Muse

Let me see it. Is it cute? Yeah, so cute. Send it to me. Me too. Okay. Look what I just posted. Brunch with these two dum-dums.

Oh my gosh, so good. Is this good? I said Sunday Funday with these idiots. Yeah, that's good. That's great.

So cute. Okay, okay, so cute. Look what I just posted. Eating crap with these sacks of . If they died tomorrow, no one would shed a tear. So cute. Wait, what the hell? You called me a dum-dum and she called me an idiot, so...

Yeah, when you post a pic of yourself where you look really cute, then you have to say something a little self-deprecating so it doesn't look like you're just bragging.

Oh, alright, this is good. Slapping down some pig s**t with these fat s**ks, and I'm the fattest of them all. If I died tomorrow, no one would shed a tear. Load my freaking lard carcass into the mud. No coffin, please. Just wet, wet mud. Bae. Jesus, Brenda. Alright, I got ya. Mm, gulping down some pig with these bags of meat. Sunday fun day with these pig hope nobody gulps us. So are we the pig or the bags of meat? Okay, let me try another one. Sitting here with two bonafide pieces of hog, they're mad because I won best hog at the hog snarfing contest. But I'm not mad because we're all loads of beef sitting on the side of a highway getting our butts sucked by flies. I tagged you both in that. Why? Why are you guys bullying me?

Maybe he saw his reflection and thought

Mm-mm-mm, I'm flying in hot for that hottie

It's like your own mini garden And, well, now that you think about it It's kind of fun seeing how good it grows It's kind of like, you know, kids Like, it's kind of like kids growing up

My podcast is on life support Hey, I need new listeners I want to be the bad boy of public radio, like Elvis Mitchell.

All right, hello, good morning, and welcome everyone to a Wednesday edition of TVTL, a show that just might be too beautiful to live. A practical example of modern communication. My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host.

I'm not quite sure why I'm here or what I'm doing, but there's a reason.

Coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio perched high above. The mighty Columbia, where...

Oh, Ma, Pa, it's just beautiful.

It's really not beautiful today. It's rainy and windy, but it's beautiful here inside the studio where I spent the last 24 hours. Well, not continuously. I went to sleep last night. But most of the last 24 hours. Tidying up, organizing, putting up a John Prine poster that one of the fellas working on the house gave me because he noticed my tattoo, and then he said, oh, I went to that concert in the, like, 90s, and I have a poster. Do you want it? So I put that up. I'm really turning this home studio into a home. And I also had an amazing night of listening to old episodes of Coast to Coast with Art Bell. I found a channel that just plays Art Bell, I think, 24 hours a day, and it was amazing.

I heard about that thing on the AM radio.

Sitting here at like, I don't know, one in the morning, deleting kind of errant audio files as I'm transferring sound around between computer systems and listening to George Norrie talk to a guy at the Arecibo Seti Project in Puerto Rico. It was absolutely incredible. Really made my night. I'm going to really try to make your day by bringing you episode 4051 in a collector's series. Let the fun begin. My day was unmade yesterday by an email I received from the Xfinity Corporation, the people that handle my television needs out here.

Television is no friend of mine.

It's amazing. They managed to piss off, I would say, like a tri-state region. I'm going to bring in Washington, Oregon, Idaho, maybe parts of Northern California. They really ticked some people off with this email that they sent out that I received during the recording of the program yesterday. But I chose not to get into it because I've been doing a lot of complaining about customer service and retail experiences and things like that. So I'm just trying to low-key it yesterday, but I'm going to high-key it today. Also, I have decided that today we're going to try maybe a new little segment, which I'm calling Briefly Noted. Let's get down to the nitty-gritty. This is where I attempt to knock out a couple of topics that have been sitting on my top story shelf for going on multiple days now, and they're either going to have to get jettisoned or we're going to have to talk about them. One is the new no-barfing tax that they're adding in certain San Francisco restaurants because of people. people having too many mimosas. There's also some research that says talking to yourself is an important form of self-soothing. The problem is that when we start talking about a top story on this show, it usually takes a good 40 to 50 minutes. How much of that is listenable? Very, very little of it. But I'm going to try to exercise some self-discipline and briefly note those two stories so I can remove them from my show sheet. I'm a new organized boy by the way i've got my audio all figured out i want to get my show sheet organized and i want to talk to this guy he was king of the tuck tuck sound he's the longest running co-bro of the show maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships he's andrew walsh and he's joining

me right now good morning my friend good morning do i hear this right are you doing your own data migration luke how did you get all of your old audio files into your new computer was there a squad of say geeks involved no there wasn't there was teresa at target nice who unlocked

the cabinet that had the external hard drives in it and boy let me tell you when i was buying this external hard drive it was like i had decided to purchase the hope diamond and that was the level of security that was implemented it's about a $70 item first of all uh it it you know was it was behind glass and excuse me the initial key that Teresa had in the electronics department of the Target in Longview Washington did not fit the thing so she had to go find someone who had the right key and then she said are you doing any other shopping and I said no it's just that so then she still didn't hand it to me Andrew she carried it over to the counter as if if it were in my hands for even the briefest of moments i would sprint towards the front of the target store and out with my expensive piece of electronics and then we went to the register in the electronics section where she then rang me up and only after my credit card cleared did she hand it to me with the receipt and then got on the radio and told the person guarding the front of the target i have a customer leaving with a external hard drive he did not get a bag but he has paid for he has the receipt and they said okay i was like this is an unbelievably high touch situation

considering how much business this target does i'm guessing that they didn't just start doing that for fun though i mean i'm sure those things walk out the door a lot they're perfect size to

slip in your pocket and say i guess i'm wondering who the person is who's both has feverish tendencies and data management issues like i know what you mean they are compact and not cheap but it's it's a funny thing to steal because you just imagine someone taking it then and being like okay i'm trying to move these m4as over okay are those going to actually work when i drag them to the next thing so yeah so last night i got all set up and i uh took all of the drops off of the very old computer a computer so old andrew how old was it how old was it luke its Social security number is one. That's how old it is, Andrew. You know, how old is it, Andrew? Oh, you got your new sound effects, too. It's so old that in history class, when it was a kid, they just talked about what was going on. I kind of botched that one. I don't remember how that one goes.

No, I was like, yeah, no, it's pretty good.

Something in that general vicinity. No, it's, so I had this very old computer that was kind of dying. and like so my dad is a power mac user he both uses macbook power books and is a power user of macintosh products because he does all this graphic lettering stuff for his sign business and i called him and i said hey do you want he needs a new computer i was like do you want this laptop and he goes yeah maybe i might take it off your hands and he goes what years i go 2013 he goes no i'm good my dad turning down the computer i have never yeah i i i'm shocked that that he uh that he didn't want it so anyway 10 years a lot has happened 10 years pretty old in computer in you know in computer life so so i basically uh was trying to get all of the old audio off of that computer before it fully kicked the bucket and uh get it transferred onto this new computer that i'm using andrew um so that we would then have and also onto this extra two terabyte external hard drive so that i would have kind of it saved now and in a place where i can get to it if i needed or if something were to happen to the computers there's now I'm proud to say Andrew there is now a hard drive with as far as I can tell all of the audio that currently exists related to TBTL from over the years now it doesn't mean that it's everything that was once in existence at Cairo but it's the most complete repository that now currently exists as it exists on the hard drive

and a duplicate version on your computer we got a duplication situation That is fantastic, but you skipped over some important things. Is it a solid-state hard drive? $70 seems on the low end for that. How big is this hard drive, and is it solid-state? And sorry, I need to take a drink of water here.

