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In 1971, Bill Greats invented Microsoft. Wouldn't it be cool if I could remember my dingus password for my e-mail?

You can't be serious.

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I like not having fun. I like your idea of fun. I mean, our idea of fun, I like not having that.

No, you're going to tell a story. I don't believe that I can bear to listen to another one of your stories right now.

all right hello good morning and welcome everyone to a Thursday edition of TVTL the show that just might be too beautiful to live the vibes will be the illest and the jams not ridiculous my name is Luke Burbank I am your host explaining how a show works means the show's already in trouble coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio perched high above the mighty Columbia it is an absolutely beautiful day oh ma pa it's just beautiful may get up near 90 degrees today which again is uh relatively comfortable compared to what a lot of folks are dealing with hope you're doing okay out there uh we may be dealing with some sound intrusion today on the program because uh yes of virginia there is brush being hogged here at the madrona hill studio my The guy, Jerry, just rolled up all, I don't know, 85 years of him to drive around on this big hill that I live on and drag his brush hogger up and down the hill to get rid of all the tall grass that's gone to seed and will eventually become a fire hazard. I love this guy so much. He just, he pulls up, he's got his truck with the trailer, he's got his other tractor on the trailer, and doesn't even say a word, just pulls up. Well, yesterday he called to say, hey, I'm going to come by and take a look at the project. I said, well, you've already done it two times. He goes, are you the DJ? I said, yes, I am. He said, all right, I'll be there tomorrow. Rolls up, unloads his tractor. No conversation about the price. No conversation about, you know, what the scope of the project is, wood-all-brush-I-want hogged. I just look over, I just see him. He's got a cane that's kind of wedged onto the device. He's sitting on it. Giant cigar hanging out of his mouth. 9.45 in the morning. And wrap-around sunglasses, and the man is just going to work. We're going to work here. In as much as I ever go to work for episode 4,232 in a collector series.

Let the fun begin.

Speaking of workplace incidents, there's a lawmaker in new hampshire at the state legislature in new hampshire who kept finding that his tote bag was soaking wet didn't know you like to get wet though could not figure out what was going on with that and then he set up a secret camera and then he did figure out what was going on with that which was very weird um and also speaking of wet things i finally got my neti pot it's not actually a neti pot but it's you know one of those things that allows you to pass sterile water through one part of your nose and then out the other part and it just clears everything out and my goodness, it was, well, I'm hooked, my friend. It tastes like soot and hot water. I'm hooked. So, shout out to listener Kirsten for hipping me to this project and this process and I'm really enjoying it, at least after doing it one time. It's a Thursday, aka a Blur's Day, so we've got the Blur's Days and we've got this guy. Longest running Cobra of the show may be best known for his depictions of the tall ships. He's got one non-negotiable flavor for his signature broadcast coffee blend.

They're very expensive freshwater clams from the Cuyahoga River.

It's Andrew's Basement Brew Latte, and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend. Why was that rejected?

Do I know nothing about coffee? I thought it was a fantastic, fantastic idea. I insisted upon those notes.

I mean, honestly, you've got to go with what you know, and what you know are freshwater clams from the Cuyahoga River.

From the Cuyahoga River. I want to tell you a little tale, Luke, because I think I might have suffered the repercussions of the sin of pride yesterday, if that's not setting it up into arch of a manner. Not the repercussions.

i would expect you to suffer yeah i know i i don't think of your brand is cuyahoga clams it's

not pride in my experience i've become more and more of a prideful boy luke and the lord saith unto me he thou shalt not oh what did i get myself into is what the lord have said to me

verily verily what hath you gotten yourself into brah here's what i used to be proud of and no

longer am is i thought i got used to needles in the doctor's office i had a uh i had a doctor's

appointment you went to dr feel bad yesterday i did he is the one that makes you feel not right

i had another appointment with my doctor to check in on this weird thing that's been going on sort of a i guess it's just carpal tunnel but some nerve stuff going on and i also have been having some other kind of nerve stuff unrelated to my to my hands and so you know when it's all yeah you know i appreciate it we're trying to figure it out i actually the the weird thing is that my hands had gotten a lot worse since the last time i had seen my doctor but then yesterday was like one of the best days i'd had in a long time which is sort of a double-edged sword because of course you want you know it's like taking your car into the mechanic and it stops making

the clunking noise you know yeah thanks for picking today to and i think anyone who's had a persistent uh medical issue uh will tell you that the you should just honestly what you should do is go in your outlook calendar and enter doctor's appointment seven days a week so that your body thinks you're going to the doctor so it will shut down whatever it's doing just long enough for the doctor to think you're losing your mind i had a cockamamie idea on the way to the

doctor yesterday when i was like kind of like you know kind of you just you know kind of trying to make fists with my hands which is still kind of a tough thing to do but i had a little bit more movement than usual and i was like i wonder if it could be weather related too because one of the worst days i had in a while was saturday when it was really cold and rainy and i was and yesterday

was one of those guys now you can feel weather systems you're like an old hound dog wait luke

hold on i'm listening to my hands i think it's hot in large swaths of the u.s right now am i right

look it up well old andrew's moving slow out there probably a storm front coming in look it up is

there a heat wave anywhere in the u.s right now if so my hands don't lie um so anyway i go in the doctor's appointment is basically fine they end up um i figure this is going to be a pretty pointless appointment because not a lot had changed since uh the last time i saw this doctor i have sort of a nerve test i got to go into i told you about it off air they're going to be i think shooting electricity through my nerves to map my nerves so i'm looking forward to that as sort of a brave young boy i heard it's actually not that that painful it sounds more slick if i

I can add a little context for the listeners about your pride, ray, colon, needles. You and I were talking off air yesterday about how you've been in such discomfort, and it's been obviously pretty concerning for you, that you're like, bring it on. You got needles, let me at them. You got electricity, you wanna send coursing through my body like Jack Nicholson in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, sure.

You wanna Doc Brown me up on the clock tower? Absolutely. Do it too, my dude.

don't go harold lloyd on that i'll hang off of the minute sign minute hand but that's a test

well i was talking about electricity hitting the old clock tower and i was talking about the old

1950s guy hanging off of the i was trying to there's no electricity in that though no there isn't and also by the way it's it's you were rolling stone not metha per stone which i called it the other day what is that he corrected me that's the oh god

like to take this abortion how many times will i ask you about this hot button issue that is like

the number one headline this well my god listen it's better it's better to not it's it's better to not flex than to flex and fail and i tried to flex and i called it methopristone like a schedule run schedule one drug in the united states that you might be caught with i said to methopristone and i knew that i said it wrong but i i i just was too late and then i was for the like literally the last two days every time it comes up in the news i see it's spelled mifopristone gosh and then a listener just emailed me and i don't have the email right in front of me because i can't get to my tbtl account from this computer so uh sorry to the listener i can't give you credit for this but also seriously calm down uh listen just emailed me it's mifopristone not methopristone well that's

That's why you have to be more like me, Luke, and just know nothing, and therefore not get anything wrong, because you don't say anything of substance.

Honestly, like, sue him, sue him for what? The guy's mind is a goddamn blank slate. That's a very effective defense.

There's one tumbleweed in there, and a monkey picking ticks off of his head and eating them.

There's two cartoon birds hitting each other with mallets.

There are two monkeys within me. All right. So anyway, so I'm at the doctor's office and I figure that so I haven't had this sort of nerve.

yet and so there's been no development so i figured this is going to be sort of a a quick and somewhat meaningless is too strong of a word yeah useless is a strong word but you know

a quick check-in doctor sexual congress with me a quick and useless exercise that's that's what i

told the doc said this is gonna be like sex with luke right and um he said well i now i thought of several ways to end that medicine i prescribed him isn't working right so okay so anyway um i go You go to Dr. Hems, don't you? I certainly. I go to Dr. Hers and Hems.

