Muse

God cop? Crime just got a new worst friend. What the hell is that?

A show I am very excited about. A New York City detective solves crimes with the help of his new partner, God.

So God just tells him who did it?

God can't just tell him who did it.

Why not?

Watch the pilot, Lemon. It's all explained in the end by the wise black man played by Carl Malone.

You're really taking some swings here.

I have no choice. Hank has vowed to keep Cabletown in his family. I have one chance to change his mind before he retires. That's where shows like God Cop, O.J. Simpson Live, and Rule of Threes come in.

Oh, brother.

Oh, brother. A comedy about two jive-talking con men hiding out in a monastery. Jonathan, bring me my green light. TBTN.

I'm not trashy unless I drink too much. And it's pretty much right for everybody. Like, if you drink too much, you're going to be trashy. That's what drinking does to you.

Aloha means hello and goodbye. Goodbye.

You are a sad, strange little man.

You know what? There is a level of malice to your whole behavior and questioning style that's like, while it's kind of humorous, it's actually very cowardly. That's one of those things that I cannot acknowledge in any way. Are those tacos? You better believe they're tacos. I love tacos, especially on a corn tortilla. Oh, I love tacos on a corn tortilla.

did we just become best friends well all right hello good morning and welcome everyone to a tuesday edition of tbtl the show that just might be too beautiful to live another day another victory

for the og taking down the sweats the impostors among us my name is luke burbank i am your host

it is our turn coming to you from the madrona hill studio perched high above the mighty columbia where it was, well, it was dark when I woke up because I'm trying to get up earlier this week, but then it was cloudy, but now the clouds are parting and it's blue skies. Oh, ma, pa, it's just beautiful. I think we've got like two weeks of summer left, maybe less than two weeks now, and I'm going to try to enjoy every single moment of it, just like you're going to enjoy every single moment of today's episode. It's episode 4,290 in a collector's series. Let the fun begin. One down, 74 to go. That's right. I'm trying to do this 75 hard-ish. Ish, ish. And I, well, I had not really considered the implications of the hydration situation.

It was hilarious, and we were both peeping at the same time. It's fun.

I have not stopped urinating for the last, whatever it's been, 30, 35 hours because of the gallon of water that I'm drinking. And I've started on another one today. By the way, I wouldn't say this is a sport that I'm doing, although I am trying to exercise a little bit more than normal, I guess. But I do want to talk about sports today on the program.

I mean, I figured he had to be in sport, but he wasn't in sport.

And I have just the person to talk about sports with. And I want to say, we're not going to talk about, like, the boring side of sports. We're going to talk about the interesting side of sports. Like, is it weird when an athlete who is at a very high level of their sport looks like, like, intentionally makes themselves physically look exactly like a different athlete who is at the very top of their sport? Is that weird? Is that homage? What is going on with that? And I've got just the guy to talk about all that with. He is my actual brother, known as David from The Basement, although today he is David from the studios of Cairo Radio.

Good morning, bro. Good morning, brother. How are you, sir? Doing great. You know, feeling feeling very energetic. I usually, right after we finish up with Seattle's Morning News, I am feeling very good, very caffeinated, very energetic. And then in about an hour or so, I'm going to really crash here.

So we have you in this window of time where you're still operating on adrenaline and other... Yes, this is the sweet spot, honestly. Excellent. I know. I'm going on and on about the fact that I'm going to start getting up at 5 a.m. You've already been at work for like five hours at that point, right?

Yeah, yeah. I get up at around 1 o'clock or 1.15, and then I'm at the station by 2 in the morning.

And you've been doing that for how long now?

Over a year. About a year.

Has your body adjusted to that clock? Can a body adjust to that clock?

You know, some days it feels like I have adjusted well. It really depends on what my afternoon looks like. If I'm working at my other job in the afternoon.

i'm just a wreck the next day but if i can sneak in a little couple hour nap or something then i can usually reboot and and be ready by the time my wife gets home oh man i don't know how you're

doing it dave you've got a lot on your plate which we're going to talk about coming up congratulations are in order um bro but um i uh i am in day two of this uh little project that i'm doing also just called i think being david which is probably eating minimally exercising a lot generally leading a healthy lifestyle laying off the uh the alcohol and things like that um i i let me just ask you this i don't know if you caught up on yesterday's show or not or if you know what i'm talking about but like what do you think the chances of me actually pulling this off are

well it so it's it's some sort of exercise twice a day uh if i'm although yesterday i i decided that

my exercise was just weeding but like kind of with a lot of enthusiasm that was the second workout of the day I was a real Susie Burbank because you know mom used to like I don't know how often she did this but there was at least a few occasions where she would like share at the women's group at church her exercise kind of plan which was if you're gonna uh you know fold the laundry just fold it real fast or if you're gonna like it was literally like housework your way to thin, which I think was mom is just a naturally very slender person. And I can imagine a couple of ladies from the church just being like, just in the back of the room, sharpening a knife against their hand. Like, but all that is to say, I am now fully immersed. I'm fully embracing that lifestyle. And I'm, I'm ready to say any physical movement I do in the afternoon, I'm calling the second workout because I don't think I got like two hard workouts in me per day.

Well, and I agree with both you and Jen in that I think you have to kind of go easy on yourself a little bit and allow yourself to take some concessions because otherwise you're just going to abandon it. And I think if you do allow yourself to kind of, you know, on the weekends drink a little bit and have, you know, some food that maybe you wouldn't have during the week, I think allowing yourself to do those things sets yourself up for success. I think you can do it. For me, I think the main thing would be drinking that amount of water.

Oh, yeah. You've seen the video. It's taking over the Internet. But yes, once again, David, we have the one gallon water bottle, which I did. I finished that by about five yesterday, which I was proud of.

