Muse

The co-bros are waiting for a message from you, so call up and put it on the line. If you've got something to say to Andrew and Luke, it's female time. I got the voicemail line for TBTL. I got the voicemail line, so remember it well. It's 206-414-TBTL That's 206-414-TBTL But if you're shy, you can always send an email

TBTL And now, I must ask that small children leave Good women avert their eyes and men take a stiff slug of circus whiskey. Behold, the most hideous creature of all.

Did he yip or did he yiff? He said skip and I said, no, my name's Buddy. Okay, he yipped. If he yipped, that means hello. If he yiffs, if that happens, well, then you got a problem. Yeah, you know what? Might have been yiff. Might have been yiff.

You know something? That was pretty funny. You should think about being a comedian.

www.this and www.that. Let's www.explain it.

Well, all right, hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a Tuesday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. Now, this is what I'm talking about. My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host. Gotta have that root beer. Coming to you from the Hollywood Broadcast Center right here in Portland, Oregon, where it is kind of a gray day, but that's okay. It was very, very toasty yesterday, so I think a little calming down in the heat department is going to be just fine here as we arrive at episode 3965 in A Collector Series.

Let the fun begin.

Hey, we've got a big announcement related to the TBTL 4000th episode.

This is a serious message to everybody watching my update right now.

The worst kept secret in podcasting. will be revealed coming up in just a minute. Also, Apple is going to let us swear like adults on our text messages now.

Isn't that for techno geeks with spreadsheets?

And there's something that's not super polite that a lot of us have been doing on airplanes, and we should stop.

I mean, that's so rude. I can't believe it. That's so damn rude.

I once did an entire CBS Sunday morning commentary on the topic, and I feel very seen by this recent op-ed piece in the Seattle Times. Oh, and we have game show news. You play to win the game. A major, long-running game show host is going to be stepping down soon. When I say that, I realize that's a pretty short list. It's not Ken Jennings. It's not Mayim Bialik. It's not Drew Carey currently hosting, I believe, anyway. Price is right. What's left? It's not Regis Philbin. R.I.P. We're kind of in a bit of a game show desert right now. Anyway, well, now I'm just doing the show solo, and I don't want to do that because I have a good friend and trusted co-worker who is the longest-running co-bro of this show.

Oh, my God! He unmuted!

Probably best known for his depictions of the tall ships. His name is Andrew Walsh. Good morning, my friend.

I would like to issue an apology on behalf of to me, all of TBTL, including me, especially on behalf of Luke focused. No, I mean, you're apologizing to me. No, no, I'm apologizing on your behalf to Mr. Steve Harvey of the Family Feud long running other projects and many other projects. I will not stand for the Steve Harvey erasure, Luke, in your list of long-running talk show hosts.

He's arguably probably the most prominent game show host now. You're right. I apologize.

He's my game show host.

Don't blame me. I voted for Koda.

Just don't give any answers that sound like the word rump or pump. He will give you the look.

Right.

Exactly. Anything that sounds even slightly dirty.

These are the top ten answers for why booties be stanky.

Right, exactly. I, you know, have a very fond memory of sitting in an Airbnb living room with you and I believe my brother-in-law watching. And Carrie, I believe, in Arizona. I feel like Carrie was out.

with friends i feel like the three of us were just sitting in a room watching a pool house yes but we weren't in the pool because i don't think the pool was up or no the pool was operational because you jumped in it quickly but it was really cold or something right and it was kind of like

and we were living in the pool house behind the mega mansion that had if i remember a bunch of

kansas city royals fans in it oh that does that does ring a bell and um you uh you me and zachary We just sat there for an entire summer evening in Arizona watching, I think, whatever the it was like the talk show network or the game show network. And they would show like two episodes of Family Feud and then two episodes of some jankier show that I was not into. But we would sit through those knowing that more feud was on the way.

I think the reason that I left Steve Harvey out was because I don't actually know when Family Feud is on television or where does it only show in laundromats? yeah like literally is it still on a broad it must be on broadcast right but i mean yeah and i don't that's the problem i don't watch a ton of broadcast television other than the mariners so it's like when and you know between seven and eight at least here in portland and it was the case in seattle seven to eight is wheel and then jeopardy but when is it when is it family feud O'Clock. I actually don't know when that's on. I feel like I catch it when I'm walking through an airport or in some other place where TV is kind of a sort of backdrop to the whole thing, but I could not tell you when to watch the Family Feud here

in Portland. Yeah, and of course, that is the type of thing that is probably somewhat local. It's not like, you know, the live news, like the networks can, or I'm sorry, affiliates can sort of move that stuff around. But I am on the website now. It started on abc or i'm sorry i'm on the wikipedia website it is a website started familyfeud.org it was on cbs for a non-profit that is surprising yeah familyfeud.fight um uh yeah i don't know it might just be in syndication and maybe like local stations can just pick it up maybe it's not affiliated with a specific network anymore maybe that's part of the problem i'm gonna tell you

Okay, it's on Fox 12. Oh, okay. Here in Oregon. It does not tell me the time, though. I'm viewing my station website. Let's see here. This is what everybody tuned in for. Man, I guess I don't want to tell you when things are on, because then you could not watch when the thing you want to watch isn't on. Does that make any sense?

No, but I love the sentence.

11 negatives in that. Like, there's nothing listed on Fox 12 Oregon that's just like, you know, playlist or, you know, what's the word I'm looking for? Schedule. There's no schedule. What I got is first alert weather, watch live, news, traffic, sports, good day, Oregon. I believe I've been on that recently. Around the house NW. That sounds like paid programming. And then outdoor GPS. i guess it'll globally position you to what part of the outdoors you want to go to none of it is the schedule uh the broadcast schedule because maybe they don't want you to know because again then you could kind of pick your times and they want you to just you know lock it set it set it and forget it right turn it on and break the knob you know what i'm on right now which again still

doesn't serve the functions it did back in the day but i'm on tvguide.com for the seattle tv listings but like obviously the landscape has changed so much i grew up luke in the country as you know kind of like you know like an hour outside of cleveland pretty rural small area and our uh newspaper was the medina county gazette okay and in the gazette i believe on sundays to prepare us for the week ahead or maybe on mondays came the tv listing guide for the week ahead and my mom not to sound like richie rich over here also subscribed to the tv guide and somehow you could look up i believe local listings for that too or maybe it was national listings and you just had to like sort of like impart them on your local stations i don't know exactly how that works but like grabbing we always had that newspaper guide around and it was refreshed every week and you would go to that to see what was on it was like a grid like that is something that like i mean first of all television there's just too many outlets so the need for that and everything being on demand is is antiquated anyway but also just like the idea of like having to wait for the newspaper to tell you what's going to be on tv but did you have that like always i guess you weren't a big tv family but we always had like where's the guide where's the guide and you would

choose what to watch we did not have that we because we only watched a few shows and we knew and they were on. They were Rescue 911.

Wait, was that Shatner?

That was, I believe that was Shatner. And then there was, we would watch America's Funniest Home Videos. And then... And later we expanded it to America's – what was the one where Coulier said cut it out? And Tawny Katane, I believe, was the co-host. Oh, wait. Cut it out. America's Funniest People. I mean he did that on – Full House. Full House. Yeah. But then he brought it over to the thing that they started – it was another Vin de Buona production. Oh, I don't think – That aired after Bob Saget, which, again, it was all in the Full House. That's a really interesting time in American television Where they were like Can we just get more people from the TV show Full House To host family friendly content On Sunday nights Like what's John Stamos up to How did they just go right over John Stamos And get right to Dave Coulier

Oh I think that they tried Stamos Stamos was not having him

He was too busy playing drums with the Beach Boys

Yeah I don't know that they were able to land the Stamos account

So they got Coulier When he wasn't having Alanis Morissette Write the song you ought to know about him

America's Funniest People I don't think I realized this 1990 to 1994

There was a thing that Coulier Was trying to make happen Not unlike Fetch That I felt even as a kid wasn't happening Which he was obsessed with this thing Called the Jackalope So he loved these So America's Funniest People, the premise And again, I dreamed Of one day going to Northgate Mall and auditioning because basically people would line up at malls in America and do their little bit roll their eyeballs back on their head or tell a joke or juggle or whatever it was just a kind of like what do you got show but filmed at these sort of public events and I was obsessed with the idea that I could, one time I remember seeing America's Funniest People is coming to Seattle it was going to be at the Northgate Mall and I was like I'm going to finally make it But amidst all that, there would be these little kind of produced sketches, and maybe this wasn't even Coulier's thing, but he introduced it with such gusto that I assumed he was trying to – as a kid, I assumed he – I was like, this is a pet project for Coulier, which is something called the jackalope, which would be these dumb little, like, two-minute sketches where a jackalope, which is, I don't believe, a real creature, but it's, you know, mythical in the Southwest. A jackalope would get up to all kinds of trouble And I remember watching and thinking This is the lowest form of comedy And I'm thinking of this by the way as like an 8 year old There are little inserts and he's just calling it the jackalope Well they're like videos where A like Not animatronic but like Where some kind of little You know pretend puppety thing It's live action But it's the puppety thing was You know called a jackalope And And the jackalope would make trouble, if that makes any sense. But I felt like it was something Coulier thought was really funny and got the producers to put in the show. But it wasn't funny. I would rather just watch some kid stand on their head at Northgate Mall.

