Muse

Do you believe in UFOs?

Oh, yeah, yes, sir. Definitely. They're out there, man. I've seen them. I've been out there in Aurora, Texas. They got them little graves and stuff. Yeah, I've been out there, and I don't know. I'm planning a trip. I'm planning a trip. We're going out to, like, Arizona or something and figuring something out. The Air Force One where they found all that stuff, I got pictures of Aurora. I've seen grave sites. They're out there, man, and I'm flying in the plane. I'm always hallucinating, but who really knows what I'm looking at? You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Okay. Well, but there's no proof of this, just people's accounts. You're right, there's no proof. But, I mean, there's no proof of Jesus or, you know, people go in the restroom until they tell you about it, you know what I mean? I mean, that's just kind of the way I see things. All right, so you believe it then? Oh, definitely, definitely. Do you think there's, like, little green men out there? No little green men, sir.

TBTL!

okay t-bone time for some serious crunching you have a very gentle face and a very erotic physique i love the way they look they're very affectionate and they're smaller than horses he runs around

the house all day naked chasing himself playing tag it's awful he screams at the cat because she

didn't vote every time he farts he calls the fire department that was great that was good You went for it. I appreciate that.

I'm going to suggest that we have a little constructive talking time. I got the time if you got the time.

All right. Hello. Good morning and welcome, everyone, to a Wednesday edition of TVTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. Here we go again. My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host. I can't believe you're still on the air. Still on the air and still in Chicago, Illinois. where, once again, I'm coming to you from the... I guess it's called... The neighborhood is called the Gold Coast because we're sort of right along Lake Michigan. But the flyer from my hotel, the Ambassador Hotel Chicago, says, in Chicago's historic Gold Coast. Shouldn't it be on Chicago's historic Gold Coast? I don't know. Well, we'll probably spend the next hour or two talking about that. Oh, and plenty of other things are on episode 3916 in a collector's series.

Let the fun begin.

You know, we love baseball around here.

This is a simple game. You throw the ball, you hit the ball, you catch the ball.

Game's a little less simple, though, this season because of a whole bunch of different rules, new rules that have been instituted to try to make baseball fast and sexy and offensive, like as in offense, not as in offensive. But we will do about a week into the new season, we'll do a check-in on how we feel about things so far. Speaking of things that are offensive, is it offensive when you describe when one, when me, when Luke, I'm the person in this story, Describes older people as being adorable

Man, that's so rude I can't believe it That's so damn rude

We've got a listener who'd like to weigh in on that topic And then speaking of my hotel I feel like I'm getting to experience The falsehood of the lodging industry In real time, on the ground Here in Chicago Lying is like 95% of what I do I'll tell you what's going on there in a few minutes As soon as we say hello to this young man, the longest-running cobro of the show may be best known for his depictions of the tall ships.

He started recording in the early 80s. He's known for his love songs and his political songs.

And he's going to give us one of those political songs right now. He's Andrew Walsh. Good morning, my friend. I'm just a man with a guitar.

I didn't have... That was so unfair, and I'm sorry. But I wanted to. That was totally unfair. I was trying to think of a political song. I started with, I'm just a man with a guitar, and then I immediately fell to pieces. I really wanted that to be game there. Oh, well.

No, I appreciate that. That was not fair, you know, so early in the show to just, like, to paint you into a corner. You could have done a Mark Russell-type situation where you're standing at a piano. By the way, he passed away last week. He did? Oh, I did not know that. Yeah. R.I.P. Mark Russell. The, you know, my awareness of his work, his actual songs was fairly limited. I just know he was constantly on PBS standing up at his piano playing ribald tunes about Washington culture. I believe one of his songs was called Murder at the FBI.

Hey, I think Margaret Truman has.

something to say about that for a while there i feel like you and i went kind of um i don't know deep dive would probably be giving us too much credit but i feel like we took some sort of a some sort of an ill-advised dive on mark russell years ago and i remember pulling this probably

just like 10 seconds ladies and gentlemen let us welcome washington's fearless political satirist the court jester on the poop deck of the ship of state yeah i love that is

intro tape a court jester on the poop deck of what was it the the head of state was the ship

the ship of state the ship of state yeah i don't i don't think i've heard it described as the ship of state but uh you know what that reminds me of is not so much mark russell again r.i.p but um actually sorry just a side note for some reason when i was reading the obit of mark russell in the washington post last week the photo they used of him was just him randomly at a party standing next to the guy who founded the paul mitchell hair system you know that yeah isn't it paul mitchell no it's well there there is a paul mitchell but there's another guy named like john ralphio who was the face of paul mitchell even though he wasn't paul mitchell if that makes

sense oh the guy that i think of as paul mitchell isn't really paul mitchell as did i and that guy

who we thought was paul mitchell but isn't was a guy who just basically like got into business with paul mitchell created this quote-unquote hair system and sold it out of the back of his car for years uh was was financially you know kind of on the margins and then made a bunch of money with his hair system and then founded patron tequila what is now a he's like he's i think it might have even said i so what happened was i started with mark russell and then i was like what's up with this ponytail guy that's at this fundraiser with the uh satirist on the poop deck of the ship of state and then i went down this whole rabbit hole of whatever the guy's name is Jean something who's who's made all this money in all he also was the other thing he founded he founded Patron Tequila and like another big sort of popular food concern like a some kind of a club I don't know if it was like Buffalo Wild Wings or something but anyway I got to find out some new information about the guy with the ponytail who I thought of as the Paul Mitchell guy do you remember that as a kid just thinking well that's a hair system you would see that like you know paul mitchell on the shelves or in the salon or maybe your rich friend's mom had it and

you're like that my friends is a hair system no all i can picture is a and i might even not even be remembering this correctly but i am just picturing a commercial with uh a man in a black

turtleneck in a salon that's the guy you're thinking of who's not paul mitchell but that's all i that's all i knew did this article by the way de joria is the guy that that we're talking

about did the mark russell um obit get into i've always wondered about the relationship between mark russell and the capital steps were they i was you know before i got down that west coast like kind of did they fight of course i guess it was all east coast east coast but did they get into like musical rap battles or anything like that i before i went down the paul de joria

John Paul DeGioia rabbit hole I was going to say when I think of Mark Russell I think of Lord of the Fries which was one of the Capital Steps records making fun of Bill Clinton they called him Lord of the Fries he loved McDonald's I don't know I don't want to yuck any yums I've certainly been part of many a regrettable attempt at comedy but I just remember when I came into awareness about public radio and was you know interning or something at kuow the capital steps it was still a hot deal yeah it was and it is it's for me it does not uh particularly hold up

comedically but then why does weird out or musically i mean that's really the that's really the screw there doesn't really hold up musically or comedically for me so i'm kind of but why why

Why is like a surgeon funny to me, or at least it's not it's not cringe and like a capital steps. For those that don't know, for our listeners under the age of 70, the the the capital steps was it was also a kind of a political satire musical group, but involved a bunch of people. And they would do these parody songs about politics. Why? Why are their parody songs somehow more cringe to me than Weird Al's parody songs?

