Muse

for he's a jolly good fellow and nobody can do it but i can nobody i'll get this okay but i can i'm gonna look up those lyrics you got it all right that was good T-B-T-L

Guess what day it is Guess what day it is

It's Friday, Friday Gotta get down on Friday Everybody's looking forward to the weekend You're here to make friends Making friends is the name of this show But if what you want is Superman

The only way you can get him is illegally From a modern day pirate

Sometimes people say that my head is too big for my body, and then I say, compared to what?

Look, man, you know your stuff, but you're like a crazy volcano. You'd have to show me you can bring it down a notch. I'll bring it down a thousand notches if I have to!

All right, hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a Friday edition of TVTL's show that just might be too beautiful to live. It's called the internet, and it's a fresh new way to check out sites, buy clothing, and surf music. My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host.

A highly paranoid, very large individual talking a bunch of nonsense.

Coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio perched high above the mighty Columbia. I had a little, there was a little laughter in my voice as I started the show. Of course, I'm out here in the TBTL studio, a one-time garage. here at my house. And I'm talking in this microphone, talking to all of you. And as I look dead ahead, my dad, my 69-year-old father, who's here helping me with remodeling projects, is just lugging out giant pieces of sheetrock and dropping them on the ground, basically right in front of where I am. And this is what it's gotten down to. I stand in here and I talk into this microphone to the tens of listeners. They support this show. By the way, this is a listener-supported podcast I don't know if we've if we've made that clear the listeners support the podcast I get paid to do the show I take that money and I give it to my dad Walt B to carry drywall out of the house and throw it in the yard where then later I want you to know later I will pick it up and move it to the bigger pile that is my contribution other than the money that's also my physical contribution my dad uh last night we were uh i was making some dinner and playing some tunes and uh Fleetwood Mac came on again i just mentioned this my dad's 69 years old i said hey were you ever like a Fleetwood Mac guy and he goes the name sounds familiar because were they big in like i don't know 73 i think 73 was when my dad stopped listening to non-christian music So if anything that happened after 1973 is pretty much a, that's kind of a blind spot for him. Anyway, let's get to episode 4043 in a collector's series. Let the fun begin. Because we have a lot to talk about, including my trip to the doctor yesterday.

I have the results of your physical. You have no reflexes. Your blood tastes like root beer. And some of your bones appear to have vanished.

Other than that, it was a pretty good checkup. i'm trying i mean even as i'm saying this uh to all of you via this recording i'm trying to decide how exactly i feel about my new doctor doctor you uh we'll uh get into that oh and speaking of medical events it's happened again my friends another person has fallen into one of those pit toilets at, like, a national park trying to retrieve a piece of electronics.

Not only does that sound kind of disgusting to me, it sounds unhealthy.

We'll tell you what's been going on in Michigan in the pit toilets up there coming up. And we'll talk to this guy, longest-running Cobra of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. He is likely still vibrating this morning from his experience watching the Seattle Mariners baseball team last night.

And here he is, having the time of his life.

He's Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

Good morning. I'll tell you this, Luke. Steely Dan and Fleetwood Mac did something dirty on us, which is if you're not familiar with either band's work, it's very easy to get those two bands confused by name alone. So I just want to offer some, I don't know, support for your dad in this matter. Growing up, Steely Dan Fleetwood Mac, I didn't know the difference. Growing up.

But the thing is, based on my dad's age and being, you know.

from i don't know why this matters but like he grew up in california and montana he you know for a brief period of time probably was out there smoking some doobage you think so you think so oh yeah no he's he's told me about that i don't think he was i don't think he was ever going you know going crazy with it but like i just it's so wild to me that he could go through his life and not have heard the name fleetwood mac i i'm pretty sure also if i asked him about steely he wouldn't know who that is i mean that the the sort of pop cultural blind spots that my dad has are just they're remarkable to me and and again it's like i think i was talking about this last time he was out here helping me which is there are so many things he knows that i don't know that he just knows instinctively like about every element of construction and he's always right i always think he's being annoying and he's always right it turns out about like well you're gonna actually have to put that z flange on there you know you need a drip edge on that and i'm like do i have to like the argument we're having right now is i want to put a small fire like a wood stove in uh in the main room because i think it would be cozy but i just want a teeny tiny one on just the sheer venting that this needs and i'm just like really and then i look it up and it's like yeah it's totally right he knows the codes but he doesn't know who fleetwood mac is and i do find

that sort of surprising you know what let him just go into the tall grass and do his stuff luke like that's what i'm saying yes definitely is exactly how i like to imagine my father because he's reeling in the years and um doing his stuff yeah um so uh i know this is not a

baseball podcast but i thought of you last night because i had been the mariners had had had some pretty bitter defeats of late in fact a defeat that was so bitter two nights ago that i was here watching it with my dad i may or may not have been having a few drinks i may or may not have been yelling at a tv at the tv to a degree that my dad apparently later told my mom luke was i would i was concerned about how upset luke was about the baseball game are you watching this on

a real tv now that you've moved in or is it projected under the wall real tv oh that's a bummer because you can you like it being projected well you can smash a real tv and a couple of games

I'll end up on one of those TikToks, like a Dallas Cowboys fan. There's this Cowboys fan that I love now. I mean, you know, people have strong feelings about that team. Are they America's team? I don't know. They'd like you to think they are. But first of all, the Dallas Cowboy fandom is just something to really behold. But there's this one guy that I keep seeing on TikTok now. He's actually pretty adorable. I'd say he's probably 50 or 60. He watches the game in full pads. and he clearly like I think he probably played football at some point and he has created his Dallas Cowboys watching area is so unbelievably thorough and it's I mean it's super dorky but it also really kind of love it for him like he this is clearly his entire life revolves around this for some reason I also like the fact that he's black I don't know why that helps but it just makes it less annoying like I don't understand why there's any racial coding to it for me but I just have i i enjoy this person's existence a lot because otherwise you picture a cowboys fan as

being chris christie living in new jersey and well kind of i think there this guy is so un chris

christie and he's he's in his his big thing is he'll be in his pads and he'll basically be like looking you can also see sometimes he's wearing glasses and you can see in the reflection that he set his cell phone up on a tripod and he's filming himself and he's holding a football he's like put me in coach i'm ready one play one play and i just imagine what time in the morning this guy got up to get his outfit on and that his kids are who knows where his kids are i mean his kids are his kids are grown they're probably living in other states he's just there filming himself on his phone and putting it on tiktok and i'm very here for that content i wonder if he does

call it his outfit i often sometimes i often sometimes call uh uniform when you're watching

Super Bowl game, like I do?

Yeah, I call them outfits, but it's a – I guess for him, though, it kind of is an outfit, right? Because he's not – well, I mean, we'll see if the coach ever actually puts him in, then that outfit quickly becomes a uniform.

Right. I'm trying to see if I can find this guy. It turns out, Andrew, there are a lot of Dallas Cowboys fans that are posting their content on TikTok as they watch it. Anyway, point is, I did not break the television watching the Mariners, but I may have yelled some regrettable things at the screen.

It was a killer of a game, the one that you're talking about from earlier this weekend.

It was a tough game that involved some allegedly extremely poor behavior, beyond the bounds of just being bad baseball men, but being bad people, one of these pitchers. But anyway, all of that is to say, I was so bummed that I just last night was not even engaging in baseball content until I saw... Well, I was looking at it occasionally on my phone. I looked at the phone, and it said the Mariners were losing in the ninth inning. And I just said, well, that's why I didn't watch the game. Thank goodness. And then I saw a text from our friend John Goodwin, CBS producer, that just, in the words of Kamala Harris, said, we did it, Joe. And I let out a triumphant yop. I think I was trying to tell myself I didn't care about the game, but I really cared about the game when I found out we won. You were there, though. That must have been very exciting.

I was there. I think I had probably told you on the show, I've been having this conversation with a lot of folks. I went to a lot of games this year by my standard, which has been really nice. I was actually even at the game last night thinking like, assuming that last night is probably the last game I'll go to, even if they do make it to the postseason, I think those tickets are hard to get. So let's just assume that last night was the coda of my season. I was kind of thinking back about, do you remember how I went to the ballpark the day before the season began for some sort of corny fan fest that is really for, like, kids and stuff, but I went alone.

Yeah, I remember you elbowed a couple of Make-A-Wish kids running the bases. I made that exact joke three weeks ago when this came up, by the way. I want people to know that I sometimes know when I'm repeating the same joke.

