Muse

Where have you been? Why, did I miss the french toast dippy things? You're two hours late. No, that's impossible. I sent my watch back for daylight savings time. Saving, not savings. You set your watch the wrong way. It's neither a plural nor a possessive. No, it's spring. I springed backwards. No, you spring forward. Have you ever watched girls' gymnastics? That makes no sense. You could just get the correct time from your phone. Oh, could I? Well, guess what? My phone fell in the toilet, so who's the f***ing smart guy now, Ken?

TBTL!

Well, as some of you may know, I've recently made a very big career change. I used to be in radio, and now I'm a podcaster. It's so easy. All you do is point and click. All you need is a computer and a regular phone line.

A year ago, this is exactly what Greg Kinnear was doing, but now he has an Oscar for Sliding Doors 3, colon, Jingle All the Door. You can't be serious.

Oh, I'm serious, baby. I am Yahoo serious. I'm serious FM. Welcome to the World Series of Seriousness, sponsored by Honey Nut Sirios.

Don't take this the wrong way. but you've just been kind of hanging around a lot lately, which isn't a bad thing, but it's also not a good thing.

Wow, as melon scratchers go, that's a honey doodle. And there's just nothing wrong with listening ever, so listen, if you know it's good for you.

Well, all right, hello, good morning, and welcome everyone to a Monday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. I'm so excited about this show. My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host.

Isn't that for techno geeks with spreadsheets?

Coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio perched high above the mighty Columbia, where it is November the 5th. Oh, actually, November the 6th. Excuse me. But it is the final day for now of my fasting project.

I've lost hundreds of pounds and gained hundreds of confidence.

At least for a while. I'll tell you what, I am ready to have some real food tonight. Looking very forward to it. Also looking very forward to episode 4069 in a collector's series.

Let the fun begin.

Where we're going to talk about all kinds of things, including the fact that DoorDash is trying to, I guess, guilt may not be a strong enough word. They're trying to strong-arm people into tipping the DoorDash drivers.

That cash could really get me out of a couple of jams.

With a message they're sending people, we'll talk about that. Also, an update on my vacuum situation. I know it was a big hit on Friday when I turned the vacuum on live on air. Is my expensive Dyson vacuum still operational? The answer, sadly, is not yes. We'll give you a full update on that as well. And also, oh, I finally got my DVD player working, and I watched that movie streetwise, and my goodness. So who needs a movie? It is really something. So we'll get into that as well. Oh, and we'll talk to this guy, the longest-running Cobra of the show. He may be best known for his depictions of the tall ships, capturing their grace and power. He is Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

Good morning, Luke. I'm afraid to say that we are part of the problem today and not part of the solution. I think you know what I'm talking about too Because I gave you a hint of it Over the weekend That tape that we started the show with Very funny tape from the television show Veep Which I don't recall seeing that in the show Even though I believe I've seen all of the episodes of Veep You sent that to me You said it would be good intro tape for today I agreed, it made me laugh The more I listen to it actually The more it makes me laugh Having said that, I was a tad irritated this weekend I'm trying to figure this out I might just be irritated with social media in general these days. The tone of social media is just irritating me. I don't know if it's me. I don't know if it's the rest of the world. I'm going to guess it's the rest of the world. But a lot of people griping about supposedly daylight saving time, like people just talking about it like it's like the end of the world began this weekend because they can't handle the time difference. And the thing that bothers me isn't about people, I think, exaggerating the impact of this on their lives, but the fact that they have it wrong. It's not we're not in daylight. It ended. It's not the beginning of Daylight Saving Time. It ended. So don't say that you hate Daylight Saving Time when you're complaining on social media. It turns out you liked Daylight Saving Time. You didn't like the fact that it ended on you. And then, of course, that tape we played is all about the beginning of Daylight Saving Time.

Right, I know that's technically spring, so it's kind of relevant to what's going on right now, but kind of the opposite of what's going on right now. You would think that it's right there in the name. We're saving daylight. Actually, you know what? When I say that like that, I can see why people might get a little confused. Because when it's darker...

when it gets dark earlier, you could be forgiven for thinking what we're doing is saving some daylight. You know what I mean? Let's say you're making $100 a week, but you're only spending $10 of it. You're saving $90 a week. You're saving your money because you're not putting a lot of it out there. We're not putting a lot of daylight out right now in the Pacific Northwest. So you could make the argument that we're being sort of parsimonious with our daylight. Therefore, we are saving our daylight, if that makes any sense.

We're putting it in the bank. I mean, I will say this, and I've started this show by being cranky and by being nitpicky in a way that I feel like I'm doing more damage than those I'm complaining about. I do think that the language around the whole thing is complicated. I do have it right, I think, Luke. No, you're 100% right. We're out of daylight saving. What I was about to say is when we have people who are advocating for us to change the system, they're advocating for us to stay in daylight saving time, right? Like the thing that just ended. They want to say, let's not do this thing in the fall. Let's do the thing that we do in the summer. And I understand the reason why they set up the system a long time ago was more for farmers and people who you're saving daylight, I guess, if you're an early riser. But these days, people are more excited if they can extend their day into the evening more. Like, I'm not against the proposed change so that we don't have to, you know, in fact, I'm looking at my goddamn clock. I got a clock on the wall in here. Can I, here, let's do this.

Yeah, do you want to take a minute to fall back on your clock?

I'm going to go fall back on this clock. All my computers are right in here, but, oh, Genevieve's microphone is unplugged, too. I thought I could just switch microphones. But, yeah, why don't you tell us, I don't know what, about your vacuum, about how daylight saving affected you this weekend?

Well, listen, I hear in your voice, Andrew, that what you're trying to say is disliking the fact that it gets dark early is not a personality, but I'm going to tell you something. It's my entire personality, and I'm not just trying to be extra for the purposes of this show. Like last night, I felt a sadness come over me. I was calling my dad talking house stuff, and as the phone was ringing, as I was calling him, I was like, oh, crap. they're probably right in the middle of watching one of their sunday night bbc things you know like the uh un unforgotten or or maybe i don't know survivor on sunday nights i know that's not a bbc project but i was like oh crap i'm calling that bbc's survivor i bet you would i uh i was like oh no i'm caught like i'm calling them right in the middle of their televisioning and then i looked at the clock and it was 5 15 you know because it was so deeply pitch black by like five, by like maybe five 20 or something that I was just totally thrown off. And you know, this is just life here in this part of the world and we'll get through it. I have a December, I think it's December 20th circled on my calendar as the 21st shortest day of the year. So we're actually not, we're only about a month out from the shortest day of the year which means december 22nd will be we're on the upswing again you know what i mean like but this is i put that on my calendar again not to talk about on the show or not to you know post about on instagram like oh i can't believe this weather or this you know daylight situation it's for me like to literally have a thing on the calendar i'm like okay this is the worst of it and then it's going to get better like it is kind of it does it does i think it bums me out to a

fairly significant degree yeah and you know my my I think my feelings about it are different

would you please take my mental health seriously for once Andrew you know I grew up in a place

that has you know like as I describe it real winters where like you're really facing like all the darkness yes but also just like very severe weather conditions that make life that makes life they're so miserable that I've just never gotten used to people in this part of the world complaining about winter here because it's generally speaking very mild uh with the lack of sunshine that the rest of the states also mostly deal with except those that don't switch back and forth i suppose and those in really sunny locations i guess but um putting all that aside i also think and i'm like why am i extending this part of the conversation because i don't want to actually get into it but generally speaking again it might just be me and my cantankerousness these days But like I'm almost like I almost want to take Instagram off my phone for a while. I just feel like there's just like a lot of lecturing, a lot of just like everybody's an ex. I don't know if you noticed this, Luke, but there's some really horrific world events that have been going on lately. And, you know, I understand people need to process that in some way and how you process that is up to you. And it's up to me about like what kind of media I consume. But I need to start being a little bit more maybe judicious about the social media.