I'm on their website now. It says, Capital Steps, we put the mock in democracy. Oh, okay, that's why. I'm not even joking.

By the way, he founded House of Blues.

That's the other thing that John Paul Jones DeGioia did.

Oh, well, I mean, the House of Blues, is that the Chicago one? Because, I mean, that's not a chain, right? Like, a lot of cities will have a House of Blues, but are they all connected?

It is. It's a nightclub chain. They are all connected. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah.

Is it spelled H-A-U-S? Because that's the one in Cleveland that was spelled that way.

Hawes of Blues? Yeah. These ones are H-O-U-S-E of Blues. My guess would be, I'm sorry that I'm distracting us from the Capitol steps, My guess would be that there was an original House of Blues, maybe in Chicago or I don't know where it started, but then it was sort of franchised because they're all over like they've got one in not far from me here in Chicago. They've got one in L.A. It's a whole, you know, it's a it's definitely something that's in multiple locations. My guess would be that it started with one place that was kind of legendary. And then they said, wouldn't it be great if we put one of these in Tigard, Oregon? One of the classic stops on the blues circuit Tigard or whatever Again, I don't know why Why am I being so negative on this Wednesday But it's like I don't feel like If you go to a house of blues That's in a very sort of One of those exurban kind of places That's got a fogo de chow A house of blues Maybe an indoor skydiving I don't know if you're getting to the real source Of the Delta blues

You don't think so? it's not the crossroads the crossroads doesn't run into robert johnson in beaverton that's not

where the crossroads i don't see although i will tell you what beaverton is going to be the crossroads of entertainment and information when livewire is at the research center in beaverton coming up in just go to livewire radio.org and get your tickets please tim egan will be there

it's going to be fun i thought there was a house of blues haus in cleveland in the 90s or maybe like in the early 2000s when i was in college but i um when i type in house of blues cleveland it autocorrects to house of blues the way we normally say it uh and so i'm assuming that this is all part of the the chain now so i guess i was either mistaken about this all along or the house has um basically there's not not enough room in that rust belt city for two

houses of blues um i always associate that spelling with a place that i used to take addy called pancake haze oh yeah in in seattle um that was our special stop i go pick her up from uh from school sometimes at lunch and we go down to that and that's now that entire area has been converted into the northgate mattress district ah yes it's where there's 11 to 12 mattress firms

and sleep countries yes um no slunk jeep uh in that in that area exactly it's it's a no it's a zero slunk jeep zone this might not be interesting to anybody but um i'll share it anyway i was at that um pre-opening day mariners celebration last week and they were giving out prizes based on your ticket i guess i didn't win any prizes don't worry about it but i think like maybe signed jerseys or maybe like tickets for a game I don't know what the hell they were giving away but every now and then they would put something up on the Jumbotron and an announcer would announce which attendee had won something in this raffle and one of them had the same last name as Genevieve H-A-A-S but whenever anybody sees that name they pronounce it Haas or Haas but Genevieve pronounces it Haas as in Genevieve has

been here. As in Haas of Blues

As in Has of Blues. Is that a show title? I might have to make that the show title. That might be a whole new career move for Genevieve. But the announcer said it the way Genevieve did, and also this person's first name happened to be Genevieve's middle name. And I got really excited. I felt like, is Genevieve here? Am I being punked? Am I going to win next? But they said Has, not Haas. Told you it wasn't interesting.

No, no, no. But what I am interested in is yesterday, we ended the program with you previewing a video game that you described as both incredibly dumb and also causing you to question who you even are anymore. And you said it involved balls, big, beautiful, purple balls. I didn't say that. And cars. Okay, I said that last part. But I need to know more about this game. What's happening?

Okay, so what's it called? I called it up here because I keep on – I can't remember. Now I took the tab that had it, and now it just says Capital Steps on it. But it's a game, Luke. So I bought a new Xbox this weekend, okay? Not too bad.

I saw you mentioning that in The Criminals.

Yes. So the Xbox, I was just telling Genevieve, we're so slow to treat ourselves to little things. A new Xbox is about $300. But for us, it's like spending $300 on a toy like that. It's just like, I don't know. We're just a little bit skin flinty, I think, when it comes to that.

stuff and so the xbox that i had which was like kind of my before that i had a wii and before that i didn't have anything for most of my life until you go back to the 80s and early 90s when i had my nes so i'm not we're not a huge gaming family really but i was joking to genevieve that our old xbox actually hearkened from the obama administration which actually seems kind of like a long time ago now i think we got that thing in like 2014 or something and so it was on its last legs and for a while now i've been making noise about getting a new xbox and then i finally did it this weekend pulled the trigger um and one of the reasons i did it was because i usually only buy two seasonal games for my xbox one is the nfl game called madden and one is called mlb the show and i do have a few other games here and there that i've you know accumulated over the years just digitally but really those are the only games i play on this and usually you you want to buy the new version every year because the rosters are updated and it reflects what you're watching and so mike my usually what i do is i buy the new football version every other year and i buy the

new baseball version every other year you know how out of touch i am with the world of gaming is that it didn't even occur to me that these games update every season because the players change and all that stuff and so of course you don't buy like a cd-rom of madden with sean alexander on the cover one time seahawk running back and then then you just play that all the time i mean this is a totally cloud-based experience i would guess right luke it doesn't

just update every year the the mlb game the show which is what i wanted to download this weekend and my old machine just couldn't handle it anymore i was already glitching out so i'm like forget it I got a new Luke it updates every day if I go out into my living room right now and I open up MLB the show it will give me the roster for tonight's Mariners Angels game I will be able to replay either replay or pre-play any game in the league right now will it allow you to bring Jesse Winker back to the Mariners

since he's apparently good now.

I know, I got him on my fantasy team. I couldn't believe I was putting him on my fantasy team, and then I did, and he's kind of coming awake.

I made a commitment to myself when I was putting the show sheet together today and talking about the new baseball rules that I was going to try really hard to not get into any kind of baseball weeds, and I just did with a Jesse Winker reference. I apologize.

No, that's okay, yeah. But no, the force awakens, apparently, with old Winker. But anyway, yeah, no.

