Muse

Well, tell me how you both got started in acting as art. I started doing stand-up, Jerry Seltzer's Laugh Emporium. I was at Chortles, the comedy place, and no one really got it.

I got it. I thought it was hysterical. What did she do? She is a one-woman show. Tell her the title.

No penis intended. Oh, I actually did hear her, yes. And what was that about? One critic described it as a humorless romp into Ms. Webb's dysfunctional psyche. It's a humorless critic. That doesn't make sense. No.

TBTL!

Hi, Luke and Andrew. It's Irene, and I have a funny joke for you. Okay, what is the radish's favorite food? Beats me.

Mmm! Ah! This gazpacho soup just burned my lips. The gazpacho? Yeah, it's been sitting out. It warmed up. It warmed up so much that it burned your lip. Let me explain something to you. If you're expecting something ice cold and you bring it up to your lips and it's room temp, it's going to feel like your mouth's on fire. It's going to feel like your body's on fire. Is there, and I'm just guessing here, some kind of medication that you maybe need a lot of and have taken none of or maybe too much of today?

Yala Pano.

I don't even know what that means.

No one knows what it means, but it's provocative.

Well, all right, hello, good morning, and welcome everyone to a Tuesday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. Ready to laugh and drop till your socks come off? My name is Luke Furbank. I'm your host.

This show is a joke. You are a joke.

Coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio perched high above the mighty Columbia, where it's looking like a beautiful, beautiful day. Oh, ma, pa, it's just beautiful. Well, it was kind of a mixed bag yesterday. Rainy, cold, cloudy, sometimes sunny, but something happened. I guess it was technically today, but it was like maybe two in the morning this morning. I got up to use the bathroom, as is my tradition as a geriatric Gen Z person. And I got back in bed and I looked out the bedroom window and I saw something I've never seen before, which was the moon was setting. And by that I mean the moon was moving behind. This place looks out on the Columbia River and over at the, I'm on the Washington side of the Columbia River, and then there's an Oregon side. And there's these big hills. Not quite a mountain, but like a pretty substantial hills. And the moon was setting over the hills. And we talk a lot about sunsets. We don't talk a lot about moon sets, my friend. and that changes right here right now on episode 4229 in a collector series let the fun begin it was beautiful is what i'm trying to say i watched it i stayed up i'm gonna be totally honest with you as opposed to how i usually am on the show after getting up to use the bathroom and then kind of being awake a little bit the thought crossed my mind well maybe i'll just i'll just look at tiktok for a minute which is i mean certifiably scientifically the worst thing you can do in the middle of the night for your sleep pattern and then i looked out the window and i saw the moon was setting which is probably certifiably from a circadian standpoint like the best thing you can do as a human being is to interact with the moon that's probably something that puts you to sleep and i looked at my phone and i looked at the moon and i put my phone down and i said let's stare at the moon right now and um this is how low the bar is for me that was a pretty big win for old lb this morning anyway andrew my good friend andrew he had an l at the mariners game this weekend he was he was called out for something he did by somebody and i'm personally very how dare you people even say that i'm curious to hear what happened with that and then also the seattle times has an article today talking about two quote guardian angels who carjacked a guy and hurt him pretty badly and i'm wondering if they're using that term guardian angel correctly you keep using the word i don't think it means what you think it means so we'll talk about that and we'll talk to this guy the aforementioned longest running cobra of the show maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships louis what is that what is i'm like i don't know i don't what is it it's an andrew walsh and he's joining us right now good morning my friend Good morning.

Something that you played in your introduction there reminded me of a cute message we received via the TBTL text line 206-414-8285 if you want to call or text.

Send in a little audio memo, which is what listener Sam did. Sam and Kim, long-time listeners in Florida, have a three-year-old.

Wait a gosh darn second. The person who left that message, that joke, is that their child?

No, there's something that you played that reminded me.

I'm not ready for that child, Sam and Kim's child, to be old enough to be leaving us radish-based jokes. I don't need the world to be spinning that quickly.

In fact, I should mention, Irene, I've had that joke from the listener, Irene, come on, Irene, for quite some time. I don't know if we've ever played it before. I stumbled on it in my little cache of audio next week. But here's what Sam texted me yesterday. I think we listened to TBTL in the car too much. First of all, we've had scientists look into that. It's impossible to listen to too much TBTL. Remember how much we paid that Scientician Sam says I think we listened to TBTL too much in the car Our almost 3 year old Was playing in his room And unprompted just said Now I'm not going to actually Read the transcription I'm going to see if we can understand What the kiddo is saying here

Oh my dick is beautiful Is that Oh ma

Pa it's just beautiful

is that

oh ma it's just beautiful I think you left out the pa but oh ma it's beautiful just playing alone just saying oh ma it's beautiful

should we have this sort of impact on the next generation of American people

that's why you gotta be more careful with your dirty jokes you filthy joke monster

well this is the thing I mean I wonder sometimes I mean, this is one of this drop

Oh ma, pa, it's just beautiful

And then Tom Shane Let the fun begin Those two drops are probably the most played drops In the TBTL world at this point Because the Tom Shane gets played every day The oh ma, pa, it's beautiful Gets played any day, it's a nice day So, you know, I'm glad that at least Like I'm not playing some drop That's kind of double entendre Or maybe a little on the dirty side that went into that wonderful child's brain. I'm glad it's just Aaron Covey.

Like a certain kind of transplant they used to play all the time. Don't play it. Do you know what I'm talking about?

I'm not even following you on that.

You don't know what I'm talking about? You used to drive me... Oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah, sure. You trolled me with it for so long. Sure, fart transplant. Exactly.

And by the way, that would make an impression on a three-year-old. I have a feeling that chart's very high with the younger demo of the show. But anyway, oh, that is just too cute. Yeah, thanks for sending that in. Too cute to live. appreciate it tctl hey can we um just jump right into this we ended yesterday's program with you talking about something that happened at the uh seattle mariners game over the weekend for you where you said somebody kind of called you out but in the way that you have sometimes called people out which is with a level of sarcasm like sometimes like if i call someone out which hasn't happened in a long time i really do have some very low t these days like i'm just

you haven't you haven't headbutted anybody in quite some time i don't even know if i remember how to headbutt somebody oh it's like headbutting a bicycle

is that a show title it's like headbutting a bicycle i don't know if we use that kind of construction but point is um if i in my days of being more confrontational i would i would sort of confront somebody by saying that you know the as they say the quiet part loud i'd be like you so and so how dare you do this i'd be pretty clear about it my sense is when you're chastising someone you'll do it in a bit of a sarcastic way by saying like oh really great parking job or something kind of using more sarcasm but but being almost overly polite in a way that you intend for the person to realize you're not being polite you're disappointed in them is that an accurate

description that's so accurate and actually the perfect setup for this even though you weren't even there Luke that is perfect um have you ever you've never had a pet bird have you I have not

and I will not are you familiar with dignify it with a response are you familiar with some of the behavior of pet birds where if they only by way of listening to your stories of oops the dirty

monster a bird if they see themselves in the mirror will just sort of like kind of peck at themselves and just like kind of like they'll spend a long time just going just pecking at themselves back and forth back and forth that's essentially what happened to me this weekend when i ran into a version of me that is 20 i'm gonna

to put him at 20 years older than me i've been thinking about this i'll bet you he was like somewhere between 65 and 67 sounds very specific why wouldn't i say 70 i don't know uh but i'm gonna put him in his mid to late 60s okay the fella that we're talking about here and apparently that was me in the future and the good news is i'm in pretty good shape um that's that that was Wow, plot twist. Easy. I can make those jokes. Yeah, fair. No, I'm just teasing. But so I went to the Mariners game on Sunday, and it was a huge crowd. I knew it was going to be. It was like a sold-out crowd, at least ticket-wise.

I believe the way Dave Sims described it was, the fire marshal is going to be off that day, which I thought, that sounds dangerous. I heard him say that, too. Did we learn nothing from the Great White concert? What does that? Why did he say that? I heard that of the stadium being at capacity. I think his joke being that, like, there were going to be more people than is legally allowed at the stadium and that they would pay the fire marshal to look the other way. So they could so they could endanger everyone on Father's Day.

I honestly heard that. I was like, don't you mean that they're going to have extra fire marshals on hand? Like I was such a goody two shoe about it. I was like, that's that's that's how you look at the world. Versus how Dave Sims looks at the world. That bad boy of MLB broadcasting, Dave Sims. So, anyway, it was a capacity crowd. Yeah, it was a big crowd. And, of course, you know, I go to a lot of Mariners games. I go on days, you know, I've gone on weekdays when there's very few people, relatively speaking, there to, you know, sell out crowds. Like Sunday, which was Father's Day and also Cal Raleigh, Big Dumper, Seat Cushion Day. Yes, I believe, Croatian Heritage Day. And we were there because we're celebrating Croatian Heritage Day with our friends Anita and Kevin, and they got a huge group of people for that. It was a really, actually, it was a beautiful day at the park. We arrive, and it's really, really crowded. And there is this set of stairs that you probably know well, Luke, but I need to tell it in a way that people who are not intimately familiar with the park can understand sort of the setup here. But for you, I'm talking about the stairs that lead from the downstairs concourse area where you can get pizza and watch the pitchers warm up in the bullpen. It's right there by the bullpens. But then there's a set of stairs that isn't like one of those huge, wide array of stairs like in the main gate. It's like a set of stairs. Fairly narrow. Fairly narrow about maybe room for two people to walk shoulder by shoulder going up, and then there's a bar and then people going down. And they manage the people traffic pretty well. They don't call it people traffic. They get into trouble when they put it that way. Send the people traffic through the human door. Exactly. Thank you for having me, a human, on the show today, Luke, who talks like a normal human being. But anyway, point is, it's a...