I don't even remember that. I don't even remember that I brought it up three weeks ago. But anyway, yeah, I was sort of reminiscing, being like, wow, what a season this was. But I went into last night's game kind of not wanting to go. Now, I was going with a couple of friends who I never get to hang out with, So I was looking forward to seeing them. But one of them is a big baseball fan, but more of a Dodgers fan. And the other one just doesn't really care about sports too much. And I was just like, I don't know. I'm I'm in a lot of pain as a Mariners fan. Like this past week has been really rough. And I in the last two games I went to ended really poorly. And I left the stadium feeling very bad. And I was like, I don't know if I want to go back for this. Last night was a very, very important game in order to keep the Mariners' hopes alive. And what I did during the day was I, and I told my friends this when they got to the game, I'm like, if I seem a little glum, I'm not glum. I want you to know it's been a hard week for a Mariners fan, but I'm in a calm place right now. I'm not going to be storming out of here the way I stormed out of the last game. I have envisioned everything that can and will go wrong tonight, and I've internalized it.

And it was just was it sort of like you were saying goodbye to an old friend that was crossing the rainbow bridge like we've like, let's not let's not be sad about the fact that we're parting ways. Just know I'll see you in a better place.

Yes. Hopefully if you if you spend some money in the offseason clutch hitting.

Yeah. I'll see you at another time. High leverage situation.

Yes. And maybe maybe the next time I see you, we will have somebody other than a petulant teenager playing right field. who clearly wants to be playing clarinet instead. But anyway, so I was just kind of like, I've, sports, especially I can say this as a former Browns fan, sports has a way of screwing with you in this way that you imagine, I'm ready for a loss here. I know we're not going to win this game. Just whatever scenario it is, right? You're like, okay, I know that we're probably not going to win this game. I'm emotionally ready for that. But then, like, sports has a way of, like, kind of getting its hooks in you and then giving you a little bit of hope right at the last minute before dropping you on your head again and i would even envision that i'm like no matter what happens tonight whether we get blown away blown blown out of the water or it's a close game and they just leave me with my head in my hands for a moment i will i will pick my head up high walk out of the stadium and say goodbye to the season um and then last night quietly mutter real polite team as i step onto royal brome way team and uh and so i i gotta say though i had some feelings about like i don't even know if i really want to be at a baseball game tonight i've been to a lot and i've i've been through some pain uh but obviously with a um very last minute win last night with a walk-off win with only i think one out and two strikes to go we end up winning the game um I could not believe it Luke I found my smile again and I could not be more happy that again assuming that's the last game of the season for me I cannot be more happy that that is how at least my season of going to the ballpark ended like I didn't end with me like racing out of there before all the Dodgers fans could celebrate their their clinching of the division you know

yeah absolutely like if that is the last it's it's kind of like how sometimes when I'm eating i try to really be i try to be really mindful what my last bite is going to be and in fact if i'm eating a plate of food and has multiple things i'll save the thing i like the most i will actually make sure that that's the last bite that i have because i want that to be the last the last thing i remember tasting and possibly the first thing that i burp back up later but i literally that goes through my mind like if i was eating uh like a sandwich from subway and some sun chips, as one is wont to do. I really like the last bite of like a sandwich. I'm talking from Subway, the company. I really like the last bite. I know you're not a mayo guy, but it gets kind of like this. Although like the mayo and I get the oil and vinegar on there, all of the stuff, the good stuff is kind of soaked down to the last little corner. So I'll make sure that that's the last. I don't want a sun chip as my last bite. I want that as my last bite. So that's what I remember from the meal. That's like you and the Mariners. Your last bite was a great one. I think that puts you in a good frame of mind, whatever happens the rest of the season.

Yeah, definitely. And it was a really fun night, too. It was a really good hang. I want to talk about this food thing, though, with you, because does that affect—I'm glad that you used a sandwich as an example, this last bite thing. If you've told me about your procedure— It's the last bite problem.

Urban planners have been wrestling with this for years.

If you've told me about that, I didn't remember it, and I think it's really interesting. But also, I thought immediately problematic when it comes to sandwiches because I think that often the last bite of a sandwich is, by definition, it can be the worst bite because most of the toppings are gone. You might just have, like, a little corner of bread left, which maybe, yeah, you're right, is maybe soaked with whatever condiments you choose. but i'm wondering do you eat your sandwich accordingly making sure that that last bite isn't just a corner of bread in other words does it kind of affect the way you approach the sandwich from the beginning so that you know you're getting a good meaty bite oh you don't eat

meat but you know meaty i do eat meat by the way sometimes yeah okay i just i want to be clear if somebody sees me out at a barbecue joint and they go wait a minute this guy's a vegetarian i don't

He's wearing a piggy mask I don't eat a ton of meat

But I don't think I can in good conscience Describe myself as a vegetarian anymore But I do not I eat the sandwich Andrew I put my sandwich on Just like everybody else one leg at a time No I The last bite is usually a little corner First of all I'm capable of Taking a huge last bite It could be a third of the sandwich I unhinge my jaw It takes me four days to digest it. You can see it moving through my body. If anybody sees you at a barbecue and you have a Subway sandwich shape going right down your gullet. Somebody sees me at a barbecue and there's an entire ham shape just moving down through my neck. And they're like, I thought that guy was a vegetarian. The ribs from the Flintstones. Yep. But there's something, again, I think it just has to do with the soaking of the condiments. It's also the edge. It's kind of crusty and crispy. What I'm telling you is it is the bread, but from Doctors and Associates or whatever the new hedge fund is, I should say, the new, what do we call them, that owns Subway now? They also own Jimmy's John.

That's right, and they do have some sort of weird medical sounding name.

Well, no, the original ownership group of Subway was called Doctors Associates, but they've now sold to one of those. It's not a hedge fund. There's another name for it. And it's basically like just a big giant investment that's just seeking out Rourke capital, maybe. Yeah. Yeah. But but what do you call that? I'm sorry, this is making listeners crazy. What do we call those kinds of those kinds of operations that buy? Unfortunately, like they buy up newspapers. They bought up they bought up dead spin and made it bad.

They just they're not just an investment firm. We're looking for a specific term.

And I can't believe I'm not remembering right now. It's making going to make me feel kind of crazy. But they're basically just like, you know, they are a giant investment firm that exists to make more money, not to, like, make good sandwiches or good web content. And then they just they acquire things and then they usually just fire all the staff and try to make the thing as valuable as possible to sell to somebody else.

Yes. I don't know the exact term that you're looking for. You do, but you're just going around because you've thrown it around a million times. If you said it, I'm sure I would know.

It'll come back to me, but what I was going to say was There's something about the specifics Of the bread from Subway And the way that, like I said, all of the Like The olive oil and vinegar And mayo and mustard And all of it has kind of soaked down to this little Bottom corner, almost like a burrito or something By the way, also my, I love the last Bite of a Taco Time Bean soft taco, same thing It's got all this ranch dressing, they call it But it's really like sour cream It's all pooled down in the bottom and then that i really enjoy that last little bite uh i'm that way by the way rork capital

um i just thought this was interesting also owns uh at least according to their website like their portfolio so i don't know if these are if they're sole owners or how this stuff works but massage envy i talk about that a lot i it's one of those names that sounds like it's a play on words but i can't figure out what the what the play is massage envy duncan apparently private private equity firm is oh yeah private equity yes sorry yeah thank you um and uh there was another interesting one mine the key oh yeah yeah and uh there was what was mine keys i i feel like

i grew up with there was a lot of mine key ads and i feel like did they have a jingle did they have a like a some kind of play on on mine key mine like mine key mine key mine key

oh my way over yonder in the minor key uh-huh wow that's the funniest thing i've ever said i don't even know that i'm awake yet

they own culvers they own carvel stop stop stop stop Andrew write that down way over yonder in the minor key is the show title okay i don't want i don't want to miss this moment yeah and also and i assume when you say that you hear natalie merchant singing it

Oh, I don't think of it as Natalie Merchant. Does she sing that?

They do a cover of that, I think.

Oh, gosh. Who's the Irish singer? Oh, goodness gracious. Who did an album with Willco? Billy Bragg. Billy Bragg, yes. He's Irish, right? Oh, God. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, I think that's a Billy Bragg song, but I don't know.

Maybe I might just be. I mean, it's definitely you're right. It's off of Mermaid Avenue. Have I just made – did I Mandela effect Natalie Merchant into that song because it seems so like something she would, like 10,000 Maniacs would cover?

If she does it, I've never heard it, but it sounds like something she would. I would definitely – I would choose that for music for my weekend if we could conjure it. Hey, AI, get on that. It sounds nice.

Yeah. Okay, so are you going to be watching with great interest and hope the rest of the Mariner season? Or are you going to just, like, walk away now? Because you've gotten, like, in other words, are you going to take another bite? Because the next bite could be spoiled. It could be turned.

Well, here's the deal. I was, and again, I think I may be just waking up right about now.

By the way, Natalie Merchant is the backup vocals on the song Way Over Yonder and the Liner Key.

Oh, okay, okay. Hey, so at least you're not totally bananas bonkers.

No, no.

That must be satisfying.

