Muse

So why would he use his son's gun? He knew that we would trace it back to that house. It doesn't make sense.

A lot of things don't make sense. Why are nickels bigger than dimes?

That's a good point.

Why does Hawaii have an interstate highway?

Another excellent question.

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

I don't know. I couldn't say.

Why do Flintstones celebrate Christmas?

When are you retiring? T-B-T-M Guess what day it is Guess what day it is

It's Friday, Friday Gotta get down on Friday Everybody's looking forward to the weekend And what we did see is we took them turds And we crammed them in between the number there So that's 1-30-2-30-3-30 It's embarrassing and it's gross, but at least it's kind of funny.

No dad wants to have this talk with his son, but you're just not eating enough hot dogs.

Well, you have found my flabbergast button, and guess what? You've pressed it.

Hey, look here, why don't we eat us a few thousand beers and you tell me what's buzzing in the big bad city.

All right, hello, good morning, and welcome everyone to a Friday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. Sooner or later, gentlemen, you will eat your word. My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host. Yeah, ho yeah, buddy. Comedy from the Hollywood Broadcast Center right here in Portland, Oregon, where... Oh, ma, pa, it's just beautiful. I don't know if it's actually beautiful, but I know it is not snowing slash raining sideways slash thunder hurricaning as it has been intermittently through the last week. It's been very odd here in this part of Oregon and Washington. The weather yesterday really went through some extremes. Right now, it's just kind of nice, kind of gray skies, but it's a nice temperature for my little jog this morning, and now we are here and we are ready to do episode 3,893 in a collector's series. Let the fun begin. I picked a route for my little jog this morning to try to get out in my neighborhood and see if I could find the red car that had a growing amount of notes and evidence and things under the windshield wiper, including even a note that was left by me mentioning to the person that I do co-host a podcast. In a case gone cold, could a podcast bring the heat? And I do have an update on what's going on with that vehicle. So we'll bring you that coming up. Also, a bunch of people have been getting temporary tattoos. And it turns out that the tattoos are maybe not as temporary as they were being told.

You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means.

It's honestly making me feel, not that I feel bad, But if I were to have any amount of shame around my many questionable tattoos, at least they're not something I thought was going to be on me for a year and now they're like half melted. And I don't say this to be critical of the people who got the tattoos. I just think they're in a kind of arguably a worse situation than I might be in. Anyway, we'll get into that. And then speaking of things that are hard to remove, there is a fungus growing in Tennessee on people's houses and their lawn furniture. And it's because it's called a whiskey fungus.

Oh, it's grown now. It's really grown now.

It's coming from a Jack Daniels distillery. So we'll talk about that. Time permitting. We'll definitely talk to this guy, though. He is the longest-running co-bro of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. Does he love it when I introduce him with this audio on a Friday? Yes, he does. He's Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

Good morning, Luke. I know that you would never say this because you're a kind person, and you don't want to insult me right off the bat as you start the show, but as you were doing your intro, which, by the way, I heard a loose version of a few minutes ago when we did a sound check my right my brain was just sort of wandering a little bit and you were wrapping up the um promotion of the story about the tattoos and then you said speaking of things that are difficult to remove and for some reason i got ready to talk i thought in my brain for a second i thought you were making making a transition to introduce that was my segue to you like that would be so mean but also pretty funny i feel like i know you try not to things that get

Lodged under your skin

Speaking of grape stains And other things That don't go away I'd like to welcome my friend of the show andrew um yeah does he regret signing on to be the co-bro of the show after

that introduction yes he does do you know i do that a lot even with commercials that i hear a million times on the am radio dial um there are certain commercials where i hear them say something and my brain even on the millionth time my brain fills in what they're gonna say next but i'm wrong about it like there's a promo on the sports station that says something like From the Seahawks to the Mariners And my brain always thinks they're going to say To everything in between And then I'm like well what would be in between The Mariners and the Seahawks What's in between baseball and football I don't know pickleball maybe That is not what they say But I feel like they could say that in the promo I don't know what they say from Mariners To everything that you want on your Seattle sports station I'm always listening

Trying to finish Rick Riz's statement Teachers don't impact for a day It's for a week And he's like, no, a lifetime.

Yeah, you always think you're just like, well, is it a year? Is it a lifetime? Is it a minute? Anyway, those were just the ramblings of what sometimes goes through my head when I'm half listening to the radio or my co-host.

What should I lay on you first, my friend, on this Friday morning? Either the quick update on the red car or the reason that I just have to stop, have to stop doing something on the Internet.

I want to know about the car.

Okay, I think it is, you don't want to know what it is I have to stop doing on the internet. Is it more of, it's more you don't want to hear about door number two?

Well, no, I mean, I'm sort of interested in that, but I mean, I'm just very interested in knowing what's going on with this car across the street.

Okay, so I want to manage everyone's expectations. The update on the car is, and again, I'll try to do the 30-second version. A couple of days ago on the show, I was peering out onto the street from here where I broadcast, saw a car that had a parking ticket on it. I thought. And then we started talking about parking tickets and parking enforcement. Some random person pulled up to the car and checked on what I thought was the ticket in a different vehicle and then left. And I went out and I actually went out to the street during the show to try to figure out what was going on. And it was an odd thing because it was a Ziploc bag that had an envelope that said evidence on it. And then not in the Ziploc bag was a note from someone saying, hi, I backed into your car. Here's my phone number to get in touch with me. and so then we got the great idea later for me to leave a third piece of literature on the car which was a note saying hey i'm being kind of nosy but i'm just curious what is this evidence folder actually i don't think i said what is the evidence folder i think i just said what i'm curious about this whole thing um and also i host a podcast like everybody else so this just seems like a great neighborhood mystery which that was your line andrew and i thought was very strong that was probably the best line in the whole thing other than maybe my laughy cry emoji which i thought also took the edge off so uh as i mentioned uh yesterday on the show when i went up to the other house uh the car was still parked uh in the spot and it still had all of the all the paperwork on it and uh and then uh last night when i got home from doing live work the car was gone and so this morning in running the neighborhood i actually located the vehicle it's down the street

It is parked very legally

It still does not show any evidence Of any kind of accident But all of the literature is gone

Of course, because somebody got in that car

And drove it Right, and now Andrew I am deeply regretful For having left the note Not regretful, I'm deeply embarrassed about the note

What? Why? No, God, no I'm going a different way on this Now you get creepy Now you start leaving more notes hey neighbor saw you moved your car still haven't heard anything yet hit me up that exact tone of voice what emoji conveys that tone because the problem is the reason that i'm now regretting it

and i was all for it by the way i'm not trying to like make it sound like you know you talked me into it or anything i loved the idea but now what i'm what i'm imagining is someone comes out of their car and this is what they're confronted with a note that says hey uh i hit your car and they're like immediately like what my car got hit then the next thing they see is a very thick envelope that says evidence on it which we still don't know what that's about and then some other person who is totally unrelated to the story just going like god what a ride hey could you let me know what's going on like it just seems so i feel now like my note was so cavalier like hey i know that you uh you know you may have the makings of uh I don't know, a unsolved murder case, you know, folded into a business envelope and Ziploc bagged under your windshield wiper. And also, side note, someone else apparently hit your car. But I find all this to be deliciously entertaining. Interesting. Could you take some time out of your day to let me know how it's going? It just feels very. I also don't know the gender of the person who's driving the car, which is another thing, too. Like, if it's a dude, that's one thing. If it's a woman, that's another thing.

