Muse

All right, let's get to work, actors. I got three words for you. Glengarry. Glenn. Ross. Coffees for closers only. You call yourself a salesman? You son of a b***h. Hi, I'm from downtown. I'm from Etch and Murray. So, you've got, all of you got, just one week to regain your jobs, starting with tonight. Okay, we're adding a little something to this month's sales contest. As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac El Dorado. Anybody want to see what second prize is? Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired, but I've worked out a little... Okay, okay, no, no, no, no, stop. I'm not kidding. You're making me nauseous.

TBTL!

you know i think about this and what about this internet thing do you do you know anything about that sure what the hell is that exactly don't you kind of feel like a sellout can you really

call it a sellout when they give you a free tesla for doing the show i think i'm looking forward to

cracking up uh i hope i can like you know totally crack up so uh i haven't like totally cracked up

in a long time are you saying boor boorns i was saying boorns and my uh grandpa likes to say

hot diggity dog as i like to say i am well hello good morning and welcome everyone to a wednesday edition of tbtl the show just might be too beautiful to live it is our turn My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host.

Hey, want to hear the most annoying sound in the world?

Coming to you on this Wednesday, once again, from my parents' basement.

Hey, Mom! The meatloaf! We want it now!

Where we have also arrived at day three of the TBTL-a-thon.

I gotta figure out how to make money on this thing. It's simply too good.

This, of course, is the one week out of the year where we spend some time reminding all of you that this is 100% listener-supported. And now more than ever, because TBTL is independent as of this week, meaning if you're able to go to tbtl.net and donate to keep the thing going, then we can keep doing this. So we have a lot of fun stuff to talk about today, which, by the way, is episode 3981 in a collector's series.

Let the fun begin.

There's some new science out involving orangutans. I heard the jury's still out on science. And the idea that they may actually be able to beatbox. I smell a new Fox television show right after The Masked Singer. It'll be a show dedicated to orangutans beatboxing. But the scientists think it actually might indicate something about human language. Did we start out beatboxing to each other as humans? Is that how we began communicating? We'll talk about that. Also, is there something that will finally fill the Twitter-shaped hole in my heart?

I know what you guys are thinking. Hey, it's the guy from Twitter.

We'll talk about threads coming soon to a cell phone near you. And we'll also talk to this guy, the longest-running co-bro of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. He's the Todd Stout of Jeep Wrangler ownership. Backseat of my Jeep! He's Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now from just next to me at this table. Good morning, my friend.

Good morning, Luke. I can't, should I wear a hat today or not? I'm wearing this shirt that I got on vacation that is kind of a pink shirt, and I like it. I think it's weirdly an okay color on me, even though you would think it might not complement my skin very well. But I think it's okay. But I brought a blue Mariner's hat. I thought it would offset it well. But would you prefer me not to wear a hat today? I mean, do you have any feelings on this?

I would like it if you, I already went to the trouble of combing my hair and putting my hair powder in today. Because we're broadcasting live on tbtl.net. And so if you're going to wear a hat, I'd rather you do it today because, like, tomorrow I may wake up just disheveled and bedraggled and I'll need to wear a baseball cap. And what I don't love is when we both have a baseball cap on.

Oh, interesting. Okay, well, I'm going to have to take off my headphones for a moment.

That actually gives me a perfect moment to introduce TBTL employee Numero Uno, our vice president of operations, finance, and sometimes firearms. Hey, Lloyd! He is John Sklaroff, who used to be one of my three favorite employees of TBTL. How dare you? Until about 15 minutes ago when he donned a Yankees jersey. Good morning.

You know, you guys are riding high on the Mariners' success lately, and so I just had to represent.

I find it offensive that you packed that. Like, you were in St. Paul, Minnesota, and you were like, what should I wear to Luke's parents' basement's house? My parents' basement's house? That doesn't make sense. What should I wear?

wear out to raise money for the show. It's my first week on a new job. Let me try to wear the most triggering sports

outfit that I can. I don't think we have an official dress code yet, so I figured now would be the time I could get away with it. No, I'm looking forward

to your Dallas Cowboys jersey tomorrow.

Oh, and by the way, look who's back there just across the room. It's our good friend from APM. It's May.

Wait, can we hear that drop

again? Hold on, I'm playing the applause for May right now. But then we'll hear May's official drop in a moment. I just put into my little system, do I have anything with the letters M-A-Y in them? And what I got was something called Luke Robo Voice Maybe.

There you go.

And May said quite nicely, here are some other drops you could play for me. And I was like, no, we don't have time for that. We're just playing this. I like, May, that you're here for a lot of reasons. But one of them is because you still work for American Public Media, our former employer. But you're here hanging out with us, helping us. You're going to be helping us tonight for the 10 Teaks show. We're doing a Zoom thing tonight. It feels like we're like we got divorced from APM, but we're still real cool. Like we're those really cool co-parents who like are friends with the new people that they're dating. And we're just like very chill. Like we don't even work at APM anymore. We have an APM staffer here. It's pretty cool. It makes me feel very evolved.

There was this moment. And Mae does not have a microphone right now. Sorry, everybody. But just trust that we're not talking to an imaginary person in the room. But there was a moment when, May, you've been hanging out here for a while, and you're just like, we're making small talk. And then at one point, you whipped out your laptop and said, all right, where are we on this thing? And you and John just started talking numbers. And I'm like, I didn't, I mean, you're here as a guest. I love having you here. I didn't realize that you're also kind of like, what are they saying, Glengarry Glen Ross? Are you here from? Mitch and Murray. From Mitch and Murray.

Did the guys from downtown send you? Get some work done, and I love it. absolutely thank you well thanks for being here and we're very looking forward to uh your your help with the zoom tonight because i think what we've come up with is uh we would like you to be the final um kind of word on what the value of these various antiques uh and also just weird bric-a-brac that people are going to present this is how it's going to work tonight um one of the best ways to start a podcast that you're trying to fundraise for is to talk about a different thing that you're doing in about 12 hours it's a really i'm selling both the sizzle and the steak no this

is good because we want people to sign up if they haven't yet so this is really good to remind people

that we're doing this you can go to 5 p.m you can go to tbtl.net and you can sign up for the zoom thing and uh we're going to we're going to kind of i guess reconfigure a couple things down here in this basement and then we're going to present basically our version of antiques roadshow um and we want you to grab something now yeah that's what it yeah antiques road yeah yeah i'm amazed that you just got there but yes considering you designed the logo in the font of antiques road

show i'm really what are the chances what are the chances that you're proud of that logo that is the best logo ever made it's got a little steamer trunk and i it looks like tb tails emblazoned on the steamer trunk i stole all kinds of art from the internet to make that happen so let's not look under the hood too closely but yeah no um just join just so you can see the logo

anyway we're going to be uh taking a look at i'm gonna go around this house by the way harvesting various things that my parents have that are of note in my life. I'm thinking of one thing in particular that's upstairs that is probably of the things I've stared at, at various intense moments of my life, it might be the thing I've stared at the most. Oh, wow. It's a painting of Jesus Christ. No, I'm sure that's around here somewhere as well. But anyway, Mae's going to be helping us out with that tonight. In the meantime, while you're at tbtl.net, while you're poking around, while you're kicking the tires of that website uh maybe um this is where i start doing a very terrible david letterman impression maybe because letterman was in the intro package yeah hey paul uh maybe uh while you're at the website uh you could uh donate to tbtl because this is day three of the tbtl of fun we had um a wonderful fourth of july get together last night at the airbnb uh walt and susie came over uh genevieve came out from seattle and uh and we we barbecued and we we hung out and we chatted and we chopped it up and when i woke up this morning i was overwhelmed with regret at how much i was trying to force people to eat these stupid hamburgers that i was making i think everybody enjoyed them i just felt like i was being very pushy i'm not fishing for a compliment i just felt like i was because you know i was i was pretty far into the bottle of tequila at that point and was just like you i promise you if i blindfolded you and put you in vietnamese prison camp and i fed you one of these burgers i told you i was very drunk i made a lot of mistakes i wasn't there for that part if i blindfolded you and made you eat this you would not be able to tell me this is not from mcdonald's that was my big point i was trying to force on everyone i hope

