Muse

Righty on lefty. First pitch by Duvall. Swing and that's fouled. Straight back and off my computer. Oh my goodness. That just happened. So my computer is completely cracked. I tried to put my hand up and stop the baseball and it went straight back and now that one almost came back. And this became one of the worst days I have had in quite some time.

TBTN! Here's a sentence I never thought I'd say, but if you thought a sausage couldn't really hurt anyone, frankly, think again.

So I'm what's known as a psychic medium, but I'm also clairsentient, which means that I feel my angels. I'm also clairvoyant, which means I can see. I'm also clairaudient, which is most of the time I actually hear. I hear voices, and I also do financial advising.

Listen, I'm not one of those college types that's going to talk your era. I bought a balloon, and it doesn't mean I think I'm better than everybody else.

I have a beta sequence I've been working on. Would you like to see it? Alright.

Alright, hello, good morning, and welcome everyone to a Thursday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host coming to you today from beautiful Chicago, Illinois. and it is beautiful my goodness the perfect day for us to bring you episode 3912 in a collector's series now if things sound a wee bit different than normal uh in the sense that i'm not playing any audio drops it's because my dear friends at the travel security administration aka the tsa I lost some of my gear yesterday, and so I'm recording this, if you can believe it, on my cellular telephone. So hopefully this sounds okay to all of you. We have lots to talk about today, including, well, how I'm mad at the TSA for losing my stuff. Also, Andrew made a trip to a Diamond Derby yesterday, so we want to hear about that. And it's a Thursday, aka Blur's Day, so we'll do some Blur's Day messages as well. First, though, let's say hi to this handsome young stranger. The longest-running Cobra of the show may be best known for his depictions of the tall ships. He is Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

Good morning, Luke. I had a lot to talk about about your trip to Chicago and where you are right now, but can I just really quickly tell you about some what I think to be astounding garbage drama in my neighborhood? It does not involve me. This is not going to be me complaining about garbage pickup or people using my bins. But I got an email on this neighborhood. Hold on, let me get my popcorn. Yeah, I got this email on this neighborhood email list that I have found myself on and I've referred to many times on this show at this point. Somebody, I don't even have it in front of me right now, but somebody emailed the whole neighborhood list today to say, just want to let everybody know. Somebody stole my garbage bin in the middle of the night. Whoa. They stacked all the garbage up. They emptied my bin, left all the garbage on the curb, and took my bin. Today is garbage day, by the way. So we all have our bins out on the curb. So some garbage bin thief went up to one of my neighbor's bins, emptied it out, left the garbage, and took the bin, Luke. Wow. What do I have to complain about in this life when things like that are happening to my brethren bin keepers?

Yeah, you know, you think that somebody throwing their dog poop bag into your bin is some great transgression. And then you saw the man who had no bin.

Then you see the man who, you know, Luke, the bin makers kids have no bins. They go without bins. They do. As they famously say. So there was a moment earlier today when you and I were getting ready to do the show. And we obviously have been dealing with various technical issues because of your missing equipment. But I said, I'm going to go grab a cup of coffee, which I did do. I was not lying. But if it seemed like an overly long coffee break, it's because I just needed to poke my head out the door and look out the driveway and make sure that my bins were still there, which they are. I'm trying to remember.

Do you have to buy the garbage, the can, the bin, the whatnot, or do they give it to you as part of the service? Like, would somebody stealing this, you think, because they didn't want to pay the $8 or something for their own bin?

maybe somebody wanted an extra bin maybe somebody I mean maybe they wanted a bin for a different purpose maybe it was somebody out of their god damn mind who didn't really know what they were doing in the middle of the night I have no idea Bolo be on the lookout for an Oscar the Grouch type

I mean, you see a 6-2 green furry monster rolling the trash bin away. We may have our suspect.

I think if I were to call the city today and say, hey, listen, I accidentally blew up my bin in a science experiment gone wrong. They would provide me a new one and charge me for it. But my guess is if you tell them, hey, listen, somebody stole our bin, they're just going to take your word for it and provide you with a new one. Because mostly it's kind of weird. You're like buying the service and the bin sort of represents the service, if that makes sense to you. Like I have a certain sized bin that I pay for because really what I'm paying for is for them to come and get rid of that amount of garbage every week.

It's like how they originally sold the Frisbee, supposedly, right? Have I told you this story? I read long ago that when they initially it's by the way it's not how they used to sell the frisbee but it reminds me of this story why did you just look it up to just fact check yourself on the fly I can drive so much going on right now I'm holding a cell phone next to my mouth I'm googling best buys in the loop in Chicago I have a lot going on I don't have time I don't have time to research or verify my stories I'm going to tell you on the program but I had heard at one point that the guy who invented the frisbee the way he initially sold it was the frisbee was free but you had to buy the invisible string that the frisbee would people were apparently so wowed by the the way that the frisbee moved through the air that the sales pitch was the frisbee is free but you got to buy the invisible string that the frisbee operates along yes and if long time

listeners are feeling like they are having deja vu you're not having deja vu i think this has come up and i think i always say this okay this is where i say i think there's a similar story regarding the modern razor blade and i'm not talking about harry's i'm not talking about razor blades are too expensive so we bought a factory in germany i'm just talking about the idea of that like that kind of replaceable disposable blade wasn't the wasn't the person or one of the people who were trying to get that a thing or to trying to make that a thing didn't they give away the razors and then charge money just for the blade replacements i don't know but

i have to be honest with you razors are too expensive i've been thinking about this a lot lately because like i i used to think those commercials were just kind of silly um but as i've been buying razor blades like dispose i use a disposable do you use like a disposable razor

situation what do you use yeah keep in mind i have a beard so i only use it i only use a little bit to kind of clean up under, you know, kind of around my neck and up my cheek areas. So I hardly ever have to buy new blades for it. They last me years.