i think you're right maybe we could have added one sentence that could have been like one more laughy cry emoji yes but a more hysterical one hey how do you interpret the one with like binoculars i'm watching you i'm too i'm too old to understand i receive this one a lot which is also probably not a good sign but the upside down smiley face like a smiley face but

fully upside down how do you that one reads to me like oh what a world yeah that's a what a world or to me i've been getting one from uh i'll just say it my buddy and colleague anthony at cbs which i actually really like it'll be like the one and i have no idea what it means but it just makes me laugh and we'll be just like talking about some kind of work thing like are we going to be able to get that person to come to the filming location etc and it'll just be kind of informational but then it'll be like the one that's just like the embodiment of the emoji is kind of melting but

it's saluting it's the weirdest one but i love it i also love word of picture that maybe i have

seen it i love the one also where the emoji is disappearing i use that one a lot oh i don't think

i know that one not the one where it's kind of ghostly and part of it is blue but then it shades

to yellow you're talking no not that one no it's one where it's a circle but it's kind of dots and it's like it feels like it's it's dissolving into the like i i most of the time my use of an emoji is is just to indicate like i don't know man like that's really what i'm always trying to say like again what a world that's and that's how i interpret the upside down one like oh gosh you

know life's life's life's weird i'm going back to the letter though like if there was just one line in there that said something like hey yeah it's just acknowledging that how this is going to hit This person who's going to be looking at all Who's going to be approaching their car Seeing all these notes their heart's going to Like kick up a beat the moment They approach their car and they see that there's Something on it you know what I mean it could be a flyer For a nightclub But you when you get to your car and you see that Somebody has put something under your windshield Wiper it's a terrible feeling it gives You a feeling and then when you're like oh no like A baggie it says evidence like Oh god and then and then you're right then Another note that says hey what's the mystery i don't regret anything because i didn't do anything and this is all on you they don't have my content i didn't do shit i didn't read shit i'll tell you what if they come if they ask me three times the rooster will crow because i will deny having anything to do with this but that was um that wasn't judas though right that was uh um p uh who denied him three

times uh i thought oh judas sold him right and then he just killed himself was it like Peter maybe

I want to say Peter Maybe Thomas Doubting Thomas Also it was gross

I think Thomas was the one that wanted to put his hand In the wound

Yeah definitely

So he was doubting Thomas Until he got his hand all up in them guts But I think It was Peter who denied Him thrice Because I think Jesus said to him Jesus told him uh can this be the show all right we just speak in tbtl drops to each other yeah anyway

uh was that was that peter it was peter you're absolutely right now let me ask you this bible boy i don't know why um let me ask you this bible boy what was peter's original name i am pretty sure i'm right about this that jesus named him peter when he became an apostle but he had a

different because he said upon this rock i will build my church right oh right yes petra i think is the og like maybe i don't know if that's like aramaic or something is that what petra refers to i think that's what petra means think about petrichor which is the smell that's a different spelling i'm not you know what i i do this all the time i have like an i have a small amount of knowledge on something and then i don't leave it alone like i do remember the the verse in the bible where Jesus is calling him Peter because as upon this rock, I'll build my church. And there was also a Christian music band when I was growing up called Petra. And I think that that's the same thing. But then I got to try to get into Petrichor, which is the smell when it rains and it hasn't rained in a long time. And I don't actually, I think that's a different spelling. It's like, I always got to ruin stuff. I can't just leave it alone and seem like I'm smart.

I got to, as you like to say, Andrew, I got to get out over my skis and look like a danged idiot.

That's so funny. When I say that phrase, which I've been saying too much lately, that kind of happens to me. I'll like, I'll start using an idiom and then it takes up too much space in my brain. And then when I get to places in a sentence, I can't think of anything else to say but that idiom again. But I always thought that I took that from you out over my skis. I thought that I thought you.

I think I got that from you. But anyway, so the update on the car is just that Simon, Peter's first name was Simon. Oh, Simon. Yeah, that's all. I wouldn't have remembered that. Good call. Because the other thing that what I was starting to blend it in my mind with was that I believe Paul, the apostle, his name was Saul. Oh, yes.

I think you're right.

Yes. And he was, you know, like a bad guy, like he was persecuting the Christians. And then he goes on a trip. I think he was on. I forget where he was on the road to. and then I think and I and then he a Damascus maybe and then he's on a donkey and he gets knocked over by God and then he realized he should stop being mean to the Christians and

he becomes Paul that's I mean that's what would fix the if we could just knock everybody off a donkey I think the world would be a better place okay so you're jogging around

the block and the car does the car does live in this neighborhood which is that's at least something that's some piece of information and I know that they have whoever the driver is has presumably anyway read the note that i left so now you know your move red ford or honda whatever that car is um but my guess is i won't be hearing from them because they're probably dealing with whatever is in the evidence envelope yeah the word here's the thing you never there is no casual use for the word evidence you know what I mean it's not like background material or like I don't know what like interesting facts like I'm trying to think of something that's in that kind of area but that sounds a little less intense than evidence evidence feels very legal and very like possibly criminal so what I'm really wondering is what was in the evidence I know

No, that's what we all want to know.

And I don't think it was in any way related to the backing into the car. I think that car had a thing that said evidence on it, an envelope, long before anyone backed into it. And I think what happened, and by the way, Andrew, as we're talking, I am looking at a van that has the logo on it that is on the envelope. Because like I said, the company is down the street from me and they have like a fleet like all day long. If I stand here doing the show or whatever, about every like 30 minutes, I see one of their vehicles come to the stoplight and turn because they've got a lot of vehicles and they're out working all the time. My theory now might be that this person, the evidence envelope has something to do with some interaction between this person and that company. I don't know if they're a former employee I don't know if they live in the neighborhood And they've got beef with that company But I think the evidence thing Is related to that company Maybe that person was Again maybe they were fired And this is the like Again although who does this You know brick and mortar anymore But I feel like the evidence envelope Is from something related to that company And the note about I backed into your car Is from a completely unrelated entity Will Who also didn't put the note in the Ziploc

I'm just thinking I don't know man I mean it doesn't I mean The fact that the note was not in the Ziploc bag but the And again the envelope says evidence It doesn't say it's small in the corner It says evidence in big Nice handwriting like Printed capital like someone's almost being

Served evidence

But it could also be like somebody kind of having a go a little bit right like there's something relevant in here but they're writing evidence because they know that it's it's like somewhat tongue-in-cheek i i'm stuck on the idea that this evidence thing was somewhat tongue-in-cheek like uh the listener yesterday suggested that maybe like the the the offending vehicle knocked a license plate off of this car and that's what's in the evidence folder envelope's not big enough for that but i do sort of feel like it's something like the note that you actually read was like hey i don't didn't even say i don't see any damage to your car but i did back into you this is one of those notes you just offered the observation that there seemed to be no damage to the car right yes okay i that but but

the other thing that i saw yesterday or as my mom would say the other thing that i saw was i saw the white truck that

pulled over to put the note when i saw a truck parking haphazardly and putting what i thought they were checking on the note but they weren't they were adding and i thought they were checking on whatever was on the car which was the evidence envelope they were actually i think that was will placing a note saying hey i bumped into your car because hours later i saw that same truck in the parking lot parked in a way that had he backed out he would have once again bumped into the red car And so now what I could do if I want to just really ratchet up the creep factor is if I ever see that truck again, I stop the show, run downstairs and ask the guy driving the truck, are you Will? And did you leave a note on that red car? That's the only way that we're going to get an explanation. At least we would know what Will's situation is.