you aren't in

salted there was one burger left over it was sitting there that was mine i don't do cheese burgers so i hope that is okay i'm not offended at all that yeah but you were going i ate it at 130 i had a feeling you notice i cleaned up the kitchen but i left and i put most of the food away but i left one perfect looking burger i wish i'd taken a photo of a perfect burger good on a plate and i just left it there i'm like luke is going to come in yes from the bonfire at some point and he's going to see this and he's going to be glad it's here like why did i take a picture

of that at like 1 45 a.m what was going on in my mind was i documenting it was i you were probably like this will be a show pic for evidentiary reasons for i don't know some kind of legal implications why do you why does what uh today 1 31 a.m why does one take a picture of a burger

like that because you knew that this would come up and i need you to send that to me so and i want

to tell you it was delicious yeah it was so good sometimes food is good like especially well first

So if I'm grilling something, I'm usually not really hungry right after grilling because I'm kind of just like hot and worked up or whatever. I get really worked up when I'm grilling. I scream at the hot dog. Brown better. But also my favorite part of like grilling is when you fed everybody, you've had a good time, you've sat by the bonfire for a while, you've watched the moon. And then later on at night, again, around 1.30 would be the perfect time to come in and be like, oh, hello. Look who's been sort of like just out here kind of marinating in the air of the party. And now I'm just going to like do a little wash a little dish, eat a little hot dog, wash a little dish. Make a little love. Get down tonight. Exactly how I do it.

The reason I was so obsessed with everyone trying one bite of these burgers was because it uses impossible hamburger, i.e. fake hamburger. but i'm very proud of the fact that if you do it just right you kind of wouldn't notice but when i went to the store yesterday genevieve and i went to the store to get the stuff all they had was uh the kind of uh fake hamburger impossible but it was impossible light oh i didn't know that's a thing was it less i didn't know less salt less of everything good less fat less salt and so i was sitting there going what am i going to do because i don't i've already i'd already been bragging about these burgers and i was like these need to really turn out so then there was a different two patties of impossible meat that was called like premium impossible it was like with all of the fat it was with all of the bad stuff like too much of the bad stuff so i bought that as well and then i mashed them all together okay so i combined the patties okay i bought the two healthy stuff and then the the two unhealthy stuff and then i melded them together and the result perfect

amount of health never know yes yes it was very good it's funny i mean i don't know if this is interesting but i'll bring it up um you mentioned that you know they sell the impossible meat you can just buy it as like kind of a chunk of ground meat and then form your your own patties or they sell kind of pre-made patties but still raw you know uncooked yes but you say that the the stuff where you have to form your own the block that's the way to go protein is way better yeah because

if you buy the frozen the like pre-made patties and they're frozen they always make the patty too big in other words when you're eating one of these fake meat burgers you want the fake meat part to be kind of in the background of the experience because it doesn't taste exactly like real meat and so you don't want to bite into like a two inch thick thing of like some kind of weird soy product and so when i buy it in the in the just like you know ground beef sort of style then i can make the patty the way i want i can make it you know just right so anyway i'm just

glad to hear that i wasn't being you're talking a lot about burgers and i'm serious that i don't may have you been to red robin yet um there was a red robin oh yeah in my like hometown growing up

oh wow how are the cheese sticks cheese sticks were great okay great okay yeah i um we yeah we were getting a lot of pushback actually i realize now at the beginning of the week on thinking that

red robin was just a uniquely northwest experience i think maybe i introduced that into evidence my

apologies i i think i backed that up because in the new york metro area at least where i grew up when when i was growing up there i don't think it was a thing you're from new york i couldn't tell

oh would you like some physical evidence my friends how dare you i do like the fact john that like this has been a rough year to be a mariners fan and we finally just got a little the last couple of days we just had a little tiny bit of like not the worst stuff happening And that was enough for you to break out the Yankees jersey to just big dog us that way.

You know, talk about a rough year. The Yankees are like eight games over 500, ten games over 500, and they're in third place in their division. So I feel your pain.

Yeah, yeah. No, actually, I take it all back. I feel really, really sad for you. Hey, if you would like to call in and tell John what a disrespectful thing it is to wear that jersey, you can give us a ring. It's 206-414-TBTL, 206-414-8285. We had calls coming in Before the show I don't know if we have anybody on hold currently but if you want to give us a ring you can in the meantime uh we need to talk about the situation with the jeep willy because it's gone it's gone from being kind of a joke to this morning something that i'm honestly starting to have feelings about which is it turns out when you drive a jeep uh even if it's a rental jeep anyone else in their own jeep gives you a peace sign when they drive past you it's one of those vehicles where the people that drive that vehicle are so into it that they have a hand signal for each other.

I have a neighbor who has a Jeep, and on the back of that Jeep, there's a bumper sticker that says, it's a Jeep thing you wouldn't understand. And I pass it, and I always think, I think I would understand. You think you could wrap your mind around it? Yeah, it irritates me. But now I guess what I'm learning this week is maybe I don't understand or I'm beginning to understand, but I think what you're getting at here is that I have imposter syndrome when it comes to our Jeep.

We have driven by so many Jeeps in our three days out here. It turns out it's the number one vehicle of the Olympic Peninsula. And I don't blame them. I'm loving my Jeep, Jerry. But every time we drive past a Jeep, I am seeing the person who's driving that Jeep giving us the peace sign, and then I punch you and say, give them the thing. And you're like, no, that's stolen Jeep Valor.

I did say that, that I don't feel like I should be engaging. I'm not really a Jeep guy.

But this is the problem.

It's a Jeep thing, Luke.

You wouldn't understand. The problem is that the other people driving the Jeeps do not know the backstory. So they don't understand that you're trying to honor and respect the fact that they own their Jeep. But they don't know that yours is a rental, meaning they just think, man, I met a real asshole today. I met a really rude. I thought we Jeep drivers had a fraternity.

How do you know it's not a test? How do you know that the fraternity of Jeep owners don't know that I'm a rental? Because they probably track all of these things. And they're trying to see if I do give them the P symbol back, they're going to be like, aha, that stolen Jeep valor.

I think they're just going around the rest of their day thinking like, golly, that guy driving that Jeep is just not fun. Like, he doesn't like me for some reason. I feel like you're trying to honor and respect them as Jeep owners. but i think what you're doing is making them think they're doing something wrong then i think i i

think we need a new symbol we need a new um we need some sort of a wave that is like i see you

i'm loving this rental but it is a but it belongs to the avis corporation i'll be returning it to seattle tacoma airport at the end of all of this yeah so i do i mean i don't know if it's a sticker

that we put on the front or back of the car i guess it would have to be on the front of the car um to let people know because i'm not trying to be rude i mean it's almost like the boater's code right when you had a boat i mean you always have to wave at other boaters or like kind of as i've

said on the show i got into boating for the waving yeah i'm one of those people also if you're out in the san juan islands uh here in washington state there i forget which one it is but there's an island where it's literally a thing where everyone waves to everyone all the time like it's a known thing and if you don't wave there's something wrong with you and i remember the first couple hours of being there feeling like this is a lot and then by the end i was like i'm never going back to not waving at people i felt very connected to folks and the funny thing is is i actually you

described one of these kind of casual greetings not quite a wave not quite a peace symbol but you said i didn't see the driver do this today but you caught it and i knew exactly what you're talking about because it's the type of thing that i will often do like if i'm passing somebody on a um just in my little volkswagen golf um we have our whole other thing we put little bunny ears we use our fingers and we make little really yeah it's a volkswagen thing it's a volkswagen thing um why did i think that oh volkswagen also makes a rabbit i think that's what i was thinking of i would by the way if you were confused by that joke so was i i just want you to know i was

halfway did i mention we were all up very late last night i was literally halfway through that

joke when i was like why why do i think that's a joke what am i talking about um but any whoozles You know, that thing where you're driving casually of one hand on the steering wheel, or maybe even both, but you're passing someone, but you just do the most casually. You don't even take your hand off the wheel. You just extend a couple of fingers, kind of like a very casual kind of peace symbol on the steering wheel.

