Muse

I got the idea from The Shawshank Redemption. Oh, my God. That's my favorite movie. No, it's my favorite movie, too. I've seen it, like, a hundred times. Melissa. It's just one of those movies, if you turn on the TV and it happens to be on, you just... Melissa. You have to finish it. Melissa. Melissa. It's my favorite movie, too. Big shank head here. Yeah, it's Tom Hanks at his finest, right?

Tom Hanks? What's your favorite part of Shawshankville?

uh you know so many parts so many parts to choose from and to pick from uh probably you know the the part where the shawshank is redeemed it's like you know hanks does some well i've never seen it well i'm you you gotta see it you know as they say in the movie get busy living or get busy dying It truly was a Shawshank Redemption.

TBTL! That is totally absurd!

People ask me, you must have been the class clown. And I say, no, I wasn't. But I sat beside the class clown and I studied him.

I feel like I'm watching regional theater, you guys. God, am I in the Cleveland Playhouse or something?

Are you taking my duplication investigation seriously? Or are you disrespecting my duplication investigation? Let's get to the jokes.

All right, hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a Tuesday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live.

I would say, can you please stop doing this stuff?

My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host. I need you to understand something so good. Check it out. Coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio, perched high above the mighty Columbia, where it's actually a pretty nice day.

Oh, ma, pa, it's just beautiful.

It's at least not raining, and we are still in that beautiful moment at about 1030 a.m. where it's not dark yet. It just stopped being dark, and it's not going to start being dark for at least three hours. So we are loving this here on episode 4070 in a collector series. Let the fun begin. If I have a certain kind of pep in my step, it's because, not to brag, but I ate some stir fry last night, and it was delicious. Yeah, I'm off of my fast until tomorrow when I'm going to be back on my fast. But we have lots to talk about today on the program, including the fact that the movie Streetwise, the documentary Streetwise, is, it turns out, an incredible story. From my point of view, it's a beautiful story. I love your story. And then speaking of food news.

Welcome to Food News Today.

We'll talk about DoorDash and their attempts to get people to tip more because, of course, they don't want to pay their employees what they should be paying their employees. We'll talk about that, and let's see, what else do we have today? Maybe we'll talk to this guy, the longest-running Cobra of the show, possibly best known for his depictions of the tall ships, their grace, and their splendor. We have been through a lot, me and this guy. Me and this guy. Their friendship survived many years, and multiple hairdos. He's Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

Good morning, Luke. Sorry about the pause there. My microphone was doing something funny. I have tissues up in my armpits.

um please please unpack that is there more to say there is there's much more to say i just fold it

up okay i have a box of tissues sitting next to me on the floor here i use them to sort of like wipe my eyes during the show or blow my nose a little bit because i uh when i'm when i'm yeah when you make me laugh with my humor exactly when you make me laugh i tend to need to kind of blow my nose and stuff so it's always a good day if i've gone through a lot of tissues um so i took two tissues, and I folded them up neatly, and I put one under one armpit and one under the other armpit. Just for funsies? The truth is, Luke, it got me a sweating problem, and I don't know what to do about it. It's just... I told you this on the show the other day. I hate to use the word performative because I don't know... I don't feel like what I'm doing on the... No one should ever confuse

the term performative with what we're doing here. Yeah, actually, that makes it sound like I'm

sweating in order to get attention oh it's just more performative sweating but no i meant that in a way of like you know when i do a podcast with you there is a again i don't feel like i'm performing but i guess to a degree that you're being on i'm being on and this is something that happens when i record podcasts now when i do videos for this show uh especially if i'm doing a video with you and somebody else uh it happened during zoom calls when we used to have a lot of zoom calls at our old job it has now happened where i get a little bit of social anxiety and i think i gave you this example the other day i was at a function for our dear friend phyllis p fletch fletcher and i was wearing a nice green shirt and i immediately after making small talk with like two people i started just like creating um you know sweat stains on my shirt under my armpits It's like it's very specific to there. It's very specific. It's not related to heat. It's related to some sort of, again, I don't want to use the word anxiety either because I don't feel anxious doing this show with you. But, yes, when I am talking in a way that I feel like I'm talking for other people, I'm having a true issue with my underarms. And so I have, starting yesterday, I have taken tissues. It started during the show yesterday, but I didn't feel like interrupting the show just to let you know that I was balling up tissues and putting them under my shirt, but I figured it would be a good way to start today's podcast for some reason.

I have essentially the opposite issue, which is...

That doesn't sound like an issue at all. That sounds wonderful.

Well, no. It stanks to high heaven, but it's not very hydrological.

Interesting. Luckily, I don't think I have odors going along with mine.

So what I've noticed, you know, we did Livewire last weekend, and I was staying at Becca's house, and when I took, well, I don't want to let people too far behind the curtain, but in the morning, in Sunday morning, I was like, I smelled my own armpit on accident, and I was like, I need to go right now to the bathroom and wash this out, because no one, including the cats, should be around this. because I don't it's not that it's sweaty it's not there's not a lot of um like uh you know water there's a lot of moisture but it it smells to high heaven when I'm doing something that's

performative interesting now I not that I want to turn this into a me versus you thing I think we have enough of that on this show um but I wonder which is worse honestly I don't love my What I'm dealing with is so much worse. Yeah, I don't love my situation.

Because smell is, nobody wants that smell.

No, and you can't, and I mean, this is, I was about to say, this is personal, as if we started off, as if we started off broadly.

In the formal, in the Usted setting.

Now, yeah. Let me move this out of the Usted and more into the two. I mean, obviously, you're taking care of yourself. You're somebody who is very sensitive to bodily smells. You're always chewing gum. You avoid garlic. You do not like the idea of yourself giving off odor. So I'm assured that you're doing everything you can. You're wearing deodorant or what have you, right? Like, and you're showering. Like, you've done all you can to mitigate this.

Yes, and it's only when I'm doing something performative that it, and again, it's not that, like, I'm not pitting out, as they say. It's just my armpits smell terrible.

