Muse

You can learn about anything in this world if you'll just follow my little trick. Got it? All right. Albania. Here, Albania. Or, should we say, Albania? Why'd you say it like that? We learn our facts by associating countries with music. One, two, three. Albania, Albania, you border on the Adriatic, your land is mostly mountainous, and your chief export is chrome. TVTL i have a beta sequence i've been working on did you like to see it get the get out are you gonna

get it out out there you're gonna get out there no you're not a weenie i mean i think hammers did more for home depot than home depot did for hammers right i mean like how do you even build a home depot without the hammer right right we have to get drinks several drinks don't you think Let's celebrate.

Let's celebrate drinking. Okay.

Well, hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a Monday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. Oh, la, la. My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host. People ask me all the time, do I enjoy co-hosting a daily podcast? Yes, he does. I don't know why I answer in the third person, but that's just my style, people i gotta be me and right now i gotta be in the hollywood broadcast center right here in portland oregon where uh didn't know you like to get wet though it is still raining i mean it's not snowing so we're gonna call that a victory in the weather department but uh but yeah it's uh still kind of rainy looking for the first real nice day of spring in portland where i've been present. It happened a while ago. I was out of town and I would like to enjoy those early beautiful spring days in the Pacific Northwest sooner rather than later. You'd probably like to enjoy this episode of TVTL as soon as possible. It's episode 3909. Let the fun begin. In a collector's series and it's funny actually. I said I'd like to be around for an early spring day here in Portland and I haven't been able to enjoy one yet because I've been gone and in fact I'm gone again I mean by the time you're hearing this I have traveled up to Seattle where I will be for a couple of days this week and then I will be heading out to Chicago to do wait wait don't tell me so regardless of how the weather in Portland is this week I will have I'll have no idea. I mean, that's not true. There's the internet. I could have an idea if I want, like what the weather is. But I won't be feeling it, experiencing it in real life, as they say, because I'm going to be traveling a lot. And on the subject of which, today's episode of the show is going to be a little bit unique, okay? Now, usually this is the point where I introduce my good friend and the longest-running Cobra of the program, Andrew Walsh. But that he's not going to be on the show until after the break. Why? Because we're doing the first ever TBTL relay race where I'm going to be talking for the first, I don't know, five, ten minutes of the show. And then we're going to go to a break. And then like those highly trained and incredibly athletic Olympians who are running and they one of them says hit and they put their hand behind their their back. and then the other one passes the baton to them. I'm going to pass the baton to Andrew. Or maybe if we keep it more in a kind of 80s wrestling reference, which is, let's be honest, more likely where I would make my splash. We're going to be like the British Bulldogs. I'm going to be Davey Boy Smith,

and he's going to be the other British Bulldog whose name I don't remember. And basically, after I get done putting someone in a figure four leg lock, after I've pranced about the ring, gone off the top rope, and done all of my shoe shining and showmanship, then I will reach over and I will tag my good friend, Andrew Walsh, who will, for some reason, inexplicably jump into the ring shirtless and holding a two-by-four over his shoulder like Hacksaw Jim Duggan used to. You don't know that back in Ohio they called him Hacksaw Andy Walsh. So the reason we're doing this, though, is because I was confused about my schedule here on Monday and did not realize it.

I was going to need to be over on the east side of town over there, not on the Seattle side, but the other side of those bridges in that lake, Lake Washington, for rehearsing for a thing I'm doing on Tuesday with a large software concern on the east side. And I thought I was going to be heading over to Andrew's house about midday, but that is not the case. I'm going to be out there at the large software concern all day and maybe into the night rehearsing for the thing that happens on Tuesday. Now, the interesting part is the actual event, not that long. I'll be getting out of there much earlier for the actual thing, but I guess the practicing for the thing. I mean, what do we learn from Malcolm Gladwell? 10,000 hours, right? Well, today I'm putting in 10,000 hours of rehearsing over at the software place. And so because of that, I'm not going to be around to record the entirety of the show with Andrew. So what we're doing is I'm starting things off. I'm doing this right here. I'm talking. I'm telling you how the show is going to work.

