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Oh, look who decided to come in tardy. You know, don't think it's okay to just roll in here at 100 kilometers per hour like you're Joel Otto with the Calgary Flames, okay?

This Canadian rap, jump man, jump man, them boys up to something. Oh, oh, oh, I think I need some Robitussin. Do you believe that?

I do if you do.

But it's absurd. Get the, get out, are you going to get out there on, you're going to get out there? For what? Like just, yeah.

Actions speak louder than demonstrations. Let's get to some of the action right now.

Well, all right. Hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a special holiday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host.

I'm not even supposed to be here today.

If you looked at the calendar and said, oh, it's Memorial Day, but there's a new episode of TBTL, You knew this audio drop was going to be in play, my friend.

I'm not even supposed to be here today.

One of the differentiators, if you will, I'd say the killer app of TBTL is that unlike other podcasts, we put out five new editions per week, every week, all the time, including holidays. But we reserve the right to complain that we're doing a new show on the holiday. It's just a tradition around here. So here we are at episode 3,954 in a collector series, and right over there is my good friend, who I think is much less crabby about these things. I think he kind of takes a go-with-the-flow attitude about this one thing, which is holiday shows. He's my friend Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now. Good morning.

Good morning, Luke. What do we want to talk about here, carrots or a Zoom complaint? Carrots or a Zoom complaint?

I want to talk about holiday shows. I feel like you're much more sanguine about the whole thing. you know we're pre-recording this it's airing on memorial day and a lot of times i'll it'll be a friday i'll say hey should we double up and do a short show for monday and you're like well you know or we can do a show on monday whatever you you have a very easy uh relationship with these extra shows i feel like uh i am probably should receive some sort of medal of freedom for doing

this no a good thing to bring that up on memorial day um i uh just way to honor those who should be honored today i um well here's the deal and this is gonna sound pollyanna-ish but i mean this i like my job this job affords me a lot of glad to hear that it's fun the job affords me a lot of flexibility you know and of course you and i have been talking as we get ever closer just closer and closer like a month away now from um going independent there will a lot of my a lot of the free time i've enjoyed or some of the free time i've enjoyed will probably no longer be free time but it's still generally speaking a very fun job a very flexible job and so if we're going to do a holiday show like we used to put a lot of work into finding an old rerun and then recording a little bit of an intro and a little bit of an outro that ends up being 30 minutes or 40 minutes anyway and then you're playing content that people could have dialed up in the archives themselves like why not just we're hoping nobody noticed that we don't do that anymore because it's like why not get on the horn jabber blabber a little bit have some fun have a laugh clean up all the jabber blabber and then get on the weekend

you know I I agree with you the actual like talking to you doing the show I really enjoy it I think and this has been well established which I think because of my own life choices about overscheduling myself. And I'm a person who really does. I very much love the idea of like a day off, which side note, we're also having as this show is airing. So my whatever I'm trying to say here is falling apart rapidly. I guess I'm a you know me. It's like I when my life feels overscheduled and hard, I tell I soothe myself by saying yes, but there's going to be a couple of weeks.

during the summer games or the winter games where I'm just going to be lying on a beach in Aruba, which I've never done, actually, but, you know, theoretically. And I'm going to be so relaxed that all of the stress I feel at this moment in my life will dissipate, and I'll literally never be stressed again. I tend to think of that as far as holidays and things like that. And so I look very forward to them because I think they're going to provide me some sweet, sweet relief. And then they never do. And then it's just right back into the meat grinder. Yes, I do describe this work as a meat grinder. Wow, and you were offended by Jabber Blabber. Offended or eroused.

That's what we don't know. I will say that, so again, as you mentioned, we are recording this on Friday. I kind of just had the realization, literally like 10 minutes ago, I'm like, oh, my Monday is totally open. That's a fun feeling. Today's my Monday. Today's my Monday. Is that a show title? Maybe. I already wrote Holiday Blabber Jabber. OK. No, but I like today's my Monday better. But anyway, you know, like so that is that is nice. Like knowing that, like, oh, I don't have to really well probably have to post the show, but like I don't have to wake up anytime early, you know, just like spend a half hour with a cup of coffee in the morning posting the show. And then the rest of the day is mine. Like that. That is nice. But if you had said, hey, listen, Friday is kind of busy for me. Why don't we just dial up and do a quick show on Monday? That would have been fine, too. I also sort of forget about these Monday holidays until they're right upon me. Like, I think you had to remind me today or yesterday that today is a holiday or that Monday is a holiday.

Well, and I'm the one who doesn't observe Memorial Day properly just by saying I deserve to be buried in Arlington National Cemetery.

Because you worked on a podcast on a holiday.

Because I pre-recorded a half-hour edition of TBTL on a Friday. Well, thank you for your service. Thank you. I appreciate it.

