Muse

Welcome to our newest debater, Tina. Thanks, Mr. DeSanto. You know most of these jokers. Larry's our policy ace, Zach's a research machine, and Todd's a ninja with sarcasm. Sarcasm, huh? Any good? No, I'm terrible. Oh, that's too bad. Ugh, I was doing it! TBTL!

What will your first sequence of the day be? Do we have any, uh, new sequences? I have a beta sequence I've been working on. Would you like to see it? They had been posting their stuff out on the internet, and apparently they'd been met with virtually nothing but ridicule. Hey, Paul. I'm Tane, your latest dancer. I can't wait to entertain you. Now, Tane, I can get into. I'm sorry, who are you?

I was asking myself that same question, and I did not like the answer.

I should not have brought up baseball. I understand. My mistake. My mistake. You've got to know your craft.

Anybody know what this is? Huh? All of this is the digestive system. And now we're going to have a couple of guys who's going to give us a presentation about what happens when the digestive system isn't working properly.

All right, hello, good morning, and welcome everyone to a Wednesday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. Be careful, though. It's spicy. My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host. Oh, yeah, buddy. Coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio perched high above the mighty Columbia, where as you're hearing this, maybe the weather has improved a little bit, but as I'm recording this, it is still just storming. It is windy. It is rainy. I am wearing a jacket indoors to do the podcast. But we're going to push through, friends, and we're going to bring you episode 4,221 in a collector's series. Let the fun begin. Something has happened recently to both J-Lo and the Black Keys, and it's basically my idea of a living stress dream.

I am petrified, petrified with this story.

And explains why TBTL will never embark on a nationwide stadium tour because of the anxiety that I would feel around that entire production. We will get into that. And also a baseball player for the Oakland A's cost himself $750,000 over a lapse in judgment. I wish I hadn't done that. That I want to get into because I don't know. I'm kind of siding with the player a little bit. Anyway, we'll talk about that too. Oh, and we're going to talk to this guy, longest running co-bro of the show.

Oh my God. He unmuted.

Maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships, their grace, and their power. He's Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

Good morning, Luke. I don't want to tell the people who sell lettuce how to do their jobs. They seem to be doing pretty good, right? Like, lettuce, it's flying off the shelves. I don't think they're struggling.

I mean, I think they could probably use a little rebranding. No one's excited about lettuce. I'm saying it serves a function, but nobody's like, you know, great news. I just got the lettuce. Like, that's never the thing you're reporting to your partner when you're at the store. I secured the lettuce.

Unless it's that live lettuce stuff that's, what is it, butter? Is it called butter lettuce?

Yeah, but you know, I've learned you can buy butter lettuce that doesn't have a giant clod of dirt attached to it, and that's my new favorite.

That's your new favorite. You like the food without the dirt.

Yeah, I'll leave that to the professionals. The dirt inclusion. I would like to just have the butter lettuce. I literally didn't know you could get butter lettuce by itself. Nor did I.

I thought it was always living lettuce or whatever they call it for real.

Oh, they've got, you can get it clean as your mama's forehead at the Safeway in my town. And that is the lettuce I go to now.

Is it still, though, is it still, are they individual leaves when it's sold all cleaned up like that? Or is it still like sort of a head of lettuce or still a ball of lettuce just without the dirt? It's not a ball. Okay.

It's like they're, you know, there's that area of the, of the loose. that area of the store now that has all of the boxes of salad fixings. Yes, okay, gotcha. And it's just in there with all the other stuff, but it's just butter lettuce. It feels like a treat, though. To this day, it feels fancy, as my friend Brianne would say.

It feels like farting through silk. It is nice. I like to make these little like chicken wraps with it. I had never even been to, what's the very popular Asian chain restaurant that has very famous... Panda Express? No P.F. Chang's P.F. Chang's They have some sort of special lettuce wrap

It's funny because I was trying to make a joke there About Panda Express But then I realized, eh, ain't that much different than P.F. Chang's

I mean, yeah, P.F. Chang's tends to – it's supposed to be a slightly finer dining experience, I suppose. Yes, it's supposed to be fancy.

You know because they have two giant stone horses outside of the restaurant.

Ah, that's – two horses says it all.

Two horses pretty much says it all.

Whereas P.F. Chang's is more like you get at the mall or like there's one in the grocery store. No, no, no. Panda Express is at the mall. I'm sorry. Panda Express, right there.

Andrew, Suja for what?

Oh, there it is. That's our show time. But are you talking about Suja, the juices that just bought the rights to slice, Luke? What an interesting callback. Yep, that's exactly what I'm talking about. But I almost wonder if that could be a— Do they serve that at Panda Express? I don't know. Could that be a show title today? Suja, me for what? Huh, interesting that you would say that. Okay, so I'm actually very insecure about where I'm going with this now. It feels a little bit hacky, a little bit bitty, but the bit might not pay off. But I was making myself some lunch yesterday, and my usual lunch now— actually, you might find this somewhat interesting. pretty solidly now and about one day a week i'll run out and i'll grab some like teriyaki or something but almost every day of the week when i get done with tbtl i make myself a can of campbell's chicken noodle soup or something along those lines um and a half of a sandwich on like kind of generic white bread and uh it's usually like turkey with some uh well lettuce and a very thinly sliced cucumber and mustard and that's my little lunch for the day until I get hungry an hour later and eat the rest of what's in the fridge um but yesterday I was making myself my little half a sandwich and I was using the lettuce now I buy romaine lettuce I don't know if you go

for that often you know it's it's not my go-to I do enjoy it there's really no lettuce uh that I don't enjoy um but but I don't purchase a lot of romaine unless I'm making something that calls

for romaine lettuce but you can picture romaine i buy these little bags in fact this this particular stuff was artisan romaine lettuce so it's like it comes with two little romaine heads in there

and they're more like teardrop shape and that's ideal by the way for i think romaine lettuce is the go-to for any kind of like wrapped little thing you're describing because it's got a pretty

decent structural thing going it does have decent structure again i use butter lettuce for that because that really is like a nice little cup but you're right this could also and that's kind of what I'm getting at here, is it said across the top of the bag, like, you know, it's a bag of lettuce, right? It's two little hearts of romaine or whatever. What could it cost, Michael? What could it cost? $10? Probably. In this economy,

Becca said that she saw peanut butter that was $25.

Oh my god. Well, Becca's probably also shopping at like the high-end healthy

stores. Oh man, she's, well, she does buy very healthy food, but she is very, very dialed in on price. I told you, she reported to me that the bananas at Trader Joe's had gone up by I believe, something like six cents. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was tracking that. It was a small amount. She knows what everything costs. I do think it was some kind of artisanal peanut butter, but regardless, $25 for peanut butter just seems like a lot.

Yeah, definitely. And also, I'm a bottom feeder when it comes to that. I tried to inch my way up into the echelons of the peanut butter that you have to mix together that's a little bit less sugar. And honestly, it was Genevieve who was like, get that out of my life. Or if you can buy that, but you're still going to buy Jif for me.

And so that's the more oil that has settled on top of the peanut butter, the the the better. I'm sure there's some cross. I mean, both you and Genevieve did graduate from college, but I'm sure there's some sort of like social science. What is the if you have peanut butter where the oil is separated from the peanut butter? What does it predict? What else does it predict about your life?

Right. New Yorker radio listening. New Yorker subscription. Yeah. Tote bag. Exactly. Whatever.

They should actually study that. Nate Cohn should study this. Look at that and tell us what that tells us about the election.

That's a really good one. Do you think there is any do you think I don't even want to do this. Do you think there is anybody who voted for Trump who also buys peanut butter that you have to mix together that has oil and the solid?

