Muse

What is weird? My ex-girlfriend, my current girlfriend, and now my ex-wife are all in the same place. That's weird. Cut the negativity, man. That's awesome. You're talking about three women that you've shared love with. That's a beautiful thing. How are you whining about that? Don't make this about you. It's about Ali. And one day, you'll be up there performing on Star Search, and you'll get three and three-quarter stars, and you'll win, and Sinbad will be the one frowning that day and we'll all be here on your side laughing for you. You got rid of your TV a long time ago, huh? No, I just moved to a place without any electricity. TBTL!

Here's a sentence I never thought I'd say, but if you thought a sausage couldn't really hurt anyone, frankly, think again. By the way, I'm a dentist. Okay, so I read body language very, very well.

My mom told me if I wait for things, like, good things will happen to me, dude. And f***ing I waited for some things and I got some banana bread at work today, dude. Hell yeah. Ah, say, don't be a doodropper. Throw some concealer under those peepers, make like a swell, and go put on the wrist.

Well, all right, hello, good morning. And welcome, everyone, to a Monday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live.

The word that comes to mind is ludicrous.

My name is Luke Burbank, I am your host.

Sometimes people say that my head is too big for my body, and then I say, compared to what?

Coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio perched high above the mighty Columbia, where there is a fairly large flatbed pickup truck parked just pretty much right in front of the studio. And upon that pickup truck is a bunch of drywall, which means...

Jalapeno! Jalapeno!

The drywall is finally going. And you know, a blessed drywall day to all who celebrate. Big deal around here. We're going to actually have, pretty soon I think, something resembling some walls inside the house. So that's a big update around here. Let's see. The other big update? Well, we've made it, everyone. We've arrived at episode 4059 in a collector's series.

Let the fun begin.

Speaking of things related to the household and the yard and all things home-related, it's fall. The trees are shedding their leaves. Trees. They're all around us, but who gives a s***? And maybe you're one of those people who means to get around to raking your leaves, but you kind of just keep putting it off, busy with other things, driving, you know, towards your house and everyone else has their lawns all tidied up and yours still has, you know, a fairly thick layer of leaves that have fallen onto your yard, onto your grass. Guess what? You are actually the true environmentalist of your neighborhood and we'll explain why coming up. Also, I heard a piece on NPR this morning that had me wonder if I need to fire harden my house, i.e. get rid of this beautiful Japanese maple tree that I'm looking at right now.

Quick question, though. Am I panicked about the fire? Am I being brave for everyone else?

A lot of landscaping talk on the show today, which is not usually how we kick things off on a Monday, but that's what's amazing about this show. 4,059 episodes in we're still finding new ways to be moderately interesting this guy is always more than moderately interesting he is the longest running co-bro of the show maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships he's got one burning question on his mind here as we kick off the week of broadcasting

is it too early to get a fish sandwich

he is Andrew Walsh and he's joining me right now good morning my friend good morning Luke hey there you are

hey can you hear me okay yeah you sound great Yeah, I'm in a different setup than usual. We're testing our road kit here in the Walsh household because I'll be joining you for a couple of shows next week from the great city of Cleveland, Ohio. And so I wanted to see what my road setup would be like here. We've had some issues. I'm trying to put it out of my head. We've had some issues upon dialing up this morning and getting this to work. at any moment we could lose the connection which is a really weird way to do a show when you just sort of feel like at any moment the whole thing could come crashing down on you um but uh but here we are and i have a couple of observations number one i just want to say so so far so good it's everything seems to be it's working it's working i have a setup here that involves a view that i i really want to tell you about i've been thinking about this since i set this up last night and I was thinking it's something that you would truly appreciate.

appreciate. And then I realized, oh, wait, no, this is like something that you would whatever the opposite of me dislike. Yeah, I guess. But I'll explain in a moment. But I just want to say, I really hope that none of your Livewire listeners, or I'm sorry, colleagues are listening right now. Because when you said I need to figure out if I'm going to fire Harden, my heart skipped a beat. Don't you work with somebody whose last name is Harden? Not anymore. Oh, you already fire Harden.

fire-hardened right on out of here.

Okay, never mind.

No, we did have someone with that last name. That person had moved on to other job stuff long ago, multiple years ago. Okay, good.

I mean, I don't have a Doug on that flight, but just hearing those words.

No, this would be the weirdest place for me to talk. I also, by the way, have no power to fire anyone, whatever their last name is, at LiveWire. I'm not sure where I am on the flow chart, But it's not very high Considering that my name is on the show Surprisingly low in fact

Do they have an org chart Where there's just like a red line And anybody above the red line can fire people And anybody below the red line cannot fire people And you are very low below the red line

I'm so far below the red line That it's surprising even to me

Turns out everybody is above the red line Except for you Everybody can fire you

How did I create that scenario? I'm basically the Jim Jordan of live where I cannot cobble together the votes I need to stay on as host of the program.

You know what? Go for a fourth ballot, Luke. Go for a fourth ballot. Okay, here's the little situation that I want to tell you about that I think you'll appreciate or whatever the opposite of appreciate is because it involves my temporary recording setup today along with a view. Now, the only place that I felt comfortable kind of setting this up was at my dining room table. In In fact, I'm guessing that you can probably tell that the noise level is different today. You hear more of an echo on my voice.

It actually does not sound any different here for what that's worth.

I find that astounding, but also I'm very happy to hear that.

I'm also very distracted. I'm texting people. I've got a lot going on.

Are you texting Harden? Are you apologizing?

You know who I'm texting? This sounds like a shameless name drop, but I'm texting friend of the show, Ken Jennings, for a few things. One, because we've been talking about some cross-collabs with our related podcast. Of course, he and John Roderick host Omnibus. And because I told him, I feel like as a sort of quasi-friend, I need to let you know that I'm dressing as you for Halloween.

Oh.

Because Becca is going to dress up as Barbie. And I don't feel like I can pull off Ken, like the Ryan Gosling, but I can probably pull off Ken, the Ken Jennings. So that's what I'm going to be doing. And anyway, so that's what.

Are you just going to wear a suit?

I think I'm going to wear a suit. I think I'm going to have some blue, like, you know, three by five cards. And I was thinking of maybe making something that I'm wearing around my neck, which doesn't really make sense, but it would be that kind of Jeopardy blue of where the name is. And I will somehow write Ken in white.

Oh, I see.

You kind of see that classic representation of when someone's writing on that screen. Yeah. And the suit. And I'm going to get a blonde wig, probably, and just kind of see if that's, you know. to be honest with you this is much less about me and more about Becca you know what I mean like I want to be I'm a team player but I said I can't people are going to be like literally offended if I try to say that I'm like Ken from the Barbie movie Ken

seems like the go-to move also the more kind of interesting costume would be to go is it Alan is that the character who there's only one of them in the movie

I feel like Alan is going to be more popular I could go Ken Jeong I don't know if that would be... I'd probably step away from the edge there. Dr. Ken Jeong?

Yeah, probably stay away from that.

Okay, so back to your view.

Okay, so here's the deal. So I'm set up at my dining room table, which I'm assuming you can sort of picture. You walk in our front door, and there's a dining room table right to your right. And so I'm set up here. And it's also the one place in the house where we kind of have, I don't know if you'd consider a picture window, but a big dining room window that looks out into our front yard and upon the little deck that we have out here.

The fancy new deck, I think I would say.

Well, right. And now this is where things get interesting because, okay, I mean, it's going to sound like I'm dressing up like you for Halloween because what do we have going on here? I'm recording, looking out a window, and actually a nice view. I love looking at my hedges. I love looking at my little yard, but construction is going on right now. There is a fellow, a neighbor who we've hired to extend the deck out. Now, he's very close to finishing. I believe today will be the final day of work on the deck. He's not here yet. But when I set up this temporary studio last night and knew that I'd be doing a test show from here today, I was thinking, like, well, what am I going to do? Like, I can draw these curtains and just stare at these nice linen curtains Genevieve made.