I'm not even supposed to be here today. You don't want to hear about my carrots, though?

I do in a minute, but first I want to tell you about this, Andrew. Watch, this will be a three-hour show. No, I don't have anything on carrots. I've just been eating them a lot.

That's all.

Go ahead. Oh, really? That's it. You know, I was where we were filming in San Diego this week, or actually in a place called Julian, and the woman that we were interviewing, who is delightful, has a bunch of dogs. And she said two of them are basset hounds and two of them are blood hounds. Oh, wow. There's a lot of dogs that are bred to bay. You know what I mean? That's their general thing. And she was taking us out in this Mustang, the 67 Mustang, which had belonged to her father. And he had loved this car for years. And she starts the Mustang. And the dogs are going, ooh. They're in a totally different part of that. They're like locked away in the backyard. But they hear the Mustang start. And they start baying. She goes, hold on a second. So she goes, I got to go do my ritual. So she goes around to the backyard or whatever. And she came back and explained what she does when she leaves the house. She gives each one of them a kiss on the nose. No. And then gives them a carrot and then says, now you promised to be quiet. And then she came back. She did this. She started the Mustang. Not a peep. Wow. Not a peep from the dogs.

Dogs are so smart.

And I was like, also, by the way, that's really smart to give your dog carrots as a treat because those are healthy. Yeah.

Yeah, I didn't know how they reacted to a dog system.

Bacon, you know, braided, you know, pig foreskin or something. Happy Memorial Day. Like, a carrot's a very healthy treat for both human and animal. I didn't know it was healthy for dogs, but I'm glad to hear it. So, hey, Andrew, I'm going to give you your carrot. Okay, thank you. And a little kiss on the nose. Oh, thank you. Now, you promise to be quiet while I'm telling my story. Yes, go ahead. Tell your story. No. If I'm seeming all riled up. That was a pretty good, like, bay. You didn't give me a good enough carrot. If I sound a little worked up today as you're hearing this, it's because in the real time stream of life, Andrew, I'm actually feeling an unusual amount of anxiety about the Memorial Day weekend and what I am attempting to do. Okay, I have, as listeners are probably aware, a storage unit in Bellingham. that still has a bunch of my stuff in it from like three years ago when I was living up there. And I also have a boat that's up there that my neighbor Rich was nice enough to, for a certain cost, get towable on the trailer. And the Memorial Day weekend, so this has already occurred now as people are hearing the show, but as I'm talking to you, I haven't done it yet. The plan is for me to fly up to Bellingham, rent a U-Haul. I've already actually rented that Like a box truck Fill it with my stuff from the storage unit Take the box truck to the boat yard Oh god Hook the boat up to the box truck And And And make my way down Interstate 5 and drop the boat and the stuff in the truck off at the house that I'm working on.

That's what we should have done for the TBTL-a-thon because that sounds terrifying to me.

Here's how that came about. My plan was to do this over the course of two weekends, weekend numero uno, go up there, rent a pickup truck with a trailer hitch on it, and tow the boat down. That I've done before. You were with me when I once taco'd a planter at my old house. Yes. But I know I mean, I'm relatively come taco planter taco wing aside. I'm pretty comfortable towing a boat with from like a truck where I can look back at the boat. Right. That's something I feel OK about. I feel OK about driving a U-Haul truck. I it never occurred to me that the box truck might also be the thing towing the boat. They do not rent those pickup trucks one way. They will not rent you that pickup truck in Bellingham and allow you to drop it off in, like, say, Portland.

Now you're saying pickup truck, but you mean the big— Well, this is the thing. Oh, okay, go ahead.

I started, so my first plan, rent a pickup—this weekend, Memorial Day weekend, the weekend when I finally get my due as an American hero, I was going to rent a pickup truck, tow the boat down, drop the pickup truck off in Portland. I see. Following weekend, fly back to Bellingham, rent the U-Haul truck, fill it with the stuff, drive it down to the house that's getting remodeled.

That's what I was going to suggest when you were talking about doing—

Well, that was the plan, but you cannot rent. Nobody will rent you a pickup truck like U-Haul won't. Penske won't. Budget won't. They won't rent you that pickup truck one way. They won't let you take the – because those things just must be in high demand. They must be very popular for hauling stuff to the dump or whatever. The box trucks, I mean, they're easy. They're lax in the slacks, my friend. Loose in the caboose. Of course, because those are for long – They're designed for going from one place to another. That's the system. That does not apply to the pickup trucks, it would appear, because they're just all unavailable for any, you know, you just can't take those across state lines, at least according to the places that I was trying out. What I can do, though, it turns out, is rent the full-on deal, the truck with the, like, you know, door in the back, whatever you want to call that, that goes up, the roller thing. Put my stuff in there Lash it all down Drive that thing to a boat yard Hook the boat up to it And then proceed to make my way through Memorial Day weekend traffic down Famously chill Interstate 5 Right I'm already looking forward to you So that's why I'm agitated Andrew I'll tell you on Tuesday's show How that went

