Muse

And now, Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handy. Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself, mankind. Basically, it's made up of two separate words, mank and ind. What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.

now i don't know much about this podcasting business but let me tell you there's something about this show that just gets me hooked these guys have a way of talking that's like having a chat with your neighbor over the backyard fence just like the drop says i i cannot contain my joy

i don't think i've ever related to a drop so much right now it's the story of a man

with a brothel of a home and a pool filled with human excrement.

You heard it here first, ladies and gentlemen, and the it that you heard was the things that these people just said.

Please clap. All right, hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a Tuesday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. Exactly what America wants. My name is Luke Burbank. I'm your host. The guy is a nut bar. A nut bar. Coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio. Perched high above the mighty Columbia, where it's actually a pretty nice day. It's a little bit cloudy. I thought it was going to be really, really cold, so I bundled up. I'm wearing multiple layers out here in the broadcast center. I have even a ski cap on and a CPAP on. Just can't take any chances. And I have the heater going, and it may actually be too much.

I feel warm, and I'm levitating.

i feel sleepy again so i'm gonna try to push through here and bring you episode 4135 in a collector series the fun begin i'm excited today because we're rolling out a new innovative segment about films unlike any other shows or things that we obsess over and i have a pretty i think original concept of a name for the tbtl segment it's called tbtl on movies at the movies To that end, we'd like a moment of your time to talk to you about video interpolation. Some stories from the world of film, including the question of if a college basketball game recently revealed the inspiration for Chewbacca. And why it is that Huey Lewis sued the people who made Ghostbusters years ago. And the question as to if Donnie from Big Lebowski is actually a serial killer on the run.

I'll get you told by three o'clock this afternoon with nail polish.

Oh, and also, I have a, don't worry, everybody, it's okay, but I have an upcoming, I've got a medical procedure that just hit the calendar that is more complicated or more involved than I, I guess, expected or had been told. How is it that we always end up talking about buttholes? And so we'll get into that as well. Plus, we'll talk to this guy, longest running co-bro of the show, maybe best known for the depictions of the tall ships. I try to give him a little kind of, I don't know, pep talk every day right before the show just to get him in the zone. Let me explain something to you, Walsh.

This business requires a certain amount of finesse.

And I think he's got just that as we talk to him now. By the way, longest running Cobro, Tall Ships, all of that. He's Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

I thought you were going to say that you are wearing a ski mask while you're doing the show.

I'm wearing a balaclava.

While that should not matter one way or the other, given that this is an audio medium, that would have disturbed me. I don't like the idea of you doing this podcast wearing a ski mask. Can we make that a rule? No ski masks would be the rule.

As long as we don't have another cold snap before the spring comes, before the spring thaw. Because it has been very cold in this studio at times because I still don't have a central HVAC of any kind. But I'm with you. Even though nobody can see us as we're doing this program, the idea that either of us would be wearing a ski mask or a, some call it balaclava, where only the eyes and the mouth are visible, there's something very sinister about that.

I don't like it. Guys, stop picturing that. Listeners, please, right now, stop picturing me and Luke, both in our studios, wearing ski masks. Probably black ski masks, but then the holes, the eye holes and mouth hole are sort of lined with a red fabric or red thread. Just for extra creepiness? I feel like that's what I've seen in, like, heist movies. Maybe I'm wrong, but it does add to the creepy factor. So don't stop picturing that.

There's also the...

If the movie, it turns out, is more of a comedy than a heist film, there's the moment that's played comedically where somebody who seemed menacing pulls their ski cap up because they can't find the directions on MapQuest to the bank vault that they're trying to.

Oh, I see what you mean. They're maybe in the van or something. And they're getting frustrated and they just whip it up.

When they pull the ski mask off, then it goes from, you know, scary to humorous. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That might be, in movies, that might be one of the biggest transitions between menacing to just, like, humorous. As soon as you pull the ski mask up, now you're just, you know, in the movie Palookaville.

Well, Spaceballs, I think, is the pinnacle of that, right? I don't think I've seen Spaceballs.

Do you know that?

That surprises me.

I know. I mean, not out of any intentional avoidance of the film. It just, again, I grew up in a household that there were a lot of rules around what kind of movies we could see. Yeah, it's fresh. And I would have watched it in a heartbeat if I was at someone's house who had it on VHS or Laserdisc or something. I think I would have really liked it. I missed it at the time, and it's not really something that as an adult I probably would go back and watch.

Yeah, because it's very broad humor, obviously. It's very, very slapsticky. It's Mel Brooks, right? It's Mel Brooks. I mean, it's good for what it is. Genevieve loves it, but again, I think people who truly loved that movie saw it when they were younger. I would be surprised if any 47-year-olds watched that movie for the first time and then had the same connection to it that somebody who maybe saw it as a young person. But the reason I say that that is the pinnacle of that is, I mean, when I was a kid, I loved that movie. I just couldn't imagine anything funnier than some of the spoofs in Spaceballs. And one of them is kind of the introduction of the Darth Vader character. His name is Dark Helmet. I don't know how they came up with that. He's Rick Moranis, right? It's Rick Moranis. He is hilarious, dog. He is hilarious, dog. And so, but the first time you see him, it's just like it's playing whatever version of the Imperial March is.

Oh, he's hilarious, dog.

Who is Rick Moranis? And, you know, it's like the theme is playing, the dark helmet theme is playing, and he's walking on the bridge, and you see him for the first time, and you hear the dark helmet breathing, right? And then he gets close to the camera, then he just rips it off or just kind of throws it up, and we see his face, Rick Moranis' face, glasses and all, and he says, How are you supposed to breathe in this thing? And I, oh, spoiler alert, by the way. Sorry, everybody. I should have said that first.

I have been having recently a bit of a, I've been sort of, what's the word I'm looking for? I have been rethinking my entire conception of Rick Moranis. Yeah? Yeah, because I've been seeing footage of him from when he was with SCTV and when he was doing stuff where he wasn't just like shrinking the couch or being the, speaking of Ghostbusters, being the kind of real sort of like nerdy guy in Ghostbusters. Like by the time Rick Moranis got on my radar, he was just playing deeply nerdy characters. There is a video bopping around the internet, and I assume it's an SCTV sketch, but it's where Rick Moranis is playing Michael McDonald.

Oh yeah, that was hot. I was obsessed with that last summer that was going around.

And it's like Michael McDonald doing his background vocals on, I think the song is like Run Like the Wind or something. It is, yeah.

That's what it is, yeah.

