Muse

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T-B-T-L Guess what day it is? Guess what day it is?

It's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday. Everybody's looking forward to the weekend.

Today we are gonna go over a great self-defense strategy, pooping yourself. Take a hot dog, stuff it with some Jack cheese, fold it in a pizza, you got cheesy blasters. And then all the kids say, thanks Meat Cat, and then Meat Cat flies away on his skateboard.

One more vampire joke, and I'm gonna walk right back there, go into my coffin, and I'm not coming out, okay? Who saw that coming?

of tbtl the show that just might be too beautiful to live it's a kind of magic my name is luke burbank i am your host got it coming to you from the madrona hill studio perched high above the mighty columbia where we are once again experiencing just absolutely

perfect perfect weather oh ma pa it's just beautiful and i think i don't want to

Listen, I don't want to overpromise. I don't want to say this is going to be a perfect episode of TBTL, but I think it's going to be pretty good. It's episode 4,203 in a collector series.

Let the fun begin.

And one of the ways you know that you are listening to a particularly good episode of TBTL is that you start getting a little sleepy, maybe. We're just blowing through nap time, aren't we? In fact, one of the things people report as one of the things they like about the show is that sometimes it can be so boring that it's a really nice way to sort of fall asleep. We can bore you to sleep.

You are boring me to death, and I am already dead. You're boring me back to death.

Unfortunately for us, though, we've now got some competition when it comes to extremely boring content that people are using as a sleep aid. We're not talking about the Calm app. We're not talking about any of that stuff. We're talking about some unintentional ASMR, which feels like it's really horning in on our action. And so we'll get into that. Plus, it's a Friday. So we'll play some music for your weekend. And we're going to talk to this guy, the longest running co-bro of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. As we know, he added a name, Edward, to his name when he was confirmed. And now I guess he's adding this, too. So he's Andrew Lewis Edward. Targus, Targus. Walsh, and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

Good morning, Luke. I'd like to talk to the audience for a moment about radishes. The reason I'm excluding...

You're asking for a sidebar with the audience?

I am. I'm excluding you from this conversation, not to be rude. You're welcome to jump in however you see fit, but I believe it's a conversation that you and I have already had, so I already know your answer to this question, or at least I believe I do, if I'm remembering correctly. But I've been asking people in my life this recently, a question about radishes that i'm starting to realize that i really am the outsider here i am the one who's doing i guess apparently unusual things in snacking on radishes not using them you know not not slicing them thinly for a taco or or a salad or whatever other use of a radish there is just a your traditional red and white radish as you see in the produce section of your grocery store like i was upstairs earlier and i was snacking on some radishes and just thinking how much i love a good radish but whenever i ask people in my life do you snack on radishes just as they are maybe a little salt a little pepper but not necessarily uh and i'm getting a lot of nose on that so i'm wondering is there anybody in the audience who is like me just every now

and then snacking on the radish um we're gonna need to play that back and just kind of listen to how it sounds when it's hitting the airwaves. Anybody out there snacking on that radish? If I say it that way, it sounds not better.

I enjoy a banger in the mouth.

So, what was my answer the last time?

We talked about snacking on radishes since I'm excluded from this conversation.

I'll ask the listeners to tell me what you said. No, I believe you said that you do not snack on radishes, just unadored.

Well, a couple things. A little BG on me. It's coming up a lot on the show of late. Again, maybe because of this backwards chair sitting that I'm doing here at the Madrona Hill studio. But I grew up as a kid not liking radishes at all. I thought that they were spicy, which is actually not really the case, but I filed them under things that are spicy that I don't like. And then when I got to a certain age, they started showing up in kind of like sort of fancy restaurants or at least higher-end restaurants than I grew up going to and places where you get a lot of farm-to-table things going on, and the way that they were presented there oftentimes would be radishes with butter and really large like flaky sea salt, malden, whatever, what have you so not cooked raw radishes sometimes like halved that's one of the hardest words from halved yeah halved to halved and halved not i was gonna say to halved and to hold i know why you

did it with him because till death do us oh we should play that tape again yeah put that on the list uh no i understand that your instinct to say the l there made total sense to me i would have done the same thing because it sounds like a different word sounds like i'm saying it wrong

but anyway um so cut in half with then the butter and the salt and then i was eating that for a while and ordering it because for one thing i think it's pretty healthy you've got butter going on in salt but like you know the essential it's a whole food right it's something that grew in the ground and and i like that aspect of it but then i realized at some point i think what i like about

this is butter and sea salt well can you explain to me how you're applying the butter are you

dipping a radish in a little ramekin of butter actually but no you it comes it'll usually be some like kind of like pile again imagine a place andrew where it's like they're they're plating things there's like this is the kind of place where when it comes out from the kitchen somebody has given it a last pass and made sure not only is it something that's tasty but there's a Composition going on on the plate

David Buster's or something like that

Precisely So it comes out with Usually like some radishes cut in half And then a Not a pat of butter because this is Some kind of more artisanal situation Where someone's almost like scooped it with a melon ball

Oh sure, a real soft butter

Kind of on the side And then maybe sea salt Either like sea salt has been brought In its own little vessel Or it's somehow Now, kind of, maybe it's over the radishes, but basically, I had a phase where, and I do this sometimes, where I had no interest in radishes, and then I found myself in a lot of restaurants where it felt like a version of me that I wanted to be in those restaurants. Like when I was in those restaurants, which is almost the opposite of what you've described about certain places that you don't sort of vibe with, where you're like, I don't feel welcomed here. when i find myself in one of those places i think what do i have to do to make this the new person that i am how do i how do i fit into this and so everybody was ordering can i just say the one

weird thing about that is the strange thing is often in these places i enjoy the food i just don't like the idea of i don't know when the servers sort of make it seem like what they're doing is so unusual and like kind of like this whole rigmarole around it i think i'm more turned off by the pretense of these places than the actual you know the actual food and service

they're providing i could see that yeah and and i think i'm gonna say this was probably now it's going back probably 15 years ago this was a big trend there was a big radish trend really i missed it that was happening in certain kinds of restaurants probably this would have been in seattle i'm probably back in seattle at this point and I remember ordering them a lot when they'd be on the menu because again also those were days where I was probably trying to low carb or something and I'd probably googled what the carbs in a radish were and one day I just woke up and I thought I don't even really like this very much I what I like is things that have a lot of butter and salt on them and just the radish is just a butter and salt delivery system and about the time that I realized this I feel like the whole radishes as an appetizer thing started to kind of go out of favor a little bit. And I don't feel like I see it on the menu all that much. Now, here's Andrew, here's the plot twist that nobody saw coming. I have purchased these like seed rolls. So I have this raised, this pretty large, pretty sizable raised bed, garden bed at my house. And I, last year I rented a rototiller and I rototilled all of

it had grass up to like my shoulders i got all of the grass out of there and then i covered it with cardboard and when i tell you that that soil is rich yeah it's very satisfying when i pulled all the cardboard off which you're not i think what you're supposed to do is put more soil over the cardboard and do this thing called the lasagna technique if you leave it long enough it turns

into lasagna that sounds wonderful i mean and also i hate mondays that's how they did it in the old

country yeah but um i i didn't i honestly i just thought this is enough soil i don't need to go get more soil and put it on here all i need to do is take because it's already a raised bed with a bunch of soil and i said what i need to do is now take the cardboard off and see what's doing underneath and i took the cardboard off and guess what it was crawling with earthworms various good healthy things i dug a pitchfork into it farmer burbs put a pitchfork into it andrew turned it over just like black rich soft soil yes so satisfying yes um but i'm still i'm very novice when it comes to gardening and i um saw on instagram an ad for this particular product where they put the seeds into these packets which then they integrate into a larger big section of like, you know, kind of tarp, but it turns out that tarp is something that's biodegradable. So what you, what you do, it's a kind of a fabric, but it's, you know, designed for this, obviously. So you take these squares, you tell them what kind, they give you a list, you are, you know, corn, radishes, whatever, mustard greens, and you select these things and then they kind of put them into this big square of fabric, of gardening fabric, and then you nail that Down in the area And then you water it and then What's supposed to happen over time is The good things grow And the weeds do not come up through And this is the critical part It's supposed to keep the weeds at bay In the areas or in this case Grass because that's really what wants to grow over there Is grass right this is supposed to Keep all of that stuff Under wraps which the whole Project for me of getting This raised garden bed to where it was It was like going to be functional as a potential garden space this summer was to get all that grass out of there. So I really don't want it coming back. And I don't want to spend all my time out there pulling grass from it. So once again, Instagram had me figured out. They were like, this seems like a guy who's in the market for gardening, but not like real gardening. This seems like a guy who wants to overspend on some product that will make him seem like a green thumb, but he's really not.