Yes, because of like the tabby gulcer, the, you know, whatever intent. What's it? Tulsi Gabbard? yeah like tulsi gabbard can they are the people that rfk jr okay is stealing away from trump i mean he's maybe stealing more people away from biden but like there is this lunatic fringe where there's like a little bit of overlap of like kind of i don't know what you would call

california health mindedness that that started the vaccine denial exactly for covid but now

because they've spent too much time watching dale big tree videos on youtube i don't know who that But I like it he's a he's got a great name, but a really bad take on vaccines Andrew. Uh-huh. He's like Somebody that I let me just put it this way. Let me be vague somebody that I know very well Andrew is good friends with someone who's often Trying to blow this person who I love very much blow their mind with information about the, you know, vaccine and other such things as delivered to them by one Dale Bigtree.

I might have run into that person somewhat recently. I meant to ask. No, no, I wouldn't have. Okay. Okay, I got you.

You don't know that guy.

Okay. Or you don't know this person. I don't know this person. Anyway, God damn, let me just finish the stupid lettuce take because we can get out of the way. But I just noticed at the top of the bag that it sort of said, like, good for sandwiches, wraps, and tacos. And I was kind of like, yeah, we know what lettuce is good for. That's my bit. I feel hacky. But I was just kind of like, but do we need to put on the bag of lettuce what lettuce is good for? Do we still need that part of the educational experience around lettuce? I think if we're in the lettuce aisle, we know what we're there for, right?

Does NPR need to tell me that psyllium is something that helps move stuff through my digestive tract? I don't know. We're fans of over-explaining things in life.

Well, psyllium, I wouldn't have known that unless NPR had been battered.

Psyllium rabbit.

Unless it had been battered. Wait, we already have a show title. It was entered smoothly into the record a little bit ago. Don't worry.

Tomorrow I'll just mention psyllium rabbit truth.

I do think that that is, let me look this up. I think that there is a psyllium rabbit TBTL show title already. Oh, my gosh.

I'm getting it slightly wrong, but there is this weird, they're not running it as much anymore, but NPR's national underwriting for a while was explaining, over explaining what psyllium does in the human digest it was basically selling i think a fiber supplement that which is different than a laxative right it's five is a fiber supplement a laxative the same i feel like laxatives just kind of make you go but a fiber uh supplement helps uh it a more be a more productive event right when i'm not sure i think they both um have the power to move

yeah but i don't know if that you know that was juicy fruit as far as i'd heard you're right i'm sorry i meant is there a psyllium rabbit i meant double mint gum um i actually i'm not getting psyllium rabbit i could have sworn we've spoofed on that oh wait how do you spell psyllium though i think i'm spelling do you spell it with a p is a psyllium oh you know what that's what they

should have explained because i have no idea i'm going to ask becca on text because she knows all this stuff what was that over explanation of psyllium they did on npr now i think psyllium

is filled with an s and i don't have any evidence of us already using that show title so we might have to might have to well just wait for tomorrow everyone okay smoothly lay it into the record

again yeah so anyway you felt like we generally should know what are the things that here's here's Not to be no but.

No, it was a stupid bit.

But I do think they must think there's a couple. Well, how about this, Andrew? I got a joke for you.

Okay, good.

I got a joke for you.

Is it observational humor, like my attempt at being Seinfeld there?

Yeah, it's a little. What's the deal with writing on lettuce? Yeah, exactly. It's more kind of like, why don't they make the whole airplane out of the black box?

Why don't they make the airplane food out of the black box? Yeah, exactly.

Andrew what's the difference between curtains and toilet paper

I get in trouble when I I don't know what it was you curtains what's the difference between I get jokes sure I don't know the difference between curtains and toilet it was you I get it how did that come into your life

probably tiktok or something okay i was really debating between other products like the way i saw it on tiktok was curtains and toilet paper and so i um uh that's what i went with but i was considering something else i don't know a bath towel and toilet paper yeah but then i thought

maybe that towel would be better actually you think bath towel would be better i think it took me a long yeah because it's like in what situation do you have the curtains that close yeah right

you're like thinking about who of the things people would use instead of toilet paper Curtains are not on the list. So let's try this again.

Well, honestly, and you know what really threw me there? I don't know if this does me any favors, but I thought the U in curtains was part of it. I thought it was a joke about the way one is spelled or something. And so if you go with a towel, it doesn't have the letter U in there.

Gotcha, gotcha. Okay, hey, Andrew. What's the difference between toilet paper and a bath towel?

I didn't shit on the toilet paper. you know i deserve that do we have to mark the show as explicit now i will tell you how becca

punished me for that joke we're very liberal in our relationship with the like uh x you know the exclamation points and the ha-has and the hearts and the things on the message and uh that one got an exclamation point it did

didn't get a ha-ha. Oh, interesting. But how do you... Wait, wait, wait. What is the proper way... Oh, I guess there's an emoji of somebody cry laughing is really... If you have to answer with an emoji, that's the one you're looking for there.

Right, but also we do a lot of just... You can press the message and then just do ha-ha

on the message. Oh, ha-ha is one of the options on... Yeah, like H-A-H-A.

And so that's just for whatever reason what we tend to do. I did get into a thing on Hawk Squad with Susie B recently about she was unclear that when I emphasized something I was agreeing with her. So you can emphasize something by putting exclamation marks on it. Yeah, like the two

red exclamation points, which is it leaves a lot for interpretation, I feel like. Because it's not necessarily agreement all the time it's just like, whoa, that's something it's emphasized.

I use it to mean I see you and I hear you, and I agree with that. I'm emphasizing this, I'm underlining this, I'm saying, yes this I agree with is that's how I intended but clearly you and my mom have a lot in common um I'm just trying to think that you both love me very much but we're disappointed um

you just had so much potential um I'm just trying I'm sorry I'm trying to think about the exclamation points they have always seemed somewhat non-committal to me and again I'm not saying that I am I'm not arguing my point here I'm saying I appreciate you um bringing me into the fold for calling me in here but like there is something about it like I sort of feel like let's let's go with the our sports uh chain uh you know a text chain with our sports friends whatever maybe there's the fun loving criminals forever in my heart I don't care they've been changed to PNW sports yes boy Kremen has not come back for a guest producing gig yet this season almost every season since his retirement relatively young we're about a third in I was just doing the math earlier today um but uh he usually comes back and everybody gets really excited and they're like oh kevin cremin's back and he's up producing us this with those restaurant reviews with the restaurant reviews and his love of coasters that guy is he's like bill brasky do i have that really is he drives an ice cream van covered in human skulls the legend of kevin cremin is so large um but anyway so let's say that you and me and the gang are all chopping it up in the in the heat of a mariners game maybe and i tweet out like a really hot take like yeah i don't i don't care julio should go down to the minors right like yeah you some like i could see like maybe your brother sammy giving that two exclamation points and i wouldn't necessarily be like oh sammy agrees with me but sammy's just like whoa look at this guy but maybe you would just do two

eyeballs for that the problem i think the issue is i don't like the thumbs up it feels very patronizing uh now all of this is interpreted through the fact that you have a different kind of phone than i do so i don't know what this all looks like on your phone yeah but if those look about the same the little thumb the exclamation point so when someone says something and i do a thumbs up on it that feels very withholding to me like hmm great really you see the thumb as being sarcastic i don't i don't intend it to be sarcastic and i don't from other people i don't always interpret it as sarcastic i i understand intellectually that it just means i agree with you but there's something about just like uh uh hey we should uh you know let's all maybe if it's something very practical like let's meet at 7 p.m outside the stadium then a thumbs up is fine but there are other things that are a little bit more of a gray area where it's like you know some sort of a thing where i and in fact i can't find it because it was weeks ago and there's so much Chatter on hawk squad constantly, but what it was was something that I felt like some my mom had said something probably about the Mariners and Or something and then it felt to me like to put a thumbs up on it might just be kind of like hmm Yeah, thumbs up which felt sarcastic so I emphasized it to be like I agree with you And again, maybe that's only my reading of what the exclamation marks mean But then my mom then wrote this big long explanation of what she had been saying in the previous She was trying to clarify for me, and I said, no, Mom, the exclamation marks to me mean I agree with you. But maybe I'm the only person who uses them that way.