I have if you ask my wife, you will know I have the smallest bladder in existence. any sort of road trip or anything like that we have to stop at least once an hour maybe if we're lucky once every couple hours because i have to pee and so the thought of having to chug that amount of water throughout the day uh is is brutal to me maybe you're just maybe you're accepting uh

the bigotry of of low expectations with your bladder my friend maybe you just need to push it a little bit push the stretch it out like uh kobayashi and joey chestnut getting ready for

a hot dog eating contest yeah but then we could get some accidents happening yeah no particularly

in your line of work as as a highly sought after radio producer that needs to be doing all this stuff at specific times you can't be leaving like every two minutes to use the bathroom or getting up every hour in the middle of the night which i feel bad because dad is here working and he's sleeping down the hall from me but like the door to my bedroom is very old and loud like the doorknob and um and the way that also it's just like everything nothing has been fixed up in the upstairs of the house like the where dad and i sleep so it's just like everything is janky like the door constantly um wants to like kind of like in the if there's a gust of wind that blows through the upstairs of the house the door kind of does this weird rattling thing and so to stop that i've wedged a gym sock into the door this is by the way been two years that this has been the

system yeah i'm i'm very familiar with this as someone who has lived in many uh real shitty

apartments yeah it's a problem so yeah the so i like honestly will i'm trying to and dad's kind of a light sleeper i think so like i'm like lying in bed and i'm um and i'm debating like getting up for the fourth time to pee because of all this water i'm drinking but i'm trying to like open this doorknob from literally the 1930s like as quietly as i can but it's totally not working i feel i feel bad for the guy plus he's now having to eat clean the way i'm eating which you know dad's diet it is like mostly vienna fingers yeah i mean this stuff i um i i feel comfortable saying this because i did mention this to mom when mom and dad came over um this weekend we all hung out on Saturday. was really fun but i said to becca i go let's play a game called what weird food will my parents bring over and she said 100 some sort of peanut butter cracker situation and man and she's right she's right that was like that's the main thing that uh vienna fingers and i'm trying to think what else dad has existed well certainly haagen-dazs at night um yeah i mean that's a

little rich for his blood but when he's with you you know yeah yeah well listen he's farting through

silk when he's here working we it's legit haagen-dazs um i've actually started to notice the sales on haagen-dazs at the safeway when dad is coming by because i'll like stock up that is a real thing that i i'm now the guy scanning the digital coupon in safeway yeah me too we just we

just moved to uh into a place right by a safeway and i i started uh yeah i downloaded that safeway app and boy oh boy is that a life changer it is coupons you clip those i know but i have but i

have this super anxiety around it's not going into the system like so i'm i'm always in the self-checkout like at like trying to get the person who's already dealing with some other situation to come over and i'm like um this haagen-dazs is supposed to be 2.99 and right now it only says it's taking 50 cents off and she's like well have you paid yet and i'm like no but i feel like if i hit pay and it doesn't know what's going on like how does it know what's going on on my phone i guess it does because i put my phone number in as i'm checking out they have all of my biometric data now at this point it is wow you really have to put a lot of your trust into it though yes um and and uh but then it usually sort of works out also if you want if you're ever just like feeling too good about yourself and you want to be humbled look at the security footage of the self-checkout it is absolutely you know because there's like the camera there there's like a screen like just letting you know that this is all on camera so don't try any funny business and i i honestly think they have they have somehow specifically chosen the cameras that do break you down kind of psychologically the most so that you then don't

have the will to try to shoplift i didn't realize my eyes were that sunken right exactly like they're

probably already taking a look at me in this store so i'm not going to do i'm not going to try to put this avocado in as or as non-organic even though even though it is um that's my main

my main deal you grab the organic organic produce and you and you never uh scan it in as the of

course that is i think the tax that we're charging particularly these you're on and david you're so like on the news like you're probably so much more aware of of everything that's happening in the world than i am because you are like studying this all morning starting at 2 a.m but this whole idea that like these two grocery chains want to merge but they've promised that the lower prices that's that's how they're trying to get around this antitrust stuff yeah the kroger albertson stuff

is very weird and convoluted and yeah it does not bode well i'll tell you that right but i i thought

that was a crazy headline that they were like but we we are really going to charge less for food after you let us be the only place you can buy food right like yeah i guess we can trust you on that. But if they do, or even if they don't, I am going to seize every opportunity to pay regular prices for organic food. And I'm on the record as saying that. So I just want to say to everyone that other than the massive, the new increase in my urination habits, my mictration habits, it's going sort of okay here on day two. I got up, I did my jog. You see a lot of weird, I mean, you know this because you come to work so early. You see some interesting stuff at five in the morning uh the lake that i jog around in town has this actually kind of great basketball court that's like covered it's like outside but covered and i finished my jog and i'm kind of just sitting on the grass just uh recovering and let's be honest taking a picture to send to becca to let her know that i'm living my best life on your shit yeah and i look i look over and there are like two emts with the with the ambulance or the aid car just running with the headlights on But they are just shooting hoops at 545 in the morning on Harley's court at Lake Sacagawea. And I was just like, good for you. Like, this is I mean, probably it'd be better for the environment if you turn the ambulance off.

But on the call, you want to be able to just jump right in.

Yeah, I guess so. I feel like just from a camaraderie standpoint, though, like very cool for the two of them that they're like taking some time to play horse.

Yeah, that's the part of that job that I would want. Not any other part of it, but on on call on the clock. And it's like, well, he's got to kind of wait around and shoot some hoops and stuff. That sounds like a lot of fun.

I would be so very bad at that job because I'm not a big fan of gore. I mean, I've probably gotten a little more OK with it as I've gotten older. just see some things. Um, but like, uh, that we, yeah, that would not be the job for me. I salute the people that are, that are doing that because that seems like a very, very tough job. Um, Hey, by the way, uh, James Earl Jones passed away at age 93, which is a real bummer. Although I will say I've been finding out so much about this guy's life and career in the last, you know, I don't know, 12 hours. I mean, I knew him of course, as we all do as the voice of Darth Vader, but like, I didn't realize his whole backstory that he was someone who had a stutter and that he he he had an English teacher who was really kind of instrumental in getting him into poetry, which he says was help helped him with his with his stutter. And that got him into into language and into acting. And that also he played Jack Johnson or Jack Johnson esque character in The Great White Hope. And and that he had this like sort of very well respected. But I would say probably to a lot of people in America read white America. He was probably a lesser known actor maybe until he did Star Wars. And then also I was shocked. I don't know if this came up on your show today, David. The VO for Darth Vader took two and a half hours, at least for like the first Star Wars movie that we didn't talk about it.

