Muse

I love when people are like you just need to give yourself some grace out of all the problems that I've had in my life never once has not giving myself enough grace charted like it's never made the list even a little bit even at all if anything the polar antonyum might be true if anything I might be hoarding grace in bulk if anything I might be causing accidentally of course a worldwide grace shortage a grace deficit if you will. again completely unintentionally it's just kind of what happens and I choose to view this as a good thing because if I view it from any other sort of you know realistic viewpoint it could be kind of construed as a negative and that's not something I have to give myself grace in that sense as well and say no it's kind of like meta when you think about the giving myself grace of it all I have maxed out my grace card if anyone needs any i will be selling it of course for a little bit of a profit because i'm nothing if not a businesswoman so what am i saying

they are sending shockwaves over the airwaves they are rude and abusive but want you to listen

to them i'm sorry who are you i was asking myself that same question and i did not like the answer he's just a silly little guy he's like your next door neighbor who who like has an above ground pool and drinks cheap beer and like tells fart jokes and he like drives around in a used car and like

goes to the rodeo this is ludicrous i hate not you i hate not your show and i gotta make a note to myself to not try and do my ab workout while y'all are doing your show because I laugh too hard that I can't do my abs.

I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel happy of myself.

Well, all right, hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a Wednesday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. Hey, where's the freaking gabagoo? My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host. We're getting medium play on three independent radio stations in Central Europe. Coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio perched high above the mighty Columbia. We made it, folks. It's May 1st. Spring is really here. Should be really here. Although we're still dealing with some rainy weather here in southern Washington and a tremendous amount of fog this morning out on the mighty Columbia. The ships could not even see each other. They're having to navigate with their big old fog horn. Cloud fog. Which made me want to have clam chowder at 5 in the morning when they were doing this. But I didn't. I was busy getting ready for this program, of course. I start very early. Cobbling together each and every word that will be spoken over the next hour to one and a half hours. And, well, we're ready to do it, my friends. Episode 4196 in a collector's series is ready to go.

Let the fun begin.

There is a story that I saw in the Washington Post, which I feel is very, very relevant to the interest of our listeners. By that, I mean our listeners who are cat people and who want more cat content on the program. You asked, we're going to deliver today the story of a cat in Utah that went missing and ended up in a very, very surprising place. 600 miles away the good news is the cat i just want to start by saying the cat is doing just

fine so it's actually a happy story it's a beautiful story i love your story uh so we

will reveal how this cat traveled over 600 miles and was then found and reunited with its family coming up plus i have a new i think backup career if this podcasting thing doesn't work out And I want to tell Andrew about that. Speaking of my good friend Andrew Walsh. This guy is a four and a half foot tall pile of awesomeness. He's the longest running co-bro of the show. Maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. And he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

Good morning, Luke. You know, you played that drop for me there. Do you remember what that's from? I think I sent you that drop a long time ago. Do you know what that four and a half pound of awesomeness drop is from?

I think it's like a TV commercial for some kind of massive teddy bear, right? Indeed. Those commercials that-

This guy is a four and a half foot tall pile of awesomeness. I think I said four and a half pound pile of awesomeness, which is an interesting way to buy a teddy bear.

Do not body shame the teddy bear, okay?

It would be interesting to go in and say, I'm looking for like four to six pounds of teddy bear. Like, what?

But, yeah.

There are things that it becomes very odd if you start ordering them by the weight.

Sounds like something. Teddy bears would be on that list. Galifianakis would do on baskets. But. You have any diet slice. Diet strawberry Mountain Dew. The reason I bring this up is, well, because I had to say something because you said hello to me and I wanted to say more than just hello. That seems boring to me. but I sent you that drop, and then years later I'm rewarded because you played it to introduce me, and it's a very flattering drop. And the other day I—

It would represent a real reduction in your height, were it true, but I figured the listeners can go with us on this.

But also give it time. Like, I am not—

Has the Hans momentification of Andrew Walsh begun?

At some point in my life, when you go to the doctor's office And they measure your height They take your height I will say it started going in the opposite direction I swear I used to be 6'2 I used to tell people that I always think of you as 6'2 Yeah, thank you A strong 6'2 But anyway, so I guess Here's what I'm getting at You also heard a drop in my little montage today Somebody talking about a silly little guy Who likes to go to the rodeo And that's a comedian on the Tiki Taki Named Sarah Naiman love her stuff I follow her and she's very funny um and I sent that to you the other day I don't know if you heard it I'm not trying to put you on front street but I sent it to you and I said hey this might be good tape for you to introduce me with at some point or another guest and I'll be honest with you I love the tape I love Sarah it sounded good in this little montage I felt very weird asking you to introduce me with tape that I have pre-selected I just thought like informatically it works to introduce somebody right but it's like giving yourself a nickname

i felt very weird about it well it's like i don't know why you wanted me to introduce you with this tape for instance you're like the coolest person i've ever met i sent you that

that definitely wasn't on the show long before you knew who i was that's og right uh yeah i don't

even know what that is even from um also the fact that you wanted me to introduce you with this one

The Miami Meat Tent.

Well, yes. But you wanted it to be very quiet. That was one of your, let's see here, yeah.

The Miami Meat Tent.

I've actually got a whole list of tape that you wanted me to play for you upon introduction.

The Weenie Bikini. The Ding-a-ling Sling. The Grape Smuggler. The Miami Meat Tent.

You smuggle fruit once in your life, and they call you forever the Grape Smuggler.

It defines you, and it shouldn't. It's unfair.

What was that story again? And that wasn't Serial, that was This American Life, right?

I think it was This American Life, and it is mostly whiffed out of my brain. But I think that might have been Dana Chivas. And I think that those were maybe the nicknames for... Like a thong. I'm quite sure of that. Yeah, I just don't remember what the story was. But I'm forgetting why that was relevant to the story. But I will tell you that when I heard that, I was like, this has got Andrew Walsh written all over. The weenie bikini.

The ding-a-ling slang.

The grape smuggler, the Miami meat tent, the four and a half pounds of awesome.

Another way we describe your body. Okay, all right, back away from that, back away from that. So anyway, that's what I got, just analyzing the tape we use and whether or not I'm trying to give myself a nickname like Awesome Andy.

Well, the other thing about that tape is that you don't talk about farts.

That's true. That doesn't describe me very well.

But you're also not a four and a half foot tall pile of, I mean, you're a pile of awesome. I am a pile of awesomeness. But you're not four and a half feet tall. So I guess if we've already kind of, you know, bent reality for that drop, we can bend the reality that would say that you talk about farts or you make jokes about farts. But that's really not what you would do.

Do you want to know one of my deepest, darkest secrets? And I don't know if the listeners know this or not, but I don't even paint tall ships. Never painted a tall ship in my life. It's all kayfabe. Yep. Uh-huh. I was taught in podcasting school to really lean into your ability to paint ships. They're like, that's what's going to make you successful in broadcasting. So I started telling people that. But no, not their grace, not their splendor, not their sales, not their hull.

