Muse

Hi, I'm Dr. Steve Bruhl with Wouldn't That Be Cool. In 1971, Bill Greats invented Microsoft. Wouldn't it be cool if I could remember my dingus password from my email? That would be cool. TBTL

In the next hour, we will present information that's both shocking and enlightening. Daddy's here, and Daddy is going to take care of you. Please don't refer to yourself as our Daddy. I am your big daddy, and I am going to kiss the boo-boo. Are you all afraid? No. Daddy's here for you, my widow angels. Sometimes a little comic relief is the best way to deliver a serious message. I think people should listen to TVTL because it will make them funnier, even if it's in their own head. And this, this is your master plan. Huh? Oh, no, no. Now this is a whole other awesome thing.

This is just a goof. Why don't we go get a beer? I'll give you some advice, and we can have what the kids are calling a sausage fest.

This will be blown way out of proportion. You have my word on it.

Alright, hello, good morning, and welcome everyone to a Thursday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. The comments are savage. Very, very savage. My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host...

You want showmanship? You got it!

Coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio perched high above the mighty Columbia, where it's just an absolutely splendid day. Blue skies, Blue River, green trees. Oh, yeah, buddy. It's what I've been waiting for, and it's all happening. Maybe you've been waiting for episode 4162 in a collector series.

Let the fun begin.

Which is also happening right here, right now. And we have a lot to get into, including a near meltdown that I had yesterday at the Home Depot. It's about as frustrated and angry as I've been in, well, a long time.

I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!

I will, um, I'm actually, for reasons that will become clear, I'm hesitant to even get into it, because I feel like most of the listeners and maybe even my good friend Andrew are going to think I was in the wrong. But, you know, this show is nothing if not fully transparent. So we'll get into that. Also, speaking of insulting moments, I am, the plan today anyway is for me to level and lob a number of insults at Andrew.

How dare you people even say that?

But it is in the interest of science. It's in the interest of learning how to handle insults. And so the only way to do that is to throw some insults at him and see how he's doing and how he's responding. So we're going to get into that. Plus, it's a Thursday, a.k.a. a Blur's Day. Blur's Day today. So there's Blur's Day messages. And we will, of course, talk to slash insult this guy, longest running co-bro of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. He's Andrew Walsh, and he is joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

I would like to say, I don't know if this is too transparent here, Luke, but as I'm kind of getting some things in order in my email inbox while you're talking, I know we had some listeners of the legal persuasion concerned about the status of our operating agreement because we were spoofing about that, our business paperwork.

Did we talk about the operating agreement on the show?

It came up one or two points maybe a month or two ago because I saw some of the Dannys being like, I am very uncomfortable with this operating agreement situation. Oh, good.

Let's get more lawyers involved.

Let's get this signed. I want everybody to know.

Let's bog down this otherwise speedy process of the TBTB operating agreement.

Everything is now signed and finalized. I just emailed myself the final copy. TBTB operating agreement final and signed. I'm putting it in my archive. We are good to go. Who wants to hold a fundraiser?

I do, because I would like to keep doing this as my job, because I can tell you that Home Depot employee is probably out.

Do you want to start there? I was wondering.

I guess I might as well. I'm being serious when I say I really wrestled with talking about this because my concern is that when I lay out the facts of the case, you will probably say that i was in the wrong which i sort of was and then i will turn my anger

on you all you were trying to do was steal five box fans and they tried to stop you what gall

yes i was trying to get into i'm you know me i'm trying to go viral constantly i wanted to be in one of those viral videos where

Someone just loads up an entire, like, huge cart at Home Depot and then just wheels it out of the store.

Wait, I've seen that happen at my local Home Depot, but I don't think it was an influencer. But they were under the influence.

Could I be? That's a great question. Could I become an under the influencer?

That's probably a greater likelihood for me. That's potentially a show title, yeah. No, I remember when we were kind of new in the neighborhood, we showed up at Home Depot. You know, we were going there constantly as we that in Lowe's, which are both near my house as we were moving in and taking care of some projects. And it was like probably I feel like it was later, like seven, eight, maybe even nine o'clock at night. Vives and I walk into the Home Depot and all like the young people who work there all have this sort of dazed look on their face. Like, what do we do now? And I was like, I don't know. Just greet me. Then I realized it was because somebody had taken, I think, like, was it a snowblower? I don't know what it was, some sort of large piece of equipment, put it into a grocery cart and was just wheeling it. And then by the time I saw them, you know that parking lot, they're wheeling it up this long ramp towards Aurora, if you can picture it, kind of by the food trucks there. And it's just like, what is anybody going to do? It's a fairly steep grade. Yes, it's a long, steep grade. And it's all these kids, what are they going to do?

They're going to wheel it up to Aurora, wheel it over, wheel it down to Putz Golf.

Yes, that's the direction.

And trade it for a new set of Titleist clubs.

Anyway, I assume that that's what you were doing.

That's exactly what I was doing. So I guess we don't need even to hear the story.

You were in the right.

So here is, I'll try to keep this relatively brief. But so I'm, you know, getting some countertops put in in the kitchen in the cabin here. And that's, to this day, even though the pandemic is now sort of over and normal life is supposed to have returned to all of us doing home construction stuff and certain kinds of materials it's still challenging at times i had a heck of a time finding a local countertop person out here in other words a person who would come out and measure you know where i got these cabinets at ikea that my dad and i have been setting up now they're they're all in place and then they come out and they measure with these very precise like laser measuring devices and stuff all of the counter area where the the quartz countertop is going to go and they create a template and this has to be of course really really spot on because once they cut this stuff and bring it back out there's no like changing it it's like you really you really got to make sure you're exacting about this and so i was i i could have uh down there at ikea where i bought the cabinets i could have signed up for their system where they do the countertops except they don't actually do the countertops they're just kind of a like a you know middleman like what happens is you also buy the countertop from ikea and then they send someone out from like some company to measure it and and to put the thing down the thing was they had a pretty long waiting list like it was maybe seven weeks for this whole thing to happen like and i so i was i said let me hold off on that let's get all the cabinets put in and then I'm going to figure out what my options are well I was in Home Depot this weekend and of course I'm strolling through the like uh you know countertop area where they do all the kitchens and stuff and lo and behold they're having a sale um which was only good through last Sunday and it was like 10% off the certain kind of whatever and I you know sort of was checking some I thought oh some of this quartz countertop would be totally fine for what i'm doing and um and so i sat down with a guy and we sort of worked it out and i you know paid for it and and uh and i showed him the rough measurements of my kitchen and stuff and he said okay well now we've got to get the company i said well who who from this home depot is going to come out and measure they go oh no no we don't measure it's just a different company we use so i realized i was once again in a situation where i'm just paying the home depot to then just pay some countertop company that's in the area to come out and do this job and i was sort of like i don't know if i love that because i would rather just directly interact with the countertop company

but you can't because you need the materials from the home depot well i don't even know if home

depot maybe i don't even know if home depot provides these materials i mean it's so kind of opaque like i bought all this stuff there but you don't leave with a sheet of quartz countertop right you just leave with a receipt and then someone comes out and measures and then later or someone comes out with a carved up pizza course. I don't know if, honestly, I think Home Depot is literally just like the way their contract works. And this is where everyone really hoped that this would go today, which is, of course, me describing the business model of the Home Depot. I think that they, I don't think that they end up in this particular case, even dealing with anything physical. I think they literally are just like a showroom, a place where you buy stuff, and then they dispatch.

someone they dispatch another company to come out and actually do the work yeah and if that's i'm

with you on this part like if that's the case i'd rather just work directly with the company what's

the right but i couldn't yeah right but i'm like will you share your list with me sir yeah gus hey gus uh would you share your list with me because i don't really i also probably feel like i might be paying a little extra what's home depot's how are they getting their beak wet on this right so i was you know gus was a nice enough guy i thought that the price was was reasonable it was competitive with what Ikea was going to charge me and it was just like okay I just want to get this ball rolling this is where the story is really going I really want to get someone out here to measure this so that they can start fabricating the countertop so then it can get in here so it can be locked down so that I have a functioning kitchen I just I want to get things rolling and I had called a number of places in town and everybody was it was going to take a long time so i was like all right i'm gonna just use home depot so i was in la earlier this week and i get a call from somebody at the local company and by local i mean they're down in like wilsonville oregon which is actually pretty far away and this is the guy the third this is the kind of the contractor that is the contractor that like is getting the money that i've paid home depot yeah they're getting i would presume most of that money to come do this job again i don't know why i had to hire why i don't know how why gus had to be involved in this process but he was and now it's you know so uh the but this was the thing that i was very uh encouraged by uh he said you know it takes maybe between two and four weeks to come out and do the template depending on how busy they are well i get a call on like monday in la i'm in the back of a lift and i just recognize the area code as being generally the area where i think that the the countertop guys are and the guy's like hey it's so and so from this countertop company and he says hey i wanted to schedule an appointment with you we had somebody cancel how about wednesday and i was like how about hell yeah like you know that that's amazing like i'm moving up in the list because then the sooner that it gets measured the sooner i can get this whole thing rolling this is this is incredible what i didn't think to do was like ask my dad if he thought we would be at the point we needed to be because everything in the kitchen like the cabinets everything has to be where it's going to be right like locked down because as I already said nothing can change once they've measured it so my dad's like so I text him the great news I'm like amazing they'll be by on Wednesday and his response is I hope I'll be ready but see that's always his response now this is the beginning of where I've started to do things wrong in this story Andrew because what i should have done was i should have before i said yes to the countertop people i should have called my dad and said do you think we can be ready by wednesday afternoon i just figured that he would get it done by then because it seemed pretty done when i was going in and out of the kitchen it seemed the cabinets were i had assembled all the cabinets myself everything was sitting where it was going to go i thought it looked pretty done i thought it looked done enough that

