Muse

Righty on lefty. First pitch by Duvall. Swing and that's foul. Straight back and off my computer. Oh my goodness. That just happened. So my computer is completely cracked. I tried to put my hand up and stop the baseball and it went straight back. And now that one almost came back. And this became one of the worst days I have had in quite some time.

here's a sentence i never thought i'd say but if you thought a sausage couldn't really hurt anyone

frankly think again so i'm what's known as a psychic medium but i'm also clairsentient which means that i feel uh my angels i'm also uh clairvoyant which means i can see uh i'm also clairaudient which is most of the time i actually hear i hear voices and uh i also do financial

advising listen i'm not one of those college types that's going to talk your ear off i bought a balloon and it doesn't mean i think i'm better than everybody else i have a beta sequence i've

been working on would you like to see it all right all right hello good morning and welcome

everyone to a thursday edition of tbtl the show that just might be too beautiful to live what is this only my favorite podcast of all time my name is luke burbank i am your host oh my god

He unmuted!

Coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio perched high above the mighty Columbia. Got it. Where my dad is currently inside the house. I think having a sort of doing an unsuccessful job of managing his rage related to the hand railing company that I bought a bunch of stuff on Amazon from. they're like I don't know if it'd be good content or bad but just bring my dad in here and ask him to read the directions of this railing system and see how long it takes before he starts just saying well that's just BS is what that is actually that would be good content now that I'm thinking maybe we'll do that later we've got a lot to get to though here on episode 4212 in a collector series

let the fun begin

I created a burner account on Facebook yesterday

You face. Who are you facing?

So I'm trying to sell a couple of things, a couch and a couple of chairs. And golly, it is the Wild West out there on that Facebook marketplace. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. Not to mention Craigslist, which caused me to come face to face or at least ear to ear with an actual scammer. We will get into that. Also, Coach Ben stops by from the TBTL Junior Sluggers.

The crack of the mat, the roar of the crowd. That's right, baseball's back.

To tell us how the team is looking going into the postseason, of course, this is the Parkside Little League team that TBTL is the official sponsor of. And I need some inside information because I've got a lot of money riding on this team going into the playoffs. That cash could really get me out of a couple of jams. Speaking of kids and fantasy, It's a Thursday, a.k.a. Blur's Day, so we'll do the Blur's Day messages. And we'll talk to this guy, the longest running co-bro of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. He lives by three simple rules when he's co-broing the show. Well, four and a half, five rules, depending on how you count, starting with, well, his big rule. This is the one that we really need to focus on today. Be nice. He's Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

Good morning, Luke. Speaking of Facebook, I'm putting together the Blur's Day list here, and I thought I'd move on over to my spam folder, make sure that no Blur's Days accidentally got trapped in the spam filter. Luckily, none did. Everything's fine. But I have other things in here, including, and this is what's concerning for you and me and John as businessmen. I have several messages in here with subject lines basically saying, important notice, termination pending review. Apparently, our Facebook page, our famous TBTL Facebook page, might be considered misleading and could be taken down off the web. The irony, of course, being we have no Facebook page. This is obviously.

So you're not talking about the Stens?

No, no, this is just spam, but I'm being completely serious when I tell you the following dazzling detail of this. I have three of these scary-sounding spam messages, and they all look like they're coming from an email called Meta for Business. But you know how when you get an email and you're concerned it might be spam, you look more closely at what is the actual email address this is coming from?

Can I tell you what actual email address the first of these three messages came from?

Drunk people are so meta.

I am so mad that this is not my email address. It is, and I mean this quite literally, my name is mamacita at hotmail.com.

That is the truth.

It's always like B.manager missing the E, you know, at xdz.net or something. But this one literally came from my name is Mamacita at Hotmail.com. It makes me want to write back.

This is something I should have done yesterday, Andrew, before I came voice to voice with a real life scammer.

And this is all one journey that began with your burner Facebook account?

Yes. I have this couch that is in absolutely fine shape. I bought it when I lived in Portland, bought it from a reputable place. It just, I don't have any space for it in my house. And I was tempted to give it away, but it's also, I mean, I paid, I don't know, decent amount of money for it, probably $1,500, if not more. And it's in pretty okay shape. I felt like there might be a little bit of value in this couch. And the other thing was, I've been through this trying to give stuff away on Craigslist and these places. I feel like sometimes, and we've talked about this, there's the kind of perceived value principle. If you're giving something away, I feel like people are very cavalier about the whole thing as far as showing up to pick it up, et cetera. But I feel like, well, if we're selling it and it's going to cost them some money, maybe that will cause people to be a little more reliable in this whole kind of interaction. And again, I thought that it was, I mean, I think the couch does have some value. If I had room for it, I would keep it and I would sit on it. It's very cozy, very comfy. And I've got a couple of chairs, too, a couple of wingback chairs. I'm just turning this into Tradio, by the way.

I know. Is that where this is going? Yeah. All right, what's the first bid?

Tradio, what do you got? I've got, well, Andrew, I've got two wingback chairs. I recently reupholstered them in herringbone wool suit material at great expense. I just don't have room for them now. They're nice chairs, a little bit of wear and tear around the base of the chairs. But I'm willing to let them go for $200 for the pair

I got a snowblower Can we trade? Uh-huh Would you like my snowblower?