That's just like so many things in showbiz where you find out that Dean Martin didn't even like alcohol. Like according to, for real, I read this quote one time. Is that true? Is that the story? I believe it was like Dean Martin's daughter was very adamant that he actually was not a lush, that that was kind of just his shtick, and that he did not drink at home and was not a drinker, really. It was all, and I don't even think he had, according to her, like real alcohol. stage oh me too uh yeah right it's like that's that is if that were true that would be a very interesting detail it's like but that's people talk about you and the tall ships it's just purely uh a sort of your name's not even andrew walsh well no it's not they changed it at ellis

island um do you know my confirmation name by any chance you probably know my middle name there's

no way you know my confirmation name though okay now let me let me uh remind myself of how this works in Catholicism the confirmation name is is just a name that is given to you when you are confirmed does that also include no you're baptized when you're a baby they sprinkle water on you right so here's confirmation do you have to learn something for the confirmation is it like a you do like a bar mitzvah where you've got to like do a little performance of the text it's not it's

nowhere near as intense as that at least not in my church and not that I've ever heard but it is a sort of coming of age it's it's similar in the way that it's sort of something that so let me explain the boys becoming men men becoming wolves oh yeah oh so you do know okay yeah um you know you were about to change the subject and then i threw in some joke and now here we are me explaining

the sacrament i do want to try to guess what your confirmation name is okay okay that's a fun game so

um uh when you're you know when you're baptized you're brought into the church officially but you're a little baby and so you don't really have any agency over that when you are a young person who's kind of coming into a, you know, young adulthood, like I think for me, I was maybe 12, 13, 14, somewhere around there, you confirm your baptism. That's why it's called confirmation. You're saying, I can now with sound mind and body, or at least as sound as my mind and body ever got, say, yeah, this shit's for me. I mean, they don't like you to use that language necessarily when you're in the church, but essentially that's what you're saying. And so part of this is, yeah, I do believe you have to maybe memorize something. I don't think there's as much intense I think like for me I was part of a whole class of of kids who you know you know went into church together I don't think we had to stand up and do anything even close to performative or with the spotlight on us individually but you do go to classes I think beforehand so you know what you're getting into and maybe you have to memorize something I don't know but also you the fun part is you get to give yourself a name in the same way you get to pick the name you pick your own name and like I I remember my sister picked a name that was somehow related to a Beatles song because she really liked the Beatles at the time, but my parents thought that was way too flip. They wanted her to take it seriously. So was it Jude or something that she wanted to be? But then they're like, no, no, you're not choosing a name from the Beatles. No, it couldn't have been Jude. Jude is a little close to Judas. Yeah, it was Judas, I think. Oh, oh, I know it. She was Pontius Pilate was her confirmation name. Very frowned upon within the church.

Okay, so you got to pick this, and I'm just trying to think. So Magnum P.I.

So close. It was B.J. and the Bear.

Hervé Villaché hyphen Da Plain Da Plain.

I was wondering. I didn't get the reference. Thank you for the asterisk explanation there. B.A. Baracus.

I'm trying to think of what was charting at the time. Face. Michael Knight Knight Rider Andrew Lewis Knight Rider Walsh

Andrew Lewis Kit Walsh Don't go in there Michael That was My imitation of Kit has really I feel like when I was a kid I did a good imitation of Kit But it's not in there anymore Apparently I'm concerned Michael Don't go over that ramp

Was the voice of Kit Somebody who was well known You know when I imagine

John Benjamin

Michael, I told you this was going to be A bad idea

I just set you up for a perfect stand-up bit Work on that a little bit That can be your opener at Giggles

What if H. John Benjamin did the voice

R.I.P. Giggles I did play Giggles once, by the way

No, no, no, is that the one on Roosevelt? Did that close?

I don't think it's called Giggles anymore I think it's called It's got a new name, I think Oh, okay

Or something maybe Oh maybe it's laughs Because I was going to say I saw our pal Andy Haynes Perform there one time

Yeah it's still a comedy club But I don't think it's I mean the story on that place Which was discussed on this program Which I found Kind of pretty entertaining Also we've been talking a lot About adult dancing on the show Lately for a show that doesn't focus on that But you know it was called Giggles For many years And then the idea was to turn it into A strip club and call it Jiggles but it was i think by about maybe like five feet or something too close to a school and so you legally couldn't turn it into jiggles because it was in a school zone and you can't do that kind of thing and i believe the owner of of the building was fighting with the

city or whoever it was and ended up losing and now it's back to being a comedy club yeah i did

it ever even open as jiggles or very very briefly i'd heard this story before but it was before my time in seattle i think that like you know especially knowing where that is like that whole like very close to a school thing i mean neighbors always find ways like you know what i mean when there is a business that is unwanted in a neighborhood neighbors find ways to find

zoning but i would say if you're going to have a strip club in your neighborhood it being called jiggles is the best case scenario really like i love that name i love that name for again because it's it's honoring the the you know the prior business that was there giggles i think it's clever in a way it sounds like for instance uh live nude girls yeah on aurora that's got a real tawdry you know again i'm not i don't want to judge people or shame people on what they like

oh that's not that place by my house by the way is not called live nude girls it just has luke i mean you're so old-fashioned it has a digital sign where it displays various messages for the

community i'm the son of a conventional brick and mortar oh that's right oh of course oh my gosh

yeah you would never acknowledge the existence of digital signs i'm trying to remember what the name of the actual places. Of course, we're talking about the place that you knew as a kid.

Is it like Flash Dancers or something now?

I'll figure it out.

Is it Deja Vu? Has it been subsumed into the Deja Vu empire?

No, it's still independent, Luke, and that's what I love about it.

It's a mom and pop.

It's a real mom and pop.

Performing, by the way, nightly at 7 p.m.

It's a duo act. It's a drag act. It's actually pretty amazing.

Imagine the characters from the American Gothic painting but with no clothing on.

They often use the digital sign. you know cycles through messages and no joke it is often saying that dancers are wanted and i always you know i was checking with veeves on that i'm like well i mean how are things going as a speech writer like and she's like i don't think that's the industry for me i said okay that cash could

get you out of a couple of jams as we say on this on this program yeah you know what my plan for extra cash is andrew i want to become a professional tyler because i put a backsplash in in my kitchen and it was so satisfying it was my favorite home improvement project i've ever done and it actually went pretty well have you ever done any tiling in any of your uh your homes that you've lived in

no i don't tile um i uh oh by the way i never guessed your confirmation no i know i'll tell you at the end of the show keep people listening sweep that quarter dial um or quarter hour um i I was going to say that Genevieve, when we moved in, one of the first projects that she was going to undertake was putting in a backsplash in our kitchen, which I still think we'll do at some point. But it just sort of got pushed down the list of things to do. I wanted to say, though, I thought, you know, this is not your first time working with tile or even a tile backsplash, right? This was a big thing you did in Mount Baker.

Yeah, but it did a real bad job.

Oh, really?