between monday and wednesday afternoon we could get it placed you know whatever what needed to be

done so everything's sort of aligned you've set it up you've built it but now everything just

needs to be secured that's your dad's role this is the part see this is where this is where my lack of knowledge on the topic is is is pretty apparent i guess it was i thought well why don't we if we set everything up like here's where the dishwasher is going to be here's where this cabinet's going to be if everything is sitting exactly where it's going to go then whether or not it's screwed into the floor is that relevant like they can measure it well um i i think i underestimated how important that was because what i know is that when the guy showed up i thought i also didn't read this is again i want to be clear everything that happened in this was at its most sort of core level my fault it didn't decrease my incredible rage over how this all turned out but it wasn't it was it was basically my fault all around so i didn't read the uh text closely about when the window of time was that the guy was going to be here i saw 3 p.m on there i thought okay they're going to be here at three so i told my dad i was like we have until 3 p.m he's like okay so he's you know doing his thing i get you and i might even still been doing tbtl i believe we were actually yesterday and i get a text hey it's so and so uh from the place i'm a half hour away and i was like oh wait this this that's i thought this was going to be in a few hours and sure enough i really look at the thing and like no the window was from 12 to 3 and so it sounds

like this person is rolling up they're going to roll up around noonish 12 yeah they're rolling

up at like within the window but at the like exact the earliest minute one of the window okay which

in so many other circumstances with a delivery or something right what you want exactly in and

but and i like i so we wrap up the show and i walk out there

And my dad's out on the deck, like cutting things and stuff. And I go, Hey, just so you know, the, uh, the countertop guy is going to be, he's, he's going to be here in like 10 minutes or that he's down the road. And my dad's like, Oh, well, I'm not ready. And I was like, Oh, okay. Uh, well, let's see. And I'm still thinking maybe there's some wiggle room. Maybe when the guy gets here, I'll put the two people who understand this stuff, i.e. him and my dad together and they'll figure out a solution. Like he's, he literally called me. I talked to him and he was like I'm basically like four blocks away from your house

What kind of vibe are you getting from him On the phone at this point?

A good vibe So he comes down And I said Right when he gets out of the car I go Hey I just want to let you know I think we're still like an hour away from being ready for this I messed up I didn't read the thing properly I thought you were going to be here at 3 He goes oh yeah no it's 12 to 3 And he said well why don't I just take a look

we'll kind of see what's up and I'm feeling positive about liking this person oh totally

and and for the record I Ed's Ed is aces by me I don't really I don't have a problem with Ed per se but he comes in and when I walk in with him the look on Walt's face it's like I'm trying to think like I'm trying to think of what else I could have walked into the house with that would have been would have caused my dad to be more crestfallen I think my dad was under the impression That when he told me we're not ready I was going to like abort the mission Like there was something about the guy Here to measure the countertops Standing physically in the house Where the countertops Or at least the cabinetry was not ready to go Was my dad was like He just looked so like I don't know It was like I walked in with Charles Manson Or something So hey dad this is Charlie I just met him out on the road He's going to stay here for a couple days

You got some cabinets huh

so he goes like he's been working with the beach boys

so he's gonna have some markings that are gonna seem somewhat off-putting but he's great at

cabinetry um so so the guy comes in and he and my dad start kind of comparing notes and and everything's very very cordial um and and they're talking about cabinet stuff and whatever and then i'm i'm hoping i'm hoping that what is going to come out of this conversation is the guy saying i think i can probably this is probably good enough and my dad being like i think i can probably just put this over here i wanted them to solve this problem that i had sort of created by just like being overly optimistic and by not really um reading the the the text uh from the company closely i was hoping that per usual other people could solve the problem that i had sort of created

i love that i'm picturing like you kind of like pumping them up like look at this couple of can

do guys over here problem solve i was trying to parent trap them i was i was hayley mills and i was trying to just trick dad and dad to falling into falling in love again through a series of pranks pulled on their respective partners so i anyway exactly andrew i'm kind of like all right this is going in the right direction the the people who understand this shit are starting to collab and then the guy goes so i guess uh what i would do is just reschedule you'll just go ahead and i go do i call do i call joe and ed is like yeah i'd probably call i'd probably call joe and um i said yeah because you know i was just so excited that this appointment opened up because of someone canceling and i'd just be a real shame if we have to go to the back of the line and he goes he goes yeah i don't know he goes you know we have a lot of people um i don't i'm booked but there might be somebody else in the region that can come or you know i can tell ed's getting kind of non-committal now and also slowly backing out of the house and i'm like hmm why is ed's affect changing so we shake heads he gets in his car again he heads off and uh i immediately call the place and i said and i'm leaving a message and i'm like hey uh i um i kind of messed up

probably is not important i'm sorry to interrupt but when you say the place are you now you have to now rearrange this through home depot or this is part of the confusion i'm calling joe and joe

is with this contractor joe is with this contractor this company but but you're you're right to be confused andrew because this is also sort of part of the story it's it's unclear exactly who i'm really dealing with and who's in charge of this because the i've given the money to home depot but but i'm trying to get joe and his company to work on this so i call joe back and i leave him a message and i'm very chagrined i'm like hey and i'm doing this kind of version of chagrin that i do a lot which is again could you just be a hero and help me out of this i really i i really stepped in at this time joe you know kind of falling on your sword a bit falling on my sword and kind of hoping that in being not a pain or at least in not being entitled that i will get some special treatment i'm hoping that in not acting not entitled i will then in fact be treated in a

very entitled manner that's next level entitlement man bro it's and it's worked really well for about

47 years uh

up until now so i leave this message that's like hey i'm just hoping we can get back on the list we missed this thing by like an hour i was a little i was confused about the the window of time and so if we can just get back on the list that would be great and um and uh and just get somebody back out here i mean we're going to be done in like an hour we'll be ready in an hour and so i'm leaving all this in the message and and uh and then i uh i get a call back from from joe an hour or two later i see the number i'm like hey it's my buddy joe because he and i have had very also very cordial conversations and he's he sounds nervous this time it sounds a little different i can tell he's something he doesn't want to bring up but he goes how's it going i go oh it's pretty good how are you goes oh man just having a day but i go well that'll happen me too because you know i screwed this thing up royally but anyway um so let's go ahead and if we can just get this we're pretty much done now if we can get this thing rescaled and he goes yeah um well Well, I just just want to let you know that because Ed, because Ed did get to the get to the house, that is an attempt at that is an attempt at putting a template in. And and so before I can before I can put you back in the system for another appointment, we've got a fee. It's two hundred dollars for attempted putting in a template. and uh so yeah it's two hundred dollars and uh and and then and then when i get that when we have that payment uh then i can um then i can put you back on the on the waiting list for uh for a template and when i tell you now here was the here was the mistake that ed made ed commented to me casually because i said i'm so sorry for wasting your time he goes you know what i was doing another call literally down the street i had to drive practically past your neighborhood he goes this makes no impact on my day he said to me andrew this makes no impact on okay because i was gonna

say up until you said that i was like well it does make sense you hire a company you agree to something like their time i mean they're making you know what i mean they're not just like that that's how they make their money and so if they take an hour to drive somewhere and it's the customer's problem that they're not ready like you gotta pay for their time fair um but yeah if he said that. I'm saying Ed really slipped up. You done messed up, Ed.

Because what he could have said and what he should have said, and honestly, if Joe's hearing this, this is probably, you know, this is something to kick around at the next all staff. What these folks should say every time is, it took me forever to get out here.

Did you know it's snowing in parts of the county?

I mean, have you seen the movie The Revenant? There were parts of my journey out here that rivaled the experience of The Revenant.

Taking bare fur off of his phone.

I did not think I was going to survive this. Instead of, I was on my way back to the home office, and I was having to drive past your neighborhood. This made no impact on my day. When I hear Joe telling me it's $200, and I said, even though I go, even though he was here for about three minutes, and he goes, yeah, if they even set foot inside your house, it's a and it's you know I can't he was like I can't um I can't even generate the next appointment unless you pay the money and I was just like I know that's not true I know that this is I know that there is a way to do this without this $200 I understand that there is a mechanism there is a setting in the computer this is not by the way I looked the company up this is not a massive nationwide company that's doing this it is a regional company that has two showrooms so that's doing the install so in other words it's not like i wasn't talking to a a person who is sitting at a computer in say san antonio who was working on behalf of a a company that is you know spread out with work crews all over the country and there's a complicated system i was talking to the guy who dispatches people to go do these template things like literally the

last time I tried to order a pizza hut pizza on the phone about like eight years ago because I kind of had a feeling there were no pizza huts in my neighborhood but I ended up literally on the phone with somebody in Texas who had to call me back and say like I don't think we have any like any pizza huts or taco bells in your neighborhood yeah so I remember like being like why am I on the phone with somebody from Texas when I just want a pizza hut pizza just want a meat lover's pizza with maybe a stuffed crust i have a theory by the way that there's a

reverse redlining around pizza hut oh and that's there is if you live in a neighborhood where you can't get pizza hut it probably means that you're living in a neighborhood that has a certain kind of um sort of cost of living you might imagine and and and that indicates that you're in one of the sort of fancier if you will neighborhoods um because i've lived and i guess this is privilege I've lived in a few Pizza Hut deserts lately, and then I've driven to other neighborhoods to get my Pizza Hut.