Kind of. Not as satisfying as coming up with the show title Way Over Yonder and the Meineke, which I'm putting like top 10 ever TBTL titles. It's one of those if you know, you know.

And not just show title of the episode. We're changing TBTL to the podcast is going to be called that.

I meant to tell the listeners we've decided to change the name of the show because we're not having the impact in the culture we were hoping to with this name, TBTL.

Yeah, this is what's going to put us over the edge. I wasn't done paying attention to the Mariners. I think I was just like thinking about my season as somebody who went to the ballpark a lot this season. And again, those last two visits kind of left me wanting more. No, they left me wanting less, actually. Say less. So that was sort of a coda for my season, the way I'm looking at it in that way. And again, I don't even know if anything I said made sense, but it was just like it was it was kind of a rainy Thursday. I'm like, do I want to go to the ballpark just to let these guys hurt me again when they haven't shown a lot of get up and go and a lot of spark? I'm glad I went and ended up being one of the best one of the best nights of the season, I would say. But no, I will. I mean, I assume the game is on in the usual time tonight, 640, 710 or something. I will most certainly be at least listening to that game with a lot of attention.

See, because I was so I was I was so wounded emotionally by the by the gutting loss to the Houston Astros that I really just said, I can't do this anymore. Like I have to just I have to just say goodbye to this team and and fare them well. But like I can't live and die by every pitch. And last night, right up until I saw they won, I felt very good about that decision. And I'm, well, for instance, tonight I will be on stage at the Holt Center in Eugene, Oregon, doing Live Wire. It's not too late to get some tickets. By the way, it's going to be, this is a great lineup. This has never happened before. Every guest, their name starts with A. Aparna Nancharla, the hilarious comedian, has this actually very, very interesting book out. Anis Moshgani, who's a wonderful poet and the Poet Laureate of Oregon, will be there. And then Avery Truffleman Who hosts, I think I might have called it I might have misstated the name of the podcast But the podcast is called Articles of Interest And it was a 99% Invisible thing And then when 99% Invisible was bought up by Spotify, the one thing, the one piece of IP That Roman Mars didn't take with him was Articles of Interest, he gave it to Avery Truffleman It's just a really, really good show Anyway, see you all in Eugene's Night My point is, I'll be on stage I can't watch the Mariner game, and I almost think it'll be better that way The real question for me will be if they win somehow tonight, then tomorrow and Sunday, like. Like, can I even open the door of my heart again to the possibility of them getting to the next level? Because I feel like every time I let them back into my heart, I just get hurt.

Yeah. No, it sounds like I'm being overdramatic. I've definitely been there before. If they had lost yesterday, I think I would have maybe been in a similar place. But the fact that they showed a little bit of spark and you and I were talking about how momentum can, I mean, you and I seem to sort of believe in it when it conveniences us.

I did that right up until they got there. Yeah. I was giving you a whole speech on Wednesday night or Wednesday afternoon about momentum off air, and then that was the night that they brought old Dixie down.

Now, here's something that I might be wrong about, and I did not think this was the case going into last night's game, but while I was at the ballpark, but before the first pitch was thrown, I overheard Rick Riz, somebody, you know, somewhere up, we were up in the 300 level, and they had the radio broadcast blaring from somewhere. not the not the in-stadium announcer I mean the radio broadcast and it was you know just the pre-game show and I heard Rick Riz say something and I only heard a tiny bit of this and so I don't know if I misunderstood it but I thought he said that if the Rangers win tonight as in last night if the Rangers win tonight they will have sealed up the AL West I don't know if that if that scans with your understanding of things but the Mariners could have still made it in through a wild card but that would have essentially cemented them. And I was just like, I don't know that I can be here at the stadium two games in a row for me where the opposing team celebrates on the field.

Yeah, so that's a big.

If that had happened, I think I'd have been like out of it. But the fact that we won, and in such a very dramatic way, I mean, J.P. Crawford got the rare two Gatorade dunk yesterday and loved it and was whipping his hair around just like Willow Smith. It was like pretty amazing. And so that really definitely put some life in me. But they still have to win three out of the next, or I guess two out of the next three, which is still a, you know, it's a challenge. But my heart is a little bit back in it. It's ready to be broken again, I'm sure. That's what they have to do. So if they can get two out of three, that's enough? I don't think that's enough, but that's the least that they need to do. And then also things in the league. You know what I mean? Like it depends on who wins and who loses. The Astros didn't play last night, but the Astros start a series against the Diamondbacks. And so if the Diamondbacks were good, I'm pretty sure the Diamondbacks are really good.

Lifelong Arizona Diamondbacks. Yeah, checking in.

Yeah, exactly right. Suddenly I'm just like, I'm just like looking for Airbnbs in Mesa.

Anyway, I know you can rent a Yaris there because you did once.

I did. I know. Somebody sent me a picture of a Yaris with like a real, like one of those like gun nut bumper stickers or was it homophobic or is this like one of those like real terrible bumper stickers, like a Red State bumper sticker on a Yaris, and me and this listener were texting about it, just like, don't put that on a Yaris, that poor Yaris didn't do anything to you that's not the soul of a Yaris

I don't know

let's thank some

daily donors, these generous folks are making TBTL possible with their financial support we are very very grateful for it support from folks like sean marie hegeman in pawtucket rhode island i've never been to pawtucket but it looms large in my mind because of a family guy i probably said that last year when pawtucket came up well famously

it's a place where the ocean crashes on the rocky shores oh wait you're thinking of milton

Delaware, which is where Maggie Lewis Stevenson is from. By the way, these are some great names to start the donors. Sean Marie Hageman and Maggie Lewis Stevenson. Yeah.

Maggie Lewis Stevenson, one of my favorite authors. Absolutely. Treasure Island. That was, I mean, Kidnapped.

Those were formative books in my youth. Thank you, Maggie, for creating those and for supporting TBTL. Also thanks to Gabrielle Hung in New London, Connecticut. We're also very clustered in the Northeast here. We really are. Look at this

Northeast Kentucky.

Pawtucket, Milton, and New London. Wow. Yeah. Thanks, guys. Molly Jameson is in Tallahassee, Florida.

Okay. We're going down the coast, but we're staying pretty far east.

Yeah. In the capital of the state of Florida, Tallahassee. Julie Prescott is in Chantilly, Virginia.

Okay. Still on the east coast.

I feel like if I was going to get the vapors, if I was going to be taken by the vapors, it would likely happen in a place called Chantilly, Virginia. If I was going to be scandalized, maybe, you know, scandalized by something, and I would get the vapors, I would faint right onto a fainting couch. That would all happen in Chantilly, Virginia.

And then lots of stuff has happened to me in my life in Linwood, Washington, which is where Jeff McKee is. Many of my very, very formative, like, tween memories all happened at Linwood Rollaway Skating Rink. Oh, right. That was heaven to me. That was Xanadu, which is ironic. Do they roller skate in Xanadu? Is there a roller skating in the movie Xanadu starring Olivia Newton-John?

It seems like there would be. That's a huge blind spot for me. But the song Xanadu seems like something you could definitely roller skate to at the very least.

Xanadu movie. It is also a blind spot for me. I was a little young for it. It's an American musical fantasy film. Let's see here.

Yeah, I'm watching the roller skate scene right now.

Oh, there is a roller skating scene.

Okay. There's an announcer here. I think he's going to say something, I hope. okay i'm seeing a bunch of like mimes with uh white face paint juggling now a guy in a tuxedo is roller skating in a circle and a bunch of disco looking people have gotten behind him and now all roller skating around a wonderful set luke levels you know it's got levels in that wonderful 70s way but it's all about levels i don't think anybody's going to say anything like Yay! Let's roller skate. So I'll just keep this in the background. Okay, thank you.

Anyway, thanks to all of our donors for making TV Chill possible. We absolutely could not do this without you. Hello and welcome to Top Story. So I did go to the doctor yesterday, Andrew, and it was difficult. No, it was actually fine. You are going to die when I tell you who I'm dating. Dr. U. No, I really like this guy. But what was interesting was he, you know, the doctor I had previously, I didn't love in Portland. Because one, I think I told you this at the time, he brought in one of the, he was aware of, based on my name, he was aware of the Live Wire radio show. And I think I told you that it was funny because he said, oh, yeah, I hear that on the radio or something. My wife really wants to go to it. And I said, well, I can put you on the list or whatever. And he was like, nah, I'm not interested, which I thought was a strange. Why would you bring it up if you were not interested?

Wait, I thought he was the fan, but he told you his wife wasn't that interested.

No, maybe I have it backwards. It's your story.

I don't mean I just.