I'm actually typing in, what do exclamation marks mean in text chat? It all just says an emphasis is being made. It can represent strong emotions such as surprise, anger, or happiness. So that really spreads the gamut there.

You know what there appears to be no digital footprint for, Andrew, I learned during yesterday's show? guy punching out hat

at horse race I did a very brief search on that in the moment if I try googling during the recording process is a little bit of a risky bet for me right I can give it a quick go but if I don't get a result pretty early on it's not your best work

or mine definitely like it's not that's a Thank you.

we're, we're half distracted when we're doing that. And like, if you maybe sat down at the computer later on, you could find something, but I, a cursory search did not return anything. And I know it happens in movies, but, uh, when you Google that right now, you just pretty much get feedback feedback's the wrong word. You pretty much just get information about fights. People have gotten into at the Kentucky Derby where they punched people.

Right. Or I thought I typed in a hat and I got some guy named, named like Jimmy the hat, who was giving a lot of gambling advice. Did you get that as well? No.

Wait, let me see. But I could use it.

Yeah, you know what?

As could Oakland A's Michael Kelly.

Yeah. Do you want to get into that now?

Should we shift right into that? Why not? Hey, by the way, psyllium is spelled with a P. P-S-Y-L-L-I-U-M. This is all by way of Becca. I asked her about the ad. She goes, oh, yes, psyllium traps food in the digestive system, question mark, because that was part of the explanation of what psyllium did.

That's so funny. We began today's show with a little drop of saying we're going to talk to two fellows who would tell you what happens when the digestive system doesn't work.

Maybe that was in the back of my brain somewhere. Have you been hearing about this scandal, this baseball betting scandal?

I only heard about the guy who has lost the right to be in the MLB altogether. He's not an Oakland A, I don't think, right?

He's a something else, and I think he was kind of – he's on another team. I think he was kind of a journeyman who actually had torn his ACL. And so, again, what I've learned about these leagues is they'll kick you out for life if you are not. If you're the NBA and you're the G League, Michael Porter Jr.'s brother got banned for life. But he also was not, you know, Luka Doncic. Or he wasn't Michael Porter Jr., his brother, who's really good. Like, I wonder how these leagues will discipline people when the when they when they're like the most famous people in these leagues right now, everyone getting kicked out for sports gambling. They're always someone who had like a cup of coffee in the big time. So the guy who got banned for life, I don't think has been in the in the majors for a while anyway and had suffered an injury like a torn ACL or something.

That's why Manfred Mann would have like taken the fall for a shot for a Tani if need.

Did you mean to call him Manfred Man? Because that's incredible.

No, I didn't.

That is his new name. Your new name is Manfred Man.

You know that that's what some people call the ghost runner, right? Because that rule change happened under Manfred. No, but that's genius. So they call him ghost runners, zombie runners, or the Manfred Man, depending. Wait, what's Manfred's first name? Why am I blanking on the commissioner's first name? Whatever. Rob. Rob Manfred, the commissioner. Manfred Man.

I would describe Rob Manfred as blinded by the light.

I'll never, I don't think we'll ever truly know what went on with Ohtani. I assume that he's relatively innocent. Yeah, that's right, because the police department released all of the investigation records, and it does seem like Ohtani was innocent of any actual gambling. But even if he wasn't, my point before was Rob Manfred would have been like, I hacked Ohtani, and I should be punished, but keep him in the game. Like, there's no way NLB would have done anything because they need Ohtani in the game to keep an audience.

yeah so there but but you know because of the per the proliferation of these sports betting apps and things these leagues are getting concerned they both you know want to i mean they don't directly benefit from the sports betting apps other than all the ad money but they they probably sort of love it in a way because it's more attention on what they're doing and again all of the games all of the tv ads are bought up now by like these these sports betting apps but they're also worried about another chicago black socks style scandal and so they're trying to be very very serious with people that are maybe not even in the league like that's who they're really interested in getting rid of this guy from oakland michael kelly has been suspended for one year for gambling listen to this though this is from san francisco gate sf gate it's gabe layman writing in 2021 oakland a's reliever michael kelly made a few baseball bets totaling less than 100 dollars it's going to cost him 7 500 times that amount on tuesday mlb announced it was suspending five players including kelly for betting on baseball while kelly was one of four players suspended for a year san diego padres infielder uh to capita marcano received a lifetime ban for his gambling activity that's like obviously the lifetime guy according to mlb's investigation kelly then a minor leaguer in the houston astros organization placed 10 baseball bets in october of 2021 kelly did not appear in any of the games he bet on and the league noted there was no evidence to suggest games were compromised in any way the total amount of money kelly wagered came to just 99.22 mlb says kelly won a total of 28.30 from the bets but he is now suspended for an entire year

for an entire year imagine if that's what they're doing for people who bet less than a hundred dollars imagine what they would do to a bunch of players who cheated to end up winning the world series they must they must eat those guys from the game forever right and take away their uh world series trophy i mean they must i mean if they're going this hard after a minor leaguer who bet on a major league game the guy wasn't even allowed in the stadium without a ticket you know like i don't know maybe i'm naive i might be naive though because like i i really do find it hard to believe that someone would throw a game to me i mean that's what the big fear is right yeah that it once the camel's knows it's under the tent and you have these athletes these professional athletes or i guess even college athletes oh there is some indication of some college athletes betting on themselves in games or you know i honestly feel like if you're betting on your team to win i don't have any problem with that like i think you should be allowed to bet on your team to win in professional sports that's my biggest problem with the pete rose stuff by all accounts pete rose is kind of

a pos i don't mean point of sale since i've learned more about him i've yeah it's sort of changed my tune because i've always been like yeah he should just be in the hall of fame and

i'm like actually no he should but if maybe he seems like a bad guy but if but if i but if i understand right straight to jail straight to jail you are gambling on the reds straight to jail but like you are homophobic straight to jail you are signing autographs in a small storefront in atlantic city straight to jail which i believe is his current occupation but like the thing with p roses he just bet on the reds to win and like in a way aren't we all betting on ourselves to

win i mean literally a coach would say that right like i could see a coach in the locker room being like you gotta bet on yourself but don't literally bet on yourself because if you do you're gonna

get in trouble but you gotta bet on yourself like like when a player for instance is in a contract year sorry this is getting so x's and o's but um when a player is in a contract year and they decide to not sign re-sign a long-term contract it's described as betting on themselves Because what they're saying is, I'm going to play so well this season that lots of other teams will want me, and I'll be able to make a lot of money, so I'm going to risk it, and then I'm going to risk it for the biscuit, Andrew, as this one guy on TikTok who I watch, he just goes to a convenience store and buys massive amount of pull tabs, and it looks like money he might not need to spend on pull tabs. the way he opens the poll tabs is mesmerizing mesmerizing there's some kind i think it's like in ohio maybe or something somewhere in the kind of like midwest but like the southern part of the midwest where it's kind of like you know the southern midwest is the northern south a little appellation kind of thing going on and he like he the way that i'm gonna find this video i don't think i follow him but i don't want to do that to my algorithm but i'll find this video and send it to you the way he opens these things they're kind of stiff and fairly large cardboard things

are they the squares that have five yes and they come out of a machine right next to the register you know about these they have them here they have them at the at the smokehouse they're in ballard there's various machines there um let's see the fifth not the fifth av tav but the res has those old machines i love those pull tab machines they're great so he goes to this one

convenience store and he it's always got like a kind of a crinkly 20 maybe two 20s if it's been a good week and he uh buys these uh these uh whatever you call them pull tabs unfortunately they are rarely winners for him one time he won like 400 which i was like leave yes but um but he always just gotta risk it for the biscuit and i don't know why that makes me laugh but anyway uh players bet on themselves all the time by by saying i'm gonna play so well that i'm gonna earn myself. Wait.