Actually, I used to do it in Portland because, oh, God, nobody out pizzas the hut. And I would notice that I think they're not always, but my experience of living in a pizza hut desert has been that also indicates that I'm living in a certain kind of affluence.

Although I would say where I live now belies that. Sure.

And was it from your current house?

No, this was a conversation I had a while back.

There's a pizza hut in your basement.

the closer you are to a pizza hut the tougher the neighborhood is oh luke you should see like

i am not part of and if they've got a wing stop attached to it forget about actually there is

honestly there is a wing stop very near my house i don't know if you know that near the old mandarin gate um anyway i was gonna go on a tangent but we're in the middle of your story go ahead okay

uh and i'm sorry as per usual i'm i'm i'm extending this out far too long but anyway so here's what happens i tell joe i gotta take a call i literally hang up on joe i'm so mad i don't hang up on him just like stop the conversation but i go hold on i i gotta i gotta deal with some stuff i'm gonna call you back so i hang up on joe and now i'm just like i'm so i'm so frustrated i'm frustrated at myself for not planning this out better i'm frustrated at the timeline of the kitchen project to be honest with you because i'm i'm frustrated that that we didn't just like push everything together and and because there were brackets on the floor where the dishwasher was going to be bolted in you know what i mean like that were screwed down like i kind of felt like i don't know a lot about this world although i have had i have had new countertops put in in a few houses i've owned so i'm experienced with this process but like i felt like this was a sort of a lack of imagination on on on Walt and Ed's part but then again they know more about it than I do like I feel like there could have been a way to do it now I'm on the hook for 200 additional dollars it's my own fault but I'm also thinking this felt like a via this felt like a personal violation against me from Joe because I know that what Joe is doing is just making 200 more for his company like it's just it's the guy was driving past my house there was no there was there was there was no added expense to the company that needs to be recouped it's just the policy and he's just enforcing it he and he has the right to i was in the wrong i handled this poorly like if i would have had everything ready to go we wouldn't be in this situation but i also am very to this moment i'm very i mean by the way i mean when i'm talking to you here on thursday i'm very very convinced that it is the kind of let me tell you this if it was joe's brother-in-law i don't think we're paying the $200. I don't think it's like the computer system is so finicky that you cannot move forward with the next reservation without satisfying this dollar amount. So here's where my brain starts to go. I am going to drive down to Home Depot. I'm going to cancel the entire order, potentially. Well, first I thought I will just try to see what Home Depot says about it. Maybe they'll discount $200 off my thing and it'll just be even.

Has money... I assume that money has...

They have a significant portion of money from me already. As of Sunday when I bought the whole system through Gus, right?

But you're ready to say I want to cancel and I want all of my money back, which that's a risky gambit.

Yes, I want to know what the options are. I'm not quite ready to do that because I don't want to start over. I don't want to have to drive back down to Ikea and get their – hell, they might use the same company. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, God, that would be a scenario, wouldn't it?

I'm so mad. I'd say it's probably 70 30 they do yeah so I was like I was just so kind of mad about this I felt impotent and not in the good way I just felt so powerless like they have me over a barrel for this $200 I it is it is both technically true that I summoned them to come measure this thing and I wasn't ready to go that is true and i signed something and i know in there the fine print it says i owe them 200 like i'm not debating that i just am i'm just feeling kind of annoyed at the whole thing how it worked out how we were one if the guy would have just made this his last stop if he would have just come at three if he would have stopped for a ham sandwich i feel like this all goes differently you know i'm playing out these scenarios in my head i'm just feeling powerless because i don't know how to i don't know how to mill quartz countertop myself and put it on So I'm going to have to get someone else to do it. But what I want to know is what are my options? Could I get all my money back and go with someone else? Could I threaten to take all my money back and use it as leverage against Joe? Like I go down to Home Depot and of course, Gus is on. It's Gus's weekend. It's my Friday. It's Gus is not around. There's one other person who's supposedly like the kitchen master of this particular Home Depot. What I'm told by the other employees and there's like it's a very slow day at the Home Depot and there are many, many employees standing around.

but none of them are the people who know from kitchen stuff. They're like, you got to talk to so-and-so. I'm like, okay, well, so-and-so is designing a kitchen with a very nice middle-aged couple. They're sitting at the computer. I'm like, oh boy, but I don't want to leave because I need to figure out what my next move is. So I need to know what my options are here. So I just basically become a bizarre lurker in the Home Depot. Like I do a couple of hot laps. I try to think of any, which is crazy. I always need something from Home Depot. Always.

The moment you came home, you realized what you needed.

I can't think of one thing that I legitimately need and I don't want to spend money on something. I'm like, how is this the one day that I don't have a long list of stuff to get here?

You end up spending 200 bucks on shit you don't need.

It was very it was that was a real danger of this whole thing. So I'm just waiting and then I'm just like sitting on a giant like box. That's like a Ryobi Some kind of lawn Some kind of lawn mower I'm just like sitting on a box But I'm hiding Because I don't want to just be lurking over this couple So I'm sitting on a box A big box of something At the front of the store Where I can look between other boxes And see the head of the husband Of the couple that is having their kitchen design And he has sunglasses Like Oakley's up on the top of his head

And I'm just On top of a baseball cap on top of his head?

No, he was not that look. He had reading glasses and he had sunglasses. And he was using the reading glasses to peep the countertops they were going to have put in. And the sunglasses were resting atop his head because they were not necessary. And I'm just watching the top of his head. And I'm watching and I'm on my phone and I'm texting the people. And I'm trying to probably texting you and John about various things. And I'm just, like, trying to do something productive while making sure that at no time when this guy's sunglass head starts moving, someone else swoops in.

I really wish you had to rearrange, like, a bunch of – if you had gone to the store and found, like, a bunch of fake trees and stuff and created, like, a duck blind for yourself.

I just come out. I'm in a ghillie suit.

Go to the, like, the binoculars section. Get yourself some binoculars.

I just bring – I bring a ghillie suit to the front, and I'm, like, I'm just going to wear this out. is it what is a ghillie suit is that what that's the that's the like super camouflaged like thing with like fabric on it so it looks like you're wearing a pile of leaves okay yes yes like i just emerged from this like trees like but i'm also by the way i'm trying to be very careful of how i approach this home depot kitchen master because she's just been in a very long session with these folks and i don't want to just be like like the second that they move because i want to give her like a minute to like breathe and relax and think about other things in her life and like i want her to be in the optimal optimal state of mind to do me a solid right and i've got my whole like thick printed out like receipt and list of all the stuff that i've you know associated with this purchase and i so i wait they leave and i wait like probably two minutes and i saunter up and i'm Andrew I'm doing my best like my best like casual guy move you know I get up to her and I'm like hey I heard you're the um the person who really knows the the kitchen scene around here and she goes she just looks at me no expression on her face and just goes uh-huh and I'm like oh this is this is not gonna end well she was have you met the vacuum queen of Wedgwood I mean honestly I should put those two in touch they would have a lot to talk about she was so un like i don't know and again you never know anyone's journey right like i don't know what's going on in her life maybe there's some stuff outside of home depot that she's dealing with she just it was it was like not a great customer service experience in the sense that she didn't seem happy that i was interacting with her about the kitchen situation at home depot i don't know if she was expecting if she noticed me lurking and she was just kind of like spoiling for a a a a sort of complicated situation you know what i mean like i think she might have been like maybe she maybe she saw me or someone hipped her like there's a guy waiting and so she was like okay guy waiting is usually a bad sign like this guy's gonna come in hot so she sort of had her armor up i don't know what was going on but she was just not she just wasn't didn't seem very sort of friendly about this and And then I said, so I ordered some countertops through you all. And the company that came out to measure, they moved me up. They came out to measure today, and we weren't ready. I go, and the guy was pretty early. And she goes, well, what was your window? And this was when things got kind of weird because now, out of nowhere, another Home Depot staffer materializes and says, his window started at noon. And I was like, are you researching? Like, I didn't even tell anyone this. Whoa, whoa, whoa. How did that happen? I don't, I don't know. She goes, what time, the first person, the person who had been helping the couple says, what time did he show up? And I said, I don't know.

on like 12 20 and what i was going to say is which is the very beginning of the window and then this other lady materializes and says um and says well his window started at 12 and i'm i'm like first of all i don't even know how they they because i guess i booked this through them they're also looking like probably it was the only appointment on their radar for that day somehow this woman

I actually got to give him credit.