They have towels. That's my problem. I've been getting this stuff from Hers.

They have towels outside the doors that say Hers and Hems. So I go in and, you know, he's kind of examining me. I'm saying today actually it isn't so bad, but it's been really bad lately. I'm trying to really advocate for myself. I'm thinking of all the emails I've gotten from listeners saying, you've got to stand up for yourself, advocate for yourself. Doctors always misdiagnose this stuff. It's important. Ask your why. Exactly, exactly. Shout out to Holly, who may or may not have at one point lived in Lakewood, Ohio. Who knows? The world could never know. But what I don't realize is-

You don't have data on these kinds of things.

When I tell him about some of the other stuff that's been going on in my neck area, he said, okay, well, here's what I'll do. I'll send you back down to the labs. And this happened the last time I was there. I had to go to two different little stops all in this sort of Swedish medical center in Ballard. I'm sure you know it, Luke.

the hospital is there and then that's where they took me when I broke my arm playing football as a

young lad oh really so it's been there for a while I'll bet you it's a lot now you might be in a newer

like wing of it or something but that's Swedish in Ballard is where my football coach Dick drove me in his I believe it was an IROC Camaro that was we would now call it a hoarder vehicle it had one tiny area in the passenger seat where you could sit and the rest of the car was just fast food wrappers and and spent cigarette packaging oh yeah it was the 80s it probably smelled good

it smelled incredible yeah like old pickles and cigarette smoke side note this man who was

very gnarled he looked like grimly the battle troll but with less you know verve uh he was uh as i think about it now as i reflect on he was probably 32 years yeah right if like he was a

thousand yeah if that so i he said hey i'm gonna send you back down to the labs got to go down to the imaging room again for more x-rays this time of like kind of your your back and neck so i go down there and i'm not expecting this again i think again not gonna finish that um i uh but anyway i was not expecting this to be much of a disrobing sort of situation at this actually my plan yesterday was you know this particular swedish used to be kind of a pain to get to because it's very far west of where I tend to live here and in my old apartment and east to west is always sort of a I don't know it's tougher way to navigate public transportation in this city but now it is so easy to get to so I have my plan yesterday which is the Mariners game starts at 3 40 my doctor's appointment is at three o'clock that's a coincidence so I'm like I'll take the bus into Ballard I'll go to my doctor's appointment my appointment will probably be ending right when the game is starting and then I'll go to a bar around there Bad Albert, here we go. Bad Albert. You're doing the same thing, Genevieve. Here we come. Legally, not allowed to call it Fat Alberts anymore. I got a text message from Genevieve. She's like, you still going to Fat Alberts? I'll meet you there. I'm like, it's not Fat Alberts. It's Bad Alberts. I do love that place.

How often do you think they get that, though? Because, I mean, you name something, something Alberts. And then also, by the way, your logo is a heavyset cat, if I remember right.

I don't think it's a heavyset cat. Let's not body shame that cat. Let's look up the Bad Alberts logo if we're going to settle in here. cool cat with sunglasses yeah it's more like a one bourbon one shot and one beer cat if i recall

fabulous thunder cat it's a fabulous thunder cat that you look up the logo while i write that down bad alberts ballard and it's really your why you know yesterday holly was asking your why your why is why because when i'm done with this doctor's office i can go to bad albert

I'm going to go get a Coors Light and watch the Mariners, which is exactly what I did.

Okay, this cat is not thin. I'm just going to be honest with you. He's a round mound of rebound, okay? And I say that with peace and love.

Let me see here. I'll take a look.

Oh, no, you know what? I'm sorry. I can't tell. He's sitting on the world.

Oh, I see why. Oh, you thought that was his belly. No, no, no.

I always assume he's on a ball of yarn or something. I assumed that that ball that he's on was his kind of distended belly. But you're right.

He's on a yoga ball. He's just large and in charge is what he is.

You're right. Those sunglasses are really a choice.

He's going to go brush hog your backyard pretty soon.

Dude, literally what Jerry – I mean, this is actually a photo of Jerry.

You put, like, a floppy camo hat on this guy.

I said to Jerry this morning, I said, I'm so glad you're still out here doing it, brother. He goes, well, I ain't 100 yet.

How old? He is an elderly gentleman, though, an older gentleman.

He's north of 85, I believe, and just still, you know, he goes about 6'2", straight posture. I mean, the guy is a medical marvel. Last time I was paying him, he only takes cash, and last time I didn't have enough cash, So I went over to his spread over in Castle Rock, Washington, and he's the kind of guy he showed me around. He's a real big wildlife photographer. He was showing me all his wildlife photography. And then he just was like shot of Jameson. I was like, actually, I think it might have been might have even been Jack. It was a shot of something or other. I was like, I'm actually cool right now. Thank you, though. But like this is one of those guys that they're going to go like, how did he live to be one hundred and twenty? It's like he had four pounds of bacon and a shot of Jack Daniels every morning. And that's the new thing we should all be doing, even though it just coincidentally his life worked out and he also did that i do have to say though

even if you get rid of that globe in front of the cat he's a thick boy i'm enhancing and enhancing here i only saw a small logo and now i've got i i don't i'm not willing to i'm actually look at that look he has no neck like i'm coming over to your side of the street i'm coming over to your side though and then i'm gonna pour water i'm with you i don't want to body shame bad albert

But I do think that they must answer the phone, Bad Alberts. People must go, is this Fat Alberts? And they're like, it's Bad Alberts.

There's no doubt. If you zoom in, I can probably use this as a show pick today. If you zoom in on this cat and you look at the way he presents, Bad to the Bone is his number one song, right? That is his favorite, favorite song. Or maybe a deeper cut off of that same record. But that is so that's the vibe of Bad Alberts. I know I've said this to you before. That is the sound of this cat. When the cat opens his mouth, that's how it comes out. It's disturbing. Bad Alberts, you go in there, and it's just a pretty unassuming, I'm not going to call it a dive bar, but on the maybe divey side or whatever, like certainly a no-frills bar. You go in some drinks and some pub food if you want, and it's kind of got the logo with this kind of cheesiness. but honestly what I like about it is more than any bar I've been to in Seattle especially ones that would even make themselves up to really lean into the maritime theme of Ballard with big thick rope and what have you like this place has none of that but it's truly the place where all the guys who work on the boats go and you sit at the bar and they're not like coming in in their like

it's not called sea shanty but it's staffed and and and sort of patronized by hip 25 like my daughter used to work in ballard uh right there in some kind of fancy you know design firm and now i don't want to speak to her motives or social life but there's a lot of folk kind of like that in the area and they hang out in places that i often say are named for what they used to actually be like famously there's a place called king's hardware which when i used to work for the plumbing company used to be a hardware store where i would go get stuff supplies that we needed um and now it's a lot of cosplay not even cosplaying it's just it's just cool places that people enjoy that happen to be um you know named sometimes references to things in ballard and the kind of ballard's history as a maritime a working maritime area but you're absolutely right bad albert is the kind of place where the guys are just going and the women are going when they get done doing whatever their

actual maritime stuff exactly and it's it's not like it's not always up front right away but like if you sit there long enough and I do the conversation amongst the, the people at the bar always come back around to like, Oh, well, did you, did you fix that thing in the boat? Yeah. Well, not yet. They're always talking about fixing things on the boat or like the other times in there, a lot of fixing needed on these boats. Yeah. Some old guy was like learning from a younger guy that like some boat was sinking right near his boat or where he should have known this. How do you not know that this boat is sinking near boat? And he's like, I gotta go check that out. It's like, it's, what i like about it is it's authentic but you would go in there and not be charmed by it necessarily at all but i really do like the patrons and sort of you know dropping and i'm sure

you know who i'm sure is in that bar a lot at least one of the jerry's from my old marina because that's a that's a stone's throw from sag from uh sagstad marina where i used to have the boat and there was like four guys ironically i guess maybe coincidentally the guy brush hogging right now is also named jerry that didn't that wasn't lost on me today every old coot i know is named jerry but those guys some of those jerrys from my whole uh marina situation where i once crashed into multiple boats on my way out with camaro kevin his parents and anita on the boat um i'm sure that they're in there talking talking boat stuff yeah i'll bet you i there's

a good chance I've exchanged work. with one of your Jerry's at some point.