Yeah, I didn't have Walt supervising. I mean, it was passable, I think, like, if you, you know, didn't look too closely, I think it looked reasonably okay, but there was a lot of imperfection in it, and it was a certain kind of, this was when marble was kind of all the rage, and so Vanessa and I bought, you know, this kind of sections of some sort of marble tile that we then were cutting, and that was when it got, like, the thing about tiling, and people that have done it know this, is it's it's like if you start to get off course early then it sort of magnifies and multiplies like the issues that's you gotta be really right but if it's working it's extremely satisfying because and because i had walt here kind of i did the project but it just made me feel better knowing that my dad was just a holler away yes and it's also this is the thing about my dad that's so funny i was like okay uh i'm gonna do this tiling project but i just would like to have you here as kind of like adult supervision he goes i don't know anything about tiling that's not really my thing and then of course he knows more about tiling than anyone i've ever talked to about tiling he's like every like piece of advice he gave me and little thing was like exactly turned out to be true about working with the stuff about things you know just the whole thing like a home improvement project that he thinks he has no ability in is still something he knows more about than 90 percent of the american population including some people that probably

do professional tile installation now you just not to get off topic but you probably have things in your life like that too there are things that you would say oh shucks i don't know much about that but then somebody would sit down with you and it turns out you're a font of knowledge they're all bad things to know it is trouble starting with blackjack i mean it's seriously

probably gambling related probably substance use disorder related related it's it's like yeah i'm a font knowledge about i mean i was thinking about our conversation about the mandarin gate yesterday and how i i left out some fights seriously do you want to offer a correction or that's all right because i don't i'm not you know i don't i don't feel great about i mean if you hear something in my voice that sounds like pride please understand i don't think it's a good thing to move through the world getting into physical confrontations with people but i was realizing there were at least another couple of one actual fight and another close call that i didn't even get into And my point in all that is to say yes, there are topics that I am a deep well of knowledge on But they're not any of the topics that you really would be proud to know about Tiling is much more useful in the world And it's just another thing where I'm trying to remember I can't remember the specifics, which is why this is not a great story Ironically, this is the thing I should be good at is telling stories But like what I've learned in working with my dad on all of these projects at the house is anytime he gives me a piece of advice and I violate it I do so at my own peril like whenever he's like you're going to want to get like this or you're going to want to have a tray for that or you're going to want to like just like he'll just say it's like some small practical thing about the project and sometimes I'll think really do I need to do that and then I will find my ass in the jackpot because I didn't do whatever little thing he said oh you're going to want to make sure to keep track of those because of this that or the other you know what I mean he just is so unbelievably knowledgeable about this stuff and i've learned now to just do exactly what he is instructing me to do because there's always some reason behind it let me ask you this this is a

follow-up from a story you told a long time ago and it's sort of i mean i don't know it's bringing up something that sort of clearly lived in my head a little bit i'm just wondering if your attitude changed on this a little bit um so your dad is a very precise person in doing all these projects and when you were much newer at this i'm going to say almost maybe even a year ago now maybe it wasn't quite that long ago when you were you know in a very different part of this renovation process you told a very specific story about installing a um door and that like yeah your dad really wanted to make sure that it was very very perfect in some elements i don't know if it was a leveling thing or or you know filling a gap or what it was but he wanted and you were you were like it would have been it would have been fine the way it is like you're being too precious about it was my interpretation of it i'm probably using words that you didn't use and i was kind of like Yeah, but you're also somebody who I feel like if it's done right, you, Luke Burbank, will appreciate the fact that when you look at that door, it's done right. Do you feel like a year into this project or whatever it's been, you've changed on that a little bit? You wouldn't be as eye-rolly about getting something absolutely perfect on that door frame or whatever it was?

Yes, I have totally changed my tune on that. One, I have just learned, I don't even know if I would use the word patience, but I have just come to understand that this is just a process. I think probably 10 times a day when I'm doing stuff here and when my dad is helping out, I think of something my friend Sky, the Sky Pilot Seeger, once said to me as he and I were about to together consume an entire bottle of, I think it was, absolute vodka. That's another thing you're an expert at. how do you eat an elephant one bite at a time I believe was what he said before we polished off this bottle of absolute and we're just absolutely as you know complete yes right we were very very very inebriated by the end of that but I think about that a lot here because if I there's still so much stuff that needs to be done there's so much of that place that just looks really junky and and we get one thing done and then it's like okay well now on to the next thing so I'm constantly telling myself how to eat an elephant one bite at a time and part of that is understanding that like if my dad needs to spend like we just put a door here in the madrona hill studio between the area i'm in and where the bathroom is and exactly what you described happened which was the door the actual door that i bought was a little warped thanks a lot home depot uh thanks for uh nothing and uh where doers get more warped doors but um anyway uh so he was doing something with the hinges and flexing it and tightening some part and loosening another one he was working on that for i don't know an hour but what i realize is it's better to have it done right because otherwise i will over the course of my life here at this place will spend you know innumerable hours staring at these little yeah mistakes or things that are imperfect so it's worth just kind of getting it right so I have changed my opinion on that I think in the early days of this project I was really impatient I was like I just want to get going I just want to keep you know making progress and do we I thought that this whole thing would be like three months of work or something I mean I don't know if I realistically thought that but somewhere in my brain I thought I don't know this is going to be a few months and a few thousand dollars and it's turned out to not be that at all and so I think I was impatient at first and now I understand that it's just you just gotta you have to just, you know, take the

time to get it done right and then it's you know then it's a much more pleasant experience interacting with the uh with the particular home improvement the other thing that's really weird about a project like this because I've you know I've remodeled I've done pretty significant remodeling projects on every house that I have owned or co-owned and so I'm kind of used to this but I it's never been on this scale of a house I was also living in at the time I think and there are just days where I despair because it just feels like it's going at a snail's pace and then there days i was thinking this today it's it's uh it's the way that hemingway described a bankruptcy it happens very slowly and then all at once like there's just these days where i'm like holy shit we're actually making some progress like today when i went to make my coffee and i looked at this backsplash that i put in that's now grouted and all set up and now the coffee maker is sitting on the you know part of the countertop where it lives now with the cabinet above it that where the my Splenda now lives and my my bag of broadcast coffee coffee that our friend Barry sends us you know so it's like it's I have these little moments where it's like hey this is all actually where my unbelievably complicated caraway pot and pan set is sitting by the way I've done absolutely none of those things they recommended me to do and it seems to be fine I'm just using I'm pretending this was from the Friday episode where we talked to Megan Hatcher Maze and Lindy west of the text me back podcast and i was reading you these instructions from this highfalutin pans that i bought and what i've decided to do is just completely and totally ignore all of those directions and just treat these like regular pots and pans and assume it's

going to be and they're fine are they really heavy bottomed by the way are they those like really heavy bottom skillet style pans or are they um no not like cast iron i mean they're aluminum yeah we have a we have some aluminum but heavy bottomed like very thick heavy bottomed

They make the rockin' world go around.

I kept saying that phrase over and over, and it just sounded worse every time. Anyway, I don't have to get back at you. Live, nude, heavy-bottomed pans. Apply within.

Wanted. But, no, I was thinking, as I was doing the tiling, I was thinking, Andrew would really like this. Really?

It sounds like I'd be so in my head about it that I would never. So are you actually cutting tile? Are you using that oscillating multi-tool or something to cut this tile?