And the joke being that he's only really called upon to be in the song kind of minimally. I don't know. Who's the, is that Kenny Loggins or something?

I think it is Loggins. Let me look. I'm not really into that genre of music, that kind of yacht rock stuff. And so I don't even know if I knew the song before I saw the sketch. But I watched that sketch so many times this summer because it just mesmerized me that now whenever I hear that song on the radio, I get ridiculously excited.

Because Rick Moranis, a.k.a. Michael McDonald, is, like, driving up to the studio. You're already hearing the song playing.

Christopher Cross, sorry.

Christopher Cross, thank you. And he gets to the studio, and then he's just sort of walking in casually and then goes into the actual sound booth and then, like, nails his little backing line, comes out. I think starts negotiating about his pay or something and then like, but then remember, he's got to go back in and do one more like Michael McDonald backgroundy thing. Seeing Rick Moranis, not as like, again, the kind of very geeky dad who shrunk the couch, but as like pretending to be Michael McDonald, it blew my mind a little bit. I was like, Hey, Rick Moranis is a, you know, is, is more than just this very, very kind of nerdy nebbishy dude.

I, I love him. I have such a soft spot in my heart for him. I'm not like some aficionado of his, you know, of all of his work. But like the Honey, I Shrunk the Kid stuff didn't bother me because I think I was young enough just to think of that as like a benign. movie and he plays a warm fatherly figure I don't think I had a strong feeling on that one way or the other but like especially as I've gotten older and I think about him like first of all I just find him to be a joy on the screen and also like he just he just retired you know like I mean I think he could still get work and I could be wrong about this this is something Vives and I talk about sometimes and if I am wrong about this it's kind of serious but I think what happened was I think i think a family member maybe his wife or partner got very sick and and i think died and he he stopped working to to care for her maybe and then to care for the kids like you know as as a still very you know successful certainly a very um uh castable character you know or or person and he just he said he just walked away from it again i know he's not tom cruise but like he will just walked away from a career to to reprioritize his life and that's why you're absolutely right by when you get into wikipedia when you get a glimpse of him i think he made like one little video with somebody like kind of he kind of like a pucks-a-tawny phil came out of his shit came out of his little cave and did like one little viral video a couple of years ago which is maybe what got me thinking about i'm like yeah where has he been so anyway sweet man yeah very much so i don't

think anybody made and this sounds like i'm kind of slightly nagging him and i don't mean it but i don't think there is a person who made more of a sort of like indelible impression on the Consciousness of America in the 80s And 90s for looking Into a camera while wearing glasses and Kind of going Then Rick Moranis a fish eye

Camera type of kind of just being like

Oh man with the glasses Like I feel like all of his movies And again this I started off Praising Rick Moranis and now it sounds like I'm kind of Slightly you know Sort of stereotyping His career or anything I don't mean that but I mean That guy did a lot of movies and a lot Of characters where something not great is happening to him and i feel like we're pushed up very close in on him just being like oh man with his glasses are sliding down his nose whether it's ghostbusters whether it's a little shop of horrors uh i don't know what he does in brewster's millions but i would check it out i i i'm guessing

that you haven't seen it and i'm guessing if you had you wouldn't have cared for it too much the bob and doug mckenzie the the oh there's a mouse in my beer a guys i mean i i've seen i know who

you're talking about and and uh the the kind of they're the ones that would say hoser a lot right

yes exactly yes strange brew was the movie that they made and i remember like everybody loved that and i remember watching it and there was so much hype about it by the time i saw it that i was like oh it's okay but it's almost like a prototype of like um wayne's world sort of you know it's

interesting that they did a um a honey i shrunk the kids and then there was a honey i blew up the

kid which sounds fatal it really does and that is what it's called right i remember at the time I mean, being like, that is, I mean, what they mean is they made the kids too big.

Enlarge the kid, but that's also weird. You know that they struggled with that. Honey, I made the kid bigger.

Yeah, there's no way to say it, but, like, it really sounds like they're, yeah, it sounds gruesome.

What do you think the meetings were around that, you know, the naming of that movie? Because, I mean, what could they have gone, they wanted to really stay with the kind of rhythm of Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.

There's money there. They're like, we can't pass on it. Like, it's the obvious sequel. Well, it was a really big hit. Like, we're printing money here, so we make the kids big. That's obvious. Okay, what do we call it? And then they start going around the table, and they're like, well, I blew up the kid. Well, you can't say that. Okay, right, obviously a bad idea. How did that win? And then they keep going around, but they just said everything that you just said, and it's all worse.

Is it? I mean, it doesn't – listen, it doesn't trip off of the tongue, but like, honey, the kids are too big. That just sounds like you're an empty nester now.

Yeah, right.

Honey, the kids don't call us for anything anymore.

I'm looking up synonyms for enlarge, but they're all like make bigger, you know, increase in size.

Honey, the kids have pronouns I don't understand.

That's a thought show. Honey, the world is changing around me, and it feels scary. That has the tool time guy in it, I think.

Oh, yeah, no, that's that reboot that they're putting on.

Augment? Honey, I augmented the kids. Honey, I amplified the kids. Like, there's no good word that just means embiggen. Honey, I embiggen the kid.

Well, anyway, just another day on TBTL where we use about, as I've got it, 14 minutes on the career of Rick Moranis.

Can I just play this? I know that you're in a transition place, but you just jump in. In both my life and the show. Exactly. Just jump in and change the direction of the show after I play this audio for you, which I guarantee you will not pay off. oh come on seriously is my computer not playing audio anymore uh-oh well this is a real howdy do

uh-oh i don't like this i don't like this for the show because i'm not gonna get you back

i'm sorry who are you hold on let's see if today's intro works no i'm i've lost boy okay you go ahead luke i'll be over here i'm gonna just i'm gonna put my ski mask back you're just gonna you're just gonna be in

the corner rocking that do you think that your computer has finally given that's do you think

your computer has finally given up the ghost no i think that i was having a little bit of a sound card issue before the show and i was going to restart my computer one last time but i was already running late but yet there's something going on here is it the um computer that is soon to be replaced or is it no this is the this is a good computer but it's okay it's just i'm sure it's a setting somewhere i'm well it's in the drivers maybe we'll uh maybe we'll do a restart at the uh break i mean that was probably i told you like this is gonna be a bad idea right and so if i if i say hey i'm gonna play this tape and it's gonna be a bad idea for a different reason

you thought because the run like the wind joke might not play as audio like literally might not make sense right that's probably why you said it's a bad idea it's not the run like the wind that

that would just sound like the song um i was going to play the the the dark helmet scene

okay well let's do this let's do this because i need you for this as i can't be strong what's going on let's thank the donors let's thank the donors let's fix the audio let's close the things that close and let's continue tbtl

¶¶

I can't breathe in this thing.

hey let's thank some donors these are the Rick Moranis heads who are like I mean the serendipity about us spending this amount of time talking about the career of Rick Moranis on the same day that like Dan Griffin in Seattle Washington is supporting the show

I don't want to step on where you're going with this, but looking, I'm still opening up my daily donor sheet here. Is Dark Helmet somebody that we're thanking today? Is Dark Helmet on the list?