Well, I mean, it's interesting. And I have not heard of these things, and I totally followed what you're talking about. And also, it sounds sort of satisfying in its own way. I'm just surprised. And again, I am not talking here from any kind of a any kind of a position of knowing what I'm doing in a garden because I don't. But I've always heard that, like, you you need to start the seeds inside. And then in the spring, you take your little starter plants out to the garden. I didn't realize you could start these things just from the seed thing. You lay it out in the spring. Am I understanding it correctly? Or this is something that you're saying you lay the seeds out the season before underneath the cardboard and you let it maturate?

Great. Supposedly, I can put these out. And I know we've got people that know all about growing things and gardening. In fact, we did a whole Instagram series about this recently. But supposedly, I can put these out. And based on the plants that I have selected, the vegetables that I've selected, I still should be for another week or two in a window of time, where if I put this all down, there is a chance I may get some vegetables this year.

And do you have it? Has it come in the mail yet, or you're still choosing it?

It's being mailed to Becca's house because of a long story involving the fact that the account that I use to buy things on Instagram, one time I shipped something to her place, and now it's the default setting. And this is how you know that I've not thought a purchase through. It's, I see it on Instagram, it tells some part of my brain that this will solve a problem I'm having and make my life better, and I go, I want to buy that, I use the, what, Shopify app, or Shop app, or whatever it is, it's something that they got me in on, which now has my info, and the mailing address on that is in Portland, and I never realized until after I've hit buy that it says, like, well, we're sending it to Portland, so I will be picking it up hopefully soon, and I will be rolling it out here, And let me put it this way, any edible vegetables I get this year, I would consider to be bonus. If at a minimum, this stuff that I'm putting down keeps everything kind of contained over there, that would even feel like a win. It would be way too much to pay for that being the only thing. But you know what I mean? I'm trying to, I guess I'm kind of considering, I'm taking a flyer on this year. I've probably already missed the ideal window. I probably should have. gotten my starts going. There's a bunch of stuff I should have done differently and better. But what I'm going to do is, in fact, I'm going to do this on Saturday. I'm going to churn the living tweedle out of that soil. I'm going to remediate it a little bit. I'm going to go down to the Home Depot, and I'm going to get some bags of some kind of nice fertilizer. I'm going to try to get it really, really just as inviting as soil can be. And then I'm going to nail those bad boys down I'm going to unroll them and then we're going to see what happens I love that that is very interesting having said that and I'm not saying that this and radishes Andrew are one of the things I purchased oh nice point is I guess maybe I'm coming back around on radishes or to be honest I had ordered every other kind of vegetable because I bought three of these mats and I was

just running out of ideas well I do wonder if that's part of it I don't know that I ever grew radishes in our backyard garden growing up but like I had a kind of a 4-H garden for a while I believe I won best in show or second best in show I usually bring that up for your begonias No, it was a vegetable garden. And I remember the pleasures of like kind of picking vegetables, like maybe like little peppers or something, and then like just eating them outside, like wiping them off on your shirt or whatever. It's like it's such a pleasure. But I am glad you brought it back to radishes because I had a couple of more things I wanted to say. First of all, one is definitely radish related. The other is radish tangentially related, but related to something we talked about yesterday that I let slip that I really wanted to bring up again. um i re i can't be the only person who even leaving the whole butter situation aside who enjoys radishes just like kind of as they are in like a crudite kind of situation because i'm now remembering growing up did any adult in your life ever like take the radishes and cut them into little radish flowers and then display them with the charcut or with the crudite i didn't grow up wealthy like you you couldn't afford knives no no or radishes or radishes can you picture what i'm

talking about for real yes i would see those on like a pre-made crudité thing that was on like plastic at like albertson's and then had already like you know saran wrap or some plastic shell i was aware that those existed but i don't think i knew anyone who would actually go to the time

to make them my mom did that i'm now just remembering that and so yeah so i can't be let's bring that back by the way yes i gotta learn how to do that and then my other thing that i wanted to bring up which again this is really not radish related but it is it is is it radish adjacent cold vegetable as a side radish addition sounds like a serbian guy who played for

the seattle sonics in the 19th we had sharonis marshallonis and we had radish adjacent and we had vladimir rodmanovich two of those three are real players we had that would be a good quiz

we were talking about um the uh i guess like kind of the burrito chain was that what you would call it the fast casual or maybe fast food mexican chain oh uh what is it el pollo loco um that i used to go to el pollo neurodivergent thank you i appreciate it el pollo we're all on our own journeys um but uh yeah we're talking about that and i i told you that i there was one near my apartment in la that i would go to from time to time but always feel a little disappointed and

always wanted to be a little bit more satisfying to my exactly the right response but you reminded

me that they had that like kind of a salsa bar which i do love a salsa bar and most salsa bars and i'm pretty sure they have this too and i want to know if you go in for it the stuff that isn't really a salsa but it's like a little it's like a pickled a very spicy pickled sort of crudite that usually comes with like what carrots and maybe some jalapenos and i don't know what else very mexican i haven't had that in so long i love that you know um you can uh you too can have that

andrew if you if you visit the part of most grocery stores where they'll have like sort of quote-unquote mexican food area where they'll have maybe stuff that's a little more legit to something you would get in mexico like erdez or whatever there are so many jarred pickled things jarred you know pickled carrots and stuff like that uh certainly the jalapenos and stuff and i really really like that stuff and i will if i am making tacos like i did for walt b and myself a couple weeks ago i broke out the whole thing with the like the yeah the pickled carrots and

all of that stuff i love it yeah i love that stuff too here's the problem with that it then

lives like if i get a jar of of erdez you know sort of pickled whatnot or the jalapenos that are you know, really, really good. I'll eat like three of me. I'll take the jalapenos out and chop them up and add them to like my tacos. But then I will put that jar on the top shelf of the refrigerator and it will stay there for the rest of time that I live at that house. You mean, because I will never do it. No, I don't remember to go back to it. Like I don't make tacos.

frequently enough that I'm like or I'm not I'm not the kind of person that's at the store and I'm thinking what should I buy for dinner or to make and then I remember I do have three Erdes jalapeno sections that are left in that jar like I don't do that so what I do I buy a new jar of it if I'm thinking about the like three times a year that I make tacos so that one that I started with will sit there but I'll never throw it out because it seems like it's very shelf-stable like how bad could that really go it's pickling itself in acid

over the course of the fridge you said too you're not leaving it refrigerated it's acidic so i i'm

you know i'm not going to leave sour cream in the fridge indefinitely for obvious reasons but it's these there's these certain also capers are another one there are these certain kinds of products that i will buy for a specific meal that i'm making and then i'll use half of the jar of them and then if there's something that's briny or pickley or whatever they go on the top shelf and they just live with me they're effectively my roommates for the rest of the time that i live in that

particular home i am surprised to hear that here's where i thought you were going with this i thought you're going to say that then you just kind of wake up in the middle of the night and you see that jar and you start popping these things because you do like a sort of a pickled fermented snack you said that you'll i do um not not i always want to say horseradish not horseradish uh sauerkraut for some reason i can never i get those two words both of those though like right

out of the jar you should be growing so i should grow some horseradish oh that's right i was gonna

say and sauerkraut is cabbage right is that what it is yeah um but uh yeah so i thought that you would find yourself maybe just like looking in the fridge and being like ah maybe i'll pop one of those jalapeno and a carrot or something but that's not your move um i i don't think to do

that for whatever reason first of all i'm at the age now where i've got to time my jalapeno consumption i gotta clear out my schedule you know just in case it uh decides to go sideways on me or let's be honest south on me um but uh so so yeah i don't i mean that's the thing this is something i'm actually this is a weird thing to say i'm trying to improve on andrew i'm trying to improve on my snacking and by that i mean kind of i think doing more what i imagine you do which If you're feeling a little bit hungry, you might go kind of open your refrigerator and say, hey, what do we have here? What can I create from the elements that are here? Or what's a jar of something that's tasty? I'll have a couple of those standing over the sink and put it back in. I don't snack in that fashion. What I do is I get hungry. I look around. If there isn't something that is like an entire meal, like whether it's a frozen thing I'm heating up or whether it's a, I don't know. if I have something that's a part like I would never just call it a snack to have like three little pieces of jalapeno and put it back and then go on with my day it's like when I'm hungry I want something that's got like so much going on it's got the all the elements of a meal and then I end up what do I end up doing getting in the car and driving to town or door dashing or like it's all overly involved for me I need to get better particularly where I live which is remote I need to get better at just consuming the things that are in the house currently and calling that good because I just don't naturally do that.

