Muse

Hi. Hi. Where's Stevie? Um I don't know but she will be back in 15 minutes. What are you doing? I'm checking the mail. Did you know that you can still get mail? Yes I know about mail. No but I'm talking about like mail mail. Like a little man in a uniform with his satchel full of letters traveling door to door.

Um, that's a mailman, and he comes to your house, you pay him, and he gives you your stuff.

I think it's free delivery.

I don't think so. How far into the 15 minutes do you think we are?

TBTL!

the faces may not look familiar but the voices this zany radio team have developed a unique style of frolicking on the airwaves basically i just like coming in and having fun yeah it's a great way to make a living do you have any music carl have the internet radio i love internet radio you've come to the right place because i have that where am i right now i don't even remember

Who are you? Who's that handsome hunk of a clam holding those flowers? Are those for me?

Aw, I can't stay mad at you, Goldie. Oh my god, man, we are seeing some s**t we ain't never seen before.

Alright, hello, good morning, and welcome everyone to a Thursday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. Oh yeah. My name is Luke Burbank, I am your host.

I like turtles.

I'm India from the Hollywood Broadcast Center right here in Portland, Oregon, where I am recently in repossession of my cat, which means I am also worried about the cat trying to interrupt the broadcast here on this gorgeous, gorgeous Thursday.

Oh, ma, pa, it's just beautiful.

Well, it is absolutely lovely out here in Portland, and we are excited for episode 3,932 in a collective series.

Let the fun begin.

Tell you what, I may have witnessed. I was going to say the apotheosis, but I don't know if I don't think that means what I think it means. Is apotheosis the high point of something? i feel like i may have witnessed the apotheosis or high point of dateline nbc television i mean trash is trash this guy who's in trouble in the u.s and then faked his own death and then went to europe and then did an interview with dateline trying to pretend to not be the person he is is it's quite something to watch play out on the national television stage we'll talk about that oh and speaking of you know questionable television programming etc r.i.p jerry springer i wish i hadn't done that jerry springer who gave so much to tbtl in terms of drops and audio and writing checks to you know people in the profession that probably it would be less great or shouldn't have written checks to in his um capacity as the mayor of cincinnati we'll talk about him oh and also am i a hockey fan no don't think it's okay to just roll in here at 100 kilometers per hour like you're joel auto with the calgary flames i had a massive shift in perspective last night that i want to talk about and it's a thursday aka blurs day so we'll talk about the blurs days as well. And we'll talk to this guy, the longest running Cobra of the show. Maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. Does he love it when the weather is like this? Yes, he does. He is Andrew Walsh and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

Hey, Luke. I have some information here for you from a listener that I meant to share with you actually last week. I'm going to present this to you the exact same way I presented it to Genevieve when I received this email from Sarah in Walnut Creek. Nude. I forgot we were on Zoom today. No, this information is either A, going to blow your mind, or B, it's going to blow your mind to learn that I didn't know this and you knew it all along and didn't even find it worth mentioning. Do you see what I'm saying there? So either way, my mind is going to be blown. Your mind is going to be blown by the information I'm presenting, or your mind is going to be blown to learn that I didn't realize this thing that maybe you realized all along as we were having conversations about TV, television. I brought up...

Many times on this show, the third episode of the HBO series Last of Us, featuring Nick Offerman and his partner living in the apocalypse together. Oh, you didn't know this? I've described it often as a—

I'm not messing with you. I know exactly where this is going. And I didn't think it bared mentioning.

So, well, I'll say it. But the so the thing is, I talked about this episode, this bottle episode of The Last of Us, which I really enjoyed. And I told people you can watch this as a standalone episode, even if you're not into zombie shows and people and people did do that and got back to me and thanked me for it because I'm kind of a modern day hero. But I did not realize that the person who plays Nick Offerman's partner is the same person who plays the hotel manager in the first season of The White Lotus. So you knew that while you were watching that, you realize that? I did. It took me like, you know, he's in that pit.

I think we can say this now. He starts out in a pit in Nick Offerman's yard. And I remember thinking, who's that guy in that pit? And why does he seem familiar? And then it did take me maybe another five or ten minutes. But then I was like, oh, yeah, the crazy drugged out hotel manager from season one.

Yeah, no, I did not. Even when I got Sarah's note, I went back and I looked at the two photos of them from the two different series. And I still had to sort of cross my eyes and knock on my temple a little bit like that old man we met at Mancini's char house to make it all to make it all clear in my head. I told this agenda. I felt like Baron Von Raschke. I felt a little bit better that Genevieve also didn't have this realization. And she's that. Yeah, she's way more. You know, she's she didn't. Genevieve did not realize that was the guy from White Looks. Nope. Nope. Yeah. Sarah was now he does. Sarah was like, I just kept on waiting for you guys to mention it. You've brought up that episode like a million times. Now it's a million and one.

I really did. You know, it's funny because very little goes uncommented on by me. So why was this the one thing that I was like, well, we all know it's the guy from the White Lotus. Why would we comment on it? I wonder why I chose that one moment to be somewhat subtle about anything.

Yeah, you could have blown my mind. But instead, Sarah in Walnut Creek. Let's give Sarah the W. Walnut Creek, California. You think Walnut Creek Sounds Midwestern But I feel like it's come up on the show before

Andrew have you ever considered Becoming a die hard hockey fan Um No Have you ever put $600 on the Seattle Kraken To score plus three goals Because let me tell you It'll turn you into a die hard Hockey fan Did it pay out No not that one in fact you know what that was a misstatement that was a lie i put 60 on them to win by three goals which would have paid me 600 but i also won on them winning the game or match or ice dance i don't know the terms i'm still kind of getting used to it but last night after the mariners flamed out i was sitting here and i was all excited because the mariners were playing in philadelphia and because baseball is fast now i was i had a whole plan for the night it was like i was gonna barbecue up some veggie dogs i had i had purchased sauerkraut for the event and it was just gonna be like i'm gonna grow my dogs i'm gonna put some sauerkraut on there i'm gonna watch the mariners i'm gonna prep live wire which we're doing tonight at the research center in beaverton and i had a whole plan in mind and then the mariner game was like over because it was three hours ahead and short it was over by what like

maybe six or something yeah i was uh told you before the show i had some back issues i was like sort of laying on my back on my bed like with my laptop bent towards my face so i don't time started to have air meaning yesterday i'm sorry but yeah the game started at 3 40 our time which means yeah i mean it couldn't have gone much further past six or 6 30 and so then i was

just sitting there like well i haven't even grilled these dogs i will i will renew my my my request to the universe can we please uh food scientists of america make a hot dog that is not made out of pigs that tastes or behaves more similar to a hot dog made out of pigs because

they're not these light life's are not cutting it yeah i haven't i haven't had those um but uh did you have one bite when we did our salute is i thought is that the brand you've been eating all

along it's the one i've kind of settled on because it is it's it's the most like a regular hot dog they're not trying to do too much you know what i mean like it's a pretty simple thing but anyway So I had my light life I had my sauerkraut I was all ready for a long evening evening of sport watching and then the mariners were just like done and also had lost in a fashion that in a cult they were in a colton wong related situation that made me feel a bit furious is he

gonna play today i'm sorry we shouldn't do this they're playing i think they're playing right now i'll just look up the lineup i know that this isn't a sports show but i'm just a little bit

beside myself with that situation business person special yeah i guess i guess so yeah yeah out in Philly, yeah. I mean, I'm sure they'll keep playing him because do we have another second baseman? Man, that guy is.