by the way explaining how a show works means the show's already in trouble um i don't think that

comes as news to anyone who listens to the program that we're already in trouble but um yeah that's that's how it is going to work today i'm here talking now and then like i said we'll go to a break and then it'll be time for andrew to start talking and what andrew is going to do today if i can just do a little forward promotion is he has got a just a surplus of female messages from all of you. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus. They've just been stacking up and stacking up. And as he mentioned to me when I called to say, hey, I messed up my schedule and actually could we do a weird TBTL relay show? He said, yeah, you know, that might be useful because we never get to more than one voicemail. We rarely get to more than one voicemail on a typical edition of the show because why will I have so much to share with the world? So much wisdom, so much mirth. And so it It often just takes up all the time on the show, and then we might play like one voicemail message, if any. I usually say to Andrew, quick voicemail for us, because I'm running to get to a flight. By the way, I'm also running to get to a flight right now. Have you ever done this? Have you ever had a dream where you... Have you ever started cleaning your apartment right before you're supposed to call? the lift and go to the airport because you want to have a clean apartment or clean home when you come back from your trip but you are now in very real danger of missing your flight have you ever done that because that is what i am doing in this very moment that i am talking to you i i'm talking a big game about going to seattle and rehearsing for this software company and yet i don't know i might miss this flight because i just i did a ton of laundry because i needed clean clothes to wear for the trip but then i didn't want to just leave a pile of laundry on my bed as far as the things that i wasn't using so i put all of that away this sounds like a humble brag it's not it's something if my choices have some laundry to deal with when i get home or make my flight i choose make my flight and yet some part of my brain could not leave that pile of laundry there and so i sat there folding it and putting it away and doing all of that so if i make the flight if i end up doing this whole trip i guess friday night when i get home i'll be thankful but in the meantime i'm in some real danger of missing my plane so uh to make sure that doesn't happen i'm gonna wrap things up here on leg one of today's episode of tbtl okay i will be here for the full recording don't you worry my friends tomorrow all burbs all the time wall-to-wall burbank um which was a spin-off of the vans warp tour wall-to-wall burbank we did not sell a lot of tickets but um anyway i'm gonna i'm gonna get out of here i'm gonna pass the baton to my friend andrew when we come back from this break

you will be in the capable and can i have i mentioned enormous hands of one andrew hacksaw walsh so please enjoy the rest of the program i personally will see you tomorrow but the fun on TBTL is just getting started right after this Carvana ad.

I'm not disappointed. That is for sure. I'm definitely not angry, and I'm definitely not disappointed. Those are too strong of words. I am, I guess I would say, somewhat surprised by Luke's analogy there in his intro. Well, maybe not. First of all, hello, everybody. Andrew here, Andrew Walsh. I'll be shepherding you through the rest of this episode of TBTL. We have a lot of very good stories to get to, submitted by you, the tens of listeners, by way. of our voicemail line which of course you can call at any time 206-414-8285 that's 206-414-TBTL you can also text that line but I was saying you know Luke had this analogy at the beginning of the show which maybe he is right maybe this is better he he described today's show as a relay race of sorts or even a tag team wrestling match and I guess that does hold up to better scrutiny but it's just that spring is in the air baseball is in the air i know a lot of you don't want us talking too much about baseball but um you know the season officially begins this week and i believe today is the last spring training game for major league baseball at least for for our team the mariners here and i don't know how many of you guys follow spring training but they do something uh called split squads sometimes during spring training because they want everybody to you know get as much, what do they call it, exercise, practice, experience during spring training as possible. So sometimes, like take the Mariners, they'll field two different teams and maybe they'll play the Padres at home and then another team will go someplace else in Arizona and play the Dodgers, assuming that the Dodgers have their spring training in Arizona too, which I'm not sure that they do. But just as an example, sometimes you'll have two Mariners teams playing two different games during spring training and i thought maybe that's what we were doing today with tbtl but no the more that i say that boy what a terrible start the more that i say that actually that wouldn't make sense that would be like if luke was doing his own episode of tbtl and i was doing my own episode and we posted it on the same day so anyway forget everything i've said so far i probably should start over but you know i'm not going to instead we are going to get into some of your emails and v-mails here which i cannot do by the way legally until i