I have a terrible idea, which is this.

Of course, they never mention jackalopes.

Just when you thought it was safe to check the mailbox, jackalope 3, terror came. C.O.D. That's me. Right, fastest foot. Thank you. Oh, my. So they're introducing this clip here. It's Coulier. And who is the woman? Tawny Katane, I believe, from the White Snake. Here I go again on my own video.

She looks very different. Okay. Of the being married to David Coverdale. Not to reduce Tawny Katane to just who she was married to, but she loomed large in my pubescent years. Let me just tell you that.

I had a friend one time who described her performance in that video as slathering herself all over the hood of that car. and it was the best use of the word slather i'd ever heard that is one of the most apt descriptions i've ever heard in my life i'm not gonna hit go on this video anymore because i think it's gonna probably not uh hold up to audio no that was just enough it was they're introducing the clip there

though on stage again it's weird how my eight-year-old brain and i i don't even think i was wrong although i might have been it's weird how my eight-year-old brain blamed dave coulier for this like he might have just but he might have hated it he might have thought it was the

worst thing ever uh that little imitation he just did of the jackalope makes me think that he does

not hate it right and it's weird enthusiastic i would i would sense that that would that would somehow vibrate through the television to me that like this is a thing that joey was i think that

was his name on full house uncle joey no i think that was the was that stamos stamos what was coulier's name uncle jack i did not watch full house by the way so this isn't bad memory this is just like i just did not like that show even as a young person but there it's weird that my

kid brain figured out i still think that this was something that was like a again a thing that was really hepped up on that he because he had

Just enough juice. I mean, he didn't have Stamos levels of juice, but he had just enough juice that he could be inserted into the show, even though the producers were probably like, even by our standards, this is bad.

Even by a Vin de Bona production standard, this is terrible. You're absolutely right. His name was Joey. Stamos was Jesse, and Bob Saget was Danny.

Easy mistake, though. Joey Jesse. Sorry about that. Sorry about that.

No, no, you got it right. I'm the one who said you're wrong.

No, no, but I mean, I can see how that would be confused. What was Saget's? Danny according to this Was he working as one of our lawyers at that time

Possibly I love the fact

We're no closer to understanding when the family feud Is on Fox 12

And we're no closer to telling people How they can join us in Seattle on July 29th I have so many more places I want to take this conversation

Are you saying that there's a larger announcement

It is just Honestly I don't even want to make the announcement I want to keep going on this but I have a little jackalope on my shoulder telling me maybe we should get to the news that we've already been scooped on.

Yes, he does. All right, big announcement. Thank you, Andrew. As my dad used to say, if it was a snake, it would have bit you. I'm looking at this thing that says big announcement that everybody already probably knows already.

And what are we? We're 16 minutes into the show, just like arguing whether he was Joey or Jesse.

Just like Joey James. One of my favorite share songs We are doing the TBTL 4000th Episode at the Neptune Theater in Seattle on July 29th, Saturday, July 29th Tickets are now available You can go to tbtl.net And if that is There's some There's some back end stuff Going on with the website And so if that's proving in any way problematic You can always go to the Seattle Theater Group or the Neptune's website. Just, you know, poke around. Do TBTL 4000th episode Neptune, and you'll get there and buy your tickets.

Yeah, I think it was already being advertised to people on Facebook. I heard so yesterday.

Is that how the listeners figured it out before literally I did, Andrew?

I was outside trimming my hedges yesterday. Finally got the big part of the work done. Still have a little bit to do, but I'm really feeling happy about my hedges. I just want to get that in there. But it was a it was a it was a hot day. It was a lot of manual labor. And I'm kind of tracking these emails going back and forth between you and a little bit me and the people at Seattle Theater Group about kind of getting our ducks in a row for this thing. And I was thinking to myself, wait a second. I wonder if they've already posted this, this might already be living online somewhere. And we need to like make sure that we make this announcement tomorrow before people start seeing this just by googling around. But as I'm thinking that I get a notification on The Slack channel that somebody's like Here's the link get your tickets and like All these people are like I'm getting text messages From friends asking questions about the show And I'm just like I'm just like outside Drenched in sweat and What do I have laurel Box hedges whatever Just trying to like figure out like did we Make this announcement is this is this real But I guess it's real Luke and you and I Are the second and third people to know about it

I mean, I had one job on this whole thing, which was coordinate the venue, and I was going back and forth with the STG people, and we were trying to decide what was the best day to announce this, and I was hoping that we could announce it on the day that the tickets were available, and I hadn't – I don't want to throw anyone under the bus, but I had not actually heard back on that timeline. In other words, if, you know, if the site was going to go live and the tickets were – I guess it only stands to reason that – sorry, I also have a cat that's just like hanging in their kitty off of my side haunches. Oof. Yeah, not a fun place for the – also – Are you wearing pants? I mean are you wearing shorts? I'm wearing pants and a shirt, not to brag, but she just reached right through my T-shirt and right into my love handles, which is both painful and also a reminder that I really need to start thinking about what I'm eating. But anyway, there was a lot of back and forthing, but none of the back and forthing indicated to me that the tickets and the whole thing was going to go live yesterday until I got a text from someone with a screen cap of either like the Stens page or somewhere else where some savvy listener had said, hey, here's where the tickets are to the 4000th episode. That was literally the moment that I learned that the tickets were on sale.

Yeah. And so that's kind of how I found out as well. And as you mentioned, we kind of have a bunch of little balls in the air right now. I'm going to put some links up at tbtl.net. If you go to tbtl.net, depending on your browser, you might have a different experience because we're also trying to like kind of – I guess I'm just going to use the word soft launch. That makes it sound like – we know what we're doing we're you know trying to update um some things on the new website as we as we depart from american public media later this month and so um some browsers might be pointing to the new one some browsers might be pointing to the old one don't don't worry about it either way i'll try to get the websites both old and new and yes so if you go to split net three you're just you're out of luck love to get my hands on that handle but anyway yeah so just look for links there if you need it but otherwise there being um you know the direct link to the ticket sales are being shared uh on various social media places i'm sure you can find this uh google tbtl 4000th episode at the neptune um you might get after you uh get your tickets you might get a confirmation that looks like it's a live wire confirmation that's pretty cool well that was also part of

the um let's just say somewhat haphazard sort of vibe yesterday was once i learned that we were selling tickets to our 4000th episode july 29th neptune theater i went to look at how it was all going and i was looking at the seat map and there's a picture of me in a suit that says live wire and later we learned that ticket master who runs this whole thing and by the way come for the show stay for us bitching about ticket master oh yeah what are they tacking on them i mean it's roughly the the tickets for our four thousandth episode are four thousand pennies and that's actually not a joke literally it's forty dollars aka four thousand pennies we thought that was a kind of a cute uh little kind of way to uh you know make money off of you no uh to uh

price the tickets yeah no in all in all seriousness too like we do we do need to break even on this so

we're yes this is a whole new yeah like uh note the date july 29th we don't have uh you know brains on money anymore this is we've got a we got a break even on this but um but so we were like hey 4 000 pennies 40 that's a that's a good price i shudder to even think i i think ticket master's adding like 11 bucks or some nightmare to the whole situation i am i want to apologize for that um on behalf of uh the worst uh place of all time called ticket master but anyway Like, amidst all this, somebody over there at the STG said, oh, there was no Luke Burbank in Ticketmaster other than Luke Burbank Livewire. So that's how they decided to put that photo of me up. It is being fixed, hopefully. So it'll be the cartoon of, I think, you and me in the boat or something.

It's just going to be a picture of me and Genevieve, and it's going to say after these messages.

I'd be so fine. Like, this is the only picture of TBTL we have. It's Andrew and Aaron Mason. It honestly Makes me feel skeevy That there's even a picture of me In the Ticketmaster system Does that make any sense The idea that Ticketmaster I think they're called Live Nation now by the way Which again Just please Die in the Center of 1000 suns Live Nation slash Ticketmaster But the fact that even there's Some kind of assets of me in there

makes me feel not good the reason by the people are kind of like boy you're really uh smack talking here why are you using them because we love this venue we have no choice we have a relationship with this venue we did our 1000th and 2000th wait we did the 1000th there i believe so listen i was doing some i didn't remember that in a meeting with you a while back dude that's i think i argued that we didn't but i think we did here's how i think it worked the 1000th episode i wasn't technically a part of tbtl yet but i was getting to know you and jen and doing some special projects for you and i believe i was sort of on the wings for the 1000th episode where you had some um trumpet player who i believe had flames coming out oh yeah my friend billy joe from the dusty 45s

i got up on a big upright bass and lit it on fire does that sound like the 1000th episode for you

we were supposed to have uh ira on but i couldn't that was my one job was to get ira on the line but he wouldn't answer his phone for a live call during the show. Anyway, that was 1,000. And then I believe 2,000, somebody told me, was the one where you and I wore tuxedos up on stage. And I think we had Sean up with us as well. And I think we played some trivia games to mark the 2,000th episode. And now here we will be. Wow. Oh, wait a second. No, this is 4K. Then what the hell did we do? Maybe it was 2,000, 3,000, and this is 4,000. Did you do anything for the 1,000th episode? I don't know, man.

I know – the reason that I know we did the 2,000th there is because I'm looking at a poster of us, Andrew. And again, I'm strongly advocating that we bring this boat on stage for the 4,000th, the one that we're sitting in in the poster for the 2,000th. Would that be funny if we did the whole show from that boat but it was just on stage?