It is a cool move. It was a very boss move, but you missed it this morning, and I think we need to find that guy. if you were driving on highway three this morning at about 9 30 and you were passed by a jeep willy um and uh and they didn't give you the peace sign uh just know that i see you and i apologize on behalf of andrew should we take a phone call yeah we got a we do have a caller on the line hi welcome to uh day three of the tbtl fun Ahoy, ahoy Hi, who's this? It's Sarah Nichols-Smith Hi there, Sarah, a.k.a. my realtor It's true

Do you have anything you would like to plug?

everything yeah um i i would like to plug paying teachers more because we went straight from the last day of school on friday into the fourth of july oh wow again which is a special uh energy nightmare for how many how many kids do you have i have two i have ryan who's watching you all oh wow what's up the room um he turned six and a couple oh happy blurs and then i have Arlo, who got to be really good friends with Andrew when he was about two months old.

Yeah, newborn. We were hanging out. We were going visiting houses together, deciding whether or not we wanted to go in on an investment opportunity together.

So you're saying, Sarah, that having to take care of these kids 247 is giving you a newfound appreciation for the teachers that were taking care of at least one of them before?

Certainly. the appreciation is always there, but it's heightened when you're around more than one

of them at a time. I have a question as a real estate professional. What would you do? I've told the story on the show many times, but years ago when I was looking to buy a house in Seattle with my ex Vanessa, we actually put an offer in on a house that hadn't, they hadn't shown the house yet, but I went and looked at it and liked it, put the offer in and they accept it, but they still went through with the open house I guess because they thought maybe this guy's gonna flake or whatever so I went to the open house with the intention of pretending I was somebody else and wandering around listen overhearing what other people were saying so as to decide if this was a good decision or not I was going in deep cover and I came up with the pretend name Casper Vanessa

came up with the pretend name Gwendolyn oh yeah real good low-key low-key average names we went We went into the house.

Just slip under the radar as Casper and Gwendolyn.

Have you ever had a Casper and Gwendolyn show up to an open house? And we walk in there.

You are super staticky.

Uh-oh. Uh-oh. No. Wait, wait. Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. We have a system for this. It's called Wiggling the Dongle. And that's not as dirty as it sounds. But Andrew is going to wiggle the dongle. and we're gonna see if this fixes it okay we lost sarah okay we can get sarah's back to call us back yeah i will finish this story i've told roughly 8 000 times which is just that i was outed as being luke burbank the first and probably only time for about six months that anyone ever recognized me as being a radio host in seattle was in the most inopportune moment i wanted to hear how sarah would have responded as the real estate agent in that moment but to know because i remember

you told me that story one time and i was like there's no way these people kind of recognized you as the buyers i was like they didn't pay attention but you were like no no they knew

they totally because there had been a lot of paperwork going back and forth you know when you make an offer on a house it's like your name is on there so this real estate agent had gone to their client and said uh there's somebody named luke burbank and vanessa romo who are trying to buy this house do you like the amount of money that they're trying to give you for the house

and those people presumably said yes well i'm sorry that sarah's not on the line oh look sarah's

okay sounds good let's see sarah can you hear us hi hi how's the sound for you it's not static

well temporarily i would like to say and i don't want to um get us off track of luke's story because we want you to weigh in on it but i would like to say that if you're somebody who has not donated to tbtl yeah but you would like us to continue to take phone calls um we clearly need a new uh what Are these things called DAWs, I believe?

Yeah, Digital Audio Workstations. Digital Audio Work something.

We need another Digital Audio Work something. So this would be a great time to donate.

If you could donate at the dongle level at tbtl.net, buy us a new dongle. So, Sarah, I guess my question to you is, have you ever had a client try to lie to you or mislead you or do something weird where you kind of had to figure out what to do in the moment?

oh i mean specifically to open houses um i don't know that i've ever been secret shopped before okay but what's what's kind of a secret is that the agents who are hosting open houses are normally trying to pick up buyers and so they're trying to like oh right to anybody who comes in because if

you're selling it if you're selling it the house and then you also represent the buyer then you're

getting the entirety of the commission right well yeah and that's a whole thing for my legal background to go into because i i'm not a fan of dual agency though it is legal in washington but then we're really getting into the uh to the weeds here but something we never do on this show about anything including dongles yeah never never done it before never been uh gone off on a different thread of thought but um i i think that it's probably pretty common um for people to walk into their own open house okay and and but it often it's not the agent who's actually has the listing so they might not have any idea that um you know the names of the people buying it so you probably could have even used your real names that's not as fun as casper and gwendolyn no i

I mean, those are two of the most fun names out there, obviously.

And I would bet they hosted it because you probably had an inspection contingency and they were thinking you might get cold feet and walk.

Yeah, that was back in those wild days when you could actually ask for an inspection. You didn't have to waive that just to have the right to pay millions of dollars for a domicile.

You didn't have to write an offer while you were outside of the house you just saw. Exactly. To get it accepted.

Now, can you just tell generally right away when someone comes into an open house if they're in any way serious about the home or if they're just a looky-loo. Because I love going into open houses and I'm rarely in a position to buy the house. I'm just curious. But I always feel like I need to act like I might buy the house. I feel like if it becomes known to the agent that I'm just there because I wanted to see how the undermount sink turned out, then they'll be like, get out of here, dude. Stop wasting my time and stop using up those valuable booties on your shoe that we need for real buyers. So I try to sort of have a physical and emotional presence there that says, I'm really about to buy this house. Can you tell when I'm really not about to buy the house?

Yeah, I mean, there are the people who come in and don't talk to you and they just walk through the house really quickly.

That's the giveaway. That's exactly what I do.

And then there's the people who pop in and they're really apologetic and they're like, I'm just a neighbor. And I love talking to neighbors because they give me all the dirt about the neighborhood and, and who's, who's a little wacky. And, but sometimes the neighbors can stay a little long. And then, and then there are the people who are serious, but they don't want to talk to you because they already have a broker or they don't, they don't want to get sold on anything. uh-huh uh some brokers have like a sign-in seat when you come in and you feel like you have to if you're coming in without your agent you feel like you have to write your name down and give them all the information and that's no fun so um are you a lawyer by training range yeah yeah so

why did you just why did you decide you wanted to go into real estate um after gone going through

all of the the stuff to become a lawyer you know i um really went i went to law school in 2008 when there was there there weren't jobs right or i guess i started in 2009 but there weren't jobs to be had and um i'd always liked the educational experience because i guess i'm a glutton for punishment so um i thought about going to law school throughout college and decided to go but i never really had a goal of being a practicing attorney i really didn't do well sitting at a desk for 10 hours a day um and i practiced very briefly as a workers comp defense attorney

wasn't for me was that defending companies that didn't want to pay their workers comp or

defending people that were trying to get their workers i thought it would be like a good way to get into corporate law but it turns out it's just specialized personal injury where there's It's like, you know, each body part has a price on it. So a pinky is about $1,200, I think. Wow.

What's the most expensive body part to hurt?

I can't remember, but there were some pretty gruesome files I read. But that was, you know, 12 years ago now. So, but I always, contracts were always actually kind of fun to read. And then I really liked going into houses. I grew up watching This Old House with my dad. I still say the word patina, patiner, because of all that.