I mean, honestly, like that is a level of that's a level of situational awareness I was not expecting. And so that also felt like player hating to me because I was like is me basically saying the guy got there on the early side. When did he get there? 1220. Well, the window was at 12. OK, all right, fine. But and and so then this other lady who no one even told me about her. I could have been talking to her from if she knows what time the guy was supposed to be there. She is clearly also in on this. Yeah, good point. why didn't anyone tell me about janine who i could i would i didn't have to be sitting around this home depot for an hour waiting for person a to be done because there are clearly other people with awareness of this so they're both like so the the the person who is like the the original person i'm trying to talk to her kind of affect never changes she's just kind of like yeah uh-huh yeah well it's two hundred dollars it's two hundred dollars and uh you need to and then the other lady who came in and player hated on me is actually still it's kind of being nicer she's like i know yeah yeah it sucks i know that's and i said so it doesn't matter that the guy was there for two minutes and and she's like it's you know it's the system it's two hundred dollars it's what it costs and um you know and i said okay so i guess i just need to i go there's just no way around oh here's here's the part this is when i was about to like well there was two points where i was about to shoot through the roof of the home depot like a rocket the first one was i said because when i was booking this with the guy the original guy he was like you have until a certain point to just until they've actually measured this and until they've cut anything you can always just like change the kind of countertop you want you can change how much like you can just back out of this deal pretty much at any time until they've started actually like cutting stuff i was like cool so i was like what are my options if i just want to end this deal and just go and get this from somewhere else and she goes well we'll give you your money back i go okay great let me consider this she goes minus the two hundred dollars i'm like you mother i didn't say that but i'm just like they've got my money they have they're like i was instructing people yesterday to if a baby is choking hold them by their ankles and shake them vigorously up and down until the uh app slice of apple flies out of their their airway you went to you went to

oh no these people are sugniting you they're sugniting you're the vanilla ice i'm rob

van winkle and they're sugniting me they have my money so they will give me back my money minus so so now what i'm confronted with is no countertops uh no nobody on like scheduled to come out and measure them most of my money back but 200 poorer for this whole process or i pay the 200 so when i hear that i am so enraged that they have my money and they're not going to give me back all of it because that was kind of like i wasn't going to do that but i wanted to have that in my like back back pocket like i i did fantasize about getting all of my money back driving all the way down to the ikea booking through them and then texting joe hey man so sorry we couldn't make this work i've i found a new i found a new company to do it i'm sure that would have just sent joe into a spiral i'm sure he would have never recovered from that until he's

contracting with ikea and sends ed back to your place something only just short of that kind of

happened and here's what happened so i'm huffing and puffing i'm trying to remind myself that these people in the home depot they don't make the policy it's not them i did think that the first woman i dealt with really could use a little training on the customer service if you're delivering news to somebody that they're gonna have to pay 200 for nothing um you for which they receive nothing of any value it's a penalty there's got to be a way to soften that blow i will say that the second lady to show up was trying a little bit she goes well so i was like so i have no choice but to pay this 200 because she goes well do you want to pay it and i go no i don't want to pay it but i don't want to i don't want to um just end up losing it in the deal and having to start over so i guess i'll pay it so i kind of sort of walk briskly out of the kitchen department of Home Depot and the lady behind me, the second lady to the whole situation says... The second lady,

the woman who was kind of being nicer, but also the one who somehow knows your window even though you never met her before. Somehow knows the window. Janine

goes, have a nice day and I'm really tempted to just ignore it, but I said you two half-heartedly, but still I said you two

But I didn't mean it

But I did say you too, which in the moment I was kind of regretting. I was like, you should have been meaner about this, Luke. So I get out to my car. I'm sitting there, and I call Joe, and now I'm really ready for war. I'm like, because, but, like, I have no leverage in this situation. They have all my money, and I call Joe, and Joe picks up the phone, and I'm like, Joe, it's Luke Burbank. I guess I owe you this $200. I'm really unhappy about it. By the way, the guy was there for two minutes But Okay Let's just get this over I literally say let's get this over with And I'm holding my credit card as I'm sitting in the car And he goes, oh I can't accept any payment You have to pay that in the Home Depot I don't I don't have a mechanism for Accepting, because this is all through another system

Is it us who has the drop that goes Oh no, no, no, no, no, no Or is it a different show?

show okay so when i'm sitting in the parking lot of home depot that drop having stamped out of there realizing that i need to go back in there you gotta stamp back in i gotta stamp back in and and and and pay them the 200 so they can then re-engage whatever system tells joe to send somebody back out here and like when i tell you i was happy that i had half-heartedly muttered you two as i walked out uh-huh that was actually a major w because i mean this could have believed or not this could have been worse while i was obviously annoyed and i and i was not being i was not being a guy smiley with them i also i'm i'm happy to say i didn't resort to you know being mean to them or saying you know f this place or i'm never coming back here or i don't know a bunch of things that were running through my mind i didn't say and it was embarrassing for me to walk

back in there but it could have been worse it could have been worse were you tempted at least to like just come back how far of a drive is it from your home well i need i um i wasn't tempted

to to go home and come back a different day or even a different hour because again there's so many like things that have to happen in a certain order to get this stuff going that i just my my desire to move this project along was greater than any kind of embarrassment about stamping back into

Janine. Yeah, stamping back in is the worst. I've stamped out of a lot of places. I think I get stampier before you. I think my instinct is to go stampy right away, which does not work. It doesn't achieve anything, and I feel like a fool afterwards, whereas you're really good at going for charm first. Did you ever... At what point did you take on a stampy

tone when i realized that they were going to potentially refund me all of my money minus

this penalty 200 and that's when you get a little bit shirty that's when i got really shirty that's

when i was just looking at them like you have got to be kidding me and you're mostly doing it with your face though i'm doing it all with my face and with my shirt which i took off and threw it

but in other words you're not you didn't say anything that you regret you're just sort of

like physically I'm just I'm just physically so mad but I don't say anything I don't like again I don't say you know you're gonna get the Yelp review of a lifetime you're gonna you know like I'm not amazingly in that moment I did not go sort of nuclear on it in a way that would have made it even worse it was all just in my expression of just like are you kidding me kind of thing like

and a very exasperated stamping out i'm praying that you get to at least do business with janice

or janine thank god for small mercies it is janine by the way first person the supposed knower the thing we never see her again i'm still on my list yeah yeah janine's off my list yeah other person on my list honestly like as as immature as i was being and as much as i created this situation not great like this was a part i'm you know i used to i used to date somebody who you also know who i think used to describe it as sometimes you encounter someone at a place of business where it seems like the last place they want to be and that is what it felt like talking to the first person it was like it was the this was the last place she wanted to be and it's like okay well then maybe go somewhere else like when when you encounter someone who's just kind of like they're just annoyed that you're there trying to interact with them along the lines of the business that they work at and you know i was being my version of charming at first because i was hoping to get a special special treatment so i didn't even come in hot with her i didn't like come in you know fuming and like you gotta fix this i came in like being her response to me being very nice was to be completely affectless and seemingly annoyed so anyway i Luckily, I get Janine when I go back in. But I'm still mad, but I now know that I've got to sort of, to some degree, work with Janine, and I sit down and I go, because they're in that little cubicle area where, like, in one of these big hardware stores where, again, there's computers and different kinds of samples of things. I sit down with her and I go, I guess I have to pay Home Depot directly. And I realized that that's what she was asking me when she said, do you want to pay the $200? She wasn't asking me, like, philosophically, do I want to pay.

Like, how do you feel about it?

Like, let me just take a temperature on you, Mr. Burbank. Do you want to pay this money? That wasn't the question. The question was, sir, would you, in order to continue the process, would you like to engage with it in a way that will allow me to generate this ticket so that the person can come back out? She was asking me a very practical question. I thought she was just checking in on me emotionally. So I come back in and I'm like, I guess I have to pay Home Depot for this. I don't think Joe can accept the money. And she goes, yeah, I know. And I go, I go, and I'm also proud of this. I look at her and I go, I just want to say, I understand that you did not design this system. Like, I know that this is not you, but I'm so mad about this. And she goes, yeah, I know. She doesn't have a lot to offer me in terms of consolation. I wouldn't have minded. Like, here's a $200 gift card or something.

Or an orange bucket. I was going to say earlier, like, at least just give you an orange. Like, sorry, sweetie, we can't do anything about it. But enjoy this bucket.

It's like a butterscotch at the pharmacist when you're a kid. It's like a loss leader. Give a guy a bucket, will you? But, you know, again, I can tell that she feels bad about this. Again, I feel like in this whole process, somebody in this process, if they had taken a deeper interest or if they felt worse for me, which nobody did, they probably shouldn't have, somebody could have fixed this. I don't think that this had to happen this way, that this money had to be paid. There's some way to void something There's a way to override the computer And I said to her I go who designed the $200 Fee and she goes it's an agreement Between the provider and Home Depot And so But I have to pay Home Depot the money Which is kind of weird what I probably should have said to Joe Is would you take a hundred off the table To undo this But anyway this was the thing This was where this was the second Time that I really felt like shooting through the roof But at this point I honestly had like I was Some part of me had died inside anyway. I give her my card. She's running the whole thing. It's a surprisingly long process of entering it into the computer, this fee. And then she goes, that'll be $215.16. Tax. Andrew, you pay tax on the $200. I said, there's tax on this? And she goes, well, anything you buy here. i go i know i'm just not really buying anything it's like tax on a parking ticket it's like i'm not purchasing any this is a penalty again this is not janine's this is what the system this is what the system generates for janine i understand it um but this is why andrew and this is the long-winded point of all this this is why i've officially changed my party affiliation to the tea party oh i am officially feeling that's where this was going officially a crusader against the oppressive tax system with you know i mean how can there be now we are going to get philosophical philosophical philosophically how can there be a sales tax charged on something that is neither a good nor a service it is a penalty that to me i honestly think i could take this to the courts and i'd probably win there i'm not receiving anything for this that is taxable to them i guess it's income to them yeah revenue so i'm paying tax on the revenue that they're receiving I don't know I'm just saying Ted Cruz is starting to make a point yeah no absolutely well I'm so

this is your um what do they call it when somebody turns bad your joker moment or whatever

I mean I I don't know I just I I was the I was so so I was I was angry in a way that I really don't get angry a lot and I don't want to put this on you Andrew but I feel like when you describe events to me this felt more like a way that you've described feeling at times which is really frustrated yeah really mad and kind of no place to put it yep and i think what i you often do is push it down push it deep deep i blow up i either blow up or i like take my toys and go home or i or a lot of times i get lucky and the person like hooks me up you know what i mean i'm i'm i've been i've received a lot of like special treatment in my life where someone just takes pity on me and kind of goes you know what normally it's this but we i think i can do something i've gotten used to that and i don't i'm not saying i deserve that i actually don't but like when when i realized that they have my money Thank you.

they are setting the terms i have absolutely no recourse and the only thing i can do is to abide by these rules and pay them this money and then pay tax on the money it was a feeling of powerlessness that i'm very fortunate to say i don't experience a lot in my life and it made me you i mean seriously i was right i left that home depot and then i danced down a series of stairs you're wearing a kind of slightly too small brown polyester suit watch out robert de niro yeah could you could you could you call me joker

could i um we had we had a lot of fun stuff to talk about today but i just think that like let's just settle into this if you don't mind um because i want to tell you that i've been thinking about this sort of dynamic and i and i seriously i don't i don't want to it's just going to be i don't want you to be insulted by the way i say this but i think you've admitted this that like i feel like in a lot of ways you sometimes feel like well yeah but that rule doesn't apply to me sure right like that yeah yeah i understand that but that rule doesn't apply to me yeah and i'm like the opposite of that right in almost every way i'm just you and walter rules you follow it right yeah that's why you hate us both well it's why

I think you both let me down by not just measuring the countertops where they were. But anyway, keep going.