If we do this for five more minutes We will manifest Richard and Sal from the Howard Stern show Whose number one thing is just prank calling tradeo shows If you're not familiar In a lot of small town America On the weekends There will be kind of a swap shop I actually find it to be absolutely charming

Yes, we had one in New Hampshire It was so good

Like, you know, you can call in and it's just sort of a, you know, it's a bulletin board of the air that you can tell people what you have to sell or what you're looking for But they just absolutely torment the dudes that do this It's just so great But anyway, so I put the stuff on Craigslist But I realized something, my dad, when he's not yelling at the Mazada Corporation over the phone It was amazing yesterday to watch I was on the phone with the helpline for this cable railing system But it was making my dad so incensed As he sat across the dining room table from me That with the guy on speakerphone My dad goes well that's just That's BS is what that is And I was like Dad he can hear us So corky St. Clair I hate you and I hate your Ass face So anyway My dad is Often on Facebook Marketplace He loves Facebook Marketplace And I don't know how much stuff he really gets off of there But he just likes to kind of scroll through and see see what's on offer, particularly in the free section. So what I was thinking was maybe there's this whole world because I had put these two things up on Craigslist, the chairs and the couch. And I had not gotten a big response. And I didn't know if it was because I priced them wrong or because just nobody's on Craigslist looking for that or what. So then I said, I said, well, I got to set up something on Facebook Marketplace. But I don't want to use my little account that I activate once a year for eagle soaring because I just thought that would be kind of weird. I don't know. I didn't want – I would not call myself a public figure, but I'm sort of a quasi-micro-celebrity enough that I don't really want to have that be the account it's all associated with. So I create a burner account, which was surprisingly easy. Really?

Because I tried doing that one time years ago when I dumped Facebook, but I still wanted, like, I think for after these messages business or something, I still just wanted a way to log in, but I didn't want to actually engage with the whole Facebook, you know, thing. And so I tried to create a burner account. I created a fake email address and tried to create a burner account, and it would not let me. It had a million checks and balances, and it just kept saying, we don't think you're real, essentially.

I was surprised at how quickly I sailed through. Huh. I just. Put an email address in, put in a fake name, and then just they sent me a confirmation code. I typed it in, and we were off to the races.

You're either better at this or Facebook has truly hit on hard times. Like back in the day, it was like, no, no, no, we don't want any fakers on here or whatever. Now it's just like, sure, anybody, any click, please click on me.

I think it's the classic sort of, you know, you catch the dumb fish first. But then at some point There just aren't as many fish And now you're just going to take any fish That'll jump into the boat or get near the boat Because everybody who was Initially it's easy to sign a lot of people up for Facebook Because by definition no one is a Facebook member yet And then eventually you've gotten this saturation Where you're really having to beat the bushes And accept fake Luke accounts To try to keep signing new people up for this thing But anyway I sign up for it It's surprisingly easy I list the items And then, Andrew, because I'm not a Facebook person anymore Because I don't think about Facebook I come in here and I do the show with you And I completely forget about this entire event And it's not until, I don't know, hours later, mid-afternoon That I go, oh yeah, I did this thing on Facebook And I go onto this little account And I've got like Messenger or something Which, by the way, I'm so bad at Because I got off of Facebook before Messenger was a big thing I mean, I know it's just a messaging program I know it's not that complicated But it still kind of bedeviled me yesterday I opened it up I've got like 20 people trying to get this couch People are hot They're flying in hot for this hottie Everybody wants this couch And I'm like oh my god This is incredible I shouldn't have been on Craigs I should have been on Marketplace This is where the good couch loving Americans are The gently used couch loving The people who love gently used couches This is where they're hanging out And they see a quality couch And they know what it is And they want to come get it from me So I go on the first account And it's kind of interesting Because it's a name There was like a couple of them These messages saying Is it still available And they were names that Kind of like when we used that AI program To write music And it was like words That sounded like words But they weren't words These were names that looked like names But they weren't names And it isn't that they were like Names from a particular ethnic background I'm not familiar with It was like a bot Had made like a name like k-o-c and the last name would be like s-y-c-k like it was it was it was like okay and then you go to their account and it's like a picture of a daffodil

they have no friends no that's steven that's steven the daffodil is that one of our donors

today i gotta be careful and um and so a couple of them i identified pretty quickly oh these are probably like bots or whatever but then this was the weirdest part there were a couple of people there was one person in particular who said hey um i'd love to come get the couch and in fact quoted me a twenty dollars over asking because i was asking very little i'll tell you what it was i was asking a hundred dollars for this couch that's pretty affordable and i had so many people that were like offering me online although they can't pay you the money but they can offer you here i'm digitally offering you a hundred dollars for this thing there was a bunch of people just saying hey i'll just give you them or i'm willing to pay you the full price and someone else said hey i will i'd actually like to give you 120 and i can come out and grab it today and what i noted about this person was a they wanted to pay 20 more dollars and b they had a real name that when i googled them they're a real person in portland who really does like vintage flips and stuff they have a very pretty well-maintained website with their which covers the media attention they've received over their flipping and things like that so i was like this is great this is a very real person messaged them back immediately crickets andrew they included their cell phone number i texted them at their cell phone number hey this is the guy with the couch let me know if you still want it absolute no response which is just weird to me because this person was is very traceable and trackable like it's not they're not just an anonymous random craigslist email where it's like who even is this so that was a little strange to me but whatever that's you know live your life then amidst all of this just as i'm thinking well facebook marketplace is the place to go for this i get an email from good old craigslist it's a guy named steve and he says hey do you still have the couch i'm interested and what i realized is i've been messaging all of these people that didn't seem like bots on facebook and no one's getting back to me or they're very like i'll message them and then like all this time will go by like there was all this urgency and now there's like zero urgency from anyone and so you know i figured we'll give steve a shot we'll give steve as kevin would say a day in court and so i i emailed steve back i'm like it is still available you want to come grab it today and he says sure and he includes his phone number he says just shoot me a like a text or give me a call and I was like okay and I noticed that his a phone number is New York it's it's 917 now the prevailing phone number in Portland if you don't have a 503 is 971 so initially I thought oh this is an Oregon person I was like no actually that's New York but guess what people move people bring their cell phones with them I have a phone number my area codes from Los Angeles because that's when I got this the cell phone i've often said on the show our cell phone area codes are the only indication of any anything of any sort of durability in our lives for a lot of us you know we're pretty