I hope you like the view of the EQC casino sign It's actually good for me

To have this boat in tow Because it means I don't think I can get to EQC Like it's a real governor On the situation Like there's a lot Let's be honest For me There's a lot of temptation Along Interstate 5 As I make my way down There's so many things I'd love to There's so many places Like the Poodle Dog Cafe In Fife EQC Crab Rangoon And things of that nature There's so many things I would love to just Dip off of I-5 And go maybe make A little trouble with I ain't gonna be doing it in a u-haul towing a boat i am just in fact i was going to i thought if the trip is too arduous i can stop at a fleabag motel and like park everything but i'll be afraid someone steals

the motor off of the boat oh yeah also and you just need to make sure that you don't put yourself in any situations in which you need to back up like just everything has to be as long as everything is forward forward forward always forward ever forward ever forward now let me ask you this You get to the U-Haul place They give you one of those box trucks If you don't like The view of the Vista that's painted on the side of the box Are you going to ask them for A better view? Absolutely I don't know if I want to be driving the thing That shows the vistas of Utah Utah I would take There must be a website dedicated to

The problem is I really want to make a joke but i don't want to pick a state where we have listeners and i believe we have listeners in every state i know you know i mean that's the thing and then i wanted to make a joke about because sometimes you know they'll go into u.s territories they'll be like you know there'll be one that's got like tonga on it but then i didn't want to i didn't want to offend our tongan listeners i realized there was no example i could use of the truck i didn't want to get because that would be mean to the people that live wherever that truck is i wonder if these change up a lot because i'm

looking at a new mexico one now um that has an alien on it luke leaning yeah i've seen that oh too yeah you wouldn't like that that's too new school i wanted to be the large array that our

friend um april works at summer works at where i get oh oh yeah right i know it was a season right right um so our friend fall works i uh autumn Hmm.

But we do have listeners named Autumn, right? Anyway, yeah, I do. How is there not a website dedicated? How are there not a whole bunch of U-Haul art enthusiasts who have an online presence where you can flip through all of the— That seems like a thing people would get into. Yeah, they would collect the trucks or something.

Right, you've got to see them all. So I had to call the U-Haul place and find out if I could actually tow a boat. And they said, yeah, absolutely, it's easy. And I was like, well, you might want to put that on the website somewhere. Because I have no – everything on the website related to towing is about basically towing your other vehicle behind the U-Haul, you know? Well, your boat is your other vehicle. Exactly. My other car is a broom. Remember those? Yeah. Like, real witchy – Oh, they're still out there. Those were a lot of real witchy bumper stickers when I was growing up in Seattle. A lot of real pagan, you know, the goddess is – what is it? The goddess is alive and magic is afoot or something.

Oh, I don't know that one particularly. I know exactly what you're talking about And it's still there, you get behind a Wiccan car At some point and it's got that kind of Wiccan font on something It might also be just like Also like well behaved women rarely make history Kind of stuff on there as well I like that

There's a car that I jog by Often in a neighborhood Far far away, no like two neighborhoods over And it says A woman's place is on top of a horse And then it's got a cartoon of a horse Like this person is clearly an equestrian fan i don't know why i can't decide how i feel about that bumper sticker and then i'll see it so i on easters i had to go to the store to get some last minute flour for becca she was making something at her brother's house uh where we were celebrating easter and um i went i made an emergency run to the whole foods and i saw the a woman's place is atop a horse car in the and i was like it was like i saw a celebrity because it wasn't it wasn't on the street it's normally parked and it was in like a different context i was just like oh my god are they they must am i in the same whole foods as the person whose bumper sticker says a woman's place and then you're going around looking wow

u-haul is the place to go it's actually u-haul's website that has a whole uh page dedicated to what they call their super graphics and i will say super grab yeah and they got a little it's got information about each one they seem to be in a venture across america phase i feel like that branding maybe has changed somewhat it's almost like postcards on the side of it instead of big vistas and then like something highlighting uh a little known tourism related fact or something about the state they're talking about there is a um little red van like one of those really cute vw buses from the 60s that is always parked in the same place on fifth avenue here in seattle in north seattle and um i used to pass it all the time when i was driving to the gym from my Old location here in the city And I still see it every now and then It's still kind of in our universe And I swear I saw that thing driving down our street The other day it might have been another one It's in mint condition It's beautiful so I don't know if there's two of these driving around And I had the same Genevieve I think I yelled Genevieve it's the one from Fifth Ave I don't know even if I was right about that I hope I was because the person might have heard me I'm assuming their windows were down

I know When this all comes to an end for me when my media jobs no hopefully not life but my you know i find i see myself living in a v-dub van at some point and not in a kind of a van life way not in like it's um supplemental to my regular life but it is my real life that's that's how i that's how i see that's how i see

my golden years you see yourself broke as a joke or you see yourself broke as a joke i had enough

money i had ten thousand dollars left to get a v-dub van but now it doesn't run anymore because Those things are notoriously finicky.