I'm Batman.

What I was going to say was there is one aspect of my life, and I actually kind of hate to put this out on front street because I already kind of know the people who will reach out to me to tell me to, like, get over it, and I'm the one in the wrong here, and I don't like to hear that feedback. But there is one aspect of my life that has popped up twice now where I guess I'm Burbanking it where I feel like, are you shitting me? you're really gonna ding me on that and it's happened twice now Luke and would you be surprised we are talking about garbage pickup and I'm not doing this as a bit or trying to lean into the character but you'll remember I hope uh because it was a very important part of this show on one day randomly in January I put my Christmas tree out to the curb and I checked I double checked I knew that Christmas tree pickup was free you just had to put out to your curb the one caveat was you have to cut it into four foot pieces our tree was probably about five feet but it was also super light when i picked up the tree to take it outside i think i even thought for a second should i split this thing in half but it was so light that i just like kind of tossed it you know next to my my yard waste pickup and when i saw that they charged me on the bill i uh i i called them they added like another eight dollar fee and it's eight dollars like you know like i blow eight And in a certain way, like you blow $200, you know, I know that you've talked about feeling the tightness of money, but I also know that you, you can blow $200 pretty quickly. It's like this feeling of like, like you said, sort of impotence and, and sort of like outrage. And I'm just like this guy who I watch, I remember being so excited, spying on the trash collector who quickly picked up the tree, flung it in the back of his truck and moved on. It would have almost, I was talking about this with Veeves, it would have been more of a pain for him to have to pick up two pieces of this tree. It was so light. But not only that, but I just kept picturing him going into his truck and filling out some sort of paperwork or ticking a box on his phone that said this guy didn't cut his tree in two. And he didn't even do that. All he did was charge this person for tree pickup. So I called the city and had actually a couple of really great conversations with the operators there who were super nice and took the $8 charge off of the bill. And also, if you'll recall, I ended up having a really funny conversation with one of them about her Christmas tree rules and how she gets rid of them. And it actually ended up being totally fine and they took the money off. Now, that was back in January. Cut to yesterday. I am about to pay my bill. And again, it's like garbage, sewer and water all in one bill. And it's always a little bit higher than you think. Right. It's like three hundred and some dollars or something, 350 or something. And I'm like, all right, let me just take a look, make sure that there are no erroneous extra charges on this bill. And I see that they are charging me an extra fourteen dollars for extra trash pickup sometime in February. And I'm like, hell no.

Like, Genevieve and I rented a truck from Handy Andy and we took a dump run. Like, I have never in my life since I've lived in Seattle set out extra trash next to my garbage bin because I know they charge for it. And you know how obsessive I am over garbage pickup. And I'm like, $14 for extra trash? Are you kidding me? So, and again, it's $14. It would be easier for me just to pay it and not think about it. But I'm like, no, I'm going to call the city. Also, they made the mistake of being super polite to me last time, so I think that I have a pretty good chance.

Like Ed made the mistake of telling me that. this totally didn't impact his day.

By the way, I doubt Ed will be back at your house, right? It'll be somebody else. I hope it is, because

by the way, Ed was great. Although, much like that person collecting your Christmas tree, could Ed have entered something else? Could he have just been like,

you know what, I was about to pull into the driveway, and I had a nervous breakdown, and I just couldn't walk in that door that day. We'll reschedule.

I mean, it wouldn't have hurt, or like, I don't, you know, I'm just saying, I think Ed was slightly complicit in this and I think he knew he knew that I was going to get that $200 call and he

knew to be far away when that happened right you said he started like to back out of the house so now I'm I'm looking at my bill yesterday I'm like an extra $14 I'm like there's just no way and like this time it's not even the Christmas tree we're in the back of my head I'm like I guess I should have cut a foot off of this or whatever I'm just like we didn't set out extra garbage we don't do that now we live in a neighborhood where people use my garbage can if it's out there too long they pass by also i mean there's all i mean i do live in like kind of a shitty neighborhood off a pretty shitty stretch of aurora and people have their pizza hut boxes in there exactly i mean there's litter in my yard all the time and everything um in fact right now well at least when i went to bed last night about i don't know a hundred maybe 75 yards away from my house is a grocery cart that is full of paint cans um like the the like the the wheels of a car without tires a bunch of wire yeah I guess hub but like the whole yeah the hubs like these there's two huge hubs in it and I'm trying to think there was a big thing of wire and something else that just seemed really dangerous like somebody was making some sort of a bomb that's about I don't know that's that's half a block away from

it also sounds like someone is scrapping that all sounds like stuff maybe the paint cans won't work but like maybe the hubs

are scrapped yeah that's what I was wondering I wonder why they abandoned it but again there's just a lot

of people just like yeah sweet sweet

moolah out of that do you know there's a really good service that you can use on your phone in seattle it's called like find it fix it and if somebody dumps something like you just kind of report it you take a picture and they're really responsive and they do a great job unless it's in a grocery cart because then they're like oh that's private property we can't deal with the grocery carts that's like a grocery store what if it's on the ground next to a grocery cart well yeah exactly i've actually kind of done i've solved that problem in that way before But anyway, so point is, I'm thinking, did somebody drop something next to my garbage can? Why is this $14 here? Anyway, I call the city. I'm like, hey, listen, there's this extra charge on my bill. Like, and I'm already wondering, like, I've already, like, talked my way out of extra charges before. Am I going to be flagged in the system as, like, a scoff law? But I'm like, we don't do that. Like, we don't leave extra trash out. I would remember doing that. And she's like, I don't know. And I even wondered, I'm like, maybe they took a picture of what it was. Like, what could this extra charge before? I've long pushed for more body cams on garbage collectors. Right. Yeah. And so anyway, I get another very courteous person on the phone and she's like, yeah, I don't know. And she's like, well, let me take a look into the system. And I'm about to say, like, is there any chance there's a photo? And she said, you know, they're supposed to take a photo of it, but there's no photo in the system. So there's no telling what it is. I'll just I'll just take it off.

Just like the footage of the door being attached on the Boeing plane, the door that fell off, Boeing overwrote that security footage. Oh, I didn't see that. It's making the investigation very hard. This is almost the exact same situation with the exact same stakes.

Well, I would say my stakes are a little bit higher, but I actually, you know, I saw that headline. I didn't know that that was actually it. They actually overwrote the tape. Oh, my God.

But, I mean, digital footage is, I mean, think how expensive it is to store digital footage of an airplane.

how can you even reuse but anyway um so here's what here's what i'm getting at with all of this the woman on the phone is like yeah i guess it could be anything you know if the lid is is like if the lid won't close by more than three inches you know we'll charge you for that and then i remember oh those goddamn mini blinds we were cleaning out the garage there were some bunch of extra mini blinds left in the garage from when we bought the house they don't we don't need them and They don't fit anything. So I tore them. I took a knife. I tore them all apart. I put them all. They all fit in the garbage can. You wrote mom on them. But there was one, like, kind of crossbar that I couldn't break in half. And so it was sort of sticking out a little bit. And it must have wedged the lid open by, like, more than three inches. But it wasn't overflowing. I want to be very clear. This is not a situation where, and I've seen TikTok videos about this, where it's, like, actually garbage collectors being, like, look how hard it is to empty this when you just leave your shit all over the place. and I can't use my robot arm. It wasn't like that. It was just like it was not leaking. It's overflowing. And I have a garbage. We pay for like the cheapest garbage can. So it looks like it's about as tall as my waist, but it's kind of like it's got a secondary bin installed in it. So I can only use about half of that space. And so because of that, this long bar was sort of sticking up, but like sticking out probably about that, like three or four inches or something. And I'm just like, well, good enough. And I put it out there and it wasn't a mess. but that person wow it's got to be the same person by the way well i don't think so because different trucks

different trucks come and pick up the yard waste versus the garbage they don't do it all at once like three different trucks come throughout thursday to pick up all my stuff do you think they have an incentive program that's what i'm wondering about like why did this but i can't get

over terry reported the most violations this month and therefore gets like uh you know uh what uh