Also, I don't want to be gross at the top of the show, but is this what it sounds like when you're turned on? It's like, spare no details. Spare no details. I want you to go really slow when talking about this. Slow it down.

We're just skipping over the important stuff here.

It's a 2-terabyte. I threw the box out.

Wait, there's no way that was $70. Two terabytes, $70?

It said two...

No, I believe you that it's two terabytes,

but I believe that it was more expensive than that. I mean, I have the receipt. By the way, I'm not submitting this to TBTB, because I will use this for other things. I just want you to know, and I want Sklaroff to know. This one... Sklaroff would want you to charge this to TBTB. I know he would. He's very good about those things. But I feel like this is something that I will use in my normal life. It's not exclusively related to TBTL business, so I can't in good conscience.

Well, I'm, you know, I'm, that makes sense to a degree, except I also don't believe you on that, too. Like, do you see yourself bouncing? I don't see, I am the type of person who will come over here and, like, choose an evening and decide to do some data management and bounce a bunch of personal, like, photos and stuff to a hard drive or take it off of my Dropbox where my phone photos collect. This is literal stuff that I do. Every time I'd snap a photo, anything with my phone, it goes up to Dropbox. then dropbox gets full so then i have to download everything from dropbox then i need to move it over to a hard drive i will do that stuff it is not necessarily the most efficient way of living one's life but i will do it i don't see you using this hard drive for personal stuff are you going

to be like now that i know about this channel on tune in that's just playing art bell andrew you're going to capture all of that audio well i'm going to spend many a night here in this studio listening to Art Bell, drinking wine, and data managing. It was so fun. I feel, I mean, you can probably hear in my voice a certain excitement today. It's because of a few things. As I mentioned at the top of the show, I'm getting this room really organized, and that feels good. I mean, I was working from in here, but it was just boxes, and it was sort of only semi-functional. And I'm starting to just do some of the little things that I've been wanting to do to just really make this place feel highly functional, functional and also comfortable to be in and so that's been kind of a nice feeling and then also get actually getting all of this audio onto this computer that's in front of me now andrew that has like it was a real trip down memory lane last night just the seeing some of the old old old tbtl stuff let me see if i let me just if i put tbtl in i'll just get well first of all many many episodes that i mixed back in the day which i know these exist on the internet there's no reason for me to have them on this computer but i have enough room for it so i figured i don't know but it's like all of these episodes of tbtl tbtl episode 1681 do you want to hear how to episode 1681

started do you have yeah let me just think about era here so this is is this uh 1600s i'm trying to even think if i'm on the show is this jen do you know have you you don't have a sense of what

air this is? I have no idea. There's no, it just says episode 1681. It's one hour and 15 minutes and one second. Okay. Or we could go with, an earlier episode, we could go with episode 824, which was called, um, Bye Bye Oprah, Hello Steve Coogan.

Okay, so that'll be, like, really post, just like, post-radio show, so I can imagine. Should we just, let's just say,

Look, you're the attending physician, so I need your permission. I want to cut this kid open. Why? She's got a broken arm. Says who? The x-ray. Please. Don't trust these. They're not even in color. Look, I've got to open her up. What if it's something more serious? What if it's AIDS? I don't know this kid. I've got to make sure she's got the right type of arm guts in there. I'm supposed to trust some medical techs.

I don't know if we would play an AIDS joke now. Yeah, that's true. It's just a children's hospital, clearly. That's right. Yes, exactly. There are very few clips from children's hospital that aren't edgy on some level, I guess. Let's focus on black and white space photo. Come on.

I'm a doctor. It's what I do. Prep the OR. TBTL

Hello everybody, welcome to a Wednesday afternoon edition of TBTL, the show that's probably too beautiful to live You know, you gotta eat that microphone It's also, by the way, today's show is a Wednesday show, and you don't believe in a god, Andrew? I'm your host, Luke Burbank, weighing in at 185 pounds

geez those were the days this is also back in the day when you could afford a lot of compression

so much compression on your voice the problem was garage band did this automatically i think you know what i mean like because i did everything when i was the the audio person

the show got those i weep for the listeners during those days thank god you're here andrew um there was probably i could probably turn it off in garage man it literally never occurred to me

to turn off whatever that effect is didn't you also have a compressor though that like somebody from cairo gave you for your home studio at the time not that i remember although you did it's

possible it's totally possible i don't know i've kind of erased a lot of erased a lot of that from my brain i'm on the road to recovery here people uh this is episode 824 in a collector series and uh it's uh it's gonna be a lot of fun i'm here to tell you hi this is luke's mom oh yeah coming tonight we dropped that drop because it's sort of if you listen to it wrong seriously once and for all you guys what is the rule on spoiler anyway whatever that's what episode 824 started out like shockingly and upsettingly similar to how the show sounds now 3200 episodes later give or take anyway all that is to say Andrew um I am just I'm I am feeling very good this morning because of of the and it was hours I mean it was hours and hours of going through and so I dragged everything into onto multiple computers and onto this external hard drive and then I had to go through in my apple music which is where this stuff all kind of lives i had to go through and then delete tons and tons of weird things that were showing up like three second video clips from bollywood movies that i have no idea how or why those were in my system at some point it might have been from some time of bit torrentine some of them were kind of like almost like drops like i don't know if listeners sent me a bunch of video clips at some point thinking these could be funny like there was there was just a bunch of odd little things that were had just like series of like numbers and letters and symbols that were never going to be useful on the show because i wouldn't even know how what to search for them so i was just deleting big sections of stuff that i know is never you know i don't care that it's lost to history and that took a good amount of time but now i like i just feel like my audio hygiene has just never been it's never been better andrew

So you're just not going to tell me if it's solid state or not? Well, how do I tell you if it is? I don't think it is. I'm looking, okay, so the price range for a non-solid state 2 terabyte is in that $75 range. I apologize for doubting you on that. That is, I mean, that is just incomprehensible to me, the amount of storage. I mean, we've really leaned into our old manniness lately and looked around and said, the world, it changes as I age. And that's probably not interesting. But my God, Luke, there was a time when I worked for a classical music station and in the the big, nice studio, we had a bunch of news studios with various equipment in there. But then we had one big, nice studio that had like a hundred track board for recording, like all kinds of stuff. And they had a computer and I believe it was an eight gigabyte hard drive on that computer. And we were we're just like, what would you even do with all of that? I mean, eight gigs, like we've hit the limit of storage. You would never need more than that. And now we're just selling. Now for less than 100 bucks, we're just carrying around two terabytes in our pockets. Are you carrying this around in your pocket, I assume?

I am now. In case anybody needs any data managed out on the streets.