Well, I do sort of, I mean, you're giving me a little bit too much credit as far as self-control is concerned. Like I certainly will do the occasional like over the sink thing. But then it's definitely, I definitely have some quantity control issues when it comes to my snacking, especially if it is later. Love that J5 song by Latra, quantity control. But for me, yeah, always having celery on hand so I can just dip that directly into the peanut butter jar or whatever, something like that. You know what I've been doing lately. In fact, I can't believe this scintillating topic hasn't already come up on the show. I say that sarcastically. I have no idea what put the idea of graham crackers in my head about a week or two ago. Like, you know, growing up, graham crackers were always – I remember going to grandma – literally, I remember going to my grandparents' house and, like, spending the occasional weekend there, and they had this one cupboard. I know I've told you about this cupboard before. It's, like, one of those tall, narrow cupboards next to, like, the stove or something, and it's where grandma kept all of her spices but also, like, the graham crackers and certain things like that and the smell of this. If I could bottle a smell that brings me joy and comfort and coziness, it would be this smell, this particular smell of this particular kind of pantry cupboard that I have not smelled in 30 years or whatever. It was so good. So I remember like, you know, graham crackers kind of being a treat over there. Or again, if you're into s'mores culture, which I'm really not, I'm not really outside by a campfire much. So the amount of graham crackers I've eaten in my life has certainly diminished over the years. And the other day, I just got a craving. Usually cravings like that will pass. But then I was at the grocery store, and I was remembering graham crackers. You wanted some graham crackers the other night, didn't you, Andrew? And you're like, yeah, you did. But really, do you want to do that? You want to bring that in?

life like i i do a pretty good job of not like buying cookies at the grocery store or or other things that i know i will have no control over myself later so i try to be more responsible when i'm in the grocery store but i did get myself a box of grant just straight up graham crackers okay and they are gone now i sat i ate a half the box while watching baby reindeer i'll tell you

that much consider me scintillated because i have a lot of thoughts on graham crackers one of them is uh when i was a kid um i spake as a kid and i ate graham crackers as a kid and then one day i happened upon the kind of graham crackers that have like cinnamon and sugar encrusted on the top

of them are you familiar with this yeah now that you say that yeah i can i can almost i have almost

a tactile memory of that because they were a little rough like they were you know it was like it was like almost like a you know captain crunch type of situation but once i experienced that there were like the cinnamon and sugar graham crackers the old graham crackers immediately became undesirable to me like i was probably fine with graham crackers although uh but the other thing was uh milk dipping them in milk the graham cracker that had all the cinnamony sugary kind of like had one side that was just basically like i don't know 90 grit sandpaper yeah right was the exact kind of like you talk about tactile get one of those or let's be honest get like a block of them and you know they they are you know this because you just ate a bunch they do they still break down into rectangular quadrants you bet your sweet ass they do you break them down and you dip them in milk get them just soft enough and eat them that was a delight in childhood and again i think it might have been on our list because wick allowed you ah yeah ram crackers Sure. Yeah. They're they're kind of on the line of being, you know, a dessert treat or whatever. But so that's my question to you is, how did you consume these graham crackers?

Just like you just raw dog them. Yeah, that is because I'm not a big milk drinker, as you know. But, you know, coincidentally, this actually opens up kind of another door or another cupboard, if you will.

Somebody close the window. We're trying to keep things consistent. You're opening a door. I've got to close the window.

i told you one of my you close sorry glasses on hair up one of my favorite tweets of all time i know i say this every time it comes up is if every time god closes a door he opens a window he's probably pooping um i remember seeing if god's running the water have we talked about that by the way every time this is just every time god closes a door and lights a match and opens a

window no what are you talking about the water in the bathroom well uh this is just free advice to anyone who is maybe entering a new dating situation um and uh if what you need to do is make sure you start off your weird engage with your weird habits right away so that it doesn't seem sudden when these come on if you were to wait a while let me explain what i'm talking about so uh becca has a lovely lovely um apartment in the in the in the part of portland known as the south waterfront and the only thing is the where the bathroom is is is you know it's an apartment so it's not like down a hall and around a corner it's fairly centrally located to the other things in in the house including the bedroom and the kitchen and things like that and so right at the beginning of our of our time together anytime i would go into the bathroom i just turn the water on because if i'm going to be using the bathroom if i'm going to be like say sitting down on the toilet i don't know i haven't nobody's sent me a preview of exactly how everything's going to sound what's going on could be the middle of the night who knows i just i i'm hoping anyway she just thinks that i was raised in a family where what we do when we enter the

bathroom is we just turn the water on for the entire number two situation like the entire time

i'm in there i think she thinks i mean we could get her on the show and ask but i'm i mean i what i was hoping is that because what i realized was this is too stressful for me if every time i'm here and if i'm here for like long periods of time or multiple days if i you know have to go to the burger king to poop like and the and the problem is there's not like it's one of those the door is just like a millimeter off of the floor i mean which it has to be right unless it's like the door is going to either scrape or you have enough clearance for the door but what do you think that clearance is Clarence that's a way that sound can travel and uh like I I just so like you talked about this like being in a being in a hotel room let me give a better example just like you're on a trip with someone and you're staying in a hotel room and it's a small hotel room and it's just like you're there's no mystery about what's going on in the bathroom and I have said this for years every hotel bathroom, whether or not there's actual ventilation.

There should be a fan. There should be a switch that just activates a speaker that sounds like a fan.

Or a waterfall. Like, whatever. Yes, absolutely. Or a waterfall would be even better.

But because we don't live yet in this perfect version of the world that I seek to create, thank you. Because we're not in that utopia. We're in a fruitopia where I have to now just run the water all the time like a weirdo, but just so that it masks any kind of sounds that go on that might be embarrassing. because of the proximity but I started that on like day one because I just thought it'll just be filed under quirks that Luke does not under why did Luke start doing that eight months into the relationship now he's running the water in there what's going on with that like I feel you can get away with more in a way you can get away with more quirky behavior at the beginning of a relationship

while the bloom is still on the rose

bloom is on the rose we don't know each other I mean within reason now there are other things that get better over time because the person has more grace for you they have more like you've been together longer So you've got to kind of pick your battles with this. But I think certain quirky behavior, if you establish it early, I think you can get away with it. And I'm, you know, I don't know how many years into this. I'm still benefiting from the fact that that's my personality as a guy who runs the water when he goes into the bathroom.

Do you know that I still have not shown Genevieve in my clown drawings? That's when I would wait.

I'd wait until year 40. You're halfway there.

They're pretty raw. hold on though one second though so you so i i actually have some questions like it would be really funny if becca's like boy i really love luke and this has been a great relationship but

man my water bills have really well i do worry about that i don't i don't feel great about that

um but but it is what it has the way you set this up at first i thought you you said something like have you heard about all this are you following this has this now become something that is being debated in social media culture or something or did i not that i'm aware of oh okay sorry this is just something that you've been doing and it's advice this is just something and the larger

culture is yet to catch up on it but i think it's only a matter of time well you know i i again

here we are and i'm enjoying myself so maybe it was fine i don't know if you know bringing up radish talk at the beginning of the show was like the smartest move so maybe it was fine but now i do think we're in a more interesting part of this conversation which is maybe like Not just graham crackers and enjoyment thereof or radishes, comma, the enjoyment thereof, but how these things can also impact a relationship or relationships in food. Because this is where things maybe will get a little interesting. Also, the other day, coincidentally, the same day that I went to the grocery store and got these graham crackers, and I promise you it really was a coincidence, I'm unloading the groceries. and i look up above our refrigerator and we have these incredibly inconvenient cupboards above the refrigerator so not only are they so tall that you have to reach up but our refrigerator is it sticks out so they're kind of like recessed like genevieve cannot access these cupboards at all without getting her little kitchen stool and it's just like we all we had up there were some things that we like kind of never use like literally a piece of electronic is up the electronics is up there that i am trying to figure out whether or not i want to get rid of or actually implement

like a like a uh digi cart player i got did you i got my drawings up there um but anyway

there's a lot of wasted space up there oh i know it's like this like kind of a some backup cat food we have up there but there's so much space and honestly some of our cupboards especially the cupboards where we keep like kind of snacks and crackers and chips and stuff like that are just out of control. They're such a mess. Genevieve isn't as meticulous about cupboard maintenance as I am anyway, but also we just have too much stuff, and we need some storage solutions, and I know that those are achievable, but I just keep kicking the can down the road and swearing every time I'm trying to grab a box of noodles and just an avalanche of pirates' booty and whatever comes out. You're in the infomercial for the Tupperware. Let's just say I am in the black and white phase of this infomercial. But then it turns red when all of the stuff hits you. The big red X is going to come through. But I'm unloading the groceries, and I had several things that Genevieve has no interest in. I had gotten myself – I reloaded my supply of pretzel rods. By the way, I'm pretty sure I might be keeping the pretzel rod business in the black.