peripatetic these days but we've all got a phone from somewhere so i text steve and i say hey i'm the guy with the couch let me know if you want to come grab it today and about 30 seconds later my phone starts ringing and it's Steve and I was like it's a little forward because I texted you and you you're not responding in the same format and I but I'm like all right I just want to get this couch out of here man because me and my dad got to tear that room up we're like tearing doing a whole we're going into the next phase of this thing Andrew and so I pick up the phone I go hello delay delay delay and then a very far away voice clearly heavily accented says something that i can't even exactly figure out what they're saying but i know it's steve's number and i go they say something and i go what and then it's like the call goes i think probably to jupiter and then back down to some sort of internet masking site and then back out to whatever internet cafe this person is in and he starts talking again and i just go oh you have to be fucking kidding me dude sorry little sluggers uh yes sorry sometimes grown-ups use bad words like bs when they're talking to scammers i was like i was i mean think i think really what it was i was mad at myself that i totally fell for this but also i was like the hubris like how i mean let me put it this way it was very well executed up until the point that we were on the phone in that the way that the person texted was casual enough or messaged me I mean look I texted them from my real cell phone so that was like one point scammers right zero points Luke but the idea that this was going to sound like a cash conversation with someone just down the road in Portland talking about a couch like exploded upon the delay in the line the indecipherability of what the person was saying i was like you guys have a real last mile problem here you got me you got the dumb fish trying to climb into the boat but the the technology that then connects me to the guy in wherever who's trying to eventually somehow this is going to go from i'm coming to buy your couch to i need to give him a thousand dollars so he can come get my couch i need to give him a thousand dollars to release the couch like that the last part of this was so ineffective i was

insulted that they thought that was going to work now i apologize for this question because i think you made this clear um but i had a little technical issue on my end if i can give myself a little bit of cover here so i i kind of i think i missed one important detail here this is not the number slash buyer that was connected to no the real person with the website the flip or whatever that person just sort of like that just disappeared into the background

that person just sort of just homer simpsoned right back into a hedge which was just strange to me because they were so they were offering me over asking and they were very googleable and this is the whole thing they do which is so my response to them was absolutely come get the couch so for them to just totally evaporate was weird to me the other thing is i got up this morning andrew and i got another message now this is about the chairs through facebook marketplace from a person who I was then able to like check her because you know you can click on the Facebook page she has a totally robust Facebook page she's from Oregon appears to be very in love with her husband and have some adorable kids but now I'm wondering is there a way that these scammers can just fully spoof entire accounts like can they somehow because there's I can't get overly specific because I don't want to give away anyone's personal information or even name names but here's what I will say both of the these were women who reached out to me to Facebook to get these pieces of furniture both had names I want to tell you off air they almost sound made up and they're both these very like wholesome conventionally attractive women like in their 20s or 30s like almost too good to be true almost like is there a chance that these scammers have figured out how to either just hijack someone's account completely in some kind of geofenced area. or literally invent a person out of whole cloth but do it like did they have an ai program right a lady who likes to flip furniture because like again i need to read you later and you it sounds like the names ai would make up if you say it's the names are what the one thing that

make you everything else seems real about these two accounts of these two women that you're talking about it's just the names well i do know and i think you know this as well it is common for scammers or I guess trolls but I think mostly scammers to go ahead and just take somebody's like profile pick and like I've known women or known of women that's it I've known women and I've known of women I thought you'd be impressed by that things are going great for me

currently all of these women are in Canada and unable to travel to the states for various reasons but I'm going to trust you they exist

Uh, no, but I, I've known of women who've, who've like, you know, publicly said on some sort of social media, like these people are using my picture and my profile. This is not me. Like, I think I've seen that on Instagram and, and, and, uh, a website that was formerly known as X. Um, but I think that people, like, yeah, so I assume that you can do the same thing on, um, on Facebook as well. That's pretty, that's pretty basic. So where are you now? Like, I feel like now you are like the weekend in the Hall of Mirrors during the Super Bowl. Like, you have a couple of pieces of furniture, but everywhere you look, you're just suspicious of what's looking back at you. You don't know which way to turn. You're sweaty. You're scared.

You're hungry. Listen, you're sort of joking, but you're actually pretty on target with that assessment. What I have found myself, I don't know what to believe in this Facebook marketplace situation.

I'm being kind of serious.