Bob Vila, because of all that Northeastern accenting.

Yeah, exactly. I got my dad a cameo from Tom Silva for Christmas this year.

That's somebody on This Old House?

Yeah, he's the head carpenter.

What did you have him say to your dad on the cameo?

Oh, just, you know, you raised your daughter right, right? I had him compliment me.

Carrie once got me a cameo from a member of the Howard Stern Whack Pack, which was still one of the...

I got my husband the best cameo from the guy, the Trace Commas guy on, what was the show, Silicon Valley.

Oh.

Wait, which guy from Silicon Valley? The billionaire Trace Commas Club. Oh, right, right, right.

The guy who has the, he likes the cars where the doors go whoosh. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right.

They did the absolute, and I'll text it over to you. They did that cameo. It's so funny.

I have a question for you. Russ Hanneman? Yeah, that's the character. I have a question for you that is not cameo related, if it's okay for me to just, we can come back to this topic. Can we go back to body parts?

parts and we can get no let's not um i think there's an argument to say that the penis would

be the most expensive because the destruction of that would be very fundamental to a person's

existence sure if my son wasn't watching live i would go into um yeah a related workers comp injury that involved a forklift and uh one of those oh wait which one which one are we a crushing incident.

Please continue. Andrew, kill the YouTube feed. This is important. Sorry, Andrew, you were asking a non-schmeckle-related question.

Andrew, I'm not going to go trim the hedges at your house.

No, no, no. We're making good progress on those. Thank you. And also, I guess I should say thank you for finding the water shot-off valve on my house blueprints. I haven't actually taken everything out of that closet to see if it's actually there yet, but I trust you. but I did I saw something on social media yesterday on Instagram I believe and tell me you know jump in when I get this wrong I'll just talk over you don't try jumping in but I what I think I saw was you posted some things on Instagram it looks like you and the fam had a really nice day at one of Seattle's more popular parks on a very popular day the 4th of July to go to said park I think it was Golden Gardens or something along the lines of that And when you were getting ready to leave, maybe a half hour out, you posted, I have a parking spot at Golden Gardens right now that I'm willing to bid off to the highest bidder. Was your plan just to stay there until somebody took your offer of buying your parking spot?

So I would say that I don't always master Seattle, but I played Seattle on expert level yesterday. Maybe I skirted the rules a little bit, but my kids' aforementioned energy level was quite high in the morning, and the low tide was negative four yesterday, which I'm not a marine science person.

You didn't do that in addition to going to law school?

Yeah.

You were like, when I got done with law school, I just thought, let's become a marine biologist.

Yeah, but at noon, which is right about when the park starts getting packed on a nice July 4th, which isn't always the occurrence here in Seattle. So what I did was I took the kids down to Golden Gardens, and people are probably going to hate me for this, and we played on the playground for a while. And then my husband came and picked us up at about 10.30, and we left my car there. What? And then we came back about an hour later, parked up the hill and walked down the stairs with the kids. And so my car was, and we had like a picnic already packed and set in my car. So my car was one of the best spots you could have gotten at Golden Gardens yesterday. And yeah, I totally could have turned that into a business endeavor. But they had actually closed the parking lot to people coming in by the time. So there were like five or six really incredible empty spaces by the time we hopped in our car and drove off.

A heartbreak. That's like when they make you, they tell you, we have a completely full flight. And if we have volunteers to check their bags, I think it's happened to you, John, right? Flying out here. Then you get on the plane and like all the overhead spaces open.

I was very aggravated by that. Yeah, I've been there. It's infuriating. So you had a real supply issue there. You had too much supply and not enough demand. I took a little bit of economics in college

That'll do well on your new endeavor

Ask John how well I am How good I'm doing with economics

I think that finding a parking spot In a really busy place It's a real skill And it relies on doing something That's very counterintuitive Which is going as slowly as possible Because in this go-go world That we live in With the floppy drives and power gloves We all want to go everywhere faster But when you're in a parking lot, that's exactly the wrong move, because the faster you move through the parking lot, the less time you have to potentially see somebody backing out. So you have to turn into Hans Molman and just be like driving one mile per day so that you can see somebody getting out of their spot.

Well, and with the parks on a low tide day from you can walk on the beach from Carkeek to Golden Gardens. But they really should do like a city shuttle because what happens is a bunch of people go and drop a car off at either end and then leave it there for a couple of hours while they go to the other park and do the walk.

Well, I can't imagine somebody being so rude as to do that.

It's really being a bad member of the society. Who is there?

Well, Sarah, thank you for calling in. Is there anything else specific you wanted to bring up?

you know all i want to really quickly say is that um i can attest to whoever andrew's new boss is that he has online safety training um one story i've wanted to tell from that experience is that when we were in the middle of him signing some documents i swear

programs I was using and before Andrew signed anything he sent me a text like I might be being a little bit cautious here but the forms look different this time I just want to make sure you sent these wow he did everything he was supposed to do he checked on everything and I think that means he's passed this training for like at least five years for life the only problem is I have

zero memory of that and I'm worried that that might have been a some sort of a scammer It's your lucky day. Who reached out to you? You just found a USB flash drive in the parking lot. I honestly don't remember that. It was just some documents. They were in a different format. This was not that long ago.

I think it was a basketball game. There was a lot going on. Okay. Even with everything thrown at you at that moment, you did the right thing.

Yeah. Did I ever tell you? I mean, I must have mentioned this on the show. We don't have to go into a lot of detail here. But Genevieve and I, of course, with Sarah's help, put an offer down on a house. And then later that night, Genevieve and me and broadcast Barry and some other friends were at a women's hoops game at the U-Dub. Oh, yes. And then suddenly we started getting text messages and calls from Sarah saying, it looks like we're good to go. They're accepting your offer. We got to get some things signed. We need to get some very large sums of money transferred. And we're like, OK. And Vives and I were like literally trying to have the conversation in the stands. And then we'd like we go and we huddle somewhere like outside of a popcorn stand in the arena to kind of get this stuff moving. It's a very memorable day for me.

And I'm sure that your finger just was like hovering over send. Like, I know that we've agreed to do this and I know this is all fine. But hitting send, this is one, as they say in Juno, this is one doodle that can't be undone.

Yes, exactly. Yeah, yeah. It was nuts. Sarah, thank you for everything. And also, thanks for being such a good friend to the show for so long.

Yeah, Sarah, we really appreciate you. who we don't appreciate as your kid who ruined the penis story, but that's fine, you know?

The fact that you keep saying it with a kid watching.

They're going to learn at some point about the human body. I look forward to hearing that story offline, Sarah, at some point, at some event.

Yeah, it's pretty horrifying, so you might regret saying that.

Well, thanks for calling in, and thanks for being such a great team.

All right, congrats on going independent.