Or, yeah, I'm really curious. I don't know if we've beat this into the ground, but, like, I do think that if we heard from anybody, whether you're approaching somebody on foot, I do wonder if saying, are you Will, that could really close the door on it really quickly if it's not Will and some of our theories are wrong. Exactly. I think you should say, well, I was going to scream, but I don't want to do that. But, no, maybe just start a little bit soft and just be like, hey, excuse me one second. By any chance, did you leave a note on a red car the other day? I thought I saw you doing that. Like maybe that way if you're kind of mistaken About them being Will It doesn't just shut the conversation down right away

Yeah no I mean I would go up This would be literally what I would say I know Hey how's it going This is going to seem extremely weird You're out of breath Because you ran downstairs I'm sweating Alright this is going to be Are you ready for something to get weird dude Give me one second Hey, dude. Hey, dude, are you ready to get weird? No, I would say, hey, this is slightly odd, but I'm just curious. Did you happen to leave a note on a red car that was parked over here on this street the other day? It's not my car, but I just noticed a series of different notes that were going on the car. I can see it from my apartment. And I just became kind of curious about the story. Were you the person who left a note on there and stopped? And then that's how I would get into it.

That would be the ideal. I don't think chasing that person down, like, given that, you know, you live in this building, you're reliant somewhat on elevators or whatever. We don't have to get into all the details of your living situation. But, I mean, certainly, if you saw that person on the street, I would encourage you to try to casually do that. But I don't know what they look like.

I just know the truck they drive. Right, right.

Well, maybe if you saw them parking the truck. Like, you're outside on your jog or about to go on a jog or maybe you're smoking a heater. I don't know what you do. All the time I need you outside Smoking cigarettes all the time So you can casually Bump into these people I think I realize what I gotta do

If the white truck shows up again I just put A note under his windshield Tag you're it And I write evidence on the envelope I don't know why Just kind of up the stakes

Tag you're it This is the last thing you see before you die here's my email address or how about this what if you uh he says a pickup truck i don't know if there are any tarps back there can you hide in the bed of the pickup truck while it's parked so that when the vehicle driver returns you can pop out of the bed of the truck and say hey what are you doing here what was the what was the chris hansen yeah what was

chris hansen's phrase i believe it was what are you doing here what are you doing here i think i've probably got that somewhere i've given you a lot of options i've got a lot of what if i put in i've got i've also got um what an idiot oh yeah and let's see i've got um what

do you mean was that from one time i think you and i were trying to have a whole conversation on the show using our chat to spear like text to speech or something probably i have a lot of

things that say hansen do you think they're chris hansen or the band i'm hoping the band

Yeah, I know.

That guy, I think, kind of ended up being kind of a skeez.

Oh, no.

Maybe there's a kid named Hanson. That sounded like a parent recording their kid or something.

Yeah, asking maybe to turn on or turn off.

Everyone just imagine Chris Hanson and say, what are you doing here?

What are you doing here? Anyway, I've given you a lot of options, Luke. I think that you'll, whether it's hiding in the back of a pickup truck and shocking the person as they come to it, Picking up the habit of smoking so you can Casually run into these people leaving Creepy notes and a creepy tone of voice I've Given you so many options you decide what To do with them and we'll check in on

Monday okay that sounds like a plan And we'll give people something to tune in for on Monday So definitely join us for that Let's take a quick break And then I do feel like I want to talk about this Internet thing. It's really app-based. It's not Internet, but it's app-based, and I think I'm officially swearing it off, actually, going forward. We'll talk about that in a minute here on TBTL.

On your mark. On your mark. Get set. Get set. Now ready. Ready. Go. Everybody rattle, dazzle.

Hey, let's thank some dazzling donors. These are the generous people who are Sending in a dazzling amount of dough I'm not going to lie to you To help keep TBTL in business And it is the only way that we are in business So a big thanks to folks like Teresa Fabella In St. Thomas Of Virgin Islands Must be nice Must be real nice Teresa says Hello friendos Thank you for keeping me company since 2008 Wow Teresa Oh gee from Bellevue to Dallas to the Virgin Islands you've been with me every day you filled my ear holes with distraction when I sat in the dark for 125 days after two Cat 5 hurricanes whoa Teresa golly that sounds awful okay I take it back must not be nice

that's so funny because she's going to address that that's why I laughed so hard when you said that at the beginning of the message

Andrew I like to just The only way that I can be fully present When reading The Dazzling Donors Is to experience it for the first time Along with the listeners By doing absolutely zero prep On these things

No funniest thing I know I say this a lot Funniest thing that you've ever texted me Was when we were complaining about a local radio newscaster Who doesn't do the best job of doing the reads And it's clear he has not pre-read the copy And you're like no I mean that's his professionalism He likes to be surprised along with the listeners

i believe that was the same newscaster who i once happened upon in the middle of the day just jamming out on piano at like a it was like a guitar center down in south lake youd you know i was like that's where this person goes every day for four hours that's why they're surprised by the news copy because they're they're thrilling the people coming into this guitar center with their work on that piano anyway back to teresa's message uh i was like that cat who poops in a box except it was a home depot indignity bucket this is during the hurricanes

just to remind people where we were i hope so yeah i mean for theresa i'm really hoping this

is related to the hurricane again i don't pre-read these i don't know where we're going here andrew i'm so scared right now um no uh i'm only sharing that because i know luke will say how great it must have been to live on an island did you really yeah no i i saw you think i'm that good at acting Remember when I tried to pretend that I got the wordle in two tries? That's how good I am at acting. I caved immediately. No, this is what you're hearing is me really learning this on the fly. Not to be confused with the bucket I used to shower. Now, this is the thing, Andrew. This means that Teresa was dealing with obviously really, really trying conditions and yet was still somehow managing to charge her phone enough to listen to TVTL in the dark.

Oh, right.

That's kind of amazing. You're using a bucket to shower, a different bucket, hopefully, to relieve yourself. And somehow amidst all of that chaos and tedium and all of those things, Teresa was finding a way to still get TVTL downloaded onto her phone.