free Cinnabon or something yeah like like a quota system I think it's talking about like tickets and cops in the 80s I don't even know I don't think that that is the case I am befuddled by somebody who again like I I think they use the robot arms to empty my trash but I'm not even positive I think it on our street it might be manual but either way I promise you and you just got to trust me on this I did not make more work for the garbage collector it really was not a messy situation it was like one thing that didn't quite fit in there perfectly and so it was sticking out a little bit and that's the like that's the one thing i was actually thinking of you i was like i feel like why did this what was this person's incentive to get back in their truck and take that extra moment to say i'm gonna i'm gonna mark this person as a scofflaw or whatever we're gonna charge him an extra 14 bucks they took it off of my bill because they didn't have any um they couldn't prove the case but i but once she said that three inch rule which i really didn't know i was like it must have been those mini blinds but also screw you driver i got it really like

why would you tattle on me i don't want to i don't know take part in in hurtful stereotypes but it just seems like the kind of person who's out there riding riding on the truck or driving the truck or whatever it just seems like it doesn't seem like the same personality type that's also obsessed with the paperwork side of this yeah right yeah it's just surprising to me to be like somebody with a ruler it just seems you know i don't know kind of like somebody brings out their tape measure yeah it's three and a half inches yeah well that's gonna get the clipboard out writes it down it just and i'm not saying that people that collect garbage aren't you know can't be nerds but i don't think of them as being the nerds of the world right just like roll with

it yeah and i've like gone out there i've because i'm so obsessed with my garbage and getting the the bins off the street immediately like i have actually gone out there and walking down my driveway towards the truck as they're emptying my garbage can so i can pull it in i remember the the garbage collector one time and i don't know if it's the same people every week or not uh kind of like looking at me and smirking and i couldn't i said hello to him and he said hey but i i sort of looked at his face like i swear he was looking through me a little bit like this guy's obsessed with his garbage or whatever but i thought we had like kind of a friendly like howdy do you know Well, I don't know about those friendly howdy-do's anymore.

Well, I think also I'm realizing that probably part of why I was able to, like, not completely blow up is because on some fundamental level, this was my fault. And I think for you, why—maybe this—actually, this garbage stuff is, I guess, an exception to that. But generally speaking, I think what you've expressed to me is that a lot of your real frustration is that you are a rule follower, right? You do a lot. Like you're walking out to meet your now empty garbage can to get it back onto your property so that no one can throw stuff in there. Like you take a picture of your, like your garbage, like you're, you follow, and this is a, you know, broader pattern in your life. You follow the rules pretty carefully and you do a lot. so you're not inconveniencing other people and so you're not going to get hollered at so when that is when you end up getting hollered at or fined or mistreated in some way the extra layer of frustration is wait i was playing by the rules i at least can fall back on the fact that it is

probably my fault well that's why i brought this up to give you a little bit of cover because i'm kind of saying like in this case i guess i was technically breaking the rules both times but they seem like such minor infractions i was like i guess i can't claim to never say that i don't think the rules apply to me because i really think in this case they were being ridiculous by going out of their way making their job just harder just a tiny bit harder by letting the system know that

my lid was up by more than three inches yeah i what my takeaway from this whole event yesterday for me was I needed to make $215 worth of content out of it. Yeah. You know, like there needed to be some way in which this was, you know, not just a money right out the door. And I think we've done that, which brings me to the conversation around dazzling donors. Maybe we should thank some.

You know, I hate to admit it when Luke is right about something, right? But I got to give him credit. He was right about at least one thing. He has been telling me for quite some time to check out the podcast everything is alive it's hosted by his friend ian chillog

And Ian interviews inanimate objects, if you can imagine that, like a box of tissues or a bath towel. And Everything is Alive has a new series out now called The Animals, in which Ian interviews animals, like a pink flamingo. I listened to that one yesterday. It was so good. A butterfly. We get to hear from the perspective of a kangaroo. And this podcast features a lot of great comedians, like our friend Harry Kondabolu or Vinnie Thomas, Connor Ratcliffe, a whole bunch. I was especially drawn to the production style. If I can geek out for just a second, the production of this podcast just reminds me of some of my favorite podcasts from back in the day. Just like really deftly done, but with a very light touch. And it feels very intimate for ostensibly a comedy show. And I noticed that Hilary Frank was credited in the credits, one of my favorite producers of all time. So you've got to check it out. I'm giving this my full endorsement, even if it does make Luke look right. Check it out. Everything is Alive and The Animals, a new series from Everything is Alive. You can find it on your podcast app.

We was hoping for some razzle-dazzle. Razzle-dazzle. That's right, man. Razzle-dazzle.

On your mark. On your mark. Get set. Get set. Now ready. Ready. Go. Everybody razzle-dazzle.

All right, let's thank some dazzling donors. These are the wonderful, generous supporters of the program who are dazzling us with a donation of dough. And for that, we like to turn the program over to them for a quick minute. Have them send in a little message. Our first dazzling donor would be Sarah Vela. Sarah says it's Vela is pronounced kind of like fella, but put some Spanish on it. Not too much.

Not too much.

How did I do?

I wondered if you put too much Spanish on it. Really? She said put some Spanish.

I couldn't do none Spanish.

I know. But, of course, you asked, and now I'm like, it sounds like I'm criticizing you. I'm not. I'm not saying I could do better. Vela? Vela. Sarah Vela. That's not enough. Maybe that's not enough.

Sarah is in Booth Bay, Maine. Cool. I wonder if Sarah moved to Booth Bay, Maine. Certainly I'm familiar with Sarah's name. I don't know. I'm not familiar with reading the location Booth Bay, Maine recently.

Well, I think the first line of this dazzling donor message will clear up any.

Oh, okay. Well, hello again from Booth Bay, Maine, the town that last year Andrew told Luke. Okay, well, we know it's been there at least one year. the town that last year Andrew told Luke he's not allowed to visit because it's so delightful, he'll never leave. I stand by that. You would love Booth Bay, Maine. Honestly, now that I don't have countertops and will never have them, I'm moving.

This place sucks. You have a new sense of freedom.

I'm not tied down by, like, countertops. By the way, I did get an email from the countertop people. I have a new appointment for the measurement. In two weeks. can walt get it done in time it's done right now that's the thing that makes me so mad just it was it literally if ed would have come back at three o'clock it would have been fine and then countertops would be in in two weeks instead we'll be measuring them into none of this though is part of sarah's dazzling donor message um here is what's in the message uh in In my particular corner of Booth Bay, I have two full-size horses, one mini horse named Lil Mart, nine chickens, two dogs, and two cats, and they've all collectively listened to a lot of TBTL as I go about doing my chores every day. That sounds like a very, very bucolic, hard, it sounds like it's hard work, but it sounds like it's good work.

It sounds like a lot of chores. Yeah, so imagine cleaning up after nine chickens, let alone three horses and nine chickens.

That's like cleaning up after one Luke Burbank. Yeah. I don't know if there are tens yet, but I'm working on it.

What do you call a chicken that half listens to the show?

A hen ten?

A hen ten.

I don't have a particular cause to champion or wares to sell, but I do want to say hey again to any main tens out there. And I'd love to connect up in person. You can find me and my menagerie on Instagram. Oh, wow. Username is Orchid, like the flower, plus the number eight. Oh, I'm going to write this down. Orchid eight. I'm going to. Orchid eight. I was going to say Orchid eight, dude. Orchid eight. Okay, I'm writing this down because I want to see this menagerie. My only programming request, please play the full-ish version of That's a Tuna, Bro, for me. Love you guys. And employee numero uno. Sklaroff as well XOXO I'm trying to remember That's a tuner bro That was I mean I obviously remember the drop And I'm thinking of the larger content I always want to mix it up with the guys

that found the Boston Red Sox banner?

Yeah, this is like the original. This came out first, and the whole tape was like five, almost six minutes long. I think I was looking at it today, and, of course, there are two fishermen on a boat, and they see some sort of animal that they don't recognize, and the one is especially excited about it. And so I have this broken up into a couple of chunks of tape here. I'm going to play the one that's about a minute long. That's like kind of let's call that full-ish. Now, here's the deal. I have a million different – I've chopped and screwed this so many different ways. Luke, I don't know for sure that these long versions are beeped, so this might be a moment to...

Hey, Sarah, can you get Lil' Mart out of the room?

Yeah, Lil' Mart might not be big enough to be hearing this, but here we go. This is Boston Fisherman Part 1.

I don't know what this is, but Jay says it's a big sea turtle. Oh, nice. Look, it's a baby wheel, man. holy we are witnessing a baby wheel right here dude holy that thing is big Jay what is that thing it looks hurt I don't know that thing looks hurt Jay Jay that thing is hurt bro holy look at this thing oh my god what the is that bro Jay what the is that oh man pull back up jay come on come on bro pull back up bro jay's worried about the mom we ain't never seen before kid oh my god that thing looks dead man we gotta call the aquarium or something dude you want to try to pull it in let's hook it oh man that thing's just dead

what the hell is it i've never noticed the biggie smalls in the background oh yes you have you just

don't remember it that was a point of okay much conversation when i've never remembered the first

time i noticed the biggie smalls in the background didn't we find out that that was a sunfish i think

it was a sunfish did he even say that's a tuna bro in that piece of tape i just played it i don't think so but honestly everybody knows that part yeah exactly so um well there you go sarah uh

I hope that was satisfactory for you and the nine chickens and the two dogs and the two cats, but not Lil' Mark, who's not ready for that kind of coarse language. Maestro?

On your mark. On your mark. Get set. Get set. Now ready. Ready. Go. Everybody rattle, rattle.