You've deputized yourself. That's exciting. You had a night last night that is the closest. I mean, some of your choices are different. Your choice of drink was slightly different. I'm sure than what my choice of drink is your choice of audio entertainment slightly different than when I listen to but all said you had one you probably had the most Andrew Walsh night you've

ever personally had last and I knew it was happening in the moment which was why I was texting you a picture of me deleting audio while coast to coast was playing in the background now what happened was I decided at about 10 o'clock so first of all I have a guy over here working on the house who's doing um some electrical stuff for me but he's he's doing his day job and then he's coming over on his free time and working on the house really awesome kid and uh so he was in the house drilling holes and stuff and i was out here doing data management and then it was about 10 and he was heading home and i i was like i should probably go in and start winding down and get ready for bed but i still had much much data needed to be managed and uh and and so i was like well, let me listen to a little Coast to Coast. And I found the station in Portland, some nightmare AM station that's playing, you know, like Sean Hannity during the daytime that's playing Coast to Coast at night. And it was so soothing. There was something so comforting about the Seacrane radio ads and all just the, like, national news updates, you know, dun-dun-dun-dun. Yeah, I like that. I just, at night, the sound of that stuff is just, it takes me to some very necessary.

place and then i look up and it's midnight and i've listened to all two hours of last night's

coast to coast and i still want more and that was all live i love that feeling though too of i mean of the live feeling it's probably it's probably less good than the archives product wise radio product wise but there's something like you said about hearing those news updates and just knowing that like you're sort of huddled around a radio even though you're i'm assuming you weren't really huddled but it just sort of has this sense of um i don't know invisible community sort of like

everybody's listening to the same thing absolutely and so then i was like i wonder if this is all in my sonos i'm i go i wonder if like if there's just more coast to coast that's just on demand or something i can get through here and i'm the the whole interaction between radio stations and and AM radio products and the Sonos is very, very hit and miss because probably some engineer at whatever station we're talking about has to encode something in a certain way, and I just don't know if that's a huge priority for them all the time. So I'm looking around trying to find something in this list of possible things, and I just see a show that's just called Dreamland, and the picture is just of three aliens. Like the kind of cartoon, like when you think of an alien. Actually, when you think of those aliens, Andrew, that were represented in whatever that Australian town is that you and I went to, where we poked our head through like a wood cutout and posed as aliens.

Oh, I forgot about that. That was probably also where the big ship from the movie was, right?

No, the big ship was in Coober Pedy, which they used in Chronicles of Riddick.

Right, right. Oh, I know. Oh, God damn, yeah. There was just a petrol station, as we say.

Weird roadside alien attraction.

That was a full like on like roadside alien museum that was like so scary and not scary like, oh, aliens like scary like, oh, where do they put our bodies when they kill us back here? Do you remember that weird like one room dusty gift shop? Oh, my God. I forgot about that place.

I have a picture from there that I'll save you of us poking our heads through like one of those cutouts. But anyway, so it's like those kind of aliens. It just says Dreamland. And I'm like, OK, A, will this even work if I hit go on it? And B, what is this? because it didn't say Art Bell now Art Bell used to call he was the original host of Coast to Coast for people that might not know for many years he would do the whole show himself from a I believe a manufactured home in Pahrump Nevada he would run the board himself he didn't have a call screener which is why he had these different phone lines he had the wild card line he had first time caller line he had east of the Rockies line this was his way of categorizing calls because nobody was in there answering the phone and telling

it's you know so and so online too i wonder how he did that he had he had one number that he gave to the audience but depending on where you're calling from your it would appear on a different

line that's interesting i think they had multiple numbers oh you would call if you're over here i think that the imaging would go east of the rockies oh i love that more i love that he just had to work around it he did that like four phone lines or something crazy but um and then he's always playing like the the rejoin music is amazing it's always like uh the pan flute of zemphir or kansas dust in the wind or just like you name it just the weirdest hokiest but like best in the middle of the night while your long haul trucking music you could ever hear and here's what i'll say george nori is like george nori is is fine you know he'll he'll do in a pinch he's it's it's fine what happens with george nori like last night george nori had a guy on who was talking about time travel which i was into i like it when the person is particularly unhinged and when george said is time travel real and this guy said well yeah george i know more about it than anybody else then i knew we were we had a winner on our hands we had a good we had a good couple of hours of audio to listen to but listening back to oh so i hit play and it just starts playing art It's in the middle of a conversation. He's talking, it's from February 24th of 2000.

And the file that you, this is like a, oh, this is Sonos, so it's like kind of streaming live.

It's using a service called TuneIn Radio. Yeah, right. Which I don't think you have, you don't have to have Sonos, but just the one that Sonos is like partnered with.

Yeah, I use TuneIn on my phone to listen to like the local radio stations when I'm not near our radio.

So TuneIn has a station called Dreamland, which as far as I can tell, is just playing old Art Bell. Art Bell has very sadly passed away. So it was, this one was from February 24th of 2000. And Art is talking to a guy named Seth Shostak, who is at that time in Puerto Rico, running the SETI project, the search for, I forget what's the E in SETI? Extra terrestrial intelligence, I think, for your life. SETI. And these

guys are having such an interesting conversation and it's so kind of erudite i forgot how i mean art bell was a bit of a kook but he also was really smart like they're getting into talking about radio what's what's happened to that show over the years is that it's become just a kook fest that's all it is it's just kookiness but i had forgotten that when art bell was hosting he was a pretty smart guy i mean he again he had some conspiracy theories but he also understood how like radio waves work he understood physics and he could really hang with this guy like it was just a genuinely interesting conversation where like they were making jokes like this they were talking about how far away any alien life might be and how from what they're getting from these telescopes it would take a thousand light years for the signal to get to where they think there might be aliens and then another thousand light years for the signal to get back and the guy goes um if the aliens respond in two hundred thousand light years my interest will have dropped precipitously which i don't know why that made me laugh so hard last night probably the

tequila but um but i just was like i feel like that's i feel like that's the tone of a joke your dad would make based on your telling of your dad's style of humor it's very possible the birds flying

the wrong way right um and the other thing that was amazing about it i like i want to like i don't know if this is really up your alley and and certainly you don't force me to listen to levitard or whatever but i almost want to like download this somewhere and send it to you and just be like in case of emergency break glass and listen to this because what's so fun about it is that art bell cannot believe that he is able to see this guy via a webcam he will not stop talking about the webcam it's every time he comes back from a break he's describing what's happening on the webcam he's like the at some point the webcam crashes because all the coast-to-coast listeners are going to the website which probably has eight gigabytes of capacity and he it's one of the main topics of the night is can you believe that i can see somebody in puerto rico and i'm in nevada and we're just looking at each other via webcam that's amazing so let's see do you have a sense of what year this is or do we just yeah 2020 uh 20 it's 2000 oh february 24th of 2000 is the exact episode it's just it was an absolute delight i haven't haven't done anything like that in a long long time because my sort of i don't andrew out as much at night like i don't putter the way you do so normally what it is at a certain point in the night i may go watch some tv or unfortunately even more likely now i may lie on the couch and scroll tiktok because tv takes too much commitment from me now andrew we've gotten to the point it's a lot of commitment i don't i can't watch something that's eight minutes long i need i need to watch eight one minute things that are totally unrelated to each other that's that's how my brain works now you know what my um my archival