I assume you mean Amelia Bedelia style. You'll set up an easel. and a couple of a big canvas and you'll draw the curtains oh that's right that's you know this has come up recently i can't believe amelia bedelia did not did not penetrate your childhood experience

was a big part of my childhood yeah it's one of those that i also think i heard about from genevieve just like we were talking about the madeline series the other day these are things that missed me as in my youth but i've i've had to learn about later in life but anyway um so the thing is I don't want to be staring just at drawn curtains you know they do let some light in they're not like blackout curtains or anything um but I also don't want just to pull them totally to the side because when uh he gets here yeah you'll be like two feet away from him doing you'll be doing

exactly what I've been doing for the last two weeks off and on which is in this room looking out a huge window trying to maintain the right amount but not too much eye contact with various people that are that are doing jobs around this house and it's like i don't know which one of them have gotten the memo about what my job is like this morning sorry not to hijack this conversation but this morning the drywall folks are here and they're the same folks that drywalled the the studio that i'm in right now a couple of really nice guys and we were chatting in the morning and they kind of got to the task of carrying all this heavy stuff into the house but i don't know if we ever had a conversation about what you know if i was ken from the barbie movie i'm ken my job is podcast like i don't know if we really discussed it so i said to them well i'm going to be out in my office working that's kind of what my that's my sort of blanket statement when i'm talking to somebody uh who's going to be here working maybe in the house and i'm going to be out here but i didn't say i'm going to be out there doing my recording so next thing you know i'm out here with these headphones on talking to you into this microphone also just watching these guys do this thing and I'm wondering what do they think is going on in here am I really committed to my zoom meetings like maybe I work in insurance but I just take it very seriously or what anyway so yes it's a it's a dilemma what do you think you're going to do when when the guy shows up here's here

so here's what I've done because and there's also I think a slightly I mean I don't know if this is a complicating factor or not but this is also somebody who lives in our neighborhood who you know kind of a technically a neighbor that we're getting to know and I have not uh I've really downplayed not that it really comes up much but I've never told anybody in my neighborhood what I do for a living I kind of don't want to get into it because it's kind of nice to have the freedom to talk about it was you know this summer I was telling you about awkward interactions I was having with the with the woman who lives next door you know and it wasn't like I wasn't bashing her or anything I was actually making fun of myself but like I would not feel comfortable having those conversations if I knew that people in my neighborhood knew that I had a podcast where potentially talk about stuff like that so yes um so seth uh i think you're you are right though that with the zoomification and the work from a home uh occasion of uh the world people are not like super freaked out when they see somebody sitting behind a computer talking into a microphone maybe but given that my setup here i don't think i can get away with oh i was just on an intense zoom call so what i've done i'm going to send you a picture here is and again he's seth is still not here but what I've done is I've sort of half drawn the curtains in this way where I get little like I get lines of sight outside but when he's out there working if I pull these totally you know if I just totally clear my window he and I will have so many opportunities to make some really awkward eye contact right but I've tried to like sort of like well I get some peeks out there by arranging the curtains in this way but also it will afford both of us a little bit of privacy Because also, the way I have it, you know, if I were just to have this window totally open, he would just be on full display. I'm in sort of a darker room, and it would just be like watching the TV show Man Who Builds My Deck.

But also, by the way, I would absolutely DVR that. That is a program I could really get behind. I'm laughing because I see what you're going for here, but I feel like you've also really upped the Norman Bates quality of what you're doing. It's like it's got it's got real one eye peeping through a small crack in the curtains in where you can't really see the person's body, but you just see one eye, which is almost never done by someone who's up to good.

I'm dressed like my mom right now. Is that a problem? No. And I know this photo is also unflattering because it really makes it look like I'm sitting in a very, very dark room where that's just the nature of me taking a photo directly into the light outside. It's making the inside look very dark and cold. It's actually, it's okay in here as far as my comfort level and my light level But yeah, that is what I've done I've sort of created, like kind of, I can see outside enough But it's not like I'm going to get the whole show If he needs to scratch his butt, I'm probably not going to see that

I was recently re-watching the movie My Octopus Teacher Oh, yeah Because me and my dad were here and he hadn't seen it And I had imbibed a certain amount of Thank you. wine and was like you gotta watch this pops and one of the things that happens in that movie you know this guy befriends this octopus in South Africa and the octopus there are it's a kelp forest and there's also like rock formations and things I don't know if it's technically coral down there but basically there are these areas that this octopus can hide in when these sharks are called pajama sharks come through they're called pajama sharks because they have stripes on their body which kind of look like maybe old-timey

pajamas this younger generation of sharks man they just wear their pajamas everywhere i know

like listen this is a two-hour flight you don't need a teddy bear and a huge pillow the sharks are called pajama sharks because they're wearing minions pajamas most and they all

have those little neck pillows around their neck yeah exactly it's like all right calm down but um

uh but so this octopus you know you become as the viewer very very um sort of uh you become very interested in the health and well-being of this octopus and there are these moments where the the pajama sharks are are menacing and trying to hurt the octopus trying to eat the octopus really and the octopus has to get into these little enclosures kind of in a rock and then pull itself way back so that they can't get to it that's like a lot of the movie is watching this and being very tense about it that's like your guy that's working on your house he can hide in the different parts of where the curtain is and get away from the prime eyes of you you've created like a certain amount of like small protected areas for him so that he can so that he can not

have to just be fully on display yeah because it's his last day of doing this and he you know I've mentioned to him a couple times I'm like hey you know if you need anything text me my office is in the basement so I can't hear the door or whatever so you know he assume I assume he thinks that I'm like kind of a high like maybe I'm a power broker of some sort like I'm having meeting after meeting I'm saying bye bye bye sell sell sell things like that yeah exactly but now I'm up here and honestly while we talk about being a little self-conscious about the things that we do talking in the microphones or recording ourselves on our phones in public this is honestly less about that for me and more about the fact that if I were to draw these shades all the way not like uh what is her name again Amelia Bedelia but um but like how I want to draw them I just sort of feel like that's disrespectful for him because it is seriously like me just standing here or sitting here staring directly ahead watching his every moment as if he's there for my entertainment as he finishes the deck and I honestly feel like it's I'm doing this more for him than for me

well the thing too and then then maybe we can move on that's going on for me is it's very it's very imperious where I am right now so the room that I'm in used to be the garage and so it's it's up it's up kind of like at street level if you will and then to go down to the house you go down a bunch of stairs and so anytime someone's working here I'm it's not only and I don't have any shades here at all i have no curtains even if i wanted to hang some or or to put them you know down so i would be kind of obscured so not only am i staring through this window at folks that are coming and going a lot and doing a lot of really tough physical labor i'm like elevated above them like some sort of hero yes it's like it's really adding to the effect of like uh i'm surveying the landscape of all the people who are assisting me and it's like it's That's probably why I've been talking about it incessantly for the last two weeks. It's really living in my head. I'm really trying to just kind of be chill about it. I mean, on Friday, you and I were getting together with Navia, one of our listeners, to record the Week in Review video. Yeah, that was fun. And there was a moment – I mean, I think Navia should be the new host of that segment. I think you and I should slowly back away from it and just leave it to Navia.

I know. I thought you were going to say the podcast, and I was like, yeah.

Well, that starts with Week in Review. Can't argue with that either. no i mean it builds towards i i want to be more in podcast management now i want you and i to just work at the upper levels of podcast management and for other people to host these shows so that there's actually something interesting going on but i came out here uh it was you know early afternoon and there's a there was a window that was near where they were doing some work and it was open for ventilation and it was i thought it was going to be have too much of their voices coming literally right into here so i went and i tried to be like i don't know i i didn't really know how to handle it like imagine someone's working right next to an open window and then you just go and just go and then you walk out like but also i didn't want to like over describe it i didn't want to say like hey guys can you be quiet because i didn't really care if they were quiet i just didn't want the window open like it's fine for them to talk it's just the window being open was going to be an issue so i don't know i don't know why i went with this but i just walked in quietly into what is ultimately going to be the bathroom here and just pulled the window down, kind of hoping they wouldn't notice, pulled the window down and then came in here to start doing the thing. And then one of the guys who was working kind of came over and said, oh, do you need us to be quiet? And I was like, no, no, no, be louder. I actually need you to be as I need you know I was like I would never expect you to be quiet when

you're at your job here are some pots here are some pans I mean literally that was also a thing

it was like seriously if you want to just start screaming while you while you just bang the side of this building with some pots and pans that's actually would be my preference yeah please no I felt so bad like kind of making it like they have to be weirdly quiet when they're at their