play this here i go once again with the email every week i hope that it's from a female no man it's not from a female

so do you guys remember last week was it last week i believe it was last week it feels like forever ago luke was telling a great story i thought it was a fantastic episode of tbtl to be honest with you luke was staying in a hotel in the uh los angeles area and he got locked out of his hotel room in his skivvies now he wasn't out totally in public he was sort of locked in this little like i kept on calling it an antechamber where he wasn't in public view of other patrons of the hotel but he was in a sticky situation and he wasn't sure if he was going to have to walk outside in his underwear in order to solve the problem of being locked out of his room. Well, that led to some other stories that we received of near nudity and daring do, I guess, which is maybe what I'm maybe what I'll call the show near nudity and daring do. In fact, we got this voicemail from listener Bree about a situation she found herself in.

Hi, this is listener Bree in Columbia, South Carolina. I was listening to the episode with Luke's kind of debacle of being trapped in the hotel, less dressed than he would have liked, and I thought I would share my own story. About 10 years ago, me and Maya Levin bought our first house, which we are still 10 years later renovating, but it had sat empty for a long time, and I don't know if that added to our situation. I was in the shower getting ready for work one morning and he came in and was brushing his teeth and for some reason the door shut he shut the door behind him whatever and I don't know if it has something to do with the house sitting empty in the cold and hot as long as it did but it would not open so we both were pulling on it and we had just moved in and there wasn't a lot in the bathroom maybe a towel and a screwdriver for some reason so we started panicking when between the two of us we could not get the door with all our might open again my husband grabbed the screwdriver and started kind of jabbing at the hinges that didn't work but what it did do was it slipped and it sliced his eye so then we both start freaking out this is on our second story of our house we are trapped in the bathroom with between us one towel since he is potentially blind in that eye I nominate myself to be the one lowered down as far as he could reach from the second story in a towel which inevitably comes off during the climb down we do live in a subdivision so then I got to run around the front

of the house and pick up the towel, wrap it around me, go upstairs, and somehow between me pulling the door from the other side and him pushing, or rather, pulled in, so me pushing as hard as I can and him pulling, we were able to eventually get the door open and went to urgent care where they sent us to the hospital for his eye. Luckily, he did not need surgery. They did give him the option of having a stitch put in his eye if he did not want a small scar which he promptly declined very quickly and his eye is good to go now but that was definitely one of our first memories of moving into our new house so that's it power out

almost any personal horror story that involves public nudity I am going to guess the worst part of that story is the public nudity I am a very shy person I am a very prudish person or at least some people have accused me of being so although I don't think I'm as prudish as maybe I sometimes put on but as I started listening to this story and leaning closer and closer to the voicemail machine did you guys know that we actually have a voicemail machine it sits right here on the desk next to me I'm leaning in i did not have a slicing of the eyeball as part of that story i really thought the public nudity was going to be the worst part and boy was i wrong about that i am so glad did anybody else grab their eye did anybody else like take their hand and put the palm of it over your own eye while listening to that story was it just me i don't think it was just me i think we were all doing that right i am so glad that brie's husband's eye is okay i didn't have that going in a is it brunwell don't make references if you can't complete them you don't have luke here to bail you out who made the uh who made the the the film about slicing eyeballs let's move on uh in fact let's move on to a much much nicer place a place i like to called dream court you look like a dream catcher came to life all right i know you guys love dream talk i love dream talk i got a voicemail uh i think just with this come in today maybe over the weekend from a listener cindy who had a dream that was tbtl related in fact very andrew walsh

related take it away cindy hi luke and andrew uh this is tbtl 10 cindy i have a case for dream court so last night i had a dream that uh andrew and i were having a beer at i don't know someone's

basement bar and we were scrolling that sounds awesome cindy by the way that sounds like an ideal situation i would love to have a beer with you in a basement bar of somebody's house