When I got up this morning, I had this message about the chairs. Like nobody wanted anything to do with the chairs yesterday. Everybody was like the couch. I still have not successfully connected or, as the kids would say, linked up with anyone to get this crap. And this morning I get up and now there's like two people that want to know about the chairs and they're very eager. And one of them is sort of like a different but similar version of the woman yesterday who wanted the couch but then never followed up. Like I said a person who has a lot of photos on their page A person who appears to be in the region And it doesn't look Like somebody in let's say A faraway country just like stole pictures off the internet And tried to cobble something together It looks pretty legit But also Like the names Again what I need to do is This is a great premium for this year's TV telethon Andrew At the $500 a day level I will reveal the actual names Of these people because it's they just they sound like names that ai would make up if you said clean scrubbed white lady in her 20s with a family they sound like that like a program would make up a name

for them or at the 500 a day level you get a couch i listen we we gotta go i want to i want to talk to coach ben and we're running a little bit um late but i do want to say and this is such a terrible like heavy thing to end on and not a good way to wrap up so i apologize but i gotta get it in there like you saying this makes me so glad i'm not on facebook and also makes me want to delete my instagram because meta is a terrible company and these i mean right now we're just talking about you trying to are so meta you trying to just sell a couch and a couple of chairs but also when you think about the impact facebook has on our democracy yes it is appalling And this is such it's just such garbage. They have absolutely no control over their own product. Yeah, but it's so powerful.

It's wild. I mean, I am like I'm going to just like take this couch, drive it down the hill and just leave it at the corner of the road by the bad weed whacking sign. The guy hand wrote free couch like, you know, it's like because I cannot navigate. also some of this might have to do with me aging although i think i'm probably still right in the demo for facebook like age wise but i cannot navigate this marketplace thing andrew i can't figure out what's up what's down again the weekend video that is a like a perfect description of how i'm feeling like am i talking to a real person or not am i i'm talking to free and i know this is technically craigslist but i'm going to just bundle it all together in like internet bs i'm talking to a guy in god knows wherever who's who's gonna try to scam me out of some money i've got these people that seem like bots that i know right away to dismiss i got these people that seem like humans but then they're really into but then they just like crickets like i'm just feeling very used and abused by this whole process i am wondering what happened to the people who have

an actual website and have had media stories written about them and like what happened

that they i don't know because i text them on their phone and they didn't steve me So they weren't that brand new. of scam like they didn't just call me right back and go like hey uh you know whatever like that just went into the void you know um that could just be a case of somebody just getting distracted

and whatever but the kind of bird out the window is vives and i say in this complete lack of

communication afterward is odd and then like i said this this other person who this morning wanted to know about the chairs again like right out of central casting of the person that you'd want to have come by your chairs from you you know what i mean just like a a powerful live laugh love vibe although one of the things on her facebook page was stand with standing rock which i was like right on right on i feel you on that like so anyway what i will do after we talk to coach ben um is maybe before the blurs day segment i can even run in andrew see i can't log in on this computer this isn't the facebook computer oh yeah that's how you know you're old you have a facebook computer just for Facebooking? What I can do after we talk to Coach Ben, I can run in I can boot up, I can actually just bring my laptop out here and we can see what's going on we can see if the second too good to be true person has responded to me about the chairs okay, so we'll get a little bit if not closure, we'll get a 411, we'll get an update, we'll get a stone cold Steve Austin on this, okay? That music could only mean one thing, a gross violation of Fox Sports copyright to whatever the Sunday Night Baseball song is. But it also means around here, have we ever gotten, have we gotten dinged on that, Andrew? Not that I know of. Have we pulled from YouTube for that one? Luke, I've stopped looking. That music could only mean it's time for a TVTL Junior Sluggers update. And here to help us with that today, for the very first time, his first appearance in spoken form on the program, is the one, the only, Coach Ben from the Junior Sluggers. Ben, welcome to the program.

Thanks for having me, guys. Yeah, hey, Coach. Would it be too lame of me to say, first-time caller, first-time listener?

I know. I know you're not a first-time listener, Ben, because this has been a long con for TBTL to add one additional listener. And I think it's worked because on the days when we're reading your very funny dispatches, I know that you tune in for at least those programs. Because when I was at the game the other day, I talked to a couple of parents who said, Ben will circulate a text that says, we're on TBTL again. Jump in at this particular time mark in the show. In other words, you don't want them to have to listen to the most of the show, but you will tell them when the junior slugger stuff starts happening. Yeah, I want to spare people. yeah no that's that's actually that's a reasonable that's a reasonable point on your part so uh first of all i i happen to uh know very very um closely and even intimately someone who you work with and in fact that's how we ended up uh collaborating to be the sponsors of the team so my girlfriend becca works in the same place you do i thought it was your goomba goomar i think goomar what is a Goomba. I think that's one of the things you shoot in Mario Brothers with a fireball.

I thought it was a Koopa Troopa.

It would be the best if Andrew had a Goomba, but it was a Goomba, and it was just one of those little things mushroom guys you've got to jump on. I've got a mole on the inside. I've got Becca who works with you, Ben, and told me this morning, you guys were at a big work event in downtown Portland, but that you were going to be heading back to the office to make this call, and that you had brought your Blue Eagles coaching uniform. Are you

wearing the uniform? I am wearing my black synthetic fiber coaching top, my knee-high powder blue socks, my middle-aged white man New Balance sneakers, and shorts that are about three inches too short to up my thigh. So I am in my full uniform today, sitting in an office building

in downtown Portland. I'm right now texting with Becca to see if she can get eyes on this whole thing because that is a that's that's a real that's a real theater of the mind to imagine so okay I have some questions about the postseason so it sounded when I on on Saturday when I was at the game and by the way bravo Ben to you and the other coaches and parents and kids like what a fun day and what a what a great group of of people but it seemed like it was sort of TBD on the playoffs some people thought there was going to be a tournament others didn't then And someone said, if anyone shows up, what is the status? Will there be a postseason for the Junior Sluggers?