You're telling me Genevieve has no interest in your pretzel rods?

Calm down, cowboy. Sorry.

of all the food products you could have said i just feel like it's a very

it really kind of lined up i think we've talked about this before but like rods are my favorite

shape of pretzel like just in what is it about that not to go not to go sporkful on you yeah but is what is it about that the rod shape as a delivery system that is better than like the

other shapes i don't know i think for me most of my pretzel eating is probably done in like maybe road trips or something, or that's where I started buying them.

and just said there is there you are right i don't know if i can do this on the fly but there must be something about like the ratio to salt mouthfeel whatever it is i prefer a rod but also specifically i started buying them and i shouldn't because this is the type of stuff that is like not healthy for me to just keep around because i'll go crazy on them but like a pretzel rod dipped into hummus i find to be very satisfying i love pretzel rods and hummus so um so i'm unloading the groceries and I also had bought some almond milk and some cereal I hadn't had cereal in the house for a while and when I do buy a box of cereal I'm like you know I could use Genevieve skim milk on this but like honestly I'd rather just have almond milk anyway and Genevieve doesn't eat cereal um she definitely has no interest in my almond milk she has no interest in my pretzel rods calm down um so I'm unloading this stuff and I'm like you know what put all of these things in that cupboard above the refrigerator smart a little bit inconvenient for me but I can access it without getting out of the chair or anything like that um also you know and that that'll kind of ease up some of that stuff over there but then luke and i don't know if you saw this coming then i had a decision to make pretzel rods are up there almond milk is up there whatever and then i'm holding the box of graham crackers now if genevieve like i'm like if i told genevieve we had graham crackers in the house like i'm sure she'd show some interest in that i'm not sure Maybe she wouldn't, but I feel like, you know, she might be watching some TV show and feel like maybe getting into that a little bit. And I was just kind of like, you know what? Maybe we just put this in Andy's closet.

And now we're only as we're only as sick as our secret.

I don't know. I'm trying to think if I've even told Genevieve that I'm using that as an overflow. And again, this is like a new development in my life. And now I'm kind of like, oh, I can I can put all kinds of stuff up there that if I just kind of don't want prying eyes on it.

Andy's Cabinet of Wonders.

Or Sticky Fingers or what have you. Maybe, you know what, maybe the Graham crackers go up there.

Oh, you mean Andy's Secret Place? Where we put all the stuff no one can know about.

Exactly. So anyway, I'll let you know if there are any developments on that.

Well, I'll know where to look when I come over to your house this summer. There's a padlock. If I were to find a special treat.

It's all locked up like Pee Wee Herman's bike.

If you write no girls allowed and you've got like the S is backwards or something on there, that'll be a dead giveaway.

You know, that's what I do on our on our takeout containers. This is such an old man, dumb dad jokey thing. But if Genevieve and I are out somewhere and we have a, you know, some leftovers or whatever, they put in a little box for us. If I have a pen on me, which I usually do, or when I'm signing the check or whatever, I'll take my pen and draw like a skull and crossbones on it, right? Poison so that Genevieve won't eat it out of the refrigerator. You know what?

First of all, that's adorable. I love that. I mean this very seriously. I love how many little in-jokes you and Genevieve have. Like, it just warms my heart to hear about them being 100% serious. But also, it has me thinking. We've got to thank Dazzling Donors. but it has me thinking that like i don't know the last time that i took leftovers home from a restaurant is it kind of gauche i know that no no no no no i don't think it's gauche at all i'm wondering is that something that changed with the pandemic is that something about like how i'm eating and how much i'm eating or where i'm going to if it's you're on the road a lot i

mean how often are you going to take that i mean sometimes you might take leftovers back to your hotel room but also think about how many meals and restaurants you're having where you're not going back

to your house that's that's it that's sometimes the case but I also you know what I think it is I don't think that I leave like if I were to go to an Italian restaurant and I were to order the cacio e pepe which I feel like is really having a moment in the culture I'm sorry what is that cacio e pepe it's some kind of a pasta I think it's got like eggs and um and black pepper in it and something or other but like I just feel like I'm seeing it a lot on these kind of like New York Times you know how to make the summer's best or however you say it all that is to say if I ordered some spaghetti I would probably just eat all of it I'm trying to think of the last time that somebody came around and even said do you want a box for that and I don't think it's because they're not they don't have boxes anymore I think it's because and maybe it's also because I do a lot of intermittent fasting So I'm kind of either just not eating or I'm very, very, very, very hungry and I'm consuming all of it. Like, I just don't think I have left any food on my plate at a restaurant in the longest time, which is just, I don't know, something to note.

Well, I mean, it also depends on what it is. Like, if I eat a hamburger and there's a bunch of fries left on the plate, like, I'm not going to take the fries home. I know some people are like, oh, put that in the air fryer. But I'm just like, I'm not interested in that.

And that's already co-mingled too much. You know, it has to be something specific. Like, Vives and I, you know, a couple weeks ago, I think I mentioned we went back to that sports bar in Ballard. What is it called? Rough and Tumble.

Rough and Tumble.

And, like, we got a bunch of – Genevieve just kind of ordered several things off of, like, the happy hour menu. And some of them were some chicken wings. I'm like, oh, I like chicken wings. You know, like, kind of – I thought they were going to be buffalo wings. But instead they came out and they were, like, a – they were good. like the food there is good but they were like that really sticky coated almost like kind of sesame ish i don't know what it was but like it was a very kind of it was a wet wing luke and like

we were also trying to play play cards i mean like the signature the irs needs for yes which

by the way i'm gonna scan that right i got that right here i'm gonna scan that back to you um but uh you know me i don't i don't as much as i love foods like that i really don't like being a mess especially sort of in public and those things are really messy so i had like two of them And I was like, you know, the rest of these are perfect, like take home food and I can eat them in the privacy of my own kitchen where nobody's looking at my sticky, sticky face. But anyway, in my secret cabinet, thanks to the drawing. So like I think it's stuff like that when you sort of have like a you ordered like something that you I can't explain it. Like I never bring home a half a hamburger or something along those lines or even like even half a bowl of noodles. That doesn't seem as right to me as maybe, oh, we ordered too many egg rolls or chicken wings or something that kind of stands on its own.

I think also it's because it's two things. One, it is the fact that, like, I'm just sort of on or off with eating. When I'm off with eating, I'm eating nothing. When I'm on with eating, I'm eating anything and everything under the sun that comes my way in whatever quantity because I've told myself we've earned it. That's, by the way, not a good way to look at these things at all. I'm not encouraging that. But it's also the fact that Becca is a very careful eater and eats very healthy and also eats, as far as just quantity, much less than me. And so we do that thing. And also we both typically don't eat a lot of meat. So we go to the restaurant and then it's like we just order a handful of things. We'll order maybe three or four things and kind of share them. But what that really means is I am putting down 80% of whatever is on the table. And so it's like we're probably not We're probably ordering Plenty of food for two people One of the people is having You know a moderate amount of the food And then the other person is having all of the rest of it But somehow in this process It's just never the case that the person comes around And kind of goes do you want a box for this Like that's just not a thing that somebody has asked me In a long time And I'm only realizing that in this moment

We was hoping for some razzle dazzle Razzle dazzle That's right, man. Razzle, dazzle.