Can you find him? I think he just said it. This is him, though. Oh, this is one of those automated ones. They have these manuals.

Just listen to the sound of this. Listen to him opening these things so fast,

by the way. This is the sound of them coming out of the machine right now, just shooting out. They're called pop tops here. He's got a camera man for this one. Yeah, always. Oh, yeah Now you gotta savor it, my dude. Oh, he's so young. He's the fastest gun in the West. He really is Wait, hold on. I wanna see if he said biscuit at the beginning of this. He doesn't say it every time.

Big 50!

Oh.

I'm about to risk it.

Okay. No, just risk it. He didn't say for the biscuit. Oh, oh, well, okay.

It's implied at this point at his brand. It's risk it parenthetically for the biscuit.

He's very, he's younger than I pictured him for some reason.

I don't even know what's going on in this convenience store because I feel like sometimes he works there that also appears to have some kind of a window where you can like pull up in your car and they'll hand you your like six pack of beer you bought. But he'll show up on like various conveyances and things like this, this, this, this like little grocery store appears to be grocery store. be over.

Overstating it this little whatever mini Mart appears to be really kind of like the centerpiece of this guy's existence And I I feel like there needs to be some sort of Paul Auster book Converted later into a film that's just about this store like in the style of like Movie that he made where Harvey Keitel is taking a picture of the same diner or whatever it is the same I think it's a it's like a cigar store or something. He takes a picture of it every day. I don't know that All that is to say, Andrew, I don't think it should be illegal to risk it for the biscuit on yourself. Like, what could you do if you're, let's just use Shohei Ohtani. If Shohei Ohtani is betting on himself, which there's no evidence he's doing. If Richard Jewell is betting on him, wait, what? If Shohei Ohtani is betting on himself and he loses, he just loses the money. Like, what could he do to mess up the game if he's betting, if he has money riding on the Angels winning the game? what could he possibly do that would be nefarious try harder like it does not compute to me why you shouldn't be allowed i do think it's wrong to bet against your team that you're playing in that's kind of dicey although the thing i go back to when people say like oh football it's the script it's rigged it's like football would be the hardest unless you were the quarterback it would be the hardest game to rig because just so many moving parts and you probably aren't in control of the important moving part again maybe if you're the kicker but everything has to line up to where you're the kicker you've bet against your team and now you're going to miss intentionally because you want to lose because that's where your bet is that might be you could get into

spreads there right like it's like you were just talking the other day sure said she dipped into the podcast and heard you explaining spreads to me um but um you know there is something about I understand I'm sorry I cut you off you're making your point but I mean I do understand that like it's not just hey I'm going to try harder to win but if you're on the mound there could be something where you bet on the team but you bet some spread in which case maybe you are going to back off a little bit you're not going to purposely lose the game but maybe not be quite as dominant I do kind of on the face of it understand why the punishment for betting on a game you're involved with no matter what your bet was should be more severe than you just betting on the sport in general i just think that there should be more degrees of of punishment and analysis of this

right like this guy michael kelly i mean can the oakland a's get a break i know that's the thing

that kind of really bumps me out i was like he was actually having a good season then i was like oh

he's with the a's now yeah he nearly doubled his previous inning total and was sporting an excellent 2.59 era this was probably this was the one good thing for the oakland athletics as they're about to go play at like a junior college stadium for two years like he gave a guy who's you know pitching better than expected or whatever and he was a minor leaguer in 23 years ago in the minors he put down a couple of bets on a major league game and that he wasn't playing in I mean it's like it just feels so minor to me so to speak that like I don't know I mean and this will just get us into the larger conversation that we've already sort of had which is that these leagues are so just so shameless they're just like they they're they're terrible organizations that i spend far too much of my time thinking about and they pretty much only do bad things um and they only they only punish the people that they feel like they can afford to punish and they you know all of the things that you you know as well andrew about like you're just like i hate these leagues so much and yet i'm paying them how many hundreds of dollars a month indirectly so i can watch their

baseball teams on root sports actually directly they own they own root sports well i'm paying comcast i guess oh that's where you're paying comcast and they own root but uh yeah i mean it's all just business decisions for them it's not about morality um at all but while i disagreed maybe or at least disagreed enough to cut you off um about the idea of like but you'll defend

to the death my right to risk it for the business i most certainly will voltaire i do think that

like this is way too extreme of a punishment like i think and i i even understand if you're trying to like you're trying to set a standard you're saying listen we we we are introducing betting into the game it's just kind of where we are as a society right now so we want to curtail any huge potential scandals i mean the fact that like you know how what a hundred just a hundred no how many was 120 years ago the black socks scandal no when was that luke i i don't know Anyway, a long, long time ago, the fact that you and I still know it as the Black Sox scandal underscores how betting can have a negative impact for generations on the sport.

1919, so a hundred and five years ago.

Yeah. So I understand them wanting to get ahead of things and maybe even like really set some, you know, pretty stiff penalties in order to send a message. But this is ridiculous. And again, especially when you compare it to the cheating scandal of the Astros of six years ago or whatever that was and how they handle these things. It's like it's really, really galling. And this one in particular, like I understand this was a roundup, like five. Didn't you just read that like five people were sort of punished in the sort of roundup of this crackdown? But like they shouldn't they should have all been considered individually. I mean, one guy is kicked out of the league for life. So I guess they were to a certain degree. But, like, I'm not saying that the guy who is, you know, just starting to find his footing as a pitcher for the aides should go totally unpunished. He should be fined something. You know what I mean? Something that he can afford.

They can give back the $99.

Right, exactly. But it was under $100. Like, it's so clear from the context of this. And it was under $100 on several bets. You know what I mean? It's not even like Shohei's interpreter who was clearly in.

$16 million is how the number they're floating.

Like, clearly, if this guy lost less, oh, and I think Warren is winning is like $28 or something. Like, he was doing it for fun, just for probably with some friends or something like that. In the minor leagues. Well, he was a minor league player. Like, just, like, consider the context of these things. This punishment is ridiculous.

Manfred Mann, you should be ashamed of yourself.

You're not the first to say that.

We was hoping for some razzle-dazzle. Razzle-dazzle. That's right, man. Razzle-dazzle.

On your mark. On your mark. Get set. Get set. Now ready. Ready. Go. Everybody rattle, dazzle.

Let's thank some dazzling donors. These fine folks are dazzling us with their donation of dough. They're making TV Teal possible. And we are forever in their debt. Katie Bracken, Tacoma, Washington. We are forever in your debt.

Indeed.

Indeed, Queen. Katie says, hey, dummies. I am so sad, embarrassed, and ashamed to admit that I am quite a bit behind on the program. Katie, let me tell you about structured debt and also declaring chapter, is it chapter 11? Is that what people declare on this show? There's different kinds, right?

People declare bankruptcy on the show. I don't know if it's chapter 8 or chapter 11. I don't know the ins and outs of that kind of structure. But yeah, you can.