There will be a postseason. We just got the schedule yesterday. So our next game will be next Tuesday. And we are going up once again against the Golden Tigers, the same team we played the last two games. Oh, and what is our record against the Golden Tigers?

one and one but again i i'm gonna put a big asterisk on that that last game we were we were ready to roll in the final inning and they just bailed on us oh right yeah and and the way that

you were hyping the team up ben like before that before that aborted bottom of the sixth or whatever i saw fire in the eyes of the tbtl junior sluggers they were going to go out and they were going to really like uh you know they were going to score some runs and that's part of why i think that the Golden Tigers decided to try to call a time limit on the game. So I like our chances in the rubber match against them.

I'm feeling good about it. I think it was somewhere between the chance of big hits and the eagle screeches we were trying to replicate on the sidelines. It scared them away. But we've got a roadmap for victory now, and we're going to ride that all the way to Tournament of Champions glory.

Also, I like, Ben, that you have music that you play. Like, I think off of your phone and through a Bluetooth speaker, I thought it really kind of like, it really created a certain energy. If I remember right, it was, you played some Can't Touch This by M.C. Hammer, some Who Let the Dogs Out by the Baja Men, and what are some of your other, like, real bangers that get the crowd hyped?

Well, I'm really leaning into, like, early 90s pop music, so, like, This Is How We Do It, Ice Ice Baby, you know, the classics. It's also classic jock jams. I'm not sure if you remember those CDs from, like, the early 90s advertising. Yeah, like, you know, I lean heavily into that. The kids have no idea who's playing, what it is, but I can tell the adults in the stands are really into it. My dancing on the sideline helps a little bit, too.

It's amazing to think that for those kids, that music, it might as well be, you know, the Flatfoot Floogie that they were playing on the Titanic as it went down. Like, that is, like, you know, music from the 90s is, it's like 40 years ago for these kids, 30 years ago.

Oh, they're the gold melodies, yeah. They'll be on Kixi Radio before you know it.

You know, in the game you came to, Luke, usually I have the players, they pick their walk-up songs, and they're all, you know, songs that kids listen to these days. The game you came to, something went wrong with the sound system or with my phone, and so the only sounds I could play were, like, old-school baseball organ.

They thought it was so good.

And the kids were, like, making eyes at me. I'm not sure if you noticed Bea. She, like, mad-dogged me and then did, like, the splitting the throat sign. I love that.

I believe that's taunting, and it's at least a 20-minute penalty for the throat slash. I don't think you can do that anymore. Taunting your manager. I loved, honestly, I loved the kind of juxtaposition, Ben, of the jock jams, and then the just like, da-da-da-da-da-da.

I mean, that's the vibe I'm going for.

Another thing I've noticed, Ben, in your mild Midwestern accent is, I forget, you are from Shaker Heights, Ohio. How far is that from Valley City, Ohio?

What is that? Valley City, that's the left side? Valley City is down in Medina County, Ben. It's not far outside the city of Medina itself. That's where I grew up. It was a lot of farmland, a lot of soybeans when I grew up there. And you're on the – you hearken from the east side. In fact, it sounds like kind of the nicer parts of the east side if I have my Shaker Heights right.

Us Cleveland inner city elites don't think about the lowly people.

It's true. You wouldn't know a Samoski's pizza if it hit you in the face.

Although I am disappointed, Andrew, that you grew up in the environs of Cleveland, and yet you don't know some of the classic players from early 90s Cleveland Indians, now Cleveland Guardians history. I mean, those were some great teams in the mid-90s. Felix Fermin. Felix Fermin, Omar Vizquel, Albert Bell.

Like, all those names ring a bell, if you will, to me. But honestly, yeah, I didn't just not pay attention to baseball. I think I might. I think when the mayor, I'm sorry, I think when the the Cleveland team at the time was good, I don't think that I like I think I was in that like sort of punky like he was going to chain mail addiction a lot chain link addiction in Lakewood, Ohio. You wouldn't understand it's a West Side thing, Ben. But I think because I remember being at Jacobs Field when it was still called Jacobs Field. And I just remember they had a smoking section and I was put out that I couldn't smoke at my seat. In this newfangled stadium, I had to stomp over in my Doc Martens to the smoking section and be like, these baseball players don't get life. Like that was sort of my attitude.

Meanwhile, half the team was smoking in the dugout. That was the era where you had player managers. I always found that to be shocking that you could be Pete Rose. Like, I'm old enough to remember the time when Pete Rose was both the manager of the Reds and one of their players, which just seems insane to me now.

Do you ever think about picking up a bat, Ben, and just seeing what you can do at the plate for the Junior Sluggers? Is that legal? Can you put yourself in?

I mean, I would love to. But, you know, the truth is, once in a blue moon, I'll pick up a bat and try to shag some fly balls out to the kids. And I'll be honest, I miss the ball about half the time. When you're throwing it to yourself? Well, when I'm, like, tossing it up in the air and trying to hit it out to a player, I mean, I'm awful at it. And so I usually delegate that job off to one of the assistant coaches.