Who knows? But anyway, ask them what they remember about that dilettante radio DJ who crashed into all the boats and then had to get towed back into the marina.

When I'm there, as you I'm sure would guess, I also pretend that I work on a boat and I just try to hang. I wear a hat that says, ask me about my boat.

You keep putting that Billy Joel song, the down on the nor'easter or whatever on the jukebox. Yeah.

Well, I just say, can you play that Billy Joel? You know what the most fascinating thing about the music at this place is? I've only been there twice recently. I used to go more like kind of pre-pandemic and then a little bit like when things started to reopen. And then I hadn't been to Bad Halberts in quite some time. But now twice in the past couple of months, I've been there. And both times they have some either algorithm or playlist playing of like generic modern pop music that is like kind of electronic. It's just like modern pop layered generic music. But they're all what I would expect. You wouldn't expect it. And they're all covers of bizarre songs. Like some of them are covers of old songs. Like we heard one that was a cover of a 60s song. But we also heard a cover of Shaggy's It Wasn't Me yesterday. Some generic. Some generic. Hold on. Hold on. Almost. Yeah.

I'm trying to remember. Okay. I saw you banging on the counter. It wasn't me. I saw you banging in the bathroom we even got it on camera

wasn't me wasn't me

well I have no choice but to believe you

that song that awful cover I mean who covers that song in like a modern

that song should barely exist in it's original form let alone a reimagining of it

and it's like all these and it's weird because there are some modern covers of songs that are actually on the radio now that I didn't even recognize but Genevieve joined me there later and she's like this is so weird there's this cover of

rocket man right now that's just like a it's the most soulless it might be Dua Lipa who I actually like it's some it's it's it's some modern you know I think pop star but it's just like a sped up version of rocket man which for me takes out exactly what's great about rocket man is kind of the the the rhythm of it and the and the sort of mournfulness of it like it's going to be a long long time till touchdown brings me back whatever the lyrics are it's a mournful song about someone who's far away from the people they love and it doesn't for me play when it's and i know it's gonna be a long long time anyway you're gonna hate my um song giant dancer which is sort of

homage to that to that era um okay so back to the doctor so my plan is to go watch the game at uh at at bad alberts put respect on that um but uh so i did i thought it was gonna be a very quick appointment at the doctor the doctor examines me says okay well let's do a little bit more blood work and let's get your vertebrae uh um x-rayed so i go downstairs to the x-ray place and they have me sort of like kind of disrobe just you know take off my shirt whatever but i actually have to wear one of those uh one of those you know hospital gowns that's open in the back or whatever while they're taking pictures nothing feels more like you're at the doctor than when

you get to that level i mean exactly i was like there's no more telling yourself you're not at

the doctor yeah and i was like oh this is a little bit more than i thought and then he's like and then stop down by the blood lab and get some more blood take and we're going to test for something else i can't remember what it is liptoids or tiptoids or something along those lines I have it written down somewhere, but anyway, I'm like, okay, but the thing is, there was a time when if you told me casually, oh, and then go downstairs and get your blood drawn, that would create some panic in me because I am not great with needles, and even though people, of course, Genevieve's a big blood donor, we've had dazzling donors encouraging people to give blood and platelets, I know that it's a very common thing, but I am not great with needles. But the last few times I've been to this doctor over the past couple of years, I have, I guess, started to trust. And this is maybe where pride comes in. I was proud how how strong and brave I was for all of us as I went in there and said, OK, you know, I sat in the little chair with I don't know if you if you have this when they take your blood to you sit in a chair and then you can put a little desk down in front of you looking on a little padded desk. It's almost like, you know, like, I think John Sklaroff has a dog who has to eat in the upright position. It's like one of those chairs for dogs.

Megasophagus.

And I've known other dogs that have had that, too. It's kind of like that chair where you can sort of put it down. But anyway, so I put that thing down, and then I give them my—

I'm thinking about getting one of those chairs for myself.

Yeah, I should get one in here. Maybe that would solve all my problems. I give them—oh, well, here's the deal. The past few times I've gone in there, the people have been really nice. it's gone very quickly very easily good bedside manner with the people who've been taking my blood and I'm in and out of there and it's been a painless

process and so i and that's that's where i'm like oh i i can get my blood drawn just like big boys now like it like like everybody around me i can now get my blood drawn without making a big deal of it i used to have to tell people hey do you have a couch i can lay it lay down on just in case i get lightheaded or whatever let me just understand this it's not the pain right i mean

i think it's more in my head yeah okay because here's the thing that i would say of all of the kind of like what's the word of all the messaging of all the sales pitches that i think work actually the best on me it's the it's the messaging that the nurses and i guess phlebotomists use when they're about to uh draw blood which is this is going to be a little pinch there's something about a pinch being much less intimidating than a needle going into your veins and so when they say this is going to be a little pinch my brain says okay i know what a pinch is and i'm not worried about a pinch i don't love getting the needle stuck in me but a pinch i can deal with and there's something about thinking of it in that way that helps me a lot do they say it's going

to be a little pinch when they do it you know what they say to me they say pinch me and punch me went down to the lake okay me fell fell in that must have been an ohio thing you didn't

we were more of a hurts donut kind of a culture we had hurts donuts as well but there was a thing

you say pinch me and punch me went down to the lake punch me fell in who was left and then you have to say pinch me and then you either get pinched or you get punched depending how it's

set up for you no i don't like that for a young andrew we're starting to understand a lot of why you don't like being strapped down and probed at the doctor's office so that's what they say they

say pinch me and punch me um no well yeah it is definitely we gotta get better health care here on the show it's it's in this fact that you're going to an elementary school for this is terrible and and that it's the the kids who are doing the uh the the procedures for sure i've had kindergarten cop on the mind a lot lately do you know i was mad wrong about is it or is it not a tumor well that's what i want to say in my head i would have told you i if this had come up on the show i would have even argued erroneously that that the origin of it's not a tumor was a kid commenting on his bulging muscles but it's not it's a kid commenting on he says i got a headache and some kid says maybe it's a tumor and he says it's not a tumor um i could i've never even watched

kindergarten cop so i couldn't even guessed at that but yeah that would not have been my guess either it would have been that he had some injury from being a cop like he got you know knocked in the head with a you know the butt of a gun and he's got like some swelling i would not have guessed a kid why do i assume the kid is played by jonathan lip nicky the little that kid that was in everything he was in jerry mcguire he was in all that stuff like he was in he was i think actually by the way lip nicky's moment in the sun was well after kindergarten cop but i picture the kid going maybe it's a tumor as being jonathan lip nicky uh yeah i can't picture him i don't

think I'm familiar with his body of work but uh anyway the it's not a reference to his muscles apparently it's a reference to the character having a headache okay so um let's come back to me for a second the deal with needles in me is it's mostly I think it's mostly in my head but that doesn't mean it's not real but I try to tell myself sometimes well it's not real it's all just in your head but the past couple of times I've gone and what I like about the folks who take the blood is if I tell them right away hey and I don't make a big deal of it I'm just like I'm not great with needles so i'm going to look away and they understand then once they hear that they always make some small talk with me so what are you going to be doing the rest of the day and usually by the time i'm done telling them about the new batting lineup for the mariners they're

long done trying to retool his swing in the offseason but guess what um taylor locklear is uh what's his name again um something tyler tyler tyler locklear is really um actually shown some flash at the position we've got ourselves a bit of a competition and we're done sir

please leave we're closing now we're twisting we're twisting the sign that says the blood lab is now closed sir bad alberts is closing what how did i get here it's last call you're wearing