Declare the kind where you can still live in your house, Katie. Yes.

But I own your house.

But you don't have to listen to. I feel bad when the show becomes work for the listeners and the donors. You can definitely declare bankruptcy. And it does not adversely affect your credit, I promise. I'm not on speaking terms with any of the three major credit reporting agencies.

But let's think about this for a second. I don't know if Katie's going to address this in her message. But think about that. This is a person who is donating incredibly generously to a show that she could otherwise get for free. I know we don't advertise that.

But we're not paywalled off. I'm hoping Katie has not run the math on this.

I mean, this is really mind-blowing. It always, as we say, is very mind-blowing and humbling when we realize that we're here because of the extreme generosity of dazzling donors like Katie. But in this case, Katie hasn't even caught up with the show, but Katie is donating this much money and time for writing a dazzling donor message for a show that she's a bit behind on anyway. But she believes so much in us arguing about baseball betting. Anyway, I appreciate it, Katie.

I think, Andrew, that Katie actually addresses some of these very issues in her message. She says, I regularly listened whilst driving to and from work, but my new job is less than 10 minutes drive from my house. Katie, what are you doing having a work-life balance and reducing your commute so as to have a more enjoyable life? What about us? I hope you all, let's see. Also, my grand kiddos, Owen and Maeve, moved back to Washington from Lakewood, Ohio.

Oh, nice.

And I'm happy to say they're filling a lot of my time up as well. Nice. Honestly, that's almost as important as this podcast, Katie.

Are they telling you stories of Lake Erie screw and chain link addiction? Let's hope not.

I was texting with someone, Andrew, who listens to the show, and they were saying, we were talking about something, and I brought up the topic of golf man.

Oh, yeah.

And I said, oh, back in the radio days, we had this guy, Golfman, and this person said, oh, yeah, yeah, no, I'm aware. Wait, you've been listening that long? And they said, yeah. And I was like, the amount of TBTL you've consumed, the amount of time that you've spent on the show is remarkable. And they said, yeah, ask my wife.

Now, I want to you might have information that I don't know. I do believe that Golfman started during the radio days of the Ross and Burbank show, not the radio days of TBTL, unless, you know, otherwise. I remember Golfman came on as a score. of like kind of the daytime talk shows when I was producing there and then carried over, we brought those messages over to TBTL and we would share them on the show. Does that, unless you have memories that I would not be privy to of the back in the TBTL radio days.

I have, I could be, I could be blending together people who really disliked the show because there was somebody that started a blog that was about TBTL that was Luke Burbank is the king of and then they used a very, very awful slur. And I can't remember if we thought that was Golfman and maybe that was the paint he was working with, the canvas he was using before he started emailing directly. I don't remember the exact timeline.

Based on my interactions with Golfman, I don't think he had the time or technical expertise. Yes, the inclination, but not the time nor the technical expertise to start a blog, I believe. Start a web blog. Remember, he would sign off with just like hitting the links now. Like he really was true to the golf man.

I believe his email was like golfman76.

Yeah, yeah.

Yahoo or something.

And he would write in these like flamey trolly things and then be like, and you probably couldn't even beat me at golf, tang me. Be like, well, why are you taking the golf thing?

I don't think I even knew that he had expanded to the wider Cairo universe. I just think of him as a very TBTL thing, but who knows? I don't want to get confident with my timelines because I'm always wrong about this stuff um here's what katie says i hope you all are doing great and living your best most authentic lives i'm so grateful to use guys and love being a part of this awesome community you've created and i promise to bring myself up to date i am a listener from day one and refuse to resign myself to tbtl bankruptcy so there you go andrew um if any of you follow my insta it's at thankful nurse you know i try to encourage uplift and love every day i just started following katie i'm hoping i'm approved trying to follow katie at thankful nurse uh so i'm uh sending lots of love good vibes and positive energy luke andrew and john and of course to all the tens all good things for 2024 be well power out emoji of the smiling face with the eyes closed and three hearts

around it yeah that's like a familial love i feel like it is that is don't put that in your sex I won't. I will stop doing that. I apologize.

I put that in one sext to you. It's sending a real beta vibe. I don't care how many eggplants you throw in afterwards. It's beta cuck town, bro, and you're the mayor.

Oh, I'm sorry, Katie. That was going so well. I went to beta town, and they all knew you. Oh, yeah, the beta cuck store called. They're running out of you. Katie, you'll never hear this That's the good news

Katie will never hear this And I think that's what's so great about this Katie, thank you, we appreciate you Maestro?

On your mark Get set Now ready Everybody rattle, dattle

Will you look who it is? It's our friend Jen Joyce In Seattle, Washington And known in some parts as Uber Jen Indeed Very, very early adopter of the show friend of the program organizer of things like porter of the show in so many ways uber rides for me and that time that we ate tacos and the uber offices in the smith tower and one of the worst photos of me ever existed because i was trying something new with my hair that did not work

that's so funny for the longest time when people would say hey do you have any photos of you guys there is this photo of you and me and i think you were wearing maybe a suit and i thought it was a nice photo of us and i would send you're like i hate that photo and i never understood why because i thought it was a nice photo but it's your hair that you don't i was going through a panicked phase

about my hair thinning and i thought maybe the solution would be to just like not put any product in it to just let it like wash it and then can put conditioner in it and then let it just kind of be real natural and like almost frizzy because i thought it would take up more space more real estate uh i did that for like three weeks including the event we did at the uber hq Or I think we had some stand-up comedy from drew if I remember right who is a colleague. Yeah, yeah, that's right Yeah, what a fun night. Anyway, Jen is the absolute best. We love her. Jen says hello tens I'd love to tell you about Carvana Pretty good spoof Jen. No, I'm sorry I mean making we're the first social marketplace app for makers crafters and artists currently beta testing There's that word again, Andrew.

I didn't know you were foreshadowing before. Congratulations.

Currently beta testing the full marketplace. So not only will designers be able to sell their PDF patterns, but makers can also sell their supplies and finished goods. It's a fab community that already includes fab tens. You can share picks and track details of your project. More features coming soon. making is built with a focus on people over profit it's a pretty special place i'm also the host of our podcast making conversation great title i know i was i was gonna say i didn't know

that jen was gonna mention her podcast i was gonna mention that as well i know that she hosts

their podcast i i see it on insta her podcast on tiktok now and i feel it feels like a star sighting i'm always starstruck yeah because i'm just scrolling scrolling scrolling scrolling then it's like there's our friend jen yep interviewing someone and um and i'm always like very excited by that um we spotlight incredible individuals powering our creative community dive into stories of craft and its history and explore issues deeply rooted in our values of diversity and inclusion all while sharing what it's like to build a startup at the intersection of technology and crafts you can find links and download the app and watch and listen to the podcast over i've already mentioned this at makingco.com it's makingco.com john is awesome yeah he is awesome he is and jen is awesome yes everybody go to makingco.com and uh interact with those folks support what they're doing let's um let's put the full let's put the full i was going to say force but that sounds aggressive let's put the full love of the tbtl community behind um making jen's project love it hello and welcome to top story so j-lo and the black keys have both canceled nationwide tours due to very low ticket sales you know i read about the

jlo thing in an article you say sorry i don't have to go into the whole details of it but i will i use a different web browser the only reason i use microsoft edge is for posting another podcast that i do i know that just sounds like a weird thing but for login purposes it's easier just to use like this microsoft product to to go to this one website and because i never use microsoft's web browser it just defaults to one of those i don't know if it's m is it still msn i think it's got a butterfly up there and it's a bunch of shitty headlines i've already you know i once was in a