So, you know, I know that we still have a championship game to play, and I don't want to look past that too much. But I also know that a lot of fans are already sort of talking about the offseason and what that's going to look like. I mean, you build up a lot of momentum this year with the junior sluggers, and I think a lot of fans want to see you kind of take advantage of that and not just sort of like, you know, mess with the roster around the edges or whatever? Do you have your eyes on any big bats to really kind of take us all the way next year?

Well, you know, I am eyeballing some of the other teams. Next year we actually move into a situation where there's a draft for the league. And so I'll try to draft our players from this year. But I'm eyeing other teams, you know, and if I can see Jamar over on the Tigers or Steve. There's no kid named Steve. People aren't named Steve anymore. I'm going to reach out to get them. I'll have to talk to management. We'll have to grease some palms. But I have faith that we can put together a winner next year.

Now, Ben, I don't want to make you or anyone associated with the Parkside Little League to think that you are our second choice because you're now number one in our hearts and forever our first choice. But I will be totally honest with you. the initial plan you and i chatted about this at a holiday party at your house but also in the background was this kind of thing of we were going to try to sponsor a team in my actual little league that i played in as a kid in seattle we thought that would be a pretty funny narrative uh former domino's pizza standout luke burbank now part owner of a little league team and um quite to our surprise when the idea was floated with the parents they declined they were like no thanks i want to mention this is a league that had a team called police guild when i was at it like police guild sure tbtl harmless podcast about nothing no thanks so then mercifully and thankfully you were still interested but i was a little bit nervous about you floating this with the other parents how did you kind of mention it to them and what was their response was there any hesitation around this does there remain any hesitation around this being the sponsor of the team i think there remained some

confusion around what tbtl is i mean join the club yeah exactly take a number uh and even your banner at the stadium just says tbtl doesn't say dot net doesn't say it's a podcast and so um you know when people see our jerseys with tbtl on they come up to us like what is that mean is it a typo so i had to go through that uh is it a typo i really had to tell them don't worry about it yes so you're learning perfect answer yes if you want to hear a three-hour conversation about bay leaves to be honest uh the families have been super into it once we kind of explained what was going on and how it worked um you know people have been so on board um good it certainly helps that you are a name in portland uh and i would say oh did you all know luke burbank you might have heard him on the radio and people go oh yeah i'm like well it's not the radio thing

oh so it's the podcast it's the tv thing it ain't that either yeah right no some golem that he keeps

in the basement literally that's funny well you know i i'm sure all of our families get up and watch sunday morning together as family uh yeah it's a new church good thing yeah yeah so anyway No, folks have loved it, and I have shared the update with families, and I know the kids love hearing their names and getting the shout-outs. And I'll tell you, Andrew, I listened to the last shout-out you did for us, I think maybe on Friday, and I was moved. That was the first one I didn't write myself, and I was really moved, let's just say. They are fantastic kids. They are there for the right reasons to have fun and to learn some skills, but they're all really really good kids and really caring and um yeah this is like the highlight of my summer maybe my entire year is coaching these kids every year well i wanted

if you don't mind me saying luke too because i don't i don't know if we're about to say the same thing but you did sort of mention and i don't even know if our listeners knew what you just revealed luke that we would had been in talks with another team up here and i'll just even i hope it's okay to say this luke in the

They were somewhat concerned about the explicit label on our podcast.

Which we didn't even, I think, well, that's not true. We remembered it was there, but we couldn't figure out how did it get there, whose choice was that.

Who left this E here? But I did want to say, though, and Luke, I know I said this to you off air. You sometimes will talk about, I think you call it the perhaps principle, like something doesn't work out, but it turns out to be something really good in the long run. And I could not feel more strongly about that in this case. Absolutely. The thing we ended up with with you guys and the Junior Sluggers down in Portland is the perfect match, and I'm so glad these are the kids that we ended up with, and I'm so glad that you guys just happened. I mean, Luke, weren't you literally at a party with Ben, and you were just like, yeah, I guess we're not going to sponsor a team this year, and Ben was just like, well, you could sponsor my team.

No, what I did was dangled the offer to Ben, and then rescinded the offer, and then dangled it to my former Little League, and then was shot down by them, and then re-dangled it to Ben.

And then crawled back on your hands and knees. And like a small, sad puppy, I came back to you.

But, Andrew, you couldn't be more right. Well, I'm going to stop short of saying things happen for a reason because I legitimately do not believe that principle. But in this case, this worked out so well, and I hope we do this next year. And, again, I was just like, I was in such a good mood all of Saturday. Even Costco couldn't bring me down because of just what a delightful scene it was. And, Ben, the coaching, it really suits you, man. Those kids obviously love you. You're really in your element. The parents there were a delight. The nachos were perfect. It was an absolutely perfect day. I did ask for extra cheese on my nachos, which is pretty low when we're talking about this whole thing being a fundraiser.

It really put a hit on the league finances. We're going to have to have an emergency fundraiser for it.

Yeah, try to pass some kind of a levy or a special bond to keep the league going. So just one more time, the tournament's on Tuesday? It's on Tuesday evening. And is that the whole thing? Is Tuesday the last day of the season regardless of what happens, or do you keep playing if you win?

It is a double elimination tournament, so we keep playing until we lose twice. Oh, wow. So we'll see. I think it's scheduled to go three weeks. Oh, man. So you might get three more weeks of updates from us.