Yes, on stage, yes. Sorry about that. I was trying to do math in my head, and so I lost you. Yeah, no, that would be amazing.

Can we make that happen? I guess it would be one of those things where you've got to take the boat apart piece by piece and then reassemble it on the stage, right? Sure. It's like George Washington's boat. And they'll do that for us?

I believe so.

That's part of the house nut. Mr. Live Nation is going to do that.

Sure, that's where the $11 goes, disassembling the boat. I want to be clear. We love the Neptune, and we love the folks there, and we're so stoked. And I'm even more stoked now, Andrew, realizing that this has been – whether it was the 1,000th, the 2,000th, and the 3,000th – I don't think we did a 3,000th. Oh, you know what?

3,000 was our little mini tour. Got it. That's where we went down to the Waffle House, I believe. Right. And then we did Brooklyn, Littlefield in Brooklyn, and then the boat. And then the boat. So I'm pretty sure that was all a celebration of 3K, which is usually –

So 1,000, 2,000, and 4,000.

All at the Neptune. Yeah. So anyway, and the nice thing is, is, you know, tell me if I'm wrong about this, Luke, unless we've grown in popularity significantly. Like, this doesn't seem like the type of venue that we would have to worry about selling out. So folks, you know, who were kind of concerned about like, because the boat show we did.

No, I'm very worried about selling it out. That's why people should buy their tickets right now. Have you ever tried to sell something, Andrew?

Scarcity is, you know what, get your tickets today.

You know what? I'd get them, like, the day after the show. They'll probably still be available.

You know, actually, though, I can actually put a little bit of, I guess, I want people who are coming in from out of town to know that, you know, if they're making plans to do it, that you'll have a space here in Seattle. But I will say it looks like it might be ticketed to the seat because I got a text message. So there's something to the seat or whatever the word is, you know, assigned seating. So, therefore, there's your urgency if you want a good seat, If you want to be able to look right up my nostrils, then you— Those are sold out, by the way, I will mention.

The nostril seats? The nostril seats are taken. I'm looking at it, the seat map right now. Basically, most of the—almost all of the floor is now sold out. But then there were some smart folks who also got the first couple rows of the balcony. Because those are people that are like, I don't need to look up Andrew's nostrils. I want to look down at Andrew. On his male pattern baldness. I want to look down on Luke's topic. I want to see how Luke's doing with this hair situation. So, you know, if we were to sell this out, I don't know what the capacity is. I think it's like maybe 800 or something. If we were to sell this out, I would be shocked.

But they do have the balcony open, though. You're not spoofing on that? I wasn't sure.

No, no, no, no. The balcony is open. I mean, every seat in the house is available. I mean, except the ones that are sold. But I mean, like, yeah. My hope is that we sell out the floor. This is what I also always think about with Livewire. When we're in a place that has, like, floor seating and then a balcony, I have done this at Livewire before. I'm like, don't open the balcony. Make everyone sit on the floor seating because then it'll feel full and fun and everyone will be having a good time. If we sell out the floor, I'll be stoked. And if we sell out, like, half of the balcony, I'll be doubly stoked. But, I mean, again, I gave you some grief. But it would be shocking to me if we sold out this entire venue. But I do think that the good seats are going to be gone pretty soon. So there's that.

And I don't do stuff on stage as much as you do, Luke. But I do have a reputation. I got to be honest with you. I don't even acknowledge the people in the back of the house. Like, honestly, like, come on. Like, if you couldn't get on your game and get tickets where I can make eye contact with you. Sure, thank you. I'm not really wasting my time with you, bro.

Eddie Murphy taught me that back of the house.

Oh, is that? I have a bell ready to go I have a bell ready to go I know God made dirt and dirt busted Yes you're in the

You're in the neighborhood Osiris Big Baby Jesus Dirt McGirt

Well I know it's Old Dirty Bastard but I'm trying to It's his most famous song though Hey Baby

Baby I Got Your Money Yeah that's right Baby I Got Your Money with Khalees Did you hear the rumor? Okay, listen. Wait, I didn't realize Khalees is the one who sings. I'm pretty sure. Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

I mean, I believe that, but I only know her from the, uh-oh, uh-oh, if you want me to stay, I'll always be.

That's the only Khalees song that I know. Well, no, that's not true.

You know the Milkshake song. Oh, she also does the Milkshake song.

Okay. But Khalees also, I heard a rumor. I don't know if this is true or not, but there is current. Can I? Oh, my God. Can I dabble in some celebrity gossip that is hot right now, Luke? Spill that tea. Khalees and Bill Murray? An item? Yes. Question mark? She won't even entertain the question on Instagram, apparently, but that's not a...

I know, Khalees.

Right.

Is Khalees going to be at the TBTL 4000th episode?

She won't comment on it. She won't say, which means maybe yes, maybe no. Probably it's happening.

Get those tickets right now. Go to tbtl.net. All right. Let's take a quick break. I'm also looking at all the other amazing things that are coming to the Neptune Theater. And I'm like, is it a come down for them that they have to put? It's like Paula Poundstone is going to be there.

Have you ever sold anything before, Luke?

One time years ago, but I clearly lost the knack. I'm just looking. I'm looking at all these other – I guess here's what I'm trying to say. It is to me on some level quite flattering that we actually can book a venue. Like we can put our show in a venue like the Neptune and people will come out and buy tickets. And it's a thing where they can get paid and we can put a little money in the bank. Because it's a very legit place. Like, it's not, you know, we've done the show in my actual basement in Seattle. We've done the show in all kinds of interesting and funky locations. But this is just straight up a legit-ass venue that people such as Eels come and play their shows at. And so, you know, it's like I'm chuffed that we're doing the Neptune again. And, again, even more so remembering that it's not only where we did the 2000th episode but where we did the 1000th episode. Like, this is really a thing for us.

I saw Diggable Planets there, so in a certain way, I will have shared a stage with Diggable Planets, depending on your definition of share, but I'm going with it.

Well, I mean, how far on the stage did you get before a security tackled you? Did you see that thing from the golf tournament over the weekend? I don't remember which PGA event it was, but a guy won, and then one of the other golfers who was with him, who was playing in the tournament, somehow had like secreted a bottle of champagne i think out because he was stoked for his friend who had like you know won this pga event he started slathering him he started he slathered all over that car that's in my brain now he started like um he shook up the champagne and started spraying him and the security thought he was a random fan who ran onto the the green on the 18th hole and security tackled the shit out of him no i didn't hear a guy who had just anything i believe playing like he was part of the twosome that was in the final you know and all i can think about is what did the guy say when they were on top of him to try to let them know that he was allowed to be there like i'm a golfer i'm one of the golfers i mean the thing is he's like a white guy in his 30s dressed in golf gear which was everyone at this thing right so it's like how do you prove when you're being tackled by security at a pga event that you were recently playing and how do you prove to them in the moment that you're allowed to be there and you're not just a rando

maybe the guy was just like i don't care who you are rules are rules and there's no beverage you're not going to ruin this green what if it was i can't believe this hasn't come up on levitard i know i'm kind of surprised too yeah well if it happened over the weekend the the levitard show is a lot to deal with these days with two teams about to lose the championship series well one of them did oh that's right last night the the heat lost huh that's a bummer so i'll have to listen to them and the marlins lost the um the the game of uh self-respect and that they lost to the seattle mariners and in a pretty ignominious fashion let's keep that going boys and good use of ignominious thank you i didn't even also ignominious is playing the neptune on tuesday the 20th get your tickets oh i love they're kind of a gurgly noise band yeah they're pretty good I don't know what a gurgly noise band would be. I'd go see it. I sure would. Oh, hey, wait, should we say time? I believe it's doors at 7, show at 8, right?

You think I would know any of this?

The only reason I know that is I already saw somebody, well, I saw somebody complaining on Slack already saying, the boys were just talking about how they don't like to go to things at A&P.

It's a Saturday night, and by the way, I canceled that. For the record, I canceled the Sunday night 7 p.m. event that I had this weekend.

Oh, was that a sporting event? It was a Timbers game.

It was actually at 7.30, and that was like no thank you. You were just like, that's no good idea.

7 I could do. 7.30, I was like, Becca, call it. Yeah, but I believe it's doors at 7, show at 8.

Again, you know, I had a— I think it's going to be—also, I'm going to talk to them about making it all ages, if we haven't. And we haven't. I haven't had that conversation with anyone. It should be, though, right?

Because isn't LifeWire all ages? You guys do LifeWire there, right?

Yeah, it's definitely the venue is sort of capable of having an all ages show. I think it'll mean wristbands for people. I mean, where the alcohol is sold is in a, you know, sort of gated area like they can control that. So I'm going to double check with them. But for now, I would just say it is all ages.

OK, sounds good. If you have any here, let me let me just go to the place here. I'm going to. pretend like I'm buying tickets here. Maybe I should just buy a ticket, see up my own nostrils. I mean, I'd say support TBTL. Here it is.

Support TBTL.

It's Saturday, July 29th, 2023, the year of our Lord. It's funny that they included that. Doors at 7 p.m. Show at 8 p.m. Reserve seating slash general admission. Ignominious goes on at 7 p.m. All ages. Bar with valid ID.

Yes. Awesome. All ages.