I was going to wait, but yes.

I messed it up.

Dark Helmet, a.k.a. Jack Taylor, our friend in Marysville-Washington. Oh, nice. What are the chances that Jack Taylor has made some sort of art project around Rick Moranis?

I'm sure that Jack Taylor has made a giant helmet for some reason. That's right.

Jack, very talented artist and set designer and stage person and designer of Johnny and Bobo. Is that our names of our dolls?

Yes, but I don't know who's who. Don't ask me.

It's only been explained to us one million times. Thank you, Jack. We really appreciate you. Hey, Patty Emery in South Pass. What? Hey, Patty. Thank you, Patty. Patty and I, I hope it's okay for me to say this. Patty and I have worked together on various advertising projects for many, many years. Oh, interesting. Patty is the absolute best. I remember Patty and I working. When I used to do, they hired me to do these radio commercials for the Hagen Grocery Store where I was going to wander. I did. I wandered the store and interviewed random people. It was like the ultimate Vox Pop.

It truly was random people?

Yeah, truly was random people. Truly was random people. And that was my friends, Patty and Jim Copasino. And anyway, since then, since those early days, I've done many, many projects with Patty. So, hey, Patty, thanks.

You sound surprised, too. Has Patty's name come up on the show before? Are you surprised that Patty is a TBTL listener and supporter?

Patty and I worked on something a couple years ago, or like maybe last year, and she said, hey, I've been listening to TBTL, but you know. I didn't believe it I'm saying Patty you're going pretty far right now With the bit

Patty I like the bit Convince me even more

Exactly Thank you very much It's an interesting experience When you know I mean every Andrew every name on this list is precious to us Genuinely But it's also kind of It's always an interesting experience For somebody who I

know very well in real life to pop up on this list and be like oh my like it's a some kind of little parts of the brain connect in a way that's that's extra surprising so anyway thanks patty thanks to kevin fisher in alexandria virginia thank you kevin now kevin and i used

to work on some projects together he preferred me not to talk about them here because they were kind of like government related stuff out there in alexandria yes exactly i'm not sure if you were reading anything what was i reading the other well it doesn't matter you know i said I was reading something the other day that the headline was, it's like New York Magazine or something. It's like, now is a bad time to believe in UFOs. And there was something about the construction of that headline that got me. But it's kind of a long read, so I'm only a little bit into it. So I'll finish it, and then I'll get back to it next year. Was that what you and Kevin worked on? Well, I'm just saying that the government knows some things, Luke, is what I'm saying. And they're not telling us everything.

All right. Well, Kevin, I'll look forward to you calling into Dreamland.

Oh, yeah.

If Kevin manages to call into Dreamland, we know aliens are real, because that would make Kevin some kind of time traveler.

Exactly. Of course, you can time travel without aliens. You just need a time machine.

Yeah, but why would you? But why would you? I don't know why this is where the brain goes, Andrew, but when you mentioned something about Kevin and Virginia and top secret projects, I was reminded of something that I said yesterday very briefly in passing that I wanted to clarify for reasons that are so unimportant. I don't even know why it matters, but like I was talking about going to that Slick Rick show. I said I went to a rap concert and you said, can you even go to a rap concert on Sunday? And I was trying to make a joke about blue laws. Blue laws are the, you know, there are states where you can't buy booze on Sundays. And I said, yeah, blue states. and I didn't want people to think I was saying states that vote Democrat are against rap music on Sunday.

I didn't even catch that. I totally heard that as blue laws. I knew exactly what you were talking about.

I think I said blue state. And if you heard that and thought, what is he trying to say about the Biden agenda?

Yeah, no, it would be like a blue law state. A blue law state or blue laws. But yeah, my brain made the connection. I think if you've heard of blue laws.

Ironically, it would be more likely in a red state.

Yeah, right. I think so.

Yeah. Oh, wow. So, Kevin, you're welcome. I clarified. Thank you. There you go. Thanks for supporting that clarification. Amy Ford Wagner is in Kailua, Hawaii. Nice. Thank you, Amy. Must be nice. I've been out to Kailua. Now, Kailua, is that Kailua Kona? Is that kind of the same place?

I don't know. I was going to ask you because I don't know that I've been.

I am one of the world's recognized experts in confusing places involving the Hawaiian Islands. I have been out there. I've had the privilege to visit a handful of times and still have never had any idea where I am other than like Waikiki.

You literally flew to the wrong island one time.

No, I didn't fly to the wrong island. I booked tickets to the wrong island. Oh, okay. And Carrie caught that and said, you know the wedding is on a different island. And I said, I did not, that is why I bought the tickets to the incorrect island But I do remember, actually for that wedding I remember going out to, I remember it was in a place that I heard referred to Or we talked a lot about Kailua Kona And they have great coffee there I mean, I think that's probably on a lot of those islands a thing But I remember really enjoying it And this place that we went to a lot that I've talked about called Huggo Huggo on the rocks, Huggo's on the rocks which was this like really fun little spot that we liked a lot uh speaking of uh amy ford wagner's place of residence it would appear and the hawaiian islands and polynesia in general our friend televisions chris hayes has a really great episode of why is this happening from last week where he sort of just gets into with this scholar who's written about it uh the kind of history of how it was that these islands were kind of discovered and how people got there and just i mean and this is all because as chris talks about on this episode he was there with his family and was just like looking at it on like google earth you know he was sort of you know sort of scrolling out and out and out and out and realizing kind of where they were in the pacific and going how in the living tweedle did folks get here in the first place like this is a wildly remote place And anyway, it's a very fascinating episode, and I would say, Amy, listen to it before, you know, you try to tell me about Kylo Okona and Huggo on the Rocks, okay?

Do it for the Azores now, Chris.

Now do the Canary Islands. All right, and thanks to Ross Smith of Dedham, Mass.