And also it's important to note, just label the buckets, everybody. if you find yourself in this situation

because orange Home Depot buckets you'll mix those up I got a bunch of that's actually like that's that was becoming a slight problem for me in the many many trips that I've been making to Home Depot typically with my dad to get stuff is a lot of times it's a lot of little odds and ends you know like a little breaker switches or plumbing you know fittings and things and so I'll grab a bucket like a Home Depot bucket that's for sale right it's I don't know five dollars or something and we'll fill it up and we'll just be like and then we get to the checkout and my plan is to just you know empty the bucket and then just say i'm not going to buy this but then i'm like i could probably use one more bucket like i got a lot of construction stuff going on those things are are useful i am now like i think the proud owner of like six or seven orange home depot buckets and um anyway i do need to label those in case they they have baskets

there don't they just like shopping baskets i don't think i mean maybe they just have cart

and you don't feel like they have carts and they have you know the carts are like ginormous and then you got that one that you put wood in that's kind of like you know it's got the like it's not like a shopping cart it's like a shop cart more like it's flat but then it has these bars it's like welded bars that are coming up that allow you to like stack wood in

them and stuff yeah we got one of those going then you're serious business anyway teresa uh finishes by saying uh by the way you can take a glorious shower with a gallon of water and a camp stove see must be nice teresa i'm back to must be nice yeah uh follow me for more advice on how to live without electricity or running water your fan teresa uh teresa i am so uh glad to hear if i'm assuming correctly here that uh theresa is no longer sitting in the dark right that this sounds like a letter that's written by somebody who is now mercifully uh having access to running water and electricity now right yeah i think so because um theresa has given us some

of these dazzling details before in previous correspondence i don't know if it was a previous dazzling donor messages i'm not trying to make it sound like theresa is plagiarizing herself by the way um i just know that we had some we had some knowledge of this situation in the past and it sounds like she sat in the dark for 125 days after two storms that is a long time is that a year

i think that's the longest you've ever been in a situation with no power like a day probably

no it was at one time when i was in um new hampshire and genevieve was already in seattle and a big ice storm came and i had no power no heat no nothing but i just had a wood burning stove and i would go into work during the day and charge my blackberry phone and then i'd come home at night and get a fire going and i think that lasted through i think it lasted three days and

three nights just feeling biblical wow three days and three nights is a long time i mean that's my point and people know this if you've been through it at all but like time really stands still like a day of not having power can be kind of maddening and you just realize how reliant you are on it like 125 days is i just can't i really can't even conceive of that and i was in new orleans you know like a day after katrina and spent a lot of time there and that's not me trying to throw down my like my whatever my credentials or that i get it what it's like but i mean even in that environment you know we were staying we the media were staying in like the one functional thing the sheraton on canal street and they were taking superhuman efforts to keep that place powered up, and they had, like, Blackwater guarding it and shit. It was very weird. But, like, I just can't... I've just never been in a situation where I've even had to go five days without, you know, electricity or water. So, anyway, Teresa, glad that you're doing okay and that you're past all of that. And mostly that you spared some of that fancy bucket money to keep donating to TBTL. I think that's really the important takeaway from this. So thank you, Teresa. We really appreciate you. Meister? On your mark!

Meister? On your mark! Get set. Get set. Now ready. Ready. I'm sorry, I meant maester. Everybody rattles down. I answer to anything. I'm worried about something. This is the most ridiculous thing for me to say on this show.

I know, because you didn't laugh at my maester joke. You must be somewhere else in your mind. I am. It's a good poll.

This is going to annoy you so much. This is going to annoy you so much. Okay. I'm worried about the top story sounder. Tell me if I could be totally wrong about this. I'm worried about the top story sounder being way too loud when you play it after this next dazzling donor message because i hear a hiss in the background and my guess as to what happened is you cranked up the volume on your computer to hear that kid drop when you're looking for the hansen drop before and that i'm worried i don't hate that at all i am i right about that is that am i hearing the hiss of a of a potentiometer turned up too loud on a board in the in the words

of Dr. Julius Hibbard, diagnosis delicious. You exactly 100% figured out that's precisely what happened. And I really appreciate you flagging that. I appreciate you calling me in on that, Andrew.

I'm so glad I'm right about that because that would have been the most annoying showstopper.

The thing that I really like, the thing that keeps me up at night and tossing and turning about my kind of mistakes on the program is often just playing audio at the wrong level, particularly too loud and there was a decent chance that that would happen I do think, I kind of feel like I sort of glance over at that fader before I play it but also I probably don't so thank you, great catch I'm not mad at all, I'm appreciative that you helped us avoid that situation which would have really bummed me out if I blasted blasted everybody out with a top story sounder

I am solving all kinds of mysteries, we just gotta leave a note on that car one last time, and we'll get it

all figured out. You know who really appreciates you protecting me from myself is Cinder Conlon, our other dazzling donor today, who's in Traverse City, Michigan.

Traverse City! In another life, I would have lived there.

Was that the part that was that close to Interlochen? Yes.

Traverse City was the nearest city nearby. I went into a record store in Traverse City and said, where's the nearest city? And this sounds like I'm making fun of you.

of Traverse and I'm not but at the time I was just excited to live in a big city I thought I'd graduate from college and live in a big city and then the first job I almost took was an interlock in Michigan just the tiniest tiniest beautiful small little area and then I went into Traverse City I was like where's the biggest city they're like you're in the biggest city and I remember thinking like maybe this isn't the the metropolis that I was envisioning myself in as a recent

college graduate you wanted to go to Lansing Michigan home of the Pontiac Silverdome except That's not where it is. It's in Pontiac. It's in the name, Luke. It's called the Pontiac Silverdome. Why do you think it's in... See, that's another thing that I can't get over. Why I was so obsessed with thinking that the Silverdome was in Lansing. Anyway, Cinder is in Traverse City and says, I've been a listener since the early podcast days, and I still love spending time with Luke and Andrew each weekday. The Tens are a great supportive community, and I love the live and tweet a lot of them. I can't make a song request. No, you can't, Cinder. And don't you even try But I would strongly suggest That everyone give a listen to Nothing but a heartache by the flirtations Because it's a banger In closing I just want to say Thanks for everything you guys I'm looking forward to many more years Of listening to and Supporting TBTL Well thank you And by the way Well one thing Andrew sorry I'm seeing a I'm seeing a truck that was just at the stop but no it's not the same truck it's a similar truck it's white but it has the logo of this company on it with the envelope and the truck that I'm thinking of did not have the logo so anyway I'm sorry to distract everyone but as I said the other day we've got a real kind of rear window situation here where I'm just looking out on the road and trying to you know solve the mystery as I'm also trying to thank listener Cinder for her support

that song that linder said everybody should know that song i feel like i probably do i feel like i do i'm not 100 sure but it definitely sounds like something that is right up my alley i'm assuming yeah i

mean the flirtations yeah sounds very like of an era right yes yes although um let me see here i

might uh i might be confusing i can't figure out if this is a more modern group with a throwback to a 60s sound or if it's an actual 60s group i'm assuming that i'm looking at the 60s here but either way i'm gonna look up this song i'm gonna make this my music for your weekend because it is true we asked people not to ask for songs in their dazzling donor message because of rights issues and we don't want to be pulled off the platforms but we are able to play a little bit of music during music for your weekend so i am going to make cinder's song my music for your weekend pick today which actually gets me out of a couple of jams anyway well that's what i'm thinking is really