This is amazing. So if we combined you and I, it could go one of two ways. well no i guess it would go one of one ways which is we'd be stinky and sweaty but i unless like unless like it's like the movie twins where one of us would be purely stinky and sweaty and the other one would just be free and clear of all of these issues what do you think that the casting

call for danny devito was like in the movie twins like think about this like they're like i don't think there were auditions okay but what do you think how did danny devito's agent set it

up you mean when he presented it to him yeah it was like okay the good news is you're in a movie

with arnold schwarzenegger the bad news is you are the epitome of genetically what we don't want

i almost wonder do you think he's got a writing credit on that i wonder if he came up with it

i mean i'm sure he was certainly in on the bit yeah but yeah i don't know if i don't know if he was one of the creators of it uh in that way but like like it must be weird even like you know Danny DeVito knows that he's Danny DeVito right but like the idea that your your sort of comedic existence is to be the idea of what we don't think we want in the world I could be wrong but I believe

the term and I have not seen this movie since I saw it like as a kid or a young person in the I guess early 90s I'm pretty sure they described him as quote the shit left over do they not because it's isn't a part of some sort of like science it's like it's like a like a in vitro kind of

a thing and then it ends up being that like he's the leftover and i feel like they literally refer

to him as being the shit leftover which is yeah that's not a great credit i suppose although probably many probably many lake houses and beach houses from that film i would sure you're thinking

of david cross when you say that right um oh because he said that about i think he was in

Like, chipwrecked to three. Oh, yeah, yeah. and he wrote like a clap back to everyone being like you know i'm writing this from my

from my summer house that i bought with the money from chip wrecked that sounds about right

um andrew i have never enjoyed any food in my life more than i enjoyed that dang stir

fry with that right rice last night how much did you eat too much did you eat because i thought maybe your stomach would you know just to set this up for people who don't know you hadn't eaten anything but like water which you don't really eat you drink water i did for with a fork yeah which is why i've got so few of it in me for five and a half days or so maybe six i don't recall so that's a long period of fasting and then you broke your fast last night for the first time with this stir fry um and i yeah i am curious about that like i could see a scenario where you eat a very small portion and you just fill up immediately i could also see you going totally

I ate a small portion, and my stomach said, this is enough. And then I said, I'm not listening to you, stomach.

You pushed through. I pushed right through. Hey, guys, he's still in there.

I went all in on this stir-fry situation. But I'll tell you this. I didn't put any soy sauce in it.

Oh, yeah, salt. You're avoiding salt. That's good.

Well, I'm trying to reset my kind of, like, whatever my baseline on salt is because I salt my pizza. like i'm a person who just absorbs or sort of eats and consumes so much salt that i thought well maybe part of this the the outcome of this will be uh like i'll i won't need so much salt and it turns out it's kind of working because i didn't put any soy sauce in this and it was plenty

flavorful yeah i believe that you made it yourself i did well i had someone i hired someone

to come over from i had a task rabbit oh nice who came over and no you know honestly like i feel like this is kind of pathetic that I'm bragging on this but like I didn't even follow a recipe I just I put a little olive oil in the pan I threw some veggies in I waited and I threw them in in stages so I put the the uh the onions and the garlic and the celery in first and then when they got a little glossy then I threw in the other stuff and I did not follow a recipe for this and it tasted amazing which is is progress for me it's a weird thing that I asked if you

made it yourself you know what i was really thinking about when i said that you were talking about not using soy sauce and really my question and i don't know why i didn't raise it other than the fact that it's a little bit boring is um do you sort of bam it who's that wasn't there it was it who was the chef who'd say bam emerald lagasse emerald did you bam it at all with like a little bit of stir fry sauce because i tend to do that because i it always just says you know when you make stir fry i learned to make stir fry that at the very last thing you do is you hit the vegetables with a little bit of stir fry sauce and i think i went from back in the day when i was learning how to cook using tons of sauce to these days being like i don't really think i need it like and i

just like i barely wave the sauce over the pan you saw bay it yeah you just pulled it right up by your ear yeah just the tiniest drops no the only uh stir fry sauce i have is actually some stuff my dad left here which is like Yoshida's which is if my parents had had a an eighth child they would have named him Yoshida because they are so obsessed with that they think it is the miracle sauce for everything are you familiar with Yoshida's I thought Yoshida was the final boss in Super Mario Brothers he was in in uh in uh Street Fighter you have to fight Yoshida at the end. No, my parents are like obsessed with this like teriyaki sauce called Yoshida. And they put it on everything and my dad left a bottle behind. But it's not really for me. So I did not put that

on there. This packaging does not look familiar to me. No, I don't think I've ever used or heard of Yoshida before. But no, I'm with you. I don't think that the stir fry sauce is really necessary. I think I was doing it for a long time. But I guess you were just talking about not needing soy sauce. So I wasn't sure. So these are basically just like just sauteed vegetables on white rice.

yes uh well right rice which is like it's made of vegetable powder i thought you were accidentally

mispronouncing white rice and i just let it go like three times once before the show and twice during the show i thought you were just stumbling a little bit and i'm not going to make a big deal

of that because i stumble all the time no it's called right rice and it is uh it's it's made of some kind of vegetable powder so it looks exactly and tastes exactly like rice but it's not it's not actually rice it's a little bit lower carb and a little bit uh less ricey i guess is it do you think it's cauliflower it's not cauliflower because i don't i i'm not into the like subbing cauliflower for you know pizza crust and the like because i think it has a weird uh smell

Oh, okay, sure, yeah.

So this is different. Becca got me this. Oh, here it is.