But I did see that. And that's wild. I knowing how much time goes into the making of the types of movies is really that's bananas that I got knocked out in two and a half hours.

Plus, George Lucas is kind of famously a tinkerer. I actually, unrelated, read something where George Lucas said that he had been writing Star Wars for some insane amount of time, and then he got a deal to produce it and said that's the only reason it became a movie, because he had to turn the movie, and he said he would still be writing it right now if there had not been a financial imperative that he just give them the script or that he start shooting the film. So if that's that dude's vibe, the idea that he was like, OK, James Earl Jones here, say, Luke, I am your father. And then James Earl Jones says he's like, all right, no notes moving on. Like does not miss. Yeah, seriously.

That was that was surprising to me. I didn't know that. Yeah. Yeah. He Emmy, Grammy, Oscar and Tony, which is incredible. I didn't I didn't know that at all, which is really cool.

Yeah. And then just like listening to all these interviews, I guess I feel like James Earl Jones was kind of one of those guys that just was sort of like the furniture, like he's just part of life. And like, this is CNN. I'll spare everyone my James Earl Jones impression. I need to go down 30 octaves to do that. um but like he just was in so many iconic epic things you know the lion king i was getting choked up this morning they were playing that lion king audio where like he's you know um where he's died he's died or he is dying and simba doesn't want him to go away i was legit getting choked up hearing that like this guy was just so iconic and it just it just didn't seem like he was

someone who was ever not going to be here yeah yeah real uh real incredible body of work so

I'm just saying there is now, though, an opportunity, David, for probably not for me, but for you to really become the voice of America, the trusted source, the deep. I mean, you might need a surgery or something, but I'm saying there is now an opportunity to become the next stentorin voice of America. It's now it's now possible. OK, well, hey, let's thank some of our donors of the day who are keeping TBTL in business. starting with david burbank that would be amazing if your name came up on this list it didn't but

you are a donor and thank you david that's well yes and i humbling i mean legitimately humbling because uh for the first time ever i'm a dazzler so yeah well i'm i don't even want to know what

you're going to write in your message i'm sure it's going to be epic um let's thank uh chris anderson of everett washington washington uh chris thank you very much for supporting the program also chelsea shriver of vancouver british columbia up there in canada were you you were because you were like david you were kind of part of the as they say on the yearling the second set and you are the last you're the last burbank famously at least in the uh sort of spectrum of kids in our family i'm the oldest and you are the youngest um where did we do any were there any were you alive for any trips to like the world mark that we would go to in canada do you remember any

of that yes yeah there were a couple of times um yeah i do remember there being a world mark up there uh mostly being excited about the the pool but yes i remember really enjoying vancouver and and you know since then as an adult have gone a few times and really like it there um you were not born uh yet but the reason that we started going up there was because of this um what scene and this is i've been very big on this this like perhaps principle this kind of thing where you just don't know something happens and it seems like it's obviously going to be bad or it is a bad thing and then things can really change i think about joe biden and the debate in this way because that was i was actually texting with becca this morning because we're not going to be able to watch tonight's debate together but i was like we'll be in close phone contact and my sense is it's going to be less traumatic than last time because i was i was like inconsolable oh by the way dad was also here last time and now he's here this time so we'll have watched both debates and listen i i love our father dearly and i love that he's on the right side of this so much like it would be really really tough if mom and dad as so many of their friends are had been like absorbed into this maga cult but i do feel like watching the debate with dad is a little bit like watching the seahawks with dad he's he's sort of like 40 engaged he kind of he's doing other things he's on the ipad but then he's kind of like will like occasionally check in and it's like i'm like dad we need to be sitting here staring at this one inch from the tv we need to be you know also like streaming it on the laptop just was like just like like whatever the new york times people are saying how it's going like i need multiple streams of information

around this. But but anyway, the point is that he that he half checks out of any of that kind of stuff. Yeah, it's hard for him to keep his attention all on one thing. I think this is

actually one of his real strengths is that he is not an overthinker at all. He is just a person who is, I think, essentially happy in the world. And and that's amazing. I really admire that. And I'm jealous because that's not my game at all. But like, yeah, whether it's a sporting event, whether it's politics, whether it's like anything going on, he's just kind of not he's not overthinking it and making himself crazy, overthinking it, generally speaking. But point being, the that debate, the last one, I was very, very, very upset by that. And yet it was probably the best thing that could have happened. And that is the perhaps principle. Now, when I was a kid, we were all excited to go camping, probably some shitty camping trip, honestly, to Lake Wenatchee for some gospel outreach function, probably swarms of mosquitoes. But the fire department showed up at Dad's shop and said that all of his paint was being stored illegally and that he was going to get red tagged or something. And so we could not—this was the day we were supposed to leave, and we could not go on the trip, and I was so bummed as a kid. But, um, so we like lost a day or two of the trip while dad moved all of the paint into his van because it wasn't, it was no longer in the shop. The problem is it was improperly stored in the shop, but it could be in the van somehow.

I don't know how, how that was the van, what you guys were going to take on the trip.

Yes. Hence camping trip canceled. But, and I think this was probably mom's, this is where our mom and dad are a very good combo. I think mom remembered that dad had done some sort of sign work for the Victoria Clipper, and they had given him some free tickets, which had long expired.

Expired isn't a word that's in Susie Burbank.

Exactly. Thank you. Yeah, it's a state of mind, and she is not engaging in that state of mind. And I feel like mom went down to the office and, as you might imagine, was able to talk somebody into like giving like energizing and whatever you would call like revivifying these like five victoria clipper tickets and they found some this is actually pre-world mark days before they were in the timeshare so they found what i am going to guess was the most budget of hotels but i don't think we'd even maybe ever stayed in a motel before and i believe this was a motel in victoria But we took the clipper up there, which, first of all, just that alone was so amazing. And then we just like we're hanging out in this cool city and we're staying in this motel. And it just was like a thousand times better than the camp out.