The force of Winker.

and the force of wing okay that's a new show title i gotta write that one down i still think has of blues is decent the force of wingers i think anyway um so i wanted to download this game no it is it is fantastically powerful luke i mean it'll it'll track who's on the il it'll and then you can also just kind of create your own teams sort of and you can whatever but it's the mlb the show game is just astounding with what what it keeps track of like it'll give you score updates of what's really happening in the league while you're playing your fake games anyway wow it's astounding i love it that sounds really fun actually like

just that must feel as enmeshed or like maybe as close as one could feel to actually being like a player or manager in major league baseball i would imagine between the graphics and that just kind of like constantly updating information you must feel like scott service yeah well and then

you can play a version in which you're not just like playing a scrimmage based on you know what is happening in the league today you can just set up your own like franchise and so you are like scott service and jerry depoto and all the people in the front office making decisions of who you're going to trade who you're going to keep and you play a full 162 game season but i actually so i bought the xbox on saturday came home down it takes a long time for these games to download because they're so huge so i decided i'd watch the real mariners game while i download mlb the show which was going to probably take about an hour to download or something anyway the mariners game ends um it does not end triumphantly and maybe that's one of the reasons i have not even though i bought it and have downloaded it i haven't even played one game of mlb the show luke because the xbox also came with a free game and it was called and this is the hold on car ball xbox game what is this thing called it is called uh rocket league and i can never keep that in my head for some reason but when that's called beautiful purple balls when the base 100 sure that's not the name i'm quite sure but when the baseball games when the mariners real life games have been ending recently over the past several days i have not been in a mood to stay in the baseball universe sure because they have not been ending great and

So instead, what I've been doing is, well, I'll just try out this Rocket League game, and now I'm addicted. Now, a couple of things about this. Well, before I get into the couple of things, I guess I should just tell you the broad strokes of this game. You are driving a little car around, okay? And it seems like, you know, it's like a first-person perspective game, so it seems like it's a full-size car. What I realized later is it's more like you're driving like a little – what is the fancy name for a remote control car, like an RV car? RC? RC car, yeah. It's like actually an RC car, but you're in this grand arena. You're like this car. And what's the name of the game again? It's called Rocket League. And the controls are relatively simple. I do not do well with fast-paced games. I don't play Fortnite. I don't play any of those games where it really depends on your dexterity and quickness as a player. I mean, sure, the sports games do a little bit, but it's also strategy and there's a lot of stoppage, right? But the games where you just got to run around and shoot people and use all of the buttons. I'm really bad for as much as I talk about playing video games on this show. I'm really quite terrible at them, but that's fine. I don't I'm not I'm not here to make friends or win. But this game is you're this car and there are other cars in this arena as well. And there's a giant ball. Now, for some reason, they've got to make everything seem sort of futuristic and apocalyptic, and I'm not exactly sure why. So some of these arenas are very, like, kind of sci-fi looking. Some of them look like they're from somewhere in Asia, like it's an Asian garden or something. But essentially, it's like a giant soccer field with two big goals on either side and a giant ball that is about bigger than the cars, right? So if you were actually going to look at this in scale, it would be like if you were using an actual RC car to kick around a volleyball, essentially. Only the volleyball is like this big mechanical metal ball that explodes when you kick it into the goal. I don't know why, but it is awesome. And anyway, there's no special functionality of these cars other than that you can kind of jump. You can use your turbo engines and jump and leap a little bit. And you got to hit this ball. And you are playing in real time with real people around the country. And this is what I think got me. It reminded me of my old Mario Kart days a little bit. Like, back when I was playing Mario Kart, you would actually race against real players. And you could sort of, like, rise and fall within the ranks of the Mario Kart universe. And I haven't had that itch scratched since, like, I don't know, 2015 or something. And so I am playing this game with real people who I think are often very frustrated with me because I'm so goddamn bad at it. I am so bad.

Do you have a headset? Do you talk to these people?

No, but some of them do. Do you goddammit Leroy them? This is the amazing thing. I'm playing, and mostly I'm just hearing music and sound effects, but then I kind of forgot that people can do that. Some people have headsets, and every now and then, somebody will just sort of be on their headset, and they'll be kind of screaming and yelling.

But you'll hear it through your TV?

And I hear it through my TV, and often I just turn down the volume, and I play a podcast or something anyway. uh but i'm sort of intrigued by this it kind of reminds you that even though it might sound like gibberish through like a terrible microphone it just sounds staticky kind of reminds you that like oh these are people and sometimes you can hear what they say and i think i heard two players playing and i think they were frustrated with me i was telling viz i don't know if they were talking about me or not but i heard somebody say this is like the first day i'm playing this i don't even barely know how to control this car i'm all over the place like trying to chase a ball where it was five minutes ago instead of where it's going to be and i even heard somebody say something like dude why does this guy keep doing this or something i'm like i think i'm the guy that they're talking about here i don't know but you're playing against them or you're on their team there are the one i'm playing right now is there are three cars on each team so i see so

these could have been your teammates that's just the game assigned exactly it was it's like a pickup game of it's a classic pickup game of rocket league and i think that the game automatically

sort of um watches your performance and ranks you and tries to pair you with people generally like so that it's not going to be me totally ruining a game of people who've been playing this their whole lives and by the way i do think there are people young enough who've been playing this their whole lives because luke i was playing late at night on was it sunday night or saturday i can't

remember it might have been the first day i had this one of the you heard one of the players give that cry that a baby does when it gets its butt spanked right after it's born basically yes one

of the people you're playing against i was playing and i'm again i've gotten a little bit better because i played it again last night and i started to oh like oh if you hit this button in combination with this button then you can hit the ball better with the bumper of your car or whatever but this first night as i'm just like buzzing around i can barely control my goddamn car i'm going too fast but if i go slow then somebody hits me like i don't know i was just like i was loving it but terrible at it. And then I heard these two

people talking and luke i mean eight eight years old at the oldest like because i'm just playing this game and getting my ass kicked and then these two sweet kids start talking to each other and they were not harassing me or complaining they were just like so were they speaking english yes they were speaking english and i think that i think they had just met randomly i don't think that they joined together because i heard these two kids talking and one of them said well what team are you on orange or blue or something but like you can just recognize we have a lot of precocious kids who call into this show but i listening to this this evening that i was playing the game it reminded me of just like how you know when you wake up in the morning and you have to do a podcast and sometimes you don't want to sound like you just woke up but there's nothing you can do to shake that sound or if you just ate something and you're trying to make it sound like you didn't just eat something sometimes the listener can just tell there is something about these two kids voices that still had the patina of babyhood no i mean not childhood they were that's a good show title the patina of babyhood okay well i would a couple of that it was a little amazing a little unsolicited

advice i would definitely scrub whatever i don't know how this works but i would erase all digital

evidence that you've ever played this game should i erase the should i erase this entire podcast in which I said the patina I would erase the podcast I would erase I would I would actually give your