I mean, yeah, if you're really talking about surviving, you're like, oh, okay, no. I know it's not the right van for it, but, Andrew, have you met me? Yeah, right.

It's adorable. I love those. In fact, I've got a guy texting me occasionally about a V-Dub van that I saw in Seattle and have no intention of buying. I was leaving the cash machine at the Chase Bank not far from where y'all live over by Northgate. Oh, yeah. And a guy had an amazing V-Dub van, and I just complimented. I said, that is such a cool van. And he was like getting out of the van and he goes, oh, it's for sale. And instead of just being like, well, good luck with that. I said, oh, really, how much? And then he quoted me a number and then he gave me a tour of the whole thing. And then I gave him my number. And now he texts me about every six weeks going, hey, it's so-and-so from the van. Still interested?

Wow. So he still hasn't moved it. Do you mind if I ask what the price was on that thing?

Wait, I think it was like $20,000.

Yeah. Wow. Do you know that that's all like really like when I was, I was kind of late to get my driver's license. It wasn't a huge priority for me because all of my friends and you won't be surprised to hear that as the main person in my life now who drives my ass all over the place.

But I will. No, I don't. But also, that's really interesting because you also don't like driving now.

I mean, I don't mean that I wouldn't say I don't like driving. I would just say that, like, it's. not i you know when but actually when i was younger i think i did i did buy more into that idea i mean all i wanted as a young man was to like have an excuse to literally drive across the country i don't know if you know that but like and i even had a professor who was looking for somebody to like drive her car across the country for her daughter in college or something i can't remember the details of that and i was like locked in and ready to do that and then it fell through for some reason to the relief of my parents but no i loved the idea of road trips in the open road and all of that stuff, and I definitely was into hippie culture and all I wanted when I was, I guess I got my license maybe when I was 17, so not all that long after. But I was just like, I remember my dad, he was game enough to take me to see some vans. I don't think I ever even got to look at an actual VW bus, but they have those Vanigans. Do you know those? And I remember looking at a Vanigan, and we kind of came close on that one, but my dad just, and everybody kept saying, it's so expensive to get these things repaired. like it's going to not be a dependable thing so i ended up with a 1986 dodge caravan well it was a van i don't tell you what like obviously like that's almost like a joke there like to go from something that is so iconic and representing a certain kind of lifestyle to something that represents a completely different kind of lifestyle in the early 90s which is like basically i'm taking my kids to soccer practice um but i'm actually kind of glad things worked out like that actually i'm almost kind of realizing this right now that that almost fits my personality better like just like whatever like this dorky wood paneled uh uh dodge caravan that me and my friends would drive around and smoke weed in don't tell my folks um and just like you know and then to end up using the the couch from the middle of it as my couch in my apartment like kind of like janky and just like drive it into the ground i think i i think that thing i don't even think we were able i think like many of my cars i drove it until it would not drive

anymore i this is the difference in our in how we have sort of moved through the world and this by the way does not reflect well on me i would be the person who would buy the v-dub van that was like super kind of cute and would be getting a lot of looks the three days a year that it operates yeah right and you would be driving the like sensible minivan that actually is like like totally works and is functional and is doing all the things the V-Dub van wishes it was doing. But it's just looking a little more workman-like as it does it. A little bit more.

Yeah, again, light blue Dodge Caravan 86, that fake wood paneling on the side of it. We'd burn incense in there. Just like it was a real experience, Luke. I don't know if you would have been my friend.

We were watching. The incense thing would have been difficult for me. We were watching on the plane, Just because it was like one of the things Alaska Airlines was Like it's in the free movies and TV section Napoleon Dynamite On the flight home And you know I don't know the last time you saw that movie But the van that John Grace's character It's also really funny to see Uncle Rico Because he's now become this big thing With the White Lotus Yeah I didn't know that until you told me that He's so young as Uncle Rico But that van that he's living in which is kind of played sort of as a joke a little bit i guess it's a 1976 or 1975 dodge b200 that's what the internet is telling me like i just saw that van with fresh eyes like two nights ago two days ago it's so great like you see it in the movie and you're like oh how silly he lives in this silly van this is like this is uncle rico's silliness now i'm like i would trade

everything i have for that van yeah and it is played as i because i think i saw that movie when it came out, you know, maybe

for home release. It's played as quirky. If you Google Uncle Rico's van, it's like it's a particular color of orange. But what you realize is it's really cherry. I mean, the one in the movie is... I'm looking at the... I'm trying to read the insignia on the side of it, but yeah,

it's a... Oh, I see. Yeah, I see. It is a beautiful

van, actually. I see.