So I buy disposable razors and I shave. I shave every day. I have the weirdest facial hair situation, which is I don't have enough facial hair to do anything interesting with it, but it's just enough that if I weren't to shave for a few days, it'd be something would look off. but i i'm constantly shocked at how expensive a nice disposable razor is like a little bag of them could be like 20 bucks or something so i'm always tempted to buy the cheapest ones possible but those things just invariably by the way that's i think you probably can't hear it on the recording that you're hearing me on right now andrew but the toilet in this hotel room about every i don't know 45 minutes just makes the loudest shriek of all time so sorry for everybody got to hear that on this local recording i'm making but i'm always tempted to buy the cheapo razors but then i get all i get nicked i get i get i have all kinds of problems then i'm like it's you know it's like five minutes before i have to go be on national television and i'm i'm bleeding out because i didn't want to pay for a good razor but there's to pay like you know five dollars per razor you know per disposable razor just feels like a ridiculously expensive thing to me i don't know why that is where i draw the line on my spending but it really bothers me so i have a

lot to say on this topic so i don't know how anxious you are to get to the other um topic

not anxious at all okay good because here's the other than i want to other than i want to uh complain about the tsa okay sounds good and sovereign citizens who may work there and you

want a full report on uh the diamond derby which that is skippable by the way not a lot not a lot happened at the diamond derby yesterday um but uh spoiler alert on that but a couple of things First of all, I really miss shaving. You know, I've had a beard consistently for such a long time now. When I started growing beards back in New Hampshire in my maybe early to mid 20s, they would sort of come and go. And sometimes I'd be a bearded man and sometimes I'd be a non bearded man. And I liked that. And I'm not proud of the fact that...

I kind of hate the shape of my face. Now, I'm embarrassed how I look without a beard now. So I've maintained the beard consistently. Like, I don't think I've shaved my beard in potentially 10 years or more. I mean, can you picture me without a beard? Like, when's the last time? Oh, you know what it was?

I've known you not having a beard, but it was a long time ago. I feel like there's a... And it was upsetting. It was.

You're like, I blocked it out. It was one of the Mariners baseball games we went to, maybe even the one I came up from L.A. for. I'm not sure, but there was some Mariners TBTL baseball game. There are photos of me, and I'm clean shaven, and that maybe, again, maybe about 10 years ago. I don't know. So I do miss shaving. I mentioned on the show recently that I liked to shave in the shower. I had an English teacher who I remember told us in school, you know, when you guys start shaving, do yourself a favor, try doing it in the shower without a mirror because it's all by feel and there's something and I remember this teacher just saying like there's something there's something about shaving by feel in the shower that is I can't remember how he described it but basically that implanted itself in my head and I kind of I would do that and then eventually I did get a little mirror for the shower and I would always shave in the shower and I really like that experience it's probably a waste of water to do that now that I say it out loud but get off my back I haven't done it in years um i when i say get off my back luke i'm not talking to you i'm talking just to the customers talking to the donors talking to i'm talking to the i'm talking specifically to today's dazzling donors get off my back um but unfortunately i don't like the way i look without a beard so i don't do it much anymore and because of that i can't get the kinds of razors that i used to use all the time because i had like i don't know three or four different um i think they were gillette excels of some sort i don't know they were the things i started buying in high school because it was what my dad used and then i would buy the kind of thing where you can swap out the razor blade yeah so like i had like maybe two or three i should say of the actual like kind of handle or whatever and every so often i would replace the blades right and i really liked it um but then i stopped buying blades so often because i'm only doing a little bit of cleanup up around the beard every now and then and then sometime in the past couple of years i'm like oh my gosh i'm actually out of these replaceable razors i gotta buy more and of course it's been so long that the the industry has moved so far past whatever this excel i used to use is and now i'm sort of i don't know what to do i bought a pack of like disposable usbc now i was i was shaving with a micro usb and now i'm using a usb c and then some people give me that apple thing and i'm like i'm not a i don't i don't have an iphone um but anyway yeah i really miss it and so now i'm a little bit unmoored like i i've been buying just disposable razors where you throw the

whole thing away but those things really suck they really do maybe i need to go to what you're describing which is the the thing you know you basically have the same uh whatever you'd call razor and then you just replace the blades or maybe what i need to do is go to whatever that kind of thing is that for some reason they seem like they're always sharpening on like a leather

strap oh yeah straight is that a straight razor is that what that is yeah i think so yeah because i think that what we're describing are technically called safety razors i think right so a straight

razor that's the thing that like an old-time barber would use or something right and what was the what was the leather aspect to that how could how could i i have this picture of somebody running whatever that thing is along a leather strap to like but that couldn't be sharpening

it right i think it was i think it was i think it was honing it in a certain way like when we leather when we but i i'll bet you it's not just like soft leather i don't know for sure i'm just saying from top con i've never seen one in real life but like just from the context of movies

Based on the documentary Sweeney Todd.

Right, yeah.

I believe it's leather.

I mean, that's definitely findoutable, but I'm sure it's a pretty rough kind of leather that probably just hones the blade more than sharp. Like you have a sharp blade that gets sharpened every now and then, but then you just want to hone that fine point. In the same way that we use that metal thing in our kitchen to hone our blades, right?

Right. I mean, I've got to figure out something because I'm using these cheapos, and again, they do a terrible job. and they and they leave all kinds of my face already has enough problems going on as it is leaving aside the shaving nicks but but yeah again it's like to buy the fancy like there there are these you know I don't know like if it's like a Schick product or a Gillette type of thing but there are disposable or safety razors as you would say that are literally there's three of them in the packet and it is I'm not kidding like twenty dollars meaning

Meaning it's like roughly, I don't know, $7 per disposable razor. Because then the other thing I'll do is if I overpay for them, then I'll use them for far too long because I don't want to throw them away because I'm like, damn, this thing was expensive. So then those also suck because I've been, you know, they're rusty. I've been using the same disposable razor for three weeks.

You know, when you were saying leather strap before, I almost said or strop because I love saying strop. And whenever I hear strap, I want to say strop. And actually, in this case, that is literally the purpose of the word strop. Those things, these things that sharpen, these leather strops are what sharpens a straight razor. And there's all kinds of tutorials online on how to do it. Is Strop Dragging My Heart Around a show title? That song will definitely be in my head the rest of the day. Strop Dragging My.