Lentil flour, chickpea flour.

pea fiber rice flour which rice uh sunflower oil and salt okay yes interesting uh yeah i didn't

know what was it's pretty good by the way i would i would uh recommend it to folks it's um yeah it's basically exactly like rice but a little bit i remember i was about to say do you ever have these moments but then i know you have these moments do you ever have these moments where you just like think of something that you said 20 years ago and you're so embarrassed oh my goodness yes that's your whole brand oh my god yeah i remember getting into a a heated debate with um so my my friend peter williams who i grew up with his uh sister dahlia married a guy named matt and i remember talking to him when i was in my early 20s and he was saying yeah i'm kind of putting on some weight and stuff because i've been eating a lot of teriyaki he's like you know and i was like well there's no there are no calories in that he goes yeah the rice and the sauce and i was like nope not not a thing and then years later I was like oh yeah if you eat a shitload of rice with Yoshida's on it definitely that's some calories yes and to this day I want to apologize to Matt

like I think about that conversation a lot yeah a lot of sugar in that I think about that when I'm eating teriyaki I love teriyaki but I just thought it was vegetables and another vegetable

like I thought rice was a vegetable sure yeah and I was just like there's no way that you're

putting on weight from this yeah yep i see that i think about the uh i don't know was she a trainer yeah i guess she was like kind of a personal trainer at a gym you were thinking about joining and maybe you temporarily joined and her first question for you was like drilling down on how much dressing you put on your green salads i don't know why that's your experience but it lives in my head that's why i'll never talk to a personal trainer exactly like let's let's you know what can we start with the big stuff yeah exactly let's start with the salt lick that i have attached to my bedpost let's start with that not how much i drizzle on my can we start with the salt lick

i've lassoed to a bottle of jameson hey andrew hey luke when you hear this music you know

something special is happening and that is we are doing what we call a cross promotion where we talk about a show that we love and a person we love and then they talk about our show we don't know what their feelings on us are but we assume it's positive and then people go listen to their

show and then they go listen to our show that is that is the plan but i also want to say everything we're about to say we'd be saying anyway and we have said anyway and like offline

exactly you know and we've talked about this a lot like the thing with cross promotion is it's good when you're talking about a show or a person who you already love and that show and that person is our friend Nora McInerney at old terrible thanks for asking and other ancillary projects uh if you if you're new to the show maybe you don't know that we're good friends uh with Nora and that we love her show terrible thanks for asking this is the way that they described it in the bullet points they sent to us. It is, basically, the idea is, this is me opening the spreadsheet, Andrew, that has the talking points about terrible things. I could just wing this. I could wing this. Sure. Because we know Nora and we love Nora, but what I'm going to do is actually opening the wrong spreadsheet.

Oh, my God. This is going well. I just opened the charm offensive spreadsheet. I can hear them not doing our promos the longer this goes on.

Honestly, if we get this much time on Terrible Thanks for Asking, it would be such a coup.

That is true.

This is what they say about Terrible Thanks for Asking. It's a narrative interview podcast that asks real people to tell the truth about the hard things in life. Do you feel like we tell the truth about the hard things in life on this show?

I started the show by talking about stuffing tissues up in my armpits right as you said hello to me. That's hard. That was hard. It wasn't easy for anybody involved.

Yep, including the listeners.

Especially the listeners.

Nora also hosts the show it's going to be okay and also the terrible reading club and Nora has written a number of funny books including the national bestseller bad vibes only I had Nora on livewire and I don't think I realized that Bad vibes only was a national bestseller. Mm-hmm. You probably should have It's also weird when you hang out with someone and they are low-key very famous. Mm-hmm. Yeah, like when we were leaving the the hotel After the show people like literally people were like lining up to talk to Nora

Where did you start signing autographs and they were like I did I told them I was Nora McInerney Please stop ruining my bad vibes only copy

I did and I let a lot of hot widows down. Yeah, unfortunately You certainly did so please go over to where you get your podcast and check out terrible. Thanks for ask

And it's going to be okay and the terrible reading club and all of those things because like really and truly like this is This is also should be an offline conversation, but like The number of people who love Nora and love that show is it's spectacular and the fact that she is Deigning to promote our program on her show is like a huge get for us So please return the favor, you know

We talk a lot about the TBTL community and what I like about terrible things for asking and honestly everything that Nora does is she has really built by the way it sounds like I'm getting choked up I was actually just coughing a little you know what should I lean into the idea that maybe I'm getting choked up here this is hard for me to say emotional thanks for talking thanks for trying to talk um Nora has built a true community around all of her projects as well and it's really really impressive and it's really really special as well and I was reading a little bit about it's going to be okay which is the daily podcast that Nora does and it relates to something we were talking about on tbtl yesterday which is doom scrolling i don't know if i use that term but certainly like there's obviously anytime you open up your phone and you look at your social media uh it's very easy to find yourself just kind of spiraling into a bunch of bad news and norah and the folks associated with norah's projects don't like turn away from that bad news and sometimes you do need to talk about those feelings but also something like it's going to be okay is sort of uh sort of the reverse of that too Like saying, okay, we're going to spend a few minutes every day to talk about why things aren't always just terrible. And I really appreciate that.

I remember when Nora was like floating that project, you and I and John Sklaroff were in Denver. And I went for a walk because Nora was departing from our previous employer, APM. And she was like, hey, I'm thinking about doing this thing, like adding this little element to my media life. and she was like yeah it's it's going to be something that kind of puts a little wind in folks's sail because her whole brand had been you know trying to get through loss and stuff and i was like that is such a good idea and it has taken off like a rocket um so uh yeah please go uh check out uh everything that norah is doing and uh and and tell them that tbtl sent you yeah hey let's thank some of our donors today these are the wonderful generous folks that are keeping tbtl in business folks like molly simon of stanwood washington nice one of the stanwood 10s there's a whole community up there molly you may know them you may not know them but i'd just say you know wander around stanwood and and do the the hand sign for a 10 just go around saying friend of luke are you a friend of luke is that a what's it a friend of bill i think so that would they say i think yeah i was um i was thinking about because yesterday we were talking about the William S. Burrow stuff and my kind of like weird the fact that I just liked spoken word over music when I was a kid and I liked I liked anything that was basically a proto podcast and I was thinking about you listening to those uh basically like AA what do you call what do

they call leads or something leads I believe I don't know if they still do but that was my understanding if you were to tell tell your story of of addiction and hopefully recovery in a meeting They would call it a lead

I feel like you and I were both seeking out podcasting content as children

It is true, yeah

We didn't know what it was We didn't have a name for it

That's right, I had a family member who would bring home those tapes And they were listening to them as part of their recovery And I would just listen to the beginning of them Because they would usually start with jokes that I liked

Andrew

You know a joke

I know a joke It's not super appropriate But it made me laugh My dang butt off Do I tell it here It's phallic It's phallic in its nature

Let's not Just in case Catherine Jor Of Huntley, Montana Wants to clip this tape And share it with people Maybe it would be easier To not have a blue joke in there

What do you think Zach Hofstead of Tumwater, Washington Thinks of phallic jokes

Dirty mind One of the dirtiest minds On our donor list

I'm going to actually like i'm gonna call zach's voicemail and leave this joke on his voicemail i have zach's email

right here it would be really weird if out of the blue he got an email from luke burbank

that without any context just contained a dirty joke this is a joke andrew that i told becca and then i told her i was gonna tell it on halloween and she was like telling me who to tell it to because there was somebody in our friend group who might take it the wrong way so she was telling

who not to tell it to exactly yes she was saying don't in the nicest way she was like don't don't lay this on so-and-so because it'll it might get in their head that's interesting that you were planning

the joke too so on halloween you weren't like presenting anything but you're just like hey

when we go to this kind of party i was like i'm probably gonna tell this i'm gonna be telling i'm gonna be drunk i'm gonna be in a jokey mood and i'm gonna tell this joke and she was like Yeah, but don't make it about so-and-so.