What does he say? Thanks for coming. Thanks for coming.

I understand. There's something so angry about the way he says, I understand. so anyway uh so these stairs are like kind of a main um kind of traffic point to get up to the upper level it's not the only way to get up there but if you were downstairs like watching people warm up in the bullpens and maybe grabbing a beer or whatever you'll have a big you know kind of a

bit of a lineup to go up these particular stairs um and i've been down there because at one time i I feel like it was one of the few places where the line to get hard alcohol was relatively short. Oh, yeah, yeah. Which tells you how I've navigated my world for most of my adult life. Like, I knew that, like, if you went down by where the bullpen was, there was a kind of big open bar area where you could sort of get quick access to hard licks.

Curse. I'm just going to fix that. I have a friend who will remain nameless because sometimes he listens to this show and I don't want to put him on Front Street. I would put him on Front Street if he didn't listen, but he wants to make a map of the stadium for alcoholics that show you like the cheapest, fastest ways you can get drunk at a ballpark. Like if you hit this place or then that place or then that place. But in this particular case, I'm you scare me. You're an alcoholic. I'm I'm Genevieve and I arrive at the stadium. We get there. And one of the very, very first things we do is we head to the staircase to go from the bottom level up to the top. so we can get our special Croatian Heritage Day hat, Luke, which is a very handsome Mariner's hat. I'll show it to you sometime.

Did you wear the T-shirt, though?

There wasn't a T-shirt this year.

Well, I noticed that Anita and some of the other folks, I saw a photo.

Oh, yeah.

And I noticed that, like, Anita had the shirt on, Camaro had the shirt on, our friend Jessica did not have the shirt on. I was wondering if that was, it was just not everyone had access to the shirt Or were there some people that did not date? Because I am a person who I want to.

i'm an ally i want to be there for my friends but i will not put on an ill-fitting we are not saints we will not listen to your dreams i will not put on a a not particularly flattering t-shirt for whatever your cause or a thing is because i i'm too vain for that uh the t-shirts i think

were a giveaway last year so the people who wore those probably just had them in their closet and thought you know good to represent so it was not and i didn't i have that hat some people did ask me why aren't you wearing so the the hats that they were giving away this sunday were really nice but they're pure white with then um like red and blue on the seattle s logo to kind of represent the colors of the flag the croatian flag um but i already had a mariners hat on that i wore to the game which is like a dark blue color and people did think like why are you not wearing the white hat that we're all wearing and the truth of the matter was was because i was our you know it's a hot day and i was already starting to perspire a little bit and i didn't want to put on this pristine white hat on my forehead which was already getting a little bit moist because I was like I want this hat to remain clean um and I will wear it out but I just didn't want to put it on my I'm just gonna say it sweaty head um but then when I just people hold on one second when people then like kind of took a group photo later on I realized oh I look like I'm being stubborn Andy like I'm trying to be like oh I'm not gonna wear the hat like everybody else's that truly was not it i i am the only one there who truly appreciated the head enough to not wear thanks

for coming go ahead what do you want to say i i just i will try to keep this in 60 seconds because i do not i'm i'm totally i genuinely am very riveted by your story but when you bring up the mariners and hats i just have to tell you two 30 second stories from life here with my parents first one my dad's friend cliff gave him this hat i might have mentioned it a while ago on the show It is just one of those kind of hats That they sell at any kind of tourist trap place And it says The writing on the hat is I fix things And I know things That's what I do It's sort of a Tyrion Yeah, it's close to Tyrion's quote

But not quite there

Hold on, I took a picture of it Okay, yeah So I fix stuff and I know things That's what I do It's a black kind of denim ball cap That has that My dad's friend Cliff got it for him Gave it to him in Florida My dad loves this hat I wish I loved anything as much as my dad loves this hat He treasures this hat He thinks it is the funniest thing He does not wear it Right now I'm watching my dad cut a hole In the roof of the house Where we're putting a new window thing in He will not wear his I fix things and I know things hat When he's doing work that might besmirch the hat Which is why I thought of it Because you didn't want to sweat up your new cool ball cap He does not wear the hat It's only like a going out hat It's like if we're going to go get some dinner, he'll wear it And he also has brought it up multiple times And has told multiple friends about it Not Cliff who gave it to him, but other friends They were visiting, my mom and dad were visiting with some of their friends Jay and Madeline down in Seaside, Oregon And my dad brought the hat out to show Jay And tell them all about it He loves this hat so much And him loving, I love that he loves this hat It's incredible me too now the thing about the mariners cap um i'm not sure if the one that you're talking about the u-word does it have the triton on it the the three-pronged thing i think it's an s i don't have it in front of me right now i wish i did a lot of the mariners hats obviously have that fork that's kind of you know i guess associated with um uh who is the who's the who's the the god of the sea neptune neptune maybe yeah and my mom so when the mariners hit a home run this has been for a couple seasons now whoever hit the home run they give them this big triton this big fork thing that they hold up in the dugout and celebrate my mom said why the heck do they hold that fork i was like mom have you looked at have you looked at the hat it's got a big upside down triton on it that's like kind of their whole thing and um she explained to me that for the last three seasons they haven't had root sports they haven't had the mariners on their tv my parents so she's watched every game on her phone just an animation of a batter and then those you know that thing yeah game day setting and and she has there are watching the games she had no idea what julio rodriguez looked like until this season like she's been because the thing is she's been sending messages on hawk squad about the mariners for the last four years and she has never known who anyone was or even what their logo is because she's been watching this very very rudimentary screen on her phone that's just basically telling her ball strike hit in play out hit in play safe i appreciate that dedication i do too i was like wow that's that's incredible like okay well and now they're the only people who for some reason are benefiting from whatever the

akamemi system is with this root sports because they have this cable i think it's this is the funniest name for a cable service it's called astound because i feel like that's what happens i'm astounded by how shitty xfinity is like naming the cable company astound feels like you're really setting a trap for yourself but somehow in their astound package they get the mariners but lord knows these are not people who are paying extra money for the mariners it just so happens to be

there so does your mom know what lasteroid daddy hack the fourth looks like though that's the

important as of as of press time no but i will be telling her all about it okay give me your number i'll forward her some so that's my digression so you're at these stairs so anyway don't worry

about the hat the hat's a nice hat hasn't been worn yet it's in my bathroom i'm gonna break it out at some point when i got you when i'm going to a fancy wedding or something i'll wear that a white hat wedding exactly anyway so the reason i'm going on and on about these stairs is i want to make it kind of clear that um veves and i if you can sort of picture it are approaching the stairs from the opposite way that the stairs go if this was an empty stadium we're sort of approaching the stairs and then we would have to take a hard right 180 turn to get onto the stairs and start walking up them right but because it's not an empty stadium and it's very very crowded you have a whole bunch of people who are all trying to get up this staircase and the way are you carrying a kayak and i'm carrying a big inflatable swimming pool um no i'm i'm feeling good like it's a crowded day but i knew it was gonna be a crowded day like you know everything's fine um and again i there's like i can be uncomfortable like in crowds or you know in various social situations but again i spend so much time there and maybe this i do feel like sort of maybe plays into the mentality a little bit it's almost like when you're on um when you're on do you ever spend time on campus um like uh during the summertime when fewer students are there and then all the students come back to school in the fall and you're sort of you have this weird sort of sense of ownership of the campus because you were there before everybody was there yeah so maybe I have a little bit of that going on with the ballpark I'm just there a lot I'm comfortable with it I know that I sort of know the ins and outs of it and so I'm a these and I are approached, we just, you know, we just got in through the gate. We're approaching the staircase from sort of the side of it. And there's sort of what looks like a long line of people's almost queued up to go up these stairs. Now, Vives and I could just keep on walking further and further and further and try to find the end of this line. But that is not, it's not like a line to buy a beer or a line to have somebody take your ticket. It's just a line of people flowing from one part of the stadium to the other so i don't think it's necessary to like try to find the end of where people are filing up the staircase which is pretty damn long you're proposing essentially a zipper merge it's just kind of a zipper merge from the side like if you were um it's very similar if you're going up an escalator at like on the subway or something like that you know there there might be sort of people lined up but there are also people who are exiting the train and just sort of jumping ahead onto the escalator i don't and again i think you sort of see where this is going as i uh detail my um i guess my mistake here in in some person's eyes because veves and i just sort of approach from the side sort of like jump in and i can sort of see that people are sort of again kind of queued up you have to be somewhat you have to be somewhat polite about it i'm kind of it sort of feels like we're jumping in line but it also sort of feels like but again it's not a line for something we're all just trying to move through this thing and so i kind of let this one guy kind of in front of me and then i veves and i sort of like kind of sneak in behind him and then the guy who i let in sort of i shouldn't say let in he was

waiting in line i guess to go up these stairs i'm now right behind him and i i kind of made sure not

to cut him off oh wow as he's you you what you're you didn't go in front of this person you actually went behind him i'm behind him so he's now he has suffered he is he the supreme court well he has no damage leaving out this supreme court but he doesn't have standing in this he's not been harmed