Yes. Yeah, when that movie was made, this would have been looked at as a kind of hokey hold over from another era but yeah if you saw this today you'd be like oh my god tell me about the people

i can imagine i would ask how much it was and then i would receive text messages from the person for the next six months this van would have its own instagram account oh it sure would it sure would okay uh let's take a break and then we come back speaking of relics from a bygone era andrew i went on a little bit of a journey with some audio tape i think we've played on this show not that long ago but i've learned a little more on the full story coming up in a moment

on this hero edition of tbtl on your mark on your mark get set get set now ready ready go

hey let's thank some dazzling don't andrew we're not the only heroes on this monday we've got some some dazzling donors who are heroically donating money every month to the show it's the way we can keep doing it we want to thank our friend Tracy Phillips of Des Moines Washington Tracy says I think I saw a picture online of Tracy at Magpie Mouse Studio oh visiting oh nice I might have seen that

on the gram or something oh nice I see that it says pronouncer Tray So Tracy might go by Trey as a nickname. That's cool.

Oh, I see. I thought it was just specifying it's not Trossy. It might be. I'm kidding. I'm actually not kidding. I was like, I didn't even occur to me that folks might call Tracy Trey. I just thought it was explaining where the emphasis was with the pronunciation, which made no sense. No one would think it was Trossy.

I just want to once again thank our dazzling donor, Trossy Phillips, for supporting the show today.

Trossy says TBTL in the community. It is so special. I got very sick, not to be dramatic, but it truly was live or die. I actually talked to Tracy about this, yeah, at the beginning of the year, and all of my 10 friends were there sending me get-well wishes, offers to walk, and all kinds of good things, and I'm so thankful. You guys also responded to my emails with very kind words. My ask this year is for you to plug Must Love Boxer Rescue. I have adopted four dogs over the years, and the work they do is so important. As all rescues, they operate on donation. So to keep them helping dogs, consider throwing a buck or two their way if you are so inclined. Again, the organization is Must Love Boxer Rescue. And as a one-time owner of a boxer, Andrew, this name makes sense. If you're going to rescue a boxer, you should love boxers because they definitely can be, depending on their age, quite energetic.

I find buck – never mind. Never mind. And I was going to make a bad joke that was like a callback to a lame conversation that I had with you like three weeks ago. Never mind. Let's just move on. Off air. We'll save it for off air. Sure.

Thanks for making my days. Don't, Andrew, don't. Not on this day. Not on this day.

I'm finally being honored for my military service. Don't you go dark on me. I was going to say, I find boxers to be pugilistic. Because didn't you teach me on the show that pugilistic is directly related to you?

You said pugilistic, and I think we just clarified. The internet told us what it meant or something.

But that it's directly related to the sport of boxing, right? Yes, yeah, pugilism. It doesn't mean just fighty.

That's right. I think, yeah, pugilism being one way they describe, or pugilist being a way they describe, you know, boxers. All right. Thanks for making my days bore free. I work from home these days, and it's so nice to have you filling my ears when I'm not on a team's call. By the way, fun facts and pop culture stories. Oh, these are the things that Tracy, I'm sorry, Trossie appreciates us filling her ears with when she's not doing teams. love to you all tracy ps both my dogs are crazy but lovable i don't know if good describes them uh pps luke sonics forever nice tracy i couldn't agree more sonics forever um thank you tracy we really appreciate you thanks for supporting the program for all these years and we're so glad

that you're on the mend maestro on your mark on your mark get set get set now ready ready go Everybody rattles down

It's our friend Mike Farnan in West Hollywood, California. Is this Hollywood, Mike? Hollywood, Mike. Although the pronunciation here, boy, this is a couple of, this is a real turducken of TBTL inside humor.

Oh, the pronouncer.

I'm just looking at it now, yeah. The pronouncer of Mike's name is Donbass Cooperstown.

That would be a great name. That is a great name. If you get both of those references without... Donbass Cooperston. That, first of all, I can't believe those two things work so well together as a name. But yeah, both of those are pretty deep cuts going back quite some time now.

I believe when I was broadcasting from the small maritime village of Port Townsend, Washington, somebody didn't like how I had parked my 4Runner and had put a note that said something like, nice parking, Donbass. But the way they had they had misspelled dumbass, it looked like Donbass, I think, which, of course, not to be confused with the Donbass part of Ukraine, which I have to be honest with you. And obviously, it's a very important topic. But every time they talk about the Donbass, my mind is rocketed back to somebody calling me a Donbass.

You get irrationally angry.

Well, I get I get I get the right amount of anger about Russia invading a sovereign country. But it does. It shouldn't relate as much to my I shouldn't center myself in the story as much as I do.