workplace yes i've done that um if my neighbor is on her phone like in my actual studio downstairs i have a window you know it's a basement studio but there are windows up near the ceiling and i usually keep it open during the summertime but there have been a couple of times where i've heard her talking on her cell phone out there during the show so i'll close the window and my goodness like the the you want to be able to close a window and yell i'm not being passive aggressive We need some way to say, like, this is not – I've closed windows passive aggressively before. I want you to know that. But also, there are times I close windows and it's not passive aggressive. Something similar happened. Oh, my God. This – yeah, this – I think I do have some issues. The other day, my buddy Seth, Mr. Working on the Deck guy, was out there working on the deck. It's what he does. And I noticed that my front door was unlocked. Now, I've checked with him. I've said, hey, do you want me to leave this door unlocked if you need to come in and use the restroom or anything? And he's like, I've even said, hey, I'm leaving for a while, but do you want me to leave the door unlocked so you can have access to anything you need inside? He's like, no, no, no, I live right down the street. I don't need that. Just go ahead and lock it up. So generally speaking, if I'm here by myself during the day, and especially if I'm working in the basement with headphones on, I tend to keep the front door locked. It just sort of feels like somebody could walk in. I don't think a lot of people are just walking into people's houses. But generally speaking, it's a rule of thumb for me. the other day i came up here and i saw that the door was unlocked and i instinctively went to lock it and then i thought what if seth hears me throw that bolt from the outside and think that it's some sort of passive aggressive thing so luke i sort of not even joking i sort of kind of crouched a little bit and moved it as slowly as i possibly could but then held back right before it did the final click you know how a deadbolt you can kind of you can turn it turn it turn it and then the real noise comes at the very last second when it locks in but i just was like well it's locked and the thing is going the right way now that's probably what it is for me more than anything right like a touch of ocd like i'm just used to the lock going up and down instead of

side by side or whatever right because you could also have assumed not that this is what you've hired him for but you could assume on this day the chances of if this was the one day that some stranger decided to try to burgle you there's also a guy with like a hammer right by the door you know again he's not required to stand your ground for you but like probably would this is

probably not the day you're going to get burgled yeah they came to burgle Carnegie Hall they came but yeah like what what world do I live in where somebody just on any given day just wants to walk up to my front door walk in and and hang out in a house uninvited not going to happen especially if there's construction going on at the front of the house and there's one guy there like any any passerby would assume that he's the homeowner anyway yeah it's it's ridiculous but I just wanted this door locked for whatever reason it wasn't to protect myself from Seth or the world at large I just wanted it locked but I also did not want him to think that I was locking him out I didn't want him to hear it and so I just I moved it as do you think it worked like

were you able to do it so quietly that it that it didn't like register he hasn't looked me in

the eye since I don't know okay all right hey you know what happened to me this I got a goddamn flat tire this weekend i don't have to draw this out i have had a tire that's been kind of uh under pressure lately under pressure no i get alerts on my uh my car says hey you have a tire that's kind of yeah you know like lacking the pressure it needs and we often get those alerts when the seasons change with our car it's a very sensitive little car so a couple of times in the past couple of weeks i have you know pulled into a gas station and filled it back up uh on saturday i go outside I'm thinking of this because Seth, the deck guy, was out here when I discovered this. I go to drive Vives to work on Saturday, but we realized that's not going to happen because the tire is completely flat now. And I realized, oh, it's a nail. There was a nail in the GD top of it. So we put on the donut, and my neighbor across the street says, you know, they'll probably fix it for free at Les Schwab. And I was like, okay, whatever. And then I get the donut on. I take it to Les Schwab. They are so nice there. But I get there at 3.30. They're closing at five. The woman says, you know, if they can fix it, it'll it'll probably have to wait until Monday. That would have put me in a pretty bad position for my Sunday responsibilities. I'm like, OK, we'll do what you can. I go. I get something to eat. I get a call from them. They're like, we're able to fix it. We are able to repair it. And when.

I went to pay they said I don't have to pay them anything and I said well can I tip you because I thought boy if they're going to give this to me for free like I said like where can I leave a tip and she said well you can bring us a snack so I was like okay so I now I feel a lot of pressure I feel like I need to um I need I want to room I want it to be this crew so on a Saturday I want to bring something nice to these folks but I don't know what a good universal snack is I'm sure when you said that she probably meant like hey you know you cook you make some cookies at home and you bring them in or something but i i don't know actually i would bring store-bought food

yeah i know what you mean that's true like something sealed yeah that's pretty homespun though already just to be like hey bring us a snack i bet here's the thing about les schwab if i can for a moment please i wanted to plug him that's why i brought it up i right i had occasion something was well there's a lot of construction around here and so i think i just got unlucky and i had occasion i think two if not three times over the course of about three months to take my my car into a les schwab once in portland and another time up here and now i grew up in the pacific northwest mostly and i grew up with like les schwab commercials and and going into les schwab i find it to be maybe the most comforting like sort of considering i'm only there because something has gone sort of wrong with my tires but i find it to be incredibly comforting to to be inside a Les Schwab because nothing has changed from my childhood it is untouched the Les Schwab in Longview Washington Andrew when I tell you that is a time warp to 1983 like they have not remodeled I assume there's less free beef that's for folks for folks that that that haven't heard us talk about it before so there's this dude Les Schwab he was like a rancher I believe slash had a repair shop and so at some point I think when it was a much smaller operation And he would try to incentivize folks to come buy tires from him because he'd be giving away free beef from his like cattle ranch. And my childhood was always like Les Schwab, this kind of Wilford Brimley-ish guy going free beef on the TV commercials. And I remember thinking tire store, free beef. OK, weird place to get it. But but like you go in there, at least like particularly the ones in, I think, smaller town, Pacific Northwest. So I don't know what the one you went to in Seattle was like, but you go to the one in Longview, Washington. They have literally not changed one thing since this was built probably in like 1982, 83 I'm talking about the furniture, the physical structure of the building, the paint job, the popcorn machine with the free popcorn

So they did have, I was going to ask you because there was no popcorn in the Les Schwab I went to

The old school ones, I think, because the one in Portland still had the free popcorn too It smells like tire rubber and black coffee and free popcorn and and they're also so nice about fixing your flats it's the smartest idea though because if and when it's time for me to buy new tires I'm going there because I've gotten like I'll take three tire right sorry to cut you off but no

absolutely and I wasn't sure if this is like kind of something that is maybe common with with other tire chains as well like oh yeah we can you know get people in the door develop a good reputation but I was talking to my dad I'm like, yeah, they fix it for free. He's like, for free? He had no, you know, in Ohio. He's like, they don't.

But how much do they charge for the beef?

Dad, I hope you're sitting down. You're not going to believe this. Also, I should say, I assume there was no popcorn. When I walked in there, I was a little distracted, but I was thinking about the popcorn. I'm like, what is popcorn and rubber going to smell like together? And I smelled no popcorn. Go to the one in Longview. I didn't walk around looking for the popcorn machine. I just felt like I wanted, there was a restaurant nearby I'm like, I'm going to go get a real meal deal So anyway, but I don't think there was popcorn there But yeah, my loyalty to Les Schwab knows no bounds at this point

I mean, it's, again, you know It's one of the enduring sort of businesses in the Pacific Northwest That's unique to the Pacific Northwest That reminds me the most of my childhood growing up in the Pacific Northwest And it's not that I want to have a flat tire but if i do see that you know check pressure light or you know low pressure on your tire light some part of me goes all right another reason to go to les schwab

luke seth is still not here i just want to open these shades i want to be able just to look out on my but you know what will happen the second i open them the second you open them you will

you will manifest him and then you will be stuck with the decision of if you're going to go close

them or not yeah and then i may have to just open them you know what we're just talking about the we're talking about the passive aggressiveness of like locking a door and having him think like what if he shows up and i draw the shades on him isn't that even isn't that isn't that a real that's really that is pretty that's pretty um

Yeah, that would that would that would probably feel because there's no way for unless you want to take the time to stick your head out and go, hey, and this is something you and I always do. And it always backfires is like over explaining something to someone because I could see you trying to pop the door open and go, hey, I'm I'm going to pull these shades, but not because I don't want you to be able to see me, but because I don't want you to feel like you're just performing for me. Like somehow sort of in a sort of class based society, because I'm in here podcasting, because you're out there doing real honest work that actually improves the world. Somehow I think I'm some other type of person, you know.