by this event that that's what i would say however he says that i offended his religion oh okay by being progressive he did hand you a packet of methopristone which is weird development i don't even know what that is i don't get that one that was the recent case

where they basically decided there was these ridiculous group of doctors who were trying to block oh um this abortion drug called oh yeah and they were saying we are their their literal argument was the reason that we are harmed by methopristone is because it deprives us from the enjoyment of providing the medical care of an abortion it was the most zany because they have no standing they have absolutely no they are not harmed by the existence of methopristone so they had to they had to twist themselves into quite the pretzel which even this supreme court said no although there's some speculation that this supreme court is just waiting for a better version

a better version yeah that's a really i'm embarrassed now i didn't remember that that's the name of the

drug i obviously had new and i but i also did not know that about that specific sort of tactic

either so anyway all that is to say this guy wasn't harmed no i thought this was going to be a guy that was mad because you went in because i cut in front of him no these and i kind of jump

in and again i do think there's a gray area here there might be people listening who can maybe picture this scenario and think that i should have gone all the way to the end of the line but again it's not really a line for something it's just a flow of people i'm sort of merging into it at the front of the staircase and just sort of squeezing in but you don't want to be totally rude about it there's a bunch of people who are trying to trudge up these stairs too so I kind of come up to this guy I kind of let him go and then I slip in behind him Vives is behind me Vives um is like again like there's somebody else to my left it's a very big crowd Genevieve kind of can't hear my interaction with this guy as he turns around and says to me and this is where I say like Luke he is he doesn't look at all like me but he his demeanor and approach of this is exactly me only he's older than me he turns around he says you know there's a line there and I was like and he's like there's a line there it starts back there and I was like oh really thanks for letting me know that and that's it and then he takes one more step but then he can't let it go and he's like yeah a lot of people just think that they're you know kind of like better than everybody else they can just sort of get in line wherever they want I'm like really people are like that that's that's really interesting I didn't know people were like that thanks for letting me know though and then

like did you at any point point at each other and go now there are two of us we're both wearing

spider-man outfits luke it was amazing but the amazing thing was we're both doing this sarcastic thing back and forth but i am not aggravated because like i honestly do not i am the type of person who if i do something accidentally because i don't have situational awareness or something and i cut in like i can't tell you how many times i've volunteered in line at like the self-check out of a grocery store i'll say to somebody if we approach at the same time like i didn't i didn't cut in front of you did i or do you want to i've been in public with you you are

the most conscientious person i've ever met when it comes to that and you often you always default to oh i'm sorry were you first like that is your that is your way of being yeah i'm not usually in

a hurry especially at the grocery store that's my happy place like whatever like i just i promise the listeners that there have been many times where i always i go out of my way to give somebody else the benefit of the doubt can verify it just like i don't know just to just to have good vibes or whatever like it's fine so anyway but in this case like i really didn't feel like i was doing anything wrong so it is seriously like a bird pecking at a mirror he can't let it go but i'm sort of enjoying it because i really don't feel bad about anything and so he keeps on turning around saying yeah yeah you know kind of like some people they just kind of go through life however i'm like really that's so interesting i'm like a and i believe at one point i said to him you know i really appreciate all this because i'm kind of a lifelong learner and you're just like and i can see the steam coming out of his ears but he's like he's really trying to land one on me but like i kind of don't care but we're both doing this pass this is like john henry versus

the steam powered pile driver like i told you who will win i had a feeling you'd enjoy this

situation i found myself in this is not where i saw this going and you're right i love this for both of you this is like two recognized masters in the form matching wits an unstoppable force hitting it yes immovable object also i want to clarify you're not on an escalator you're both walking up the stairs which for some reason is interesting too because i wonder if it would have played out differently if you were both standing still but moving as opposed to doing the work of of of sort of ascending the stairs like how how long is this this little area it goes from that bullpen area does it go up behind where the kind of hand operated scoreboard is

exactly when you're watching a ball game and you see out to left field you see that pink diagonal line that is okay that's what i think it kind of mirrors the staircase and so this staircase it is it's like kind of um what do you call them where you you walk up and then there's a platform you spin around and you walk almost like a switch back or whatever you would call that but you know kind of standard staircase situation there so like but that also means that you're

he's going to turn around and and you're going to be like face to face for well he keeps turning

around and trying to land these little blows these little sarcastic blows on me and with any of this no she's behind me which is why i wanted to mention that before so we get to like the top lane like that first the first set of stairs before we get to the landing which is again like i don't know 10 stairs it's not that much is the most intense part and we're moving really slowly and we might as well be on an escalator a slow escalator so he just keeps on like turn he can't let it go so he just keeps on turning around and adding one more sarcastic little thing with anyone that you can tell i assume he's there for father's day but i don't

see who he's with or anything some some wife or son or somebody who's kind of like dad

Well, not at this point. It's just a huge crowd. I mean, it's a really big crowd, so you can't tell who's with who. Genevieve's behind me. And I had a feeling she didn't know that this was going on. But it's getting more and more heated. It's kind of like he'll say something sarcastic, sarcastically friendly about what a jerk I'm being, and I'll say something sarcastic back to him about how I find everything he's teaching me being super interesting. and then um we get to like in the top landing and then at that point he's so mad he's sort of talking over me now he's like kind of kind of talking over me oh yeah no just like some people just go through life like this or whatever and I'm like okay whatever and then uh and then it's mostly quiet for the next like let's say one minute or 45 seconds or whatever it takes to get to the top of the the next sort of landing and then that's the end of the staircase and it's when we get to the very top that i hear i suddenly i see his adult son who's younger than me probably i'm going to put him in his 20s or 30s sort of like looking kind of giving me a look and i suddenly realize like oh this is that guy's son and i just at this is where i was a dick uh sorry do we say that now that the little league is over i did say i was like see you later gramps but i don't know he heard me because he was passive aggressively saying loudly to his son he knows he's an asshole don't worry about it and his son sort of like kind of his son isn't glaring at me his son is looking at me like do i need to get like his son is just getting read up on this like wait what's going on and he's like looking at me confused and also like he doesn't want something to be going on but also looking at me like he knows i'm harassing his dad in some way probably

in his in his view sons in that situation this goes for any children are going to be only in one of two categories either they're going to be like mortified by the behavior of their parent or they're going to be right there with it yeah like they're going to be this is something that eventually will involve police body cam footage that i'll be watching on tiktok like the you know what i mean you sometimes see someone's a real chip off the old block and they're going to go right after you or they're going to be like kind of mortified there's no middle ground i get the

well i get the impression that is there's maybe some middle ground right in the middle like he looks like a guy that if he needs to step in he will but he also looks like a guy that's like i know my dad you know what i mean like his dad is probably the same guy who like lives in wallingford and came out and tapped on my window because i had my car running too long years ago while I was recording a podcast outside his house. You know, he just seemed like the type of guy very, I mean, again, glass house, baby. This is a guy who's probably living too, probably fighting too many battles over things that don't matter. And anyway, so his son sort of gives me a look and that guy just sort of says, yeah, he knows he's an asshole as I sort of walk away. And right at that moment, Genevieve looks at me and says, were you fighting with that guy? Like, Genevieve was behind me the whole time. I was like, I wasn't. I was just like, he was just upset. I was just like, and again, I he honestly did not make me upset like I didn't think about right again until like yesterday when we dialed up and I was like oh I have a story I could tell you but I I'm sure he went back to his seat still fuming over the fact that he saw somebody you know violate what he thinks of the rules but he wasn't able to actually make me feel bad about it I think he really wanted to make me feel bad which honestly is an easy thing to do when it comes to social rules and me breaking them I feel bad about that pretty quickly in this case I just don't think it was a real rule like again if if this was a situation we're all waiting for free drink tickets or a beer or to be let in like of course i'm not going to just skip to the front of the line but this isn't a line any more than the any more than just like kind of walking quickly through a crowd when you're one person and there's a whole bunch of families like kind of walking through the concourse slowly like you're allowed to zip around people you don't have to stay behind the slowest person the whole time so anyway i think that he uh he didn't really land anything on me but i really did think it was so funny i'm like oh he's doing to me what i try to do to other people it really doesn't work and in fact it felt so good just to show him how much i didn't care he was really as

i like to say right before head butting someone he was effing with the wrong mother effort but just because you could absolutely smile bigger yeah you could kind of get in that space with him because that's your whereas if your response was to get aggressive or something then he's getting the rise out of you maybe that he's kind of looking for but instead it was just like you're like you know this is exactly this is this is how i deal with these situations is this like saccharine sweet kind of faux complimentary thing that has a lot of kind of edge to it um do you think he's

talking about this on his podcast right probably good morning wallingford um i will say oh that's And I did want to say that when Genevieve said, was that guy, were you fighting? She didn't say, was that guy fighting with you? Genevieve knows me well enough. And also... I will admit that the ballpark is also one of those places where, and I'm embarrassed to say this, I really don't like this, but I do think that the ballpark is one of the few places where Genevieve knows there could be situations where I am no fun to be around. Like, again, if we're playing one of those teams that takes over, like a Blue Jays or a Yankees come to town and they take over and they chant, go Yankees or let's go Yankees, whatever. I see red and I start to get real passive aggressive and yelly with the other fans around me.

And I don't like what was the team that you threw up just like the double bird as the fans were filing out.