No, I got really lucky that the dimensions worked out. So you buy, I mean, what I did was I bought these square, like a square of smallish subway tile. So kind of think of subway tile, but a little bit thinner. I was also trying to, white. I was trying to, this is what I'm trying to do from a design standpoint, not get too cool for school with things. Like, you go into the tile department now at the Home Depot, there's all kinds of really cool-looking tile that's very of the moment, right? Interesting shapes, interesting gold accents, and there's, like, such cool stuff that if you put it in for, like, the next year, it would be incredible. But my fear is that if I do everything the way that is currently in style, then in 10 years, you'll walk into my house and be like, oh, we can definitely tell that you did this in 2024.

for like the more yeah that's interesting because in a certain way yeah you want something that's timeless right with anything that's sort of fashion or style or like there's a timeless element to things however there's also things that are not timeless and maybe this is just me and this is maybe just bad taste but there are certain things that are definitely not timeless they are of an era that at first they're exciting and new and the the en vogue thing and then five to 10 to 15 years later it becomes so like old and just like oh my god i can't believe you have like almost like 80s we grew up like thinking like oh 80s fashion or 80s style or 80s home decor or whatever right it's like just so dumb like in the 90s it felt so cherry red cabinets like as in

like and then and uh hunter green or whatever but then it comes back around yeah and then you know

if it's done well if it's quality and not just like some shit like if it's done well or even like me i love a vintage pink bathroom from the 1960s or something you know and i would never put in a new pink bathroom so anyway i don't i don't know why i needed to say all of that but it is timeless is definitely the way to go but also if you do something right and you can get through that hump of cringe which is a i think that's one of the dancers uh heavy bottomed hands and cringe humping and would it be best if i just sort of sat the rest of the show out i'm that's

always an option um but uh but but so there are these the tiles that then are like a section right one foot by one foot and then the individual tiles are all connected to each other by this little mesh and then you put you put this this adhesive called mastic up and then you press the tile into the mesh so you don't have to place each individual little tile it's one foot by one foot squares, which

is part of why it's, like, doable. Genevieve is not going in that direction because I think she's already bought all of her tile. Like, it's out there. Maybe she just bought samples of it. But when we first moved in, she was bringing in these relatively small boxes of individual tiles, and she was going out in the garage and cutting the tiles using something. Maybe that's why I said no joke.

Was she using a nipper? Because I did use that a couple of times for where the outlets were going to go, and that's this little, like, basically pliers pliers that are designed to cut tile it just snips them not in a way that's finished looking so like this would be an edge of the tile welcome to tile talk by the way everyone this would be like for the area that's going around an electrical outlet that's going to be covered by the plate of the electrical outlet so you can use a nipper there because if you were to take the plate off it would look a little bit a little bit rustic our new favorite word but it's covered so it looks okay you wouldn't want to use that you couldn't use that for like some part that's going to be showing but i wonder because otherwise she would have i'm guessing that she doesn't have a wet tile saw that you don't know about i don't think so although she does borrow a lot of tools a lot

of stuff happens in the garage that i don't know about and i don't ask about luke i'm not even joking about better that way it really is it's like okay she's going out there i don't know what

she's building in there well i went with this particular approach because i knew that there was no way that I was going to be able to place individual tiles without it just getting wonky and that was kind of what happened in the Seattle house it really happened in my LA house we had an ADU behind the house and we had the world's worst tenant living there when we bought the house and amazingly he just decided to leave on his own volition which was so great because like legally we could not get this guy to leave if we wanted him to and he had this dog and there was like fleas the house was full of fleas and everything which is ironic because my dog at the time was named flea but i i tried to retile that bathroom in the adu and like behind this clawfoot bathtub and i just like you know you will sort of wake up thinking about something you said 10 years ago it'll shock you i wake up thinking about this tile job behind this clawfoot bathroom in the clawfoot bathtub in the adu of my house in echo park and i just shudder there was a point where i literally just gave up i just said like let god sort this out just hung up a poster with a race car on it seriously that's a load-bearing poster um but anyway so i did not want this to be like this is in the kitchen right this is supposed to look kind of nice but so um you know i like was very careful and i kept making sure everything was level checking it with the level made a you know like i had a like kind of a pencil line that i was following about the different courses of the tile and I mean there were some few parts where it got a little wiggly but I just was kind of able to I mean I don't think this looks like a highly trained professional put it in but it also doesn't look like a podcaster put it in um which which I take as a win and I did um around so behind the stove obviously and behind the like between the countertop and then the upper cabinets and then I have this kind of section of wall and I did the entire wall in this tile, which is kind of just like a, I don't know what you want to call it, like a design element. And it turned out pretty okay. And now what I have liked to do for the last two days is to just stand in the living room in the morning and just stare at the backsplash as I'm drinking my coffee. This is my new form of entertainment and self-love. Now self-love is coming up. Gary, we're really getting that R rating back very quickly, that explicit rating that we recently shed, But we maybe need to bring that back.

I did text Genevieve and asked her if she uses a nipper, and she said, I will not apply for that job at Sugars, Andrew. So I don't know what – Sugars is the name of the –

Oh, it's Sugars. Well, see, Sugars used to be a place up on Aurora. The Dancing Bear, right? Oh, I see. Oh, yeah, right, right. There was also a Sugars up in the pho district of Aurora, up near Goldie's in that area. I think there used to be a Sugars up there.

so that i knew it was a legacy product oh did i tell you by the way this is um oh this is the update that everybody has been waiting for do you remember i told you a story you don't want more you don't want more a tile talk from lb we can go back to it i'm not again i actually do i really quite enough i really did um text genevieve because i am curious what her process is and whether or not now i'm sort of curious if she's bought because i feel like she bought all the tile and they came in these individual boxes i'm pretty sure she did not buy them as as mesh of any sort and so i think her plan was to lay this tile and again it's subway tiles probably not the specifically um skinny stuff that you got but more maybe the standard and i think it's white i just remember like when we were moving she told me to be very careful with these really heavy boxes of tile oh so she got them before you even got to your your new house yeah or she bought them once we bought the house but before we

officially moved god i am something like that genevieve and i are the same person yeah the person who took the cake for this is our friend mine and camaro kev's friend kelly who once when he and his wife tara bought a house they had not yet closed on it he snuck into the house and started cutting the floors up that's right you told that is an amazing level of confidence that the deal is going to close and it did it was all okay but that's the ultimate one that gives me so much

anxiety that you've told me that story before i mean that story gives me and i don't even know kelly i've never met kelly that gives me so much anxiety like what ask camaro about it next time

you're at the eagle ask him to give you his top five kelly stories they are the the guy is really one of a kind but surprised he doesn't get more airtime on this show because he is just an abs could i yeah because we're already getting an r rating for this show can i can i tell you something that is a little bit i will be i'll try to be i'm not going to say anything that's actually explicit but it's going to refer to um physical uh acts between consenting adults you know what i mean like rape smuggling it's it's it's the beanie weenie the weenie bikini um uh my first uh wedding uh this guy this person this person showed up at my wedding and uh was unable to move we're having a very difficult time moving um because had he had thrown this person had thrown their neck out let's just say um enjoying a special time with their partner moments before the wedding apparently it was just like who does that right who injures himself doing that and then who tells you that at your wedding that that's how they injured themselves

this was your wedding or you guys were both my wedding oh i didn't remember that it was your actual wedding wow did he have a part to play in your wedding that he couldn't do like did he have to like carry the ring no they usually no thankfully no thankfully he just had to stand

there like ram man from the he-man comic which he was well prepared for but it was like his description of him explaining to me and Camaro Kev how it was that the neck injury occurred it was it was a it was a highly it was a very vivid retelling of events and it was like okay I'm I'm glad you had to that's also by the way that's called being in your 20s when you got to sneak that in before like you're going somewhere like like you're so overcome with passion because your body

is still so alive that you're like sorry i i realized kelly could potentially hear this or