Xbox away I would first of all I would burn I would get on like a settling torch and burn the VIN number off of your Xbox I assume this is how it works and leave it somewhere where an unsuspecting person will pick it up and then that's where the authorities will be looking when they want to figure out who was using this Xbox it was so funny to hear these two I was just

like because you're playing and you're like you're playing against real people but when you're so bad at something i can't explain it i wasn't spending the time picturing the people i was playing with but in my head they were some sort of authority figures because they know what they're doing and i'm just ruining the game for everybody and then i heard these two sweet children making friends via their microphone and they weren't like screaming and yelling so everything wasn't distorted i think you get a lot of trolls in there who are just like really good and they turn their mic and they just like scream and it's just it's upsetting i just usually turn down the volume but It was just these two little kids making friends while they're just, like, schooling me on this car soccer game. But, man, even just talking about it right now, every now and then, I stumble on a game like this in the first few weeks or months or just, like, I'm a little bit obsessed. I went to play darts last night while listening to the baseball game. I wanted to play this video game instead, but I said, no, like, you've got to play your darts. You've got to, like, I don't want to get bad at darts. Yeah, well, that was, I was super obsessed with. Yeah, because it's like an open world thing. But anyway, Rocket League, I believe it's a free game that you can maybe buy some in-app purchases with.

Maybe you can play with some 10s.

Oh, yeah. I don't know if you can hook up. Yeah, I'm not sure if there's the ability to say, hey, let's meet up in this digital space and play this Rocket League together.

What is your handle on there? Kid Lover 422?

How did you know that?

Because you're a fan of Jason Kidd, the longtime Dallas Maverick.

Exactly, with two Ds, right. Yeah, exactly. I actually don't know.

I have many thoughts. First of all, I am so – yesterday we were talking about my fight in ways, my old Luke and his fight in ways. And there was a big period of time when I lived in Los Angeles where my kind of – my sort of after work unwinding was to come home to crack a Sierra Nevada for some reason. It was a big Sierra Nevada phase for a long time in my life and play online poker because it was totally legal back then and you could play for real money. And I would reach a point of frustration and losing and Sierra Nevada consumption that I would just get into it with people in the chat function because, again, it was just me just being frustrated and feeling like somebody. I actually really hate this kind of way of talking about poker or criticizing people for poker because basically what it is is there's a sort of the understood way that you tend to play in poker. Hey, I found something more esoteric than the Mariners, Andrew, and it's Doyle Brunson's Super System, a.k.a. Texas Dolly. It's basically like the idea with poker, like Hold'em, is that there are the hands that you would play, and then there are the hands, the starting hands you wouldn't play because they're real lousy. But then sometimes somebody plays a lousy hand and it ends up working out. And then the people that were playing the quote unquote good hand are real mad because the other person did it wrong.

But did they mess it up? Was it their act? Because this is what I got in trouble with, quote unquote trouble with the first and one only times I tried to play blackjack in public, which was people thought that.

My idiocy was actually affecting their game. It wasn't that I was stumbling into wins, but me acting irrationally by their standards made it harder for them to play the game and win.

Well, it's different. First of all, I don't believe in that either. That's that's this idea that if everybody at the poker table just did, quote unquote, the right thing, you'd win every hand. It's like that would be what professional card rings would do. Instead, what they for blackjack, what they do is they count cards. that's different than like you shouldn't have hit that 16 because then i got a 10 it's like that just that misunderstands probability and also just the number of cards of different values in the deck now the thing about the poker example is you're playing against the other people in the poker game so you can't really like you can't like you're not sort of putting the cards as a as a deck of cards on sort of a bad trajectory for everyone that's not really how it works but there's this thing in poker where when you if you have a good hand so pocket aces two aces would be the best hand you could start with and somebody else could be like a jack two that and that'd be a particularly if they were not the same suit a jack two off suit it's called that'd be a really kind of pretty questionable hand and if the person with the aces made it more money they raised they're like i'm gonna make it expensive to play in this game because i've got a good hand and I don't want anyone, the term is sucking out. I don't want someone sucking me out. I mean, that sounds exactly as dirty, now that I say it out loud, as my worst fears.

And I'm the one who has to burn my Xbox.

I'm just trying to get a free Xbox. I'm just going to come by your house. You've put your Xbox out with the garbage, and then I've got a free Xbox. I was pretending to be both of those eight-year-olds, Andrew, just to scare you. so then the person who has the really good cards the aces if they bet and the person with the jack two calls meaning they they they they equal the amount of the bet and then by the end of the hand the person with the quote-unquote bad hand the jack two if they somehow win because when those cards come out in the middle of the table they could be anything and they might be it might be three jacks maybe that person is like really running running away with it because they have what we call quads there is this reaction a lot of times in poker where the person who had the good hand if they lose they get real mad at the person who who lucked out on them and i would be that person getting big mad and going in the comment section the chat section and just fighting with people it's so lucky that there wasn't an audio function in those days that i couldn't be on some headset uh you know yelling at people and who knows threatening people i mean that would have been a really bad that would have been a really bad situation i'm glad that it was in those days the technology did not i'm sure nowadays if you play online poker with people that everyone can actually like you know talk to each other uh you know and you can hear each other's voices and that is not that's that would not serve me well i would there would be people coming to my house to fight me if i would have had that ability in those days i think

the most amazing part of that story is that you remembered your password to get into your online poker every night well you know if it's important andrew right right that's why that's why the one thing that never goes by at work is filling out your time sheets in the uh that's why i'm leaving

in an audi category which why am i why am i bringing this back up right in the that's why i'm leaving now the one of the things that i would do when i reached an extreme level of of white hot rage would be because you could see where the people were playing from and i would look up various statistics about the place that they lived what the median income was what the average housing price was and i would use it as a way of trying to demean somebody who had just like was in topeka kansas but it just sucked me out wow yeah not great now add a head now add a headset

to that situation what was that what would their reaction be would they take the bait and fight

back with you and just oh yeah well no wouldn't be just like it wasn't just like a person does something and then i just like unload seven paragraphs of chat it would start with like you know somebody would win and i would be like nice suck at or maybe sometimes somebody would be criticizing me for a hand and then i would be responding but it would it would build you know what i mean it would be a back and forth a back and forth in fact during the pandemic I'll tell you a quick story, because I guess this is the part of the week where I unburden myself of all of my bad habits and tendencies. During the pandemic, I was actually playing in a poker game that was not organized through some, like, you can't really, I don't think you can legally play online poker in the U.S. currently. so we a buddy of mine had set up this this poker game that used an app and everyone could play and everyone was playing for real money but it kind of went through this weird system

where we had to Venmo one guy the money, and then he would somehow send it to us. It was kind of complicated. But I got into it with a guy in that game, like, really, in a really, really intense way, to the point where that guy was, like, wanting to fight me, and I was wanting to fight him. And then he turned out to be a good friend of a mutual friend. And I went to a party. This is then post-pandemic. I went to a party at my friend's house. And he was like, you know, Sage is going to be here. By the way, the guy's name.