the sunglasses the cat wears it's the sad version of bad it's not jonathan lip nicky i just watched the entire it's not a tumor scene on mute okay and it's not lip nicky we can we can accurately

report it's not lip nicky so the last three or four times and this is where the pride comes in i've gone in there i've been a big boy i've been i'm not scared of that room and that is actually

kind of a big deal for me no joke yeah i don't want to i don't want to make light of that that

is oh no we can we can i mean yes let's stop laughing and be very serious the rest of the show like that's this is what the listeners want no um of course it's ridiculous but i go in there luke and this is going to be i i really don't like being cruel or judging people by their looks but i need to be honest in this in this story um i'm sitting in the tiny little waiting area and for change like i'm the first one there usually there's quite a bit of a weight i think they're understaffed um i go in and there's a a very nice woman at the front desk she checks me in and i'll be honest with you i'm thinking i hope she's the person who draws my blood because she seems very nice and the other person who's in the office is a troll-like man who

who seems like from the way he presented himself, which was like sort of like unkempt and grouchy and lacking, not grouchy in a way that seems like, not like a guy who seems like he'd be personable elsewhere, but he's just being rude to us because he doesn't want to be at work. He just looks like a guy who has very little or maybe even negative social and people skills. Resting grouchy face. I mean, big time. and I see an interaction between him and the woman at the front desk and there's just something about his vibe I'm just kind of like god I hope he doesn't work with patients turns out he does so I go in so I get called into the room almost immediately and I follow him I'm like oh I guess I got the trolley guy but okay whatever I sit down I tell him hey I'm gonna look to my I roll up my left hand sleeve and I say I'm gonna look to my right I'm gonna look away I'm not great with needles all right so you want this on your left arm then I'm like yeah fine okay make a fist Now, this is maybe part of the problem is the condition I have, whatever it is, like whether it's carpal tunnel or if there's some tendonitis or whatever is going on with me, I can't make fists very well. Like I could not hold a bunch of dry rice right now, which is good because that is not part of my job. And to your credit, you've never asked me, Andrew, for today's show, please hold on to us.

It's not on your list of deliverables.

It's not. It might. We have our 360 reviews coming up pretty soon. But as of right now, my inability to hold dry rice in my hands is not a problem. him but i say to him i'm like you know i kind of can't make good fists right now but i'll you know i'll do my best and he's like hmm and so he's just like poking not poking with a needle but poking with his finger he just keeps poking poking trying to find a vein trying to find a vein and this has never happened to me before but i've heard people you know talk about the when you have somebody who can't find a vein and how it can get in your head a little bit and i'm like okay well this guy's not finding a vein whatever then he's like hmm can i look at your other arm i'm like yeah sure man it's your your office so then he comes around and then he starts looking i'm making I'm trying to make a fist with my right hand, and he's doing the same thing. And I can just tell he is not very satisfied with my right arm either.

Can I just mention, too, and I'm not a medical professional, but I don't think that the making, I don't think the lack of making a fist is impacting it all that much. And you're not a person who historically, if I understand right, has, you know, difficult to locate veins, right? Like, there are people that that's a thing. You're not one of those people, right? Like, I feel like, I feel like you go in there, they're able to find your vein and draw your blood pretty easily. they tie that thing around right kind of like like a rubber tourniquet i don't know if it's i guess i want to get in front of the narrative if this is the case at all that it's like somehow your inability to make a really tight fist is is is contributing to this because i just don't think that that's the critical component i think the critical component is guillermo del toro was

doing a shit job well well it gets a little bit more complicated than that so he moves over to my right arm and does the same thing he's kind of like you know taking the little sterilized pad or whatever and looking for a place i can just tell he's not satisfied whatever with whatever he's seeing and so i'm and i'm trying to i will fight this guy by the way i just want you to know and he's like huh okay and then he's like i'll try this and then he like so then he puts a needle into my right arm i'm like okay good i think he found something but now but the thing is i'm in my head about this too much like when i'm with the people who can find a vein quickly and they and they're personable when i say personable i'm not like trying to be like the middle-aged dad type who like over chats the the server at at mcgillicuddy's you know or whatever family

restaurant you don't like for instance when i was leaving the dump recently with um a person who may or may not be my actual father and the the woman who checks you out of the dump when who's in like a hut and he said large uh cheeseburger and fries with a shake for instance wait oh i oh he was like driving oh i see sorry i left that for a second right there's nothing there's i'm 48 years older there's nothing that chills me more to my core than when my dad makes

a joke in public yeah like whether we're at home depot initiate it sort of too right and it's not

because i mean there's my there's there's no one on planet earth who is less of a creep than my father you know he's not he's not that guy who's who's putting out a flirtatious energy with women or anything but because he'll he'll joke with a with a you know a guy as quickly as he might joke with a woman but there's something about like if we're at Home Depot and he's making a joke with one of the people that work there or somebody in line or like I don't know I'm 48 years old and I'm immediately 13 and I'm like oh dad just let us just get out of this dump yes I don't want to

be cruel but man uh my last trip to Cleveland was very nice and I hung out with my parents but we when i'm visiting my parents we go to a lot of restaurants and we even went to a restaurant in my old college town because one day we're killing time and i wanted to see my old college town which i hadn't seen in like 20 years at least um but then that meant that we were having lunch at some sort of like kind of bar pub thing in my college town with like you know like all college age serving staff and like it

Thank you.

It gets I get I mean, I am immediately like 16 years old and I just want to squirm under the table and disappear as my dad is asking three times for the pronunciation of the server's name. And oh, what kind of a name is that? Oh, God, kill me. Please just I look there's a look that I try to give the servers to just kind of like I'm not responsible for this. I am not that I will make your life as easy as possible because of what because we're now doing a family history because you have a name that my father hasn't heard of before

what I try to tell myself in those moments is this guy's doing fine in the world people like him you know what I mean like I'm saying as my dad moves through the like right now he is somewhere existing and it's going fine people like him people enjoy his interaction and his company certainly I've met your dad before he's a lovely person like they're doing okay yeah it's just it's like schrodinger's dad it's like if we start observing them it's like oh yeah it's so hard for us the children of these people but like most of the time they're just out in the world being fine no one's like at the end of the day going i can't believe that guy made that joke about this being a burger drive-through as opposed to the waste management place exactly

and i mean i love my dad he's one of my favorite people so like yeah i don't i i hesitate to even tell stories like that because i don't want to embarrass him and i hope that would never get

back to him it's more about us i think it is about them right i do think so you know i will say that

there's a woman who's probably in her 60s or whatever and she works the little like kind of toll booth at the dump that i go to and uh she is a card i love her she's busted my chops on things before one time i showed up in a rental truck and i'm like oh i don't have my sticker and she's like well then we're sending you to jail and i was like ah um and one time i was leaving and i saw some car like kind of go around me without paying and i had seen that car dumping a whole bunch of recycling in a in a dumpster in a recycling dumpster and i said to the woman i'm like oh is is recycling here um is there no charge for that if it's just recycling because i just noticed that person went and she looked at the car that just sped around she's like no that's just a friend of ours we don't make him pay she's ah just joking he's he we don't charge for recycling and then luke this is this is where you'll appreciate my quick wit i said good because i was going to get jesse on you and she thought that was the funniest thing and then she started listing other get jesse like investigative reporters from around the town that i did not i was not familiar with and then i

killed the conversation with my that was a really really good joke for you based on my presumptions about the demo yes yes exactly yes like that was a really smart poll because we talk about like who's watching local news anymore it's probably that lady exactly it really landed i was proud of that and again that is the sin of pride so yesterday which brings us back to brave boy and the blood draw which is one of the lesser harry potter books i think it's one of the better harry

potter books but i guess it's all subjective um but anyway so i'm sitting there in the chair he's now i think he goes in with a needle on my right arm now the one you know the kind of second arm i'm like well at least he's in there but now i'm thinking about i'm like he's in there but i know if he's actually found a vein or not and he's like he's not doing like he's put the two vials like right in front of me like instead of being i don't like to look at any of the stuff i don't like to look at the needles i don't like to look at the vials i don't like to think of my blood filling up the vials i like to think about baseball or memes or they have a bunch of like they have a bunch of like blood drawing related memes that they printed out in black and white

and stuck to the wall do any can you remember any of them well yeah what about what about the

You know, the baby making the little fist of like, you know, like with the oldest memes.