listening has been lately now this goes a little bit further back than years but you know how i was always listening to the whistler and they were like they were like these old radio shows from the 1940s and maybe early 50s um that were i guess the best equivalent would be like sort of like twilight zoney you know what i mean like there's not a bunch of characters who appear every week they're individual stories that are introduced by some guy who's you know kind of a proto crypt keeper sort of like introducing the stories i'm the whistler but i was listening to a lot of those and there's an entire backlog available um on you know on some podcast you know somebody has just collected all of them they must be rights free at this point and they just put them up so you can subscribe to one of the podcast feeds for it but now i found another one here too let me see if i can uh just play this from my phone my only problem with this is okay it starts with a modern commercial so somebody's monetizing this i don't like that no but let's get past the whistler would never stand no actually the whistler does stand for

that. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. My name's Regan. I work for Anthony J. Lyon Detective Bureau. They call me the Lion's Eye. Jeff Regan, investigator, starring Paul

above as Regan with Frank Nelson as Anthony J. Lyon. So stand by for mystery and suspense and adventure in tonight's story of The Man Behind the Rod.

Oh, that's so great. Here's something that confuses me. He did not credit Jack Webb there, but I thought Jack Webb plays Jeff Regan. There's a photo of Jack Webb, of course, from Dragnet fame, but didn't they just credit Jack Regan as being somebody else? I wonder if they switched actors during the run, and I might have chosen you can listen to them in order, so maybe I chose a later episode but the thing that drives me crazy so the plot of this is i mean essentially you just heard it he's a private eye but he works for a real slime

ball of a boss who runs the uh who runs the agency and so he's always caught kind of in a pickle between his kind of shitty boss who just wants money all the time and and has no scruples and he's out there actually kind of like solving these mysteries and then and trying to navigate what needs to get done without uh without letting his boss down i guess in a way um but all that is to say his boss's name is lion they call him the lion's eye they say that at the beginning the lion's eye the name of the show isn't the lion's eye it's jeff reagan the comma investigator he starts every episode by saying they call me the lion's eye well then the show must be called the lion's eye right no too catchy it's jeff reagan comma investigator i feel like jeff

reagan comma tax attorney makes way more sense dude that is one not a not a tax attorney but

But there is an old timey show that I hear on Kixi sometimes, and he's not a tax attorney, but he is he's an insurance investigator. I guess that's not quite as dry as a tax attorney, but he's basically an insurance investigator. But it's like a radio drama. It's a radio drama just like this. And I love it. I need to figure out what the name of it is. Maybe I can subscribe to that as well. But there's something nice about just catching it on the airwaves, like I was saying. And there's this one and he's like he's he's literally following receipts. That's that's how the story is told. In fact, in that other one, it's actually a pretty good premise for a show. He tells the story based on it, like starts with him filling out his receipt book for whatever the expedition he just finished was. And so throughout the show, he'll like kind of say, OK, well, I had to fill in the information for this particular purchase. And this is how it plays into my radio drama. It's great.

Can we just needle drop here a little Dreamland radio?

And you lost how many days?

Twelve days.

from an altercation on a bus that's i was i was told that they wanted to talk to me about it and they were willing to uh take me back to olympia from there so you know i got onto the little

little transit fan this last thing i remember so 12 days gone when you uh god knows what were knocked out or kept in some kind of coma or when i when i woke up there you know i had nothing on

I had no identification, I had no wallet, I had no keys. I had the clothes I had when I was moving, they were still as grubby and filthy as, you know, after you move, you get all grubby and filthy. Yeah. I was in my clothes. I oriented myself down there. I looked around. I noticed there was pain in my arm. I rolled up my sleeve. It looked like, I'm looking at my elbow now here, it looked like, what would you say, An IV was taped to my skin. Yeah. There was still the way to tape.

This is a young Art Bell, too, by the way. I understand.

So, obviously, somebody kept you out for 12 days for some reason.

And you listened to the first part of your show.

The thing that's so weird about the delight that I get from this is I don't believe any of it. And I'm not a guilty pleasure watcher or listener, generally speaking. Like, I don't like to watch like intentionally bad horror films or listen to I just usually I like to consume media that I'm really liking because it's really, you know, the narrative is compelling or taught or it's very funny or whatever. But there's something about the pacing and in particular this this so this thing I'm looking at it now, Dreamland Radio, classic art bell 24 seven featuring 500 plus episodes.

Nice. So that thing that you just dipped into right there was just streaming. It's just streaming. And I love that it's Olympia, too. Like, there's something about this corner of the country, too, that is especially prone to these kinds of stories. I love that he immediately dropped Olympia.

Right. And then they took me to Olympia. What a weird place for the aliens to take you.

Well, I mean, honestly, you had to file some legislation as well. By the way, the insurance investigation show I was talking about is called Yours Truly, Johnny Dollar.

I swear to God, it's so good. Oh, golly. That's, I mean, I don't want to like, this is what I do, Andrew. I get, you know, I have one kind of fun experience and then I just make it my new personality. But I really like, I really want to re-engage with my late night radio listening stuff because it's been fully replaced. I mean, at some point it was replaced by television. And then that was replaced, like I said, by TikTok. talk but just there was a long period of my life where at late at night what I was doing well I was listening to Loveline on uh KNDD the end in Seattle so from 10 to midnight I would listen to Loveline with Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla and um and then I would probably listen to the rebroadcast of Art Bell and I this was you know there was a period of my life where I really did have some Andy times.

My Luke times like if I had to do a project or something I would just kind of like I would I would set it up so that I was probably going to be doing it starting at about 10 o'clock Because I loved listening to late-night radio and then just doing whatever project I had to do in the garage or elsewhere And I've sort of gotten away from that in my life And I've replaced that with the other thing is I'm not as near to my bad habits out here as I was in Portland I'm not walking distance from let's just say not strictly legal poker adventures and things like that so I sitting up here listening to Art Bell last night while just mindlessly deleting bad files out of my audio I it took me I already said this but it really kind of took me back to being sort of in my mid-20s and it was a really good feeling I woke up feeling really good today going back to this

blasting away of old files and like kind of you know doing all of your data hygiene that you were doing last night do you sometimes feel a bit like a a sculptor like when you see oh that like you were talking about those strange bits of video that you didn't need anymore you didn't even know where they came from you just like highlight like you start by just taking big chunks out before you get to the statue of david in the marble you first just start taking big chunk well i definitely don't need this we definitely don't need this and you start taking and then you get finer and finer whittling as you whittle it down yeah that's