media that I'm consuming because it's like it's not it's not people's concerns that bother me it's the tone of the concerns and it's the from from the moment I mean it's amazing to me there must be some the Germans probably have some word for the moment of time between a world event happening and people who have literally no experience yeah in that matter lecturing you about that matter and I'm just like I'm a little bit sick of it you know yeah Becca and I were

talking about this over the weekend just the way that because one of the her favorite things is when i um just explained the the fractured media landscape to her on a sunday morning she's like oh good let me get another cup of coffee and really sit down she folded her hands under her

chin yeah right and arrested her chin and just like please do she fully precious momented it

it's like thank you lord for this great information coming from this middle-aged man white man but um we were talking about it over the weekend how i what we were talking about was the daily show and what's going on with the daily show which is that i think it's they're cycling through a number of um like guest hosts right now and i was we were we were both kind of uh i guess you would just say um not lamenting we're feeling nostalgic for the days when you had the daily show and then the colbert rapport like back to back and it was a thing you you know you you came home from work and you did your dinner thing and whatever and it was like very exciting for i don't know if that was at 10 p.m maybe but like whatever time it was you would like it was appointment television for you know for a lot of folks and the where the conversation eventually ended up was i was like well the reason that there aren't as many people watching the daily show i don't think is because the daily show is necessarily not good anymore it's because most people are either watching tiktok or reels and what they're watching is somebody tell them a story based on an nbc news nbcnews.com like web article about like something crazy that happened or uh you know a true crime event or whatever and the person is just it's that kind of thing where b they're just sitting in their car or their house and then behind them like it's sort of a chroma keyed in like photo of the nbc.com article and then they're just talking about it and then it's just like occasionally they'll like sort of somehow throw a picture up from this said article and there's 80,000 views of this video and none of the people very few of the people who are watching this video getting their news from this video are going to interact with nbcnews.com which means over time nbcnews.com will shrivel up and go away because we're getting it from a person and this is not to say that those people aren't nice folks or smart or whatever but it's just a weird way that we're getting our news now and also a weird way we're getting our opinions which is that same person or someone very much like them breaking down the israel-palestine conflict for you and this is a person who let's just say is probably uh has not uh does not have a background in uh international diplomacy they're just a person who read an article yeah and it's not even you know

again it's obviously a very very sensitive very very complex issue and i'm this is kind of the same with me and twitter way back in the day it's not that i'm seeing a whole bunch of people posting things that i find like upsetting from their moral standpoint you know it's just like i i don't calls to action i'm fine with like as a matter of fact i saw something today i i know that tomorrow's the day I got to turn in my ballot, that it's voting day here in Washington State. But like I actually saw something on Instagram today that reminded me that, oh, God, that's tomorrow. It's one of those things where I always know it's coming up. But then also I can I can always use a reminder on the Monday before voting day. So like calls to action. I totally understand. People feel helpless. They want to say, hey, maybe do this thing. If you feel the way I feel about this, do this thing. Vote this way on this issue like I was talking about on the show last week about an issue important to me in Ohio or or whether it's call your your congressperson or whatever it is like I'm not even against that but it's like this sort of and now I'm just sort of shadow boxing with and I'm not even talking specifically about people who listen to this show like I there maybe I'm shadow boxing with a couple of people that I know from my life who've posted these things I saw something the other week that was like I'm finally gonna break my silence on this I'm like you don't have to do that like we weren't waiting for you to break your silence on this you know what i mean like some like you and i on this show have been kind of silent about things because we can listen to other people that know more about it like people don't yeah i have nothing particularly useful on this yeah exactly it's out there and i think people can probably suss out how we feel based on our humanity and the things we talk about on this show but like it's not a time for you and i to lecture people about it because we're not the people we should be listening that people should be turning to for that kind of information yeah there Thank you.

Like just people I'm just like there are people I'm just like I've known you almost our entire lives like you don't need to speak out. It's like it's OK to listen to or again. And here's the thing that I struggle with is like the world is just changing and I'm an old man. And, you know, I do believe that people need to process world events like people are getting up to the minute news. that is just really really really difficult to process and it's you know maybe it's easy for me to say so just like process it and don't add to the to the churn you know but the thing is like younger people this is their process they post you know and that maybe that is part of the process and I'm just out of step with that but for me and again that's where it's like I don't want to be the old man saying hey young people put down your phones and just just chill like what an awful thing That's why I'm saying I am cranky and clearly I have some things to say on this matter. But at the end of the day, it's up to me to decide how I manage what I take in, you know. And so if I have some that's a good friend who is like being annoying and my from my perspective, being annoying on social media by being, I don't know, somewhere professorial and a spiritual leader on these world events. I'm like I don't think that that is your role Well then it's my role just to mute that person Really like not go on these tirades

Is it Steve Nelson

You know what it's Steve Nelson I didn't want to say it but We used to call him El Ropo You remember Steve Nelson Oh good You got the high fidelity version No it's not Steve Nelson I love Steve Nelson's post he's always Posting adorable photos of him I want Steve Nelson

To know that me suggesting it was him is an actual actually a compliment exactly because it would obviously there's just 10 people i suggest i could suggest where the joke would be a little bit too on the nose yeah right sure uh but but in his case it's so unlikely that he would be you know uh out over his skis as as you like to say but you know that's an interesting way to frame it and i actually like i like you saying that and i like me thinking about my role in all of this and i'm just talking about the discourse like yeah i I there's lots of things online that I'm kind of like I sort of have a sort of an eye roll to but I'm also able to just not look at those places like I think the conversation about who gets to say what and who's saying too much or who's being extra etc what we rarely talk about is our ability to just kind of like take a step back from it yeah like I'm also allowed to just not go on these some of these platforms so much where there are people doing things that I find personally mildly annoying like i'm i'm in control of if i'm on instagram or not yeah absolutely and

i don't think this is i don't think this has come up in my life but i've maybe anticipated this or again sort of shadow boxed this before but if i had somebody in my life who listens to tbtl and they don't like my takes they don't like how maybe liberal i've gotten or what have you my response would be well then it sounds like tbtl isn't for you like don't listen to it you know like that's a pretty easy um response i've said that to listeners in my less generous moments i believe via email like hey maybe this isn't the show for you you've said that to donors at events no um

but uh you know i believe the term is yelled it hollered is the word no

potentially at our boss at the time el ropo no but anyway so if that's going to be my response Well, then I my response also should be for the people that I that I'm finding a little bit hard to follow on social media. The thing, though, is it gets a little bit personal. Like if somebody doesn't listen to TV, TL, I don't like have any kind of way of knowing that. Whereas if I like started dropping people from my like there was something about Instagram that it's more filled with friends than just say like my old Twitter account, which was mostly like celebrities. I follow very few like celebrities or or or like you're following me.

on twitter so you were following at least one celebrity well you check all the boxes your

friend your celebrity your newsman you were talking actually let me shift gears a little bit don't forget just to bring it up again because i find it interesting you were talking about that tiktok phenomenon that i'm less exposed to because i'm not really on that platform much of people just sort of taking other news stories and then putting themselves in front of it and like re-reporting it at best or misreporting it like your reporting got sucked into that we we talked about this on the show we might have even quasi discovered it on the show right some listener was like isn't this Luke's b-roll from a CBS piece and it was like misappropriated like the entire point of the story I feel like was misappropriated it had something to do with a warehouse somewhere