Can't Swaggerty hold down second base? I'm sorry that we're doing this, but we're doing this. Oh, he is?

Oh, I thought he was benched. I didn't know that. I think I have a feeling, I have a memory that he got hurt at some point, had some kind of, you know. That would make sense because we haven't seen him in forever. Adductor or something? Yeah, okay.

Let's see here. I don't see Wong in today's lineup, though, so thank goodness for that.

Send him to Jared Kalanick school, please. Send him to Cal Raleigh school. Those are the two greatest examples of people being sent down and then coming back changed. Yes. Park catcher Cal Raleigh and our left fielder. Is Kalanick playing left field? Yeah, he plays left field. Like Kalanick and Raleigh, they're really a story of hope about how you can be bad at baseball And then they make you go to a place where it's easier to play baseball. And then you come back and you're good at baseball.

Yeah. Yeah. Flexin was supposed to be like that, too. But OK.

Anyway, so I'm sitting there last night with a sports sized hole in my heart and a six pack of light life dogs. And what does a person do? Well, Roots Sports, the thing that I pay for and that you find floating around the the the ether had shifted over to Seattle Kraken hockey and I know we have some listeners who are really into the Kraken and you know when when it was announced that Seattle was going to get an NHL team I was kind of thinking can I become a hockey guy or can I become a person who cares about hockey and the answer apparently was no because I am I've been so detached from them as a team and you know they made the playoffs this year but i just and our friend john goodwin uh cbs television producer he keeps trying to get our our fun-loving criminals group going on hockey have you noticed that every once in a while he'll be like anybody watching the kraken and it's like just absolute crickets so last night because i didn't have anything else to do i was like i'll let this ride and then and by let this ride i mean i went on to draftkings.com and thought i'll throw a little money on this game to see if that you know makes it interesting and andrew it sure did like uh first of all they were i was it was zero zero when i started watching the game and i got my little bet in which at the time because they were on the road against the avalanche and by the way peace and love to our listeners in denver our tenverites i know this was your hockey team losing but it was zero zero when i got in on the bet so i was gonna make plus 160 On the Kraken even winning So I put some money on that And then there was an insane bet A plus 900 or something That was The Kraken win by two And then a plus mark goals I didn't even know what that meant Now I've figured out It probably just means They had to win by three goals But it was I put 60 bucks on And I would have won $600 So maybe it was almost 10x And I proceeded to watch This hockey game and go from not knowing what it was to figure out which players I was mad at within 40 minutes. I can't say any of the names. A lot of the names, a lot of the folks are from Europe and other places, so these are difficult names for me to remember, but we had a guy who had a breakaway. In other words, he is the only guy going towards their keeper, which I assume if you and I had a breakaway, Andrew, we would just score the goal, and this guy botched it, and then he did another thing later that was not great and so he was on you don't remember the

name because i could send him some tips on how to score after you break away it was it was um

started with a b and sounded um scandinavian okay gotcha so we've narrowed it down to that i'll look it up but it was amazing how quickly i went from being like i don't know what any of this is like really you called icing on that you really honestly like i had thoughts i was getting in on I was like I was yelling at the TV at certain players decisions. We had a guy. And again, I don't remember any of the names of these players. His stick broke. And then he proceeded to just kick the puck down the rink, like evading people. And then later the commentators were like, that's hard. That's legal.

It apparently is. I didn't know until last night. You can kick the puck down the ice like somebody out of the movie Big Fat Liar. I don't know if that happens in that Paul Giamatti classic, but it seemed like a weird like a cinematic moment where your hockey stick breaks and you are forced to just start kicking the puck and trying to skate around everyone and continue kicking the puck.

I wonder if it's legal. Well, this is so stupid for me to even talk about this because we probably have people listening who know who know how hockey is generally played. But maybe it's legal because, like, it would be impossible to regulate accidental puck hitting ice skate. You know what I mean? Like, if it's illegal to do that, then there has to be some sort of line between, well, this thing that's flying around super fast under our feet sometimes hits skates. And then sometimes maybe somebody tries to then move their skate and kick it a little bit. Like, where's the line? I can see that being a real game killer if that's illegal.

Like maybe kicking is not. Is it legal to be this insane? Maybe like kicking. Yeah. Is it called kicking the puck? Whatever it is. Maybe. Yeah, you're right. Maybe that's a thing they can't regulate. You can also use your glove to knock the puck down if it's flying high in the air. Oh.

Does it have to be maybe over the waist or something?

there must be a i'm i don't know the i don't know the rule on how high it is how high ridge i could not tell but it was happening last night constantly i was like are they allowed to do that and i guess they are like if the puck is just flying along like towards your torso you can use you can't catch it if you're not the keeper but you can just bat it down oh that was another thing again apologies to our listeners who know a lot about hockey but the uh the the avalanche the abs were were down at the end of the game the the kraken did win eventually and so they pulled their keeper so the guy right with the all the crazy gear on who sort of seems almost like they they couldn't stand up straight if they tried to because of all of the equipment they have He just got off the ice And they just put another regular dude in Because they just needed to have All of their players as goal scorers

That's interesting So the person that they put in Did not stay back by the goal They were just kind of left the goal They left the goal more or less untended

Although there was a point Where we had a different breakaway This is when I really needed us to go Three goals We had a breakaway And one of our guys tried to shoot it And just like the regular dude, the non-keeper dude stopped it. And I was like, come on. The universe does not want me to get this $600.

You know what I think? And I was going to ask you if this is legal, but I think about it, and I think it's pretty clear this would not be legal, but I think it should be legal. It's literally illegal. You to be able to kind of shed your uniform, shed all of that gear, and let that gear stand there like statuesque and defend that way. Now you're running the risk of now playing hockey naked. They did that in the Mighty Ducks 2. Yeah, so that's the tough thing.

Oh, that was another thing I learned. Sometimes the puck hits you and it really hurts. I know it sounds like I'm trying to be cheeky, but I just thought they were so kind of, what would you call it, equipped, covered in gear, etc. Multiple people had to go out because somebody hit the puck into them and it hit them in a place where they didn't have any padding. and they were like, done. And that's how you kill the dragon. Uh-huh, exactly. There was one little section on our, I'm trying to do hockey things now, forwards, belly, like Smaug.

Oh, that's how they get Smaug in the belly? That's what I thought you were talking about, kill the dragon. Well, I just sort of, I couldn't remember the specifics, but yeah, that must be what I'm thinking of. Just generally speaking, I think of a dragon, and you have to get it between the armor of the dragon somehow. I guess I am. And Smaug is, that's Beowulf? Beowulf. That's Loder. That's Loder shit. I can't keep it all straight.