could get back to kill that's why i realized midway through that story i was really blowing up his spot and i started not using his name as if people would have forgotten that 45 seconds previous that was the name i was using i don't think that's gonna really work but i was trying

that well i'll stop using the name now this this person whose name i can't remember which is actually plausible with me um now i feel like i'm putting you on the spot a little bit but like there are people who you say have like kind of wild stories about them or live a wild life um and you know like busting up the floor of the house that you hope to buy before it actually closes like that's a but there are people who would do stuff like that but their life is sort of chaotic and a mess in a way that they're comfortable with but it's like not a way you'd want to go through the world but then there are other people who are like that but are also just like you know everything just works out for them and so like to meet them or to see them in a professional setting like the like yes i'm the type of person who goes into a house busts up the floor but it's just gonna work out like how how is this person how do they navigate life how do they go through life is it chaos all the time or is it always i don't think it's chaos i think

it generally works out and i i think part of it is that um his partner uh tara is a spectacular person who does kind of keep things on the rails i think a lot and i think it generally gets a good outcome from things like yeah they ended up buying that house so it was fine yeah but he is also my memory we haven't hung out in years but he was somebody who uh was always because we played basketball together that's how we knew each other and he uh was often injured um through random events such as lovemaking sure and would just say when you said how'd you do that you go put together wrong like his theory was that he was put together incorrectly his body was put together in utero or something that he was just put so he just chalked things up to put together wrong so that so i said to the question of like is the life chaos or is everything working out it isn't kind of like a van wilder situation where somebody's just kind of like you know uh falling back ass words into good luck but it's also not going like it's not a life of complete chaos mm-hmm yeah that's interesting as far as as far as my tracking of things um but uh i don't know i don't know how i got us down that road i don't know why i don't know how I thought it was a good idea to, you know, describe the very private details of someone's life to many thousands of people. But there you go. It just happened. And maybe maybe it's a good time to move on and thank some dazzling donors.

Absolutely. Yeah, I just I do believe just for my own brain, because we're just talking about you, Kelly, Genevieve, all getting to work on things before you actually have the keys.

Because I wouldn't cut up the floor in this house, but I would have definitely been buying tile if I thought I was getting a deal on it because the fantasizing about, I mean, that's one last thing. And then we really do need to thank Dazzling Donors. That's almost one, a part of this process that I am going to have to, and this is really honestly like a more global issue with me that I continue to need to work on is, like Genevieve, I get very excited thinking about improvements to things and planning improvements. And for like literally two or three years, even before I started this project in earnest, I would imagine this moment of coming down the stairs in the morning, entering the living room kitchen area, turning on the coffee pot and having a cup of coffee in this very cozy feeling environment, looking out on the mighty Columbia. and now I'm having that moment and it's like okay this is cool I like this a lot but like what's the next thing you know and I have to really like really be aware of that because because that is my tendency is like always excited about this thing in the future that's going to be perfect and then it's going to I'm going to feel okay all of a sudden and then I get into that moment and it does feel pretty good but I have to really work to stay in that moment and not just start fantasizing about the next moment that is going to be the moment that finally

makes me feel okay yeah and now that you've seen some progress when you know when your dad is advocating to spend a you know maybe an extra couple of hours um you know aligning a door it is costing you i understand that time is money got time to leave you got time to clean etc

i the analogy i use is it's like i have to keep earning enough money to put down a railroad track in front of this train and i'm always just putting like a little more track in front of the train That is my dad and the people that are coming out here to do things. Always. It's like redirecting television, radio, and podcasting money at this train track that is the project.

Well, I can't stress it enough, Luke. Dancers wanted.

We was hoping for some razzle-dazzle. Razzle-dazzle. That's right, man. Razzle-dazzle.

On your mark. On your mark. Get set. Get set. Now ready. Ready. Go.

All right, let's thank some dazzling donors who are helping through a roundabout way. They're helping keep TBTL in business and helping me put down a little bit of railroad track. That is the home improving project. And, by the way, it's relevant to the interests of one Dave Samut of Woodland, California. Hey, Dave. Thank you. There was the perfect lead-in segment to reading Dave Samut's Dazzling Donor Message. Thank you, Dave, for your generosity. We really do appreciate it. He says, this is Dave from Dave and Shelly building a house in the mountains. Dave, I'm curious about your whole backsplash approach. Do you go individual tile? Do you go with the sections of tile that are all kind of pre-connected? Luke, I'd love to commiserate over long, ongoing home building issues, But that's best done on bar stools consuming a cocktail or 13. And, Andrew, I'd say the same thing about Eagles Club shenanigans and maintenance chores.

Maintenance chores. Ooh, that makes puttering sound so much more, like, kind of substantial. Yeah. Yeah, like, that's important, right?

I'm not puttering. I'm taking care of my maintenance chores. This is maintenance chores. We want to thank you guys for filling our long drives back and forth between homes as well as keeping me company while I'm working alone. And I want you both to know I was willing to wear the royal order of the Water Buffalo headset and lead the APM insurrection. But only if I could find John and lead him to safety. It's a little dark. Yeah. um i i'm i'm very uh happy to know that this is content that can keep dave and shelly but but maybe more dave uh when the home projects when when dave is going solo on things entertained because that is also a world that i've really entered with this remodeling project is you know i'll have something that i'm like okay this is going to be a full two days of something pretty tedious and repetitive and i need content to uh help my brain you know be distracted ironically the show is also tedious and repetitive but i guess that works for dave i guess dave likes that

let me ask you a question i know i i've said before that this is something that my

brain does a lot but like i can really remember when i've heard something like on a podcast or even or just like bad sports radio or whatever but i can remember like kind of what i was doing when i heard it not everything in my life i don't have a i don't have some sort of special power you know but like mary lou henner exactly but like especially with something that is sort of a once in a lifetime like the time that i put the backsplash in my my home like yeah that's right I was listening to Why Is This Happening or whatever, like some interview, some snippet of an interview or some guest. I remember the closet I was cleaning out while moving out of the New Hampshire house to move to Seattle. I remember listening to the TBTL Christmas movie segment where Jen went hard on Home Alone in favor of Home Alone and started crying. And Tangney was on the show. It was like you, Sean. And I remember the closet I was cleaning out off of this one particular room. So are you like that? Will you go back and hear something or remember hearing something and be like, oh, yeah, I heard that when I was installing the backsplash?

I don't know if I'll always remember the specific task, but I will remember a time in my life. Like, I remember when the first season of Serial came out. And we were living in Port Townsend. And I was obsessed. And in fact, the new serial season, which is about Guantanamo, is quite good. And I have been listening to that. So I'll remember kind of an era of my life when I was really, really delving in. I've been getting into, I mean, I burned through the Why Is This Happening podcast that Chris does. And then I listened to the Daily most days. And then I'm, for some reason, this is how my anxiety is manifesting. I listen to a lot of the Pod Save America stuff now. I don't understand why that's calming to me to listen to people talk about the decline of democracy in this country, but it is.

That's a low key thing about that show. Like, there's a lot of stuff I can't like the even you just saying the Guantanamo stuff. I'm just like, ah, like I would have to brace myself so much. But there is something about the Pod Save America guys. And obviously, I'm not the first one to say that they're good at their jobs. But there's something about talking about stuff that could if other people were presenting it in a different way, I would never put on that podcast because it would just give me this pit in my stomach, you know, like the the impending election. But those guys are really good at making you feel like like like it just it's a spoonful of sugar that helps it all go down.