Bring the kids. Prices start at $40, not including fees. 4,000 pennies. That's 4,000 pennies, everybody, to celebrate 4K.

I was really proud of that, by the way. I thought that that was a clever – I think why I'm so mad at Ticketmaster is because, A, they suck, and, B, they ruined the bit. Did you actually request that they write 4,000 pennies? I didn't. I only recently learned we're selling tickets for this, Andrew. But, no, I mean, when you and I were talking about it, I was like, hey, wouldn't it be funny – wouldn't it be kind of a clever round number if it was 4,000 pennies to come to the 4,000th episode? episode and you know that's what that's what stuff costs these days i mean i it's not cheap but it's also you know it ain't taylor swift and then ticket master aka live nation has to swoop in and completely ruin oh right because it's not yeah technically with the fees it's not really 4 000 pennies it's like 5100 pennies or some bullshit but just think of the 4 000 pennies

that's going to us and much of it to the neptune yes and also the little image of luke with the live wire logo that is still uh up there that was the only way that we could move tickets

was to tell people it was live wire if a lady shows up yeah all right uh let's uh let's take a quick break and then we come back oh we're doing great we're doing we are honestly you know what andrew we really are like i don't know why i'm focusing on this but like i have since i learned we were selling tickets yesterday i have been checking in and i have been i have been sort of relieved slash happy to note that we are selling tickets pretty briskly and we hadn't even mentioned it yet exactly and i'm not like this is i'm not i am not trying to you know pt barnum this like it makes me happy that people are buying tickets yes this event you think and like this is one of these weird times where you are being confident for both of us because we were talking about this yesterday and you're like no it's going to be fine like you're like i'm feeling good about this and i those are words i've never heard you say i think i was talking

about my dart game oh okay that's where i got it twisted i uh you know here's what i think i said to you is i i'm outside cutting the hedges and i look down i'm like oh okay the news broke okay i guess these things are live okay we'll mention on the show tomorrow and again like having a bunch of people who are excited so excited about our live show that they find out about it before we do and also there's part of me that thinks i remember this happening back for the 2000th episode as well i swear the last time we did something at the neptune almost the exact same thing happened and we had to like kind of the next day tell people yes tickets are available i could be wrong about that but if i'm right the point is it doesn't matter we've already forgotten that the point is we're all getting together for the first time like that's accessible to the to the vast majority of our listeners you know because we've done we did one get together but it was in denver and it was a very small kind of meetup right trivia night and this is like the denver home of the world champion denver nuggets that's right and so that was a wonderful time but that was the only thing we've done post pandemic and this is like a real i don't know man we have a lot to celebrate with a lot of people and this is going to give us the chance to do it i'm really excited about that are we wearing tuxedos again um no pressure by the way You get to wear whatever you want. Genevieve will have to tie the bow tie for me again. I can tie it for you. We could do that. We could come up with something else, too. I had a little idea of something I wanted to run by you, but I don't want to throw it up on the show yet. Okay. All right.

Okay. Let's take a quick break, and then when we come back, we'll do these top stories here on TBTL. Hello, and welcome to Top Story. All right. I don't have this on the show sheet for you, Andrew, but this is some TBTL breaking news.

TBTL breaking news.

Pat Sajak says he is going to retire from Wheel of Fortune after this season. He's 76 years old. I think Pat Sajak is actually one of the absolute best people at the job they have of anyone I've ever seen. like he is amazing at hosting that show he is i was talking to um ken jennings uh when he was uh we were about to have him on livewire last week we were just like chatting backstage about pat sajak and he was saying he he as the you know one of the hosts of jeopardy was like yeah pat sajak is in another on another level with his little bone modes there's this thing that happens at the end of wheel of fortune And then... where they come back from the last commercial break. I don't understand why this happens in television, but they have 20 seconds or something. I don't know why that isn't just the end of the show when they go to the commercial, but they come back for 20 seconds. The credits are running, and he has to basically just quip something, and he quips so well and so hard. Let's not talk about his politics. I believe we went down this road the last time Pat Sajak came up, and I don't think it was awesome, but i do think he's very good at the job of hosting wheel of fortune what were you just

referring to sorry it made me now i'm forcing you to talk about something you don't want to

talk about but i just think i think he i don't think his politics are awesome oh yes i think

you're probably yeah i think you're probably right about that i haven't seen him you know like i grew up in a pretty big game show family i mean i guess what that means is it was the 80s And my mom had game shows on a lot, right? She had her soaps on during the day. And then she loves the TV. She just loves the patter, as they say on Baskets. And so I think that, like, I grew up with this. And bowling, too, on Saturdays. That was my favorite sort of, like, TV ambience in the house. Who do you think you are? I am. I love television. I've got to have that thing on 24-7. I love the patter. I love the patter. R.I.P. Louie Anderson. I know. I know. Did Baskets finish its run, by the way? do we know that maybe good question because i now i'm wondering if there's like kind of a big hole in that show or if they've now decided oh right right right like if they yeah if they had wrapped uh production by the time louis anyway yeah but so i loved game shows like wheel of fortune was on every evening i think you know family feud but that would have been um i can't remember who oh dawson richard richard dawson from hogan's heroes was that the 80s really he was from Hogan's Heroes I didn't even realize that yeah um and um Jeopardy was on and the other one was uh oh well during the day you had um you had The Price is Right and that was the Bob Barker that was my favorite Darrington Washington oh I that was my favorite as a kid by the way still

alive oh great yeah maybe I don't know how it's going down there in Palm Desert for Bobby but Like I mean Bob Barker How old is Bob Barker at this point But like at some point and I'm not trying to You know Oh he's exactly 100 years old I'm not trying to manifest this but at some point Bob Barker is going to pass away And I believe the collective response Is going to be he was alive

He's not quite 100 yet This December he will be 100 years old So Bob Barker Bob Barker my grandma got him beat 101 last March still ticking Nice That's amazing

um but yeah so like okay so let's go through this really quickly so you had prices right in the daytime i feel like there also used to be more daytime yes game shows there

was like let's make a deal is that the no whammy one i feel like that was no no that's that's um press your luck oh you're right you're right there uh let's make a deal i don't oh let's make a deal

was people dressed up and it was the the the premise or whatever the conceit was like you had to they would be like do you want a thousand dollars or do you want what's behind door number two and sometimes door number two would be like a new car and sometimes it would be like literally a donkey that was let's make it i believe wayne brady has the reboot of this now that was not one

that was in heavy rotation in my house i will say one that i loved and i'm wondering if we were watching reruns of it or if there was still like being made at the time was a super password i loved super password okay how was that different than the 24 000 pyramid hosted by dick clark what

was the premise what was the like the rules of password i don't remember how the pyramid right you couldn't say the word yeah you had to get them to say a word yeah you couldn't say what the word was you had to describe it to them was super password the one that would have celebrities

in it yes you'd have some celebrities mixing it up with norms like us and I think well like me I was talking about

me and my cat remind me later to tell you how butthurt I was about my billing on the world's longest drag show speaking of norms oh that's right

you were you had to keep going yeah anyway but like let's just say the word let's keep it really simple right like the audience knows that the word is Apple one of the people let's say it's time for the celebrity to try to get try to get the other person to guess the word Apple you might say okay fruit orange no can you only say one word you say one word at a time i believe

and they make it so that's a cool that is a really cool aspect of the game i didn't realize that let's let's listen to a little super password okay from 1985 it's perfect it's just perfect

yeah super password our special guest

this week from too close for comfort lydia cornell and from love boat fred grandy oh my god

fred grandy and lydia cornell what's his name burt what burt convy do you think the live audience was let down that it was fred grandy and lydia cornell I think they're psyched.

He just fell down and put his feet up.

I think this was planned. I don't know. What's going on? Bert Convy is getting back up.

No, I'm okay, Gene. I'm fine. No, I'm fine. No, no, I'm really. I'm okay. I just had a... Yeah, it was strange. You're answering. I know, but then of course you must remember today is April Fool's.

Oh, no. No, his April Fool's was that he fell down.