That's the guy in the, like, you know, when, again, most of my knowledge of Lord of the Rings is based on the cartoon version. So I don't know how much of this translates to the real stuff. If only people in my family obsessed over this. Oh, my God. It was so great. My dad and I, when we were working on The House a couple weeks ago, I was like, when are you heading back? He's like, I have to head back Wednesday. And it sounded like maybe there was like a medical, like he had a checkup or something. And it was because they were playing the extended version of Return of the King in theaters. Oh, wow. And he was like, your mom's going. Rachel's going. Do you want to go? I was like, I'm going to miss me with that. But thank you. I'm waiting for the triple long one. is what I'm waiting for. No, I don't. I understand that. I love that they're into it.

Remember when he comes out of the mountain and then he's flying around over, I want to say, I always want to call it Riverdale, but I think that's like where Archie lived. I think it's called Lakedale.

Also had a dragon problem.

Lakedale. A dragon named Moose. If you looked at Midge. Doh. Doh. There was, I think the town was called Lakedale or something. And Smaug would terrorize them. He would come out of the mountain and breathe fire occasionally, and a thrush comes to, I'm going to say, again, I'm totally melding the different version of this, but I'm going to guess it's like Legolas or one of those people that's good with the archery. actually maybe it's just a person in the cartoon i think which is a person who lived in lakedale and they say there is one spot on smaug's belly where there is he's missing one little piece of you know dragon armor and if you can hit that you know he'll die and they hit him and he dies again i don't know if that happens in the books i just know it happened in the cartoon the interesting

thing for from from my perspective about the kraken being in these hockey playoffs these stanley cup playoffs and using the right language here oh can we talk about that by the way yeah

well they don't call football everything the super bowl like if you're in the wild card they're not like the super bowl times but they call everything in hockey the stanley cup playoffs which i get it you're trying to amp us but let's calm down talk to me when we get in the actual finals with that

Stanley Cup the thing that kind of struck me is I don't really care to I mean and I'm not I'm trying to think of a way to say this so it doesn't sound like I'm like dumping on something that other people like like I'm just not interested in hockey generally speaking I don't have anything I don't have anything against it you know money on that my friend yeah right and it's just like I you know there was a time when when I was like a sarcastic teen or whatever and I rolled my eyes at all sports that's not what I'm saying when I say I'm not really interested in soccer or hockey it's like i have the couple of sports that i'm into they bring me a certain amount of joy and a lot of heartbreak feels terrible in a place like this honestly so it's like you know like i just am not drawn towards bringing more sports into my life when people say hey you should really kind of sometimes we'll hear from listeners who say you should make an effort to get into x y or z sports

and it's like somehow heartbreak feels good in a place like you can't explain that i'm just like

i'm not interested like i'm not shopping for a new thing to bring in sometimes these things just happen as did baseball and football for me and that's fine so anyway when I say I'm not really interested in the Kraken I've never once like last year was their debut season and they were really bad really struggling in their first year and then this year now here they are in the playoff so there's a lot of narrative there across the two years but I just have that that's literally the extent of my knowledge right I just didn't just didn't care beyond that yet there is something and I never thought that I would no matter how good they got I'm not like I'm gonna get into the sport but they're just like smog there was a little chink in my armor because two nights ago i think i actually googled huh i wonder who's winning that kraken game that's not what i googled i just googled kraken score i didn't i didn't say google huh i wonder who's winning that kraken game but like hey gorgle and so that it does show you that winning winning is like a little Contagious or at least like when there is Something in the air and your city is excited About yeah and so it makes sense when people Who are totally not into baseball Get really into baseball when their team Is in deep into the playoffs you Know and and so Like I was like hon like I don't think Again like this is going to lead me towards watching Hockey but it's interesting to see How how smooth the transition Can be from total indifference To huh they're in the playoffs Maybe I should just check the score and then maybe if they're deep in the playoffs later the stanley cup playoffs excuse me um maybe somebody says hey i'm going to this bar to watch the game or the mat or the pitch the ice and we're gonna go watch the ice ballet i'm like okay like i can see you know you can sort of see how just one thing leads to another for you it was betting on this because you're out of sports but like how you know for me just checking the score randomly thinking hey aren't those hockey players playing a game right now a couple of nights ago and suddenly I cared about the score it's also I have to say

it's like it's like the best part of football which and when I say best part I mean the part that puts you know human lives in danger which is people crashing into each other there's so much crashing into each other but also minus all the bullshit from soccer and not to yuck anyone's yum but it's the opposite of soccer in that if anybody you know farts on someone in soccer they're like writhing on the ground this is so different like people

are doing things that if you were in normal life would be like legally prohibited and no one does anything like the the the uh officials whatever you call them on in hockey just let it go they're letting them play all their ice cops the ice cops are just like extremely checked out oh like real cops well if you know if you won't let the ice cops do their job the way they want to they just refuse to patrol the ice but really and truly it's like it's so fast moving it has so much kind of like physicality to it but then also this beautiful kind of what's the like is it a disney thing where you have those hippopotamuses hippopotami yeah isn't that the big ballet

isn't that the big like um is that the musical uh thing with mickey and he's the sorcerer fantasia sorcerer's apprentice fantasia yeah something yeah yeah i think fantasia is what

it's called you're right it sort of has this fantasia quality because these giant people with all these pads on are also doing this impossibly technical thing on these ice skates while crashing into each other and no one's stopping it. And then there's this little puck. Again, I'm getting what the hype is about.

Yeah, I don't, again, I also won $200, so there's that. This is another thing. This is ridiculous to even bring up. But, you know, I've been texting with our friend Maggie, who's a Phillies fan, right, but also has been saying, You know, I root for the Mariners when they're not playing Philly. And like the reason she's a Colton Wong fan. So a lot of our listeners who wouldn't otherwise care about sports or baseball are kind of like kind of de facto Mariners fans just because we talk about Colton Wong's terrible fielding. Well, I'm sorry. That was insulting. Terrible everything. Let's not be more thorough. Let's not limit it to just fielding losing us games. But anyway

The person who's 5'7 you really want them to Not make contact at the plate I mean that's why you get a guy who's 5'7

But anyway so we have a lot of Listeners who are like well I don't really follow baseball That much but if I hear the Mariners are doing well Like I root for them because our boys root for them On the podcast I listen to well you'd be surprised To hear that I'm the same way With the Levitard show and of course The Miami Heat like that's another Thing I've been checking the Kraken score And the Heat score just because Like the Miami Heat were huge underdogs going into their playoff round.

Didn't they win a game last night on like a 48-foot shot or some craziness?