shoot at microsoft where bill gates and steve ballmer were dressed up as versions of that

butterfly no really like one was half and the other was the other half and they came no they

just were both butterflies really yeah there was yeah this was so many years ago they you know microsoft i'm assuming they still do they had this big huge like all staff meeting that's like a huge production and um you know they rent out like climate pledge or whatever and and people you know come physically and zoom in and all that stuff and they also film all of this content for it and one year it was like movie parody for some reason and so they were like the men they were like men in black they were doing all these things and i forget i don't know how i don't even know if i was in the scene i don't think i was in the scene i was in the scene when they're like men in black or something but part of the whole video was them running around in butterfly outfits that

were based on that logo i um have you located the the video no i was just laughing i was like they could have been doing some sort of silence of the lambs thing with those butterfly outfits but honestly that gets really dark good guy it's really dark really quickly we all love hannibal i will say i appreciate the fact that both those guys in their own ways one way much crazier than the other did as public personas sort of didn't take themselves too seriously to do goofy things like that like gaves and i and after these messages not all that long ago revisited those what i thought were pretty good seinfeld um bill gates commercials that were really weird they're just hanging out in a mall together making like deadpan jokes does this ring a bell to you at all no i don't think i knew about that yeah and it's actually bill gates and seinfeld and it's it's really weird and it's weird are they ads for microsoft they are ads for yes some i can't remember if it was a specific Microsoft product at the time or like a new version of Windows or probably it was more broad than that. It might have just been some sort of like kind of general technology or something. So I guess they didn't really land the sale. But I remember Microsoft pulled away from them immediately as soon as they started to get some internet press of being like, these are weird and awkward and cringy. But like, they were cringy.

Oh, you mean like the videos that Carrie and I made that ended up on Fox Business News saying that we were making fun of the memory of Steve Jobs? Yeah, but these were good.

And like, no, these were really funny, like, but funny and awkward and weird. And I love that Bill Gates was willing to put himself out there. He does a little funny, like weird butt jiggle at one time. It's just like, it's really hard to explain. But like, and then Balmer, of course, is just like just straight up nutso in his own kind of shouty way. But I kind of I appreciate the fact that these are two of the most powerful, clearly rich, you know, men in the world at that point. But they're still going to just come to the all staff. dressed as butterflies. I'll give him credit for it.

Yeah, no, they were both reasonably nice to me. I remember it was the time, I don't think Bill Gates had stepped down, he'd stepped away, so Ballmer was now in charge, and you could really tell who was still in charge of the company and who was just kind of on Easy Street. Because I feel like my memory is Bill Gates shows up, and he's just kind of chilling, he's sitting on a couch somewhere, he's waiting for them to tell him what to wear or something. And I feel like Steve Ballmer, I've told the story a million times, But, like, there was multiple people on radios tracking Steve Ballmer's every single movement. Like, he's five away. He's three away. And this is, there's no way this is true. But this is, I swear, I close my eyes, Andrew, and I can picture this happening. Steve Ballmer, I think, notoriously loves Diet Coke. And my memory is that he literally walked into the room holding a Diet Coke. And when he was done with it, he just released the can and someone caught it. That's what it's like to be Steve Ballmer. There's a person assigned to just catch your empty Diet Coke can when you drop it. So I don't think that really happened But that's kind of what it felt like It's what they call a Balmer move Yeah, right? Balmer status Now, do you do know the greatest moment of Bill Gates in pop culture, though? Like, without... I mean, it's like number one with a bullet It's when he was being interviewed, I think, by Connie Chung And he offered... She asked him if he could jump over a chair

Mm-hmm, I vaguely remember this

Do you know this? If I remember right, he has the greatest line Like, this is like some probably early, like, you know, ABC, like 2020 Like, Microsoft is blowing up, but he's still a fairly young Bill Gates and probably seen as, like, a brash inventor or something. And I think Connie Chung says, like, is it true that you can jump over an office chair? And he says, well, it depends on the size of the chair.

I think I actually have, I literally have that. Not from the Internet, but from my actual audio archive here. I have Bill Gates' chair. It's four seconds long. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know. Is that what I just heard? I thought that was my computer misfiring, but here's what I have.

Is it true that you can leap over a chair from a standing position? It depends on the size of the chair.

And it's the most Bill Gates answer I love that

That's just such a logical answer to it Well, I mean, not if it's a novelty chair That's 11 feet tall

Now I want to watch

Hold on, I want to play the 18 second version I don't think there's anything more going on in the 18 second version But I just have it on YouTube I want to see if they include him jumping over a chair Because I do have a vague memory of that being memified too Like he does actually jump over a chair

Is it true that you can leap over a chair From a standing position? It depends on the size of the chair I'll cheat a little bit He jumps over the chair

And lands it pretty well

Yeah, and then the person who puts it on YouTube Then just slows it way down Him jumping over the chair It's pretty good, actually By the way, I guess Connie Chung Worked for CBS You'd think I would know that I should understand that inherently

Yeah, for some reason I would have had her as NBC But all of that is to say And we are so far from the buildup that you were going for, and then I jumped in here. But all I wanted to say was I read, like, the cheapest version of journalism of the J-Lo tour cancellation. And never once in this ad-riddled article on the Butterfly site did it say why it was canceled. And I was like, I remember like the whole like reveal of her like new album and the movies were so ridiculed and mocked. And there was even some talk then of low audience turnout that was probably going to lead to canceled tours. So maybe it was implied, but they had her statement. They had other people's statement, but never once did they say why she canceled the tour.

Well, she's not being specific. She's saying that she's heartbroken to have to cancel the tour. There's speculation that her marriage is ending and that's part of the problem. Oh, no, again? Her and Ben? yeah that's the i mean who who can know but the the word on the street is that uh you know she may be trying to save that marriage who knows i certainly don't but there's also lots of videos like this is the thing that people do now and this is the part that is feels like not just a stress dream a horror dream to me andrew i am a band i'm a band like the black keys or i'm jennifer lopez and i announced this big national tour and then people just start going into the actual like Ticketmaster seating, you know, charts for the stadiums And creating TikToks showing none of the seats have been sold And that is how I started to know the Black Keys were in trouble Because I started seeing these videos of people going You gotta be kidding me They were showing these stadiums that looked like they were selling the way TBTL would At a stadium show Like, there was like 11 tickets sold Oh wow And those people were saying This is just kind of a This is a miscalculation by the Black Keys because they're just not a they're not a stadium band like they could fill a decent sized place they're a popular band but they're not like they're not going to fill the modus center here in portland they're just actually portland might be one of the places they could possibly do that you need a certain you need critical mass of white guys with chunky glasses who really want to tell you about

Neil Peart and how he was underappreciated or something. There's a certain kind of guy that loves the Black Keys He also probably brews his own beer, and he probably lives in Portland, but