And then Cooperstown, Andrew, is that was I this was not when you took your cross-country road trip. I think this goes earlier. I think I just was referring to Cooperstown, you know, home of the Baseball Hall of Fame. And for some reason.

And it came out of my mouth as Cooperstown. And it was so embarrassing. And, of course, our dearly departed friend Mike Frizzell was all over that. And I don't think he ever let me forget it. And so now whenever I hear Cooperstown, like, sometimes I have to remind myself what is the proper way to pronounce Cooperstown. And so we always call Cooperstown Cooperstown now.

I think it might have actually caused me because, yeah, I was in, like, the upstate New York area and was driving back across the country because I didn't realize you were allowed to board a plane without your government ID at the time. And I think I might have swung through Cooperstown just because of the joke, just because it had become such a funny thing.

You never went to the Baseball Hall of Fame, though, did you? I didn't, though. I did not. I don't know if I would find that interesting or not. Like, my appreciation of baseball is so myopically focused on, like, the era that I've watched of one specific team out here at the edge of America. Like, I don't know that I would appreciate the the history of baseball as much as somebody like Mike would. Because Mike is a big Dodgers fan, by the way.

OK, well, here's what Mike has to say. Hi, bozos. I didn't submit a dazzling donor message last year because I couldn't think of anything clever to say. Well, a lot of pressure on this, Mike. Yeah, that's what you've I'm waiting. You're what you're implying is that you did think of something very clever to say this year. But I'm happy to report that this year. I also can't think of anything clever to say But my procrastination Does allow my congratulations For going independent There you go Thanks Mike I look forward to supporting you Though I will miss my daily dose Of multiple Carvana as well Mike Dare to dream This is the show for you I don't know if they're still doing it But Five weeks left Or whatever it is

Carvana Friday's show Starts with two Carvana ads As I heard it

But sincerely Clearly, thank you for the show, which keeps me company on my daily walks around Hollywood. And thanks for the Walsh Helms scream. Well, thank you, Mike. You're the person who's caused it to be the audio sensation of many of the programs we see on basic cable now, which will find its way into more TV shows soon. And shout out to fellow Dodger 10s Amy and Stephen and fellow Insomniac 10. Ashley, keep up the baseball, poker, and audio adapter talk. Well, I am certainly able to keep up one part of that triumvirate, the audio adapter talk.

I was going to say, you stay on your turf. You're on the poker shift. For the record, I did not know that Mike was going to be bringing up baseball and the Dodgers in this Dazzling Donor message. But, man, I am good, let's just put it that way, at integrating these messages into our free flow of conversation.

Absolutely. It's not a story about the Dodgers. It's a story about humanity. That's what I say. You know what? Was that cringy when I said that the other day? No, I loved it because I'm always trying to – I just want to talk about sports all the time. And I have said this – I've said something similar to that, which is like I know this is a sports story, but it's relatable. It's my way of trying to shoehorn something in that I want to talk about and somehow telling myself it's more broadly appealing or something. No, I loved that. And I like it now because I feel like I can use it as a way to get into various topics that I also want to discuss. So I think it's actually doing some heavy lifting on the show that we needed

While we're here, I know it's inappropriate But while we're here, can I just ask you Did you, by any chance, follow the follow-up of that story I told you on the show last week about a pitcher Who I later learned suffers from a lot of anxiety Hits one of our players to the point where that player has to leave the game And miss the next game But they faced each other again a couple of games ago And do you know what happened?

I believe that was the game Ty France hit a home run He hit two home runs, right?

Trevor May but the first time that he Faced Trevor May again this sort of struggling Pitcher this time and Trevor May felt So bad for hitting and Injuring our guy and But then the next time they face each other he just Hit it out of the park not out of the park Do we think Trevor May grooved it I As an apology It went I don't think any I don't think I think he has too much self Respect to do that but it went

Slash also wants to keep his job Yeah exactly yeah right but But, no, I was – when that happened, Ty France got hurt, and you told me that whole story. I was still down in California, and then the next day, the next game – so I'm like, oh, my God, you know, Tyler France got hit on the – also, Tyler France hadn't been hitting super well. He gets hit on the hand or wrist, and I'm like, well, that's a lost cause. And then I'm on the airplane. I'm sitting by Kathy. Remember Kathy with all the food and the snacks? And I had Wi-Fi, so I turned on old Sirius Satellite radio. And it's like Ty France has been all of the Mariners' offense today. And I was like, okay, first of all, news to me that Ty France is playing in the next game. You know, hit by pitch in wrist usually sounds like that's going to be a long time. Not only did he play, he hit two home runs. So he had already hit both home runs. And then... I was looking at the box score, and I just saw Trevor May's name, and I was like, so he's also still playing. Yep. Everyone's still playing the next day, which was a really good outcome. Well, it wasn't the next day.