I don't know. All I know is that they won and they advanced by winning. They won the playoff series that they were in yesterday by two points. They call them points in basketball, right? They call them ice points. I wasn't even kind of joking there. I was just like seriously like they're points, right? I think it might have been the previous game. jimmy butler hit some oh yes i did i did catch wind of that yeah but then they won last night and they're they're advancing and like for me the connection to that and the content like i'm really excited to hear the levitard show later today and i'm actually a couple of days behind but like there's been this whole narrative of some people on that show are just huge doubters because they were such underdogs and then some other people are just like overblown and in their comedic confidence in in the in the heat to overcome the odds right and it's like it's amazing how once you kind of get addicted to something like that and my addiction is listening to these knuckleheads talk about the heat i saw the score this morning i'm just like god damn i gotta listen to lebitard later i gotta hear them bury the skeptics in the shipping container or whatever

i mean because they were i'm just reading up on this now the heat were a play-in team in other words they weren't they were so not in the playoffs that they had to play a playoff game to be allowed to be in the playoffs and they're the first team to do that to knock off a number one seed and the number one seed they knocked off was the milwaukee bucks again a team that i love just because of the association with ray allen aka jesus shuttlesworth um back in the day um and so peace and love to our folks in milwaukee but what i love is it turns out apparently was also a a mistake by grayson allen of the bucks who is one of the most hateable people in sports grayson allen he went to duke he's a basketball guy who plays the game like he's in a wwe match and his job is to be the heel like the number of just like patently bullshit moves that grace and allen has pulled in his career are starting at duke and going into the pros are just there's a long list And apparently, I'm just reading from cbssports.com, Grayson Allen's last second gaffe seals Bucs playoff fate in Game 5 loss to Heat. That's all I need to see. I'm back to being a basketball fan, Andrew. I didn't know he was hateable.

I had seen that, too, in the whatever the headline.

was cheap shots on people and he flops and he's he would never make it in hockey my new favorite

sport mariners are already losing but i will say this philly man those uniforms those light blue uniforms punctuated with the red i mean just so tight absolutely no i mean you know the phillies

are my default team if not for the mariners because my granddad jack kelly of philadelphia pa used to drag my mom to double headers only double headers because in those days you you got to go to both games for the same price and they would eat peanuts and they would sit in the nosebleeds and my mom would be bored out of her mind but uh but that was kind of their tradition when there was a phillies double header my granddad would take my mom to those games so yeah i love that team i wish they had not just kind of like you know stalked us down and just like systematically come back and destroyed my my dreams last night but it did turn me into a hockey fan yeah so there you go that's a win all right uh let's take a quick break and then when we come back we are going to talk about another topic no one cares about dateline nbc there is something i know you don't watch the show andrew but there is something that happened this week on dateline nbc that has it's achieved escape velocity from the dateline nbc world and become a whole thing And I want to tell you about it Coming up on TBTL

We was hoping for some razzle dazzle Razzle dazzle That's right man, razzle dazzle

On your mark, get set Now ready, ready, go Everybody razzle dazzle

Hey let's thank some dazzling donors These are the wonderful generous folks Who are keeping TBTL rolling With their dazzling donations of dough Starting with Brett and Amy Hansen

of seattle washington hey i run into brett around town sometimes last time i ran into brett

i was in the parking lot of a liquor store it's where i make most of my friends yes did you run into brett in the university district i did also we pass each other on the street we're thinking of the same brett yeah exactly yep we're wishing upon the same brett um brett or amy i'm not sure who wrote this, one of them, or both of them, in concert, say, Hey gang, thanks for another year of excellent daily content for our ears. My wife, okay, now I'm thinking it's Brett. Yeah, I'm thinking it too. My wife and TBTL progenitor, that ahem was in the script, that wasn't just me forgetting to meet my microphone and tell people. My wife and TBTL progenitor Amy and I were delighted that we could go dazzling again this year while hunkering down with Rockwell Oh, right, Rockwell. He of the Murder, She Wrote piano playing, of course. Yeah, setting that in. And his brother Mac, of all things, D&D. I wonder if Mac has seen the D&D movie.

Oh, yeah. I saw a poster for that while we were in line to see Renfield the other day. And Genevieve pointed towards it and said, hey, I actually heard that that's pretty good. I did, too. And the people in front of us in line, the woman turned around and said, it is good. You gotta see it It's really good I'm not into D&D either But you should watch that movie So now I'm intrigued

Yeah we The couple weeks ago When I was doing Wait wait Don't tell me The guest was Michelle Rodriguez Who was apparently In the D&D movie And She was talking about And I was like Yeah I could get into this Like I don't think You need to Know how to play D&D To enjoy the film Daddies and diapers

Right Is that what that stands for

Yep it does If you got the diapers I've got the dragons That's what it is I'm not a creative person this is brett again uh but also it applies to me i'm not a creative person so i've spent another year soaking up our friends projects molly demonstrates how to whip up non-alcoholic cocktails at instagram.com slash molly makes drinks nice if you're looking for some na stuff uh neptune dan yes that one what neptune coffee dan i love that the the neptune dan is still in the um i mean i don't know if he's listening but i love that he's in the what what would you call it just the vicinity of the show guys universe yeah i still have that neptune mug from the old neptune coffee as do i it's one of the few things i i transported from bellingham all the way down to portland i have a neptune coffee mug and then you know crazily that whole building they were in evaporated because of a gas leak thankfully nobody was hurt but anyway our friend dan from neptune coffee founding uh neptune dan yes that one makes thick trading card art at instagram.com slash third dan art and just last month i married molly and dan Dan, to each other, not me, Brett writes. Although, you know what? That would also be fine. Sure. If you chose to, if Molly and Dan consented to you marrying both of them, we'd be fine with that, but that's not what happened. I think that Molly and Dan became married, and Brett did the ceremony. Amy's only request is, pretty please, can we have another song of the summer contest? It's a really good idea. Now that we're going independent, Andrew, I think we need to bring back things the listeners like. Before, we were like, eh, it's APM's dime, but now that it's our dime, I feel like we should start doing things that the listeners enjoy, like Song of the Summer.

Yeah, I mean, the thing is, it wasn't APM who said, hey, you should not play as much music on the show. It was just like, we like our shows to be on the platforms where people can find them, and playing music just gets us pulled from some of those platforms. So that's what the issue there is.

What if we sing the Songs of the Summer?

Now we're talking We gotta find creative solutions to these things

What if we sing it so well That we then get pulled from Spotify Then we've won

Is that Dua Lipa or is that Andrew Right exactly Boy I wish I could name a Dua Lipa song I can't either

I could dance to it If you put it up I could do whatever TikTok dance is associated With Dua Lipa and the baby Dance of the summer Brett we're not doing song of the summer But we are doing Dance of the Summer Yes, which will work well, I think For the audio format Absolutely Anyway, Brett, Amy, Rockwell, etc Thank you so much Dan from Neptune All of y'all, thank you for supporting the show We really appreciate it Maestro

On your mark Get set Now ready Everybody rattle

We've got to thank Kelly Hedgecock in Karnersville, North Carolina. The pronunciation guide for Kelly Hedgecock's name is Pronouncer. It is pronounced the way it is spelled. Does that look like Kelly Hedgecock? Yeah, Kelly

Hedgecock looks right to me. Karnersville, North Carolina. That, again, Karnersville, it seems evocative. It sounds like the name of a southern town. I like it. It's like, it seems down home.

But I feel like also kerning is something I think I learned from you. It doesn't have to do with fonts of some kind. It has to do with the spacing. Yes, it has to do with the spacing of fonts. And that's what they're famous for down there in Kersville, North Kakalaki. Indeed. Kelly says, hey, friendos, I just wanted to say that it's a joy having TBTL in my life. Thanks, Luke and Andrew and the team at APM. All right, don't. don't praise the machine no no no no what about those clowns in congress hey speaking of the machine we're gonna have beth perlman our direct supervisor on tomorrow and uh i have a plan for

that interview andrew for once i have a plan oh nice you want to talk about it later now okay yeah yeah but uh all fair i'll tell you about it okay is it to ask for a raise because that was my plan

Yes, I feel like, honestly, we have a ton of leverage at this point.