Spotify, enjoying music, and I don't know any of the music that we are listening to. And finally, we come to a song that I know, and I was so excited, and I said, Andrew, I know this song. And Dream Andrew turns to me and looks at me externally and says, you're lying. If I don't know this song, you certainly don't know this song. And in my dream, I said, oh, what? This isn't my Andrew. My Andrew would probably be very gracious and excited for me and probably, you know, turn me on to similar musical styles or whatever because he's great. So in my dream, I turned to Dream Andrew and I said, you're not Andrew. And in total Scooby-Doo style, Andrew rips off his face, and guess who is underneath?

Luke.

Not Luke. Nicolas Cage. Does Cindy think this is an entertaining story that should be shared with the TVTL 10? Yes, she does.

Perfect, Cindy. I am so glad that that was actually Nicolas Cage being rude to you because that, Andrew, infuriates me. That is actually it just occurred to me. I was going to make a joke where I was going to accuse Cindy of lying and not really having that dream. I was going to try to be bad Andrew on the show, and I totally blew the spoof. That's OK. This is better. Real Andrew is better than mean Andrew, who was in that dream. And I hate mean Andrew. what a what a jerk i don't like that guy uh i do like this next guy though we got a voicemail from listener gregory

We were talking on the show. In fact, I believe this was also inspired by a voicemail that we received. A listener wanted to weigh in on awkward social interactions. Somehow that topic came up writ large on the show. And we got a voicemail from a listener the other day who said, for some reason, when he calls into, let's say, a store to see if they will hold something for him or call into a bar or a restaurant to make sure that they're staying open late enough for him to visit it. he says that he is so embarrassed to show his face and be identified as the person who called in that he'll straight up lie about it if somebody's like oh yeah here we have this uh we have this book somebody called about this book earlier was that you he'll deny it he'll say no no no no i would never i would never call a bookstore i don't i gotta say this is me talking andrew nice andrew not mean andrew from that dream i um as much as i can usually identify with awkward situations i cannot identify with that one maybe i just have too much like kind of like dad bod energy about me that when i call a place in advance i usually can't help myself but to tell them hey i'm the guy who called before like a real nerd um but apparently this sort of awkward feeling is not unique to that caller who called in last week, because we got this voicemail from Gregory, which may honestly forever change the way I navigate this earth. Take a listen.

Hi, this is Gregory in Pomona. I just heard listener Scott's voicemail in Honolulu. And just to catch you up on what Scott said, he gets socially awkward and nervous when he calls a store and then shows up later on.

I covered all of this Gregory why must you repeat me no sorry I forgot you did such a nice job setting this up in the voicemail I could have just hit play

I have the exact same thing and my fix for it well I don't know if this is good or not I put on a ridiculous accent when I call so if I call a restaurant to ask if they're still going to be open I'll do some sort of just odd British accent And just cracking myself up here. I'll say like, oh, God, I don't even know if I can do it here on the voicemail line. I'll say, quite, inquiring what your hours are this evening. And that way when I show up, they'll have no idea it was me that called them earlier. Scott, I hope that helps you out. I don't know. Good day. Power out.