Oh, God. You know what I listen to the sound of this. This reminds me of and I'm just making this connection now. I know that this show was discontinued in the past, like five years or so. But the public radio show that used to air on weekend evenings, I'm blanking on a not a word with friends. but um what was the show that you were invited on one time and you were like i can't do it but maybe my buddy andrew could and they never called me now i'm blanking on the name of it i love it

so much no i don't think it's like um what's the word says you says you yes and there's something

about like the the kind of just like people sort of like commenting halfway off mic people are just sort of shouting and having a good time like doesn't this sort of have a bit of a says you quality just when you listen to the audio of it when you listen to the audio when you watch it i

feel it's it's a bit of a different yeah like i wasn't here i wasn't getting that because i was watching it but i just can't believe that bert convie agreed to the april fools bit of walking out and then oh god pretending to fall and throwing his feet up like um something out of a archie cartoon like like and then getting up and saying but remember it's april fools like that was the best april fools they could come up with was burt convie pretends to fall down yeah that's that's

really rough and you that's also really hard to pull off a fake fall exactly he didn't pull it off particularly well and again i don't imagine if imagine if this was a sketch on i think you should leave how that would go he would just be on the ground screaming you had all summer figure this out just be screaming like over overacting anyway i want to get to the part of the show where they actually play the game oh okay i have to go back then oh did you close the tab

already i thought we were just getting started no i was so put off by burt convie's april fool's joke that i okay but but we've got we've got it back here we go here's the game a current champion

who is jan and we'll get to her in just a moment i see she has something interesting on her t-shirt but ann first of all you have two thousand eight hundred dollars why don't you introduce yourself

to all of us once again okay my name is ann all lean and i'm originally from new richmond wisconsin moved out here about a year ago i'm a secretary and i'm presently going to school for hypnotherapy

hypnotherapy now now i'll tell you this if i were watching this as a kid and you asked me how old is ann i would have said easily in her 70s looking at her now i believe she is to be 22 years like everyone with this kind of hair and blazer looked very adult to me when i was a kid yeah and all i see now is a lady with a dream she moved from wisconsin to la i don't think she moved to la to be a secretary i believe she moved out there probably to be in the entertainment business and is currently paying her rent on her uh studio apartment in noho um with the secretarial stuff but again is a person who is probably 23 but i would have thought was very very old when i was

i know fred you're very interested in hypnotism those kinds of things aren't you yeah i look at like this yeah that's that's the way or like this it's one way they're doing but it's not funny

great communication then who and you know again you know that was planned you know the producers were like uh okay uh bert uh the um the guest uh from wisconsin she uh is into a hypnotism but you can also call it hypnotism if you want and then they said to the guy from love boat here's a joke you could use and then they did it and then andrew this was the response can you hear the deafening approval what's the joke what's the joke what do they do oh i'm sorry you're right it's a visual thing he just stares into the middle yeah that's what i think is a hypnotism

joke that's what i guess i'm a secretary and i'm presently going to school for hypnotherapy

Hypnotherapy Now Fred

I know Fred You're very interested In hypnotism

those kinds of things aren't you yeah i look at it like this yeah that's that's the way or like

this either there were four people in the audience or that is a bad yeah when he says or like this

does he cross his eyes or something they don't even cut back to bert we don't even see bert bert is stepping on love boat guy's joke and we don't even see the a's were a really different time okay

let's keep listening one way the other okay you should have great communication i'm sure we will It should be very interesting with you and Fred. And Jan, who is our current champion, has $9,200, which is not bad.

Jan is wearing a T-shirt, a very tight T-shirt that says, Be nice to me, it's my birthday.

Your T-shirt says, Be nice to me, it's my birthday? Is it your birthday today? It's my birthday today. Happy birthday, Jan. Thank you.

Did somebody borrow our awe sound effect for this? All right, let's keep going.

Okay, my name's Jan Suenaga. I'm a fourth-generation native Californian. Really? Born and bred in Pacific Palisades, and I'm a newlywed.

Yeah, okay. Well, I'm glad you're here. I made a mistake. Ann is really our champion. She has $2,800. Jan is our challenger, but she won the cash word, which I think was nine. Wait, what?

Sorry, I don't mean to get bogged down. Are you trying to announce a show? Are you trying to announce a live show? Get your information straight, Bert.

He's like, go to tbtl.net to figure out who's a super password champion. But it might be. And also, apparently tickets are on sale right now.

A fourth-generation native Californian. Really? Born and bred in Pacific Palisades, and I'm a newlywed.

Yeah, okay. Well, I'm glad you're here. I made a mistake. And again, Bert, not your finest episode.

Anne is really our champion. She has $2,800.

What? $2,800?

She's our challenger, but she won the cashword, which I think was nine.

You know what's one of the cool things about the show that I'd forgotten is the person who gets the password is holding exactly the device that they now bring to your table to scan your card at a restaurant. I remember there was a device.

I couldn't remember what it was, but I remember liking that concept.

It's exactly like the thing, particularly if you're, like, in Europe. Uh-huh. You know, it's been sort of adopted here in the U.S., but widely adopted in places outside the U.S. where they just, you know, you don't go to some counter and give them your card with the check. They come to you, and then the waiter says, you know, the server's like, okay, you ready to pay? And then they hold this little thing. It was the thing that when I was in Brooklyn with Peska and Robert Smith, that they handed us and then they forgot about us. And then we could look at what everyone, every celebrity was spending at this Brooklyn restaurant. Someone hacked it. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

So anyway, they're holding $1,000, which was very unusual. That was so big. If you're ready to go, let's get on with the Fred.

By the way, I'm sure Burt Convy is 29 in this. But again, looks very old to me.

There is the first word of the day. and off. Okay, I'm not going to tell

you that we're going to play. Okay, okay, then I need to because I was I think I might have been on the same video because I wanted to look at those things, but I have not looked I'm exiting out. Okay, but those those little devices I forgot. Yeah, they're somewhere between the thing that the waiter brings at the end of the meal, but also like something that maybe the guy from quantum leap holds like they look into it. It's almost like a little mini slideshow things that you would look into to like kind of like do I want to include this slide in my slideshow was the machine

actually called ziggy or was ziggy some kind of like larger like supernatural force that dean stockwell because dean stockwell who was the non scott bacula of of quantum leap was always saying oh boy he was always talking to something called ziggy yeah i believe that device was that the

device i think it was no i think the device allowed him to talk to somebody named ziggy but i don't think it was a super i don't think it was like some sort of i think it was like a the head scientist or something maybe i think as a kid i thought that the device was called ziggy because

he was always but you're probably that was how he was talking to let me see who's whoever he was

okay so andrew but i need you to but i need you to focus oh no ziggy is a computer it's a super hybrid computer that runs the project quantum leap so that makes sense yeah sure sure that that's

it's a super hybrid computer well everything checks out it's a super hybrid okay so you don't

know what the word is okay i know what the word is oh this is fun okay good and uh now we're gonna

And the listeners at home can also play along. Well, Mr. Grandy will lead us off. Richard Dawson. Oh, from Hogan's Heroes? I wish. That's not the answer? Do you want to give another answer? Richard King.

Who's Richard King? No, no, no. Like maybe Richard was a king. Are we trying to guess the word king? Oh, King Richard. Okay, yeah.

You know what?

I'm embarrassed. Of course.

Of course, King Richard was very – that's not this Richard, but you're absolutely right. That would be a very good guess. Because it probably is not a proper noun, so I'm trying to think what Richard is trying to get me to say. Okay. But that was a good guess. I apologize. I forgot you watch the Windsors on your laptop when you iron. I'm such – like anything, the royals going back to the Middle Ages is such a blank spot for me. Yes. King Richard, that would have been a very good guess. It is not the answer, but let's see what we come up with.

Nixon. That's it. Nixon. So it was a proper word any second now. There is the first word of the day, and off we go. Mr. Grandy will lead us off.

And I believe Fred Grandy is doing a quasi-Nixon impersonation. So that's weird, though. So it is somebody's last name. I didn't think that you could have names in this. I didn't think you could do proper nouns. Richard.

Nixon. That's it. What?

Nixon isn't a word? Pick it up with Burt Convy, Andrew.

And I didn't even do this. No, doesn't waste any time, does he?

He said, I didn't even do this, and he threw up the double-piece signs.

You need this to stay in the game, Ann. What are Richards? Richards, I mean? What are Richards? No, Richards. Wait a minute. That can't be this show. No, not this show.

Oh, I didn't remember this. So now, okay, because Ann from Wisconsin has gotten her first clue, now she has to guess what the category is based on the answer that she gave. Oh, okay. So it's almost a little bit, it is a little family feud-ish, where there's like you know maybe five kind of like blank spaces the first one that's turned over now is nixon she's trying to figure out what the category is that sounds like something else to

me it's not types of richards are it what are richards is it nick is it richards i think it's

world leaders maybe i bet you i bet you're right it's also it's exactly the family feud thing like the mechanism of the board and even the like and the body humor I wonder if this is is this all a did Merv Griffin I mean he did Wheel of Fortune when we come back to this Pat Sajak story we'll reconvene with that this is the Pat Sajak story what are you talking about this is are we still in it it's happening I was going to say and all of that is to say congratulations to Pat Sajak oh no

it's alright Ed we forgive you can we have the next contestant please okay Here comes the next word That's right Oh that's what you should have said I mean

A. I'm really enjoying this B. This is the most humor adjacent Television program I've ever observed People are saying things That rhythmically sound like jokes But contain zero humorous content Those are the conversations that stress me out Like a lot I look at it like this okay i just made a face continue please okay we have a new word andrew we have a new word um we have not i guess we have not uh gotten an answer to if your guess at world leaders is uh is the category but uh but now we have uh the guy uh from fred grandy from the love boat whose outfit would be deeply in style right now i just want to mention uh now has a new word he's going to give to our friend from wisconsin buddies friends yes oh i'm sorry andrew i screwed up i didn't give you a chance to yes and then the answer is friends the answer was friends i'm sorry okay we'll get we'll get so this is still going to be the same category then so we now have nixon and friends okay maybe nixon and friends maybe the category is plumbers interesting okay uh i i'm guessing that they're going to give her a chance

Nixon friends to stay in the game, man Watergate Is it Watergate?