I have a vague memory of that yeah it's always when that the couple times that's happened it's always cbs sunday morning stuff because that has a kind of i guess a broad enough reach like some of it ended up in uh hassan menage uh his show patriot act or something like it ended up that was goat yoga i think maybe and uh it's it's found its way into

a few other places and yeah i forget what the it was definitely you were with a fella in a warehouse

somewhere yeah it was a story about it was a story about um basically a guy in idaho kind of on the oregon idaho border who is a farmer and the way that we found out about him was because because of trump's policies at the border there he wasn't there were not enough folks coming into the country to do basically farm work and so he had this whole field of asparagus that was um about to just like sort of rot and so he went online and said hey anybody wants some free asparagus come pick it and so that kind of went viral and we heard about him and then we went interviewed him about just like what's going on with farming right now when you don't have enough people to actually harvest the the crops what i found truly surprising about and i probably said this back when it came up the first time what i found quite surprising was he didn't blame donald trump for this which was news to me during the sit down because i was like there's a guy who's called people who come into this country you know murderers and rapists and he's got this he's putting these policies in place that is just like stymieing folks trying to come across the border the very folks who would be picking your asparagus and you don't think that guy is the issue it was that was a wild development you know you can pick your friends and you can pick your

nose but you can't pick your friends asparagus that's that's exactly what they've always said until the paperwork is done oh yeah i gotta get a listener sent me a little plaque i'm not even gonna give the setup for this if you don't know what we're talking about i don't know listen to all of last week's show and skip the bad parts um but uh that little plaque that i remember from my childhood bathroom a listener thought they tracked down the exact one it's very very close But it's not quite the exact one Thank you for all the gum shoes out there I don't know where you want to take the show right now But I am legit interested in a couple of things That you set up at the top of the show Including eating That's good Eating, that's kind of a big one And then also vacuuming

Eating is the opposite of fasting

How about this

How about we thank some donors and then uh we i can update you on my on my uh caloric situation and then also the vacuum because that's actually i think the vacuum is the more interesting development in the life of the show

i don't want to be rude about it but i'm way more interested in your vacuum than your health yeah

no i think i think you speak for all of the listeners 100 i'd like no offense taken my friend Hey, let's thank some of our donors. These are the spectacularly generous people who are supporting. This is listener-supported podcasting, my friends, and it's only happening because of folks like Morgaine Gilchrist Scott of Middleton, Wisconsin. i'm gonna just i'm gonna throw you right on front street andrew during a little pause in the action you and i were trying to remember if we're saying morgaine's name correctly morgaine has been a supporter for this of this show for years and years and years and i am still a little

unclear on how to say their names so sorry yeah and the reason that the reason i didn't jump in and say anything on the show here is not out of respect to you luke let's please i would never i I would never assume that was your reasoning for anything. I just feel like we've had the conversation so many times, and I'm sure that Morgane or Morgan has given us clarity, and my brain is absolutely just mush, and I don't remember. And I feel bad. I legitimately feel bad. You know, if we ever run our own company, we will have a segment of the donor form where people can actually offer a pronouncer on their name, so we'll have it in the list.

you. Thank you, Morgaine. I'm going

with Morgaine. I think you're probably right, but it's good to just get our insecurities out there. That's what

they're paying for. That's what Kelly Shannon of Edmonds, Washington. Kelly is another person who is culturally Edmonds, Andrew, in that I don't think Kelly lives in that Arby's.

You're sure? But that Arby's

lives in my head, rent-free. Thanks, Kelly. Thanks to Cheryl Gordon in Winnetka, california hey cheryl i know winnetka yeah i feel like winnetka is is just outside of palm springs oh yeah that's on your way to um the um salton sea am i can you google this for me please i i feel like i've there's a big this is so sad this is my locator for things i feel like there's a big casino in winnetka like i've been on the freeway cruising through winnetka am i Am I in any way close? Is it near Palm Springs?

Well, the amazing thing is I just typed Winnetka into Google Maps, and then it shows you a really tight close-up of the blue dot. It's like Running Horse Casino or something? I'm pulling further and further back, and I'm like, oh, yeah, it's just north of Chicago. Okay, maybe I need to specifically say that it's not the Winnetka in Illinois, but the one in California.

I might be thinking of Winnetka, Illinois.

Let's see here. It is between Thousand Oaks and Burbank.

god i couldn't have been more wrong sorry about that cheryl gordon i have what am i thinking of there's there's a place that is it winnemucca there's a place that that i that i'm confusing with winnetka but um and the fact that it's near my my namesake burbank california is even even

worse what did you think it might have been if it's not winnetka you might have been thinking

of what because i'm going somewhere with this minotka winnemucca winnemucca is another town I think maybe in California or Illinois.

Winnetka. Winnetka's the opposite of.

Oh, shit.

Left my brain already. Honestly, do you want to really get into it? I love this song so much.

This is maybe my favorite song from this year. What's that?

Oh, no, I didn't say anything. I was just enjoying the music.

Oh, you were. Oh, you know what? that's diabolical if you start enjoying this song i don't know what to do with myself this entire thing is premised on you hating it god you've checkmate oh man wait speaking of music

maybe that was awkward because my music stopped over here do we need to get back into this we do

because we're still thanking folks including carolyn oliver of allison park pa thanks carolyn i don't know uh if i know allison park pennsylvania it sounds lovely though yeah i'm sure it is pennsylvania is a beautiful state sure is i you know you were just in cleveland and what i was struck by the last time i went there was that i had to i think i had to fly to pittsburgh like i always forget how east ohio is how east you know particularly cleveland like it was i i was like this is an all-day event getting here when i think of it as the midwest yeah i know I know we've had this conversation, so I want to belabor it, but I was surprised I had to go to PA to get to OH.

Now, let me ask you. Yeah, no, that is something that really shocked me as I got older and started to see, you know, as I lived on the West Coast and realized, oh, I've been calling Ohio the Midwest for so long. And it makes sense that people would take some offense at that because it is very far east. This is a question that came up when I was hanging out with some friends this weekend, and I was really disappointed in myself. Can you name the three rivers that go through Pittsburgh? Because I thought for sure I'd be able to do it, and then I was not able to do it. It was the third one that always hangs, I think, most people up.

There's the Managa Hala, right?

Whoa! That is the one that most people can't get, so you should be frank.

I can't get any of the other two. Sure you can. Sure you can. Okay, okay, okay, hold on, hold on. The Managa Hala.

See, that's so interesting.

I think it just sticks in my brain because it's kind of unusual. I presume, like a Native American name? Yeah, that's my guess. Yeah, yeah.

As is another one of them.

Okay.

Although I think a little bit easier to say, at least for me. See, one of them is really easy to say because you've said it several times already in this conversation. It's also the name of a neighboring state.

Oh, okay. The Ohio River?

Indeed, that's one of them. Okay.

Okay, so the Monongahela, the Ohio River. And I'm not even joking that I have no idea what the third one is.

Allegheny. There's no reason why you should. But it's just like I just feel like for me personally, as somebody who grew up so close to Pittsburgh, I really should have that on lock. And I think I was trying to flex or something. And I think I started my, you know how I'm often flexing in conversations, Luke.

We talk about it behind your back.

Ohio, Allegheny. And then I just stalled out. And I was like, no, this can't be happening to me again.

I do know the three rivers by my house, Andrew. Oh. Because I'm at the confluence of three rivers. The Columbia, the Cowlitz, and the Cowwemen.

Whoa, that's why they call it Little Pittsburgh?

That's it. That's exactly right. That's exactly right. That's why Maya Swains in Seattle, Washington, refers to... to it as little yinzer town now can you name all of the rivers that go through seattle let me think

uh you've got uh there are no rivers that go through seattle as i as i think about it right i believe you're right interesting interessante um the duwamish i guess technically that's kind of south seattle and then there's the cut there is the montlake cut yeah yes which is uh where i I once, famously on this program, managed to run out of gas in a boat.

Oh, I don't think I realized. That was not the time you were with Camaro Kev's family.