On your mark. On your mark. Get set. Get set. Now ready. Ready. Go. Everybody razzle, dazzle.

Well, that music can only mean one thing, and that is it's time to thank some dazzling donors. These are the folks dazzling us with the donation of dough, which is a not insignificant donation each month, and we really appreciate it in this economy, all the different things that are vying for our financial attention, The fact that people like Tracy Phillips, our friend Tracy Phillips in Des Moines, Washington, is a dazzling donor. We really appreciate it. Where to start, Tracy writes. Okay, 2023 was rough for my family and I. Just when I was on the mend from a serious hospitalization in early 2023, I got really sick again. Not related, and I ended up in the hospital. Turns out it was due to a medicine. You again kept me company as I was stuck with a tube down my throat for three bleeping days. Don't recommend Tracy. I must have talked to Tracy in between these two events because I was talking to Tracy about the first go-around and was so happy that she was doing better. And then there was a second go-around. Oh, Tracy, I'm really sorry. I've made so many friends through this show, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. you guys are with me as I work remotely and every night when I head to bed and wind down for the day. Tracy, don't listen to the later part of the show where we present other options for your sleep-talking needs. Ben is almost back to 10 status as he listens with me. I didn't know Ben was off of 10 status. That hurts. What's going on, Ben? Ben? WTF? You think you know someone? I talked to Ben at most of the events I've talked to Tracy at and thought I was talking to a 10. Hmm. Okay. All right.

Looking back, would you have changed your

um tone at all god i wouldn't have changed a thing okay good go ahead here don't want to close my eyes don't want to fall asleep because i wouldn't change a thing those are not all from the same song but it seemed vaguely in the aerosmith diane warren i think i told you this but that song was written about something that

that James Brolin said to Barbra Streisand.

Okay, sorry, I really got lost somewhere in this conversation. What is the song that we're talking about?

The song I was kind of referencing, well, I Don't Want to Change a Thing, sounded like something from one of these, you know, kind of romantic songs from the day. But then I started going into the Aerosmith song that is from the movie Armageddon, I think, which is Don't Want to Close My Eyes, Don't Want to Fall Asleep, because I miss you, babe, and I don't want to miss a thing.

Oh, okay. That's a song that Aerosmith does. I mean, clearly I know it, and now I think I'm picturing it properly.

Don't want to close my eyes. Is that helping? Is that helping? Don't want to fall asleep because I miss you, babe. And I don't want to miss a thing.

It's helping me brush up my resume. That's my Joe Perry impression.

Okay, so that song that Aerosmith does was written by a songwriter named Diane Warren, who's written a lot of really famous songs, lots of kind of ballads and songs like that. And the story goes, Diane Warren was watching television. She was watching the 60 Minutes program. And Barbra Streisand, Babs herself, was being interviewed about her relationship with James Brolin. and she was talking about how in love they were and she said she was relaying something that James Brolin had said to her once off the top of his head which was basically I don't want to fall asleep because while I'm asleep I'll be missing you and I don't want to miss a thing and Barbra Streisand saying this on 60 Minutes inspired Diane Warren to write that song which then Aerosmith does on the soundtrack

of Armageddon. So everybody should be getting residuals for that then. Including

me for just relaying that entire story. Everyone And Tracy for inspiring this conversation Tracy says Congrats on Go, oh sorry, wait a bit, back up Tracy says, here is my Ask, as a long time Calgary Flames fan, as John knows That was, yeah, you were really Keeping your light under a bushel there, Trace I did not realize you were a Calgary Flames fan

I figured, but I didn't know how to ask

It's always one of those things where you're like I'm 99% sure, but if I ask And I'm wrong, it's going to be embarrassing for everybody Please play my favorite drop about Joel Otto and the Calgary Flames. Would this be from Wheels High? I believe so.

Under the Kroll Show umbrella.

And that concludes our lesson on the founder of Canadian electricity, Sir Brian. Oh, look who decided to come in tardy. Don't think it's okay to just roll in here at 100 kilometers per hour like you're Joel Otto at the Calgary Flames. Who do you think you are? Prime Minister Stephen Harper?

That really kind of dates it too, doesn't it? That's great.

God, that's great comedy Congrats on going indie and to John For keeping you guys in line Again, I feel like somebody's Somebody's really kind of Punching up these scripts Somebody named John I'll leave you with this as music for your weekend It's been a long time I shouldn't have left you Left you without a dope beat to step to Step to, step to, step to What? Step to, step to Is that Timbaland?

I did not know what it was we reached out for Tracy for some clarification and it sounds like yes that is

it's been a long time without a dope beat to step to step to step to that's my Timbaland impression

apparently that is a song called I Don't Want to Miss a Thing from the Armageddon soundtrack that's what those lyrics are for written by Diane Warren I guess the song is called Try Again by aliyah aliyah and timbaland aliyah aliyah first you don't succeed you can dust yourself

and try again dust yourself off and try again yeah i do know that song now that you sing it what an episode this is well this is the episode where luke bad sings pop music poorly and then andrews i think i might have heard of that just one more thing on radishes please uh no just

joking but anyway so we will play that all of our questions will be answered at the end of today's show because i think that'll be our listener submitted uh music for your weekend right try

again by alia and timbaland and i knew that of course i knew that's how you say that name i

would just say that's just humor is what that is that's the smart humor crutch of the ordinary

Wait, what do they say? No, you got it. Humor. It's the maestro. On your mark.

On your mark. Get set. Get set. Now ready. Oh, I recognize this song.

Go.

Everybody rattle, rattle.

This is Aliyah. This is Aliyah Sports Bureau.

Can we burn the tapes? Can this be the first of a long line of lost episodes?

What I would think would be amazing is if the performer, Aliyah, was actually keeping I think.

track of all of the obscure baseball statistics, and then Elias of the Elias Sports Bureau was collaborating with Timbaland to make hit music. The guy from the Elias Sports Bureau.

I didn't even know about the Sports Bureau.

If at first you don't succeed. Oh, you've seen that flying around. That's a real baseball thing. Before there was Sabermetrics, there was the Elias Sports Bureau. It doesn't ring a bell. They kept track of the, like, when's the last time, you know, that, like, for instance, I think it was – I can't remember his name off the top of my head, but there was a Mariner this year who debuted. He made his Major League debut and hit a triple. Yes. And I think it was – they were trying to figure out the last time that happened for a Mariner.

I think it was – was it Taylor Smoot? Was that who it was? He's down in AAA now. I think I remember that. Taylor, I'm getting his name wrong.

I think this guy had a name that sounded like it might be from Latin America.

Oh, okay.

Which is the guy that I'm thinking of. But I could be totally wrong about that. I could be confusing my Mariners who had a cup of coffee in the big time. But back in the day, they used to go, well, the Elias Sports Bureau has this information. I would just picture it in my mind as this fortress of solitude of obscure baseball knowledge. And it seemed like a place that I would have enjoyed spending some time. Here's the important takeaway from this. We've got to thank Honey Hanson in Moab.

Oh, Honey, yeah.

Utah. Honey says, the show just keeps getting better and better. Clearly, this was written a while ago. That's okay, and that's okay. We had a moment, Honey. We were getting better and better. You were there for it. You bore witness. Now we're doing this. Sorry. Congratulations on your independence, and keep up the good work.

Thank you.

Short but sweet. Indeed. Honey Hanson in Moab, Utah. Have you done any? Now I'm, was I, am I crazy? The Elias Sports Bureau, right?

No, I looked it up. You're right. I'm really embarrassed about Taylor Samut. I was thinking about Samad Taylor. I'm not doing well with names today. You can just ask Elias about that.

Was it Samad Taylor, though?

I feel like it might have been Samad Taylor, but let me, but I've lost all confidence in everything, like literally everything.

Leo Rivas.

Oh, it was Rivas. Leo Rivas. Where's Leo Rivas now?

None of us know. In fact, the authorities are looking for him.

Samad Taylor, his first hit in the big leagues was a walk-off single, so it was also memorable. Call Elias.

That is an interesting stat, how many players have made their major league debut with a walk-off single. That's got to be a relatively short list as well.

So at least he did have a memorable first at bat. I feel a little bit less bad for thinking it was, what did I say, Taylor Samut? Oh, criminy.

In three, two, and...