No, but the point is we had a weird interaction. And he also brought one of the, like, physician's assistants in and said, do you know who this is? I'm like, I'm in a napkin right now. Can we not talk about, like, do you know? And also, by the way, the answer was, no, they didn't know who I was. They're 24 years old. Like, there's no universe in which this 24-year-old PA is going to be, oh, Luke Burbank from TBTL. So it's like, please don't set me up for failure this way, doctor. And then he did actually come to the show, which was weird because I didn't think he was going to come. Or maybe it was his wife who wasn't going to come, whichever. And he comes up to the stage after the show was hey, I'm your doctor and I again He didn't say anything But it just felt like it felt like some some lines were so anyway that was that was the previous guy This new guy was was was was a very friendly and very talkative I was going in nervous that he was going to just take one look at me and go. It's totaled Sir, we should probably just see what we can get from the insurance company on this for you but quite to the contrary he seemed you know happy with my reflexes and whatever was going on in my ears as he stared in them and my breathing and you know the regular physical checkup stuff he mostly wanted to talk about restaurants in chicago oh because uh we were talking about he i guess he and his family had just moved out west here um a year or two ago and so i'm just making conversation and i'm really thinking like i'm making small talk as you know as hopefully this guy is assessing my physical health so that i can you know make the right decisions for my longevity and he's oh and he's like yeah we moved out from the chicago area i was like oh i i work in chicago sometimes and uh and he goes oh yeah and then he goes do you ever go to this restaurant uh do you seafood i was like yeah sort of and he goes oh have you ever been to um allegria in chicago i was like i haven't been he goes it's kind of a hole in the wall and then he takes the computer that we're using for my chart and he just turns on google or something which i didn't even know he like boots up the internet on my chart like i'm like i don't even think those things should be allowed on the same computer system it should be a closed circuit with my medical data And he shows me this restaurant And he's like yeah And get this

Like, get this langostina thing and all this fried shrimp and stuff. And, I mean, first of all, it didn't look like something that I would be particularly drawn towards. But I enjoyed that we were having kind of a casual conversation. And then I'm like, okay, well, now we're going to get back to hitting my knee with that weird triangle thing, right? And then he goes, oh, have you ever been to? And then he names another restaurant in Chicago. And then he brings that up on the Internet. And then he's telling me a story about a time he and his wife went out for dinner in the part of Indiana. technically they were living in at this italian restaurant because they were celebrating something and he ordered a charcuterie plate and the italian restaurant had never heard the word charcuterie and now now we're in probably minute i don't know 20 of restaurant talk and i'm really thinking to myself i would like more physical examination and less uh less michelin star reviews of restaurants in the greater he's telling about restaurants in portland at one point the internet crashed right But I had been telling him, because I'm trying to keep the conversation going in some way, or at least be polite. I was telling him about some restaurants in Portland that I liked. And he was trying to make a note of that. And the internet had crashed. So he just started writing the restaurants into my chart on the computer. So the chart is like, it's like there's the notes section. I can see all this. I'm looking at the screen. The notes section is like, male, 47, da, da, da. It's my various habits. Do I exercise, weight, things like that. By the way, apparently I'm 6'1". I did not know I was 6'1". I've always thought I was 6 feet tall.

Are you taller than me? I used to be 6'2".

You still feel taller than me when I stand next to you. I mean that.

I exude a certain tallness.

I have always thought that I was 6 feet tall. And I was expecting, if anything, I might be slipping down to the lower, the 5'11s and the 5'10s or whatever. But they took my height, and I was quite shocked to see that it's actually technically 6'1". I'm going to move through life differently now knowing I'm 6'1". Nice.

This is a very personal question, but are you going to get a new girlfriend now?

I'm going to see if Becca is capable of living up to the standards of someone who's dating a person who's 6'1". And if she can prove up to the task, I think we'll stay together.

I think that's nice that you'll give her another chance there because I do. I mean, you know, I love Becca. She's great. But, like, she's a, you know, she's a great girlfriend for a six-foot guy. But six-one, you're kind of different.

Well, you know, the funny part is I texted her and I said, hey, I just found out something. I'm six-one. She goes, yeah, I always thought you were six-one.

Okay.

So she's been dating a six-one guy this whole time. He just didn't know it. The other thing, by the way, about the weight stuff, I was a bit nervous about that. But this whole place that I went to, Kaiser, it was a huge facility. It's clearly for, like, southern Washington and, I guess, parts of Oregon. Like, a lot of people came to this. I mean, they had, like, hundreds of rooms and exam rooms and things like that. But, like, the person comes out to get me from the waiting area and then brings me right in. And it's weird. It's this kind of narrow hallway. And there's a couple of people that are working in, like, they're sitting at computers. And I don't know what they they seem like they maybe do scheduling or something. And then right behind them is the scale. Like I'm in a pub, like a semi-public hallway.

Oh, yeah. That's what I feel like the scale is always out there in the public.

I thought in the last place I went, the scale was in the room with the nurse or physician. Whoever kind of gets your vitals before before the like, you know, doctor comes in. Like that's how it was in Bellingham. And that's how it was in Portland. And this was my first experience with I'm just standing behind two ladies who were like gabbing about their grandkids. And I'm getting on this scale. And by the way, I still have my clothes on. I'm like, can I get naked for this? Yeah. No.

Oh, because you I thought you meant just because you like to get naked in public. Right.

No, I don't. But I haven't weighed myself with clothes on in ever in my life other than the context of the doctor's office.

You're like, can I take off all my clothes and do this thing where I kind of keep one foot kind of off the scale? Just like just sort of.

Hold on, I need to spit into a cup for the next three hours and do some jumping jacks in a garbage bag.

I need to take off these garbage bags that I wore here. No, my experience, and that does add to the, I mean, I don't even know if it adds to it. It's just been my experience as an adult. Anytime I go to the doctor, they weigh you before you get to the doctor's office. And so you're kind of in exactly how you described it, a pretty public place. And it is, well, like I was saying yesterday, I don't have a great relationship with doctor's offices. I'm going in there pretty full of anxiety anyway, and the whole thing just, I don't know, always feels a little bit, I don't know, like I said yesterday, I feel a little, debased is the wrong word, but like just exposed, I guess.

Well, I did not love that that was happening in a public area. I will say that it was not, it was, it was, it was not. the it was not the best of times but it was not the blurst of times on that scale it was it was exactly around kind of where i had in my mind i thought things might be in fact it was one pound under that and i will i don't know why but that really put some wind in my sails like again and not a number that for me i am i'm i'm loving or or think is the best like in terms of health for me but it wasn't it had things had not careened as wildly out of control as i sort of feared that they would have for that for me so um and again the the at one point my doctor who again I really like by the way like I he had great bedside manner it was almost too great we did very little examining and a lot of talking just about life and things I felt like he needed a friend at some point he goes wait are you in a hurry and I go now and I'm Andrew this is you're gonna think I'm I'm making this up. You're going to think that I'm adding this to the story just to try to make it sound like more compelling or funny. But I, I, from my lips to God's ears, this literally happened, Andrew. He's still talking about restaurants. I'm thinking like, I need to get back to my house. I got to get back to this project with my dad. I got to finish reading a partner on Charlie's book. Like I got a lot of stuff to do and I'm enjoying that this doctor is a relatable person, but I don't really want to talk about restaurants for very much longer. and then something incredible happens which is someone knocks on the door and one of the other medical staff says to the doctor and i swear to god goes dr you the hospital called and they said it's urgent like out of a movie and i'm like yeah and i'm like i'm like well this is my out and then he goes okay i'll call him back and they shut the door and he goes right back to talking about restaurants and i'm thinking i'm now i am in the world of whatever is happening at the hospital and they're using the word urgent wow the hospital called and it's urgent and he's like that's like a five-word story man like i wanted i was like i was i really i mean and and to be to be honest it wasn't like we didn't talk for another 20 minutes uh you know I think I might have said something well you better get to that or something but he did talk to me for another good five or ten minutes quite unperturbed and then he said I guess I picked a

bad day to stop sniffing glue yeah for some reason that exchange reminds me of something out of the airplane movie just like it's so like it's so on the nose it's like right professional people wouldn't even talk that way right you might say right the hospital called and it's urgent I mean

And it wasn't like, hey, you know, we have a message for you or, hey, like I can't. I mean, like literally, like if let's just imagine you're in a conversation that you want to get out of. Is there a more is there a bigger off ramp for the other person than the hospital called and it's urgent? Right. Right. Exactly. I didn't even understand what is his relationship to the hospital, because like I'm just at a doctor's office. Does he have is there someone who's a patient of his who's hospitalized, but he has their information? I didn't even understand how he fit in, how he fit into the context of the hospital.

I know what it is. I know what it is. It's Diggstown. I'll bet you every single appointment with a new patient, they have somebody come in and give that alert. And he can choose to wave it off if he's having a good conversation about Chicago restaurants.