Oh, about so-and-so. Okay, I'm intrigued.

Mitchon McCabe is also intrigued. Mitchon is in Portland, Oregon. As is, well, not as is Bruce Parcher. Bruce Parcher is, of course, in Auburn, Washington, the gateway to the Muckleshoot.

I am distracted by something, and my apologies if we've already done this. I feel like maybe this could be. Could it be Mitchon McCabe?

It could be.

Okay.

And it might be. And it is.

Okay.

And how dare you?

could be michan just wanted to get i just wanted some coverage there no it's definitely probably

michan thank you uh thanks also to uh jillian lamont in sammamish washington everything i'm doing right now andrew is me stalling to the end of the donor thank you so i can tell you this joke on the show but i want i want molly or katherine or zach or michan or bruce or jillian to be able to like you said excise this yes and and give this to the people they love as their mention so thank you so much to all of you for supporting tbtl now do you want me to play something i'm

trying to think i just have a bunch of music here that we were going through do you have yakety sacks i don't know oh yeah if you can give me a second i can get yeah oh oh sure with nail polish let's see here the yakety sacks let's get this going i've been having some issues with youtube yeah youtube won't let me use my ad blocker anymore and you know what it's doing it's putting ads on the front of tbtl content i am not okay with that i i am not either talk to john sklaroff about that i was looking at the youtube rules and basically it was like well it might be this it might be this or we might just decide to put ads on and it's like oh well that's not very helpful get me mr google because that was basically like my my last resort but

anyway okay we're through the ads all right andrew so there's there's these three guys that at an nfl training camp and the first guy is very fast and he says i might be the fastest person on the planet and so his he says like can you film me on your phone running i'm going to do this really fast and then so he does and they film him and they send it in to guinness uh book of world records the tape and the other guy's like i'm gonna be the tallest i might be the tallest guy in the world and he's like can you guys measure me and take a picture of it and so they do and they send it into Guinness and the third guy and this is I don't know who's bragging about this Andrew but the third guy is like I might have the smallest junk in human history can you take a picture can you measure can you break out a ruler etc and they do and they send it into Guinness a couple weeks go by they get their mailing back first guy is like he opens his envelope and it's like he pulls out this thing from Guinness that says you are in fact the fastest person on planet earth and he's like oh my god that's amazing the second guy he opens his envelope and it's like you are you are the tallest person ever and he's super stoked and then the third guy opens the envelope and he says who the hell is andrew walsh that crowd laughter that was actually perfect timing. I tried. Here, have a

That's what I should have gone with.

Now, is that, so did they put the laughter into Yakety Saks? No, no,

I was just hitting that on another. Oh, you were doing two things. Yeah, I was trying to, I got Yakety

Saks going. So the story, I heard that joke from the Kelsey brothers on their podcast. Oh, really? You've been listening to that? Well, I've been watching it on TikTok. Okay. And Jason Kelsey, who's I think the center for the Philadelphia Eagles said that somebody came into camp like a you know a person came into camp and told that joke and the the reveal they said who the hell is Doug Peterson who was the head coach of Philadelphia Eagles at the time and who by the way is from Skagit Valley Washington and

apparently that person was cut two weeks later whoa is that like I can't remember I get a lot of these guys confused Doug Peterson is he notorious for not having a sense of humor I don't

I had no sense of what his sense of humor was before this, but like that is a, can you imagine like you're trying to make a football team and you tell that joke and the punchline is the coach of that joke?

Well, you, yeah, I mean, I guess I, it's hard for me. I mean, it also kind of depends on who the coach is. I guess if it's Mike McDaniels, maybe you can get away with it. I don't know. But of course, after all of that, there's only one.

thing on my mind and you can't tell me the answer to it which is who were you not allowed to say that joke to like that's the only thing I want to know now I mean out of the I mean the including

the meaning of life I mean everything it was someone I'll there's no chance this person will hear this so I feel comfortable telling you this it's somebody who I have a very odd sort of relationship with which is they annoy the living tweedle out of me and they i think really want to be my friend oh and they have this person has a way of trying to ball bust me uh that does not work for me you're not a fan of ball busting i'm not a you know even though i literally just told a joke about having a small phallus which one could say is ball busting at its most sort of

basic level crowd loved it though just remember that crowd still can't get over it they're still

they're they're still tittering and chittering no this is a person who i um i'm trying to be careful here a little bit but uh it's a person who is always on my last nerve it's nobody in the tbtl universe is nobody you've ever met yeah but it's just somebody who kind of is always on my last nerve and it's because what i've what i've recently learned is it's because they're trying so hard to be my friend uh-huh but it always is annoying to me and to the point where I'm like to Becca I'm like don't invite this person out please that's interesting that's sort

of similar to somebody that you and I were talking about on this show who I sort of have a similar relationship with although I don't know that this person is necessarily thirsty I don't know if this person is trying to be my friend but I think this person we talked about it's a it's a it's one of our close friends neighbors right is this ringing any bells to you yes and um they are somebody who the first several times I met them I was just like why is that person such an asshole like just a straight up asshole and then I realized oh that's their way of trying to connect like it's a little bit hard for me still to enjoy it but at least understanding that yes gave me at least a baseline for knowing how to engage and and you know i really do try to be more generous in my approaches with that person again not that not that he and i are going to go fishing anytime soon so we know it's a dude i'm scared we do i'm scared of both worms and fish so fishes um but anyway but it how are you putting a hook through a worm oh i'm not great uh but anyway i don't even like doing the little rubber worms that i used to have as a kid when we're trying to catch bluegill but yeah

I mean, remember the smell, by the way, of bait, like not not even the like the like glow worms or whatever, but just do you remember there was like a weird like kind of like proto kind of cheesy thing? Like it was like before Hot Cheetos, there was like kind of a Cheeto smell that they would put on some of the like not live bait, but like the pretend stuff.