Hello and welcome to Top Story.

I'm asking myself, why is it so warm in here? And I realize it's because I have the heater on. Even though it's a nice day, I have the heater on and I'm wearing a Mr. Rogers sweater.

It's hot in here because I'm blushing so much. Do you ever get hot? Because of how sexy I'm being today? Yeah, exactly. You have one button-on-button more than usual. No, do you ever get that where you actually feel your face heating up with embarrassment?

That's not the way that my... You know what? No, that's not true. That's not true. It will happen sometimes on Livewire. I'm being serious. like first of all we've now officially entered the time of year where having you know four or five hundred people in a theater it starts to get a little there's a there's a certain uh what's the word i'm looking for there's a certain motivation to wrap these shows up on the earlier side because in these warm may and june months as it starts to get nice and then you pack a bunch of people into a theater it can get a little uh you know fragrant there and so i'll certainly notice sometimes on stage that i'm starting to just physically feel warm but then also if i say something that's particularly dumb or if there's an interaction with a guest that's awkward or i make a joke that falls flat which is pretty common i will sometimes feel myself starting to get a bit of flop sweat yeah kind of around and i'm probably blushing as well when that is happening so so it does happen to me on occasion it doesn't happen to me like if i'm by myself thinking about something that i said though that's and i don't know if that's if that happens for you or if that's what

you're describing or what i think this is more in the moment and not majorly right now like i know the stakes are relatively low um you know i i've worked really hard over the past 15 years to lower the bar of the listeners expectations of me getting names right or whatever but it is true that's

Sometimes even in the moment like that, I started to feel like literally flushed. For me, we don't have to go deep into this. It's a little bit different than flop sweat for me because I'll get that sometimes, but almost not realize that until later. It's not a physical sensation I'm feeling in the moment. But then when I get off stage or done with some sort of a show or something that I'm maybe a little bit more nervous about or being on somebody else's podcast, I'll find that I have perspired quite a bit. That's a little bit different than when I'm just like in the moment and I'm blushing either because it'll happen if I'm around somebody who I find impressive and I kind of can't control myself, I think I physically blush a lot or if I've said something dumb or I've caught myself just in a moment just like that, literally the skin of my face feels very hot for a moment. I might be doing that and not

even realize it, to be honest with you. That may be something that I'm doing. This is an article that you sent me, Andrew, that I think is really well done it's from the wall street journal uh it's written by spencer jacob and the headline is is this the most boring man in the world first of all just excellent headline writing um i'm not always with the wall street journal's editorial perspective on life but i will give them that is a heck of a headline and the the article starts off being about a guy named randy smith and randy smith found out through a kind of weird way that he was, in fact, a YouTube star. He's a retiree in Florida, but somebody had reached out to him because of a tape of him, a tutorial that he recorded related to Microsoft Word. He made this back in 1989, and it's now gotten 3.1 million views and close to 11,000 comments on YouTube. It's described as the most boring video ever made. and the reason the person was reaching out to him was to thank him for creating unintentionally the perfect content to fall asleep to. I'm going to play you a little bit of this, of Randy

kind of taking people through how to use Microsoft Word. And I kind of get a kick out of IBM people who make the comment that the Macintosh screen is too small. Well, I remember on WordStar, the entire third the entire top third of my screen word star word star menu bar and that menu bar was just to show me all the commands all the key commands that i had to remember to do simple functions in the word processing program and so they had a lot of great programs for the ibm and the ibm compatibles word star word perfect first program that came out for the macintosh was a little program called mcwrite many of you may remember that it came with the machine and for years we went a long time without a word processing program because everyone felt well they've already got one the mac owners they don't need another one and then microsoft came out with microsoft word and they found out that yes us mac owners would go buy another program today we have a myriad of programs we have word perfect for the macintosh we have a word star is now available for the macintosh full right professional right now there are a lot of excellent programs by the way

one hour 47 minutes and 26 seconds of this also it's not a myriad of something it's just me i know that one kind of gets me although i want to say you're awake suddenly you're in the how can i

sleep to bad grammar but you know right i um i was the person that was saying as per usual until you helped me um on that one and now whenever someone says as per usual i you know i die a little bit inside there's nothing worse than somebody like and by that i mean me who recently learned the

right way to say something you know that as per usual by the way that is not something that i have like kind of read elsewhere i had somebody tell me so i hope i'm right about that i just think it's per usual or as usual i don't think you need both because they mean the same thing but that is something that like i i would tell people that and but also in all seriousness that that uh a myriad of it stood out to me because i said it incorrectly for so long but i'm really on i know i've said it a million times i won't go on my usual thing about this but i i said that mostly joking i really think that we all knew what he meant in that right and that's how most people say it these days and i'm really trying not to be that person who's like the language cop because i think that's actually got some more that that that ties into some other things as well That's not what my role in this world Is to be correcting the way people talk If we understand their meaning

That being said I was on the airport shuttle the other day Listening to the Howard Stern show And the comedian Nikki Glaser was on there Talking about the roast of Tom Brady And talking about her sexual proclivities In pretty vivid detail I was kind of like I hope that my headphones don't detach from the Bluetooth. phone it will it will truly shock the other people on this shuttle but all like but that all went out the window as soon as she said begs the question i couldn't concentrate on anything else she was saying however prurient it was because i was like uh-huh raise the question okay so this video is has been uh you know making the rounds because a lot of people have been saying it helps them fall asleep um the way that the writer of this piece spencer describes it he says Smith, a former motivational speaker Who taught presentation skills Has a voice that isn't so much boring As it is comforting It turns out his silky smooth delivery Combined with the now irrelevant subject matter We got one of the two going on this show It's not silky smooth But it is irrelevant Makes his video perfect for hitting the sack He's got lots of competition though From footage of late TV painting instructor Bob Ross To five hour loops of the BBC Shipping forecast Now, I haven't clicked on this shipping forecast. Neither have I. Do you have it there? I've got it here. Let's just see here. I made a good decision, Andrew, muting my computer because I had a feeling there was going to be an ad. Here we go. Here's a little bit of the shipping. I love this already.

In southeast. Yes. Faroes, southeast Iceland. Variable 3 or 4 becoming southeasterly 4 or 5, occasionally 6 later except in east Faroes. Showers, then rain later in south-east Iceland. Good, occasionally poor later in south-east Iceland.

Good, occasionally poor later. Again, a way that TBTL has been described. Yes.

Now to the weather reports from coastal stations for 2300. Tyree Automatic, south-southwest 3, recent rain, 5 miles, 1,012, rising slowly. Stornoway, northwest 1, 22 miles, 1,013 rising more slowly. Lerwick, northeast 1. Lerwick!

Home of Shetland, baby. Home of Jimmy Perez and Tosh and the crew from the amazing TV show Shetland. The other thing that they mentioned in this article is something that really did kind of blow my mind, which is this service called Northwoods Baseball Sleep Radio. This is a project. Let me see if I can get back to the original article here because I want to make sure I'm giving credit where credit is due. There is a guy named, he's in Chicago. I guess he's an entrepreneur who goes by the handle Mr. King. And he runs this thing called Northwoods Baseball Sleep Radio, a podcast of full-length but fake baseball games on the fictional WSLPAM. And, Andrew, you've got to hear. You haven't listened to any of this yet, have you?

I have. I'm pretty sure. Somebody sent us this. Did we talk about this? I don't think we ever. So remember I told you sometimes I have a memory of talking about something. I can remember where I was. I feel like I have a memory of if we didn't talk about it, at least experiencing this at my old Roosevelt apartment. I remember, like, kind of clicking through these. Somebody, I feel like, sent these to me a long time ago. Or I'm confusing it with a different project. But, yeah, I've clicked around on this fake baseball thing a little bit.

I had never heard this. I'll be honest with you. My expectation was low, I think because I was never a person who really fully got that podcast. It's still very popular. We probably have a lot of listeners who love it. Welcome to Night Vale. Welcome to Night Vale.

I just somehow knew what you were talking about, yeah.

It never quite worked for me. And what I'll say about that is it works for lots of people, thousands, maybe millions of people. You know what doesn't work for them? TBTL. So I'm not trying to make any sort of qualitative judgments here. I'm just saying I didn't quite vibe with it. And so when I saw, like, Northwood's baseball sleep radio, I just thought, is that going to be another Night Vale situation for me? It was really not. I found this so comforting. Take a listen.