Oh, that would be great.

Go Sluggers. Yeah, indeed. Well, Ben, I know you have to go because right now you're doing this coaching thing really as a kind of avocation and not a vocation. But, you know, dare to dream. I think one day you'll be able to – we'll take this whole thing pro. But in the meantime, thank you for – thanks for jumping on. Thanks for strapping in the uniform. Even though there's no – I tried to get Becca to take a picture of you. She said, I'm not even at the building with him. What are you talking about? So we'll just have to take your word on it that you got the powder blue socks pulled all the way up.

And I will get a picture of myself next to the coaching game and send it off. Perfect. I am a sight to behold.

You really are. Really. It's real get down off that shed kind of energy.

Anyway, all right. Thanks, Ben. Well, thanks for everything, Ben. Well, thank you, guys. It's been so fun this season, and it's not over yet.

We was hoping for some razzle-dazzle. Razzle-dazzle. That's right, man. Razzle-dazzle.

On your mark. On your mark. Get set. Get set. Now ready. Ready. Go. Everybody rattle, dattle.

Hey, let's thank some dazzling donors. You want to talk about paying it forward, Andrew. Because of these dazzling donors, we're able to run this little business called Too Beautiful to Biz. And then Too Beautiful to Biz is able to make a strategic investment in the Parkside Little League of East Portland. Pretty cool.

Absolutely. And, you know, I think the important thing is we're getting our name out there, Luke. I mean, this is good. I mean, I know that you're very mission focused. You want to support the little sluggers and, you know, enhance youth sports in the community. I'm more like we get that TBTL banner up there. We are getting our name out there. Next thing you know, we're 99% visible to the world.

That's a great name for a podcast. Yeah, it is. It's folks like Susan Thaler. It's our buddy Susan in Shrub Oak, New York. Mother of Ruby, although I don't want that to be the only way that we think of Susan. Long time, long suffering supporter of the program Susan in Shrub Oak, New York, who says, Hi, all. I am so happy to continue donating at the dazzling level, but especially this year. Major kudos to Luke, Andrew, and hometown hero John. Go Huskers. John Hale's from the New York State region originally. So I guess that is, he must have been from somewhere near Shrub Oak. I guess so. And I don't know what the Huskers are. Is that maybe the local team there, the local high school?

Corn Huskers, yeah.

You had Nebraska, the Shrub Oak, Nebraska. Huzzah also to all the 10s for making this possible. The 10s have always been an amazing community, but now I believe we should all feel super happy of ourselves. I, for one, am thrilled to be free of dog food and used car ads. Let's hear it for listener support and no ads. On that note, allow me to take a moment to insert my annual plug for my 11s small business, Moonlight Marine. Yeah. Dan, who is also Ruby's dad, that's something Susan is mentioning.

Ruby's Pop.

She says Ruby's Pop, yes.

I love that. I love Pop as a nickname for a father figure. I call my dad Pops.

That's my preferred default kind of way to talk to him via text and things like that. Like, hey, Pops, the person from Mazada can hear you saying that's BS.

They can hear you, Pops.

I like to call my dad Daddy. Dan handcrafts the most beautiful wooden kayaks, canoes, and paddle boards. They really are works of art. He also repairs and restores small watercraft of all kind, not just wooden ones. And he can complete your unfinished wooden boat project. Hmm. I can't imagine that happening to anyone. I can't imagine me buying all the supplies to craft my own wooden boat and then completely running out of gas on it, literally and figuratively. Check out MoonlightMarine.net. That's MoonlightMarine. oneword.net today to get a glimpse of the boat of your dreams and thanks again to everyone who is keeping this thing going love you all now um last year and probably the year before andrew i clicked on this link to moonlight marine i will say what i probably said last year which is holy moly these

are beautiful beautiful works of art yes i was going to say the same thing and i know that we've mentioned this before and um and we click on the links but it's worth a click so i'll give that email address one more time moonlightmarine.net and we all know that dot net is the cream of the crop when it comes to websites tbtl.net yes moonlightmarine.net etc um and just check out the photos of these boats like like you both say they are they are works of art thank you so much

susan everyone go to moonlight marine buy a kayak thank you for supporting tbtl we do we could not be here without you couldn't be doing the show without you so thank you maestro on your mark

on your mark get set get set now ready ready go everybody rattle it's karen mcmanis another

familiar name of karen seattle washington karen says i've been listening since the radio days i started donating long ago and as my crappy journey with ill health progressed oh cancer Sorry Karen I found TBTL to be more than just entertaining It was a consistent, insightful, humorous And poignant balm Well, I am cancer free And now I just listen to TBTL Because it brings me pure joy Oh, that's such a good outcome To that story, Karen Yeah, thanks for including that Really glad that you can I mean, in as much as this show can be enjoyed Whatever one's health status is I'm glad that you're getting to enjoy it now purely on that level and not as a way of of trying to distract your mind from other things

that are really really stressful and no joke i mean not to i don't know if this is really worth saying but is anything i say um i'm glad that tbtl doesn't have a negative connotation to you because it's something that you would associate during a really painful part of your life a tough part of your life i could see you maybe right us reminding you of that and i'm glad that that is

not the case i appreciate it yeah i i yeah i'm trying to think if there's anything i mean fortunately i haven't been through anything as serious as what karen is describing but i'm trying to think if there's some sort of pop culture that i was consuming a lot during one part of my life that i just kind of swerve on now because it reminds me there is some music there is some music that i listened to a lot maybe as certain relationships were kind of in their you know ending phase if you will and i do think that probably i would be disinclined to put that music on because it would kind of take me back to that time so like i'm i may never be able

to go back and listen to hip-hop nation because i'll think of it as the time i suffered from carpal tunnel syndrome and i listened i was listening to a lot of serious radio right exactly

so that's really burned for you but luckily tbtl is not burned for karen karen says um if possible Please don't ever stop doing what you're doing to cure whatever ails, whomever. I love you guys.