Well, well, well, look who it is. It's our dear friend, one Lynn Pham of Beaverton, Oregon. Hi, Lynn. Lynn says, I don't have any special Dazzling messages this time So Andrew and Luke can just Spoof on me all they want

Spoof on ya? I got no spoofs on ya Unless you do Luke You have that list of insults there

Oh man I do but I don't think we're going to get to the Insults today Andrew And there are some real There are some spicy insults in there I don't know I mean I love Lynn And I appreciate Lynn I also love Lynn's mom Who I get to see a lot At Livewire events I know Lynn will be at the 20th anniversary show we're doing on Saturday, and hopefully Lynn's mom, but yeah, I wouldn't feel right to deploy some of these fire burns or spoofs on Lynn, other than to just say, we really appreciate you, Lynn, and all of your support for the show over these years. What was the thing we were talking about? There was somebody else, how quickly I forget, but there was somebody else now in the universe of the show who was somehow taking the heat off of Lynn over something recently. What was that?

Oh, I think it was John. I think it was employee numero uno, John, because now John is being called out on the show to clip this or don't clip that or whatever, and Lynn was breathing a sigh of relief on that as the overseer of MarsupioGurgle.com.

I guess what I would say is you're welcome, Lynn, and really, I mean, yes, you've donated significant resources to this show, both in terms of money and to time and energy and just being an incredible friend of the program. But really, honestly, today we're here to thank us.

That's right.

For taking the heat off of you by creating a new dynamic with John where we say don't post that, John.

Lynn has done stuff even behind the scenes on the show that a lot of people don't even know about, helping us with technical stuff over the years and helping us in all kinds of ways. And the cool thing, and Lynn doesn't even know this yet, but Lynn might be helping us again soon to be undertaking a pretty for me massive um kind of a a prod let's just say a project related to our website that has me very very nervous and i've already i've got i've programmed lynn's number into my speed dial in case i need to call him during that so lynn you're extra welcome we've

We've both put John in a certain hot seat that you no longer have to be in, and we're going to be asking you for your knowledge about various web systems.

Right, but if you show up at 1220 when I'm expecting you at three, if you want to donate twice, you can.

If you want to donate an extra $215 to help me out of a couple of jams, I'm not here to stop you. Actually, I am here to stop you, Lynn. Do not do that. Do not do that, please. But thank you, I mean, really and truly, buddy. Thanks for all you do for the show, And we say this all the time, but we would not be here without you and folks like you. So thanks, Lynn. And thanks to Sarah as well.

It's time for Blur's Day.

Yeah, it is. If you want to celebrate somebody's Blur's Day, you can email me. Andrew at tbtl.net. Put Blur's Day in the subject line. We have a lot of Blur's Day today. I was preparing this list last night.

Did I miss some last week?

One person said that they thought you missed there, so we're going to thank them again. I don't remember which one it is, but I've got it on today's list. But more importantly, I sent you a Blur's Day last night, Luke, when I was prepping this, because somebody has a special request for you to read their Blur's Day today with a special affectation. It's going to come up later in the list, but do you have that email still? You have several minutes to track that down.

Okay, I'll find it.

Okay, let me know.

I'm trying a different experiment, too, here that's very important to the Blur's Days. But I'll just keep doing that. You know what, Andrew? I'll just keep multitasking over here. I'll just be a hero for everyone.

But just check your email, though, because we're going to need to get that copy here. Let's start off, Luke, with a special Blur's Day message from you and me to our friend Katie. Katie just held a birthday yesterday. Yes, she did.

I texted her. Oh, nice. Yesterday on her birthday, and I hope you did too, Andrew. I certainly did. Fallen far behind in the Katie favorite department.

The race to be Katie's fave. Yeah, Katie is our fearless leader. That's not the official title. Of the Eagles? Honorable president. It's not honorable. I always forget there's a special title for the president of the Eagles.

Loyal, esteemed, high. She's all of those things. Definitely high. Katie, happy Blurs Day. Hold on now. Let's see here. I wanted to I was trying to do something where I turned off the autoplay but it's not really Andrew I think I might have just cracked a code here let me try this again just say happy birthday to Katie again

happy blurs day Katie

definitely that's the opposite of what I want

that's good Sally in North Bend Washington says happy 61st birthday to my 11. Charlie, he is the most amazing rinser of dishes, wrangler of garbage, and maestro of mopping. Charlie, get at me. Let's swap some notes. But he's the best at filling my heart with love every day. Keep being the best person I know. Happy birthday, Charlie. Love, Sally. Okay, let me try this again. Dolphin at least for sharks. Fire at all. No. Perfect.

It didn't work.

Happy birthday to Alex from Christina. Hope this year brings many cups of coffee in the coffee love a mug 360 slams and slam dunk pointers and power outs for you and maybe less sky jinx woo huh don't go there trina says happy birthday to robin in denver cheers to the we've met robin yeah we have

I believe Robin flew back from somewhere far and away to make it to the TBTL event in Denver on no sleep. Flew from like Europe or something. And then we all hung out and then we like closed down some bar in Denver, a bunch of us.

I don't think Robin was the one who flew back that night. I could be wrong. Somebody definitely did. But anyway, happy Blur's Day to Robin from Trina, who says, cheers to the year ahead. May it bring happiness and less stress and more fun times with friends and family. See you at the Crowbar. That's where we were, right?

That's the bar we shut down.

Oh, that's not where we did trivia?

No. The Crowbar is the bar that we all shut down that night. It was cool, too. No offense, Andrew. Oh, yeah. It was very silly.

group of people who were willing to walk I believe multiple miles, although that was good because the walking kind of helped effervesce off some of the alcohol that was being consumed.

Yeah, I believe I had to be very good that night because I had all the equipment in the car and I was the driver

I believe. A likely story for Andrew Times.

Corbin says, Happy Blur's Day to my one and only TBTL mentor, Madre Robin from Denver! Another shout out to Robin from Corbin this time. It's a kind of magic. Six years ago, you encouraged me to give these guys a chance and welcome to me and to the gang of tens. Thank you, and party hard. Sweet. Very sweet. Thanks, guys. Happy birthday, Robin. If you are the person who came back late at night, my apologies for messing that up. Jesse in Springfield says, happy 100. You're never getting invited to Crowbar that way. You're like the coolest person I've ever met. Jesse in Springfield says, happy 103rd and three-week birthday to Nana. This year, I learned you are older than sales tax. That could have gotten you out of a few jams, Luke. And we're, in fact, 16 when Arkansas first adopted a sales tax. The staff at your nursing home showed a healthy respect for you when they reported to dad that you are, quote, strong-willed and combative, which may be why you have lived so long. And, quote, you are my very favorite role model. Lots of love, Jesse. That's so cute. I'm in a glass case of emotion.

I mean, we could have really, this is, I mean, there's an obvious drop for this, although this is kind of, you know, it has a... It's granny time. That's, of course, got a whole other implication for Jen Flash Andrews. I think Jen would loan it out. I think so, too. To a person turning 103. They deserve it.

Do you know, and I don't mean, this is the most inappropriate time to say this, and it's kind of the opposite of a blurs day, but, you know, my grandma was 10 days away to making it to 102. She passed away when I was in Mexico. Oh, Andrew. It was a real bummer. Yeah, it was a real bummer, but she had 101 birthdays, Luke, and she lived a really, really good life and was not in pain at the end. I'm sorry to do that, man. That's okay, but I'm really happy to hear that Nana is celebrating 103 plus three weeks. Happy Blur's Day, Nana. It's not a comment.

That's an original name. I wonder how they came up with that.

Sarah in Woodinville says, well, it's happening. My boy Cooper is turning 16, and I want to send out a big Blur's Day wish to him. He continues to be an amazing person who makes me laugh every day, and I'm so excited for him to experience all of the fun and independence that comes with getting his driver's license. Uh-oh. I'm an activist and house party enthusiast. I love you. Cute. That was the end of Sarah's message. I like Cooper, but love. I cannot believe he just told that joke. Hey, how about this? Our friend Anna says, happy Blur's Day to our friend Hauser. Hey. Anna says Hauser's B-Day is the 17th. J-Dog? J-Dog. I was on this Riverside system with J-Dog late last night working out some kinks in my studio here. I really appreciate that. Happy Blur's Day, Hauser. Anna says...

I like to party. Do you like to party?

Hauser's B-Day is the 17th. Happy Born Day, Howie. Wait. 46.

That's also St. Patrick's Day.

I know. It's the St. Patrick's birthday, right? Wow.

I don't know if that was it. Is it also St. Patrick's birthday? Is that why we celebrate that day?

I mean, why else would we? I don't know. Anna says 46. Who knows what's next? Thoughts and prayers. Anna. That's a very Anna message. Peter says happy Blur's Day. Wishes to my wife, Sherry. She's helped numerous tens and port towns and locals with career advice and counseling. Oh, sure. I know these folks. She's a great networker and has used her connections to guide people into new career paths. She also keeps our complicated lives on path, too. Lots of love from her husband, Peter. Love you guys. That's sweet. We met on a BFF app. Will in Worthington. I think Will also a former Cleveland Browns fan. Former. Former, I believe, took very similar paths on that whole situation. Did you hear who they just signed as a backup quarterback? Who's the other – he was the problematic quarterback out of Florida like 10 years ago. Tebow? No. Had a lot of serious accusations against him as well. I'm just like, wow, they're really building.

Out of the state of Florida? Like the college of Florida? I could be wrong about – Hold on, let me just see. Or a team in Florida.