It was two days later, but yeah.

Well, okay, shortly thereafter, I was happy to see that they were both playing, happy to see Ty was hitting home runs. But now I'm invested in Trevor May. Like, I really want it to go okay for Trevor May as well, as long as he's not facing the Mariners.

Yep, me too.

Hello and welcome to Top Story. so earlier a few days ago i saw on tiktok cbs news the network where i sometimes am even allowed to put television stories on tv and it said 11 years ago today the greatest sports quote ever occurred and it was of course so i put it on the show sheet because i was like oh this is fun for us will celebrate the 11-year anniversary of pete weber screaming who do you think you are i am and because of how the internet works andrew uh it was wildly wrong that this that a few days ago could have been the 11th anniversary why because this particular pba us open was played in february we were nowhere near no february 26th we were nowhere near the anniversary of that and this happens far too frequently to me when putting this show together i'll see something and i'll either think it's a brand new story and it's actually been around for eight years and the internet just like resurfaced it for some reason or i guess i'm just i mean i guess maybe the day that cbs sports put this on tiktok maybe it was february 26th but it ain't february 26th anymore so i i've been burned enough that i was like let me double check when that was and so i found an article and of course as i've already said talked about the fact that it was in february so now we're not on the anniversary now there's no reason to talk about this story except this fox news article that i found about it added a little context okay and that was the part that i found kind of interesting okay so pete weber is bowling in the 2012 pba us open i'm going to give you the full this is only a few seconds longer but this is basically the setup of if he rolls a strike here he wins this whole championship excuse me sorry here's the long tape strike to claim it okay so first of all swear word he just screamed a swear on bowling television which isn't in the who do you think you are i am he just yelled i did it another something i think he's yelling just angry gibberish that's again none of it's part of the who do you think you are i am it's just the lead up but it's pretty

aggressive so one thing was there was way more he said way more crazy stuff in the run-up to it i mean additional stuff that we never talk about but then they were interviewing him years later about what was happening and here's the article from fox news pete weber was not trying to go viral when he won the 2012 pba us open all he wanted to do was show up a 12 year old who had been jeering against him quote a little too loudly for his liking oh wow when he put up a strike on his final shot he meant to tell the fan quote who do you think you are fucking with me in my house this is my tournament that's what pete weber was trying to say later on later on he cleared up he said well i wanted to clear it up to fox news this is a quote from him he was trying to say who do you think you are fucking with me in my house this is my tournament that was plan a and he messed up and went with plan b did anybody interview the kid no this is the first anyone has even brought up the kid uh he he ended up with the greatest slip-up of all time it became the most infamous celebratory quote in sports history who do you think you are i am a weber needed a strike to win that tournament almost 11 years ago uh february 26th will be a blah blah he got a spare on the 10th frame which gave him one more shot however when the fan heckled him That was when the adrenaline started kicking in, and he admitted he, quote, kind of went off a little bit. So here's more from Pete Weber on this moment. Quote, so I made the spare, and I looked at him, and I said a few words. At the end, after I struck the win, I wanted to look at him and say, who do you think you are fucking with me in my house? This is my tournament, Weber said in a recent interview with Fox News Digital. That's what I actually wanted to say, but it came out, who do you think you are? I am. It was just one of those things that adrenaline, I was thinking about it, but the adrenaline took over and I just blurted out words and it became a famous quote. Let me also point out, he had already argued with the kid. After the spare, he had been yelling at the kid. He says, yeah, let's see. So I made the spare and I looked at him and I said a few words. now remember it's a strike that wins it for pete weber this is not even the first time he's yelling at a child in this bowling alley i want footage of the kid i want to know what he said i want to we need an oral history from the kid's perspective how is that and are you the let me tell you something if pete weber is yelling at my kid in a bowling alley i am knocking him out of his

his oakley gargoyles that he's wearing you'd headbutt those right off his head i mean where

were the parents what did the kids say is there something a 12 year old kid can say to pete webber

that warrants that sort of behavior that is bizarre i do i want to know more about the kid i just want to know what the kid was saying or doing like did the kid have a real interest in this match or was he just randomly picking on a bowler exactly there was this kid like there was

There used to famously be an attorney in D.C. I believe his name was Robin Thickey, not to be confused with Robin Thicke. And he was known as like the most famous heckler in basketball. He would go to the at the time they were called the Washington Bullets. He he had season tickets. He would always sit right behind the opposing bench and he would heckle the living Tweedle out of the other teams. was this kid just a kid who really hated pete weber and was trying to like heckle him was the kid just heckling everyone was he just did he have like a whoopee cushion and was making a fart noise as each bowler tried to roll the ball like what was going on that this made pete weber this angry there's so much more that i want to know about the story but i'm also shocked to know that what pete weber was hoping to do was arguably much worse than what he actually did yes and again Again, this just seems like a very under-discussed element of what is a very over-discussed moment in sports history, which, coming next February 26th, will reach its 12th year anniversary.