I don't get a lot of Azores jokes in on the show. I'm kind of proud of that one.

I am proud of that, too, on your behalf, as your friend and trusted colleague.

Azores is just like right in the middle of the Atlantic, like off of Portugal, right? But like right – oh, actually, it's way closer.

to portugal than it is to the u.s i always had it like right smack dab in the middle of the atlantic

you know of somebody i work with on uh livewire went to the azores recently and it looked amazing which is it's paradise i think i only say that with some surprise because it is in the atlantic ocean in other words it's it's not something that's down on the equator the way that the like hawaiian islands and things that are closer to the equator tend to be warm all year round the The Azores looks just based on its longitude like it would be a place that could be kind of cold in the wintertime, potentially. I don't know enough about it.

It's 63 right now.

I'd take that. It's like 73 in here because I got this heat going. I got this hat on. Well, it also says the Azores just blew a breaker, too, so I don't know. All right. Well, thank you to our donors. We could not do the show without you, so appreciate you. Hello and welcome to Top Story. What would you like to hear about, Andrew, my upcoming medical procedure or TBTL on Movies at the Movies?

Well, I feel like the medical procedure, you should let people know what you're talking about. I guess that is scary when I say that. And I know what you're talking about because I looked ahead at the script.

Because also I sent you and Phyllis a picture.

That's right, you did.

we were our good friend phyllis fletcher uh was texting us uh about how yesterday's show involving conversations around uh slick rick and what was the other thing i was referencing

from the 90s that was oh uh maybe garage sales and oh lakeside yeah lakeside drumming sales

and she was like boy this is you know a lot of content that's really kind of relevant to my experience and i said oh wait till you hear today's show and then i just sent you guys a picture of this mailing I got from advanced gastroenterology about my upcoming colonoscopy on March 12th. March 12th. Okay. Good for you. Circle your calendars, everyone. I have scheduled Andrew for the afternoon, so I will be doing normal TBTL that day. And then I'm told that I should be just fine by the next day. So I can come back on here. I feel like i will be sort of like mr burns in that episode of the the kind of x files episode of the simpsons where he's getting some kind of a shot that causes him to just be like very docile and happy and he's wandering around in his in his hospital gown glowing i come in i come in love or something i think he's saying that's gonna be me on march 13th but uh i'm finally doing it it's finally happening we've been talking about it i mean what's really finally happening is it's official this show is for old people four old people hosted by old people and one old guy that would be me the guy who's finally getting this colonoscopy um i was the thing is i feel like i've heard a lot of i've heard a lot of ballyhoo around the idea that the that they've made the whole process so much better than it used to be in terms of like the stuff that you've got to take beforehand and how aggressively you've got to get let's just say cleaned out and the recovery time and i mean it's i have been told that this thing is not you know nearly as kind of maybe unpleasant and involved as it used to be and yet this is what i have to do apparently well first of all i got to make transportation arrangements that's fine i've got that covered but bubbles yep Yep. Toonts is the driving cat. Speaking of old SNL sketches. Here is, I mean, this is a real, this is an involved list of things. I don't want this to dissuade anyone from getting this vital medical intervention. In fact, as my doctor kept telling me, it's the gold standard. He was like, do you want to just like poop on the piece of paper and mail it in? Or do you want the colonoscopy? And I was like, well, I kind of feel like I should do the colonoscopy. And he goes, it is the gold standard. It's gold standard. So seven days before the procedure, stop eating foods that contain seeds, popcorn, cucumbers, watermelon, tomatoes, berries, poppy seeds, sesame seeds. Nuts are acceptable. If you notice during this time that you ate seeds, please continue the prep and just increase your fluid consumption. Could you give up seeds for seven days, Andrew?

Could I give up seeds? I do have sunflower seeds in my car, but I don't eat them all that often. And that's usually in the summertime when I'm at a red light, I can roll down the window. I think I could avoid seeds.

It's like, I don't think I eat a ton of the stuff on this list, but now I'm terrified I'm going to accidentally ingest watermelons.

Oh, that's true. You know, you had cucumber on that list? Yeah, I eat a lot of cucumbers. I actually eat a lot of cucumber, and that's on the list. And tomatoes. Tomato. And berries, actually.

I do I'm big on blueberries these days good thing you're getting um that taken do blueberries are those tiny seeds in there that would affect this certainly well it's on the list oh it is the first

I'm learning that blueberries have seeds honestly I guess they're really tiny well good thing you're

not doing this in the middle of summer the middle of summer is my berry consumption time yeah so I

guess uh that's what I'm that's you know starting March 5th I'm gonna have to get off of all of those things i do eat a lot of peanuts as well so i'm glad nuts are acceptable uh four days before the procedure stop taking iron supplements you may take vitamins that have iron in them i'm not taking any iron supplements so that one's not a big deal one day before your procedure no solid food from the time you get up and so now we're talking about march 11th we're talking 24 hours Looks like it. Hold on, I'm scrolling ahead on my calendar. Okay, I can do that. March 11th, that's a Monday.

What time is your procedure on the 12th? 2.45 on Tuesday the 12th. So does that mean at 2.45 on Monday the 11th, that's where the countdown begins?

One day before your procedure, no solid food today. From the time you get up in the morning.

Shit snacks.

Wow, day and a half. God, I'm going to look amazing after this. Yeah, exactly. Think about that. It's like a 30-something hour fast. From the time you get up in the morning You may have clear liquids only No solid foods are to be consumed Until after the procedure Follow the clear liquid diet guide And also remember to avoid Red, orange, and purple liquids That's what I mean, it's like liquid diet But not most of the colors Yeah, right Okay, so

It's a

It's now a day before I'm now awake on Monday the 11th And I'm just drinking liquids but only of certain colors and now it's time for me to mix the entire contents of the Gavilite container according to the instructions. Now. This is the part. I've been kind of dreading. I don't think the gavilite Is the thing that hardens your stool Andrew, I think it might be the other thing actually there is a Dulcolax Situation I'm supposed to get involved with too. Oh, let me see. I skipped I skipped partner step number two, so I get the gavilite And then I'm supposed to, about 12 o'clock, take some Dulcolax tablets. At about 5 p.m., I'm supposed to drink the first half of the Gavilite solution. So that's good. At least it's at night. So when I'm just absolutely crapping my brains out here, I'll be done with TBTL. So I won't have to keep leaving the show in order to go take care of God knows what.

You won't have to do the show sitting on the toilet wearing a ski mask.