Yes, exactly.

We have as much leverage asking for a raise as they have asking me to do a cyber training on the way out. So I would say equal amount of leverage. But I actually do have a plan for that tomorrow. Kelly finishes up by saying thanks to the team at APM and the TENS community. Well, thank you, Kelly. We really appreciate you. Thanks for supporting the show. And we hope that you will be able to continue this fun thing going when we are, again, TBTL independent starting July 3rd. So please do stick around for that. Hello and welcome to Top Story. You know that I'm a fan of the Dateline NBC television program, which I don't feel great about. Because first of all A lot of it is based on Well all of it is based on sort of human misery You know something very bad happened to somebody Usually a loss of life And then Keith Morrison is standing in a field Somewhere going There's something about the skies of West Montana that could go All night And then it's like yeah but somebody's aunt got killed And we're all watching it for sport Which I don't I don't love that that I find it as entertaining as I do but i do watch it and i saw something uh the other night when i was watching my dateline nbc andrew that just absolutely blew my mind and it was uh the story i'm trying to i'm sort of stalling here because i'm trying to get to the link of course this is the one article that i didn't X.

actually print out and i'm on a different computer uh than the one that i sent you the show sheet from but basically it's the story of this guy who grew up in rhode island and uh and then eventually moved around he was in i think um ohio and then he was in utah for some time and unfortunately he's accused he is accused of very serious crimes against women you know you can kind of figure out probably what i'm alluding to there but what was shocking was he sent out or his organization so he had been in the foster care system in rhode island and his deal was he um had after he got done kind of traveling to these other places for college he ended up back in rhode island and his thing was talking about how he was mistreated in the foster care system which certainly happens a lot to a lot of youth and he became this advocate for himself and other you know people who were in the foster care system and he started going to the state house and he started like getting these tv appearances and he became just this like sort of known known person in uh in rhode island for this and then at some point announced that he had cancer now one of the things was he announced he had uh terminal lymphoma which you can have i mean there are certainly a there are terminal kinds of lymphoma but he had i think he said he had terminal non-hodgkin's lymphoma which is one of the most survivable cancers of all time i would have just googled a more terminal cancer if i were this guy but he announced he had terminal cancer and people were you know because they believed him they were rightfully uh worried and upset over that then his organization sent out a press release announcing he had passed away and the press release is quite something because it's just like it's basically like mother theresa's press release the number of things this guy or this his organization listed as far as his like attributes and his amazing qualities and how rad he was like if you read this this obit that he had forwarded to all these people you would be like is this person dead or are they looking to get some serious attaboys so then uh he's he now is officially or at least he's trying to be dead oh by the way this is a media story too because what they use on this dateline episode is a bunch of local radio like the kairos of the world reading the guy's obituary And I will leave the names out To protect the not so innocent But I absolutely It'd be like if Ed Troyer faked his own death Let me just put it that way Andrew Like these sort of like Very solemn And like people just like Reading this guy's like obituary Verbatim and Eulogizing him because he On paper and in a very broad

And obvious way represented this kind of Way of being in the world And he was also probably a regular On the shows that are now Exactly talking about foster care reform Like it was But just to hear these shows Obedding this guy without Any actual research Now listen when we were doing our Ross and Burbank shtick If somebody said I'll just keep using Ed Troyer for some reason If somebody said Ed Troyer died I wouldn't be like Well let me see the body let me put my hand in the wound Who was the Who was the guy was that Thomas Doubting Thomas I feel like that was Doubting Thomas yeah I wouldn't have gone so you know in defense Of these radio stations if somebody had Handed me a notice that said That somebody who we talked to a lot on that show Had passed away I would just assume that they actually Had passed away I guess Because you just one of the things about Like these kind of crazy lies is Most people believe them because who would Lie about that yeah it's kind of what it comes down to But anyway So he's now Supposedly dead and these various charges are starting to really mount on him again uh some of them financial crimes and some of them um you know assault charges involving sexual assault of women so like very serious stuff and they just think that like uh he's you know in the wind or well they think some people think he's dead and some people think he's just you know wherever and then a guy is admitted um to the hospital in uh in scotland because he has intense covid and they look on his arm and he has these extremely distinctive tattoos that are on interpol because everyone's looking for this guy his name is nicholas rossi by the way and what the guy is apparently in a coma and like very close to death from covid but he survives And when he comes to The police show up

And they're like, you're Nicholas Rossi, and you're wanted in the U.S. And he says, I'm not Nicholas Rossi. I'm Arthur Knight. I'm a British business person who is being mistaken for this guy from the U.S. who is wanted on all these crimes. Now, what is amazing about this is you look at this person, Andrew, and it is manifestly the guy from the U.S. but he has embarked on this now multi-year project of trying to say he's a different guy and his main move appears to be wearing an oxygen mask during interviews and court so as to not look like the guy that we all know he is is he doing the accent he's doing the accent poorly at one point i should have pulled the audio when he's talking to andrea canning on dateline and he is pretending to not be the guy he is he asks for his privacy this is a dude from rhode island i cannot stress this enough like and then his other thing is you know um because of covid he says that he can't you know he's sort of physically um unable to walk so one of his things is he's in a wheelchair or he's in a sort of a motorized wheelchair every time they're bringing him in and out of court he's in like a three-piece suit but with like a fedora and the fedora is like pulled over his face with his oxygen mask on as if he thinks that is legally significant like well if no one can see my face they won't know it's me and then he in the interview with uh with dateline he and i put attempts in air quotes he attempts to stand up and then Collapses in the least convincing Way so as to prove that he Can't stand up therefore is Definitely not the guy they're looking for from the U.S. It is an amazing Piece of terrible terrible

Theater man at what Point you just like I mean you got To give him no I shouldn't say that About somebody who's a terrible crime No you don't but like just Keeps just Like I'm not dead yet like It's just like by the time dateline is the flesh wound the time dateline's interviewing you i need some privacy from my flesh wound yeah

right right and he's doing the interviews that's what's wild like this is a guy john madden voice here's a guy who thinks that he can get on national television and wear his oxygen mask and do and ask for privacy and that will somehow help his case like it's amazing to watch a misjudgment this spectacular unfold in the public space the way it is but but what's the status now like he's he is in jail in scotland because they fingerprinted him and they're like you're the guy what are you talking about oh he's like i would like my my fingerprints would like privacy at this time they're like no it's a hundred percent you so he's fighting extradition this is actually a kind of an interesting uh side note to the case so scotland is one of the countries that has a lot of rules about extraditing prisoners or the accused to the U.S. based on things like HVAC. In other words, Scotland, I guess, thinks of itself, maybe rightfully or wrongfully, I don't know enough about how their system works, as a place that treats their incarcerated folks properly. And they have, again, I would say rightfully a lot of suspicion about how the u.s treats its incarcerated population but it comes down to things like the ventilation of the cell so they can't um not to be confused with um the book the ventilation of the self by salman rushdy um so there's like it's a question of when they might be able to extradite him back to the u.s based on what prison he would go to and if it meets with the scottish rules for

extradition and is this hvac thing also related to his his supposed condition or or just like just general okay and um let me ask you this so when you set this up at the top of the show i was um curious if this is something that like you just sort of stumbled on like because like dateline is one of those shows where there's they create a lot of them right and there's a backlog and you're not enough for me but yes a lot so i wasn't sure if this is something that like you just sort of stumbled on and it's blowing your gd mind or is this also just blowing the the

the population's gd mind like is this blowing the population's mind which is new for me because usually dateline is uh my dirty little secret you know what i mean like i watch it i feel bad about it it does not burble up to the wider consciousness a particular episode but this guy this guy asking for privacy and trying to stand up and then fall back in his chair so as to show his physical sort of degradation or whatever he's trying to allege. That is now on TikTok everywhere. And it's weird for me. It's almost like I was into a band and then they got really popular. Like it's it's happening like this is getting out into the wider consciousness. This guy, Nicholas Rossi, because of just how preposterous his attempt is to pretend he's not the guy we all know he is.