Let me see. Let me see those calloused hands. No, I think honestly, my dance for me, Seth. I still think that it would be I mean, it would still be super awkward. but if I were to open these shades and then he showed up and I would choose to actually engage with him on the topic I would probably say hey I'm uh you know I would either say I'm having meetings up here today or I'm doing a little podcast up here today but uh uh you know let me know if you feel uncomfortable with me staring at you because I feel like if I'm going to engage at all then I'm just going to leave those windows open I don't want to be staring at drawn blinds

we're also almost halfway through the show and you very rarely will this be the first time do the show from upstairs so you might as well try to take advantage of it and who knows maybe uh we'll be able to wrap this thing up before before he gets there to begin today's work well in which

case then i'll have wasted it so you're saying do that's what i'm saying open them i'm back to saying open the curtains i don't know if i'm that kind of man i can't believe that we're still connected here though i'm excited about that i have a theory that's working it's working

hey let's thank some of our donors who are keeping tbtl going of course this is listener supported podcasting supported by listeners like cindy laudermilk of maple valley washington sounds beautiful who's from maple valley washington i think or who spent some some formative years there one randy carlisle the singer extraordinaire okay yeah Brandi Carlisle is one of those performers who looms large in my mind, A, because she's very talented and B, because there was a brief moment where we were like because long ago the producer emeritus of this show Jen Flash Andrews was very into Brandi Carlisle when Brandi Carlisle was less well known outside of the Northwest, was just starting to kind of get some big national attention and I think we were very close to having her on the program and then she got very famous and now we're further away from having her on the program and i hear her on like stern and i don't know why this is what goes on my mind but i'm like i i feel like i'm like stern you don't even know that she's from maple valley and that uh we almost had her on our podcast i don't know why i'm having that i'm having that conversation in my mind with howard stern like i feel big dogged by him because now he has brandy carlisle on and we'll never have brandy and it just sort

So it seems like Brandy Carlisle is just generally a better fit for what we're doing or what LiveWire is doing. Exactly. You know who else is a local peach, by the way, I just learned today? And I hope it's okay. It's okay to spill tea if it's good tea, right? I think so. I guess Joel McHale, who I've always had really good feelings about from afar, had gotten involved with the big U-Dub game last weekend. Yeah. I think I said U-Dub the wrong way again. Sorry. No, I think you did okay. Well, we'll see. But anyway, he was out there with College Game Day, and I don't know exactly what his involvement was, but he was doing some favors for folks. And Genevieve texted me today to say that somebody from her office, you know, wrote to thank him. And he personally wrote back and just said that it was like one of the highlights of his life, which, I mean, I don't know if he's laying it on a little thick. But, I mean, that's really nice. I mean, he's got some real star power, you know?

He does. Well, you know, he played tight end for the UW.

Oh, I didn't know he played. No, I mean, I know his local roots.

played and then he was he kind of had his his first foray into into performing with almost live he was kind of the young the the young cool guy on almost live as as they were getting towards the end and i don't know if maybe it was i think it was before they did that reboot but there was a period of time where you had this sort of almost live cast that this is if the les schwab wasn't super serving our p1s in seattle enough wait till i start breaking down the contributions of the various original almost live cast members but joel mckell i remember watching it and being like joel mckell just seemed very young compared to everyone else yeah um and uh and being a big fan of his and then i remember he moved to la and that was funny because my first ex-wife and his wife became friends and so we actually like hung out a couple of times and uh and and i think it was i don't I don't think he had gotten talk soup yet. but he was kind of down there. And at that point I'm like at NPR and he's kind of like off of almost live, but not the Joel McHale that we think of now. And I was kind of like, yeah, we're, this is, again, this has happened to me a few times where there's somebody, this also happened with Mark Maron when Mark Maron was just starting his podcast and TBTL was a podcast. And I felt going much better than his podcast. There are these moments where I've crossed people in terms of their level of fame and my level of fame. Mine is non-existent. And I'm like, Oh yeah, we're all kind of doing the same thing we're all kind of pals here and then they're just rock their rocket ship takes off and i think i remember kind of hanging out with joel mikhail and talking seattle sports and just being like yeah we're all kind of in the same he's a guy from seattle he's down here in la trying to make it and then the next thing you know it was like his rocket ship really took off and my my rocket ship just continued on whatever its humble trajectory was but um yeah he seems like a really good dude um and i feel like oh he got to witness what i thought was one of my better comedy moments of my life which was when i was actually i i think it was uh the folks at bing had basically said can you we will hire you to go down this is also how you know that your rocket ship hasn't really taken off in the same way someone that you used to kind of know socially now they're asking you to go down this is when i lived in seattle again go back down to la and stand on the red carpet and interview people that are going to this comedy event including joel mckale who at this point is now very famous and it was some kind of a thing that was like honoring seth mcfarland the creator of like family guy and all of that stuff and it was just i mean it was pretty much everybody in the kind of comedy scene in hollywood i mean it was actually a pretty big deal like judd apatow is there bill maher patten oswald all these folks and it's my job not to be on the stage or even in the room it's my job to stand by this weird elevated red carpet which it was raining and so they had it on a platform it was just the whole

setup was very bizarre but it's all the people that are standing along this thing are from like hollywood biz reels and you know like just those kinds of entertainment like websites and tv shows where it's just not really kind of what i'm into for the content that i'm trying to create and a seth uh mcfarlane was coming through and a guy was literally doing and this this usually leads us into that totino's what's it the pizza roll thing from the other two oh yeah oh bagel bites yeah yeah sure this was exactly that moment but in real life and this guy who's going before me is like to seth mcfarlane like okay like he's asking him these questions but he's he's asking the same question but he's framing it in different time periods so he's just like how excited are you for the release of the Family Guy, you know, DVD pack. And then Seth MacFarlane very generously goes, oh, really excited, this is cool that more people are gonna get to see it. He goes, okay, now this will be for the day it actually comes out, okay? So, how do you feel about it coming out today? And then Seth MacFarlane goes like, da-da-da. And he's like asking it in all these different ways so they have coverage of it. Yeah. And so Seth MacFarlane gets to me and I go, hey, I'm Luke Burbank, I'm working with Bing. Okay, can you talk about the release of the Family Guy DVD, but there's just been a terrorist attack? Joel McHale was standing behind him and they both laughed and I felt very gratified by that moment because and and when I tell you that I didn't even send the tape to Bing like any of it I just recorded it I on my little thing I don't even think I stayed for the whole thing I think I was just like I can't my ego can't handle this dynamic which is really more about me than anything else I just got out of there I think this was like you know Carrie and I probably went in and watched the thing because it was kind of cool i mean it was a bunch of people that are pretty well established in comedy and then got out of there and i think it was one of those things where it was a fun free trip you know to go down there and i got paid a little bit of money but it was also very clear like where i was in the pecking order which was guy who asks you to say something

about bagel bites this is um first of all well that joke i appreciate it because you and i and Genevieve talked about this once years ago that and I think you said this I took it as a high compliment but you said maybe one of the reasons the three of us have a similar sort of sense of humor is the three of us at times will throw a kind of risky joke out there and then just stand back and see how that goes off uh it's a tough thing to do and that joke is one where if if he's somewhat distracted and not kind of understanding what you're going for that you're sort of like Like kind of, you know, calling back to the person. Yeah, exactly. If he's already on to something else, like that's a joke that could go sideways in a way that like doesn't get you in trouble, but just makes things awkward and has the exact opposite reaction you want, especially if you got two, you know, comedians there who you respect. So anyway, good on you for that. I'm really relieved to hear that that landed. Secondly, though, and this gets really not interesting to the listeners at all and maybe too personal. But But wait, when you tell this story, I thought this was forever ago, but you were are you were married.

You were there with Carrie at the time. Yeah, I think I had moved back to see. I traveled to L.A. to do this. So you and I were already doing the show.

I mean, I remember this story, but I don't remember this story happening like concurrently with us doing the show together.

So that blows that that that boggles. I think that would have been the I believe that, you know, I'm absolutely terrible. heaven forbid i'm ever suspected in some sort of serious crime and they you know where were you on the night of the 15th i'm like i could have been anywhere like they're like sir that was last night i was like it's a complete blank to me sir like i have i don't understand i do not understand people that are like uh you know so and so started working at the job in february so that's when i met them like what you're tracking that kind of information of when this person started working at your place of work you remembered that to be the month of February what kind of a Mary Lou

Henner-esque savant are you let me just ask you one more question about this and then we really got to thank the listeners but this is I'm legit curious about this if you and I were working together and doing TBTL and talking about all the minutiae of our lives during this time now I will say that the leading theory here is that I just have a bad memory and you told me all about this when you came back from LA but is there also a chance that because you found this I can't think of a better word than a little humiliating right now although I don't know if you'd use a word that strong but it wasn't like something that you felt super great about is there a chance that you went down to LA and did it and actually didn't talk about it on the show when it was like kind of a you know something fresh that you had just done but you needed a little distance and then you could kind of talk about it and and and maybe laugh at yourself a little bit

it's possible it was that it's also possible that I didn't want to get in trouble with Bing for not taking it seriously so if it didn't make it on to the show as a story right then those would be the two leading sort of possibilities in my mind as to why I wouldn't get into it I was probably maybe trying to trying to keep it semi professional or something you know who's always highly professional I assume anyway is Jennifer Finn of Arlington, Texas, who is our second donor we'd like to thank today. Thank you, Jennifer. Go Rangers! Speaking of Arlington. But also, peace and love to our Houstonians, but go Rangers. Indeed. Never had me figured for a Rangers fan. Right, I know. I was in a lift recently, and I was talking to somebody, and I was going on about my displeasure with the Astros team from the cheating and the guy said something that really stopped me cold. He goes, I don't actually know if that was technically illegal, like if there was actually a rule against it. I was like, I don't want to have to think about that. Don't you dare bring logic into this conversation. Don't you dare do anything to diminish my dislike for a particular baseball, but my love for the citizens of the region. Absolutely. My deep love for our listeners who are down there, and I really mean that. Eddie and the rest of you, love yous. Danny Sandoval is in South El Monte, California. Thank you, Danny. You go through North El Monte, you hit Central, and then you were going to be in South.