Quite. That quite helps quite a bit Gregory I love that I don't have that Embarrassing feeling but I want to do this now I'm not good with voices though that's my problem If I put on any kind of a fake voice first of all I want to make sure I don't accidentally slip into some sort of Terrible stereotype with my voice And so therefore I don't know My fake voices always become disturbing I'm Fred Crocker Like, that's not that's not something that's not a voice that you want to just deploy on people who are just innocent bystanders. So I'm going to I'm going to work on my fake voices and maybe I'll start. You know, maybe I'll just work on my fake voices and start pranking businesses. You know, we might be on the tail end of being able to do that with technology these days. So I'm going to work on my prank game. In the meantime, let's take a quick break. When we come back, I've got a couple more voicemails for you. Stay with us. i'm using this music again i used it at the beginning of the last segment what do you guys think of this i got this off of that um that youtube free music library page do you guys know about this so like if you're making a podcast or a uh a video or something that you want to share but you don't want to spend thousands upon thousands of dollars to license music. YouTube has a really great page for creators where musicians will write music and then offer it up for free for you to use. I think they might want you to credit them, so I'll credit these folks. This is Amy Lynn and the Honey Men. The name of the song is Emotional Mess. That's not even why I picked it, but I just realized how perfect that is for me. But yeah, I actually ended up cutting out the lyrics. This is a vocals. This is a song with vocals. Sorry, Amy. Sorry, honey men. Sorry.

for cutting the vocals on it but this is what worked for me i like it and also check out that uh that youtube page i can't remember how to get there i always google like youtube free music and then you find yourself on somebody's janky channel that has like terrible piano music or something but this is an official youtube service i think you go to like youtube studio and find it through there um yeah trying to do more of that in fact i got a i got a note from a listener this was not part of the plan today but i think i saw this on slack maybe over the weekend somebody and i think this is a decent question somebody said why do the guys that's me and luke why do we have kind of this rule with the dazzling donor messages that say please don't request a song for us to play because we can't really play a lot of music on the show these days why do we have that but we still have the music for your weekend segment on fridays and the truth of the matter is like i i'll say i'll say me maybe not we because i'm the one who's most paranoid about this stuff like um after having some episodes of tbtl pulled down from spotify and platforms like that because we've been dinged for copyright infringement or what i don't think it's infringement whatever it's called for using licensed music that we didn't have the right to use that kind of put the put the fear of God, put the fear of spot in me, a.k.a. Spotify. I don't want our shows to be pulled down from the services that disseminate them. So we didn't get rid of everything. And music for your weekend seems to be a pretty popular thing. But even with that, we try to keep the music as short as possible. And we just try to cut down on as many instances of using music in the show as possible. So that's that's the answer to that question. It's not completely scientific, but we definitely are trying to just be very conscientious of that. and obviously the less music that we're throwing out there, the less chances of getting dinged for that. So I hope that answers your question, whoever you are who asked it. Boy, what a boring way to start this segment. Did I just say that about the last segment too? Let's move on. Let's get to the good stuff here. The good stuff is you guys calling in our voicemail line at 206-414-8285. I have mentioned on this show many times that I, for a long time, I've always wanted to have a call-in radio show called What's Your Damage? Like an old school call-in radio show where I just sit there. I'll even start smoking again for this role. Like, it sort of seems like I should be behind a microphone in sort of a dingy 80s era AM talk radio studio and I give out the phone number and I just say Linder, you're on the air. What's your damage? And Linder might just tell me what their complaint is. Maybe it's somebody parking on their front lawn or too close to their driveway. Maybe it's somebody dumping styrofoam in their garbage bins at night when nobody's looking.

Or maybe it's really, really looking forward to a meal and then being disappointed.

Hey dummies, this is Linda in Rhode Island. And I had a customer to see this week in the farthest part in my sales territory, farthest away from my house. But I agreed to go see them for a small sale because it was near a diner that I liked that has homemade corned beef hash. So I got up there. I did the demonstration. I sold the jackhammers. I got the order for the bits. Everything was great. And I thought, I'm going to the diner. I'm going to get two eggs over light with wheat toast.

Can we just hold on one second and just talk about what a badass Linder is? Linder sells jackhammers and jackhammer equipment. I don't have anything to add here. I just want to make sure that we're not glossing over that too quickly here. Have we all internalized that? So cool.