Yeah, that was. And that's more ship canal than the Montlake Cut. So you've got this kind of thing that goes from, so you have Puget Sound. I don't know who I'm explaining this to. Myself, maybe? You've got Puget Sound, and then to get from Puget Sound into the interior sort of waterways of Seattle, you go through the Ballard Locks and then when you come through the locks you hit what's called the Ship Canal, which is where my boat used to be. Actually, I think my boat still is there except it's someone else's boat now. It's Geico Insurance's. Did I tell you, by the way, that I was getting some kind of insurance update? By the way, this is not on our friend and spectacular insurer Kevin O'Brien who's my guy. But I had to because of some other things, I had to get some other insurance that was not available through them And they were like, oh, you have this accident on your driving record from, like, some date? And I was like, I don't, I was like, what are you talking about? Like, I would remember if I was in a car accident. Like, I haven't been in a car accident in maybe 20 years or something. And what I finally figured out was it was the boat accident. Like, that's just a motor vehicle.

And it was that day, that day that you ran out of gas and everything. That was a disastrous day for you.

Well, it was the day I filed the claim. I see. Because believe it or not, what I realized was I was going back like in my calendar years. I was like on the phone with this person. I was like, you have this wrong. I was not involved in any accident. And I can tell you I wasn't because I was in Lake Chelan at Chelanigan's this weekend, which was literally the day that like the processing happened. So for their money, that was the day of the accident, I guess. And I was like, it doesn't even say in their maritime. like you should not in my opinion you should not be your auto and your auto policies should have nothing to do with your maritime situation that well unless you bundle and again i can't overstate this this had nothing to do with my friend kevin o'brien who's just an absolute mensch but like i was like i was quite shocked to find that uh that my my boating behaviors along the the ship canal slash Montlake cut were affecting some of my various insurance rates on the highways and

byways of America. Okay, I have some questions for you. And then we got to finish thinking these donors. We do. But I want to know, sir, because it's just occurring to me now that I've been using some terms kind of interchangeably, at least in my mind. I don't know if I've been using them. I don't know if I really have these conversations much. But it did occur to me that in my head, I was sort of conflating the Ballard Locks with the ship canal. But actually, are the ballard locks part of the ship canal or yeah okay they are into it yeah they are that they are

because you're basically the water the water level from puget sound and from that it's like shill shoal or something wherever that like you have basically the more or less the pacific ocean although it's kind of gone through various things and it's in this sound puget sound that water is being held back by the locks and then you go in there and then the water level changes and then your boat comes into what's called the ship canal and then when does the i can't believe we're doing

i can't believe i'm doing this to you at what point does the water stop being salt water

i think in the locks essentially man there's got to be some sort of bleed over because you know the the i'm guessing that the i'm guessing that the you know some of it from puget sound kind of makes its way into the ship canal but not a significant amount like if you dive into lake

union that's fresh water right of course yeah but yet yet the in the like kind of the source the bay shul shul bay or whatever it is it would be salt that would be salt water yeah so just somewhere in in that like whatever it is maybe elliot bay i think that might be called elliot okay so somewhere in that five miles it just changes from salt water to fresh water it does and you've got that cool fish ladder yes which is i think that the um genevieve went to carkeek park this weekend to the salmon are going at it man they're going upstream to lay their eggs i

guess it's a real thing to see spawn or die spawn or die um john jacobs is in east rapids michigan speaking of waterways i feel like much of the upper midwest is named for rapids you got big rapids you got east you got grand rapids you got east grand rapids i've never i've never gazed upon the rapids of Michigan, but i feel like they're a big thing out there small rapids nobody ever names their town small rapids

i i am i've been to i haven't got any complaints rapids

it's not the size of the rapids rapids it's all everything is okay rapids michigan john

jacobs thank you so much thanks to all of our donors today for keeping tbtl going we absolutely could not do this without you Thank you, baby.

This is my favorite.

Hello and welcome to Top Story. All right, just a quick update on the fasting situation. Tonight is the end of this for me because I honestly am really ready to have some dang food. i am like a um like a very sad marvel superhero andrew where my power is smelling things like when i was walking into livewire on saturday night uh the alberta rose theater is near a thai restaurant actually a very good thai restaurant that people love and when i tell you i got out of my car like two blocks away from the theater and i'd taken two steps in the direction of the theater and all i could smell was this thai restaurant my sense of smell has has it's i know it's only been this is like i think day five of this or day six of this my sense of smell is insanely dialed in to the smell of food being cooked um but uh but yeah double-edged sword

though because also you're gonna pick up on the nasty smells in the world too i not so far so far

it's only been the good smells it's only been the smells that are uh tantalizing me but um yeah so I'm and you know I have to say for what it's worth I got you know this is this has been effective in the sense that it's gotten me into the range that I was sort of looking to get into now the the question is do I just eat my weight in pizza for the next five days and completely undo whatever quote-unquote progress I was making I'm going to try to not do that but yeah you know I will say for me this was something that I think was a mostly the like laying off the booze juice was yeah i mean five the fact that five days was like something for me is well we could talk about that

maybe during a different podcast oh you're you're saying that that's the heart that was one of the harder things also it's probably is one of i'm saying that had a bigger effect i think it had

the bigger effect on what i was going for which is a little bit less being bloated yeah yeah and kind of just like looking you know like i was rode hard and put away wet as they say like that was i was i was starting to look a little bit too much like dog the bounty hunter and i feel Like even five days of just clean living has kind of sort of hit rewind on that a bit. So I'm happy about all of that.

I bet you he can smell really well. His name's Dog and he's a hunter. He is. So yeah, so you went five full days with no solid food and just beverages. Just water, I should say.

Just well, a couple shots of ginger, too, from Trader Joe's. Actually, no, I treated myself a couple times to like a green juice that had 50 calories in it. So it was like, it was not no calories, but it was very few calories. It started on, I guess it was, so it was, I ate on Halloween. So that was a Tuesday. So Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, today. So like six, by tonight, maybe six days.

Well, let's talk about toilet times. Obviously you're peeing a lot. We talked about that. That for me, if I had to go through what you're going through or chose to, maybe is a better way of putting it i i think that i would weirdly find some satisfaction i did and i did part like it just sort of like well it feels like i'm fleshing things out it feels like i'm making some sort of progress i like the i like the constant stream from yeah and it was powerful from mouth to toilet uh restaurant it's very popular in ballard uh no but what i was gonna say was but without having any solid food in about five days what has that meant as far as uh going number twos is that just not part of your life right now or is it it has completely

eliminated itself from my daily schedule wow that's kind of interesting it's yeah i have to

say i miss it i miss it a little bit you miss the you miss the time you miss the tick i do i

again i told you like what's what the the weirdest thing about this little project has been how much time it has freed up for me because i'm not thinking about what i'm gonna eat i'm not getting the the ingredients together and kind of fixing up a meal having some wine having more some wine kind of like and then the next day recovering from the some wine then waking up having more the wine exactly some midnight wine and then also but also toilet times i spend a significant amount of my day i'm not proud of this but like you know in the bathroom on my phone because it's just like a you know it's a relaxing it's a relaxing thing for me and that's all of those things i just described have been not

part of my routine over the last six days it's been really weird so I actually have on my shopping list I guess I don't have to get it because I'm going back to eating starting tonight but like I literally wrote on my shopping list get Metamucil because I thought like I know there's not a lot going on in there but like is it bad I'm not uncomfortable from it but I'm like is it

bad that I haven't had to do that in five days six days Metamucil like the the equivalent of sort of a bottle brush you just kind of want to right exactly lung brush scrub scrub the tubes

or what have you because what i remember is okay so my dad uh used to fast for religious reasons

i don't know if this ever come up on i don't think it has for this period of time i don't think for

this long but my dad would like fast for like a couple days and it would be like a fasting and prayer thing when i was a kid and what i remember is my dad in the morning just like taking like powdered metamucil out of this like long cylinder you know like that that comes in or used to i think they have crackers now howard stern is a very big metamucil fan yeah and talks about it often on his show um so i think they have cookies or something now you can eat but like my dad would just get like scoops he would take scoops of metamucil out of this plastic you know cylinder and then stir them in his water and drink that and i knew that meant he was fasting but he was trying to stay on

top of his number two game you know what i saw at the grocery store yesterday or the day before that i was surprised to see big packages of biscoff is that how you say it those little bischoff bischoff the bischoff you know what bischoff that was my british insult um i only associate that with airplane food yeah alaska airlines in particular exactly yeah in fact i I believe I was talking with my friend Hannah on the Spotless podcast about this, that like she's like, I like eating it on an airplane, but cannot imagine eating it anywhere else. And it was strange just to see that I could just buy a package of cookies and just take it home. And there's nothing wrong with like they're kind of gingery, right? They're kind of like ginger cracker, you know, not not ginger. What are the what are the crackers that grandmas give to their give to their Andrews? Graham crackers give to their Andrews. What are the crackers that judges give to their handies? I was thinking of graham crackers. They're kind of got a graham cracker taste, right?