That's what I was getting at Yeah, no, I mean, that was a reasonable guess Here we go

Close, right? Well, we don't know at this point I don't know what it is I have an idea Do you have an idea, Fred? No, I have trouble reading this There's the word

Okay, we've got a word We have a new word Man I'm the person that can see the words And Andrew, I feel like I know less about this category Okay So we have a word, I'm going to pause it after Fred Grandy From the left, by the way This really should be the show This is the best episode we've ever done We should just play First of all, Spotify would never pull this down So there's that We should just play these Old shows Welcome to the Summer Games, everybody Okay, here we go, I'm going to pause it right after he gives the hint For this next word but fred devout devout i'm gonna say priest it's not priest do you want me to go again or wait no we need to have him give me another word now let's see let's see let's see if the the contestant guesses it before i give another Devoted Same word

Oh, it's going over to Be nice to me, it's my birthday And somebody from Charlie's Angels, I forget So devout is the first hint we've gotten And it is not devoted Also, come on Devoted, devout Lydia

Catholic

Yeah, well let's find out if she's right No, no, no, that's the hint

No, I don't think so. I think she's taking it. Oh, I think isn't the other celebrity is so it went. Oh, because the regular the first normie got it wrong. It kicks over to the other team. And that was the other celebrity. Oh, I thought she was making another guess. Okay, so now I've got so I've got devoted and I've got Catholic, but it's not priest. Well, then I guess not. I will say I guess I'll say none. It is not none. Let's see.

holy

holy it's not holy this is fun now we're getting into this now this is how the game is played absolutely at his wits end Brad okay we're going to get another hint from the guy from Love Boat

um

whoa okay so timing right that was like the pitch clock okay so I don't know if we're going to get a hint from the Love Boat guy okay this is the fourth and final clue pious anything is this ringing i'm gonna say pope no but that's a good i don't know if you could do that because wasn't there a pope that's name was pious

there there is but also it would be pious though um okay so it's not pope it's not none it's not priest i feel like i just kept doing kind of the same thing it's probably not a station within the

organization anyway it's a way of being in the world that all those things here let me try that

well well i'm not gonna break the rules just hit play cardinal oh boy those are very good clues

pious is a wonderful it's religious was the word we'll put on the board nobody guesses i thought that for a second i thought that for a second so you have nixon religious and religious is it about

pat robertson pat robertson are i not in p yeah right ian carmel this very funny comedian who's actually uh from portland and going to be on livewire this fall when we reconvene was walking around again peace and love no you know what sorry not peace and love like pat robertson was a real stain on this country but ian carmel was walking around uh filming himself for tiktok and he said you know a lot of people people like me progressives and people that are you know embrace The like LGBTQ plus community And stuff are sort of celebrating The death of Pat Robertson and he goes I wouldn't do that If you know If when Pat Robertson you know had died If I were there and if And if they were trying to flush him down a toilet but his body Was getting stuck in that small hole I would Put my foot on him and push him down Okay it's about Respect people okay so we have Nixon Friends and religious anything Coming to you for this category

Um I didn't uh Nixon friends religious um Nixon friends religious you said I mean Jerry Falwell am I just like

totally I feel like it's going in the wrong direction can it be a person can a person be

the category I feel like it's not going to be a person I mean I want to say the apostles but then that leaves Nixon out there um Nixon friends religious um did Nixon have anybody like uh I I'm just – this is wrong. I'm just going to say cabinet, but that's obviously wrong. And it's – again, it's probably not a person, but it would maybe be Billy Graham? I mean, it could be Billy Graham, I guess, if it could be –

And religious, okay? You're thinking about that? Here comes your next word, as a matter of fact. What's misspelled? What's misspelled? Religious.

They misspelled religious on the thing. I love this show. See? That's why you watch. I love it. This is awesome.

Yes. That's amazing. They misspelled religious And the woman from whatever Charlie's Angels or something Love Boat I think Fred Grandy is from Love Boat And I forget what the Credit for the other celebrity is But that's amazing That they misspelled religious And I didn't even notice it

Well no wonder we didn't get it

It's spelled R-E-L-I-G-O-I-U-S Religios And it caught all the way through

every level of super password really goyous he's very really goyous yes he is i've been

busting burt convys chops we made the same joke so you know you stare into the void long enough the void stares back i have become the burt convy yes thank you

Okay, we have a new word. We have a new word.

Heal. Okay. Heal. You've got your word, Fred. Continue. Quaker.

Oh. Oh, I know what the category is. Wow, really? Impressive. Because they're the friends of. Yes. Oh, God. Okay, so. Well, let me start with the micro before we go to the macro. So Quaker is...

Let's get to the universal through the personal.

Meeting. I'm going to say meeting, but I don't think that's right. No. Okay, but I guess go back to the tape, right?

Well, no, no. I mean, you can get another guess. It's not meeting. It's... Do you want a hint or do you want me just to play it?

Just go ahead and play it. I think let's see what the next hint is.

Oats? Yes, that's right.

Oh, Quaker Oats. Oats. Quaker Oats. See, I had religious really stuck in my head, because the Quakers are the religious society of friends. They sure are.

Right, which would make, like, we're getting into a Benjamin, not Benjamin, Benjamin Franklin type situation.

So maybe, you know what, Quaker must be the ultimate category, and the person who gave the clue doesn't know that. I'm going to say, because was Nixon a Quaker? I'll bet you he was.

I bet he was.

Religious, Nixon, dude, we just cracked the code.

Friends, and the friends. You cracked it. No, you cracked it. Yeah, the friends, because that's what it is. I went to – have you ever been to a Quaker wedding, by the way? It's amazing. No, no. Would recommend – actually, my friend Robert Smith and his wonderful partner Robin Kistler had a Quaker ceremony, and it was one of the coolest weddings I've ever been to. We all just sat around and talked about why we loved them, and then everyone signs this thing at the end, like this huge book. I guess that's fairly typical, but it was one of the coolest wedding ceremonies I've ever been to. And I think you're right. This probably has to be Quaker. Yeah. Let's go. What do you think the chances are that Debbie from Kenosha is going to put that up? That she's a careful student of the Quaker friends. I believe in Debbie.

We have Nixon, friends, religious, and oats.

Yeah, Quaker, man. Do it.

Quaker. Yes!

Is it Quaker?

Yes.

Hell yes. Now, I had the benefit of somebody saying the word Quaker Before I got there, but either way No, that's impressive still

And also, I just learned that Richard Nixon was a Quaker I feel like he did not live his life In a way that really supported the values Yeah Of the Quaker friends community Yes, so again, congratulations to Pat Sajak Yes, absolutely 76 years old Pat Sajak is going to be stepping down There was actually a bunch of stuff in this article that I kind of wanted to talk about, but we don't have to.

Let me ask you this. Is Vanna White still doing it, and are we surprised it's not a joint retirement?

They were such a team for so long. They certainly are. Vanna White has filled in for Pat Sajak when he had, as they mentioned in this article, an emergency intestine surgery, which I thought was a little personal. Very specific. They could have just said medical event.

I see. And Vanna White is 66, so it sounds like – I almost said Bird. It sounds like Pat has like a decade on her. Do you think that she's in line to do this for a while? That would be kind of cool, no?

I mean it would be very cool. I don't know if – again, I feel like it's – maybe just because of how Pat Sajak has hosted it. By the way, I think you are either a Wheel of Fortune household or a Jeopardy household.

Oh, okay.

I do not believe the Twain meet. Now, you'll tolerate it. like i'll tolerate wheel as i'm getting ready for jeopardy but i'm not looking forward to wheel the way i'm looking forward to jeopardy and there are other people that i've known who it's quite the

opposite really i mean i will say growing up my mom celebrated to both the wheel gods and the to bring that back but um but i don't you know my experience yeah but i mean now that we are you know that was kind of it was a different time and that was just like what we were exposed to as youth, but I mean, in this day and age, yeah, like honestly, and again this is not something I should be saying in this segment where we're celebrating the life and career of Pat Sajak by listening to old episodes of Super Password but I don't really like Wheel of Fortune all that much I guess I like the game is okay but honestly, like, I don't know, there's something about the way it's set up and like, I know you were saying that Pat Sajak is so good at his job but for some reason there's just like, I don't know It doesn't appeal to me. I'm never really kind of drawn into it. I have a problem where I am probably one of the worst Wheel of Fortune players.

of all time like i do my brain does not my brain is not able to organize the information of like a word or a phrase where some of the letters are presented and some of them aren't like i it could you could have 90 of the letters up there and i would be like i'm getting nothing i feel like if you have a good crossword brain you probably have a pretty good wheel of fortune brain and i am terrible at crossword and i'm terrible at wheel of fortune didn't we have a story about wheel of

fortune not all that long ago like i mean maybe in the past couple of years where they had like everything but the last letter but they were getting it wrong and the world was sort of

mocking them i don't remember the details yeah that comes up i i do remember that i can't remember the exact word or phrase rather but like that happens every because i read the new york post which i'm not proud of but then other than bashing um hunter biden the new york post other big thing is just posting stories about how someone did badly on Wheel of Fortune when they should have done well. I love that beat. So I see versions of that article like, you won't believe how bad this Wheel of Fortune guess was or whatever. But it does come up. Okay, I'm going to, because, you know what, Andrew? It's a special day where we're announcing the location of the TBTL 4000. Do you think by the end of today we will have sold out the entire floor? I think we will.