who gets in a fight with a guy named like what the hell my friend was like you better watch out

incense and peppermint's gonna be here in a little bit and they're pissed chamomile is just absolutely giving you a death stare from across the room my buddy was like well first of all when i was like having it out with this person later the next day my friend and i were texting he was like he goes the funny part is that guy sage is really awesome and you guys would like each other but now you're sworn enemies i mean we were like threatening to meet in the streets and duke it out and so i was going to this get together at the our mutual friend's house and he was like just so you know sage is going to be there and luckily it had been months and months and months because again it's it's more post pandemic and i see this guy and i go are you sage he goes yeah are you luke and we just like hugged good we were we were we were apparently both the kind of people that can really get worked up but then it kind of leaves the poison leaves our system pretty quickly yeah

you don't want to live that life like i mean yeah it's just in the moment it's like road but i had

not had a conversation with this person yeah to sort of de-escalate it wasn't like the last we left off we were going to kill each other yeah somewhere in the university district which we'd figured out was equidistant you know like between like the and the next time i see this person we're just standing face to face and we both just were like super apologetic i was like hey man you know i was out of line he was like no i was out of line and then we just like brothers got a hug and then we were like besties that night so that was a that was a good end to that story but my guess is you were just saying out of line yes we were both out of order the whole game was out of

order you need men on these poker walls exactly i've never even seen that movie i think i saw

that movie in a theater which I bring up a lot because I'm just always shocked by the things that I got like presumably in a car and drove to a movie theater and then waited in line and then paid the money and then sat to see like one of the ones I bring up a lot is Schindler's List like I'm just sort of I'm sort of shocked that as a 10th grader or 11th grader or however old I was that was a movie I thought yes in the theater let's sit and watch that while quietly eating popcorn And like, I just I was amazed that I made it to one movie recently. Like that was an amazing accomplishment for me. And I used to go see like a few good men in the theater.

What was the movie you saw the other day over the weekend? It was The Postman Always Rings Twice, which you do not recommend.

Well, I I don't I mean, I don't want to say that because I think it's considered a classic. Like, I also found out that David Mamet remade that film in the, like, 80s. Oh. And I haven't seen, I think Faye Dunaway may have been in, or Jane Fonda, one of those. I haven't seen that version. I'm hoping that they made the plot a little bit more, like, it's not even that the plot was not believable. The Postman Always Rings Twice. It was that. So I'll do the really, really quick version. Wait, hold on.

Let me ask you this. Is this the plot here?

Well, I can't believe we got off on those murder charges. But guess what? I'm going to murder you. But you can't. But now I'm in jail. Now I'm getting the gas chamber. Is that the because somebody just or less for the show? More or less. It's there's a sort of older gentleman and his young, very attractive wife played by Lana Turner, who own like a little gas station and roadside cafe and a drifter shows up. and the much younger attractive wife falls for the drifter and they hatch a plan to kill her husband so that they can have the roadside cafe, which is a bizarre, like you'd think they'd want to, like we're going to kill him and use the insurance money and go to like Vegas or something. No, we want to just run a greasy spoon on a highway in Malibu. And so they decide to try to kill him and it doesn't work the first time. And then like he they end up killing him and then they go on trial for it. And then like eight million twists and turns happen. Like there's a point where like the the attorneys I mean, this is a murder trial. And the the defense attorney who's cozy with the prosecutor walks over to his desk and says, you don't have a case. And then the prosecutor goes, your honor. We move to settle the case because we don't have a case. And then like then suddenly she's just out on like she's not even she's out on probation. And it all happens in like and the judge goes like, well, I'll do a ruling. And the attorneys are like, we'd like the ruling right now. Like so then it just it's in and with and then eight minutes later, the dude's literally about to go to the gas chamber like for an for a different murder for what we think is her. Anyways, it's just, it's not even that the plot, the plot is unbelievable, but I could handle it if it didn't have to all unfold in the last 12 minutes of the movie. That was my basic problem with it. The pacing, essentially. The pacing is what I'm trying to say. It's something I don't have, Andrew, which is why it's 41 minutes into the show and we haven't gotten to top stories. It sure is. Time flies when you're playing Rocket League, Andrew.

That's right. I already forgot the name of Rocket League. I was going to say, I came in today saying, hey, I'm going to talk about this video game, and then I couldn't even remember the name of it. For some reason, I can't keep it in my head, Rocket League. I just think of Car Soccer. Why didn't they just call it Car Soccer?

Well, yeah, because it should be called Car Soccer because it's cars playing soccer. That's right.

Did you watch any videos of the – because whenever you look for a video these days of a video game, You can't tell if you're actually seeing what the gameplay is or if it's like the trailer where it's like, you know, it's it's some sort of a video animation of what the universe of the game is.

Right. It's confusing. All right. Let's take a quick break. And then we come back. We get a power through what's going on at my hotel. And I mean, honestly, not like an MLB game, Andrew, we need to figure out how to make TBTL move more quickly so that we'll have a broader appeal.

Yeah, we'll make the bases bigger. Let's start with that.

We're going to make the TBTL bases bigger. Also, we've ruled. We've also made the shift illegal on TBTL. So back with more in just a moment.

Ladies and gentlemen, let us welcome Washington's fearless political satirist, the court jester on the poop deck of the ship of state.

On your mark. On your mark. Get set. Get set. Now ready. Ready. Go.

Hey, let's thank some dazzling donors. These generous folks are keeping the ship of TBTL, both its fore, aft, and poop decks, in business with their donations of a dazzling amount of dough, including our friend in Tacoma, Washington, Chris Surface.

Hello, Chris.

Chris is, of course, the artistic director at the Tacoma Little Theater. You went and watched a Seahawk game there?

No, I did not. I watched the final episode of Game of Thrones with Chris and his friends. That's what I meant. It was one of the nicest invitations. He said, we've been watching the last season on the big screen in this theater that I help run. Would you like to come watch the finale with me? And it was so much fun. It was a great group of people.

Chris says, hey, friendos, I can't believe we're almost at episode 4000. Whew. Nor can I, Chris, nor can I. And that I've been there every step of the way You still are my carpool buddies Who keep me entertained when I'm on the road Never worry that there is too much cat talk Oh, okay, this is an emerging theme The last couple of days I'd even be game for a spin-off podcast That just features all cat talk all the time Thanks for being the best pod cart buddies A guy could ask for Support your local theaters Again, see previous comments Chris, Artistic Director Tacoma, Little Theater And I mean, I'm telling you, folks, if you're in Tacoma or Seattle or anywhere span away anywhere in that general area and you see something at the Tacoma Little Theater or any theater in your area, try to get out there because, I mean, theaters were uniquely, you know, almost above any almost any other thing I can think of uniquely hit by the pandemic in terms of being hit hard. Because, you know, we kept doing this podcast, obviously. We kept doing Live Wire. The Alberta Rose Theater, where we do that show, they were dark. You know, like we were still doing our radio show. And I know that a lot of theaters in the U.S. have really had to figure out creative ways to try to keep their books balanced. So mostly I need listener Chris to continue to be able to dazzle us with his donation. So the way that works is we've got to support the Tacoma Little Theater. So Chris still has money to support TV, too.