Right on. There you go.

Thanks also to Caitlin Woodleaf of Eagle, Idaho. Thanks, Caitlin. Also, Joanne Stevenson in Cheviot, Canterbury, New Zealand. Did you go to Cheviot, Canterbury, New Zealand when you and dad did your loader trip?

this this would be a question to ask dad more because he was very into all the mapping of it

but i don't it doesn't sound familiar and this was i mean it wasn't that long ago but was it in the days when there wasn't like the maps weren't really on your phone did you and dad just have like a shitload of map quest printouts how are you finding things so dad found kind of

a loophole around this, which

was there so there was you know google maps um and you could create your own google maps essentially so you would take like the template of google maps to a certain scope and then you could highlight all the different areas that you wanted to go to and then basically like upload it to your phone or download it rather and uh and then you could use it without ah very smart internet um and so dad did that he mapped out everything i didn't have to do any of that stuff i had bought the

tickets and i was well that was also a nice contribution from your starbucks money yeah

that was the only contribution i really needed to make uh and then he did everything else uh and it was yeah it was incredible because um you know we spanned the pretty much through the the center of both islands from the lowest part of the south island to the northern part of the north island And so we, despite my not knowing that listener's location, we saw so much of it.

I'm going to say you probably trespassed on Joanne Stevenson's property because I know that you were doing that a lot there. It was a big part of the trip was going into places where you shouldn't because it was the Battle of Grimley happened there. Thanks also to Eric Jagger of Petaluma, California in the United States. Eric is, I believe, the person behind Oops! The Dirty Monster and also has helped us out with various illustrations and helped us out with The Coin, I think, the year one of TBTL Independence. So thanks, Eric. And then Abby Vanderveer is in Amsterdam, Holland, Netherlands, very international crew on this Tuesday. Thank you to all of our—

And Germany is way through there, I believe, right? What's that? I think Andrew and Genevieve flew through Amsterdam.

I believe he did. i know they're in croatia so i'm assuming that that part worked out because they got there but i'm going to be honest with you i was i was nervous for my boy uh andrew on that long long flight and then changing planes and then the whole thing so i was very relieved when i started seeing on instagram that everybody's having a wonderful time in croatia and then i went from being relieved to being deeply jealous um which is how you've been to croatia before right yes i helped i mean very minimally i i was the the official what's the word witness i don't know i some i basically was the officiant at kevin and anita's ceremony in split croatia and i don't know how that fell on me but uh somehow it did and so yes i've not only been to croatia but i am a pretty big religious figure there is what i'm trying to say a statue is being erected i there better be next time i go back there better be um all right thanks to all of our donors for making tv teal possible we could not do this without you hello and welcome to top story all right i want to talk uh a little bit of loader with you there's some breaking news uh which is that this show that you actually came on tbtl to talk about a while ago called it's called rings of power yeah yeah well it's it's

the lord of the rings rings of power they had to get the lord of the rings title in there otherwise

nobody would watch it it's like the uh los angeles angels of anaheim essentially yeah exactly um so you came on to talk about that that show because and if i understand it right this is one of these things where like netflix paid a bunch of money for this intellectual property related to lord of the rings but they didn't get the good stuff they got like the off-brand like stuff and so they're trying to make something out of nothing and it sounds like it's not it didn't go super

well yeah so i don't know all of the the specifics of of all the the figures and numbers but essentially amazon prime uh bought the um rights oh amazon not netflix sorry and it's for specifically um part of the lord of the rings not for sort of a lot of the what's called the silmarillion and And all of these sort of lost lore, sort of extensive universe lore that Tolkien kind of wrote only in notes and didn't really put together. Those are still only owned by the Tolkien estate. But they sold the rights to Amazon for basically Lord of the Rings itself. and what amazon did is they used uh what is essentially like 20 or 30 pages at the end of the final lord of the rings book which is called the appendices it uh explains a lot of kind of the uh in in very brief terms a lot of the backstory of this sort of lore of the elves and and kind of the different ages of middle earth uh and so there's there's a lot of information packed into a really short amount of pages that Amazon then took and expanded upon. And when I say expand.

upon i mean completely went outside of the bounds of like went straight up fan fiction on it 100 and so uh they they and they touted it as basically they were going to game of thrones this lore um and so they amazon dumped a ton of money into it not just in getting the rights to to this to these you know the title of lord of the rings but also to uh get about five seasons i think is what they signed on for before any of it before pre-production before any of it was really signed on they didn't understand i think uh how this was all gonna unfold for them so the first season comes out it's uh it's advertised widely on amazon on everywhere you know people are talking about it's the next lord of the rings that sort of um thing and the reviews are kind of hit and miss uh from any fan who uh is deep in the lore which i have to be honest seems like the people

that would be excited about this like the problem is i'm a casual lord of the rings observer and so like you're probably not getting me with this but you are getting the david burbanks of the world

and y'all know your shit well and i think that is kind of at the core of what's wrong with every move that they've made is they are going deeply into all of this really complex storytelling, trying to connect all these dots of characters like Galadriel, who Cate Blanchett plays in the original films, and Sauron, and these characters that you know from the lore and is trying to connect all these backstories with them. And it gets really intricate, but the intricateness of it is not in any way grounded in the actual lore so for a casual fan it's just really dense it's like you read the silmarillion um it's too dense for any casual fan and for any fan that does want to dive into that it's just you know thing after thing happens that just would not have happened in the actual lore and so by the way that's exactly how tbtl has been described too dense

for the average fan and there's thing after thing happening that makes no sense people are throwing

their phones yes um and so yeah they're at this point now they they just released the second season and uh it it has really really low viewership i haven't tried to watch any of it i'm not sure if dad has uh watched any of it uh any of my tolkien friends that i talked to um have completely abandoned you know didn't even a lot of them get through the first season and so now the second season comes out they're trying to bolster it with all this advertising again yeah i saw a bus i saw