Karen, thank you so much. Karen, we love you. Yes.

Don't ever stop doing what you're doing. And I don't just mean supporting us financially, although thank you for that. I just mean being amazing like you are. So thanks, Karen. We couldn't do this without you either.

Just listen to your soul. Just remember that life is number one. You can be having so much fun. Just remember that life is much fun. You can be number one.

All right, Luke, before we get into today's Blur's Days, Do you have an update for us on your furniture situation? Do you have a fish on the line?

I've got a couple of, let's see.

TVTL breaking news.

The person who had checked in about the chairs, who I said sounded a little bit, well, I think I can say this. I feel okay saying this. Their first name is Ladybug. Okay. And they have responded asking if I'm available this weekend. I believe Ladybug That's a reasonable response

I honestly think that if somebody Were trying to create a fake A fake profile Or a fake name in order to scam Somebody I don't think they would choose Ladybug I actually think that's solid

Yeah I think so too

As your attorney

Right like that is a Definitely like That's one of those names that if you were trying to just fly under the radar You're not going with Ladybug Right, exactly. I love that. And then somebody else who was asking about the couch, they're offering to come by this morning, which didn't happen because we're working and I frankly wasn't checking it. But that sounds also pretty promising. So by Monday, I may be done with, I may have all of this stuff out of my house. I may be able to give you a full, and I may have my relationship with Facebook Marketplace may have been fully repaired.

So these two people you're mentioning Ladybug and the couch person At least one of them is one of the Let's say live, laugh, love people Ladybug The couch person is a new

The couch person was just somebody else who I was Corresponding with on here but I had gotten so

In your head

Discombobulated and so in my head about it And so weakeneded That's how you pronounce it, weakened because it's missing an E I'd gotten so weakeneded That you know

Yeah. Well, good luck with that, Luke. Let's wish some people some happy Blurses here. Let's do it, man. But seriously. Gotta let it build, though. Gotta let it establish the mood. Okay, get back into Blurs Day mode. Hey, Luke, I celebrated a Blurs Day last night along with our friend Katie. As we said, happy Blurs Day to our friend Liz. Luke, you know Liz, our pal up here in North Seattle. Of course. Katie sent in an official Blur's Day message that says, Happy Blur's Day to Liz, a gal who shows up for friends, family, and her community every day. Congrats on a new and well-deserved job and to a fun year ahead. Yes, hopefully without carpal tunnel flare-ups. Liz last night at her birthday gathering was giving me kind of hands-on carpal tunnel advice, Luke. Little exercises and stuff I can do. I appreciate that. And Katie goes on to say, you are the bee's knees, and I'm lucky to have known you since 1992. Nice. Happy birthday, Liz. And yeah, let me echo that. Congratulations on the new gig.

Now, Katie does owe Liz this message because I believe Liz did join us on a mission once to retrieve Katie's belongings.

Yeah, that came up. Yeah, that came up. I believe it's referred to as the knight of the missing purse or something like that in local parlance. Happy birthday, Liz. And Lisa says, I am, by the way, short Blur's Day list today. Only these two Blur's Days. Lisa says, I am writing to wish my actual friend Maya a happy TBTL Golden Blur's Day. Her birthday is on the 23rd, which if my calculations are correct, you'll be reading this on the 23rd, which is the day you'll read this, which makes it her Golden Blur's Day. I think listeners now have to remind us what Golden Blur's Day means.

Yeah, and remind me again, so explain that.

Okay, so it's confusing because I've brought up the topic of golden birthdays, and that's like if you're turning 16 on the 16th of February, or if you're turning 32 on the 32nd of March, that would be your golden birthday in popular culture. but a golden blurs day means your birthday actually falls on the Thursday in which we read it and so in this case today the 23rd of May the year of our Lord 2024 is Maya's golden blurs day Maya is a great friend she is fun to talk to you and one of those former colleagues you are thrilled to still be in touch with I hope she has the best of blurs days with her kiddos and her 11 happy blurs day Maya Mm-hmm. all right luke that's it short blurs day today but i think that's probably good news for you because you were telling me that you got to get out of there race up here to seattle you're going to be on wait wait uh don't tell me tonight and i think you said that you have a lot of work to do so uh let's leave it there for today happy blurs day everybody and and luke you get yourself on

the road absolutely thank you very much everyone for listening maybe i'll see some of you i'll be the deer in the headlights if you need me. And for the rest of you who aren't going to make it, I will see you tomorrow right here on the Imaginary Radio because we've got a show coming your way. In the meantime, have a great Thursday. Go Mariners. There are like eight innings through the game right now because of the time it started. And also go Little Sluggers. We'll see you tomorrow. In the meantime, please remember no mountain too tall. And good luck to all.

usually I don't think my brother's that much funny but I gotta give him some credit for that one that's a pretty good spoof power out