By the end of the day or by the end of the show? Because I don't even have the links up on the website

And this show hasn't posted either By the end of the day I think it was maybe like another hundred tickets Down on the floor I would love it if tomorrow We get together and we can say We've sold out the entire floor Wow, that would be amazing That would be really cool, right? We're not super far off from that But because we're doing it, it's a special day I'm going to actually just give you the like Five minute version of the last two top stories So we can start afresh tomorrow So we don't have these things hanging over our heads Okay, so Apple has announced that they are going to change the way that their autocorrect works to basically read the room instead of the previous model, which was based on just like letters, you know, trying to figure out. previously autocorrect by the way this article from the new york times cali holterman writing in the new york times previously autocorrect matched the spelling of each word in isolation against the words in its dictionaries now when they replace a word they would ensure the replaced word will still maintain the original meaning of the sentence which is a key difference autocorrect was developed in the 1980s to accompany word processing programs had been creating problems for as long as it had been solving them now here's the thing that i would wonder about this story Andrew I am very annoyed when I'm trying to type a swear to you and it wants to make it ducking but on the other hand I don't know if I'm comfortable with the robot having any sort of autocorrect that might go to a swear oh that's interesting the only thing worse than having to type ducking is typing the f-word or it completing the f-word when you weren't trying to say that and

now it's going to someone who you would never use that language my guess is my guess is it won't auto correct to the swear word but it might not auto correct out of the swear right i think you're

right that makes sense that does um this there's a mention in this piece by callie holterman ducking has become such a recognizable error caused by the iphone's autocorrect function that the wall street journal once conducted an interview with the autocorrect features creator Ken Kosenda At a duck farm That's actually a pretty good bit So We are all going to be able to swear On our iPhones now A little more easily and I Welcome that You ducking love it The other article is from the Seattle Times It's an op-ed piece By somebody named Christopher Elliott Who is the chief Advocacy officer at Elliott Advocacy Do you think he's also the only employee at Elliott Advocacy? I don't know. No, I think there's a bunch of people named Elliott there. But Christopher Elliott writing a piece that was picked up by the Seattle Times. One way that airlines could improve flying is to stop seats from reclining. I have said this for years, and I did an entire Sunday morning commentary about it. The benefit of reclining your seat is minimal. the in the impact on the person behind you's experience is maximal like the problem is long ago seats on in like coach anyway stopped reclining to an amount that would make your life any better but that weirdly that amount of reclining ruins the life of the person behind you yeah it's just strange it's a weird like economics thing where it's like no benefit to one person and all downside to the other person somehow we're still doing it And there's something that is usually brought up in these articles as well i mean this has been something that i've been shouting about i mean forever now as somebody with and living too by the way living this truth just like um but they often will describe it as the airline is selling the same space twice sort of because they're selling you the the space that is in front of you but they're also selling the space to the person who is in front of you who can then take up that space and there's some sort of economic principle therein i get a little confused about that because it starts to get into like schrodinger's cat territory for me but it's sort of it does sort of make sense and um yeah i mean it's it's real it's a real bull and i uh you know there's been a couple of times i've tried to maybe say to the person like hey i don't like approaching strangers and asking for things but i think there's been once or twice i've said hey could you not do that like i got no room back really there have been plenty of times where i'd like kind of like hold my knees stiff in fact i I read an op-ed about this the other day, too. I'm assuming it's the same one, but I can't remember the publication. But I believe it even began with the writer saying, I was on an airplane and the person tried to put their seat back. But my legs were there and they couldn't put the seat back. And they kept pushing and trying. And I've been in those physical battles before. I've got the scars.

We need to get you the knee defender.

Well, then you can really. I mean, I remember hearing stories about the knee defender ending up causing actual sky jinx in our parlance.

But what if you just like low key it, like just slide it in and then just act like, oh, that must have been from the previous flight. That must have been when this rig was going to Tucson.

I don't think I have the I don't think I have. Yeah, I don't want to get into it with anybody. And I think that I've heard that, like, if an employee of the airline, you know, if a flight attendant or somebody sees it, they'll ask you to remove it. They're not really I think they're against. like i don't want to do anything or sell anything that is going to be anything be anything that involves me having to defend myself on an airplane or get into it because then i'll get if i get hollered at then i become a different person and i become a little bit more like defensive like

i just want next thing i see you on tiktok karen carted off a flight right zip tie because you finally have your meltdown that we've all been waiting years to see whether you punch someone

through the moon i don't want yeah i just want them to stop putting this functionality on the

seats it's ridiculous well that's one of the things that they have done certain airlines have done that on uh on international flights and other things um and then people complain and so they bring it back this is all in the article one of the things that uh our guy uh christopher elliott of elliott advocacy email him uh at chris at elliott.org again i feel like this might be a one-person operator elliott2 at elliott.org god god can't wait to get my hands on that email One of the things that Chris Elliott says is, he says, instead of disabling reclining seats or considering the installation of non-reclining seats to prevent passenger frustration, airlines should address the problem of shrinking personal space. Well, Christopher, if you think that's going to happen, I've got a bridge for you in Philadelphia. It's the I-95, and I would like to sell you the section that just collapsed because they are never going to do that. Like that is the most I mean, no offense, but that is the most meaningless sentence I've ever read. What the airline should actually do is give us more room at no cost to us. Like I just they're not going to do that. It would be the it would be the solution, but it's not going to happen.

But I do think it's worth reminding. And again, I don't know if we're working off the same material here, but whatever I was reading the other day did do a good job of reminding people that the airline experience, the flying experience is so much different. than it was back when they made these seats reclinable. Like the shrinkage of personal space and airplane is extreme. I mean, they have been warming up the water on us, the frogs, for quite some time here. And like if you were to go into an airplane, probably even from like the 90s, you would notice a huge difference in the amount of space. They've just been incrementally squeezing us and squeezing us and squeezing us, yet still leaving this reclining functionality.

I'm thinking about the people who, you know, design the seating on the airplane, and it's like me doing my taxes. I'll just, like, be like, what do I think I spent on haircuts last year? Like, I don't know. It's like $40 a haircut.

You deduct haircuts because of your job? Yes. Because you have to be on stage? That's interesting. Yes.

It's allowable. It's itemized deduction. But I'll be like, okay, it's like $40 a haircut. I do it twice a month. It's $80 times 12. and then like whatever that number is was that like probably uh 800 and or 960 bucks or something and i'll be like it might have been a thousand i tipped and then i just i input it a thousand and i'm like will this go over i feel like that's the person going like let's if we moved every seat one inch closer you

We get three more seats in the back row. We can make $900 more this flight. Is there going to be a riot? I don't know. And then it's just like they hit send. They hit the button. Like it's with the same. I hope it's with the same amount of trepidation that I have when I'm doing doing my taxes. Like, is anyone going to buy this? That must be what it's like to be like, because they're like you said, I mean, gaslighting is a is a popular new term. Maybe maybe the frog water thing is a more apt description. But you're right. They've just been turning the water up on us so much. Like, do you think they ever feel bad, the people that are doing this?

Yeah, I think they lose a lot of sleep over it on their giant, comfortable beds in Malibu.

Here I go once again with the email. Every week, I hope that it's from a female. Oh, man, it's not from a female.

All right. You have, I believe, a voicemail that you are very excited to play for me. Yeah, I told you before the show. Better be from Burt Convy, one-time host of Super Password.

Bert Convy passed away at much too early of an age I was looking at his Wikipedia This is not from Bert

He died in a fall

No, too soon? Well, I read about how he died It made me sad Oh, sorry, that was an April Fool's No, I got it But I didn't get it at first And so I was like, oh wow, you read how he died too

Also, I didn't realize he died none Especially tragic

Well, it was a health thing, but it just made me sad

Anyway, all of that is to say But what if I told you that he also played two seasons in the Philadelphia Phillies minor league system? Would that turn that frown upside down?

You have my attention. I did not know that. Look at him. I mean, this is Wikipedia, but yeah, I believe it. Okay, I don't need to give you any setup for this stem winder that we received this morning or maybe a couple of days ago, but I heard this morning from listener Mariah.

Hey, dummies. This is listener Mariah in Chicago. Oh, my husband, who is adamantly not a 10, which is why...

Adamantly? I know. That seems aggressive. You're not invited to the 4,000th episode. No, you both are. Mariah husband. You both are.

Is in New York. Have you ever sold anything, Andrew?

Yeah, no. I am literally trying to sell them tickets. I love it.

Upon uttering that to you, I then went into the... And I have continued in the worst sales pitch ever for anything, including disinviting people is in New York for work

he just called me this morning and he said something crazy happened to me last night I woke up at 2am and I was on the fire escape outside of my hotel room peeing okay he was locked out of his room so he started walking down the fire escape He didn't know what time it was. He just knew it was the middle of the night. He started walking down the fire escape. He found an open door. He went through the open door.

He's butt naked. No. No clothes. Nothing.