I sold the jackhammers. I got the order for the bits. Everything was great. And I thought, I'm going to the diner. I'm going to get two eggs over light with wheat toast and corned beef hash. And I sat down and I started to eat the plate that was set in front of me. And at some point in the last, so I don't know, maybe it's been a couple of years since I've been there, they have changed over from homemade corned beef hash to a canned corned beef hash. This is my damage. I think that if a diner does this, they should have to get new signage made that incorporates this fact into so when you're walking in, you know, okay, you know what, I drove all the way here for corned beef hash, but I should order the sausage patties. or you know what I should get instead I should get the omelet like just just let me know don't let me be surprised by putting the damn food in my mouth it's just i just thought andrew could add this to his what's your damage podcast thank you collection of voicemails power out i appreciate it people call in with your damage this is as close as i'm ever going to get to living my dream of having a what's your podcast so call in with what's your damages um my follow-up question were linda to be a live caller would be did you say anything because this is where i think things can get interesting linda clearly has a connection to that diner has enjoyed this very specific meal i'm assuming many times before now something has changed in the years since she's been there now some people would be very tempted to say to the server by the way what happened here you guys changed up the recipe or something. Now, I would be very drawn to do that. But I am so scared of coming off as somebody who is complaining, especially in a restaurant or a diner, not out of fear of being scolded or whatever. But just like, I don't know, I just, I will sometimes hear people be rude to servers. And I hate it so much that it makes me do everything I can to avoid even the appearance of criticism to somebody whose responsibility it's not, if that makes sense. I was in a diner just the other day, not to brag. I was down in Renton, which is south of Seattle, and I was there to pick up some corrugated plastic roofing sheets, I guess is the best way to put that. And they didn't have it at our Home Depot up here. Actually, I went down to a Lowe's. No offense to our Home Depot royalty who listened to the show But I went down to a Lowe's in Renton And I figured, boy, this took me a long time to get down here in the middle of traffic

Maybe I'll get myself a late lunch at that diner I passed near the highway When I arrived in Renton I think it was called Tommy's or something along the lines of it It's one of those situations where I think I saw that the restaurant closed at 3 And I was getting in there at 2.15 And I already was worried, like, I hope I'm not going to overstay my welcome or anything like that and it's just kind of a family style restaurant it doesn't have a I don't think it had a diner counter I don't think but uh there was one young woman who was I think just handling all of the tables and it was a little bit busier than I thought there were probably like I don't know at this weird late lunch hour 45 minutes before closing I'm gonna say there was like maybe well while I was there people were still coming in so I'm gonna say maybe she was dealing with like five to eight tables all by herself and she was so pleasant and working her ass off and i ordered some sort of a french dip sandwich and it came with a side and instead of getting a side of fries i asked if i could start with a cup of the soup which was another option and she said yes um and then i you know waiting for my food and then eventually the sandwich came out and it might she's like okay here it is and my initial reaction was kind of like oh that's kind of I mean just internally I was sort of thinking to myself that's kind of a bummer when the soup comes out with the sandwich I prefer to have the soup come out first but again like I'm not going to complain about it it's not a big deal but then she sets the plate down and I'm looking at it it's a it's a plate with fries on it and no soup and she said here you go anything else and she must have seen the look in my face as I looked down at the fries I was just sort of trying to compute like is the soup still coming out and then I'm like oh no wait the fries replaced the soup this is just a mistake I wasn't going to see anything but she could I wasn't going to say anything but she could see the confusion on my face and then all of a sudden her face her eyes got really big and she said oh no you ordered the soup oh and I'm like no problem it's not a problem these fries are fine she's like no no no I am so sorry I'm so she's like super apologetic and she's like she's like I'll get you the soup I'll get you the soup I'm like no please and I even said I'm like trust me I would say something I would be honest with you if I cared I I consider this to be divine intervention I'm going to eat the french fries I just I couldn't make up my mind between the fries and the soup uh anyway um the truth is I did prefer the soup but I didn't want the soup and the fries and the sandwich and it really was not that big of a deal to me and you know I wanted her to know that it was truly not a big deal I wasn't just saying that in the maybe I don't know if irony is the right word here but while I'm having this conversation with her a man comes in and sits at the booth as closest to mine as possible in fact he's eating alone as well so if I look up over the booth he and I would be looking at each other and he's a guy maybe 10 15 years older than me kind of got a bit of a cowboy look got a big gray mustache