Oh, well, I'd mark it on the calendar.

Lounge chair Larry. I'm just thinking of that. And Pete Weber on the 12th. And who do you think you are? I am day. Those are now – those and Memorial Day are the three high holidays of TBTL now going forward, Andrew.

Yes. Okay, good. Well, I look forward to celebrating them. Do you remember – and I know we've got to get out of here because you're not even supposed to be here today. Thank you.

Have I played a sound effect to that effect?

What is – if I don't – if you don't know what I'm talking about, this is going to be a goddamn disaster. But isn't there like – it's not Harry. That's too crude. But I'm going to say Harry. And what I'm about to say is going to sound very crude. Cup your hands over the children's ears. I mean I've already said the F word about four times this episode. This is worse. but wasn't wasn't there literally a guy named something balls it's not hairy balls but it's something balls and there's something that is celebrated online called like something balls day because it is the day that this fella just some random fella whose last name is balls i can't think of his first name it's harry balls day is it harry are you looking it up i don't think it's harry i think that's too on the nose um but basically when twitter was brand new or brand new to him or something some colleagues said you should check it out he i think he thought he was doing a search on his own name but he only just tweeted out his name harry balls or what is it

do you have it no i'm i'm there it turns out the internet's got a lot of uh jokes um adjacent to

this topic ed balls here it is ed balls yes in fact this is from the from the gray lady herself writing in April of 2021, Ed Balls Day turns 10. How is this still funny? Because yeah, and I think this story is Ed Balls somebody said, hey, you should try Twitter and so on April 28th, 2011, somebody by the name of Ed Balls using an avatar of himself as a child just tweeted out the words Ed Balls and the internet loved it.

So the four holidays Lounge Chair Larry, I think I said it wrong earlier said lounge chair. Lounge chair, Larry. Oh, yeah. Um... Who do you think you are? I am day. Yes. Ed Balls day.

This guy ran with Thaddeus Finks. He was one of the eight balls in Mookie Kramer in the eight ball.

And Memorial Day. A.K.A. Luke is our hero. A.K.A. Thank you, Luke Day. Those are the big. Hug your Luke Day. Hug your Lukes. Okay, everybody, hug your Lukes. All right. That's going to do it for this special. Look, 44 minutes, 45 minutes. Depending on how long the outro music goes That's deece It's longer than the slowdown What do you think the chances are

Now I'm taking shots at 8pm shows Where do you think How many Carvana ads are they playing on the slowdown What do you think the chances are

That for tomorrow's show, Tuesday I have good news about towing a boat In a giant SUV

That is a good point You have set us up for A good check in tomorrow To find out what in the world

Because I'm in the weird position of being nervous right along with the listeners because I don't, again, in the normal timeline of life, I don't actually know how this is going to go.

And you're not going with anybody, huh? You don't have, like, a buddy? You don't have, like, a friend who lives in Seattle who would go with you?

I don't have many friends, Andrew.

I can't.

I did ask my brother Sam to help me, but he was like, no, we're out of town. But he's like, but if you can do it next week, I'll help you because they live in Bellingham.

Oh, right, because I was going to say, because, yeah, you don't want to fly two people. I mean, like it's expensive. But if you had somebody in Bellingham, of course, then I guess you'd have to get home. That's a bummer, though. Yeah, this would definitely be better if there was somebody in that truck with you. I'm sorry. I can't help.

That's OK. Oh, no, that I appreciate it. I wouldn't ask that of you. That's the thing. I'm very because I don't like to help people. I'm very I'm very careful about asking people to help me.

I will be fun. Like, I mean, if you had if you had thought of it this way and I know that, like, you're trying to get a lot of stuff done or whatever. But like, if you had if you had reached out to me or maybe even like Camaro Kev, who you don't seem like hey we're gonna go on this little adventure you know i'll buy your dinners and your drinks and like well we'll maybe have one night uh somewhere along the road where we'll stop at eqc or something like that you could have could have made it a thing yeah that's right you know

what i could have and i should have but i haven't and so i shan't and we're just gonna see what happens tomorrow but but you're right it would have been more i could have made it into more of a thing so anyway uh full update on tomorrow's program in the meantime thank you for listening everybody we will be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio till then have a great monday um enjoy your memorial day and please remember i'm the real hero how are you gonna get this canceled before oh you're just gonna let you know what i did that to myself i'm just gonna let that hang you're not gonna follow it up with and good luck to all

oh is that your outro oh i thought that's my new outro i thought you were just whether or not

I'm supposed to actually be here today. I'm not even supposed to be here today. All right, man.

I'm not helping you out of this. I'm not touching that. Bye, everybody.

I'm not even supposed to be here today. Power out.