listen you're a man who knows data management they call him the cougar's ear but it's actually called andrew walsh comet data manager we're gonna work on that yeah but no you're exactly right i was scrolling through i would i'm making you a little desk i'm gonna make you one of those i'm gonna order on the line one of those little desk things that you could put out that just says andrew walsh comet data manager but um no i mean i'm sure that this is a passing fancy and i'll be right back to my bullshit ways pretty soon but for right now i'm because i also you know i if i'll put it this way there's always something i should be doing in this house and on this house a lot of the construction is beyond my abilities but there's plenty of other things i can be doing even if it's literally sweeping up and you know i tend to work in the day and when i'm doing stuff with our show i'm doing stuff with live wire and cbs and all of that and then at night it's like i'm i get a little burned out i kind of want to just zone out and watch you know uh root sports what could go wrong with that plan andrew um but uh more on that in a minute but i like i said i think i certainly was more productive when i was younger and i think a little bit of it was because most nights i was actually doing something productive between the hours of 10 and midnight instead of just lounging on the couch so i wonder if i can harness the power of 20 to 30 year old alien related talk radio to actually kind of speed up my progress on this place because i got a lot done last night that's the other thing i am oh i have this uh special arm boom system that's installed on the wall that has my ring light on it so basically if i need to do some kind of recording here or if i'm doing a zoom that i want to try to be illuminated for I have this this this boom arm that I can kind of like extend and put over right in front of my face but it's not in front of my face all the time because I like staring at the river so I screwed that all in and set it up and it's working really well um I uh oh the other thing really quickly remember how yesterday I was complaining about how this treadmill that I purchased is really just an excuse to try to force me to sign up for fitness software yeah well I'll tell you this morning I did the I didn't sign up for the thing but there was like a freebie so I did this like 5k I ran with the guy that's doing a 5k in San Francisco it was so fun yeah it actually was like it because the treadmill goes up and down depending on the actual incline of where you're running so and it goes down like it can go it can go to negative three on the decline so you're kind of running along and you're just kind of hanging out this guy's shoulder i muted him by the way i was listening to girl talk night ripper at full volume that's the other thing that's cool i can just listen to my workout music on a speaker here because there's nobody around i'm not annoying anyone with my activities but it was actually

pretty cool to kind of jog along with this guy and then feel like that we're going uphill he's going uphill in san francisco and then the treadmill's going uphill it was i was like oh i see i don't think i'm going to sign up for this thing yet but i will tell you i was getting the appeal more this morning than yesterday when i was when i was complaining about that i'll bet you

you'll end up buying it if you enjoyed it that much i mean and why not i mean that's not the worst investment i mean at least it's health you know a healthy investment yeah no i i i think

the only problem is i gotta figure out there must be information somewhere about what their pace is because what happened was i didn't finish the race at the same time as the guy and was very frustrating because i thought that he was setting Thank you. the pace i thought that the i thought that the treadmill would automatically this is so in the weeds and i told myself don't bring this up because no one cares and it's boring but you get on the treadmill and the thing is like you're running with him so it's going at a certain speed the it's going up and down i thought it knew what was going on like i thought it was like gonna make this so that i end exactly when the guy ends right like he finishes the race they give him his medallion he literally puts a medallion on the camera so it's like or you know what i'm talking about like when you finish a race he literally puts it over the camera so it's like it's going over your head so it's like the end of star wars precisely that's a better comparison um so i started out and i'm like if i just run at the pace that this treadmill is doing right now it's it's paced with him somehow like it knows what he when he's gonna finish it's all timed out but it was going really slow for me like it was too slow and i thought i wonder what happens if i just run this faster so i start running it a lot faster than i was before and you do that by

adjusting the speed of the treadmill like i would at the gym it's not like doing some sort of auto

sensing no it's i i i speed it way up just by hitting a button that says let's go at this speed and now i'm running like from what for me is is really a pretty healthy clip and i'm thinking well now i'm gonna like smoke this guy like i'm gonna be done with the race and he's still gonna be you know hanging out by the Ghirardelli sign on the waterfront somehow in all of this he finished the race two minutes before me and it was very frustrating because i wanted to cross the finish light at the exact moment he did so i think what happened was in the beginning i was going so slowly like that i basically fell way behind uh and so even though i was running really fast for the last two miles i mean really fast by my standards somehow i never caught up to him in terms of i wanted my little mileage my 5k i wanted it to be at zero when he was crossing

the finish line but yet you were able to see his medal ceremony even though yes but i'm still running why is it like a split screen because it should be your perspective on the road right

he goes through the finish line and the camera person is still following by the way that's really the hero of all these stories who the hell is running up a hill in san francisco with the camera and probably and it's totally like um it's really stable too like it's some kind of steadicam situation or it's on some kind of gimbal anyway so he goes he finishes the race and i i started to see this i was like oh no i see people that's the finish line and i'm looking at my things like i still have half a mile to go what so then he gets to the end and then he goes through and they give him his medal and then he turns around he puts his medal over the camera and i'm still running now i still have like i still have like uh you know a quarter mile left and then he's just kind of cooling down he's walking around the marina area of san francisco and he's just kind of like talking i muted him because he was annoying he's just talking and he's kind of just like stretching and cooling down and i'm just like still sprinting like crazy and at the very end of the video i i finished like i got to zero or i accomplished my goal or whatever and then and but he had been done for a long time and i found that part to be unsatisfying i need to figure out how make sure that i'm crossing i'm finishing these runs at the same point as whoever is leading the run because that's what makes it feel realistic yeah that seems strange i didn't think that you

could just be watching yeah i thought that it would be yeah more in sync with like if you're

running then you're seeing the road right exactly that's why i was like i was letting go and letting the treadmill at the beginning because i thought this is all this is all coordinated in some way like you hit go and then he's like we're doing stretches and you're stretching with him and and he's talking and and then he's like all right here we go and then the treadmill starts speeding up that's what i was really like this is a very cool effect and then like i said it's going uphill and downhill and it's like doing all this stuff but if i would have just stayed at the pace that the treadmill was doing i i think i'd still be running right now i wonder if some people like

programs where the people are like not so much encouraging but actually negging like actually like all right come you know like he gives you the medals like here you get this anyway slow poke or whatever maybe i'm just getting into some dominatrix i was gonna say this so i'm sure that

for for like if you get the gold tier system you can also get the dominatrix yeah well like it would

be like okay so you're like kind of running but the person is kind of being mean to you and like kind of degrading you while you're running but then maybe take out the running and instead put it like in the boudoir you know and then um and you know what i may be building something else here for for my lifestyle dartbot shield your eyes turn away dartbot turn away this this one isn't for you

all right let's thank some of our donors these are the awesome generous people keeping tbtl in business, talking about Linda Critchfield. of Lancaster, California name checked in the awesome Afro-Man kind of version. I made you listen to this once when we were driving, I think maybe in the Delica. You and I once drove by a sign that said Lancaster and then I made you listen to Compton Isn't Too Far Away by Afro-Man. Oh, right, right, right. I don't think it really paid off, I'm going to be honest. But that's the same guy who does Because I Got High, right?

Yeah.

Correct. But I am more of, I think, you know, maybe it's because I'm not a weed smoker so much or whatever. I've always been a fan of his version, which is Compton Isn't Too Far Away is it's like kind of an homage to Heaven Isn't Too Far Away. Closer to it every day, no matter what you're. Who did that song? Is that like Warrant or something? I don't think it's Warrant, but let me look. Okay, while I'm thanking Alyssa Wright out there in Bothell, Washington. Thanks, Alyssa. Warrant. Warrant. Warrant. Hey.

Boy, I keep doubting you today. Give me the W. Congratulations. Yeah, it's warm.