You know, I have to be honest with you. And I don't know why, again, maybe it's a lack of calories. I don't know why I'm getting this real with you on Monday, Andrew. But, like, I never accept the Bischoff crackers on Alaska Airlines as a flex to the other people I'm sitting with. Like, I think somehow subconsciously. Well, first of all, I'm not really that into them. The cookies, I guess. you'd call them I'm not really that into them but it makes me feel like I'm being self-disciplined in some way meanwhile I'll order like the cheese box I'll have 11 d glasses of red wine but when they come by with the cooks I'm like no thank you no no my body is a temple well it is the type of

thing that like I don't crave it like I'll be honest with you when I'm on an airplane I do crave pretzels usually I have bought pretzels at the airport I've nibbled on them while waiting for the plane and then I will continue to nibble them some way like halfway through my flight I like pretzels they're not good for you but they don't feel greasy to me like a potato chip they sort of fill you up a little bit so anyway I like my pretzels so when they come around for snack time

I would literally knife someone for a pretzel right now

that's true too I shouldn't be talking about food so much but like when they hand out the little pretzel packs or whatever they are like I'm into that and then when they give you a Biscoff whether it's an addition to the pretzel packs or just Biscoff time it's like i don't usually want it but you are just sort of there and you're like well i'll just slowly eat these things while watching whatever i downloaded to my phone or what have you know what i mean it's just like a it's something it's like this um it's just like ritual like so many things on a flight are ritual it's just like well this is the time and it reminds me i was thinking about this on my last flight to ohio that in a certain way like we all become sort of kindergartners again on an airplane don't we maybe not you because you're not eating the biscoff but it's kind of like well the teacher came around and gave us a snack and now we still have three more hours so it's nap time now and it's just like really like you really can't wait for the little cookies and crackers when like in the real world you might easily pass them up like easily but you're like well the teacher came around and gave us our snacks can we play heads up seven up did you play that in school when you were a kid yes i'm it's a little bit vague about i remember you know what i remember most about it luke the smell of the disinfectant that would be of the desk top of the desk and when you put your head down for long enough yeah like it gets like whatever maybe it's your breath or whatever it activates that smell enough that what i remember the most is having my head down waiting for something to happen and smelling that smell oh my gosh that's amazing i

had i had locked away that part of the memory until you unlocked it but yeah exactly like it smells heads up seven up smells like a desk because you're sitting there with your thumb up and you're also just like hoping that someone you have a crush on will come put your thumb down which never happened to me at daniel bagley elementary i think we had to raise our hands fully but that's

That's right. What is the game? Everybody starts with their hands up?

The way we played it was you put your thumb up. Like, you know, you're giving somebody a thumbs up. So you're like, your head is down in your arm on the desk. So you're not looking, no peeking. And your other, so like on maybe on your left arm. And then your right hand is sitting on your desk with a thumbs up. And someone comes around and they push someone's thumb down. That was how we played it. And then I don't know what, I don't remember what happened next.

Don't you have to get were there several people at the front of the room pushing thumbs down and you had to guess which person? Yes, your thumb down. Yes.

OK, but I my memory also is no one ever pushed my thumb because I mean, think about it. So many of the things from our childhood were real Lord of the Flies, kind of where you're talking about, you know, dodgeball or let's set up a game where the popular kids decide what three kids they're going to like push, put their thumbs down and somehow give them some sort of agency or some kind of cred in this room like i just remember always hoping that jessica baker was going to push my thumb down and it never happening jessica i know classic jessica baker all right uh so that's the update on the uh the eating is the opposite of not eating and then on the subject of wait wait wait no i'm sorry

luke i do have more questions okay so tonight is the night that you had circled on the calendar

because you have a dinner it's actually not i'm doing this early because i just i'm kind of like

over it well we should i mean if we're going to talk about this we should talk about this then because i know that you said you had a date on the calendar that you were i think it's a maybe a special event or something you're going to dinner with becca no it's no it's just uh my

friend anthony uh from cbs and his lovely wife lisa are coming over we're all meeting up at becca's house and having some dinner but that's like next okay tuesday that's a week from tomorrow

I think your original plan was to maybe just go with your water fast. I think I was trying to do 14 days. I mean, listen, it's your business, but personally, I'm glad that you're not going that far. But what are, at least right now, I think it is interesting to discuss what your plans are. So tonight, you're going to try to eat something, but you're going to try to, I assume, not go hog wild. And probably, that might be somewhat easier because I assume that your stomach has shrunk into a bit. So what is your plan for tonight, and then what is your plan after tonight?

Well, what I'm trying to avoid is just going back to what were some pretty unhealthy eating habits I really had, which was, you know, generally I fast during the day, but then at night it's just like, whatevs I want to eat and however much of it in a way that I don't think was really great for my body. So tonight I'm going to probably make a little stir fry. I got this stuff called right rice. Have you ever seen this? It's actually really good. It's basically, it's just like rice, but it's made from vegetables. so it's a little bit a little bit healthier for you and uh i still have some veggies in my fridge that i've had from last week that are still good so i'm gonna dice up some veggies and some right rice and i'm gonna have a little um i'm gonna have a little stir fry i see it seems like a nice healthy thing for my to get me back on the uh back on the train and then still abstain from drinking for now yes that's that's the one i'm staying with probably through the next couple of weeks because again i think that's having a bigger impact than anything and then then now you don't usually three squares a day anyway you're usually your usual one uh i ate one dodecahedron right at night which is a number it's not even a shape i was just trying to think of a funny shape name

so i eat one parallelogram a day so tomorrow um i actually did have no i didn't have i i had hexagons for breakfast because i had a rare bowl of cereal and i had uh crispex which is That's crispy times, too. It is. It's corn on one side, wheat on the other, I think. And I'm trying to think, is that a hexagon? I think one, two, three, four, five. Yeah, I think it's a hexagon.

Well, you know, the ultimate hexagon is what's the one that is literally a hexagon that's like a corn. It's a delicious, sweet thing.

Oh, that's like a three-dimensional. That's not a hexagon, right? That's something that actually is like a...

No, there's one that's literally shaped like a hexagon, like a stop sign.

A hexagon, like a stop sign. Well, that is Chris Bex.

Yeah. But there's another one that I'm thinking of that had holes in it, like kind of large holes. Somebody will email us. Anyway, so you had a hexagon for breakfast.