And I think that was like a soccer baby or that was early, like in like premierly soccer culture.

Was it? OK, it was very, very early meme. It's kind of like making the little congratulations fist to himself or whatever. And then you put some sort of big block quote on it. I said, didn't even pass out. And so that was like one of the memes. now that one was not um unfortunately it was not exactly how my how my meeting went in this office because he's he's in with the needle in my right arm he's in there for a little bit but i'm looking at the two vials in front of me they're not attached to the needle right now so i'm like what's going on also just like everybody else when i say i'm not good with needles they immediately know like don't put this like right in front he's using my little lap tray thing to hold his stuff I'm like, that's for my comfort, not your tools. And anyway, he's like, he kind of makes a disappointed sound. He's kind of disappointed in me and pulls the needle out. And he's like, I got to get somebody else. Hold this. And I'm just like, what? Hold what? And he's like, he's got a little piece of gauze over the tiny little hole that he made with the needle. And it's tiny. That part didn't get me so much. But I'm just like, he literally said, I got to get somebody else. Hold this. I'm like, hold what? He's like, hold this. I'm like, fine. I'm holding it. And I'm like, I really don't like this guy. Well, at least he's getting somebody else, right? That's what I'm thinking. So then he comes in with the woman who is working the front desk.

and she's completely opposite of him she's like oh how are you doing like what we got going on here i'm like oh sorry i'm not great with needles but yeah i guess we're having trouble finding a vein and he's sort of standing around trolling around um while she's very nice and she's like oh what do you got going on today like she and i'm like i'm going to watch the mariners game after this she's like oh they're good that you know doing everything that she has to do and again i hate to sound like a baby she's not like being a she's doing her work but we're just having a good conversation but she is doing the same thing she's like make a fist hmm yeah i can't find anything here and then she's like did you drink and did you drink enough water today and then i stop and i think about it i'm like uh how much water is there in jim beam right i'm like well i had my morning shot no um jerry and i know but then i am thinking i'm like oh wow today is a day where i had not had much water i'd had mostly coffee had not eaten anything and now it's because my point my plan was to go to bad alberts and have some wings or something and watch the game and so my day consisted of me waking up doing tbtl having a meeting with you there was some i had told you uh off air that we had some friends with sort of a minor family emergency so i was sort of like talking to friends about that and then getting on the bus like my day kind of didn't stop um until i got to the doctor's office and so then i'm sort of realizing i guess i didn't drink a lot of water is that is that and i asked her does that affect this she's like yeah i'd really try to drink a lot of water and days when you do this that'll probably help and so she pokes me in the left arm still can't find anything goes back to the right arm again tries a third time still

can't find anything but now that that's when she says we've got to go in through the neck and then she said i oh luke if only it had been the neck um no she's just kind of like we're going for the

main vein i'm like i uh and i'm like do you just want me to come back another time on a day when i've had more water and i keep saying that because now i can start to feel i'm like i'm starting to feel a little lightheaded and i'm thinking i'm thinking mind over matter mind over matter here um like it's not but once it's almost like my fear of heights remember when we were on your roof all those many many years ago now you you were surprised that it seemed like i was keeping my fear of heights together is keeping my stuff together until suddenly it was like a switch i'm just like i gotta get off this roof right now it's just like and also similarly it was because no not to blame you but it was like you kind of kept on talking about it if we had just switched the conversation to the airplanes that were up there to watch or anything unrelated to how high we are i probably could have gutted it out but it became a bit of how high we were and so we kept talking about it then suddenly i was like i can't anymore and it was similar with all of this talk of like not finding a vein poking me three times telling me to you know drink more water next time and i said several times like hey can i come back should i come back another time and then after the third poke she's like yeah maybe come back another time drink a lot of water um but then at this point also I'm like I'm getting lightheaded I'm like uh yeah this is happening and I'm like at first I'm kind of like oh I I'm getting just a little lightheaded but I'll be fine and I asked the guy I'm like hey not to boss you I literally said not to boss you around because you hand me my water bottle it's in my bag there that's sitting on the on the little bed across the little tiny room he's like yeah and he hands it to me then I and I slugged some water pretty quickly But I'm now feeling I'm like, uh, I'm thinking I can just mind over matter this. And then suddenly my body tells me, no, you're going to matter over mind this, my boy. As in pass out. I didn't go totally passed out, but I had a truly physical reaction because I suddenly I said, I can't I can't I'm I'm I'm lightheaded. And then she's like, put your head down on the thing. You know, the little cushy thing in front of me that I put down when I sat down. So go ahead, put your head down, put your head down. we're going to get you some apple juice and Luke I broke out and this is why I know it wasn't just in my head I broke out in a cold like my head went from just regular regular mostly dry forehead to just tons of ice cold sweat breaking out across my forehead like physically I'm like I'm like kind of passing I'm touching my head I'm just kind of like I'm sweating and like they give me some ice cold apple juice which really hit the spot and that really helped but like I had to sit there for what felt like a long time but probably was only 45 seconds I remember and I'm really woozy and so I'm kind of a little bit out of my mind but I'm trying to like I keep apologizing as you'd expect and she keeps on saying stop apologizing I'm like I know you need this room because I know there's a line of people like they have two rooms they're understaffed the last

moments of your life the last bits of energy not tell Genevieve I love her not tell Luke how to post the show no important information just apologizing to the medical staff i kind of am

just kind of remembering this i'm sorry for taking up space i literally did almost say that i was like i'm just like i'm so sorry i'm like i know you need this room and she's like and i remember her reaction was kind of shocked that i would say that like she's like i should have a lifelong learner but uh anyway so i didn't ever fully lose consciousness but god that's big boy pants andy needs to drink more water and certainly eat i mean that's the thing too i i didn't go in there thinking oh i'm hungry i just had a day that you know like just one thing led led into another led into another it's not unusual for me to just like eat one late lunch early dinner or something around that time it just kind of depends on how my day is but then as i'm you know passing out in the doctor's office i'm like oh you also literally have nothing in your stomach you've eaten nothing all day and probably didn't drink hardly any water except for coffee and so that is so at some point i think next week i gotta go back in and try it again and that's gonna be harder for me because i was i was so brave luke i was brave for all of us as i walked in there the past couple of times and now in your head now i got in my head again but what i'm gonna do is just like drink a lot of water she said that'll definitely help and um i'm gonna hide in the bushes outside and if i see that guy show up for work i'm gonna say i'll go a different day

that almost i mean feels like maybe the yelp review of a lifetime in that i i don't know i feel like i'm constantly getting bombarded i buy one thing you know usually online and then it's the the real work the real work of the project is only just beginning when you buy something Because unless you are careful to unsubscribe from stuff If you're stupid enough to give them your info Because you want like 10% off or whatever You are then bombarded with surveys of how they did And I don't, like, I'm sorry, you know Lumens, who sold me two LaFuma lounge chairs Like, I don't know, first of all I'll tell you when the chairs get here But also, why are you already hitting me up with like four surveys of how it went Like, we live in a world where We're getting over surveyed about about experience that actually seems like an experience that would be useful to the folks at Swedish to know like you've got somebody who's in a position where a little bit of a little bit of bedside manner would go a long way because by the way the reason they had that cold apple juice on deck is because what happened to you I think happens to a lot of people like this is not the first time they've seen this. And it's the kind of job where Being able to relate to people a little bit And put them at ease I'm sure goes a long way And this sounds like a person If you noted it as he was just like Walking around the facility Like before he was even doing any blood draws That he just had kind of a piss poor attitude That just seems like a bad A bad fit for that person

Yeah it does not seem like the ideal job for him I do get a lot of

And it's almost like maybe I mean you're not going to get the guy fired But just like putting it on their radar to put him on a PIP, a performance improvement plan, or something.