That's how it works.

And if you hit South of Queso, you've gone too far South. You've actually gone even further South than South El Monte.

Wouldn't it be fun if you were some sort of a city planner or regional planner to name a community like North something and South something, but swap them? Like have the South one actually be North? No, I mean like have the Southern community actually be called Northern whatever. Like, you know, let's just say that it was like North El Monte is actually south of South El Monte.

Oh, so it would be basically like all of the roads in Boston? Yes, exactly. Why is this doing? Did Paul Revere build this road?

It does feel like the city is set up in a way that you cannot escape quickly if you don't know the area. No, you are. It is.

And I complained about that on the show a while ago, and I thought it was just me. and you were like oh no that's a whole thing that's like a well-known thing about boston i mean i

i didn't live in boston but um when i lived in new hampshire and was spending a lot of time in boston it was before we had uh like maps on our phones that were easy to use so i i think you know we were probably still printing out directions from map quest at the time but also just like using handwritten notes in the glove box to get here or there and i remember a couple of times Like going down to visit Genevieve and just being like, oh, I think I'm going to be a little late. And then realizing, oh, no, we may never see each other again because I got off the wrong. I got off the highway at the wrong place and there's no way to get back on the highway. I'm just I live here now in. So. Or whatever a town would be They're like oh yeah that's where The Thomas Guide That's the only place where they call it the Thomas Guide

You can't get that from here

That was my main accent That was my Boston accent but it was really bad I was trying to just say Thomas Guide In the manner of Like Ben Affleck from a movie Where he's real southy or something Real south El Monte Hey Julie Huffman is in Oxnard California So fun to say It really is. It's also a beautiful part of the world. It's the jump-off point if you're going out to the Santa Cruz Island chain. If you ever want to go out there and visit, you'll probably pass through Oxnard.

And, Julie, if you want to go say hello to the KCRW repeater out there, I wouldn't say no to that. Give it a little salute for me. Definitely.

One day I'm going to do that tour. I'm going to hit the Antelope Valley. I'm going to hit Oxnard. First, I've got to do it in the Portland or in the Oregon area because OPB is another one of those stations that just has to do all of their repeaters and all of the other places. I don't know. It must be state by state. It must be Oregon and California that require that and not Washington because KUOW doesn't do that. They don't do that run. They do.

But I think that the FCC has relaxed the rules on it a little bit. And it used to just be the top of the hour ID. But I do think because of the modern phenomenon of a station having many translators and repeaters, I don't know if you have to do it as often, but it was a rule. The top of the hour, you have to list all of your stations. And I've heard KUW do it, but it has been a minute. So I don't know if they've relaxed it a little bit.

We've also got to thank Chase Wiseman, who's in Los Angeles, California.

Wow, what a contingent there from Southern California.

Yeah, right. They knew that I was going to tell the story, retell the story of my one good joke of my life in front of Seth McFarlane and Joel McHale. So that's why we had so many people from California today, except Michael Guerrero, who lives in Jersey City, New Jersey, but he's culturally Californian. Also appreciates stories about me. The thing too, Andrew, that I have to tell you That I remember about that particular night Was the guy next to me who was From HollywoodRealBiz.net Or whatever Who was like, okay, now say it like it's the day That it's just come out Now say it like it came out yesterday Every time it would be in between stars Walking on this elevated red carpet He would just take one knee And he would just hold his head in his hands Just like the deepest Depths of melancholy and then it would be time for the next person to show up and then he would like pop up and he would go back into the thing and then, you know, whoever would, you know, Bill Hader would continue along his way and then the guy would take a knee and just like the weight of the world would settle back on top of this man and I think that was why I had to get out of there. It was just too emotionally intense to watch this guy sort of whipsaw in this bipolarity that he was in.

I wish I knew who that was. i'd love to see where that person is now like you know honestly like i really thought about that

like looking him up and trying to he wasn't it wasn't like he was not mario lopez if you know what i mean like he wasn't somebody that was recognizable to me and i don't think he was with like even like extra or entertainment tonight or i mean do those does entertainment tonight still exist i i kind of assumed i mean i just i wonder where like who the who the audience is for entertainment tonight i used to love that show so much when i was a kid we never had it on at our house but if i got to hang out at james demuth's house until whatever it was 6 p.m or something and john tesh and mary hart coming at you with the entertainment tonight i mean i just

was endlessly fascinated with that programming it definitely still exists as a media entity i'm on its website now i don't know if you can still get it on like local television but i assume you can

you know like um it would definitely my guess is it would be on local television yeah because that tends to probably cater to the the sort of i'll be i'll be honest i'll say an older generation of viewers who are probably still you know watching network television mostly and so it seems like that would be the space that entertainment i mean i don't know do you think tmz has kind of yes sort of you know sort of stolen away i think a lot of the certainly the viewers that want to

see more salacious stuff I guess probably yeah it feels a little generational to me I think that like probably older people I feel like um you know like I visited my grandma recently now she's 101 so I don't know if she's like necessarily like somebody I should be turning to to kind of check the pulse of you know what's hot in culture but like you know the stuff she's watching is just It's like nothing but the Game Show Network. and I could see her enjoying an Entertainment Tonight episode here or there. I will say, and I'm being quite serious about this, I'm on E.T. online right now. There's a bunch of headlines, most of which I don't even understand the premise of, frankly. But there are two things that I legit want to watch. The Rock reacts to his controversial wax figure in Paris. Now, I had seen that The Rock has a new wax figure, but I had no idea that it was controversial in any way. Now, do you think that's just E.T. calling it controversial

so that I'll click on this yes I think probably there was one tweet where someone said that like the rocks wax figure doesn't look like him and then that or you know and then that's the

controversy now let me ask you this yeah tell me that this is not I said let me ask you this and then I say tell me that tell me this is not a headline you want to click on Jay-z reveals if he would take $500,000 or lunch with himself.

Inquiring minds like mine want to know. I think that might be a reference to something that happened with Jay-Z recently where he told, actually, I don't know if it's related. I saw somebody put a thing on TikTok that was breaking down something that Jay-Z apparently talked about recently or at some point, which was that somebody in Jay-Z's life or maybe extended family came to him asking for a small business loan of, I think it was maybe on the order of like, say, $50,000 or something. And maybe it was even, yeah, I think it was about $50,000. And that Jay-Z had turned them down. He had said, I just can't do that. And that there was a lot of people on the internet that were weighing in on it saying, you know, you're a billionaire. this is that's ridiculous you wouldn't give someone what's a small amount of money to you then there's other people saying well this is how billionaires become billionaires they're not giving all their money away and also it's probably really kind of hard and weird if you've made a lot of money and people know it to figure out who you're going to give loans to and things like that because a lot of people are probably approaching you and you probably have to develop some sort of hard and fast rules otherwise you'll go nuts just trying to make each case by case decision would

Would you be surprised to hear that it was actually your colleague, Gail King, who broke this story on CBS?

I would be surprised to hear. The other day when I was in New York, did I tell you this? I was in New York and I was going to go into the broadcast center to kind of say hi to everyone and see basically the boss is there. And I was talking to one of our producers and I said, yeah, I'm going to pop in and say hi to everyone. They go, oh, no, no, they're all in L.A. Gail King is interviewing Barbra Streisand. and i was like oh okay we this is such a big deal that we need the whole senior staff needs to just be in southern california in case there's a barbara streisand related emergency we we're not going to have somebody all the way in new york city trying to fix a barbara streisand emergency we need them physically there uh you know uh so that they can help gail king but um i did not know that but this was the thing that i found interesting i don't know if this person's math was correct or not but the person i saw on tick tock she was um saying she was just trying to figure out what that amount of money really was relative to jay-z's wealth and she did some sort of quick math and she showed her work she related it to herself oh i'm sorry yeah so basically she said he she said here's what i make a year here's what my net worth is she was my net worth is about a hundred thousand dollars i own a house and there's probably a hundred thousand dollars of equity in it she And she said, and Jay-Z's net worth is whatever billions of dollars it is. And so for Jay-Z, whatever this amount of money was, you know, divided by his net worth. So then she did that. She figured out what it was. And then she applied that to her net worth. And she said, this is equivalent to someone asking me to loan them 19 cents. Now, I don't know if that all checks out or not. But that did, I have to admit, if it was true, that did sort of color my opinion on the matter. I started by being like, look, leave Jay-Z alone. Like he's he's earned a bunch of money, but it's got to be kind of complicated for him to constantly try to decide who he will and will not share that money with.