I didn't. I was just clapping loudly. I was up on the terrace and the Red Sox were beating us the entire game. And all these a whole Red Sox fans were like in our area, like migrating over to saying, hey, there aren't enough Red Sox fans here. And like singing songs behind us and like truly trying to ruin our experience as the home team. And then when we won with, I believe I'm remembering this correctly, a Dylan Moore, a little looper. And I mean, it wasn't it. We just like. And it was like ninth inning heroic. Yes, it was ninth inning heroic, but not like a grand slam or a home run. It was just like a nicely placed little hit into the outfield that dropped and brought in a runner from second or third or something. And it was just like I think it wasn't the only time we had the lead all game, but it was basically it was a walk off. And I flipped out and I'm just screaming and I'm like clapping. And I don't think that was the time where I was saying, where are your songs now? I think that was a different game. But I was just like, I was just like, and there were all these people filing out below us, just seas of red, Red Sox gear, just filing out below us. All these people who were screaming, let's go Red Sox.

Let me double check where our dazzling donors are from today.

Oh, great. And then apparently, I didn't even see this, but as we were talking about my moment of celebration later at the bar, that's when my friend Polly said, did you notice that elderly gentleman who gave you the double bird? Which raised the question, can a gentleman give a double bird? Like, to me, like, I don't know. Can you remain gentlemanly while offering that gesture? Genevieve, though, did say, when she said, were you fighting with that guy? I said, no, he was starting with me, like, because he said we cut in line. And she immediately was, we didn't cut in line. That's not a line. We're just going up the stairs. I was like, your lips to that man's ears, sister.

Well, two things. One, I know this is weird to say because, well, in this case, it doesn't sound like you're beating yourself up over it. So that's good. I kind of love that you let your slightly more aggressive side out at the Mariners games at the ballpark because I feel like you don't do that enough. you tend to internalize your feelings and kind of go hard on yourself and i like the idea of you going hard on blue jays fans peace and love to bill in toronto and others up there but like i i think it's use like i'm somebody who's letting too much steam off too much of the time i could actually i could internalize i could try to pressure cook this a little bit more on myself you you do that i think too much so i like the fact that sometimes you're mixing it up with red socks fans i feel like it's a good pressure release for you and the only way i do it i believe

is through cheering like in other words like if we lose i don't get in people's faces or try you know i don't do anything that should make anybody feel uncomfortable or threatened in any way it's just that when these teams come and again they in some cases way more rudely than others sometimes they're just cheering you know that's just a team like who do we play um you know when the braves came to town i love that song when the braves came was that a bono's a u2 song when brave yeah

Yeah, but it was unreleased. It was the B-side of the unquenchable fire.

Oh, I love that. God. Do they have an album called the unquenchable fire? I think so. Anyway, like, I don't want to, I don't get into it. All I do is, like, if we pull off a great victory like that, then I cheer really loudly. Because, again, like, my experiences are, like, the Dodgers, the Yankees. I did get kind of heckled by Dodgers fans in my own stadium, and I kind of hate that. So when we win. They open, by the way, for Trampled by Turtles,

Heckled by Dodgers. Right. Oh, I was going to say. The Unforgettable Fire is the U2 song. Oh, right. When you put in a question, U2, The Unquenchable Fire, it tells you that it's called The Unforgettable Fire. And then the first question, people also ask, did U2 inspire Coldplay?

No. Probably. I brought up the Braves just to say, like, they came to town. They had a whole bunch of fans there, and they cheered for their team but it wasn't obnoxious i can't explain it like there are a team

that has a racist chant they weren't even the most obnoxious team there was one woman who started i

think i told you this off air there was woman kind of near our section uh down below us during that game who after the braves took the lead started doing that tomahawk chop thing and i did i did scream from my seat down at her.

I said, keep those hands low, white people. No, I think I said, put those hands down, white people.

Boy, between you bleed for me and keep those hands low, white people. We've got a couple of all-timers between the two of us.

I do think I said, put your hands down, white people, which my one friend, my friend Mike, was kind of like, hey, man, chill out. Because he's been with me at games when I've celebrated too hard, maybe. But his girlfriend was like, no, he's right. Keep those hands down.

Now, here's one other thing about this, and this goes back to the term zipper merge that I used, which I don't know how familiar people are nationally with this, but, you know, this is the idea that, like, there are, in fact, I'm dealing with one near my house right now on Interstate 5 where they're doing some construction, they're resurfacing an overpass, and so it goes down to, you know, it goes from being whatever, three, four lanes down to, like, one lane, which is rough on the traffic backups, but they have these big signs saying zipper merge. let people in zipper merge because and this is something that our friend bill radke has talked about endlessly on when he used to do that daily show on kuow it was like his number one topic because people in the northwest particularly seattle lights have this very strong sense of of perceived i've been waiting in line justice one of the things they say that is a some kind Of I don't know I see all this stuff online Who knows how much of it is medically sound we should ask Dr. Kirk Honda but like Something that's supposed to be a trait of people That might have ADHD Is a sort of really Strong reaction to what they feel like is Injustice in like petty ways Like lines and things like that Which I kind of feel like that's most people Honestly like most of us don't like this Feeling that we've been waiting in line for Something and someone has taken our spot In line I don't think anyone enjoys that but Seattle seems to have a real bad case of like not letting people merge at zipper merges because they feel like well i've been in this shitty lane waiting and you've just been in this other lane but a lot of times it's unavoidable like for instance this this project near where i'm living i mean you the the design of it and this was always bill's point this is the point of people who do traffic planning the design of it is people merge like a zipper kind of like zipping up and that's really it's

by design it's a and everyone gets there you you let one car in then you go the next person lets one car in yeah if you have somebody who goes faster yeah otherwise why is the lane there it does nobody any good to keep that extra lane empty the whole time because then you're just for no reason you're just cutting down one lane of traffic it's better for everybody involved just to be responsible now people might try to like sneak in oh well i'm gonna try to you know ride this other guy's bumper and like get two cars in here and it's like no there's a social contract

like you one car in then you go one car and then you go and everybody gets to their destination faster as opposed to everyone lines up in the right lane in this long endless traffic line and then they hug each other's bumper so no one from the left lane can get in it's like no half of us go in the left lane half of us go in the right lane and then we just merge but it's interesting that this guy was taking that very same mentality to this line you were in which was like no we're just all trying to get where we're going and you let someone in and you and again the the fact that you didn't even go in front of this guy he wasn't even affected by like if anyone could have been mad at you had been the person behind you even that would have been petty in my opinion but i mean that's that is a high level of petty of seattle of premium blend seattle pettiness yeah but this guy wasn't even you didn't even go in front of him his life was completely unaffected by this except he wanted to get into it with you and if I you know if the if somebody

behind me had said hey like it hey you know you cut or something I think I would have taken issue with that but I but I wouldn't have tried to argue what I've been like oh sorry you go ahead in front of me you know what I mean like but I couldn't do that he was already in front of me you know later on like when I told Genevieve that she in her reaction was like what like no that's not how that works that wasn't a line like we were just taking the stairs um you know in my head now I sort of think oh could I have you know it I guess like part of me in that moment could have tried to explain to him and I don't think this is a better outcome by the way I'm just sort of thinking like there are two wolves inside me and both of them are cutting in line and one of them just puts a big smile on his face and goes right back sarcastic if he had approached me in some different way that wasn't like so easy to just like kind of throw back in his face if he had been like what's up dude or something I might have been like if he had been more aggressive I maybe explained my case more like no that that's not really a line we're all just trying to move around the stadium here like I think that's a reasonable argument to make but in this case I didn't even have to make an argument because it was just so fun to see him so teed off but again it's not lost on me and it's definitely I think worth like reiterating here is

the irony of like i am the kind of person who sees you know like i got mad because i saw somebody left a left a um a grocery cart in an empty parking spot in my crowded uh parking lot of my grocery store yesterday and i started like i realized as i'm like kind of walking out to my car and i'm looking at that i'm thinking who's the a-hole who did that whatever and i'm just like my god i don't even i didn't even see somebody do that and i'm like so mad at this and you sort like i am this guy i mean that is the irony here i'm not trying to make it sound like i'm better than this guy no i saw me i i saw i saw what it's like but i also sort of saw wow he's way more steamed than i am in this case and so right really maybe there's a lesson in here for me to be like yeah you're not gonna fell somebody with this fake happy sarcasm you know what i mean just like let

it go but there is like every once in a while those moments where someone else is being so kind of over the top that your natural reaction is not even to get mad but to just be perplexed and kind of take it all as a joke which is so much the better way to handle it the problem for me in my past and again thankfully this appears to have ebbed out of me in some way but it was that i could have seen when i get mad in a certain kind of way like if that guy would have said if i would have been in exactly the same situation and he was like saying to me oh you just think you're better than everyone else i don't know i'm trying to i'm trying to game out how i would have responded if he would have been aggressive to me if he would have been like hey a-hole the lines back there it would be if i got this feeling like my car does this thing now um where if i would be like looking at my phone or i'm distracted and i'm getting too close to a car in front of me it doesn't hit the brakes but it makes a noise and the whole dashboard illuminates red as a kind of anti-crash thing which is very effective it's only maybe in three years of having this car maybe twice it's happened but it does something really like primal to you like whoa like you just you you you immediately recognize something is off and you hit your brakes instinctively like if that guy said something to me and the inside of my brain did that red thing where i would take it would be threats of physical violence which is so inappropriate and unnecessary like i would have been like i probably would have if he would have been like hey a-hole the line starts back there i would have been like hey a-hole the knuckle sandwich starts right here because i try to keep the threats you know i love that they call you firmly rooted in 1960s kind of uh sitcom tropes or something they call you bulldog down on the docks well the thing is