So here's the deal. I have been getting a lot of emails from Swedish saying, Seriously? Yeah, I get a lot. Like, how did we do? Let us know how we did.

This is the whole, finally, one of these damn surveys is coming in handy.

Well, I'm waiting for my rant and rave to be published, and then I'll go ham on this. These are unrelated events. Honestly, I don't know. First of all, I'd be shocked if the people in that office, everybody, Like, I've probably interacted over the course of the past year, let's say, probably had interactions with about maybe eight different people in that office, whether people signing me in, people drawing my blood or whatever. And they're all so great. And so I would be kind of shocked if these people weren't aware that this person does not have the best bedside.

Right, but you've got to get it on paper, my boy. like this is where this is where like if maybe they i mean maybe they all are kind of like gosh we wish we wish that we could move this person on to some other position that they're better suited to or another place to work but like what can you really do until the negative yelp reviews start

rolling in yeah i don't think i'm going to do that this time because truly i mean listen if another person had come in and be like there are a million veins all over the place and it's great like that be fine he really couldn't find a vein and like if i had drinking more water which really i should i i mean i'm not trying to blame myself but i should drink more water anyway but also if i'm going to the doctor's office that's probably something to consider that oh blood drawing is always a possibility eat a little bit of something it just never i do it to try to lower my bac yeah yeah they're looking at it they're like sir your blood is mostly aquafina what were you doing nothing you know what I did in the actual doctor's office my first stop is something that I thought was a little bit weird but the the nurse was checking me in and now I I've been in enough times now that and I'm not there like every week or something but I've been in enough times the past couple of months that we now recognize each other um in and you know like enough just to be like oh hey good to see you again or whatever but so I'm sitting in the doctor's office and she's asking me all the usual questions any change in status here any address change whatever she asked me these questions and suddenly i just said can i use that sink to wash my hands like i i took the bus there and i

I get something called bus hands which is when I get off the bus there's nothing I want to do more than wash my hands you know I just feel which is ironic because a guy once yelled at you about

having big hands on the bus well that's why I want to wash that bigness away so I was hands are really play a very pivotal role in your bus experience so I was like is that weird can I

just use that sink to wash my hands or is that for doctors only she's like that's not weird you can always wash your hands it's like I wasn't sure if you had special water for doctors she's like we do but you can use it anyway water that goes right up to your elbow i feel like if i'm there washing

my hands i'm going to i'm scrubbing in like a clune dog in er i'm getting it way up there with that weird orange soap that's like a very serious business kind of soap yeah they didn't have this

serious business kind of soap they just had a foaming soap but uh that's it i don't have to tell you about every little moment in in that i will i don't think i'm gonna write a yelp review For the most part, I really like that lab. I think they're good people there. I think it's small enough that it would just, I don't know. I think it would add even more anxiety to me the next time I walk in there if I had known I did some sort, if I had filled out some sort of a negative form. But, and again, I don't think it's probably lost on them that maybe he's not the best.

Well, here's what you could do if you wanted to really rest the power back and maybe put yourself back in Brave Boy space. If that grumpy guy next time comes to do the draw, you could say, I don't really feel comfortable with you Doing this procedure, I had kind of a bad experience Last time, could we please have someone else, which by the way Is completely within your rights, that's The ultimate flex, that's a kindergarten Cop level flex That's a Schwarzenegger level Flex of like I'm not the problem, you're the problem And then he goes and gets someone else and then You just feel blood, like just You got like, just the veins Are popping out of your body at that point Because you've just advocated so hard for yourself i just walk in there i look him right in the eye and i say it's not a tumor yeah it's not a 48 year old man who gets lightheaded at the sight of blood you know i i tell you what i have i'm kind of i'm more in the middle on this i don't love the experience but i it doesn't hit me quite as hard as it hits you but becca has some kind of blood that's i don't know what it is i don't even know what my blood type is honestly but she has some kind that's like quite valuable because it can be used in transfusions I think it's the kind that can be used in transfusions for multiple blood types if that's a thing

isn't there like a universal isn't that what they call it

I think she might have the universal kind she has some kind that there's not enough of and she's a very very good person in the world and so she donates blood all the time just so that people who need blood can get blood and she's done it so frequently because again when they told her like you have a certain kind of thing going that like the more of this we have in the system the better for people you'll never meet and where I would get where I'd be like well what are you going to pay me for it like or what's this worth what's this worth on the dark web like you're immediately in Mad Max mode yeah seriously I'm like okay well sounds like I can probably get something for this she's just like well maybe what I should do is like once every two weeks I should just go and have this kind of uncomfortable thing happen for me that also drains me greatly just so that someone I will never meet maybe has a slightly better quality of life or whatever but in that she has donated so much of this over the years one time she gave me the stats on the like volume of what it was of what she's given over

the course of her life like they keep track

of it they gave her some special like badge or sticker of like you gave you donated An amount of blood that would fill the elevator From the shining And we salute you And when she, I forget what the amount was But when she told me, I literally had a I felt Instead of being impressed I was slightly nauseated I was like, oh, that's I don't like to imagine that volume of human blood Coming out of you or anyone else

This is going to be a terrible way to end this segment Unless you happen To remember what I'm talking about Or put eyes on what I'm talking about there was a TikTok joke that was going around I think one person made the joke and then a whole bunch of people did the, do they still do this just like lip sync the same exact joke people just lip syncing people's jokes that's still a big thing on the TikTok a couple of years ago because I don't spend much time on TikTok I was on there and I just saw one that was so funny and I kind of later realized that she was just lip syncing it but I really liked her performance of it somebody says, somebody gets in their car and slams the car door and that kind of tick tocky i'm going to talk to my camera behind the steering wheel away and just said i'm never going to try to donate blood again they said no we don't want your two bags of blood or something along the lines of that does it ring any but there's like i don't know somebody who's like angry about their experience trying to get blood in some But then the joke is, I grabbed my bags of blood and I got out of there. But it was presented in a much funnier way. That is how she donates. Yeah, exactly.

She brings in a couple of tote bags. Oh, blood.

Speaking of tote bags. We were broadcasting.

We was hoping for some razzle dazzle. Razzle dazzle. That's right, man. Razzle dazzle.

On your mark. On your mark. Get set. Get set. Now ready.

Ready. Go. Everybody razzle dazzle.

Hey, let's thank some dazzling donors. These wonderful, generous folks are donating a dazzling amount of dough. It's how TBTL can exist. Yes, Andrew, we exist. Podcasters. Professional podcasters. See me. That's us. Hear me. Love me. I'm sorry. Am I taking up too much space for you right now as a professional podcaster? Well, you have Paul Pope in Annapolis, Maryland to thank. Paul is one of our dazzling donors today, said, I started listening to TBTL in 2008-ish after hearing Luke sub for Peter Sagal on Wait, Wait, and I've been lurking in the background of the TENS community ever since. Paul, I'm so glad that you heard me filling in for Peter and that that gained us a listener and now a dazzling donor because I was, that was terrifying. That was really terrifying for me. As a person who had never even listened to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, and they threw me into the hosting gig.

Wait, that's true? You didn't know the show before you?