Thank you. Speaking of which, we are going independent, and we are trying to raise money this year, and it is midway through the week it's wednesday and uh john uh where are we in terms of kind of how we're doing and where we're trying to go and basically will we get paychecks and is my is my very important question well i run the payroll so i'll get a paycheck i can't speak

so much for you classic yankees move yankees eat first real brian cashman over here um no things are going really well the tens are are awesome as we know if we've said over and over again so But it's from a donation level where we're about like halfway to where we want to be overall. We know we've talked about like the monthly people that give monthly that's ticking along, which is doing great. We're not quite where we were when we were with APM, which is the thing that's like the real, if you gave before, we just ask you to do what you did before and give again. Yeah. Can I actually read, because I was like looking at some people writing in the comments, which are great. And I think I mentioned this one to you guys yesterday and it just is really funny to me. uh annie down in georgia says i've loved you guys longer than my husband oh yes we love that feedback so if you're like the kind of person that's like love the show for so many years and you've never donated honestly if it's obviously you know fit your budget works well like this

this is the moment yeah i feel like there are people out there who probably love us more than they love their husband too so we'd like to hear from you as well if your relationship is falling

apart coming yeah this is a great time for you if you're getting alamoy checks just redirect it

just sign it just sign the back and send it to us for real though i mean it's an interesting thing what we're doing here because but we we know we had a had it pretty good at apm we well first of all we worked with john but also we're not paying john's salary it was kind of a sweet deal because we got all of john's expertise and smarts and all of may's smarts and everything um but then we weren't actually owning the business and what we decided to do was take on all of that responsibility ourselves in the hopes that the people who are supporting the show would just like you said john keep doing what they were doing but as i mentioned yesterday the big challenge is like getting some number of people who had something that was auto deducting from their account to now proactively go to a different thing and log in and start paying uh and donating money that way that's kind of a big ask and particularly on a holiday week so it is a bit of a roll of the dice and again And the good news is we're about halfway to where we're trying to get. The bad news is we're halfway through the week, and we've gotten already a lot of support from our really, really dedicated folks. And what we're trying to do now is kind of speak to the people who haven't donated before or who might be a little bit more on the periphery. If you're kind of in that middle range of TBTL enjoyment and appreciation, this is the week of all weeks where we really need you to kind of, like, engage with what we're doing financially so we can keep doing it.

this yeah and no matter what level you can give at we have some thank you gifts for folks who give at various levels and you can read about them all when you go to tbtl.net click on the donate button and you'll see the coin that we've been talking about all week we have a special tbtl that's not the one we're giving away we're giving away a t we're going we're veering on that we're going with a tbtl commemorative i saved tbtl coin that you can carry around in your pocket and and worry the way i've been worrying this coin during the show today i realize i've been making terrible eye contact with the camera as I've just been rubbing the Todd Stout

visage. And then occasionally you place the coin in the middle of your hand like the guy in Indiana Jones, the bad guy who picks up a coin from like the Ark of the Covenant or something, but it's so hot it burns into his hand. Oh, it's the medallion. I do, I push it in.

I'm doing that, yeah. But no, the Todd Stout coin is mine. Don't anybody get any ideas about that, but we do have a really cool, I saved TB Because this is a huge moment in the history of TBTL. And if you're somebody who can support us right now, you indeed deserve to claim that you saved TBTL. We also are going to be creating some new content as a thank you gift to people who give at a certain level, at the $25 a month level. We're going to start a new video series, a weekly video series called The Week in Review with the larger cast of characters of TBTL. May already, I saw your eyes get big there. I'm sure we'll be seeing you on that video series soon

by the way May donated to the show

thank you that's super nice thank you so much May you know who else is donating to the show

apparently my actual mother I think she got a real taste of fame yesterday coming down here and being on the show and then when I went upstairs later she was re-watching the YouTube video I would and scrolling through the comments where everybody was saying nice things to my mom. And then when my dad came home, she was trying to make him read the comments, but they had like expired or something. And then she texted me and said, I am going to donate $10 a month. And if you've heard anything about my parents on this show, you've heard just how parsimonious they are, particularly my mom. And for her to say she wanted to donate, and she was like, it's just $10. She goes, and maybe if I can do it, that will inspire more people to donate just $10. That's amazing.

And John, your family is checking in? Yeah, my mom also signed up at $10 a month.

At what point does it become multi-level marketing? When it's just our immediate actual family and friends. Hey, could you just buy this Tupperware from us or these candles or whatever?

I'm not above that. I have no shame when it comes to getting people to donate to the show.

You think a TBTL candle would sell?

We can look into it.

Like a candle business based around TBTL?

You said that some other family members of yours donated as well. My question for you is how big is your family? Can we keep this rolling?

So my mother donated, and then my mother-in-law donated. So, I mean, I have to talk to my wife, but if polygamy is on the table, that's more mother-in-law. No, definitely, and a good reason to do it. That's an interesting place to take that. Oh, probably not. Jess, don't listen to this.

Hey, speaking of donors, Luke, would you mind if I interjected here? I was hoping for some razzle-dazzle. Oh, I love this song. Razzle-dazzle.

That's right, man, razzle-dazzle.

On your mark. On your mark. Get set. Get set. Now ready. Ready. Go. I think most of the people listening know this song well. This is when we thank the people who donated at a dazzling level of dough, the $50 a month level, which is also an option this time around. You can send us a note that we will read directly on the air. And we had read all of our dazzling donor messages. But unfortunately, I had missed one from Jennifer Wolfe, long-time supporter. Yes, of course. We know Jennifer. We know Jennifer. We met Jennifer at the meetup last year in Denver. And Jennifer says, greetings, dummies and tens. We're the dummies. How do you feel about that, John? Yeah, now you're a part of that.

Somebody wrote an email and said, hey, dummies and John. So I'm fine with either.

Did you write that email? Yeah. Was it your mom or your mother-in-law? Jennifer Wolf says, greetings, dummies and tens. It's been one of the most chaotic years of my life. Hopefully all that chaos wasn't bad, Jennifer. So I'm counting on my imaginary friendos. and it's been so settling and important. I will dazzle on. I'll add another annual plug for social media for my consulting company. We work with indigenous communities and share news, memes, and uplifting stories on Instagram and Twitter that highlight our issues and resilience. So please, everybody, follow Jennifer's group, Project Mosaic LLC. That's Project Mosaic LLC on Instagram and Project Mosaic CO on Twitter. Power out. Thank you, Jennifer. Thank you so much. We really appreciate it.

And again, thank you to everyone who has already donated. I think I get so fixated on trying to kind of entice and encourage folks who haven't donated yet.

But sometimes I can kind of forget to give my proper thanks to people that have donated early and often and repeatedly. Sometimes we're John's will be sitting back at the Airbnb. You will both be hunched over your respective laptops doing different things.

I do.

I'll be lying in the grass listening to the Mariners and slowly taking off more and more articles of clothing.

By the way, can we talk about that for a second? I'd rather not. What happened? I mean, nothing happened. But John and I were upstairs, you know, wait a minute. What? You're working over hot laptops, of course. And like you mentioned, you went outside to take in a little bit of sun. This is how it goes. And to watch the Mariners game. You both are working hard.

I go, can I do anything at all? And you both go, ah, we got this. And then I go outside and lie down.

Go play. Go play with your toys is what I said. And so the Mariners game was on. It was an afternoon game. And so you went outside and turned on the game, I think, on your phone. And you were sitting in one of those plastic Adirondack chairs. And I saw you down there kind of basking in the sun, directly in the sun. See, I'm more of a shade guy, but you're right there in the sun. And then I see you down there, and you're still wearing your work clothes, which is like a button-down shirt, I believe, and a pair of white tennis shoes. And then I look over at some point, and I think the shoes are off, and they're sitting next to you, and you're out there in your bare feet.

Bare up, glasses on.

And then I look over again maybe five minutes later, and you're totally sexy beasting it up. Don't take that as a compliment. That's a movie. Your shirt is still on. Your button-down shirt is still on, but it's now totally open. And you're bathing your chest in the sunlight as well. And you're wearing sunglasses and just staring directly up into the sky.

Just because I celebrate my body, unlike you two, doesn't mean that you can say these things to me.

No, there's no shame. I did not say that you look bad. You looked like squad goals to me.

Well, I'll tell you how that all came about. It's freaking freezing in this basement. Day one, I actually wore shorts and a T-shirt because I was preparing for it to be in the 90s. I thought it's going to be sweltering. I knew we were sitting behind this pile of lunch boxes So no one could see my legs So I figured I'll just wear shorts It's amazing I got through the show on Monday Because of how low my core temperature was So then yesterday I wore more clothing I wore full on long pants And like you said a button up shirt Who button up? I went with button down

Do you button them up?