That or Akron aren't they an Akron man? They are yeah, they're very Akron

But like just the way that this has been blown up like let me put it this way If I was the Black Keys and someone said let's just say I'm the Black Keys, and I'm really popular Let's say I'm Taylor Swift, and I'm really popular Andrew now we know that taylor swift can sell out planet earth but even if i was a very popular act and someone said let's do a stadium tour i'd be like absolutely not i cannot handle the pressure of selling 40,000 tickets now again it's not for taylor swift it's not an issue but like anyone slightly south of her if i was that famous and they said stadium trip like absolutely not we're playing the show box like put me somewhere where i'll sell it out in two seconds and it can be you know well maybe we'll charge more for tickets like i would be i would be so nervous about not being able to sell enough tickets to fill out stadiums and then i'd mostly be nervous that people would create tiktok showing that i wasn't popular enough to sell out stadiums well that's

what this is so this black keys news is news to me i guess for some reason msn didn't have that as a highly clickable headline on their landing page which may also explain some of the lackluster

ticket sales the black keys are not clickbaity enough when they cancel their tour but i don't

understand like i don't know what the height of the black keys fame was i saw the black keys in some you know like decent sized theater in boston and that would have been probably 2003 three-ish you know sometime between 2003 and 2006 or something um and it seemed like that was when the black keys were maybe the most popular but i don't know what happened after that maybe they gained in popularity but like was there a time that they were selling out a re because i i mean they're they're still a two-man operation right they're a duo i mean it's just such a it's kind i know that they are popular and certainly beloved in certain circles but like they're still kind of niche in a certain way so i did they ever get to a point where they were selling out these stadiums and now their popularity is waning so much or it just seems like weird in 2024 that they're taking that big of a swing but again i'm lacking a lot of information about what their trajectory has been

they overestimated how much people want to hear songs sold uh sung into a kind of blown out mic yeah right exactly by the way for the record i actually like the music of the black keys if it When it comes on, I'm enjoying it. I'm not trying to roast them at all, but it must have been the case that because maybe they haven't been touring a lot for the last few years or something, that there was this perceived idea that this tour, people had been hungering for the Black Keys, and maybe they hadn't been touring a lot, and so this was going to really be, like, they feel like a Chateau Saint-Michel size. I mean, I don't know if that's their vibe, but or maybe like Edgefield here down in the greater Portland area down at the Edgefield McMiniman's thing where I saw like big thief they feel immediately they should be playing things the size of big thief is by the way our big places and very profitable and more sort of more people than anything I'll ever do outside of probably wait wait Don't tell me which I'm just a small cog in that wheel. So none of this is really meant to dis anybody involved I am realizing something though Andrew which is This might actually Long term and ultimately this could play out okay for J-Lo And this is why I feel like J-Lo's whole kind of thing is this like I'm Jenny from the block I never give up I'm persistent You underestimated me And you know all the things like that But the problem is it does not align As we've learned with her lived experience most of the time She's been very famous and rich from a pretty young age She's got a lot going for her and in fact a lot of people on the block In New York are like Jenny leave us alone stop being Jenny from the block like that was a whole kind of mean thing And like the promise JLo has been like shadow boxing with perceived hardship for her entire adult life as an entertainer and She's never had any real hardship and now she's having real hardship. She self-funded this movie for 20 million dollars and and these albums, and as we said on the show before, like, sometimes, your critics might actually make a good point. And by that I just mean like, you know, she went around to the labels and whoever funds these things and says, hey, can you pay for this movie? And they said no. And like, they must have run the numbers on this. And then she went out, and it would have been such a cool story if she self-funded this thing and then it was a huge hit. But like, again, it was like she had this, the greatest love story.

story never told which i think was this quasi documentary about her and ben affleck she had this other kind of music video movie where she's like escaping a nuclear event but then dancing with uh butterflies on a street in new york like one of them anyways balmer if i understand it correctly i think a very small affair and they use the real steve balmer they use the um honey i shrunk the kids laser gun the fact that steve balmer is one of the richest men in the world and would still agree to be shrunk down to be in the j-lo video you've got to appreciate that about

although i also feel like he invented that machine so he probably just wanted to see how it worked

but like j-lo's whole thing has been like you know overcoming the odds which granted she did at some point like being a woman of color from the bronx like there was a there was definitely a point in her life where her success was not assured and she worked very hard to achieve this level of success but since that moment she hasn't really been she hasn't really been um in danger of not being successful so she's had to kind of like come up with this real like you know i don't know just sort of this persona and this musical thing of of like i'm you know i'm prevailing over the odds and now she actually has some real hardship that's hit her like this thing was a massive flop her marriage may or may not survive i don't think they're married again aren't they weren't they

married divorce and then they got back together sort of recently they get remarried i think they

got remarried oh i didn't know that i could be wrong can you hey gorgle can you go to the butterfly site please and find out if they're married again maybe they're not married maybe they just like live together or actually that's one of the things people are speculating is that they have separate homes in la right now um and are whatever i don't know they did get remarried

in 2022 it looks like so i didn't you know my my perspective i didn't really have any real feelings about jennifer lopez sure one way or the other until we started talking about her recently and it really did kind of bum me out to hear all these stories about how she not only is she doing these very cringy things and again jenny from the block her biggest hit was defensive back in the

early 2000s you know like don't be fooled by the rocks that i've got exactly and this sort of like

i think i said this last time the j-lo doth protest too much like i hate these sort of like oh i'm here i'm blocking out the haters and i'm just trying you know what i mean i'm still the real deal or whatever and it's like it's it's pretty cringy and then to layer on top of that the stories that you were kind of sharing from social media of how and other people have written in with similar accounts of just hearing that she's not great to the people who are on like kind of the social echelons lower than her or or whatever and it's like to hear that she both is just kind of like not a super great person at least socially you know what i mean as far as the way she treats the people around her and she's sort of got this weird like i don't know like kind of constantly trying to prove herself to be somebody that she's not it makes me feel less bad for her in this case i don't feel like oh too bad she's still gonna have a nicer rest

of her life than probably a lot of other people i mean her other big hit with ja rule is i'm real now granted it's in the context of the relationship she's saying that she will in fact make love to Ja Rule or I don't know how that works exactly but still yeah that is a lot if

you sing a love duet with another professional you must consummate the duet yes I don't even

know how that's legal but that is the rule anyway all that is to say this is the main reason why you will never see a TBTL a nationwide TBTL studio tour because yeah that's I could not handle or a stadium tour rather not a stadium tour we can do a studio tour where it's just you and me

I can pack that with you and me.

Can we do a basement tour where we go to? We've done versions of that before. I literally looked at, when I was watching these TikToks in there, I had the thought, okay, what if, I mean, there's no universe in which this has happened, but what if we did a TBTL, like, at Ford Field in Detroit, right? Like, one of these places where, like, a J-Lo would play or a Black Keys would play. What if we just announced, like, the TBTL 5000th at Ford Field in Detroit? Just started selling tickets. How many tickets would we sell? Like, I bet you 200, no, maybe 400 tops. Could you imagine just, like, renting that place for a night to do a TBTL event and selling 400 tickets like that would be hilarious?

And do we block off a section for people, or do we let people sit wherever they want so they're just scattered around? There's literally miles of empty seats.

No, we use up the entire world's supply of black draping. we drape all of the empty seats except for 400 right at the foot of the stage when we play the

hollywood bowl tv tell the hollywood bowl you know you mentioned doing a um doing a basement tour you know what we were quasi obsessed a while back with like um people digging tunnels and and and whatnot do you think we could get a tent what It would.

We've never done an underground show, right? I guess that one time at the rendezvous was kind of underground.

And we have stayed underground in Coober Pedy.

That is true. We have slept underground before.

I'm wondering, could we do a show like from the mines? Not from the mines, but did we do a show from one of our rooms in Coober Pedy?

No, remember, we did that show standing next to that spaceship from Chronicles of Riddick.

Riddick.

Well done. Yeah. I like Riddick.

There would have been a different movie if everyone said his name the way George says Newman.

Riddick. Riddick.

That just sounds like a guy who just always leaves the sink full of dishes. Riddick.

I was reading in a sub-Riddick about Riddick. Well, gosh darn it.

That's a good show title.