It's like you're going on a date and you ask one of your friends to call you at an exact moment in time. So if you need that off-ramp, you've got it. Right. That must be it. I mean, it feels ethically dubious. I don't know what part of the Hippocratic Oath addresses just having someone poke their head and go, the hospital called, and it's urgent. I mean, that was one of the most cinematic moments of my life, probably. Sure, yeah. Other than, like, you know, the president called. They need you.

If they say that the next time you're in there, I know it's bullshit. Something is definitely up. He's got a red phone.

Something is very, very down, Andrew, in Ostego County, Michigan. By the way, hat tip to listener Nikki for sending this story in. I don't know how this escaped my radar. Excellent writing in Outside Magazine by Frederick Dreyer. Headline, oh no, another person fell into a trailhead toilet. Or if Frederick were Australian, oh no.

i didn't realize that was the headline of the article i saw that come in but i thought that was just what our listener had written in the subject line but no that's the the actual headline

is oh no or our nar our nar another person fell into a trailhead toilet no frederick i i love that you know i think i actually outside magazine i think is a really really great publication a lot of really good writing in there um but but but usually i don't want to say serious writing but I mean, you know, they talk about about. about hiking and running and climbing and outside lands and things that are, you know, Frederick is, I like that Frederick absolutely realizes just how upsetting the story is for everyone. Heading out the door. Oh, wait, that's actually just, that's just from the article telling me I can use the outside app. Here's the start of the piece. It happened again. No, I'm not referring to Taylor Swift extending her errors tour for the umpteenth time. I have a far more pressing and disgusting story to share another person fell into a trailhead toilet while attempting to retrieve an apple product this national nightmare must end and then they go on to tell the story he goes on to tell the story this happened september 19th a woman was at the dixon lake boat launch an hour south of sheboygan and uh according to the incident report someone called 9-1-1 and said a woman was stuck at the bottom of an outhouse and was screaming for help that is the proper response to being in there now if you remember there was a woman in washington state who had fallen in to one of those toilets and i believe we even had the 9-1-1 tape of her calling because she went in to get her iphone and she called 9-1-1 and she was remarkably

jovial considering the situation yeah and everybody was right and i believe the operator also was like when they were waiting for the emergency vehicles to arrive or what have you i think didn't they

just slip into small talk i i seem to remember that and i it felt to me like everyone is taking this pretty well considering the situation it sounds like this woman in michigan was just screaming i mean partly because i don't think she had her phone but she was screaming um for help which is exactly what i would be doing in both cases though there there are similarities the woman in washington state had well she had disassembled the toilet so she had taken that kind of plastic shell that's over the big hole right and people know what a pit toilet is it's not quite a porta potty but it's like a porta potty it doesn't have you know plumbing it's just a big hole that you have this toilet like thing over and then they come and clean it out every once in a while it's very upsetting this woman in Washington had taken the toilet thing off that shell off she had used a dog leash to try to lower herself in and hold on to it as kind of a you know like a cord or a leash or a whatever and reach in and get her iPhone and then I think it broke and she fell into the terribleness that is down there this woman kind of the same situation in michigan except she was apparently using part of her car seat she went back to her car so her apple watch came off it landed down in there she went and got something from her car and her plan was to lower herself down into this nightmare and then get her watch and then climb out but when she got down into that terrible terrible place she was not strong enough to pull her i probably just at at that point emotionally not strong enough like i i would have i think you know in moments of great terror like sometimes people will you know it's fight or flight sometimes you'll like almost lose your ability to move you'll lose like your muscles will go slack because you're so filled with fear i feel like that would be me if i was in that pit wait that's a real thing that doesn't

just happen to me in dreams because that's what happened in in dreams you can't run fast you can't but that happens in real life fear will just like paralyze you i guess that's where the expression

comes from yeah people free i mean it it depends on the person in the situation but sometimes you know uh fear can be very motivating and sometimes it can absolutely just stop you in your tracks and i feel like i would be i would i i would be overcome in such a way that i think i would i would go i would go limp i would freeze or something as opposed to like jumping super in a superhuman way out of there well i mean and i probably said this last time it came up But I would do whatever I needed to do to earn an additional $400. Well, not whatever I needed to do, Andrew, because if what I needed to do was go in that toilet, no. But outside of going down in that toilet, I would just figure out, how do I earn enough money to buy a replacement Apple Watch? There's nothing that would make me—I'll let you finish.

Oh, I'm sorry. I was just going to say because the first woman was a phone, right? It was the actual phone, and this time it's the Apple Watch. Now, I don't have an Apple Watch, and I know that they're not cheap. I mean, it would be something that you want to protect and try to save under certain circumstances. But, like, I have to ask myself, what do I do if my phone lands in someplace really gross? Yes. If I feel like I have a chance of getting it because my life is on that phone. But, like, your Apple Watch, as expensive and nice as it is, it is basically like a remote control for your phone. You're not losing your life. If you're not losing your password manager and potentially the thing that you used to pay for.

for groceries like your phone does so much stuff but like the watch you gotta say like it ain't worth it like how about this i mean basically what how much is an apple watch 500 bucks probably so the new fancy one so let's say it's 500 bucks imagine there's no watch involved somebody just says i'll give you 500 to lower yourself down into this toilet would you take that no of course you wouldn't take that right so let the watch go i believe uh lieutenant let's

see here derrick carroll of the michigan state police said it best andrew if the winning lotto ticket was down there i'd still count it as a loss and move on yep the only thing worth saving from there is your child anything else is a no end quote um pets i'll put pets in there i'm not

letting i'm not gonna let bingo i mean i don't know what situation i've put myself in where i've

I don't even know if a pet—I mean, just disgusting as this is, I don't even know if a pet would really care.

Yeah, but I'm just saying that I couldn't just walk away. I couldn't just say, okay, well, it's a wash, although there would be washing later.

But I would go call somebody. Like, if bubbles fell down there, I would go and get the proper authorities to figure out a way to get there. I'm not lowering myself down into that pit of despair. I'm not rappelling down there to try to get bubbles out myself and the other thing too that they mentioned in this outside article from Frederick Dreyer is there were just so many similarities in the case as well in terms of kind of how the two women who had gone into the toilet sort of reacted afterwards they both came out they basically got hosed off and then they got in their cars and they just scrammed and I thought to myself I don't think you could hose me off enough Like I think I'm driving home nude maybe Or I'm like Those clothes are done forever Whatever I'm wearing is done forever There's no like Hey okay you know I'm just going to get cleaned up here Do we have a hose around here Is this a hose job Are you hosing me off You hosed yourself up and down No like I just I feel like you have to strip You have to strip naked Hose yourself down And then just get in the car And just drive home right Like none of those clothes None of those clothes can ever get in your Subaru Outback again.

Well, my fear of being naked in public might outweigh my fear of wearing stinky clothes. I mean, there are too many factors. Not just stinky, but fouled to a degree that is irredeemable. Oh, yeah. Well, I'm not going to throw them in the wash and wear them again next week.

But if those touch your seat now, don't you have to get a new seat for your car?

Well, I don't know. I mean, maybe the maybe the rescuers were able to provide some sort of blanketage or towelage. I'm not sure. But maybe you burn the car later, too.

I mean, at that point, honestly, you've crossed such a Rubicon of dignity.

That's true. And gone to the other side.

Like, do you I mean, is you and I'm not saying this to be mean to these folks. I really I feel bad for them. This is really the worst case scenario. But after they haul you out of that situation, they've seen you in your darkest. Take your clothes off. Just get down, get back to Mother Nature, and then just let them hose you up. In fact, it almost seems like there would be something kind of cathartic about it. I mean, I wouldn't want to have to go into that pit, but can you imagine how good that shower must have felt when they got home? Oh, my God. Like when I had my now very well-known in TBTL incident at the Kingdome when I was a kid, when I got home and actually got in a steaming hot shower, it was not worth it, but it was almost worth it because of the relief that I felt from being at my own home in a shower, washing every square inch of my body. To be in that moment after having been in the moment of being in a bathroom stall at the Kingdome covered in my own... filth feces like and also that was my feces i made it can you imagine someone else's i mean golly so i think i'm wondering if they need to start posting signs i mean it's two incidents right maybe it's it's also it's two incidents that got reported yeah have these are the ones that made it into the media there must be there must have been some other incidents right that just nobody wants to talk about yeah right upsetting would you run to the press if you

didn't have to if you were able to get out of there and there's no official record of it i don't

want to make you know i don't want to overreact or or you know kind of overcorrect here but would it be worth printing up some little signs that just say do not try to retrieve anything that

falls in here yeah i mean it's one of those things that maybe people said like well we don't have to waste a sign on that like obviously look at this look down there nobody would it ever occur to

anyone to try to get something

out of there but now we have two documented cases um did you see this photo of this tree in in england that they think a teenager cut down i did i saw a photo as i scrolled by it quickly

yesterday um but i don't know the story behind it or how they know it's a teenager

well that we don't have at least according to the ap there isn't a lot of explanation of how they caught the kid why they think it was him it definitely looks like somebody used a chainsaw i mean it this is making me kind of like way more sad than i would have expected to feel about a tree in north umpton or wherever this is north umbria excuse me it's uh called the tree at sycamore gap it's a unesco world heritage site which is um hadrian's wall this there's one photo i don't you have the seattle times article now i'm looking at it yeah i'm getting right if you scroll to like it might be the third photo of just it's a starry night and you can see this tree this sycamore tree i think it's about 300 years old it is such an iconic photo this this this wall um called hadrian's wall has has been there forever of course and that's i think a pretty famous thing in that part of the world but this tree is just was in this incredible place it was in this kind of little valley between these two hills it was just absolutely gorgeous and it was maybe the most photographed tree in england it was in the movie robin hood prince of thieves starring kevin costner as well men in tights yes but like that for some reason that one photo andrew of the tree at night and just how kind like i said iconic that is and now it is just cut down for no reason and And it's like we can fix a lot of things. Like, you know, if it was, if this was, I don't know, let's say there's that pyramid that's at the Louvre in Paris, right? Is that the, right? Isn't that, did I.M. Pei make that pyramid?