I've been getting all kinds of vintage Tom Petty on my TikTok feed for some reason. I think I just let a video run, you know, at some point of him talking about, I forget what the song was. It was, you know, obviously one of his hits, but it was, I think it was The Waiting is the Hardest Part. And he was describing how he just had the guitar, he had the whatever the guitar part is, and he was just playing it for weeks and weeks and just trying out different lyrics and just obsessing over this riff from The Waiting is the Hardest Part. And then he finally got to the lyric, and he said that his roommates were like, please stop playing that song. But he didn't have any words, so he was just playing this riff over and over and over again. I'm very sad that Tom Petty's not around. That guy was awesome.

Yeah, and also the type of musician who really kind of grows old gracefully, I believe, and still can kind of explore. I remember being young. I do think his Mad Hatter phase was regrettable. oh are you kidding me oh god i love when he was wearing that top hat oh god i jesus christ i loved that so much put it in my veins yeah that was um what was the song is that um ah it's driving me bananas i'll come back around to that most people know it's probably one of the most famous songs but what i was gonna say was um i remember i was a big tom petty fan growing up and i i remember thinking though that there was a disconnect because around the same era he sung a song called you got lucky babe when i found you which is like one of the cockiest sentiments you could possibly have in a love song but he also sang even the losers get lucky sometimes which was like which spoke to me i was like hey i'm a loser maybe i'll get lucky sometime but i remember like trying to hold those two songs in my head at the same time coming from the same individual there have been

so many times when i was considering backing down but then i decided to not back down uh-huh Because of the inspirational words of one Tom Petty. Yeah, what was that? What was the song? You know, it's an Alice in Wonderland thing, right?

Yeah, Don't Come Around Here No More. Don't Come Around Here No More was the song. Hey, don't come around here no more. Hey, don't drop around here. Oh, you did it better. He did it better. Who wore it better? Burbing.

All right, let's do this. Let's take a quick break. And then we're going to thank some Dazzling Donors. I'm going to complain about the TSA. And we're going to celebrate some Blur's Days here on this very special, very sort of unusual Thursday edition of TBTL. Stay with us.

On your mark. On your mark. Get set. Get set. Now ready. Ready. Go. Everybody rattle, dazzle.

Let's thank some Dazzling Donors. These are the wonderful, generous folks who are keeping the program going with their donations. We would just ask that they get off of Andrew's back. Our one request for Dr. Jim Shue in Greenwich, Connecticut. Wait a minute. I don't know that. I don't identify Jim Shue with Greenwich, Connecticut. I identify Jim Shue with, I think, the greater Seattle area. But here's what he says. Hey, friendos, as a long-time listener, not to brag, I've watched as TBTL went from a plucky little show on Cairo AM that's going to blow up any minute with lots of hard work and perseverance to a plucky little podcast that's going to blow up any minute, just not the preceding roughly 8 million minutes since January 2008. Do you think that he's rounding up, or do you think it's possible we've done 8 million minutes of content?

it's hard to think that I've done 8 million anythings in my life but maybe he's right

a lot has changed for TBTL and for me as well after years in Seattle I've recently moved to Connecticut to join the Yale School of Medicine's

I don't know why I said it that way. The Yale School of Medicine's orthopedic surgery faculty.

Hmm. I don't know. Yale? I've never heard of it.

Must be nice. Congratulations, Dr. Hsu. That's, wow. Yale. Prestige. Major prestige factor. Jim says, so I know exactly what it feels like to be a plucky, impostery upstart again. TBTL listenership is an ultra-secret society Only a few privileged sets of ears get to enjoy Yeah, we'd like it to be a little less secret We'd like to spread the word on it if we could To APM's chagrin The only time New York Times will ever report on TBTL After XX, XXX episodes Longest Running Podcast finally is Too Beautiful to Live But the devotion of the tiny fandom that values TBTL for its indescribable quirkiness is what gives the show that death-defying superpower. Here is to many more years. Well, thank you, Jim, and congratulations on the new gig at Yale. I will tell you this, Andrew. The listenership is growing, however slowly, because I was on a flight out here to Chicago yesterday, and the person in front of me on the plane turned around and showed me her phone, and it was TBTL playing on her phone. Oh, no kidding. Holy, holy moly. Yeah. It was very, I felt very important. I felt like a VIP on that flight because there was one other person who knew about the podcast.

Did you hold up your phone and you were also listening to TBTL?

No, but I literally invited this person, this woman and her son. They were, I think, going to Chicago to celebrate her son's maybe 21st birthday or something. And I said, hey, I'm doing wait, wait. If you want, I can put you on the list. And she said, no, we have tickets to the Blackhawks I was like, yeah, that's a better, that actually sounds like a more fun time You should do that But I have to say It was fun to Bump into a 10 in the wild

No kidding, that always feels special And if they're listening right in the moment, I don't know if I've ever had that before

So Jim Thank you for the donation, and again Very best of luck out there at Yale Maestro

On your mark Get set Now ready

We've also got to thank Glenn Hogue Out there in Athens, Alabama Glenn has been a long time Dazzling donor and supporter of the show Interestingly, I think Do we have a confirmed Two groups of listeners in Athens, Alabama? Isn't our friend Bruce from Lake Stevens now Bruce? Bruce from Athens, Alabama

That's a good point

That's a lot of even if it's just two people, that's a lot of people in Athens, Alabama listening to this show.

That is a lot. And we've met Glenn a couple. Glenn made it out to Denver for our Denver get together. And we saw Glenn at Jamie's house in Mississippi. So Glenn gets out there and attends those TBTL events. And Glenn's been a dazzling donor for several years now. And I think this is the first time that he's he's revealed himself as being such because he's kind of the strong, generous type. Strong, silent, and generous type. Exactly, right. So I just wanted to say thanks to Glenn. Glenn didn't have a special message to read, but I had a special message, and it was, thank you, sir. Thanks, Glenn. Thanks for being the strong, silent type, just like me. Exactly.