mm-hmm it's funny how this is um this is an aside obviously um but I I sort of had a little bit of that journey with Columbo like because I just grew up loving Columbo you know I dressed up like Columbo in grade school I think I've told you that story before you also yes and that wasn't

that like a a project that you had not prepped well yeah really done yeah the quick backstory

And that was, you know, and I've I really disliked school projects and I was always doing stuff at the last minute. And I don't know if half assed is the right term or not. But anyway, I would always just kind of like carry around the anxiety of these projects and then try to get it done at the last minute to varying degrees of success. And this one project was they gave us like three options. You could just like whatever book we were focusing on, you could read the book out loud on the cassette tapes and just like turn that in as part of the project. Just read the book out loud and record yourself doing it, which, you know, that appealed to me. So I remember I think I waited early podcasting. Yeah. And so and it was a mystery book. And I think that was my plan. I may be messing up some of the details here, but that's OK. Nobody would know this story other than me. So sue me, sue me for what? But and I think what happened was I waited until the Sunday night thinking like, oh, my God, that's all you have to do is read the book out loud. OK, I think I'll choose that choice. And then the Sunday night, I'm like, all right, I got a couple of hours here. Let's crack into this. And I think I'm like three pages in and I'm just like, oh, no, I should have started this weeks ago. This is impossible to get done before my bedtime or whatever. I was quite young and I somehow and this is the thing. I did have parents who would often help me and my sister with projects. My dad was, you know, pretty crafty guy. I remember him like kind of helping us draw like posters and stuff like that to varying degrees of maybe the parent doing too much. But I remember I think I had to go tail between my legs to my parents and say, OK, listen, I messed this thing up. I was here were my options for a project and I can't read this in time now. And they're like, well, another option is to do a presentation right on this mystery book. I'm like, yeah. And they're like, why don't you dress up like Columbo? And at that time I was very young I'd watched a few episodes but I don't think I knew who Columbo was as much until they dressed me up like him including by the way it was in the 80s so I also did get to smoke a fake cigar that I believe was made out of construction paper I mean I know smoking isn't a good thing to you know imitate in school but it's Columbo you can't do a Columbo without a cigar right?

The number of crimes that my dad has solved during our remodeling project is unbelievable.

Anyway, my apologies. This is going on way too long. My point is I just grew up really liking Columbo and having a connection to Columbo. And I dressed up like Columbo for Halloween back in 2009 or something like that. And I sort of feel like since then, I would even say in the past five years or maybe a little bit more than that, the culture sort of caught up with Columbo. And there's a lot more Columbo references and like kind of that way of it's like young people way younger than me getting way into Columbo. And now there, of course, there's that whole show with. Oh, I always mess up her name. I want to say Tanya and it's not Tanya. But there's the show about the woman who can tell if people are lying. But basically, she's just doing a Columbo imitation. Natasha. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, sure.

Natasha. And the show I'm blanking on the show. I've watched one or two episodes or like parts of it with V's. It's great. I love it. But I didn't realize you got to be kidding me.

That's my Natasha Lyonne impression.

Have you watched any of it? It's amazing. People are like, oh, it's just like Columbo.

I thought it was the first one. I didn't. I wasn't as the problem for me is maybe I don't know if the whole show takes place in Vegas, but the first episode did. And I was having trouble with the verisimilitude of the casino life they portrayed, which is the dumbest reason. Not like a show. It's just I get you know me I'm so hyper literal and I'm also looking For reasons to kind of be like That's not how they do it at the You know the frontier in Vegas So I watched the first episode I love Natasha Lyonne but it didn't quite grab me

I love Natasha Lyonne as well The one thing that sort of struck me I don't know why I'm being critical of a show That everybody really loves Except me and that's why we're friends But I Do like the show I thought, though, that it was just sort of like the spirit of Columbo, as in, you know, kind of a cozy kind of mystery where you can just dip in and dip out by episode. It's not a long narrative arc, just kind of a throwback to an older kind of television.

I didn't realize that she's actually kind of Doing a Columbo Impression that she has a little Yeah I mean at least the one I watch which I don't think Took place in Vegas the one that I'm thinking of right Now took place in LA I think because It was I feel like it was an LA museum I could be wrong about that But I feel like there was a lot of like kind of wardrobe Work or something so they're on set somewhere But like literally for like Smoking a stubby cigar at times or maybe A little cigarillo or something and actually Literally turning around and being like like wrapping up a conversation yeah like doing that thing so just one more thing it's that's actually natasha leone by the way yeah it's interesting like in a certain way it's almost like doing kind of like a cover song sort of like it's like sure it's different enough and it's like a little tribute but but it's laid on a little bit thicker than i expected yola tango doing a

cover of hooked on a feeling did they do that i don't know that no i was just thinking of things in the Natasha Lyonne world, and for some reason they came up with Yola Tango, and then things in the Columbo world, and they came up with Hooked on a Feeling.

I see. Honestly, I'm not trying to make you dissect this joke, but I don't get either one of those connections, though.

Yola Tango. They make no sense. Oh, okay.

You're not missing anything. Oh, okay, gotcha. I thought I was missing some references to, like, she had a connection to Yola Tango or something. Nothing further. Nothing else to hear here. It's just a bad try by me so anyway i'm gonna watch that show some more because i know a lot of people really love it and it did it wasn't like nice not lie to me but no it's like truth it's so annoying to people because this is a very i think popular show within our audience but i liked it i think i i had a different lies idea going into it i didn't realize that yeah because i only watched like the first

20 minutes i didn't realize that it's based on colombo poker face poker face poker face yeah

because there there is that and that's the other thing too about it that i it's almost like a um you know she's just a really good detective but it's all i feel like it's almost a superpower that she can always tell when people are lying and so it's like it hangs a lot on that it's not actually i don't think it's actually had otherworldly power but that's the premise oh poker face you can always tell when somebody is lying and it's unclear to me whether this is like some sort of divine right or some sort of you know divinely given talent like if it's supernatural but i assume a detective can just be yeah like if it's supernatural but like but why do you have to add a supernatural element as well like why can't it just be like i'm super I'm just super cunning and I can just sort of Tell when people are lying without having This sort of like almost magical realism Sense to it but again I don't Want to poop on it because I've only watched like one Episode and a half or something so I Generally like it I think I was just a little surprised