I don't know who made it, but I can picture what you're talking about.

Sometimes I mix up the pyramid at the Louvre with the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland. They're both pyramids. They are both pyramids. And they both should be respected similarly. um although interestingly enough michael stanley is in the cobbler's children you're gonna say both but um but like if if let's just go with the rock and roll hall of fame thing if if heaven forbid uh you know somebody commandeered uh one of those uh demolition trucks with a wrecking ball on it and they smashed it into the rock and roll hall of fame you could fix that you could rebuild that this took this tree took 300 years to grow and i don't think i literally don't think there is a way to replace it like you can't glue it back onto the stump there's something so irrevocable about this and we live in a world where very little seems irrevocable like most things can be fixed uh most things can be rebuilt most things can you know there's this just feels like as they say in juno it's one doodle that can't be undone it's like and to be 16 you know 16 year old kids are famously kind of at times immature and have impulse control problems and don't really see the larger picture sometimes this is just such a permanent thing it really bummed me out this

morning yeah you're right it is irrevocable i mean uh except just with time i mean and it's

one of those things where i mean i guess it could be revicked in 300 years yeah right yeah um and

what's nice about things like this is that it's you know part of nature it's absolutely beautiful it's recognized worldwide as an important tree but you didn't have a whole bunch of fences around it or plaques it was just it seemed from these photos that it was just there and we just trusted that somebody with a chainsaw and impulse control problems isn't going to come along and chainsaw it down.

Do we need to start putting signs up that say do not cut down this tree that we all love?

Yeah, did he get his Apple Watch stuck in the bows?

I wonder if like, I mean, this sounds like lunacy, but I mean, is there a way? Can they do something? We have arborists in the audience, some of them who like to weigh in on the question of Madrone versus Madrona. Could they do something where they like core out part of the tree and put a huge dowel in? And like, could they, could we if we threw enough engineering mines and arboreal mines at it could we fix this i don't think we can fix could it be fixed could you glue it back on could you staple it would gorilla glue work would would crazy glue could you get that construction worker who was once hanging by his hard hat from the i-beam to the truck for the delivery do you remember that commercial from

when you were a kid of course and as i'm thinking about it now there's something confusing about that because he's like he's hanging on to his hat right like as a kid it seemed to make sense but as an adult i'm like wait a second you're just like You could have glued a handle there and held on to that. You know what I mean? Why is it his hat? Because the hat isn't glued to his head.

I've got the commercial here. Do we dare?

Yeah, go ahead. I feel like I've done this with-

Crazy glue TV commercial 1980. Okay, here we go.

Dirty rat. Strong enough to hold his pants suspended in midair. Right, Mar?

Wait a sec. Yeah, no, no. That's right. Is that the actual voiceover? I've done this before on another podcast, and you can burn a lot of time trying to figure this shit out. Trust me, but I think that is the original voiceover, and for some reason, the person was doing a Reagan impression.

I think they're doing a Jimmy Cagney, you dirty rat.

Oh, Cagney, Cagney, Cagney, yes, yes, yes, sorry, sorry, sorry. Because wasn't he a dirty rat guy? Sorry, yes, but it doesn't make any sense.

Yeah, okay, here we go once again.

Crazy glue, you dirty rat. What? Strong enough to hold this man suspended in midair. Right, Mar? Hmm, that's almost anything.

A plastic knob, a plastic plug, a rubber boot, a metal brooch, a fishing rod, a cycle grip, model planes and model trains a doorknob screw a flashlight case the broken trim on any car and now crazy glue also comes in a no drip no clog pen

that is so doesn't none of it it's like three commercials in one and none of it really makes

sense and you're right like why that's i mean well let me put it this way it it was iconic you and i both remembered immediately the construction worker guy with the helm i mean I don't think he's even a construction worker. He just has a hard hat that's glued to an I-beam, but he's in like a collared shirt and jeans.

And isn't he hanging on to the I-beam or something? I don't understand what it's supposed to be. All we know is that you can glue a somewhat light plastic hat to the underside of a beam. It's not holding the man up, unless he's got like a chin strap or something that I don't remember. I think he's holding himself up.

It looks like, so initially when he glues it, He is holding onto the top of the I-beam Or whatever the beam is But then, once it's glued It looks to me like he has pulled his arms down And is now maybe just holding onto the hard hat Because if he's still holding onto the beam Then the hard hat is totally superfluous So I think once the glue has set He's holding onto the sides of the hard hat To illustrate

Oh, so he is hanging onto the hat by the end Yeah, because otherwise

Think about what is the point of the hat If you're supporting yourself by the beam but the other funny part is he is pitting out so hard because they put him for this commercial they've put him in like a light blue oxford collared shirt imagine the shoot day for this like what this guy's day was like he is massively sweating in this shirt because he's been doing effectively like a chin up all day with this hat situation he also i have to say isn't a young guy like he i wonder if this is the crazy glue inventor he's a very interesting person to pick for the job of guy who hangs by his hat from ibeam he looks like a foreman to me but i guess i would have expected it for some reason to be like a 22 year old kind of strapping i don't know young construction worker as opposed to yeah like the foreman doesn't even seem like the guy who'd go in for these shenanigans there's got to be an osha violation well it's definitely an osha violation i want the oral history of this crazy glue commercial why did they have a person you're right by the way the person is saying dirty rat which makes me think Cagney but they sound like Ronald Reagan

they sound a lot like Reagan and I'm trying to get to the bottom of this too because I swear that Vives and I found an oral history of this somewhere but I'm not finding it now and I'm just finding like one other absolutely befuddled person writing about this online so like we don't know why Reagan is doing a Cagney impersonation

is that literally what they're saying

basically yeah I mean it's kind of a I'm trying to read it on the fly here it's just somebody's blog but they're as confused as we are

alright let's do a little music for your weekend as we get on out of here. Let's see here. You got big plans for the weekend, Andrew?

What do I have? You know, I don't think so. I mean, I think I woke up with a little spring in my step today because I think I was like, oh, we don't have anything this weekend, I don't think. I mean, you know, the door's always open, but it's not being forced open, which is what I like.

Yeah, that's funny. Like, I woke up with a little spring in my step because I realized I don't have to see anything. I know that feeling, by the way. increasingly becoming a weird having more reclusive tendencies being up here by the way yeah and you

know like usually fry well whatever i don't have to get into it um i'm like ideally i would have had more work done on the newsletter today and this morning i woke up i'm like i haven't done anything on the newsletter but then it occurred to me that some of my other responsibilities that i would usually be doing today are actually off my plate so i kind of i had this weird mixture of feelings that i can't describe that started with a little ping of anxiety like i'm behind I always say behind the ball I don't think that's the right expression but then I was just kind of behind in things but then I remembered oh no actually I don't have that much to do and once I do it I think I'm free as a bird I can go outside i can run in the rain if i want to i can i can drop watches like no one's watching or dance like everybody's watching yeah so anyway i don't really know what's on the agenda you did inspire me to maybe go to my local cinema and see if i can see stop making sense i've never seen it on the big screen it's one of my yeah it's one of my um that was an early dvd for me i remember getting a dvd player and saying well if i have if i have the capability of watching things in digital resolution that i'm gonna buy films that deserve it and so i bought things like stop making sense which i was just so in love with so to see that in the theater would be pretty amazing maybe i'll