I don't know what it is. It makes you feel I think it feels like there are there are smart people in the world. This is how I feel when I listen also to Chris's show. Why is this happening? It comforts me because it feels like there are intelligent people in the world and they are also going to have to exist in this world with me and all of us. Even if politics goes sideways. Yeah. Like even if heaven forbid Trump were to be elected again, like that is obviously feels like an existential threat to this country, to my feeling of safety. and i'm a straight white male i'm at the top of the privilege pyramid i can't even imagine how threatening it would feel if i was in any sort of a marginalized group of folks but knowing that uh john favreau and john lovett will also wait is that that are those their names i think so i mean they both have names that are almost other people's names yeah there's a john lovett's

yeah i know that was literally a john favreau when i turned it on and it wasn't the critic That guy was so bummed out.

That is weird, though. It stinks. It's so weird that it stinks how low I played that drop. It stinks. It is weird that one person is named Jon Favreau, but it's not the guy from Swingers. And one guy is named Jon Lovett, but it's not the critic or the guy from SNL. But anyway, there's something about it. And the same thing when I listen to the New Yorker, the New Yorker political. I know you're a slate political gab fest.

Ooh, I've fallen off I haven't listened in a long time That used to be my, I was a P1 I need to get back into that

I listened to a lot of the New Yorker stuff Which has completely now, unfortunately Replaced my New Yorker reading Which is my listening to the New Yorker Radio Hour And their various sort of ancillary productions Anyway, Dave, what I'm trying to say is Forget everything I just said for the last five minutes That's what I want to say Stick with TBTL Because we need you and Shelly and we need you to keep supporting the show and to keep, for whatever reason, being entertained by what we're doing here. That's right. Dave says, I've enjoyed talking and emailing with John, and I'm glad he joined the family. I was very disappointed to miss the 4,000th episode live shows, but my badass wife, Shelly, was competing the weekend before in a half Ironman in Salem, and I couldn't afford the Doggy Hilton for another week. but you can bet we won't miss the next one heck you can

have it at the annex which is their home on the mountain oh don't tempt me with a good time dave and also congratulations shelly half iron man yeah that sounds like much more iron man than i could do i think the swimming would would get me that's what they always talk about the swimming

is way harder than people expect oh and you have to do the swimming early on right because you don't want people going into the water when they're already exhausted it's too dangerous oh

that's a good point i hadn't thought about that but yeah what i remember from watching the iron man like the famous sort of like is it kona the iron man triathlon in in hawaii um watching it on tv on like a saturday that for some reason gives me feelings of you know what we now call the sunday scaries there were certain sporting events that when i watched them on tv on the weekends i had a kind of wistful slightly sad melancholy is the word i'm looking for i have i felt melancholy and the infinite sadness somebody should write that down um but but you know what i mean is there was there tv content like that for you like what would if i was watching the iron man triathlon what it meant was there was no seahawk game on there was no mariner game on i was watching something on like probably abc's wide world of sports but it was probably like maybe a sunday afternoon or a sat a saturday would have made me feel less sad but certainly like a Sunday. Also, Cisco and Ebert used to be on Sundays at like five. And I just remember watching this stuff, but feeling kind of a bit of a sense of sadness around it because I guess of

what it represented for the weekend. I know that feeling, but I don't associate it at least from my youth with any particular programming. So I'm sorry, I'm not going with you on this one. I do remember starting, you know, pretty early on in my life. You'd be shocked to hear that I started internalizing anxiety about the next day you know but i mean i i think more about like like um kind of like the the sunset sort of like just remembering like oh the weekend's wrapping up no more playing in the yard tomorrow i gotta go to school but like i don't know like when i associate when i think about tv sunday night tv of that time it's actually a very cozy memory of um like watching um perry mason with my mom that was your confirmation name

raymond burr andrew lewis raymond burr iron side perry mason tv movie walsh put respect on my name yeah yes exactly well dave thank you so much for your support uh of the show and shelly as well And if, you know, if you let me know the address of the annex, I might just stop by sometime there outside of Woodland, California or wherever you are. So thanks again. Maestro.

On your mark. On your mark. Get set. Get set. Now ready. Ready. Go. Everybody rattle, dazzle.

Wow. You probably can't tell from the camera angle, Andrew, but Walt is packing up the sign truck and he's hitting that dusty trail. Oh, he's outside. He's leaving now. He's been loading all of his tools into the back. He brings, this is the other thing. And I think, you know what? I think Penny Orlandini of Gig Harbor, Washington is fine with this digression because Penny has been supporting the show and has been a great listener for many years and is used to this. But right as I'm about to read Penny's dazzling donor message, I think about the other thing that plays out here every time my dad comes down to work on the house, which is he brings so many tools, so many tools. He unpacks all of them out of the truck, carries them all into the basement, and invariably does not have one of the tools that we need when we're doing some particular project. We burned up a table saw this time. We literally shorted out a table saw, a skill saw, a table saw that will never again cut wood. And he was like, well, I guess we're just going to have to finish this project. It was a door. We were at the same door here in the ADU. and uh and luckily he had he did in this one particular moment have this other saw that he didn't even remember he packed but for all the tools that he brings somehow we always are missing and then he gets really mad at himself and i always feel like saying that's not your fault like you brought 8 000 tools you you brought that's what that's what makes it all the more

frustrating to him i mean i'm you've seen me unpack my bags in any kind of a tbtl like thing like you have to you have to think of every eventuality but then remember i was freaking out in your parents' basement last year. I don't think this ever got on the air, but for video, I didn't have one video cable. I had figured everything out, but there was one video cable that I thought we needed. We ended up having a workaround. Ironically, your dad had that specifically weird video cable. It didn't quite work well, so we didn't end up using it. You were like, my dad might have it. I'm like, your dad's not going to have it. Do you have any idea how weird this cable is? Your dad's not going to... I can't even finish my thought as your dad comes of the room carrying the cable that I was talking about, but no, that's the frustrating answer. I am Genevieve and you are my dad I mean I would be honored

Who is my daddy and what does he do

Like in terms of yeah because my dad will get really frustrated with himself over something that's just like it's just a you know we live in an imperfect world and just sometimes things don't break your way or there's a tool that he would have never known that we needed to use and then we don't have it and I go buy it at Home Depot or as he calls it Home Depot And it's 10 bucks or something But he'll be so disappointed in himself That he forgot to bring it And I always just think It's okay That totally happens in life And I feel like I don't want to psychoanalyze you too much But I feel like you both have A little bit of that tendency To be a bit hard on yourself Over something Like when something happens It's almost like a character reference on you As opposed to just the fact that That's life I feel like I always want you to be nice to my friend Andrew And I will literally say to my dad Be nice to yourself as he's going

as he's sardicarring

yeah what is the sardicarring noise he was sardicarring from the basement today I got out of the shower

was he doing it for entertainment purposes or he was just mumbling to himself

he was making a noise and I yelled through the floor are you okay I thought he had like fallen and was trapped under something heavy but he was just getting up I'm just getting up I was like oh okay alright cool anyway back to Penny Orlandini in Gig Harbor Penny says my favorite thing about TBTL is listening to you guys laugh it's always so contagious thank you for another year of belly laughs and jibber jabber and head pats and tummy rubs we've been asked to not tummy rub the listeners

anymore so we've actually stopped that part came down hard on that

congratulations on your success as an independent business happy to be part of it much love to all my fellow tens Much love to you, Penny, and as I have taken to saying when reading these messages, the congratulations that you're offering to us on our successful independent business, please offer it right back to yourself because we are only doing this because of you and people like you who are supporting the show. This would just not be here. We would not be coming in here doing this five days a week as our actual jobs or having TBTL employee numero uno doing this as his actual job without you. So congratulations to you for supporting our program and making it possible for us to do it. And thank you. Hello and welcome to Top Story. This is a crazy story from The Washington Post today. Cat climbs into Amazon return box and is found alive 630 miles away.