Christy Anderson is in Westport, Washington. Christy Anderson did not doubt me for a minute. There's good surfing out in Westport. if you are you know if you're a hearty soul if you can strap on that wetsuit or that dry suit

oh yeah what's the difference by the way I'm being serious people do that and I never know the difference between a wetsuit and a dry suit

I believe and I could be wrong a wetsuit lets a little bit of water in which your body then heats up and it becomes part of the process a dry suit doesn't let any water in you stay dry the whole time but I guess oddly enough, counterintuitively, a wetsuit can be warmer in a wetsuit because once that water warms up to your body, it's another layer. Nice. This is my theory having never worn either

of those things. No, that sounds... Well, I'll buy it. I don't dare not trust you again. Mr. Warrant. Yeah.

They call me the panther's nose. Luke Burbank, comma, warrant expert. Sarah Spots is in Bellingham, Washington. What up, Sarah? my old stomps and then of course erica peterson is in fairfax california a place i may have never stomped no i can't picture fairfax california i wonder where exactly that is yeah i'm not sure

either have you been to fairfax virginia not that that's where erica lives but just asking

i have been to fairfax virginia it's exactly the same that's right thank you erica and then Donna Emery is in Linden, Washington. Beautiful Linden, Washington. They've got the tulips going on up. I mean, it's not the heart of the Skagit Valley tulip situation, but Linden, Washington has got a lot of dairy farms. It's got a lot of Dutch folks. It's got a lot of, you know, just beautiful bucolic territory up there in Linden. So thanks, Donna, for supporting the program. Thanks to all of our donors today for making TBTL possible. We absolutely could not do this without you. hello and welcome to top story all right um i i got this email during the show yesterday from xfinity which i should actually try to just find here and i was like i kind of couldn't believe my eyes because as i have been talking about kind of a lot on the show in moving out here and getting all set up uh with the various like cable and internet things i was very insistent that i have the kind of television package that involves something called root sports northwest because it has all the baseball games on it and when i was in the like xfinity store i guess you'd call it down in portland migrating my service the guy kept trying to talk me into like a bunch of other like streaming on demand services that would like maybe give me live sports access etc and i was like you don't understand i was like i i have very little going on in my life i just need to be able to turn on television and watch the mariners make me furious this is what i need i don't want fubo i don't want hulu i don't want fupa i don't want any of these things that may or may not let me watch the game i just want to hit a button on the remote control and watch the baseball game and he said okay well then you're gonna have to be in this package which was like 8 000 more channels than i'll ever watch or care about like it's all so i can get the stupid root sports thing and the email from xfinity yesterday we've adjusted your channel lineup to provide you with savings root sports has moved to a different tv package so basically they're they're presenting this to me like they're saving me eight dollars a month on my bill they're going to reduce my bill by $8 a month, but my cable will no longer feature literally the only thing I care about watching other than all in with Chris. Hayes if if there was a cable package that was msnbc particularly msnbc from 5 to 6 p.m west coast and then root sports that would pretty much be what i needed and now they're taking root sports off and i guess it's some fight it's kind of a fight between uh between root sports and the teams

um which is also here's what i'm confused about no no no isn't it more of a fight between the cable provider xfinity and yes excuse me sports which is owned sorry like primarily by the mariners

sorry thank you for the clarification i knew i was going to get confused yeah so basically the mariners own a huge stake in this thing root sports and so and and also the kraken are on there the hockey team in seattle and basically like what they're pissed about is if the if if it's more expensive to get the kind of cable it's like going to be 18 more dollars a month to get the package uh for root sport to get the package from xfinity that gives you this one channel is the one that i want and i guess the argument from the cable company is what's really happening if i read this right is like xfinity is hemorrhaging customers to cable cutters right cord cutters basically you andrew you and genevieve are personally costing me 18 more a month now so i will send it to you yes all of the all this cable and cord cutting that's gone on means that um xfinity is trying to keep its business and maybe get some business back by basically like charging less for cable by making the cost of cable competitive but the way they're doing that is by actually pricing in for people who like root sports a more expensive thing because what they're if i and you can correct me if i'm wrong here andrew what i think the logic is is most of the people who are getting cable tv and i don't know who that is anymore it's me and like a few senior citizens living in the area i think most of the people that are getting cable tv are actually not watching the sports on cable tv that's not why they're getting their cable tv and they would like to not have to pay for it and the people like me who all we want from the cable tv is the sports i guess are now the idea is that i'm now having to pay quote unquote my fair share Is that how you read this story?

Sort of. Yeah. I mean, I don't know about the fair share part, but I mean, what astounds me is the fact that they actually are giving money back and reducing the cost of something like that shocks me. And I understand that that is what they want the headline to be. Of course, for people who like, you know, support the Mariners, they see this headline as you're taking away. You're going to charge me more, a considerable amount more monthly. to watch the baseball game that is here in my town that should be free on tv like the way it used to be like our tax dollars go towards providing a stadium for these ball players to play in you know i mean there's so many reasons why a region should be able to have no barriers to enjoying a broadcast of their local sports teams um so anyway this idea of like charging more for the for those channels is is obviously upsetting but it does it it does sort of warp my mind to think that they're literally though giving money back to the lower tier the basic tier customers like what company ever does that i i they could have made this move i mean maybe people would have just like burned the whole place down but they xfinity i mean they're kind of the evil empire they could have just made this move and not returned anybody else's money i guess but i guess they're kind of battling as you said the cord cutters yes i think that they're i think

they're hoping that giving everyone who doesn't care about root sports which it turns out is the majority of people they're worried that they're hoping that giving those people eight bucks a month back keeps them from cord cutting while the people like me are just uh going to um be you know um financially like on that device that they put wesley on in the princess bride oh yeah that count rugaman puts him on and please this is for posterity so be honest like that's financially what's happening to me right now so i'm gonna what are you gonna do no i mean what are you gonna do i'm probably gonna pay for it i might wait until the spring is one thing i might do because now i am i am kind of interested in the kraken a little bit but probably mostly just when they get in the playoffs you know the winter time is generally a fallow time for me although they also have the trailblazer games so that's another thing like if if i want to watch any local sports on any kind of regular basis i just have to suck it up and pay this 18 dollars because here's i and you know i know that you have a a pretty good pretty integrated system where you you're able to watch the things you want to watch and not necessarily pay these exorbitant fees to these extremely wealthy people that are the owners of these teams and TV networks which I think you're I think the morality of that is unquestionable honestly I don't know how to do that and I'm focusing mostly on

data management right now Andrew I don't know how to management era I don't

what what what I don't want to find myself doing which I was for a little while when I was kind of living up here but didn't have everything set up is I don't want the big game to be starting and for me to be trying to sort of like figure out which romanian website is letting me watch the game for now uh you know versus which thing is just a like a some kind of a web sabotage type situation maybe i'm just bad at it but i again i'm a simple man who just wants to turn his remote control on and watch the game and i can't i don't feel like i'm going to get that same experience if i'm having to do all these kind