The 01 pitch. Fouled, back and out of play. 0-2. And the 0-2. Back to the mound Blackbush scoops it up and tosses to first to retire Cortez for out number one Base is empty, one away for Fritz Ortega

I'm very curious about the production of this, honestly Like, how...

sort of detailed is the plan for what's going to happen in the game. You know what I mean? Because you're making up a whole game, so it's like somebody's going to strike out, somebody's going to get a hit. One of the things it says on the website is there is no yelling, no loud commercials, no weird volume spikes.

That's a one-out single for Fritz Ortega. Runner on first. One away for Philip Nakamura.

I do find this very relaxing, right? Definitely. And it's the in-between spaces, which is also the case with real baseball on the radio. It's that this person clearly understands that you just let it breathe, and it's just that it almost is really like a white noise, you know, that kind of crowd.

Grounder through the right side, and Nakamura is aboard with a base hit.

By the way, this is the Cadillac cars versus the South Haven Ravens.

It doesn't matter. Right.

Runners on the corners now. One away for Giovanni Gasparro in the cleanup spot.

There was one part for me that didn't totally check out, which is basically when they...

There's a drive in a deep left field by Castellanos. It will be a home run, and so that'll make it a 4-0 ball game.

That sort of brought me out of it a little bit when I was listening to this the other night. Why?

I don't know. Just something totally felt like it shifted. Too exciting.

By the way, that was pretty good considering I thought of that one minute ago.

It was pretty good and also blended pretty well.

I mean, I did not, that was not a setup. I just, in the moment, Andrew, just the game slowed down for me. I just realized that would be a perfect way to get out of the segment.

Well, I'm not going to let you get out yet because I want to correct myself. Like, I swear I have a memory of this from when I was in my Roosevelt apartment. But looking back, this thing, it looks like on Apple Podcasts only goes back to 2022, which would which would belie my statement earlier that as messing around with this back in my old apartment. And I even see that The New Yorker wrote a piece about it back in July of 2022. So, you know, a couple of summers ago, I did want to say that when I we were talking about napping on the show the other day and on the occasion.

Napping is the opposite of standing.

It is true. On the occasion that it's like, I kind of want to, it's maybe the middle of the day, and I want to take a Saturday cat nap or something, I have found that- A Dagwood. A Dagwood, exactly. It is very not unusual, yes, to me.

It's very not unusual. Is that the third bad singing performance by me of the day?

I sort of recognize that. What I was going to say was, no, but I do put on a baseball game. It always starts with spring training, and I don't mean a Mariner's game. I don't nap to a Mariner's game because usually if I'm napping during a Mariner's game, it means I accidentally fell asleep.

I kneel for the flag.

I nap for a Mariner's game. Can I make that the show title?

You sure can.

But I will put on a random National League game. It's almost like the less I care, the better. Absolutely. I think he played for the Reds when that tape was first aired either way. But yeah, like a Reds-Diamondbacks game or something like that. Just pop that on, you know nothing. And it's a little bit entertaining because the writer makes a good point. The spike in volume for a commercial can be a little bit disorienting. But honestly, it's not that bad. And also just like hearing some random local car dealership commercial from Phoenix or Cincinnati is actually somewhat comforting as well. And it's like it doesn't really remind you of anything in your real life. So you can sort of detach a little bit. I will be asleep half an inning in, no doubt about it.

For me, it's and I don't do this a lot. I don't know why I don't. I don't I don't do leftovers, Andrew, and I don't do this anymore. but it would be watching golf on a Sunday afternoon. And I just, unless it's the Masters and it's the final round and something interesting is that, like Rodney Dangerfield is about to win the Masters, fresh out of Bushwood Country Club, Judge Smales now lining up at the 18th for the.

That would be funny. What if people made these kinds of fake baseball games with based on, like, same tone and everything, but based on, like, Major League or, like, actual games as they appear in movies, like flesh it out a little bit.

Exactly. Tom Berenger to the plate now. He's calling his shot. No, he's bunting. He's heading down the line. He's repairing his relationship with Corbin Bernson. Like, there was a minute in my 20s when I used to play more golf and probably would watch it on TV occasionally. I never got fully into the lifestyle, but it would have been the case that I guess I was watching it.

on a Sunday, it's just so strange how my life just does not allow for that anymore, or I have not prioritized it. Like, I don't, I can't remember a time when I'm sitting on the couch on a Sunday watching, it's like either I'm watching football because it's football season, it's very active, or I'm just not, I'm not doing that, I'm not in the house, I'm, you know, I'm, I don't know, it's strange to think that that's just something that for me in my particular life wouldn't come up anymore, but that is to say, all of that is to say that like, just a golf, you know, and fuzzy zeller now approaching the 17th fairway uh what are you seeing over there um let me try to think of who's who even was like uh like jim what are you seeing over there jim well he's gonna set up the forewood on this he's gonna try to punch it out try to get over that little cut of that sense of me a bluegrass yeah we saw earlier when um chichi rodriguez came through that that can be really tough yeah he's definitely talking to his caddy but there's something about that hushed banter about nothing that for me works really really well and i feel like and this is probably not true but in my mind even the commercials during golf are quiet i i'll bet

you that is true and i'll bet you that is not the new chrysler lebaron they know they're like

show some respect for people sleeping on couches all over america right now i've heard of the golf

nap i don't know that i've ever engaged in it because i never even watch golf like to follow it at all if i've ever put it on it's only been as asmr and i don't have like cable anymore so i can't just kind of randomly land on that which is why i will open up the mlb app and like listen to a baseball game or something now can we try something here i'm not i'm not joking here because it sounds counter to to what we're talking about relaxing sounds golf obviously yes mexican wrestling um a baseball game but i swear even though it seems like it's a very loud sport with all of the clattering i grew up in a house that or i grew up with a mom i should say who loved bowling and so i for me i was telling you earlier about the the smell of my grandparents like pantry and how comforting that is i remember the sound of these bowling broadcasts from the 80s and i have one here it says 1987 pba national championship because this is a championship it might be a little bit more hype than what i remember but my recollection is this is also like a little bit of a whispered um sort of announcer style well that's the thing about

bowling it's they're close they're close to the people doing the bowling so they have to be quiet the best sports are the ones where the announcers have to be quiet or they'll get yelled at

to all the players in the field ozio is going to make this a close match glitch you watch you'll start coming back right now

Just the bass. The bass sound of the ball on the way.

I mean, that is not as relaxing as golf, obviously. No, it is, though. It is. It is.

He drives all 10 pins in the pit, puts a little pressure on Weber. He likes this reaction.

Oh, this is a Pete Weber match?

Oh, come on. Weber has got to put some pressure on Ozio right now because he's let him float for four frames, and OZO's starting to catch fire. OZO's starting to catch fire.

Oh, I left two up there. Oh, I love this. I am going to bookmark this. This is my music for your weekend.

Feels like you're cheating, but okay, Andrew. It's not my job to police. I'm going to try to gatekeep your music for your weekend choices.

I got a song for you. I got a song for you. It's something that I've been working on. I've been in the studio. No, I have a song I want to play for you that I got, in the more traditional way that I get a lot of new music, which is it was emailed to me via a press release that I'll share with you in a moment. Having said that, while I have the floor, I want to say I feel like every time I find myself engaged with a free trial of Sirius Radio, I end up appreciating something different about it. Back in the day, like when we first bought our new car, which was, you know, back in 2018 or something, they said, hey, you get like three free months of satellite radio. I was like, oh, that's great. I'll listen to Stern because I know that you were listening to a lot of stern then and phyllis was and so i i really enjoyed that i started listening for a couple of months here and there and i really sort of understood the sort of addictive nature of that and then the next time i got satellite radio i'm like oh i can get into that stern thing again but i think i found myself maybe listening to something else maybe old-timey radio on it i don't really know but man lately luke so we got this again i don't remember the repair we got in our car maybe tires or something we got a free um subscription to satellite radio for a few months and what i like about this is it's truly free they don't like make you enter your credit card and then you have to remember to cancel it later it's truly free i will get a phone call from a very nice person probably in about a month saying hey do you want to keep this going and i'm going to be very polite to them as i say no one of my favorite things is my wife won't let me they're like we didn't know you were married just shut up um but uh i uh i i don't think i'm going to continue to pay for it but man i've really been enjoying the music programming on um satellite radio and here is specifically what i like when i think about satellite radio programming i always think of it as basically just like a spotify algorithm or something which i can get using spotify you know just like type in this song this is my mood we'll just pump out a bunch of songs like that but i didn't realize that on some of these stations one of which you're going to laugh when I tell you what it is um especially maybe it was because it was a Friday night I think I told you last Friday I got done with work kind of late I started playing darts it's like 8 30 and I realized my dartboard is is falling apart and I'm like if I could replace this tonight it'll just make me happier so I get in the car I drive to big five sporting goods and it's already it's already like evening well into the evening and they're going to close at like nine or something I'm making my way up to shoreline and I'm like oh that's right I have the satellite radio so i put on satellite radio and i turn on little stevie's underground garage right which is a long time main stevie van sant yes but it's got other djs on there and what i really loved about it was even though the djs were like kind of like you know like one of them was one of those like really old british boomers who hung out at cbgb and so they kind of had like little stories for every song and he was like kind of a little bit like you know was it jonesy or was it rodney biggenheimer i don't know do you listen to that station a lot like no but i'm just