this when um we were dialing up you said oh hey this isn't on the show sheet but i just saw this just saw this article that we should talk about you just told me like the headline and like i was

like oh no that's why i had to add in this william shatner audio beautiful story yeah i love your story i wanted to make sure because you know our listeners do love cats and they're a fairly sensitive bunch around animals in distress which by the way i like about them because i'm also a sensitive bunch about that but i wanted to make sure everyone knows it's the cat is okay this is not the story of a cat expiring this is the story of this cat named galena that went missing from lehigh utah belonged to carrie clark and her husband their cat went missing and they could not figure out what was going on and they put up like you know posters around the neighborhood they they went on social media they did all the things you do if your cat is missing and they got a call like about six days later from a southern california number and it was a veterinarian telling carrie clark that their cat galena had been found 630 miles away clark tells the washington post by this is a piece by sydney page in the washington post that she thought it was a prank said i was completely shocked i did not believe her what had happened was galena was found in an amazon return warehouse inside a three foot by three foot cardboard box next to several pairs of steel toed boots that her husband matt clark was returning uh according to the article clark and her husband when they got the news started sobbing so what appears to have happened was uh galena like so the husband is putting these were heavy work boots he's returning them to Amazon and he's got these heavy work boots in their boxes in this larger box. He went to get the tape for the box and they think that's when Galena jumped in the box quiet as a mouse. Ironically, it's natural enemy and got packed up in the box.

box and mailed back to amazon and amazingly survived six days in this box without food or

water i hate to think about those six days i'm so glad the cat is okay and also this is i mean as as unusual of a story as this is the more you describe it i'm like oh yeah i can sort of see that like bingo is drawn like a magnet to a box like the moment yes they love it something in fact i was shipping something back i remember sending photos to my friend uh cat uh coincidentally her name is cat she also loves cats and um i was her name is mouse she loves cats yeah i don't remember i don't think i was shipping something to her but i was shipping something and like i the second i set a box on the living room table to ship something before i could start putting the contents in it bingo was already like oh thank you i live here now and so i could totally see this happening in fact bingo's new kind of favorite place in the house is this i got genevieve um a gift for her birthday a couple of months ago and i have like a box that's maybe it's a totally square box from not finally the square box company the square it's it's next to the rectangle box company it's below the oval box company yeah it's in the box if you hit the circular box company you've gone too far i know it's a it's a detail that doesn't matter i'm just bad i'm mad at my brain right now um what is the department store of seattle um the nordstrom nordstrom so it's like

it was a perfect adam and eve i thought maybe we were getting back in once again getting back into

those heavy bottom pans you really you're like if we're gonna put an explicit let's honestly get our money's worth let's get our money's worth let's get it all out of our system in this episode where we're not talking about the little sluggers so i have this like perfectly square box from the dancing bear from sugars that also had like tissue paper or whatever and I thought I was getting Genevieve a gift but it turns out I was getting bingo a gift because as soon as she took the stuff out then bingo jumped in it and now like it's been months now and every now and then I swap out the paper for him I find new packaging paper to put in there so because so that he can be comfortable but yeah he just loves boxes is my point and I could actually sort of see this

happening yeah they like holly and bubbles but particularly holly becca's cat who's a pretty like let's just say sedate customer pretty chill in fact holly could be one of these cats that got into a box like this and you didn't realize they were in there she doesn't meow very much she's she's not like you know in hiding under the couch all the time but she's not in your face the way bubbles is and uh but holly loves like uh if you know if there's a box that's open there she is in it right away like that is i and and bubbles what happens is holly gets in it and is having a perfectly nice time and then bubbles who doesn't even really care that much jumps in the box to evict holly and then herself gets distracted and goes someone does something else yeah she just wants to make sure that she's ruining holly's time yeah yeah are they that if she i mean but

do they generally get along though now i mean that that older brother or younger sister whatever dynamic of like we have a lot of that with our old cat and our young cat like bingo just like he kind of just wants to play and he's like i mean it's the cat equivalent of like i'm not touching you i'm not touching you or i'm just swinging my arms in the air and contact exactly like that's very little little brother behavior from that one but like do you feel that holly's life because They've been living together with Becca for quite some time now. Like, are they mostly, like, comfortable with each other? Do they ever snuggle?

They do sometimes. Oh, that's great. They have, I think, a relationship that is actually very good for both of them. Great. Even though it can be antagonistic at times, but never in a way that's dangerous. Like, never in a way that's like, oh, one of these cats is going to get hurt. What will happen is that Bubbles will menace Holly, and then Holly will run away or jump up on a chair and just kind of get away from her. But we think it's good because it means Holly is actually getting some steps in.

Yeah, I think it's kind of good, too.

Holly is a cat of large carriage these days, and so it's good that she's moving. And also, I think it's very calming for Bubbles. I think the last time that I had Bubbles up here and she escaped into the floor, my theory is part of why she was so freaked out was because Holly wasn't here with her. I think something about having Holly in the mix lets her know everything is going to be okay. She also, and again, Andrew, we're really trying to earn that rating today. She is, the amount of Holly's salad that she tosses is truly off the charts. I don't know what's going on. We dissuade it at every turn. Other than, I don't know, wiring Holly's, the southbound end of a northbound Holly, wiring it up with some kind of shock collar. I don't know how we stop this, but basically like bubbles really likes to

really likes to go for it back there and uh and so i think she enjoys that aspect of having holly there and i honestly don't think holly hates it well not hate it does not run away when we see

bubbles in the neck brace i guess we'll know why that's a great time to end this segment but

i mean i guess we've said all we need to say which is that galena is fine amazingly and um And, you know, God, yeah, your heart really breaks for that cat. But it was an amazing story. Also, I guess the takeaway is, in a sort of Bob Barker-esque way, if you do have a cat, try to get them chipped, because that's how they were able to figure out whose cat this was, because Galena had the chip, the microchip. And so they took the cat to a vet, and they scanned her, and they were able to call her parents up, who then flew immediately to California and picked her up. So all's well that ends well.