I do think that would be entertaining. that i do think that would be entertaining splooch the podcaster splooch the bandit

i see a children's book in our future i do i do think that would be entertaining for the

listeners though and this is why why ideally after this is all done if i get a clean bill of health i don't think i have to get one for many years like five or ten years which is why

i went with the gold standard yeah if they find paul so i just had this conversation with my doctor recently too good on you for getting the ball rolling i i thought i was going to act immediately after my appointment they sent me an email they said let us know like what you were like but i can't eat poppy seeds for a week and i was like hold on i gotta get my i gotta so i've been binging poppy seeds just trying to get sick of them and then you've failed so many drug tests so many uas off of those poppy seeds yeah exactly um but i uh yeah but then i just sort of i stalled it's sitting there in my my chart thing like whatever whatever email i'm supposed to send back to them and it's a real bummer i thought i might beat you to this um but in a certain way it's nice to sort of i'll let you beat the path here and tell me how mine was in the my shart

and they said what are the contents sir of your shart you should probably come in and get your

said it looks like you drink some purple liquid you naughty boy you're the bad boy i start

5 p.m i start drinking the gavelite there is something we have plenty of listeners who've been through this process and again reports are that it's not so bad but there is something to me that's a little intimidating about drinking something that i know is going to create a pretty

violent reaction within my body i've never done that i've never have i i don't think i've ever taken any kind of like an x-lax or laxative or anything like that before i was going to say i think though sorry i got i got wrapped up in the fact that i never returned that email to my doctor but one of the things that they did say though is like the good thing about the colonoscopy like the full procedure is if they do find some polyps in there they can just take them out right away which is good but if they do find them and remove them i think you have to go back the next year uh if they don't find any then you're good for i think my doctor said a decade which really surprised me i'm like oh my god i see yeah i think that if they find polyps will remove them but then you'll probably have to go back the next year i could be wrong about that it may be different for different people do you think this is where I'm let's just go ahead and let's violate multiple HIPAA statutes for ourselves do you think that part of why you and I both opted for this is because of a sort of subtle sense that we have not been as great as we could have been to our bodies and therefore we we shouldn't just trust the piece of paper like well I don't want to I don't want to bring you in on that side of the conversation I will speak for myself usually when presented with door number one or door number two with medical stuff where one is less invasive and two is more invasive I go for the less invasive but I also feel like I have not gone to the doctor as regularly as I should have in my adult life I have consumed a lot of alcohol in my adult life I've I've just done a lot of things that I think aren't great to my body and somehow having them go in and get a put on a you know piff helmet and a miner's light and take a look around in there seems like a wise decision based on my lifestyle to me as opposed to if I had been like you know just drinking celery juice every day and the picture of health I would be like yeah I'll just go on the piece of paper but I feel like if there's somebody who's done some not great stuff to their body it's probably me I might as well let them see what the deal is yeah that definitely is part of my

thinking on it i'm like yeah i don't even really know what a polyp is but based on my lifestyle i feel like i picture like polyps like having like a polyp party in there there are people playing polyp poker in the corner i just feel like there's tons of just having a good time beside me i again i don't even really know what they are what the implications of what i'm saying is honestly if

they are playing poker you've got a real situation you better come back in forget a year you better

come back the next day so that's part of it also like both even though one is less invasive honestly I'm a pretty squeamish person and both sound like they're going to create some kind of a trauma for me so I'd rather just do the one that is the most holistic and just get it over with like you though when I got some paperwork or an email explaining the process and that it's not just one day of drinking water and some liquid that they give or you know some powder that they give you I thought that was it but yeah the fact that it kind of you have to start thinking about what you're eating a

week in advance I was not prepared for that and like I had heard somewhere that it was just a pill now but I guess that's maybe I don't have maybe I don't have that Cadillac coverage that gives you that and or who knows but so I have to you know drink this the rest of this solution that's going to cause me to go to the bathroom a bunch and then this is the part that seems foreboding to me, ominous. After I'm finished taking all of my go-to-the-bathroom medicine, then I have to take two Symthacone tablets. What do you think the over-the-counter name for Symthacone tablets

is, Andrew? Is this a dye or something? Do you know what it does? I have a sense. It's something

that has loomed. It looms large in the pop culture when you're a kid. Oh, is it X-Lax? Gas X

Oh, Gas X That's interesting

So in other words, not only are you going to be crapping your brains out You would also be farting your brains out They're like, this is prescription Gas X

Wait, Gas X, I thought that helped eliminate gas When you're feeling gassy, you take Gas X

All I can do is read Step 5 And it says, after you've taken the Gavalite Take the Gas X tablet So maybe it's a painful amount of gas Maybe it's in case you live with someone and they would like you to not just be farting the place. I don't know, but I find it to be kind of upsetting.

Yeah, I think you're right about this. I just never really consider The Gas X, one of my favorite. That's show title. Yeah, right, one of my favorite inscrutable books. But I was like, oh, it's for gas, so therefore it helps you lock that shit down. But no, it's probably if you're feeling uncomfortable in your tummy because you have gas and you feel bloated, GasX might help take care of that, which means, yeah, maybe you're kind of tooting around the house. Right, exactly.

The word was F-A-R-T. Then this, again, we all know this, but I just want to make sure that there's a sub kind of category of step five, which is the GasX step. You will experience diarrhea with the PrEP. Yeah. The first bowel movement typically occurs within one hour of starting the solution. If you don't start having bowel movements in that time frame Don't worry, continue to drink liquids And follow the remainder of the prep as instructed Date of your procedure I want to point out, we're not even at the day Of the thing I am, I guess, going to come to you, Andrew On March 12th That's a big day on the show I mean, honestly, everyone tune in for that That should be a decent tune-in factor March 12th, me here talking to you you with essentially nothing inside my body i am not going to jog that day before the show that much i think i will i will give myself but um uh when you get up now when i wake up on the day of the thing i got to keep with the clear liquid diet i've got to start drinking the second i thought i'd already consumed oh i see the night before is the first half of the gavelite and then the day of Is the second half of the Gavilate So we may have to run I may have to run A microphone into the bathroom Here at the

Madrona Hill studio Andrew Yeah because you're recording Yeah that is Oof Yeah that's

I mean Again I do think It would be pretty decent content And then I gotta take more Gas X

I could cover for you That day too You're allowed to take a sick day In case listeners are like Dude's allowed to take a sick day You should consider that

Why am I giddy about Bringing the listeners On this journey with me Yeah it's true What's that about Step four, day of I'll be taking a sick day, by the way I'll be taking a sick week Stop drinking all liquids At least two hours for your check-in time What is this, DJ Chaos? Phones up, phones down Never stop drinking liquid And then stop drinking all liquid

Is your doctor's name Dr. Chaos?