and then she goes over to him to take his order and I don't know if I would describe him as rude I'll see you next time. I mean, in the moment I was like, oh, my God, this guy is so rude, but maybe just like incredibly gruff. Like this man has never wasted a word. Words are so valuable to him that he mostly communicates in grunts and one word answers. And I was like, I am so glad that I was pleasant to this person because I don't know which way it's going to go with old grumpy pants over here. Mr. Economy of Language in this other booth because he was giving me some bad vibes. Anyway, power out. Let's listen to another voicemail from Reverend Chris. Now, this goes back to the conversation that Luke and I have been having for years now. It all started with kind of a kind of a funny request on the part of PETA, the animal rights organization, which I know some of our listeners take great offense towards. But putting that aside, they had come up with some idioms involving animals that they asked us to reconsider. So instead of killing two birds with one stone, they said, why don't you say you're feeding two birds with one scone or beating a dead horse? Let's change that to feeding a fed horse. I think Luke and I started talking about it on the show in a somewhat mocking way. But within moments, we realized these are hilarious expressions and we like them better anyway. And I still use feed a fed horse, not because I care about PETA, but just because I think it's fun. I think it's a fun way of of plus beating a dead horse is really grim. Anyway, PETA did not have any suggestions for I don't have a dog in this fight, that expression. Right. And so Luke and I took it upon ourselves to come up with an alternative. And I think I can take credit for this. I came up with I don't have a dog on this flight. Uh, it doesn't make tons of sense, but it still makes me smile. And I try to say that whenever possible, Hey, listen, I don't mean to get involved here. I don't have a Doug on this flight, but for whatever it's worth, here are my two cents. Well, Doug on flight does not sit well with Reverend Chris, who's been workshopping this himself.

Hello, friendos. Um, this is Reverend Chris from Barrington. And I was ruminating about the not, I don't have a Doug on this flight today in the shower. I don't know why. This has always bothered me that it's never quite got the meaning of what the original very problematic to dogs saying is supposed to be. So I was workshopping it in my head, and I thought, well, Doug, it would be better if it was more of an ah-ah kind of sound. So I was thinking that I don't have a bob on this flight would be better. And then I thought, yeah, but it still doesn't get around what the meaning is. And then I thought, oh, I don't have a job on this flight. Because then you would have a stake in the matter if you had a job on the flight, right, like more so than just knowing a guy named Bob or Doug. And then I thought, oh, what about if it was like, I don't have a job at this site? You know, like a construction site. And I thought Luke might appreciate that because his whole life is a construction site. So those are some things that I came up with. I think I don't have a job on this flight or a job at this site. Works pretty well.

Or maybe not. Anyway, power out. Okay, here's the deal. Let's talk about this, Chris. um first of all it's okay to like different things we talk about that on the show and sometimes we sing that song on the show from time to time i don't have a job on this flight or a job on the site seems like it's so far from the original now that it seems even more confusing i mean listen you're in a meeting and you say i don't have a dug on this flight that's still going to be a showstopper i'm not pretending otherwise but it seems like it's still like in the arena at least but originally i think we just said i don't have a dog on this flight so if it's the if it's the sound that the o is making changing dog to dug if that's what the like the main hang-up is i would just go back to i don't have a dog on this flight because then it's like it's almost exactly the same it's just one letter you're changing fight to flight and i guess into on but you catch my meaning but if it makes you happy to say I don't have a job on the site use it I would be I would be interested to know how people react to that because I think it would be kind of confusing but let me play one more voicemail for you and then we're going to get out of here this is from our friend and colleague and boss maybe I'm still looking for clarity on that one. This is from John at 8 p.m.