of workarounds yeah no i mean that's fair also one thing that i kind of realized as i was looking back at the mariners season that was is that i actually listen to way more games than i watch now is that because and i don't mind doing that but is that because i'm a cord cutter so when i do want to watch a baseball game i do have to dial it up on my computer find a link that works and you know it can take a few minutes not like 10 minutes and probably not even five but it can take a few minutes to like go to this portal and i'm not gonna by the way sometimes people ask Sometimes people come up to me and they say, Andrew, can you share these links, these illegal streams? With tears in their eyes, people on the street always say, Andrew, please. And I say no, because I don't mind admitting on this public forum that I do this because I do think that Major League Baseball and the Seattle Mariners and other ownership groups who own these regional sports networks are just absolutely screwing fans like every which way. I mean, from the $18 beer that I had pre-tip at the ballpark to the idea that like they're just making the broadcast less and less accessible. So anyway, my point is it's a pretty seamless, although not thoughtless process for me to sit behind my laptop for a second, find a stream that works and then plug my laptop into my TV or carry more likely maybe carry my laptop to the to my dart area or what have you. But honestly, I don't even do that that much because I just listen to the games because I'm a putterer. And so usually I just have my headphones on. I have the game audio on in my app. And as I putter around the house, I'm taking the game with me everywhere. That might be different. I'm sure I did watch more baseball when it was a simple like just turn on the TV and it's on all the time. But for me, it wouldn't even be worth it. Even if I didn't have these other these extra ways of finding video of the games, I would probably still just listen to the audio of the games and not pay this. I mean, I just they're just they're just gouging. And again, in this case, this is not the Mariners or the League screwing us. It's Comcast screwing us, us capital us, not me because I'm not paying for Comcast. But I did I say capital us? I like that.

capital us anyway they used to do they used to do those satire songs about dc right the capital us

the capital us's anyway when they did bill clinton lord of the fries i mean just finger on the those clowns in congress anyway um yeah so i guess that's the power out i just listen to the games

more that that's actually listen i'm the guy who started today by saying i'm a new nighttime am radio man so maybe i could integrate baseball into that same thing and actually like i said have some productive hours in the evening instead of just being a sloth but the other thing that's that's weird about this to me is the sense of having any kind of sympathy for these teams it's like the teams are kind of getting screwed here because what they're saying is look uh if you make it more expensive to uh to buy the kind of cable that you can see our games on our hockey games and our basketball games and our baseball games then fewer people are going to watch us And then we're going to be less popular as a thing. We're going to be less significant in the culture. And that is kind of true. They are getting kind of screwed. But also they just I feel like in some way made this happen for themselves because they're all just like you said, just terrible.

Yeah, they're all just money grubbers.

Predatory, horrible businesses that take our money and break our hearts and don't spend money on players because they don't really have to because they're making so much money off the television rights.

I mean, that's the thing. Like you got you got these, you know, Well, you have a regional sports network that is connected now, or that was in a big fight with Time Warner when I was living in L.A., and it looked like the season that I was down there, there was a chance that on opening day, L.A. residents wouldn't even be able to watch the Dodgers, which is just unbelievable. But it was one of these kind of standoffs between the regional sports network, whatever the channel is, and the provider, right? and it's just...

so absolutely ridiculous um but you know at least in la if the team is making a lot of money off of its regional sports network its channel basically at least they put that money back in the goddamn team right you know like being a mariner's fan is just the worst because they're just taking all of our money and then bragging about how profitable they are yeah it's it's there seems to be really

no good guy in this story except me andrew the good guy who's gonna the good guy with 18 that's It's the only way to stop a bad guy who needs $18.

This is my box. This is my box. I never travel without my box. Oh, what's in the box? In the first drawer, I keep my magic stones. Oh, what's in the box? Licorice! Licorice! Blood, sweet, licorice! Blood, sweet, licorice! Have some.

Oh, it's been a while. You know what's not in the box, Andrew? Licorice? Well, licorice is in the box. bright sweet licorice whatever he says what's not in the box is my sense of time management remember I said I really wanted to roll out a new segment called Briefly Noted to try to get these I failed because I had to talk about Art Bell too much so I guess

sorry

don't barf in a restaurant in San Francisco they'll get mad at you and also if you're talking to yourself a lot that could be self soothing don't be mad at yourself for that don't be embarrassed that's probably good

because I've done such a good job correcting you today on things that I was wrong about I take issue with one thing that you said at the top of the show I know that you're just sort of speaking freely, but I would say that the barf tax is not really a tax. It's not like no, it's not a tax adding a fee to everybody's bill because they have to spend time cleaning up.

It's funny that you why do you notice what I only made one mistake today and you noticed it somehow, which is.

No, you made more. I have a list.

I was searching for a word and tax just came out of my mouth. And when I said it, I was like, it's not really a tax. That's what the thought went through my head. And I mean, I said I've said so many words today. so many words the one word that i said that in the moment i was like yeah that's not the that's not the right word there you i love that your ears went bing well i read that's not the right

word there first of all i actually read a story for once in my life so i was like uh okay i guess you actually know that story also i sort of just found that story we don't have time to now we're just talking about it anyway i just sort of like i don't know is that i i questioned whether or not that was um sf gate worthy yeah there wasn't quite enough it was just kind of like if you puke you

got to pay for it to be cleaned up okay yeah it's the part that was moderately interesting to me was the the i think the disconnect between the term bottomless mimosa and the fact that everything they were doing was an attempt to really create a bottom for the mimosa okay yeah yeah yeah like

the way of like are you putting a carafe on the table or in some places a mimosa fairy as they

called that person and also like they keep reducing the window of time like it used to be two hours but then everyone was being too drunk so now it's down to like an hour and 15 minutes it's like the idea is that you're like going hey it's all you can drink but actually it's not because when we say when it's literally all you can drink a we probably lose money and b people are barfing everywhere so now it's it's not really a bottomless mimosa situation it's a mimosa that has a bottom

that's pretty far down but it's there it is there yeah and i i understand that to a degree i mean otherwise what would stop somebody from just like showing up at 10 a.m. and staying until 4 p.m. you

know but it's like one of those things like if when you're on a cruise ship and you get the drink package and it's pitched as the as basically like free drinks like it's like you pre-bought I don't know if they use the term unlimited but I mean I did this one time Mr. Unlimited let's see if I have that drop because I didn't have it on the old computer This will be a little test of if my data, if my data management. Unlimited. Nice. For people who don't know, that's Art Bell saying unlimited. Yes, exactly. God, that show was so good when he was the host. But like there was, we went on a cruise once in Mexico. I mean, that was a debacle, by the way. Because here's the thing. I think it's like 10 or 11 drinks is the limit. So it's like unlimited drinks, except it's actually 10 or 11, which is plenty for a person in a day. plenty drinks not unlimited though but that's and that's plenty but what happened was and i'm not proud of this the fellers in the group i remember me and camaro kev at some bleary late part of the night uh approaching our respective spouses and going like hey you see you still got like seven drinks on your unlimited drink could you uh limited could you help a guy out limited and maybe stop okay that's enough russell like uh which is not a good look although we were going to dr frankenstein's the dance club there which in the daytime andrew was the daycare it was daycare by day and then at night they turned the lights down and turned it into a club called dr

franken's not only is it like incongruous that it's a you know daycare slash nightclub but the The fact that they named it

it after a monster that was the trip andrew that i only got to go on because of you and genevieve uh oh that's the trip where you when you had it when we had to have you break into toon's house because i had left my passport there and then an angel from heaven i forget this guy's name i have him in my phone still let me onto the ship without that information i found out later too we got to

to get to what's in the box that that intro was not um was was not for reliving cruise talk but i didn't find out the most interesting thing about that story to me is the fact that after you kind of i don't know if you held everybody up you certainly gave everybody a start by not having your passport and all this and then you had me and genevieve like go to our mutual friend's house i think leave brunch possibly what's that oh i think we're I think we were leaving brunch anyway, but, you know, we had to, like, find a secret key, go in the house, go find your bag where you left it next to the bed you were sleeping in at a friend's house and bring you the passport. After all of that, somehow you ended up boarding first. I found that out, like, later. Way before everyone. That is gone.