Let me see here. Browns signed quarterback. I can't believe I brought that up if I didn't know the answer to it. It's when I see the name, I'm going to be, let's see here. I can't figure it out. Winston, I think. Oh, Jameis Winston. And I'm right about that, right?

like didn't he well yeah i mean with a lot of well i mean he was accused of um stealing crab meat from a public's wait that's it oh i thought he had i thought he had i thought he had some

really he might have had other stuff too i guess i don't i don't know um uh maybe you know what maybe i'm besmirching him i don't i'm not i'm not sure the full story on him and i just the thing that always jumped out at me was the the story about him walking out of a public's allegedly with a bunch of expensive crab meat from the seafood department, which his story was the person at the seafood department told me it was free because they were psyched because he was a big star in Tallahassee, played for Florida State, and then they reported it as theft, or they got in trouble from their boss and then reported it as theft. I remember that story. There may be others. There may be others.

Yeah, I looked it up here. In 2012, coming out of college, I won't go into detail, but very, very, very serious allegations, Not dissimilar to

This is the happiest Blur's Day These people have ever had

And now in that same locker room With some other great people Over there in Cleveland Yeah but anyway So Will What is that? Just edit all that out You know what I'm going to do this Will I'm coming back to you I'm coming back to that I don't want that tainting your Blur's Day I'm coming back to your Blur's Day wishes in a second I'm going to move on here Do you, by the way, have the text in front of you, Luke, the copy? Why don't you do that, Blur's Day, to clear what I have just done to this Blur's Day segment?

Diane in Beaux Arts, is that who you're referring to?

That's exactly who I'm talking about.

Diane in Beaux Arts Village says, Luke, feel free to read this in your finest Lucky the Leprechaun Irish. Is this a reference to my accent from, like, yesterday?

Is this becoming a thing on the show? I don't think it could be. I think this came in before you did your accent yesterday's show, but I saw it.

I honestly didn't realize that I was doing an, I'm sure, quite terrible Irish accent enough that it was becoming a thing. Again, I think of my horrible Scottish accent as a thing I've done too much. But I must have just been like, without even really realizing it, talking all Irish on people.

Well, people love it, though, because it's been requested now twice in two days.

All right. Everybody just imagine like I'm holding a shillelagh and there's some kind of some kind of festive music in the background related to this. Diane in Beaux-Arts Village says, oh, and if it isn't the birthday of Grace in Ithaca, she's having another one, don't you know? Grace, you make the world better with your smarts and your kindness and roasted vegetables. My dearest Grace, I hope the morning finds you well. We're hemmed in at Gettysburg today.

It was the first result on Irish music I could find. Sorry, is it not celebratory enough? It sounds pretty here. What if I kick in to, like, here? Oh, yeah. It's a little bit better. There we go.

Grace, you make the world better with your smarts and kindness and roasted vegetables. I know you have a fantastic St. Patrick's Day birthday and a year full of rainbows and pots of gold. Your mom and dad and family love you so much and can't wait to see you in June. Nice. I would not love to hear a person who actually hails from Ireland break down just how bad that is.

You would love to hear that or you would love to hear anything but that? Sorry, there's not a double negative in there. I would love to not hear that. I would not love to affirmatively hear that. Yeah, no, understood. But I appreciate you going for it. I went for it. Because there was a moment where I got that voicemail or when I got that Blurs Day last night and I was like, oh, I can just do this. And then I continued to read into the blurs and I was like, no, no, no, they really want us to do the whole don't you know thing. And I I chickened out. So I sent it to you. Plus, that was the request of Diane. But I think you did a great job there. Thank you. I did fully commit. So at least there's that Holly, a silent 10 in Alexandria, says, happy blurs to Virginia in Fort Worth. We have the honor to celebrate one more year on the planet with Virginia. Oh, and she's having a tea party to celebrate. I bought a balloon, and it doesn't mean I think I'm better than everybody else. So let's all eat a tiny sandwich and raise a cuppa to one of the most thoughtful, caring, and generous tens. Do you remember that? And people in general. Cheers to many, many more ahead. I do remember it. In Australia, they call it a cuppa. Oh, and the adventure begins again. They call it a cuppa. Yeah, they do. Tom says, wishing a happy Blur's Day to my son and fellow ten Ben on Pi Day. Oh, that's right. Today's Pi Day, too, Luke. Oh, nice. Yeah, the 3.14, et cetera. Can you finish that number, please? Yes, you going to finish that? You going to finish that pie? Here's to another year of annoying the rest of the family. It just fills the cracks of the heart. With TBTL Drops.

like that one yeah hey look will in worthington oh my gosh we're hearing from will who would have saw it coming will says happy 10th blursay to my five nora she loves tbtl drop so much that she wore out the sound machine we were watching tv the other day and she said that guy sounds like andrew i said andrew who she looked at me dumbfounded and said andrew from tbtl duh I'm so proud of you Nora and I can't wait for your spring soccer season I love ya and don't forget to tell Carol hold my call hey what's up Carol hold my call hey nice Luke you found that quickly hey you found that really quickly because you don't have these in front of you only that one

I don't have the blurs days but I have I'm trying a new system remember I said I was gonna I've taken a bunch of drops and I move them over into a playlist and I'm I'm making it so they only repeat themselves. So you know how I will play, like normally I would play, this is what it would be like under normal circumstances. I'd play this.

Carol, hold my calls. Holy shit.

And I'd have to like make sure I jumped on the end of it before it goes to holy shit snacks. But if I just make it only play Carol, hold my calls. Now the problem is if I were to activate this and then maybe like keel over.

Carol, hold my calls. Carol, hold my calls. Carol, hold my calls. Carol hold my calls

It could go on indefinitely

But I was impressed with how quickly you had Carol hold my calls ready to go Right as I was saying Was it really? You had it already dragged over and everything?

Well yeah because I took a giant chunk of drops And it just moved them over to this playlist And it just happened to involve Carol hold my calls But I also am kind of happy about this Because I feel like Let's end the show where we started it With me saying something boring It's like when I play a drop and it's going to repeat itself, it buys me a half a second of time. Does that make sense? Like something about the rhythm of how this plays.

Memories are made in your mouth.

Oh, see, it kind of did it there. But I think I'm a little bit less prone to including a little bit of a drop on these that I don't want. What I really need to do is just figure out how to turn off the autoplay, but I've never been able to. Some of the greatest minds known to TVTL have tried to tell me how to do this, And it seems impossible at this point. But anyway.

Who says memories are made in your mouth, by the way? That voice is very familiar.

I don't even know. Is it maybe Kimmy Schmidt?

That doesn't sound like that kind of. No, I doubt that. I don't think so. I recognize that.

This has been around for so long.

That sounds like reality TV.

Memories are made in your mouth.

That's not like a sitcom tape. Any whoozles, happy Blur's Day. Nora and finally Ben says I just want to drop a quick blurs for my I don't believe I caught your blurs don't believe I dropped it what's that from I don't know music man don't believe I caught your name don't believe I dropped it that's the music man I believe so you can double check cool when I was a kid I didn't know you for ever line trouble in River City kind of guy I saw it live when I was a kid in Cleveland's theater square what's it called what's theater square called Ben says I just want to drop a quick blurs for my buddy Ben, who totally isn't me. Hmm, okay. 38, huh, bud? Well, here you are.

I'm a professional. Look it up in the book.

And you're going to make this year a dynamite one. I know you will. Have fun starting the year off with half number 23. Okay. Hopefully this is, so does that mean he's 46? Is that what's going on? I don't know.

Or 12, 11 and a half? Wait, I don't know how that works.

Have fun starting the year off with half number 23. Hopefully, it's a fun run. Oh, okay. That must be a half marathon. Half marathon. Number 23. Number 23. Okay. Hopefully, it's a fun run. Don't forget not to take yourself too seriously this year. Just don't hurt yourself. I agree with that. Happy Blur's Day, Ben. Absolutely.

Boonies never say die.

I hope the other Ben gets to hear that. All right. Happy Blur's Day, everybody. Hey. Thank you.

Hi, everyone. Welcome to my farm.

Oh, I know that voice. Who is it? That's Martha Stewart.

Yeah, that's Mrs. Snoop Dogg. When she mails out letters, she has to write, From the desk of Mrs. Snoop Dogg.

That's right. Do you know that a friend, a former boss of mine one time, and Aviv and I were maybe together under five years or whatever, but he sent a holiday card to us that said to Mr. and Mrs. Andrew Walsh.

I assume that made nearly no impression on that.

on people in the household it went over so great she's like i hope i never meet that guy wow i said you won't all right um he's a good guy but that was a yeah that was a misfire vince all right

That's what I got for Blursdays. You know, we're like five minutes away from our next appointment. We got to get out of here, Luke. Yeah, we got places to be and weeks to review. So let's do that next. Hey, thanks for listening, everyone. We are going to be right back here tomorrow with more Imaginary Radio for you. So please do spare some time for your friends, Luke and Andrew. In the meantime, have a great Thursday. Take care of yourselves. And please remember, no mountain too tall. And good luck to all.

Do you know what today is? Tuesday. This is my cat's birthday today. I don't see a cat in here. I'm sorry. We let it out by accident? No, because he died three months ago, okay? So now, who's the funny guy? Sorry. All right? Today is his birthday, and it is a tradition that on his birthday, I'd get up extra early and make him his favorite kind of dessert. Don't worry, bro. Your cat's going to heaven. Yeah. Maybe. Maybe he went to heaven. He was a little f***er. He could have gone to hell. Power out.