Anyway, I eat hexagons for breakfast. No, my point is, or not my point, my question is, so then, okay, you're going to have this meal tonight. You're going to break your fast. Now, does that mean starting tomorrow, are you going to try to eat small? sensible snacks throughout the day as opposed to waiting until you get to the end of the day and then eating a meal or like what is your plan going forward are you going back to fasting

what's maybe i might go back to fasting my plan is to go a day on of of having you know food like a reasonable amount of food and hopefully healthy food and then go back on the fast for a day or two i'm trying to get to a kind of a certain sort of thing for me uh weight wise and i'm i'm pretty close i'm not there yet so i'm my plan is to kind of go like one day on of eating a couple days off but on the days that i'm eating i'm trying i want to eat stuff that's a little bit better for me

than what i had been eating previously yeah exactly and it might and if you're going to be eating at a regular you know somewhat regularly then you probably should not wait for just one meal a day right like have some carrots at noon sure or something yeah no no the days that i'm

eating i'm not going to be like that's not a fasting day so like a day that i'm eating i'm just i'll eat i guess when i'm hungry throughout the day but i'm just trying to like again have it be stuff that's a little bit less processed because i had really gotten into a bad hang with just like ultra processed food and it just was making me not feel super great me too man i

i don't i don't usually like keep what we call freezer feast in the house like just like you know frozen wings and pizzas and pizza type snacks and meatballs like and i've just like for the past it started off as sort of a sort of a fluke but now I realize it's been like half a year and I've just been like constantly keeping that stuff like stocked in the house which is really awful because then late at night when I lose any willpower I'm just like yes pizza stuff now I do want to mention one thing before we move on this is something I've been wanting to talk to you about the grocery store that I've been pretty locked into recently has been QFC when I moved to this new house I didn't really have a specific grocery store I was sort of spreading my grocery love around the city like a tramp and now i've pretty much been going to the qfc on holman road it suits my needs um formerly excuse me formerly arts yes right it was at a was it arts was also a grocery store an independently run grocery store yeah um but anyway one thing that i noticed and maybe all grocery stores have this i'm not sure and i've just noticed it here for the first time but one one thing i really truly appreciate about the freezer section of my local grocer is that they have a section for pizza and then they have a section for pizza snacks.

And that makes so much sense to me. It makes so much sense. So bagel bites, Totino's.

Yes, anything of cheese stick, like mozzarella sticks fit in that category for me. It's like stuff that is pizza adjacent and it gets its own little sign. And I'm not being sarcastic.

By the way, pizza adjacent is one of the greatest show titles in the history of this program.

And again, maybe I should lay off the food talk if you're- No, no, I'm good. I'm on the home stretch. The stomach is churning right here. But, like, I love the fact that, like, that makes so – I never thought about it before, but it makes so much sense. You have pizza, yeah. But then you have pizza snacks, the stuff that is very close to pizza or replicates – oh, and I did see a commercial, I believe, during the football game yesterday for exactly the thing that that comedian on the Tiki-Takis was talking about. We played it on the show a few weeks back of just, like, is this garlic bread anymore or is this just pizza that – because it was, like, garlic bread with cheese and now it has pepperoni and you dip it in sauce. Dip it in sauce.

It's like, what are we doing here?

Right, exactly. Okay, that's all.

Speaking of pizza, I just have to tell you, this is not really interesting to anyone except me, and maybe you a little bit, but there is a pizza place in kind of the closest town to me called Poker Pete's. And I don't know if I told you about this on the show, but it is my platonic ideal of a pizza place. it is just like the like you know it's perfect they use like the semolina it's like the way that they the way that they semolina is that kind of like little like sort of stuff underneath the crust that they will use i think so that the dough doesn't get stuck to the you know okay when they're kind of putting it on the pizza pan or whatever or maybe it's when they're making the dough or spreading the dough out like there's a certain kind of pizza place and if you know you know there's a certain kind of pizza place that throws down semolina as a kind of not even lubricant but like barrier and those places i love them and they just have like a certain kind of taste to the pizza it's like the kind of cheese they use the way the oven is and this is not for the record gonna win any like james beard awards it's not one of those you know it ain't ken's artisanal wood-fired pizza in portland which is also delicious by the way but it is so perfect for football watching it is the perfect local pizza for enjoying a sunday can you tell that

i haven't eaten in like six days although this and what is the is it like a little pizza shop where you can sit down at a table too or is it takeout only does well they actually have a bar

that looks really fun i have not yet i've not yet

enjoyed the bar but it's like one side is a bar i think it started out as like a tavern that made pizza and they still have that but then on the other side is just the like strictly pizza operation which is just a bunch of high school kids and you just like call you know they don't need your card you just call and go like can i get this pizza and they go like yeah it'll be ready in 20 minutes and it's like the honor system you just drive down there and get your pizza um so that's but that's what i've been uh doing uh occasionally for football watching and also just for enjoying delicious pizza. But I'm very, you know, I'm in this kind of weird spot that I'm like not really in any particular town, but the fact that there is a pizza place that makes pizza that is so delicious to me that's like 10 minutes away, that was a real, that was a W when I figured that out. Definitely. Because I had been doing like Papa John's or, you know, Papa Murphy's rather. I would not, I don't mess with the Papa John's, but anyway. Okay. So on to vacuum talk, if we can very quickly here. So yes, on Friday, rather, I turned this Dyson vacuum machine that I had bought on the show and was a triumphant moment for everyone because a listener, well, our friend J-Dog and then another listener had sent in a tip that was maybe I needed to just wash the filter, clean the filter. And by the way, Andrew, the photo that you used for Friday's show is exactly the filter situation.

Oh, yeah, I took a photo of my filter from my Dyson vacuum.

That's precisely what I was dealing with here high above the mighty Columbia. And so I had washed out the filter, and I had let it dry for like two days, and then I put it in, and then we did a whole thing where you timed me. I think we tried to make it work for 15 or 20 seconds. And I was so psyched because I thought it worked. And then when we were done with the show, I continued to vacuum the studio. And wouldn't you know, the thing conked out exactly like it had been conking out.

And, well, how long were you using it before it conked out? And then I assume, did you try shaking out the filter again? Not that that is sustainable. I'm just curious. Like, you can't clean the filter every two minutes, obviously. But I'm just curious.

And I had vacuumed up like three dust bunnies, too. You know what I mean? and also i was per your advice i was looking at what little like light was indicated you know because there's like a little thing for the filter that was not lit up it was the battery it's still the battery this particular unit thought that the even when the battery was fully

charged every uh-oh wow sorry i just had a thought now this is still not good this is still a design flaw but i'm remembering especially now this was as my vacuum got a little bit older and i think i have a generation earlier than yours but there are three power settings on the vacuum and while i was very tempted to often use it on the highest power setting that would drain it almost immediately starting from the vacuum not being super old so are you using the middle setting or are you using full power all the time have you met me of course i'm using boost

I'm using the Max.

I'll bet you that's it. I mean, again, that's not. Yeah, please. Respect the drop. Vacuum me for a while. But it's still a design flaw, and I don't want to defend the vacuum, but that was one of the big bummers of mine was if you have it on the full power, that shit lasts hard. I mean, you only go into hyperspeed in very specific situations.

I was leaving it on max power because, you know, me, I'm a maximalist. I was like, of course I'm going to have it on. I think it's called boost, maybe. Okay. But I do think that's a design flaw. Yeah, it's not great. If the battery is fully charged and boost only works for literally 15 seconds, like, what are the circumstances where, when do you deploy that hyperspeed? Like, when do you use your one wild, precious 15 seconds of max power?

For me, usually it's very late at night and everybody's asleep. I bet it is. I've seen your work online and it's troubling. Let's see. It says, Max or Boostmos are meant for powerful, intensive bursts of spot cleaning. Using them constantly speeds up degradation of the battery.

But, like, degradation is one thing, but it's, like, fully charged, brand new, $400 vacuum from it's working to it's not in 20 seconds. To me, even if that's—and you're probably not wrong, but, like, I don't—to me, it's not worth the money if I can't have it in— Although I will tell you, that boost was so powerful that it was almost hard sometimes to push it because it was so intensely connected to the floor or whatever. Here's the end of the story. So after the show on Friday, the vacuum once again let me down. I told you and our friend Anna about it, I believe during the Week in Review video that we were recording. Because it was still fresh on my mind. And so then I came down to Portland.

to do live wire and to hang out with becca and uh i i gave her all of the attachments by the way uh to i just said like this thing is not going to work could you when you get a chance when you're in the costco area of portland could you just run this back for me and she was very nice and did it yesterday afternoon for me and i'm just going to read you the first of all uh she was able to get

a full refund to my card okay so did not read because that's what i with that whole boost thing I was wondering if the plan was still just to replace this with another vacuum or to say this does not suit my needs.