try to do that this weekend there is this little store by my house it's actually the closest store and i love it so much um i i won't give the specific name although people if people care they can probably stalk me and figure it out but anyway it is the definition of a little weird neighborhood store and i think it only exists because uh there are enough people in this area who want to be able to buy half and half without driving all the way into town but it is the most random bunch of stuff in this store like i think that the i think the guy who runs it i think his granddad started it i think he might live in like an apartment or something that's attached to the store and oftentimes i think it's his i think it's his mom maybe the the the the widow of the guy who who started the story anyway there's this little old lady that's in there in the morning i was getting half and half there the other day on my way back from my little jog and it's like these are the things that they sell in the store um well half and half a few kind of shelf stable groceries a skateboard from the 1980s that would have been the kind of skateboard you didn't want to get like a heat wave or something like a veriflex that like didn't go very fast they're

selling that for 150 is it like a big fat one like the 80s like nash big fat one like the

like nash style exactly like nash style but the kind that like looked really cool but when you tried to skateboard on it it didn't like the wheels didn't have it didn't have good wheels on it so it wouldn't really actually kind of go fast you couldn't really do tricks on it like it was it was the kind of skateboard that that if you were really into skateboarding you would probably like avoid but they're selling that for 150 dollars they are selling um the by the way the I was standing there with the half and half and I again I can't overstate this I love this lady she's so she's so cute to me but I was standing there with my half and half at the counter I'm the only person in the store she is looking the opposite way from the counter and just watching reba the sitcom on a tube television awesome yeah and she's doing it for probably four minutes before she realizes i'm two feet away from her this story i'm gonna just start documenting the random things they sell because it's just all over the place so they have a bin of dvds for one dollar and there are some stunners in there what is the joke that they make in that piece of tape

we play from tiktok where they're doing a fake grocery store announcement parody and they say daddy's home or daddy's home 2 the only i promise you daddy's home 2 is somewhere in this movie i feel like i'm getting that wrong is daddy's home a movie i think it is i feel like it's got to

either start kevin james or will smith let's see maybe both i i'm getting i'm getting whiffs of

Mark Wahlberg and John Lithgow somehow And Mel Gibson Wow Daddy's Home 2 2017 Like

I was trying Like I walked out of the store with my half and half And I saw out of my periphery The bin of DVDs and I like turned around And went back in because I was like Remember these matter Remember these titles so you can tell Andrew about it And then of course they whiffed right out of my brain But I was like standing there still sweating From my jog clutching the half and half And the nice little old lady kind of looked at me in a nice way, but in a way that was like, well, all right, sir, either buy some DVDs or keep it moving, but it really, I'm not a person who likes to ironically watch stuff, but I thought, what an interesting project, because I have a DVD player to just start working my way through some of the choice selections from the DVD, the $1 DVD bin there. You gotta go back,

you gotta buy some for me.

Yeah, no, and I'm also gonna carefully, first of all, I'm gonna see if they sold the skateboard, and I'm gonna try to carefully document some of the other i mean it is you couldn't if you were i mean it is really like you're exactly right andrew it's like that that intro tape that we played just just the the crazy it's like i think it's kind of if the people that run the store if they find something maybe like that they think could sell they'll just put it in there kind of a second hand except it's not used stuff it's like all new stuff that has no there's no theme to anything but if they have some new product new item that they think there might be some sales value to they'll just put it out on this It's just really a strange place, and I love it.

By the way, Daddy's Home 2 is a Will Ferrell joint along with Mark Wahlberg and Mel Gibson. My God, Wahlberg and Gibson was...

I think they were in... Weren't they in... Weren't they also in a cop movie, a buddy cop movie that people seem to really love?

Those two. I don't know.

Oh, no, no, not Wahlberg and Gibson. I thought you meant Will Ferrell.

I don't know, but Wahlberg and Gibson are both pretty deplorable human beings.

Yeah, I think that there are a couple of extreme Catholics who have some pretty bad— I don't know of Mark Wahlberg's— I don't know what Mark Wahlberg's views are.

He beat somebody up until he went blind, I believe, as a youth. He did do that. That's not great. Mel Gibson is a rampant racist.

Terrible anti-Semite and bad person all around, sexual harasser.

Anyway. I love that we keep giving Mel Gibson

I love that we keep giving Mel Gibson opportunities. I just saw a trailer the other day that had Mel Gibson in it. I was like what does this guy have to do for us to all decide we've

had enough of him? Yeah. Well, I don't, yeah. I think a lot of us have decided we've had enough of him. There are just some people who don't care.

I guess I was like, what is Mel Gibson bringing to the table anymore? I get like lethal weapon era Mel Gibson. He had a charm i'm gonna say that and i thought lethal weapons i thought those were the coolest movies of all time when i was a kid but like at this point do we need an old white man to do i mean there are a shortage of old white dudes yeah i mean if you want to know we need that mel gibson

magic in this film if you are if you're like in the mood for a mel gibson movie do yourself a favor and find yourself a kurt russell movie and watch that instead like that that's what cures all right there overboard i can't recommend it overboard you need to watch jiminy glick

interviewing kurt russell about the character snake pliskin yes i do what a beautiful sentence that was like really good that was like jazz it's so good because per always he's just roasting kurt russell and he's talking about how everyone told him this interview was going to be bad including goldie hahn who you just talked to in the hall i love that's like one

of the best celebrity couples right still together i'm right about that i believe so oh my god love

them i just want to give them a big group hug i know and bubble wrap them stay with us stay with us goldie and kurt okay uh music for your weekend what are you going to play today andrew um okay

so i'm going to start with an embarrassing question luke how do you say the name salt the mistake before or after um the city in italy bologna bologna is it just i feel like i'm saying the name of the meat but it's not i think i would say bologna bologna okay so there is a band i just found out about them in the past like 12 hours or so um i'll say my friend our friend lini um prom queen et al uh sent me a um like a spotify playlist that somebody had made it was bopping around the internet a while ago and it's called it's called goth barbie it's like a bunch of like you know synth pop uh-huh you know kind of kind of well i think goth barbie i think you you get it or you don't and uh i finally was listening to it on the bus yesterday on the way to the ball game you know a little bit rainy outside like the season was feeling right for it and um i'm not you know super familiar with that genre of music but i was really enjoying it and a uh band came on called Nuevo Testamento and they are in LA now but I think they're from New Testament? I guess so at first I thought it was Spanish I'm like oh no that's not Italian but anyway they're in LA now an Italian band in LA and they have this song that I'm going to play for you here it is called Heartbeat and at first I thought they were remixing a Madonna song because the vocals sound so much like Madonna and then I looked it up and Madonna does have a song called Heartbeat but this is not a remix This is an original song by them, and the vocals are just sort of reminiscent, and some of the sound is very reminiscent of early Madonna with a little bit more of a, maybe a little bit more of kind of some dark undertones. But I really, really like this a lot, and it just kind of got me thinking about how I'm at a certain age or we're in a certain year where I don't mind young bands completely almost like recreating the sound of bands that came before. I think there was a time in my life when I would have absolutely hated that and just like been like, you know, you're just ripping somebody off. But for some reason, I don't see it that way. I just feel like so much time has passed. And if you're making new music in the style of an artist from an era that I really enjoy, it's almost like, hey, great. More more music that sounds like that. I don't know. I'd be interested. I'm with you. Yeah. I think it's a function of getting older, too, right? We've just been around so long now that it's like, oh, cool. I liked this the first time, and I like – I mean, you've got to get inspired by something, right?

Yeah. I mean, Greta Van Fleek, I know, kind of got under your skin. Did I get that band name wrong?

You had one letter off. Although I do think Greta Van Fleek is another great show to tell Andrew.

I wasn't even joking that time, though.

My friend, you are dealing today. You're absolutely dealing.

The fact that I got it that close, though, honestly, I'm taking that as a win. But, you know, they sounded exactly like Led Zeppelin. I think that that was a little troublesome, though, because then they claimed that they'd never heard of Led Zeppelin before.

I think there's a little context to that, which is I think I think it turns out they were joking.

That would make that. I've thought about that so much over the years. I'm like, they must have been joking, at least like chuckling to themselves.

I think that was one of those things where it got really blown out of proportion. And I think, you know, the interviewer is probably saying something like, you know, people say you sound like Led Zeppelin. And then they said, we've never heard of them. Yeah. Obviously, I would have said the same thing. Yeah, right. Exactly. So I I've kind of it's it's still not particularly the music for me, but I think I've kind of relaxed on my like, you know, I feel like we should just let Greta Van Fleek do their thing.

Yeah. Yes, exactly. I put them on like not all that long ago. I don't know any of their albums or songs, but I don't know. Sometime in the past year, I just remember thinking, like, I want that style of music, but I don't want to listen to the Immigrant Song right now by Led Zeppelin or whatever. And so anyway, so in that spirit, here is a song called Heartbeat by Nuovo Testamento. Here we go.

I've made it out alive

Through the long dark night The lonely little lies Dreamt of this once or twice

I think I have the right

Almost like being alive I'm feeling I'm so light-like Cause I'm in paradise

Now with my heartbeats Heartbeats fast I can't imagine That it's gonna last Heartbeats

So that's what you listen to when you want to pump yourself up for a baseball game you're going to, but also be prepared for a devastating loss. That's what that music is.