Well, here's actually how it happened. I was not a regular listener. I didn't, I mean, maybe I'd heard it in passing, but um they they asked me if i would uh be the fill-in host in the summertime when peter was going on book tour because npr was trying to promote this thing the bryant park project so they wanted to put me in front of uh the maximum number of years and then before that happened i actually was a panelist on a show because they knew i was going to be yeah they knew i was going to be hosting and so they sent me out there to be a panelist but when they asked me if i wanted to fill in as host, I didn't understand the show was on tape. So in that moment, I remember going, well, first of all, I said yes, because that's just my general mode. I was like, yeah, of course. Then I went and listened to the show on like a Saturday in LA where I lived and I was like, how is he doing this? How is he going to the break perfectly on time on a laugh line? I was like, this is sick. How I'm, this is gonna be, and then later I learned, no, no, it's on tape. We tape it on a Thursday, so that helped. But even with all that knowledge, the thing that really happened for me was the first show that I filled in for Peter, maybe the one Paul Pope in Annapolis, Maryland heard. You know, you spend Monday through like Thursday afternoon with the staff writing these jokes and writing up this whole script for the show, and it's pages and pages long. And then at 3 o'clock on the day of the show, you read through the entire show for a room full of people and then Doug Berman, who's on a speakerphone. and i read that entire script and there was not one laugh in the room not a titter well you didn't

write the whole script though right there's like everybody worked on it together right it's a combo

but as the host you're probably you've got the most impact on it because ultimately you have to say the jokes so you're approving you're like maybe this one more than that one you're tweaking it you're putting it in your voice it's it's a it's a pretty strong reflection of your sensibility in the world and i i got done with that read through and i just said you know i i'm gonna go i need to just walk off the end of this of navy pier i just need to go step right into lake michigan and go right to the bottom and and and not do this and and then we did the show that night and it killed and i was like oh and then later somebody explained to me oh yeah no the

read through is no one ever laughs during because most people already know the jokes in the room

right well right but i didn't realize that at the time and i was like let's put that let's put that right up front for the guest host tell him that on monday hey just so you know we're gonna do a read-through on thursday no one's gonna laugh it doesn't mean that the thing sucks it just means we've all heard the jokes before we wrote half of the jokes just know that's gonna be the vibe and

don't become overly distraught as i did i am um forgetting his name but you remember i've mentioned this many times on the show um you wait wait don't tell me back before it was always in front of a live in front of a live audience they would do it via o'rourke yeah i think i was blanking on he lived in new hampshire when i worked at new hampshire public radio and he was a regular indeed um and so he would often come to a new hampshire public radio and use our studio while you know while um peter was in chicago and other guests were scattered across the country and they'd record it via this kind of satellite hookup thing. And I would often engineer those. And because of PJ's proximity, I think there was kind of a close relationship between that staff and New Hampshire Public Radio. And so when...

they were on tour one time and again this is still when the show was mostly done in the studio but they would do the occasional live show they were doing one in New Hampshire and so that whole team I was very enamored of this because I was a fan of the show I was a fan of public radio I was young I still had vim and vigor and excitement about public radio and life and hope and dreams and the whole team the whole writing team

easily accessed veins all of the

producers came and like took over our conference room and it just became wait wait don't tell me hq for a week while they did all of that that you're talking about i'm just remembering this now i remember like helping out behind you know backstage and stuff i remember that but i kind of forgot how excited i was just to like go into work every day and be like oh those are the wait wait people and they're just writing jokes for friday's show or

thursday's show i really what was in my experience was surfing webs until about maybe late wednesday afternoon, Thursday morning. And then the excuse always was, well, you know, we don't know what the news will be on Thursday. So there's only so much writing we can do Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.

I really embraced that philosophy myself. So let's take advantage of the New Hampshire nightlife.

Let's go to Manch Vegas. That's right. Okay. All right. So Paul says, I started donating at the lowest level years ago, but I told myself that one of these days I would be a dazzler. As soon as I was financially able, which was this past year, I dove in feet first because I knew that Luke, Andrew, and John will be counting on me and the other tens of listeners to keep TBTL on the Pretend Radio. Paul, you, my friend, are exactly right. We're counting on you and folks like you to keep us on the Pretend Radio now more than ever. You assessed things expertly and accurately. Shout out to all my Pokemon Go friends. Oh, nice. Astana, Jen Greggs, which is Mayor Jen, Little Von Tittle, Von Tittleborn, Malibu Barbara, Titanium Sporky and Shubot thanks for all the support sorry if I forgot anyone I didn't realize we had a thriving Pokemon Go community within the Stens page

I did not realize either but I do want to offer apologies to Von Tittlebaum not Von Tittleborn that was a TBTL mistake Luke regrets the error I'm so sorry

Luke, Andrew you both make me lull to the point of projectile-ing a drink through my nose on a regular basis. Hey, you know, some people pay extra for that, Paul. It's called Navage. It's called a neti pot. Oh, that's right. And I'm into it. You're getting a free neti pot, friend. John, thanks for being the adult in the room, and now I'll make my public radio pledge fund plea to all listeners. If you listen to TBTL, please consider donating at any level. Look forward to the 5,000th episode. Best, your Annapolis 10 Paul in Annapolis signed power out hey Paul thank you so much and and you know we were saying it a lot last year during the thon because of course it was very true and it remains very true this year as we are looking at tbtl thon 15 coming up here uh we really did need folks to uh to support us last year in a new and novel way because we were losing whatever amount of Support we had from APM which I guess at some Level we felt like wasn't enough which is why we left We did we still didn't have Like we had nothing financially to fall Back on for this show and it was An open question as to if folks would Actually you know If enough people would be signing up for this And donating it you know higher Levels etc and it amazingly worked We're hoping it works again this year but thanks Paul For for getting us through this year that was Really huge maestro

On your mark Get set Get set. Now ready. Ready. Go. Everybody rattle, dazzle.

Hey, look who it is. It's our pal Chad Snyder from Minneapolis, Minnesota. Actually, it's not, though. It's actually Amy Lidke, Chad's fellow Minnesotan. We dazzle under his name. As we're married tens, maybe that makes us co-tens, co-bros. Is there a name for spousal units that are tens? You know, I'll say this. What's that? Twenties. 20s That's pretty good, Andrew I did the math It's also fairly rare

Yeah, actually, you're right In fact, if anything, TBTL leads more to divorce than anything

Certainly estrangement Whether we filed all the paperwork to make it official That gets into taxes and certain things like that It tends to be more of a stressor on the relationship than something that it's just it's a very rare that you find two people who are both into this bullshit and it sounds like chad and amy are those two people um anyway we met the boys years ago at minnesota State Fair, so they might remember us that way, and for our sometimes too sexy Blur's Day messages. I do remember meeting Amy and Chad at the Minnesota State Fair. Me too. In fact. I know we just said this recently, Andrew, but I miss that State Fair that I went to one time in my life for four hours. I know. I don't know how we get back there. I don't know if it's in the budget, but, man, that was fun.

Yeah, I agree, and I got to spend the day at the fair after that, too.

I thought I was meeting my microphone there as I snorted heavily.

Both of us are. You have allergies. I have been fighting a cold. Genevieve had a really bad cold this weekend, and I tried so hard to sort of give her space and not catch it because I've got to get on a flight tomorrow for a quick trip somewhere, and I do not want to fly with a cold. I'm also going into whatever. I'm going to a place where there are probably people who are more vulnerable, and I do not want to be going into this place with a big cold And so I keep on telling myself, it's just allergies. It's fine. It's fine. But you and I are both dealing with some extraneous noises today, unfortunate.

Sorry about that. This is ridiculously late, Amy writes. So no worries if it doesn't get red. Amy, come on now. It gets red. You and Chad are supporting the show and have been such awesome friends of the program. So we would never not read your message, particularly with John at the helm coordinating all of this. we just wanted to say we continue to love TBTL and we'll continue to support it in a dazzling manner we love how TBTL is part of the fabric of our daily lives and how it weaves us a little closer together wow look at that metaphor wow yeah we don't have any other profound message so if there's time for a request please play the trees they're all around us but who gives a shit

oh yeah I think I can dial that up real fast here let's see you've got it would you like to play it do you want okay well here's my question for you though do we play the beeped version or the non-beeped version, if it's a dazzling... I don't know if we've ever played the non-beeped version.