though keep in mind though in the scenario you just set up this actually maybe this guy was being more directly aggressive to me too right it just occurred to me that maybe this guy who was giving me the hard time was a true baseball fan and understands the rules of how to talk to an umpire it's my understanding that you can almost say anything when you're mad at the plate but you cannot use the word you in other words you can like let's say you're a player and you think you got a bad call let's say you're the you're at the plate as the as the batter you can like you can even swear and say that was effing in or like or that was effing outside or whatever it is to look at the um well i don't know i don't i don't know if you're kidding i didn't know that but you're not supposed to say f you you can swear you can do but you cannot direct it at you and that's what this guy was doing he wasn't saying hey you're selfish hey you think you're better than everybody else he was just saying you know there are these people who just go through life and they think they're better than everybody else i was like yeah those people sound awful um yeah i think i'm the

thing i've uh assumed i could be wrong about this with the talking back to the ump thing is you can Kind of do it under your breath and if you're looking Away from them you can get away with kind of A lot but if they feel like You are turning to them And saying something therefore drawing the attention Of the crowd to them That's when they just so you can kind of like Look forward and mutter as much Stuff as you want as long as it's unclear That you're talking to the um You can get away with way more of that than you can With like directly addressing them which then Puts them on notice I would be by the way An absolute Menace as a baseball Manager because The like third time that an umpire Like missed a pitch like a Third strike pitch that was like Way outside and we can see it on that little Radar box I would just come out to Them and I wouldn't do any Of the gesticulating I would do I would just say You're gonna watch this Replay tonight at your hotel room and you're gonna Realize you have no value as a human And then I would just walk back to the dugout I would just be like guess what little man you're going to be replaced by a robot and tonight at the radisson i'd like you to i'd like you to watch the replay of this on root sports and just look at how wrong you were and ask yourself do i in any way make the world a better place and then i would just walk back to the dugout i would like plant a like a depth charge i would put a sleeper cell of self-doubt into these

men with complete calmness and laser precision that would render them it's what i used to do and i'm talking about this like i'm proud of it i'm actually not it's a very bad trait right up there with almost fighting people at mariner games for no reason this is my other very awful trait and explains you know multiple divorces when i used to play online poker long long time ago i would get into it with people and i was just mad because i lost a hand but then i'd get into in the chat section and then i would like yeah find out you couldn't figure out who the person was because they'd have crazy made-up names you could figure out where they were or i would piece together whatever i could about them and then craft these just like diabolically mean personal attacks and to the point where every once in a while someone literally just said okay just please stop i give up like people would like wave the white flag in the comment section of poker stars which should never happen this is totally anonymous like also i what are these during the pandemic i don't know why i'm sharing these stories now but during the pandemic i was playing in a couple of like poker games that weren't part of an official site they were basically like an association of people who liked poker wanted to play for real money but couldn't go to the places that they would do it because of the pandemic and we were all just like really really kind of cooped up in those days and i a friend of mine evan had kind of turned me on to this one group and it was a great group of guys and we had fun and you know it was whatever but i got into it with this guy so much who was a friend of evan's that like he was challenging me to fights in the street and it was like if i see you it was like i'm a 45 year old man at this point to the point where evan had to broker broker a peace deal because he had to get together at his house and he knew me and this dude were both gonna be there irl and you want to know the funniest part when i got to this thing and i saw the guy we hugged did i tell you the story you've told me this story i don't think on the show though we this guy and i just like hugged and we're like hey dude i was like dude i'm so sorry that was so inappropriate like no i was so inappropriate we were the best of friends after that as evan had predicted because only a certain kind of lunatic does that we were the same kind of lunatic you guys have a lot in common don't talk about

your divorce now there are two of us yet again what you were saying before about like i mean that's the dream right especially when you're really in in a mood or truly angry at somebody like that idea of coming up with like the most cutting thing the thing that will like stay with them and it reminds me i i've been seeing this this is one of the more famous new yorker cartoons I think, and I think I probably saw it a lot this weekend because of Father's Day. But can you picture the New Yorker cartoon where there's a father talking to his son on a playground and there's kids playing in the background and the son has or the father has his arm on his son's shoulder? And he's saying, son, son, if you can't say something nice, say something clever, but devastating. Oh, like you just want to, like you said, plant those seeds of just like. And again, it does sort of I should admit this, but it sort of does bring me pleasure to think that that guy who is trying to be morally superior to me probably was distracted, at least for some time, because he probably if he's at all like me, and he is, he probably had a lot of adrenaline going through him just to even probably decide to say something to me in the first place. And then he did and then it didn't stick So he kept trying and I could tell at one point he's getting More heated and he's kind of talking over me But still in this faux nice way And it was Nice because I really did I told And then we went off and we got Our hats and we ran into coincidentally Some other friends and so like I Did not remember it or really think about it much until I wanted to tell you on the show Yesterday but he probably Was pretty distracted for Maybe an inning or two and I got to say I shouldn't but I take some pleasure in that

see that's an appropriate amount i think of like him having to kind of re-experience this and re-litigate it and have his afternoon slightly because first of all he brought the fight to you so he kind of started this and then if he was sort of you know like again if he was rehashing it and shadow boxing it for an inning that seems appropriate i i i wish that i had not been the kind of person that would want to like end someone over one of these things like i want them to i want them to get in the fetal position and never ever come out of it like i want them to just be a broken human and it's like that is not proportionate or proportional i have a lot of trouble with this one that is not how i should want things to go because you sucked out on a hand on me on pokerstars.com like that just shouldn't be how and and i'm being totally serious i keep joking about this low t thing but something has really shifted in me in the last couple of years to where i can't even remember the last like thing i got into with anyone like anywhere maybe i've told stories on the show i mean i get into a lot of like low-key things like well yeah that big car thing

that then that was you gave what was the big car thing when you were going to a work event for becca and you gave somebody the bird and it ended up like really that person ended up flipping out on

you and right but even in that i de-escalated it which would have been i mean the guy was about six seven so i i mean that was the only logical choice but like i mean seriously do you find it humorous the size of car i mean exactly but even that but let me just say that what i did was kind of so in the olden days what i would have done if a guy drove by and flipped me off is i would have chased him down i would have driven really fast caught up to him and then flipped him off and been like what in this case he flipped me off i laughed forgot about it and then realized as i was crossing this thing the bridge of the gods that oh i'm right behind this guy and now he's taking a left and i'm taking a right and i threw out the wimpiest most half-hearted bird like it was like you know what i mean like and then drove off thinking well and then he followed me and then i was like well shit like i don't want this like even that that was a that was a that was a confrontation but not even of the kind that i used to get into it was more just like me being impotent and being like little middle finger and then having to be like calm down dude calm down yeah like i just somehow that like being aggressive and matching people's tone and if someone's aggressive i'm aggressive back to them or whatever i don't know what's going on again i think it's literally just getting older i just don't have it in me i tell becca some of these stories and she can't even relate to that version of me you know like again this is a good thing that's good but i'll it sounds like she probably thinks that i'm just like i'm telling tales about like well yeah i used to get pretty i used to be pretty volatile she's like i just don't like we've had like two arguments in like four years or something you know what i mean it's like i just am i just am not the not the uh i don't know aggressive person that i used to be and then that's how i've lost my edge andrew and that's why i'm not as good at any of my jobs because i don't

have whatever special sauce i used to have well i feel like you have a um as we just heard you have a supply of stories going back a ways. You have an archive that you can still roll out.

I can take them out off the shelf, dust them off, and present

them. Exactly. Also, I blame I don't know if anybody has thought about this, but I blame cheerleaders. They have always told us to be aggressive, be aggressive. We take that to heart, and then suddenly we're the bad guys.

You know? And in my relationships, how I always start dating right after a divorce, that's from the cheer R-E-R-E-B-R-E-B-O-U-N-D rebound.

I got to be honest with you, Luke. I'm glad that you ended by saying what that word was. I was like, R-E-R-E. I couldn't keep up with you. I was not familiar with that basketball chant.

R-E-R-E-B-R-E-B-O-U-N-D. Rebound. But that's not how it's spelled.

That's like re-re-rebound. Is that how it's spelled?

Some people think that they can just correct everyone's spelling.

We was hoping for some razzle-dazzle. Razzle-dazzle. That's right, man. Razzle-dazzle. On your mark. On your mark. Get set. Get set. Now ready. Ready. Go. Everybody razzle-dazzle.

Hey, let's thank some dazzling donors. These fine folks are making TBTL possible with their dazzling donation of dough. As we have the TBTL-a-thon 15, thank you for being a 10, squarely in our sights. It's July 8th through 12th. We'll be here at the Madrona Hill Studio. It's going to be a really fun week. We have these great thank you gifts that we'll tell you about more as we sort of lock in the details. But I do know this. We are going to be making thousands of friendship bracelets. Or not very many friendship bracelets if the thon doesn't go well. It's a weird sort of thing. If things work out We're going to have a crushing workload Of thank you friendship bracelets We're going to hand make John and I and maybe a little bit of Andrew Probably John and I are going to hand make TBTL friendship bracelets and send them to anyone Who donates at any level You will get a friendship bracelet made by us As a thank you for supporting TBTL And while I would like To make 20 friendship bracelets If I make 20 that means The show's over

yes because you want to show it out of money it didn't occur to me i mean i i think this is a very fun idea uh especially since because i am on the injured reserve list i merely will boss you guys are on the you're on the pup list um but except my cute little puppy yep r-e-r-e-b

um now that's going to be in your head for the rest of the day hear me singing that to bingo So.