By the way, coming to a town near you. They were just at the Central Saloon in Seattle earlier in September. And today is the 29th. They'll be in Montreal at La Sala Rosa. And if you're in Ann Arbor, they'll be at the Blind Pig October 1st. They'll be in Louisville, Nashville, Atlanta. So if you like that sound, it looks like Nouveau Testamento is really on. They're on one. They're touring all over.

did i tell you that these and i after all are going to go to that death cab postal service

show oh you are yeah yeah the one that you tried to get tickets for and then it was like

immediately sold out yeah it was just like that ticket master thing where it's like yeah you know i i hadn't tried to get tickets the moment they went on sale if i've ever done that before in my life it would have been in high school and it was one of those things where i was on the website and then all of a sudden the website just said no more and you're like what how did that happen but no I guess a friend of a friend had some tickets Genevieve was at a gathering a couple of weekends ago and I think our friend of the Juggalos a gathering of the Juggalos yes and our friend Liz who is a huge Juggalo you know Liz I don't know somehow hooked us up I believe and I'm trying to think that's not tomorrow is it no it looks like that will be next weekend I think if I'm doing my math I've been seeing

by the way your beloved Jenny Lewis is part of that operation yeah I know wow this is like i'm just looking at discogs for that record give up it's just like like where it was recorded and mixed and everything and just like what a time that was when this album was was i think i this is such a nostalgic album for me because i just remember i remember being at the crocodile cafe

our friend tune and tune was very involved in the music scene in those days and i remember her telling me because she was pretty good friends with gibbard telling me that he's doing this thing called the postal service and that he was mailing tracks back and forth with somebody down in la and and then just when that album came out i just remember loving it so much and like i think i think just even looking on discogs at the like that where they recorded it where it was mixings It it makes me think about that time in my life, which was just, you know, I was just young and everything. My life was just all potential, you know, it's just like a very it's weird. It's it's nostalgic. It's also kind of wistful.

The album itself. Well, yeah, the album is too. I mean, the feeling I have. I mean, that the music fits exactly the feeling that you're talking about as well. And there's something about the sound of the record that just makes you want to weep. But it doesn't make you sad. It just makes you want to weep.

It's not right. But not in a totally sad way It's weird, it's like For some reason just reading Specifics of who played the drums On which track It just reminds me For some reason of a very specific moment Not that I was there when they were recording it But just the idea of that thing happening And where I was In my life at the moment of that stuff Happening is an intense feeling Speaking of things that are slightly wistful And maudlin but not totally sad I would like to have you play a song by jeff tweedy um from his album together at last that he put out i think maybe back in 2017 which is just i think it's a pretty much a bunch of wilco songs there might be a golden smog song in there too but a bunch of songs that jeff tweedy basically wrote but this is him minus the band and this song is called laminated cat i don't know if there's a laminated cat in the song like a reference to it in the song i don't even get what that's about someone who knows Wilco better than me will tell me, but I love this song so much. It's a little wistful, but it also mentions practically every season, so I feel like as we move from summer into fall now, it feels appropriate, but it also could be appropriate if we were moving from fall into spring. It really just, it's a four-tool player, Andrew. It really covers any season you could be moving into, so can we hear a little laminated cat from Jeff Tweedy?

Springtime comes and the leaves are back on the trees again The snappers are harder to see, my friends Weeding out your weekends Summer comes, gravity on does Are you happy because The lovely way the sunshine bends Hiding in the deep end Weeding out your weekends Candy left over from Halloween The unified theory of everything Love left over from lovers leaving Books they all know they're not worth reading It's not for the season

There will be some time in my life when I hear that song and I don't get a little teared up. This was not that time, nor has that time ever occurred so far. One day, though, I will be strong like Ox, and I'll be able to listen to that song without getting a little emo.

Yeah, let me check in on me, too. When that happens. I do have, like, I was also Googling around, though, because I sort of find this fascinating, the way you set this up. and I have some questions. I don't know if you have the answers, and I don't want to put you on the spot. So I see that, so you're saying that Jeff Tweedy has this record where he's kind of doing his own solo versions of Wilco songs, as well as this song, did you just say this, is like from Loose Fur, which was some band that he was in with two other people, but then this album is him just doing his solo versions of songs that he would usually do with other people. Do I have that right?

I think I mentioned Golden Smog, which was a different kind of alt-country supergroup he was in. But yeah, he did this thing, Loose Fur, with, I think it was like Galen, the drummer for Wilco, and I forget. He's done a lot of, I think Jeff Tweedy has done a number of little kind of side collabs, but the through line is usually like he tends to write the music and the lyrics, I think. And again, this is no...

no um slighting of the other members of like wilco but you know hearing jeff tweedy play a song from wilco by himself is never a downgrade for me and again i i i really love the band wilco but um yeah he's i i think that i think the through line of this album is it's all stuff that jeff tweedy wrote and performed with different kind of um accompaniment of people

interesting but but then he releases this as a jeff tweedy record and it's not live is it it's not like a live performance it's just i don't think so no i really interesting not a lot of

artists do that i don't think yeah i think it was just it i think it was yeah it's a bunch of it's just him and a guitar that's it the whole album is him and a guitar but i'm guessing that it was you know recorded in a studio setting somewhere oh that's interesting yeah the only

song because i'm not as i'm not as deep into the wilco world as you so i see ashes of american flags is on here which is um probably one of the only songs i would know off of oh and i'm trying to break your heart so yeah uh you would recommend this whole album huh because i got to say the production the production on yankee fox trot is one of the reasons i love it so much but also they are just amazing do me a fave really fast yeah can we just just just because now now i got a live

one on the line yeah can you just play uh does he do a version of um uh always in love i'm always in love is that i think yeah here it is yeah so you just play a little bit of that is that a wilco song originally it's a wilco song when i was in when i was in the wilco cover band uh roger that played a total of zero shows ever this was one of the songs that i got to be the lead guy on and anyway this song is is a favorite of mine too we just play a little bit of always in love

Why I wonder is my heart full of holes And the feeling goes when my hair keeps growing Well I set the sun on a big weird wagon I'm bragging I'm always in love

You know what I have to do this afternoon? Well, I have to drive to Eugene, Oregon. But on the way, I have to pick up a Subway sandwich, really enjoy the last bite, and listen to this whole record. But I have to do it. I'm picking Becca up in Portland. I have to listen to it before I get her because I do tend to cry through most of the album. So you want to be all cried out before you sing here. I just don't feel like, I don't know if that's, you know, if that's going to project to her the kind of rugged masculinity that I'm known for.

As a 6'1", as a 6'1 individual. As a 6'1".

I have a certain level of masculinity to uphold now, Andrew, as a 6'1 American. And it's not sitting there with my sunglasses on and tears coming out from under the sunglasses as I listen to Jeff Tweedy.

People in your life are just going to know, like, oh, if you're wearing sunglasses, you're crying.

Yeah, it's kind of a dead giveaway. It's Christmas. It's 6 p.m. I'm inside listening to Charlie Vince Garaldi with my sunglasses on.

You're watching the Thanksgiving football games with your sunglasses on?

By the way, Seahawks. Oh. Thanksgiving Day footballs this year, my friend. Do you remember who they're playing? The Niners. That's going to be the combustion is going to cause an explosion. That's going to be a big game. Yeah. All right. Our listener suggestion is from listener Jason, who says my nomination now and until you play it is Who's Laughing Now by Dury. I love the vibes of this band and their cheerful disillusionment with the world as it currently is. Dury is a brother and sister act who started out making music in their basement during the pandemic in, I believe, the upper Midwest. And definitely my go-to post-bar YouTube party in my living room here in the Roosevelt neighborhood of the Bay City. My wife, Thea, and I are excited to be taking the train down to Seattle in November to finally see Dury in person at the tractor. I hope that word soup was at least tangentially readable, but I really hope you check out Dury. Power out Jason from the Bay City Airport. Jason is my friend who once, remember when I was flying out of the Bellingham Airport all the time, Jason was like, because he works there, was like, I got a spot if you need to park your car here. Oh, yeah, right. And I ran into Jason and Thea around town there in Bellingham. So nice to hear from you, Jason. And, yeah, let's check out some Dury. I hope I'm saying that right. This is from listener Jason up there in Bellingham. That's how we're going to wrap up our broadcast week. Thanks for listening, everyone. Thanks for being part of TBT. We'll see you on Monday. In the meantime, have a great weekend, and please remember, no mountain too tall. And good luck to all. I'm just as broke as the day I was born But I still make it work Just like everybody else does It's all just a cruel joke And everybody knows there's no way out Well, who's laughing now?

This is one doodle that can't be undid, Holmes Gillett.

Power out.