I button them down I'm not joking I never thought about that being a description of how one does the shirt, but I button them down. I start at the top and go down. Is there anyone that starts at the bottom and goes up? It seems unnatural. That's some real chaos Muppet shit. Keep an eye out for those people. Yeah, seriously, is that in the DSM? That's an unquiet mind.

Also burning ants with a magnifying glass and buttoning your shirt. Exactly.

Shooting squirrels with a pellet gun. Wait, what the hell? Anyway, I still had on all that clothing, And then it was very warm outside. The sun came out and I was sitting there, but I was too lazy to go inside and put on proper shorts and a t-shirt. So instead, what I did was took my shoes and socks off, rolled my pants up. Oh, yes. And then slowly and I think sexily unbuttoned the shirt, starting with just like the top couple buttons and then eventually the whole thing. But my thought was there's no way Andrew and John are going to come look out the window and observe me in this state of undress.

Oh, yeah, I just looked out the window, and you were down there.

Can I just say, Steve Lee, who I know is a long friend of the time, friend of the show, I've had really great interactions, buttons from the bottom up.

This is listener Steve, buttons from the bottom up. Yeah.

Are you okay? That seems like, well, I don't know why that seems so chaotic to me. It seems like you would get a bad, you get a bad. It's called a button down, right?

It's called a button down. Yeah, I think so. Also, this is questionable content here, but did you happen to see late last night, well into my Kurs lights, I took a little subtle, I took a photo of some nice scenery, but I also got your little, I got your little footsies in there and I sent it to you. Did you see the foot pic?

I was too busy taking pictures of hamburgers last night.

And I was, I was like, you know, I think I threatened, I said, you know, like, give me 15K. Oh, yeah, you sent this to me and John. and I won't release this to the wider world John went right into fundraising mode and said actually I think some tens would pay to see these onlyfeet.com

as I've said before I'm not a huge fan of very much of my physical body but I do think I have ungrossed feet I'm very proud it's been commented to me from various people I've been in relationships with oh your feet aren't that gross and I took that as a huge compliment a huge compliment because you know Uh, my mom was really spinning some yarns last night, by the way. I'm just remembering them now. Like she was telling the stories of like, so my mom's older sister, my aunt Kathy is just a total sweetheart and just an absolute saint, just like a person who.

Always thinks of others and just is really the opposite of my mom. And my mom was telling me the story of how she would steal my Aunt Kathy's mohair sweaters and wear them to the Jardel dance and then stink them up. And then my Aunt Kathy would go, Sal, you stunk up my sweaters. But when she wasn't doing that, my mom would mercilessly, and this is her older sister, my mom would mercilessly roast my Aunt Kathy as to how she would end her dates. So she would, my Aunt Kathy would come home from a date. my mom would be they shared a bedroom i think it was like multiple um kids in this room my mom was like one of five seven kids so she's in bed my aunt kathy comes home and my aunt kathy's apparently outside kind of talking to her date going like see you later or something and my mom was like and i tried to pretend like i was asleep and i'd be lying there and i would turn the light out and i would close my eyes and then she would come in and she'd be being very quiet and she'd be getting undressed and getting into bed and then she'd start itching her athlete's feet and i would yell at her i can't sleep you're itching your athlete's feet anyway on the subject of having non-gross feet i don't have athlete's foot and i have non-gross

feet and i'm very proud of that no you know i i honestly i honestly don't know if if we want to

talk about this on the show or that's probably a side today sarah uh take the kid outside no but

So, you know, yesterday we cooked up some burgers. Genevieve came over, and it sounds, so first of all, it sounds like your mom and Genevieve are absolutely new best friends. Absolutely, yes, 100%. But more than that, I think, like, by the— Best friends are very cool to be. Very best friends are dope to be. By the end of the night, there were real, real conversations going on about those two starting their own podcast as the first official TBTL, Too Beautiful to Biz spin-off podcast over a, I believe, a British drama series.

Yes, and I have to say, I really would listen to that show. Genevieve would bring all of the kind of, I would say, details and smarts and kind of like context for the show, and my mom would bring herself, and that would be really entertaining. the two of them uh interacting and talking about when when they started going off on poldark this show last night i a was weirdly proud of my mom i don't know why my mom is not like pop culture savvy per se but genevieve who i think of as being very pop culture savvy and very smart was like into this thing and my mom was right there with her it was amazing so you know we

were talking to your folks about the shows they watch we know that they watch a lot of bbc dramas There's a lot of crime shows, too, although Poldark is not a crime show. But there was a moment where we were all eating the hamburgers that you had made, in my case, some kielbasa. And there was a pretty clear line between the programming that your parents watch and the programming that we tend to watch, right? There was a moment where you were trying to convince your mom to give, I think you should leave, a chance. I'm going to assume that that was the whiskey talking. The tequila, Andrew. Keep it straight. I don't really see how that would play.

You did laugh at the premise of the first sketch where he's pushing the door open.

But you're kind of like dropping, have you watched this? Have you watched that? And you're kind of getting blank stares from your parents. Your parents are like, have you seen Shetland? And I'm like, no, I haven't, but I'll put it on my list. It's actually the only thing on my list right now. But then Poldark came up, which it still sounds weird to me. It does not sound like a name of a show. And like it was Genevieve and your mom were like, well, I watched this one show. Oh, the show. Okay. Do you kind of like Bodice Rippers? Okay. And then they both said Poldark at the same time. John, am I lying? And they both squealed. It was a, what does Lucille Bluth scream? Gene Parmesan? Oh, I hired him a million years ago. It was one of the most joyful moments, certainly of this trip, if not my life, of your mom and my partner just squealing at the word Poldark. And then they just hit the ground running.

I believe they're Aiden Turner appreciators. I believe there was some prurient interest in one of the... I felt like I was hearing my mom talk about this guy in a way I've never heard her talk about my dad. And I didn't like it. It actually was very triggering. It took me back to when we were little and my mom would watch Little House on the Prairie and she would cry at the end of every episode because she loved Michael Landon so much. And me and my sisters would yell, you love him more than dad. And it all came flooding right back when she was talking about Poldark. That being said, I really would listen to that show. So, I mean, the challenge would be probably getting my mom to actually, like, make it to the recording sessions.

Well, I mean, I did love it. And, like, honestly, we showed up here today. We're in your parents' basement. Your parents are not here today. So I guess we can just, like, steal whatever we want. But your mom was, like, really disappointed. Like, really.

disappointed when she heard us come in she said well where's genevieve i'm like well she's she's working today like she was really just i mean i think she was and then she said is she coming back tonight is she coming back like they want to be best friends and i heard that um at the end of the night um genevieve's like no we can do this like we can do this poldark um podcast and she said so like you would just come over for a full weekend and we would just watch the show my mom made a friend it was it was amazing well that also genevieve is very into it by the way that

speaks to Genevieve's great ability to connect with, I've never seen a Genevieve unable to connect with a person. No, it is true. I think that that's a big part of that. But anyway, you guys, I'll say it for the final time, but you guys were all super sweet to my parents last night, which I don't ever interact with my friends and my parents at the same time. Like, that's not a social milieu that I get into. And so I think I was the whole time kind of being like, well, I hope my parents aren't being, you know, parents or something. But you guys were all super duper sweet to them. So thank you.

That was a really great night. And I think Anna on the chat says it best on YouTube, who says, Michael Landon was a handsome man with a fine head of hair.

Sure was. All my mom's obsession when it's not Little House is the Waltons. And she's like today, her and my dad went to the dentist. But like if they were not the dentist, my mom would be upstairs watching the Waltons right now. She is obsessed. And she's obsessed with the character of John Boy Walton, who is played by Richard Thomas. and I asked her this last night and I can't remember what her answer was but I think she's obsessed with this character of John Boy Walton because he is the son that I never was. He always puts everyone ahead of himself. The plot of every episode of The Waltons is this. John Boy Walton has big plans to do something he's really been looking forward to. Someone needs his help. He chooses to help them and forego his plans. He's been excited. Something I've literally never done once in my life. Foregoing my plans for anyone else that needs my help.