Hello, and welcome to Top Story. Well, the top story in my life, Andrew, is that today when I was unpacking my equipment to get ready to record this podcast with you, I realized that I am missing a key piece of equipment because the TSA went through my bag yesterday. Oh, after we recorded the show, by the way, I managed to nearly miss my flight to the point where I had to sign up for clear so I could cut to the front of the line. You finally did it. I broke down. I'm $184 poorer, but I did get to my flight. The security line was super long. I didn't have enough time to wait in it. And so I signed up for that. But then, of course, they pulled my bag, which they do often because I have this – I have a microphone stand that is very suspicious looking on the x-ray. So they pulled my stuff and the guy went through all my stuff. Now, I also – I had some cash in my bag and the – like in my computer bag that I was meaning to take to the bank and deposit it. And the TSA guy I was texting you about this The TSA guy told me He was like you know It was like a couple thousand bucks He goes if you have this amount of money He goes I couldn't help it But notice you had money in your bag and that could be seized by the government. He goes, but I wouldn't let them do that to you. So I'm not going to report it. I was like, OK. And then he gave me like a 10 minute speech on how he's a sovereign citizen. And it's like I have no patience for that kind of stuff except for the fact that he did not alert the government that I was trying to fly with $2,000 in cash.

So you have to declare it or something.

I mean, you're allowed to something like that. He just – as I was texting with you yesterday, I think he just wanted to tell me about the sovereign citizen movement. Like I feel like it was just – it was a sort of a jumping off point for him because I can't imagine – I mean that's not a – it wasn't like I had $20,000 or $100,000, $2,000, which is a lot of money but also like I can't imagine they would be allowed to confiscate that. But yeah, I probably would have to report it in some way or whatever. but while he was giving me this whole spiel he was apparently not putting all of my equipment back into my bag because when i got here i'm mix i'm missing this thing called the mix pre which is what allows my microphone to plug into my computer it's a kind of weird piece of technology um that's very specific to what we do and uh it's now missing i called the airport they said actually you know i have to be honest with you the guy at the lost and found at the SeaTac Airport, was actually more helpful than I expected. He did tell me that I needed to file an online form, which I did. But he wasn't like – I was expecting – I don't know why, but I was expecting a super-duper checked-out person or just a voicemail or something. But, no, I got a human being, and he was actually very helpful. So, I mean, he doesn't have my thing, but at least he seemed like he sort of cared.

I'm just doing a little bit of Googling, which maybe you already know all of this. but I'm just like I'm not somebody who has money so I've never bumped up against this before but like it sounds like domestically there is no limit to the amount of money that you're allowed to take on an airplane and that you you shouldn't have to declare it it's only if you're flying internationally and you have more than 10 grand which I think it's safe to say you did not um so I think you're right this guy was just using this as an excuse to talk about uh being a sovereign citizen yeah

Which, by the way, think about this. The irony of him working at the TSA, but also being like a person who's like, I'm my own country. Yeah.

Did you join his country by any chance? I mean, did you sign or speak any pledges that we should know about?

I'm now a resident of Dugastan.

Oh, shit. You know what? I am a citizen of New Dugastan. Oh, we hate each other. We're natural enemies. I mean, we had to break away.

We had to break away from the breakaway. Yeah, we call it the partition. I think you're right, though, or I think I'm right. I think you're right when you're repeating what I'm saying, which is I think this guy really just wanted – this guy just really wanted –

I know you didn't mean that to be funny, but that is hilarious. I think you're right when you repeat what I'm saying, which I think is right.

But yeah, because again, he didn't need to give me that spiel. I think he just really wanted to try to bring somebody else over to his side of things. But again, to think about this, like, is there a – is there a governmental entity that's more sort of, I would say, oppressive in a way – tedious, really? I mean the TSA is very tedious. The T should stand for tedious. And this guy who thinks that the cops shouldn't be allowed to, like, pull him over or whatever else, the, like, sovereign citizen movement. And for people that don't know, that's this whole kooky school of thought where, like, you're basically the laws of America don't apply to you based on some misreading of, I don't know, the Constitution or something. So the idea that that was this guy's thought. But he also works for the most tedious governmental organization. It's like someone working at the DMV but not believing in cars.

Well, I mean, honestly, well, let's talk about tedious. If I if I pursue this line of thought that I want to pursue, I think I'll be the tedious one. But I think there are government organizations that would be more at odds with somebody who doesn't believe in big government as opposed to more so than a arm of the government that is ostensibly there to protect people when they're flying. You know what I mean? I know what you mean that, like, if you work for the ATF, if you work right or and with a sovereign citizen, if you work for the FBI. And you were and you were surveilling people on home soil, you know, that that type of thing, I think, would be more at odds with that, you know, whereas, you know, I think you could I think you could maybe balance both of these things in your head. But so tell me more about this moment. So you're going through the TSA. Let's see. I don't know if you have preaching. or whatever but i'm assuming you put your bags on the belt and then they say oh there's a bunch of wires and shit in there so we're gonna take a look and you get this guy and he's the guy who's gonna like kind of toss your bag or rummage through your bag and while he's doing that and looking at your stuff he mentions the money and then uses that as an excuse to start talking to you about uh greg stanistan dougistan dougistan yeah basically yeah and and at the time again i

was i felt like well i'm glad that he's not making me jump through any additional hoops of like i don't know declaring this cash or paperwork so i was i think i said to you i've never i've never liked some of the tsa more because his anti-government ways were helping me not have to stay there longer but i'm really reassessing that considering dougastan did not put my mix pre back into my bag so it's somewhere at the tsa and i have to be honest when i was talking to the lost and found this morning at sea tech the the guy who was helpful at the loss and found kept saying like where did you lose your item and i kept wanting to say well i didn't really lose it doug forgot to put it back in my bag like something about the term losing it or i lost it made me feel like it was unfairly judging me for losing it when in fact it was this was a doug problem