I just thought Her house was too nice for being a Waitress in Las Vegas yeah I Could imagine that again and this is this is where I get hung up on the dumbest thing like Suspend your disbelief bro But like those are the kind of things where i just feel like you haven't spent enough time in dingy las vegas casinos for for this to have the um the the the smell the sight the sound i don't know which one it is which sense i'm talking about but it's like the people write a lot of tv shows and they i feel do a limited amount of research on the lived experience of the people they're they're they're portraying there's only one area that i can actually really like give them notes on and it happens to be casino culture so i'm sure a million other things that i'm like oh have you seen this show it's amazing it's because it's a it's a world that i don't know anything about and they're also kind of botching it but i just don't know because it's not my thing but um anyway i do again see previous comments i sure do love natasha leone uh so me too maybe i'll give it another try um i also kind of weirdly loved jerry springer andrew now i know that he you know was sort of mostly known for being the host of the jerry springer show which was a real trashy program but i thought that the um jerry's uh what was it called like either springer's final thought or jerry's final thought there was this moment of reflection that they would do on springer that i thought was amazingly compelling like it was good television it showed who jerry springer really was by the i believe he was about 79 he passed away after a battle with cancer um the jerry's final thought or whatever they called that last little moment i just thought was brilliant television and i wondered if he had gone to bat for that hard like if he was like okay if i'm gonna be here ducking chairs that are being thrown across the stage as the former mayor of Cincinnati, Ohio. I at least need to have one moment at the end of the show where I look like I'm not just a complete moron. Like, I don't know how Springer's...

final thought came around but I just thought it was very good television actually yeah and like

you say it's just I think the world actually I'm going to maybe try to paraphrase something that I saw a friend of mine who lives in Cincinnati posted something on Instagram today that said you know the world saw one version of Jerry Springer but Cincinnati saw a different version of him and of course like and obviously I'm sure you'll play this tape I assume that's part of the plan here maybe maybe not as we as we say goodbye to a man who just died but of course he also had the scandal where he you know paid a prostitute with a check and he well the problem was he didn't

the check bounced oh he tried to try the prostitute was mad because the check bounced which i'm honestly that's the only one note i only have one note for jerry's life which is make sure the check if you're going to write a check to a sex worker make sure it clears i think was the mistake

But yes, we do have that tape. But I was just going to say, but he was known for that. He was known for the TV show, the really trashy TV show. Obviously, that's his biggest, his largest legacy. Right. That's what everybody knows. And then, of course, that scandal. But I do think he was really beloved in circles that knew him better, like as a as an intelligent man who often fought for the right causes as a politician.

exactly yeah he was an attorney i think in in cincinnati and then became part of the city council and i think that the way that the um the city the city council and the mayoral stuff works there at least used to is mayor the mayor is a rotating position i think on the city council so at some point while he was on the city council of cincinnati he was you know the the mayor like it rotated to him or something and he did have this one sort of issue where he you know he had used uh he had hired a sex worker and then again the check had bounced which was like jerry like i think he was a smart person that just feels like a tactical error but um anyway and that was uh that person then outed him and then he had to leave the uh he had to leave the uh the city council and all that politics stuff but yes this was famously because we use this clip from jerry springer all the time uh excuse me i'm turning my mic down not the drops this son i wish i hadn't done that we use that drop all the time i just thought we would give people the full thing which was him apologizing for his mistake i think while still a member of the city council of cincinnati

i'm jerry springer and i want to be your governor which makes what i'm about to tell you even more difficult some nine years ago i spent time with a woman i shouldn't have and i paid her with a

check i wish i hadn't done that that was i guess so i guess he was running for governor he was maybe not on the city council anymore but um it was interesting to why i read this in the new york post and boy andrew uh i would not recommend getting into the comments on the new york post ever at all it makes reddit look friendly like it was like this nice piece about jerry springer and then the first comment is like why'd you leave out the fact that he wrote a check to a prostitute and then somebody yelling at that person and that person clapping back at them it just descended quickly but i did think it was notable that the new york post obituary did not mention this part of jerry springer's life that is interesting you think it's just at least well

first of all it's the new york post it's not like they have there's like oh well we don't want to get we don't want to get in the mud like but any any newspaper you'd think at least like even if you don't want to like have that be the whole focus of the of the obit like there would always be a line you would think that said you know and and also went through his fair share of scandal as a politician or something and maybe hyperlinked to something like how is there not even a mention of that that is a big part of the legacy yeah let me ask you this you know i never really thought about this before but he says so nine years ago so um i always assumed that you know he was probably married at the time is there a chance that he even did this as a single man like as somebody like is in other words like question like did he and this is maybe how this maybe reflects how you and i see the sex workers and and whether or not that should be legal and and regulated or whatever but it's if it was nine years ago and he wasn't married and there isn't like kind of an infidelity thing which also sort of isn't our business but either way it's like nine years ago it was just maybe a time when just you know hiring and maybe we're still in that time like i don't know if you and i were running for office if we were running for governor of the state and even if we had hired a sex worker during a time that we were not we'd had no family obligations i guess that would probably hurt our bid i don't know why i'm why i think that's so weird well i'm with you though

in the sense that I don't think there's anything wrong with two consenting adults doing what they want to do. I think if... If you hire a sex worker and you're in what is, to the other person, a committed monogamous relationship, that's just, like, morally bad. Yeah, and dishonest. Dishonest and not cool, and I wouldn't want someone to do that to me, and I would not do that to somebody else. But if he's a single person and he is choosing to hire a sex worker, you're right. That, to me, is even less scandalous. you know again assuming that there was consent amongst you know both people and everything but i yeah i don't know what his status was my guess i don't know why i'm gonna why am i going out on this limb why is this my thing uh today i my guess would be he was in a relationship um just because of how heteronormative life works and if you're like a successful attorney in cincinnati of a certain age and you're a dude you probably have also acquired a wife at that point but i don't

know i don't know that for a fact at all i am doing something very irresponsible which is i'm trying to answer this question more than using the term acquired a wife i feel like that i thought that was gonna be the height of your responsibility on today's program it's well he just said in that tape that it happened nine years earlier right and i'm reading on the inquire the cincinnati inquirer here um i think this is an old article that is sort of reviewing the scandal saying that he had married a year before this announcement i think um so the announcement was he was running for governor which would mean that maybe he wasn't even married it was simply it was the very act of of hiring a prostitute i think but anyway i'm sort of i'm focusing too much on the wrong thing here i think i'm rabbit holing what was it i'm rat holing here you've rat holed me to within an

inch of my life don't rat hole me i was rat holed last night to within an inch of my life what is

that from again that is it's definitely um i don't think it's jerry blank it's definitely amy sedaris and she's saying that she said don't don't bully me i was cyber bullied last night within an inch of my life it could be from it could be from broad city i think she was on broad A couple of episodes of Broad City or something like that Yeah it might be that