You know what, I haven't even looked Please be Dr. Chaos Be amazing This guy, by day he does colonoscopies by night he tours with slick rick admonishing the audience that they're not that they're new school hip-hop fans and not old school fans i don't think they with slick rick uh like oof i'm sorry this is going to get a little graphic if you um if you don't want to uh hear a i'm just reading to you from the medical sort of procedure here or or you know instructions uh your bowel movement should become like yellow or tea colored water with no solid stool i'm not looking forward to analyzing this part you must complete the entire prep for effective cleansing and a thorough exam and then the rest of it is just like what to bring uh which is uh your id card your photo your co-pay we recommend that you leave all personal items of any value watches rings etc at home our doctors are known thieves you do not want to be wearing a rolex when dr chaos Goes up your bum

You'll notice Dr. Chaos wearing many Watches on one wrist Because you've stolen it from so many patients

Where you come out of Whatever the anesthetic And then Dr. Chaos just like has a trench coat He opens it's just got like all kinds of Jewelry hanging on the inside

And you recognize some of your own

And then you know it's got Actually this is kind of helpful They've got a Clear liquid diet guide And on the left side is all the stuff you can have And all the right side is stuff you can't have Milk, dairy, cream products is on the no list Smoothies, milkshakes Orange juice, grapefruit juice Pineapple juice, tomato juice Any juice with pulp The music of the band Pulp Anything Jarvis Cocker did solo

The song Juicy

Soup or clear broth That's out right? Yeah why would that be Soup or clear, I thought that I was at least Going to be able to have some like veggie soup or something what's that gonna do to me like a clear veggie broth i mean basically is it just water like is it what well that's the thing i guess here's okay i'll read you the the uh this is okay list water tea black coffee gatorade powerade oh okay hell but light colors only soda seven up sprite ginger ale or they should have said sparkling water they said seltzer light colored fruit juices apple white cranberry white grape or lemonade it's amazing to me how much color plays a role in this like well they're just looking for things right i do think part of it i didn't realize that the color of a soda that i drank was sticking to my is it colon you think i would know i wouldn't i wouldn't imagine i would just imagine if you drink like a some kind of a red juice it just goes through your body and then it's gone i wouldn't i don't i wouldn't imagine that it would sort of, you know, be doing a real paint job inside your colon.

That's literally what I was about to say. You know what you should do? Is there a way to, like, take a little, like, a little plastic pill that won't dissolve and doesn't have any, like, medicine in it, but you can just, like, write a little note to Dr. Chaos on it, and it can, like, kind of be inside, and then the doctor...

Hands off my rollie.

Hello, Dr. Chaos, and you just have this little, like... Nice try, buddy. This little pill inside, and the little camera finds it. That'd be a cute little thing to do for the doc.

sure or just put Dennis what's his name like from Inner Space oh oh oh he gets shot into Martin Short I believe

why am I blanking on his name we just revived our old argument about him if he's A-list or not whether or not he's A-list Quaid Quaid is his name I always say Dennis Quaid is an A-lister. I will say, I thought I had a leg to stand on until I saw the looks on the faces of everybody else around the table when Genevieve said, Andrew thinks Dennis Quaid is an A-lister. And my one friend said, today? As of right now? And I realized, I guess I don't have a leg to stand on there, but I will still fight for it.

Sweets that I'm allowed to have. Jell-O, but light colors only. Popsicles, sugar, and sugar substitutes. Honey. Honey seems like it would be worse. It's just mainline honey. It's sticky. Think about Pooh Bear trying to get honey out of that jar, and now imagine that's your colon. Doesn't that seem like that'd be more of an issue?

I don't know. I think you're in on something about the colors. I think the colors are the problems.

Okay, but then these are the things that are not okay for treats. Anything red, orange, or purple. Anything with fruit, pulp, or cream. And then this one, which makes sense, pudding. I mean, you can't. What are you going to do? Flush yourself out and then eat a bucket of chocolate pudding. forget it you just know i mean you've just repacked the entire situation and then uh the end of it is what to expect after the procedure uh please do here are the do's and the don'ts of this whole thing uh whoa do turn that audio down because it was pretty loud uh do resume your normal diet do resume normal activity the next day like they know about my normal diet let's see if they give me the same instructions that actually yeah let's do a side by side do

start a new lifestyle regime. Right, exactly.

And do really reconsider, sir, all the sausage you've been eating. Yes,

exactly. Do take

your regular medications. Do follow any special instructions given to you by the provider. These are the do nots. Please do not drive a vehicle or dangerous machinery. Please do not drink any alcohol. Can you imagine me just being like, Becca, drop me off at this trailer. Drop me off of this tractor and give me that half rack of Heineken.

You see that bottle with the two X's and the skull and crossbones? Give me that and help me on this Kubota.

Help me on this Kubota.

Do not make any important decisions or sign any legal documents. Oh, Sklaroff, you listening? This is where we get them. Oh, my gosh. That's a really good point. You guys are, you know what? I'm going to schedule an important meeting. That's elder abuse. Okay? How dare you? You and John plotting. You got Bo in on it The operating agreement That's just to make you laugh

You know what I just thought Oh yeah that still probably won't be signed by then

If we do have the operating agreement finished Should I sign it while coming off of

Yes exactly

I'm a little bit nervous about I have not come off of a general Anesthesia Since I guess my wisdom teeth But I had committed a lot fewer crimes then i was like 20 something i'm worried i'm going to admit to something that i don't want to admit to and i don't even know what that something is i don't like the idea of being one of those people that we see the funny videos of the davids at the dentist and all of that i don't i don't want to have my kind of executive function dulled for long enough that i might just say any old crazy ass thing i don't feel comfortable with that do you remember my paranoia so i've

gone under a couple of times in the past i don't know half decade i had my finger surgery um what was that maybe two years ago three years ago now before that i had some some oral surgery that they had to put me under for or i requested that they put me under for i'll be honest with you um and i remember the first one the first one of those i think i said this on the show this is embarrassing i don't know i don't know if this translates but i woke up hey coincidentally with the song juicy going through my head um by biggie and the one line that was actually one of the things on my

list is do not sing the song juicy when you come out well that was the thing you ever get like an

earworm where it's just like one line or two lines over and over and over and i had one of them go through my head and it had the n-word in it oh and and you know that's and i was just like i remember waking up the morning of my oral surgery and that line going through my head and then at some point the shower i'm like wait a second you can't have that line going through your head you're about to

go into surgery did you uh effectively get it out of your head like what did vives say about your general you probably told me this and i've already forgotten it but what did like what was what was

your vibe when you came out they said i was really i was singing they said i had they said i was they said you were just asking questions i was laying down some bars no i don't remember what that was like for for the oral surgery one but i do remember when they like really put me out and like you know i was literally on a stretcher going into an operating room for my hand surgery and that was a that was a strange experience for me i i will say i'm very very proud of this you know after they wheeled me out i don't know if i remember being wheeled out but i do remember like kind of coming to i think it.