going on here we said you know we like you already stated we we sort of are in a pickle with playing songs because sometimes it gets us in trouble on spotify but we didn't ever say you couldn't strongly suggest something and that's where cinder has really kind of figured out kind of a you know a loophole here in the system so good job cinder good job identifying that loophole and good job

supporting tbtl we would not be here without you hello and welcome to top story i was so tempted to play that at like 20 just to mess with super super low like i that would have been a funnier

joke oh no i was gonna play it super loud yeah yeah yeah but then but again the the physical discomfort that that creates for me would didn't let me even though i thought it would have been a funnier bit to just like after all that conversation still just blast the heck out of it but i could i wouldn't be able to stand it it would be too jarring to me yeah and also but you

could have also overcorrected and just had it be like really low which would have driven me crazy um by the way oh yeah that would have also been kind of funny the flirtations were a 1960s group and nothing but a heartache i'm pretty sure when i play this song you're going to recognize it but

we'll save that for the next segment um i this is one of those moments where i just i can feel i can feel the top stories it's like you know when marty mcfly is trying to play earth angel but he's disappearing because his parents aren't stopping correctly and he's not getting created you know what i mean in back to the future i feel like he's like disappearing from a photo or something if i remember right i feel like that's happening to the top stories right now because of what i'm about to launch into which is really just another kind of harangue or complaint by me about a customer service interaction but let me start by saying i am i think andrew i'm officially done buying clothing off of instagram because the success rate is shockingly low for me i've already got this one shirt in my closet that i am going to donate actually cheryl strayed not to name drop but we were uh doing live wire a few weeks ago and somehow a question

came up of like if somebody gives you a gift that is really not your style or no if someone is selling something on etsy that's really not your style but they're your friend and you want to support them she had the cool idea of like well maybe you buy it from them and maybe you donate it to a worthy cause and then somebody gets somebody who will like that get something kind of cool for them and i thought oh yeah well i've got this shirt that's like 200 shirt that i bought that doesn't really fit me the way i thought it was going to but when i went to send it back they were kind of a small company and they were also make sure to send it back with all the packing material and of course i had like i had thrown out the packing material so now i just have this shirt i'm gonna donate it it's a nice shirt someone will really like it but so that makes me feel a little better there but like i ordered this i guess you would sort of call it a chore coat it's kind of like most of the time when you see me andrew i'm wearing some form of a chore coat now it's kind of like a can be sort of canvas or something i don't know the materials but like not a thick jacket but like something that's got some pockets on the front of it i usually pop the collar i'll have a t-shirt underneath it's just kind of my default setting and this one was like kind of cool it was sort of stripey a little bit almost like um you know when you're a kid and you get like a conductor like a train conductor hat yeah i had one whatever you call that that kind of stripe and what always happens to me is i see an instagram ad and they have figured out exactly what my aspiration is in the world to look like it will be a guy who's way more attractive than me wearing it but doing something cool and rugged and being chill like not like some mod overly model-y picture where the guy's like you know standing like shirtless on a rock and like some johnny depp savage bullshit like they also just understand how to what to have the model's doing like he's just like it's like he's clean he's like casually doing something in a wood shop and looking effortlessly handsome in this thing you know i mean they just really have people like me figured out on what i wish my life was and what i wish i looked like and i could just have it if i buy this thing the problem is the sizing is impossible i the sizing is never ever like this one shirt that i'm going to donate the problem is it's a like it's almost like a like a very light jacket so you wouldn't tuck it in right like it wouldn't be something you would tuck in but it has like the front of it goes down like so far that it looks weird like it's like a dress shirt that you should be tucking in except the material it's made out of does not really allow for that nor would i wear it that way i just couldn't have known what the proportions are they list them but it's like i don't know what centimeters are is that even a real no measurement no so i'm i'll see something like i saw this shirt from this company and or this this this chore coat thing i thought it just looked really cool and i thought i need to kind of branch out all i wear is basically navy blue like i'm so monochromatic

almost everything i have is navy blue i was like let me try something kind of fun here and i also thought if it doesn't work i'll just mail it back i'll be careful to save the packaging and i'll you know because one of the things that has allowed for this new world of interacting with products uh through the mail is that most of them have these very slick systems for sending the stuff back if it doesn't work and i'm going somewhere with this by the way we even talked on the show andrew about what the sort of like business model is for like a company that sends you something but then also has to eat it on shipping and like it just seems like the cost of dealing with a lot of people sending something back would really cut into whatever profits you're making and yet these companies they kind of have to do that because otherwise we'll all stop buying stuff through Instagram if it's a hassle to send it back right so I have now just assumed that anytime I buy something on Instagram or elsewhere if I don't like it it won't be a big deal to send it back well I buy this thing it shows up actually I was like out of town Oh, it was up at the other house And I get a note from the apartment Like mail system, you've got a delivery And I cross-reference it and I realize Oh, my Shepherd's shirt, I believe it's Technically the name for it How could I have ever known, Andrew A shepherd's shirt wasn't going to work out for me I mean, don't you think of me when you hear the term Shepherd's shirt in Indigo hickory stripe Doesn't it just scream Luke Burbank to you? Well, you're a shepherd of men I really am everything's coming up biblical today so anyway I'm all excited I open it up I put it on and it is ridiculous looking it has like poofy shoulders I've ordered a large because I'm you know not a small dude anymore but it is like a tent on me it's so large now when I'm buying something from like a hip outlet I usually assume if I go with like I'm kind of between Okay.

a large and a medium but i'm not a hip medium does that make sense like if it's a hip cool place and the models they have wearing this stuff are these like string beans there's no way i can pull off a medium usually from those places so i kind of go i go large probably not extra large but definitely large like i know based on where i'm shopping from what i can get away with and like if it's duluth trading company i'm probably an extra small okay but if it's like whatever this cool ass brand so i get this large it is gigantic on me and i'm like and it looks weird and i keep trying and i don't really like how the collar is and i'm just like can i make this work could i wash it in really hot water i'm like no it's not going to work for me and it wasn't cheap so i'm going to just return it and that is when i realize that this company has andrew a kind of frustrating return policy for me which is uh let me see if i can actually get to the the text i don't know if i have the if i have the exact text but let me paraphrase basically their thing is if you uh if you do not like something that you have purchased from them you can mail it back for store credit okay you do not get your money back you also they do not pay for shipping so you have to ship it back at your own cost to them they do not accept any kind of return on international orders and there's a long list of like the things they won't take back And it's like if you bought it through one of their like Black Friday sales events, if you, you know, like the email that you get when you try to return something or at least the part of the website, the FAQ, is really mostly about the things that they're not going to take back. And like so it's, you know, was a little like I was like, wow, OK, store credit only. I'm sure that's in the fine print when I bought this. But like nobody reads the fine print. Some part of me is like yeah that kind of makes sense Because I don't know how any of these other companies are existing Constantly just sending Money back out to people who get stuff that doesn't fit Because don't you think the majority of the time Stuff isn't going to fit right

Well this is interesting because I You know we've been talking a lot about The ads that are Popping up in various breaks On this show