Then when I heard it was maybe 19 cents, I was like, well, yeah, but to get 19, but to get 19 cents, you're not just reaching in your pocket and handing it to somebody. This would be right. This would still be something. He's got to look in his couch cushion. He's still it. He's an organization. It would still have to go through all the there's all kinds of it's the paper business implications. And again, like, yeah, could you have done it for this one person? But where do you draw the line? I do want to say I don't think that this is related to that. Apparently, there's just been a longstanding hypothetical Internet debate over whether or not to choose a meal with Jay-Z or a half a million dollars. And so it's just like a half a million dollars.

Hands down. Yeah.

And that's what Jay-Z said. He says you got to take the money. He told Gayle King that in an interview with CBS.

She wasn't breaking the news about him not giving a family member forty eight thousand dollars. No, no. She's breaking the news that he would take. money could jay-z cook a lunch so delicious that even jay-z would choose to not be there for it

exactly i think his quotes here are a little bit confusing um but i think what he's saying here is you want to hang out with me take the take the you know half a million dollars buy some of my records and then save the rest of the money for yourself he's like my personality is all in the records so um oh that's an interesting way to put it too he's sort of like it'd be like would

someone want to pay five dollars to have lunch with us or could they just listen to this podcast

yeah i feel like here's the quote and i feel like this is not a well-placed quote in the cnn write up so again this was a cbs story that apparently et turned me on to not the extraterrestrial but the um entertainment tonight website and now i'm on cnn um but it says the quote from jay-z and i won't do the voice although i do do i feel like i could do a jay-z he's got that very interesting

voice right it's just weird that i've been doing a jay-z impression on this show for years and it's just like three words and it's terrible but i just always say that's genius work yeah because that's it sounds more like don knots than jay-z but it's really committed to it bill clinton a

don knots bill clinton yep thank you there's also some clinton yeah uh but anyway uh the quote directly from him is you got all that in the music for 10.99 first of all can we buy records for 10.99 I wouldn't tell you to cut a bad deal like take the $500,000 go buy some albums and listen to the albums it's all there I'm just

so happy to have my my MIDI version of Entertainment Tonight back this was buried deep in the audio system somewhere this was something we used to play a lot on the show back in the day and you can tell my obvious affection for it I want to say thank you to our donors thank you for making this show possible with your donations and you know consider this having lunch with me and Andrew for the low low price of whatever it is you're donating hello and welcome

to top story oh I have a top story for you all right Seth just showed up o m g what is the status

of your blinds, of your drapes.

The drapes have not changed from the photo that I sent you. They do match. How about your carpet? And they're sort of half-drawn or whatever. Okay, so you left them Norman Bates style. But here's the deal. First of all, I figured the final work we had today was not going to be very noisy, but I see that he has brought a big saw that he's plugging in right now.

Maybe it's one of those quiet saws.

I'm going to go full Burbank here and have potential construction noise.

Oh, this will be... See how the worm has turned. I'm just like, I am very curious to see how, how, cause I, you know, this is something I've really struggled with lately, which is if there's noise around me, I keep trying to use, ride the mute button and you keep telling me, dude, it's way worse when you do that. Just like, just be okay with it. And you've also said it's probably worse for you, Luke, where you are. It's not as bad as you think it is. It'll, I'll be interested to see how this plays out for you. Cause it's, it's strange how much it seems like it's massively distracting when it's happening close to you.

yeah and I'm also I mean I'm having some visual distraction here which I just need to be disciplined about my guess is though the amount of work and the type of work that you're having done on your house is just going to be more intense and loud than this is even with that saw I just don't think that it's even going to be comparing apples to apples I just don't well it's also probably not

someone banging something into the wall of the I mean that's already sort of happened there it's probably there will be some chop sawing happening and things like that but um well this is some real

Bullshit right here John Stamos says he caught Terry Copley cheating on him with Tony Danza

What I remember that I remember hearing about that on Stern I think really there was that that was way back in the day I assume I think the cheating was way back in the day but I think John Stamos has a book out or a memoir and so they've been kind of like you know sifting through the information and finding the uh you know the real gems of goss including the fact that his uh person he was with was

cheating on him with tony danza i'd never i'd never been heard of her before but anyway i have closed out all the other tabs anyway they were making me nervous about our sound quality and my setup here so i will now so cede the floor to you luke okay so i have a question for you

andrew because we're in the classic tbtl manner we're getting to the top stories almost at the end of the program and i do think this leave story is interesting and i do want to talk landscaping options with you because i'm this is my obsession i can't even tell you last night how much time i spent watching videos of people rototilling like i'm fully on i'm fully on an obsessed mission with getting the various areas of this yard that could next spring and summer grow plants grow things that are edible i'm obsessed with getting it all ready this winter i got a

way that it's right by the way i got a wave okay okay did you wave back i gave him the middle finger i am glad to see that he's wearing earbuds so i don't know that i feel like good i don't even think that he could hear me anyway but i feel like i've started talking a little bit quieter since i've seen him because i'm a weirdo um but the earbuds is a good sign that's yeah that's unless

he's got them on transparent mode sometimes you can put them on where it actually lets more sound through in which case you need to really whisper if you want to spy on the podcaster next door i promise you that will be a product very soon so what i was going to say is i want to talk about all this stuff but we don't really have time so can i instead will you allow me to do this i just want to play you two funny pieces of sports tape that i heard this weekend and this is not so much a story about sports this is a story about funny audio that i heard that i just thought would maybe mildly entertain you okay this is a story of the human experience as it hears funny sports tape this is the story of okay so first of all the chicago bears got a much needed and much overdue win they've had a tough season so far and they had their quarterback was a rookie who started his name is tyson bajant and he played for a university i believe in west virginia i want to say they were called samford and they were division two and i think he might be the first ever undrafted division two quarterback to start a game in the nfl or maybe to win a game in the nfl so he was the it was a kind of a it was sort of an anomalous thing that he even made the team and then that he moved above the guy in front of him, Nathan Peterson, and then that there was an injury to the Justin Lance, maybe? I don't know. Chicago has a very touted kind of younger quarterback who's been injured, and so anyway, this kid, Tyson Bagent, actually got to start this game, and he won which is this kind of incredible story who knows how much longer this will go on for him you know whoever the quarterbacks uh the bears number one guy is going to come back at some point and it'll be it'll be a different story but they were asking this guy after the game last night what his plan was going to be if he didn't make it in the nfl and i just appreciated kind of

the honesty of this answer from him take a look a backup plan if you didn't get the shot in the nfl

Yeah, I was going to just basically just crossfit my life away, get as ripped and jacked as I possibly could, and be a teacher at Martinsburg High School.

Who's going to crossfit his life away, get as ripped and jacked as he could, and then be a teacher at the high school that he went to? The most talked about teacher at the school. Probably. I just, like, I don't know why.

What about a backup plan if you didn't get a shot in the NFL?

Yeah, I was going to just basically just CrossFit my life away, get as ripped and jacked as I possibly could, and be a teacher at Martinsburg High School.

That's very charming.

So that was your backup plan of podcasting.

Yes, well, I'm still working on the getting ripped part. But when I say getting ripped, I mean getting drunk.

Right. I'm getting ripped tonight. R.I.P. I can't finish that sentence because it's actually a very naughty, very naughty song.

Is it a naughty song?