We really do, honestly, and I don't, you know, it's been a while since I've been there. It was, you know, way pre-pandemic since I was there. But it's just one of those beautiful old theaters, too, you know, just like it was just so great. And it's the type of thing that just like if a community loses places like these, it is a real, real loss. You know, it's not it's not it's not some it's not a climate pledge arena situation. No, it's not. So thank you, Chris, for being such a ride or die with TBTL. Maestro?

On your mark. On your mark. Get set. Get set. Now ready. Ready. Go. Everybody rattle, dattle.

It's Sue Strauss of Ortolando, Florida. Hiya, Sue. Thank you so much for donating to the program. Sue says, with the passing of my husband last summer, I decided to move from my home of 50 years to a new place. I found a wonderful new home, which is also close to my daughter and her family. Laura Butts' daughter has been a wonderful resource. Yeah, Laura's a 10 as well. I recognize that name. Has been a wonderful resource and help for me to make this move. Her husband, Sean, has helped immensely also. I listened to TBTL many days while packing up my old home. thanks to all who have helped during this new adventure in my life wow well sue uh we're so sorry for your loss and um i it's i can't even put myself uh in in your place or even try to imagine kind of what that would be like to to lose someone and then also to be packing up a home of 50 years but it sounds like i mean you're describing it as a new adventure uh you said your new home is wonderful so it sounds like you're you're you're embracing this in a way that not a lot of people could so um with good people around you too which is that's what helps

if i just had some good people that's the issue well you don't have good people that's true no

i'm surrounded by uh by by by i was like about to make a joke and i was like whose feelings would

this hurt well what about your boy uh destiny or who you almost got into a fight with sage Sage is my only true friend.

I told you, we're buds for life. We have bonded in the way that you only can when you fight and then you say you're sorry. That's a tremendous bonding experience. And I assume that that's how Sue and Laura have become so close. Through fighting through an online poker game and then agreeing that they were both out of line. And now here they are.

And also being the whole mom-daughter thing, too, probably helps.

Yeah, but I think the poker thing primarily.

No, it was primarily that and the time that they talked. That they tied their wrists together and armed themselves with a knife in the other hand. Those two things were great bonding experiences.

Yes, exactly. So, Sue, thanks for supporting the show. And we'll be thinking of you and sending you seriously positive vibrations as you embark on this new adventure. Hello and welcome to Top Story. I don't think we're going to get to baseball today, but that's fine because guess what? they're going to be playing these fast ass games all season i will tell you that remember um last week i think andrew we were talking about the um the hotel companies bragging to their investors about how they no longer have to clean the rooms because uh because when the pandemic happened they weren't doing it for safety reasons and now they just realized wow we can save a lot of money if we don't do these i am staying in this it's it's an older hotel but i think it's a considered a pretty nice hotel it's called the ambassador chicago it's in a very nice neighborhood oh if you were on the if you were basically on the shores of lake michigan and it was called the gold coast would you say welcome to the iconic ambassador chicago in chicago's historic gold coast or wouldn't it shouldn't it be on chicago's gold coast yeah or in the gold coast neighborhood

or something i think you're right it's just interesting though because i thought you were taking people to task for saying like on mercer island or something no no you had so i was confused

about it was something like i didn't like on cape cod oh yeah yeah there's the cape yeah i was i think my thought was on only applies to an island or a coast or something like that but anyway the point is uh when i checked into this pretty nice hotel that of course cbs television is paying for I was met with a list of all the things they're not doing They were like, it's our slow season So the restaurant is closed And also, I forget the other thing It was like, the guy listed like five things they're not doing And then he just handed me this piece of paper That was like, daily housekeeping services are currently suspended We are happy to replenish any in-room amenity Limited housekeeping services will be offered to guests Staying three plus nights on every second day. Please arrange 24 hours in advance with the front desk. Andrew, let me restate. This is a nice hotel. Yeah. That is a hardcore situation. In other words, if I'm not staying here more than three nights, I can't even get housekeeping one.

yeah that's ridiculous ridiculous and again this is this is a this is a nice hotel in a nice part of chicago like they're just they're that's they're just doubling down yeah yeah we talked

about the new york times piece the other day but i'm hearing about i think i just accidentally caught some of this on public radio like this ongoing debate and just like you know the fact that we as consumers need to get used to the the new deal with hotels which is that we can't expect what we used to expect before the pandemic and again for for small companies and small family run operations that are really truly struggling and still trying to dig out i i understand that but for these huge for these huge conglomerates that are you know like one one company owns a million hotel chains and 60 billion hotels individually and people are getting rich and the ceos are still you know on their yachts or whatever but they're just telling us well hey listen the pandemic changed everything it's really galling that's the issue too i was thinking about

and and by the way i i like this hotel you would really love it andrew i mean it's sound i mean the ambassador in chicago it sounds like an old it feels like i'm in an old studio apartment from the 1940s you know cool um so i'm not even complaining about the uh about the anything about the hotel other than that they are offering almost none of their normal stuff and i was thinking about it it's like yeah i'm just repeating what you said but the issue for me is is is that at the at the end of most of these things that are happening now that are attributed to the pandemic or the supply chain or the whatever is most of the time it is somebody who's already rich somehow getting richer it's not the folks that are doing the housekeeping who are getting richer it's not the it's none of the people that are at the sort of bottom of the food chain they they're you know even if they're getting you know paid a little bit more money it's like they should be getting paid a little bit more money almost all of these inconveniences that we run up against in modern life when it has to do with stuff like that like is there going to be housekeeping it's almost always just something that means someone who's already incredibly wealthy will just be more incredibly wealthy and that's my frustration with it and you know So it's – if you could – like you said, if it was a mom and pop, if it was like a little like 10-room motel off the side of the road and they're just trying to keep their head above water, I have no problem with that. But this is a frigging Hyatt.