And this is a story that John wanted to pass along from one of his former colleagues.

Hey, guys. ATM's John Squiroff here. Listening to Luke's story about tighty-whities and our towel and awkward interactions. It reminded me of this is not necessarily a story that happened to me. Sorry, my dog. I was getting excited in the background. I used to be an overnight security guard at a hotel in Stanford, Connecticut. And a woman that worked there named Sheila, who was all about 5'3", just a real pistol of a person, like, love Sheila, told me the story.

I love the term pistol in describing somebody. I think that really kind of sums somebody up. I got to ask, though, can somebody be a pistol if they're of a large frame, if they're like tall? Like, let's say I had a fiery personality. Would you call me a pistol? I feel like not. I feel like you have to be sort of both shorter and fiery to be a pistol. But I could be wrong. I'll let you guys discuss.

love sheila told me the story about when she was in her younger days um you know at the time she told me she was probably about 55 you know something about that i guess i'd put her at and um our hotel was down the road from what was wwf now wwe's headquarters and so there was a contract that the hotel had with uh the organization that wrestlers when they would come to town would stay at our hotel and so she looked on this story um where one night like late you know 12 1 a.m or whatever it is she gets a call that an amenity needs to be run up ran up to a special guest on like a top floor so she gets like this bottle of champagne and whatever it is that she's bringing up and she goes up and knocks on the door and the doors fly open and in his tighty whities and a bathrobe, was the nature boy, Ric Flair. And apparently, he was very respectful, but I was like, hey, baby, you want to party with the nature boy? Woo! Which, you know, if you're a wrestling fan at all, you know that's like the nature boy's signature thing. He goes, woo! So he's like, yeah, come on, baby, you want to party with the nature boy? Woo! And Sheila just, like, without missing abuse, was like, yeah, no, thank you, I got to work. And she just turns around so I come back to the elevator. And apparently, Ric was like, yeah, cool. All right, baby, have a good day. And went back into his room very politely. So, yeah. Interactions with hotel staff and your tiny ladies. Luke Burbank and the nature boy, Ric Flair.

There you go. Good to know that no means no for old Ric Flair. He was both inviting but also respectful of people's boundaries. So we will leave it there today, everybody. Thank you for joining us for this somewhat unusual, somewhat, for this very unusual edition of TBTL. But really glad I got to have the opportunity to share all of these great voicemails with you guys. They had been sort of stacking up in my voicemail box. I have a voice. I actually have a box full of voicemails, and they're starting to rattle around in there, and then they were starting to overflow. So I'm glad I was able to share them with you. I actually still have some more in the hopper that we will share with you tomorrow. And Luke and I will be back for a normal episode of TBTL tomorrow. In fact, I believe Luke will be here in my studio. I cannot remember whether or not the show is going to be posted a little bit later than normal. That might be a possibility as well. So if you don't see the show in your podcatcher at the normal time, stick with us. We will be posting one later in the day. And it will be a really good one, too, because we'll be in person recording. And now it's been three days since we've talked. So I'm sure there will be plenty of stories of underwear and hotels and things happening on the set of productions produced by certain large software companies on the east side of Seattle. Until then, though, enjoy the weather. I hope it's beautiful where you are. It's beautiful where we are. Go Mariners. I hope you're winning your final spring training game. Only a couple more days till the season begins, everybody. So, go Mariners, go eat a bagel, and what do we say? We say, no mountain too tall, and good luck to all.

Boy, being a disc jockey is really hard, way harder than I ever imagined. I hope you enjoyed it, and I hope you'll come back next time for my very next show. Please, I'm begging you. Power out.