I do want to get to the email segment because there's something I want to play for you. But I don't know if you can see what I'm going to hold up. I'm going to do what you did the other day. I'm going to hold my phone up to the camera. Can you see what that's a picture of? Yes, it looks like it's Bingo on a leash. Now I'm getting into it. Genevieve has been giving Bingo little walks around our yard almost every day now. I think I mentioned to you when she started doing it. But now Bingo expects it. like bingo has a leash lingo would not be the worst name for a cat either by the way uh if anybody's looking for a name for your cat or like a confirmation name for your cat oh yeah was that your confirmation it was lingo there's a i will tell you eventually but it's like it's just not a very interesting name it's gonna be such a bad payoff but bingo dynasty diners or weirdly um but Bingo will just sit under his leash now in the mornings because Genevieve on Saturdays and Sundays will take him to on a walk like after he eats his breakfast just around our yard, not outside of our yard. He doesn't want to go outside of our yard, although he is getting a little bit more brave, which is a double edged sword. Right. But but yeah, he goes into this little harness that goes around his like kind of chest and his two front paws. And the other day Genevieve was not home, but he was hardcore looking at that leash and looking at me and looking at that leash. I'm like, that's not me. That's not that's that's that's something you do. I'm dark. Yeah, me. Yeah, exactly. I'm the one who ignores you, but then it's then feels insulted when you don't snuggle with me. But I was like, fine, I'll put. So I it was very difficult to figure out. But I put the little harness on him and I was on the phone with my dad using my headphones. So I just was hands free and I could give Bingo a walk around the yard. And it was so satisfying because, again, I've had cats that I've tried to take outside before, you know, And usually they'll just sort of, like, writhe around on the ground and just kind of, like, be overwhelmed by the world. But Bingo right away is just like, all right, let's go for this march and, like, wants to march around the whole perimeter of the yard. But then the sweetest thing is every now and then he'll come and check back in on you. Like, you know, he's on the end of the leash and he'll, like, kind of be sniffing around. He loves eating grass. But then he'll come, look up at you, and then, like, kind of headbutt your shins a little bit and kind of thank you for the walk. And then he goes back about his business. i just i'll stop talking now i love my cat so goddamn much and i talk about him too much

here i go once again with the email every week i hope that it's from a female no man it's not

from a female all right emails vmails ai creations oh yeah we'll also accept those what's going on

with that so i believe it was last week on the show you had the realization or somebody pointed out to you that you'd been saying for years now mos eisley i'm gonna mess it up mos eisley i've

been calling it mos eisley space court but it's like like you're getting hauled in front of the judge in space court right exactly a probation violation but no it's space port and now in your

defense you've been saying court for as long as i've known you i i never knew that that was wrong i thought it was court in more of a like a food court sort of situation you know yeah that sort

of makes sense and didn't you say genevieve was clarifying also that when when i did finally figure out what it was called and then i said something about the cantina genevieve said that

has nothing to do with the cantina well no that is the cantina but it has nothing to do with java apparently those are different for you and sort of conflated those and again i'm i'm not really Not like I know any better. I'm not raising that to put you on Front Street. But anyway, apparently for Marissa in Maryland, the most – is it most? I keep saying Moss. Moss Isley's Spaceport Talk. Moss Isley's Spaceport. Yes. Okay. But she said that the Moss Isley Space Court tickled me enough that I used an AI music generator to come up with some songs that the Cantina Band could sing. To be clear, I.

wrote these lyrics so these lyrics aren't ai created marissa wrote the lyrics then plugged them into something called udo it's like studio without the st and uh it gave and i gave it some directions about what kind of musical sound i wanted clarinets i wanted a upbeat swing i wanted a male vocalist etc so with the same lyrics two songs have been created here i'm gonna start with And again, they both have the same lyrics, just heads up on that, but different, slightly different musical styles. This first one is called Tales of Tatooine.

Judge Harry Stone will now preside But your droids, they'll have to wait outside

Great enough, and fly, right?

I think that's where that one ends Wow That's really good Those lyrics are good, too And let's remember Those are great

It brings together Night Court It brings together Star Wars It sounds vaguely Jump, jive, and wail Yes It's somewhere between the Brian Setzer Orchestra

and Count Basie we love it so let's I'll just play the other I can swing dance to that yes you can oh I had I had dinner with June the other night by the way he sends his uh my swing dancing friend has he admitted that I'm a better swing my former swing dancing competition like a world champion and I believe I said you drunkenly I'm probably a better swing quite hilarious he sends his regards All right, so here is the same lyrics, slightly different style. If I recall, this one might even be more in the style of the man who only pretends to like to drink, Dean Martin.

The suns have set on the night court, here at Mos Eisley spaceport. Jabba's up on Rico charges for crimes upon his pleasure bodies. Obi-Wan skipped out on bail Walked his way right out of jail Hands put up and out for plea Was swarmed in the first degree Judge Harry Stone will now preside But your droids, they'll have to wait outside

I think that's where that one ends, too That's great, though

That's some, like, Cab Calloway kind of thing

Yeah, you're right, that's not Dean Martin I kind of misremembered that But that makes me want to play with A.I. more Although, why do I need to when listeners are doing it all for us?

I mean, that's incredible. But again, it takes us back to the conversation of the other day. I just feel like it is only a matter of time before that's where we're getting our music from. Because it can just create so many different songs that even if 99.9% of them don't work, the 1.01% that does, that's still going to be a lot of songs. I mean, that's really incredible. It also sounds like it's so interesting, the training of that AI, because that voice, particularly the second one, I couldn't place it. It wasn't one thing, but it would be sort of an amalgam of like Cab Calloway, a little Bing Crosby, a little like all these different kind of things that you can kind of pick up that are in this soup that that is that AI program. And that's incredible.

Yep. So thank you, Marissa, for making that. I think I see some emails in my box that I have not gotten to yet that also I think a lot of people are getting on this. I don't know if you've heard about this loop, but people are very into A.I. these days.

So I might have some more. I haven't heard much about that, but I look forward to learning more about it in the coming episodes. All right. I think we should probably wrap things up here on this Wednesday edition of the program. Are the Mariners playing a day game today? You know, I don't I don't know.

No, often they will on a Wednesday.

Master of the night game?

This is a three-game series, right? So, like, we've already won the series, essentially, which is amazing.

Peace and love. Peace and love to our fans in Atlanta. But, man, I am pretty psyched about the fact that we've managed to get two victories over such a good baseball team.

Also, wait, who is it that I always text with who's a Phillies fan? Maggie. Maggie from the Swarthmore area. Philly's fan always saying, you know, please take care of the Braves for us. Oh, I got you. Yeah. Got you well.

Promises made, promises kept. Exactly. Have you heard about the Minnesota Twins' Rotten Sausage? That's their good luck?

Can we talk about that on the show? Yeah, let's talk about it tomorrow.

As with everything, there's, I mean. Okay. Was that your confirmation name, Rotten Sausage?

Johnny Rotten Sausage.

What was your confirmation name? Edward. Just whisper it. Edward. You picked Edward for scissorhands? after the scissorhands yes actually no the name was scissorhands furlong edward furlong from the i don't know i just liked the name i basically took the project to be like well what's a name if i could name myself which essentially i was doing what's a what's a nice name what do i feel like in this body of mine at 12 years old and i felt like i was an edward i would have been silver

hawk i loved that silver hawks cartoon isn't that who the junior sluggers are playing tomorrow The fire Silverhawks Yes, right We'll see how it goes So anyway Alright, well thanks for listening everyone Thank you Edward For joining me for the program Sure, of course And we'll be back here tomorrow With more Imaginary Radio For you all In the meantime Have a great Wednesday Take care of yourselves Go Junior Sluggers And please remember No mountain too tall And good luck to all

If he holds the reality gem that means he can jump from different realities. This will be our link to the Marvel Universe from the Star Wars Universe. Power out.