in you know this little waiting area where they had prepped me for surgery and genevieve is there and a nurse is there and i said oh what did i do anything did i say anything stupid like when i was out and she said no you were very polite you just kept apologizing for everything and i was like oh well there's and true to the blue i was like i'll take it i'll take it soto mojo yeah i don't know i said true to the blue but no no yeah just like no i love it i'm glad that that i'm glad i'm the

same person i'm really worried i got a lot of dark terrible secrets i'd like to keep hidden like and also i'm sure that when we talked about your procedures or whatever uh we we got into this but i am also i cannot wrap my head around an element of what i assume this sort of um anesthesia will be which is i assume it's a forget me now or a forget me shot like the idea being that i think i will go through the procedure and then i won't remember it yeah but but that doesn't mean i have

to go through the procedure you mean that you're not fully out it's one of those things i think this was my wisdom tooth thing and people know more about this than us who are probably listening but yeah i think the wisdom tooth thing they say i'm not fully out yet i had no recollection of it

I don't like the fact, yeah, my vague recollection of my wisdom teeth was I was having, um, I guess a dream or a sensation that I was being wheeled through an airport by doctors. And I think what it was, was the, the lights that were overhead just felt like kind of like lights that would be in an air airport concourse. So if you were being wheeled through the airport, that might be what it would look like, but I have that level of memory about it. But like, the thing is being minimally conscious or being somewhat conscious, but not remembering it's like, okay, well, I'm glad I don't remember it. But does, am I going, am I, am I going through the process? And then it's just not terrible because I don't remember it. But like, I went through the process. Like, that's the part that I would like to be very, very unconscious for this, please. for this for this insertion of this large apparatus i assume i would like to be i would i don't want to be awake and then not remember it i want to be

knocked out and not remember it but is it i mean you're raising an interesting sort of is it almost schrodinger's butthole oh god philosophical i don't know if we always end

up talking about buttholes but um who is that that's not um who is that it was something during the pandemic that made me laugh that i played a couple times and i could tell you didn't like it well you know but the reason i signed up for this colonoscopy is to have a whole new lease on playing

butthole related audio on the program i'm gonna hear fart until march 12th no i mean maybe march 13th this is a this is a um a happier version of what we're talking about sort of or something happening that's good and you can't remember it and i've said this on the show before and this is a true story like birth of my daughter one of the first things that like really kind of blew my mind as a kid that like really got me thinking and it confused me so much right but my brain just sort of couldn't um couldn't sort of balance the books on was uh an episode or I guess maybe a um a peanuts movie of some sort I remember that Charlie Brown always had a crush on the little red-haired girl or something and he always wanted to kiss from the red-haired girl or something like that i don't know that much about the lore of peanuts but i remember watching one of the movies where apparently he gets he does get a kiss from the red-haired girl but he's so blissful that he passes out or something and then he doesn't remember it right and then his friends have to tell him oh yeah you you know the red-haired girl kissed you and he's like but i don't remember it and like and so like then charlie brown is still like totally charlie browning out he's like well i mean what does that mean if i if i got a kiss and it would have been the happiest moment of my life but I have literally no recollection of it I remember being a kid and being like yeah what yeah what's with that yeah it's kind of like that only you are there but you don't remember like I remember that really being maybe the first philosophical moment of my life sitting behind in front of a television I sat behind the TV as a kid and studied it and I studied it yeah I guess

I just I'm hoping that I'm also not I'm just repeating myself now but I'm just hoping that I don't have to go through it and forget it I would like to just not I would like to be knocked out, go through it and not remember it and not say anything super weird as I'm coming out of the anesthetic or whatever you call it

What if Dr. Chaos kisses you and you don't remember it? Here I go once again with the email Really coming in hot with the audio today

Sorry

Did a knob get turned?

i don't know i've just been so busy reading the medical instructions my uh procedure that i just haven't even been paying attention to the audio levels

um emails or females um yes um i have one voicemail here i grabbed this yesterday oh this is almost like a phil this is almost a well maybe it's not a philosophical question but i like to think that it's in line with what i was just talking about this is you think if our friend

phyllis ever did get into hip-hop philosophical would be a good name for her that's pretty good And now opening for DJ Chaos, it's philosophical.

It's the, I like the wordplay, but it's not a philosophical. Authical is not a great, it's not a great stage.

It's like the Jack Handy tape we started with today.

Yeah, it really does sort of feel like that. That was so funny. I don't know where I saw that. That was like, it popped up in my Instagram reels, that deep thoughts that I played at the top of the show. And if it was a listener who posted that yesterday, Thank you for posting it because it did make me laugh. Anyway, we have a question here about childhood experiences from young listener Langley.

Hi, it's Langley, and I wanted to ask you guys if maybe when you were in third grade, if you ever had like ice cream parties and the ice cream was where you could taste the spoon more than the ice cream. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So have you ever done that? Have you ever had an ice cream that I assume the ice cream is so bad that you can taste the spoon more than the ice cream?

Well, OK, we had at Daniel Bagley Elementary School every year there was an ice cream social. Did you have an ice cream social at your schools? No, not that I recall. So that would be, you know, after school, it'd actually be like maybe four or five in the evening. And I think it would the idea was to get all the parents and students out kind of not during school time, but as a way of just, you know, getting to know each other. and bonding as a community. And I remember that ice cream being very underwhelming, just kind of like squares of ice cream.

Square, I was about to ask you. Like, I wouldn't have remembered that, but the way you were describing it, I was going to say, was it like squares of ice cream?