You can't also you can't replace it. The refunds area of Costco is kind of its own little like world. So what they handle is like putting money back on the card you use to buy the thing. They don't like go. You can't like go get the same item and go like I'll just trade these, which is kind of what I wanted to do. um but that's that's not a possibility if it makes any sense they give you your money back and then you've got to go get the thing and rebuy it if you want to do that so i asked becca i said uh did you get the vacuum queen again because if you remember the story the whole reason that i had my meltdown at costco was one because i'm immature but two because i'd had a really long day of being in a lot of kind of annoying customer service situations and then when i brought back what i thought was the vacuum with all of its attachments the uh the the guy who was helping us said well I have to check in with the vacuum queen of Costco. And then she got on her phone and what felt to me in a very stern manner, she was kind of like going through very, and also, by the way, her like phone was crapping out. So this was a whole thing took another like 15, 20 minutes for her to get the right schematics on her phone of what I was supposed to be returning. And then she was very, in my opinion, kind of dismissive, like, nope, you don't have the thing. So that was when I said real polite Costco and stomped out.

Uh-huh, and everybody knew exactly what you meant.

Yes. So I said to, so that was a vacuum. And I said to Becca, did you get the vacuum clean again? She goes, no, but I had the same guy, like the initial point of contact that we had. I had the same guy. She goes, and he didn't recognize me, but this is what the guy said to her. Shocking, another Dyson. This is the same guy who told us last time that this is the most returned item at the Costco, which is what really set me off that when they were then like, hey, sorry, you don't have the right parts. I was like, of the thing that people are bringing in the most, I bet you, Andrew, that it's everyone is using it on boost. I bet you that's the whole, they shouldn't even have that thing on there. That should not even be an option because I'm sure everybody is like me. They're like, well, boost is the most suction we can get. Let's just do that all the time because it's like, you know, it's like a morphine drip. Let me just keep hitting that button for that. I just love that that same guy said, shocking, another Dyson.

See, yeah, this is really interesting to me because I am, you know, kind of in the market for a new vacuum cleaner. And I'm kind of running the one we have now kind of into the ground, but it definitely needs a replacement at some point. And I just assumed I'd get the newest version of the Dyson. Again, not that it's flawless, but I love the portability of it. And this one that I have now did last me about five years, which, again, I was talking with Hannah about this. Like, is that, you know, the vacuums of our youth, like the vacuum I used growing up was this heavy ass Kirby with a with a headlamp on it that, you know, was from the 1960s. And I was still using it in the 80s. And my guess is it's still running somewhere right now. My parents. I bet it is to a farm where I can run around with the by the way.

I'm sorry I didn't mean to step on you there but the same guy shocking comma another Dyson guy said to us I forgot to even tell you this the first time we were there while we were waiting for the vacuum queen to like internet if I was giving them back all of the stuff he said you know the best vacuum I've ever had I bought at a thrift store for 20 bucks and it still works to this day it's probably your

Kirby well the thing is though I do like the portability of these stick the fact that it can be like a handheld that I can take out to the car and clean the upholstery of the car with as well as you stick an attachment on it and you can vacuum the entire basement floor so there is something to be said for these but not in certain what this was the other thing though this is the

thing that that made me that made me kind of mental when becca was texting me this yesterday uh i go uh so i already said this but like did you get the vacuum queen again she goes no i had the same guy uh he didn't recognize what he said shocking another dyson and i said uh and she goes he gave it the once-est of once-overs and just said yeah it's all there so in other words I just got I just got unlucky I think and I've gotten very lucky in my life generally so if this is the worst luck to befall me it's not that big of a deal but I think I got unlucky first of all I think this guy really dislikes the vacuum queen of Costco I think that's I think that

term the vacuum queen is said with an internal eye roll from this guy if that makes any sense like i think that he probably it's annoying to him that when this one particular manager is on duty this person is real like you know dotting their i's and crossing their t's and i think when it left to his own devices he's like yeah fine whatever yeah right yeah and somebody super officious as well that's right exactly it struck me as very officious the way that the vacuum queen was treating me but it's only now that i know that you bring this back to the same guy and he's like shocking another dice and he's like yeah it looks good and then he's like send it and then the money's back on my card it's like i just got i was just there on a bad day when this very kind of needle nose boss was was triple checking everything well that's why we have a mutual acquaintance who

always says like this is not the person for you if you're on the phone with somebody and and they're being officious or whatever you're not getting what you want and it's a big company then like leave and come back go to a different location if you're on the phone hang up and call back this person is not for you but your person may be out there here i go once again with the email

every week i hope that it's from a female no man it's not from a female

so uh sorry i did not get to the uh the movie streetwise or what's going on with the door dash but uh those will both uh hold until tomorrow so maybe we can talk about them then in the meantime Andrew I have to tell you that a listener of course I did not print out this email which means I'm now going to try to do this on the fly a do you have an email that you want to do while I'm

trying to track down well I can tell you about the email universe I'll tell you that I want to start with yours because then I want to give you sort of a multiple choice but this was listener Mark who wrote into you yes while you look for the email itself which I can also get in front of here um you were mentioning in passing during friday's show during our some listener pointed out it's like is there a word for uh when the boys start their music for your weekend and you look down and you see there's still a half hour left in the podcast it's supposed to be like a five minute segment to say goodbye we did like a half hour long music for your weekend where we went on various uh conversational roads but um one of them was you mentioned that you like hearing spoken word mixed with music especially if it's sort of a found audio type of deal and that you really loved a song I think in the 90s or maybe early 2000s that was William S. Burroughs talking over music and I said oh god are you talking about this this Kurt Cobain William S. Burroughs project because and we played a little bit of it and it's like nine minutes of just like the noodliest noisiest guitar over William S. Burroughs talking about wait for it being a junkie uh right who would have saw that coming um and it was just like so not the sound that you would have been listening to in the 90s so there remained a question mark as to what you were talking about

exactly and our friend listener mark who i i always love to point this out listener mark has mastered transportation in this country was a a long-haul trucker i believe when we first met listener mark and i believe mark is now a pilot wow so i guess it just caving spelunking is all that's left for mark as far as just he needs to he needs to tunnel through this united states uh to be caving is the opposite of flying if anybody wants to know what the exact delay is on me and andrew you just heard it whatever that was we got it in my mind we were in perfect harmony there uh sorry my uh my go daddy based internet service that we have at tbtl.net is taking a moment to um to boot up but uh yeah mark uh clarified that maybe the song that i was thinking of okay here we go now i'm getting to it uh he uh said that uh sorry and i have it here on wikipedia

he is surmising that the audio that you heard is from an album called spare i'm gonna i'm gonna swear here yes everybody call that spare ass annie and other tales a spoken word collaboration featuring William S. Burroughs reading excerpts of his books set to music by the disposable heroes of hypocrisy? That's not how you spell it.