thinking of old brits who hung out at cbgb oh i i don't know but either way maybe i don't know

if i'm supposed to know who this person is outside of his radio show but like even as corny as some of it is and him like kind of reminiscing about it like i loved it like the playlist was good it played old stuff but also new stuff anything that could just generally fit under this like this uh organizing principle of kind of garage rock and i've known about this station for a while i've dipped in and out like i say i think it's one of the oldest satellite radio stations But I don't know if I've ever, like, really zoomed in on it and just, like, listened to a show. So I come back. I'm installing my dartboard. I keep listening to it, like, here in the house. And I'm just really enjoying the actual, like, the production of it. That I was listening to a radio show, not just – and then I think a couple of days ago when I was, like, getting into all that, like, trying to untangle the Kendrick Drake stuff. Then I was, like, kind of in the mood for, like, modern hip-hop. But, like, I'm really lost on modern hip-hop. Like, I don't have any context for that stuff anymore. I'm so far out of the loop. So even just putting on one of the more modern, like, hip-hop stations, I was like, oh, man, this is exactly what I'm in the mood for. And I wouldn't have known where to begin an algorithm like this on Spotify. I mean, I am actually tempted for the first time maybe ever to actually buy this subscription. Like, it took years for them to wear me down, but I'm really into it. And it's all because of little Stevie.

Tone. Tone.

hey tone hey hey tone oh let's not i'll do respect tone let's not do this we have so much oh my face is getting hot again oh shit thank god this isn't on video oh god i'm gonna i'm gonna actually nixon this tape silvio silvio right silvio yeah good call by the way speaking of uh on a totally unrelated note i went back and watched the very first episode of the sopranos recently it is a while ago amazing how stylistically it's different i mean it was a pilot so they're still figuring this stuff out but tony is so young it is amazing how much hair and how dark it is but then also like it feels like the 90s i forgot that that show actually began in 99 and some of the camera angles is like there are certain camera angles that seem like a little eight heads in a duffel baggie to me or whatever and the show matured so much over the

course of our young that's the one with the ducks right that yeah i think the ducks are introduced in the very first episode in his swimming pool right yeah because i did that a while ago too i was like let me see what this is all about and i'll say what i always say uh the the show is amazing that's not big news um the kid acting is pretty rough to watch but everything else is

pretty good yeah it is but it is funny how it seems so much different than what their final product was but okay all of that is to say i just want to give a shout out to satellite radio Just want to make sure that those folks at Sirius are getting their due. In the meantime, I will play you this song, which, like I said, came into my inbox. It's by a musician who I'm wondering if you know who they are. Jess Cornelius is her name. I'm not exactly sure where she's from, but has a new album, I think, coming out in a matter of days. And the album is called Lapse in the Drugstore. And this is the title track, Lapse in the Drugstore.

I can't believe that I was so scared Cause I've got time on my hands now I've got my mind on my plans now I can't believe it took me so long Cause I've got thoughts in my head now And I've got blinds

In my lips now And when you think There's something wrong You tell yourself Don't trust Those feelings They have never been real

And when you're crying On the bathroom floor

You see the pain That's always been part Of the deal You're taking big legs

It's so good, and of course, I forgot this. Of course, she hails originally from New Zealand. That sounds about right. All of my favorite music comes from that corner of the globe these days, but is now in Los Angeles. And again, I guess the album comes out in June.

There should be a law that every song has to have that moment where almost all of the instruments go out except just the bass or just the guitar. that is there's something i don't know why i don't know why there was some cave people that loved that and it kept them alive so that they had more offspring than the people who didn't love that effect and then now we're just a population of people who love that but that shit is always great always great tell me if this rings a bell to you and now it's time for a

breakdown never gonna get it never gonna get it see we can all sing on this show and vogue indeed do. But yeah, I remember that. I was like, oh, that's what a breakdown is. That makes sense. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yes. I had that. I got

that album from Columbia House, by the way. Oh, I believe it.

That's a perfect Columbia House record.

It had their cover of the Andrew Sister song Boogie Wogie Bugle Boy, which I thought was an En Vogue original. I was like, this is an amazing song. And it's also about World War II.

I don't think I ever heard their version. Oh, that might be my music for your weekend next week.

You know what? Let's do this. I'm going to call an audible. Okay. Because I can, the song that I wanted to play, I can play next week as well. Can we, and also it's not exactly like Aaliyah, but it is in the sort of vein of like, you would say the sort of crossover of hip hop adjacent music and very popular radio play. Could you find their version of Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy? Let's do this. What was the name? Does it show you what the name of this En Vogue? Was it, was it, was it eponymously titled? Yeah. Is it just called En Vogue?

Yeah. Oh, no, no, no. It's Born to Sing. Sorry, I was misreading that, so it's in vogue Born to sing Tell me if any of these other songs

You know what's going to happen, I'm going to start singing them

Well, the problem is, I don't think any of these are the songs I know by them Party, Strange, Lies Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy, which is only 55 seconds long Does that scan with your memory? It's almost like an interstitial

Yeah, it's just a little acapella number But does this have Hold On to Your Love on it?

Oh, it does have Hold On, would I recognize that? I guess I'm just not recognizing that

Hold on to your love You got to hold on, hold on to... It's so much better when I do it than in Vogue. Yeah, exactly. Does the cover of the album just have a picture of them?

There's the four of them, and it looks like they're wearing white suits, sort of, and they're outside somewhere. Yeah, okay, so here we go.

We were talking about the same thing. Okay, so this is in Vogue doing the Andrews sister number, Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy.

Hey, you guys, remember the Andrews sisters? Yeah. He was a famous trumpet man from out Chicago, eh?

Yeah, what about it?

Well, I like the song. I think we should do it. No, not that version. Well, what version? This one. Denny, drop that beat.

He was a sexy lover boy from a Chicago way. He had a hip-hop style no one could take away. He was the top man of this crowd. But then his number came up and he was gone with the crowd.

By the way, it's amazing that I listened to that probably 800 times in my life, thought it was an En Vogue original, when it literally starts with them saying, do you remember the Andrews sister song?

I was trying to figure out the most gentle way of broaching that topic.

How that just went right over my head in those days is just shocking. It is just absolutely shocking.

I mean, it's relatable maybe only because I'm a knucklehead, but, like, I know that I have things like that as well. Like, you're young, the world, you're still just connecting dots on things, and even though it was explicitly said at the beginning.

Hey, do you remember that song by the Andrews sisters?

Right.

This is a great En Vogue original. oh man well the good news andrew is you're not the only one who feels terrible about themselves after today's episode weirdly i feel better about myself now that's a service that i provide all right let's wrap things up with tracy's suggestion of the uh

song by Timbaland and Aaliyah, Try Again, right? That's what we're going to do here? Yeah, I'll get that dialed up right now. And you know what? Honestly, this is a message of hope for all of us, Andrew. If at first you don't succeed, you can dust it off and try again. Dust yourself off and try again. That's what we're going to do when we come back here on Monday with more imaginary radio for you all. So we'll be here for that. We hope you will be, too. In the meantime, have a great weekend, everyone. Go Junior Sluggers. And please remember, no mountain too tall. And good luck to all. God, do I love a lot, y'all

If I were you, I wouldn't focus on what he's saying, but more the fact that he's saying something. Power out.