Right, and of course – and the rich people who – I mean I don't know if trickle-down economics is still a thing. But generally speaking, the rich people will advocate for low tax rates on the rich so that they can be job creators, right? like that's isn't that the whole argument like that like hey no like wow you just really channeled your inner lewis black i thought it was don o'neill i don't know what i was doing there but i mean isn't that always the argument like no no no you don't want to tax us because we're the makers right we're exactly and then we make jobs like no you don't you consolidate wealth and then you tell us that you can those are good jobs those are the jobs america needs to people to go into the rooms and clean them like safely and there should be job protections for them but like this is a huge labor issue exactly

well put I couldn't I couldn't have said it any better myself so I won't

try the part where I went that part I liked it I actually

thought we had kind of two good impressions today I thought your Louis Black was good I thought my impression of a baby playing an Xbox a baby who had just been spanked on the butt and was taking their first breath If I was just going to try to do it again But I'll mess it up I thought that was an okay impression that I did Of a brand newborn baby

I don't even remember I remember you describing the baby I didn't realize you had done Oh wow Chills

Here I go once again with the email Every week I hope that it's from a female Oh man It's not from a female

Alright from newly born babies to people who may be a little more advanced in their years. I know you've got a voicemail that you want to play about with a listener checking in on how we describe people who are, again, maybe moving through the later part of their life.

Yeah, this is one of those emails, I'm sorry, voicemails that we received that really kind of stuck with me. I think I heard this last week, maybe on Thursday or something, and I've been wanting to play it for you. And I've been thinking about it since. So let me just play the voicemail as is as it came in. And then I want to I want to back announce what it's referring to. But first, let's hand it over to Diane.

Hello. Are you there? Well, I would just like to say that I am Diane from Chehalis.

possibly the oldest living listener. And I would like to make a little comment on the use of adorable for elderly people. I don't believe that's appropriate. Adorable should be reserved for kittens, puppies, babies, and, I don't know, other cute animals. not the elderly most of us have been through heartache loss grief disappointment and we go on living a positive life through grit and character and it's the meaning to be called adorable so you know I love you

I don't think I've ever heard from Diane before, but I'd like to hear from Diane more. I think that this is probably in response to the story you told a couple of weeks ago about seeing an older couple that were on like a second date or something. Yeah, in a restaurant. You were in a restaurant and by yourself. So you were just naturally you could overhear their conversation. And I think you describe part of that situation as just being an adorable scene.

You know, I think Diane raises a really good point. There is probably a certain amount of, well, patronizing, I guess, or, you know, because if I'm saying it's adorable that these two people who are older are on a second date, it's just sort of like it's sort of I guess it's that's based on the assumption that it's that it's somehow unique or rare that people who were, you know, later in life would still have romantic feelings for each other and would go on dates and would do things. It's kind of a way of being like if anything is happening for folks that are of a certain age, it's quote unquote cute because like get a load of them doing this thing, which I will admit, I'd never thought of it that way. But I think Diane raises a good point. Maybe that is a little bit patronizing.

Yes. And I'm wondering or condescending. So I condescending is a better. No, I mean, I think I think they both fit. I I almost wonder about your awe after the voicemail, actually.

like is that i just liked it i no my the awe was that even though we said this i said this thing that made diane kind of uh you know want to call in and and and give her yeah she still said i'm gonna listen yeah like that all was not i i promise that was not a condescending awe that was a i like it when someone can hear something from us that is disappointing to them and they're

not just like and now i'm done with the show yes good good i'm glad i'm glad we got to talk about that i um so here's the deal i heard this voicemail and i was like yeah that's like that's that's a really interesting perspective and seems right to me and then i gotta say i was talking to some people about it because again it kind of stuck with me and i was talking about with some friends and i had some friends who were kind of like well but like honestly if this was like okay so luke is eating at a restaurant you know i think you were traveling or something i love eating alone but when when you're eating alone you naturally will start to hear the conversations around you a little bit i actually think it's a pleasure in life to do some innocent eavesdropping you know um but all of that is to say like one of my friends said well i mean if this was a young couple this was a couple who were like 22 years old but they were both just like totally geeking out about something or they're both like cosplayers or if they were like there's another situation in which these people could be young people and you'd still be like that was really adorable like there are just scenarios sometimes of seeing people on a date together that is kind of adorable and so i'm my friend said that i was like okay yeah no that's a good point then that's tumbling around in my head too but i'm like yeah but is it always is there always a hint of of condescension there to use that instead of patronizing i although i think patronizing might be better because i was thinking right if it's a really good couple are you still condescending to them as well yeah or if they're just like huge i don't know nerds about something else or like i was like who would you not see on a date and say well that's really adorable and i guess it would be like i don't know too just like super boringly conventional good-looking people like you would see and i don't know love is blind or something like i guess you wouldn't i actually have never seen that show i assume it's a reality show filled with extremely like kind of uh reality tv attractive people but like i guess if you saw them on a date together you wouldn't say that's adorable right that's true like I so I don't know like I again I'm not I'm not coming in here with an opinion I'm just saying that like Laura left that or I'm sorry Diane left that voicemail I'm like oh yeah but then somebody pushed back on a little bit and now I'm just sort of like bouncing back and forth back and forth if we describe something as a door like is that really only for animals do we always condescend when we say something is adorable or someone is

adorable I mean I don't have the answer to that but i think you make a compelling point about the about the younger couple that's you know maybe smitten or maybe like you said a little bit kind of like a couple of people that are clearly really into you know dnd or something or like because you're right if it's if i look over and i see a business if i see a finance bro who clearly like you know hits the gym five days a week and his uh very conventionally attractive you know date who is you know whatever you know that person does whatever she does i'm not reporting back to you that i saw a cute couple at the italy kitchen in westchester right in fact if if anything i i dislike those people and also by the way that's not fair but i'm just telling you like so what what is it that makes something quote unquote adorable to me is it someone that I don't feel threatened by is it someone that I you know there's some kind there is I don't I've never thought about this way but there's got to be some little bit of I mean condescension is kind of a mean word but there's got to be something where I kind of feel like oh oh you know pat them on the head which is clearly comes from me thinking that I'm in some certain social position and they're in some other social position and isn't it cute that they also go on dates yeah right and i'm trying to like

put myself because i definitely i i don't want to lose diane's point here because i'll bet you i think diane said she's 76 or something i can't remember 78 so throughout her life i'm sure she sees like various condescending ways towards her um i'm sure some people are very nice and sometimes it probably just hits you as a little bit patronizing like you say in in various instances in her life and she's right i don't know what it's like to be to be that old um but so i'm not like trying to come up with scenarios to fight back i think it's something really that has just sort of like kind of lodged itself in my brain and i'm just really interested in thinking about but i was like is there a situation where just like kind of a mundane middle-aged guy like me is out on a date and you're you're eating and you overhear me talking and it's like well maybe like Maybe if I was a recent divorcee who you heard me saying, hey, this is the first date I've gone on since my breakup, but me and my date are laughing about things or whatever, but you can sort of tell that I'm both maybe excited and nervous or whatever. I could see you describing that on the show and saying, oh, man, I kind of overheard this really adorable guy talking about going on his first date since his divorce. I do think.

But the importance there is you're an underdog.