B-I-B-I-N-B-I-N-G-O-B-I-N-G-O-B-I-N-G-O-B-I-N-G-O-B-I-N-G-O-B-I-N-G-O-B-I-N-G-O-B-I-N-G-O-B-I-N-G-O-B-I-N-G-O-B-I-N-G-O-B-I-N-G-O-B-I-N-G-O-B-I-N-G-O-B-I-N-G-O-B-I-N-G-O-B-I-N-G-O-B-I-N-G-O-B-I-N-G-O-B-I-N-G-O-B-I-N-G-O-B-I throwing another ball at the target so that we can dunk ourselves into making another

bracelet. It's better than the drunk tank where I've also been, so you know there's that. We've got to thank Aaron Leninger of Portland, Oregon. I know that place. Aaron says, Hi Luke, Andrew, and John. I hope I'm not too late. I just finished my first year as a middle school assistant principal, which was great. And now I have time to write this. Aaron, thank you for your service. My sister is a principal, my sister Hannah, and it

is pretty hard work oh i thought you're gonna say pretty easy okay i know no opposite think of easy

and then think of imagine you have one of those easy buttons but then they take it away and they replace it with a button that says hard oh okay you have to hit it every single i don't know if you're familiar with the season of the wire where carcetti is the mayor oh yeah somebody says to him uh it's just like eating a bowl of excrement and then they just bring you another one to eat that's how i would describe educating the children of america wow well let's hope you're not applying

for any job in the educational system.

Erin, no, Erin says it was great. She loves being an assistant principal and then says number one, congrats on going independent. I've been a listener for 10 years and TBTL kept me feeling connected to home when I lived abroad in Shanghai and the Philippines and now in Portland, Oregon. Erin, welcome to the greater Portland area, which I consider myself still to be in. Number two, shout out to Will Burton in Ohio. He mentioned me in his message as his TBTL progenitor back when we both lived in Shanghai and is the only person I've ever converted to a 10. Oh, wow. To be fair, my 11, Chris, happily listens to TBTL when we're in my car and secretly reached out to Luke before we attended Livewire on my actual birthday last year. Oh, nice. I remember this. Yeah, Chris, what a partner. Chris was doing the ultimate sort of good partner behavior, which was, I don't really, this is not necessarily for me, but I know that it's very much for the person who I love. So could you say hi to them? Number three, finally, I want to recommend anyone in Portland to check out the Milwaukee Cafe and Bottle Shop. Our friend Shea is the owner, and they serve up amazing breakfasts and lunches and bake the best biscuits in town. What you do is so important. Here's to many more years of TBTL. I'm not sure if the Milwaukee Cafe and Bottle Shop is in Milwaukee, but I will tell you this. Milwaukee, Oregon, that is. I love Milwaukee, Oregon. i feel like it is a very underappreciated i'm just double checking this uh it is in milwaukee

or really is that because i want to recommend anyone in portland check out is milwaukee very

close to portland it's it's just you head you head right on down um i what's the i want to say mcclellan because that was the street that i used to live near in mount baker but it's another street that sounds very much like that it's not very far at all from the greater portland area i used to be When I lived on Burnside, just off of Burnside, right in the heart of Portland, I was 10 minutes, if that, from the Milwaukee area. It has, I think, maybe the original Pietro's Pizza, which has the most bitchin' sign of any pizza place I've ever seen. There are lots of great little shops and restaurants and things to do. Would recommend, I was kind of thinking for a while when I was looking to buy a place, I was thinking about Milwaukee, Oregon. So go check out the cafe and bottle shop down there, Milwaukee Cafe and Bottle Shop.

I am looking at the photos of their food on their website. I would honestly almost recommend you not doing that right now, Luke, because you will be distracted. There is some sort of a biscuit with, I think it's like very, are you looking at this too? Risk it for the biscuit. I am, and I had to X out of it. It was too much. Okay, it looks good.

It's too much at 11.48 a.m. when I'm only halfway through my intermittent fast for today. Aaron, thank you so much for supporting our show. We really appreciate you. By the way, Milwaukee is where the Milwaukee Tool Company comes from. Not Milwaukee, Wisconsin, which is surprising, right?

Right. I have a family member who was involved in that business for a while. I should have known that. Wait, is that definitely true? Because I could have sworn he'd... Wait, hold on a second. Is that definitely... I don't think that's true. Really? Now I'm going to be really... If I'm calling you out on something. Because I swear he had to work out in the Midwest.

Well, they're headquartered in Brookfield, Wisconsin. Okay, okay. But also...

I'm glad we stopped on that, though. That saved some people a lot of internet ink in reaching out to us.

I think we should try to get that rumor started.

somehow i got that you know i didn't grow up knowing there was a milwaukee oregon so i grew up seeing milwaukee tools and assuming that was milwaukee wisconsin then at some point i got corrupted andrew by living down in this area and by loving milwaukee oregon so much i swear somebody said to me offhandedly oh they they do those in milwaukee or something and then i got it in my head that that that misinformation that factoid uh-huh which which once you learn that factoid means a wrong fact you can never unlearn that and then it makes you just a miserable person to be around because you always want to correct people that factoid doesn't mean a fun fact it means a

wrong fact according to one issue of reader's digest that i read to you you know what years ago and we have we have at least i can't remember who it is it might well i don't want to call them out i i think it's i have it down to one of two listeners who gets so angry every time we bring that up because she writes it and says that is not true and i'm like well ironically then it's the irony that that would be a fact we're reading something from like like like i don't know 10 common grammar mistakes from readers digest or something and i think the more we read them we're like i don't think any of these are actually correct but whatever i like just like you want to continue to spread the rumor that milwaukee tools come from outside portland i will continue to spread the spread the word that factoid means an incorrect fact i wonder if the truth is somewhere

in the middle. This is what the internet says. What's the difference between a fact and a factoid? A fact is based on observations that have been verified many times. A factoid is a statement based on an assumption something that has never been confirmed. That doesn't mean it's wrong, it just means it's not as kind of solidly researched as a fact, which kind of makes sense if you think about what toyed what toyed kind of does to the word. Like a factoid is something like, eh, it's probably true, but we haven't really done the research on it. I kind of like that. Yes, it's truthy. I actually like that. I like that version of factoid. I like that better than a factoid is incorrect. It's just we don't know if it's correct. It might be. It might not be. It hasn't been as rigorously kind of researched as a bonafide fact.

Toids in the attic. Show title.

Avoid the toid.

That might be better.

I don't know. Maybe show title. Thanks, Aaron. Maestro.

On your mark. On your mark. Get set. Get set. Now ready. Ready. Go.

Hey, it's our friend Holly Woo, Mike. Mike Farnan, located in West Hollywood, California, pronounced Ladybug Cross. You owe me a couch. What does this mean? That is one of those fake Facebook accounts. Oh, Ladybug Cross. That I was corresponding with about trying to sell them a couch. And I believe Ladybug Cross was the account where the AI had generated a very realistic-looking photo of this person, Ladybug, and her husband in a warm embrace. But they were sitting in the upstairs hallway of their AI house in a way that you would just never put that picture up on your Facebook account. But that's Ladybug Cross.

That's right. That means, okay, as we're kind of nearing the end of our list of dazzling donors for this year, the dazzling messages are starting to reference more and more current things. I like this. It's good to hear from Mike.

Eventually, the time stream will jump over to where they're predicting the future. That's when things get really interesting. That scares me. They catch up, and then they pass us. They lap us. Mike says, of course, Mike is our friend who works in Hollywood. He's the person behind the Walsh Helm scream. He's inserted Andrew's voice in numerous productions that he's worked on. Let's see if I can give folks an example. This is the Wilhelm scream. This is the original. This is the thing that has shown up in movies for years and years and years. I think there's even maybe a full documentary about it. It's kind of a well-known thing. Whoa, sorry. And then not that second part, just this part. That's the Wilhelm scream. And then here's the Walsh-Helm scream.

There you go.