Oh, I don't know. Yeah, it's a naughty song that got on TikTok. It's about sex stuff. But, okay, so that was one thing I thought was funny. Tyson, Baygent. So good for him. I hope this is kind of one of those stories where it's a little bit like maybe Jeremy Lin in basketball or, you know, Brock Purdy. Although Brock Purdy is just the starter now for San Francisco. But sometimes you just get somebody who was kind of very passed over for a good while and and then they get their chance and they really do not miss their chance to make an impression. That seems to have happened for this guy. Hope that he gets to keep, you know, keep playing at this level. Yeah. So he doesn't have to CrossFit his life away just yet. Yeah. This is the other thing I saw this weekend from CBS Sports that I thought was pretty funny. it's a high school football game in the i think greater pittsburgh area i believe uh the school one of the schools is called upper st claire and somebody decided to just super cut all of the times when the referee was announcing to the crowd what the play what the penalty was or what was going on with his just absolutely brutal yinzer accent okay so just this is just the most yinzer official of all time telling the high school football crowd what was going on penalty still first stop defense number six 15-yard penalty the result first stop face mask defense that penalty be assessed On the kickoff, the extra point is good. Still first time. 10-yard penalty from the previous spot.

The result of the play will be a first time. Amicia's at Primantis. I bet it's so great. First down. I can't even really say it the way I'm not good at any accents. As we heard with my Jay-Z, or I'm not good at impressions, but I'm particularly bad at the kind of Pittsburgh yinzer accent, but I just love, I love this.

10-yard penalty, still first time. defense number six 15 yard penalty the result first time face mask defense that penalty be assessed on the kickoff the extra point is good still first time 10 yard penalty from the previous

spot result of the play will be a first time i was also shocked i thought this was a college game i had to like look it up the players are so big they're so like unless there's also an upper st claire college but what it seemed all i could find was the high school but like first of all it's like they're filming it professionally now like this just looked like i was what what this looked like was it was a division two college game somewhere with the size of the players the professionalism of everything the the quality of the filming of the of the referee and he's delivering the call to the crowd with his microphone that's going through the pa that was not high school football when i was growing up at all it was like playing at memorial stadium to like four people there were the referees did not have microphones it wasn't like the nfl they weren't like they would you know signal something to the sideline so kind of like the coaches knew that it was a holding call but it just didn't have this level of gloss on it

i um i can't really speak well to the but you did play high school football well certainly yes i i

um well sort of you played i you played i played like peewee football you played high school football addy which one was the one that was like just legendary in the in the state was that walsh

or saint ignatius they're both good football programs i think ignatius is the one that was winning the the titles um pretty uh consistently but i did not play at ignatius but i did play freshman football at walsh jesuit high school there um and yeah i can't really speak to the athletic experience but especially in today in 2023 but it does seem sort of astounding how these i mean this kind of gets a little bit into the the the should we you know pay college athletes debate it's like from so from so long before they even set foot on a college campus these athletes are almost being more professional in their you know aspirations than i've ever been in my life i'm not saying that we should start paying high school athletes but like that life i guess what I'm saying here is like I said I clearly I should not be speaking on this because I can't find my words about it but it's like so foreign to me I can't even imagine what it's like to play at that

level of high school athletics and it's gotten so and I'm not saying this like necessarily like it's a bad thing but it's just become so much more specialized like just the the level of training and like there are so many people that have like you if you're really serious about your high school football at this point you not only are you going to be you know playing for the football team but you spend the whole off season doing like speed training with your coach or like you know you probably have some personal coach that you're using to work on whatever the technique is of the position you play in and like yeah it's just it's a very very slick very professionalized thing even when it's at the amateur level you know it's kind of it's uh yeah it's kind of amazing to see

here i go once again with the email every week i hope that it's from a female no man

it's not from a female i cannot tell you how tempted i was to play the entertainment tonight i would have i would have dug it i would have dug it i felt like i've pushed that

i've pushed that joke hard enough here on this monday um so do you know luke how recently we've been talking about um interesting things people have found in the walls of homes that they've been you know uh renovating or whatnot this all started when you found some uh old handwritten receipts from 1939 in the walls of your house we've been hearing a lot of interesting uh stories from listeners about things that they or loved ones have found inside their walls i've noticed that

the little general store the place with the dvds that's in kind of down the hill from me um that the sign says established 1923 oh that had to be the store where it has the same has the same name for the neighborhood and if that's been there since 1923 and the receipts i found

were from 1939 that had to be where it was from yeah i mean it could i mean there's a good a good chance certainly so sure um so listeners have been writing in or calling in with stories of interesting antiquey things that they've found or loved ones have found in

their walls do you also remember how i believe it was last week or the week before we were talking about that song uh it's actually called absolutely by nine days but you know it as yeah story of a girl this is the story of a girl yeah so you know how we've been talking about those two things

yes i know we've been talking about those two things a lot yeah so we have a listener who's

just combined them in a way that is this is listener i already love this and i want to say

um i love you craig don't take this the wrong way i love that you submitted this but also apologies to everybody who's about to listen to this and andrew this is the story of a can

that i found inside of my wall i was building a closet that i wanted to enlarge and then i found a bag and it had two cans they were cans of lion beer and i sold them to a guy that wanted them since they were two i could sell them for a thousand dollars each that was the story of my can the can was called lion beer i found it in my wall when i was doing a closet in my house that

was built in 1940 thank you by the way i should let you know that i don't have a lot of control over the audio here so i had to play that sounded great pausing but i love that i want more calls

like that where people are singing their stories to us in the style of some song that we've been weirdly talking about i mean that's also just a hell of a story a thousand dollars a can yeah

two grand I just did the math there quickly that had to

just off the top of your head top of the dome but like okay so here's my Greg please compose a follow up song in the style of One Week by the Bare Naked Ladies

do not do that I'll never get it out of my head

no I want to know where's there still beer in the cans and was that why the person bought it I know there's got to be a world of people that collect beer cans where that beer is still in the can and you display it or was it just the cans themselves are that are of such interest

yeah you know I believe in my email somewhere and I'm trying to be a little gentle with my computer because there's some weird ghosts in the machine here today but I believe that Craig sent in a photo of the can in question too so I'll see if I can find that and maybe use it as a show pick today Although I think the listeners really want to see what my scary view of my front yard is

I mean that is also pretty good Maybe we can have two pictures I'm also looking at like vintage lion lager cans And then they'll say like from 1970s And then it says pre-owned And it's like no shit Sherlock It better be pre-owned It's just been in the back of the Carroll's market for the last 50 years or whatever That's amazing So I find it so interesting that this had to have the beer in it, Andrew, because I'm looking at a bunch of Lion beer cans that are presumably they don't have the beer in them. And they're selling for much less than a thousand dollars. Greg, Greg, please maybe not. I mean, I would like it if it was in song, but Andrew seems pretty dead set against it. But I would like more info on like, no, I'm if the beer was in there.

Just avoid that Barenaki ladies song because that will never leave my head.

Oh, I can't. Okay, I'm trying to think then of what a different... So not that one. How about... It's already in my head. Just do it. How about All Star by Smash Mouth? Oh, yeah. Something like that. I don't know, Greg, you know what? Dealer's choice. But please just submit another song. Elaborate on if there was beer in the can. And also, if that's like the most valuable... Did he just hit the absolute jackpot? My mind is reeling that that was $1,000 a can.

I know. I mean, I'm distracted here scrolling through my old text messages to see if I can find it and send it to you. But I'm guessing there was probably some beer in it. And I hope he drank it before he sold.

Well, that was my that's my third and final question is our excuse me. Are folks collecting these cans to just display them? Or is there some ceremony wherein they open the can and then pour the beer out and then drink the beer?

Is that part of the whole procedure? I would find that hard to believe.

Oh, there's a whole, on TikTok, there's an entire kind of genre of people eating canned foods and jarred foods that are from like 20, 30 years ago. And one of the guys is very popular. It'll be like, this is, you know, this is canned, this is a canned hamburger from Germany from 12 years ago. You boil.