yeah i mean i and i'm wondering i mean i'm hoping for a happy ending to this story but i I was just talking to a friend last night who he did make a mistake. It was on him. He left his phone on an airplane after it landed. He left it in the little pocket, right? And now he's trying to get it back, and he's got the – the phone is on airplane mode, but he can still track it using the iPhone tracker or whatever, and he knows that it's at this airport. He knows that it's at the Portland airport, but he keeps calling and telling them, like, I left it on a plane. They're like, oh, yeah, you're not getting that back. basically people just keep telling him like oh you're probably not getting it back he's like it's in your airport and they're saying well then call this department and that department's like oh yeah no no call this other department then eventually like yeah call the cops and he calls the cops are like why are you calling us and it's just kind of like i'm worried that this happened in this like this tsa area that it wasn't like lost and found like it dropped out of your pocket or something while you were waiting uh you know to board the plane but it was in this like federal area i'm wondering if that's going to cause issues in getting this thing back was it in north dougastan

that's a totally different set of rules there exactly of losing things um on the airplane or in the sort of airline experience i saw this article on cnn i meant to send this to you um about a woman who left her airpods on the plane and then she left them in the pocket of her jacket apparently and then they went missing like she did that thing where she got off the plane and then realized her jacket was still on the plane and then uh asked if she could go back on they said no and so when they brought her her jacket it didn't have her airpods in the pocket and she tracked them and she could see them moving around the airport she was on a connecting flight so she had to go where she was going she saw them moving around the airport and then saw them basically go home with one of the employees and what i thought was interesting about the story was i think i side with the employees i just think if you have to clean the airplane you should get a free set of airpods every once in a while this whole article was written from the perspective of like plucky woman tracks down airpods and from thief and i read it as a kind of annoying person is now being written about in cnn one of the things they mentioned in the article was these weren't just airpods to her because her husband is deployed overseas and she uses them to talk to him on the phone and i was like that's not an emotional story like that's any that's your phone i mean that's like exactly like they were like they literally this article literally said but these weren't just any airpods they're the airpods she uses to talk to her husband i was like okay

calm down cnn okay now that okay now i understand where you're coming from that is the most annoying thing it's like well this computer had very emotional value to me because i used it to email my husband who's in Bismarck um I uh but so I understand why you probably turned on that article it's it's funny to hear you say that though because you still have like an ongoing blood feud with somebody who like you left something on an airplane like 20 years ago right and you think that one of the cleaning people kind of absconded with it am I am I wrong

about that oh I've I've I've left many things on airplanes and had this exact experience that this person did where you i literally like once you clear you know once you're outside of the the airplane itself like you're in the jetway they will not let you back on so then you have to kind of wait for someone to go get it or yeah i've had airpods you know go missing after i left them in the little you know whatever you want to call it the little sort of um what would you call that not a folder but the little pocket of the seat in front of me and but You're welcome. I hope anyway at the time I said, you know what, like honestly, if you're cleaning airplanes all day, I'll give you some AirPods. Like I side with – I sort of side with the people who aren't getting paid enough money and doing these jobs that are largely thankless because this person in this article comes off as to me sort of fairly extra. Like it feels to me like this person like called CNN and said, have I got a story for you? I lost my my my special airpods that I like to use to talk to my husband who's deployed overseas not all heroes wear capes some gave all all gave some like this this person just feels like there's about four different parts of this article that make me not root for this woman to get her airpods back she goes she talks about the next flight she was on that where she noticed that she didn't have her airpods she goes a child was screaming next to me and I thought at least I have my airpods I don't know why just like the idea that she was even annoyed annoyed that there was a kid crying on the plane i just i feel like i

would probably not necessarily get along with this person yeah um i hear but so we do know that it was an employee they tracked it down to an employee i want to make sure that i'm right yeah she filed

a police report so it ended up being she could follow the airpods and she saw them move through the airport and then go then she saw them end up in san mateo california and uh they they were apparently at the residence of somebody who was not part of the cleaning crew but who um had the job of like bringing the food onto the airplane and that person said someone gave well first that person denied having them uh and then they were provided with the tracking information that showed that the airpods were at their house and then they copped to it but they said someone gave them the airpods somebody from you know the cleaning crew honestly i was sort of surprised that the local police department was even following up on this like it seems like a pretty like a pretty low level of of theft and loss like the san mateo pd is like showing up at someone's house being like

turn over the airpods that is bananas it's like that scene from the big lebowski when lebowski Or when the dude's car is stolen and he asks the cop, like, do you guys think you're going to find it? The cop's like, yeah, we have our best officers working on shifts or something. Like, are you kidding me? Like, we have bigger fish to fry than to find your junky old car. But, I mean, here's how I feel about it. Like, if, first of all, if somebody swiped this out of the pocket of the jacket, like, that's shitty, man. That's real shady. I'm going to go with the benefit of the doubt and say, like, in the jostling of this jacket, picking it up, somebody's probably annoyed. Like, I got 30 seconds to clean this entire plane. Now I've got to grab this thing. And maybe they tumble out of the jacket. Or you know how it is. Like, maybe this woman just, like, got up and they fell out of her jacket when she left it on the seat.

We're taking her version of events that they were in this pocket. It's very possible they were in the little pocket of, you know, the pocket of the seat in front of her. I'm not buying that somebody, while cleaning the plane, found her jacket, opened the pockets, took the AirPods out. I think the AirPods were sitting on the seat or were, like, in that little pocket in front of her. She also said that – so she realized her AirPods were missing on her next flight where there's the screaming child. And then she figures out – this is all in the CNN article. She messaged United and San Francisco International Airport from the plane. then she called the police in san francisco then she figured out the email format for united employees and quote blasted every single executive she could find across the globe quote i hit every avenue i could find and used every possible form of communication and got the same response which was i'm sorry that happened to you like what does she want them to say does she want the ceo of united to fly out to san mateo and find her airpods like i i don't know why this woman is the enemy to me but she just sounds like a lot now to go back to this idea though let's let's