Yeah, I guess so. Yeah.

So I guess I feel like maybe without realizing what I'm reserving adorable for is people that I perceive to be underdogs.

Yeah, it's fair.

Which if they're the underdog, you know, because the overdog is the finance bro and his, you know, girlfriend who works as an Instagram influencer or something. Those are the overdogs in my mind, and I'm not finding them to be adorable. And then the underdogs, you're Paul Giamatti. You're trying to go on a date in Sideways. You're kind of the underdog Although actually I don't know He's sort of a terrible He's a terrible Well not terrible He's got some problems in that movie I don't know if I would call him the underdog

I could really use a win here That's my imitation of Paul Giamatti Saying a line that so far I cannot prove He's ever said in a movie or TV show Or Verizon commercial But I swear it's the ultimate Paul Giamatti line I could really use a win here

There's an actor that I really love And I think her name is Melanie linsky she's in that movie i don't feel safe in this world and she's also in yellow jackets yes

and she was in she's in in the zombie movie that we she was in this she's yeah the the last of us

i mean i just i'm a really really big fan of fargo i believe i saw a clip of her saying that she was in a movie with paul giamatti where they had too much sexual chemistry and they the director they literally had some scenes where the director cut them out because the director said that's not the energy that we need like that's not what we're going for and for the for the plot of this movie there was too much sexual energy between her and paul giamatti i love that hollywood i don't i don't

know what either one of their situations is romantically or or personally but that's like

that would be a great power couple totally i believe i i would guess i i'm nine i know she is very happily wedded to

somebody and forget who it is i don't know paul's status but um i just thought that was an interesting that was interesting for her to be uh for her to be talking about that like and i forget who the director was but it was a director that i'd heard of who just was like y'all two need to tone it down okay because this is throwing this is throwing the plot of the movie off if you guys don't keep

undressing each other with your eyes i'm trying to figure out when i fell in love with her as an actor because um i swore she was in like fargo or something she's from yes she's from new zealand too oh really oh i didn't know that because i don't think i've ever heard her with her natural accent then but um yeah oh you know what the movie must have been luke i was just looking i'm like i wonder what movie they were in together you and i saw this together as you say in the theater win win it was the movie you remember seeing that with me and that a wrestling movie it is paul giamatti plays i believe a high school wrestling coach who's just kind of like you know going for a midlife i remember loving it and thinking i gotta go back and re-watch it and that came out in 2011 and i haven't re-watched it yet well when you burn your way through um oh no he's a lawyer why did i think that he was a wrestling coach mike uh paul giamatti is a struggling though not overly ambitious lawyer as the court-appointed attorney of um leo poplar what is going on this is not the movie that we watched we watched it was about it was about a wrestler yeah i don't

know there's two movies called win-win are you thinking of big fat liar where frankie munoz turns paul giamatti blue because he's a big fat liar is that a real thing that's everything i

just said to you is real no i don't even know how to follow that it's like paul giamatti that movie

is like paul giamatti is like a fast talking lawyer who's or something he's some kind of a you know, shady business character and Frankie Munez. And I forget who his that from like, you know, was he Malcolm in the middle? I think he might have Malcolm in the middle. But anyway, he and his his sort of co-star, they play a bunch of pranks on Paul Giamatti's character, including, I believe, at some point somehow washed dying him blue like he's some. i don't know how they do it but i just remember the trailer for big fat liar seeing a very angry

very blue paul giamatti well win win is about a lawyer who moonlights as a high school wrestling coach apparently and fights for the program and then ends up like taking a kid in the kid of some court appointed client who's in senior care or something he takes in his son or his grandson or some shit like that so good i just i was reading that plot i'm like none of this rings a bell none of this i could have i could smell the gymnasium while watching that movie why is he a lawyer i really would like to watch this again but i wonder if that in the end it's got melanie linsky so that must have been first of all and now that we know her name like i just think she's she lights up a screen i love her great and now i really want to re-watch that and watch their

chemistry but you're only seeing what they left on on on on the film because there was apparently A lot of other really racy stuff that didn't make the cut. We only see what they let us see. Get the DVD and see if they've got some extended version. That's when it gets steamy.

Yeah, well, when I'm done playing my Rocket car game, I'll do that.

Now, it was Darlene in Chehalis. Was that who we had the voicemail from? Diane. Diane in Chehalis. Diane, you've got me thinking. I don't know where I will land on this, but I think it's always good to just take a moment to think about how our words might, you know, be interpreted by other people. So I really appreciate you calling in, and I hope you will call again. And I drive through Chehalis, Washington often when I'm going from Portland to Seattle. So next time I'm passing through, I hope I run into you.

That's not a thread. You've been talking about fighting people a lot lately. The way you, by the way.

Diane and I buried the hatchet.

I put in Paul Giamatti, and then I just started doing a video search. I was sort of absentmindedly thinking, I wonder if there's some tape I could play at the end of the show of Paul Giamatti saying something like I could really use a win here. And the first thing I see here is Paul Giamatti proofed his talents in Big Fat Liar. And I just see a picture of him completely blue with his red mouth open. OK, good. I didn't hallucinate that. I feel like I'm hallucinating. What am I seeing right now?

Paul Giamatti is Marty Wolf A Hollywood screenwriter and producer And founder of the fictional Marty Wolf Pictures Film studio Okay, so he's not a You know, lawyer type But Let's see I'm starting to read the plot And it's super convoluted Just know that it's the movie where they turn Paul Giamatti blue

That's all you need to know about that new to me i had no idea this was a thing there is

Way too much description of the plot on Wikipedia of Big Fat Liar. Like, it's three to four pages. I just feel they need to just... The plot needs to be Frankie Munoz turns Paul Giamatti into it. I'm seeing... And hilarious hygiene is following.

I'm scrubbing through scenes here. There's also a scene where he's really dancing around in some really, really tiny short shorts as well. It's erotic.

Oh, let's see. Jason and Kaylee sabotage Marty through pranks, such as dyeing his skin blue via his swimming pool and his hair orange via his shampoo. They also superglue his headset to his ear, trick him into going to a child's birthday party where the children mistake him for the hired clown and attack him, and tamper with his car's controls. Marty's car is also rear-ended by a cranky elderly woman who is, by the way, not adorable. Weird that

it says that. Marty's

car is also rear-ended by a cranky elderly woman into a monster truck owned by the masher a wrestler

who destroys his car yeah but what's her job it's tables this is how she makes her living

they met at a police conference okay uh law enforcement conference i'm sorry all right thanks for listening everybody we will be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio for you until then have a great wednesday uh take care of yourselves and please remember no mountain

too tall and good luck to all

and if they want to drink merlot we're drinking merlot no if anybody orders merlot i'm leaving i am not drinking any merlot power out I'll see you next time.