Sub-Riddick. Sub-Riddick. By the way, all of that to say about my feelings about J-Lo, which nobody asked about, but My feelings of J-Lo being that, like, I went from feeling generally neutral to, like, you're pretty cringy. And the fact that you sort of punch down when it kind of comes to the people around you, I'm, you know, kind of net negative on her now. Her performance in the last two Super Bowl commercials, I actually liked those commercials. So I'd give that was a little bit of a in the positive column, I would say. Having said all of that, I am bummed to hear that J-Lo and Ben Affleck are going through problems again. And I don't know why I root for solid celebrity relationships so much, but I really think that no matter what their personalities are or what her reputation is at the end of the day, I really wanted to fast forward 30 years from now. And they're like an elderly couple that's still together. Like, I just want celebrities. Yes. I love it when they buck the trend.

And I do think that what's weird is you want real people's relationships to absolutely fall apart.

That's why I'm always doing whatever I can to break.

And that explains why I got two divorces under my belt.

Yeah, think about it. Do you have any divorces before you met me? Actually, you did, I guess, I think. Anyway. Yeah, just only one, though. But only one. But only one. But anyway, yeah, so I'm looking here. Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck are, quote, taking space from each other after, quote, months of working through issues. I don't know why months is in quotes there. It seems like they're suspicious of that time frame. But anyway, yeah, that kind of bums me out. But I just want them to I just think it's such a good story if these celebrities can can weather the storm of of relationship and the extra stress of being, you know, having the lights and cameras on them at all times.

I mean, I think it nobody turns to us for our take on celebrity relationships or celebrity culture. But here's mine. I just think it's got to be so destabilizing to any relationship when both people have nearly unlimited resources. attention coming from all directions very busy professional lives a million options in terms of distractions in the in the form of other people or other things like it's just it's you know I don't think we're really wired for that in a relationship like there's a certain kind of nor like why am I saying this but like there is a there's a certain stasis of normal people's relationship that is probably kind of good like the fact that most of us are just if we're in relationships we have a semi-normal life every is every single day like a you know some like cartoon bluebirds are landing on our shoulders no because it's real life and you have ups and you have downs and but like the fact that like most of us are with someone presumably if you happen to be in a relationship that we're kind of matched with and aligned with and like I know there's something about all the outside pressure of being super famous and rich and quote unquote desirable and all that attention all the time. It has to be corrosive on a relationship.

Yeah, I was just reading here was this, I'm reading in Bazaar, you know, this little write-up of their relationship. It's pretty bizarre. But isn't that one of our relievers? Bizarro? That is his name, isn't it? But anyway, Bizarro world, you know, it does talk about like how, well, they hadn't been seen together in 47 days And then they were seen together for the first time in over a month when they joined their kids and Affleck's ex-wife, Jennifer Garner, for a film event in Los Angeles. And again, like if Vives and I were going through something and we didn't go to a bunch. Well, first of all, my friends are learning more and more that I'm a recluse. But like, you know, there are plenty of times that Genevieve will go socialize without me. And maybe it's notable and it's like, boy, I haven't seen Andrew in a while. if that got to a point where it was like really kind of troubling maybe amongst our small circle of friends it could be a little bit uncomfortable or something but it would still be limited to the small circle of friends what if that was the international press and what if that was the paparazzi and they're literally I mean the the specificity here of a you know of of a journalistic report saying that they hadn't been seen together in 47 days that just seems like a lot of goddamn pressure.

Absolutely. I did. Yeah. I.

And maybe that's why when famous people actually manage to stay together, it's such an accomplishment. It's so unusual because of all that stuff that we're talking about. What I'm trying to say to the listeners is Andrew and I are never going to break up despite the spotlight, despite the riches, despite all of the attention, despite other podcasters pulling us in different directions. This is this relationship is going to last.

We are the Goldie Hawn and who's the handsome guy Russell Russell of podcasting Captain Ron.

We're the Captain Ron.

We are the overboard of podcasting.

Here I go once again with the email. Every week, I hope that it's from a female. No, man, it's not from a female.

All right, emails or v-mails?

Yeah, I have a voicemail here from Jake in Chicago. Most people probably know him, and I know you know him, Luke, as the perfect daddy. And I can't remember what inspired this voicemail. I think Jake will explain it. But Jake does something here that maybe other listeners might want to get on board with.

Oh, friendos, Jake in Chicago. The story, Luke's story about Scamanda and him singing that song, the Boston song, reminds me of my cat, Frances. Her name is Frances or Fran for short. We'll often call her Franimal, but to the tune of, I think, the Van Halen song, Panama. Oh, yeah. If that's not Van Halen, apologies to whoever it is. But Fran the Moff. Fran the Moff. And she loves it. And I love her. She's a good cat. Aw. And is not dying anytime soon, even though she's almost 20 years old.

All right, power out. She's an old girl. So you and I have talked about this on the show before, the various songs that we sing to our cats. Have we ever done a call out for more listeners to share? Because we, I mean, this is, I mean, it's a very personal thing, obviously, but like almost everybody with a pet has a song that they sing to their pet, right? Isn't this a good use of the voicemail line?

I would love that. I would love to hear those things. One, because it would make me feel less insane about the songs that I've sung to my pets over the years. I didn't ever have like a particular, like a go-to song. I just would sing made-up songs all the time and say crazy made-up things to them. that I feel like if anyone overheard, they would think that they were listening to the rantings of a madman. But I would love to hear that from the listeners because I think it would normalize that behavior that we're all doing.

I don't think I have a song specifically that I sing to Bingo right now. Like, I have ways I talk to him. I remember I used to sing, Oh, I know you're hungry for Theo when it was dinner time. What's that one based on? You Can Go Your Own Way. I mean, I think anybody could have heard that. I mean, I have perfect pitch. As in, pitch me out of the room whenever I tried to sing. I was looking at my voice. I don't have a-

What's the difference between your singing and perfect pitch?

It was you. This is a real dangerous game. I see, I was looking at my voice memos. I don't have a lot of voice memos. I'm not a I'm also it's not quite as integrated into the Android phone as I think it is for like iPhone users. But the other day I was recording something and I opened up my little recording app on my phone here and I saw that I have 10 seconds of something called Bingo the Buttercat. And if I recall, I wasn't planning on doing this when I played Jake's voicemail. I just happened to see this yesterday. I'm thinking of this. I was working on a song for Bingo. Now, I am very self-conscious about playing this. This was around 930 at night. I don't know my level of sobriety here. Had I eaten a little gummy before I started recording Bingo the Buttercat into my phone? I don't know. But if you'll allow it, let me just see what this sounds like. And if it's as embarrassing as I think it's going to be, I'll just cut all this out.

Bingo the Buttercat. Bingo the Buttercat. He's smooth as silk and tastes so sweet. He's Bingo the Buttercat.

Yeah, probably could have gone without playing that on the show. I love it. That's my new ringtone. I don't remember. I just remember like kind of singing that and thinking, oh, I got something here. I did not remember saying that he tastes so sweet. That's a little more romantic than I would like to sing to my cat.

But apparently I was tasting the cat, though, have you?

No, I haven't. I've been cleaning him. grooming has a weird connotation I guess but anyway I seriously I think I said I recorded that in February I had not revisited that since February 23rd

I think that was great I'm glad you shared that with us so the TBTL voicemail 206 414 TBTL that's it

8285

414 yeah

Call in and leave us the silly song that you sing for your pets and we'll play them. Yeah, thanks, Jake. Thanks, Jake. All right. That's going to do it for today's episode. But we're going to be right back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio for you. So if you could, swing on by for that. In the meantime, have a great Wednesday. Take care of yourselves. Go Ems. And please remember, no mountain too tall. And good luck to all.

Hi, my name is Petter, and I've got a joke for you. Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Do you want to hear a pizza joke? No, it's too cheesy. Power out.