoons of sugar and then water This one is like 80% sugar It's like a god dang slurpee And I really hope they find out about it

You mean you kept adding sugar Because you're just like more is always better

I was like what's the downside They want the sugar they want the calories It's good it helps them You know live I guess So to me now someone's going to email And go like do you know you can poison a hummingbird With too much sugar I just figured like sugar is very cheap They like the sugar That's what they're drinking it for I'm not drinking it for the water. If I'm supposed to put two tablespoons of sugar in, what if I put in five? Wouldn't that just be like, wouldn't that make this the number one hummingbird feeder in southern Washington? So over the weeks, we're going to find out together.

According to the Internet, sweeter nectar may crystallize more easily, making it harder for them to get to it. Also, and clogging the feeder ports. Also, nectar with higher sugar levels will ferment more quickly and then become dangerous. so dangerous or fun so birds might not i mean i don't know for sure we could ask genevieve this is definitely her territory she has a hummingbird feeder that she's been um maintaining for years and years now um but i don't know i mean when it comes to what what animals are attracted to there there's probably a rhyme and reason for following the the recipe right like i would

yeah like it's that this is exactly what i do when i go to the salad bar i'm like you know what i like uh black olives and those like so-called chinese noodles like the little kind of crunchy things and then i just make a salad that's just like 8 000 black olives a ton of ranch dressing and then those like noodles and then this is weird something's off about this ratio because that's how my brain works if i like something i'm like well just more of that but you're saying you know there's a reason why there are proportions to various things it says here if

If you or anybody you know puts too much sugar in a hummingbird feeder, please report them immediately. Luke, I'm sorry. My hands are tied here.

Has this ever happened to you? Has this ever happened to you? Has your podcast co-host explained or described over sugaring a hummingbird feeder? Anyway, okay. Let's wrap this up because I've got a...

I've got a creepy note to leave on a car, and hopefully we'll have some updates by tomorrow's show.

If we have updates, I need you to promise me that we will use the old TBTL Mystery Solvers theme music tomorrow.

Yes, absolutely. What I can promise you is that if we have an update, we'll talk about something totally unrelated for roughly 59 minutes. I know. And then in the last minute, I will hurriedly update you on whatever's going on with the car note. What a wild ride. Yep, for all of us. All right, thanks for listening, folks. We'll be back here tomorrow with more Imaginary Radio for you. Until then, have a great Wednesday. And please remember, no mountain too tall.

And good luck to all. The past is history. The future is a mystery.

Power out.