And that's all thanks to our friend Hollywood Mike, who says, Hey, friendos, well, it's been quite a year. In December, I was diagnosed with testicular cancer. Fortunately, I had the rare form of cancer that is 100% curable. Then in January, I tripped on a crack, fell, and broke my hand. Throw in two strikes here in Hollywood. Go unions, but not great for my business, and it's been quite a rough go. oh Mike I'm sorry yeah so that's like let's just see if you're scoring at home that is testicular cancer that is falling and breaking your hand and that is an industry that is going through all kinds of upheaval and labor organizing and things that hopefully long term will be really good for people like Hollywood Mike in the short term mean a loss of income and things like that

Gosh, there's a lot to go through

I can't imagine how you would break your hand Falling though, like what kind of a person Would like fall and break their hand

Mike was trying to protect his Microphone, he was carrying A Neumann Some kind of very Wonderful Expensive Neumann microphone And he fell And almost broke it But then used his hand to protect the microphone

I remember when Mike broke his hand I don't think he sent me x-rays or maybe even did, but I think he was texting us and telling us about it because he and I had done. I think his handbrake was much worse than mine. I broke a couple of fingers. I think yours was pretty bad, though. Don't low-key that. I had those weird pins going through it. Remember when we were on the TBTL-a-thon? I had those pins going through my hand. But anyway, Mike, really, really sorry to hear about all that, but I hope that things are going better.

um actually he says through all that i've been so thankful to have your virtual company uh throughout all of these challenges you and the tens pick me up like a grandma from a rap battle boy who knew that would lodge itself in the tbtl canon and it's not even that guy's original joke

that's the worst part it was just a tweet that somebody is enacting for tiktok but he's enacting

it so well we love it so much pretty devastating it was pretty devastating well uh mike i'm glad that the 10s have been able to pick you up like a grandma from a rap battle. Mike says, but enough, a woe is me. Congratulations on your independence from APM. Though I am sad I no longer know where I can buy and sell all my used cars. Adding John Sklaroff to the team is a great hire. And I do have some suggestions for some swag for the upcoming TBTL-a-thon. How about some TBTL-branded dart flights? Ooh, Andrew. Maybe for next year, once we get you back on track with your darting, Maybe that could be something that we talk about

Yeah, I'm hoping that maybe by this time next year I'll be able to play darts again I will be honest with you It saddens me that I can't play darts

It saddens me, man

I know, now I need to come up with a new personality

How about some TBTL branded dart flights Or TBTL ninja shoes with the split toe Oh, like you had or wanted when you were a kid I want it Although, to be honest with you I don't really like flip flops that go between my toe I don't think I would have liked those tabby shoes, but I just thought they would make me silent. I would be able to sneak in and out of places completely and totally undetected. Or how about a TBTL unicycle served with a side of guacamole, of course. Oh, God. I'll never live that down. You were there for that.

Yeah, that was you, me, your ex-fiancee at the time, and Genevieve. and uh yeah that was when we're all hanging out constantly and you threw a uh you threw a thing

of guacamole at a unicyclist in the park because why did i even do that plus i would ride a unicycle

that's the sad part later on i would learn that you were a unicyclist yeah he was a brother in

that he was a brother in that one wheeled lifestyle i was just trying to be funny and it was one of those those things happen sometimes where you could never reproduce it if you tried it's it's like the time one it's a lot of stories of me throwing things at people but one time when i used to hang out when i used to go to and hang out at daniel bagley elementary school right on aurora by what was then chubby and tubby these days is i think a rada paint they're at 80th and aurora raw dog paint there was it that you know that rada paint that's that's

there on the corner um actually yes i do when you first said it sounded like raw dog paint which i thought was an interesting name for it that was my company i think i do know yeah there's and uh

I think that's maybe what, I think that the Chubby and Tubby is now some sort of paint store. But anyway, there was a transmission, like a place that would fix your transmission next door. And it turns out transmissions are a bunch of metal rings that sit on top of each other and press down and move the car into different gears. But when you have an old transmission that isn't of any use, they'll take all those little rings out and throw them in a big, oily drum behind the transmission place. And we would climb over the fence And we would get these out And we would throw them Like weapons at each other and people And I threw one of these Metal rings that was part of a transition At a kid who was I'm not kidding Like a hundred feet away from me Climbing up a playscape This was not during school hours This was like in the middle of the summer or something And as it was getting I just didn't think I was going to hit the kid And as it was getting ever closer to the back of his head I was like, there's no way this is that true. My aim is that true. What the hell is happening? And it totally bonked the kid on the head. And bonking is underselling it. It thwacked slash lacerated the kid on the head. And he was like, what the hell? And I was like, I don't know why I did that. I didn't think it was going to hit you. I didn't.

I remember that feeling as a kid doing something. That as soon as you've done it, you're like, why did I do that? That wasn't even me. Like, you literally can have the feeling of, that wasn't even me.

And, like, why is it successful? Yeah. Like, again, if you told me to throw that piece of transmission equipment at someone a hundred times, 99 times, it just misses. It's, like, not even the same thing with that guacamole. I chucked it at that guy on a unicycle just to try to make you guys laugh. And then it just was, like, odd. Did it hit him, though?

I don't think it hit him.

It landed right in front of him, but what happened was he fell off the unicycle.

Oh, because I didn't remember that. It startled him.

He was riding the unicycle in Cal Anderson Park, and then the guacamole, which was in one of those little containers. We probably got it from Taco Bravo or whatever across the street. That thing that used to be a KFC. It exploded, and I think it caused him to fall. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Or I kind of stumbled off it. I don't think he fell on his side or anything. He didn't injure himself. Yeah, he kind of stumbled off of his thing.

But then I think I had to, like, I don't think he confronted me. I think he just rode by us like, what the hell, dude? Like, I tried to get down low.

I remember we were listening to a Mariners game on the radio. One of us had, like, a transistor radio. And I think we were just having a picnic or maybe having wine.

I had to go ruin it by chucking a guac at some poor guy. Here's the other thing. So Becca's nephew, Alexander, now has a unicycle that he was apparently trying to learn how to ride the other day. And I was like, little unky Luke. show his stuff this is where i really shine as a nearly 50 year old man who presumably can still ride a unicycle like i mean that's where i want to really get some propers i want to really show this kid that that i'm a cool guy who can ride a unicycle so i was like let me add him well that'll

be fun we can talk to you when you get out of traction about the entire as long as no one throws any guacamole at me it should be fine i want to extend this a little bit uh longer here luke and inadvisedly so i will admit um up top but i i it's on my mind now and i need to ask you about this uh have you seen the movie for your consideration the christopher guest movie i

haven't i know that the audio you played at the top of the program that sounded like parker posey

exactly and it's from that i have never seen it all the way through either it's i've seen a lot of the christopher guest movies and yesterday i was just sort of in between things sometimes i just i don't know why i'm saying all of this but like sometimes i just turn on the tv when it's

time for me to put on my shoes which i really think i'm just like i understand that i do that

with i do that with the howard stern show sometimes it's like powder milk biscuits it gives shy people the energy they need to get things done sometimes i'll feel like i need something else happening so that i can be motivated to do a thing right now like i don't feel like dialing up the podcast or

something but I'll come like my bathroom which is where I keep a lot of my clothes and stuff and my shoes is like right kind of here in the basement where the big TV is and so sometimes I'll come out of the bathroom and I need to sit down to put on my socks and shoes if I'm going out somewhere and I'll just like turn on the TV but keep in mind we don't have regular cable so I'm not dipping into some sort of like just MSNBC stream or something I kind of have to dial something up but I don't want to spend a lot of time doing it I'm not sitting down to watch something I literally just need to watch something for like five minutes it doesn't take me five minutes to put on my shoes but you know just whatever like maybe i'll just watch the credits of something so i sit down yesterday i turn on the smart tv and it says that for your consideration is like one of the first things i can play off of like to be or something i'm like okay sure i'll just watch the very beginning of this and then i realize oh i have watched the beginning of this a bunch i've never made it all the way through and i think maybe it's just because i put it on in situations like that so anyway i watched probably about a half hour 45 minutes of it yesterday before like i'm getting distracted by something else um but that is where the tape at the beginning of the show comes from and it's about i can't even really tell what it's about other than a bunch of people in hollywood putting on a pretty low budget movie with a pretty ridiculous premise seems like the director isn't that good and the actors aren't that good and it's kind of just showing us all their little personal journeys as where they are in their careers and whatnot um that's all i got so far i don't know what the what the general tension is going to be but christopher guest himself plays and i don't know if you saw that i just texted you something he plays the director this kind of like he's not a very good director and at one point we see him walk out like he leaves his director's chair and walks out on the sound stage and there's this one

small dazzling detail that i noticed which is he's wearing some kind of i had never seen these springs for the heel must have seen this before yeah it's like tennis shoes but they have springs

rings for the heels and i've never seen those before nike made a version of that shoe now let me just tell you this andrew and this is only interesting to you and me because um because we're looking at the photo if you take the shoes out of the mix the the cargo shorts and the shirt my dad literally owns both of those items and if it were a summer day here that's what he would be wearing. It's a good look.

owns that exact shirt it's such a good father's day look honestly but yes i did not know about those spring shoes are crazy and there's just something so funny about this seniors like oh you see christopher guest playing the director going up on the stage and also you're like wait what is he wearing on his feet like i don't know how that fits into his particular character or what did they make are these supposed to be super athletic shoes are they supposed to be

super comfortable if you're dealing with like they're called z coils i've now gone to the real website um the freedom classic in sky blue from the z coil company and these are just remarkable like this is very clearly a passion project for a person i'm i don't know why i'm sure his name's dave and he just thought like what if we could harness the kinetic energy of springs to propel people forward and like made these shoes created the z coil company and is i'm guessing mostly funding it through uh the hvac business that his late father left him he's slowly redirecting much like elon musk is redirecting the tesla money to twitter that's what dave is doing with z coil i can't imagine that this is making money the z coil shoe company and i guess the point

is for almost like more like pain relief because i was looking at these and it wasn't i could tell that it wasn't like when when we were kids and nike i think no it probably wasn't nike was it who had the pump up shoe the way you could you know reebok reebok you could squeeze the tongue of the shoe and pump up your shoe but that was like really targeted towards you know kind of young people who wanted to be better on the court you know what i mean or want to do like unlock even more of their athletic ability whereas i'm i'm thinking that these z coil things it says unparalleled comfort and pain relief enabling you to walk run and stand with ease so I think it's like it's shoot it you know I doubt there was some commercial that showed a bunch of like kind of hard bodies playing a pickup basketball game in the city wearing these things but there's just such a great little it's just such a great little thing it's so Christopher Guest-y just to throw that in there and just uncommented on in the movie

I'm guessing that there what I assumed from the name of the film and I really should just sit down and watch all these I sort of got, not intentionally, but I sort of got a little bit off the train after probably Best in Show, and it wasn't because I didn't, I loved Best in Show, I don't know why, it was just like, something inside me, and I pray to God that this never happens for the tens, but something inside me just said, okay, I've been on this journey, I kind of know what this is, and yet I should re-engage with the content, because even that thing you just played, Parker Posey talking about those comedy clubs that she played at, it's just so frickin' funny to me. But, yeah, I was assuming that for your consideration also means they're trying to win an Oscar.