let's go with our new assumption that these air pods were laying on the ground or a seat or whatever in the cleaning crew somebody cleaning the plane or doing some sort of official business on the plane sees them and just pockets them like that's obviously not the right thing to do i'm sure there's a policy where it's like a lost and found and if it was my thing that i lost like i

don't mean to you know i would be bummed if my stuff got lost or stolen so i mean that is real

i'm not quite as yeah cavalier about it like i've never even had any kind of um wireless ear buds before and i keep on almost buying them but you know me like with technology i keep on thinking like well i'm going to sit down and research which ones to get and then i never do it and i just keep on using like some janky can with a crank on it that i hook up to an am receiver somehow to listen to my podcast like my kind of realized that I'm a little, I don't know if parsimonious is the right word there or not, but so if I had just bought a pair of earbuds or I had a pair of earbuds that I was like, you know, pretty meticulously taking care of and making sure I always had them and I lost them, I'd be really bummed about that. And I would hope that if I called the lost and found, they'd say, oh yeah, you left it on the plane and our crew found it. I mean, that would be the nice thing to do. I'm with you though. My expectations would be low on that. And if you are somebody who's cleaning the plane and you see and you're like, God, that's an easy thing to pocket. It's like literally under a seat or something i'm not advocating for that but i definitely understand it a little bit of as we used to say which i don't know we'd have to get one of our lawyers named danny on this but is finders keepers losers weepers is that precedent is that like legal precedent what

does the supreme court say about that uh the the current supreme court says that a woman does not have the right to finders or keepers or losers weepers but women don't have rights i believe is what historically historically it has held that finders are keepers and losers are weepers

i believe that is that is the present but anyway i sort of understand that instinct is what i should say but i'm not saying it's the right thing to do you would hope that people would turn these things in but i'm with you that like a small little thing like that but then like but then where do you draw the line right like well what well somebody left a cool looking iphone do i pocket that right uh somebody left a laptop do i pocket that and so where are you getting these large pockets that an entire laptop can fit in because i'd be interested in those pants but anyway yeah that's that's my yeah i feel like if i had my stuff if my stuff went missing let's just

call it that i would be bummed i'd be on this show complaining about that in fact i'm complaining about doug at the tsa not giving him a mix pre-back right but even so so that so that's real but even so as i read this article it's just like everything that this person after 12 days of chasing she finally got her airpods back although not in peak condition quote they looked like they'd been stomped on she said they were wrapped in a toilet paper size piece of bubble wrap why even bother she said like and then uh united apparently gave her 271 dollars and 91 cents and as a refund so she could buy a new pair of airpods plus they gave her 5 000 miles as an apology and then she said i shouldn't i shouldn't have to explain for someone to care is also the

quote from her i don't understand how this person got this treatment is just because like she was an effectively squeaky wheel and and got that's what i'm saying on her side i cannot understand

this this whole cnn article back right this whole cnn article reads like this woman reached out to somebody at cnn and was like like just like you said the squeakiest wheel uh and really wants to revel in the fact that you know she was done wrong by united airlines or whatever wait hold

on a second is this woman's name oprah by any chance oh yeah hold on let me scroll down to the

photo it's oprah winfrey okay that makes a lot more sense she's a yeah she's a famous she's like It's a different Oprah Winfrey, though. That's the weird part. But this Oprah Winfrey's husband is deployed, and she uses her special – she uses her very special AirPods to talk to her husband who's deployed anyway. I know, again, if I were in her shoes, I would – the story would be I'm mad that somebody stole my AirPods. So I don't know how I'm making her the bad guy in this story. But the point is Doug needs to give me back my mix pre. What do you think the chances are of me actually getting that piece of equipment back?

I think the chances of us doing the show for too long are real because you took a quick beat there and I almost said, well, Luke, what do you think the chances are of you actually getting this thing back? We have very well-worn grooves into our repertoire.

What I think here's – I will say this. Or repartee, I meant to say.

Sorry.

The fact that this is an extremely specific piece of equipment and is of little use to anyone that is not doing a podcast or maybe recording an album or something makes me – like I don't think anybody would nick it. You know what I mean? Like I don't think anybody would really – would take it because it's just not useful unless you're doing this. So I have that going for me. But I also just – the guy – the lost and found guy said they bring the stuff down from the TSA at about noon and it's all the stuff that was left the day before. And they bring it – so he was like they haven't brought today's load of stuff. But call me back when they do that or call me back after this afternoon and I'll tell you if it came or not. I don't know, somehow the idea that somebody noticed it and then put it in a special pile and then is going to wheel it in a cart down to the Lost and Found and then they're going to take it in it just feels like so many steps to do that I'm not confident that all of those steps

will occur in such a way that i will get it back i just feel like i don't think anyone's gonna take it home to san mateo but i just don't know if all of the things that have to happen will have i mean again i had my wallet literally stolen by a tsa employee once at ctac that's what i'm thinking of

this i see i knew there was some story that you still like kind of carry with you and i think This is maybe what I'm thinking of.

Yeah, that was – I was flying home and I was going through security and I put my wallet in that little round little bowl thingy and it went through and I went through and then I took like three steps and realized – because I kind of do this little – I sort of do this check, kind of pat my butt, make sure that I've got my wallet and everything. I did that and I didn't have my wallet and I turned around and the wallet was gone and no one had come through the line except me. Like it wasn't like five or six people had cleared the line. It was just me. I turned around and went back and there was no wallet and it wasn't on the conveyor belt. It wasn't – and what I know happened was a TSA person had pocketed it and then when I came back looking for it, they were sort of like the cat that got the canary. Like, they were stuck with it now, and they couldn't be like, oh, here it is in my back pocket. And it was the one area of the TSA line that there's no cameras on, which, by the way, makes no sense. Like, wouldn't you want to have cameras on that?

Maybe it's all cameras. I thought you were just walking through a giant camera that can see you naked.

Right, exactly. Welcome to Nikon Airport.

Yeah.

And I went, and I sat with, like, the supervisor, and I was like, can we back the tape up? I want to see what happened to the wall. and he was like, oh, we don't have a camera on that part of the procedure. And I was like, huh, who would know that? I don't know, a TSA employee who nicked my wallet?