It was insane. There was this huge line to board. This was in L.A. We were in Long Beach getting on a boat that was going to go around, like, Mexico or Baja or something.

The Queen. Huge line to get on the boat.

I don't think so. I think that one is like permanently docked where it is. But there's a huge line to get on just for normal people that remembered their passport. And also everywhere you looked, there was like literally signs that were like, no passport and no get on the boat. Like it's like TSA-esque. Like they were just like, you're not getting on the boat. You cannot. It is not a thing that can happen. And it was, you know, we're there with a bunch of friends. We've flown down. It's like a whole thing. and this one guy is just walking by and he has like the outfit on from whatever the cruise line is holland america or something and i just kind of like i just grab him and i'm sort of like this is the situation and i don't know why he took pity on me but he was like he just i could see that he wasn't ruling it out as i was like you know as i was kind of telling him about this and he he basically said like i could probably get you on the boat but you have to sign something that says Your passport will be here And you can't get off the boat Oh that's right

Did we have to both fax you And ship it to you

Maybe fax a picture of it so I could prove to him I had it And then send it to like Long Beach so that when I got off the boat I could show someone And I couldn't believe that he was up for this I mean God bless this man And then he just said Come with me and literally like brought me in carry on Like through the back door of the boat And then all you know, next thing you know, we're just in our room, in our state room, chilling a good hour before anyone else even gets on the boat.

That's very galling.

For people like you, but for people like me, that's a story of triumph.

No, but thank you. You know what I'm talking about? It was galling for your friends who were waiting in line and then saw you board the boat before then.

I did send them a picture, I believe, of a bottomless mimosa I was having. That is galling.

This is my box. This is my box. I never travel without my box Oh, what's in the box? In the first drawer I keep my magic stones Oh, what's in the box? Licorice, licorice Blood sweet licorice, blood sweet licorice

Okay Have some Have some There's something that I have to admit to the listeners We, well, I'm not going to admit that we have a P.O. box I'm going to proudly say that we are Yeah The renters, the leases

You're going to confess to the fact that we have a P.O. box

I'm going to confess that we have a P.O. box If you want to send us anything or need to get anything in front of us, P.O. Box three, three, six, eight, seven, Seattle, Washington, nine, eight, one, three, three and TBTL. I said that in the wrong order. Start with TBTL. You guys know how addresses work. But the thing is, I've had a few packages sitting here next to me for a couple of months now. I'm looking. I'm going to try to open these in order. Probably only have time for one today anyway, but I have three packages.

I've got Mike, the drywall guy hanging out.

Well, that's why. Yeah, I know. We kind of we we kind of ate up a lot of time there.

Yeah, I'm sorry. But I got to relive a cool story about how I snuck on a cruise ship.

All right. So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to open this box that I think is the first one. It looks like this one arrived on August 31st. From Michigan, Kanaki, Michigan, maybe, Luke? Does that sound familiar to you?

I don't know if I've heard of that.

But I don't have a listener name yet. I'm going to open this up. I have no idea what's in here. Oh, oh, oh, yeah. Kanaki, are you finding information? Yeah, Kanaki. Kanaki, maybe. Okay, yeah. What do we know about it?

It's a civil township of St. Clair County. It's in Michigan. Population about 2,500 as of 2010. And it's in the 810 area code.

Well, well, well. This is exciting, Luke. It's present time. Should have opened this a long time ago. Uh-oh. This was a puppy. Oh, dark. Wow, that's dark. No, it looks like there's a couple of...

Luckily, our listeners are not usually triggered by animal stories.

Oh, by the way, we never got to that dog bark collar that mysteriously appeared. So anyway, what's in here is a couple of very cool-looking baseball caps. One of them is kind of a thicker material. I'll take some photos, and I'll send them to you and share them on social. that looks like it's got a really cool-looking embroidered hockey logo on it of some sort, and then something that says the Phillies. But I'm guessing this is not the Philadelphia Phillies with an interesting logo of two, like, kind of Minutemen or something on it. Again, I open up the card here. It's a card that says, I like turtles. I don't know if this is handmade. Nope, it was not handmade, but I love it. It says, I like turtles. And this is from Laura in Michigan. Let's see. This is my first submission to what's in the box. I was recently in Toronto. That was me trying to say box the way it's spelled here. I was recently in Toronto. That was me. How did you turn that around so quickly? I found this cool shop that gets permission to print merch with old slash retired team logos. I thought immediately of all the sports talk, wearing hats and teams you know nothing about and logos you might like so somebody can come up to me and be like, hey, are you a fan of the elephant hockey team? The Phillies hat is for Luke, obviously, and I remember a discussion of the old twins logo, which is two players shaking hands. Oh, that's what's going on there. There's two little Patriot dudes, as Laura says. The Phillies cap. Yeah, that's the Phillies cap. I am so excited about this. You're going to love this. And this is a light blue color, Luke, that you're really going to like. You send me a picture right now. After I get done reading this Don't even do any more show Just send me a picture The other hat is for Andrew And it's the Quebec Nordiques Oh yeah You know that? Did I say it right? Yeah, it's a hockey team

Yeah, the Nordiques I forget what they became They moved, I believe, to the States And became a different team

I love it It says not only do I love the vintage logo hockey stick thing But they don't exist anymore So you'll never be asked any details about past players They became the avalanche of Colorado Oh really? See, I will be asked questions about that. But, yeah, here, I'll take a photo of this and of these hats, and I'll send it to you.

And what's the name of the listener again?

Laura in Michigan.

Thanks, Laura in Michigan. That is so cool.

You know what? You guys support the show, and then you just send us these gifts that are so lovely, and I appreciate it. That's why when I give out the address, it's if you want to use it. I'm not begging you guys to send us gifts. You're very kind to us already, but I'm sending you a photo of these hats right now. Thank you, Laura.

That's really sweet of you. Yeah, thank you, Laura. You're really the goat of...

Apologies that it's taken me so long to open these packages. You guys are nice to send them to us, and then they've been sitting here in the corner. So maybe I'll try to get to another one. Yeah, let's do another one tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow or something, yeah.

While you're wearing your bark collar.

And my new hat. Exactly. Yeah.

All right. Thanks for listening, everybody. That's going to do it for today's show. But guess what? we're going to be right back here tomorrow with another round of imaginary radio for you. So please do join us for that. In the meantime, have a great Wednesday. Take care of yourselves and please remember, no mountain too tall and good luck to all. I'll leave you guys with this. Wendell plus Wendell. equals toodle power out