when becca and i were in italy it was on all the buses and it was somebody who looked and i don't know if becca's seen any of these movies she goes is that person supposed to be orlando bloom it was like a person who looked real kind of uh legolicy but wasn't and was just like on the side of the buses and i was like i don't know what they're doing with that but i go that's i think that's

lord of the rings thing yeah that's the other thing is they're really confused with how they want to advertise this i think in the first season they were trying to again sort of highlight all of these different uh races of being you know like the sort of the forefathers of hobbits and elves and dwarves and all of these uh characters that you just didn't really get to know because there was too much going on um and then now i think they're trying to market it all as basically like galadriel and so that that character that you and becca saw is supposed to be galadriel i forget who the uh who portrays her um or it might i'm not sure who who's on the poster they're mostly advertising galadriel but there might have been some other elf that they're advertising but again it's it's all just very confused and muddied um and so i have no interest in watching any of the you know the next five seasons but i i doubt they'll get the rumors are that they're that

they're basically going to cancel the whole thing, right? Or not do the next three seasons?

It might come that they, I assume they're already in production for the third season. They might let that kind of play out and see what happens. But I can't imagine they would go through with all five seasons because, yeah, it's just, they must be hemorrhaging money.

I have a question for you. As I was leaving the house this morning and doing my commute out here to the garage, Dad was like, what are you and Dave going to talk about today? And I said, oh, Well, one thing is this, like, Lord of the Rings thing, and he said that Peter Jackson is actually making a couple of, like, legit Lord of the Rings movies. But then he said one is about Gollum, but then he pronounced it Gollum. Is there something – is it Gollum or Gollum? Have I been saying it wrong this whole time? What's the, like, official?

I say Gollum. It's funny that Dad said that. I had come on the show some months ago to talk about that. I don't know if you remember. but um but

I think it's Gollum. Dad pronounces things weird. I think he gets into a groove of pronouncing things. And I know Latte is one of the things.

Latte, Home Depot.

I think he just kind of liked.

I just didn't know if maybe there was, you know, some Tolkien thing that I didn't realize and that he's actually Gollum. And I've been saying it Gollum this whole time, kind of incorrectly.

You know, the big one is Smaug and Smaug.

Oh, right.

It's actually Smaug, but a lot of Americans, you know, people with American accents will say Smaug.

okay um so i but then i asked him okay so these movies i said well that sounds great peter jackson he goes well they could be good or they could be terrible are you do you agree with that i thought everything peter jackson touches turns to gold with this lord of the rings stuff well i think

there are probably going to be aspects of it that are uh well executed i think he's so good at he was really good at that world building of you know making you kind of feel like you're in middle earth um and you know part of that is how incredible new zealand was as shooting locations um but you know he i think the the combination of um of him of peter jackson being a part of it his his writing uh producing partners are also going to be part of it uh fran walsh and philippa boynes so there's a chance that at least the storytelling aspect of it will be pretty good the cinematic aspect will be good um i just worry about sort of what there's not that much there there there

There's not much meat left on the bone, right?

There's not. It's essentially what you're going to get, at least from this first Gollum film. I don't know what the second film is even going to entail. But the first one is basically Gandalf and Aragorn hunting for Gollum. And this takes place during what's 17 years of space. but in in the the sort of lore of uh of the books in the film it's probably 10 pages in the book worth of time because it's basically Gandalf has been kind of meeting with Frodo trying to figure out whether the ring that Frodo and Bilbo have is is the one ring you know the ring of Sauron and uh and then he leaves to uh try to figure out a bunch of different aspects of this you know kind of do his research uh and in that time it's about 17 years worth of time in that time him and aragorn try to track down golem that's supposedly what the movie's going to be about which uh to me doesn't doesn't seem like enough to to warrant a film let alone two films but you will go to it obviously it's funny i'm uh i'm a big trailer person so if the trailer is really well orchestrated it'll get me excited to go see the movie also seeing a movie in the theater i have a very low bar of entry uh you know it's it's gonna be fun uh you know i take a little a little eddie as they

say enjoy the experience so well david i don't know if you're gonna have time for things like movies coming up in the future because and who is my daddy and what does he do you heard it here first congratulations to you and alicia for this baby that is on the way i can't believe my baby brother is having a baby that's unbelievable congratulations thanks man yeah we are uh it was

a it was a bit of a surprise um when we when we first found out but it's uh we're so excited yeah like i it's funny being the youngest of seven and kind of always feeling like the baby and now having to to really take take my own maturity into into check and be like, OK, I I I am old enough. I have the you know, the wherewithal to be. I can trust myself. But that's that's been kind of a thing that I've grappled with a little bit in the in the last several months.

I bet. I mean, we now have to call you daddy from the basement, which is upsetting for everyone, mostly me but um yeah that's an interesting thing because you um uh let's see i should know exactly how old you are because i'm 20 years old so you're 28 i am you know that's like a great age to be doing this and yet it must feel uh in a way like you're like but wait i'm i'm not like an old you know i'm not a middle-aged person who is like fatherly or you know parental in that way or

maybe you are feeling i don't know how are you feeling uh again i'm feeling really excited uh You know, a bit nervous, obviously, just about, I think, being the age that I am, I think you ask anyone of my age who's living especially in the Seattle area, it just feels like we're behind where we should be anyways.

Well, I think that my generation and the generations ahead of me have really not set you all up for success in terms of hoarding, real estate, and wealth, and things like that. I wish I would.

have hoarded more wealth. I've done a bad job at that part of it. But like, I don't think that's certainly it's not on your or Alicia's work ethic at all. I think it's I think it's a pretty unfair deal that's been handed to your generation. Yeah. And I guess it helps a little bit to know that.

But also, but I ain't gonna buy you a house. No. And having grown up, seeing, you know, all of the siblings having their kids and sort of the way that they have where their lives have been in those specific times has set me up with an expectation for where I should be, which I'm trying to, you know, come down from that and realize that, you know, as we're going to provide for that kid, everything that we have and everything that we care about. And that's all that matters. But yeah.