it in a you boil it in like a pan the can you boil the entire can then you open it you take out the burger and it's wrapped in paper inside a giant can like you'd have like tuna fish in and people are going ahead and they're they're they're chomping into that yeah totally people eating old food on tiktok is a it's a it's a genre that i'm actually um pretty interested in yeah well i mean

once you i guess once you click on it you better be interested in it right because it's just going

to serve you that is tick tock still like that it's really what it is is if you let it play to its completion notice that see that seems to be the number one thing that drives the algorithm at least on tick tock is if i watch a video all the way to the end then that's all i'm getting so like yesterday i must have watched some video about like kind of um cozy fall cooking because that was all i was getting and that's fine because i was just forwarding these to myself so i can make them tonight i might want to make these things called melting potatoes which um is just basically like russet potatoes kind of cut up you know sliced it's like peeled and then sliced and then you just basically like you get a nice brown on them you put some uh you know cooking oil and then like some stock maybe i'll get some veggie stock and just cook them in a certain way where you get them really oh and just like shit loads of butter so much butter and then you bake it so you get them kind of nice and crisp on the outside and then you bake them and then you baste them in more butter and then they're supposed to just be like they're just supposed to be so like buttery and rich and just seem like a delicious fall meal to have you were like were you cooking a chicken at 9 p.m last night what was going on oh not a chicken i was um

i was make i was making some chicken i was making a meal i um i kind of tend to do that on sundays like that's my kind of one day of the week where it's like i get back from my volunteer gig i I usually stop at the grocery store on the way home and just like because it's usually after a weekend of eating garbage and it's just nice to have something that isn't just a frozen pizza or something. So I just had some boneless chicken thighs and I just sauteed them up with some roasted some broccoli and potatoes. The potatoes, I am not somebody who cooks potatoes much because usually if I'm taking the time to cook, I don't usually make anything too starchy only because I'm like, well, if I'm making this food, let's try to keep it on the somewhat healthy side. Let's keep it to meats and greens or vegetables or what have you. But I had some mini potatoes left over, like those little red ones, right, left over from something else I had been making a while back. and so I just you know again I did not do anything fancy but I just like you know cut them in half olive oil the usual you know like rosemary and thyme or whatever and then and just cut them in half and let the and then I just let the oven do the work oh my god they were so goddamn good why don't we just eat potatoes all the time they were so good I have been speaking of my TikTok feed

I have just been watching so much of Jacques Pepin I'm following the KQED public television feed From San Francisco And it's just the chef Jacques Pepin Just making stuff that he just wants to eat for dinner He's like this is just an easy thing to make And I love it so much It's so unpretentious But he's also a renowned chef But he's just like I had this chicken thigh around And I had this potatoes and onions This is like I'll make this on a Tuesday night if i'm just me if it's just me eating one thing i learned this isn't going to come up a lot for me because i don't eat very much chicken but he cuts if he makes a chicken thigh andrew he cuts he kind of butterflies the the meat along the bone so that it cooks a little bit i guess faster and maybe more evenly so just i don't know a pro tip from jacques papain but like i don't know i just made me it makes me really want to just be friends with him because he just seems so he'll just be like okay here's what i'm making um i'm making my little pizzas that i like to make you know if i'm hungry for lunch but i don't have a lot of time and it's just like two tortillas so you'd think that like jacques papan would be like that's heresy to just like make a little pizza on a tortilla like who does that but no he's like i like to throw down these tortillas and he just puts a cuts some like tomatoes he's also what's great is his potatoes are always so jacked up he's always got to cut around these black parts they've got like eyes growing out of them like i i it feels it's very like relatable it's like it's not in this he's in a pretty normal looking kitchen and he's just like yeah i'm gonna cut these black spots off these potatoes like it's not overly um i don't know it's not overly sort of fancy in a way and it just again it makes me want to makes me want to have him as my cool uncle that i go over to his house and we drink wine and eat put pizzas made

on on tortillas that makes me feel better because these potatoes that I pulled out from the cupboard and they weren't like super old but they were maybe just a few weeks old a couple weeks old and like I said I don't cook with them much so I don't know exactly like how much they can I don't know how durable they are as a food right and so I pull them out and you know they're like oh is this too soft And, you know, I felt like, no, I don't think it's too soft, but I could definitely tell that they weren't purchased that day. Right. And some of them did start to have those little just the very beginnings of little what protrusion, like whatever, like where roots would grow if I left them long enough. But, you know, they weren't long or out of control or gross or anything. But I did have to like kind of take them and like kind of clean them all and kind of kind of peel those parts off just using kind of my fingernails to sort of pluck them off sort of. And I was, you know, thinking like this probably isn't how the fancy people do it. but then you're making me feel better.

Dude, Jacques Pepin, it's like he is incredibly unpretentious for somebody who's had a long and storied career in cuisine.

Oh, you know what I just realized? I have leftovers. Let me go eat that.

Uh-huh. You have your chicken, huh?

I got my chicken. I got some – I put the broccoli in the oven for a little bit longer than usual, and it's really good. I like it. I'm liking this sort of almost blackened – not blackened, But, like, a little bit of char on the broccoli in the oven, very good. You know what I saw? You played that. I specifically said I wasn't. I told myself, don't bring this up on the show because it does no good, and it's going to upset you even more than it's going to upset me. Keep it light. Don't talk about your divorce. But for some reason, I'm, like, scrolling through, I don't know, Instagram stories or Reddit. It was probably Reddit because, like, this is the type of it feels like Reddit to me over the weekend. And somebody, for some reason, just posted a little video of a bunch of, I apologize in advance for saying this. a bunch of chickens like pecking at and eating a roasted chicken and like i know that they'll do

that but it like it hurt my soul like it really sucked yeah that's yeah that's weird that's that's i don't like that not super duper appetizing i did get i did get an email from uh one of our new zealand listeners the chicken rescue people oh yeah sure yeah saying good job on not making because i was you know one of those days it was again it was like a it was probably going into the weekend and i was like all excited to do like a cozy fall hot uh crock pot type of deal and i was like ah some like chicken and uh you know white bean chili looked real good to me but then i ended up just going with like some fake oh yeah they're like they're like thanks for doing that as the uh you know as your resident chicken rescue place i was like i was like oof that could have gone either way that day i was really i could have just as easily come to the show on monday been like well andrew i went ahead and added to the degradation of another chicken but thankfully

i didn't i guess well my apologies for everything i've done two chickens i'm the one telling you how to prepare it based on what jacques was doing yeah i mean that's the other thing that i at some

point need to just do a deeper dive on which is figuring out if i am going to sort of dip my toe back into that water which i don't i still haven't done a whole lot but like it's just figuring out what the most ethical way to do it is for me you know what i mean like that's the thing i don't i don't necessarily think that it is immoral or inethical to eat meat because i think animals eat each other and they don't do it in the nicest way but i just think for myself i want to try to figure out how do i do it in a way that is not making it worse on the animals that are really you know mistreated i'm sure that there's a way to have some chicken where that chicken didn't have the worst life um and i need to literally just figure it out and figure out where where those chickens are living their life and then who's selling me those chickens when they're no longer alive you know like and it's not safe way probably you know yeah no that's what i'm gonna

say like honestly the way i eat meat is definitely unethical i mean i'm not gonna shy away from that 100 like the the meat that i eat is this mass well i wasn't bringing this up to try no no but i mean there is a difference between i mean you're right like just generally speaking and And obviously, I haven't changed my ways at all, but I have no compunction about just straight up saying like, yeah, I mean, we do not have an ethical system for, you know, for the mass sale of meat in this country.

No, we don't. But we do have probably a less terrible system on a kind of as annoying as it is on a more artisanal level. You know, like one of the things that my sister, I don't think they're doing anymore, but my sister Liz and her husband and family did for a while was, you know, they went in on one of those like a quarter of a cow kind of a thing. and it was a cow that had by all accounts a pretty good life you know it was free ranging and eating grass and doing its thing and then its life was over and then that's as opposed to going to a giant grocery store and getting some meat from the butcher department where that cow maybe had a less great life like that's something that i i admire about about them and their lifestyle is just just taking the extra time like to figure out okay how do i do this so that it's just like i'm not i'm not actively making everything worse but right like my locally sourced hillshire farms kielbasa well exactly exactly i get it from i get it from this artisanal shop in northgate mall yeah what do you share farm store what do you think is in i mean what do you

you think is in that shit that i eat constantly let's not let's not think about it too i don't

know but i i really and truly andrew i'm not here to judge at all because you know like i said it's everyone's on their journey with whatever and i don't i don't want to open that door because there's a lot that i'm doing that's really deserving of being judged let me ask you a

question did you hear me accidentally sort of start the doves music like 10 minutes ago i can't tell what's actually going down the line and what's just no i'm hearing it now but i wasn't

hearing it before okay good but i wasn't paying a lot of attention i was texting with ken jennings

no that's true and i see chris hayes i'm i'm on these too yeah that is true i was was this is he wrote to us during the show today commenting on a show he heard from last week a tv tale he heard from last week is he talking about the show where i literally says i hope chris hayes doesn't hear this because i get embarrassed when i talk about serious things and chris i think that was it and

And I think I really threw down the gantlet saying, well, we'll know if he listens. Yeah. And I think that was him saying, I listen. Yeah.

It might have been the show after that. Anyway, we'll see.

Yeah.

Generally speaking, I just live my life.

Thank you to everyone listening, whether or not your name is Chris Hayes. Yeah. We will be back here tomorrow with more Imaginary Radio for you. In the meantime, have a great Monday. Take care of yourselves. And please remember, no mountain too tall. And good luck to all.

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