Oh, hypocrisy. Hyphoprysy, okay. Disposable heroes of hypocrisy. And this is exactly the album I was thinking of. By the way, I want to also give Mark credit. I have the email now. Mark said, hey, Luke and Andrew, you were talking about William S. Burroughs and the spoken word stuff. I think the album Luke was thinking of is called Spare Ass Annie and Other Tales. And then he says, parenthetically, what a title. yeah right yeah which is he goes it's less noodley and much more funky than the cobain thing but it's definitely interesting i effing loved that shit when i was in high school my parents must have

been so concerned um now there's no audio link here just a i have it here oh you do okay yes

and so yes i am ready to play this now here's the thing i will say though does william s burroughs just suck ass as a poet is it just is it just the fact that like he was old when we were kids and so his way of

framing the world like i played this so that the song that i was totally thinking of mark was exactly right it's off of spare ass annie and other tales and the the song that i liked was words of advice for young people which is also part of why i think i got confused around that always wear sunscreen stuff yeah because it's kind of the same vibe it's like you know advice

from an old person uh which set to music yeah which that just for the record was also misattributed to um Kurt Vonnegut Kurt Vonnegut but it was actually like somebody writing for the globe or

the post yeah it was like advice yeah yeah it might have even been it might have even been a

commencement speech I think it no no that it was attributed to oh to a Vonnegut commencement it was actually a column that I think somebody wrote in one of the big national newspapers and I think it was maybe directed at new graduates but it was not a commencement speech I see and then I think and I could be wrong about this but I think it was Boz Lerman who put music to it was and then it was you can confirm you're my fact checking cuz yeah okay good and then and then

yeah but I actually talked about that with Baz Luhrmann once oh yeah that's right when I was interviewing for the Elvis movie I was like hey you know what I really liked was that wear sunscreen

thing you did right and it wasn't his words it's just his music that he put underneath right and maybe yes maybe he read it I'm not sure but okay but yeah in the song you're talking about here is words of advice for young people but this is Burroughs and I I'm interested to know if I know

this or not it's i just i listened to it probably last night when i got mark's email just to double check and i was struck by how much i don't think this is good advice for young people i guess is my point my question about if william s burroughs kind of sucks like it just all feels very like a very old white guy just saying stuff that's just kind of i don't know i'm i'm gonna play it but i want to sort of put that caveat also interestingly enough i didn't know the disposable heroes of hip hop for see we're on uh deaf jam this is uh yeah copyright 1993 island deaf jam music group so anyway so here's a little bit of this if you don't mind me playing this down the line andrew can you just totally hear this being played on a college radio station i can hear it being played

on Looney Tunes so far.

Definitely.

People often ask me if I have any... Wait a minute. Get my... I think I need some water. I want some water. Yeah, that'll be great.

This was my favorite part.

Just hearing using... People often ask me if I have any words of advice for young people. Words of advice for young people. Well, here are a few simple admonitions for young and old. Never interfere in a boy and girl fight. Beware of whores who say they don't want money. Finally getting to the bottom of this whole horrors situation.

Thanks, Bill.

If you're doing business with a religious son of a bitch, get it in writing. His word isn't worth shit. Not with a good lord telling him how to fuck you on the deal. Words and advice for dumb people. words and advice for young people avoid the fuck-ups you all know the type anything they have anything to do with no matter how good it sounds turns into a disaster do not offer sympathy to the mentally ill

Definitely do not offer sympathy to the mentally ill.

I mean, I mean, that's... Someone's been listening to my rant at the beginning of today's show about social media.

I am not paid to listen to this drivel. You are a terminal fool. Words of advice for young people.

Anyway, if you want to know what a, you know, 16-year-old Luke Burbank was vibing to very hard, it was words of advice for young people. William S. Burroughs featuring the disposable heroes of hypocrisy.

Did you have the record or you just knew this song from the radio? I just knew this song.

I just heard it on, yeah, I just heard it on KCMU. And then I might have, I must have somehow gotten my hands on this CD or something. Because I remember listening to it more than once. So it wasn't just on the radio. Maybe I even taped it off the radio.

radio i don't know there's something that i was hesitating to tell you about you know what i'm going to tell you i'm not going to extend this show any longer with this story because i feel like it could sort of it could become a bigger conversation but i will make the decision now to bring it up on tomorrow's show if that's okay maybe you can slot it into your show sheet i was going through my record collection yesterday which is a very small collection it's not even much of a collection and it's certainly i'm not like a vinyl collector you know i have just various things some from my youth and some things that i've gotten at garage sales or what have you um and i pulled out a talking heads record and i was like oh i'll listen to this one since i'm kind of going through my talking heads phase and i realized oh this is not part of the talking heads discography this is like a super rare um like i guess bootleg or something i don't think it means it's valuable but it's super rare so i will tell you about this weird discovery i had over the weekend um which is very strange and also i kind of want to throw it out to the hive mind a little bit anyway i've already put it up on reddit i already posted this to the uh talking heads subreddit so i'll tell you about that tomorrow um one thing that i just love the

idea of you in a talking heads subreddit i am now i'll tell you we'll go into detail tomorrow i

probably already said too much but yeah i was very surprised i'm like what okay so i'll tell you about that tomorrow in the meantime to close out today's show and i'm going to give you a choice here luke um also during our super extended music for your weekend you were talking about this and the idea of found sound and spoken words and mixing it and producing it and liking that and i said i like that as well and i would sort of try to create my own content that way because i was not a musician but i carried around a little tape recorder with my friend paulie and we would do things like the one time we were at a bar called literally bukowski's and handed around my dictaphone and told a bunch of young drunk people in, like, 2001, 2002 that some made-up friends of ours were getting married and, you know, people could give advice to the bride and groom into this dictaphone. Well, it turns out my friend Pauly is checking in on TBTL more than I thought he was. He sent me a text later that day. He said, I'm a Friday 10, and here is the tape that you were talking about. It's 90 seconds long. Now, I can give you an option here, Luke. If you feel like you want to respond to this, we can play it now as part of this segment. Or we can just close the show and we can end the show today with a little Easter egg. If you can announce an Easter egg of 90 seconds of young Andrew trying to get drunk people to give advice to the bride and groom.

Oh, so my my option is you play it and we talk about it for the next one hour or we end the show and it just plays. And then what do we maybe get? I don't I want the option to respond to this, but also but also not. I don't want to extend this misery for everyone is there is there some other is there door number three well let me say this can you play it as the easter egg and can we react tomorrow yeah let's do

that because here's the reason I'm sort of downplaying this a little bit and this is kind of important context to have the way I described it on the show on Friday was in well I brought it up in the context of sort of like this kind of found audio and that kind of crackly sound of tape players and stuff the tape that i have now though is edited down into almost like a a you know like a vox pop for public radio because back in 2002 i was still like messing around with audio stuff and i was just very excited and so i produced this with a young public radio producers mindset and i feel like it's a little bit less interesting because it is a little bit too clean sort of so i also wanted to sort of downplay your expectations because i feel like on friday i made it sound like this is an awesome thing and now I heard it and I'm like I'm glad I did it but it's maybe not quite it's maybe not going to pay off as much as you might have thought at one point so let's do that let's wrap up the show now I'm going to play a song that I think you're going to like it's called Words by Doves and we'll wrap up the show and then when this music

words of advice for young people never trust a man who's been in the talking head subreddit

that's right it's funny that we are ending again on advice because this is a bunch of young drunk people in 2001 giving advice. Well, I'm excited to hear it.

All right, we will talk about all of this and so much more tomorrow when we bring you more Imaginary Radio. In the meantime, have a great Monday. Take care of yourselves. And please remember, no mountain too tall.

And good luck to all. Will you say something nice for the bride and groom? No, for the what? For the bride and groom.

Sure. What do they name? Melissa and Tom. Hey, Melissa and Tom. This is Adrian. I don't know who you are, but I wish you all the best in the world. When are they getting married?

They actually got married last weekend.

Congratulations, and I hope you have a great time in the future.

Hi, Tom and Melissa. My name is Hank-O-Matic. I'm from Boston. You don't know who I am. I wish you very much luck for your wedding and a fruitful years to come. Hope you have many, many children. And don't stay at work too late because it'll screw up your marriage, okay?

Melissa and Tom, don't let stupid things get in the way of how you really feel about each other.

What other names are you guys? Melissa and Tom. Melissa and Tom, congratulations. Melissa and Tom. On a wonderful and beautiful promise you've made to each other. What?

Wedding wishes for Tom and Melissa.

I wish you the happiness, the love for always, and a lot of children, a lot of babies, and a lot of joy in your life.

Did you already say anything that Tom and Michelle are going to get married? Maybe they actually got married last weekend?

I already did. All right. Thanks. What's your name? Tom. Are you being serious?

Thanks. Power out.