And also, if you think about our childhood, our like, again, you and I had slightly different experiences, like you had cable, which we didn't even have a TV for like a few years. But, like, you know, we grew up in, you know, pretty tight sort of financial situation, and we're going to this insane church. And just there was so much stuff that if you, like, if you would have sort of drawn it up and said, this is what the childhood's going to look like, I would have been like, miss me with that. And yet I really, really value our family and how we grew up and everything. My point is that whatever it's supposed to look like on paper, it doesn't necessarily predict the kind of experience that your lovely kid is going to have. And you and Alicia are going to be so great as parents. So I'm excited for this kid to get to be having you guys as parents.

Thank you. Yeah, we're super excited. It is this weird thing where now everything that I have, every piece of clothing or piece of furniture, anything that we have now, I'm sort of like I have this weird future nostalgia for it where I'm like, oh, this is one day our kid's going to look back at this and we're going to be able to tell them this was ours or whatever. Whereas I think a lot of my life being someone who has mostly thrifted things and, you know, I've kind of moved through life on the assumption that I'm going to kind of mess up most of my stuff. And that doesn't really matter because I can find something else cheap. Now it's like, okay, I have to take care of this thing because I might be passing this thing along and I want it to be, you know, still preserved.

And it's going to be so it's going to be such a trigger from a memory standpoint for this kid. Right. Like, that's the thing that's so funny about all of the just whatever dishes you had as a kid, whatever, you know, like just this stuff that they're like zero thought goes into, at least if you're in our family. And then it's just like you see that dish someday somewhere at a flea market and you're like immediately time travel back to your childhood.

Yeah, or smells. I'm really grateful now that I have only ever used one smell, which is Old Spice Pure Sport.

Dude, that's exactly what I use. How are we wishing on the same deodorant flavor?

i don't know how it how it started i think it was one of the cheaper yes ones you know it wasn't there was like when i was uh a tween and getting a deodorant it was kind of when old spice had their complete like yeah yeah we're making yeah we're making fiji scented ones you know oak and amber and all this like fancy stuff and i think dad just maybe bought me pure sport uh that's something

you're going to want to have dad buy you too because like god bless mom but the beauty products that are in their bathrooms that have been acquired by mom are truly something to behold a lot of them with a very obvious focus on african-american bodies um which i think is really great that mom is is willing to expand all these different kinds of products that she will use everything is just kind of one click over from what i'm used to yeah it's and a lot

of this just like witch hazel and sure and yeah yeah i'm mom would have been like just rub some

witch hazel on your armpits and you'd be like i am already getting cyber bullied within an inch

of my life i need proper deodorant i remember there being a significant amount of months where we didn't have toothpaste in the house because mom was obsessed with baking soda soda yeah and i i was furious yeah maybe that's still this the reason why i have uh uh not not great dental

hygiene i am yeah i i have to say that like when i see that baking soda is the kind of primary ingredient in like just a regular toothpaste but it'll say with baking soda i completely swerve on that i'm so traumatized by like a freaking box of baking soda in the bathroom that you're supposed to just like wet your toothbrush and then dip it in the baking soda and brush it's like no thank you well again congratulations to you and alicia i'm like so excited for you and um yeah it's gonna be

exciting. From a very important thing in our life to it, I can't think of something less consequential, but I do want to talk about this with you. Have you been following any of this Dylan Rayola stuff, the Nebraska quarterback? I put a link in the show sheet. I don't know if you got a chance to click on it, but it is really something. Yes. There have been many times where

I have mistakenly um watched a video clip or or seen a picture um you know floating around social media and I have thought that that is Patrick Mahomes um and I guess it's unsurprising that you know he's literally the greatest quarterback probably maybe I mean I think by the time he's

done I wouldn't be surprised if he's eclipsed Tom Brady probably although I you know we're not

this isn't the Colin cowherd show or something bait if he's better than Brady or whatever but um I I do find it really interesting because it's it's a look it's a stylistic look that I am not a

uh someone that it's not for you yeah let me set it up for people that are that maybe aren't up on everything Dylan Rayola uh related so of course everyone knows who Patrick Mahomes is he's the quarterback for the Kansas City Chiefs he's super good and he has a kind of a it is now a pretty common look but he kind of has a mullet he's got a little goatee his hair is kind of curly uh it's he's often wearing i don't even know what you call those kind of sunglasses anymore but

they're like he it's an oakley basically okay okay he has a deal with oakley um and those are kind of the like those are the classic oakley looking yeah he's from my generation of oakley

and and so there's this this guy who's the quarterback for nebraska his name is dylan rayola he wears his hair exactly like patrick mahomes he also like i said he's quarterback he has the exact same goatee he wears the same headband and he it's like when you see him you don't immediately like you said dave you can't like you don't know that it's not patrick mahomes except he's wearing a nebraska jersey he also now does the same warm-up jumps have you seen the side by side so patrick mahomes does this like when he's warming up before the game he goes down to the end zone and he jumps and he has like a double knee lift up to his chest oh i had that and dylan rayola does the exact same warm-up now and also when dylan rayola was running out of the tunnel the other day for the game he did this thing with his hand that is like a well-known patrick mahomes tick i mean it's almost like patrick mahomes stimming or something because he doesn't even know he's doing it he just like does this little thing with his he basically it's Patrick Mahomes wants the next play to get called in really fast because he's basically excited because it's going okay and he's like doing this thing this Dylan Rayola kid is doing the same thing now like it's an interesting version of LARPing and yes people are saying look if you're a quarterback and you want to look like somebody you might as well look like the best guy doing it which totally makes sense but it is I don't know it's just interesting it'd be like a I mean I guess look there was a certain i guess you could say racial barrier to me looking like michael jordan if i could have when i was 12 i would have i mean i was obsessed with everything he did i so like for instance there was a period of time where michael jordan would wear um his like you know the wristband which by the way i think we've really gotten away from that in sports is anybody wearing the like the you used to wear a sweat band on your wrist i guess so the sweat of your arm didn't get in your hands I don't feel like that's a thing that anyone's doing anymore no not in basketball