We're doing an ad for imperfect Brand

No but we still do a couple of ad reads ourselves and one of the sponsors that we have that i've been doing ad reads for is this company stitch fix right yeah and in the the spots i often will say let's like you know when you when you get the clothes they send you if you don't want something you can send it back and they make it really easy on you but i'm still somebody who is very old-fashioned and doesn't particularly love shopping which is why i kind of like stitch fix they kind of pick stuff out for you but in i always kind of say like they make returning things super easy and it's true

like i've returned things to them before i just returned a bag of stuff to them i got a shirt that i liked and then i i mean this sounds like we're doing an ad but we're not and then i just threw everything else in the bag and i just took it downstairs in my building and then i just got a note from them they're like yeah we got all the stuff back like that is that's what i'm looking

for that's what i was gonna say that like i always say in the ads like they make it so easy to return things and i do know that that is intellectual you know intellectually i know that that is true because i've done it before but i'm still an old fuddy-duddy who just like thinks like oh i gotta send something back via the mail like I always just like I always have the sense of like I don't know if I okay block out a Tuesday I got to return something via mail right and just the other day I again I got some stuff from Stitch Fix and one of the pairs of pants just wasn't quite this wasn't quite what I thought it was going to be they were fine whatever I mean I am astounded I wanted to do a commercial on the spot and just have it in the have it in the bank for the next time I need to do a stitch fix ad because like it comes with a label that is pre-made it comes in an envelope that is reusable you just stick it right back in the same thing you stick the you don't have to print anything you don't have to you just drop it at a mailbox like i cannot believe how dialed in that system is so when people hear me doing ads for things like stitch fix if i'm reading it i believe it like i cannot believe how easy that process is and it must really make you spoiled

for other things well that kind of stuff i think has spoiled me because the news that i needed to now i will give them i'll give them credit on this i went through the the hoops and they do have a thing where you can like print a return label because at first i couldn't even find their address and i was like come on like help me help you there is a thing where you basically put in the order number and they show you a picture of like was this the thing you bought and then you're like yes and what was not right about it and then you click and then you've got a label which is going to be on me to send back okay fine i am a little spoiled i part of me was kind of like a little bit like wow you're i can only get store credit for this i wish i would have read the fine print a little more closely but i had also before i figured out i could print out the return label andrew i had emailed the help email and just kind of said hey i'm looking to return this particular product um what's the best way for me to do that just hoping they could point me in a direction so i later found that information for myself i printed out the label i'm everything's going to be fine and andrew that's when i get an email from somebody at the help desk or the whatever from this company and now i've gone from being like well you know small companies got a small and whatever i'll find something else on their website that looks promising and i'll just do that to being kind of annoyed. Hi, Luke. Hope you're keeping well, and thanks for your note. Glad to help you out here. Is the shepherd's shirt too large? Are you hoping to size it down? As we've been shipping out orders on this most recent batch of shepherd's shirts in the indigo hickory stripe, we've had some customers wanting to size down, as this batch came in a tad bigger than expected on the grading scale.

Oh, well, that's interesting.

They sent out a batch, a tent-ass hickory stripe indigo jackets in other words that no wonder this thing was massive because the batch came in too big lauren you done messed up admitting this to me by the way like you

i wouldn't have known right but well i like all of the i like all of this i like the communication i like the transparency i guess what i don't like is they're still charging you for the shipping of

a back well that's the thing yeah well this is um uh let's see here uh so lauren mentions this batch came in a tad bigger than expected on the grading scale if you would like to exchange this shepherd shirt for another size because it's too large i am glad to make an exception and work through doing so with you remotely generally imperfects that's the name of the company which is ironic considering they sent out jackets that were too big i say it's perfect i say it's right

It's appropriate, yeah, it's perfect.

Yeah, Imperfects only, generally Imperfects only accommodates exchanges in person at our showroom here in San Diego. Would you like to exchange this shepherd's shirt? So, in other words, they're proposing doing me the kindness of sending me a smaller version of the jacket in the mail, allowing me to mail this in and get another one of a smaller size, which, side note, wasn't that already the possibility? wasn't i already going to have store credit for this thing yeah i don't understand like i mail it in and then i get a medium and they mail that to me wasn't that if i wanted to go forward with this product which i don't by the way wouldn't that be the process like i'm with you that this

is a nice waving the fee though right is that what it doesn't say they're waving the fee well i mean if they are saying hey listen this was our mess up you ordered something but we sent because of confusion which again i like the transparency there all of this should be i mean The difference now should just be we're going to swap it back. We're going to swap this out. We're not going to charge you for the shipping. We're sending you.

Let me read you the rest of this email. I know that's how it should be. Totally. Would you like to exchange this shepherd shirt in the event that you would like to return this product? Please use our returns portal. That's a hyperlink to initiate a return for store credit. This is the thing I've already done, by the way. As a reminder, per our returns policy, Imperfects offers returns for store credit, and we do not cover the cost of return shipping. Looking forward to hearing from you.

cheers now you gotta address this you gotta say listen i really you know and and not get shitty with them but just say i'm gonna get shitty or get or you know what no i'm not you also have the opportunity to get shitty but just say hey i appreciate the transparency on this but since this since since you i don't like the word admit in this case but you know something along the lines of but oh my god as you admitted as you describe it as this was an issue oh my god he unmuted since you described this as an issue on your end i don't think it should be up to me to pay for the shipping to return it since you guys shipped me the wrong thing i think that is totally i can't believe that they don't address that in the email like they are saying we messed up we sent the wrong thing out at the wrong size they came in too big now just a reminder you can send this back in just for store credit and we're going to charge you for the shipping i don't

understand what the hookup is that i can do and i do appreciate the tone and i really do i appreciate the idea that a real human being said hey look this happened and that's like i would sort of rather live i guess i would rather live in a world would i as i'm saying this i have to really ask myself this i think i i think that i think andrew i would like to live in a world where i'm buying things from smaller producers and that means that there sometimes can be irregularity whether it's a local grocery market or a farmer's market whether it's a people who make clothing like i think we most of us think that there's something a little bit better for our world if we interact mostly with smaller companies certainly the listeners of this show like interacting with smaller podcasts Thank you. right where sometimes the shows are of irregular size so i and i do like that it's not just this mass-produced like gigantic like they've they've made you know there's 400 million of these jackets have been made and you can walk into any target and go buy them and nothing wrong with people shopping at target but you know what i mean like i like that it's a little artisanal i like that this person said yeah they kind of came back a little big i like that they admitted that because there would be no way for me to know that but I'm with you the part that is kind of curious to me is that there's no offer of like hey I mean by the way the shipping is probably three dollars I'll put it on the slowest boat there is I'll put it in one of those plastic bags they sell you and I'll send it down at the like slow rate so I don't even think it's that the return shipping is going to cost me that much but it's kind of the principle of the matter