No, then that doesn't. It was like a cheddar cheese box or something. I know that smell, but no, what you're describing doesn't ring true.

Yeah, there was like a cheddar cheese bait that was like fake worms, but then doused in some kind of cheddar smell that was supposedly, you know, more enticing to the fish. And that's very ingrained in my childhood.

Never occurred to me that fish can smell underwater.

I don't even know if they can. Honestly, I think the guy who came up with it might have just been throwing a Hail Mary.

Just a complete loon. Exactly. Oh, they'll love this smell. Yeah, like you open a back door at some bait shop, and there's some guy who's got springs coming off of his hat. He's got one of those honky horns.

He's the Philly fanatic.

Yeah, for some reason. And he's just making all these lures.

Hello, and welcome to Top Story. Okay, I'm sorry that I've dragged this out so long, but Andrew, the movie Streetwise, the documentary Streetwise is, and I'm also ruining this because now everyone who sees it will have had their expectations built up too much. It might be the best documentary I've ever seen in my life.

This is the documentary that you've been telling me about. I don't believe I've seen it.

That I've been forward promoting for like eight shows.

And you didn't have any way of watching it other than a physical DVD, right? You bought a DVD player for this viewing?

Yes, I did. I bought a DVD slash Blu-ray. And let me tell you this. I am so excited because tonight, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to watch it with the director's commentary.

Oh, that's fun. Yeah, see, that's something that we miss. You can't do that otherwise. Streaming age. Yeah, I love director commentaries.

Streetwise was a documentary that was made in the 80s, in like 1984, in Seattle, and it was about these homeless kids. basically, uh, or kids that were kind of, you know, street kids. And, uh, I had, I had seen part of it on like the local, like KCTS or whatever the local public television station is in Seattle, but I'd seen it on a list of, um, of like best documentaries. And it reminded me of there was one scene. And I think I may have talked about this on the show before there was one scene that stuck in my mind from streetwise and it was this kid calling in a fake order to a pizza shop and i think it was the pizza place there so it was a um i think it might have been a um a pietro's that was across the street from where the elephant car wash used to be okay yeah which then became a strip club which which is where peter williams and i i'm not trying to put peter on front street but that was the first i think it was called razzmatazz it was the first strip club that we ever went to or i ever went to in my life i remember being seven you could be 17 and get into razzmatazz and i remember just sitting there being stunned that it was legal for somebody to take their shirt off in the general vicinity of my life but anyway the kid in one of the kids in streetwise calls in a fake pizza order to i think the pietro's that used to be there where razzmatazz was and uh and and gives a fake address he calls in from a phone booth and then they call back the phone booth and he says yes i am ordering this hawaiian style pizza and then nobody comes to pick up the pizza and then they throw it in the dumpster and he goes and gets it out of the dumpster and i remember thinking when i was a kid like well that's my fallback plan like if i have to if i'm if i need food uh if i'm not if i don't host a podcast with andrew walsh and i'm fasting someday from now I will do this this will be my way of getting free pizza is I'll call in a fake order so anyway that that scene had really stuck in my mind but the overall film is spectacular like it has probably three scenes that are and again I was not on alcohol when I was watching this so I feel like I have like my my sort of take on it I think is fairly accurate it has about three scenes that are some of the most emotionally powerful scenes i've ever seen in film no like three different moments in the movie i thought this might be the most emotionally impactful thing i've seen in cinema or one of the most emotionally impactful things i've seen i wonder why it's not streaming it's again i had yeah i had to buy it from the criterion collection and then buy a by the way the for for how fancy the criterion collection is they're a little thirsty on the emails i'm going to tell you that right now like they are they email me day and night about various things like i apparently i accidentally also signed up for it are they

busting your chops too they're like who the hell is luke burbank but uh yeah they're they're little they're a little they're a little extra on the i feel like right now the the world that we live in andrew is really like when you buy something you've entered you've entered a relationship with something or somewhere that is going to go on long after you want it to like because it's like when you buy something you buy it but then you also have to tell them how you're buying it was yeah right like which is like nobody does anybody ever do that does anybody ever take

three minutes to do the survey well did you recently i told you before the show that i gave somebody two barrels over the past couple of days and i mean i literally filled out two different audience or i guess uh customer service uh wow yes and the yelp review of a lifetime truly um By the way, Streetwise, 93% on Rotten Tomatoes. That's the critic. Who was the 7%? 98% audience score, by the way.

I want to bring you this DVD, Andrew, and I want you to watch it, and then I want you to scream into the heavens, who was the 7%? Yeah, I'd like to. Who the heck fire could watch this movie and think, no, not good, not for me, not well done.

Let's see here. Oh, it's only based on 14 reviews, so that's not a huge sample, And it looks like only one person gave the little, you know, do you spend much time on Rotten Tomatoes, Luke?

I'm mostly a subreddit guy.