I mean in football they do have the you know the sort of longer forearm bands and obviously the

coaches uh coaches band thing that but Michael Jordan would wear his there was a period of time where Michael Jordan started wearing his wristband on his forearm for some reason and I will tell you that that was the last time I ever wore a wristband on my wrist because now it was on my forearm I mean I was obsessed so like if I would have been able to pull it off I guess I would have really tried to look like michael jordan what's interesting is that this dylan rayola kid is also very good at football i guess that's the thing yeah he's not like just a kid on the playground just kind of cause playing he's like gonna probably be in the nfl and that's gonna be an interesting moment

if he goes up against my homes and yeah especially as not just a an amazing football player but as an amazing quarterback you know he was the best player uh in his town his entire time growing up And you think that would give you an inflated ego to make you think like, oh, I'm the shit. And so you would have your own kind of swagger and style. But to so clearly, you know, adapt someone else's is really or adopt someone else's is really bizarre.

Except this is the this is the last part of this. This Dylan Raiola kid swears that he didn't even know who Patrick Mahomes was when he got the haircut. This is from this piece, by the way, in GQ. sports, Matthew Roberson, writing about this. So this Rayola guy said, a lot of people think I try to be just like him, Rayola said, while noting that he grew up playing baseball just like Mahomes. I've had this haircut since sixth or seventh grade, maybe, and I didn't really know about Mahomes then. So he's like, it's like, I mean, that's strange credulity. I can't imagine being a, I mean, this guy, by the way, also, and David, you're, you know, you're still young, you're 28 but just get used to this this dylan rayola was born in 2005 yeah is it even legal for someone to be born in 2005 i don't think so no it shouldn't be it shouldn't be honestly um like like so you know thinking about his age like it seems it seems shocking to me that he would have been playing football in seventh grade and unaware of patrick mahomes maybe mahomes wasn't on the scene yet i don't know the exact timeline of things he might have a point but yeah i know

this is mahomes's ninth season and then i want to say he he played maybe three seasons at uh at texas tech and so it you know it's possible that this kid got this haircut and but but it's yeah that's just such a weird like what a weird flex just be like yeah i i am uh trying to be the literal greatest quarterback in football right now and and i think my play you know proves that

or whatever like yeah i will say that i will say that like i guess the final word on this goes to patrick mahomes and he calls this guy little cuz so he doesn't seem to be bothered by it at all it's probably very flattering right like to have somebody just like so obviously trying to be exactly who you are so if patrick mahomes isn't bothered by it then i will be i'll be interested

if this kid makes it into the league if he makes it into the nfl and then and then what you know

Right. Yeah. Like what's going to happen? Is it going to be like that Spider-Man meme? Like now there are two of us and they're pointing at each other. His dad, like the parallels with Mahomes are actually pretty thorough because his dad, this Dylan Royale, his dad played in the NFL for many years. Um, and Mahomes' dad was a pro baseball player. So they've got some pretty good DNA for that stuff. Hey, how, how is all this, um, crazy schedule that you keep affecting your running? Are you still running?

yeah you know i do um i i try to run like three or four times a week now um and i think there was a time where i was running like six days a week and also running as a commuter which like

you were using it as a way to get to places which by the way if you want to know how different our bodies are uh the fact that you could run somewhere and then work like if i run somewhere that's it nothing nothing productive or like i can't even go to the grocery store after a jog like i have to do this thing where i bring because i don't like i live like 20 minutes outside of town so i have a cooler that i put ice in i go to the grocery store and get fixins and then i put that in with the car so that it's not going bad and then i do my jog if i'm down in town like i can't go i can't be around people after exercising but you actually can and have i think we have

similar, uh, um, sweat glands in that I can't. So how it used to work for me is when I was working at, uh, Starbucks by morning and, uh, and radio board up by evening, I would jog from kind of like the North gate area down to Starbucks and Ballard. And because it was like three in the morning, it was usually not super hot. Um, and I had a kind of stash of clothes at the Starbucks, um that i could come i could kind of do a little like faucet shower myself and then get dressed and i even then i didn't like doing it um i just it's ballard there wasn't really a ton of good places to park um and i liked starting my morning with a jog it felt like it got my like brain going a little bit um and so i would do that and then after uh i got off my shift at starbucks i would then kind of do a series of different jogging routes uh either back up to northgate or down to uh to east lake to the radio station and at the radio station there's a shower uh oh i know

about it because um i used to really piss dory monson off by uh i would be in there dropping a deuce and he'd be like done with his workout he'd be wanting to take a shower but i liked it because it had a locking door there's a little privacy so they've they've uh they've gotten rid of that

problem they now have a bathroom with a locking door and then just a solitary shower with without

a toilet in it this is this is what i'll never i mean there's so many things i'll never understand about the trans bathroom issue as if in any universe that's a threat to anyone but let's just say you are let's say that you are a horrible person who's transphobic aren't you into the idea of a single, a bathroom that you can just go in and lock the door? Like, can't you? you just take the w on that like if you know if that's if that's how we get there can you at least be excited because that's like so when i go somewhere and there's an all-gender bathroom and i know that means i can go in there and lock it and have some privacy i mean what a win for

society absolutely yeah i mean obviously so many reasons why why the the argument falls apart but But yeah, like if you've ever been to to a restaurant that has just the single, you know, bathrooms with with the stalls all the way up to the to the wall and you just come out and have the kind of communal. Yeah, sink sinks.