The name Amy Sedaris Sends a shudder through me Because I did a thing The other night on stage When we were at OSU that I I wouldn't say I regret it but I'm I'm unsure if it was the right move So we were talking About booking guests The thing that we were doing at OSU Was kind of like Behind the scenes of making A public radio show And so our executive producer, Laura Haddon, was there It was me and Elena Passarello and Laura Haddon And we were talking about the booking process And other things, kind of, again, pulling the curtain back And somehow Bridget Everett came up Bridget Everett is the creator of this amazing show Called Somebody Somewhere on HBO That I'm, like, obsessed with Which just started its second season Did I bore you with this Somebody Somewhere stuff Back when the first season was out? I feel like I've seen that on a show sheet, but I'm sorry. I can't remember if you talked about it or not. What is the thumbnail of it? The thumbnail is, so Bridget Everett, in real life, Bridget Everett is a person who grew up in Kansas, I think, and kind of, by her own account, didn't really, like, fit into small-town Kansas life. Ended up in New York, and she does this cabaret show, which, to be honest with you, the description of it sounds terrible to me. like it's her being highly sexual and pouring champagne on a number of admiring gays like it's not uh it's not for me but this show somebody somewhere is sort of like the question of what if that person never left manhattan kansas so she plays this person i think i don't think they're in kansas but she's in some midwest place and it's kind of like her but if she never got to new york and it's so subtle and so well played and so human every just it's just such a great show it's her just kind of trying to navigate her life and her parents are dealing with what they're dealing with and her friends and she's trying to find a community there and she sort of has a dream but her dream is mostly stifled by her geography it is just such a good television show in my opinion so we're on stage we're talking about bridget everett and because i guess i'm trying to create some sort of Chekhov's text I'm like I think Laura was saying yeah we we can't get oh what it was was somebody asked who's your dream guest and Laura said Bridget Everett from somebody somewhere and I was like well you know I could text Amy Sedaris right now because I know they're friends and I could ask her if she can give us Bridget Everett's information and so on stage because I was trying to be Mr. Big Time I texted Amy Sedaris a thing I would you

I usually not do at this point, which is I would never text a famous person I kind of know to ask them to give me some other famous person's information. But I did it because, A, I thought it might work, and B, I was trying to be a big dog on stage. And, of course, it was like midnight in New York when I sent the text, which is also kind of irresponsible. And then I got a text the next morning from Amy Sedaris that was very nice, but that was very noncommittal. It was like, I'm seeing her tomorrow. I'll try to get the name of her agent. i know she's super busy right now that's that's i mean that's a nice um yeah it was a completely reasonable response from amy sedaris but it was like i i think i let the moment get on top of me of i would just if i weren't on stage that would not be how i would go about trying to get bridget everett's information i wouldn't use up my like five lifetime texts with amy sedaris i wouldn't use one of them on can you give me your uh other friends uh information she responded though i mean I thought she I mean extremely this is a Sedaris trait again it sounds like I'm trying to flex here but like my interactions with David Sedaris he was incredibly polite punctual sent sent me a postcard thanking me for the interview I think it's a that's right he would send those cards right yeah so um and yeah she always I've texted her about various Mandalorian or sorry Mandadorian Related things and she always Texts me back like I did get A pretty good line off On stage at OSU which was Somebody said on stage was Like you know it's like midnight there I was like Yeah but she's probably just petting her rabbit Tina and I said that's not a euphemism That's a real thing Because she does have a rabbit named Tina But saying it's midnight Amy Sedaris Is probably in New York petting her rabbit Tina Yeah working a little blue there You could take that a couple of different ways

There's a right way to rock In a wrong way to roll You can just listen to your soul Just remember that life is number one You can be having so much fun Just remember that life is much fun You can be number one

All right, Lukals, only have a few Blur's Days to share with you today. If you want to send in a Blur's Day to somebody, email me, andrew at tbtl.net, and put Blur's Day in the subject line. Susan, our pal Susan, says, I'm writing in to wish the happiest of Blur's Days to the amazing Ruby. This is, of course, Susan and Ruby, good friends, long-time friends of the show. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus, only better. Ha-ha. True. Your dad and I are so proud to be your folks, and we love you to the moon and back. Can't wait to reconvene the sisterhood of the Traveling Tonight Pants in June. Nice. Ryan would like to wish a happy Blur's Day to Erica. Ryan's note had a bunch of euphemisms for genitalia, so I'm not going to read it. Somebody's rabbit. so instead I am just saying Ryan would like to wish a happy blurs day to Erica and you can share your private message to Erica directly that is my compromise I want to see that message can you send it to me offline? I will and finally Kelly and Scout and Roscoe but I think Kelly wrote this says happy blurs day to my TBTL son Mario it's been more than a few years since we've been able to hang out and I miss him but I'm grateful for his decades long friendship. We survived Iron Chef drinking We survived Iron Chef drinking games in Somerville after Scorpion Bowls in Harvard Square. I used to get Scorpion Bowls in Harvard Square. Are you talking about Yeez? We used to go to a place called Yeez. Anyway

A Scorpion Bowl is one of those tiki drinks that's like a giant thing and then you get a straw. Is that a Scorpion Bowl?

You know, that's a really good point. I saw that. I pictured, and I don't know if I actually have had this particular drink, but But isn't a scorpion bowl the one that, yeah, it serves like two people and they might set it on fire? Is that a scorpion bowl?

I would believe that. I don't know a lot about tiki drinks. I just, the scorpion bowl, my memory of it is that it's a lot of booze and multiple people consume it.

Yeah, that sounds right. Yeah, I don't know if I've ever actually had a, I'm not a big sharer. Maybe I'd have a scorpion bowl myself. But anyway, yeah. You're not a sharer, you just hog a lot? That's right. But Tiki drinks in Somerville in Harvard Square. I can relate. Literally decades later, he's still one of the first people to check in on me or any of our friends if they're having a hard time. So happy Blur's Day to Mario from Cal.

Kelly, I believe Kelly's in Rhode Island, but is not on the lam. As far as we know. I think Rhode Island. Kelly's asked for her privacy at this point. That's right. I might have that wrong, but no. Yeah. Anyway, happy Blur's Day, everybody. Nice little shorty. I wish I hadn't done that. Indeed. All right. I think that's going to do it for today's program. If you are in the greater Oregon area or you just, you know, can catch a flight, come out to Beaverton, Oregon tonight, the research center. We're going to be doing LiveWire out there. That would be fun to see you. In the meantime, please have yourself an amazing Thursday. How are the Mariners doing, by the way? Oh, you know, I kind of stopped paying attention. I had to restart my computer, so I don't have that tab open anymore. How are they doing? Well, I hope they're – as long as they're not starting Colton Wong, they're going to be okay, in my opinion. Let me see here. Score. Still 1-0. Philadelphia Phillies are up. All right. If we've got to lose to a team, I'm happy it's the Phillies. I mean, I see. I mean, exactly. Like, I just, I can't. You see the fanatic out there, and you're just like, how can you? If we have to lose to a team, I'm glad it's the Flyers. I'm glad it's the team that birthed Gritty. A lot to like about Philadelphia. He's widdowy doing the Gritty. All right. Thanks, everybody. We'll see you tomorrow. In the meantime, have a great Thursday. Enjoy the weather. Go Phillies. And please remember, no mountain too tall. And good luck to us. Don't bully me, all right? I can't take it. I was cyberbullied within an inch of my life last night. Power out.