Oh, yes.

That's what the whole for your consideration terminology usually indicates.

Of course, that's right. Catherine O'Hara's character is not a very good actor, and she's nearing sort of the golden, let's say, the end of her career or whatever. And she has a lot of insecurity, and that's right, and somebody is spreading a rumor. She hears somewhere that she might be considered for an Oscar nomination, which is patentedly ridiculous based on the acting that we see. Now, I will say in this movie, at least it doesn't it's not as it's not as faux documentary. It's not as mockumentary in its format as some of the other ones like you do get sort of that. But it's it's film more like a kind of a more standard movie feature length film. But I will say that, like, Christopher Guest's stuff got more and more serious. I feel like I watched A Mighty Wind and that was about the folk ensemble. Oh, I didn't watch that one either. I think I watched that one because I think we use a drop from it. Um, and it just, they got more and they got less and less funny and just more and more sort of serious and kind of sad. And I think after a mighty wind, I was like, uh, you know, maybe, maybe these things aren't a laugh riot anymore. Not that they're bad movies, but it's very different than, than going to see, you know, waiting for Guffman, which has its moments of, you know, I always, is it pathos, pathos moments of pathos, but also like just so many laughs.

The pathos being when Parker Posey Is fanning a chicken wing Over a not particularly functional Barbecue Realizing that their dreams of going to Broadway Have been dashed

At the end when she's talking about She wants to invent new blizzards You remember this movie better than I do Isn't she at the end just sitting in a stoop Talking about all the different blizzard combinations She wants to come up with

She's talking about she might want to Really invent A delicious low-fat frozen dessert. She's also talking about going to Manhattan. It's just an island, really, full of guys, all kinds of guys, Italian guys. She starts listing guys that'll be in Manhattan. Just types

of guys. I've been thinking of ice cream and stuff and what I can do with it. Maybe come up with... Why did I think she was outside sitting on a curb? She's actually inside of, it looks like, a DK. The DQ, probably. Ice cream and stuff and what I can do with it. come up with we have a blizzard we have a breeze we have Derby's and the Derby's are really all they've been doing Derby's in the chocolate dip for I think 20 years or something I really want to sort of make a healthy low fat or non

Nonfat, healthy, blizzard.

See, what I feel like, Andrew, is I owe it to Christopher Guest and everyone associated with these films. It's like, if you don't love me at my four-year consideration, you don't deserve me at my Waiting for Guffman. Right, yeah. The amount of joy that Waiting for Guffman and Spinal Tap has put into my life means I should watch every single thing they make, even if they're not all home runs, even if they get a little more serious. It's like you've, to take it back to the TBTL analogy, it's like you've earned my trust in a way or you've earned my attention so that now I will pay attention even when you're not maybe knocking it out of the park because of how great it's been.

I need to say this for my for my ego, although I could just my ego is feels better just knowing this. I don't need to externally say this, but there is a famous scene where she is talking to the camera like that outside the DK. And I believe she is. We don't have to play this whole thing because I don't remember where it goes. But this is where she's sitting kind of it looks like up against the wall of the outside of some ice cream parlor. Right. Go ahead. Sorry. What were you going to say?

Well, then there's also. So, yeah. So that's I don't remember where that is in the film. I think that might be when we meet her, Libby May as her character, right?

Kind of explaining her here.

Eight months, seven. I don't know, something like that. It's fine.

It's fine.

Do the cones.

Make a cone.

Make Sundays, make blizzards.

She does the motion of upside down, the derby, right? Yeah. Which is so hilarious.

Yeah, you're right. We're just being introduced to her because then the title, there's a text that says Libby May Brown on the screen.

But then she does, but then when she's fanning this, she's cooking a chicken wing at the end when their dreams are dashed. She's fanning this very sad gray chicken wing with a styrofoam plate, if I remember right, over a non-working Weber barbecue. And she's trying to pick up the pieces of her life. That's the pathos.

Oh, my God. You're right. I'm watching this now. Okay, well, that was fun watching movies with you.

That was good for all of us, specifically Hollywood Mike.

Yeah, thanks, Mike.

Thank you, Mike. We appreciate it. He says, as always, thanks for being the best virtual friends. And go Lil Sluggers, signed Mike.

Nice. Thank you so much, Mike. And thank you, Aaron. Again, I want to stress this. These dazzling donations are truly, truly dazzling, and we appreciate it.

They are, and we need them. We seriously need them.

I need those shoes.

I need it to go buy some wasp spray, Andrew, because as you know, but the listeners don't, Walt popped his head in here during the show and said, hey, where's that wasp spray that you used to have? And I said, I don't know where it is And he said, yeah, he's cutting open this window for me And I'm watching him get mildly swarmed by wasps He's also standing on a roof about 8 feet off the ground And my 70-year-old dad, surrounded by wasps On a roof, 8 to 10 feet off the ground Just feels like a before That I don't want to see the after of So I think I need to go get him I need to go get some wasp spray and take care of this thing for him, lest he find himself in a cloud of dangerous insects.

Who wants to go to the hospital? Not me. No, why can't I think of his name? Goodness, David Cross's character in Arrested Development.

Oh, Tobias. Tobias, aren't there names? Maybe it's when his hair transplant turns on him or something. He keeps on finding himself in more and more dire situations.

Where that hair transplant doesn't take. It's just like weeping blood.

I can just picture him crumpled on the floor in some unholy position with unholy stuff coming out of his head. And he just says, who wants to go to the hospital?

That's going to be my dad if I don't get him a wasps ray. So maybe we'll wrap this up for today. Is that where we're wrapping things up? We're wrapping it up. I'm calling it.

Wrap it up. I'll take it in the words of the I'm gonna okay it's not George Thorogood is it ZZ Top

no but it's so in that

it's not the destroyers

it's not dad no it's not the Delaware destroyers it's primo it's cold brews and hot blues it's a kind of it's a certain kind of dad rock that a certain kind of dad would really vibe with in the 80s

And it's so close to ZZ Top and George Fairgood and the Destroyers, right? There's one more band that I...

fit in there they they are the holy trinity they are it goes zz top george thorogood and and these

father son and holy ghost oh goodness who is it it's driving me bananas um they're they're not

your average fabulous thunderbirds yes that's right wrap it up i'll take it wrap it up how do

Because they exist at the same time as George Thurgood and the Destroyers, and they're not the same thing.

We had not saturated music with that certain kind of deeply forgettable Texas blues rock.

They must have toured together, right, at some point, just to confuse everybody? Who opens for whom? That's what we need to know.

Fabulous Thunderbirds. We've got probably some Thunderbirds heads out there in the audience.

Yeah, I don't want to be rude.

Hey, you'd be surprised. They're from Texas. Oh, they are from Texas. I thought you were taking kind of a- Their 1986 album, Tough Enough. Remember that one? Oh, yeah. Is that tough enough?

Yeah, sure. Yeah. And the answer for me is always, yeah. Like, we're good. We're good on the toughness, I think.

All right. Well, we're going to wrap this up because- We'll take it. That's the end of the show. Oh, my gosh. He just punched a wasp with his gloved hand. Oh, good God. This cannot go on. Go save that man. I am trying to.

You know what he's going to need if he gets stung? One bourbon, one shot, and one beer. Wait, is that the lyric? One bourbon, one shot, one beer? Wouldn't the bourbon be the shot? What is the shot?

Well, let's take that on tomorrow.

Okay, that's a good teaser.

That's really that like Patrick Swayze's rules of Roadhouse. Yeah, sure. Like how many rules are we on here?

It should be one bourbon, one daiquiri, and one beer. Okay, go ahead. Now that's different. Go ahead.

Okay. You can just keep going, by the way. I'll riff.

You don't have to end the show, but I just have to leave.

You can absolutely stay here as long as you see fit. You're in control of all the equipment, the recording. You post the show. This is really more your thing than mine at this point.

I got some good stuff. Stick around.

I'm just trying to get to 20 years for my retirement. I'm just trying to get vested.

I'm retiring tomorrow. I hope nothing bad happens to me.

I'm getting too old for this shit, Andrew. All right. Thanks, everyone. We'll see you tomorrow. In the meantime, have a great Tuesday. Take care of yourselves. Go Mariners. And please remember, no mountain too tall. And good luck to all. Oh, my dick is beautiful. Power out.