OK, gotcha. I don't spend a lot of time on Rotten Tomatoes. But in my brief moments here, you see a solid red tomato if it's a, you know, it's a positive review. If it's a negative review, you see sort of a splattered green shape. Oh, like they threw it. Like they threw it. And the one person who threw the tomato was Michael Bronski of the Gay Community News in Boston. This review was actually, it's funny that the review was written in 2022. So I wonder if this was for a re-release for the Criterion Collection. But Michael Bronski says the filmmakers, this is just like the poll quote that Rodney tomatoes offers the filmmakers have photographed and arranged this raw material so that we are distanced rather than brought into it but that's just i could not disagree with michael bronski of gay news boston more oh this is an old review by the way i think it was uploaded in 2022 they have when you click in it's actually an old yellowed um newspaper it's actually quite awesome as somebody

who appreciates archives i think you would like this um it's one of the things like the reason i'm so excited to watch the uh director's commentary tonight is because i'm just from a production standpoint trying to figure out how they did this because nobody has a lavalier microphone on and the audio is really good but it's kids and oh the other thing too about it is this was a time 1984 i would have been seven we had moved to seattle like two years previous i think and i was running amok in seattle as believe it or not as like a seven-year-old like i think i was probably doing break dancing with the backstreet breakers and hanging out with kids that smoking cigarettes so this era of kind of unsupervised children in seattle is so like sort of relevant to my experience that so it also by the way one of the um one of the kids that they're following her mom has kind of like a shitty you know boyfriend or whatever and she's at like her mom's shitty boyfriend's house and they're washing the dishes and there's a taco time cup like a plastic taco time cup yeah circa 1983 which i was just like oh my god like this is everything about seattle and about 1984 seattle and about taco time that like i care about in the world um but i would but i would to michael bronski what i would say is i think that the kind of the proximity of the film is really interesting like the the way that the filmmakers were able to get access to these young people and their families and also just film them doing all manner of things and by the way it's a it's a pretty intense film I mean there's you know their kids some of the kids are involved in sex work and there's you know abuse and there's a lot there's a lot going on in this movie but how the filmmakers were able to get these people to be as relaxed as they were with a presumably some huge you know like paniflex camera in their face is wild to me

so michael bronski uh hard disagree i'm on the little blurb now so this is clearly from a new i think this is from when the movie was new it's on an old you know like what do you call those kind of tabloid style newspaper you know like a free kind of i don't know if the newspaper was free or not but it's a little blurb um it's only two paragraphs long the second paragraph begins The most serious problem is that in order to elicit our undivided sympathy, the directors have opted to present us with the own with only the most personable, attractive street kids who wouldn't love these articulate, well-intentioned, mistreated children. Never once are we confronted with a person whom we wouldn't like or wouldn't want to meet or feel safe around. streetwise generates that's actually a really good point for its subjects by making us love them and by and by denuding them not only of their annoying quirks their collective potential for violence but most importantly of their self-deserved and life-saving anger so that's interesting felt like it was almost like that's actually a very good point i haven't seen it obviously i'm not making this argument i just i'm kind of enamored that i that i landed on this archived like um scan of this newspaper it's awesome i want to apologize to michael bronski are you kind of here on the program are you sort of like yeah yeah that is a relatively good point

to make i mean yeah i presumably the filmmakers did pick the most kind of telegenic and and also kind of what's the word i'm looking for just like you fall in love with everybody in this film and and that was probably not by accident so uh so and and and you know the reality of of experiencing houselessness is not you know it's not always as kind of cinematic as maybe these you know these and and again these kids are not necessarily like it's not that they don't have homes it's that they just have shitty parents who don't know where they are but i mean andrew just the seattleness of this so it's pretty much all unfolds on like second or third avenue right by pike place market including in the background is the place where peter and i bought our first pornographic film i say first like we bought like a hundred of them this is probably the one and only

time we bought one is peter also the same person that you went to the strip club with true yes we

clearly had a lot of desires yeah have i told you the name of the first porno that that and maybe

last porno that i ever purchased i'm sure you have but i don't recall it was called three musketets

i don't think you have told me that hey we went to this place on like it was either second or third it was like that like it's now called the blade right it's like where it's also wild

like this is still in the days of streetwise is where all the drug and sex work was going on and in 2023 it's also where all the drugs and maybe sex work is going on it hasn't moved very far but uh in the background of this whole film streetwise is this this store there was like a bodega and upstairs from the bodega was like an adult video place and peter and i went there he he had a lot he was very her suit so he grew his he grew his beard out for like two weeks for this and then because we realized that we weren't going to be able to rent anything because like if you were renting a movie you had to have like id and you know paperwork so it was like our best

bet is to buy it and you'd have to return it i mean there's that as well to the scene of the crime

precisely so we were like the like let's pool our money and let's just buy something and uh they'll probably ask fewer questions it's also we were like 17 we were probably like three months out from legally being allowed to buy this it's funny how when you're that age you just think

well this is a federal crime well i wouldn't be that age i'm 46 i wouldn't be comfortable

doing that today i'm less comfortable now by the way purchasing you know that kind of material than i was as a 17 year old but like so i remember going into this bodega going up the back stairs fake mustache glasses plastic nose i mean i was just there for support by the way i wasn't i had no i played no role in this other than stress sweating because my armpits reeked to high heaven over eight tissues lodged in both armpits but like i just remember standing in the back of this adult video store and just like waiting to see if we got arrested like i was like when do the when does the fuzz like kick in the window when does the vice squad do that thing where you like basically come in on the like on a like a like a rope and you kick in the windows when does this happen and i remember seeing peter exit the video store with the contraband under his arm and just being like oh my god we did it yeah we are now the proud owners of three musketets

also i'd like to welcome all of our new listeners from terrible things for asking they're running those promos yet are they quick update my armpit tissues are at capacity

but anyway that's in the background of this movie streetwise which so so first of all i just think it's a for my for my money it's a very and by the way this is probably the most i've invested in a

movie financially in a long time you mean not your i mean i had to buy a dvd player to watch it just to be very clear you're talking about the documentary not not the film that you got

yes that was probably 20 bucks um so i've had a lot of things on my mind lately and i can't

remember which of these i've said on the show in which i haven't i feel like i must have said this part on the show before but i'll maybe it's worth repeating i truly believe maybe i believe this stronger than anything else that the most interesting thing of an old photograph or an old film or an old you know home movie is not what the subject is the intended subject but what is in the background I feel like you and I did talk about this on the show somewhat recently like yeah and I was in Cleveland last week and I was looking at photos you know old photos from my youth with my parents and there oh you saw this photo because I put it on Instagram there's a photo of me as a kid probably like 12 years old or 11 or something and I'm holding my cat Fred And I really like that because I do not have very many photos of my old cat, Fred. I loved that cat. He had a little beard.

By the way, you look in that photo like a kid that I would have been trying to get the attention of.

That's so funny.

Like, seriously, seriously, I would have been like, oh, man, I hope that Andrew guy likes me.