And he goes into the lobby. He walks through the hotel into the lobby. and according to him he discreetly don't know what that means he discreetly like hid and sucked his head around a corner and was like I'm locked out of my room I'm naked okay and I need my key or whatever and the front desk person said what's with all the naked guests tonight that to me is the cherry on top of the whole thing but i just cannot imagine you're like okay i'm naked i've i'm in this situation then being like i want to walk through the hotel to the front desk i would have been like i'm sleeping on the fire escape tonight uh power out i don't even know where to

begin with that i don't even first of all everybody tonight pants look into them sleep in them an old pair of chinos or khakis you know what honestly and wear something under them yes absolutely this is why this is why i mean clothed and ready for an emergency that's an amazing story also that almost happened to me right i mean i'm assuming that maybe that's i mean i'm hoping that we'd get this voicemail no matter what but you were in your tidy whities right and you were kind of stuck in a little antechamber outside your room but locked out and potentially had to walk to the lobby luckily that didn't end up happening but because i had brought my phone again yes this is

an argument for being overly obsessed with one's phone why was i holding my phone at four in the morning like it other than maybe using it as a flashlight i have no good defense for why i was

bringing my phone with me but thank god i did but you were also like awake and probably doing show prep and like getting ready for your day in some way you weren't sleepwalking

were you no what was happening no no i wasn't this person sounds like this person just like woke up and they were they had already slept walked to the balcony or they're really setting up some things for future bad behavior by the way i'm talking about somebody who adamantly doesn't

like our show so so all you know all you mean like kind of laying groundwork in case that he's

found naked somewhere else he's not supposed exactly like imagine like you've you've established that sometimes you're nude in public and you have no memory of how it happened. I mean, that's a pretty strong kind of alibi for a lot of shit.

I feel like Walter White did that a couple of times. In order to distract from his other crimes, I believe at least once in that series, he decides his only way out, because he's missing for a few days, is just to strip naked and walk through a grocery store and then everybody thinks that he had some sort of a mental break and that explains why he's been gone for so long.

I when that happened to me I and I you know I can't remember if I was naked naked or had my tidy ways I might have even just said my tidy ways I thought you'd be too scandalized of my nakedness but like I did I think I would like like Mariah was saying or you were saying like you would just live on the fire escape I think I would have lived in that antechamber for the rest of my life like the embarrassment I guess Mariah's husband had no option but like I cannot imagine what that's like to walk climb down the fire escape naked and then walk into the lobby naked like i don't i don't know if i could handle that like emotionally like it might break me no i couldn't i don't know what i would i don't know and it wasn't the first person who'd been nude

yeah in the lobby that night which is amazing i hope that okay so i was like so many like so also hotels i hope you're keeping like a stack of robes under the front desk just in case this happens a lot like you never know when somebody's just gonna need a robe really fast that's one you know but also if you're somebody i i almost want to have mariah and her tbtl hate and husband on the show because like i like does he have a history with sleepwalking you know and if you do have a history with sleepwalking the idea of being somebody who has a history of sleepwalking and also chooses to sleep naked is really interesting to me um and again that's just I am so prudish and shy and all those things that, like, you know, that's an especially nightmarish thing for me. Not everybody feels that way. But, like, is this, like, is this your first foray into sleepwalking? And if so, what a doozy. And how is behavior going to change from here on out?

So many questions. That's a really good point. If this is also, like, is it possible that Mariah's husband is taking, like, Lunesta or one of those sleeping aids that's known to cause kooky behavior? Because you're right. If this is something that happens to Mariah's husband often, or has ever happened.

Or even occasionally.

We're ruling out nude sleeping, like, as an option.

Right. I'd handcuff myself to the bed if I was going to sleep nude, in that case. Fifty Shades of Andrew, I'm listening. Things really did just, I didn't realize how that sounded, but you know, I am going to take a moment to write down here, Fifty Shades of Andrew, see if anybody tunes in. We'll never sell tickets now. Have you ever tried to sell anything, Andrew? Fifty Shades of Andrew, come get it. Do you know that Genevieve and I one time...

I want you to check the downloads in one month. Please, somebody email us, okay? Today is Tuesday, June 13th. Please email us in a month to remind Andrew, because you have access to this. In a month, I might not have access to this anymore. Okay, well, in 14 days or whatever it is. I would love to know if Fifty Shades of Andrew is... I actually have the opinion that it will drive downloads. I think this show will be more downloaded than other episodes Because of that title

We had an episode of After These Messages one time Which was kind of a recurring yearly thing I would do Maybe I've done it three times And Genevieve would always groan about it Like obviously on After These Messages we talk about TV commercials right But I got into this habit of once a year saying I need to play for you all of the commercials I hear Endlessly on rotation during Mariners games And tell you all my quibbles with them It's just a way of me Because you just hear the same commercials a million times Over the course of a summer And the smallest discrepancies in copy and approach, like there's one running now where somebody says, the times sure have changed, but the needs of our seniors have not. So come, you know, use our facilities. I'm just like, you think that the needs of our seniors in 2023 have not changed? Like, of course, as time changes, the needs of seniors change. What are you talking about? Anyway, that's one thing that I would talk about on this special episode of TV after these messages. but these episodes tend not to be very good because it's just me ranting about radio commercials that nobody has ever heard before um and i get you know it's just they're terrible shows admittedly the last one we did a couple of years ago we just

to drive downloads we just call it our most popular show ever it was just like episode number whatever our most yes so like how could we have named it our most popular show ever when we're naming it as we post it right but it was highly clicked wow yes adjustable i was just thinking about that the other day as i was grousing about some uh some radio commercial i'm wondering if we're going to revisit that but i sort of feel like we we probably went out when we're on top

you want to know a commercial that i think is really good right now a radio one during the game it's a tv one okay yeah um it's for a um like a glasses company like a vision company and it's uh like a it's some kind of a it starts off you think you're watching like an episode of maybe like a drama like some kind of a or maybe even a horror film but the the folks are speaking another language they appear to be like east asian and they're speaking a different language but it's subtitled and then like it's like this woman is like going under the bed or something and they're like you know trying to figure out what's going on and then it says in a much larger font if you couldn't read that you need to go to this eye care place oh wow so they're showing you a subtitle at a size that would be difficult for a lot of people to read if they're losing their their vision and then in a much bigger font it's like if you couldn't read what they were saying call this number and it's like i can't think of a commercial that is more like sort of actively showing you the pro actively indicating what the problem might be and then providing you with a solution

oh my gosh this is interesting is this um vision works does this probably are you watching it now um i'm gonna see if i can call this up i found one version that's a minute but then i found a 30 seconder but it's behind a paywall but yeah i think i found it a lot of people are talking about that this was a test or that was a test that was a test right it's a very smart commercial i think yeah i'm looking at it now yeah oh i see i'm not gonna play it because it's all visual based on the uh the subtitles but that is a good premise isn't that pretty clever like it's you know it's

not every day that i like sit down or and kind of take note of a commercial being like effective in that way i like commercials that are funny you know things like that but i was like no this is a perfect use of television oh the subtitles are getting some maybe you said this and i didn't

quite catch it but the subtitles start at a more normal size and it gets smaller and smaller i'm gonna uh actually i am gonna play this for you and tell you because i'm surprised by the dialogue this is interesting so we see it's from the perspective of under the bed as if we're like a monster under the bed and we're the the monster's pov right and we see um it looks like yeah a woman maybe in pajamas we see her bare feet come in but it looks like there might be somebody in some sort of protective gear coming in with her and looking under the bed. And the whole perspective is going to be from us under the bed as a monster. I don't know how long it's been here, the woman says. Long enough to produce eggs, it seems, says the expert. It's covered in scales. It seems to be covered in mouths. And what you think are scales are in fact fangs? Are those tentacles? I think some are tentacles and some are scales. Now it's too small. I can't read it anymore. And then it says, this was a test if you couldn't read the subtitles, schedule an exam. I literally couldn't read them by the end. They were so tiny. They were getting smaller and smaller and smaller. That is freaking brilliant. Really, really smart, right?

Yes. You've got your next episode of After These Messages, my friend.

We have to do a show tonight, and maybe we can build something around that.

See if Genevieve can play the commercial for her and see at what point she can no longer see the subtitles. That's really fascinating. All right. This is going to be our most popular show ever. I'll title it that our second most popular should we call should we call today's TVTL our second most popular episode

I think Fifty Shades of Andrew is going to drive traffic no that's good I really want to I want to know the metrics on that and wait till you see what I photoshopped for that website art

I've been waiting for you Mr. Gray

I've never seen that movie

I just assume there's a point where Dakota Johnson says that you've always been here Mr. Gray yes that's the same movie right do you know that that whole Fifty Shades of Grey thing started off as Twilight. No, no. That started off as Twilight fanfic? Or Twilight started off as Fifty Shades of Grey fanfic? One of those things was somebody writing in the comments of one of the other things.

But were they really, were those two worlds connected? I know that I did think, okay, yeah, I think it's maybe Twilight was started as fanfic, right? I see. Or inspired by or something?

maybe so like it was like the person writing Stephanie Meyer I think wrote Twilight the Twilight books maybe she was like in she was a big Fifty Shades of Grey head and was like writing in the

fanfic section or something I think we got this wrong let's see I'm on an article on Forbes Fifty Shades of Green how fanfiction went from dirty little secret to money Amen.

machine so i might have actually in trying to correct you might have messed that up even more

i'm trying to read this article but it's getting smaller and smaller honestly it is with all the

pop-ups that are encroaching on my screen i'm like i have like a window where i can read one

sentence at a time all right i think we've done enough harm in the world today but uh the good news is we're gonna be right back here tomorrow with more of it so please uh do join us for that in the meantime head over to tbtl.net or wherever you get your 4000th episode tickets And please do come see us July 29th at the Neptune Theater Have a great rest of your Tuesday Go Mariners And please remember No mountain too tall And good luck to all

Actually you know what I can email you Or you know you can email me At splet2 at spletnet.net I'll be sad to see him go, but it'll be nice to get my hands on that handle, you know.

Power out.