Yeah, that story's so bizarre. I don't think I ever realized that you sat down and reviewed the tape with a supervisor. That is bananas because the part of that that always was confusing to me was like the idea of a TSA agent nicking. I'm going to use the word nick too now because you've put it in my head and it's cool. It is. It's very British.

I'm keen for us to start using Nick, Nick or Smurf.

So I'll use Smurf here. So for a TSA agent, just to Smurf your wallet like that, it's it's always confusing me because like if they're if they're in that game, are they just Smurfing every wallet? You know, like, I mean, why your wallet? Why that moment? Why that person? Because that person would have 500 opportunities to steal a wallet any given day.

Right. Well, no. Here's what I – I mean the reason that I think it was somebody at the TSA is because there were literally no other human beings in the area. So by process of elimination – like it was a pretty slow day at the airport. I go through the thing. I take three steps towards the gates and then I turn around. I mean it's literally under 20 seconds and I turn around and now it's just – it doesn't exist anymore. And also I had like, I don't know, $300 in there because I had been to Goldie's the night before and like hit a hand or something. So I was also extra bummed about that.

But you get what my question is, which is just kind of like, what is this person's end game? Did this person end up getting fired because this person kept stealing wallets? Like, why?

Well, what I'm saying is I think that it was a crime of opportunity. In other words, normally, like if you put your wallet in a little bowl and you're waiting for it, you're looking at the conveyor belt and watching it come down. This person could not have stolen the wallet in that circumstance. I think sometimes people like me who are forgetful will walk away without their wallet, and my guess is this person – I don't know if they did it a lot or just the spirit moved them in this moment. But basically the wallet was there unsupervised because I was walking towards my flight, and in the 25 seconds that I was away from my wallet, they grabbed it. They put it in their pocket, assuming that I would never realize I had left it behind or it would be hours later. Maybe the shift change would have happened. And as it happened, I realized in the moment that I had left my wallet and turned around, and now they have the wallet. But they have to help me look because we, like, stopped the conveyor belt. They looked inside the machinery. We looked under it. We looked everywhere. It was nowhere to be found. And, again, no one had come through behind me in the line. So there was just only one explanation, which is one of those people in those blue shirts had grabbed it. And also I think that the fact that that's the one area that was not on the footage is also telling because I'm sure they – excuse me. I'm sure they were aware of that.

Did somebody come through with like a big bunch of balloons and accidentally like blocked the camera with the balloons? Casey Affleck was wearing an oversized cowboy hat. Animals.

You know the thing that really hurts, Andrew, is that was the wallet that I used to call my wife who's deployed. I was going to say. It wasn't just any wallet.

The thing is that money. That $500 was very emotional because you were going to use it to turn into quarters that you were going to put into a payphone so that you could call your partner. Exactly.

Exactly. Can I borrow a feeling?

There's a right way to rock and a wrong way to roll. You can just listen to your soul. Just remember that life is number one. You can be having so much fun. Just remember that life is much fun You can be nothing but one

All right, let's get into some Blur's Days here, Luke. I got the Blur's Day list on my end. I'll read the Blur's Days. You react. You can't play drops today. You don't have your sound machine with you, so we're just going to need you to make sounds with your body. in order to emphasize these Blursdays today. If you want to wish somebody or yourself a happy Blursday, email me, andrew, at tbtl.net, and put Blursday in the subject line. That's how I will find them. You know who did that? Deborah did that. Deborah says, Happy Blursday to my dearest Kathy. I thought ahead this year, so three months ago I soaked a gang of cherries and brandy and sugar and spices, and now it's ready to go into any cocktail you care to invent. I look forward to when we can get together over drinks and solve all the world's problems. Maybe this year the world will finally listen. Love you to pieces. Bugs. Aw. Very sweet. Man, that sounds great. I hope you guys have a good time enjoying that gang of cherries. Is that what he calls up? I guess so. A gang? I love it. That's really good. I hope you're a good gang, not a bad gang. Elizabeth says, I want to wish a very important happy, happy Blursday to my five, Lucy. I think this is our friend Bette, who I play Wordle with every day. I think, right? Elizabeth and Lucy, you are so kind, so smart, and beautiful inside and out. Bob and I love you so much. I can't believe it's been 13 years since you made me a mom. Love you to infinity and

beyond!

I wish I could make myself echoey. Remember that one time you and I did a live show from the TBTL picnic and because we were using karaoke equipment, there was a little knob I could turn up and put an echo on my voice live? That empowered me in a way that

We need to get that going again. Howard Stern, of course, has a version of that where he can make his voice really low or really high. It's oddly entertaining.

I love it. I think by the end you were ready to slap my hand away from that knob. And rightfully so, but man, did I feel in control that day. All that is to say, happy Blurs Day, Lucy. Julie says, I'm turning 50. I believe this is our friend Julie in Arizona, by the way, or at least at one point in Arizona. Julie says, I'm turning 50, so happy Blurs Day to me. There were a lot of E's on that one, so I sang it. I'm also feeling a bit silly, Julie says. Well, so am I. Happy Blurs Day, Julie. Happy 30th Blur's Day to Bobby. This year was truly the year of Bobby. He celebrated his marriage to his wonderful wife, Shannon, and scored a great new job at UW. We're so lucky to have a fantastic son, brother, and fellow 10. Next drink at Teddy's is on us, Bobby. Love, Dad, a.k.a. Brian, Wayne, Patrick, and Katrina. I've been to Teddy's before. I don't know if I ever met. Did you end up going to Teddy's yesterday? I was at Teddy's yesterday. Yeah, I might go back there today to watch the old baseball game. What are your plans for watching the Mariners game tonight?

I'm planning on being on stage at the Studebaker Theater.

Oh, right. Unfortunately.