I don't know why I'm not wearing my glasses in that. But, yeah, anyway, I guess a slightly less awkward moment for me. But what I loved about that photo, though, wasn't just how cool I looked, clearly, and how cool Fred looked with his little beard, but my Swatch Watch was in that photo, too. You mentioned, I don't know if I told you this, but you just mentioned Reddit a little bit ago. I've been really getting my Reddit on lately because I've been thinking about my Swatch Watch just as I, you know, go through what they call a midlife crisis and want to recreate my youth. I was like, whatever happened to my old Swatch Watch? And all I could remember about it was the band that came with it. it had holes in it it was like um what's the word for that like a certain kind of steel will come this way as well like it's got a bunch of holes punched into it um okay oh geez louise we both know the word and it's driving me bananas it doesn't matter um but it was sort of instead of a solid plastic band it was a plastic band with a bunch of holes perforated anyway um that's all i remembered about it and that happened to be on my mind sometime in the past few months And then here was this photo that if you took a photo, so I was looking at actual.

you know, printed photos in a photo album. But I took a took a photo with my phone of said photo. And then I zoomed in, zoomed in, enhance, enhance, I said. And I could just barely make out some of the details of this watch watch that I had as a kid. And so I subscribed to the subreddit, I think, help me find. And I posted. Oh, I have a thing I need to do on that. Yeah. And so I zoomed in on it and I said, you know, can you help me find my old swatch watch? You know, this is this is the information that I think I have. By the way, Reddit, that community had some pretty interesting like ways of making sure that bots aren't just spamming it all the time. It like before it posted it publicly, it sent me something and said, use this. Leave a comment on your own post and make sure you include this one word and then we'll know you're a person. And I think and I've looked at other people's posts since then. I think they have randomized words. But anyway, immediately, Luke, I don't think I told you this already. I posted that at the airport waiting for my plane. By the time I was in my seat on the plane, but before we took off and I lost Wi-Fi, somebody had already identified my watch. It's worth like 250 or 300 bucks or something. I don't think I'll be buying it.

Okay, I need to get on that because there is this like little kind of bean-filled toy that Bubbles is obsessed with. And it's just like a random little cat toy. and I don't I need to I tried to buy what I thought was the same toy on Amazon and I bought because I'm me like 40 of them and they were not the same toy and I need to figure out what this exact little thing is and where I can get more of them because it is her whole joy in life is

chasing this thing down she doesn't even like the ones that you have 40 of and the ones that I bought

accidentally or at least the ones I bought that were the wrong ones they're soaked in catnip and she doesn't care about catnip. How weird is that?

That is weird. It's like that cilantro thing with humans.

Right, exactly. It tastes like soap to her.

Yeah, that is strange.

So, yeah, so I need to get on that because, and I actually have taken a photo of this in preparation for putting on like whatever that Reddit is, that subreddit is. So it sounds like it's pretty effective.

Yeah, that worked almost immediately.

So all of that is to say, check out Streetwise, everyone. And Andrew, I will bring you the DVD. Do you have a DVD player?

I do In fact, one thing I could do if you wanted Is I have a VCR and DVD player sitting next to me right now I could digitize that whole thing for you If you would want me to

I would love that actually Because I'm so obsessed with this movie I've been basically I'm telling Addy Santa's getting you a DVD player Which is one of the worst Johnny Cash songs ever Santa's getting you a DVD player But I'm calling and texting people in my life being like you have to watch this movie streetwise and if you don't have the proper mechanics for it i will buy you those mechanics so just having it digitized would actually be really helpful

here i go once again with the email every week i hope that it's from a female no man it's not from

a female all right we didn't get to the doordash story but the the basics are that they are sending people uh like annoying texts if they don't tip uh saying basically like you're you're you're going to be the last in line to get this stuff which is just another example of corporate america and we used to do ads for doordash and honestly i wouldn't be mad at doing ads for doordash now because i do use it fairly frequently but but but basically this is just another case of a company in america not wanting to pay the people doing the thing that they what they deserve and so they're

trying to put more of it on us well i i'll be honest i have not read this story i i think we're all in favor of tipping these workers but of course a lot of people i think prefer to give them cash tips so that it doesn't go into the system and doesn't get like and i'm not even talking about avoiding taxes i mean it just sounds like a lot of these companies and i i'm not claiming that doordash does this just in case we do land that doordash account no i'm not claiming this but i mean you hear about various services various or like companies like maybe even a restaurant or whatever that like if you tip on the credit card or whatever um the path of that money is sometimes not directly to the people who worked to serve you you know like i think um t-mobile park and again i can't state this for a fact but when i mentioned on the show something about leaving a tip at t-mobile park i got a lot of emails from people that were like do not tip at the ballpark because the people who serve you do not get that money it goes directly back to the mariners organization or whatever and i'm like i don't know how that's legal but if that's true and a lot of people seem to believe that's true like that's real shitty so anyway if you hand a you know five or ten dollar bill or whatever it is to the person who is dropping your food off for you that I'm

guessing is better for that worker but it probably is not as great for doordash right that's a good

point i hadn't even thought of that i don't think i've ever tipped a dasher with cash which i should start doing i always tip them in the app but you're right like let's but now you're saying that

the app will say oh well you didn't tip so you're gonna go to the back of the line for service on

future orders they're testing it they said by the way this is that's i mean honestly like i don't want to we're not here to be mean or to hate on people andrew but i don't know what jen rosenberg spokesperson for doordash i don't know what her dreams were as a child but do you think it was releasing statements like this to cnn this reminder screen is something that we're currently testing to help create the best possible experience for all members of our community as with anything we pilot we look forward to closely analyzing the results and feedback you think that's what a young jen rosenberg was like someday i will release that extremely

illuminating statement to cnn are we part of that community that's why so i guess i'm part of the doordash community huh just by the very door dash american having a speaking of um but

that's i'm glad that i brought this up though andrew because i never thought of just doing

a cash tip and you're right that's what i'm gonna start doing yeah of course if it hurts your service on future delivery or if it gives you like a bad somehow a bad rating in the system that that's no good but yeah it's getting harder and harder to um navigate these things um i was gonna say speaking of dashing i will just sort of um loop back around and put a bow on something i alluded to a little bit ago which is the uh the customer service responses that i sent and that is another dash that was dash lane no i'm sorry yeah dash lane yeah that was the password manager that i've