I totally see that and again as somebody who like again I'm very old-fashioned about like shipping things i think it's so much more difficult than it actually is but it does sort of live in my head a little bit like okay it'll sit there for a while like out of the package and then i'll be like okay today i put it in the package and then i have it by the door for three days until i finally take it out to the car and again i know that this is a simple simple task to drop something in the mail but like or go going to the post office but i don't know because we have also had experiences i told you i went to the post office the other day I had to I can't remember what I was shipping out I had to ship a couple of things I was getting it all done in one day but like I stood in line because there were it was just one of those days where there were several problems at the front of the line and there was remember I told you about that really cranky lady who was like yelling at the employee at the post office I tell you about that but she ended up being right about everything and it fucking killed me it was oh this woman was trying to send various international packages she was an older woman and she clearly does this a lot she must have family spread across the globe or something like that I remember um she was sending something to Croatia that stuck out it stuck out of my head because I have a Croatian friend so it was Anita basically it was Anita and she was terrible no um and this woman was dressing down the woman at the post office while we are all waiting in line it was like i respect everybody who works at that post office i go to that is a hard job and there is one guy there who's kind of a slow and steady eddy guy like he's gonna be there all day anyway he's getting through people but he's not showing tons of urgency but i think that he's just doing his job right so he's handling people his line is a little bit slow the only other person who's at a window is this other guy who seems like super super nice and this woman is sending these packages and, like, kind of talking very down to him and being very curt to him. And I'm immediately, like, get a load of this lady. And then, you know, and we're all in line and we're just standing there. We were in line for, like, 20 minutes or whatever. I told you that I had – I heard an interesting conversation between two men who hadn't talked since the holidays. And the one guy said, you didn't return my season's greetings. I remember that part. And he said, well, maybe I didn't do it. God, there was a lot going on in the post office this day. There was so much going on. This was one afternoon.

It was like a Richard Scarry book.

just hundreds of little lives being led or a richard link later film anyway um so then this woman is getting all of a sudden you just in just in a relatively quiet place filled with people waiting with their packages she's like no no you put you need the third sheet he's like ma'am i put the third sheet on the other one i'm grouping no that's not out and then she yells and i'm going to make up a name here there's a third employee back there who does who is not um working with customers he's like doing something else he's like moving boxes back and forth or whatever um and and she started the woman starts calling carl carl he's not doing it right like this woman must be in there all the time and often works with carl and she knows all of the details of how this paperwork is supposed to go and as she's like screaming at him and the guy is like um not screaming she's just talking so nastily towards this employee and he's saying ma'am no ma'am I did I attached it to the other box I'm doing it in this way that you know whatever she's like that's not how it works no Carl Carl he's not doing it right Carl comes up Carl is a soft-spoken person he talks to the employee and I'm just like Carl's gonna tell this woman that this employee got everything right and no all of a sudden the first employee is like I'm really sorry ma'am that was my fault and I am dying for this polite young man I am dying for him

Did her tone change

No no and then But she's still got like three packages going to three Far flung locations So she's still there this X-ray that shit it's full of cocaine This stuff continues to play out I don't care that she was right that's mean Luke it happens again It happens again where she starts yelling at him again And he's like no ma'am this time it's really And then like this time Carl isn't involved he taps

on a screen for a while and he's like okay okay i see i see and i'm like bro like this whole everybody in this room is on your side just you can't be wrong in these situations this woman is so nasty she's being so nasty to you she can't be right it was like i can't i have never had a moment like that in my life where i'm just like who had no idea what world it just stepped into carl's world yeah anyway that was not supposed to be such a long story that's the worst oh i just

was so mad at this woman i can kind of i will be honest with you i can understand being really frustrated when you know how something is supposed to happen because you do it a lot and maybe getting a little curt if you feel that you're not being hurt if you're saying well you've got to do it this way and the person's kind of not doing it and you probably go like a couple times oh hey make sure you do that and then maybe you'd get a little bit kind of like hey i need you to really make sure you know i could see getting a little bit like that but then the second that the person was like oh wow you were right that was my bad then i'm like fully like recoiling in horror because now i'm feeling like i was being mean and but i'm also happy that they admitted that they were doing it wrong and now it's going to be correct like the idea that she didn't fall back although it sounds like again it just sounds like this poor guy is definitely needs to do another training session on how whatever this thing was works but god that was a real that was a real afternoon at

the post office i need to go back there first of all because our po box is probably overflowing and secondly um because that's where all the good stories come from apparently would you say our po

box overfloweth i would i would would you say our po box is pressed down shaken up shaken over and and overflowing there's something also because everything's coming up biblical today i don't know that there's a line in the bible where it's talking about i think like your blessings will be packed down and like still overflowing like you're gonna have so many blessings andrew that it's gonna be it's not leaking it's overflowing uh it's it's biggest than a bread

Boxeth I believe yes I believe

Sayeth the Lord First Michael

Scott Wayne Gretzky Andrew Walsh

All right I do actually like Think that these top stories that we didn't get To today I I stand by The decision to talk about my situation With the uh with the The jacket that's too large are you gonna

Write back and say I already did you Did write back and just say hey listen you You should cover this You wrote back while I was talking about the post office I did, and I said, hey Lauren

Thanks so much for the quick response One question, since this sounds like a bit of a production error With the jackets coming out too large Wouldn't the shipping be covered by Imperfects? Thanks, L Is that an okay tone?

Yeah, good, see what they say

Now I'm interested in that I don't even know if they have the mechanism for that I've already printed out the thingy, which is fine I don't know if they They don't, that'd be some secret button. That'd be some minus world where they're like, okay, here's the, you know, or maybe they could do something where they add it to my store credit or something.

But then the other thing is, by the way, then you have to spend the store credit with them though. Like that, I hate that return for store credit thing.

Well, I don't like that either. But the other thing is I am, so they now will have my money as store credit or, or I will, you know, the money that I have will only be useful to buy more things from them. will i have to pay shipping on the new things that i'm buying that i'm shipping to me this is just like a bad yeah it's a bad system um so they would never do that at stitch fix no they would not i did get a shirt from them i have to be again sorry not trying to just do an ad but like uh some of the stuff wasn't for me but man this one shirt i was like nice it's like green kind of like not a polo but sort of in that neighborhood i was like heck yeah kind of flattering on my ever-growing midsection comes down for it. All right, so we'll talk about those top stories on Monday, probably, unless we've got an update about what Lauren's up to over at the Jacket Factory. In the meantime, you are going to play the song that was suggested by one of the Dazzling Donors. Dazzling Donors, Cinder. Why did I forget?

I wanted to play this song, The Flirtations, performing nothing but a heartache. I mean, I'm pretty sure that I feel like I could sing this for you right now, Luke, but that also So, no, because I can't really carry a tone in my head. I feel like I can hear it, but it never translates right when it comes out of my mouth. And the only part I know is the line, nothing but a heartache. But take a listen to this. If I'm correct, this is a wonderful song. If I'm wrong, it's on Cinder. Yeah, baby.

I'll see you next time. Nothing but a heartache, everything, nothing but a heartache, everything, nothing but a heartache, everything, nothing but a heartache, everything, nothing but a heartache. Situation that I just can't win, yeah He's like me, oh why Can I get him? I got a lot of those heartaches I got a lot of those teardrops

Holding Teardrops

Ooh, you nailed that part?

Yeah, you know this song, right?

No, I have never heard that song in my life.

I don't know why I know that song so well, but it's so good, and it's so up my alley. Cinder, thank you. That is so much better than anything I would have played for music for your weekend today.