Was Chad going to, like, divinity school or something? I feel like that. I feel like somebody in Minnesota, and it might have been Chad, is, like, studying divinity in some way. But I don't know if that's the kind of divinity that allows for the S word or not.

Oh, I see. I was wondering why that was coming up.

I think Chad can handle it. Well, you know what?

Please play the unbelief. Here's the thing. I just put them both into my little audio player here, and now I can't even tell which one is bleeped and which one isn't. So it's almost a little bit like— Okay, we'll let God sort it out. It's a little bit like roulette here. Let's hear.

Trees. They're all around us, but who gives a shit?

Ooh, we got the unbeeped one. That's a better outcome in my mind. Yeah, I know. It would have been a little sad if it was beeped.

Amy says, I'm bad at quotes, so I might not have had that 100%. I think you got it exactly right, Amy. I've been getting into nature and hiking since COVID, but Chad continues to be a bit skeptical of the tree huggers.

Going outside? Why would you do that?

I like the idea of Chad coming around a corner and catching Amy hugging a tree and being like, what are you two doing? Nothing. We're just friends. We work together.

We're now a thruple. That is, we're now a 30. We're now a TBTL 30.

That's right. I'm just trying very hard to work the word maple and thruple together. Like if you're on a thruple with a maple. Yeah. I thought the PL had some promise. A Thraeple? Yeah. Thraeple? Sure. I don't know. We'll keep workshopping it. We'll get back to you next on. I should say next dazzling donor message, Chad and Amy. Hey, thank you very much to both of you for supporting the show. We really couldn't be here without you.

There's a right way to rock and a wrong way to roll. You can't just listen to your soul. Just remember that life is number one. You can be having so much fun Just remember that life is much fun You can be nothing but one

You played, I heard a Michael Barbaro reaction

I was getting ready for another rich, lustrous In-depth Full-bodied I don't know why I'm describing hair now TBTL Blur's Day segment We must have

What, tens, hundreds of Blur's Day? I have not been able to count how many we have here But yeah, buckle up for this one But one thing I noticed was that Barbaro almost hit You know how in that little intro of this We're hearing this See, he's Almost like this bass see where does the bass end and the barbaro begin all right um here we go hello hey by the way yes

by the way uh i know that we promoted this uh story in vermont about this lawmaker who was having a mysteriously wet bag uh we ran out of time today but we will get to that soon because i love this story

It's a beautiful story I want to tell you about this story Andrew So if not on tomorrow's show Very soon we'll get to that For those in Vermont who are like on tenterhooks

Yes because this is the only way You'll hear about this story I read about it in the Washington Post But it sounds like you have a version of this story I've got a lot more details

On a local publication there Seven days of Vermont Where the real journalism heads go If you're in Vermont What is Vermont's name? The What Me State I don't think it's an anything me state.

They're not all so aggressive. No, no. Green Mountain State, of course. God damn it, I was there. Green Mountain State, you didn't give me enough money.

Like mocha, like mocha mountain, mountain mocha latte. Green Mountain Coffee.

Exactly. And do you know what, don't look it up, do you know what the New Hampshire state is? And it's not, I mean, liffery or not. The Granite State, right? It's the Granite State. My bell's all the way across the table. But imagine I had given you a ding-a-ling. Hello, I'd like to wish a very happy Blur's Day to my five Natalie, who just so happens to share my birthday. Happy birthday to everybody. She will be thrilled to see slash hear her name in TBTL lights. Happy sixth birthday, sweet girl. Love, Daddy, Mama, and Finny. Aw. Cute. Happy Blur's Day, Natalie. and I'm not sure if it's Daddy, Mama, or Finny who share that birthday, but happy Blur's Day to both of you. And that's what we got for Blur's Day today. What? That's it, my friend. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. That's it.

Hey, Natalie, congratulations. That's right. I think this is a first. I don't think we've ever had one Blur's Day by itself. I don't think so either. We've probably had zero Blur's Days. I don't know if we've ever had zero, but we've had low numbers or we've had very high numbers. We've never had just one special person, and this week it's Natalie.

Can I, I'm going to blow your mind here, Luke. Don't tell anybody I did this.

Chris is walking out.

Chris is walking out. He hates it when I do this, but there are tons of other Blurs days. I just deleted them all because I wanted, Natalie's a special kid, and I wanted Natalie to have a special spotlight on her Blurs day.

Well, I mean, that's cruel and unusual, but if it made Natalie's week better, I wouldn't say I support it, but I understand your logic.

Here's what we're going to do. From now on, we're going to do one Blur's Day a week. And as they stack up, we just push the Blur's Day segment further. This is how we ensure the long-term survival of the program.

Some people would say, it's already survived too long, sir.

Some would say that.

It's like, if you'd like to hear your Blur's Day message, if you'd like us to ever celebrate your birthday, keep TBTL going for many years because we're going to end up, if we took all the birthdays of all of our listeners and we just said, we're going to do one per week, that would probably project this show out for another 20 years.

Mm-hmm, exactly. One Blur's Day a week. But they never stop, though. They just keep coming in and coming in and coming in.

All right, well, I guess that's going to do it. I, Andrew, am still... It's unclear to me how much it's going to cost me for this brush hogging that Jerry's doing. But whatever he charges me, it's worth it. He is weed whacking right now, and he's taking down... This is what I need to get. But it's a weed whacker that doesn't have the nylon thread on it. It's got a full-on blade. Oh, I've seen those, yeah. I mean, that's where... Because the whole thing about weed whacking or whipper snippering is that you're constantly changing that. That little nylon's getting busted off all the time. You've got to stop. You've got to pull it out. You get a dang blade on there. Forget it, man.

Well, you know, I have a little electric whipper snipper that i was just using yesterday by the way to mow and clean up the yard and um mine is like that you have to stop turn it upside down and push a little button to pull up when i was growing up now this is an electric one i have now when i was growing up we had a gas powered uh like we call them a weed eater and it had this great function where you know you're already like you're it's spinning around so fast and then you would just sort of whack it hit it down on the ground and that would release more just based on this what is it centrifugal force or whatever yeah um but mine doesn't do that anymore but you're familiar with that move that's a that's i am familiar with

that move yeah i think i used to have one that did that as well that's a good feature what i'm watching is all of this grass that was growing everywhere in like awkward places that i don't have my ryobi it just doesn't have the doesn't have the whacking power to deal with it and now i'm just watching it all go down and it's you're gonna get to see this when you come you and john When regulators mount up for TBTelethon 15, I'll show you all the places where Jerry Weedwhacked, and it's very impressive. You had a tour that he Weedwhacked there.

All right, listen, I want to say, though, for real.

I know you don't need the tour, Andrew, but this is one tour you would probably look at. I'm good. Where Weeds Were Whacked. I wanted to apologize that you did want to talk about your neti. experience at the top of the show and i did not intend for my stupid doctor's office thing to take

it was much more hour suffice it to say it felt really good do we want to talk about that tomorrow maybe so sure maybe uh yeah why not okay um okay i understand thanks for why not all right thanks for coming everyone we'll be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio for you a including a visit from our good friend tbtl employee numero uno john sklaroff we're We're talking friendship bracelets. The friendship bracelets that may tear apart the friendship that is the three of us. What an irony.

That's right. And we'll announce what our plans are for the special Zoom nights that we're planning. Oh, yeah. Cool.

Okay. Excellent stuff. So that's all on tomorrow's program. Please tune in for that. In the meantime, have a great Thursday. Take care of yourselves. Go Mariners. We're currently trailing four to three, but we can get that sorted here. And please remember, no mountain too tall. And good luck to all.

you have no reflexes your blood tastes like root beer and some of your bones appear to have vanished power out