So basically, swap Walter with Michael Landon,

swap Lukles with John Boy,

whoever that is, and I don't know if the list

goes on from there. Swap my sisters with Genevieve.

Want Genevieve's to stand for them all?

My mom is shopping for a new life. She wants to be in like a Truman Show type situation where we've just hired a bunch of actors to portray her family. Anyway. Let's see here. We're getting towards the end of the show. Do we care about orangutans beatboxing?

I mean, sure. Tell me about it. I don't have a call on the line, but I'll give out the number again, 206-414-8285. That's 206-414-TBTL if you're watching on the live stream.

Researchers have figured out that orangutans can do something called making a bifonation, which is you basically are creating two different sounds with your voice. You make voiced and unvoiced noises at the same time. Voiced sounds come from the larynx. That's a really difficult word for me to say, which is ironic.

I was going to say larynx, right? Yeah, exactly.

Like, I don't know who spelled that back in the day, but I don't like it. The voiced sounds, like what I'm doing right now, come from the larynx in the throat, and they help make the open sounds of vowels like ooh and ah. Unvoiced sounds, for comparison, come from moving the jaw, tongue, and lips. Humans make these sounds when we are pronouncing consonants, okay? But they didn't think that any other animal could do it, but they've now found these orangutans that can do it. It's something that comes into play when people beatbox. apparently. And that's probably how the people at the University of Warwick are getting some attention on this. They were smart enough to throw beatboxing into the conversation. You seem like

somebody who at some point, and maybe we've talked about this, so maybe that's what I'm drawing on here, but you seem like the type of person, Luke, who at some point in your life got really into beatboxing and gave it a

shot. Well, I did give it a shot about six months ago on national television, and it was humiliating. Oh, that's right. You had a little story

about it, but there wasn't a time when you were like 11 or 12 and you thought that you had something?

No, I was in something called the Backstreet breakers when i was in like fifth or sixth grade where i was sort of a mascot for this break dancing crew um i was not very good at break dancing but it was funny when they would have me do it right um but i didn't really get into beatboxing um and then when i did it on tv it was very bad and embarrassing and it was one of those moments where i was like i'm doing i know this is going to be humiliating but it'll be funny television or at least entertaining television and you were

doing it you weren't it wasn't just like hey make the sounds with your mouth like they were sort of teaching you how to coach, so that makes it

a little bit better. By an incredible beatboxer named Kayla Malady, who is one of the reigning world champs of beatboxing, and I can say, genuinely, it was wild what she was doing. We're sitting in a hotel room in Vegas chatting, and she is making sounds with her body that are just... It's amazing this all could come from one person. I want to play you some orangutan beatboxing, and I want you to guess, this isn't technically beatboxing, this is just actual audio in the jungle. Do you guys know what orangutan means by the way i believe it's indonesian i don't i think it means old man of the forest or old man of the jungle i think is what orangutan means okay that's a freebie by the way if you want more interesting monkey facts please support tbtl at tbtl.net this is actual video this is from this study at warwick university um of uh of orangutans making these sounds in the wild but really what i want you to try to guess i can't have you look at this i was i was looking at your screen but i wasn't really i want you to try to guess what these sounds are called because they have kind of great names so here we go i'm gonna play you the first one do you what does that sound like to you that is the that they call that the water drops oh that's a good name it's actually called chomp grumbling chomp grumbling this is some classic that's a great uh who did that song chomp grumbling well it was a genre i get knocked down right but i get up again you're not ever gonna keep me down

wasn't that chumba wumba doing chomp grumbling i thought chomp grumbling was some sort of blue man group group as you like mum and chants like the people that put the toilet paper on their

eyes that's i gotta be an age thing because i feel like anybody younger than me do you guys

may do you know what mum and chants is john do you know what mum and chants no no chumbawamba

though uh-huh mum and chants was this like experimental theater troupe from maybe like the czech republic or something i don't know why they loom so large in my head as a kid because lord knows i wasn't going to experimental theater or the czech republic but they would they would get they were sort of like early blue man group in that they would put on these kind of elaborate i remember one being one of the characters both of their eyes were toilet paper rolls and they were just pulling the toilet paper off as it was like as if it was their eyes i don't know why that

i don't know i don't know that either i laughed because i thought you were riffing on something because i feel like there were big rolls of paper or something like paper towels or something in the one blue man group performance that i was somewhat obligated to go to 20 years ago oh i didn't i

don't think i knew well uh let's see uh yes here we go you just literally search for something that

you got the very rare there's literally no results on google for whatever you just typed in i saw the

i know gone fishing sign right that's really hard to do it is hard to search for something

so obscure google's like we got nothing like come on give us something here uh okay so here

we go mum and shantz they're actually swiss but um yeah avant-garde very avant-garde and i think i think made an impression on me because it was terrifying hey look here's toilet paper eyes

oh yeah i i can tell you i would hate that yeah i just from looking at the pictures i will tell you that i would hate that if you would if you were to take me to it i would pretend i didn't

hate it but i would hate it anyway so that sound we just heard was chomp grumbling from an orangutan We're hearing more Chomp Grumbling. We're going to skip ahead here. Here comes another one. Oh, yeah. What do we think that one's called? The Belcher. No? That's called the Kiss Squeak.

These are terrible names. They do not represent what I'm hearing. No, they're great names, but they do.

Chomp Grumbling. I'm naming my next two kids Chomp Grumbling and Kiss Squeak.

Okay, listen. But how will you know they're boys? Wait a second, though. No, no. The names are great, but they don't line up to what I'm hearing is the problem.

You're not hearing a squeak and a kiss in this?

No, I'm hearing a...

Here's a...

I'm trying, but no. That's a kiss and squeak one? That's kiss squeak. That sounds more like chomp crumbling to me. Yeah, I agree.

I agree. Well, take it up with the people at the University of Warwick. This is why... This is kind of interesting, though. In the fact that we have, there is some common ancestry in how, you know, we evolved on this planet with other primates, they are now wondering if we humans started out beatboxing to each other as our way of communicating instead of, you know, doing like what we're doing right now, if we were just chomp grumbling at each other back in the cave days.

Stop your chomp grumbling.

I don't know if the story was interesting, but I love that we've introduced chomp grumbling into the lexicon. I feel like that's really, in fact, that's a show title.

Yeah, Chomp Grumbling. Yeah, that sounds awesome. What was the other one, too? Kiss Squeak, right?

Kiss Squeak and Chomp Grumbling. Okay, sounds good. If you could chomp grumble your way right over to tbtl.net and support the show.

Hey, we have a call, too, by the way. You want to do this? All right. I'll allow it. Okay, we have somebody who's been on the line for about six minutes now. Hello there. Hold on. Wait a second. Oh, sorry. I didn't see you ready, so.

Ahoy, ahoy. Hi there. Welcome to TBTL.

Hi. It's Kristen in Kansas City. Hey, Kristen, Kansas City.

How are you?

I'm doing great. How are you guys?

Good. Where are you? Are you packing to move? What's going on in the background there?

Oh, I don't know. I don't... It sounded like you were playing pinball. I'm sitting at a computer.

Oh, really?

Oh, I did just... I got a new office chair, and I just bumped the armrest with my elbow, and it's too adjustable for me. Oh, really?

Is it supposed to be like...

Like, ergonomic? Is it one of those, like, Herman Miller Aeron chair type deals?

I mean, it is supposed to be ergonomic, but it is in a much lower price point than a Herman Miller chair.

Because you're prioritizing your money for TBTL, and we really appreciate that.

Exactly.