Yeah, that's really good. And I said this a couple weeks ago because we were playing something else that was just like a really good song, kind of from a certain era, you know, that I don't think either of us had, like, really heard before. And it's like, God, there was just so much good music being made that, you know, and that song is obviously popular. you and cinder know about it i'm just on the outside of it but it's like yeah how's that song existed for the last 60 years and i didn't even or 70 or however many years and i didn't even know it was a thing 100 years well first it's 2060 now isn't it it is it's 2060 you're

not listening to enough kick see but you know what can i just oh that that's actually a really good point kick see radio luke kick see radio played a uh-oh like a loud classic rock song from 1979 the other day i'm looking at because i shazammed it out of anger you ever shazam out of anger it was heartache tonight it's called shazanger i did it with i did it with um that

that billy joel song i heard in kansas that was like the it's about a boat crash

oh the billy the billy joel one right billy joel song yeah you were and you were in a quilt store

I was in a quilting store, and I was like, I need to know what this is so I never hear

it again. That's right. But I mean, and people would probably know this. I'm not a big Eagles fan anyway, but it was a song that I recognized. I didn't know it was the Eagles. Heartache Tonight was the name of it. I'm not going to play it here, but I think I can't even hear that in my head right now. But when I heard it, I'm like, I know this song.

Gonna be a heartache tonight. Yes. Yes, exactly.

It's like a beer commercial song, right? Like, it's just like, how is that the kick see of 2023? I sent it to, you know, we have a mutual friend who works there, and she's on the much-talked-about Wordle chain. And I just, I vented on the chain, and I just said, they played this Eagle song from 1979 on Kixie Radio, hashtag Seattle is dying. Do you think I went too hard on that?

Well, luckily, that friend of ours can take everything in stride. Absolutely. Yeah, she said, I'll bring it up in the meeting tomorrow.

Oh, God.

um okay so the uh the the musician that i would like to suggest for the music for your weekend is a guy named mj lenderman now you might be hearing that and go yeah uh we're familiar with that uh i believe that there was some kind of conversation around mj lenderman i know that our friend the stew bot was telling us about this guy's record called boat songs that came out i think in 2022 and at the time it just i i i don't know if i just didn't click on the link or i was in a weird mood or whatever but like i just i didn't make a huge impression on me and then this last weekend when addy and i were at the airbnb she was playing per usual this like i shazammed so many things for the coming weeks of music for the weekend andrew because like there was all this silver juice in there that i i'm sure you know about because you're more of a fan but i didn't it's just like so good and anyway this mj lenderman guy i know also a lot of people the the album uh is called boat songs uh and i think a lot of people maybe mentioned this or sent it in to me maybe not even as music for your weekend but just kind of like you should check this out because the second track on the record is called you have bought a boat you have bought yourself a boat you've bought yourself a boat thank you uh which of course you know people forever think of me and boat purchases but i gotta say like pretty much every track on this record is great it is got lots of like i think he's from like north carolina he's a younger dude it's it's just as the young people would say it's giving

it's giving uh just i don't know just so many different indie sounds that i tend to love anyway can we play a little bit i want to kind of i really want to get your thoughts on it andrew this is you have bought yourself a boat by mj linderman

It's plain to me to see Do you have bought yourself a boat Since the last time you and me spoke Your laundry looks so pretty Soft threads hanging in, relaxing in the wind You'll feel so much better when you wear these clothes again Clothes again The waves ruin the beach house

All right, that's probably as much as we can say. How good is that?

I just don't think it belongs on Kixi Radio, is my thing. I love it You're right At first the instrumentation sounds very much like an era of 70s rock Yeah, yeah And then some of the guitar sounds a little Neil Young-y sort of

Oh, that's a good point

How buried his vocals are in that as well It's an interesting kind of production choice on that But I really like it That makes me definitely want to check out more

Yeah, this album Boat Songs I mean, what I think I like about it is It's also Like lyrically, it's a lot of stuff that just is funny or interesting to me like the first song i think it's called hangover game is keeps mentioning well it's about michael jordan being really sick and playing a good game but then it gets into like buying knockoff jordans and stuff like it's just it's kind of i can't explain it it's weirdly literal lyrics for an otherwise kind of abstract style of music like whereas like uh steve malcolm's song for pavement it's not following any story of someone who bought a boat it's just a bunch of it's kind of a word salad we'll focus on the quasar in the mist the kaiser has a cyst and i'm a flat well i mean i'm not getting those perfectly right but you know what i mean a lot of times that kind of music that i like power of love it's it's god what a curious thing like you know um uh but anyway i it's something funny about this music where it's it's kind of poet poetic to me in that it's like a a story about something that happened like you had a friend and they bought a boat and he's wondering what it means about this friend or there was this time michael jordan was really sick but he played well in a basketball game like these are very rooted concepts that are then surrounded by like cool production and kind of funky or like a i don't know indiness or something yeah i really do like that i want to listen to the

rest of that record because that that sounds like it's from an era of album rock when you would put on a whole album you know so that that is very appealing to me all right so that is what i wanted

to play, and now we're going to hear what listener Maya would like to play. This is our listener's suggestion. Maya says, Hi, guys. Every March, as the promise of spring returns, I am inspired to put on Aguas de Marco by Antonio Carlos Jobim. It is considered by many to be the best Portuguese song of all time, and the lyrics talk about the promise of life, which is appropriate for a change of season, though. I know March is the end of summer in Portugal rather than winter but whatever hope you and all the tens are feeling like winter is on its way out and we're all on to better things signed maya in seattle this song spoke to me well first of all i just love this song like this is a song that i play all the time in the summer ideally if i'm near a body of water um and i'm also just uh next weekend andrew i believe is when we spring forward I'm getting my DVR Is picking up Mariners games I just looked at it the other day I had two games recorded

That's funny those must be

Spring training I guess right

I don't think those are broadcast on TV yet Unless they slipped in they might be replaying Some games to get everybody geared up Like the MLB network might be playing Playoff games from last season

Yeah I haven't even clicked on them but I just feel like I feel like we're getting Close to spring we're springing forward it's going to stay light longer the temperatures are going to change evan white's going to stay hot and he's going to be an infielder and an outfielder also i'm going to read matt caulkins's piece on whether or not it was the right decision to bet on jp crawford at short how could it not be by the way i don't like that guy is a whiz on defense why would that be a controversial move but he went through a real

slump last year though he was slumpy real all he has to do is hit a double and do that thing where

he puts his pinky finger like in his mouth so i love that's all i need from jp crawford give me

that give me that once every two months i know i did that's the thing too i get so attached to the players that i like as well that i'm just like sure he was slumpy he'll put it he'll put it together like when i ever hear about mike zanino doing something like hitting a home run somewhere else in the league I'm just like I love that man I love him so much he should be here it doesn't matter what his output is he's one of ours

that's right well anyway I'm with Maya that playing this song is hopefully kind of like manifesting a little bit of a spring and then summery vibe that I think we're all looking forward to so that's how we're going to wrap things up this week thanks for listening everybody we will be back here on Monday with more imaginary radio for you. In the meantime, have yourself a great weekend, be safe, and please remember no mountain too tall. And good luck to all.

Mom, it's not real.

It's a jib jab.

Power out.