been who i believe we also did ads for at some point we did which is why i started using them

and i will say i really liked using dash laden so it's a password manager and when we were doing ads for them years ago they gave us a free account to test out now you could sign up for a free account anyway but they gave you and i i believe like some sort of a premium account that we could test out for a few months and then when i did not renew it with my own money it went to the free plan which the free plan basically did everything I needed it to do the the big downside of not paying for it is you could only use your password manager on one device so I used it on my laptop exclusively if I was on my phone and I couldn't remember the password for some ding dang site I would come into my office and I would open up Dashlane and I would look for it as opposed to just opening it up on my phone you know what I mean so I was like you know that's a little old-fashioned but it's fine for me and I've been getting this free service forever now Dashlane did something I mentioned it on the show a few weeks ago they sent out an email saying we're changed and I love the way that they sort of dress it up like big exciting changes are coming to your account and those big exciting changes are we ain't doing this shit for free anymore is essentially what the big exciting news for the Dashlane community was are you part of the Dashlane community? I certainly was and what they said was you know you currently have and it was like personalized in this way that it did know my info it said we're going to change the free service that we offer to only be able to hold 25 passwords at a time if you want more passwords than that you have to start paying you currently have 390 passwords or something like that so get paring down um so obviously the the path of least resistance there would be for me just to say fine i'll pay for the service i've been using it forever anyway and why should a service be free you know i mean it is a company that has a bottom line and i'm using their service like i don't actually mind paying for a thing ask dartbot i paid for dartbot you know i didn't have to um but there was something dad am i worthwhile although that does irritate me that that's a also like a yearly subscription like can i just buy the software but whatever i guess it's it's holding and storing my data so i guess you can make that argument but anyway my point is i don't like to think of myself as a cheap person i guess nobody does maybe i'm slightly on the cheap side but if i pay for a service like oh or if i'm getting a service i don't mind paying for it if it's worth it you know um but there was something about retracting a free service that i've been using for a long time and essentially just holding us over a barrel that i really resented and so i moved to a different password manager like Probably their direct competition. And guess what? We're paying for premium now. And Veeves and I both signed. Like, Veeves was already using some other version of their thing, but we're now going to be paying a yearly fee for their premium subscription.

I don't know if it's more or less than what Dashlane would have charged.

me but like i entered this relationship knowingly and it didn't feel like sort of a that's pulling

the rug out from the psychology of that is so interesting there was something that really

bothered me about this idea that suddenly dash lane is going to flip a switch on all of its customers and then suddenly like money is just going to come rolling into their bank accounts i was like well you know what i have other options and i'm going to take another option now it wasn't the path of least resistance yeah that's the path of most resistance it is because i had to go to Dashlane I had to export all of my information into a special form and then re-import it into this other service but what it gave me the opportunity to do twice once when I deleted the app off of my browser and again when I then deleted my entire Dashlane account was fill out a form explaining why I'm making these moves and boy did I let them know and I didn't you know I wasn't like I wasn't like toxic or caustic or anything like that but I was just kind of like I basically said what I just said to you I don't mind paying for a service in fact I'm moving my service over to another premium account of one of your competitors I did not like your business practice of suddenly and I didn't say pulling the rug out I don't know how I put it but I said I didn't like this business practice that you guys engaged in and sort of held us over a barrel and for the first one I filled out yesterday I was telling Genevieve this and she said you didn't say that she thought i was joking when i got to this line i was like no i really said she's like no you didn't i had to tell her like three times no i literally said it i said i hope you learn a lesson about customer service from this so anyway so let me just to summarize pretty cool so to

summarize to summarize this is what dashlane did to you they offered you a free service for a long time they also sponsored our livelihood for years and their punishment for that is the yelp review

well hey listen those comments i left were not public in any way the only people who are going to see them are mr dartbot mr and mrs dashlene and dartbot i'm sure that it will just some bot

will see it nobody's gonna see it that is i mean i honestly find that really fascinating like because i totally i hear you and i think i would have responded similarly but it's so weird that it make it makes you this angry and it would make me very angry it's like the i guess it's about

like expectation setting right it's about expectation setting and also again just to use the idiom of holding you over a barrel it just sort of felt like suddenly ah you like this

huh like you're told be a shame be a real shame if something happened to all your password

management yeah and i don't know what their bottom line looks like and again if they are a company that provides a good service i don't want them to necessarily go out of business and if they're looking around saying like hey we're giving away all this shit for free and this is unsustainable like in a certain way they got to make those decisions but from my perspective it just sort of felt like hey guess what we're we're holding all 398 of your passwords sort of hostage and by the way they weren't going to delete all of them and then just choose 25 random ones to keep it's just that i couldn't have added any new ones and i don't know if i plan on signing up for any more wow okay that's not even that bad it's not even like they're going to delete like randomly delete

the majority this is just saying you can't add any additional yeah you can't add 367 or whatever

yeah and there was just something about the first email i got saying something like hey exciting new changes to your plan or something that like was sort of and then you're opening you're just like wait you're doing what and like yeah i just didn't like the feeling of it and it's just was it like

somebody emailing our listeners hey friendo please donate money to tignatara the email did come from

american public media did it start hey friendos uh well i think we've we've eaten up most of the

email segment here um yeah doing zero emails so let's just maybe push that to tomorrow yeah i'll

play a voicemail for you tomorrow somebody had an experience in the in their in their life uh and they've presented it to us as a natalie and bruglia song so i will i love this trend so much it has nothing to do with finding anything in an attic or an old wall during reconstruction it's just something that happened to them and they they put it in song for us please i would

love it if it wasn't the song torn it was like it was a lesser natalie imbruglia it's a deep cut it was like the the seventh biggest hit off of natalie imbruglia's album yeah of that era whatever that is i am fully in favor of any stories being told to us in the way of 90s or in the form of 90s uh music so please keep it going all right all right well thank you everyone for listening uh that is going to bring us to the end of this tuesday edition of the program but great news we're going to be right back here tomorrow so please do join us for that in the meantime have a great day

take care of yourselves and please remember no mountain too tall and good luck to all

take these tissues out

so what if i smell like roast beef this whole place smells like roast beef power out