Yes. When I talk to my dad on the phone, I have – well, now the microphone on my phone is, like, busted. Yes, it is. So he can't hear what I'm saying. I've got to tell you. Nobody can hear me. So now I've got to use these special – whatever. I used to have a workaround. But for the longest time, the microphone on my phone was very loud, very responsive to anything I was doing. And I'm a putterer. When I'm talking on the phone, I've got to be doing something.

I took a picture of you talking on the phone yesterday, by the way, because you were standing in part of the yard with your hands on your hips. Oh, yeah. I'm always arms akimbo. No, actually, your hands behind your back. That's your phone talking pose. Oh, hey, I like that. That's pretty nice. You look like a very distinguished gentleman.

You look like I'm having kind of a serious conversation. You look like an old man of the forest. I'm closing the deal. Um, uh, but so I'll be talking to my dad and I like to putter around, do stuff when I'm on the phone, but then like, apparently the smallest little noise would be picked up. He'd be like, what are you doing? I'd be like, I'm gently setting a pillow down on the bed. And he'd be like, well, it sounds like you're backing up a Mack truck. And I'm just like, well, I don't know what to do with that.

Dude, that's a problem. So Becca's phone does that and she'll put me on speakerphone and I'm like, what are you doing right now? And she's like, nothing. I'm just talking to you. But it sounds like she's doing chainsaw art. like you know you go to the state fair and someone's carving a bear out of like a log that's what it sounds like and then i just keep going it's so loud and she goes i don't know what's going on and then i feel like i'm being annoying by bringing it up but i mildly dread phone calls on speakerphone because i don't want to listen to the chainsaw art maybe that's the way

her way of keeping it short but anyway kristin thanks for the call we'll talk to you next time no just joking what are you up to today um well i'm good sadly i'm working on my day off

which is you know sad trombone sound but just trying to catch up so that it's not too insane when i when i go back tomorrow but i spent you guys read my blurs on thursday spent my weekend celebrating my happy birthday so i'm thank you so i'm just recovering you know recovering from that and i had a couple of um extra ideas for luke's thoughts on what um it is like to live near the state line road between kansas and missouri thank you was i overly excited about

that i couldn't believe how charged up i was to just be like that's missouri that's kansas that's

missouri that's kansas lived here almost my entire life and i still find it hilarious to drive and think those people live in kansas okay good i feel better and their houses like literally face each other but now with some new laws it's actually quite a hot spot because for example you would appreciate this on the Kansas side you can do online sports gambling but on the Missouri side you cannot so there is a grocery store parking lot not far from where people will park in the parking lot and then log into the grocery store's wi-fi so that it registers them as being in Kansas and then they will place their sports bets and then they will go home I hope they support the

grocery store I hope that's like a loss leader for the grocery store that people are going in and also buying their cigs or whatever. I'm not shocked to hear that this is an issue

because that was the thing I was so obsessed with was different states have different laws, probably at some point different drinking ages, different tax structures. And part of the reason why state lines tend to be a little bit more kind of permanent, if you will, like maybe it's a river or a mountain range or just a line that's drawn, but it's in the middle of nowhere. The reason why we have a little buffer between states is because it's got to be too crazy to be like, if I walk over here I can get wasted drunk at 18 but if I walk over here I can't it just seems like it's too complicated to have these two systems bumping up against each other yeah and like

crossing state lines can be a little you know you don't know if you're because we have recreational marijuana here in Missouri but they do not have that in Kansas and so it's like are you going to get I don't I mean I haven't seen any like you know checkpoints or anything like that but I know a lot of people who do that who cross over for that and actually as recently as maybe like 10 or 15 years ago you could not buy beer in kansas on sundays but you could in missouri so a lot of people would cross for that and you still can't sell alcohol like liquor at a grocery store in kansas but you can in missouri so there's a kansas grocery store on state line the same one as the gambling hot spot that has a liquor store counterpart right across the street in Missouri

wow that sounds like the fun area of town yeah so the next time we're in the area go ahead

no no I was just not to get too serious but yeah someone was joking that the state line

And it's going to just be like dispensaries and abortion clinics. Oh, right. That's another huge implication.

Yep. Golly. Well, way to bring the room down, Kristen. Thanks a lot.

That's what I'm here for. Let's aid in a bet, as they say.

Yes, absolutely. Well, anything else? By the way, that's an amazing, dazzling detail about the Wi-Fi. And I 100% would see myself availing myself of that.

Dude, I seriously want to do a TV telethon from that parking lot.

I mean, you know, because this is sad for me, but sometimes if I'm going up to the other house that I'm remodeling, which is in Washington State, where you can't bet on your phone, but I know I'm going to listen to the Mariner game, but I want to be extra charged up about it. When I'm in Portland, I will make sure to get my little bets in on the Mariner so that when I'm up working on the house, I can have some extra skin in the game. I've also been on an airplane taxiing on the runway at Portland International Airport, which is on the Columbia River, which is exactly the border between Oregon and Washington. And depending on where the plane was driving on the runway, I was either allowed to or not allowed to make a sports bet.

Well, weren't you one time in that position on the plane to get to Seattle to join us literally at the game you were trying to make bets on? But I think the airplane was like slightly nudged in the wrong direction.

It literally was like 10 feet too close to Washington. You couldn't make your bets. But the beauty part was all the bets I wanted to make would have lost.

You remember that? Yes, vividly.

Because I was like, first I started out being mad that I couldn't get these long shots in. And then at the game, I was like, whew, thank God I wasn't allowed to do that.

But if I recall, the M's won that game. It was an important game for them to win, right?

But I never do something like just the Mariners are going to win. I do like Julio Rodriguez needs to catch a fly ball on this specific blade of grass at the same time that AUNAO Suarez decides to do. Like, it's these hyper-specific things that have to happen, which is why I rarely win. Anyway, I'm sorry for taking us down that tangent. Anything else, Kristen, that you wanted to throw our way?

No, I don't think so. I just want to say hi. That's plenty.

That's plenty from you, Luke. Okay. Hey, well, thank you. And thanks for being – we will forever be in your debt for picking us up from the bus station that one time. That's literally what I was going to say.

It's such, such a fond and special memory. Yeah, we really appreciate you. Oh, same here. Same here. All right. Take care, guys. Okay. Have fun working.

I love that sound, by the way. Me too, I know. I wish I could get the ring in there. All right, well, I think we should probably wrap things up because we've got to start preparing for tonight's big thing. Again, 5 p.m. West Coast tonight, so whatever that works out for you, we are going to be here doing the Tentiques Roadshow. We'll be Zooming with all of you. We'd love to see your Tentiques. We'd love to get to connect with you all that way. In the meantime, if you have a minute in your day and you want to go to tbtl.net and go ahead and donate. Maybe you're thinking, I'll do it on Friday or I'll do it tomorrow. Maybe you have other things going on. Just get it over with now, and then you don't have to worry about it. Then it's handled.

That's right. So please support us. Go to tbtl.net. Check out all the thank you gifts we have in store for you there and at whatever level you can give. If you're somebody who has not given before and you've always been sort of on the fence or maybe you've never even thought about it before, now would be a great time to do it as we make this huge leap away from our network and go

independent. The next person that joins at the $100 a month level, I will send you a Bible Pictionary game that I'm looking at in my parents' basement. That's not yours to give away. I will ask my parents if I can give it to you, and I'm sure the answer will be yes. The answer will be what game? That, my friend, is exactly what the answer would be. Alright, thanks John, thanks Andrew. Thanks May. We'll see you tonight and thanks to all of you for listening. If we don't see you tonight, we'll see you tomorrow with more Imaginary Radio. In the meantime, have a great Wednesday. Take care of yourselves. Go Mariners. And please remember, no mountain too tall.

And good luck to all.

So you mean to tell me that all of those sounds were coming from your body. Power out.