I asked them to move the wait-wait taping to tomorrow night so I could watch the game. But probably, let's see, with the time zone thing, there still should be some game happening when I'm done. So I don't know if they're going to have the Mariners game on in some bar in Chicago. but I will try to find some place to watch the last of it. The game

may not still be on because they're shortening games, Luke, because that's the only way we can get kids into baseball, if we shorten the games and make them impossible to watch, unless you sign up for a million different services. Happy Blur's Day from Eric. Not that you're angry. No, no. We didn't even get into this, did we, that last year... Alright, hold on. Stop the show. I'm killing the music here for a second. Stop the show! Because I know everybody's heard a version of this from me and it's it's becoming less and less entertaining and it didn't start that great to begin with so i realized that but my war against major league baseball and the hoops they make you go through to watch the games

legally if you're in market is ridiculous i won't state all of the different versions of ridiculousness but the main way and i know there are various there are a couple of loopholes but the main way to watch every mariners game is to buy a rather expensive cable package and watch it at home or you can hope that your local watering hole a bar bought that package which is way more expensive for bars to show you know mariners games on tv and watch it there But then I think it was introduced last year, maybe the year before Apple said, well, we want to start taking over some of these Friday night baseball games so you can only watch these games if you sign up for an Apple TV account. It's free, you know, just to watch this game. It's free, but we just need your email address or whatever. Well, that screwed over all these bars who were hoping to bring in patrons like me on a Friday night to watch a game that they can't watch at home because they're like, we don't have Apple TV here or what have you. This year, Luke, did you hear what they're doing? It's not free anymore to watch one of these games that they will black out off of your cable like it will not be available on cable. It will only be available via Apple TV and you have to pay whatever dollar, you know, however, ten dollars a month, seven dollars a month or whatever it is to get Apple TV to watch certain MLB games. Like they just keep that is some BS. They're blacking it out. And then YouTube takes over some games. So then I think those remain free for now. But, like, the league and the owners of the teams are splitting up all the different ways because everybody wants to get their beak wet. Everybody wants to get their beak wet on this game that's dying, so we have to shorten it, right? And, like, there's not one central place, let alone over the air, that you can watch your baseball game. And you have to pay all these different providers now. And forget about even having the MLB app, which I have, because even if you pay the $25 a month for that or get it for free if you're a T-Mobile person, they will black out your local games. You can only watch out-of-city or out-of-market games.

That is ridiculous. As a person who is paying for cable, the fact that I would not be – I'm paying for Root Sports, and now there will be games that I cannot watch even though I'm paying for Root Sports. That is BS.

I mean, in Apple, it won't be every Friday game. For you as a Mariners fan, there will be probably three, maybe four where, you know, the Apple broadcasters will take over the game. Now, you probably already pay for Apple TV, I'm guessing, because you're pretty well. Like, isn't that what you say? Like, didn't you sign up for it one time so your nephew could watch something or is that a different one?

We wanted to watch The Mandalorian. Oh, so that's Disney. That's different. Oh, that's Disney. OK. But I think I have Apple, too. Probably. Anyway, yeah.

But that's it. End of rant.

But happy birthday, everybody.

Yeah, absolutely.

Aw. What was the awe for? I'm just making sound effects over here because you told me to.

Okay, good. Sounds good. Happy Blur's Day from Eric in University Place to Lisa in Let's Go With Olympia because it's her special day, even though all the satellites tell us otherwise. I don't know what that means, Luke, but I kind of like it. Happy 50th to my TBTL mommy from your Eagle's daddy, no matter how effing weird that is to say. Can't wait for the next 50 years and can't wait to see what might come in the mail for you on this special day. Ooh, I like that. A little tease. I think Lisa's getting something special in the mail today. Happy Blurs Day. James says, Happy Blurs Day to my longest-running co-bro in life, April. She's also my wife. I'm so lucky to have you with me on this journey. Happy Blurs Day, April from James. This one was not signed. That's another thing, too. Email me your Blurs Day Andrew at tbtail.net, but please make sure to sign your Blursdays. This one we'll keep anonymous for now. Happy Blursday to Nana. She's now 102 years old and 5 weeks. 102 years and 5 weeks old today is how I should have said that. That is... 102? Yeah. This is not a contest. My grandma just turned 101 and I sort of feel like this person is maybe trying to flex. No, I'm just joking. Happy Blursday, Nana. Although her birthday was Thursday, the 23rd of February, I didn't get the message to you guys on time and then i thought it showed more respect to wait a week or two because obviously she's in it to win it but she definitely deserves recognition nana you are the best and i love you and i miss you happy blurs day and finally our dear pal well actually wait before uh finally i think luke am i wrong i want to say happy blurs day to your brother david burbank i think i saw something on instagram today am i right or am i just reading that okay happy blurs day that's from us to david the burbs burbank i just i just made that up i'm just sort of like freewheeling over here luke just trying to you know improv but also of ellie says belated happy blurs

to me and my 10 birthday twin David. So okay, so it's both David's Blur's Day and Mellie's Blur's Day. Hope your next year is relatively great given the ridiculously awful state of everything. That's probably too dark, but any other more chipper sentiment would be disingenuous from me. So happy Blur's Day to David and Mellie and everybody else in the TBTail universe, whether it's your Blur's Day or not. Indeed. Aww.

Aww. Happy Blurrs, everybody. Happy Blurrs to everybody. All right, that is going to do it, I think, for today's episode. The good news is I am on my way to Best Buy. I'm going to get a little – some kind of device that's going to allow me to record in full fidelity tomorrow. So please join us for that if you can. You're not going to the game tonight. You're going to watch the game.

Yeah, I – usually – it's been my tradition for a while to get a big bag of in-the-shell peanuts and watch the game here at home. But I think some of our buddies are going to Teddy's, it sounds like, tonight. And so it might be nice to start the season by watching it with a group of people there. It's a big lot of Mariners fandom. Is Robbie Ray, who's our number one? Luis Castillo.

Oh, nice. Yeah. Well, go Mariners and go eat a bagel. And we'll see you all tomorrow. In the meantime, please remember, no mountain too tall. And good luck to all. you know i just came here to hit dingers and have a good time that's about it power out