Also, by the way, amazing, because now there's social pressure to wash your hands. I think that's also an improvement on the situation. oh dude i um had a very i had a traumatic bathroom situation in italy or uh was it in italy no it was in paris i think it was in paris i can't believe this didn't come up during the travel guide but um becca and i were out and about um it was like maybe our second to last day there and i was oh we went to the pompadou center uh this big art kind of museum and then i was really keen on getting like um a kind of a legit falafel there's some really great falafel places in europe you know because the folks from various falafel related countries have been there for a while so there's a whole culture around it and looking forward to it i finally get this falafel but i really wanted i asked i don't know why i did this i asked the woman for extra like garlic sauce on it which uh yes but well no it was actually put tzatziki on it but then also they had this white garlic sauce which i was like can you throw some of that on too and she goes in here and i go yes in there please and it was so good but it also didn't agree with me so much and we're walking we're going like we're on one of these many epic walks that we were doing and this is the only time on the whole trip it just started raining like torrentially and so we're trying to find a place to buy an umbrella and we can't find an umbrella and finally we duck into this restaurant which is you know we were trying most of the time to pick places that were really cute something that was kind of memorable like we didn't want to just eat at like a kind of a uh i don't know a sort of not particularly inspiring just like place that i don't know we just felt like we're we've come all this way let's try to keep it cute but this was not cute we first of all we go in and like um the the rain there's rain streaming down through the ceiling of the restaurant good sign good sign right and i and there's like fruit flies everywhere and i go over to the end and this was actually real kind of personal growth for me because it's very embarrassing for me to admit to my girlfriend that i am not feeling great in the stomach department and that we need to go into this like real shithole of a restaurant so i could use the restroom you know like like that's i i really toyed with the idea of literally just suffering for the next seven hours before we got

back to the hotel room worked really well for you historically well and that you know i guess at

least i've learned from my mistakes because that was really honestly it wasn't the suffering it was there's a chance that if this thing goes really sideways i could be having a you know i could be having an accident like at like the uh sacra core that's like unbelievably beautiful um you know cathedral that's built up overlooking all of paris is like is that a place i want to shit my pants probably not so i'm like hey uh i don't have that waffle settling into my digestive tract so we go to this restaurant and it's also like not only is the water streaming in but it's a thousand degrees in the restaurant because it's hot in paris it's just raining so it's like 90 degrees and raining you go inside it's just like muggy and there's fruit flies and i go over to the bar and of course also i speak no french and i was like you know um kind of which way is the bathroom and i'm not even doing a good job of like pretending that we're gonna like eat there or something you know it isn't even like we sat down and we're like ordering and then at some point i'm oh hey where's your bathroom it's like i just beeline it for the bar and i'm like which way is the bathroom and i noticed that i look over and see where the bathroom is now and there's a sign or actually there is a literal thing on the bathroom door which is you have to put money in it is a pay to use toilet i don't know if i've ever used one of these before but i needed like 50 cents whatever their equivalent of 50 cents is so i the guy kind of like i give the guy i don't know five euros he gives me change and i get my little money and i go over and i like put it in and i open into what is clearly a converted broom closet that is so tiny there is a toilet with no seat on it and there's just like like the worst toilet paper you've ever seen and then i shut the door and then even though it has this coin thing on the outside it doesn't lock somehow from the inside like there was like a deadbolt but if you close the deadbolt if you can imagine how a deadbolt works you turn the lock and then it puts a piece of metal in the door that is now stuck in the door there was nothing keeping it stuck in the door on the bathroom side in other words if somebody came to just push the door open they would just enter so I'm in there on this I look like I looked like whatever what's the name of that tortoise that we got obsessed with from australia yeah oh gosh what would i mean splooge i look like splooge i seriously look like splooge i'm holding the door shut with my foot i'm trying to hover over this no toilet seat ass toilet it's a thousand degrees i'm like the toilet i can already tell the toilet paper is going to be a nightmare and it was just like it was humbling it was humbling but it was good storm i mean seriously And I was just like, God, how many aura points am I losing with Becca over this?

But I will tell you what, it was the right call because I finished and I made use of everything that was in there, the toilet paper, et cetera. It sort of worked. I was okay. Washed my hands for like 10 solid minutes and then went back out and then ordered a Diet Coke because it was still raining torrentially. I ordered a Diet Coke from the guy, and then he refunded me my money because he was like, if you buy something here, we don't charge you for the bathroom. And he was very sweet, actually. And then eventually the rain stopped, and then we had a lovely rest of our walk. Although we went to the Moulin Rouge, which it turns out is very, very sexual. Everybody's seen the movie Moulin Rouge, and it's like, hey, cool. It's like this tourist attraction. the area where the moulin rouge is in paris is just all sex shops oh just like legit not like a cutesy this is a movie uh you know about like uh nicole kidman dancing around whatever this is like hard hardcore and they all have these names that are in english but they're kind of one tick off it's just like i can't even give you a good example but it was like clear the language barrier and the naming of all of these sex shops was, was, um, it was intense. It was not exactly what we were expecting, but it was entertaining. And I was glad that I didn't have to duck into one

of the sex shops. True. Yeah. Just the amount of relief that the amount of relief and endorphins that course through your body, you've avoided that situation. Uh, and then you go about your,

you're as light as a feather. No, you're so right. You're absolutely right. The, and that's the exact way to describe it it is just a massive endorphin rush to have gone right up to the edge and peered over it and then and then to sort of pull back from that edge and realize that um that you're going to be okay it's a it's a truly amazing experience just like this conversation has been a truly amazing experience david thank you for being here today absolutely man really appreciate you man and uh and and thanks again for uh you know sharing your one hour of post Cairo productivity. Do you have to go to your other job this afternoon? No, not today.

So yeah, I get to, I get to head home, take a little nap, go, uh, go for a walk with the dog,

all of that good stuff. Excellent. Well, it's well-deserved my brother. Congratulations again on the little one on the way. And, um, yeah, so I, I really, really appreciate you. And I really feel lucky to have you as my brother, Davey. Um, feelings mutual. Excellent. Okay. Uh, let's, uh, Let's say that that's going to wrap it up for today. We'll be back here tomorrow, though, with more Imaginary Radio with another special guest that I think people are going to be very excited about, very relevant to some of the do-ins tonight happening out there in Pennsylvania. So do tune in tomorrow. In the meantime, have a great Tuesday. And please remember, no mountain too tall. And good luck to all. Good. You just intuited that I needed you to say that. Thank you. We didn't even practice that. You just knew instinctively. That's brother-to-brother connection. There you go. All right. Thanks, everybody.

Power out.