That's got to be an industrial preparation of ice cream somewhere. That's got to be a thing you can buy, which, by the way, makes sense. Like, I wouldn't expect, the lunch lady at my school was named Nelda. I wouldn't expect Nelda to be hand-scooping 400 bowls of ice cream. That would be ridiculous and impossible. So there must be somewhere where you can buy square ice cream that is like a serving of ice cream that is way easier to distribute hundreds of, right?

Yeah, I guess so. I just have a vague recollection of that. Like somehow I knew you were going to say that before you said it, and I don't know how.

But the other thing, what I think Langley might be referencing is the idea that the spoon is made out of that, like, wood.

Yes, that's what I was going to say. Which we didn't have at our ice cream social.

We had plastic spoons. It was the 80s. It was a different time. But the wood, I've never been a fan of the wood spoon. It doesn't taste bad to me. In fact, maybe I say I've never been a fan. Maybe there's a certain nostalgia around it now. But it is its own flavor profile that is part of the process. which like a plastic spoon doesn't have a flavor to it, or much of a flavor. You're just getting the ice cream. A little wood, balsa wood spoon is something that has a flavor to it and is part of the ice cream, and you don't want it to be part of the ice cream.

Yeah, I was wondering if that's what Langley was talking about, because that was the, like, I can't imagine eating it off a plastic spoon or a metal spoon and tasting the spoon more than the ice cream. But if you have those rough, I mean, they're not rough hewn, but like there's something that I wince at the thought of eating ice cream off of a little even like a little sample of ice cream you know like i haven't i'm not somebody who takes samples you will not be surprised to hear why is that i don't know like it doesn't appeal to me like no i don't want to stay in this grocery store and have like one one little coin

of kielbasa or a little bite that's why you got to block out an afternoon like my parents do and just absolutely rob that costco silly yeah of samples if you if you do enough hot laps you

really get a meal out of it it just doesn't it doesn't appeal to me but yeah the idea of like somebody hey you know have a little sample of this and it's like on a little wooden spoon or even a little wooden like um you know sometimes they're like flat little uh-huh a little dixie not a dixie cup a little paper cup type of sitch with a little piece of wood in there like yeah i

really hate that i don't i don't want to do that anymore like i'm very sub uh sub susceptible no I'm very susceptible to samples when I'm in the store.

You are. I am surprised.

Because I am, I think, surprised is what you mean to say. I am surprised. I am very surprised. I am usually very hungry when I'm in the grocery store. I'm not a smart grocery shopper who, you know, eats a hearty meal before I go. I usually show up there when I'm thinking about eating something. That's why I went there. And then I'm wandering the store. And then if they've got samples of things and I take a bite, I remember. I got turned on to what some people call bread cheese from a sample. So there's a certain kind of cheese. I don't really want to know what goes on. I don't want to know how this is possible, but you can basically fry it. You can do a lot of heat application to it and it doesn't just immediately melt like a lot of other kinds of cheese. So you can make a little kind of a fried cheesy sandwich thing with it where it's, and it's lower carb, I guess would be the, it's also very delicious, But, like, there's a cheese called halloumi cheese that you can get a lot of times at Greek restaurants that's really good, this, like, halloumi fried cheese. And I just remember going into, like, probably the QFC on Rainier, and somebody just standing at one of those things, just frying up some bread cheese, and they're like, would you like a little bit of this? And me taking a bite and going, how much of this do you have? I'll take all of it.

Back up the truck.

Like you cannot you could not describe a scenario where you'd be less likely to do something, Andrew, than someone trying to hand you sample cheese, sample almost melted cheese at a grocery store. That's everything in the world that you avoid.

I think one time I accidentally hurt a cheesemonger's feelings. It was just in the grocery store, you know, but like sometimes you get people who are very passionate about their little department of the some. And, I mean, it's nice when you get that because sometimes you just get folks who really want to be anywhere but in the deli or behind the cheese counter. But I remember one time being in the Fred Meyer in Greenwood, and they have a big – Oh, I know where this is going.

Yeah, they've branded their cheese area with – who's – I forget the – is it Beecher's? Maury's, right? Oh, Maury's. Maury's.

Maury's. Okay, yeah. Yeah, now that you say that, I can picture it, although I'm obviously not familiar with the products. But anyway, and it's one of the, you know, that part of the story even stinks a little bit like cheese, which isn't something that I totally enjoy. But I was walking by and they had a very, like, friendly, enthusiastic fellow back there who said, you know, you want to try a sample of this. I was like, oh, no, thanks. I don't like cheese. And then I just kind of kept walking. But I just sort of got the feeling that, like, that's not what you're supposed to say to a cheese monger. You could just say, no, thank you. I just ate. They don't need an explanation at all. That's what I need to remember in life. I can just say no, thank you to things. I don't need to say, like, I've told you before, hey, can I have some extra napkins? I'm a very messy eater. I need that second part, Walsh. Just say, can I have some extra napkins? It's implied.

Or, yeah, because otherwise I guess you're saying, no, thank you. By the way, your entire raison d'etre disgusts me. The thing you spend a lot of time thinking about makes me want to wretch. It's something that you love and enjoy. And it makes me sick.

It's awful. It's bad for the world.

If you want to know how to talk to cheesemongers, Andrew, can I point you in the direction of my television story about the cheese, the international cheesemonger competition in San Francisco that I once attended.

Oh, well, I don't really need to talk to cheesemongers.

Okay, fine. I guess that's going to...

Want to be in my improv troupe?

You know what? That was less about you than it was about me. I'm doing a new thing. I'm trying a new thing here where I've got my microphone kind of spun around in a slightly different position. I'm now sitting in my ergonomic chair. I usually start the show standing, and then sometime towards the end, I'll kind of sit down, and I'm staring at a different part of the mighty Columbia, and I'm kind of just, I literally lost track of where we were on the show, if that makes sense. I'm not saying my mind was drifting. It's not that I wasn't concentrating on the program. It's that by looking out a different window and not staring at the show sheet and my laptop that's open, I actually completely forgot where we were in the program, and that's why I gave you that long, weird pause. I was like, oh, is this donors? Or is this emails? What are we doing here? So I apologize. I don't want you to think that was you.

Well, it was sort of me. You did set me up for something, and I just basically said no.

But that thing was failure. I set you up for failure, so that's on me.

And I succeeded at the failure, so that's a win.

All right. Thanks for listening, everybody. We will be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio for you. So please do check in for that. In the meantime, have a great Tuesday. Take care of yourselves, and please remember, no mountain too tall. And good luck to all.

You have no reflexes, your blood tastes like root beer, and some of your bones appear to have vanished.

Power out.